#like no I don’t want to come now bc it feels like a pity invite

[otamotone-dnp]

about to vent in the tags real quick gonna be annoying and emo sorry in advance

[chelseeebe]

jinx

18+ mdni. no smut but eddie is a grade a asshole to poor reader. mentions of weed and alcohol throughout. eddie munson x fem reader.

a/n: first off, anon i am sooo sooooo sorry it has taken me this long to fulfill your request!! i absolutely loved this request and am absolutely honoured that you came to me for it<33 i hope i've done it justice and that you still care to read this:') side note, i've updated my masterlist as i have slacked a bit but everything should be on there now ^.^

love me some chelseeebe angst—imagine fuckboy!eddie plays at the hideout right like regularly. reader starts frequenting his show days bc she likes him obviously but he starts noticing something. every time she comes in, something goes wrong. either he messes up a chord or cant see to flirt properly therefore no one ends up warming his bed as of late or something of the sort

his immediate first thought is ‘she’s a jinx!!!’ bc what other explanation could there be in his boy brain??? so he asks her to stop coming in. she does and yet he continues to mess up bc all he can think abt is her.

itd be so sexy if u added a moment of realization/angry love confession where in the middle of him being like you’ve bewitched me or something!!! he realizes hes the one obsessed with her.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

the party hums on in the background, a small group gathered outside to rob eddie blind, smoking away his entire supply. 

robin giggles nonsensically into steve’s shoulder, too high for her own good. 

“if you’re gonna smoke all my shit, the least you can do is come watch us tomorrow,” eddie had been nagging his friends to come down the hideout for months. they’d gathered a solid crowd now, not much but it was a start. 

robin groans, nancy and jonathan shift in their seats, steve can barely muster enough energy to reply and argyle snores. hardly enthusiastic about his dreams. 

“i’ll come,” you offer, bright-eyed as you smile politely at him from the floor. 

a friend of a friend, someone robin met in class and had dutifully introduced to the group. he didn’t know you well, nor had he ever really cared to. 

“i don’t think you’d like it, sweetheart” eddie retorts, flattered that you’d try and spare his feelings but he didn’t need your pity. 

“why? you can’t be that bad,” chuckling quietly to yourself. 

his eyes narrow, scoffing, “we’re not,” misunderstanding, or maybe just not caring to humour you back, “come if you want,” he shrugs nonchalantly, not as if any of his friends had offered to attend. 

“okay,” nodding along, “i will.” 

“alright,” turning his attention back to the embering joint glued to argyles fingers. 

who cares if you come? eddie certainly doesn’t. 

-

sure enough, the same couple dozen old drunks fill the bar, their glossy, zombie-like eyes stare back at him from the floor. he’d complain but beggars can’t be choosers and all that. 

they’re partway through the second song when something reflects in his eye, a low-cut sequinned top that would definitely look better on the floor of his van. 

it’s only when his eyes travel up that he realises it’s you who’s wearing that shirt, already looking straight back at him. a newfound look about you, thick lines of black line your eyes, worlds apart from the mousy girl who’d invited herself last night. 

“and we’re-,” he sings, an abrupt case of dry mouth as the next line struggles to come out, “we’re.. uh,” the entire song erased from his memory within seconds. 

he steps back from the mic, blinking rapidly in an attempt to trigger his voice though all he can see is you and that ridiculous top. 

gareth’s head whips round, still strumming along before picking up eddie’s slack, continuing the lyrics on his own, not without a damning glare in eddie’s direction. 

holy fuck. 

he’s just, taken aback, that’s all. shocked that you’d even bother to come, less so put the effort in to actually look the part too. 

his eyes don’t leave the back wall for the rest of the gig, practically stumbling through all of the songs as his head threatens to wander. trailing back to you only as they finish, walking off stage to down the harshest whisky the bar would allow. 

you saunter over a couple minutes later, while eddie tries his hardest not to stare right down your shirt. he’s not certain that he won’t choke on his words if you speak to him. 

“you were really good tonight,” you assure, smiling softly as his band mate turns to gawp. 

“uh, yeah.. thanks,” eddie fumbles, gripping the neck of his beer bottle, “thanks for coming.” 

there’s an aura surrounding you, like a wretched spell you’d evoked in him, turning him to a bumbling fool. 

“i’m gonna head out..” gesturing to the door, “see you around,” waving your fingers coyly at him before disappearing. 

his eyes linger at the door, wondering if maybe you’ll turn around and come back. not that he wants that. just curious as to why you’d come out just to see him play. 

“now who the hell was that?” jeff ogles, receiving a swift elbow to the ribs from eddie and a loud oof as he clutches his side. 

��a friend of a friend,” brushing him off, “don’t be weird about it,” jumping the gun to squash any sorts of ideas festering in his mind. 

“you’re the only one being weird about it,” jeff retorts, grabbing his beer and shuffling off. 

“i’m not being weird,” eddie calls from behind, “i’m not!” 

okay maybe he was being a little weird. 

who cares? 

definitely not eddie. 

-

this week, he feels more prepared to see you nodding along in the crowd, robin had joined you albeit looking less than impressed. 

eddie’s killing it, at least he thinks. avoiding looking anywhere in your direction, keeping his gaze on the stumbling drunk at the back instead. 

but the thoughts of you can’t help but creep into his mind, were you enjoying it? do you think he’s bad? why does he even care so much? 

his hand slides down the neck of the guitar, playing the wrong chord entirely, his fingers curating a mind of their own. 

fuck fuck fuck. 

why does this keep happening? 

gareth glares at him again, he had never been so frustrated with his idiot bandmate in his life. sure eddie liked to dick around in rehearsal but never on stage. 

if eddie ever wanted a career in music, he needed to get a monumental grip on himself. weird girls he barely knew should not have the capacity to ruin his career. 

after they clamber off stage, eddie makes a point of not going over to the two of you. no, you can come to him. 

though he wishes you’d just be a little faster at it if he’s honest. too busy squished into a booth with one of the younger regulars to care about him. 

heat rises in his chest, searing his cheeks a bright rouge, “-who is that?” gareth interrupts, bumping into his arm. 

“who’s who?” eddie coughs, clearing his throat as his eyes snap back. 

“that girl you’ve been staring at,” peering across the room to get a glimpse. 

“i’m not staring at anyone,” abruptly turning his head in the opposite direction, proving to himself that he wasn’t staring, not really. 

“you’re a liar,” gareth calls him on his bullshit immediately, “go talk to her! she’s hot,” scooting his friend along. 

“no she’s not,” you looked good tonight, he’d give you that, “can everyone please just stop being weird about this? first jeff- now you? honestly, i don’t get it,” working himself into a frenzy over what really was nothing. 

gareth’s eyes widen, scoffing at his melodramatic performance, “alright man.. calm down,” shaking his head in mild disgust. 

eddie was totally calm, you know, apart from his heart pounding in his chest. 

nothing major. 

-

filthy, downright pornographic sounds fill his cramped van, certain that it was rocking side to side with the utter obscenity happening in the back. 

chloe sits atop of his lap, tongues dancing around one another as she glides her hips back and forth. she was a regular, slightly older than eddie, at least he thinks, they’d made eyes a few times but only tonight had he gathered the courage to go and speak to her. 

any other time, eddie would be rock solid, pinning her down and fucking her into the dusty floor. today, it’s just not happening. 

his mind elsewhere, too preoccupied with nonsense to appreciate the opportunity at hand. 

he's thinking about you and the fact you’d left the bar without ever coming over to him tonight. what the fuck was that about? 

had he done something wrong? 

he breaks apart from her mouth, heaving into the tiny gap between them, “i don’t know what’s going on..” he chuckles awkwardly, looking down at his useless dick, “normally something happens by now..” 

she frowns, deep-set, showing her age more than before, “oh.” 

he reaches down, furiously palming his cock through his jeans. 

nothing. not even a twitch. 

he wants to curl up and die. never in his three years of actually getting laid has this ever happened. eddie got hard at the drop of a pin, he’d only have to think about boobs and his jeans would shift. 

so why the fuck wasn’t it working tonight?

“i’m gonna go,” chloe scowls, clambering over his legs, gathering her bag while not even attempting to hide her disappointment. 

eddie shoots up, pathetically crawling after her, desperate not to let her go. 

“it’s not me!” he screams out, watching helplessly as she crawls out of the van, “it’s you!”

no. 

“wait no! shit, that’s not what i meant,” peeking out of the van to find the empty parking lot, zero women to be found, “fuck sake.” 

left to wallow in his self-pity, alone, in the back of his dirty van. 

just as he deserved. 

if this was some karmic intervention, telling him to be a better person, he certainly wasn’t paying it any attention. 

-

another party meant another night of eddie trying to understand why the hell you had such an effect on him. 

it’s not even like you’re doing anything particularly riveting, sat with your drink in hand, nodding along to robin’s story. 

he can’t stand it. 

you have to go. 

maybe not like that, but he had to put some distance between you. there’s no way he could keep his sanity while you were still a constant in his life. 

eddie sidles over, feeling like the smartest guy in the room. he could do this, separate himself from you and your clutches and go back to playing as he once did. 

you smile upon him appearing, sickly and sweet. it makes his heart thump in the weirdest way. 

“oh.. hey,” playing this entirely nonchalantly, “i just thought i’d let you know that we’re not playing next week,” lying through his teeth, guilt ridden but really, it was necessary if he wanted to play a gig without fucking up the entire time. 

“oh,” sounding somewhat disappointed, “okay.. how come?” 

shit. 

he can’t think of a single valid reason as to why they wouldn’t be playing. 

“jeff’s sick.. real bad,” feeling even more guilty for lying about his friends health, wondering if he’s cursing jeff as you did him, “might even be a couple weeks off at this point.”

eddie was a terrible person. 

but so were you. 

bewitching him under some spell, forcing him to play terribly and embarrass himself in front of women 

you’ve jinxed him. a bad omen cursing him to play like a fucking amateur. that’s the only logical explanation his pea brain can conjure up anyway. 

that meant you had to stay away from the shows, from him preferably. 

he couldn’t understand why you have this effect on him, why your mere presence has him becoming a floundering fool. you don’t intimidate him, not even close. 

it’s almost as if he cares too much about what you think, to the extent that he overthinks it so hard that he fucks up. 

a curse that could only be broken with some distance between you. that way he could focus on the show instead of you and your doe eyes reflecting off of the stage lights. 

that’s what he’s praying for anyway. 

-

eddie despises wednesday’s. itching to get his classes over and done with so he can get his small taste of stardom on that tiny hideout stage. 

at some point over the last few weeks of you being an omnipotent presence in his life, he’d grown accustomed to crossing paths with you before the gig. 

crossing campus with your chin tucked down, arms wrapped tight around your books. typically only sharing a smile or a short nod. 

but this week you saunter over, resembling a frightened deer even more than usual. 

he pulls his headphone from his ear, anticipating whatever nonsensical, vaguely cute thing you were going to say. 

“hey,” he nods, a coy smile. 

even now you have his palms sweating, overthinking whether he should’ve said hi or hello instead. 

“you didn’t have to lie to me,” you start, brows furrowed, “it’s fine if you don’t want me to go to your gigs anymore, i don’t care,” a disappointed frown plaguing your normally cheerful face. “i thought i liked you eddie, really- but i don’t know anymore.. you’re not a good person.” 

you turn to walk off before he can even compute your words. 

oh shit. 

“wait!” he calls but it’s useless, “i didn’t- i wasn’t- fuck.”

it was unthinkably cruel, he didn’t think you’d ever find out. and maybe that was his problem, assuming you didn’t care enough to find out. 

guilt addles his chest, weighing heavy on his heart. for good reason too. 

eddie was an asshole. a true, grade-a asshole that wayne would positively despise him for. 

wait wait wait. 

you liked him? 

you liked him?

absolutely not. no way. that wasn’t what this was about.

or it’s not supposed to be. 

no, this was some adolescent feud, a confusing, one-sided, friendship that he couldn’t get a grip on. 

you didn’t like him. girls like you weren’t supposed to. 

-

it’s not at all surprising that he plays like absolute shit tonight too. 

guilt ridden for forcing your hand, for making you look at him like that. as if he were the worst person to walk the earth. 

shit, maybe he was. 

kind hearted people didn’t lie and deceive. no, kind hearted people came to gigs they obviously didn’t give a shit about. kind hearted people feigned interest in boring spiel about weed strains and whatever the fuck else eddie jabbered on about at parties. 

you, you were kind. kinder than he deserved. 

gareth slaps him harshly on the back the second they’re back behind the curtain, a scornful yet pitying scowl on his face, “look man,” he begins, “i dunno what’s going on with you but i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna let us play here if you keep playing like that.”

eddie sighs, because he knows this. he’s well aware that his performances have been lacklustre for weeks now. he just doesn’t really understand why. 

at first he thought it was just because you were there, a distance friend who would feed back to his friends about how good, or bad, he was. 

but that wasn’t it. 

you were there, and then you weren’t. and he still played like shit. 

somewhere entangled deep within his wretched heart, he thinks that maybe he just wanted to impress you. 

a nice girl, cares about her studies way more than he does, pretty too and you didn’t look at him like he was just some out of touch stoner with crazy dreams of his band getting big. 

you were polite, listening to his wacky stories and dreams of playing for thousands, in fact, you encouraged them, more than his friends ever had for sure. 

eddie’s not sure if, or how, he’ll ever be able to make amends for how he’s treated you. 

-

he’s making himself sick with worry. guilt wracking his brain. 

you don’t turn up that night, obviously. 

eddie’s eyes mindlessly search the crowd for any hint of you. his fingers failing to correspond with the rest of band, always playing a beat behind. 

you had infected him, ruined his once masterful skill to just a shell of what it once was. 

he doesn’t lay opportunity for the boys to speak to him again, rushing out of the bar as soon as his guitar is back in her case. 

there’s only one place he can think about going. 

a few months back, you’d hosted robin’s birthday party there and eddie had disgraced your bathroom with a girl he can’t even remember now. 

his fist bangs on the door, hoping the light in the upstairs window was you and not one of your roommates he’d have to shamefully apologise to. 

the orange light cascades over your face, peeking out from the barely cracked door with a frown that would scare any man off. 

“what’re you doing?” you spit, looking backwards in hopes he hadn’t woken the entire house up. 

“listen,” he sighs, “i’m real sorry about.. you know, lying to you,” his shoulders slumped over themselves, “but i just- i can’t fucking play when you’re there, can’t play when you’re not,” sounding utterly pathetic, begging for you to cure him from this sudden sickness. “i don’t know what to do anymore,” dragging his hand over his face. 

rightfully earning his spot as the worlds biggest fucking loser, stood on your doorstep begging for an answer. 

when he opens his eyes enough to look at you, you’re scowling back at him. nothing like how he had planned this situation in his head. 

he’d hoped that miraculously you’d understand, accept his apology and somehow still feel the same as you had. 

because that was it, really. 

too terrified to face the fact that he liked you too. 

somewhere in his heart of hearts he’d known it from the start. that’s why his heart fluttered when you’d volunteered to come or why he’d struggled to even touch anyone else. 

“what do you want me to say?” shrugging, “i won’t come back, that’s fine,” he wishes you’d just follow the script he’d curated for you. 

eddie doesn’t want you to stop coming, he never had. it’s killing him that you even believed that, twisting the knife in his chest further and further the more your bottom lip juts out and your eyes water. 

“actually, maybe it’s best if we don’t talk anymore,” you suggest, throwing him completely off kilter. 

woah. 

that wasn’t at all what he wanted nor was he trying to say. he just couldn’t gather the actual words he needed to express that to you. 

petrified that he’d admit to his feelings and you’d just turn around and laugh, how could someone like you ever like such a cruel man? 

“wait no, that’s not what i meant-,” bargaining with you for a little time to explain himself, though you definitely didn’t owe him any.

“-thanks for coming eddie, i’ll see you around,” flashing him a crestfallen smile before abruptly closing the door in his face. 

-

public humiliation was truly the only way eddie could think to make it up to you. 

well that and maybe a little big nudge from robin. 

he’d rather stupidly asked about you on saturday night, confused why you weren’t there alongside robin, who had very quickly got him in check. 

“why do you think dumbass?” she snapped, snarling her teeth at him, “you were an asshole and now she’s doesn’t want to come anymore,” her glare powerful and harsh, "i'd say you were lucky she didn't punch you in the face."

he’d deserve it. 

it had taken weeks of convincing to get you anywhere near the hideout again. not to mention the hundreds in free weed he’d had to bribe robin with to get her to help. 

you stand in a dark corner, hands folded against your chest, puzzled and irritated by robin’s incessant begging to get you here. 

“there’s someone here that i wanna apologise to,” his eyes don’t find you as easy this time, after weeks of missing your presence, he’s not used to you actually being in the crowd again, “if you know us, you know i can be a bit of an asshole sometimes, uh..” they find you, the lump only growing in his throat, “i’m sorry,” tunnel vision blocking out every other body in the room, “i’m really, really sorry.”

you blink, staring back at him like a deer caught in headlights. it makes him a little bit nauseous to recall how dreadfully he’d treated you, how you deserved absolutely none of it. 

your gaze lowers, and eddie can’t decide how to take it. he wouldn’t blame you if you decided to never forgive him, but he also couldn’t take it if you didn’t. 

his voice cracks a little as he speaks, “this is.. uh, we’re corroded coffin,” stepping back from the mic to gather his thoughts before the drum comes crashing in. 

-

eddie plays the best he’s potentially ever played. 

a force overcoming him to prove that he truly wasn’t as much as a loser as he’s shown himself to be.  

usually, he couldn’t wait to be off that stage and to the bar but today he’s dreading it. 

knowing that you’re somewhere out there waiting for an explanation. 

or maybe you weren’t. he wouldn’t blame you if you’d decided to leave soon after he’d embarrassed himself with that shitty apology. 

gareth runs up behind him, using his shoulders to launch himself into the air, “holy shit! that was amazing!” the boy presses a slobbery kiss to his cheek before continuing, “whatever the hell you did, keep doing it because that was insane!” running off past eddie to grab his weekly complimentary beer. 

a sudden sickness fills his stomach, slyly hoping that he could slip out of here before anyone else noticed him. 

you stand across the bar, waiting to catch his eye with your lips curled only ever-so-slightly. 

eddie’s limbs go stiff, still entranced by your jinx. by you.

your eyes trail away to the door as his follow, shuffling your way through the bustling crowd. 

his legs carry him without a second thought, out into the cool night as his eyes frantically search for you. 

he finds you perched against the crumbling stone wall a few feet from the entrance, just far enough away from the prying eyes of the smoking patrons. 

“i didn’t think you’d ever come back here,” is all he can say, feet trailing along the gravel. 

the streetlight glistens orange from your eyes, staring up at him from your perch, “i didn’t want to,” your smile only growing as he nears, “robin made me.” 

“oh,” it wasn’t as if he didn’t know that or that he didn’t orchestrated the entire thing, it just felt odd to hear it from your mouth. 

“i’m glad i came,” you clarify, allowing him to finally release the breath held tight in his chest. 

eddie dares to move closer, sitting back on the brick just inches away, “yeah?” 

you nod, the great big smile he’d forced away making a return at last, “yeah.” 

suddenly the air feels thick, it was easier apologising on stage, those people didn’t know him, they didn’t care. but now, sat here in front of you, it feels like he’s swallowing knives. 

“i’m really sorry for making you feel that way,” though it sounds meaningless now the damage was done, “i don’t know if you still care about me at all, but i- um,” his throat runs dry, clamping his eyes shut. it felt easier that way, somehow, “i think the reason why i was such.. an asshole,” the light flickers through his eyelids again, deciding that you at least deserved to see him, “fuck,” he exclaims, staring back at your confused expression. 

“it’s okay,” soothing even now, “you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” a twinge of sadness running through your tone. 

“no, no i do,” eddie persists. he’d fumbled once, he couldn’t do it again. “shit man,” he sighs, “i’m trying to tell you that i like you too, or maybe not too, i know i was an ass and i don’t deserve your forgiveness-,” your lips cuts him off mid-mumble, surging forward to press them against his blathering ones. 

he has to blink a couple times, taking in whatever the fuck was happening to him. 

you pull back, disappointed that his brain had been to fuzzy to focus on kissing you back. too preoccupied with trying not to explode and paint you in red. 

“really eddie.. it’s okay,” returning to your usual reserved self while his brain still struggles to compute. 

“can we do that again?” he asks politely, keeping the bubbling excitement to a minimum. 

you laugh, a real, throaty laugh, something he hadn’t heard in weeks, “only if you promise to stop talking,” leaning in once more, the rigid wall suddenly feeling like it was about to collapse from underneath him. 

your soft, cherry-tinted lips press against his forehead a second time, allowing him to gather his brain from a pile of mush on the floor just enough to actually kiss you back. a tender hand reaching out to caress his stubbly cheek, sending shockwaves through his limbs. 

you’re interrupted again by a loud whoop from behind, robin clapping wildly as she emerges from the bar, “now you two have kissed and made up, can we go home now?” 

[wonlovie]

— ALWAYS.

After being broken up with, the cherry on top was receiving an invitation to your ex-boyfriend's wedding, leaving you breaking at the seams. Luckily for you, your childhood best friend is there to keep you together.

— starring. childhood bestfriend!jake x fem!reader ft. the slightest appearance of niki, mentions of ex!heeseung and le sserafim's chaewon (she was the first one i thought of LOL)

— tags. friends-to-lovers, slowburn, minor angst, jake is highkey a thigh guy, road trip!!, the oh-no-there's-only-one-bed trope several times over, smut [fem. masturbation while in the same bed, vaginal fingering, oral (f. receiving), handjob, very soft-dom!jake, first time, praising, unprotected sex, reader cries, use of petnames (princess, pretty girl, baby; he also calls you a whore/slut like,, twice) kind of but not really fwb situation [MINORS DNI]]

— word count. 14.3k

— notes. this is the first fic i've posted here!! i also started writing this like,, the day i got covid so if some sentences make zero sense it's because i was loopy af lmAOO on another note jake??? sim jake??? writing this wasnt good for my heart bc he was driving me insane the whOLE TIME

SIXTEEN DAYS.

When you got the invitation in the mail, a single piece of cardstock carefully decorated with ornate blue lace and beautifully handwritten script, you had half the mind to ignore it. Throw it in the trash, maybe. If the sender asked, you could feign innocence. It got lost in the mail, and perhaps I never received it at all.

Unfortunately for you, your conscience kicked you swiftly in the ass before you could even step on your trash bin pedal. 

Begrudgingly, you really had no choice but to go. After all, it was your cousin’s wedding—a day you had both raved about since you were young children. You could still recall the silly Pinterest boards you put together, regrettably filled with tacky and outdated decor. Your cousin, Chaewon, even called you before the invitation was sent to your box, her excited voice crawling out of your phone speaker and taunting you with sharp licks against your ear.

You should be happy. Really, you should. Aside from Lemon, your newly adopted Jindo puppy, Chaewon was your favourite. Despite moving across the country for university, you were there for her as she was for you. Not a single day went by without an hour-long phone call between the two of you, filled to the brim with conversation or spent in peaceful silence.

The issue wasn’t Chaewon. No, it was far worse than that. The issue was her husband-to-be, a man you despised with every cell of your being.

Lee Heeseung. In other words, your ex. 

It was jarring for you to see the very man who seemed to date you out of pity, never truly initiating intimacy or even trying to pretend to be interested in the things you’d tell him, be so sweet to Chaewon. You had, unfortunately, witnessed their love firsthand on multiple occasions. The longing glances, the whispered sweet nothings, the subtle caresses when they thought no one was looking. 

You hated how bitter you felt about it. His last words to you felt like they were tattooed onto your eyelids.

“I’m sorry, but… I don’t think we should date anymore. I think I’ve found someone else.”

Of course, you were heartbroken. Heeseung was your first boyfriend and your first love. You had tried so damn hard to be the receiver of his affections, but your efforts always fell short. The next week, Chaewon approached you with tears brimming her eyes, begging for forgiveness; you knew that whatever you had with Heeseung was officially history. 

Chaewon, the angel, denied his advances until you pushed her to say yes, as you knew she wanted to. 

And now, your decision had come full circle, the ugly truth rearing its head at you. Your feelings for Heeseung were long gone, but with the breakup came a hundred insecurities you didn’t know you had, hence the big move. Maybe with space, you could heal.

“Stupid,” you whispered as your eyes scanned the invitation for the nth time in the past ten minutes. You rubbed harshly at your eyes, forcing the tears away. With a shaking finger, you traced the wedding date, briefly glancing up at the dog calendar that hung on the wall next to your fridge. 

Gingerly dropping the invitation onto the kitchen counter, you quietly counted the days left. The wedding was just over two weeks away, a beautiful August wedding. You don’t know how long you stood there, goosebumps prickling on your thighs as the morning air brushed against them. Your oversized tee did little to combat the cold.

A quiet knocking at the door made you jump. Swearing under your breath, you swiped at your cheeks to rid any evidence of tears. You shuffled to the front door and peeked through the peephole. A man stood there, hands in his jeans pockets, as he waited for you to answer. However, his head was down, which blocked his face from view.

When you didn’t answer right away, he knocked again just as gently as he had before. This time, though, he called out your name. 

Startled, you paused with your hands pressed against the door, eyes still pressed against the peephole. You knew that voice, instantly recognizing the accent that spilled into his words. Pulling the door open, your suspicions were correct when you were met with your childhood best friend, Jake.

A wide grin pulled at the corners of your lips as you looked the man up and down. “Holy shit,” you started, laughter in your voice. “What are you doing here?” Stepping back to let him in, you eyed his wide shoulders as he bent over to untie his shoes. “You never said you were coming to visit.”

Jake lazily smiled up at you as he tugged off the last shoe. His eyes drifted down for a second, catching sight of your bare legs. Not a moment later, he averted them. “Damn, hello to you too, sweets.” When he stood to his full height, he leaned into a comfortable slouch, shoving his hands into the pockets of his well-worn jeans. “Chaewon didn’t tell you?” He tilted his head at you in question.

Shaking your head no, you headed to the kitchen where you left your phone. Finding your chatroom with Chaewon, you scanned the contents quickly. “Look—”

You turned to show Jake your previous texts, but as you swivelled on your heel, you hadn’t expected him to be so close. You jumped slightly, the small of your back pressing into the cool countertop as Jake hovered over you, seemingly inches away. You could practically count his every lash from your angle, not missing how his eyes scanned your face.

Apparently, he didn’t expect to be so close either, as the tips of his ears reddened. “My bad,” as he moved to give you space. He pushed back his hair—when had he dyed it blonde?— to see your screen better. Reading quickly, he snorted at Chaewon’s lack of warning for his arrival, her last message simply being: ;).

“I thought you knew I’d be coming, so I didn’t bother sending a text,” he explained. “Chae wants me to be your escort to the wedding.”

“My what?”

Jake grinned at you, flashing his pearly whites. “Y’know, your stead. Your chauffeur. Your knight in shining armour, if you will.”

“Those aren’t the same in the slightest, Jake.”

“You get what I mean, sweets.” 

You hummed, resting your palms atop the counter by your sides. “Why so early, though? The wedding isn’t for a couple of weeks.” He opened his mouth to say something, but a sharp yip from your bedroom interrupted him. You practically watched as elation flooded his senses when he spun on the spot, searching for the sound source.

Pushing yourself off the counter, you lightly bumped his shoulder with your own as you manoeuvred around him. “Looks like someone’s awake,” you sang as you headed down the hall. You could hear Jake’s heavier, sock-clad footsteps following you into your bedroom as you called out for Lemon.

The little pup bounded toward you, jumping from your bed with a tail that wagged so fast you were concerned she’d sprain it. With her tongue out, she hopped on her hind legs, unsure of whether she should greet you or Jake first. “Lemon, this is Jake,” you introduced as you picked her up. Gently moving her paw in a waving motion, you smiled at him. “Jake, this is the love of my life, Lemon.”

He sent you a teasing smile, “I thought that was my title.” You flushed at the unexpected remark. Before you could respond, he turned to Lemon with a soft expression. “Hi, Lemon. Hope you’re taking good care of sweets for me.” Cooing at the pup, he booped her nose.

Without a word, you motioned for him to follow you back to the living room, situating yourself on the small leather couch worn from years of hand-me-down use. Lemon hopped off your lap, her tail wagging as she beckoned Jake to sit down. He was quick to join you, sitting close enough for your knees to touch when Jake shifted his body to face you. You scanned him up and down.

He’d changed a bit, clearly, since the last you saw him. He wasn’t nearly as scrawny as before, his broad frame apparent from under his unzipped jacket. He had lost the baby fat in his cheeks, leaving behind a sharp jawline. The biggest change to note was his hair. Long gone were the black tresses, and in their place were soft blond locks.

In other words, he was hot.

“When did this happen?” you asked as he shrugged his jacket off, reaching up to twist a strand with your finger. “It looks good on you.”

Jake sent you a teasing look, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. “You would’ve known I went blond like a month and a half ago if you actually read your messages,” he chided, clicking his tongue. His eyes stayed on you, flitting across your face.

“Whatever,” you hushed, “I’ve just been busy with school.” It's a lie, but he doesn’t need to know that. No one needed to know that you’ve spent the last few months acting like a heartbroken teen when you were a grown adult. Despite Jake having seen the worst parts of you in high school, you still wanted him to hold some esteem for you.

For a second, it was quiet aside from Lemon’s quiet sniffing, her nose working quickly on Jake’s discarded coat. Jake held eye contact with you, a silent question reflected in his eyes. 

“It’s still weird to me.”

Raising a brow, you rested your elbow on the back of the couch, resting your head against your palm. “What is?”

He stayed silent for a minute before leaning back against the couch, turning his head slightly to face you. “I can’t just walk down the block to annoy you now. Now, you’re four hours away unless I want to spend a few hundred on a plane ticket.” He stuck out his tongue, “‘Dunno why you didn’t stay.” His voice was light, teasing, but you could hear a slight edge to his words.

You huffed, “You know exactly why I left.”

For a moment, neither of you said anything. When Heeseung broke up with you, Jake was the first one you told. Despite being an incoherent, blubbering mess over the phone, he came the instant he heard the first sob rack your body. That night, he held you without a word until your tears ran dry.

“You still hung up about it?”

Pausing, you shook your head. “No,” you bit your lip, not catching the way his eyes darted down to watch, “not anymore, anyway. I don’t feel anything for Heeseung if that’s what you’re asking.” You cracked a sardonic smile at him, punching his shoulder and chuckling when Lemon followed your movement. “Not that pathetic yet, Jake.”

He fully turned his body to you, the leather couch squeaking under his shifting weight. His golden hair fell into his eyes as he bore into yours. “I was there, remember?” His voice was gentle as if he was worried he’d scare you off. “I know it hurt more than you’re letting on. It wasn’t that long ago.”

You silently cursed him for still being able to read you so well, even after so long apart. Absentmindedly, you tugged on the hem of your shirt, playing with the edge that was starting to fray after years of use. Jake leaned forward, placing a warm hand on your bare thigh. “I’ll be there the whole time. If you want me to, I’ll stay right beside you the whole night.”

Your eyes darted to where his large hand rested on your skin, swallowing harshly. “Yeah,” you whispered, looking back up at him through your lashes. “That’d be… really nice, Jake.” You shakily exhaled; his proximity and his touch made your every nerve go haywire. Since when did Jake, your best friend since you were in diapers, have this effect on you? Looking up at the mop of messy blond on his head, you blamed the change in colour.

Jake didn’t say anything for a while but never moved his hand. The two of you sat there, staring into each other's eyes. Lemon had long ago gotten comfy in the small space between you, round eyes closed in rest. “I’ll always be there for you, you know that, right?” He said finally, voice barely above a whisper.

You could only nod, your every thought directed to the hand on your thigh, his thumb rubbing circles on the inside of your leg.

You offered Jake your shower while you went to get his luggage from his car. At first, he refused, telling you that he could get the luggage himself and take a shower afterward, but you had practically shoved him into the bathroom, claiming he smelt bad from the drive. 

Truthfully, he smelt good as ever, having always possessed an addicting scent to you.

Besides, this way, you could clear your head with some fresh air as you left and headed to your apartment parking lot. Easily spotting his car, much newer than any of the models your neighbours had, you jogged over to it. Once inside, you noted how clean the car was, coming as somewhat of a surprise to you. A carwash receipt peaked out from the middle console.

Lugging his suitcase out from the backseat, you were quick to make your way back, lest Jake be left without clothes for too long. Shutting your front door behind you, you nearly let out a scream when, on cue, Jake emerged from a cloud of steam, donning only your fluffy blue towel. He hadn’t noticed you yet, using another towel to shake out the excess water from his hair.

Unknowingly, your eyes followed a bead of water as it trailed down his toned body, disappearing under the towel that threatened to unravel itself, sending your mind into a frenzy. Turning around before he could realize that you were ogling at him like some pervert, you cleared your throat. “Got your suitcase,” you forced out. “You can change in my room if you want.”

“Ah, thanks, sweets.” You listened for his footsteps, tensing as they came closer. “Why so shy?” He inquired with a chuckle at the tip of his tongue. “‘S not like you’ve never seen me naked before.”

“Jake, we were five.”

“Still,” he laughed. You were startled when he patted your shoulder, gently turning you to face him more. You swallowed harshly at the sight of his naked chest up close. “Joking. Thanks for grabbing my stuff.” Without another word, he turned around and disappeared behind your bedroom door.

Letting out a breath, you pressed your forehead against the cool surface of your front door, holding a hand over your heart. Lemon’s tiny paws brought her over to you, the click clicks of her nails against the hardwood taking your attention away from your thoughts. She looked up at you, her head tilted as though she was questioning you. “I must be going crazy, huh?” You knelt down to let her jump on you, her front paws pressing into your leg. 

“Layla’d love her,” Jake’s voice interrupted. You looked up to see him dressed in comfy attire, a dim disappointment settling in your stomach. “You hungry? I can order something for us.”

Rolling your eyes, you stood up. “You’re my guest, Jake. I can order.” You pulled out your phone and open a delivery app. Before you could get too far, the phone was taken from your grasp, left in Jake’s palm as he stared at you in challenge.

With a shake of his head, he denied you. “I may be your guest, but you’re also housing me for two weeks. Plus, I haven’t seen you in forever.” He hunched over to meet your eyes, “My treat. You can pay next time, promise.”

By the time the food arrived, you and Jake had settled in on the couch, a random movie playing on the TV. Quiet chatter filled the space. The movie had already been forgotten, acting as mere background noise to your conversation. You dug into your food without missing a beat, covering your mouth to retort whenever Jake would make a jab at you. 

“You never got to answer my question,” you prompted, putting down your chopsticks and resting the take-out container on the coffee table. “Why’d you come so early? Why not closer to the wedding?”

You watched Jake pause, his expression unreadable. “Would you believe me if I said I just wanted to see you?” he asked, voice low as he turned to look at you. His blond hair had been pushed up and back so many times strands framed his face, allowing you to see all of it. “Because I do,” he continued, shrugging as if he weren’t making your heart race, “I want to see you. All the time.”

Unsure of how to respond, you sputtered for a moment before turning away, your cheeks warm. “I’ve wanted to see you too,” you mumbled, “so thanks. For coming.”

“For you? Always.”

Rolling your eyes, you bumped Jake with your shoulder. “When did you get so cheesy?”

Jake pulled his lower lip under his teeth for a second, biting at the plump flesh as he mulled over an answer. “Just missed you, is all.”

Nodding, you turned your head to watch the rest of the movie. It was confusing since neither of you watched the first half. Beside you, Jake turned to do the same. If either of you noticed how the space between you had become nonexistent, thighs and shoulders pressed together, no one said a word. You couldn’t complain, enjoying how Jake’s warmth seeped through his clothes and into your skin.

Without realizing it, the both of you fell asleep. The TV had gone dark after hours of inactivity, the moon lighting up the room with a dark hue. Jake awoke first, grumbling when his neck had a familiar ache in it. But when he went to roll his shoulder, something was in the way. Or rather, someone. He turned, pursing his lips to stay quiet as he realized you were leaning on him.

Your legs were draped over his own, something you must’ve done in your sleep. Or maybe it was him searching for a source of warmth in the coolness of the night. His arm was wrapped around your shoulder, your head fitting directly in the crook of his neck. He felt his skin burn as he swore quietly. Pulling out his phone, he glanced at the time.

3:02 a.m.

As slowly as he could, he hooked one arm under your knees and the other around your back. Standing, he hoped his racing heart wouldn’t wake you. Jake maneuvered the dark apartment as best he could without accidentally hitting your head against the walls of your hallway. Luckily, you left your bedroom door open, so he didn’t need to figure that out somehow. 

Lemon was already asleep, curled up on your left pillow. Carefully, he laid you down on the bed, pushing away stray hairs on your face afterward. He stayed there for a moment, staring at your peaceful expression. His heart warmed, a tingly feeling in his belly erupting at the sight of you. He tugged the blanket over your body, pressing a finger to his lips when Lemon startled awake.

Tucking you in, he hovered for a minute before pressing a soft kiss against your forehead. “Night, sweets,” he whispered before moving to his feet. Before he could get very far, a hand shot out from under the blanket and weakly grasped at his wrist. Turning, Jake held a breath at the sight of your sleepy eyes gazing up at him. “Only have one bed,” you slurred, sleep taking over your speech. “Sleep here.”

Jake balked at you, hands subconsciously balling at his sides. “Are you sure? I can sleep on the couch—”

“No! Sleep here.” You didn’t give him much room to argue as you scooted backwards to give him some room before lifting the blanket in invitation. This movement bugged Lemon, clearly, as she moved from your pillow to lay in the nook of your bent legs. “Come on, we’ve slept in the same bed before.”

Swallowing at the sight of you, eyes barely open and shirt riding up further than he could handle, Jake relented, knowing you would keep arguing with him until daylight. The last time we slept in the same bed, you were bawling your eyes out over Heeseung, he stopped himself from saying. The thought lingered as he crawled in next to you, keeping a respectful distance. 

Satisfied, you allowed your heavy lids to close, a small, contented smile painted on your lips. “G’night, Jake.”

He sighed. “Good night, sweets.”

You fell asleep instantly, hand resting on the pillow in front of your face. Jake mirrored your position, your pinkies centimetres from touching. He observed the slow rise and fall of your chest and the occasional sniffs when your hair would fall and tickle your nose. His eyes traced your every feature, from the curve of your cheek to your supple lips. 

Jake did not sleep well that night.

FOURTEEN DAYS.

Two days after Jake had made an appearance, he quickly fell into a routine with you. He would wake up first and have a cup of coffee ready for you whenever you’d sleepily bound into the kitchen. A bowl of cereal would already be sitting on the counter, the jug of milk sitting beside it. Your mornings were quiet as you both woke up, only a raspy “good morning” before you’d sit in silence over your bowls.

It had been a long time since you had such normalcy, and you’d be lying if you said you hated it.

“Hey,” he started, only half done chewing his cereal. “We have, like, two weeks left until we actually need to be in Seoul, right?”

You eyed him suspiciously for his cheery tone so early in the morning. Swallowing your food first, you nodded. “Yeah, but Chae wants us back at least two days before in case things need fixing or whatever.” Sipping your coffee, you raised a brow at him, “Why?”

Grinning at you, he leaned over to grab your arm in excitement. Your eyes darted to where you connected, noting how his thumb immediately started rubbing the inside of your wrist, making you cross your legs under the table. “Let’s make our trip back a road trip!”

You blinked. “Jake. You drove here—it was already going to be a road trip to go back.”

Jake threw his head back in a groan, inadvertently showing you his Adam’s apple as it bobbed up and down. You followed the movement down to his wide shoulders before looking away a second before he straightened up to meet eyes with you. “Dummy, I know that. Let’s make it a fun road trip with loads of stops and everything!” He talked animatedly, waving his hands with reckless abandon. “There are lots of small towns and pitstops on the way to Seoul, but we’ve never actually explored them.”

“How do you know I haven’t?”

Jake looked at you as if you had grown two heads. “If you have and I wasn’t invited, your best friend card is being revoked this instant. You hear me? Revoked.”

Laughing, you stood and grabbed both of your empty bowls. “Fine, we can have your fun road trip. You’re doing all the planning, though, since it was your idea.” You tilted his coffee mug toward you to see if he had finished it, placing it back where it was when you saw the brown liquid still swirling inside. He followed you to the sink, sleeves already rolled up when you placed the porcelain into the basin.

You didn’t say anything when he gently pulled you to the side and grabbed the sponge to start cleaning. “I already have the route!” He told you, not taking his eyes off the dishes. “It’s in my phone. You can look—it’s in the notes app.” Peaking at you through his lashes, he nodded his head in the general direction of where he left his phone. “Password’s still the same.”

You snorted, picking it up from the table before joining him at the sink, hopping up on the counter beside him. As you entered your birthyear into the phone, you didn’t catch the way he eyes your thighs, your shorts doing little to nothing to cover up the way they flattened slightly against the cool marble. “Y’know,” you started, ripping him out of his thoughts, ushering him to quickly place the bowls and spoons onto your drying rack. “This is a shitty password. You’re gonna get robbed one day.”

 He shrugged, pulling the hand towel off your oven’s handle to dry his hands. You watched him, silently ogling at the veins that popped out in his forearms when he turned to replace the towel. “Maybe, but it’s important to me.”

“My birth year?”

He grinned at you with a simple nod, standing between your thighs. His eyes fell to them once more when you absentmindedly spread your legs to give him room to stand. Biting the inside of his cheek, he shakily rested his palms on either side of you, moving slow enough for you to object if you were uncomfortable. "It's the year my favourite person was born, after all." You didn’t say anything, instead looking back at his phone screen.

He watched as your eyes flit back and forth as you read, his fingers itching to move closer to you, to touch your skin. He opted to curl his fingers until his nails dug into his palms. “When did you figure this out?” You asked, smiling at the title of the note.

Sweets and Jake’s Road Trip !!!

“Last night, while you slept.”

You shot him a look, searching for eye bags. You were relieved when you didn’t see any, but you punched his shoulder nonetheless. “Idiot. If you can’t sleep, you can wake me, you know? You don’t have to stay up by yourself.” You placed a hand on his forearm, rubbing your thumb over a jutting vein just as he had to you moments before.

His urge to touch you grew stronger, and he felt his mental fortitude crumbling at the contact. Clearing his throat, Jake shrugged. “You’re cute when you sleep, princess. Didn’t want to wake you.” Moving away before your scent could drive him any more insane, he rubbed the back of his neck. “So? What’s the verdict?”

Lips parted from his casual slip of a nickname you’d never heard from him before, you dumbly nodded. “Good. It’s good. Let’s do it.” You hopped down from the counter, Jake’s hands immediately moving to steady you once you got on your feet. “When do we leave?”

Jake grinned at you, revealing his canines. “Whenever you’re ready, sweets.”

You returned the smile, excitement starting to affect you. “Let’s get ready then, shall we?”

It didn’t take either of you very long to get your suitcases and essentials put together. Jake had mostly kept his things in his suitcase, only pulling out clothes he needed for the day or toiletries that you didn’t have any to spare. Two toothbrushes sat in a cup instead of the usual one, and the sight made you grin as you collected your things. Chaewon had your dress up in Seoul, so you didn’t need to worry about any of that either.

An hour after Jake proposed the road trip, he was waiting outside, one hand clasped over both of your luggage handles, the other holding Lemon’s carrier as you locked the door. The two of you walked out to his car in silence, the crisp morning air making you shiver under your thin jacket. “It’s still summer,” you complained in a long drawl, “why is it so fucking cold in the morning?”

Jake laughed at you, thanking you when you opened the back door of his car for him and carefully slid the luggage and carrier in. “Relax, princess, I’ll turn the heat on just for you, yeah?”

You grumbled at his teasing, taking your spot in the passenger seat without a word as he held the door open for you. You watched him jog around the car to reach his side, never taking your eyes off him as he fiddled with the A/C. As he turned the ignition on, he handed you his phone. “Put something on for me, will you?” 

As he drove, you noted the fact that he drove with one hand on the wheel, the other resting casually on the middle console. His arms were exposed in the black tee he wore, seemingly not as affected by the cold as you were. You willed yourself not to notice how the shirt was unfairly form-fitting, wrapping around the bulk of his bicep in a way that was sending you spinning. 

The first stop was five minutes away from your apartment as Jake pulled into the parking lot of a nearby convenience store. Jake unrolled the windows a bit for Lemon, telling her to be good as the both of you exited the vehicle. Once inside, you shivered at how strong the store had its A/C running. 

Eyeing you, Jake sent you a smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll be quick.”

Without another word, you followed as Jake made his way through the different aisles, picking up snacks that you easily recognized as some of your favourites. Even grabbing a heat pack, he waved it at you teasingly. “Weirdo, needing a heat pack in the middle of August.”

You sputtered, “Wha— I never asked you to—”

Interrupting you with a bark of a laugh, he shook his head. “Just poking fun. C’mon, let’s go. Lemon’s probably waiting for us.” You huffed but didn’t argue as he pulled you to the front cashier by the hand. You trained your sight on your connected hands, moving them so your fingers interlaced. Jake briefly looked down at what you’d done, but if it bothered him, he didn’t say anything.

“Oh, it’s you!”

To both your surprise and Jake’s, the cashier’s eyes lit up when he saw you. “We had English together,” he filled in when you didn’t seem to recognize him. “We were in a group project together for the final?” You blinked a few times before making a noise of recognition.

“Riki! Sorry, I didn’t recognize you with the new hair,” you explained, glancing at his newly dark brown hair. “It was blond before. Looks good now, though!” You gave him a thumbs up. Before he could reply beside you, Jake cleared his throat. Both you and Riki looked at him, realizing that the latter hadn’t even started ringing your items through, and there was a bit of a line behind you.

Riki immediately started scanning the snacks Jake had brought, never taking his eyes off you. “What’re you up to this summer? I haven’t seen you at all since the semester ended.”

You hummed, “My cousin’s wedding is in two weeks, so Jake and I—” You nudged him, not noticing how quiet he had gotten. “—are driving back to Seoul right after this.”

The younger boy nodded, glancing over at Jake before looking down at your hands. You forgot they were still intertwined, but Jake's grip tightened when you went to let go. You dropped your head to hide how warm your cheeks felt, biting your lip lightly. “Ah,” Riki put down the scanning gun, his tone noticeably less happy. “₩9000, please.”

Jake threw a few crumpled notes on the counter before bowing his head slightly in goodbye, tugging you toward the exit wordlessly. You waved at Riki over your shoulder before walking quickly to fall in step with Jake. “You okay? You were quiet in there, and then you pulled us out like that.”

Jake only nodded, carelessly tossing the bag of snacks into the back with your luggage. “Here,” he tossed you the heat pack, already cracked and warming up. He opened your door again without further explanation before taking his own seat.

You stared at his profile in confusion, the heat pack already doing its job on your frigid hands. As he pulled back onto the road, you glanced at his hand, which rested over the middle console as it had before.

Curiously, you turned his wrist until his palm was facing upward. Jake watched you from the corner of his eye, only turning his head when he reached a red light. He hadn’t expected you to put your hand in his, interlocking your fingers once again. “Your hands are warmer,” you mumbled, leaning back to get comfortable. In shock, Jake hadn’t taken his eyes off of you.

Smiling tightly at him, you squeezed his hand. “The light’s green.”

Snapping his head forward, he coughed as he focused on the road. For the next while, your hand would stay in his. The ride to the next town was spent in silence, with you mouthing the lyrics to songs you recognized from his playlists. 

In Jake’s phone, he had written that you were to stay at motels in towns along the way. When you protested at the cost it would be, he simply argued with it’s for the experience, sweets. And no worries! I’m paying for the whole trip. And when you argued with that last bit, he only replied, if I see your wallet at all, I might have to fight you.

Your first real stop was in a small fishing village, the last coastal town you’d see before you started driving inland. The morning chill was gone, replaced with the comforting warmth of the summer sun. Despite that, you didn’t let go of Jake’s hand until you had to get out of the car. Stretching your limbs, you groaned when you felt and heard some joints pop. 

You inhaled deeply, closing your eyes as you took in the smell of the ocean and the distant chatter of nearby townspeople. The motel Jake brought you to was a little rundown; it was obvious that it had been around for quite some time. The paint was peeling a bit, and the shingles on the roof made it look dated, but it had a cozy feel to it. Besides, it was the only dog-friendly motel in the area, so you couldn’t afford to be choosy.

“Hello,” the old woman at the receptionist's desk greeted you kindly, eyes shifting from you to Jake. You smiled at her, bowing your head in respect. Besides you, Jake did the same with that easygoing grin of his. “How may I help you?”

“A room for two, please,” said Jake.

The woman nodded, looking over at the remaining room keys. Grabbing one, she handed it over to you before telling Jake how much it’d cost. As Jake fumbled with his wallet, the old woman looked at you fondly. “You two are precious,” she informed you with an air of nostalgia, her wrinkled hand resting atop her chest over her heart. “I remember when me and my late husband were your age.”

You blushed at her insinuation that you and Jake were together but found that the idea wasn’t as jarring as you thought it’d be. You couldn’t tell if Jake didn’t catch the comment or chose not to reply as he handed her the money she needed. 

It wasn’t hard to find your room out of the ten total, and you were pleased to see that the coziness of the outside continued inside. Jake wheeled your luggage in while you opened Lemon’s carrier, letting her roam free in the room, sniffing the foreign air. The room itself wasn’t too big, consisting of the main room that could only fit a single queen bed and not much else and a bathroom that was longer than it was wide. 

“It’s like we’re teens again,” you giggled at Jake, shrugging off your jacket. “We’re sharing beds often.”

Jake let out a breath at the realization that there really was only one bed again and nodded stiffly. He supposed that was his fault for not mentioning how many beds you needed. “I guess so,” he gazed at you tenderly. “You sure you don’t mind?”

You rolled your eyes at him, “You can cut the gentleman act with me, Jake. If I minded, I would’ve said something already. We shared a bed in my apartment, remember?”

Of course I remember, he thought, it was driving me crazy.

In truth, Jake hasn’t been able to sleep because of how cuddly you were in your sleep. He’d purposely lay as far as he could from you so as not to give in to any temptations, but it seemed like you had other plans whenever you laid your head to rest. Not two minutes after he’d heard your soft snores, your hands were reaching for him, pulling you closer to his torso until you were snuggled up against him. 

He may have only been staying with you for two days, but he’s had to take just as many cold showers before you woke up.

“Do you wanna go on a walk?” you asked once the two of you settled. Lemon sat by your feet, circling them by looping under the chair you sat on to entertain herself. “It’d be nice to venture out! I think poor Lemon’s a bit restless from the carrier.” You bent over to rub behind her ears, to which she let out a yip of approval.

Jake smiled softly at the sight before nodding. “Let’s go, then.”

Thankfully, Lemon was an off-leash dog and stayed close by as you walked the streets of an unfamiliar town. In the distance, seagulls cried out to each other as fishing boats pushed off from the harbour. The sound of the sea lulled you into a peaceful reverie. You and Jake walked side by side, fingers brushing against each other every so often.

“It’s nice here,” you mumbled, “we should have done this sooner.”

Jake hummed, the low noise rattling in your ears. You closed your eyes as you walked, fully trusting Jake to guide you if you were going to walk into anything. He smiled softly at the sight of your relaxed demeanour, moving to hold your hand. You walked in silence for a bit before you reached the shore. Jake spotted some beach chairs, pulling you along. Lemon bounded ahead, happy to have room to run. You cracked open your eyes in time to see her jump into the water, barking happily as she entertained herself.

“Next time, you should bring Layla,” you suggested as you sat down. 

Jake smiled down at your hands. “Yeah, next time.”

Silence fell upon you, but it wasn’t unwelcome. You both watched Lemon as she played in the water, occasionally coming up to bring you a rock she had found before hopping back into the puddles the tide was creating. All the while, your hands stayed clasped, with Jakes's thumb rubbing familiar circles on the back of your palm.

“Why did you move so far?”

You halted, your smile slipping. “You asked me already.”

“But you weren’t being completely truthful with me.” He looked at you, concern shining in his eyes. “You’re not over it, are you?”

The topic dampened your mood, your heart rate rising as you avoided eye contact. “I told you already, Jake. I don’t love Heeseung anymore. I’m fine,” you pressed, lying through your teeth. Lying to Jake always left a bitter taste in your mouth, as you knew he could tell immediately that it wasn’t the truth. “What kind of cousin would I be if I were still in love with her groom-to-be?”

Jake’s frown deepened. “You have the right to be hurt—”

“But I’m not! So drop it.” Your outburst garnered the attention of a few townspeople who were out and about, causing you to flush in embarrassment. Lowering your voice, you stared down at the rocky beach, digging your dirtied trainers into the course sand. “I’m fine.”

Unbelieving, Jake continued, “It’s just… I thought you had enough reason to stay.”

His words made you look up, annoyed at how much he was pressing the topic on you. “Clearly, I didn’t.” Shaking your head, you dropped his hand before standing to your feet and dusting off imaginary dirt from your pants. You looked down at him, a mistake as you were forced to look at his hurt expression, lip trembling as he stared up at you open-mouthed. “I’m going back.”

He only watched your back as you walked away, beckoning Lemon to follow. The poor puppy got out of the water, shaking off the excess. She ran toward you but paused and looked back at Jake. She tilted her head as if she were asking Aren’t you coming? before running after you.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, shellshocked, until he realized that the sun was starting to set. Deciding he had been out there long enough, Jake slowly made his way back to the motel. When he got to your room, he hesitated, knowing that you could easily lock him out for the night if you were still upset with him since you had the only key.

Jake stood there, mulling over whether or not he should try knocking, but before he could even decide, the door opened. He was met with you, tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. “Don’t just stand there,” you opened the door more for him to come in. His heart broke at the sight of you and at how wet your voice sounded, as if you had just finished crying.

“Sweets, I’m sorry—” 

You shook your head, holding up a hand to stop him. “No, you did… you did nothing wrong. I shouldn’t have exploded at you like that or left you alone out there.” You looked down in shame, gnawing at your bottom lip. “I’m sorry, Jake.”

He was quick to lift your chin with two fingers, keeping them there as he rested his other hand on your upper arm. “Hey, no, none of that. I shouldn’t have pushed you when you obviously didn’t want to talk about it.” He pushed your hair behind your ear before bringing you in for a hug. You wrapped your arms around him, burying your head in his shoulder. He kissed the top of your head before muttering in your ear, “I’m sorry, sweets. I promise I won’t ask about it until you tell me you’re ready.”

You let go of the hug, but Jake kept you close in his arms. Looking into his eyes with welled-up tears, you pouted slightly, bringing his gaze downward. “You’re sure you’re not upset with me?”

“With you, never, sweets.”

You opened your mouth but closed it before you could say anything. Hugging him again, your voice came out muffled. “Wanna sleep.”

Jake chuckled at you, dropping his head in disbelief. “Okay.”

Not long after, you were both situated in bed, with Lemon lying at your feet like usual. As he had for nights before, Jake kept his distance, but you quickly changed that. For the first time, you cuddled up to him while you were awake, fully aware of your actions. Jake’s breath halted as he felt you nuzzle your face into the soft fabric of his tee, which smelt so strongly of him that it was all you could smell. “I love you,” you whispered into his skin, sending his brain into a frenzy. “You’re the bestest friend I could’ve ever asked for.”

Jake could practically hear the record screech in his head, gritting his teeth a bit before relaxing his jaw to leave another soft kiss against your temple. “I love you too, sweets.”

The day had exhausted him more than he’d realized. For the first time in two days, Jake found himself falling asleep right after you, holding you tightly against his chest.

You awoke to the feeling of something warm attached to your neck. A quiet moan escaped your lips when the something bit down. You felt large hands explore the expanse of your side, your sleeping shirt pushed far up. Something hard poked against your thigh as you angled your head upward.

Your eyes fluttered open as you realized it was Jake, groaning as he nipped at your skin, leaving behind blossoms of red and purple. You moved your hips closer to his, gasping when his growing hard-on made contact with your clothed sex. “Fuck, baby, you don’t know what you do to me,” he uttered, his deep voice going straight to your groin. Your panties, you were sure, were already soaked with your slick.

“Please,” you whined as he bit down harder, and his hand roamed higher, tracing the curve of the underside of your breast with his fingers. His mouth felt oh-so-hot on your skin, and his teasing touch did little to alleviate it. “Show me, Jake. Show me what I do to you.”

He pulled back, ignoring the noise of disappointment you made. His eyes looked impossibly dark as he hovered over you, chest heaving. “Be careful what you wish for, pretty girl.” He easily flipped you onto your back, slotting himself between your legs. You moaned loudly when he ground his hips against yours, allowing you to feel just how hard he’d gotten. 

His lips met yours in a hungry kiss, tongue forcing itself past your lips to lick into your mouth. His hands moved wildly, pushing your shirt up until your breasts were fully uncovered, nipples pebbling in exposure to the cold air. “So beautiful,” he groaned into your ear as one hand kneaded your left breast. “Fuck, gonna make you mine, yeah? You want that?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed pathetically, a sob of need ripping through your throat as his free hand made its way to your shorts. “Please, Jake, need you so badly.”

He groaned again, pushing past the elastic waistband and guiding his fingers into your soaked panties. He moved down to collect your wetness and…

You breathed in harshly when you woke up, your heart racing faster than it ever had before. You blinked a few times to adjust to the darkness of the room, remembering where you were. Your chest heaved as you tried to calm yourself down, your face burning. Oh my god, you thought in slight mortification.

Jake’s arm rested over your middle, you realized, as he spooned you from behind. Your startle hadn’t woken him, his soft snores sounding in your ear canals. You were relieved that he wasn’t awake to ask why you woke up so violently because how were you to explain that it was because you were having a wet dream about him?

The dull feeling of disappointment had settled into your gut from having been interrupted before the dream could get good, a feeling that came with shame at how indisputable your horniness was. You’d never dreamed of Jake in such a light, but now you were worried that you wouldn’t be able to rid yourself of the sight of his eyebrows scrunching together in pleasure as he ground against you—

No. You need to stop.

Turning your head to groan into the pillow, you became hyper-aware of how wet you were, your panties sticking uncomfortably to your pussy. You pressed your legs together, silently willing the pulsing of your clit to calm down and let you fall asleep again. If you fall asleep, you might forget about this in the morning.

“Stop moving,” Jake’s tired voice scared you, making you jump. He used his arm to pull you closer against him, your hand against your mouth to stop yourself from making any noise. Not long after, you heard his deep breaths again, signalling that he’d fallen asleep. 

Fuck, you were screwed. You closed your eyes tightly, but all you could think about was how firm and warm he felt. Pressed against him like this, you could almost feel everything. From his tone chest and legs to his soft length, pressing against your backside. His gray sweats and your flimsy shorts barely acted as a barrier between you. Stretching your legs out, you realize that Lemon had hopped off the bed at some point, likely to sleep in her carrier.

Without thinking, your shaky hand made its way down your front, actively avoiding his arm. You bit your lip harshly as you slipped a finger underneath your shorts, listening carefully to ensure he wasn’t awake. This is crazy, you have never thought of doing something so indecent in front of Jake, but the idea was sending you into a frenzy. 

You fingertip made contact with your slit, and you had to stop yourself from moaning aloud at just how wet you were. Slowly, you rubbed circles around your clit, jolting slightly at the initial contact. Maybe it was from the dream or the fact that Jake was right there, but you felt more sensitive than usual, holding in whimpers with every movement.

“F-fuck,” you accidentally let out, screwing your eyes shut as you moved your hand faster. In the quiet stillness of the night, you could hear your slick with every flick of your wrist. If Jake woke up, there’d be no question to what you were doing, but the thought only spurred you on more.

Using your other hand to grope yourself over your shirt, you teased your entrance, easily inserting a finger. It wasn’t enough, your finger failing to fill you up how you know Jake’s would, a thought that forced out a rather loud moan.

Realizing how loud you were, you paused and listened to his breathing. Before you could even register that his breaths weren’t as deep as they were before, his arm tightened around you.

“Naughty fucking girl,” he hissed into your ear, pulling your hand out of your panties. You didn’t have time to feel humiliated before he rolled you onto your back, his thighs pressing into your waist as he sat on top of you. The look he gave you was just like the one he had in your dream, eyes dark and pupils full-blown, eyebrows furrowed together in desperate need.

“Touching yourself like that while my arm’s around you,” he spat, leaning until he was mere inches away from your face. “Thinking I wouldn’t wake up. Needed me that badly, yeah?”

It was clear that you were shocked, wide-eyed and jaw agape. Not once in your lifetime of friendship with Jake had you seen this feral side to him. You felt his hardening length when he pressed his hips down and groaned. “Come on, sweets. I know you’re smarter than that. You can answer me with words like a big girl.”

You smacked your lips together in disbelief before nodding slowly. “Yeah,” you stuttered. “Need you so bad, Jake.” Your own words surprised you, his boldness rubbing off on you. “Dreamt of you,” you confessed.

Jake raised a brow at you, laying his hand flat on your side. “Yeah? Was I touching you,” he used his hand to push up your shirt, moving faster than his dream counterpart had and groping at your breast, flicking his thumb over the hardening bud. “Like this?”

Nodding fervently, you bit your lip to hold in your moans as he handled you. He clicked his tongue using his other hand to pull at your bottom lip until it was released from your teeth. “Wanna hear you, princess. You had no problem moaning while I was asleep. Unfair to hide them in front of me now, isn’t it?”

He bent down to take your other nipple in his hot mouth, his searing tongue darting out to circle the sensitive bud. His eyes never left yours, watching your expressions as you arched your back to his ministrations. He let go of your nipple, only to blow cold air on it, making you whimper. “What else did I do, pretty?” He asked, pinching and rolling your nipple between his fingers. “Did I make you feel good?”

“Fuck,” you cried when he thrust his hips against you, giving you a hint as to what was to come. “Made me feel so good, Jake.” You threw your head back as he continued, shallowly thrusting against your clothed core. You weakly pointed at your neck. “Kissed me here,” you sighed when he leaned forward to leave kitten licks against your neck, nipping gently at the skin. “And…”

He bit down on the skin under your ear, using his tongue to soothe the mark before kissing up to your earlobe. “And?” His deep voice resonated within you, making you shiver.

“And then you…” You trailed off, instead opting to run a hand down your front to the waistband of your shorts, not missing the way his eyes followed. “Touched me here.” Tapping over your clothed clit, you avoided his gaze out of shyness, still in disbelief of this situation. “Then I woke up.” Your voice was weak, doused in lust and need for the man in front of you.

He smirked at you, moving back so he could pull your shorts off, leaving you in your oversized tee—an old shirt of his he’d given you before you moved—and your soaked baby blue panties. Even in the dark, he could see how wet you were, the thought making him groan as he palmed himself over his sweats at the sight of you. 

“Poor baby,” he sighed, though you heard no actual sympathy in his tone. “Couldn’t get off in your dream, so you touched yourself like a whore in front of me.” You squirmed at his vulgarity, his words sending shockwaves to your clenching pussy. Shifting his body down the bed so he was laying between your thighs, he left kisses up and down the sensitive skin there. His tongue traced a line from your knee up to where you truly wanted him before stopping right before your panties. His mouth wrapped around your skin as he bit down, hard enough to sting but not hard enough to really hurt.

When he pulled away, a dark hickey had formed. “Shit,” he groaned, “God, I love marking you up.” He looked back up at you, resting on your elbows so you could watch him. “Gonna leave marks all over, yeah? Then you’ll know who made you feel good, pretty girl.”

Mindlessly, you nodded, wanting him to do anything he wanted with you. His every word made you feel impossibly wet, almost embarrassingly so.

Without missing a beat, he kissed your clit over your panties, making you whimper as you thrust your hips up toward his face. “Patience, baby,” he mumbled, tonguing you through the thin fabric of your underwear. “Gonna make you feel good.” Using his teeth, he pulled your panties down, your slick stringing along as he got them to your knees before using his hands to pull them off completely. 

The sight of your exposed cunt, wet and clenching around nothing, made Jake crazy. “I’ve wanted this for so long,” he admitted with a groan before he dove into your pussy, licking up your slick. He drew figure-eights over your clit before closing his lips around it and sucking, making you cry out. You felt his long fingers poke at your entrance, the stimulation leaving you a mess of moans and whimpers.

When two of his fingers pushed past your entrance, you both groaned at the feeling of him sliding inside your gummy walls. His tongue worked at your clit as he slowly scissored his fingers inside you, all while watching your reactions. “So hot,” you gasped, clawing at the bed sheets. “Fuck, Jake, gonna…” You cut yourself off, moaning loudly, when he started moving his fingers faster.

“Cum for me, sweets.” His demand seemingly made you snap as you came around his fingers in an instant. He closed his eyes as his jaw dropped in a groan, relishing the feeling of you clenching tightly around his fingers. He slowly took them out, biting his lip at how wet you were. The whine you let out once you were empty would live in his mind for the rest of his days, he decided, as he moved up the bed to come eye to eye with you.

You watched as he sucked his fingers clean of your wetness before leaning in and kissing you harshly. The taste of him mixed with your juices made you moan, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt tightly. He bit your bottom lip, pulling at it slightly before kissing you deeply once more. Your lips slotted together with ease, like two puzzle pieces.

He felt your hand travel down his stomach to the strings of his sweatpants, leaning back to watch as you undid the knot before pulling them down in a swift motion. He sat up to kick the garment off, before returning to his spot between your thighs. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, hunger in your gaze as you inspected his cock, hard against his stomach. It was red, needy and weeping, one pronounced vein running along his shaft. More importantly, he was thick—thicker than any toys you had bought on a whim.

When you looked up at him, he must’ve caught your fear as he cupped your face in his warm palm. Kissing you gently, he brushed your hair back. “We don’t need to go any further if you don’t want us to,” he assured you, even though the hardness of his length said otherwise. “We’ll only go as far as you want to.”

You bit your lip, “Then…” Without another word, you closed a fist around his shaft, watching his eyes widen. “I want to make you feel good, too,” you whispered. You collected some of his precum, using it to glide your hand up and down at a torturous pace, your eyes never leaving his face.

“Fuck, baby,” he groaned, shoving his face in the crook of your neck. You felt his hot breaths fan over your skin, leaving goosebumps, and he moaned in your ear. His arms were braced on either side of your head, his scent invading your senses as you touched him. “Doing so well for me,” he hushed, kissing at your neck. He nudged your jawline with his nose, sucking down on your jugular. “Shit,” his hips stuttered, thrusting up into your grasp. “Go faster for me, yeah?”

You nodded, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as you picked up speed. Using your other hand to grasp his balls, you delighted in the way he groaned a little louder, your name slipping from his lips wantonly. Leaning forward, you bit down on his shoulder, flicking your tongue out just as he had before. With your lips on him, he moaned your name once more, fucking up into your hand with reckless abandon. He swore lowly as his hips stilled, ropes of thick cum spilling from his cock and onto your hands and shirt.

He stayed there momentarily, catching his breath before hovering a bit higher to watch you. Inspecting your hand, you brought it to your lips. His eyes never left your tongue as he watched it dart out to catch any drops of his seed. “You don’t know what you’re doing to me,” he sighed once you finished, wiping off any remains on your soiled tee. He pulled the tee over your head before giving you his own, still warm from being worn. 

“Go to sleep, sweets,” he mumbled against your temple as he settled in next to you. “We’ll talk in the morning, yeah?”

Your morning talk ended up with his tongue between your thighs in the shower as you struggled to keep yourself up, one leg over his shoulder. You were sure the people in the rooms next to you could hear your cries when you came on his tongue for the nth time, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. 

Once he thought you had cum an adequate amount of times, he carefully set you down, massaging your aching thighs as he kissed you gently. Pulling away, he leaned his forehead against yours, eyes still closed. Taking the opportunity, you pecked his lips before reaching for the body wash, giggling.

You never ended up talking about it, getting distracted by Lemon, who whined at the door when you finally came out of the bathroom. 

The rest of the road trip went similarly. You’d hold hands as he drove to your next destination, and then you’d get each other off in your motel rooms until the motel owners eventually kicked you out for disturbances. Between towns, you’d talk as if he wasn’t just knuckles deep in your heat or as if you didn’t just have his cock shoved down your throat as he fucked your face.

Words that needed to be spoken never were. Your fearful thoughts kept you from initiating the conversation that could very well destroy years of friendship with Jake.

ONE DAY.

Finally, you had made it to Seoul. Unfortunately, a flat tire in the middle of nowhere stopped you from getting there two days before, as Chaewon wanted. Luckily, nothing did go wrong and everything seemed to be ready for tomorrow.

Tired from the long trip, both emotionally and physically, Jake offered his house for you to stay at. Without thinking, you said yes. You took his keys and unlocked the door as Jake grabbed your things from the car, Lemon pushing past your feet and into the house, eager to explore.

As she made her way around, her nails against the hardwood floor indicating where she was, you and Jake pushed your luggage into the living room before collapsing onto the couch.

“I’m so happy to be home,” he sighed, stretching his limbs. “As fun as road trips are, nothing beats sleeping in your own bed.” Glancing over at you, a million thoughts raced in his mind, but he pushed them away. He wanted to talk about what you were, the frequent hookups making his brain mush. But he could read you—he always could. You’ve always been so emotive that you made it easy, but he had your habits memorized. He knew exactly when you didn’t want to do something and that you weren’t ready for talking.

So he didn’t say anything, even though he knew it might hurt him in the long run.

Unlike your apartment or the many motels you stayed at over your trip, Jake actually had two beds. The thought of sleeping in separate rooms felt so foreign, but he told you anyway. You hummed, “Maybe I should sleep in the guest room then.” You grinned at him, “You’re probably tired of having to share a bed with me by now.”

Never, he thought.

That night, he lay in his too-empty bed, restless. Knowing you were in the same house, with only a thin wall separating you, was driving him mad. Not having you next to him, curled up against his side, drove him mad. His hand clenched around the bedsheets, where you would’ve been if you had taken up his silent plea to sleep in the same room as him.

In that moment, Jake realizes just how screwed he really is. Covering his eyes with his forearm, he quietly swore into the empty room, his heart aching. Jake had gotten so used to being so close to you, to have you by his side as he pleasured you, your high-pitched cries echoing in his ears. He knew it wouldn’t last forever and that he’d have to drive you home a few days after the wedding. Then, he didn’t know how long it’d be until he saw you again.

He wonders if everything that happened will get brushed under the rug. God, he hoped not. 

Just as he decided he’d need some sleep for the wedding tomorrow, he heard something through the wall. He held his breath, straining his ears to hear the noise's source. Before long, he realized it was you, your short breaths easily passing through the wall, the sound of your slick ringing clear as day to him.

Without another thought, he ripped off his blanket and made his way to the guest room. To his surprise, you hadn’t even closed your door, his eyes blessed with the sight of you atop the bed. Neither the blankets nor the sheets were disturbed, making it clear that you hadn’t even gotten comfortable before you started. He watched in a daze as your fingers plunged in and out of your hole, your face contorted into one of drunken pleasure.

He felt himself grow hard as he stepped closer. You whimpered out his name as you rubbed harsh circles over your clit, and something inside Jake snapped.

“You must love fucking torturing me,” he rasped, roughly pulling your fingers out of your pussy and pinning your hands to the bed, leaving your body fully exposed to him. “Always touching yourself in front of me like a slut. You knew what you were doing, leaving your door open.” When you turned your head away in feigned humiliation, he used his free hand to forcibly turn your cheek. His nails dug into your jaw as he forced you to look at him.

“Do you know how crazy you make me feel?” He asked, but he narrowed his eyes at you when you went to answer. “Do you know how fucking long I’ve wanted to see you like this? Needy and begging for my cock?” His words shut up, the implication of something more making your heart race.

“Do you know how hard it’s been for me to stop myself from making you mine every night we’re together?” He growled, letting go of your hands to push your legs up against your chest. “Do you know how hard it is to refrain from kissing you every time you look at me with that look in your eye?”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pulled him in for a kiss, your lips meeting in a fight for dominance. His hands pushed you deeper against the bed as he pressed himself against you. His patience was wearing thin as he pulled away, only to pull off his shirt before he leaned in again. Your lips, your taste—all of you was addicting to Jake.

“Jake,” you moaned out when he attacked your neck, adding to the healing bruises from before. “‘M ready now. Please, please, make me yours,” you begged, spreading your legs wider for emphasis.

If he wasn’t hard before, he was now at your plea, a growl stuck at the back of his throat at the thought of fucking you like how he’s wanted to. “You sure, princess?” he asked, leaning back to look you in the eye.

“I’ve never been more sure,” you gasped, eyes darting from his left to right. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”

Jake only shook his head, pulling you in for another deep kiss. Jake swallowed your moans, a feeling of possessiveness taking over him as he fondled your breasts. “All mine,” he hissed, “you’re mine.”

He made quick work of his sleep shorts, the garment getting thrown across the room into some corner to be found in the morning. His cock was pretty as ever, and your hands instinctively went to grab at it. “Next time, baby,” he rasped, “Need to take you now.”

You cried out when you felt the tip of his length nudge against your folds, collecting your juices as he ran his cock up and down your cunt. A broken whimper of his name ripped through your throat when he bumped your clit, his own deep moan shaking in his chest. He felt like he was losing his mind, the warmth of your pussy felt so good against his shaft, and he hadn’t even entered you yet.

You felt him line himself up at your entrance, and you tensed. Noticing, Jake left gentle kisses against your shoulder. “I’ll take care of you, pretty, just lay back, yeah?”

You nodded but felt hot tears well up in your eyes as he pushed past your entrance, a stinging burn erupting between your legs. He moved slowly, but inch by inch, the burn became more intense. “It’ll hurt more when you’re this tense, baby,” he whispered, massaging your right breast in hopes of distracting you. His lips met yours in a kiss more gentle than any that preceded it. Screwing your eyes shut, tears beaded at the corners of your eyes before they fell, disappearing into your hairline. He kissed your temple when he finally bottomed out after what felt like years. “Doing so well for me, sweets.”

He stilled for a few minutes despite wanting nothing more but to drill into you. Leaving kisses all over your face and neck, he observed as your face relaxed more and more. “You can move now,” you whispered, out of breath.

“Yeah? Trust me?”

“Mhm,” you closed your eyes—the sting had disappeared, and now you just felt stuffed. “I trust you, Jake.”

Your admittance made his head spin as he dropped his head onto your shoulder. Slowly, he pulled out until just the tip was inside before thrusting into you. A low moan rumbled in your chest as Jake sucked at your neck. He repeated the motion, rocking into you slowly until you got used to it.

After a while, the pain turned to pleasure as you clenched around him, making him gasp against your skin. “Faster, please,” you begged, linking your ankles around his back. “Need you.”

Just as you asked, Jake upped his pace, moving steadily. He sat back gripping your waist as he thrust into you. He watched for your reactions, eyes darting from your scrunched up face to the bouncing of your breasts down to the jiggle of your thighs with each thrust. His speed picked up until he was pistoling into you, broken moans pushing past your lips as his hips slapped against yours.

The sound of your wetness was so obscene, if you were in a normal state of mind you would’ve been embarrassed. But the drag of his cock against your walls and the way his pelvic bone grazed your clit every time he bottomed out was deliciously addicting.  “Feels so fucking good,” Jake moaned, “you’re gripping me so tightly—fuck!—gonna make me cum, princess.” Falling forward, he braced himself on one arm, reaching for your puffy clit with the other. He rubbed fast cirlces on your clit as he pounded into you, the sound of skin against skin turning you on more. You willed yourself to keep your eyes open, to bask in the sight of Jake slowly losing control of his movements as he got closer to his own release.

The sight of him hunched over you, eyes glassy as he furrowed his brows in concentration, beads of sweat dripping from his hairline, causing his blond hair to stick to his forehead, was so fucking hot. You gripped at his arms, muscles bulging as he struggled to keep himself up.

You felt an orgasm fast approaching, your own whines coming out higher and higher. “Fu—ck, Jake,” you swore, “I’m so close, please, I—”

At your words, Jake’s hips moved faster, hitting the spot that made you see stars over and over again. “You look so beautiful like this,” he uttered breathlessly. “Fuck, I love you.” The words spilled from his lips unintentionally, the way your walls clenched around him knocked any sense of thought out of him, his only coherent thought being to make you cream around his cock.

His words echoed in your brain as you came with a cry of his name. The feeling of you cumming sent Jake into overdrive as he pistoned into you, overstimulating you as he chased his release. After a moment, he stilled, coming inside of your cavern. You felt his release paint your walls white, bringing you into a second orgasm.

He stayed inside you for a while, hovering over your tired body as he caught his breath. Eventually, he pulled out, his cum spilling from your clenching hole, making him sigh in pleasure at the sight. He kissed your temple before moving to get off the bed. You watched, spent, as he searched for his shirt in the dark, the hallway light dimly illuminating the room. For a second, you were scared that he was just going to go back to his own room, but after he found the shirt, he came back to your side. Wordlessly, he wiped you clean, even wiping at the beads of sweat that accumulated on your skin.

Tired, he let himself collapse beside you, pulling you against his chest.

“Did you mean it?” you asked in a small voice.

“Hmm?”

“When… When you said you loved me.”

You felt him tense under you for a second before relaxing. His arms held you tighter against his chest, letting you listen to his rapid heartbeat.

“Yeah.” He paused, the cogs in his brain turning as he searched for the right words to say. Nothing he came up with seemed right; he opted to stay silent and waited for your response. When it didn’t come, he looked down at you, only to be met with your sleeping face. He sighed, his breath shaky as his eyes burned. He pressed a single kiss on the crown of your head. “Good night, sweets.”

THREE HOURS.

Chaewon had been spamming your phone, the distinct buzzing of each message waking you up. Jake slept through the sound of you typing, exhausted from the night before.

Where are you???? Get your ass here NOW before I come and get you myself

Are you even awake? 

Girl, if you’re not here in the next hour I’ll punt you into the next century

Swearing, you carefully slipped out of Jake’s grasp. When he didn’t stir, you shook him gently. He mumbled incoherently, wrapping his arms around your middle as he deeply inhaled your scent. “Jake, we gotta’ wake up now. Chaewon’s having a cow and I don’t think we want to upset the bride today.”

At your words, Jake murmured something you couldn’t hear before finally peeling himself off you, looking at you with sleepy eyes and messy hair. “Wha’ time isit?” he slurred, stretching his arm.

“It’s twelve, so we have to go. Like, now.”

Thankfully, that seemed to wake Jake up, and he sat up quickly. “Damn, okay,” he pushed his hair back. “Get changed and everything, and I’ll meet you at the door.”

You watched as he leaped off the bed, picking up his soiled clothes from the floor. He made his way to his own room, and you heard the shower turn on. In the time it took for you to brush your teeth and get changed, Jake had showered and hastily shoved on some comfy clothes, his attire being left with Heeseung as well.

The drive to the hotel where the bridal and groom's parties were getting ready was quiet, partially from sleepiness and partially because of the unfinished conversation from last night, filling the air with thick tension. His hand rested on the middle console, palm up, but you didn’t take it.

When you got to the hotel, you were quickly ushered to your respective rooms by other bridesmaids and groomsmen. Jake could only watch as you disappeared behind a room door before getting shoved into one himself.

He didn’t see you again until later, when the wedding was about to start, and the pairs were meant to walk down the aisle. Since you were Chaewon’s maid of honour and Jake was Heeseung’s best man, you were paired together. When you finally saw him, you felt the air leave your lungs. His hair was styled so it was out of his face, save for a few strands that hooked over his forehead. His suit was entirely dark blue, from his blazer to his tie, and it made him look unfairly handsome.

Your mouth felt dry as you linked arms with him, listening for your cue to walk.

Unbeknownst to you, he felt similar. You looked stunning in your baby blue satin dress, and he thought it hugged your curves in such a way that he almost wanted to cover you up so only he could see you like this. His heart pounded in his chest at your touch. 

“You look beautiful,” he whispered as you waited, making the couples behind you snicker. You blushed, your face warming as you rubbed your lips together anxiously.

“As do you,” you mumbled, looking into his eyes shyly. “You look really good.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but the doors opened up, and that was your cue. The venue was gorgeous, as expected since Chaewon planned most of it. The sight of the aisle and the altar made your heart soar for her, and you absentmindedly rubbed at your own ring finger the closer you and Jake got to the end of the aisle.

You sent him a smile before you retreated to your respective spots. As the rest of the couples and the flower girl made their way down the aisle, you couldn’t help but keep your eyes on Jake. You wondered how you looked, staring over at the best man when there were so many things you should’ve been paying attention to.

Clearing your throat, you looked forward.

When you finally saw Heeseung, your heart clenched. You fisted the fabric of your dress as you watched him wait for his bride-to-be. This motion didn’t go unseen by Jake, whose jaw clenched.

When Chaewon appeared from behind the door, the room erupted into cheers as everyone stood. Tears sprang to your eyes as you watched your cousin, veiled, take small steps closer to her future husband. You knew your makeup was going to be ruined by the end of the night, but you couldn’t help but cry once she reached Heeseung. You glanced at him once more before staring down at your heeled feet.

The rest of the ceremony went off without a hitch, Chaewon and Heeseung’s beautiful vows leaving everyone in tears. You had even caught Jake wiping away some stray tears. You watched with a sense of longing as Chaewon and Heeseung made their way down the aisle. You didn’t realize that Jake had been staring at you the whole time, not even when it was your turn to walk out.

The banquet was to start half an hour later. You and Jake had gotten separated in the commotion outside of the venue hall. You heard him call out to you, but you couldn’t see him over the large, bustling crowd of wedding guests. Knowing that you’d see him at the banquet, you slipped further into the crowd until you found a balcony. Peaking your head out, you let out a breath of relief when there was no one there.

The sun was setting, casting an orange hue over everything it touched. A beautiful sight, you thought as you leaned against the railing. You closed your eyes as you thought back on the wedding. It had been the exact wedding the Chaewon had planned years ago, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to be truly happy. How could you, after all, after watching Heeseung look at Chaewon with such love and adoration? 

When someone called your name, you turned around to see Jake standing there, slightly unkempt from the crowd. “I finally found you,” he heaved, gesturing back to the hall that was still full of busy wedding goers. “Man, the banquet is literally in the room over from the wedding hall—they couldn’t be a little more patient in moving over?” He shook his head in mock disbelief as he joined you.

He looked at you, ready to make a joke, but paused when he saw your face. His smile dropped as he turned to face you fully. “You’re crying,” he noted, cupping your cheek. You blinked in surprise, having not noticed how tears had welled up in your eyes. “What’s wrong, sweets?”

You turned around, pulling your face out of his grasp, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I don’t know,” you murmured, voice breaking. “I just… when I saw them—”

“Is it Heeseung?”

His cold, clipped tone shocked you. When you looked at him in confusion, his expression had hardened. “What—”

“Why does seeing him with her still hurt you? I thought you were fine,” his words were level, but you heard the slight tremble of his voice.”You said you moved on.” 

Sputtering, you turned to him with an indignant glare. “Jake, it’s not that easy—”

Scoffing, he took a step back from you. “So what? The last two weeks meant nothing to you? Last night meant nothing to you? I…” He gripped at his hair, stressed. “I told you I loved you, and you’re still crying over Heeseung?”

It dawned on you how he perceived your words, and an unsettling fear grabbed at you as you went to explain yourself. “What? Jake, no, I’m not—”

He gave you no room to speak, interrupting you hastily, words tumbling from his lips as though he had no control of them. “I have always loved you,” he confessed, voice breaking. “Ever since we were kids, for me, it’s always been you. I came to you because I love you. I spent these last two weeks with you because I love you, and I want nothing more than for you to see me as more than a best friend or… or someone who’s convenient for you.” You watched in horror as his eyes watered, stepping forward to grab his arm to explain, but he ripped his arm away from your grasp. “I can see now that you never will.”

“Jake, wait—!” Your cry fell on empty ears as he turned to leave you alone on the balcony, his back feeling unreachable as he reached for the doorknob to go back inside. At this point, the crowd in the hall had dispersed, and you were sure the banquet was starting. But none of that mattered—what mattered was stopping Jake from leaving before you could tell him the truth.

Swallowing your fears, you called out his full name. You sighed in relief when he paused, but your hands shook at your sides as you forced your next words out. “He made me feel like I was unlovable,” you uttered, voice just barely above a whisper. For a second, you were worried he hadn’t heard you, but he turned his head slightly. Finding the courage to continue, you stepped forward. “I’m not… I don’t love Heeseung, Jake. I haven’t loved Heeseung for a really fucking long time.”

But what happened between us gave me all of these terrible thoughts that I didn’t…. That I don’t know how to handle. I thought I was perfectly fine dealing with my insecurities on my own before you came.” He turn his head more, allowing you to see his profile. You saw him open his mouth, ready to retort, but you narrowed your eyes at him. “Sim Jaeyun, if you interrupt me again, I’ll kick your ass.” Your threat wasn’t all that threatening, considering the fact that you were near to tears, but he listened and shut his mouth.

“When you showed up at my apartment, I thought I was going mad. You made me feel like that. It was suddenly so different between us and I didn’t know what to do. You kept saying these things like you were trying to fluster me, and I couldn’t tell if you were being genuine or if my fucked up mind was just creating scenarios where you might actually love me.” Tears were freely falling now, smudging your eye makeup and leaving its trail in your foundation. You stepped closer to Jake, who had fully turned to face you. You stopped, leaving a few meters between you as if you were scared of crossing an invisible boundary.

“Last night was the best night of my life. And every time before that, you made me feel complete and made me so happy, Jake. You made me feel… normal. It felt like I was myself again for the first time in months, but there was something else there, too.” You looked into his eyes, unable to tell what he was thinking. You swallowed thickly, “I don’t love Heeseung, and you’re a fool if you think I do. But it’s so fucking hard to shake off the feeling that at any point you could find someone better, someone who’s prettier, or—”

Jake was quick to close the distance between you, his lips downturned into a scowl as he glowered at you. “Just shut up already,” he spat, cupping your face in his hands and bringing his lips to yours. You felt a thousand times lighter as you kissed him back with the same fervour as him, your tears mixing into the kiss. He dropped a hand to rest on your hip, bringing you flush against him. Once he pulled away, you were both breathless. He rested his forehead against yours as his shoulders rose and fell quickly.

When he finally opened his eyes, gone was the pain and hurt. Now, when he looked at you, he looked with adoring eyes. “I love you,” he whispered. “You might not believe me yet, but just know that whenever I look at you, all I see is the person I want to spend my life with. There isn’t anyone better or prettier—there’s only you.”

He met your eyes before kissing you again. 

You looked into his eyes once you pulled away, a thousand thoughts swirling behind your irises. “I love you,” you breathed out. You reached for his hand, interlocking your fingers together as you smiled tearfully at him. “Help me believe you.”

Jake laughed in disbelief, bringing you close to his chest.

“We have all the time in the world to get there, sweets.”

©WONLOVIE��please do not plagiarize, repost, translate, or copy any of my works.

[snowblossomreads]

👀👀👀

Uhmm so I may have written some headcanons/bullet points whatever you want to call them about dark!Snape. Is a warmup for me to get the brain ready to finish writing my fic but also dark Snape has had a choke hold on me for a while. -coughs- anyways here are some dark thots underneath the read more if you're interested...

MDNI + Warnings/Tags: Slightly dark Severus, fem reader, slight hint at past dub-con, pet names, spanking, nondescriptive smut [oral (m receiving), multiple orgasms, rough sex, dismissive of discomfort], basically reader is his toy :)

Okay so like just imagine being Severus’ to use any way he wants, whenever and wherever. Like sure you protest at first but you change your tune oh so fast after a few sessions that have you cock drunk for him :) 

So for example did a dunderhead piss him off again by blowing up another cauldron, 30 points from their house but also after classes are done for the day you’re also about to get bent over his desk and spanked until you're dripping down your legs and crying. Bc hey even if you had nothing to do with it, he still needs something to take the edge off :)

Oh and don’t forget how much he enjoys sinking his fingers into you every now and then as he is ‘punishing’ you. There’s never a pattern to it; it could be after every other spank, or it could be after every five ^_^. It just brings him some amusement to see how wet you’ve gotten as he strokes your velvet heat enjoying the sticky sounds of his fingers exploring you.

“Absolutely dripping love, and here I thought you hated this.” 

He’s so cocky, but the way he purrs it in your ears has you whining as he pulls his fingers out of you with a wet sound before you’re yelping again as he lands another harsh stinging swat to your soaked opening.

And then him fucking your already sore pussy roughly, ignoring the way you beg him to slow down but that just spurs him on until your eyes are rolling back in your head and those begs of him to slow down are garbled chokes and sobs as you start pushing back on him because he is hitting that spot that makes ur belly burn and spasm.

You barely have time to react before you feel his fingers find their way on your clit and you’re just spiraling down into an endless hole of ecstasy as your legs shake beneath you, and all you can do is say is his name in broken whines as he groans into your ear as he keeps the harsh pace up.

You don’t even realize you’re sinking further against the desk, legs widening inviting him to make an even bigger mess of your cunt because  you’re barely being lucid enough to hear him call you everything from his ‘good girl’ to ‘filthy slut who can’t live without being fucked at least once a day’

As embarrassing as it is, it’s true. You can’t help the way you’re ready to offer yourself up to be debased by him. Used by him. You crave him the moment you wake up and go to bed, and especially now when he has you spread for him, dripping down your legs with the juices of your first orgasm as he gets ready to rip another one from you. 

Granted you’ll give him all of your orgasms if he tells you to. Whatever he wants you’ll give it to him because no one can unhinge you like this

And then when you do come again with a sob of his name as he paints your insides with his seed you briefly wish it could stay inside you all sicky, wet, warm. Maybe you’ll ask him to plug you next time so you don’t ever have to be without him because the whine you make as he pulls out has him chuckling considering how pitiful it sounds. You already miss him in you, but you still have something you have to do for him.

So like clockwork, you’re already turning and dropping to your knees in front of him looking up with tear stained eyes waiting for him to acknowledge you like the good pet you are for him. And when he does you’re leaning forward lapping his cock clean from the mess you’ve made on him and before long he’s already hard again and well why waste it.

It’s not long before he’s fucking your throat, your jaw slack and open wide as you let him choke you with how thick he is. There are no noises of complaints, no protests from your lips, only the sound of him using you again, claiming another part of you for his.

“On your knees with those pretty lips wrapped around my cock, it suits you.” 

Those are his only words to you but they make you moan and it makes his body finally shutter as he comes with a loud groan pumping his seed into your mouth right before pulling away causing some of the warm liquid to splatter against her cheeks, lips, and chin. 

“Now what does my good girl say?” 

The way he towers over you as those words drip from his lips in that dark, possessive voice, and the way he stares at you with glinting eyes only makes you shiver. You're not frightened, though oh no not anymore not like how you used to be.

“Thank you.” 

A little smirk plays at his lips as he kneels down to press a harsh, possessive kiss against your damp lips. And if there is one thing you know as you sink into him ready to do what he wants you to do, it’s that

You love being his good girl.

:D :D :D :D :D

[heartbreakslow]

Da$h watch, 2x04

"Fruit on the bottom sounds like a homophobic uncle’s rule about bunk beds”—Chris Fleming

The camping episode! This one gets a separate post bc it’s kind of a break in the da$h s2 arc.

2x04. The subplot starts comedic: Darren sees Malakai and Rowan putting on sunscreen and starts having an OTT porn fantasy about the two of them suggestively squirting sunscreen on each other’s chests and inviting Darren to join. Cash interrupts by bringing them a Fanta and they’re so startled they drop the girl who’s rope climbing, are too frazzled to open a can of soda, and run away blaming the heat.

Later the kids play Never Have I Ever. When anal sex comes up Darren performatively chugs their whole drink while Cash tries to sneakily take a sip but everyone notices, including Darren who is shocked.

Later Cash climbs into their bed and asks if they’re okay. He starts making out with them, but then he tries to give them a handjob which has clearly never happened before:

Darren: wait, what are you doing?

Cash: giving you what you want.

Darren: what do YOU want?

Beat, Cash conspicuously doesn’t answer, then goes to kiss them again. Darren rolls away from him: “let’s just go to sleep.” Cash doesn’t go to sleep.

The next day they’re lost in the woods when Cash asks to “debrief.” Darren: “nothing happened, we were drunk, it wasn’t right, I don’t want to talk about it.” Cash points out they kept trying to have sex with him before, and now “the moment I try, you reject me.” Darren says “how do you think I feel, knowing you’re doing it to pity me?” and walks away. Cash says “I don’t pity you, I love you, can we just talk about this for two seconds” and then they’re both distracted by finding mushrooms.

Everyone takes the mushrooms. After a few hours, Cash and Darren each seem to be tripping on their own and in a good mood. Cash has a big smile on his face, comes up behind Darren, turns them around, takes their hand, and says “come with me.” (Discussion question: is it probbo for him to do this when they’re high? I’m sure he was more experienced/less affected than they were.)

We see them sitting by the lake and Cash says if they’re in a relationship they need to learn to talk to each other, especially about the hard stuff.

So Darren shares that they felt “thrown” and “jealous” when they played Never Have I Ever, because they found out Cash had a lot of sexual experiences and they wondered “why them and not me?”

Cash doesn’t respond to that; he says “I want to find a way that works for both of us.”

Darren says, “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Cash says, “that’s impossible! You’ve only ever made me feel comfortable.” (Really????) “You’re my soulmate,” which makes Darren cry and Cash tenderly wipes their tears and it leads into the two of them kissing. Darren says, "I want you to lead. Tell me what you want," and Cash says, "I want you to touch yourself."

Then they have this shared experience: Darren getting off, the two of them kissing, and Cash just touching Darren's face/neck while watching their expressions and kissing them and whispering directions in their ear. It's really intense and happy; by the end of it they have their foreheads together and are like, laughing in each other's faces and telling each other how much they love each other.

Not to editorialize too much but I don't think I have ever seen something like this depicted in media? Not really?

The next morning, the two of them walk back to camp, check in with each other about the night before, and engage in some PDA. Cash is standing there giving Darren a Christian side hug like, "Look!! They're MY partner and we figured out a way to have sex!"

Thoughts:

Neither character communicates perfectly, but they did a fine job tbh--they were both so precious and concerned about each other here, and so happy and proud when they figured out something that worked. That's the thing that makes it feel like a "break" from the s2 arc of secrecy/miscommunication.

Darren’s overcorrecting from s1. Instead of being coercive they’re deciding FOR Cash that he doesn’t want to, and hiding from him when they’re horny/sexually frustrated. I think this fits into how they join the puriteens later.

And they still can slip into thinking it’s about their own worth (“why them and not me?”).

Meanwhile, Cash is being Like That as usual. Tbf, it’s really hard to articulate wanting some sexual things but not for the usual reasons. But the way he was like “Darren we have to talk!” and then Darren shared exactly what they were feeling and Cash just changed the subject because he didn’t want to talk about the thing they brought up...I also thought the “you’re my soulmate” thing cut off a real discussion that needed to happen.

Really not serious complaints, though. I’m proud of them both! They did a nice job!

Even more thoughts:

-I’ve never wanted Darren to do a point by point verbal apology for how they treated Cash in s1; I thought the show covered everything well in showing where that behavior came from and showing Darren questioning that worldview and changing their behavior. BUT, in this episode, I kind of wish it had just been acknowledged because it seemed to be hanging over how cautious Darren was. When Cash said “you’ve only ever made me feel comfortable” I was like do you have the memory of a goldfish?

-We can already glean that Cash forced himself to have sex and it was bad, based on the conversation in 1x07 (the devastating line reading of “it’s not…enjoyable”!!!). But that was pretty subtle, maybe Darren didn’t put it together, I’ll allow it.

-This subplot is VERY underdiscussed, which frustrates me, because it’s so interesting!

I have seen some fans interpret this subplot as Cash being demi or sex favorable ace, which I think is a misread. Or maybe people have learned some ace jargon but don't understand what those things actually look like? IMO, this is a complex ace character who's largely sex repulsed, but has a bit of wiggle room he wants to explore with his partner. I didn't see any sexual desire or libido.

It's still unclear exactly what his motivations/interests/limits are, but here are my guesses:

The key was "I want you to lead," not the specific act they were doing. That's the distinction Darren didn't understand when they tried to initiate something later.

In the bunk bed scene, Cash couldn't answer "what do you want?" because what he just said ("giving you what you want") IS what he wants. He wanted to do this for Darren and he approached it in a way that was comfortable for him--watching the scene, you can see he's positioned himself as big spoon/on top and he's the one to escalate each "step" and Darren is just responding to what he does. Cash could see that the answer he gave was the "wrong" answer but he had no other answer. (As someone who's fairly similar to Cash, I initially felt annoyed with Darren's response and thought they were being patronizing by questioning what he really "wanted." But there's such a lack of knowledge about this kind of thing that I can't really blame them for being confused and cautious, especially because of how badly they treated him in the past.)

[compassionatereminders]

Venting;

my bf refuses to let me say that i’m fucking sad bc i hardly have a social circle and i struggle to make friends. he always fucking rebuttals it with “well, you have me, you have [roommate friend], you have [friend], you have [lists people i don’t consider friends]” which is like fucking not the point! “quality over quantity” he says LIKE THE QUALITY ISNT MY WHOLE FUCKING POINT AND WHY I FEEL SO ALONE. i feel lonely! i can’t talk to anyone about hardly anything when it comes to my partner either because they’re all friends with each other. anytime i make a new acquaintance either my partner or my roommate become better friends with them than me.

i text and talk to people constantly to hang out and rarely get replies or invited back. these same people will spam my roommate with facetimes and hang out invites and my partner just tells me i have to “actually try” to make people treat me that way. Which feels like he’s insinuating i don’t fucking try? but when i say “hey, i feel that you’re suggesting that i don’t try— or that i’m having a pity party— when all i need is for you to be kind and empathize with my feelings, which you don’t have to do by saying i’m 100% right about i’m feeling!” then that’s immediately thrown back in my face. my partner says i’m just being “[my name]” about it, and it hurts.

most recently one of those people that i introduced my roommate too and then promptly lost as a friend despite trying to hang out with her numerous times was having a superbowl party. my bf was invited and my roommate was invited. i was not. when i expressed i was not invited, my bf argued that this friend actually HAD invited me, but i was zoned out at the time (during class!!!) and didn’t listen. i never received a text from her, i never received any more details from her, nothing. literally just my bf saying she’s invited me more than once, but NEVER DIRECTLY TO ME.

but apparently i’m fucking crazy to suggest that i didn’t feel genuinely invited and therefore didn’t want to go unless i was explicitly told by her she’d like me to be there! i texted her the night of and she said i “could come if i wanted to” but at the time of the super bowl she was out of the house with a friend. my partner and my roommate were both invited not just to her watch party but to other people’s watch parties. i was only “””invited””” to hers, and even then am i that fucking crazy for not feeling like it was a real invite?? when my whole problem is that my entire social circle is based around my bf and roommate no matter how i try to make my own friends and i don’t get invited to hang out unless i make the plan first?

it’s just so fucking upsetting that i’m this giant fucking loser and every time i get emotional about it my partner insinuates i have to stop “being [myself] about it” and “be proactive.” he’s neurotypical and i’m not and this often is a difference that’s hard for us to navigate when it comes to talking abt social shit.

but this is actually driving me so batshit upset right now and i’m venting to you because once again i literally have 0 friends that i can talk to that aren’t also friends with my boyfriend. i also do not have friends that are awesome about talking about emotions in depth, which is something that’s really important to me in a friendship. i can’t confide how i’m feeling with most of the people my bf would define for me as “friends” bc they’re not friends to me!

i can go to a friend and trust them with my baggage and change without worrying who it’s going to hurt or how they’re going to judge me for it. i can go to a friend with trivial shit and they’re still up in arms to support how i’m feeling, even if they’re also telling me i’m being irrational! i have friends in my home state (6 hours away from my college here) that are amazing at listening to me without judging me and still giving me reality checks. i don’t need or want a person who just says i’m right all the time, but i do need someone who can feel my feelings with me and actually talk about them if that makes any freaking sense.

it’s also hard bc i started college and went through some extremely traumatic experiences right off the bat which continued through my sophomore year. it led to a ton of bullying within my relatively small major. to the point that random girls came up to me at a party & asked if i was [my first & last name]” and when i said yes they laughed and walked away. to the point that i was in a group with a random girl from our major and she said “to be honest, i’m surprised how nice you are. i didn’t wanna say anything but i’ve heard a lot about you.” despite us having zero mutual friends!

i already dealt with a lot of mental health issues prior to all of this, which ended up fueling my severe social anxiety and a constant nagging fear that people already know who i am and hate me. i know it’s not true, and i’m working super hard on it. i’m a junior now and for the first time since college started i introduced myself to someone new and they’ve actually been a wonderful friend. i’ve started talking to people in class around me again. i’m trying so freaking hard to be normal again.

the tldr of it is i’m so lonely here and i’m so upset that i can’t express how i feel about social interaction and how much i miss the person i was (and i’m trying to be again) to my partner without feeling belittled. then i’m getting angry bc of the cycle and i hate being angry at him. then i try to explain what i’m trying to get out of these conversations and that i do understand not having friends is ultimately my fault, but i just wanna hear that its okay to mourn and feel weird about it all. i hate that i can’t talk to him. i hate that i don’t have my best friends here, or even close enough to see anymore. i feel like i’m a horrible person all of the time and i can’t stop fearing that i really am just a horrible bad person. i’m so stuck and yet i’m trying as hard as i can right now. i love him so much and hearing him basically say my feelings are wrong and i’m not trying hard enough hurts SO. FUCKING. BAD. but maybe i am being crazy or too stubborn, and i don’t even know.

and yes. i am therapy-shopping rn. but i just needed this off my chest bc i’ve been stewing in it for weeks and i’m so exhausted of blowing up and arguing over this dumb thing. i just need someone to hear me i guess.

thanks for reading this if you do. i really appreciate your blog & how safe it is for me. i feel less alone seeing your responses to asks/vents like this one. so thank you, truly.

No I'm with you on this one like yeah, there ARE ways to respectfully question your conclusions, but completely dismissing and invalidating your experiences and emotions is just not the way to do that. You have a right to your emotions, and even if some of your conclusions might not necessarily fit into their experience of the situation, you still have a right to your own experience, and you still deserve comfort and support from the people who are supposed to be your friends and partners. Like of course you're feeling lonely if no one is willing to take your struggles seriously enough to actually support you through them

[aajjks]

😭😭 it only gets weirder from here. you thought tpol!jk’s family was twisted? meet bc!jk’s family

BC!JK

‘she says you should come here~- and as for him? He’s been a little grumpy, which is so weird because he’s never grumpy with me.’

you laugh at jungkook’s text because you know sage does not care about you. you only left sage there because he could easily give her back if he desired to. it’s jungkook who wants to see you but you aren’t too sure about going to see him considering your last conversation didn’t end too well.

at this point, nothing ends well when it comes to you and jungkook.

now that you have jungkook’s attention, you debate on asking if he sent his father to come see you because you can’t help but feel like he has something to do with his father making a surprise visit at your job.

‘lol that’s because you’ve been grumpy’

‘he feels what you feel remember?’

a few texts later, you tell him…

‘funny how your father came to see me earlier today and now you’re texting me. coincidence? i think not! what are you planning? 🤨’

‘wait yn?! I’m going to call you please pick up.’

your phone immediately begins ringing before you can even read jungkook’s text and you know it’s him because you recognize the last digits of his number.

“Uh hello? My father was there?! at your workplace? How the fuck did even find it? I don’t know where you work?”

“woah woah, calm down! yeah, your father was here but i thought you knew!” you say and judging from the panic in jungkook’s voice, he clearly had no idea that his father was paying you a visit.

“what did he say to you?”

“he just wanted to meet me, i guess? he called me pretty and asked me to eat dinner with you and your family tonight. he even gave me his card to call him in case i changed my mind” you say and you though the encounter was pretty weird, you thought he did that to get you to talk to jungkook again.

“i mean, he’s a rich man. he probably paid someone to locate me which is really weird but…” you pause to listen to what jungkook has to say because he’s in shock to hear his own father visited you and then claimed to be hosting a dinner he didn’t even know about!!

“all i can say is his reaction to meeting me was completely different from your mother’s”

He doesn’t understand what is going on. His father literally invited you on dinner? What the fuck is going on? If it’s even possible, he is even more confused than about his father’s sudden unexpected visit.

Why on earth would he do all of this and why would he call you pretty?

“Yn I don’t get it, but… I’m so sorry you have to meet my parents in the most weirdest way possible… but listen why don’t you come to dinner tonight I mean I will join my parents too?”

If his dad did one thing right, it was inviting you to dinner and he really hopes that you will accept the invitations so he can see you once again and maybe he will finally be able to breathe again.

“Please it would be good!” he makes sure the sound a little sad, so you might pity him and actually come to the dinner, “please come because my dad doesn’t just invite anyone maybe…. he wants to fix… my mistakes.”

But before you can give him a definite answer, he cuts the call- because what if you say no?

Jungkook immediately gets off from his bed and he’s already off to his closet so he can find the nicest suit he has, for tonight because it’s going to be special.

He cannot wait to see you and he cannot wait to see his reaction and she sees you and gets to know that his father personally invited you.

[theworld-accordingtocasey]

no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nono no no n0n OnO nㅇ NoN0 nO n0 NO nㅇ Ńㅇ nö Ńō n0o N0ㅇ!!

Gahhh I was definitely ready to rock Renjun’s shit for the first few interactions we had, I was on my way to get him like this right here

Me when I got to a certain line and thought 🎨👨🏻‍🎨💐💚👫 was gonna happen bc i love, love

Me when …the thing… happens 😨😰😥😢😞

Real me in the end bc technically “I” am happy even though EYE feel bamboozled 💀

＿ﾉ乙(､ﾝ､)_

friends share with friends so even tho I am tired, since my friend handed this (metaphorically) to me today I now hand it off to y’all [gestures vaguely] 🤠

tmimc (to moots it may concern), yes I know I generally “don’t rb things that aren’t racially inclusive” to you out of principle but my plug gave me a heads up before i started reading, so even though it was hard-ish, I tried my best to ignore the red stuff I saw cus the storyline was too good to stop lol but do be advised that color blushing is mentioned several times so don’t say I led u astray bc I’m telling u now before u read!

because I had you | huang renjun

Pairing: RENJUN x reader Wordcount: 11k Genre: angst, fluff, rebound girl, cheating???? Warnings: Language, emotional manipulation (if that’s what you call it), cheating, drinking, mentions of other members, I really suck at giving warnings lol, not proofread

Summary: Coming from a fresh break-up, Renjun found himself unable to move on from his ex-girlfriend. You, on the other hand, had the biggest crush on him for quite some time now and when the opportunity to finally be his girlfriend presented itself, you grabbed it with both of your eyes closed… even though you know you’re just a rebound.

Taglist: @chenlewifey @chichhihaa @jenyongcas @kuncitizen @jaeyongii @arrasuh @thejeongjaehyun @kimga @jenosbliss @linohues @legbouk @cuteejeno @bethm5 @chocojae @grapesuns

I think it's time that I be honest Should've told you not to go Thought I knew just what I wanted I didn't know myself at all

“Are we drinking every weekend night now?” Yangyang chuckled before drinking his glass of iced scotch.

Renjun shook his head and stared at his drink. “I just need to get that out of my mind.”

“Then you shouldn’t have told her to go. If you weren’t too prideful then probably you’re not drowning us with liquor now.”

“She said she’s not sure of us anymore. Do you honestly think I would stay in a relationship like that? No. I deserve better.” He said and drank the alcohol in one go.

“Is it really that or your ego is hurt? We both know you hate it when people hurt your pride.” Yangyang looked him dead in the eyes.

Renjun smirked, “Aren’t we all?”

“No. Not when it comes to someone you love.” Yangyang said in all seriousness.

Renjun was silent for a minute, soaking in his friend’s words. Maybe he’s right, maybe he’s not. He may be miserable right now, but he for sure cannot stay in a relationship that is no longer certain.

“Love.” He laughed. “What do you know? You’re single and have been cheated on.” He realized the gravity of what he said when his friend did not reply back. “I’m sorry man. That’s wrong to say.”

“I guess we’re both in deep shit.” Yangyang fake laughed, “But maybe you can still turn yours around. I know someone that I can set you up on a blind date with.”

“Who the hell still goes on a blind date?” Renjun scoffed.

“You and her. Just say yes and I’ll plan everything for the two of you. She’s nice, smart and fun. Totally your type.” Yangyang assured him as he poured liquor in Renjun’s glass.

Renjun chuckled. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe he really wanted to try dating again- but he said yes without any convincing. He raised his glass and offered Yangyang a toast, “To a new beginning.”

Yangyang looked at him with disgust at his friend’s choice of words, but raised his own glass nevertheless. “To a new beginning.”

~

You checked your dress one more time and combed your hair with your fingers as you nervously waited for your date. It has been an incredibly long time since the last time you went on a date, let alone a blind date.

Receiving a phone call from your cousin in the middle of the night is something you would normally ignore, but that specific night felt like you had to answer it. If you’re going to be honest, you’re not really too excited about dating, but when he said he’s setting you up on a date with your greatest crush, you jolted up from your bed and called Yangyang names just to make him admit he’s joking. But he wasn’t.

Your date is half an hour late, but your excitement is still over the moon. It’s a rare opportunity to get on a date with someone you liked for a long time.

You took your phone out and sent your cousin a text.

You: Hey just letting you know that your friend is 30 minutes late. He’s going to show up right?

You look around the place as you keep your phone in between your hands. Yangyang chose a decent restaurant, not cheap but not too expensive.

A little later, your phone vibrated and you checked it. It’s from Yangyang.

Yang: I hope. He was pretty drunk when I told him about the blind date, so… I'm not that sure if he remembers. Lemme check on him.

You rolled your eyes at his response.

You: Are you for real? Are you really this dumb?! I’m probably waiting for nothing!! Thanks a fucking lot.

You sighed and hastily gathered your stuff from the table and looked through your bag to find your wallet and pay for the two glasses of iced tea you ordered when the chair in front of you was pulled out by someone. The birthmark on his hand is very familiar, you looked up to see Renjun seated himself down.

“Sorry, I’m late.” He said and gave you his ever so beautiful smile. You were dumbfounded for a second, starstruck even. You couldn’t find the words to say and were thankful when his phone rang, “One second, I have to take this.” He said and you just nodded, still staring at him. God, is he really this breathtaking? “Yes. I’m already here. No, I didn’t forget, it’s just that the traffic was really bad.” He looked at you and smiled again. “Listen, let’s talk later. Mkay, bye.”

“I’m sorry, I kind of sent Yangyang an angry text that you were late and I thought you weren’t coming.” You said in a very apologetic tone.

Renjun chuckled, “No. That’s okay. I should be sorry I didn’t handle my time very well. Please let me make it up to you and order anything you like, on me.” He raised his hand to call out for the server.

You remained quiet but there was a friendly smile on your face. The server gave both of you a menu.

“So, what do you think you’ll be getting?” Renjun asked you as he kept his eyes on the menu in front of him.

You looked down on the menu and read it. You kept reminding yourself to stop looking at him as you might creep him out, but you still find yourself staring at him for each minute that passes.

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t been here before, do you have any recommendations?” You asked and cannot help looking up on him.

He switched his glance to you and smiled again when he caught your eye. You felt your cheeks reddened by it.

“Do you eat chicken, pork or beef?” He asked. You looked down on the menu. You were actually eyeing the baked lobster but since he offered to pay and he didn’t mention seafood, it might be too expensive to get.

“I eat them all, but I kind of want a lobster. Can I get that?” You asked back.

“Yeah definitely! Anything you want. Why’d you have to ask?” He chuckled, finding your question ridiculous.

“You didn’t mention seafood, so I thought that’s not in my options.” You explained with a shy smile.

His shoulders dropped down and his eyes suddenly lost their light. “Sorry. It’s because my ex-girlfriend doesn’t eat seafood. I just got used to it.”

You felt your chest tighten at his confession but shrugged it off and forced yourself to smile. “I guess I’ll be getting beef instead.”

Renjun looked up to you and you saw in his eyes that he was thanking you for your sympathy. “Do you mind if I order for you?” You shook your head and he immediately called the server back.

“We would like to get a slow-cooked beef roast please, but instead of mashed potatoes can we get a gravy on the side?” He asked and gave back the menu.

You chuckled, “Wow. That’s a pretty precise order.” You said teasingly.

“Yeah. This is where my ex-girlfriend and I went on our first date and she always gets the slow-cooked beef roast here. It’s very delicious you’ll see.” He said with a smile on his face as if what he said didn’t disrespect your existence.

“Oh, I see.” You smiled and faked a laugh.

A little later the food came and Renjun was right, the food was phenomenal. He ordered a bottle of red wine and it was amazing. The place has a good ambience for a first date, the servers are extremely nice and the tables are far apart so everyone would get their own privacy when conversing.

Everything is perfect, just like how you imagined it would be. From the food to the setting and to the man you’re out on a date with. The only problem is, Renjun cannot seem to stop himself from talking about his ex-girlfriend.

From the moment the food came, to the first sip of his drink until the last drop of wine from the bottle. An hour later, Renjun finished the whole bottle of wine by himself, now half-drunk, he never ceased to talk about the girl he used to date. He didn’t even notice how much you prepared for this date.

It was almost perfect. It’s just he made you his diary, he’s like he’s just talking to a friend, not a date. If he was with someone else, it would be very disrespectful, but you find it fascinating how much he adored that girl for him to disregard your feelings at all.

You took the glass of wine and put it near your lips, “You sure do talk a lot about this girl in front of your date.” You said it jokingly, but it was a slap on Renjun’s face.

He suddenly realized what he was doing and was butchering his date with you, “Oh god. I am so sorry.” He said and sat up straight. “I am such an asshole.” He apologized.

Your eyes widened and gulped the wine in your mouth, “No! Don’t be! Yangyang gave me a heads up so I know your situation. I understand it’s hard to move on from someone that made a huge impact in your life, but it’s good that you’re trying to get over her.” You smiled.

He looked at your face as he tried to find sarcasm in your voice, but all he could hear was honesty. He gave you a tight-lipped smile. “I am.” He agreed. “You know… Trying to move on. I hope you don’t feel like I am using you because that’s not the case at all.”

You chuckled, “Why not?”

“Why not what?” He asked, totally confused.

“Use me to get over your ex.” You suggested and stared directly into his eyes.

You’re with somebody I can’t be, Yeah But I can tell that you’re happy

“Why would you tell him that?!” Yangyang laughed at your face as you frowned even more.

“I had wine okay?! And he looks like he seriously needed help to get over his ex.” The volume of your voice lowered as you progressed through your sentence.

“Based on your story, Renjun is more likely to be the drunk one so don’t you dare blame the wine! The wine’s innocent! And no matter how much of a savage Renjun could be, he’s still not the type of person that would use someone for his own gain.”

You groaned and slumped yourself deeper into your cousin’s couch, guilt is eating you alive. “I know. I mean, I should have known that.” You buried your face on the pillow and fake sobbed. “I ruined my chances with Renjun. I am so stupid.”

Yangyang did not reply his usual ‘yeah you are stupid’ so you raised your head to look at him. He’s on his phone and his brows are knitted.

“I am having a breakdown here. Could you sympathize with me for once?!” You yelled but he raised his finger at you to shut you up. A smile slowly creeps into his face as his eyes remained on his phone. “What the hell is wrong with you?” You whispered, genuinely scared of his reaction.

He was still unbothered for a minute or two before he threw his head back and laughed out loud. “Oh my goodness, this is gold.” He said catching his breath. “Forget all the nice things I’ve told you about Renjun. Looks like your dumb plan worked and he’s going to use somebody for his own gain after all.”

You sat up straight, your heart is beating so loudly. “What do you mean?”

“His ex-girlfriend is now dating somebody and he wanted to know your number so he could invite you to our friend’s birthday party.” He said and laughed maniacally.

You don’t know if you should get hurt or glad. Hurt because that’s how he remembered you or glad that at least he remembers you.

~

“Why do you keep on bothering me when he’s late? I’m not his mother Y/N and you have his number. Text him!” Yangyang said and dropped the phone right after.

You were standing outside of your apartment waiting for Renjun to pick you up. You felt too shy to text him but you know your cousin’s right. You composed a text and were about to send it when a white car in front of you stopped. The windows are tinted so you cannot see through but when the driver lowered the window, you saw that it was Renjun.

“Sorry, I’m late again. Hop in!” He smiled and opened the door for you from the driver’s seat.

“I’m starting to think you’re doing it on purpose.” You joked. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No, I swear it’s not on purpose. I was just busy making phone calls for you.” He said and gave you a quick glance that made you blush instantly.

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking the opposite way just so you could hide your tomato red cheeks.

He only chuckled. “You’ll see.”

“Seat here my love and we’ll start right away.” A lady guided you to a salon chair and put a gown around your neck. Another lady sat down beside you and took your hand, preparing to manicure your nails. There’s another at the end of the room steaming a beautiful white dress. You were so taken aback by everything happening around you. Everyone was like a swarm of flies the moment you came in.

You desperately looked at Renjun through the mirror as the people in the salon worked their magic on you. “Renjun, what’s all this for?”

Renjun only smiled but his eyes were fixed on his phone, “We’re going to my friend’s birthday party remember?” You were going to say something but he waved his hand at you and was going to step out of the salon, “Take good care of her for me, okay?” He told everyone and he winked at you, “I’m going to get ready too. I’ll pick you up in a couple of hours.”

Hours?! Couple of hours?! Why do you need to stay here for a couple of hours? You were frowning and deep in your thoughts when one of the people around you spoke.

“You were very lucky. Are you his sister? Renjun’s girlfriend, Hera, is our regular. She always gets her hair done here and your brother requested your hair to get styled like hers! Sweet boy.”

You smiled bitterly.

Of course. Why aren’t you surprised? There’s nothing wrong with the way you do your hair, but you guessed that he liked how Hera does hers. “I am not his sister, I’m his date.” You informed them with a tight-lipped smile.

The ladies looked horrified and they all apologized. The noise and any kind of conversation died down after you told them you don’t mind. Everybody worked on you in silence, only the upbeat music of the salon was echoing the space.

Two hours and a half later, you’re standing in front of the mirror, staring at yourself. Your hair is turned into bronze and styled with large curls, you have very smokey eyes and the tight white dress brings out your contour, you also have long white bedazzled nails that make your movements very awkward. You look very beautiful, but you don’t feel any connection with the person reflecting in the mirror.

That’s not you.

But didn’t you offer yourself to become a rebound? Didn’t you want to help him get over his ex? You wanted this and you’re aware of whatever he’s doing right now so you don't get to be offended or hurt because you brought this onto yourself.

There was a knock on the other side of the door that brought you out of your thoughts. “Y/N? Are you ready? We have to go.” Renjun’s voice never fails to make your heart panic.

You sighed and fake a smile in the mirror before opening the door and giving him your almost-perfect practiced smile. He’s very breathtaking in his very light pink suit and pants.

He looked at you, mouth agape. “Wow, you’re beautiful.”

‘I look beautiful or they did a good job of turning me into a clone of your ex-girlfriend?’ You thought to yourself.

“Thank you.” You said. He offered his arm to you and you gladly clung your hands around it.

The party was just as classy as you expected it would be. Jazz is playing live in the background of the quiet chatterings of the guests. Even the soft sound of cutleries hitting the white plates sounded so sophisticated. The guests are wearing their best dresses and their shiniest jewelry.

“Happy birthday, Mark. It’s nice to see what you did to the place.” Renjun greeted a very refined-looking man in front of both of you.

Mark smiled brightly, “Thank you, man. But you know this kind of party isn’t really my type, I just had to make my mom happy.” He pulled Renjun in one of that classic bro hug. His gaze switched to you, he gave you a smile and offered his hand, “You are?”

You reached for his hand and were going to speak when Renjun interrupted, “Y/N. She is Yangyang’s cousin.” Your heart cracked a little at his introduction. Well, he’s not wrong, you really are Yangyang's cousin, but aren’t you also his date for tonight?

Mark gently squeezed the grip on your hand, “Very nice to finally meet you, Y/N. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you from Yangyang.”

“You did?” You asked, a little taken aback. He nodded and smiled even more, his hand still holding yours.

“…and my beautiful date.” Renjun continued his introduction of you in an unusually loud voice. You only then realize a beautiful lady walking towards you, wearing a tight red dress with long brown curled hair. Instantly, you recognize who she is, that must be her, Hera, Renjun’s ex-girlfriend.

You loosened your hand from Mark’s grip and tried to make yourself invisible in her presence. She��s so beautiful, her aura is so powerful and elegant. The way she carries herself is amazing. No wonder Renjun can’t get over her.

“Happiest birthday, Markie.” She said and gave Mark a kiss on his cheek. She only looked at you then at Renjun. “Nice to see you again, Renjun.” She smiled.

“You look beautiful, Hera.” He said and took her hand to kiss the back of it. “Are you alone tonight?” Renjun asked, totally forgetting your existence beside him.

“My boyfriend is running a little late tonight.” She said.

Renjun scoffed, “That’s disappointing. I never made you wait when we were together.”

So this is your role here. Not a date, but someone he could showcase. Someone who would stand beside him just so Renjun would not look pathetic when Hera brought his boyfriend. You glanced at your date only to see him staring at her like a love-sick puppy. You felt so out of place. You sighed and looked down at your feet. A gentle hand was placed on your back, you looked beside you and saw Mark, “Be confident, you are gorgeous tonight.” He whispered and smiled at you before walking away to attend to his other guests.

Maybe you did something really terrible in your past life to be seated with Hera, her boyfriend who just arrived, and Renjun that is currently drinking the whole bottle of wine to himself.

Renjun hates it. Seeing Hera with her new boyfriend is driving him nuts. How could she move on from him that fast? How could she find a replacement for him in a span of weeks while he still drowns himself in alcohol whenever he thinks of her. Did she not love him at all?

He was just glaring at Hera and the other guy the whole night, making everyone uncomfortable in his vicinity. Clearly, everyone in that table knew that he hasn't gotten over his ex yet and you’re just this pathetic date he brought with him to save face. You remembered feeling starving while getting ready, but you can’t seem to find the appetite to eat now.

Renjun stood up from his seat, a little tipsy. You immediately stood up and held him on his arm, helping him to stand up steady. “Where are you going? Let me help you.” You said in a hushed tone, but Renjun took his arm back.

“I can manage, thank you Y/N.” He said and faced everyone at the table. “Everyone, we’re heading home because I can’t stand to be at this table any longer.”

Yangyang, who was also seated at that table, tried making a joke, but everyone knew what Renjun was talking about.

“You drive right? I mean I spent a lot of money getting your look done, the least you can do is drive us home.” Renjun laughed at his joke, but for everyone, that’s an insult and uncalled for.

You only stared at his reddened face. You should be angry but why do you feel so sorry for him?

You heard Yangyang standing from his seat, your cousin smiled at everyone as he made his way to you and whispered into your ear. “Let that dick go home alone. I’ll give you a ride. This situation is so stupid, you are stupid and Renjun is a jerk. Let’s go.”

You kept your gaze at Renjun who is now walking towards the exit. You smiled at your cousin, “I have to go. See you Yang and thank you very much, but he needs me.” You said and bid Mark a happy birthday before going after Renjun.

You tried your best to run after him outside Mark’s house, “Renjun just a second!”

Renjun stopped walking and turned around to look at you with tears running down his cheeks, “What Y/N? I know I’m pathetic, I know I’m an asshole for treating you like shit and I’m sorry. But can you get mad at me some other time? Just not today. Please.”

Your chest tightened at the sight of him losing himself because of a girl. Without a word, you walked up to him with open arms and pulled him into a hug. Though he is taller than you, he managed to make himself smaller in your arms. You let him cry on your shoulders and drove down to your place after he calmed down, and let him stay for the night at your apartment.

It’s time for me to finally meet somebody new Take her to all the places I took us too And she might help me forget, But loving her is something I could never do Because I had Because I had you

You were cooking breakfast and Renjun is sitting quietly in the kitchen watching you hum as you flip the pancakes. Renjun took his time appreciating your features. You have very rosy cheeks and cherry lips. Your eyes are very expressive and he loves how both ends of your lips perk up when doing something you like.

He remembered how caring and thoughtful you are. He remembered how you forgave him for treating you poorly last night and how you put his feelings first before yours. You are a catch, and he realized that.

“Let’s go out on a date.” He bluntly said out of nowhere.

You snapped your head towards his direction and accidentally nudged the pan from the stove making it drop on the floor, creating a huge mess.

“Careful!” Renjun yelled and jolted up from his seat.

“Ah shit.” You mumbled. You bent down to try cleaning up your mess and without a second later, Renjun is now helping you clean up the pancake batter that was splattered everywhere.

“I didn’t know I could affect you this much.” Renjun teased you and you only chuckled, not denying his accusation. “Did you know that I received a very angry text message from your cousin this morning?” He smiled sadly. “He didn’t like that I am using you to get my girlfrie- I mean… ex-girlfriend’s attention. And honestly? That’s not like me and I didn’t like what I did one bit.” You were silent and were just staring at him. “I am sorry for bringing you into this mess. You are a very nice woman, thoughtful and selfless. You deserve someone who would want to be with you entirely.”

You looked down on your fingers, still crouching down, trying to hide your disappointment. He’s rejecting you already even before you confess your feelings for him.

“I understand that-” You stood up and were about to tell him that you were happy for the short time you spent with him when he cut you.

“That’s why I want to take you on a date. A real one. A day just for the two of us.” He also stood up and looked you in the eyes. “Obviously, I haven’t moved on yet, but I like you and I want to give this a shot. You said you’d help me… and I am willing to cooperate. Just say yes.” He persuaded you.

Maybe this situation he’s offering you is not so much different than being a rebound, but you felt the sincerity in his words and you just couldn’t reject him. You gave him a smile and nodded. “Okay. Take me out on a date, Renjun.”

For the past week, Renjun was trying his best to come up with an idea on what to do on your date with him. He did a lot of research and asked everyone’s suggestions- he even forgot that Yangyang was still mad at him and still called him to ask for his opinion.

He wanted this to be memorable not only to you but also to him. This date marks his first step to moving on and he was very excited that he’s making this progress with you. He planned everything from his looks to the places he’s going to take you.

Renjun is now parked in front of your place, half an hour early. He is wearing a dress shirt and a slack, partnered with his very shiny wristwatch. Renjun looks expensive, he did his best to look good just for you. He is nervously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and looking at his watch every minute, debating whether he should knock on your door early or knock at exactly 6 o’clock.

A soft knock on his passenger window made Renjun jump from his seat. You cannot help but laugh at him and your wide smile made him grin. He unlocked the doors so he could go down the car and open the door for you, but you did it yourself as soon as the doors were unlocked.

“I’m so sorry. I was going to do that for you.” He sighed apologetically.

“What? No, that’s fine! Nothing to apologize for. I have two hands and two feet, I’m pretty sure I can manage.” You winked at him. He was taken aback by your boldness and managed to compose himself again. “So where are we going? I’m excited!” You shrieked.

You thought the first and last time you’re going to listen to live jazz would be at Mark’s birthday party, but Renjun brought you to a very fancy restaurant that could feed a whole street in a third-world country with the price of their cheesecake. Your jeans and sweater getup certainly did not fit in the place. Heck, the female servers are wearing better attires than you.

Renjun nervously cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I should have told you where I was taking you.” He genuinely felt bad that you might be feeling a little out of place with your clothes.

You laughed wholeheartedly, “No, don’t be! It’s embarrassing at first but this is hilarious. The servers are more decent looking than me.”

He couldn’t help but laugh as well, it is funny. “Y/N, why on earth did you wear jeans when you know you’re going on a date?”

You shrugged and took a bite of your very expensive fries. “This is my date outfit. I heard you called Yangyang when preparing for this day. That's why I thought we’re going to see movies or something.”

Renjun fell quiet. He did call Yangyang for his opinion of the places that he chose, but he never asked what kind of date you would enjoy.

“I didn’t think of asking him about your preferences, I’m sorry. I should have definitely done that, but I think I was so excited planning this that I forgot to consider your liking.”

You waved your hand vigorously and gulped water before talking, “Oh no! I would love to see your taste and I might say that you have a very fancy gut.” You winked at him, trying to make the situation a little less awkward.

He was even more guilty of what he did. He smiled sadly, eyes on his plate. “If I am going to be honest, everything I planned for today is based on what Hera enjoyed back when we were still together. We dated for three years and it feels like everything I know in dating is everything I learned while I’m with her.” He laughed sarcastically and lazily dropped his fork on his plate before letting out a deep sigh. “I am sorry. I wanted to plan a perfect date for you but it’s almost like I am being sucked by this black hole. Everything is always about her. You should know that you don’t deserve this kind of treatment, not from me or anybody. I just… I’m sorry, I tried. I really did and I would understand if you’d stop seeing me again because honestly? I would stop seeing myself too if I were you.” He rambled, eyes still glued at the table.

You did get the gist of where he got the idea of going to this place and yes, you were disappointed about it, maybe even hurt, but not disappointed enough to not see him again.

You chuckled and carefully put your cutlery down and sat up straight. “You know what? Maybe next time I’ll take you out on a date instead.” Renjun raised his head quickly and stared at you. “What?” You asked, half laughing.

“You’ll take me on a date?” He asked, a smile slowly forming on his lips.

You shrugged. “Yes, why not? I mean by the looks of it, you look like you’ve only been on dinner dates not on a date date.” A smirk is visible on your lips as you sip from your glass of wine.

Renjun genuinely smiled at you, thankful for the patience that you’re giving him. “Well, I am excited.”

Hey, remember when I told you That you and I, we'd go down in history together, yeah And does your sister ask about me? You and I, what we had, is it gone forever?

Renjun did something he doesn’t usually do: letting other people take control. His pride and his ego were always the cause of his arguments with his ex-girlfriend. He likes to be in control of everything and when things start to go out of his way, he will leave. But with you, he’s different. He trusts and looks up to you so much that he lets you take over this dating phase. He’s even excited that for once, he’s clueless about the things that will happen.

You asked him to drop by your apartment early. He asked you what he will wear but you told him to wear whatever he wears to sleep. Renjun was skeptical but showed up to your doorstep wearing gray jogger pants and a sweatshirt, you looked down to his feet and saw that he was wearing socks that do not go together and flip-flop that he probably owned for a while now. He looked like he just woke up and it made you smile how his eyes are still swollen. At least he combed his hair though.

“Good morning.” You greeted him. He smiled when he noticed you were wearing similar-looking clothes to him.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He greets back, not failing to make you blush. “Do you happen to have breakfast? I’m starving.” He asked, peeking through your door, trying to get a glimpse of your kitchen.

You softly pushed him out as you got out and locked your apartment door. “We’re eating out.” You said.

His eyes grew big, “Looking like this?! I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet!”

You laughed out loud as you made your way to his car, “I told you to come wearing whatever you wear to sleep, I never told you to come here straight from bed. If your breath stinks, that’s on you.”

Renjun grinned so wide after hearing what you said. You’re right. He stared at your back with adoration before jogging after you and putting his arms around your shoulder.

Renjun expected something different from the fancy restaurants he went to with his ex-girlfriend before. He’s preparing himself for fast food chains like McDonald’s and Burger King, but to his surprise, you parked his car in front of an old-looking place.

You noticed how his eyes silently judged the place by its look. “This is the best diner in town. You know that you don’t have to pay so much money to taste good food right? Sometimes you just have to support the local businesses.” You smiled at him before going out of the driver’s seat leaving him in awe once again.

And you’re right again. He ordered a simple waffle, but it tasted different from the expensive places he went to. It’s better. The noise in the diner felt very cozy. He loved how he could smell the food being cooked a few feet away from their table, he loved how he could hear the laughter of the children eating with their families and he loved how you made everything comfortable for him the whole meal.

He was smiling from ear to ear in the car, your eyes are on the road but you can feel his stare at you. “Stop staring.” You said, making him change his gaze and laugh.

“I had fun on our date. Thank you.” You felt how genuine his words are but the way he said it sounded like your date has ended already. He thought that’s everything you planned for today and you couldn’t help but to snort. “What? I’m being sincere here, jerk.” He said with a smile on his face.

“No, I’m not laughing at you.” You tried reasoning out.

“I am not laughing with you so you’re definitely laughing at me.” He said playfully and looked at you laughing your heart out.

“No, it’s not that! It’s just funny that you think we’re driving home now. We literally just ate breakfast, our date hasn’t even started yet.” You explained.

“Wait. That’s not it?” He asked with a surprised look. You quickly glanced at him to see his reaction and it made your heart flutter but also sad. Flutter because of his innocent reaction and sad because the dates he’s been on are just one meal together and that’s it.

“Nope. We’re going to the mall. We’re going to dress up.”

Renjun’s type of clothes is a suit and coat. He knows it would be different from what he’s used to and he’s willing to explore other ways to dress up, but he didn’t expect you to bring him to a department store.

“Are these even clean?” He asked, not wanting to touch the clothes on display.

“They’re clean, don’t worry!.” You said and pulled him to the aisle where the casual clothes are located.

“You’re going to make me wear these?” He asked with a hint of disgust in his voice. He walked to the rack where button-up shirts were hanging. “Can I at least wear this?” He took a denim button-up.

You hummed and put your hand on your chin, “That looks good with…” You scanned the casual clothes and saw a gray sweatshirt, “this!”

His brows are knitted and a frown is visible on his face, “How am I going to wear them together? I can just get this shirt and pair it with a good coat. That’ll look nice on me, don’t you think?” He asked.

“You’re right that it’s going to look nice on you, but we’re going to try something new right? So try to wear clothes your age! This is the new trend now. Wear that denim shirt underneath and wear this sweatshirt on top of it. It’s warm and stylish.”

You thought it was going to be a long debate with him, but he just sighed and took the sweatshirt from your hand, “And for the pants?” he asked, making you smile.

You excitedly clap your hands and ran to the aisle where the pants are and looked for the perfect one.

Renjun is staring at himself in the mirror, rotating his body every now and then, checking what he looks like. The clothes are a little loose than what he’s used to but it’s undeniably comfortable. Not only is it thick enough to keep him warm, but it also made him feel youthful.

“Not bad.” He praised. You know he liked his new get-up but is just too stubborn to admit.

He turned around to you and was about to say something but he found himself out of words after seeing the clothes you’ve chosen for yourself. You’re wearing a very cute pink and brown turtleneck sweater and faded boyfriend jeans. He cannot explain how he was so attracted to someone covering all of their skin.

“So? How do I look?” You asked, spinning around for him to get a good look at your outfit.

“Beautiful as always.” He said in all seriousness. You really are so beautiful that it almost made him jealous when other men looked your way.

You brought him to the fair. It is the very cliche ‘cute date’ ever told in the history of mankind but you’re also aware that other than a dinner date, everything is new to Renjun. You wanted to make him experience things you’re sure he never experienced before. You wanted to see how his eyes light up when he wins a stuffed animal after hitting the target using three bullets. You wanted to see how much he would scream in a roller coaster ride and how he would ask you to ride it again. How he would react to his first corn dog and how much he’ll love to ride the Ferris wheel. To your satisfaction, you saw everything you expected to see. His reaction to everything made you see the genuine joy of the fair for the first time without cringing.

Renjun figured out a lot of things about himself in just one date with you. He found out that he liked spicy foods better than the regular ones, that he has a high pitched voice when he’s scared, that wearing loose clothes is more comfortable than wearing tight slacks, that he’s not as brave as he thought he was when he entered the haunted house with you. And when you accidentally hugged him for the first time when someone jumped at you, was also the first time in his life Renjun felt his heart beat faster.

He did not only see himself better, but he also started seeing you in a different light. Not just someone who’s helping him, not just his friend, but also more than that.

You’re with somebody I can’t be But I can tell that you’re happy

It has been half a year since your first date with Renjun and it amazes you how much Renjun has changed over the months you’ve spent together. He never mentioned his ex ever again and you’re happy for him.

You had planned dates for him every week of all sorts from the most common ones to the most adventurous ones. You went out to movies, picnics, hot air balloon festivals, pilates, hiking, hot springs and many more.

You never fail to surprise Renjun every time he goes out with you, the dates you have planned are always fun and refreshing and he’s starting to get excited about planning dates too. He took you to a glass bridge once, both of you were stuck right from the beginning, in the end, the two of you decided to just give up and watch other people walk on the bridge instead.

To Renjun, meeting you is one of the greatest things that has happened to him. He never realized how much he didn’t know about himself until he met you. He not only found out his likes, dislikes and things he’d never thought he’d enjoy, but he also figured out his feelings for you. He likes you and it did not surprise him one bit, in fact, he is glad to finally admit it.

Perfect. Whatever is going on between the two of you is perfect. You love him more for each day that passes and all you’re waiting for is Renjun to say the same.

And that is going to be today.

Renjun felt like it was time to level up his relationship with you. He doesn’t see any reasons not to make your relationship official, and he’s so excited to finally ask you to be his girlfriend.

“You’re sure about it?” Yangyang asked his best friend who is now smiling from ear to ear. “Well if I’m going to be the judge, I can say that you are definitely in love with my cousin now.”

Renjun knitted his brows and laughed, “Is it that obvious?”

“You just took me out for a milkshake, the Renjun I know gets drunk any hour of any day!” Yangyang exclaimed.

Renjun laughed, “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, Yang. I am glad that she is patient enough to wait for me for this long. She deserves the best and more.” He sincerely said.

Yangyang smiled and tapped Renjun’s shoulder, “I couldn’t be any happier for you and Y/N. You both deserve the best and more- you deserve each other.”

Renjun pulled his best friend into a hug, “Thank you.”

Renjun invited you to go to one of his favourite activities- painting. He booked a painting class for the two of you and you were so excited that you’re going to see Renjun do something he loves dearly.

“Am I going to be your muse this time?” You asked Renjun through your phone as you fixed your hair in the mirror.

Renjun smiled widely on the other line. “Sure, if that’s what you want. Actually, you know what? You’ll always be my muse from today on.” He dropped a hint.

A hint that you didn’t miss to pick up. Your heart could almost jump out of your chest. He’s finally going to ask you to be his girlfriend and you couldn’t calm your heart down.

“Then I should probably get ready, make myself beautiful if I’m going to be your muse.” You teased him.

Renjun knew you already caught up with it, but he played along. “You could wear whatever you wear to your sleep and you’d still be the most beautiful to me.” Your cheeks blushed so much, remembering your first official date with Renjun, that you couldn’t find the words to speak.

~

It’s been over two hours. You have been waiting at your painting class but Renjun is nowhere to be seen and hasn’t been answering any of your calls.

“Miss?” A staff member walked up to you with a sympathetic look. “Mr. Huang only booked the store for an hour, we tried giving you another hour and we’re very sorry that he didn’t show up but we’re going to open to the public soon.”

You looked around and saw people coming in. You smiled sadly and nodded, “I’ll leave, thank you.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to leave, you can stay here a little longer. We’re just letting you know that other people will be here as well.”

“It’s okay. I’ll just go home. Thank you very much.” You said. You stood up, hooked your bag on your shoulder and fixed your beautiful red dress before walking out of the building.

Maybe he’s just stuck in traffic, you’re sure he has a reason why he ditched you and you wish that he’s somewhere safe.

You are so tempted to text your cousin and ask for Renjun’s whereabouts, you’re sure that he knows his best friend’s plans, but you fought against it- instead, you sent Renjun another text message.

Hey, Renjun. I’m just letting you know that I’m heading straight home. I hope you’re somewhere safe. Please text me when you read this, I am worried about you.

Renjun stared at your text message for what seemed like forever, he then set his phone on the bedside table of someone’s room that he hasn’t been in for half a year. He looked at the woman lying beside him who was resting comfortably on his chest, wrapped around in his arms. He’s with Hera.

This is what he wanted. This is what he wished would happen for so long.

He was on his way to you with a bouquet of flowers and a well-made mind when he received an unexpected call from someone he thought he already moved on from.

Hera Calling…

His fingers hovered on the red button. One hand on the wheel, the other on his phone, contemplating whether or not to answer the call. After six months' worth of work for him to get over his ex, one phone call is all it took for all of his efforts to go down the drain.

He could’ve just ended the call and met you, but he went after familiarity. Out of false instinct, he came back running to her feet.

Renjun shut his eyes tight. He chose this, he wanted this but why is his heart breaking slowly?

His phone rang, Yangyang was calling, probably worried for him as well. The sound of his phone vibrating against the wooden table made Hera shift in her sleep, Renjun found a chance to leave the room and take the call.

“Hello?” Renjun’s voice lost all of its confidence. His guilt is eating him alive. He did not only hurt you but also his best friend.

“Where are you? We are so worried about you! Y/N said you didn’t show up at your painting class? What about your plan? And she said you weren’t answering any of her calls and texts. Did something happen? Are you okay?”

“Yangyang, I’m sorry... I was on my way to the class but someone called me. She's crying and she said her boyfriend cheated on her and I- I was the only one she has and-” Renjun rambled but did not get to finish what he was saying when Yangyang cut him off.

“Wait, hold up. Please tell me you’re not talking about Hera. Did you ditch Y/N for your Ex?” Yangyang asked, his voice filled with venom as if Renjun could taste the bitterness of his words.

“I’m sorry…” Renjun’s voice became smaller but that was the confirmation that Yangyang was looking for.

“And you chose to tell me first before facing her? You are such an asshole! A coward! I don’t fucking even know who you are!” Renjun closed his eyes tight.

“Why? What happened, Yangyang? Is that Renjun? Did he finally answer? Can I talk to him?” The sound of your worried voice in the background made Renjun’s heart fall to the ground. He was so embarrassed that he panicked into dropping the call.

A series of angry texts from Yangyang and worried phone calls from you filled his night. Yes, he likes you, but he’s still in love with Hera- or so he believes. He just feels bad that he didn’t tell you first but Renjun thinks that the universe is finally in his favour, though a tiny voice in his head tells him he’s going to regret what he’s done.

When Renjun never called you back or texted you the whole night and the next day, Yangyang took courage to tell you what happened to Renjun. Part of him hoped that his best friend would at least tell you himself that he got back with his ex, but Renjun couldn’t find the face to do it so he just disappeared.

“Oh.” You said disappointingly. Your knees lost their strength, your stomach felt like it was snatched empty, your heart felt like it wasn’t there and the empty space is creating this painful pinch in your chest. You sat down on your couch and laughed sarcastically. “I see.”

Yangyang felt sorry, he sat down beside you and pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry Y/N. Renjun is an asshole, I didn’t know he could do this to you.” He tried consoling you, but you only felt more sorry for yourself.

Yes, you were a rebound. You know the situation you went into, but wasn’t the six months he spent with you special or was it just special for you? Didn’t those memories he made with you mean anything to him? Because to you, they meant everything good in this world. You felt complete with him and you assumed that he was the same with you. But in the end, you were just a fool who fell in love with a guy that will never love you back.

There’s nothin’, oh There’s nothin’ left to lose Because I had you, babe There’s nothin’ Nothing that I could do I wish I had you

If there is one thing that Renjun forgot, it is the fact that he’s a changed man. His interests are now different from Hera who only knows expensive food platings. But he didn’t lose hope in the four months he’s been back with Her, he was once like her and all she needs is to experience something else.

Renjun excitedly took her to the places you introduced them to him. Ordered the same foods that you suggested to him and told him all the jokes you told him.

Hera couldn’t understand why he was doing this, “Or we could just go to Chops? Their burgers are good there too and we don’t have to squeeze ourselves in this place.” She mumbled as she played with her ‘cheap fries’ in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

Renjun’s smile faded, “And what? Eat at an overpriced restaurant?”

“Babe, if you can’t pay, I will pay for the two of us! I have money so don’t worry! We don’t have to eat at this cheap place!” She explained in a hushed tone, afraid to offend anybody who could hear.

Renjun wiped his mouth with a napkin and sat back on his chair, “It’s not about the money, Hera.” He stated but was too tired to explain to her that he just wanted her to experience the fun he had with you. “We’ll go to a different place next time.”

Hera dropped her fry on the plate and wiped her fingers, “Thank you. Was that so hard?” She asked and Renjun almost said yes.

And when he said ‘different place’ doesn’t exactly mean the kind of restaurant Hera was expecting. Renjun brought her out to do some activities and went on Kayaking. She wasn’t really happy about it and kept complaining about getting wet and that genuinely ruined Renjun’s mood completely.

“Look, I just want you to experience something new, Hera. Something fun.” Renjun said exasperated.

She raised her eyebrows at him, “What the hell is that supposed to mean? We had fun before! That is why I don’t understand why we have to do this when we’re okay with what we had!”

Renjun sarcastically laughed, “No! I experienced fun and the shit we do before is not fun! Why can’t you be just like-“

“Like who? Huh? Like who, Renjun? Like that pathetic rebound, you tried dating just to get over me?”

Renjun could feel his face turn red and how furious he feels right now, “Don’t talk about her like that! She’s not pathetic and she is not a rebound!”

Hera scoffed, “Not a rebound my ass. You think I didn’t know what you pulled at Mark’s birthday dinner? You were so desperate to get over me you even used your best friend’s cousin just so you could forget me. But look at you now! Who do you think you’re with?! You’re with me! Still with me! You came running back to me! She was your rebound and not a very good one!”

She’s right. He knows she’s right. You were his rebound and there is no sense in denying that, but he stopped seeing you that long ago. You’re not just a rebound to him anymore, you’re more than that. You’re Y/N. His friend, the person who knows him well, the woman who brought a side of him he didn’t even know he had. You are someone he wished to be with again. Someone he wished he didn’t hurt. Someone he wished he didn’t leave.

Renjun got tired of arguing and just went back to their same old routine. Dinner dates, dull conversations, quiet meals, shopping on weekends. He gave up trying and just accepted that this is what he’s chosen. He loves Hera right? And letting someone you love do what they like should be satisfying right? Then why does he feel so forced?

In the end, Renjun ended everything with Hera.

Why? Maybe because he constantly thinks of you. He looks for you in everything he does. All the places he went to reminded him of you. Maybe because the love he thought he had for Hera was just a figment of his imagination, maybe because after being with Hera, he realizes the difference between familiarity and being in love. He’s familiar with Hera, but he loves you. Only you.

It’s wrong. Wrong to leave you just like that. Wrong that he didn’t think. Wrong that he thought he figured everything out when he chose Hera over you. But isn’t it too late now? What can he do? It has been almost a year since the last time he’s spoken to you. He had you blocked in all of his social media accounts so he wouldn’t have to be reminded of the awful thing he did to you, he knows Yangyang will never answer him and the only way to contact you is through your phone number.

He’s unhappy. Way unhappier when he broke up with Hera the first time. He felt like he was out of place like he shouldn’t be here and he shouldn’t be doing this.

The sun is setting and Renjun is driving home from work when he finds himself driving on a different road. He smiled as soon as he saw the building and parked his car in front of a familiar local diner. This is where you brought him to breakfast on your first actual date.

To be back at the place that holds a very special memory of you is enough to make him feel alive. The smell of the barbecue ribs can be smelled from the outside. God, even the smell of the restaurant reminds him of you.

He pushed the door open with his body and walked inside to find a place to sit. Like a habit, he walked further to the back of the diner where you and he always sit but he saw a familiar figure on his way there. He quickly hid behind a wall divider and peaked.

“Y/N?” He mumbled to himself.

You’re wearing your favourite sweater, your hair is tied in a bun. You’re happily conversing with someone in front of you. Renjun took a step closer to see better, the guy you’re with is awfully familiar. Like someone he knows for a very long time.

Renjun realized who it was when your date turned around to call a waitress nearby. Mark. What are you doing with Mark? How long have you two known each other? This diner is his special place with you, why did you bring him here? Are you dating him? Are you happy with him? Do you love him?

His heart broke at his last question. What if you do? What will happen to him? The thought of you falling in love with someone else pinched his heart.

He couldn’t handle seeing you laugh at Mark’s dry jokes anymore. Renjun stepped back and was about to take off when he bumped into Yangyang going back to their table.

Yangyang was startled to see his best friend after a long time. He’s still definitely mad at him for hurting you and running away from everyone, but he couldn’t hide his concerns seeing Renjun lost a lot of weight and looking like he aged 10 years from the last time he’s seen him.

“Renjun, what are you doing here?” He asked, no grudges in his tone, just genuinely asking.

“I-uh. I was going to have my dinner. I don’t mean trouble, I didn’t know you guys were here. I’ll just leave.” Renjun wanted to apologize and tell his best friend that he misses him, but he couldn’t risk another minute of getting caught by you. He quickly walked away when Yangyang stopped him.

“Do you want to grab a drink at Joe’s? For old time’s sake.” He offered and gave Renjun a smile.

The two of them are seated in a booth and we’re quietly drinking their liquor.

“How are you?“ Yangyang broke the silence.

Renjun smiled sadly, wanting to confess that he was not okay. “I’m sorry Yangyang, I really am.”

Yangyang gave him a smile and a soft tap on his shoulder, “All is good. She is doing well now. It’s been what? Almost a year? But before, good god, we couldn’t even get her out of her bed. She was devastated when you left her out of nowhere and blocked her on everything. She stayed at her apartment most of the time. She’s stopped having fun and stopped doing the things she used to do. But I guess everything happens for a reason, right?” He smiled and sipped his drink.

Renjun could feel his guilt suffocating him, his heart self-destructing. “And now you said she’s doing good?” He asked. “Right?”

Yangyang looked him in the eyes with sympathy, “Yeah. She’s doing good.”

He nodded and sighed in relief. He’s glad that you’re not beating yourself up anymore. An asshole like him doesn’t deserve your tears and he’s just happy that you’re no longer hurting, but… “Is she and Mark…” He asked hesitantly.

“Yes. Just a month ago.” Yangyang quickly answered. “They met a few months after you happened. Mark remembered her from his birthday party and was pretty much head over heels with her since then. It wasn’t easy for Mark, but he’s very patient and persistent. Just like how she was with you.” He explained. Yangyang saw the pain in his friend’s eyes and saw how much Renjun still loves you. “I’m sorry. I’m not telling you all this just to hurt you. I’m just letting you know that she’s okay now. Better actually.”

A tear fell on his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, “No, don’t be. It’s my fault. I am so stupid Yangyang and honestly, I can’t even remember if I ever did think my decision through. I have no reason and I don’t want to make any excuses. I’m just stupid for not choosing Y/N.” Renjun cried. His tears were flowing down his face. “I love her and I wish I admitted that to myself sooner.” He confessed.

“The shit you’re telling him, man.” A voice said. Renjun turned around to see Mark smiling creepily, Yangyang suddenly started laughing and then he saw you just staring blankly at him. Mark walked around to sit in the booth while you just remained standing behind him.

Renjun stared back at you, memorizing your face. He’s never seen your face this close for almost a year and he could swear that you’re still the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.

“What are you guys doing here?” Renjun asked. He wanted to pull you into a hug. He’s never seen you for so long and having you near him takes his breath away.

Yangyang laughed. “I knew you don’t love that Hera anymore and Y/N right here haven’t moved on yet so I thought you guys could talk. Oh, and by the way, Mark and Y/N aren't dating. We just bumped into Mark today and brought him with us to dinner.” Renjun smiled hopefully. Does that mean you’re still in love with him? His eyes shifted from your cousin to you, and he saw how your face turns red and how your eyes gather tears around them.

“This isn’t funny, Yangyang. I am not your fucking puppet! You cannot fucking force me to talk to him!” You said and quickly turned around and ran away.

The three men were stunned at your reaction. Renjun hastily pulled himself out of the booth and ran after you.

“Y/N! Wait, please!” He yelled and gently grabbed your arm to stop you from running. “Please, let’s talk.” He begged.

You turned around, tears running down your face. It’s funny how this situation is so familiar to you, how you ran after him at Mark’s birthday dinner and how he cries for his ex. Why is someone always running away?

“What do you want, Renjun? We have nothing to talk about!” You pushed his hand away and attempted to walk away when he pulled your arm once again.

“No! We have something to talk about! Please Y/N. Just listen.” Renjun felt how powerless his words are as if no matter how much he cries and begs nothing will make you listen.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You harshly took your arm back from his grip. Tears are helplessly wetting your cheeks. “Renjun, may I remind you that you threw me away like trash? Who do you think you are to ask me to listen to you when you didn’t even think I deserve an explanation when you left me for your ex?!” You wiped your tears away and sighed, “Damn it. Damn these tears! Damn this heart for loving you all this time!”

Renjun sobbed, “I-I’m sorry.”

You scoffed “Do you know what I realized when you left me? That you wouldn’t even notice me if I didn’t offer myself to be your rebound, that you wouldn’t even see me for who I am if you weren’t so desperate to get over your ex, and that you will never love me the way that I love you because your heart has always been hers. So, no. I don’t want to talk to you and let you hurt me more. I am making progress, Renjun. I am moving on without hurting anybody, something you didn’t do. Let’s leave it at that.”

Renjun cried harder, people are now looking at the two of you but none of you care. “You may be right about everything you just said but you’re wrong about one thing. I loved you before, I loved you during and I still love you after Hera. I love you so much that I couldn’t breathe when I thought of you. Every day I carry this weight in my chest because I know deep down that I should be with you. That for everything I do, I remember you! Because everything that I enjoy now is because of you, because you helped me know myself better, you showed me who I am. Don’t you understand? With you, I felt what happiness actually feels like. You’re wrong that I will never love you the way you love me because I do, maybe even more.” He stepped closer to you.

Your tears are gushing down your face harder. “No. Y-you’re lying. You don’t hurt the people you love. Stay back.” You said as you put your hand out to stop him from getting closer to you, but all of your strength is gone.

Renjun, who is also crying as hard, gently pulled you to his chest. “I am sorry I hurt you. I will not try to explain myself because I am wrong, I know you’re mad at me and I understand that, I am mad at myself too. The day I didn’t show up at our painting class, I knew I made a mistake but I didn’t realize that I was making THE mistake of my life. And the day that I broke up with Hera, I really wanted to drive to you and beg for your forgiveness right after but I never had the courage, Y/N.”

You shook your head resting on his chest, “Don’t lie. Please, Renjun.” You begged.

He cupped your face with both of his hands and gently wiped the tears from it. “I am not lying.” He said between his sobs. “I am sorry and I love you.”

“Don’t say things like that.” You hid your face back to his chest. “Tell me the truth even if it hurts me. Just never lie to me.” You cried.

He hugged you tightly as if he was going to lose you, “That’s the truth. I love you. I really do. I am sorry for leaving you, I know it would take a lot of time to get your trust back, but all I need to hear from you is if you still love me, and I will promise you that I will do everything I can to fix us.”

“You promise?” You asked, your breathing is slowing down. Renjun caressed your head down to your back.

He kissed the top of your head and pulled you away, enough just to see your face. “I promise.”

You looked into his eyes, maybe you’re going to regret this or maybe not, but you listened to your heart once again, “I never stopped loving you and I never considered trying to stop loving you.” You confessed.

Renjun smiled, “Can I please kiss you?” He asked

You chuckled, but tears are still pooling around your eyes. You nodded and he slowly closed the gap between the two of you and lightly pecked your lips with a kiss. He looked back into your eyes to check if you were still giving consent and kissed you again, longer and passionately. You felt everything Renjun cannot express in words in one kiss.

“I love you. I would never get tired of saying that. I really love you.” Renjun repeated himself.

“Do you know that I used to wish for you to kiss me?” You confessed, making him laugh.

“I already did.” He whispered as he softly put locks of your hair behind your ear and kissed the tip of your nose. “And do you know that I wish I had you?”

You stood on your toes and quickly kissed the tip of his nose, mimicking what he did earlier. “You’ve always had me.” You whispered back and held back the happy tears that were threatening to fall.

Both of you hope that this time no one will have to run after the other, and by the looks of it, fate is taking your side.

I think it's time I finally found somebody new And tell myself that she's the one to get me through And she might help me forget but loving her is something I just couldn't do Because I had you

Next Story: Never Be Alone | Mark Lee

[lcandothisallday]

heyy babes <3 can you do one where reader is best friends with urb, but jack was always jealous bc he thought she would steal urb from him. anyways jack and reader have hated each other for the longest time then one day, all their friends found jack on top on reader as they were making out. it can be fluff or smutty idc lol :) thankssss

I Hate You or Do I? -  Jack Harlow x f!reader

Ever since your family moved to Louisville junior year and you so happened to sit next to Urban in math class, you two had been inseparable ever since and Jack fucking hated it. He hated how you stole his best friend away from him and he just didn’t understand your appeal.

If you were Urban’s girlfriend he’d understand-at least then he could praise his best friend for getting some ass but you simply weren’t his girlfriend and he just didn’t understand why he was your friend.

The boys were happy they were able to take a break and be in Lousville for a little while. Jack so that he’d see his family, eat some of his mom’s homemade food, and Urban so that he would be able to hang out with you.

“Yo-my mom wants to have you over for dinner tonight,” Jack told Urban as he took a seat on his front porch.

Urban looks at Jack with an apologetic look. “Sorry man-I’m hanging out with Y/N tonight—”

Jack scoffed as he felt the anger rise within him. Of course he’d turn him down for you. “Are you seriously turning my mom down right now? For Y/N?”

“We’ve been here three days already and I still haven’t seen her—c’mon man—”

Jack rolled his eyes as he stood up abruptly. “Whatever,” he muttered, going back into his house which caused Urban to sigh.

It was obvious to Maggie that Jack was fuming on the inside, her concern for her son taking over. “What’s wrong, honey?”

Jack sighed as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Urb can’t come tonight cos he’s hanging out with Y/N,” he mumbled.

Maggie let out a soft chuckle, “you never did like that girl huh? Never understood why when she’s so sweet—”

Jack scoffed, “no she’s a fucking bitch.”

“Watch your language Jackman,” his mom told him sternly. “You’re with Urban 24/7–let him have tonight to hang out with her,” she reasoned.

“You don’t get it—if he’s given the chance then he’s always gonna be ditching me for her. She’s not his girlfriend for him to be hanging out with her that much,” he frowned.

Maggie looked at Jack with a perplexed look. He wasn’t five years old to be saying this stuff. “Have her come over for dinner too,” she suggested. “So both you and Urban win—otherwise, I really recommend you stop acting like a child.”

Jack contemplated it for a moment before he nodded and pulled out his phone to text Urban, inviting the both of you.

When you step out of the car with Urban, you can’t help but bite your lip nervously. It was no secret to you that Jack absolutely hated your guts. You weren’t very fond of him either, mainly because his attitude towards you was always foul for no reason.

“Urb-are you sure I should come? This was definetly a pity invite and you know how Jack can be—”

Urban sighed, “Y/N it’s gonna be fine. Relax,” he reassured. “You’ve got me and his mom is super nice,” he shrugged, grabbing the flowers the both of you had bought from the back seat. You alternatively held a bottle of wine as you both approached the front door and ring the doorbell.

Immediately you are greeted by Maggie’s warm smile, one that was so similar to Jack’s and it instantly made you feel at ease somehow. “Come in you two—oh y’all didn’t have to bring anything,” she scolded, pressing a kiss to Urban’s cheek as she took away the flowers to put in a vase while you set down the wine.

“Thank you for the invite,” you smile and she waves you off with a grin. Jack then emerges and he dabs up Urban. “Didn’t know I’d have to invite her just to get you to eat my mom’s food,” he mumbled lowly.

Urban smirked and shrugged, “thanks for being considerate,” he laughed, pulling you along into the house.

“How you been Y/N?” Jack asked, choosing to be civil as he took a seat on the couch. You nod in response, “good…I um-I really enjoyed nail tech and first class,” you compliment, mentally cringing at how you felt the need to please him-but you were in his home after all. Might as well try to maintain civility.

Jack smirked, “thanks.”

“See! Was that so fucking hard?” Urban asked, looking between the both of you. Jack only rolled his eyes although an amused smile was still evident on his lips.

Unfortunately for you, Jack sat opposite you at the dinner table and he would constantly be glancing at you while you ate and spoke lowly to Urban. When Urban whispered something funny in your ear, you couldn’t help but giggle and shake your head. “You’re actually so dumb,” you whisper back jokingly.

When you accidentally make eye contact with Jack, your cheeks heat up and a small smile leaves your lips before you look away, mixing around the food on your plate.

Something about him seeing your flustered reaction when making eye contact with made his heart flutter. He’d only ever felt that way towards you when you very first moved to Louisville junior year but that quickly turned to hatred.

Once everyone finished with their dinner, you instantly stood up to help Maggie. You took everything into the kitchen with her and even began on the dishes which she was totally against. “Sweetheart you’re our guest!” she exclaimed. “I’ve got the dishes-you go hang out with the boys!” You try again to offer your help but she was practically shoving you out the kitchen by then.

“Your mom is super sweet,” you tell Jack as you awkwardly take a seat next to him. Jack nodded, “yeah-she’s the best…she’s gonna appreciate you offering your help,” he said.

You smile, “it’s no problem.”

Urban looked down at his phone in concern as he received a text from his little sister. “Yo guys—I’ll have to leave real quick,” he mumbled.

“Everything alright?” Jack asks.

“Yeah-my little sister went to the movie theatre with her friends and they got no one to drive them home,” he groaned, already getting up and grabbing his keys. “Big brother duties,” he mumbled sourly before he sighed. “I’ll be back.”

“I’ll come with you—” you quickly say and Urban gives you an apologetic look.

“The car won’t fit…it’s like five of them.”

“Oh,” you mumble, taking in a breath. “That’s fine. We’ll see you in a bit.” Urban nods before he heads out.

You sit in awkward silence next to Jack, biting your lip as you mess around with the rings on your fingers. “I’m sorry you’re stuck with me,” you mumble. “I-If I knew this was gonna happen I wouldn’t have come.”

Jack truly felt bad hearing you say that. Was he really that harsh towards you that you had to apologize after he invited you? “Nah c’mon—let’s kill time,” he said, offering his hand to you. “Let’s go look at our old yearbooks—have something to hold over Urb’s head,” he chuckled.

You can’t help but smile as you take his hand and he leads you up to his childhood bedroom. The moment you step in, it felt like you were invading his privacy, your cheeks warming up.

He pulls out the four yearbooks from highschool and a few from previous years. He opens the one from when they were in seventh grade and he flips over to a hilarious photo of Urban, a giggle escaping his lips. “I don’t know why he always insisted on wearing those god awful pants,” he mumbled. He flips the page a few more times before your hand moves out to stop him, your eyes focusing on the image.

“Is that you?” you ask, a faint smile on your lips. It was a photo of him and Copelan, goofy crooked smiles on their faces with Jack in his big ass chunky glasses. They both had what looked like the Bieber cut but Jack with a bit more curls to it and it was honestly adorably funny.

When Jack saw the photo you stopped at, his eyes widened and his face went red. “Oh God. That’s so embarrassing,” he laughed, trying to flip to the next page.

“No stop! You’re so cute,” you giggled, admiring the photo. Jack scoffed, “I was not cute—I looked like a goblin,” he said self-deprecatingly.

Your eyes widened in his defence. “No you did not. Don’t say that,” you smile. Jack couldn’t help but smile back, having to clear his throat before he reached for another yearbook.

“This one is from senior year. Let’s see if I can find an embarassing photo of you,” Jack retaliated with a wicked grin. You groan playfully before you lean in closer to get a better look. His heart fluttered when you got closer and he swore it felt like all his barriers with you were slowly coming down.

He stopped at a page and grinned seeing the photo of you and your best friend during Halloween. You both had dressed up as nurses. “Ew-why did I think that was a good idea for a costume at school?” you whine, shaking your head and cringing at you and your best friend.

Jack only smirked, “you looked hot as fuck. I remember y’all had like half the guys in our grade bricked up.”

Your eyes widened and you smacked his shoulder before you let out a laugh. “I did NOT have to know that,” you groan. Jack giggled and flipped a few more pages and stopped at a photo of you piggybacking Urban, wide smiles on both your faces.

“I love this photo,” you hum quietly, your fingers tracing over it. You loved Urban and he meant a lot to you but it was very much platonic love on both your ends. Jack of course didn’t know that and he felt jealous. Straight up pure jealousy because he knew he would never get that treatment from you. Not after how he’s acted towards you all these years.

“Do you…do you see yourself marrying Urban?”

Your eyes went so unbelievably wide as your head snapped to Jack. “Marrying Urban? Jack—we’re not even dating,” you breath out. “We’re just best friend. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“So you don’t have feelings for him?” he asked.

“Jack,” you began, putting aside the yearbooks. “I firmly believe that if Urban or I had feelings for each other then we would’ve started dating a while ago. Trust me-we don’t…I love him and all but he’s not my type.”

Jack sucked in a breath as he paused a moment. You observed him with an amused look in your eyes. “Well um...what is your type?” he ended up asking timidly.

You hum as you pretend to contemplate it for a moment. “Apparently men that are assholes to me and think I’m gonna steal their best friend,” you conclude.

Jack’s face heated up hearing you say that. He glanced back at you and he couldn’t take it. Every fibre of his being wanted you so without hesitation, he cupped your cheeks and quite literally smashed his lips into yours. 

You moaned into the kiss as he slowly pushed away the remaining yearbooks from off the bed and gently pushed you to lay against his tiny single bed. Your hands tangled in his curls and you tugged carefully, smiling as you earned the softest moans from his lips. His hand ran down your body and squeezed your hips before his fingers moved to the hem of your sweater and he lifted it up from your body, leaving you in your lace bra. He smirked and dipped his head back down, sucking onto your neck before connecting your lips together once more.

“Jack-- did Y/N leave with Urban...she’s no longer--Jack!” His mother screeched as she pushed open his door. Instantly you and Jack jumped apart from one another, feeling ashamed like prepubescent teens getting caught. 

“Mom! You need to knock!” he yelled, his body covering you as you slipped your sweater back on, your face beyond heated at being caught by his mom of all people.

Maggie gave her son a stern look as she crossed her arms in front of her. “The door was not shut all the way, Jackman--and I know you are 24 but you know the rules of this house,” she scolded. 

“Got carried away--sorry,” he mumbled. His mom hummed in content from his apology before she smirked. “I will say--I’ve been wondering when you two would get together. Took y’all long enough but Urban owns me some money,” she chuckled, spinning on her heels and walking away.

[irulaan]

this isn’t meant to last— eddie munson x reader (TEASER).

summary: he’s full of shit, so are you. until you catch feelings.

word count: 0,6k.

warnings: self-hatred thoughts. one degrading word — i think. very ooc eddie, he wouldn’t do this, he’s a sweet boy <3). angsty.

a/n: this feels beyond personal to me <3 be nice bc it’s pooorly edited oops. this piece is inspired by the downward spiral by nine inch nails.

you always would lay there for a while, yearning for something you know it wouldn’t come. but you were expecting it, anyways. your hopes crashed into the ground as you heard his voice. eddie’s voice always felt far away from your reach, like he wasn’t speaking at you at all. and his tone was stoic, wounding your mind. 

he had a few phrases to tell you. sometimes you think you could predict them; you should go, it’s too late. you should pee, i’ll help you. you should drink some water. you’ll be clean in a minute. maybe there were more —it has to be more than that. maybe you forgot. but your lack of shame made you smile at the little gestures you had took and hide deep inside your heart. in your state of mind everything was sugarcoated, everything was seen through rose coloured glasses. his annoyed eyes melted into the cutest stare someone would gave to you, any of his actions would turn into the purest type of care. you couldn’t hide he made you, in that moment, feel all fuzzy inside.

in the back of your mind, you knew it was all bullshit. 

you cursed yourself everytime you accept his invitations. you were put into a personal hell everytime he called and said two o three things and you whispered a little okay, i can do that. and you were walking into the same situation from a long time now. 

a few minutes later, when you feel he was gettin impatiente, you decide to dress yourself. feeling ashame of what you were doing to you body and mind. it was hard to look your clothes around the own mess eddie had in his room, even harder gather them together. pulling the green skirt up felt like the worst job ever. and pulling the panties back up felt so humilliating after you spend at least one hour looking for a cute one at the mall just in case he would say something nice. just so you could see the beginning of a smile (because you knew he was capable of smiling).

you’re a pathetic whore. oh, it even sounded like he was inside of your mind, or did he said that outloud? maybe he said that before and you can’t remember. 

“i got hellfire on friday night” he spoke from outside the room, startling you. you were glad he was out of the room, without saying a thing, leaving you alone with those heavy thoughts.

sighing, feeling so nervous you could throw up right then on the dirty carpet, you gather some strenght to reply. “yes, i know. so i guess i see you this saturday?” walking again through hell, you couldn’t stop yourself from asking. hoping you could see him again sooner than later.

your feet inside your white sneakers decided to walk outside the room, searching for him. he stared into your eyes from the kitchen. he took the time to puff on his cigarrete. “i don’t know” he shrugged. 

you swallowed, leaving his trailer wasn’t easy anymore, even if you didn’t want to stay holding eddie’s disinterested stare. a cold breeze slipped through some window, giving you chills. your hugged yourself thightly. “it’s cold outside” you said, in a pity attempt for him to show he cares about you.

he shrugged once more, thinking in what you wanted to hear. what, do you wanted to talk about the weather? “yeah, you should have brought a jacket” you frowned at his cold reply. the reply you just expected, but didn’t want.

you lowered your head, opening the door to finally get out of that place, whispering your next words, “i’m a fool. see you, then” hoping he would realize you wanted him to care. you wanted to help him. that if he lets you, you could care. 

if you lingered on the door for just a few more seconds maybe he would have agreed with you. you, indeed, were a fool. 

ooookay that’s all (for now), please let me know what you think !!! would love to hear anything. english isn’t my first language.

reblogs are appreciated too <;3.

loooots of love, mwah ! - poppy

[spencers-renaissance]

The Other Side of the Storm

Summary: Spencer & Luke are not out as a couple but have to attend the same FBI gala where a young, pretty agent insists on flirting with Luke. Misunderstandings and surprising reveals ensue.

Tags: relationship reveal, secret relationship, coming out, jealousy, caught, hurt/comfort, autistic spencer, angst with a happy ending, misunderstandings, found family, est. rel., cuddling & snuggling, domestic fluff

Pairing: Luke Alvez x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.7k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

Lets pretend I didn't just disappear for a couple of weeks bc I'm BACK now yay! This is written for a prompt from @ralvezhq who asked: "Ralvez is already dating but no one knows about them yet. they get invited to some sort of FBI gala and a young, accomplished female agent won’t stop flirting with luke and spencer is absolutely not having it so he finds a way to let everyone know they are together." -- I stuck to it except that they're caught rather than willingly confessing, I hope that's okay! I really enjoyed this one, so I hope you do as well.

!!!TW: the woman is very insistent on her flirting and makes Luke uncomfortable when she touches his chest without his consent!!!

“Any particular reason you keep looking over at that table full of Fugitive Task Force members, Spence?” JJ asks amusedly, sipping from her wine glass.

“Mm, I’ve noticed you looking over there a little bit,” Tara muses. “You got your eye on someone?”

Spencer looks down and forces a laugh, but he can feel the tips of his ears turning pink, and knows that he’s not gonna hear the end of this for the rest of the night. The team have never been fond of the FBI Galas they’re forced into attending every year, and unfortunately, Hotch’s usual stunt of pulling a non-urgent case from the stack and jetting off to some far-flung corner of the country to avoid it failed to fool the director this time.

He’d broken the news to them at the start of the week, and conversation in the bullpen has pretty much exclusively revolved around the event ever since. Even Penelope, who loves seeing people win awards and dressing up in her favourite full-glam outfits, has been significantly less upbeat. She only gave him one spontaneous hug all week.

None of them, though, have been dreading it more than Spencer. The others aren’t exactly fond of the faux smiles and convoluted politics and fake niceties either, sure, but tonight he has far more to lose than ever before. Namely, the man sat just out of his direct eye line at the Fugitive Task Force table.

Ironically, he and Luke had gotten ready for the same event together. They’d stood in the mirror side by side and tied one another’s ties in the way that always makes Spencer smile and Luke had gently brushed his hair out of eyes, but when it came time to leave, Spencer called a rideshare, and Luke drove the truck, arriving at completely different times in completely different vehicles.

The thing is, that as much as he loves his team, and as much as the FBI fraternisation policy has been significantly relaxed over the last few years, no one can know they’re together and have been for the last eight months.

Even the thought of Derek or Hotch or even JJ finding out — not only that he’s dating someone but that that person is a man — makes him feel queasy.

Which is why he smiles around an awkward cough and forces himself to meet the eyes of his profiler teammates, fighting every instinct in him to run, leg it out of here, never show your face again.

“No, I’m just looking at the clock above them,” he lies, and it isn’t smooth in any way shape or form but it’ll have to do. “You know I can’t wait for this to end. I haven’t read any Carl Jung in weeks.”

Tara laughs, raising her wine glass slightly. “Now that I understand.”

“Nah, I’m not so sure,” Derek grins slyly, “I think my man has his eye on some girl and he’s just getting a little shy, am I right, pretty boy?” He quirks an eyebrow playfully, leaning over to pat him on the back, and Spencer scrambles to recover.

“Believe whatever you’d like, Morgan,” he says, bringing his own glass to his lips to conceal any tells in his expression. “Doesn’t make it any less false.”

Thankfully, the conversation is interrupted by the Director clearing his throat into the mic on the stage as he introduces the next round of awards. Spencer loses himself in the anonymity of a dark room and a clapping audience, grateful that he’s avoided this round of interrogation.

The rest of the night progresses similarly. Spencer tries to keep his eyes away from Luke’s table — and valiantly attempts to keep from blushing like a schoolgirl when their eyes meet and Luke’s lips quirk upwards in an I-tried-to-stop-it-but-I-just-can’t kind of smile — and the rest of his team rib him pretty relentlessly about this ‘girl’ he supposedly has his eye on.

Hotch tries to get the team to leave him alone, but when a group of skilled, determined profilers all a little tipsy on wine and champagne encounter a friend’s mysterious love life, it’s pretty difficult to stand in their way.

Once dessert is served, though, things rapidly go downhill.

As much as he’s been trying to keep his eyes away from Luke’s table, it’s almost impossible to prevent his gaze from straying in a temporary moment of cognitive lapse every now and then, and while everyone is relatively quiet and occupied, digging into the Belgian waffle dessert, it happens once again. This time, though, instead of a small smile from Luke, he’s rewarded with the frankly heart-stopping sight of a young, pretty agent practically sitting in his lap, trying to feed him dessert.

He looks uncomfortable, and immediately Spencer is hit with an overwhelming wave of insecurity, jealousy, and an urge to protect that strangles his breath for a moment. He stares unabashedly, no longer caring whether anyone sees him because that’s his boyfriend and an extremely pretty woman is all over him and he looks like he wants her to stop, and oh my god, what does he do?

“Is that the girl you like all over that dude?” Derek asks sympathetically, catching onto Spencer’s staring. “It’s alright, man, if she’d choose someone else over you then she’s not right for you anyway. Why don’t you come and enjoy your dessert?”

Spencer senses the rest of the team’s eyes on him, but they don’t say anything, probably from a combination of pity, awkwardness, and confidence in Derek to counsel him through it. He’s hardly cognisant of that, though, instead a roar of emotion crashing through his mind, and he has no idea what to do about it.

When he sees a perfectly manicured hand land directly on Luke’s chest, though; when he sees Luke reject her more firmly, this time pushing her away; when he watches as she clearly gears herself up for some sad protest of self-victimisation, he sees red.

Before he can stop himself, he’s storming across the room over to Luke’s table. “Hi,” he says firmly, audibly pissed off and not in the mood for bullshit, “do you mind if I borrow my friend here? I have some official FBI business to discuss with him. Thanks.”

Without waiting for a response, he grabs Luke’s arm and leads him to the corridor outside the main hall, Luke following quickly and willingly behind him.

“Are you okay?” Spencer asks with his brow furrowed, his hand coming up to gently rest on Luke’s waist as he peers at him concernedly through the dim lighting of the hallway.

“Yes, baby, I’m fine,” Luke smiles reassuringly, raising a hand to Spencer’s face. “I’m sorry you had to see that. She was… persistent.”

“She shouldn’t have made you uncomfortable like that,” Spencer insists, still feeling distressed and anxious despite the immediate situation having been diffused.

“You’re right,” Luke agrees. “And she should’ve listened to me when I told her I was taken. I’m sorry you had to see someone flirting with me so openly like that, carinõ, I know you still get insecure about things like that.”

Spencer sighs, relaxing slowly the more he hears Luke’s voice as steady and strong and kind as it always is. He steps forward and buries his face in Luke’s neck as he nestles in close for a comforting hug.

“You know I only have eyes for you, right, sweetheart?” Luke whispers softly, one arm holding his waist and another tangling itself in Spencer’s loose curls.

He nods into Luke’s neck, but doesn’t make any move to pull away, just enjoying the warmth and closeness of standing so intimately with the man he loves until—

“Spencer!” Derek’s voice pulls him violently from his sweet escape from reality and horror instantly floods him as he jerks away from Luke, staring at Derek in a nauseating mixture of alarm and trepidation.

“What…” Derek stares right back at him as both JJ and Tara come tumbling through the doors behind him, looking ready for a fight—

Oh. That makes sense. They all saw him storming towards a woman they thought he had a crush on, then pull the man she was flirting with out into the most secluded corridor surrounding the hall. Even considering Spencer’s character, he has to admit that the circumstances definitely look like he was gearing up for a fight, and everyone knows that he is not the kind of person who could hold his own against an ex-military man who chases down criminals for a living.

“You’re… not fighting him,” Derek says hesitantly, the puzzle pieces clearly falling into place for him.

Spencer shakes his head minutely, and is only thankful when Luke inches closer and wraps an arm around him. After all, he has nothing more to lose.

“You were looking at him, not her,” Derek continues slowly.

Spencer nods, unable to meet the eyes of any of the three friends standing in front of him.

“You’re dating him,” he says, still sounding shocked, his voice almost entirely numb. “You’re gay.”

“Or bisexual,” Tara offers, and Spencer takes a little comfort in the fact that she doesn’t sound shocked or upset, her voice warm and helpful. He tries to meet her eye, but he can’t work up the courage and buries closer into Luke’s embrace instead.

“Gay,” he whispers.

“Spence,” JJ says quietly, earnestly, “why didn’t you tell us?”

It’s too much to go into right now, too convoluted and long of a story for him to explain when even choking out a single syllable takes a herculean effort, so he shrugs instead.

“We were talking all night assuming you were interested in a woman,” Derek says numbly, more to himself than anything, but Spencer watches out of the corner of his eye as he shakes off the shock and comes back to himself, slowly putting more of the puzzle together as he looks at Spencer. “That’s why you didn’t tell us. We’ve been making assumptions all this time and hurting you in the process.”

“Oh, Spence,” JJ whispers sadly, stepping a little closer.

“I’m so sorry, pretty boy, I— I should’ve known or tried to be more inclusive at least, I’m so sorry I made you feel like this.”

The regret in his friends’ voices and the absence of a negative reaction brings him out of the safety of Luke’s arms slightly. His boyfriend is eyeing him with serious concern, and he tries a smile to reassure him a little, squeezing his hand.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he manages, clearing his throat awkwardly as he finally succeeds in making eye contact. “It’s a long story and I’ll tell you another time, but, uh​​— this is Luke. We’ve been together for eight months, two weeks, and four days.”

Luke smiles fondly. “As much as we didn’t expect to reveal it like this, it’s nice to meet all of you properly,” Luke says warmly, shaking everyone’s hands quickly before stepping back to Spencer and interlocking their fingers, pressing a quick but meaningful kiss to his temple.

“I’m really glad you felt able to share this with us, Spence,” Tara says encouragingly, smiling at him in that bright, reassuring way of hers that rivals Penelope in the warmth and comfort it radiates. “I’m proud of you.”

Something about her reaction this entire time has him wondering whether she already knew. He’ll ask her later when he feels less like his heart is still firmly lodged in his throat.

“Me too, kid,” Derek agrees, smiling as well. Spencer wonders whether the initial shock and numb reaction was more a response to his own behaviour than anything about him and Luke, and the thought makes him feel substantially better.

JJ grins, stepping forward and grabbing Spencer’s other hand. “Me three.”

Before anyone can say anything else, the doors are opening again and Penelope is flying through them.

“Oh! Thank god you’re all okay! You just ran off after Spencer and I left you guys to it because I thought you could handle it better than I could but then you didn’t come back and even Hotch was worried, and—” she cuts herself off as she realises everyone staring at her, and slowly she takes in the scene around her. “Oh my god, I’ve missed something. Oh my god, I missed a moment, didn’t I? What have I told you guys about having moments without me? Someone tell me what happened, please, before I explode—”

“Alright, Penelope,” Spencer chuckles, interrupting her. He’s known her for too long to expect her to cut herself off when she’s on a tirade like that. “Uh, this is Luke. My boyfriend.”

“Your… your boyfriend? Oh my god, I finally get to meet him? Wait you told the others? Oh my god I’ve missed so much!”

“Penelope knew?” Derek asks, surprised.

“Half of mine and Spencer’s mutual friends are FBI Agents, and the other half are drag queens, of course I knew,” Penelope dismisses him, “but he wasn’t ready for me to meet his boyfriend yet or even know his name and I very nicely did not go hunting to find him out because I could’ve done that, but I didn’t, because I value you so much as a friend, Spencer, and I’m so glad you finally—”

“Penelope!” Spencer interjects, laughing even more as the tension and distress he’d felt only minutes ago finally melts away fully. “Do you actually want to introduce yourself to Luke, or do you want to keep rambling about drag queens?”

“Right! Yes!” she says eagerly, turning to Luke. “I’m Penelope and it is so nice to meet you, like you don’t even know how much I’ve wanted to meet the man who has my blueberry muffin blushing bright pink in the corner of my batcave while he texts on the phone, and I know you call him carinõ because I saw a text once and it’s the sweetest nickname ever, you are just the cutest, and we are going to be best friends—”

Spencer rests his head on Luke’s shoulder as he listens fondly to Penelope rambling and his friends chatting amongst themselves and everyone getting to know the most important man in his life — the only man he’s ever wanted anything long term with, the only man he’s ever wanted to actually marry one day — and a warm, sweet feeling of contentment floods his chest.

It’s far from the way he thought he’d feel after the team found about Luke, and he savours it, holds it in his mouth for as long as he can before swallowing the memory and filing it away to treasure forever. A moment like this deserves that kind of reverence.

“How are you feeling about tonight?” Luke asks gently as they crawl into bed, tired but happy at gone 2am. He pulls Spencer into his side as soon as they’re under the duvet, resting his chin on his head as he always does.

Moments like these make Spencer smile, the kind of familiar routine that’s so essential to their relationship. Luke had figured out early on that close physical contact and firm touches make him feel safe and settle his racing mind, so they’d worked out positions that made them both feel comfortable, and now relaxing into them is second nature.

“A bit weird,” Spencer admits after thinking for a moment. “I’m happy that they know now and everyone took it well, but it’s strange. A significant part of who I am has been not only that I’m gay, but the dedication I felt to protecting that secret. And now that it’s out, it feels like something private has been bared for my friends to inspect.”

“I think that’s only natural,” Luke muses quietly, pressing a kiss to Spencer’s curls. “It’ll take some getting used to, but you’ll adjust eventually.”

Spencer sighs. “Yeah, you’re right. After I tackle telling Hotch and Rossi, it’ll be nice not to have to hide it. I’ll be able to talk about you at work and maybe even go crazy and put a photo of you on my desk.”

“Wow, that is wild, check you out,” Luke chuckles, before they settle into a comfortable silence in the warm glow of their bedroom. Eventually, he speaks up though, quiet and reverent. “I’m proud of you, carinõ. I really am.”

The words instantly make Spencer smile, a light blush tinging his ears again. He hides his face in Luke’s chest, scooching impossibly closer into his arms. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you, too, Spencer,” Luke replies, a happy sigh in his voice.

He reaches over and turns off the bedside lamp. His hand returns to Spencer’s hair and something clicks into place somewhere, a fundamental alignment of the universe that brings a feeling of something so incredibly right as their breathing rhythmically matches to one another and they slide into the welcome embrace of sleep.

I hope you enjoyed that! I had a lot of fun with this one. If anyone has any more ralvez relationship reveal prompts, feel free to send them my way!

Taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @hotchseyebrows @reidology @spencerspecifics @tobias-hankel @marsjareau @hotchscotchh @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @thataveragenerd @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @ropoto @cmily @nudgerox @love-pyramus @notevanbuckley @downwiththedoorpoole @nomajdetective (Add yourself to my taglist here!)

[apricotgojo]

hello love! I got bored and thought of this. So it’s the readers bday and they like Adrien. Adrien like the reader and marinette hates that he does. So like reader is planning on throwing a party bc it’s their birthday so marinette decided to throw a party on the same day at the same time. And since reader is kinda new, everyone decided to go to Mari’s party. So that happens, but when Adrien gets to readers party, they’ve done gone batshit crazy, like screaming, crying, smashing things, idk just losing their shit. Not like in anger, they’re just really hurt by it. No hawk moth tho😩 hawkdaddy go on vacay or sum🤺🤺 Mk sorry this is long and it’s late and I’m kiiinndaaa drunk and in da feels anyway bye bye

HELLO ANON! SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT BUT HERE IT IS! I never thought that i would have to write about mean marinette but here i am LMAO. i hope you like it bb <33

Pairing: Adrien Agreste X Reader

Warnings: Swearing. 

Tags: angst, Marinette is a bitch in this oops, alexa play pity party by melaine martinez. 

“Love, Adrien.”

“Wow, that’s really cringey Adrien.”

“Shut up plagg, I need to confess to her some way or another.”

Adrien Agreste is sprawled out on his bed and he just finished writing a birthday card for you. Yes, it was quite cheesy but he decided that today was going to be the day he confesses his feelings towards you. He’s had his eye on you ever since your first day of school and you’ve both gotten closer to each other, flirting constantly but never making a move. Needless to say, he was head over heels for you and was too much of a pussy to ever admit it. But tonight was the night.

You invited him over to your house for your birthday party along with your other classmates and he didn’t even think twice to agree – especially since his dad is at a fashion expo in Spain. All he wanted was for you to have the best birthday party you could possibly have. You really meant a lot to him.

  his thoughts disappear when all of a sudden his phone beeps.

 ‘Y/N’S PARTY WILL BE HELD AT MY PLACE SO WE CAN SURPRISE HER, DON’T MENTION ANYTHING TO HER. 7PM ! DON’T BE LATE! ~Marinette’

  ‘Sorry, can’t come tonight.’ You frowned as you stared at your phone, seeing a text from Marinette. You and her weren’t really that close to be honest but you still wished for her to come and have a good time. You sighed and plopped down on your bed. It’s your sweet 16th and you wanted it to be perfect. You hoped that enough people would show up. It was your first birthday here in Paris and although you haven’t been here for a while, you thought that you already made close connections with your classmates, especially a certain blond.

All you wanted was for him to show up mostly, maybe tonight you could make a move. Maybe tonight you could possibly hold his hand, maybe dance with him, maybe give him a kiss on his soft cheek or a small peck on the lips-

Your face heated up at that thought and a grin appeared on your face. You hugged your pillow and quietly squealed. Tonight was the night and nothing could possibly ruin it.

Or so you hoped.

 Everywhere was decorated with fairy lights, balloons and glitter. Music was already playing and there were drinks and snacks for everyone to enjoy. You were wearing the outfit you’ve been planning for ages and you were sitting down, leg bouncing as you wait for people to arrive.

Did you get the time incorrect? you did mention to everyone that you’re meeting up at 7pm. It was 7:15.

Maybe they were running late? But how could it be that all of them were running late?

You furrow your eyebrows and grab your phone. You go on Instagram to see if anyone posted anything about their whereabouts.

Kim was live.

You click on it and see him walking through a crowd of people.

“Marinette, this party is amazing!” you hear him shout.

“Thanks Kim.” You hear her say.

Your jaw drops Anger starts bubbling inside of you.

Kim turns the phone up and shows Nino on the dj stand. He waves to the camera.

“Adrien! say hi to my live.” Adrien appears next to Kim. He was caught off guard. He smiles sheepishly and waves at the camera awkwardly.

Your phone drops out of your grasp and tears start rolling down your cheeks furiously.

 Adrien was looking everywhere for you. it was already 8pm and he was wondering when you’d show up. He held your gift and note close to his chest, he wanted to personally give them to you.

“H-hey Adrien..” The voice of Marinette makes him turn around to face her.

“Marinette! Where’s the birthday girl?” He asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

Marinette stares at him for a moment and nervously chuckles. “oh- well- she uh- she can’t make it!” He shrugs and laughs again. “did you get something to drink? We have pomegranate juice, peach lemonade, spr-“

“what do you mean she can’t make it? Why the hell is the party still going?” Adrien questions, looking around in disbelief.

“Adrien i-“

“Marinette, your plan is totally working, can’t believe everyone fell for- “ Alya stops speaking when she notices that Adrien is in front of her and purses her lips.

Adrien stares at Marinette for a moment, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head. “On her own birthday? Marinette, this is so not like you.” He was disgusted by her actions.

“Adrien wait!” She calls out. “I can explain.”

“I don’t know why you did this, or what the hell is wrong with you but this was really low. I’m out of here.” He glares at her before walking away from her.

 You were out of control. You cried, you screamed, you threw everything you saw in front of your eyes until you fell on your knees, sobbing.

You couldn’t believe Marinette would do this, you couldn’t believe everyone would do this to you, especially Adrien.

You thought you’ve grown close to the people in your class but you were wrong. They didn’t show up to your birthday party, they lied to you. Your heart was broken.

You held your knees close to your chest as the music lowly played behind you. It was mostly drawn out by your sobs and sniffles.

You hear footsteps approaching you and you look up, with red puffy eyes and see a familiar blond through your blurry vision.

It was Adrien. You look away and sob even harder at the thought of him seeing you like this, with everything destroyed around you. Why did he come here? Did he want to taunt you further?

He kneels down next to you and rubs your shoulder, moving you to his chest and causing you to nuzzle your face there.

“I hate this. I hate today, I hate Marinette.” You mumble. Maybe hate was a strong word, but you didn’t care at that moment.

You look up at him. “Why did you come here Adrien? Do you want to make me feel even more embarrassed than I already am?” You croak out.

He shakes his head. “Please, I swear to you Marinette told me that your birthday party was moved to her place, she told everyone that.” He sighs and shows you his phone so you could see the message Marinette sent him.

“Fucking bitch!” You exclaim and hide your face in your hands again.

“Hey, hey. I got here as soon as I found out she was lying. All I wanted was to celebrate your birthday and make you happy” He says quietly.  “I’m so fucking sorry that this happened.” He says and rests his head against yours in a comforting manner.

You look up at him and wipe your eyes, sniffling. “Well, there’s nothing I can do now. It’s ruined.” You mumble and sigh. “I thought Marinette was my friend you know?” You mutter.

“I know.” Adrien nods and looks down. He stares at the card in his hand and bites his lip, his heart racing at the thought of giving this to you.  “Maybe this will make you feel better.” He says, a small smile twitching on his lips as he hands you the envelope.

You widen your eyes and look up at him as if hesitant to open it. You open it though and you begin to read it.

Ever since the first time I saw you, you absolutely took my breath away. Ever since the day I first saw you, I thought to myself that I have to get to know you better. I did. And that may have been one of the best decisions of my life. You have a beautiful mind, a beautiful soul and a beautiful heart. To be honest, I think I keep falling for you every day. Happy birthday Ma belle, i hope you have the best one yet.

Love, Adrien.

Tears start rolling down your cheeks again, but this time it was because of his sweet words. Your heart finally felt whole.

You look up at him with glistening eyes and give him a wobbly smile.

He smiles sheepishly at you. “Will you go on a date with me?” He asks.

You didn’t even answer, you just leaned in and placed your lips on his.

It was small, but you felt fireworks burst inside of you.

You pull away and watch him flutter his eyes at you, his cheeks glowing red.

“Does that answer your question?” You ask.

He chuckles and kisses you again.

Maybe your birthday wasn’t so bad after all.

[hajimine]

BETWEEN THE NOTES — SEMI EITA x GN!READER

synopsis: for as long as you can remember, you and Semi Eita have always hated each other—but a couple of tender glances and one too many bottles of beer later, you find out that maybe you were looking at it the wrong way this whole time.

genre: fluff, (kinda) enemies to lovers, musician!au, mutual pining but they’re both idiots, jealousy, etc.

warnings: alcohol + intoxication (nothing bad happens), slight suggestive themes, vulgar language, kinda fast paced?

wc: ~2.5k

to: @archivednikes happy birthday shawdy <3

special thanks to: @rintaroll for beta-ing & telling me a lil bit about how bands work and stuff bc idk shit lol :,)

“Semi, get your ass moving,” you huff. “You’re gonna make me late.”

He gives you a smug look and raises a slitted eyebrow. “Did something crawl up your ass and died? What’s up with you?”

You exhale heavily through your nose and stare at him, unimpressed.

“We gotta catch the afternoon train if you wanna reach the venue in time for our gig. This is a really good opportunity for me, don’t you dare mess it up.” you say, gathering the last of your things for the trip.

There is a tingling sensation crawling down your spine, as if someone is staring at you. You look over your shoulder curiously, opening your mouth to utter another snarky remark to get your partner to stop gawking around and get ready.

But the intensity behind his gaze caught you by surprise.

Those hazel eyes of his—ones that are usually sharp and cold—held a sort of softness in them as he looks at you. When you caught him staring, his gaze did not falter one bit.

You couldn’t stop your eyes from traveling down the perfect slope of his nose, continuing down to his pouty lips.

As much as you hate him, you can’t deny that Semi Eita is an attractive man. Heck, even the word attractive isn’t enough to express how infuriatingly hot he is.

Your gaze stays on his lips for a second too long. Have they always looked this soft and inviting?

The dry cough from the opposite side of the room is the only thing that managed to break you out of this trance. Semi Eita’s trance.

Your manager stands by the door, tapping her foot on the wooden tiles impatiently.

“Now, lovebirds,” she narrows her eyes, “Save the PDA for tonight, yeah? We’ve got a schedule to follow.”

You roll your eyes at her, cheeks uncomfortably warm. And just like that, the strange yet tender moment you shared with Semi dissipated into thin air.

。。。

You don’t know if you should take pity on the gray-haired singer or if you should laugh at him.

Currently, Semi’s head is bowed down in shame as he gets an earful from his manager in the middle of a crowded train.

You see, the four of you should’ve arrived at the venue by now. Both your managers are very strict about schedules, and they planned to arrive at the bar two hours before the agreed time.

Thankfully, his bandmates have been a little more punctual than him and have successfully boarded the 4pm train. But Mr. Popular right here just had to stop every few minutes to take pictures with every single fan he met on the way to the station.

“It’s half past five now,” his manager whisper-shouts, “Do you know what that means?”

Semi tries to give her an awkward smile to calm her down. It doesn’t work.

“It’s rush hour! What if we won’t reach the bar in time? It could ruin both your careers, do you know that?” she glares at Semi once again, but there is less bite in her voice now.

“I’m sorry,” Semi starts, plastering a charming smile on his face, “I only wanted to be nice to the fans. Wouldn’t make too good of an impression if I just ignored them, no?”

His manager sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, exasperated. She motions for Semi to stop talking with a wave of her hand.

The singer grins, and out of the corner of your eyes, you can sense his sharp gaze on you once more.

You try to ignore it.

。。。

When your group reaches the bar, Semi’s bandmates are almost done preparing themselves for the gig.

The bar is dimly lit and cool, the multitudes of warm overhead lighting being the only source of light in the room. It’s not too busy tonight, you observe. Some people still donned their work clothes, perhaps rushing over to the bar right after a long day at work—mingling around with friends to let loose for a little and enjoy themselves.

“Dude, where were you?” Aito asks, eyebrows turned downwards in a frown.

Semi pats the guitarist on the side of his head, “Relax, we’ve got plenty of time to prepare.”

Aito rolls his eyes, completely used to his bandmate’s antics.

“Whatever,” he huffs. “By the way, are we gonna have a little after party later?”

“Uh,” Semi’s eyes flicker towards you for one second, then back to Aito, “I dunno man, might be too tired to get wasted tonight.”

The guitarist narrows his eyes. He didn’t miss the way Semi’s gaze lingered on you.

“Y/N,” Aito smirks. “You coming to the after party?”

You were listening to their conversation this whole time, finding the whole exchange quite amusing.

“Eh, I don’t see why not,” you smile sweetly, “It’s gonna be even better now that this dude isn’t coming anyways.” You pointed your thumb at the vocalist.

From where he’s standing, you hear Semi scoff.

“Y’know what?” he sneers, “On second thought, I am going. How does that make you feel, huh?”

You shrug, feigning indifference.

“I literally do not care.”

“Piss off.”

Aito throws his head back in laughter, shaking his head as he walks away from the scene, muttering about people being too clueless and dense for their own damn good.

You adjusted your equipment bag on your shoulder, exhaling loudly to try and calm your heart down.

。。。

It is in moments like these that you remember why you decided to go forth with this career path, no matter how rocky it may be.

Adrenaline courses through your veins as you sing the lyrics of you and Semi’s song; every ounce of the jittery nerves you had just a few moments ago long gone.

There’s nobody else in this world that can ever take your place

Some of the customers are listening intently, others just nodding along to the song, and the rest not even listening at all.

You could hear your heartbeat thumping loudly against your chest, the sweat trickling down your forehead and into your eyes making it harder for you to see the crowd.

And when the day’s all done and dusted, all I ever need is to be in your arms again

You whip your head towards Semi, just like the countless times you rehearsed this song together.

“It shows chemistry,” your manager had said, “play it up for the crowd, will ya?”

The butterflies in your stomach flutters about restlessly when you notice that Semi has been looking at you this whole time.

His eyes—sharp and intense—held your gaze, unabashed. Steady. Sure.

Will you stay tonight? ‘Cause baby you’re all that I need, and you’re all that I want.

And in that moment, with your eyes locked on each other, the world seems to stop.

Nothing else matters, Semi’s lopsided smile says, only you.

。。。

The performance flew by in the blink of an eye, and it’s a little past midnight now. As promised, your managers held a little after party in the shared lounge of your penthouse suite.

It’s not as fancy as it sounds, you smile to yourself. There are suspicious stains on the gray carpet, and the furniture smells vaguely of cigarette smoke and sweat.

Bottles of beers have already littered the floor and glass table, and you haven’t even started drinking.

“Duuuude,” Yuuto slurs, “Why are ya so tense for?”

The bassist points at you and Semi, eyelids drooping as he tries his best to keep them open.

“C’mon guys,” Aito clasps his shoulders and massages them roughly, “Relax a little, we did amazing tonight.”

Semi shrugs his friend’s hands away, annoyed. He snatches an unopened bottle of beer from the cooler and opens the cap with his teeth.

You gulp. He hands you the bottle wordlessly before grabbing another one for himself, chugging it down quickly. You mirror his actions, hoping that the alcohol can dull the annoying fluttering in your stomach that refuses to leave ever since the two of you shared that intimate moment on stage.

For fuck’s sake, what’s going on with me?

Your trick works, in a way. Your stomach feels pleasantly warm now, and your breathing has finally evened out. Another unopened bottle of beer lays invitingly on the couch and you reach for it, opting for a bottle opener instead of doing it like Semi.

“Bro,” Yuuto grins at the singer, drool threatening to leave the corner of his mouth, “Did’ya see that blonde chick in the front row? She was hardcore eye-fucking you dude.”

“Ah,” Semi takes another swig of his beer, a cute flush blossoming in his cheeks.

Wait, what. Cute?

“She gave me her number when we were gathering up our stuff.” He runs his hand through his hair.

“You gonna hit her up or what?” Aito teases, smirking.

The singer shrugs, “Maybe, I dunno.”

Your breath hitches, and Aito’s smirk widens. You raise your eyebrows at him, silently telling him to fuck off.

“Where’s Kai?” you hear Semi ask. Come to think of it, you haven’t seen the drummer since after the show was over.

“Oh,” the guitarist laughs, “Fucker left us for some girl he saw in the bar. Might see him tomorrow morning, might not. Who knows?”

The vocalist hums and walks over to where you’re sitting, plopping down on the old couch.

“The managers?” Semi casually drapes his arm on the back of the sofa. You feel yourself tensing as your heart races uncontrollably, and the singer looks over at you with an unreadable expression on his face.

Aito scratches the back of his neck, quickly losing interest in the conversation.

“They decided to sleep in early. Long day, I guess.”

Semi nods and rests his head on the top of the couch, exposing his defined jawline. His eyelashes look so pretty from this angle, they’re long and fluttery and they almost…

Huh?

“Eita, are you gonna hit that blonde girl up or nah?” Aito provokes, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You clench your teeth and reach for yet another bottle—your fourth one this past hour. Or fifth. You don’t bother counting. Semi looks over at you again, but this time his eyes holds a sort of concern in them. You scoff to yourself.

“Uh,” the singer looks at his friend weirdly, “Why are you so insistent on this? I did say maybe didn’t I?”

Aito laughs. You almost recoil in disgust.

“Oh nothing,” he chuckles, “It’s just that she’s really hot and she’s your type so—”

You stand up abruptly, knocking over some empty beer bottles by accident. The regret is immediate. You can feel the acid in your stomach traveling up your esophagus, tickling the back of your throat.

Semi quickly stands up when you clasp a hand over your mouth, trying your best to hold it together.

“Shit,” he mutters, “You okay?”

He rubs tiny circles on the small of your back, an action that’s supposed to be soothing but instead causes tingles to run up and down your spine. You shiver.

Another wave of nausea hits before you could respond, causing your knees to almost give out under you.

“Whoa there, angel,” Semi wraps his arm around your waist, holding you flush to his side to support your weight.

You groan softly as your head spins uncomfortably. Droplets of cold sweat is starting to form on your forehead, adding another layer of discomfort upon you.

“You wanna go to your bedroom?” Semi murmurs close to your ear. You shiver again. At this, Semi thought that you’re freezing so he drapes his leather jacket on your shoulders, holding you close.

You nod weakly as you try to blink the black spots in your vision away.

From somewhere around the room, you hear Aito snicker, “Stay safe!”

You turn your head around to give him a deathly glare, but all you see is a big blob of blurriness.

Dammit.

。。。

Semi takes the key card from your bag and pushes the door open, placing your duffel bag on the floor after

He guides you to the bathroom—with gentleness you rarely see from him—and sets the toilet cover down so you can sit on it while he wets a towel with the running tap water.

“You still feel dizzy?” he asks, voice soft.

You stare at his fingers as he wrings the towel and shakes your head.

Semi holds out the cloth and pats your forehead with it, the coolness allowing you to feel a little more refreshed.

“Do you want me to make you some tea?” he wipes the back of your neck carefully.

Shit. Has he always been this thoughtful?

You shake your head again, telling him that you just want to go to sleep.

He sighs and gives you a half-smile, holding out his arm to help you to the bed.

Semi still has it in him to give you a little but of privacy as you wiggle out of your tight jeans, looking away until you slip under the covers.

He helps you pull the plush white comforter closer to your chest, tucking you in.

Your mind doesn’t feel as hazy as it was a few hours ago, but the leftover alcohol coursing through your veins gave you a sort of boost to your impulses.

“Eita,” you whisper, reaching out towards the singer, “Stay?”

The singer halts in his steps and turns to look at you.

“Uh, I don’t know Y/N,” he starts, “You’re drunk right now.”

“No I’m not,” you say, steady voice proving your point. “Please?”

Semi glances over at the door and sighs. He chewed on his lower lip for a few seconds before sighing again.

“Okay.”

。。。

You’re struggling to open your eyes when you wake up, the harsh sunlight streaming into the room completely unfiltered.

Drunk you completely forgot to close the blinds, it seems.

You groan audibly, wanting to pull the covers above your head to hide yourself from this cruel world.

You freeze. Why can you feel someone’s soft breaths on the crown of your head?

Nervously, you reach out in front of you, eyes still shut closed. Oh no.

You force your eyes open, grimacing from the sudden brightness. Your eyes widen at the sight in front of you. Semi Eita, your supposed nemesis, is sleeping soundly a few inches away from you, arms wrapped around your waist.

What the hell happened last night?

A small squeak leaves your mouth as you fully realize the situation you’re in. The small noise wakes Semi up from his slumber, causing him to slowly open his eyes, squinting at the bright light.

“Morning, angel,” he croaks, voice raspy with sleep.

My god does he look pretty in the morning.

You stay there, frozen and unblinking. All the words at the tip of your tongue seem to disappear from existence.

Semi blinks, sitting up quickly.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he rubs his eyes vigorously, “I should’ve said no when you asked me to stay. Fuck, you were drunk and I—”

You grab the back of his neck and pull him closer to you, a small smile gracing your lips.

Your thumb grazes Semi’s bottom lip, dragging it down every so slightly before releasing it, enjoying the way he seems to unravel under your touch.

“Shut up and kiss me, will you?” you murmur, trying to keep your cool as your heart hammers against your chest loudly.

At this, Semi breaks out of his reverie and laughs, “I thought you’d never ask.”

a/n: if you’ve made it this far, please feel free to let me know what you think about this fic! and please REBLOG IF YOU ENJOYED mwah <3

© HAJIMINE — all rights reserved. please do not repost, copy, or claim any of my works as your own, thank you.

[saintobio]

not me also hating suguru and ieiri for pushing y/n to go with them on the bora-bora trip knowing full well that sera would be there too 🥲 i hate that gojo is still an insensitive asshole no matter how forgiving and kind-hearted y/n is. Motherfucker didn’t even apologize for calling her an attention seeker 😡😡😡 I literally can’t wait for the day that his heart (& dick) gets shredded into pieces 😡 he fucking deserves that ALDJAKSKA literally also can’t wait for the day that y/n MAYHAPS be Mrs. Fushiguro / Zenin (whichever surname shall be used) 🥰🥰🥰

question: do we get to see MORE of Toji in the next few chapters? 🥰🥰🥰 hehehehe

Anonymous said

I was so mad at Shoko + Geto during the scene where they bring up the Bora Bora trip. It’s already bad enough that they know about Gojo’s infidelity + just remain as bystanders. But the fact that Sera is going on the trip (that’s how I understood it) and they STILL told her to go. Not Shoko being like “it’ll still be fun” NENSNS UM sure 🙂 I’m sure we’d love to third wheel with our husband + his mistress. It’s like they pity y/n and don’t actually place themselves in her shoes the way she does for everyone else. I hope we look super hot on the trip and Gojo’s hoe ass is left high and dry 🥰 MANANS OR perhaps papi toji wants to fly out and “coincidentally” run into us there 👀

Anonymous said

it’s probably just me but inviting the mc to the bora bora trip wasn’t the right move especially finding out sera was going(?) like they had their hearts in the right place but the idea wasn’t it 😭 i’m glad they care for the mc like that tho.

Anonymous said

i don't want to go to bora bora with them 😭 especially not if sera's coming with us. ever since i found out geto knows about sera, i haven't liked them. i started to dislike ieiri for telling me to come knowing that sera was coming too, and i especially hate geto for bringing her up. imagine i didn't know about sera. but i also don't want to go because it's only for show, and that really hurts, more than if he just didn't tell me and went with sera instead. i feel like a lot is going to happen in bora bora and that it's the angst you're talking about 😭

ok let me clear this up, i am in no way defending geto and ieiri for tolerating gojo’s infidelity but if u go back to read part 7, geto asked if sera’s still coming bc it’s baffling to him how gojo may have actually still invited her. geto doesn’t mean any harm to y/n, and it was probably stupid to mention the mistress in front of the wife, but his intention was simply to confirm if sera rly is coming bc shit is surprising. ieiri, on the other hand, focused on making sure that y/n still feels invited bc it’d be rude that they talk abt a trip and not include her ?? like yea sure sera being invited is messy, but they didn’t know she was still coming now that y/n and gojo are married. moreover, y/n is the wife so ieiri believes that she deserves to be there (and spoilers! ieiri just wants to see y/n upholding her claim on gojo on this trip bc it seems like the perfect situation for y/n to confront her husband’s mistress while they’re away from everyone in japan)

since they do this trip yearly and sera has been w them once, they probably made a promise to her that they’ll come back again while assuming that sera and gojo would still be together by the time!! sera is looking forward to the trip thinking that it’s gonna be her special time away w gojo in private for a long time so there is no way she’s uninviting herself to a trip that was meant to have her in the first place :>

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-Three

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: so yeah this isn’t my best work bc i havent been feeling great lately but i hope you guys can stay patient with me until i get my shit together. we’re almost to the end🤞

***

Sitting crammed between Elain and Feyre on the gray couch in Lana’s office, Nesta has to cross her legs prettily and pretend she doesn’t want to peel out of her skin right there. She doesn’t know what she was thinking when she invited her sisters to one of her therapy sessions, but she’s assuming it would be considered rude to kick them out now.

“Who wants to speak first?” Lana’s bob swings as she looks at each of them. The office is ice cold today, and Feyre and Elain’s presence doesn’t help the chill in the air.

Nesta crosses her arms before she can be asked to speak. “No, thank you,” she says. She knows everyone probably expects better from her, but no way in hell is she going to be the first to open up in front of this crowd. “Feyre,” she turns to her youngest sister instead, “why don’t you say something?”

“Actually, why don’t you set the example, Nesta?” Lana gives her a look, making her cheeks redden with irritation.

“Fine,” Nesta grumbles. She clears her throat. “As you can see, I have made moves to reconnect with my sisters. I invited them here because I hoped that therapy would bring us closer and also make them more… tolerable.”

Elain coughs, “Bitch.”

Nesta smiles tightly. “Elain could especially use this, I think.”

Lana is already frowning. She never frowns this early into a session. “We’ll start with an easy question, then. What’s been on your mind lately, Nesta?”

Nesta purses her lips, pretending to think. “Nothing important. I’m looking at jobs for the summer. I think Azriel keeps sneaking money into my purse, and it’s starting to become more than a little condescending. I caught up with some friends from school, and I was polite enough to pay for lunch.” She mentions off to the side to Elain, “Lucien was there, too.”

“Why would I care?” Elain sneers. She spies Lana’s disapproving look and lowers her head demurely. “Sorry,” she murmurs.

“That’s alright,” Lana says. “Why don’t you go next?”

“Me?” Elain’s head snaps up, and Nesta holds in her snicker.

“Start by describing your relationship with Nesta. I heard you two used to be very close.” Lana uncaps her pen, preparing to write.

Elain flushes lightly and folds her hands. “That was when we were children. The only thing keeping us together was that we shared a home. When we stopped living in the same place, some of us had no problem leaving others in the dust.”

“You can use my name,” Nesta rolls her eyes, “I’m right here.”

From the corner of her vision, Feyre cringes.

“Are you saying you feel abandoned by Nesta?” Lana continues probing.

Elain’s answering silence tells more than enough. Therapy must actually be paying off, though, because Nesta only thinks about interrupting and defending herself for a second before shaking it off. Her mind focuses on the word abandonment instead.

Lana is focusing on the same thing, because she leans closer and says, “Being abandoned bothers you?”

“I never said that,” Elain says indignantly.

“It would bother most people.”

Nesta watches Elain sigh and blink her big doe eyes at Lana. She’s always been able to use those eyes on anybody for anything. “I just don’t understand why I’m the villain for expecting a little loyalty,” Elain says sweetly. “Especially when you take a look at this face.” She cups her round cheeks. “You know psychology. How could you abandon this face?”

Nesta’s jaw hangs open. “Are we still talking about me?” She remembers Cassian telling her the story behind Azriel ghosting Elain, and a pang of guilt and pity hits her. She still hasn’t talked with Elain about why Azriel left Velaris, and she knows she won’t be able to decide whether to spare Az or not until she does.

“So that’s my turn,” Elain finishes up. “Feyre can go next.”

Lana is writing something sharply on her notepad, but she nods coolly. “Feyre, how would you describe your relationship with your sisters?”

“Oh, we don’t have time for all of that,” Feyre laughs awkwardly and waves a hand.

Nesta agrees, but the look Lana gives Feyre tells her that yes, they do have time.

Gulping, Feyre glances around. “Well, I was born last, so I guess that made me the outsider of the family. I never had much in common with my sisters, but now that we’re older I… hoped that we would grow past that.”

Translation: she hoped that once she found her happy ending in Rhysand’s arms, poor little Nesta and Elain would happily assimilate into her new community of wealthy friends, putting the cherry on top of her perfect life. And while Elain did that exact thing, it’s always bothered Feyre that Nesta won’t do the same.

Feyre continues, “I admit I’m not the best at understanding Nesta. Elain and I get along fine now, but Nesta…” Feyre meets her eyes. “It’s like nothing we do is enough for her, but for some reason I can’t stop trying.”

“Whose fault is that?” Nesta mutters.

“You want her approval,” Lana hums, taking notes.

“Is that what it is?” Feyre looks away.

Nesta refrains from saying yes, that’s exactly what it is, and it’s not my problem if you keep looking for something I can’t give.

“What are your feelings about that, Nesta?” Lana turns her focus to her. “Remember that this is a safe space.”

It really isn’t, not with two siblings holding long term grudges against Nesta. But once and for all, she’s going to set the record straight. “I spent most of my life being a bad sister.” Nesta’s voice is apathetic, straightforward. “I let Feyre take the burden of providing for us even though I was the oldest, and I didn’t know how to be anything other than cruel to my family. So once I had the means to do so, I cut everyone off for all of our sakes. I still don’t regret it, because being a stranger is better than being a bad sister.”

In that way, Nesta is a bit like her mother. Nesta was angry after her death, but she knows she would have been even angrier if Magdalene Archeron had lived and continued to be a disappointing parent. In that way, both of them are wise for leaving their families when they did.

“Or you could just be a good sister,” Elain interrupts with a drawl.

Nesta smirks bitterly at her. “I’d rather die.”

Feyre takes in a breath. “Why? Why are you like that with us?” She blinks furiously, and Nesta can see the simmer of her emotions. “It was okay when we thought you hated everybody, but you don’t. You only hate me and Elain.”

Nesta looks to Lana for help, but her therapist is sitting this one out. She sighs through her nose. “I don’t hate you,” she says, even though they might never understand. The next line comes with great difficulty. “I’ve loved you since before I even knew what love was. But I don’t like you very much, Feyre, and you don’t like me, either. Please stop trying to change that.”

When she finally meets Feyre’s eyes, though, they’re glimmering with tears. “How can I stop trying to change that?” Feyre whispers. “How can I give up on us like that?”

For Nesta to give Feyre and Elain the relationship they want from her would require nothing but lies on her part. And as much as she wishes she was capable of lying about this, she can’t do it.

Looking away and down at her hands, Nesta mutters, “It’s not fun for me either, but it’s how I am. I can’t be easy or friendly with you. I hate watching you try to make me be easy or friendly.”

Nobody says anything to that, but when Nesta looks up again Lana gives her a remote nod that Feyre and Elain don’t catch. Thank you for your vulnerability, it says.

“You said something interesting, Nesta,” Lana breaks the silence. “Did you see your sisters as your responsibility to raise?”

Nesta shrugs. “I was the oldest,” she repeats.

“Your father was the oldest.”

“He wouldn’t do shit even if you held a gun to his head, so I was up next.�� Though Nesta hadn’t done shit either. Neither had Elain, but the rules have always been different for her. Elain redeems herself to others by handing out sunny smiles and pretending to have the intelligence of a fawn.

Lana stares at Nesta until Nesta’s skin starts to heat. “What?” she says defensively.

Ignoring the other two women in the room, Lana leans forward. “You told me once early into our relationship that part of the reason you left Tennessee was to get away from your sisters. You said you were heartbroken when they ended up following you here.”

Nesta doesn’t breathe or look to see her sisters’ reactions.

“Now I’m going to ask: did you really want to get away from your sisters, or did you want to escape the feeling of failing them?”

Nesta doesn’t know how to answer, because to her they might as well be the same thing. Having Feyre and Elain around is like having a weight tied to her chest. The lingering guilt every time Feyre is in a room, her existence screaming I’m the reason you’re still alive. Elain’s constant expectations of unconditional support and loyalty, whether it’s reciprocated or not. It’s all so heavy. And it all goes back to the fact that the three of them were once just helpless children.

If she couldn’t take care of her sisters, how is she supposed to take care of any child, ever?

Nesta releases a weary sigh. “You’re going to bring this up the next time we have the baby talk, aren’t you?”

Lana’s eyes sparkle. “Don’t get ahead of yourself just yet.” But Nesta can see from where she sits that her therapist’s notepad is covered in bullet points.

***

“I need to use the bathroom.” Feyre is hopping back and forth on her feet once the session is over. “You guys head down to the parking lot without me.” She exits in a rush, leaving the two sisters alone. Nesta hisses in frustration, nearly chasing after Feyre so she won’t have to face the inevitable awkward conversation with Elain.

By the end of the session, it was Elain that broke and pleaded with Nesta, “Don’t do everything we want, then. Just keep doing better, the way you’ve already been doing. I’ll be happy with just that.”

Nesta was surprised that Elain had even noticed her efforts, but she retorted, “And how do you plan to do better?”

To which Elain twirled her hair and murmured something halfheartedly about, “I might be more open to taking criticism or whatever.”

Though it was the absolute bare minimum, it was still a relief for Nesta to hear Elain admit that she has flaws worth criticizing.

Now, Nesta clutches the straps of her purse and turns for the stairwell leading to the parking lot. Elain follows without comment.

Inside the stairwell, Nesta asks, “Have you spoken to Azriel since he left Velaris?”

Elain looks surprised at the sudden question, and doesn’t remember to be guarded when she answers, “No. Why?”

Nesta shrugs, her heels thumping loudly on the linoleum stairs. “Because I know what happened between you two. I know why he left.”

Elain halts midstep, grabbing Nesta’s arm and turning to face her with wide eyes. “What do you mean, you know? He told you?”

“He told Cassian, and Cassian told me.” Nesta hardly cares that she’s being a poor friend to Azriel by spilling all this to Elain, and continues, “If I had known he was such a coward, I would have kicked him out of our place a long time ago… but I figured I would get your input on it first.”

She’s never seen Elain look so genuinely pleading before. “Get my input on what?” Elain breathes. “What did he say about me? Was it something I did?”

At that torn face that borders on heartbroken, Nesta decides that she’ll do more than kick Azriel out of the cabin. She’ll kick him off the whole mountain.

She shoves Elain’s back to get Elain detached from her and moving down the stairs again, and as they walk, Nesta spills everything she knows. She tells Elain about Rhysand’s talent of shoving his nose into places it doesn’t belong, and how one conversation with him managed to convince Azriel to ditch Elain for good. She tells her about how instead of having a straightforward conversation with Elain, Azriel chose to leave the city and hide out in the mountains like a pussy. She might sound blunt, but Elain needs blunt. She needs to know the unfiltered truth of things.

By the time they reach the floor where their cars are parked, Elain is silent. “Did he really say that?” she finally asks quietly. “He said he wants me to hate him?”

“That’s what I heard.” After a moment, Nesta feels the need to add, “You should hate him, though. He fucked up bad.”

When Elain continues strolling for their cars without replying, concern bites at Nesta. “You are mad at him, right? And mad at Rhysand? You’re not going to forgive them, right?”

“I’m not a total pushover,” Elain snaps. She stares at the cement ground as they walk. “I’m just… more disappointed than anything else. He gave up so easily.” She chuckles without humor. “It sounds like he was looking for an excuse to get away from me.”

Nesta frowns. “I don’t think he would’ve spent so long moping around our house if he wanted to leave you.” Though they can never truly know what Azriel was thinking or feeling until he grows a pair and talks to Elain. Still, she shudders at having to defend him.

“I take it he doesn’t mope anymore?” Elain says.

Nesta doesn’t know how to answer that truthfully. She knows there’s more to Azriel than he lets her and Cassian see, and she knows he’s gotten better at keeping his feelings to himself. So she says, “It looks like he’s doing better, but I really don’t know.” They reach Elain’s car.

“Were you in love with him?” Nesta suddenly asks. Or worse, is she still in love with him?

Elain digs around for her keys in her purse. “You know how I am. Of course I was.”

“Not anymore, though?”

Elain looks up, keys now in hand. “It’s hard to still feel love for someone I haven’t talked to in two months.”

Then it wasn’t real love. Nesta is relieved, even though it doesn’t change the fact that Elain is hurting either way.

Elain jabs her keys at Nesta and says sharply, “Don’t you dare punish him for what he did. That’s for me to decide on.”

Nesta’s brow creases in refusal. “I’ll do what I need to do, and you do you.” She’ll have to be careful with her plotting, though, considering Azriel is Cassian’s brother.

“No.” Elain surprises Nesta with the force in her tone. “He’s your roommate and your friend. Keep treating him like it.”

Elain makes it sound easier than it is, and Nesta wants to argue until she sees Feyre heading down the parking lot toward them. “Fine,” she grumbles halfheartedly.

Elain gives her one final long look, not of threat but something else. “Thank you—for inviting us today.” That’s all she says before getting in the driver’s seat of her little red car. At the same time, Feyre catches up to them.

“Where are you parked?” Feyre pants as she approaches Nesta. She sounds a bit out of breath, like she ran to get here before Nesta could drive off alone.

Nesta points down the lot to where her scrappy old car is waiting for her, and Feyre straightens up with a grim smile. “I’ll walk you.”

Nesta knows that arguing isn’t worth it, so she allows Feyre to trail her the rest of the way to her car. Once they reach the old thing, Nesta gives a curt goodbye and heads straight for the driver’s door. Before she can touch the handle, Feyre attacks her from behind with a hug.

“Get off me, freak!” Nesta tries to jostle her way out of Feyre’s arms. She tries being nice to her sisters one time and this is what she gets—

Feyre only squeezes her tighter. “You don’t have to hug back. Just let me love you my way.”

Nesta squirms for another second before stilling. Swallowing tightly, she stares at the reflection of herself and Feyre in the car door window. One of her hands goes to where Feyre’s hands are clasped around her stomach, and she stands there without moving. She can’t remember the last time she shared affection with a family member like this, but it must have been before their mother died.

The warmth at Nesta’s back doesn’t leave, like Feyre is trying to pour all her understanding into the hug. Silently saying, I’m finally starting to get it.

In a way, Nesta is starting to get it, too. After all, how do sisters with such a complicated history begin to forgive each other?

Not by apologizing, but by doing better in the future.

***

On her way home, Nesta remembers at the last minute to stop by Gwyn’s apartment to pick up one of her sweaters. She doesn’t know when Gwyn started raiding her closet like it was a free mall, but she has a school event next week and doesn’t plan on letting her nicest clothes rot at Gwyn’s forever.

Nesta enters using the key beneath the doormat, knowing Gwyn is at work and won’t mind her stopping by. She scans the living and dining areas for a glimpse of brown cashmere, but only finds scattered books and a disorganized mess. Her fingers twitch with the urge to stop and tidy up the place, but she continues hunting for the sweater. Gwyn promised it would be waiting in plain sight for her.

Realizing the scatter-brained girl probably forgot to put the sweater out for her, Nesta pauses in the hallway leading to Gwyn’s bedroom and bites her lip. She doesn’t know if bedrooms are off limits or not, considering how often Gwyn and Emerie have barged into hers, but she knows she doesn’t want to make a second trip here just for a sweater.

Without giving it further thought, she strides into Gwyn’s room—

And yelps to find Gwyn on the bed.

Except she isn’t alone, and there’s definitely another body under the dark green blanket with her, and whoever it is definitely has their head between her legs.

Nesta spins away at the same time she hears Gwyn’s cry of surprise. She braces one hand against the doorjamb and presses the other to her freezing cold face, not having any words for what she just saw.

“Nesta?” Gwyn calls from behind her. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Um, have you seen my sweater? It’s the expensive one.” She’ll just grab it and leave. Or maybe she’ll just leave—yes, that sounds like a good idea.

“Nesta?” a new, deeper voice repeats.

Gwyn hisses, and Nesta freezes because she recognizes that voice. She wants to be wrong so badly, but she has to whirl back around to confirm for herself.

“Azriel?”

***

a/n: i decided to cut this chapter short and add an extra one to flesh out my silly little gwynriel subplot. so if there’s anything specific or random you wanna see happen in the next chapter tell me bc i might have space for prompts!!

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook a favor: @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea

[peaceisadirtyword]

Move On IX (Modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello!♥️ I finished this yesterday but I needed some time to edit it calmly, so I waited until today! I have to say, do you know when you plan an entire fanfic around a scene? Like you imagine a scene but need context, so you end up writing an entire series? This is what happened to me with the last scene of this chapter. I didn’t even know how to write it, and it ended up being much worse than I thought it would be. Anyway, there’s just one chapter left (will probably be ready for next week, bc I finished the internship and I have a bit more time now!) For now, enjoy this one🥰 

Btw! I made a spotify playlist with songs that give me ‘Move On’ vibes, feel free to listen to it and if you have a song that reminds you of it tell me and I will add it!💕

Warnings: angst, like a lot of angst, this is the most angsty thing I’ve ever written, drama bc I’m a dramatic person, a bit of fluff, mentions of anxiety, broken hearts... Angst. Also, Ivar may be a bit out of character (?) sorry :(

Words: 4074

Move On Masterlist

Move On Playlist

gif belongs to @beastologist​

The worst part of going out to the bar with your friends was that they were always surrounded by boys. You weren't that much into one night stands, so you tended to stay next to the bar or go dance by yourself and maybe make new friends as your friends flirted. That night wasn't different. You had barely drank two beers when one of your friends started glancing behind you and biting her lip. 

"Okay, I'm seeing the hottest guys ever right there" she muttered as soon as the conversation died. You were thankful that she didn't interrupt you, at least "Oh my god, they look like nordic Gods"

You raised an eyebrow with curiosity, but didn't turn around. Your other friends quickly checked them out and the giggles and whispers started. You wished you could join them, and gossip about hot guys in bars, but you just couldn't, and every time you tried it ended up being a disaster. 

"They're looking" one of them smirked "I knew it, this dress always works" 

You chuckled, shaking your head but low-key proud as you had been the one choosing her outfit and makeup. They were stunning, and you could understand that every guy in that bar had checked them out at least once, it made you proud to have pretty friends. So you kind of expected it when they started muttering that the guys were approaching. 

They hadn't lied, those boys were truly handsome, and even you widened your eyes and your mouth parted. You couldn't help but smile kindly at them when they greeted all of you. 

"I'm Ubbe" one of them, that had the brightest blue eyes you had ever seen "These are my brothers, Hvitserk and Sigurd" he pointed at the other two, both blonde. One of them, the first one to caught your eye, had dirty blonde hair and green eyes, while the other one had blue eyes but more pale than his brother. You didn't get to stare at them as much as you would have liked to, as you friends introduced themselves. 

"And she's Y/N" one of them pointed at you, and when the three pairs of eyes set on you, you had to clear your throat and look away quickly. 

"It's truly a pleasure to meet all of you" the green-eyed one, with a flirtatious tone, bowed his head slowly with a smirk on his lips "We realized you ran out of drinks" he raised an eyebrow "And we can't allow that, now can we?" 

He was good, one of your friends giggled and his smirk widened. 

"Yeah, we'd like to invite you to some drinks" Ubbe winked at other one of your friends, who nodded slowly.

"Okay, so next round is on you" she shot him a flirtatious smile and before you could react, they were already coupled up and flirting shamelessly. You finished your drink and looked around, a bit bored. 

"Is your friend not going to join us?"

You raised your head. So there were four of them. Well, maybe you would have someone to drink shots with. 

"Ivar is not much into meeting new people" Hvitserk chuckled "He doesn't like people" 

"He's cute" your friend hit your shoulder "Y/N, go talk to him" 

You knew they meant well, and they wanted you to have fun the same way they were having fun, so you rolled your eyes playfully and turned around to see him. 

You expected to see a handsome guy, if he was half as hot as the ones now sitting on your table, he'd be very hot. But you stopped breathing and nearly choked with your drink when you saw him. 

He was probably the most beautiful person you had ever seen. He was beautiful. He looked bored, his finger scrolled down his phone and sometimes his eyes wandered around the room with a scowl on his face. But if he looked like that scowling, you couldn't imagine how he'd look with a smile. 

You realized you had been staring, and cleared your throat as you turned back to your friends. The three brothers were staring at you, and Ubbe and Hvitserk smirked at each other. 

"Um... I wouldn't want to bother him" you shrugged, trying to gain some composure. 

"You wouldn't" Hvitserk raised an eyebrow "Ivar doesn't like people but, he might like a cute girl talking to him" 

"Don't listen to him" the other blonde one, Sigurd, rolled his eyes "He's an asshole, don't even bother" 

"Sigurd" Ubbe sighed, but decided to ignore them and went back to talking to your friend.

Hvitserk glared at his brother and shook his head. 

"I mean, you don't have to flirt with him or anything, I just thought the both of you would like some company" he smiled kindly at you "And I think you'd get along" 

You nodded slowly and he looked back to your friend, who winked at you with a smirk. When you finished your drink, you looked at him again. This time he caught you, and you turned around quickly with widened eyes and your heart racing. After the round of shots Ubbe bought, you stood up. 

Ivar was confused. He had seen you entering the bar with your friends, laughing at something someone said at the door. Then you ordered your drink with a smile and narrowed your eyes while looking for an empty table. When you finally found one, you quickly took your friends there. Now he couldn't see your face, but he kept glancing at you sometimes. He went out with his brothers frequently, and yes, he  looked at girls like they did, but when they'd stand up to go and actually talk to the girls, Ivar would always stay behind. He truly didn't need the pity stares or the smiles full of compassion, he also didn't want to see how they rejected him with a polite smile after they saw his crutches. No one wanted to hook up with the guy with crutches, but they were too nice and too polite to say it in front of him and his brothers. 

You looked beautiful, he noticed you as soon as you entered, and you had a different vibe, but he didn't even dare to think about you too much, not even when his brothers started whispering about that group of cute girls. 

"I also like that one" Hvitserk had said, pointing at you discreetly "But Ivar saw her first, and he had heart eyes while looking at her, so..." He shrugged. 

Ivar was startled by that, and turned to glare at his brother.

"I noticed too" Ubbe chuckled "Come on, let's talk to them, she looks nice" 

Ivar shrugged and looked down, ignoring them. 

"He won't do it" Sigurd raised an eyebrow "And he'd panic if she talks to him"

He had a point, Ivar did panic when he saw you approaching him. At first he thought you were going to the bar, then you looked at him and he gulped. He didn't have any more beer to calm him down, and he felt his heart racing. 

"Hi" you smiled at him, a bit flustered "Can I?" 

You pointed to the chair in front of him, the one Hvitserk had occupied before. Ivar stared at the chair for a couple of seconds before nodding slowly. 

You sat down, a bit taken aback by his silence. 

"I'm Y/N" 

He cleared his throat and finally found the courage to look at your eyes. 

"Ivar" 

"I... They went to flirt with my friends and I thought I'd come here with you because it's..." you wrinkled your nose and he nearly smiled "A bit awkward" 

Ivar nodded slowly. 

"That's okay" 

That's okay? What the fuck?, he thought. 

"Anyway, um... Do you want a beer?" 

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" he raised an eyebrow and his voice startled you. It had a musical tone, not too deep but not that high either. It was oddly attractive. 

"Well, I was going to invite you, but if that's affecting your masculinity, I will let you pay" you chuckled. 

Ivar looked amused. 

"It's because that always works for my brothers" he shrugged. 

Your heart raced when you realized what he meant. You still couldn't believe that a guy like that would even look at you, but you weren't going to complain. 

"Okay then, maybe I could pay next time"

You nearly regretted that, you had talked to him for barely two minutes and you were already talking about a second date. 

He probably thinks I'm desperate...

"Maybe" 

From up close, you could appreciate just how blue his eyes were. They reminded you of Ubbe's eyes, but Ivar's were less warm, deep, intense and overwhelming as the ocean, framed by dark eyelashes that completed a mysterious stare that made you shiver. His lips were full and pouty, and you nearly widened your eyes when he licked his bottom lip nervously. You realized you had been staring and it was probably not very nice to feel observed in that way. 

"Um... So they're your brothers?" you glanced to the other table, where your friends and their new companions laughed loudly. 

"Yes, I'm the youngest" he nodded "We have another brother but he's older, he has a family and those things" 

Their parents must be proud of what they made, you thought. If everyone in that family had those looks, you were probably meeting the people with the best genes in the world. 

"That's nice" you smiled "They seem fun"

Ivar grimaced. 

"They're fun for the first ten minutes, then they're annoying as fuck" he rolled his eyes, and you couldn't help but laugh. Ivar had never made a girl laugh, and he widened his eyes, surprised by the warm feeling that spread in his chest. 

Suddenly, your eyes found the crutches. Ivar tensed up and watched you as you stared at them confused. 

"What happened?" You looked at his face again, and immediately felt terrible. What if he didn't want to talk about it? Why did you have to ask? 

"It's a disease" suddenly, his tone was a bit more dry "I was born with it, I need braces and crutches to walk" 

You nodded slowly. 

"Sorry for asking" you bit your lip. 

"It's fine" he shrugged "As long as it doesn't bother you"

You narrowed your eyes softly. 

"Why would it bother me?" you smiled "I still wanna get that drink"

Ivar was equally surprised and relieved when you stood up to approach the bar, turning to wink at him with a smile. 

________________________________

Your face was covered on makeup and dried tears. You felt your lips dry and your eyes hurt from crying. It was cold, even if Ivar's warm body was pressed against yours. He was asleep, the medicines always left him exhausted, and he would sleep soundly for hours. You wanted to turn around and hug him so bad... To hide your face into his neck and breathe, relax next to his body like you did for years. It was your safe place, but now it didn't feel right. 

You turned your head to look at him. Ivar looked so calm and peaceful that your fingers ached to touch him, but at the same time it was even more painful than before. You had been weak, and sleeping with him would only hurt you both, because maybe the both of you thought things were just like before, but they weren't. 

You couldn't forget the pain, the disappointment and the rejection. Ivar had chosen someone else over you and that changed everything, and you were tired of being the weak girl that cried and mourned constantly because of him. 

It was still dark outside, but you could feel the dawn was near, as there was that chill in the air that precedes sunrise. But you couldn't sleep, you laid there the entire night, staring at the ceiling, trying to remember how his touch felt, how warm his lips were, because you were making a decision. 

You closed your eyes. They burnt and yearned for some sleep, but you wouldn't let yourself sleep next to him, not anymore. 

You could wait until he woke up, or leave before without a warning. Either way would end up in disaster, because you knew Ivar wouldn't let you go without an explanation, and you couldn't look at him in the eye and leave him, you weren't strong enough. 

You opened your eyes again, and glanced at him, leaning in to kiss his forehead softly. Ivar sighed deeply in his sleep, and snuggled closer to you. The pain seemed to have stopped, but you thought you'd leave some painkillers next to his bed before leaving. 

Years later, you still felt that tickling in your belly whenever you looked at him, just like the first time. Who would have told you that the strange at the bar, who sat alone and glaring at everyone, would become the center of your world? You remembered those first days, the shy kisses and nervous touches, how he hesitated whenever he leant to kiss you. His brothers' teasing, his small smiles and how he blushed when you said how good he looked. How he looked at you, how time would stop when the two of you were together. The weight of those nearly five years overcame you, and you let the tears fall once again. You loved him so much it physically hurt, and now you were sure he had loved you too, at least at some point, but now things were over. He made a choice, and he ruined it. Maybe you were also to blame, thinking that what you had with Ivar was strong enough to last forever, and that no one could ever break that. Maybe you should have taken care of him, made him feel special, like she did. 

Moving slowly, careful not to wake him up, you got out of the bed, shivering when you left the warm covers and walked around the room, picking your underwear and your dress and getting dressed as quickly as you could. Then you opened the door slowly and left the room, looking for your shoes and purse, which you left in the living room. The only time you went back to Ivar's room was to leave the pills on the nightstand next to a glass of water and caress his hair softly for the last time. Then, you left again, closing the door softly and swallowing your tears and the lump on your throat. 

You looked around the kitchen and living room. It felt so cold and empty now, and the silence was louder than Ivar and Hvitserk's laugh. You had lost the count of how many hours you spent in that living room, laughing with the brothers, whom you considered your family, eating, watching tv, cuddling with Ivar, having sex and then apologizing to Hvitserk for having sex on the couch, and then baking his favorite cookies to make him forgive you. Their presence lightened up the room, and standing there without any of them made you realize just how hard was going to be living without them. 

But you couldn't just leave without a word. It wouldn't be fair. You intended to call Hvitserk, but Ivar... Maybe it would be the last time you saw Ivar. The mere thought was enough to make you sob again, covering your mouth. 

You grabbed a small notebook and a pen from the small wooden table of the living room. It was a notebook you bought for them, to make them write down the phone numbers and the important things, even if they only used it to draw stupid things when they were bored. 

You wrote slowly, carefully, drying your tears when they didn't let you see. When you finished, you felt even more heartbroken, but also a bit more relieved. Maybe you couldn't look at him and say it, but it was easier to write it, and that's what you had done. 

You didn't bother to put the heels on and grabbed the shoes and the purse before leaving the flat, not daring to look back. 

_________________________________________

The taxi stopped next to your door. You managed to mutter a weak 'thank you' before stepping out of the car. The driver looked worried, but he just nodded and said goodbye. As you approached the door, you noticed a figure sitting next to it, your heart skipped a beat and you smiled widely when you recognized Hvitserk. He was still dressed on his suit, and his lips curved softly when he saw you, but it faded soon. The sun was starting to rise and he looked like an angel with the rose light hitting his honey colored hair and his playful green eyes, that now looked exhausted and worried. He looked like an angel, and he had been your angel for the past few months. Your smile turned into a grimace as you approached him, and when Hvitserk finally wrapped his arms around you, you let the tears fall again. 

"I knew it wasn't a good idea" he muttered, his voice husky and deep. 

You let yourself sob for a few minutes. 

"It was" 

"Did the two get to talk?" 

"Not much" you nearly smiled "But I got to say what I needed to say" 

"Good" he nodded "It will stop" 

You nodded. The pain wouldn't last forever, at least not the intense pain that didn't let you breathe. Someday you would be able to think about your relationship and feel that warmth again. You just needed some time. 

"Let's go" he whispered "I'll cook breakfast" 

__________________________________

Ivar had a bad feeling when he woke up. He forgot to draw the curtains, and the sunlight that entered the room made him open his eyes. The first thing he noticed was that your side of the bed was cold. The second was that it was cold and his legs were starting to hurt. Skipping his treatment would take its toll on him for days. He touched the part of the bed in which you laid after making love, looking at him with teary eyes and a dreamy smile. He pouted and looked away before the tears could reach his eyes. 

You had left his medicines next to the bed. Ivar nearly smiled, of course you would do something like that. Maybe he'd get up and go to the kitchen and you would be there, making coffee and trying to cook with the few things you could find in the fridge. Maybe you had put the earphones on and were listening to your favourite playlist as you danced around the kitchen. Maybe your face would lighten up when you saw him again. 

The pills were easier to swallow than the lump on his throat. He took his time, too scared to leave the room and not find you out there. He should have hold you tighter. 

Ivar put the sweatpants and a shirt on, and then the braces. His legs protested when he stood up, but he ignored them and walked slowly to the door. 

The flat was empty. Your shoes and purse were gone. Ivar's lower lip trembled and he stood there for a couple of minutes. Maybe you'd be back soon. Maybe you went to get breakfast. 

The weight of your absence washed over him for the first time. Freydis was gone, and now you had gone too. For months, he hadn't been with you but he knew you were there, that if he called you'd come, you'd be back to him and everything would be okay. Freydis made him feel so many things at the same time, but there was something missing, something that didn't fit. He did feel special, blessed by the Gods and important. And he did love Freydis, a lot, but then he saw you again. It would have been easier if you hated him, if you insulted and yelled at him, but you didn't. He had understood that during the wedding, that the only thing that he missed was you, he missed your relationship and how normal he felt with you. 

After years being rejected by everyone and overprotected by his mother, you came and treated him exactly as you would treat anyone else. And you made every single problem and struggle so easy Ivar couldn't help but fall in love with you. And it was a different kind of love, a different kind of relationship that he never thought he'd had. 

Freydis had been an intense crush, the first woman he truly looked at since you approached him that night at the bar. Of course he saw beautiful women every day, but it wasn't just your looks, it was something else. That thing he thought he had seen in Freydis too. 

His eyes saw the notebook on the kitchen counter. And he clenched his jaw trying to hold the tears back as he approached. When he recognized your handwriting his world collapsed again. You were truly gone. 

Ivar

He couldn't help the tears that fell down his cheeks. 

I know I can't tell you this in person, I wish I could. You're the most important person in my life, I love you, but I need to leave. Last night was amazing, and it was real, but then it ended and it stopped being real, right? Do you feel it too? It's not the same now. 

He rubbed his face, shaking his head as the tears rolled down uncontrollably. He did feel it too, as soon as he woke up. 

I don't know if you care, but I forgive you. I just need to leave because it hurt too much. I could stay and pretend everything would be okay, but it wouldn't be fair for neither of us. This is not good for anyone. Maybe someday, but not now. I don't regret anything, and I would approach and talk to you in that bar again without a doubt, because you made me really happy for years, and I hope I made you happy too, at least a bit. I don't know if we will ever see each other again, but if we don't, I hope you're happy and find that person, whether it is Freydis or someone else. I wish it was me, trust me, I wish it was me with my whole heart. But I need to end this now.

I truly love you, I always will. 

P.S. Please, take your medicines.

The last phrase should have made him roll his eyes, but instead it broke his heart a bit more. He threw the paper away, and barely managed to reach one of the kitchen stools before he collapsed, letting the crutch fall to the floor. He thought he'd stop breathing when the pain intensified. This was a kind of pain he didn't know. He had known sadness, rejection, disappointment and physical pain, but never this. You had entered his life and you stayed through everything, you were the only one that stayed out of love, and not because he was your family. And he had pushed you out. He pushed you and everyone that cared away because he was obsessed with a girl. Now you were gone and his brother didn't even want to be in the same room with him anymore. He was alone, and this wasn't something his mother could fix. 

Ivar heard the door opening. Hvitserk hesitated a couple of seconds when he saw him, but he sighed and closed the door. His brother didn't raise his head to look at him, and even if he wasn't too happy with Ivar, he couldn't help but approach him. He saw his little brother heartbroken, not the insufferable idiot with whom he had lived for the past few months. 

He didn't expect Ivar to hug him tightly, sobbing into his chest. He recognized that pain because he had spent the last couple of hours drying the same tears from your face. 

"Ivar" he sighed. 

"What did I do?" he took a deep breath "Why?" 

"You were a selfish, self-centered asshole" Hvitserk shook his head "But you will learn, you will grow" 

If Ivar was offended, he didn't say it. 

"She left me" 

"I know" he muttered "She's leaving all of us"

_________________________________________

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