#im fuckinf trying here
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soon
#stop counting down my life challenge#fuckfifjehhf sobs#im doing so well for my age just please stfu#over here telling me that IMM not doing shit w my life ok listen dumbass im not the one who said fuck collage and went straight into#the military after high school#im fucking trhing goddamn you were GONE for the last three months i don’t want to hear shit#your ass went and yelled at me for thirty minutes and then got mad bc i’m just now starting my hw#just stfu please im so sick of hearing u talk#he keeps asking me to go ask about extra curriculars n stuff like. do you know how hard it is to break my morning routine#i havw a whole thing and it takes me a minute to work up the energy to split from that routine like#im fuckinf trying here#asking me why i sound mad bitch i am CRYING and i cant even say anything bc you’ll threaten to hit me#🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍#and there goes my energy to do schoolwork
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Its only 6 am and things are already not going well
#personal#im trying so hard not to be a huge giant bitch to people either 😔😩 thank you bpd for turning minor inconveniences#into im going to destroy people verbally moments#like actually i didnt fucking make this appointment at 11 pm you dumb fuckinf bitch??? it says ON THE EMAIL YOU RESENT#9:30 AM TO 10 AM....???? WDYM ITS AT 11PM AND THATS A PROBLEM. UHM NOT ITS NIT?????#and i made sure to send her a SCREENSHOT so she knows shes a fucking IDIOT#why does it feel like people will do anything BUT their job . so sick of that around here#😔😭 oct 1st ruined by 6 am . im going back to bed no one wake me up ever again#💀 except i made a hair appt and am supposed to see a movie. like do I wanna do that anymore. how badly is THAT gonna go too#yes I realize im havjng a meltdown like a toddler. but god damn#october CANCELED i dont wanna do it anymore 😭😭😭
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sometimes I think about the fact that one of my homestuck troll ocs is canonically spayed like why did I do that what was going on in my head
#ok I’ll lying I know why.#*im#he was like a science experiment they did so much stuff to him and inthink they spayed him first to dehumanize him#I FOUND THE FUCKINF REF SHEET OF INJURIESS HELPME. ok let’s see what happened to her and in what order#ok so first she was spayed#thankfully she was asleep for that#then they cut her arm open (she was awake the whole time)#then they vivisected them (they were awake)#then they cut off their wrist before YHEN cutting off their whole arm (they were awake)#then they decapitated him and reattached his head but he was asleep for that one#then they took a skin graft off her leg (she was awake)(there may or may not be a pattern here)#ok then during hee escape. she ripped out her ear tag so ripped ear#then she stepped in a bear trap trying to escape (she’s ok she kept her leg Dw)#then he accidentally took an explosive to the face ♥️ sorta#it hit their horn and blasted most of it off but it blinded them in their right eye .. took off their right ear .. and just generally left-#-that side of their face super scarred#then there’s just. random superficial injuries like small cuts and bruises they got the whole time they were experimented on#yay♥️#hollowspeak
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Sakura gets a second point for being the first to complete the tree climbing at being better at chakra control, but at the same time it just feels like she was made good at it so no extra training segment time would have to be put into her getting good at it and it can be all about Sauce and Nart. Idk that feels too pessimistic but also could totally be true.
#she takes on a very 'obsever' role. like kashi is the teacher watching over them. but sock is the watching and commenting from the same#perspective of nart and sauce and also the viewer unlike kashi. cuz he provides a lot of exposition and whatnot in his inner monolgues#and its like. of course the girl is just the observer who watches alongside us as the two main boys grow and develop#AND I DONT WANNA FUCKIN BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THIS BUT GOD ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!#but her whole character so far is 'i hate the class clown. im book smart. i diet and im in love'#and the way i see it is. 12yo girl TRYING to fit into the femininity she sees in the world around her so she forces herself to be like this#but she has inner sock who speaks what she really feels showing that she puts on quite a front and isnt really much like that at all#and you expect her to grow into wanting her to truly define herself. and she does with getting stronger and training under tsunade and#learning medical ninjutsu so she really finds a spot for herself. she does!!! but then she KEEPS hanging onto the love nonsense#and admittedly there are moments that push a very obvious trope of thinking she likes sauce cuz hes cool but finding out that the real 'gem'#is nart so i definitely understand where n@rus@kus are coming from#but then she just STICKS with sauce until its the worst ship possible and its an utter mess of 'ill never give up on him'#EVEB DESPITE HIM TRYING TO KILL HER!!! THEN THAT FUCKING WORKS OUT!?!?!?#AND TOO THIS DAY SAUCE STILL NEVER COMES OFF LIKE HE ACTUALLY LOVES HER#IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE. SARD WE ARE GETTING YOU BETTER PARENTS. ON GOD!!!!!#so she just hangs on to this one little thing that she SHOULD have gotten development for to move on from BUT IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS#so its like half her development never fucking happens and thats why it#s such a fuckinf mess!!!!!#i fucking hate this show. i need to go back to watching mike's dino game vod. what am i doing here?????#i did this to myself btw. i didnt need to start yelling about that but thats just how it is with nart#start thinking about something good and then it reminds you of something related thats bad and now its like. yeah this shit sucks#remember when kishi said he regretted not making hina the heroine???? we could have lived in a better timeline.#but if i say that i will get assassinated#anyway.#sock count#personal
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it fucking happened againnnn im about to anesthetize myself. iv supplies near me
#im not taking the meds today i cant. i need to sleep. i need one night of sleep just one fuckinf night just one night just one night j#i fell asleep at 3. woke up at 8. its 12 now i have been laying here trying to fall back asleep for hours. listening to tv#i know 5 hours is like not as bad as it could be but its been 2 weeks of 5 hours a night. it takes a toll eventually#i learned at some point that i need 8 hours. its non negotiable. i become wildly and quickly overstimulated & overwhelmed otherwise#mia.txt
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.
#i love the stakes special for many reasons#but finn was honestly the best hes been in a while here#i think this is where we started to get back our boy before all the shit happens to him with fern and the rest#also. hes so fuckinf funny#like ties himself up and removes his hat to lure in the vampire#when they dont kill him right away he starts mocking him WHILE BEING LIFTED UP BY HIS HAIR#i think marceline gave him like a certain healthy fear#like he knew she wouldnt try to actually harm him#but also knew she was a badass that Could do Serious harm is she wanted to#im also surprised the vampires didnt act more like. surprised with him#hes the last human close enough but just keeps running into them on purpose and mocking them While they are about to kill him#love that#hes my boy#ot also would have been great to see jermaine here#bc he dealt with things like this#max screams#adventure time
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ok mAybe if the body goes to bed i get to Not be ehre anymore. that would be swell i think this brakn has Net Zero Information on what i Used To Know like An hour ago. fucked up honestly. sidenote the fuck do you mean my life is a video game here. fucked ul to be real.
#pk;m Ulixes#i have so many information on shit that i do Not Care About also#what rhe fuck's a smartphone Why does ghat matter. etc. etc.#convinced this is all just a weird dream btw ✌️ so like Save da world. my final message. goodbye [hopefully].#idk whoever controls the body usually here can deal w this mess or whatever later i Ddont care.#call it delusion or whatever the fuck idc. reality checking will get you nowehrre though do not try that shit. etc. etc#sorry if I'm Weird rn the body apparently ate some thc shit before the stupid red gremlin GRABBED ME THROUGH THE FUCKING VOID#all to play a video game.#it was fun but then i got stuck here so like that bitch is on the Top of my hitlist. it's asleep rj so im going tonwaitnuntil it's awake#to start sjit if im stkll here tomorrow Hopefully bot but if so.#hi bi4ch. when you see this. it's on fuckinf Sight 👍
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The only thing keeping me attending school is the fact I get to do textiles during fast start. This school is so lucky they have fast start or I think I'd become an addition to the 2 people who have tried to jump over a fence on the third floor of the school building
#side note why have TWO PEOPLE tried to do that. in the time ive been here. im so fuckinf concerned#im not even at school rn just trying tk work on my homework#..the devil talks in scottish brogue..#..hum to the tune of a tragedy..#//suicide#//suicide mention
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the grind is not worth it
#IT’S NOTTTTTTT#I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS#FUCKINF HATE IT HERE#im trying to be positive but it is so so cold and i hate school and its COLD and i couldve been in BED and they keep giving me STUFF TO DO#PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP GIVING MY STUFF TO DOOOOOOOO#I DO ENOUGH IN THE BUILDING STOP SENDINF ME HOME WITH FUCKINF SCHOOLWORK#IT DOESNT EVEN FUCKING HELP#real talk i havent felt stupider than when i started this school#genuinely i didnt even feel this dumb during QUARENTINE#like. i feel like an idiot. doinf schoolwork. and not doinf schoolwork. i just feel like i cannot learn and will never learn#bc i cannot stand this building or the people or the cold
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according to my dad it just has ' slow driving disease' which basically means I drive too slow sometimes and so now it doesn't work? I wish I could say he was just being a dick but apparently its a real thing :)
Haha my car has stopped working at ever stop light and stop sign today :)
#also he said he was ' getting tired of me' and was gonna start charging me $200 a month#for?? idfk#for groceries and shit#i can buy my own groceries if i need to dude#also for like car insurance#even though i drive around my siblings all the time for free#and i would pay the car insurabce if i fucking knee how#my parents like to act like Im this huge burden#even though they BEGGED me not to move oit#and then literlly offered me a room#WHICH THEY DIDNT EVEN HAVE#did yall know i slept on my parents couch for about 6 months#haha#yeah#0 privacy#i also worked for my dad for 2-3 of those months#it was v hard manual labor#im the incapable one cause idk how to do anything#i litetarally was never taught#also my dsd told me he was getting tired of me for using MY plate when everyone else was usung paper ones#god forbid i want one thing to be good today#how dare i want a shred of happiness after the fuckinf shit day ive had#ha#anyway sorry#if you rrad this far im sorry#i try not to rant on here as much as i used to#which is helping me mask better#a necessity for living with my parents apparrntly#ANYWAY#dont respond to this im just yelling
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mmm .. sad
#꒰ entry ꒱#⚔️.txt#fuckinf. thanks @ stein @ butch for taking care of us. however inadvertently#im so sleepy#glad we're not fucked up anymore#but like harrow babygirl its literally never gone well for you to talk abt that#why did you try#i get that we're like#really not having a good time w it here but#it's not safe#ok? i love you ive got you
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Baby Mama (OPLA HEADCANNONS)
In honor of mothers day, here some little headcannons I cooked up for our faves! Hope yall enjoy lol
Luffy
-This mf was like...actually capable of conceiving a child lmao.
-There was really no like initial shock, it was more like overwhelming joy? There was honestly no need to reveal it to the rest of the crew since the second you told him he shouted it loud ad fucing possible.
-"Luffy, uhhh I think im pregnant." You huff, hand over your forehead as you try to figure out the next course of action.
"YOURE PREGNANT?! THATS GREAT!"
"Y/N IS WHAT?" Nami gasps, eyes flitting form you to Luffy, then to your belly.
"YOU’RE PREGNANT?! HOW?" Usopp questions, only to have Sanji interrupt,
"Well Usopp, when two people love eachother- or well... lets talk about he birds and the bee-"
"I KNOW HOW THAT WORKS DICKHEAD-"
-Luffy is a.....he's a great dad, just a little uhhhh...wild?
-You have to explain tho him that this baby cannot fucking eat solid food.
-He's learning and that’s all that matters. He knows when to get serious about his kid and when its okay to be a lil silly.
-Oh and be prepared for when your kid hits about 6-7 cause they're so much like their father its crazy-
Zoro
-He's thuroughly convinced its your fault because he knows for a fact he has impeccable pull out.
-"That’s not mine." He hums, pointing at the newborn with a raise brow.
The fucking liar this baby is his spitting image. Like your genes didn't evens stand a chance. The baby even fucking mean mugs like he does, that lil stoic face.
-"This isn’t yours?" You question, holding the baby up side by side with his obvious father.
"Nope"
-Once he’s like fully processed and accepted the fact that your pussy just so happened to weaken his pull out game, he will claim the child and make sure he's being helpful with both you and the infant.
-It was actually pretty fucking hilarious to see the baby try and latch to his nipple cause his tits are fucking massive. Heeee didn’t think it was that funny tho💀
-Just let the kid grow up a little bit and they’re all about their father, and even though he may not show it all the time, he adores his baby. And they will always be a baby in his eyes. And he things you’re a phenomenal mother even though it was sort of a surprise.
Nami
-You had come aboaded with a toddler. And sure enough they latched to Nami in a heartbeat.
-“AHT! No, you stay with me and let them work.” You reprimand, giving a quick apology to the tangarine haired girl.
“Oh no they’re okay. Hey, you wanna see something cool?” He hum, taking the 2 year old by the hand before you can protest.
-Auntie Nami accidentally turned to ‘mamami’ (Mama Nami) andddd it just stuck.
-one night the three of you had fall asleep in Nami’squarter and she had woke up and just, admires you both. She couldn’t help the way her chest squeezed when she thought about raising this child with you or how much she loved being a part of your lives.
Your eyes flutter open and you give her a knowing look, her face already tinted pink.
“Nami,” you begin, your free hand pushing hair behind her ear as she hold your wrist, placing a kiss there.
“Thank you, love you.” You hum, letting yourself fall back asleep.
-yeah she’s stuck with you two for life
-unironically calls you her baby mama
Usopp
-is literally the best fuckinf dad. Literally ever.
-he wants to make sure he’s an active part of your child’s life, being sure to keep you both in good health and high spirits.
-when you broke the news he was terrified. How good of a father could he be? He just don’t want to let you down.
-“W-What if our kid hates me?” He voices one night, hands holding your tummy.
“I doubt that’ll happen. You’ll be okay Uso.”
-Guess having impeccable aim runs in the family because by time your child is year they’re already throwing projectiles with phenomenal accuracy.
-you can’t tell me he doesn’t make most of your babies toys.
-he loves seeing you just have little moments with your baby, he definetly cried when they took their first steps.
-keeps a picture of the three of you tucked away
-hints at wanting another one from time to time
Sanji
-fainted when you told him.
-honestly he’s a little shocked. He didn’t really put ‘father’ on his goal list but here yall are lol
-he’s very supported and knows that morning sickness is a bitchhhh
-“how’re my girls…or boy” he greets, pressing a kiss to your tummy then to your lips.
-much to his surprise, he was right on both parts because you’re having twins! Yayyyyy
-you cuss him out when your in labor.
-“SANJI YOU ASSHOLE! YOU DID THIS TO ME! WHY DID I FALL FOR YOUR DELICIOUS FOOD YOU FUCK!”
-he’s not allowed in the delivery room lmao he fainted again when the nurse asked if he’d like to see what was goin on
-after 6 horrendous hours, your baby boy and girl are finally born and he’s too delighted.
-“good job baby.” He praises, peppering your tired face with kisses.
-when the kids are older he’s always falling victim to their puppy eyes and begging when they ask for dessert before dinner
-“please dad! We won’t tell mom! Pleaseeee!”
-he loves being with you and loves that he’s been blasted with a wonderful wife and two beautiful children
Shanks
-oh the minute he found out he was stunned! He was sure he already had an illegitimate baby somewhere but for one of the baby mamas to actually let him know was, a bit of a surprised?
-and that’s it. He doesn’t really go out of his way to go visit and see if it’s true. He goes on about his business truely.
-one day, he comes across a lady at a bar, her bright red hair thrown up and she waits tables, her gaze almost immediately locking on his as she frowns
-….what the fuck she looks just like him.
-she goes to a couple other of the waiters/waitresses and the minute they catch his gaze they’re nodding profusely at her.
-it took, shit you not. 3 hours for them to get a table and that was only because her boss came in and MADE her seat the crew.
-“what do you want.” She huffs, her notepad clenched so tight it crumples the paper.
Shanks only further studies the girl, her rage ever present as she slams the notepad down.
“I SAID, What. Do. You. Want. Quickly, or I’m leaving you here to wait 3 more hours. Spit it the fuck out you old bastard.” She spits, leaving him somewhat shocked.
-“How about the-“
-“we’re all out. Deadbeat.” She finishes, dropping her apron and notepad, then walking out.
Safe to say that wasn’t the reaction he was expecting.
-when he finds where you guys live and YOU answer the door thank god, he firstly apologizes (which you don’t accept right away) and explains how he already met your daughter.
Speak of the devil she had just rounded the corner asking who it was.
“Don’t let this fucker the house mom, please.” She begs, gaze flittering form you to her sperm donor.
-yeahhhhhh this is why he hardly ever makes the effort to see his unsuspecting kids. Doesn’t quite pan out how he thinks.
Mihawk
- you’re not the only one at all. He’s got plenty fucking kids running around and you’re fully aware of that, having run into more than one child that looks just mf like him.
-he won’t deny any of them, but he doesn’t feel like he owes them anything either? It’s weird and you usually feel bad that he picked you and your child when he could very well have done that for the rest of them.
-he often assures you that we’re were one night stand situations he hardly remembers after being so damn drunk.
-he’s a good dad though and a great husband. He makes sure you’re taken care of even is he’s gone a lot of the time. When you told him you were having a baby he didn’t leave from your side.
-when the baby is born he’s a bit suprised they don’t look like him but as soon as they open their eyes he’s so mf smug. Those eyes are a dead giveaways that’s his baby.
-don’t let that baby ask for something be used Mihawk will without a doubt give it to them no matter what.
-“Honey I-“
-there standing in front of the fridge, in laminated with its light are your husband and child. Their eyes wide like an owls, staring directly into your soul.
-“We wanted ice cream.”
Buggy
-he loves his babies. Hands down loves his fucking babies. Plural because of course you were blessed/cursed with triplets.
-two boys, one sweet girl, and not one of them look like their daddy, besides that faint tint of blue in their hair.
-and he’s maddddd, well. not at you but at his genes.
-“honey wait, they might just grow into it?” You encourage, trying not to laugh as he tried to figure out why his kids don’t look like him.
-thank god you were right because by time they were all 4/5 that blue had brightened and the little red glow of their noses were ever present.
-he’s so attentive with you, taking care of the three of them when you need rest or just in general cause how gorgeous wife needs rest after making three gorgeous babies
-freaks his babies out when he takes his head off
-then they won’t leave him the fuck alone about it and will often take pieces of him while he chases them around for them back.
-his babies get their own spot on the show and it fucking adorable watching toddlers dance to circus music with face paint they insisted they do themselves
-best dad buggy 100%
#x reader#one piece#reader is black#one piece live action#i don't care he's hot#headcannons#one piece x reader#opla#hes so hot#opla luffy x reader#one piece zoro x reader#nami x reader#opla usopp x reader#opla sanji x reader#opla shanks x reader#opla mihawk x reader#opla buggy x reader#Mother’s Day headcannon
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all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)
please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read
disposable girl (jordyn)
(old)
i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL
(new)
man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..
irreverent girl (kairi)
(old)
I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.
(new)
When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents
splitter girl (tahira)
(old)
theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe
(new)
getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^
fainéant girl (freyja)
(old)
i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make
(new)
my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me
caliber girl (nora)
(old)
唉~It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…
(new)
My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml
chocolate box girl (morgan)
(old)
i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this
(new)
girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!
taxidermy girl (mayra)
(old)
I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over
(new)
Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on
chemical girl (joy)
(old)
LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right
(new)
i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon
refraction girl (nataana)
(old)
i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better
(new)
talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that
nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)
(old)
I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.
(new)
I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!
#the post traumatic manifesto#tptm#refraction girl#weevildoing#splitter girl#nurse parallel#chocolate box girl#chemical girl#disposable girl#faineant girl#irreverent girl#taxidermy girl#caliber girl
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and now I'm upset again I fucking give up
why was I fighting for my life trying to stay awake and failing at 4pm in the afternoon and now its 1:30am I cant fucking sleep at all :^/
#whats even the point of coming on here to talk about it everything i feel exists in a complete vacuum it might as well not be real#i cant even tell what is and isnt real anymore i think im in physical pain too and thats stopping me sleeping but i dont know#no one perceives it no one knows its just me experiencing it until it alleviates or worsens#all pain is the same i dont know if its physical or just in my head bc im fucking upset over the same fucking shit im always upset over#and its never going to change bc the world is just cruel. theres no other reason anymore#one of my main triggers for the urge to self harm if a tree falls and i dont have physical injury from it did it even happen to me really#no one believes me when i try to express how i feel its constantky denied to me and i dont harm for attention ive never shown anyone scars#but i do kind of do it for attention from myself bc at least it was real at least i quantified it in a tangible form#this isnt really related im not harming de i just want to but im too tired and it wont solve anything just temporarily feel better#but ill get so upset over the same things again and again in thr future so what difference does it make in the end still no one knows#just feel so lonely why does being around other people make me feel so much lonelier im so fuckinf broken in the head#i just cant fucking express anything and i have so much shame about everything i feel and i cant believe anyone cares im too untouchable#living my life superimposed over thr stream of reality but not in it and someday ill die and ill never even have crossed paths#non eof anything im thinking even makes sense anymore j just want to sleep but i cant i just want a little comfort but i cant#the worst thing js just how much of my own fucking time all this feelinf and thinking wastes its so bitter its funny#could be spendinf these hours i feel so fucking shit every weekend engaging in hobbies and doing things i ljke but i dont injust feel shit#so sad looking back on the last decade of mental illness and how much time its wasted ik i couldnt have done anything different#but its held me so far back from everything and it still does im so tired and. LONELY!!!!!! its all been thr same for so long and goes on#nevwrmind i dont even care im going to go try sleeping again#sorry for venting again well im not actually i feel so much guilt already that being pathetic online doesnt make a difference#so 👍 ill wake up and feel better ornmaybe not but ill feel better eventually i had a good week other than the end#it all comes back around thats what makes it so funny and pointless everything is so temporary and this is where my time all goes#anyway goodnight. dont even worry abt it#.vent
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i fhink actually that ashe would be absolutely dogshit at mario kart. if he even had the game then he had no one to play it with and would just be up against the bots all the time—real people with real strategies?? oh my god theyd kill him. but william LOVESSS telling things to pretty boys yes pretty boy lack knowledge so he can explain it to you yess pretty boy sit and learn so awesomely while he gets to explain (im always thinking about thag wasp essay he wrote for vyncent). anyway dakota hates this and immediately tries to sabotage william because he Needs someone to be consistently worse than him in mario kart so he doesnt kill you will william you dont fuckinf understand and william is shouting at him and theyre grappling on the floor and meanwhile ashe and vyncent are still sitting on the couch. vyncent is like hey ashe here’s some really cool shortcuts :3 if you let the bananas trail behind you then you can wipe out another player really easily by driving a little in front of them. he doesnt understand why william looks ready to cry when he comes back in (soaking wet? dakota had started trying to find any body of water to dump his ass in because ofc that means Winning but he’d managed to trip dakota in first, so of course he thinks that means he won) but ashe really nicely is like hey will ive never played minecraft before can you teach me how to play that one. and all is right in the world until ashe accidentally mentions netherite and its revealed that he is a bitchass liar
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{𝕄𝕪 𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕪 𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕨𝕚𝕗𝕖}
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The worst thing about being Uzui Tengens fourth wife, Was the fact that you were the brattiest. Not even, U were just a live soul and believed that you were an independent woman, But the god of festivals said way different, Everytime you and him got into the littest of arguements, And u stopd up for yourself, he'd always try and have the utmost respect and support, But it really did irritate him at times. The other wives, Hinatsuru, Suma, Makio all tried to warn you, "You're really pushing his buttons Y/n, And he's always respectful and showing you love and support, But this nasty attitude...u dare to defy him y/n and im afraid the punishment will be the worst one yet..." U never listened to their rambles, Because You wouldnt dare believe non-sense from the most loved ones in the house, But you knew they were loves because you were a defiant little shit, a brat. Not that you cared....right?..
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Today was any normal day, Just you minding your business while him and the other wives went out to get food or find something to do. U never really minded, U preferred to be left alone at the house. U just cleaned, and maybe cooked here and there for them and then disappeared into your room, but today...oh today...
today he was talking to you about how you were gaining weight, It irritated you, Because one, You're a black girl...(or whatever you are) We're naturally thick and curvious girls. He was saying how we was worried about u eating right and how "I just want to make sure my fourth wife is alright...and not gaining...too much weight.." He'd say staring you up and down. So immediately ur attitude was off the hook, Ur facial expression and body language says it all. His eyes narrowed in frustration, and rubbed his temples starting off "Y/n dont start this, I'm not saying you're gaininng wei-" you interrupted angrily, interjecting, "Are u fucking serious Tengen-sama. Ur questioning my weight? U shoulda already knew once u were arranged to marry a COLORED girl, I was gon be curvy and thick? If u cant handle it this, then divorce me, Got me fucked up."
He stared at you with hurt and anger. The arguement was on now, He stands up towering you as he raises his voice, "Are you seriously going to disrespect me like this? I'm worried about u!" You'd say, "About me eating? Ur a fucking dumbass bro!" The wives quickly leave the room, as the arguement gets out of hand, Y'all screaming and accusing each other of certain accusations, From cheating, from picking favorites, from being a pain in the ass, to you finally ending the screaming fest with "I want a got damn divorce from yo sorry ass."
The room fell in silence for a few seconds before you're beinf halled over his shoulder, and a loud !!!SLAPPP!!! Was put to ur ass, U cried out in pain, Tengens voice came out with anger and hurt. " A divorce? Really? Thats not my flashy wife i know i married. You should know by now, U ain' goin' no where."
U were thrown onto the bed, Ur body bouncing off the bed softly. With swift movement, he plopped u over his huge muscular thighs, ur ass in the air, As u throw protest, before he covers ur mouth, and a loud "!!!!!!SLAPPPPP!!!!!" Was put to your ass, He says loudly with anger and amusement, "Beg for forgiveness. U dare defy me, I'm ur husband" Another loud slap and a loud cry of pain heard "I keep you fed! A roof over ur head, Clothes on ur" !!!SLAPPPPPP!!!! "Ass, And u dare get a fucking attitude with me?" SLAPPPPPP "Ur fuckinf over ur got damn" SLAPPPPPP "Head. I'm tired" SLAPPPPP "Of this got damn attitude." SLAPPPPPP!
Ur now crying and whining, Ur ass stained red with huge hand print. He rubs ur ass, before one last slap, which causes u to yelp in pain, a strained screech. U knew u were wrong to ever defy Your husband. But u were in general a very very naughty bratty girl, but the way he is dominating ur poor ego, it's sad and pathetic. "Get your ass on the got damn bed." U knew he wasnt playin w/ yo ass, So u quickly get onto the bed, "All fours, U know the got damn drill." Indeed you did, Indeed u sadly did, Although u received a spanking, Ur not recieving a riding crop, And these bitches create fucking welts. He swings back, and slaps the riding crop hard across ur bottom, U cry out loud "Aaahhhh! Fuckkkk!" It came out whiny and pathetic..U begged loudly for mercy, but it never came except for more and more pops on her ass, She can feel the welts and bruises that will be there in the mornin' "Please daddy! I'm so- MMM!!! Ahhhh!!"
"Shut the hell up."
He said seriously, Throwing the riding crop to the side and ripping her tight little boyshorts,Plunging 2 digits in her tight pussy. "Nghhhhn!!!" She cries out in pleasure, as he streches her far and wide, Her pussy clenching his fingers, Making sure she feels the strech before adding 3 more fingers, grabbing her wrist with the other hand, and making her fall face first into the bed, Her ass in the air. He loves her ass so much, so plumped, soft, His face winces in hurt and affection for his wife, knowing he didnt want to spank her like that, he doesnt want to punish her, period, but he has too, She has to learn to respect him, He enjoys her moans and sobs, Thats the only thing fueling to his erection, making him harder than a teenage boy, her pussy about to cream as he curls his fingers.
"Youn get to cum? Fuck you thought this was...After that unflashy ass attitude u had wimme? U think u cummin? Hell nah hold that shit in."
He slides his pants down, his bobbing erection coming out, as he doesnt even hive her time to think, Plunging himself deep, All 9 inches into her, Not caring. He pulls her up to his chest as he fucks her deep, wrapping his Veiny hands around her neck, Pulling her into a chokehold while digging her guts out, ballsdeep, shes gasping her air, clawing at his arm, Moaning and crying, but enjoy every last minute of it, she cries hard as shes being forced to edge herself.
"You like disrespectin' me? Huh?, U wanna keep disrespecting daddy? Hm? Tell me?" He says strained and hoarse, as he feels her pussy clench "U wanna keep acting like a fuckin child? U wanna keep actin like daddy ain' teach yo ass how to act? Hm? Let me tell u- Fuck this pussy is so good, U fucking slut..- Tell yo ass sum- Damn!!" He groans feeling how good her pussy is, He reels his hips all the way back, now going in with precision, Shes csreaming at this point, He still has her in this chokehold, She feels like she may pass out. But no, She ain, She just in immense pleasure.
"Daddy please!" She managed out "I'll be ur good little b-bitch!" She cries out "M' pussy hurt!!" He didnt give a fuck, he reaches down circulating her clit, "Take this shit, take it. U hurt me with the way u act Ma, I want u to be my good girl, Not daddy's disobedient girl, That's so unflashy of you baby, I hate hurting daddys girl..." He coos, "But it's embarrassing when my comrades ask me- Fuck! Fuck! Yea! I'm filling you! in the most! Flameboyant and fucking flashiest way ever! Ur pussy! Filled up with my kids! Oh yeah! Take this shit Y/n U better fucking take it!" He growls in her ear, before spilling deep inside of her, he didnt let her cum that night, Slapping her ass one last time before kissing her. "Maybe next time, When u wanna be daddys good girl again, I'll let that sweet pussy squirt, But for now? Ur ass ain getting to cum."
May be short, But a bitch on a time crunch..
#2010's-2019's anime#anime style#90s anime#animecore#tengen uzui#tengenuzuixblackreader#anime edit#kny tengen#black reader
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