#im going to fall asleep now I think... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

spade-club · 2 years ago

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Im overwhelmed and im coming to believe theres a lot of shit going on. I feel really overwhelmed. Just learned in this exact moment that we got drunk recently. Allegedly was not a good idea. Theres a person in our life that if I knew more about id be ripping my teeth out in pain and embarrassment, I can just feel it. Our social battery is so full lately its been fueling some wild decisions. I want to lay in bed forever and rot away. My head is killing me. Trauma has been flying around us. Theres no good news. Nothing to console me. Just listening to music and calmly freaking out over it all because I dont know anything thats going on. I feel like im being subdued. I dont feel upset but I also feel awful. I dont feel anything though. Its weird. This bed isnt as comfortable as my old one...

#-mj #rereading this after I was done typing and I forgot literally everything I said immediately #I dont... understand what all is happening here #im going to fall asleep now I think...#might be whats best for everyone right now.#I want to talk to my friends but I think sleep is more important #I feel like I havent slept in months...#im so used to doing it every day. i mean me specifically falling asleep.#hm... dormancy.... weird...#doesnt feel like youd expect #there was no void or awareness of time lost or anything #just everything flew by and I cant keep track of it #suddenly its now and not then #oh fuck its christmas fuckfuckfuckfuck #okay thats its own problem I'll have to deal with #so glad Midnight has been around I know he's good at handling family shit #brain probably did that on purpose #brain probably threw me back now for a reason too... ugh #oh woah an Arctic monkeys song just came on and I guess thats not my band anymore??? it felt weird and wrong #I guess someone else claimed them now #weird... so much is happening #I would like to learn about new people and changes but I have a feeling no one was keeping track in my absence #such is the way #hopefully I'm back for a while I feel so weird having been gone #plus I have so much work to do!!#omg wait we. hold on #I was going to get excited about our new therapist because I think we have a real session soon #and thats going to be good for me if I get to stay #but I would like to address the *omg* ????#when did we start saying THAT???

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napping-sapphic · 5 months ago

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Go for a drive with me until we end up sitting in a parking lot and talking for hours

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #idk if i’ve professed it here but i LOVE parking lot talks😤#all my fav conversations have happened in parking lots #like lets drive and sit and talk and hold hands and i’ll fall SO in love SO fast #im gay and i like sleeping #hehe you may think im online rn but this is actually another scheduled post >:)#ive been so busy lately and the sleep hasn’t been sleeping (rude)#so im actually probably asleep rn >:)#and yet you see the post anyway >:)#you could see this post and immediately nap after it goes up #and then we’d basically be sharing a long distance joint nap😤#nap buddies separated by space but not time #doomed to have beautiful sleep but never together #😔😔#okay sorry done being obnoxious and going to sleep now😤#which for you is the PAST #because i am bamboozling all of you so HARD by scheduling this😤

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oneroomjestershow · 3 months ago

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''He really should be the one being called 'angel' instead of me''

#<- taking phrases from the game because i have nothingto say ehehe #14 days with you #14dayswithyou #14dwy #14dwy ren #cw blood #okback to my enclosure 🍖#i played with a lot of things idk how to explain this just take it my head hurts im plagued by visions #don't look at it too much tho your eyes are going to hurt like mine too much pink #i have been fixating on ocs all my free time and now i have classes again fuck my stupid baka life i didn't draw him that much #my brain thinks faster than my hand's speed help #i wish i could sketch as fast as in paper but in digital it would take less time i need to practice and study anatomy and color and perspec #ok but beforethat *does three circles and falls asleep #now that i finished this i will keep working on the requests #sorry no little treats </3 blog en decadencia

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shizunitis · 2 months ago

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“what do you want to be when you grow up?” sitting across from shizun at dusk, listening to him speak and paying such close attention to the movement of his mouth, the wind’s gentle jostling of his hair, and the almost-imperceptible shifting of his weight every so often, while i stare adoringly and with open affection at him. between us, food and drink, and shizun’s fan discarded so that he can use both hands to gesture as he continues to regale me with stories and anecdotes and lessons i’ve already heard but never tire of. behind us no history, before us no future, only the comforting weight of the moment. i forget myself and drink too much, and he lets me rest my head on his lap. he doesn’t stop speaking, knowing i’ll sulk if he does, but instead lowers his voice, trying to trick me into resting. i allow myself to fall asleep not because i’m tired but because it’s the only thing i can think to do with shizun’s hand warm against my forehead and his scent so close.

or maybe a doctor i don’t fucking know. what are you a cop

#shizun #shizunloving tips #insomnia + yearning + encouragment to be as self inserty as id like are like. doing things #and now i bless u with this. i think this scenario would fix all of us #if i dont see this when i fall asleep im going to be deeply disappointed

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ch2n2o2x3 · 15 days ago

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₊‧° 𝓣𝓸𝓭𝓪𝔂, 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓖♡𝓭 °‧₊

𝒯𝑜𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓌… 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌𝓈?

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why-the-heck-not · 8 months ago

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insomnia? do u mean my true crime podcast time

#u know bc now I can convince my brain I slept a little bc I had my eyes closed for like 2h while listening to it #it’s like u can almost gaslight it into thinking that that podcast was actually dreaming bc we for sure were asleep yes #also this sucks bc it’s ahead of its schedule; I can’t sleep during summers so like what is this then #the climate change is affecting my insomnia cycle damnit #real unfortunate tho if it keeps going for longer (just been like 2ish weeks now) bc I got a thesis plus other shit to do #(also to anyone who’s unclear on the subject; yes I have slept during these 2ish weeks I'm not dying i'm just hella tired bc it’s not good #refreshing long sleeps bc mf it takes like 5 hours to fall asleep)#(except today bc it’s 7am and I’m giving up on it & hopefully will have a nap sometime during the day idk)#(im tired and getting increasingly more stressed abt becoming more tired and then not having the energy to do things that I fully neeed to #get done and how the stress just yes helps ah nice)#(sorry for ranting in thr tags; weird state of mind here bc of aforementioned)#march 2024 #2024

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rapidhighway · 3 months ago

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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard

#it's so physically demanding broo ToT #idk i feel like im just weak af because some people there seem to do it so easily and i can barely #do half a day #and they want me to do a full day tomorrow bro #like #I'm so tired after half a day..#i genuinely feel like i might just collapse or something #i do want that bit of money tho but it's sooo exhausting #i went there for half a day today and it killed me bro i was just lying in bed #and i didn't want to fall asleep cause it was like noon already but #i didn't even have the energy to look at a phone lmao #well it's gonna be over this week probably cause #the raspberries are going to stop growing in a few days apparently they're saying in 2 days #we're going to be done #I'd love to make more money but I don't think i can fucking do ittt #its so physically demanding whyyyyy #and why are there grandmas working with me in that field and they seem just fine BROOOO TOT #but yeah now that im thinking about it this also might be part of my problems cause #im soo much.ore irritable rn just cause im literally exhausted all the time ughhh #i came back home 3 days ago and i haven't even had the time to sit down at a desk and draw something #not even mentioning energy aughhh

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silverskye13 · 8 months ago

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The universe keeps thwarting me [nerfed by the common cold edition] but So Much (for) Stardust is a RnS Helsknight song.

#spazzcat barks #im delirious #but also i started drawing the two lines that make me EmotionalTM and had to stop because its 9pm and my brain is melting #anyway i keep imagining #'I used to be a real go getter' as Helsknight before he started looking like Wels #[taller muscular platinum white blonde hair annoying spotting of freckles constantly red eyes]#and then panning to 'I used to think it'd all get better' Helsknight with hair nearly auburn no freckles dull black-blue eyes #the only real thing setting him apart from his other half being the scars he chose to keep -- even those fading with time #so much for stardust... we thought we had it all.......#eughhh i need sleep #its just a good song okay #life is just a game maybe #im stuck in a lonely loop now baby #i need the sound of crowds now or i cant fall asleep at night #im losing my mind #i think ive been going through it.... ive been putting your name to it....#[dilerious muttering continues]

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liquidstar · 8 months ago

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a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

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maudiemoods · 1 year ago

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Ok not cool why am I hearing voices

#i need to go to the doctor 🧍🏼‍♂️#somethings wrong because usually they're not this clear #its weird and i dont like it #they sound like people i know and its too much right now #little vent sorry but i think im actually struggling #im so confused #aurhhg #ren won't shut up #mental illness #idk sometimes they get really clear and it freaks me out #other times it sounds like a bunch of voices talking over each other and it drives me crazy #most of the time when they're clear they just have very boring conversations #wow i didn't realize how much this was affecting me huh #most of the time its right as im trying to fall asleep. i can't tell if its just my dreams?? idk #but sometimes ill hear very loud words that are super clear #aa its scary sometimes grrr but normally it doesn't mess me up #but i heard a loved one say “help me” and now im freaking out aaaaurgggg #gonna text them because i also have paranoia really bad #tw mental illness #idk just in case i guess #im fine just a little spooked jdkxjsjxj #anyways sorry for the vent/ramble i just really needed to type it all out #might delete later idk

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lemon-wedges · 3 months ago

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...

#havening trouble falling asleep and i KNOW anything i think about right now is just blown out of proportion #but genuinely not looking forward to my grandfather coming home tomorrow #living with him stresses me out so much #in some fucked up way im glad he wasnt here when kevin died #i cant imagine those first few days of grief having to also deal with him #i guess im just afraid that whatever progress ive gone thru is going to get lost the moment he comes #or if i trigger myself i wont be able to handle it as well #sigh #i know ill just have to take it as it comes

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semiotomatics · 10 months ago

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weird random 4am thoughts abt human bodies

sometimes i do wish i wasnt ace literally just bc im so fascinated by human bodies but i never get the chance to see any but my own!! like, ive been learning abt how hypermobile i am over the past few years, and i feel like i wouldve figured it out way earlier if id had other ppl to compare myself to. even just like, natural body variations are so cool to me. scars and birthmarks and wrinkles and stretchmarks and rolls and body hair and just! everything!

i wish nudity/the human body wasnt such a taboo in north american culture. ive even been tempted to watch porn literally just so i can see what other ppls bodies look like 😭😭😭 i do think thats why im so interested in watching medical/anatomy videos like the institute of human anatomy tho, and why ive considered going into the mortuary/funeral industry. i just think bodies are neat!

#this has been an original post #personal spewage #sucks that the only times ppl tend to get up close and personal w other ppls bodies are during sex or death #kinda weird when you think abt it #i feel weird abt my own nudity cause the thought of being sexualized creeps me out #but thats only bc nudity itself is so heavily sexualized #dumb :/#anyway this post brought to you by me lying in bed wondering how ppl without hypermobile shoulders sleep on their side lol #like where does your shoulder go? is it just. digging into the mattress?#also whenever i see ppl lying on their side their “upper” shoulder is always like. pointing straight up #like. in the same position it would be in if they were standing #i always assumed thats bc ppl were Acting/knew their were being photographed or recorded #but now im wondering. is that just how ppls shoulders sit when they lie down?#do they not collapse inwards towards your chest?#wild #anyway #gonna continue trying to fall asleep

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phagodyke · 5 months ago

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taking an extra half an amfexa before I leave work bc [redacted] (popular artist) is playing my city tn and I'll need it to cope with how awful the traffics gonna be when I'm on the bus 💀

#thinking of that post abt the customwr who tried to pay for smth with a piece of paper that said $40 voucher on it #and the guys coworkers being like how are u so calm? and the op is like i went to the break room and took an extra adderall #NOT TO MENTION PPL ACTUALLT GOING TO THE CONCERT ON MY BUS.....theyre gonna be soooo annoying 😭😭😭😭#but i wont care ill be listening to the katamari damacy ost and reading dorohedoro v10 peace and love on planet earth #i hope i get a seat at least #ALSO NINTENDO DIRECT WHEN I GET HOOOOME YAYY #.diaries #its fine cuz i didnt take a dose at lunch since i wasn't crashing anyway.. its only rly hitting me now #i didnt have anything to do at work this afternoon so didnt need to be able to focus.. someone from qc was using equipment i needed to #so i had to move it to another day. was nice tho i gave a coworker some of my leftover brownies n we took an extra half hour break >:)#and then went and complained abt [artist] to another coworker bc hes not a fan either LOL #very productive day 😇#im gonna need the focus to be able to call my mum tonight tho.. amfexa save me save me amfexa #and im gonna go to bed even earlier. i somehow got 7.5 hours last night which is a rarity for me but still felt knackered when i got up #maybe like 9:30 tn and hopefully it wont take longer than an hour for me to fall asleep and i can aim for 8hrs🤞

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napping-sapphic · 6 months ago

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so so sleepy but cat is ON my legs so i can’t move into comfortable sleeping position so can’t fall asleep but can’t stay awake but SOO ready for sleepy tired sleep but CANT because CAT

#i am #struggling #she is so sleepy and comfy that she face planted again😪#i went to bed late and she was SO mad and rushed me to my room #and as soon as i layed down girl was ON me but now i cant sleep because NOT comfortable #but i am so tired😴😴#barely staying awake but definitely NOT falling asleep smh #also i think i missed a few notifications so i’ll try to get to those tomorrow!#i’d do it now but i am TOO TIRED😴😴😴#im great at phone and notifications and messages #insert second part to that joke here pls im too tired to remember what i was gonna say #😴#just know i HAD something else to say about it and it was probably SO funny #so funniest joke ever in the world😤😤#😴😴#to summarize: now = SLEEPY #later = lookin at my inbox #now = slowly extricate myself from beneath this cat #later = idk what else be busy tomorrow apparently yuck🤢🤢#*smooches you goodnight smooches you goodnight SMOOCHES YOU GOODNIGHT*#go to SLEEP #RIGHT NOW #EVERYONE #DONT CARE WHAT TIME IT IS FOR YOU ITS SLEEP TIME NOW😤😤😤#😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴

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bunnihearted · 7 months ago

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🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts ://#idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt..#i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw....#nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭#idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know.....#oh if only things were easy

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faaun · 6 months ago

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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but #you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they #should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc #they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant #the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look #exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway #god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else #inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home #i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty #there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air #med school students walking to their lectures #she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now #there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven #ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen #tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you #more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO #ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over #i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself #that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too #its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW #BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND #WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway #standing up it just feels so #exhausting #like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever

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