#im going to delete this later but i just needed to get this out bc i’ve seen it quite a few times now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

skunkes · 4 months ago

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that "i wish that being aware of a mindset being ridiculous would make it easier to snap out of it" post hitting hard every single day

#talkys #parents: you are manipulating your friends into going out of their way to do nice things for you.#you need to give them a break from all your demands and stop asking for help and handouts.#me: dis isn't true i've exerted an equal amount of effort into friendships but in different ways. my friend driving hours to pick me up #and take me out of town and my other friend sometimes buying me gifts are equivalent to when i'd stay up all night #to edit every single one of their essays before they were due or listening to all their problems and giving them advice #dropping everything to be there for them etc. this is how friendships Work #also me: ohhh trueee everyone's going to get sick of my evil selfish ass soon :(#god the tags on the other post got too long but i forgot to add it sucks venting online too bc when ppl try to comfort me #im grateful but all i can think is oh my god im so horrible for painting my parents as villains when they arent.#what if people convince me to do a wrong selfish awful thing. im being ungrateful. im a liar. im blowing it out of proportion #its actually not that bad im just spoiled and unappreciative (+ then life will rightfully kick my ass)#i know many ppl who wish they were in my shoes. i might even be if i realize how insurmountable being alive is if i get to leave for a bit #delete later

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figofswords · 10 months ago

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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

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tittyinfinity · 2 months ago

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contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk

#.bdo #i just need to work on some insecurity issues is all. been on a long self journey this year #can't shake the feeling that every time i say anything it's wrong somehow #and there is some reality to that. i have been wrong several times I've even been downright mean to people over misunderstandings #i just haven't been able to break out of the habit of feeling permanently embarrassed about every small mistake I've ever made #& old insecurities from my childhood are resurfacing #like when i was a kid/teen and no one would ever tell me when i was breaking social cues but they'd make fun of me behind my back #i have 3200 followers and most of my posts get 0 notes sometimes i get 1-5 so it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong #i end up deleting a lot of them...#almost every post of mine that's gone viral was just a screenshot or picture saved from somewhere else....#and the times that i have gotten attention over a post that stands up for people who aren't like me it makes me terrified #that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling #i have a few good mutuals who i love so much and that's why I'm still here #it's also the only social media i use currently #but it does really hurt when i put a lot of thought into something like spending hours making a funny meme or a thoughtful post #just to find out that the only people who find them interesting is my extremely small circle on here if anyone at all #it's so dumb i shouldn't be feeling like this over fucking numbers....it's not even real #i find a little bit of (petty) solace in the fact that there are people on here who are loudly and repeatedly saying way more embarrassing #shit than I've ever said #but even then when i know someone is absolutely wrong it makes me feel nervous like what if im the next person to fuck up that bad #and i find out through public ridicule #well that actually kinda did happen on here once but not on that scale #last year i sent someone something i thought was funny and they sent back an 'ok'#and then immediately made a huge long post about how you shouldn't talk to strangers like you're already friends #called it parasocial behavior...got tens of thousands of notes and i knew it was about me...#i wholeheartedly agree some people go too far with parasocial behavior but i never fully understood what part of what i said/did was wrong #and i went back to feeling like the kid who never found out they were doing something wrong until they heard that they got made fun of #i don't even attempt to make new friends on my own on here anymore because i'm terrified of that happening again #almost all of the people I've become friends with on here came to me first and i love and appreciate them for that #but even then i feel too nervous to socialize that often bc i never find out/realize that i fuck up until later on

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1am-s0-veryt1red · 7 months ago

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with the leaks to the 2nd to last chapter out can I just ask that we hold off on criticism of whoever until the last chapter is officially out? I know it's asking a lot

#its one more week y'all #AND #this isnt even the official translation #its not even the fan translation?#its 2 leakers giving a brief and very biased summary of whats happening in some badly scanned pictures #i just feel like everyone is seeing the 2nd to last chapter play out #and dooming themselves to be disappointed no matter what happens in the finale #its not the end yet??#theres one more week??#after that its totally fair if you want to hate the way things were handled or criticize whoever #not all of the plot points are going to be addressed unfortunately and some people are going to be disappointed regardless #i might be disappointed i dont know yet #but im holding my opinion until august 4 when the official last chapter is released #being disappointed in a chapter is fair!#but feeling as tho this chapter was the end and theres nothing that can be added to the final chapter to make it better is a little extreme #idk #i need to get off twitter bc its all doom and gloom there #bnha #bnha leaks #mha #bnha 429 #mha 429 #ill probably delete this later #in other news #that full color page with aizawa smiling is so so good like chicken soup for the soul #those are HIS kids #and hes proud of them #hopefully he can take a break soon and get some real sleep #okay im done

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lae-zels · 5 days ago

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the ticket prices for the most popular (not biggest) fantasy convention in my country has shot up 150% and after 14 years the current price is my final breaking point. i do not have $100 to piss away for just the entry (not even counting in food or merch store prices inside that are inflated to hell and back as well)

#shame #for the past 4 years i've been taking my younger cousin with me but the prices for a single saturday entry are just outrageous #especially compared to the conventions in the capital that are 1/4 the price with the same amount of attendees and attractions #they invited mark sheppard and broke bank i think bc the prices never increased this bad before from year after year #tim downie is also going to be there and ngl i'd snag autographs from people there but not for that price rest in piss #i'll be going to the one in the capital from now on thank you very much #the old attendees (those that have been there year after year for at least the past 15 years) are starting to stop attending #whenever someone comments under posts that the prices have become ridiciolous the youngsters who get tickets bought by their parents #come in with their two cents to shit on people who first of all need to take a day off to participate two need to pay for the ticket #from their own pocket making the complaints about the prices valid #people with jobs and families cant afford this shit anymore #no wonder last year the average age of a participant was 15 years old. and organizers charge up for the increased maintenance #and cleanup. the place gets trashed so violently you'll be lucky to find bathrooms working friday evening (after the opening at 3pm)#saturday sunday the place looks like a tornado wrecked the place #anyways see ya in april in warsaw probably #personal #delete later #im calling out the organizers and insolent teenage attendees of #pyrkon

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ame-to-ame · 13 days ago

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#i think it's a little fucked up but a little funny that my mental state is currently at such a bad point where it's like.#any stress sends me into emotionally constipated panic. where it doesn't really show through for the most part. for the most part i seem ok.#and then if you crack me just even a little bit it's like that one modern art piece can't help myself #where im trying my best to juggle and maintain the facade of being fine but you can tell im tired and one deviation away from crumbling down #but can i cry? haha no. instead i just panic. everything sends me into silent panic. and i just think about really dramatic responses.#i hold my breath and worry that if i do anything wrong everything I've worked so so hard for will just come toppling down #because it has before. something you've poured your heart into. something you've cared so much about. can just be. so. out of your control #and you lose your voice and you lose your agency and you lose your will to fight and you lose a little bit of yourself #I don't know if i will ever get it back. it's been a while. I don't know if i can ever regain my confidence back. i miss who i was sometimes #i used to be warm. i used to be sure of myself. i used to carry hope around like a small star. i miss her. the person i was.#someone who could light up a room without trying so hard. someone who could make others smile without giving it too much thought.#someone who could make others feel good about being there and being alive. i barely feel good about myself these days sometimes. somehow.#I don't know how to be that girl anymore. everything feels a little forced. it shouldn't have to feel this hard. it used to feel natural.#i have moments where i feel like myself again. happy. confident. and then im brought back to reality almost immediately.#i feel guilty for feeling good. i feel guilty for being confident. and then i go hating myself again. it does weigh on me. what she said.#im sorry that i used to like myself. im sorry it made you feel bad about yourself. see. i hate myself now. do you forgive me now? hehe #I'll get over it one day. I'll get over it soon. i hate feeling like this. the overwhelming ego death. it makes me feel really shitty.#i hate this hehe i want to run away so badly but i know running away never solves anything you come back and the problem is still there #so i will go through it and i will fail and i will fall and i will stumble and hurt myself and feel humiliated and terrible throughout #but it will be fine. but I'll get through it and realize it wasn't that bad. I'll get through it and try again and again until i get there.#i need to stop seeking validation from people who won't give it. stop seeking comfort from people who won't give it.#stop hanging with people who make me feel worse. and stuff like that. it's like quitting an addiction hhhh i don't get it #i have friends who treat me really well. i have friends who i love and love me a lot.#i just can't quit certain people. part of it is bc im scared of change and part of it is bc i don't want to be more reliant on others #especially the people i do really care about and love and who love me bc. i think. if i have one more abandonment. i will actually. mm.#i think i would fully lose my ability to love new people haha like. romantically and platonically. haha.#but anyway that's the trauma speaking i will overcome it I won't let it control how i live haha #i will be ok i will be ok spring will be here eventually it's just the seasonal stuff #tw health #delete later

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ragnars-tooth · 3 months ago

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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)

Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go

This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.

#rangnar rambles #i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later #and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts #i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me #'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything #even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across #like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere #and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go #i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical #ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting #its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays #thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd #its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again #but eh soo la voo we ball #HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard #5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is #this is why youll never catch me running a queue #this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in #ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now #if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened

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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 25 days ago

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oh my god i didnt think my night could get worse

#camera talks #and like i felt okay earlier !!!!#my migraine Sucked and really really hurt #but i was feeling happy and ive been like super in control of my emotions for a hot second and i was so so content and in love #but now im just. fucking crying in my bed again #might have to go in the closet and sensory deprive myself bc im not doing good #my migraine was so so bad #but my dad decided rn was a great time to Yell at cam over dinner for not getting up and doing something for him earlier #even tho im literally working on my graduate or not fucking project #and it was like. one of his bad bad yelling fits where ive gotten used to it bc i grew up with it but fuck it doesnt make it better #and now i just feel stupid and worthless #and he yelled at my mom and its her birthday tomorrow so i feel bad for her #and im just. god what the fuck #i hate this #i need to get out of this stupid house its so fucking suffocating #i want to run away but i cant and wont obviously. i dont even know if i'd have a fucking place to go if i feel unsafe ever #god god god godd. i dont want to be here.#and like the worst part is im not unhappy with my life in fact im so fucking happy with so much i have Beautiful people in my life #and im in Love and i have days and moments where im Happy #but this is something i cant get out of rn #and i dont know what to do its not living im fucking dying.#vent #delete later #sorry. might need to log off idk.#i need to do this project but everything hurts. whatever

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dykerikki · 1 month ago

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god whatever. WHATever. whatEVERR

#like. the third thing about. wynonna. (television show) is that i found it at the worst point in my life. my LIFE. okay?#and i latched onto this character so hard as i was actively dropping out of school as like. my role model. of it not being the end of #the world. things getting better etc. and it went so so badly downhill but that wasnt even an issue bc im great at bad tv #the third thing is that i was so bad i was so fucking bad and i dove into the fandom #which god. like. i dont blame these discord mods bc they were like 20! barely handling their own shit!#its just i went all in. and allowed myself to be vulnerable and voice unpopular opinions and the thing about that fanbase is they dont care #about wynonna. character. and being in a server a 1000 strong consistently go dead quiet whenever id float something about wynonna hurt bad #i did everything for attention i made memes i made posts i made props. i engaged in this fandom in a way i havent with anything b4 or since #because i made the stupid fucking mistake of confessing that i didnt like how they handled the cop characters!#i didnt like it and i made good arguements and gave my reasoning all with a little air of but idk!! what do you guys think im just a dumb #drop out!! and these people who were like. god. big on twitter on first name basis with cast and crew would say yes #yes you are stupid for thinking this. you are stupid for saying that. youre wrong! youre wrong.#and i have never been able to get into something the way i did that show since #i dont initiate conversation. i dont make shitposts. i cant get over that hurdle!! i want to!! i want to and honeslty #i only realised that i dont Get Into things anymore because of All That like. tonight at my dogshit shift that dragged forever #i would tag this to be deleted later but my insufferable ocd need to explain why i am the way i am will probably win out over the shame #txtpost or whatever #sorry if you got this far. LOL

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otamotone-dnp · 3 months ago

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about to vent in the tags real quick gonna be annoying and emo sorry in advance

#I’m back in my hometown this weekend bc my sister had a birthday party today and I baked cake pops for it and made her a bday sign #and tomorrow is my mom’s birthday too #and my (insane) set of grandparents are here this weekend so it’s already exhausting #bc my grandmother is very narcissistic and she talks incessantly #but then I feel left out and lame and it’s just triggering teenage memories #bc my younger brother and younger sister are going with their partners to hang out with each other #and I didn’t get invited #well technically I guess but my mom literally had to be like ‘make sure to invite Oma’#and then my siblings are like oh yeah you know you can come #like no I don’t want to come now bc it feels like a pity invite #and now it just reminds me that I’m the black sheep of the family #in the sense of I’m the ‘weird’ one #I’m the one that doesn’t fit in culturally with where I grew up #(I grew up with rural small town Alabama btw)#and a part of me is so proud and happy I don’t fit in #I have my own convictions and beliefs and interests outside of the way I grew up #but also it’s kind of isolating in a way from my own family #like i know im seen as the liberal one who moved to the city and who isn’t ‘country’#plus because I had a really bad anxiety disorder growing up and I isolated myself due to it I’m seen as weird or standoffish #anyway #i’ll probably delete this later #just needed to type it out

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 3 months ago

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i need...... to get out........ of this fucking house.......... and never come back........

#i hate the weekends so fucking much eveyone is home and i hate these ppl i feel like i cant get out of bed or im going to explode #but i can't even leave the house hc theyre sabotaging the car and i cant fix it and i cant leave this room bc it's all bad and i need to ea #but i can hear them out there and i can't go out there if theyre out there and even when theyre not out there i cant go out there bc what i #if they do come out while im out then i'll have to see them and be in the room with them and i cant see any ppl right now or i'll die and m #earbuds r broken and it's fucking me up bc i can't block the sound of ppl so now i Have to hear them and hearing noises makes me want to di #whatever. i just need to be put in a little soundproof room #vent #to delete later

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clowningcrows · 4 months ago

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yall im crying fr i just saw a tiktok talking about this video where some girl who was struggling with an ED was telling her audience about how she was intentionally giving all the ppl around her extremely calorically dense food by adding extra oil to meals, adding sugar to protein powder and yogurt, etc. so that they would all gain weight (and i guess therefore validate her own weight?) but ANYWAY i opened the comments and someone literally said, “she did not poison them nd they didn’t die. yeah what she did was wrong but yall love to crucify people with Ed’s!!” and i-