#insomnia + yearning + encouragment to be as self inserty as id like are like. doing things

[shizunitis]

“what do you want to be when you grow up?” sitting across from shizun at dusk, listening to him speak and paying such close attention to the movement of his mouth, the wind’s gentle jostling of his hair, and the almost-imperceptible shifting of his weight every so often, while i stare adoringly and with open affection at him. between us, food and drink, and shizun’s fan discarded so that he can use both hands to gesture as he continues to regale me with stories and anecdotes and lessons i’ve already heard but never tire of. behind us no history, before us no future, only the comforting weight of the moment. i forget myself and drink too much, and he lets me rest my head on his lap. he doesn’t stop speaking, knowing i’ll sulk if he does, but instead lowers his voice, trying to trick me into resting. i allow myself to fall asleep not because i’m tired but because it’s the only thing i can think to do with shizun’s hand warm against my forehead and his scent so close.

or maybe a doctor i don’t fucking know. what are you a cop