#and i ended up back in retail.
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#super freaking out cos my friend who is a vet has offered me a job at her practice as a care assistant#so my job would just be to do all the little jobs. help looking after the animals. cleaning. sometimes calling patients etc#it's a fantastic opportunity but it looks so much more difficult then anything i've ever done before#and on the one hand i'm like ''yes! i love animals! i need a steady income! this is perfect!''#but on the other... i haven't been at my current job that long. so it feels like a dick move to up and leave.#i don't know if i'd be able to cope with the animals dying all the time. some of the stuff i'd have to do looks really technical#and i'm scared i'll do it wrong (eg put the wrong label on the wrong medicine) and it'll lead to an animal dying#like it's a proper full time monday-friday 9-5 kinda gig#which is great cos my current job is a ''are we gonna give you more than 2 days next week?? who knows! it's a supprise!!''#and that situation is stressing me out. so i do need something different#but this is like a proper serious job. and idk that's scary#plus my friend would be my boss. which i don't mind. but i dont want her to vouch for me and then i'm terrible at it...#cos that's not fair on her#they've offered me a trial shift next week. so i guess i could do that and just scope it out..#it also feels like nepotism which doesn't super sit right#but it's not a sure thing. the other vets and practice owners have to agree and they may not like me. it's not like i have experience#and it's only a low paid position so if its nepotism its not like... super beneficial nepotism...#sigh. i know i should go for it. just last time i went for a big different job like this it ended badly#and i ended up back in retail.#so i don't wanna go thru that all again#but i also dont wanna stay working in this shop forever. it wouldn't be too bad if only i had regular hours. .#and i knew what those hours were more than a week in advance#i know this is like.. a non-problem. i'm just stressing about it#plus its making me feel guilty whenever i go into my current job. like i'm cheating on them#i do need that regular income tho#screams in anxiety
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RANT
#hey boss#u uh- u said i was working sun n wed- can i have more consistent days so i have days to block out for interviews?#.#uve been forewarned#ok so its four months into my gap year and HOLY SHIT JOB SEARCHING IS SO FRUSTRATING#so im working as a clerk at this law firm mon and wed (only 8 hours total tho)#n i THOT i had my reatil job in the bag but then boss goes “yea im really sorry but i cant give u three days - only sundays and weds”#so i was like great ok i need another job thats cool ill just bliock out sundays and weds for potential employers#THEN on sat boss texts n goes “ahhh i dont need u till next week- also can u switch ur wed to fri”. ??????? MA'AM#so i go#she says sorry kid i dont WHICH IS FINE I APPRICIATE THE COMMUNICATION#so i have an interview the next day at a coffee shop for a time THE MANAGER OFFERED#i show up after having pit my day aside for this noon interview#i walk in employees go “uh ho manager stepped out”#she camnt come back for the rest of the day AND doesnt apologize in her email- just “unfourntallyyyy i didnt have time to check my email”#MAAM YOU SEND THE INVITE#whatever#luckily last friday i was invited to this job fair by like four diff locations in san fran n was immeditaly hired#(first trial shift tmr yay!)#but the commute is gonna be KILLER#however im hopeful n i love coffee so yay#also my pet sitting is taking off ive got two sits booked for october#which is suprising bc im also traveling for half the month#manchester edenbrough st andrews milan lake como babayyyyyyy#also this thursday im heading to chicago and maine for a wedding (yay go love!) and to tenessee for another wedding in jan#so now ive got law firm retail associate barista dog sitter n i just KNOW when the holidays roll around n both retail jobs will be wack ill#be floored#but. ahem anywats good things frustrating thinsg stressful things but GOD am i glad i took this gap year#oh yea and ive been hiking tones! lands end trail#tilden park
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it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food
#it's not a good idea bc the wages are GARBAGE compared to retail#Macca's base rate for my age is less than half my sunday rate#and they don't get much beyond the base rate#whereas retail we have an incredible base rate AND more weekdays past 6pm and weekends (sat is the same as mon-fri 6pm#and sunday is significantly more)#and like yeah im not getting many shifts but if i were to ask for more I still wouldn't be able to work more than 4 hour shifts til july#bc my retail corporation is surprisingly ethical and extends the age limits by a lot#whereas my friend has a 7.5 half hour shift tomorrow AFTER school. on a week night 😁#which is actually horrifying and should nawwt be legal. thats school 9-3 (+20 min) then work 4-11:30 btw#like i should just wait til my birthday in july n ask for more shifts in retail but i want to try fast food#even though the pay is incredibly ridiculously bad (<10 AUD) (yes our adult minimum wage is a good ~23 but under 21 is a percentage of that#like the pay is so bad so i would earn the same or more doing wayy less hours than retail#but i kinda want to get the fast food experience bc it'll be more difficult to get hired as i age#bc i want to save up 20k for top surgery but at the rate im going it'll be difficult to have even thay#let alone savings after top surgery or money to get a car before#and as school gets more difficult it'll be harder to work more#so maybe i should just grind for a few months or til the end of the year then go back to retail exclusively?#and enjoy higher pay and some longer shifts?#but idkkk it's just such a dilemma bc i want more shifts than I'll get at retail but fast food pays so little#but i also really want the experience and to just try it out#im gonna. idk im gonna sit on it for a bit bc i want to get my legal name change sorted before i apply to any second jobs and that will#take a while#so i shall consider. draw up a timetable. write a pros and cons list#yes that sounds like a solid plan#whoop typo but im on mobile i meant 'wayy less hours IN retail'
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Long Vent under read more
TLDR: Tired, Lonely, unhappy with living situation
These past 2 and a half years, especially these past six months have really nailed in just how stifled and suffocated I feel, there was a point where living with my aunt and grandma felt good, I felt loved and comfortable for once, I've lived with them for 8 years of my adult life, but the older I get, the more I realized this is just another restrictive household where I have to walk on eggshells. I have to pretend to be Christian, I have to pretend to be cis and straight, have to pretend I don't have mental problems, and when I'm angry, its always chalked up to be my period, and they always treat me like a child, and its getting more and more obvious as the years go by. I don't get to go out much, in the past two years, the only times I was out of the house for days, was when I was in the hospital, and despite the pain I endured there, I felt sad to leave, and I cried when I was given the OK to go back to work, I hated going back to normal. And the other time, very recently, was when I got to hang out with my best friend for a few days, and it was great! I loved it!! But it was so short lived, it was the only time I was comfortable being myself in public. and I hated going back to normal again. I don't really get to partake in hobbies until maybe when my aunt and grandma fall asleep, and even then I'm too tired to do much of anything. My time is never considered, scheduled for my first PT session? Oh family is coming over and they're going to borrow the car, work? Oh we're going to go eat out with a friend at the Cheesecake Factory, final doctors appointment? Oh I'm getting my hair dyed, Hang out with my friend that was planned for months that I made sure they knew about? we're going on a cruise!!! and many such cases, doesn't matter if I tell them, and put it on the calendar. Sure the house they live in is pretty nice and its good to actually have AC, wifi and my own room for the first time in a long time but, I really only get to exist in my room, if I'm lucky, and they're out of town for a few days, I can finally exist in the living room and I actually don't mind cleaning and I'm able to cook! When my grandma and aunt can't criticize every little thing. I wouldn't mind living by myself, with friends, or even the small chance of having decent roommates, I want to be around people I actually like being around, I want to partake in hobbies at any hour of the day, I just want out, I want to be able to live my life
#its been a very revealing six months#for my sanity and the sake of tumblrs text limit I kept it as short as I possibly could#it makes them sound uniquely 'terrible' but they are just so Retired Old People as they can be#if anything it just gives me more motivation to get out of retail hell and hope I can eventually save up to get out#how and where? idk!! just. eventually#I try so hard to play nice but it always strays back into People Pleaser territory#while I can't hang out with work friends bc we all work front end#I'm gonna try to see if I can hang out with my spl@oon buddies who also live in AZ#if you actually read all this i'm sorry lol. just have so much pent up frustration#and I need to get it out before I go back to work#just angry and tired all the time and not much I can do irl to Not Be Like This#like on one hand. they absolutely deserve their retirement!!! working sucks!! especially with Walmart#but on the other. man. I just don't want to Be Here while they're here All The Time
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Hi!! I really love your style of drawing, it is so so so unique, I’ve never seen anything quite like it before! I had a question, and I really hope I don’t offend you by asking this. I’m just curious as to why you price your commissions so high. By no means do I mean to say your art is not worth such a price, it just seems that other artists with similar simplistic styles tend to price their art lower. Anyways, I hope you have a great day/night, and if you don’t feel like answering this question then please feel free to ignore it.
Hey hi!
Actually I think I price my commissions quite affordably. Most people undercharge! I take into account communication with the client, revisions, time to scan the piece and make sure everything's right with the scan - all the things that are not the art itself but that come hand in hand with doing commissions, take time, and should be accounted for. Whenever I see someone pricing their commissions at like 15 bucks or so, I cringe for them. 15$ an hour is minimum wage where I live, and when you account for all the social parts of commissions, I doubt these people are pricing themselves in a way that is going to bring them above that, if at that at all!
I think my style is quite unique, as you've said, and it's born of years of practice and experimentation. Doing commissions is a side gig for me - I also have a retail job. When I look at the hourly rate I get from commissions, I think it would be very sad if it ended up being lower than my dead-end retail job! I don't think I'd ever want to live entirely off commissions because I'd find the management parts too exhausting, but when I price my commissions, I always keep in mind, could I live comfortably off this wage? In any industry where you have years of experience and a degree, you'd hope to make a decent wage out of it - that's what I had in mind when I decided on my prices!
#asks#commission prices#additionnally that's why i don't offer commissions in other styles ATM#I'd have to charge too much to break even with my retail job and unfortunately.#the retail job is much less effort if i'm gonna end up with the same amount of money at the end#and it is kinder on my RSI and my back problems
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#candyredtext#im never gonna leave this arcade dude.#another job rejection for a retail position.#'we are going with other candidates that fit our needs-'#BITCH I HAVE 8 YEARS IN RETAIL SALES??? WHAT MORE DO U WANT FROM M-#also the few jobs that have finally got back to me ..... dont work for me!#not enough hours and/or pay for me to like. live on LOL#im so like#exhausted dude. i genuinely have lost a lot of hope#im gonna end up permanently hurt my back at the arcade and least i can get#like disability/worksman comp i guess.#KASDJFG#but ugh.#im still applying to places but still dude fuck .#'no one wants to work anymore' BITCH IM TRYING!!!!!!!
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what if I told y’all I got these for $28
#went to an outlets thing today bc my dad has had the same sneakers since I was 12 and they FINALLY fell apart#and he had mentioned a pair he liked but I know he’d never buy for himself#typical immigrant dad behavior of never splurging on himself bc he says the money is needed elsewhere#so i went to buy them for him and these were hidden in the back shelves and they were the ONLY ones left and they were my size and only $48?#when they retail for like $100????#and at first I was like ehhh cause idk what I’d style the red with but my mom convinced me to get them bc it was a steal#and they’re my fav shade of red!!!! so I was like okay I’ll do it bc I know I’d regret it later if I didn’t#and then while I was checking out the guy was doing his usual spiel and was like do you have a Nike account blah blah blah#and he was like if you sign up rn you get 15% off btw!!#so I was like hell yeah bc all it was is making an account with my email no credit card or anything#and they had another 30% tacked on bc they were clearance or something???#so they ended up being $28?!?!!#and they reminded me of the Valentine’s Day air forces I was like….i have…to have them…..#GORGINA!!!!!!#+100 LIFE POINTS
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the downside of subscribing to a substack telling me about US trans news: i now know about US trans news
#and i know about one guy who has a real high chance of being elected in my area if he gets past the republican primary#when have we ever not elected a republican? it's all up to who republican voters decide they want to run#serious post#us stuff#would tag this for trans stuff too but I'm hoping this doesn't end up in tags for anything#venting about it in detail would dox me I guess but.#the 'upside' of not having gotten my shit together enough to start hrt or anything: can go back into the closet pretty easily#is it stupid that i'd chose shaving my face and going back into the closet over potentially having to leave my cat?#he's such a sensitive little dude idk if he'd be able to keep food down if I moved him to a totally new environment. he'd be too stressed#not enough money to get a loan for a house and can't rent a place with all the cats so i'd have to just go by myself if i went#they'd be fine here with just mom but. idk man. i guess we'll see what my options end up being#even if we could magically get a house with a really low loan mom wouldn't have a job#and i've found the least miserable job i'm ever going to be qualified for i think. might be stupid to not want to leave it#just so I don't have to go back into retail#but I don't want to leave the job either. not going to find anything better#so I guess I'll stay even if it would be smarter to go#proud to be an american huh? fuck.
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hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT
#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background..#literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start#to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me#when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and#then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such#and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more#negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed#out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail....#also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don'#want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working#there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had#tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard#rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r#doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's#why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME#ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda#long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to#your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if#you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve#that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint.#anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴#ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :(((((((((((#r.txt
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Also I hate how unsustainable customer service/retail work is in this country. If I could I would gladly be a cashier for the rest of my life but like, I also need to be able to afford to live
#about me#also i hate that people demean it#like when people go “just got my first big girl job after working retail 🤪”#okay but for some that's their entire career#and for some of us we would gladly let it be our entire career if we could afford to live#but people wanna look down on that and act like it means that we are ambitionless#as if society would not collapse without retail employees#yeah yeah you can automate. but also we've got a cashierless amazon grocery store next to my store#and do you know how many people have had to complain and demand refunds bc they were charged for smth they picked up and put back?#so you actually cannot automate unless you want to eventually end up with a lawsuit
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today in the car I was thinking about what my life would look like right now if the p*ndemic never happened
#I’m dying to see the alternate timeline#who did I end up taking to lover fest??#would I have discovered BTS sooner or later??#what did my college graduation pictures look like?!#did I end up applying to law school or moving abroad again??#did I move out?!#did I ever circle back to the idea of being a therapist?!?#was I nicer to my mom?!#would my friends still be with their now fiancés ???#did I work at another retail job or did I start a big girl job??#I just want to know how everything would’ve played out#it obviously wasn’t meant to be in this lifetime but I still want to know !!!
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I got bumped to retail today.
#tbh i felt like crying a tad#but it wasn't the worst#i'm technically stationed in the back end of retail#so i don't have to deal witht the cash register#not that i'd know how to use one#just have to stock and water plants and fix things up#not animanga
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paid $130 to have a package overnighted & they simply did not deliver it :)
#on the bright side: i get refunds & insurance! on the dark side: my school is gonna charge me for the camera that was inside#& also will probably not lend me another camera to do my half of the filming that i need to do so i don’t fail this class#anyway :)#gonna go cry to my ta about it i guess#i am. sooooooo worried about money right now#my bank account hasn’t been this empty since i was a teenager#& it’s not going to get better! is the worst part!#i have to pay $500 in unpaid student fees or i think they’ll hold my diploma#my landlady is holding me to an extra three months of lease in spite of word of mouth#(and either my ex was stupid or neglectful & very possibly actively lying to/shafting me about changing the lease)#and my stipend money goes half next month & ends in june so after that it’s just me & my credit card payments on our own#& no job in sight#so back to retail it is#i can probably stand for two hours without passing out and throwing up if i have to. right.#k talks
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fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore
#she bork#tbd#like now i don't deal w customers which is cool but now that i work at like a big retail store and not a little mall outlet the pressure is#insane. and i have bosses who never say good job or thank you and who have set me up to fail by throwing a department on me that i was not#hired to run or trained for and frankly don't have time to run properly either. so every week just starts w me in our weekly meeting being a#fucking piñata like 'why didn't you get this done 🤨 you need to manage your time better 🤨 you're losing sales 🤨' and i'm like i'm trying!!!!#what more can i do!!!!!! and then the side of it i actually kind of enjoy (which is what i was originally hired to do) is very very hard on#my body bc it's a very physical job (i run the team that unloads the trucks every day and like i'm usually helping unload bc i'm not just#gonna stand there and watch while my team busts their asses lol) and now i'm finding out that it's actually not normal to wake up every day#w your joints screaming and stiff and that i might have a chronic condition (doctor is thinking some sort of chronic inflammatory arthritis#but i won't know if my imaging and blood tests showed anything until like mid-june) and i'm like. so even the part of my job that i don't#mind as much is not good bc it's like actively destroying my body. okay sick 🤠 and i don't wanna quit bc i've only been there for like#eight months and this job would be really valuable on a resume but i don't want it to look like i'm a job hopper or like i'm fickle or#unreliable. so i'm stuck here for a while i think. but the pressure is destroying me mentally and i know i need to find a position somewhere#else that is 1. not fucking goddamn retail bc retail will always be hell and 2. not management bc i don't see myself ever really getting#into upper management but lower/middle management gets shit on the most so if i go somewhere else and end up in middle management i'll be#right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of#waking up at fucking 2:30 every morning just to go in and get shit on and destroy my body all over something that in the end i do not fuckin#care about. i need to make art and be held accountable by only myself. idk i've been toying w the idea of learning how to tattoo and trying#to start establishing some artistic skill so maybe eventually i can do that? not now bc the economy sucks and that's scary lol and anyway i#have to give myself some time to actually learn the skill and perfect a style. but it makes decent money (at least before the expense of#supplies and taxes) and allows you to travel and still work and also it would be fun. and i could tattoo myself so it would cut some#expenses for me since i cannot stay away from the damn needle. idk lol i need to save some money before i buy a tattoo gun or anything but#i'm considering it bc i am going fucking crazy rn and ik this feeling will leave me eventually but i also know it will come back bc it#always does. and i'm tired of just surviving and just making it through every day and every week like i want to be happy and this is just#not doing it for me anymore#ugh fuck why couldn't i have been born w a brain that likes numbers and code and technology. i love being an artist but it makes finding a#sustainable career really difficult bc i feel so restless and miserable when i'm stuck in a passionless job but my passions are not#particularly profitable. hate it here why wasn't i born a capybara no job no responsibility just squint and squeak and sun
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last day working full time for the foreseeable future, here we come!
#[static]#there may be weeks where I pick up a shift and there's a big chance i will have to go back to working full time#but ive damaged my body so bad forcing myself to push past my chronic pain condition just to make ends meet#but for now im looking forward to splitting up the work week and not just running my bones into the ground#and it'll give me a chance to look for different work instead of just crashing and sleeping and not being able to walk or function-#-on the days off I do get#plus now that i wont be covered by insurance at this company there's no way in hell i can work full time and not have health insurance ??#ive worked full time for over a decade and it has Literally destroyed my body and created bigger problems for my health#meanwhile i barely make over 30k LMAO so what's the fucking point you know? that's chump change where i live#most ppl make 80k where i live since it's tech#but because i work retail im deemed to not make enough to live despite working 45 hours a week lmao
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I think it's time for me to accept that a masters is the most logical next step for me and start preparing to do one
#pan.txt#lbr.#job searching is taking it out of me and i am doing FRACTIONS of the searching my friends have done go find new jobs#i wanted to go back to uni anyway#and this will let me get qualified to work in a field i'd actually enjoy working in#and even if it ends up being unfun#it's not fucking retail l m a o
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