#im failing because i expect to be perfect at everything I do even if its my first time doing it

[lovelystarfish]

I'm doing a room makeover and decided to put up some wallpaper. Did Ai look up a tutorial? No. Did I do any type of research in order to mentally prepare for how challenging this could be? No. Did I think it was gonna be easy? Yes. Was I expecting perfection on the first try? Absolutely.

Tell me why my mood has been ruined multiple times today because of a fucking CREASE in multiple panels of decorative fucking WALLPAPER?!?!?!?!?!? WHY IS PUTTING UP WALLPAPER SO DAMN HARD?!?!?!?!?!?

[etherealkissed88]

5 GAME CHANGERS OF THE LAW ★

loass things i think you should know that makes things easier

“DARE TO ASSUME” + JUST HAVE FAITH: just accept/assume what you want as easily as you effortlessly assume negative things. just do it. most of the time people are thinking about the 'perfect way' to imagine or manifest. they look for the 'perfect technique' when theres no such thing. just dare to assume it is yours now! when it is assumed, have faith in that assumption. just decide its done no matter what you see. whatever you assume and persist in will harden into a fact right? once youve assumed it true, go about your 3d life having faith in imagination. know that your desires exist already since creation is finished so theres no way that it's "impossible to manifest". just surrender yourself to faith. just trust the law. you have been applying the law since you were born without knowing. now that you understand the law, just allow yourself to have faith in it. it cannot fail. you assume something to be true and continue being that version of you in imagination aka persisting = manifestation. thats the law. if fears, anxiety, or negative thoughts come, "dare to assume" they have no affect on you, because by default they dont either way. "dare to assume its yours because you are always the operant power who choses how life goes. it gets to a point when youre tired of going back and forth with “i have it” to “no i dont”. it all comes down to faith. you should have faith in yourself and the law especially since the five senses you use to interact with the 3d are all limited and you cant see everything that goes on in the 3d. thats why it makes sense to assume something and stick with it regardless of the 3d. when will you realize that a version of you who has your desires already exists, so just surrender to the version of you who has it already in imagination. stop limiting yourself because of “fears” and just say yes to imagination.

so, i dont give a fuck about what negative thoughts or anxiety you have, just assume its done. its too easy but you overcomplicate it. once assumed, have faith and persist because this is called the law of assumption after all.

THE 3D FOLLOWS, IT DOES NOT PRECEDE: the 3d does not have a mind of its own. its only job is to reflect imagination so who ever you are being imagination, it copies. im sure youve heard the phrase “signs follow, they do not precede” which means signs do not come before your manifestation. they are there (if your limited senses can see it) because that is who you are assuming to be in imagination so it follows that (signs arent important either way so dont spend time searching for them and focusing on them when you should be focused on already being at your end goal which is already having ur desire). similarly with the 3d, the 3d literally only follows you so for it to change or show you something you want, you have to change self/imagination. the 3d literally obeys imagination so expecting it to change without changing self doesnt make sense. if you find yourself getting angry w the 3d, remind yourself “the 3d follows, it does not precede”. it cannot move on its own without your permission because you are the operant power. knowing this should send you straight into being the change you want to see and depend on limitless imagination only.

this also helps with accepting you are the only source of power and helps stop yourself from validating and depending on the 3d. when you know the 3d depends on you to change, you no depend on the 3d to show you your desire. you no longer crave seeing change from it, rather you be the change.

YOU WANT THE FEELING: im not even gonna say you dont want it in the 3d because of course your human self wants the physical experience. but you have to know that the feeling (the knowing, not emotions), dictate how you feel about it in the 3d. for example, read this and realize that even if you physically manifest your desire, if you dont feel / know that it is truly yours (aka if you arent fulfilled), it can lead you to get insecure and assume negative. an example is when someone manifests their sp but they still assume that their sp will get tired of them and wouldnt love them for long. this person was not feeling fulfilled (knowing) that they were in a committed and loving relationship which is why even with physical proof of the relationship, they still felt that it wouldnt last. you want the feeling of being loved, of having financial freedom, of feeling confident in your body, and then the physical manifestation of it is a cherry on top. you see how that if you lack the knowing (feeling) of your desire, you can allow bad assumptions to overconsume you and even ruin the fun experience of physically experiencing it in the 3d because you arent even sure of really having it (another example of how who you are in imagination = everything else).

focus on that inner fulfillment next time you imagine something. are you satisfying yourself and returning to the state to the point where you can accept it and know its truly done?

ENJOY YOURSELF: actually imagine to enjoy yourself. what do you want to experience? forget about trying to manifest that sp or money, what do you actually want to experience with that desire? whatever you truly want, imagine it for your own enjoyment and once imagined, it is experienced. manifesting is literally supposed to be fun so imagine for fun, do your techniques for fun and by law, it will reflect either way. realize that imagination can take you anywhere at anytime. you can imagine anything you want so imagine to the point where you dont desire that thing anymore because you know it is yours in limitless imagination. this is fulfillment: you realize you are experiencing it now as limitless self and you are doing it for your own enjoyment. thats leaving the 3d alone and not depending on it for validation and thats the best part of satisfying yourself in imagination.

i say this because ive realized that when i used to imagine something and do techniques, it would feel like im forcing myself to do it and then i dont even actually enjoy myself and enjoy whatever i imagine. figure out specifically what it is you want and imagine it any way you want. chase that satisfaction.

YOU EXPERIENCE IT INSTANTLY: when you imagine something, you experience it right away. it is experienced in the present always! if i imagine myself holding $1000, i really am holding $1000 in that moment. this is because you are consciousness simply being aware of whatever. once you are aware of something in imagination, it really has been experienced already. once imagined, it really happened! if you think this is not true its because you limit yourself to the dead, neutral 3d and think that the 3d is the only 'real' thing. this is not true especially since the 3d is a reflection of who you are being or who you assume to be in imagination, meaning that imagination is everywhere and is the 3d. as the operant power, you have full control over everything (over what manifests or not, etc). so even though you really experienced something in imagination instantly, you can assume it is true or not. you are the only source of power that can choose to identify with what you wants and has full control over whether or not something will be true in your reality. stop waiting for the 3d to change in order to “accept” it. stop being a slave to the 3d when you are the one who controls it in the first place. you can experience it instantly right now so why wait for the 3d to do that?

literally imagination is the source, yes? its the source because it always is molding the 3d (since they are connected) so hearing that once you imagine something, you experienced it instantly, should give you the confidence to know you really do have your desire already since it has already been experienced in imagination. nothing in the 3d can change until you change self (imagination) so imagination/self is powerful which is why you are powerful because you = imagination/self. thats literally why you have the ability to manifest in the first place. all there is to do is persist by living 3d life knowing/assuming/identifying as that version of you who has it already.

kisses, jani ☆

[klxudykai]

the ugly part of reality shifting

as great as shifting is, its really fucking draining. like REALLY draining. its nice that people want to show the fun and positive side of shifting and all, but once new shifters (specifically) hit the stage where they're drained and extremely demotivated, they aren't going to know how to deal with these new overwhelming emotions. reality shifting takes a toll on our mental health even if we don't like to admit it. this may not apply to everything, but I know it applies to the majority.

ive been shifting since 2021 (if you saw my post Abt me starting shifting in 2019 that was wrong lmfao mb yall-). and I still haven't shifted. I used to think I'd shift within 4 years but surprise surprise. I haven't. I'm drained and demotivated. I don't completely believe I wont ever shift, but I don't think I can get what I want by manifesting or affirming or doing any of that. I think the universe will just randomly hand it to me. it sounds dumb but that's the weird luck I have. when I don't expect it, I get what I want. but when I try hard and I expect it, nothing happens or I get smth worse. i don't think that even when I put blood,sweat, and tears into this that I'll shift. I've discovered so much shit about myself yet I am still here with no experience of what its like in another reality let alone my dr. never saw my dr once. only in my dreams and my imagination.

im going to be completely honest when I say that shifting is not for the weak. I'm not saying this to get you to quit because shifting is one of the best things that I found. I just want you to know that its not always going to be perfect. you might feel desperate, you might feel homesick, you might feel exhausted mentally. and sometimes you'll make progress but then find another obstacle. quite frankly, fuck the obstacles because that's not the issue. its how you deal with them that really determine how your growth goes. and no I'm not saying it controls if you'll shift or not because it doesn't. but if you're a person that gives up easily, its going to be hard to overcome those blockages. I say that because I myself give up easily. which is ironic because I don't give up when it comes to certain goals I want to accomplish (one of those goals being shifting), but I refuse to get rid of those so called "blockages" and avoid them even though I know what's the problem. I avoid them because I don't know how to fix them and I just have this fear that's telling me I'll fail.

this post probably doesn't make a lot of sense but that's because I'm writing this in the heat of the moment so I'm not doing a lot of thinking, I'm just typing. what I'm saying is don't be that person that avoids the problems. be transparent with yourself because I'm telling you, the more you avoid it, the more drained youre going to become. it might turn into an endless loop where you think about your Dr daily but you have zero energy to shift. and it fucking sucks.

overall, please take breaks whether they're mental or shifting breaks, if you feel like there is an issue with yourself, fix it. this is a hard journey but it will be a lot easier once you're honest and overcome problems that need to be solved.

(disclaimer that this may not apply to everyone, just the people who are going through a rough patch in their journey. this is mainly just my perspective and what I've heard from a friend of mine since our issues seemed pretty similar. and if anyone needs someone to talk to, my DMS are open. I want my blog to be a safe space and that this is a place where not everything is perfect. I love y'all and please take care and don't stress yourselves <33)

also, fuck that toxic positivity shit that just makes mfs more drained. if you feel demotivated address it don't push it away

[fleshwerks]

Thank you for your rant posts on DAV. They’ve been cathartic to read as they echo so many of my own issues with the game and how it treats its own lore and insults its fanbase. I feel stupid for caring about the oppression of mages and elves given how they sanitized and wrote out these cornerstones of the Thedas setting and it sucks! Im glad I’m not alone.

I had very little hope for this game given its mess of a dev cycle and how the company has bled talent, I thought it would be a very messy narrative as a result. And it is! But it’s worse, because it’s not just messy, it commits the greatest cardinal sin of writing: it’s boring.

I think you nailed it. I'm at the same point as you, especially as someone who's huge into DA lore and the intrauniverse sociopolitics, as well as the expected (foolishly) aspect of your deeds mattering, either positively or negatively.

I have a whole ass Inquisitor who can now stop feeling bad in his steppe-sky burial about his indecisiveness during his tenure as an Inquisitor: BECAUSE NONE OF IT MATTERED ANYWAY. 'Oh, you delayed some suffering for like, what, 7 years? 7 years is nothing when you're doomed anyway. I can already hear the argument "but what you do even in short term matters, too."

Yes, in real life. But I don't do RPGs for real life. I play RPGs to be able to fantasise about doing a bit more than I can do in real life.

On top of it just about everybody being so blasé about what's going on. This is the worst blight ever, two actual gods are loose, but here we are at the dinner table, arguing about Taash' mom being a strict, traditional jerkass and Bellara joining the list of people who hate themselves for having ADHD, and holding her hand through it. Boring.

Veilguard commits another sin: everybody blames themselves for everything, but it either gets fixed for them, or they're feeling sorry and do the thing they feel so sorry about anyway.

My kingdom for a character who can go 'it is what it is, I'm not perfect, but I'm not sorry for existing and having an impact on this world, especially if the impact is caused by something I couldn't really control; all that matters is what we do next.' Which would open up the world at wide: tackling things that make your personal issues microbial in comparison. These people don't have the luxury of crying into their chicken soup. Not to say these things can't be addressed, but in Dragon Age, characters are supposed to support the overarching plot and the worldbuilding. Instead, the world puts itself on hold until you've solved Lucanis' granny issues or whatever.

If you've ever watched campaign 3 of Critical Role, that series has the same issue. The cast is made up of people who by and large have no real connection to the world or the overarching plot, and a large part of the viewerbase has come down onto the same idea: if the characters don't really care and only keep reacting, and reacting with quippiness and laughs and occasional 'oh no, that's bad, right? Anyway,'... why should we care?

Why should I care? Because everything I cared about as a player has been deleted, and the cast of Veilguard is mostly just dicking around until the plot reminds them that hey: we have the worst apocalypse going on since Solas deleted Elvhenan. Can we like... react more to it? We can do the therapy sessions later when people have stopped dying.

Disclaimer: I fully acknowledge that I'm going off on a tangent and I'm most likely projecting and reading into it too much/not reading into it enough. But that's the problem. Most players will play it once. You can't rely on subsequent playthroughs to make someone care.

Worst part is, companions aren't even boring. They're just miscast for this particular plot, exacerbated by what BW did to all the established lore. The tonality of the game itself and its place in DA canon is just wack.

I'm likely being incredibly unfair, but there's something to investigate here, because if you've failed to bring players into the lore and invest themselves in such numbers, it isn't just Mari here talking shit, it's a wider problem. Lest we forget, your fiction, your work stops being 'only yours' the moment you publish it and allow people play with your toys. The author is king, but the author is only the king of their own version of their story. The moment it's read and played by many, it's not just your story anymore, it's everybody's, who's engaging with it.

God dammit my English literature and language degree is catching up with me, I've turned into That Guy. Uck.

[bloomzone]

Hiii i saw your blogs and its really great!! i just want some advice.. you see i’ve been trying to lose weight last 3 years ago but it seem like i only gained more i feel like im the biggest quitter because im only great at first but i quit not even half way. im always undisciplined, lazy, overthinking ever and overall a quitter. i really wanna change not just my physical appearance but also my mental strength because i don’t even try anything because i don’t like failing and i promised myself an academic comeback because this past few months have been tough for me academically im always passing my works late and most of the times im absent because i just find school so dull atp. i just really wanna focus on my goal and change for good and thats my 2025 resolution because for the first time i really want to do something for me not for the people that tell me what to do and talk behind my back. well ofcourse i also want to prove them that they are wrong about me that im just a quitter and im stupid and lazy. but when i do it sometimes i get discouraged. but for once this time i just wanna prioritize myself for the sake of me. i wanna have some good habit and i wanna quit my old lazy habit especially bed rotting. sometimes i see myself failing in life because of this. which is why i sent this anon msg. is there any advice tou can give me? i don’t really care if it will hurt me you can be brutally honest

Hii ! !

first of all

what can I said is that I feel you and I just want to say you’re not alone in this. It’s so easy to get caught up in overthinking, feeling like a failure, or wanting to give up. But trust me, you’re much stronger than you realize. I see your desire to change, and that alone shows you’ve already taken the first big step. I believe in your ability to grow and transform—one small step at a time

second

u will find everything u need in this series I MEAN EVERYTHING [click here]

third

I want you to pause for a moment. Close your eyes and ask yourself this question: What is it that you truly want? Not what other people want from you, not what society expects from you, but what do you want for yourself?

cuz Change doesn't start when the world changes. Change starts within you. And if you want to break free from the chains of doubt, laziness, or fear of failure, you have to start with one thing: Your own belief in yourself.

You’ve been telling yourself you’re lazy, a quitter, undisciplined—well .. These are stories you’ve been telling yourself, but they are not your truth. That’s the first step. You have the power to rewrite your story, and it starts right here, right now.

You are not defined by your past actions. You are not defined by the mistakes you’ve made. What defines you is the decision to get back up every time you fall. And trust me, it’s going to be hard. There will be days where you feel like you’ve failed, but it’s on those days that your greatest strength will be forged.

here’s what I want you to do : Stop waiting for motivation to come and rescue you. Motivation is a myth. It comes and goes. It’s unreliable. But discipline? Discipline is built through actions, no matter how small if u check my glow up list blog num1 u will see how discipline ..It’s those small steps you take each day that add up to big results. When you make the decision to show up, even when you don’t feel like it, you build resilience. You build character. And that’s what sets you apart from everyone else.

But remember—discipline isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up. Every day. Even when it’s hard. Even when you don’t feel like it. And let me tell you, progress is messy. There will be days when you miss your goal, when you fall behind, but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re human. The key is to keep going. Keep showing up. Keep moving forward. IKKK U CAN DO IT JUST MOVE TRY MOVE UNITL U GET IT RIGHT

You know why? Because every step forward counts. You don’t need to see the whole staircase—just take the first step. Then take the next one. And keep going.

Now, let me give you some advice that will change everything: Start small. Pick one thing you can commit to every day. It doesn’t have to be big. It could be something as simple as making your bed when you wake up or setting aside 10 minutes a day to focus on your goals. But do it every day. And when you get through that, add one more small thing. Gradually, these small wins will build into massive momentum.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO Stop living for others. Stop living to prove people wrong. You don’t need anyone’s approval to be great. You don’t need to seek validation outside of yourself. When you make your goals about YOU—about your growth, your strength, your journey—that’s when you’ll find true power.

So, what’s next? Today, right now, make a commitment to yourself. Promise yourself that you’ll take one step, no matter how small, to move towards who you want to be. And when you stumble, don’t stop. Don’t let failure stop you. Failure is not permanent unless you let it be. Every setback is a setup for a comeback.

This is your time. You are not a quitter. You are a warrior in the making. And every day you choose to keep going, you’re one step closer to the best version of yourself.

ask yourself again: What do you want? And then go and take that first step. Because your future is waiting for you.

[journaling can become your most powerful tool. When you write, you give yourself the space to understand what’s going on in your mind. You get to ask yourself: “What’s really stopping me?” “What’s the fear beneath the doubt?” “What’s the one small thing I can do right now to move forward?” Journaling allows you to reflect on these questions, unravel the tangled thoughts, and create clarity in the midst of confusion.When you’re feeling discouraged, take out your journal. Write down your thoughts, your fears, your worries. Then, look at what you’ve written and ask yourself: What’s something small I can do to change this today? Sometimes, just writing down your feelings gives you the clarity to see your way out of the emotional fog.Journaling also helps you track your progress. It’s a reminder that change isn’t always visible in the moment, but it’s happening. Over time, when you look back at your pages, you’ll see how far you’ve come. You’ll see that you’ve never been a quitter; you’ve been a learner, a fighter, a creator of change. I believe in u that u can do it and trust u can be the BEST VERSION OF URSELF SIS !]

[kiwibongos]

im writing Something for a little fic and i was putting stuff in my notes for later on and it really just made me realize like how fucked up hajime is after all the Horrors. like, emotionally. him rediscovering emotions entirely. (maybe someone has talked abt this before, i just wanna store this here)

because when he's less of a hollow shell, all there is is grief and guilt in his brain. but then as time goes on, he slowly rediscovers what it means to be human, and learns these feelings again one by one. and it has to be such an agonizing process too ? and when they do happen, theyre all extremely overwhelming, out of the blue, and most likely even caused by really small things. my dude will eat a stale piece of bread or even smell expired dairy products, suddenly relearn disgust and feel ABSOLUTELY nauseous and just hurl over lmaoo

but for as for more serious topics, like properly feeling anger again, it'd be ticked off by little shit, bc he doesn't wanna lose control like that cause the frustration doubles. it'd get bad when he makes a mistake too. he'd freak the hell out, because izuru was the embodiment of perfection, of every talent cultivated into one single brain, so he *cant* mess up, but its too much for him to handle cause he's so used to being under that obligation and expectation, but now that he's losing his stability over all that, when he messes up just *slightly*, he feels ashamed and tries to fix it as fast as possible, whether or not its a big deal. itd definitely be really hard to get out of the mindset that, even though hes not izuru anymore, he has to be perfect. to him, he has to stay that way. cause if he fails at all, then he can't protect his friends anymore. does that make sense. the pressure would be literally crushing

also shock/surprise/excitement. everything was predictable and boring to him as izuru, so obviously all of that is still a huge issue that still lingers within him after the simulation, so he'd probably overcome that first and be caught off guard a lot bc, well, he's learning to be hajime again, he's not *exactly* the op superhuman genius anymore (in my head at least. cause when two minds practically mash together weirdly it creates a horrible hit-or-miss concoction lol) so even basic things become brand new to him, and hes fascinated and curious by everyone and everything. not like hes never seen it before, but its like hes experiencing it for the first time, even if its just mundane tasks in life, new methods and alternatives to things, etc. he's generally a very observant guy, and would also pick up on little traits and habits from all his friends. i have the feeling people would rub off on him extremely easily

love, serenity and happiness itself would be extremely hard to tackle and learn, or even notice? i think of so many scenarios of how this could happen. cause like sure he can feel joy, he can be glad, proud, relieved, and smile because his friends are there. but he's still yet to experience what happiness truly is, what it means to him, and it's not something he can do alone. so it just takes a while for that big boom to happen. perhaps its up to interpretation how it happens, go for it idc i have alot of scenarios stirring up in my brain, but overall, i think him actually bursting with happiness and feeling genuine peace within himself, and realize hes grateful for the life he has, and the future he got to choose, would probably be caused in the process of moving to jabberwock island. just seeing all his friends on the boat and knowing they've made it this far, and theyre going to be starting a new life on this island, and that theyre safe, would be enough to just like hit him. like Ough. and thats when he actually consciously realizes that he's happy, when every other waking moment, there's been some kind of empty pit in his stomach eating at him for so long

on top of all of this, he cant really control his emotions very well, either. thats also another massive con to all of it, and a downside of relearning these things because of how strongly they came swinging back. its alot to handle. even if theres so much knowledge packed in his brain, one little thing like that could be enough to make him bluescreen. so he ends up just going on autopilot or stuffing all of it away, just to make the bad stuff stop. (it becomes a very unhealthy habit that bites him in the ass later. everyone is mad at him for not taking care of himself. hajime is then swaddled into a blanket with a kiss on the forehead)

anyway theres probably more to add and id get into the nitty gritty of specific shit but i had to impulsively dump this here so might as well put up the basics. makes me so excited to work on this fic more, even if its in a more somber, different context, i just love to think about hajime and how he works through his emotions and picking up his old traits. yknow, being himself. but at the same time he isn't doing it alone. let my boy be happy. let him find himself again and move on from izuru

[thatone-highlighter]

I just got through the Earthlings arc during my SU rewatch and im absolutely facinated by Jaspers character

She’s such an effective antagonist for so long because she clashes with every other character so fundamentally. She’s got this completely foreign to the show worldview that is shown to be contrary to what the rest of the show is trying to say but she still feels like a real person and when you think about her she’s just as much a product of her circumstances as anyone else. She doesn’t want to talk it out with Steven because why would she? She was literally born to fight as has been doing so since the second she was born, it’s all she’s ever known and has been drilled into her head that that’s what’s expected of her, she’s rewarded for fighting well and watches as others are punished for doing badly, either by losing or by facing consequences for failing.

And then there’s the whole “perfect solider” part of her character. She was literally born more capable and with a higher status than everyone else. But because of the way home world is structured to reward her and punish people like the off-colours, she’s been indoctrinated into thinking that the reason she came out on top had nothing to do with how she was made and everything to do with her behaviour and attitude. Peak “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” type person but because it’s a fictional story you can see what happened to make her this way. Her and amethyst are fundamentally different, they’re different quartzes, they were born in different places, they were just created differently, from the start jasper was always going to be better at some things than amethyst and amethyst would be better at others than jasper. But because of the way jasper has been “raised” for lack of a better word she doesn’t see that, she doesn’t understand that her and amethyst are simply different gems who were made different, she’s better at fighting and is picture image of what a quartz “should” be so that means it’s possible and anyone who can’t live up to that standard simply isn’t trying hard enough. And she even manages to get that into amethysts head, if jasper is capable of this then that means that amethyst must be too, even tho that’s simply not true. Through no fault of her own amethyst would have to try infinitely harder to achieve even close to where jasper is, jasper started out with a huge head start and trying to play catch up does nothing but hurt amethyst. It’s such a good analogy for so many things I think

Her main role in the story is serving as a character who simply refuses to talk it out with Steven, but again, why would she? From her perspective the entire reason her life is like this, she reason shes spent her life fighting endlessly, all the suffering shes lives through, its his fault. Rose Quartz started the war she was quite literally born to fight in. Rose Quartz also ended that same war by killing the only person jasper ever had to look up to, forced her out of the only reason she had for existing (both as in to fight the war and to serve Pink Diamond). And then heres Rose Quartz once again, saying she wants to help her? Where was she offering help when jasper when she was living to fight as much as she was fighting to live? Where was this „help“ when she shattered Pink Diamond and Jaspers entire world with her? „Help“? Help my ass shes the reason everything thats gone wrong in jaspers life went wrong in the first place

And then she gets poofed at her lowest point, gets removed from the story entirely until Future, and Future does nothing to make anything better for her! Last jasper knew the person shes been seeking revenge on her entire existence cant even be bothered to remember what she did, and then she loses herself to the Earth and corruption, the very things she prided herself on being better than.

And then suddenly shes brought back and „hey guess what! That war we created you to fight in? The one you created your entire person around? The one you lost Everything in? Yeah so it was pointless. Actually the person you idolised for the past 6000 years is the same person who you thought killed her and have been seeking vengeance on for the same amount of time. Crazy how that happens. Anyways so do you wanna come hang out with us now that we sorted that out and were chill about it?“

Can you even IMAGINE what that feels like? No wonder she runs off into the woods and becomes a hermit what else is she supposed to do! Shes got nowhere to go! Her entire life has been turned on its head and she’s expected to just move on! That’s ridiculous!

And thats just the backdrop for her appearance in Future. When she finally does appear they kill her and thats the first and only time we ever see her happy. Someone Finally speaks to her in a way she can understand and she actually dies, and uses that to find herself a purpose. If steven is powerful enough to shatter her, a feat never before seen by a gem, then sure she can serve him, anything to give her life purpose again. and then they just forget about her! Steven literally ditched her in his house! They pull the rug out from under her Once Again. but now she can be „normal“ now she can do what other people want her to do so they all assume shes „better“ now.

I think future did her so dirty the original show handles her character So Well and im not really sure how else they could have gone further with her character because people like Jasper in real life dont really change. And if she were to change and agree with steven it would feel like the show saying steven was right and jasper was wrong and she should have listened to him from the start. Shes such an interesting character to delve into because shes the antagonist yes but shes a very specific type or antagonist that doesnt appear very often and when it does its not with as much backstory, even if just implied, or delving into the thoughts behind the actions. Its so interesting to me

[lyrakanefanatic]

Songs that I think would fit phone girl and graysons relationship pt. 2!!

dancing with our hands tied by taylor swift: I remember a mutual saying this in the comments of my last “songs i think would fit PG and graysons relationship” post but I can’t remember who, I think it was @reminiscentreader but I’m rlly not sure sorry 😭😭

“I, I loved you in secret” I imagine that they would keep their “situation” (i have a good feeling they will like kiss or something like that but then the next day will pretend like nothing happened or something pushes them apart?? Idk it’s a trilogy so jlb can’t give them a relationship right away) a secret from the hawthornes and the other contestants for a while when they do become official, but nash catches on first

“first sight, yeah, we love without reason” it was technically love at first sight bc gray kind of had feelings for PG when she first called him, when usually it wasn’t love at first sight for his past relationships (which is how u know they’re gonna be endgame 😍)

“My, my love had been frozen, deep blue, but you painted me golden.” basically how his past relationships had left him heartbroken and “blue” but when he met phone girl he really started to fall for her which “painted him golden”

“I, I loved you in spite of, deep fears that the world would divide us” grayson afraid of something tearing him and PG apart and almost expecting something to happen, or just expecting himself to drive her out like he did with his past relationships (😭😭)

“I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted” grayson literally says (when he’s describing his “girlfriend” to Gigi in the brothers hawthorne) that his supposed girlfriend, “wasn’t perfect, and when im with her, I don’t have to be either.” so this is very fitting LOL

fallen star by the neighborhood: yes, im only putting this one here bc I saw an edit that @herondalesbooklover posted and I liked the audio, so whatever sue me 😔

“I’ll keep you far away from me, like a star” Graysons habit of driving the people he loves out, and I can see him distancing himself away from PG bc he’s scared of falling in love again 💔

“Hard not to fall for you, I gave you all my heart” again, its Grayson trying (and failing) to not fall for phone girl, even though he knows she has his heart and always will 💗💗😜

“Further apart, the closer, the closer, the closer that we are” he’ll try not to get close to her, but he can’t keep himself away for too long and I have a feeling he’ll find himself getting attached and unable to block her out like he usually does with the people he loves

“You’re in my dna, I can’t keep away no matter how hard I try” like I said with ⬆️ one, he’ll try to keep her away but no matter how hard he tries, he will always find himself coming back to her (😭😭💗💗)

“I’m on a one way train and it’s far away, but you’re still on my mind” grayson will always run back to her every. single. time. just because of how much he loves her 💕😭

i can see you by taylor swift: this song is kinda averyjameson too but whatever i feel like it’d be fitting for PG and grayson too

“You brush past me in the hallway, and you don’t think, I, I, I can see you, do you?” I don’t rlly have a reason behind this line but “you brush past me in the hallway” would fit the kind of “professional” setting they have going on 😍

“I’ve been watching you for ages, and I spend my time trying not to feel it.” Okay PG hasnt really been “watching” him for ages but she has been kind of calling him and checking up on him, (for the riddle lmao) plus I feel like she’d try to deny the fact that she likes gray bc of her fathers death being somewhat related to the hawthornes

“But what would you do if I went to touch you now? What would you do if they never found us out? What would you do if we never made a sound?” Again, i feel like they’d keep their “relationship” a secret from everybody else until they become official

“And we kept everything professional, but somethings changed, something I, I like” Graysons probably gonna be a “helper” in the games so I feel like he’d try to keep a professional air with PG at first until he starts to develop feelings (not like he already didnt have feelings for her when she just called him LOL)

“They keep watchful eyes on us, so it’s best that we move fast and keep quiet” Okay but just think about how many people are on that island (there’s probably some maids, bodyguards, the hawthornes, and ofc the contestants) and then having to keep ur relationship a secret with all those people around 😭😭 but anyways once people start to kind of catch on, they’ll definitely pay closer attention to PG and gray just to see if the rumours are true

“I could see you in your suit and your necktie” suit. necktie. literally couldn’t have been anymore obvious 💀💀

“Passed me a note saying, ‘meet me tonight’” to discuss clues for the game or to do other things.. 😜

“Then we kiss, and you know I won’t ever tell, yeah” again, it’s just them keeping their relationship a secret from the other contestants + hawthornes

gorgeous by taylor swift: I haven’t listened to this song in a while but I did a few days ago and just realized how much it sounds like PG and gray omg 🫢

“You should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk” probably just her mocking how “self obsessed” he sounds and also how he just expects to get what he wants and just the phrase “the world bent to the will of grayson hawthorne” 💀

“You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong” this man does have a strong magnetic field, bc tell me why every girl he’s ever talked to likes him? 💀😭 (including phone girl 🤭)

“You’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much” this is so phone girl towards grayson omg.

“Whiskey on ice, sunset and vine, you’ve ruined my life, by not being mine” his family did kind of ruin her life, but add a romantic twist 😍

“You’re so gorgeous, I can’t say anything to your face, cause look at your face” grayson definitely is gorgeous, and I know phone girl found him attractive too 🫢 (who wouldn’t)

“And I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way” ofc she’d be mad she has a crush on him, his grandfather was probably the reason her dad died 😭

“But what can I say? You’re gorgeous” 🤭.

“You should take it as a compliment that I’m talking to everyone here but you” probably PG trying to avoid grayson for a bit after she realizes she likes him

“And you should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in a darkened room” maybe at an event, or that masquerade ball, graysons hand brushes against PG or he holds it while dancing and she gets butterfliesss 🤭🤭💗

“If you’ve got a girlfriend I’m jealous of her, but if you’re single that’s honestly worse” I feel like she would be jealous of his “girlfriend”, eve, but would also be like “what. 😧” when he says he’s single bc HOW??!

“Ocean blue eyes looking in mine, I feel like I might sink and drown and die” ik shes crushing hard on those ocean orbs of his 🤭

“There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have” she “can’t have” him bc Tobias was apparently behind her fathers death, which is why she tries to deny she likes him

“You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad” her being mad she likes him 💀

OKAY THATS ALL, IDK WHY GORGEOUS IS SO DAMN LONG BUT WTV 😜

[mikuni14]

Sing My Crush

I binged Sing My Crush and absolutely loved the series. I liked practically everything, from the main and side characters, the interesting and innovative type of the villain and the conflict he created, the fact that the "11th episode drama" has its mostly external causes, that one of the ML falls in love twice and it's treated completely normally, that the story is interesting and well narrated, both MLs are equally likable and I was cheering for both of them, there was no separation at the end, which I totally expected, all problems were solved practically right away.

What I also liked is how both MLs reflect the "cat and dog energy", but in a way that is not irritating. I especially mean how typical a "puppy-golden retriever" is Im Han Tae. But he is the way I like, that is, this "dog" energy gives him only good features, i.e. absolute loyalty, optimism, willingness to help, the need to save and to care for other people, sincere and bubbly personality. And what's especially important to me about the "puppy/sunshine" personality type, which the series NOTORIOUSLY fail to do right, is that these characters sometimes come off "stupid", BUT THEY ARE NOT STUPID. It's just that someone else is taking advantage of their good nature and good intentions, and their belief in the goodness and good intentions of other people, or that they're being caught off-guard and need time to think.

Unfortunately, many shows create scenes for characters like this, often intended to be comedic, that "puppy" literally behaves stupid, or like a pre-pubescent boy in a man's body, and in some extreme cases like someone who, sorry to write this, appears to have some intellectual and developmental disabilities. The perfect example of this type of character for me was this guy from Love Tractor, which made me unable to finish the show because I felt so bad watching this 20 year old man act like he was raised in the jungle, who doesn't understand what's going on with him and his body and is completely freaking out. To me, mentally he was literally a child, I felt sick watching him as a love interest of a grown man.

Being child-like is ok when it is part of a personality that is open, trusting, cheerful, eager to explore the world, and curious. Being child-like as a mental level of an adult person is not ok, to me it's just creepy.

When I started watching Sing My Crush and I saw Im Han Tae I thought oh boy, here we go again, another man-child. And you don't know how happy I am that I was wrong. Im Han Tae has all the best features of the golden retriever personality type and is also smart and acts like a guy his age. Unlike many characters of his type in movies and series, he never runs away from his feelings, he confronts them and confronts Han Ba Ram, and when he needs time to think, he doesn't spend it avoiding and hurting in the process his love interest, or feeling sorry for himself and freaking out, but actually thinks the situation through . Like an adult. And he always, ALWAYS, tries his best not to hurt Han Ba Ram, even when he's angry with him.

Similarly, Han Ba Ram, who is portrayed as a typical "cute" and withdrawn character with "cat" energy, is not stereotypical, but also smart, has his own life outside of the romance, his own worries and desires that he doesn't want to "burden" other people with and is a good person who worries about others, and definitely tends to be self-sacrificing. And yes, he's incredibly cute and cries prettily (I thought I'd die and just turn into a puddle of goo when he started crying after boxing class 🥺🥺) and he's soooo adorable and I'd do anything for him (as well as Han Tae who is such a great character).

Ok, I will stop here, because of the chaos of my thoughts regarding this series. Unfortunately I binged the series with only one break, instead of writing my thoughts after each episode, which is the best way not to miss and organize all my reflections about the series 😉 Anyway, I highly recommend this series, I don't think there are any major, or even minor flaws (ok, maybe too much music, but the title says it all, also the singer's voice is really nice). Wow, this year Korea is spoiling me, this is the third series that I like so much 🤩

[kadextra]

Sharing this with you! (Long ass ask in coming) Imma be honest I do not think the "Recovery" Is true. At all. Im betting my MONEY it isn't, because ya'know why? All men do is lie (/hj) But also because him being on q!cellbits side is going to be worse. He's going to try and try and try and Try to pull him out of it when... q!cellbit doesn't care. He doesn't care at all. His talk with q!bagi the other night proves that. He Knows what he's doing and he KNOWS that he lost himself, and q!bbh doesn't realize and its perfect. Plus with CC!BBH said too about him having by his own words heart wrenching lore and whatever his plan is thats been cooking for MONTHS. He wouldn't just abandon that I feel. Even if he may alter it. One talk isn't going to make q!bbh better, he's going to try to get better maybe and Fail doing so in the agony of a pit he's already made himself. Things Will get worse imo. Q!bbh has never been an mature character in a sense and he isn't going to be now, like with everything he does he tries and get the short end of the stick and lose it. And I love it that way, and honestly this opens doors for much worse things to come hopefully. (also mainly saying this because moots on twt are very very split about the whole thing but we also cannot take things at face vaule because his bitchass also stole the everyones things too.. which i also don't care about because he deserved too and it can easily be remade.. expect Richas gaming chair but still.)

YES I AGREE ITS GOING TO GET SO MUCH WORSE. I’D LOVE THAT. I want to watch him try really hard, have hope for q!Cellbit to recover- but he can only do so much. how far will they go? is it too late? have they already done too much damage to themselves? will the actions come at a cost? idk but there will no doubt be despair and heartbreak. q!bad is so tragic as a character

I am at the edge of my seat to see the direction this arc goes for both him and everyone involved. rubbing my hands together like a supervillain >:)

[comradeboyhalo]

THERE'S NO DRAMA WITHOUT CONFLICT. How do they expect storylines to happen?? 😭

just for context anon, those posts werent arguing anything like that! it was just about missing the unconditional trust the islanders had for each other, and i was just joking that bbh never had that trust. so we're all good!

BUT im just gonna talk about your point as if its unrelated, because a lot of people in this qsmp fandom do hate conflict and its getting exhausting 💀 i get extra irritated at viewers getting mad at certain characters keeping secrets when its completely justified. baghera doesnt need to tell the world about her backstory, thats HER backstory! and honestly i dont even think cellbit and bad NEED to share every piece of lore they find with every member. yeah, itd be great if people were up to date with everything, but if they dont have the time to update 50 different people because they want to fucking build or do literally anything else than THATS FINE! THEYRE TRYING THEIR BEST ALREADY. characters are allowed to have their secrets and any conflict that stems from that is cool and interesting and viewers need to shut up about it!

also bc im a bbh blog: bad creates a LOT of conflict in the story and, yeah, hate him for that as a character, but i think people fail to realize just how much content he creates by being who he is: a miscommunicative liar, who simultaneously is one of the best secret-keepers on the server. it would be so boring if q!bad was just this perfect father-figure who always had the right advice to give and could therapy his way out of everything and was just so kind and loving to anyone. there are so many tweets that rip into q!bad for what he does to their cubito and im like....yes...now try to understand....you see how you're getting characterization from this....its valid to hate q!bad for this but please tell me you realize narratively what you get out of this...

anyways. let characters be messy. let them be wrong (@ qjaiden enjoyers...she is complicit to the federation regardless of her true alignment and that is COOL AND INTERESTING). conflict for the sake of conflict is never good but the qsmp has ALWAYS stayed balanced in its heavy and light aspects, so have some faith please and let the ccs beef with each other for fun <3.

[auxilioooo]

ok i just watched episode seven of moon girl season two and i started crying CUZ GOD DAMN YOU DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK ME LIKE THAT

SPOILERS AHEAD

I’ve suffered from bad anxiety since i was a kid. i’ve always been scared to talk to kids my age and i’ve always felt i needed to be perfect in school. I’m the kid who if they get a B they start freaking out. Then in 7th grade when i was already struggling with 7th Accelerated Math COVID hit and I had to do everything online. My middle school didn’t handle it well and i was so scared of failing and the fact that i couldn’t talk to my teacher about not understanding the work that I just didn’t do any of it (counter productive i know). I ended up with a ton of zeros and my mom got mad. I ended up fixing it but that didn’t help my anxiety at all.

In high school (grades 9-12 for non-americans) all the pressure got worse and everything was a lot more stressful. 9th grade I was the only freshman in my math class and I had a horrible english teacher, 10th I was in my yearbook class (that’s an entire shit show of its own that, to summarize, made me super depressed and the reason i’m in therapy) and now Im in AP Physics. The test are super hard and stressful especially when i don’t understand most of it. I also was taking 3 other AP classes and i had to drop one. Because of that my anxiety got so bad that i started taking medication which has been super helpful and made school a lot more bearable.

Anyways when Lunella started talking about how she needs to be perfect and have all this pressure put on her by Dr. Ojo, I really related to all of that. Plus the visuals of representing it is exactly what i think and how it feels when i get those waves of anxiety. The part that made me start crying is when Mimi and Casey check on Lunella and Casey ask what’s happening and Mimi just goes “she’s having a panic attack”. Just hearing those words come out of the screen just meant so much to me. Just thinking of all the little girls, even then the little kids, who have felt the same and watching this showing that even some of the most powerful people have felt the same way. To show people what goes on to the “smart kids” when the expectations finally catch up with them and are told “you’re not good enough you need to be better”. To show that it’s normal to feel these feelings and also to show how to handle it. Making sure you have a good support group and even listening to music that calms you down (Here Comes a Thought from Steven Universe helps me). I’m just so happy to watch a show and just think “i’m not the only one. it’s ok that i feel this way”.

Anyways sorry for my ramble and GO WATCH MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR SEASON TWO BABY!!!!

[cryptic-science]

LONG VENT POST. BE WARNED.

i need help. i need help cleaning my room. i do. and ive been so fucking afraid to admit that but i fucking need someone to hold my hand and be gentle with me through the process.

but no, i cant. i cant ask for help, especially not from the person i want help from the most. i cant ask because im not a little kid anymore. i cant have someone hold my hand through everything. thats not how life fucking works. im almost 19. im an adult. i should have the fucking responsibility to keep my bedroom clean.

when was the last time it was actually properly clean ? it must have been what, like, 2018 ? 2019 ? fuck. Fuck. four ? five ? fucking years. almost six, really. jesus christ.

even if she did say yes, even if i could ask her in the first place...you know she wouldnt be gentle. you know she would yell and get annoyed and force you to get rid of things you arent ready to. and youd feel trapped, and scared, and oh so fucking ashamed and guilty. and youd cry and cry and cry and cry. youd sob and youd beg, just like the little girl you are.

she doesnt ask much of you. she never has. you know this. everyone knows this. you never really had to do chores as a kid. not properly anyway. right now, all she wants you to do is get a job and clean your room.

why is this still so hard for you ?she got you what you needed right ? she got you the anti-depressants. she got you the adhd meds. she got you the autism diagnosis. so why are you still like this ? the meds are working, arent they ? why are you still Wrong ? what else could you possibly fucking need ??

all you do is take. and take. and take. you are so fucking selfish. why arent you fixed yet ? why cant you get off your ass and clean your fucking room ? why cant you get off your ass and get a fucking job ? why do you still lack the motivation ?

you are lazy. you are lazy. you are lazy.

how can you live like this ? there is garbage piled next to your bed. there are molding cups on your dresser. there are both carpet and larder beetles squirming through your things.

you have too much shit. you get too attached. maybe you are a hoarder.

you are disgusting. you are filthy.

your hygiene doesnt help either. you changed today but when was the last time those clothes were washed ? when was the last time you showered ? when was the last time you brushed your teeth ? you are vile. you are filth.

she yells because she loves you. she yells because she loves you. she yells because she loves you.

shes been through so fucking much. you know this. everyone knows this. you could have had it so much worse.

she is not the villain. she is human. you realized she was human a long time ago. shes doing her best with what she knows.

would it be easier if you moved out ? you are too scared to do that. maybe, itd be easier to clean your room, though. she doesnt want you to leave either. you know that despite the times shes threatened to kick you out. shes too scared for you to go too. you cant live with her forever. you know this. she does to. shes said that phrase to you many times. you are too scared to leave. you cant handle change. its safe here. youve been here for so long. its familiar. its close to most of the important places you need to go. it took you such a long time to be able to memorize the paths in order to get to them. you cant drive. everything is perfect here. its safe. its safe. its safe.

the pear tree was cut down. it was planted long before you ever lived there. part of you thinks that maybe its a sign. you arent too sure for what, though.

you are trying not to cry. you dont want to cry. especially not right now.

she says she doesnt think you are a disappointment, but how can that be true when all youve done, your whole entire life, is dissapoint her ? you have failed at every expectation and want she had, and still has, for you.

you were born this strange and rotten thing.

but she still loves you.

and you love her too.

you need a job. you should be using this time to look for a job. you are scared. you need to stop putting it off. you need to stop lying whenever she asks if youve been looking. youve applied to a few places but, you only got hired once. and you quit after a day and a half. it was Too Much for you. you were scared and your body hurt and the job was too fast-paced and it was all so fucking overwhelming. so you ran from it. you gave up.

because you are a coward.

you can count on one hand the amount of interviews youve actually gotten.

why is this so hard for you ? why must there be so fucking much wrong with you ?

just do something, please. anything. any job you can get your hands on. you need it.

why arent you doing it ? why ??

you want to be better. you want so fucking badly to be better, in so fucking many ways.

you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better. you wish you were better.

i want to learn how to be better.

i dont know how to be better.

i dont know where to start.

i dont know.

help.

[stormyoceans]

monica! i need your best slow burn pining recommendations, i feel like you're the right person to ask <3

TURNS OUT THIS WAS ACTUALLY A WAY HARDER QUESTION TO ANSWER THAN I EXPECTED AND IT SENT ME INTO A DEEP EXISTENTIAL CRISIS ;;;;;;;;;

the thing is. i feel like 'slow burn' is an extremely subjective concept. for example, the only criteria a lot of people take into consideration to define a story as slow burn is when the characters enter an official romantic relationship, but to me it's also a matter of the characters' awareness when it comes to their own feelings: i personally have a hard time labeling a story as slow burn if the characters are attracted to each other from the first episode, or if one of them is already in love with the other at the beginning of the show, even if it may take them the rest of it to officially get together. and on the other hand, just because the characters aren't attracted to each other right away that doesn't automatically make it a slow burn to me

if i went with my idea of slow burn, tho, this list would be REALLY SHORT (like.. probably only 3 series would fit that ;;;;;;;), so first and foremost i’ve tried to pick shows that i think are the closest to my personal view of what a slow burn is and that have a good balance between pining, awareness and official romantic status, but after that im also gonna give you some different options just to cover a bit more ground, so here we go!!!!!

CLOSEST TO MY IDEA OF SLOW BURN

a tale of thousand stars. what could i even say about this show that hasn’t already been said. it simply has everything: great story, great characters, great chemistry, great slow burn and tension and pining that will make you scream at your screen.

enchanté. this show isn’t half as bad as most people say it is and this is a hill im willing to die on. features one of the best childhood friends to lovers romances with levels of tension and pining that are honestly out of this world and that made me want to punch through a wall in multiple occasions, which is why im willing to put it in the slow burn section even if it’s obvious that both akk and theo are aware of their own feelings for the other since the beginning.

i told sunset about you. it’s hard for me to call a show with only 5 episodes a slow burn, and yet it still very much feels like one. i don’t talk much about itsay because it speaks to the queer experience in a way that hits a bit too close to home for me, but the chemistry and the tension are truly unparalleled (in this house we do not talk about i promised you the moon tho).

my ride. kind overworked doctor meets broken-hearted motorcycle taxi driver in one of the softest, sweetest, most underrated slow burn romances ever put on screen. i don’t really know what else to say except that this is one of my comfort show and that it never fails to make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

SOTUS. look.. im fully aware this show has its issues. aside from the hazing (which personally doesn’t bother me, but i know it can be triggering for other people), it belongs to a generation of BL where the concept of any other sexuality aside from straight and gay did not exist, so you will have to bear with now thankfully outdated tropes like ‘gay for you’ and a certain amount of sex negativity. despite all this, it still does many things right, including giving us an enemies to lovers slow burn romance that to this day no other BL can compare to.

triage. TIME LOOP + MEDICAL MURDER MYSTERY + SLOW BURN = A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. i know this show isn’t for everyone – for some it’s too slow and complicated, for others there’s not enough romance – but it is made for me specifically and i will never stop recommending it.

the untamed. okay so.. i guess technically we can’t call this a BL because the show has been edulcorated by chinese censorship, but even if there are no kiss and no actual declaration of love in the series, this is still very much a romance, and it’s also the perfect example of what slow burn is to me: excruciating and with the power to reduce you to a rabies-ridded violent little gremlin.

vice versa. IM THE MOST PREDICTABLE WOMAN ON EARTH IM SORRY. and alright, this may be a little bit of a stretch because if i put vice versa here then it’s fair to argue i should put other shows as well, BUT IN MY DEFENSE. episode 6 and episode 7 caused me irreparable damage with how much i was screaming at my screen for puen and talay to just kiss and get together already. these two idiots also confirmed their status only in the last part of the very last episode, and just for that they deserve a spot here. ABSOLUTE BUFFOONERY.

other shows that fit this and that are not my cup of tea but maybe they’re yours:

stay with me [cw: sad ending]

SHOWS THAT I THINK COULD BE CONSIDERED SLOW BURN (maybe. possibly. perhaps? ;;;;;)

dear doctor i’m coming for soul

i will knock you (is this show good? no. did i watch it until the very end laughing my ass off and having the time of my life? yes. it is EXTREMELY cringey and pretty low quality tho, so be aware of that ;;;;;;)

ingredients

light on me

my tooth your love

our dining table

unintentional love story

other shows that fit this and that are not my cup of tea but maybe they’re yours:

minato shouji’s coin laundry

step by step

MORE OF A NICE SIMMER TO A ROILING BOIL BUT THE PINING IS DELICIOUS

2gether

my school president

old fashion cupcake

we best love: nr. 1 for you

other shows that fit this and that are not my cup of tea but maybe they’re yours:

plus and minus

NOT SLOW BURN TO ME BUT THE RELATIONSHIP IS DEVELOPED NICELY AND/OR THERE IS SOME GOOD PINING

bad buddy

blueming

the eighth sense

history 3: trapped

laws of attraction

love tractor

not me

semantic error

[rosenallies]

“Do you want advice or do you just want me to listen” w/ bimbonali. Maybe rose is talking to nali about having a really bad bout of anxiety with the company and he’s had a crapton of important meetings and conferences and it’s all be really overwhelming. He doesn’t know if he can continue on in this job

this is kinda old but im suddenly sad so h/c it is<3 sorry its short<3

----

"Do you want advice or do you just want me to listen?" Denali whispered softly, wiping the tears that fell from Rosé's eyes with a tender touch.

Rosé shrugged, embarrassment curling in his stomach as he cried for the third night in a row to his partner who was nothing but understanding and perfect in every way. "I don't know, I'm sorry."

"Hey, no," Denali cooed, "you don't have to be sorry but you've been coming home from work far too late and in tears every single night this week. I'm worried about you."

"Please, don't" Rosé urged, feeling awful the person he was supposed to be taking care of had to be burdened with his shit.

Denali chuckled, flashing a little half smile. "I can't help it, I love you too much to watch you suffer and be upset only to do nothing about it. You would do the same for me, I know you would. If you can, do you want to tell me what's been going on? I'll just listen for now."

"Okay," Rosé muttered, knowing Denali wouldn't take no for an answer at this point, his stubborn and persistent lover always getting whatever he wanted, even if what he wanted made Rosé's chest tighten because he was always told to keep everything in, under lock and key; he never expected someone like Denali to come into his life and unlock him in every aspect. "Work has been getting to be so much between everything I have to do at the office and then the club. I feel like I'm failing everybody, my dad keeps yelling at me that the numbers aren't what they should be and that I never should have bought out the club but-I had to. Your old boss was treating you and everyone else so poorly, I couldn't just sit there and do nothing! He said I'm thinking too much with my heart and not my brain."

Nodding along, Denali stroked the back of Rosé's hands as he spoke, a small gesture that showed his encouragement. "Go on, love."

Breathing shakily, Rosé's eyes brimmed over with tears again. "I-I don't know if I can do this anymore. Sometimes I wish I never would have agreed to take over my father's business, or that I wish I could sell it or something but then I don't know if I'd be able to give you the life you deserve. You deserve everything you could ever want and I want to give that to you."

Denali's heart broke. "You do give me everything I could ever want just by being you and loving me. I know that sounds cheesy or whatever but truly, I've never been in this for your money and I wouldn't back out even if you lost every penny to your name," he said, stroking a finger over the diamond ring Rosé had proposed to him with, "for richer, or for poorer, remember?"

Rosé smiled in spite of his tears. "Till death do us part."

"Till death do us part," Denali confirmed, curling up to Rosé's chest, "I really do think you should sell the company. Not that money matters over your mental health but you could profit millions, I'm sure and you'd still have the club which I can help you run a bit more."

It sounded really tempting to Rosé, it really did, to not have the pressure of his father's disappointment looming over him all the time and to spend more time by Denali's side, but he was scared. He'd worked his ass off his entire adulthood to get where he was now, selling the company felt like throwing it all away.

He sighed deeply, breathing in the scent of Denali's strawberry shampoo. "I'll think about it. Thank you for listening, though."

"I'm always here," Denali said, lacing their fingers together, "always."

[umichenginabroad]

Week 11: Farewell Aachen 👋

Well, we’ve made it to my final blog post. Buckle up folks, because it's about to be a sappy one. I know it may sound cliche and maybe you’ve seen these words on one too many IPE study abroad advertisements or fellow travel blogs and perhaps this is about to be your last straw, but I wholeheartedly mean it when I say that “life-changing” and “unforgettable” are the best ways I could possibly describe this experience.

Looking back on my first blog post, I remember all the nerves I felt while writing it. Will I make friends to travel across Europe with and make this new country feel less far from home? Will I ever be able to truly understand the mysteries of Deutsche Bahn and navigate the buses or trains independently? (Ok ok, I still can't…) Will I be able to meet the expectations of my supervisor? Honestly, what even is my project anyways…? Now, on the other side of it all, a successful research symposium completed, and 10 weeks full of travel memories to share, I am filled with both satisfaction and sentimentality as I say my goodbyes to Aachen and this incredible experience.

Photos from the Symposium

One final (mildly-chaotic) group photo from all of UROP

It's crazy to look back on everything and realize that even with all of the breathtaking castles and abundant nature, world famous museums and specialty foods, I already mentioned castles, but c’mon Literal. Castles., I can say with complete certainty that the people I’ve met and relationships I’ve developed here are what I will cherish most. There's something about being left to your own devices in a new country, growing (and occasionally embarrassing yourselves) together, making eyebrow-raising amounts of Doener runs, overcoming failed German conversations and escapades through pouring rain, that really bring you close to one another(and of course, visiting castles together never hurts). Every last memory, both from the big trips to fancy cities and seemingly insignificant details like laughing over questionable Mensa lunches and impromptu boba runs (unfortunately for my wallet, there were many of those…) will be ones that I treasure in great part due to the people I made them with. Though its sad to say goodbye to these relationships, a wonderful German quote I learned here: states that „man sieht sich immer zweimal im Leben“ (man always sees each other twice in life)  and these are words I hope ring true as everyone in my program and those I met here in Germany go their separate ways.

One last hurrah: singing a top notch rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody at Karaoke on my last night in Aachen 

Knowing I may never have another opportunity to do something like this again in my life just serves as a further reminder that I have absolutely made the right decision in studying abroad this summer. Maybe this is just an unfortunate, unavoidable factor of Bargfrede Family Vacations™, but with so much to see, especially throughout Europe, traveling for me has always been defined by a constantly “on-the-go” mentality with an overflowing itinerary. Settling in for over 10 weeks here has given me the rare chance to relax and truly take everything in at my own pace, even if that means wandering aimlessly through the streets with no destination in mind. It has provided me with an entirely new perspective to the places I’ve visited and traveling as a whole that I truly believe was an invaluable part of this experience.  

Photo from my first night in the beautiful Aachen, Germany

Some of the most incredible sights from my travels during this program

Speaking of Bargfrede Family Vacations™ though, my family did come up to visit me following the end of the program for one last week of galavanting through Belgium and new regions of Germany. With no more deadlines, working hours, or German courses to attend, it was the perfect opportunity to embrace the full vacation-mode mentality while also making up for lost time with the people I missed most back home. We visited Brussels, Bruges, Nemur, Cochem, and other adorable towns with entire identities built around all the best things like top tier chocolates, beers, and wine. 

Post-UROP travels (aka summer vacation 2.0)

Now that I’m actually back home in the lovely, picture-perfect state of New Jersey, I can finally return to all the other things I’ve been missing: my dogs, taylor ham egg and cheese sandwiches (and honestly most food in the US tbh), my air conditioned room and comfy, actual mattress… But there truly was a lot in Germany worth missing as well. Living there for the summer has taught me so much about the importance of balancing independence and reaching out for support. I've learned to trust myself when needed, trust others for guidance when offered, and to never trust the Deutsche Bahn.

Though my incredible summer has come to an end, the memories and relationships I have built here are ones that I hope will last me a lifetime. I couldn’t recommend embarking on this experience more. 

Tschüss! 👋

Sarah Bargfrede

Computer Science

UROP Program in Aachen