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#i know 5 hours is like not as bad as it could be but its been 2 weeks of 5 hours a night. it takes a toll eventually
electoons · 2 months
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it fucking happened againnnn im about to anesthetize myself. iv supplies near me
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emdotcom · 2 months
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My brain is so full of Bees about Post-Shift 2.
It's a fan game that was delayed for 4 years -- by the time it released, fnaf fangames as a whole were not as popular as they had been, & most people in the scene had forgotten about Post-Shift 1, so not a lot of people heard about it/played it.
Worse still is the people who did talk about the game. Pretty unanimously, the consensus was this: this game is the craziest, most insane fnaf fangame. It's overly difficult with mechanics that have no rhyme or reason to them & tutorials that are wordy, unhelpful, & sometimes actively mislead the player, meaning you need to comb through a lot of text only to be misinformed. It's not as infamous as some other fangames, but it definitely was talked about very poorly.
In general, I think most of these criticisms were blown up out of proportion, but I can't really disagree with most people's problems -- it is difficult & wordy, & rather hard to understand. I think, however, that the game is still 1. Really fun, 2. Not a bad game at all, &, most importantly, 3. Is a free fucking game that was clearly a passion project. Most damn fangames never get off the fucking ground when made in groups because the creators will never make a red cent off the thing -- this game was made by one dude for 4 years & delivered to people for free. It didn't ask anything of you except to accept it as a difficult game & to not go in with wild expectations. The dev just wanted to make a game that was rough, but he also wanted to make a game that felt unique & was fun. & It is fun, too, is the damn thing.
#em.txt#ps2 post#post-shift 2#i obviously am biased#i also obviously have more to say#but for now i think this is a start. i think this is fine so far.#i got counter arguments i was gonna type about the problems#bc tbh i think the difficulty isn't as big a problem as the difficult curve -- it starts very high for a fangame#bc it assumed you know what they're like. you know how fangames work. but it over assumes that all the mechanics#work at the same frequency as other fangame#the difficulty curve of night 1 is pretty tough place to start which turned a lot of people off#especially with how long & unclear th tutorials are & of course night 1's tutorial starting with a character that is unused in that night#it's rough. night 2 is even tougher. but night 3 is a cakewalk once you beat 2 bc it only adds 2 threats#so you might expect the next night to be as easy or even easier & in my eyes yeah -- night 4 is easier than 1 even#except that it's completely different & is asking the player to learn a new game entirely which is its own difficulty#but i can crank out a night 4 easy peasy no prolem. so you might expect night 5 to be even easier right? WRONG#WRONG WRONG WRRRONNNGG even people who know what they are doing struggle#because a mechanic in the game actively increases the difficulty as the difficulty is increased which is EVIL#& night 6 is even harder i have seen 3 people beat night 6 it is absurd#i sat in a call with another PS2 fan who clearly played thr game s lot & loved it but they could not beat the night normally#& this night has fucking optional difficulty modifiers when you finish that make it harder it is hell on earth#there is no checkpoints it is bad it is so bad I haven't beaten it i talk abt this game every day i play all the nights#i do not fucking play this night bc the way the tutorial works is unreal & unhelpful it wants you to remember#all this shit but it removes the 'walk around & click things before the night starts to see how they work/where they are'#& then it changes every 2 hours to something new so you won 12-2 but you hit 2 & forgot this one person's mechanic#but the only way to read the tutorial again is to close the game bc it automatically puts you back into the night#& will not take you to the home screen to view the booklet for night 6 it's insane#so yeah. there is difficulty. but the difficulty curve being this inconsistent is worse tbh#i get night 6 is meant to be like a 'everyone is here!' bossfight but it's overwhelming & there is too damn much
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dbphantom · 4 months
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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ofalltheginjoints · 2 years
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#my fatal flaw is actually that i will never actually give anyone consequences for treating me like shit#like. you could stab me and i’d probably apologize to you#i got an uber bc i really didn’t want to wait 45min for the bus (plus the hour bus ride)#and like i literally hadn’t even buckled my seatbelt before the driver started complaining to me about how he’s losing so much money on#this trip and how lyft is screwing him over and that i should tip him $10 for his troubles and like.#i asked him if he wanted me to get out and find another one and he just kept avoiding the question#while still telling me how much this trip was costing him and quite literally making me feel like shit for requesting the ride#and i ended up changing the drop off location to somewhere that was like. closer bc i just didn’t want to be in the car anymore#and after i did that he was still going#like. i’m sitting in the back of his car on the fucking highway getting berated bc i just wanted to fucking go home after work#and you know what i did?#gave him 5 stars and 25% tip bc ‘well he shouldn’t lose his job just bc i had a bad experience’#but now im sitting here at a mall waiting for my mom to come pick me up and trying not to cry#and i wish i would’ve like. given a truthful ride review or just skipped it bc like#no i don’t want him to lose his job and if i give him one star he possibly could#but also that guy was literally being a massive dick to me and i literally tipped him for it.#i want to be a nice person always but like. i think sometimes me being nice is just letting ppl do whatever the want and being complacent#and i fucking hate it#after like a while of him going on i stopped him and was like#hey man i get its tough and i feel for you but it’s not my fault and i really don’t feel like talking rn#so im gonna put my headphones in#and this motherfucker goes ‘umm ok i mean thats kind of awkward but ok’#LIKE YOU DIDNT MAKE IT AWKWARD THE MOMENT I GOT IN YOUR CAR#expect maybe im overreacting?????????#anyway. um everything is bad and terrible rn and i just wanna go home but ive still got an hour before my mom gets off work :)#if you actually read all of this i 1) am so sorry and 2) literally love u and also im sorry
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deus-ex-mona · 2 years
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ice cream ✨always✨ makes everything better!!!!
#like today… i had a seriously horrible very bad day :(#so i went out to buy like $20 worth of ice cream and now both my wallet and heart feel lighter than before!!!!!#ok fr though i needa rant about my day here in the tags just to get it all off my chest in case i snap at the interns tomorrow lol#this morning one of the mfing titration machines kept giving wonky results >:(#so i just filled its stupid job queue thing with tons of repeats so that it could just run on its own while i did other things instead#then this intern came in and said ‘i’ll take care of these few machines!!!’ and yanked the probe out of the test solution…#all while the thing was still running ಠ‿ಠ and welp time wasted? time wasted.#and this other titration units kept giving invalid blank values for the entire day which sucked bc it was our best unit >:(#then this higher up lady checked the machine and found precipitates in the burette. yeah too bad she only found it like an hour before 5 ಠ‿ಠ#that machine worked properly after it was cleaned out though. as expected of our best unit~#but while those 2 units were deceased there were 2 other units that were up and running#except this random maintenance guy halted one of the unit’s runs to do some pointless check and wasted good ol’ testing time for nothing >:(#all’s fine! we still had one unit!! :)))) right??? :))))#…yeah no. while i was out submitting some results during the last hour of the workday the computer mfing restarted itself#i came back from the dude’s office to see the computer on the lock screen. ‘haha very funny who locked this?’ i thought as i keyed in the pw#oh *no* it restarted itself. while the units were mid-run. in other words the samples had to be re-keyed in、#the then-currently running samples had to be reweighed,and i still don’t know who restarted the computer >:(#to top it all off,that intern from earlier kept wandering over to pat my back and ask ‘are you okay?’#pls i literally hate human contact pls don’t touch me you’re making this worse ಥ‿ಥ#call me ungrateful but i was pretty close to snapping on her. sorry intern. you’re the capable intern too…#unlike that intern who dropped part of the equipment into the waste container while she was supposed to be washing it >:(#i hate titration soooooooo much :( i can’t wait to try out extra dangerous titration tomorrow :(#i get to play with acids this time i think? sounds like a recipe for disaster if you ask me—#anyway sorry if you read all that lmao. stay hydrated and eat tons of ice cream for a good time ok?#mona monday
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year
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I have a race notebook and also the standings written on a board in my room(im a nerd) and im very hesitant to write down any results ngl, cause im super unsure if we're gonna get a fernando saudi situation w carlos or not??
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crimsongrimoire · 2 years
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watching me. Judging me
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astrxealis · 2 years
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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways#humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good#and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up#leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that#me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies#pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm#yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice#and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since#christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure#which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata#and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing#ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that#im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk#and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my#personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am#and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS#anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends#as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho#that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so#sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like#we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids#but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone#who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways#OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god
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goxjo · 2 months
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♥︎ 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 ♥︎
⟢ ┈ ﹒꒰ the morning after your first time with him, he’s not quite finished with you FT. gojo, nanami, geto, naoya, toji x fem! reader ꒱
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AUTHOR’S NOTE. yeah, this could end up being very sweet or very horny. either way, please mind the warnings uwu. also, gojo’s is longer than the rest just bc <3
CONTENT. explicit smut, some sprinkles of fluff, eepy jjk men. ♡ gojo ♡ pet name: baby, princess, cuddling, early morning banter, frottage, v! fingering. ♡ nanami ♡ food cw, he wears a cute lil apron and you show up wearing only his shirt, v! fingering. ♡ geto ♡ pet name: angel, morning wood, early morning stretch, daddy kink. ♡ naoya ♡ pet name: kitten, consensual somnophilia, cunnilingus, kinda rough, squirting in his mouth sorry not sorry <3 ♡ toji ♡ pet name: sweetheart, consensual somnophilia, waking him up by giving head, 69.
LINKS. GEN. MASTERLIST ┆ JJK MASTERLIST
♥︎ 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓 ♥︎
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ੈ♡‧₊˚ GOJO SATORU
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“Satoru, can I tell you something?” You lightly trace your finger down his face. The tips of his eyelashes feel ridiculously soft to the touch, not to mention his glossy lips- ones that have explored your own and your body so thoroughly just a few hours ago, you’ve memorized its shape at this point. His mouth slightly opens when you graze his bottom lip with your thumb. Through his pearly white teeth, warm breath fans the tip of your finger as his chest rises and falls in sync with his light snoring.
“Hm?” For the first time, you’re hit with his raspy morning voice - one you can definitely find yourself getting used to. He catches your hand, peppering lazy, half-asleep kisses at the back of it. “What is it?”
“Nothing. Just- I’m insanely attracted to you, that’s all,” you whisper and his eyes light up at the sudden confession. You haven’t been together long so you saying something like this out of the blue is more than enough to take him aback. Next thing you know, big strong arms wrap around you, piling your weight on top of him.
“This feels nice,” he breathes, sleep finding its way back to his eyes, and you can feel his breaths slow down as he drifts off again.
Flick. “Hey, wake up. Need to hear that voice again.” You lightly flick a finger to his forehead and his eyes flutter open for a few seconds. But that wasn’t enough to fully wake him.
“Can’t. You’re so warm. So soft,” he mutters, tightening his grip around you. He shifts a little, trying to nestle the back of his head into his pillow as he shuts his eyes. “Could stay like this all day long.”
You lean closer to his face, studying his sleeping profile. How could anyone be this perfect? Most people wake up with bed heads, dried up drool on their chin, troll-like attitude, and crusty eyes. Not Gojo Satoru. He’s an angel. He wakes up in the morning looking as if he had a 30-minute head start to his daily skincare routine. As if he even needs one.
“Sooo soft,” he mutters once more, squeezing your sides.
“Hate to be the bearer of bad news you big pervert but you have to get ready for class.”
“Wrong!” He jolts awake. “That’s not something someone ‘insanely attracted’ to me would say.”
“How would you know?”
“Because I’m insanely attracted to you as well, and I say ‘5 more minutes’. Actually, make that an hour.”
You try to brush off his comment, pretending as if heat didn’t just rush to your cheeks at what you’d call a poor attempt at banter. A lie, because of course he’s an expert. “Come on you big baby. Wake up.”
“45 minutes, baby.” A big hand reaches underneath your shirt, soothing your bare back.
“Think you’re being slick, huh?”
“Mmm, shut up and come closer.”
“15 minutes?” you suggest, legs straddling his sides, pussy grinding on his half-hard cock as you draw hearts on his jaw, his hands finding their way to your bare ass.
“Hmm, 30.” He groans and you feel his cock twitch underneath, his hands grabbing the fat of your ass.
“You’re a bad negotiator- mmf.” You purr when he spreads your ass, walls clenching at the slight stretch.
“The worst. So, 30? Actually no. 30 is a done deal if you throw in a little kiss.”
“Deal—”
“On second thought…” his fingers slide down your folds, your mouth pops into an ‘o’ and you know for sure you’re done for the second he slides two digits into your slippery hole. “How ‘bout we make it 30 minutes after round 2?”
You’re definitely going to have to stay in all morning.
ੈ♡‧₊˚ NANAMI KENTO
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A wave of confusion hits you when you’re awoken by the sound of something that dropped in a pan, aroma of something frying filling the room. Your eyes dart to the door slightly left open and you’re suddenly aware of the empty space beside you.
You try to look for the clothes you discarded last night but they’re nowhere to be found. So of course, you go for the next best thing.
Coming into the kitchen, you’re met with your partner’s broad and bare back, and your eyes immediately dart to the white lace-trimmed ribbon tied around his waist.
Clad only in pajama pants and that frilly little apron you gifted him as a joke, one that has a pretty pink ‘kiss the chef’ embroidered text at the front, Nanami is way too preoccupied with preparing breakfast for two.
You whistle in a way that’s too flirty for his comfort. Nanami looks over his shoulder, eyes trailing your form up and down, staring way too long at where his signature blue button-down ends just slightly above your upper thighs.
“Careful, your hashes are about to burn.”
“Did you sleep well?” he asks, completely turning off the heat as he makes his way towards you.
“You’re not gonna finish that? Aren’t you going to—” he doesn’t let you finish when he captures your mouth, pulling you into a deep kiss. His hands reach underneath the hems of your (his) shirt, finding your slick folds before pumping you silly with two of his fingers.
“Nope, I’m suddenly craving something else. Sit on the counter, now.”
ੈ♡‧₊˚ GETO SUGURU
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You’re woken up by the sound of an alarm. Looking at the clock, it reads ‘7:00 am’ and you’re surprised to find a heavy arm around your waist and something hard pressed up against your ass.
You shift to turn off his alarm, to which Geto’s eyebrows furrow, protesting over your sudden escape from his hold. “Come back here,” he groans, voice a tad deeper than his usual key, swiftly pulling you close to his bare chest.
“You sound so sexy,” you whisper, planting lazy kisses on his nose and on his lips, his erection leaking something warm on your stomach.
“Really? You sounded sexier last night. Need to hear you screaming my name again, angel.” He reaches down, knuckles sliding across your slit as you feel his fist pumping his cock at the same time. For the first time, you’re oriented with what mornings with Geto are like.
The head of his cock runs through your slick folds before finding your hole. You purr at the friction as he enters you, giving a whole new meaning to ‘early morning stretches.’
“Ohh, ohh~” you hum. Your core grows heavy with need, forcing you to try to bounce on his cock, clit grinding against his abdomen as you hold onto his bicep.
“So impatient.” Geto chuckles at your eagerness. “Want daddy to pay attention to your clit?”
“Daddy, daddy, n-need you to move pleasepleaseplease,” you whine. He hooks your leg around his waist, fingers digging into the fat of your ass as he bottoms out.
“Good morning to you too.”
ੈ♡‧₊˚ NAOYA ZEN’IN
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You think maybe you’re having one of those dreams. The best kind- one where a warm, wet muscle runs across your puffy slit before sliding in and out of your hole. It feels so hot, so good. Too hot, too good, you feel an orgasm coming-
“Fuuuck,” you cuss breathily, whines choking back a wake up yawn, and your body arches to the sensation in your pussy in place of an early morning stretch. Your eyes blink away the sleep in your eyes. Looking down, you find that black and white head of hair you love so much in between your thighs. And he doesn’t stop devouring your pretty cunt even as you mewl through your high. “Fuck, baby, fuck me!”
It’s real and it’s definitely his tongue sucking on your throbbing clit, definitely his thick fingers relentlessly fucking your wet velvet walls, definitely your pussy squelching from how good his tongue and fingers play with you at this ungodly hour.
“Grrood, mm-you’re-mm-awake,” he talks as if he’s speaking to your pussy, unwilling to part from your sweet little cunt even for a second. He was also like this last night. He told you the taste of your pussy is so damn fucking intoxicating, he could eat you up like a three-course-meal.
“Don’tstopdon’tstopdon’tstop!” Your fingers rake through his locks, making him use his teeth on your pussy just because he knows how much you like it when he gets rough. He feels so good going down on you like this, you just can’t help but squeeze his head between your thighs.
“Babybabybaby, fuuuuck- shit!” You feel your pussy twitch two or three times before he gulps, and with his lips still glued to your pussy, you could feel him release a deep chuckle at how much you came undone. Worry washes all over you, heat rising to your face when you realize what you’d done.
“I’m sorry I’m sorry, I didn’t-”
“You taste heavenly kitten, do it again.”
ੈ♡‧₊˚ FUSHIGURO TOJI
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Toji wakes up to an all-familiar feeling around his cock, something that wasn’t uncommon before he had you but now that it is you and your pretty mouth wrapped around his cock, one arm propped on his thigh for dear life-
“God, I fucking love you.”
He absolutely adores the sight of your head in the morning bobbing up and down his hard length, ass perked, other hand struggling to play with your cunt.
“C’mere and turn around sweetheart. Show me that pretty pussy of yours.”
Ass still perked, only now it’s dangerously close to his face. He spreads your folds with his thumbs, stretching your juicy, clenching entrance and huffing out hot air before he drags out his tongue to lick stripes on your cunt.
“Rrmfh~” Your mewls are muffled as you’re gagged with the head of his cock. The feeling of his tongue on your pussy tickles something in you that makes you suck on his cock, releasing a pop when your mouth leaves his length.
“Ohh~ T-toji baby-fuck-let’s cum together.”
“So fucking needy.” Toji kisses your clit a couple times before making out with your lips. He alternates between nipping the sensitive bud with his teeth and flicking it with his tongue, driving you insane while your own mouth is stuffed full of his cock.
“I rarely have breakfast, but this is a nice little treat.”
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toastsnaffler · 3 months
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been so brain fogged again today :(
#ive lost so much time. i got home at 5:30 and all i remember doing is preheating the oven n cooking my aubergine while i showered#which takes like an hour. no fucking idea what happened to the other hour and a half thats scary#and ive had to run a trial involving other ppl so ive had to talk to coworkers and explain things all day and i was struggling so bad#even in the morning like my words werent forming properly and i kept feeling like i was just hearing myself talk#as if it wasnt me talking it was someone else and also my eyes are struggling to focus and im SO TIRED!!!!!! ANDIVE had a headache all day#and painkillers dont help :(#i dont know why its been so bad. i slept rly well last night n ive been eating properly#and i took 5mg dex after lunch bc i could feel i was already crashing and it didnt do anything at all as far as i could tell#ill try it again tomorrow maybe today was jusr a weird one idk#man and after i finish cooking and eating its pretty much already bedtime. i dont even have time to do anything for myself :((((#not that i could im so so soooo tired#but still. ahhhhhhh#its ok. its ok just a strange day. my head feels.so weird and bad. at least its all physical and not emotional tho#and at least in 10 mins ill be eatinf imam bayildi. aubergine save me......#i need a hug and an ice pack for my poor head and for someone to tell me im going to feel better tomorrow and tuck me into bed#wah!#.diaries#but at leaat im not sad or ruminating i would rather have this than the mood swings its all okkkk
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butchlifeguard · 6 months
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interacting with my mom when shes drunk is like being stabbed to death with a paperclip
#not even. i think its worse#victim of the self harm to weird masochism tendency pipeline here. its like being stabbed with a paperclip once#and then no other stimulation for the next 5 hours#anyway she keeps making EVERY FUCKING THING about how its so hard to be white in todays society#ok girl :) ill make sure yr nursing home doesnt have any brown pwople in it good to know#today we were at a shopping center in the middle of the day because me and mj were checked out from school for something#lets play a fun guessing game. did my mom a) get food and drive out like a normal human being#b) get pissed off because they didnt get her order right. or c) bitch about how theres too many nonwhite people shopping during the day#if you guessed c after asking yrself 'wait what the fuck lmfao' congratulations! you win a fraction of the pain im feeling#'they dont have jobs 😡😡' ok! religiously i cant tell you to kill yrself but i think you should take some time away from society#i was filling out a form to try to get hired at this place soon#i started counting how many times she was mad that it was hard for me and soooo easy for illegal immigrants. it was 5 btw#'this must be wjy i go to any place in the 3 towns near us and no one speaks english 😡😡'#< poor baby had a spanish speaking cashier at wingstop a week ago ☹️🥱#ALSO ITS FUCKING TEXAS. YEAH THERES SPANISH SPEAKERS..#ITS NOT EVEN THAT the person shes thinking of also spoke english just seemed mad at her#it takes concentration to speak a language that isnt yr own! could you imagine if anyone else had this attitude#i walk into my 3rd year of asl class and the teacher is like USE BETTER FACIAL EXPRESSION.#can you even SPEAK asl what has this country COME TO. like im not speaking a new langauge with a slightly bad attitude#anyway. not necessarily praying on her downfall but praying on my ascendance#ill get a good offer from a college 500 miles away. minimum
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eddiestattoos · 6 months
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My birthday is 2 months away and I'm already coming up with my excuse for how I'm going to book it off work that isnt simply "it's my birthday and I don't want to work"
#it's only really because my birthday falls on a tuesday. tuesdays are hell in the spring and summer for the actual jays fan in me#if it was literally any other day except maybe the weekend I'd be down to go in for a few hours#but i do not deserve to go in at 7am to listen to some obnoxious ass that can't sing sing random lines every 5 minutes#and the rest of the guys who i at least respect for everything other than their baseball opinions slander everything i like about baseball#if i had guts I'd just say that but I'm also not an idiot and i do like the job. moreso in the fall and winter when its not baseball shit#i can barely enjoy the games for myself anymore#the customers would be amazing i know that. but the horrors would be too much and i don't want to be miserable coming home on my bday#i considered just asking someone to switch and taking the later shorter shift but that would mean having to work with the girl#who just bitches about our one coworker as soon as i give her the time of day and say hi. not wanting that either I'm never volunteering#to work with her. and i know a coworker took her bday off earlier in the year. i know because i was pissed about covering it#so I'd look a little stupid booking mine off but I'm pretty sure she had actual plans and i likely will not cause its. a tuesday#could book the whole week but again. guilty conscience. there's not enough bodies to cover#i feel bad just taking a day i could full well work. but guess what. no.#so if somebody can make me plabs be my guest you have two months go#or a good excuse help a girl out
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nexus-nebulae · 7 months
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damn i actually had a pretty good streak there of not having bad insomnia days. that's pretty impressive for me like i haven't really had one since early January
#usually i get them like. maybe once a week#i think it's partially my new meds?#got some meds for anxiety and oh my GOD i finally have something that WORKS instead of fucking lexapro AGAIN#literally all my doctors would go LEXAPRO!! even though it's never fuckin worked for me#BUT I'm on remeron now and it's WORKING#and i made sure to make my Scheduled Pill Time as something i could almost never miss (my mom getting home from work)#bc it's around the same time every day within a half hour range and since i have an outside reminder it helps me actually form a habit#i cannot form habits without outside help it's just. nearly impossible for me#and the meds do make me kind of tired but not enough that I'm fucking constantly sleeping like when i was on seroquel#i can actually fucking THINK through this tired it doesn't just completely take me out 100% of the time#I'm just Slightly Sleepy instead of a zombie#and it helps remind me that I'm tired bc usually i don't notice any physical feelings#(is there a word for that??????? i tried googling but it constantly gave me alexythemia which is not feeling EMOTION)#(when this is like. i can't feel tired or hungry or pain sometimes. or at least i lose the ability to be aware that I'm feeling it)#but anyway the new meds make me just tired enough to remember i need sleep#and i mean. i am sleeping slightly early but 8:30 isn't that bad i don't think#at least i have time to. you know. do stuff between the hours of 5-8 (the only hours my mom is home + stores is open)#and tbh staying up alone all night isn't. the best. for my mental health#i don't handle being alone well. and Pulse is being a dick about system barriers :P (/lh we know why it's needed rn)#we have. a deep deep fear of isolation. like not just being alone but Not Being Able To Call For Help At All#at least with phone/computer we have One outlet for help with emergency services so that helps slightly#we worry a lot about. what would happen. if we had a medical emergency. and nobody knew bc i couldn't contact anyone#mostly. the fear of Something Bad happening and not being found until hours or days later#i like being awake during the day tho bc theres Way More Options for help#and like the fear of Not Being Found doesn't go away like. ever#but at least when people are awake and around its lessened a lot#the fear increases exponentially with each possible second added to the wait time#so knowing that it's just One hour until mom is home and can check on me is a lot better than Nobody's Awake For 5 More Hours#(and my mom is deaf too so i can't just like. scream for help to wake her up)#(not that i can physically scream at all anyway my voice just cannot handle that anymore)
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p33p33p00p00 · 10 months
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me when
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shoreline-system · 1 year
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Girlies I am slightly regretting running a discord server rn
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moonstruckme · 3 months
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Thanks for being patient with me! This is edited on about four hours of sleep so apologies for any errors <3
part 1 │ part 2 │ part 3 │ part 4 │part 5 │ part 6 │ part 7 │ part 8 │ part 9 │ part 10 │ part 11 │ part 12 │ part 13
roommate!James x shy!reader ♡ 1.6k words
Water sizzles on the stove. You reach over to turn down the heat, your side heating from its proximity to the boiling water, before spinning back around to keep speed-chopping onion. This is a result of poor planning. 
It’s possible that some of your nerves could be reinterpreted as excitement. Giddiness, even. You’re finally—finally—doing something to try and repay all the kindness James shows you. You’ve felt like such a mooch, eating his cooking and stealing his time with his friends, but last week had been too much for you to take. He’d discovered the stomach bug you were weathering, and James had completely devoted the next two days of his life to making sure you were looked after. 
Your fever had gotten so out of hand he’d very nearly followed through on his favorite threat (going into your phone while you’re sleeping and phoning your mum), and though you’d done your best to downplay it at the time there are admittedly gaps in your memory wherein you think you were simply too out of it to know what was going on. It’s not a very comforting thought when you’re harboring a humiliating crush on your roommate; you may well have been just as talkative as James always is, you don’t know. At least he hasn’t said anything. 
He had, thankfully, managed to avoid catching it. You’re not sure how he managed what no one on your shift at work did, but you assume it has something to do with all that kale he eats. Which is why you’re doing your best to make the thank-you meal you’re making him as healthy as might suit his standards. 
You hear his key in the door, and a little frisson goes up your spine. 
“You’re early,” you accuse as he walks in. 
“Since when do you know when my training ends?” James asks. You sound like you’re sniping at one another, but as usual the joviality in his tone is unmissable. 
The sounds of his entrance are familiar, perhaps more ingrained in your mind than they ought to be. Keys jingling as he hangs them on the hook, shoes toed off and left by the mat, heavy footsteps headed for wherever you are in the apartment. 
When he finds you in the kitchen, you both speak at once. 
“What happened to your shoulder?” 
“You know how to cook?” 
“Hurt it at training,” James answers, shrugging with the shoulder that doesn’t have an ice pack held to it. He’s probably too nice for it to occur to him to withhold his answer until you’ve given yours, as had been your first thought. “What are you making?” 
“How did you hurt it?” Worry pries at your tone. Your hands have stilled on the cutting board. 
“We had a scrimmage, and I got shoulder-barged.” He gives you a smile, a shadow of the real thing, but gentler. Reassuring. “It’s not bad.” 
You frown. “I don’t know what that means.” 
“Didn’t expect you to, love.” 
“Why do you need to ice it if it’s not bad?” 
There’s a look in James’ eyes that’s wavering between smugness and softness. You balk at the sight of it. “I need to be a bit careful with it,” he hedges, “but it’ll be good by morning. Now, you’ve distracted me. Do you mean to tell me you’ve known how to cook this entire time?” 
“Yes,” you concede with a laugh. “I’ve always said I cook for myself when you’re not around.” 
“And here you are, doing it right before my eyes.” James leans on the counter with his good arm. He looks immensely entertained. “I’m honored.” 
“This isn’t just for me,” you say, looking down to resume chopping onion as your face warms slightly. “It’s for—” Another remonstrative hiss from the stove, and you whip around, moving the pot off the hot part entirely. You’re a bit relieved for the excuse to face away from him. “It’s for both of us. Also, I just want to provide a disclaimer right now that I never said I was good at cooking, only that I knew how.” 
James’ laugh rumbles behind you, just as you knew it would. He’s too easy. You can practically feel the force of his smile hitting your back, like the sunshine brought inside. 
“Here,” he says, taking a couple of steps toward you, “let me help.” 
“No!” You whirl again, stopping him before he can actually enter the kitchen. “No way. James, I’m trying to do something nice.” 
“And it is very nice,” he says, earnest. “It just seems like you could use a hand.” 
“I’ve got it,” you insist. Your hands are up to ward him off, but you put them at your sides when you realize how close they’re hovering to his chest. “It doesn't count as doing something for you if you do it yourself. Anyway, you’re incapacitated.” 
“I’m…” James looks confused, but then he glances down to his icing shoulder. “Oh, come on. I’m hardly immobilized.” 
“For all intents and purposes, you are.” You do your best to infuse your voice with conviction. You’ve found that’s usually the way with James. If you show any hesitation, he’ll turn on the charm and have you eating out of his hand before you know what’s happened. You herd him away from the kitchen. “Go sit down. Dinner will be ready soon.” 
You can’t help but be aware of him as you finish up, knowing he has to hear the sizzling when you accidentally spill things onto the stove or the one mumbled curse you’re not quick enough to bite back. All evidence that you’re not nearly as practiced a cook as James. You can practically feel his grin from a room over. Still, when it's done you’re fairly proud of yourself. 
James is beaming as he accepts his bowl. He hikes his knees up so you can pass between the couch and the coffee table, making a show of sniffing the steam rising from the food. 
“Is this risotto?” he asks, waiting for your little nod before his mouth drops open in astonishment. “You are so sneaky! I didn’t know you could cook at all, let alone fancy shit like this.” 
“It’s not that hard to make.” You look down at your fork as you raise it to your lips, blowing. 
“Sure it is! Loads of people have a hard time with it.” 
“Do you?” 
James grins, caught. You feel your own smile tugging at your lips as you take a bite.
He follows suit, forking a bit of the risotto and blowing to cool it before taking it in his mouth. His eyes dip closed, head lolling back, and he moans. 
“Oh my god, this is good. I’m never cooking again, now that I know you can do this.” 
You take another bite to avoid a response. You’re fairly sure the heat from your face could power the apartment for a month. 
James makes a few more over-the-top compliments of your culinary skills, which you deflect as best you can. As always, you eat mostly silently while he chatters, but when you look over your attention gets snagged on his shoulder. 
He’s only using the one hand to eat, bowl resting in his lap while you hold yours up closer to your face. His ice pack sits beside him now that he can’t hold it on anymore. You catch yourself gnawing on the inside of your lip. 
“Does it hurt?” you ask. 
James looks over, following your gaze. “Yeah,” he admits. “Nothing I’m not used to, though.” 
You feel your eyebrows pinch. “You get hurt often?” 
He smiles bemusedly. “It’s rugby, love. Getting a bit roughed up is part of the deal.” 
This doesn’t sit right with you. Though you hadn’t pondered it much before, you realize you’ve sort of been thinking of James, with his muscles and constant smiles and easygoing manner, as somewhat invincible. He seems like such a source of light in the world, it hadn’t occurred to you that anything bad could happen to him. You don’t like the idea of him being hurt. In any capacity. 
You realize this is likely playing out on your face when you notice James watching you. His eyes are soft. “As much as I would love to milk this for attention and maybe a sponge bath,” he says, setting his fork in his bowl, “it’s really not that bad. See?” 
He pulls down the sleeve of his shirt, and the effort to placate you is wasted. You take in a quiet, horrified gasp at the deeply colored bruise on James’ shoulder. One of your hands raises as if to touch it. It hovers in the space between you. 
“That’s not that bad?” you look at James in alarm. “It looks broken.” 
“It’s not,” he laughs. It’s a bit awkward, as close to self-conscious as you’ve ever seen him. “Trust me, I’ve had a couple broken bones in my time. It’s only bruised, and the muscle’s a bit strained.” 
The muscle, you’re noticing now, is quite substantial. Your focus is on the bruise, but the shoulder beneath it is eye-catching as well, hefty and taut-looking, presumably from the strain. That, or James is flexing. 
You raise your gaze quickly to his. Brown eyes tinged with smugness. 
“You’re worried about me.” His lips stretch into a grin. Not your favorite one in his arsenal. “Aw, sweetheart, I love you too.” 
You direct your attention back to your food, face hotter than hot. “I have justification for worry,” you say, the teasing tone you were going for undercut by the unintentional softness of your voice. “You’re voluntarily participating in a sport that seems like it’s trying to kill you.” 
James takes a self-satisfied bite of his risotto. “I don’t know, I was pretty worried when you fainted in my arms last week.” 
You side-eye him suspiciously. “I didn’t actually do that.” 
“Guess you’ll never know.” 
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