#im desperate for love can you tell
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Intro Post!!
Hi, y'all can call me Viie or Rev or any derivatives you can find with all my users since I love nicknames.
I'm a writer for Haikyuu primarily as of right now, but I do write for Marvel (specifically Agents of SHIELD), and since I'm slowly getting into Yuri On Ice maybe that in the future as well. Any requests for little ficlets for AOS or Haikyuu are appreciated and I'll try to fulfill any of those if they come! And even if I don't write for a fandom or pairing I can be bribed/convinced with friendship or snacks. Here's my ao3.
I also draw things sometimes but rarely ever fanart, mostly because I'm not that good at it and prefer writing anyway.
I have two side blogs right now: @aishi-t and @cuttycrumbing. The aishi blog is for my haikyuu stuff and CC is my random reblog/writing update/life updates blog. I'm a lot weirder on that one but disregard that.
Don't really have featured tags but for my sunglasses, leather jackets, and laptops universe, I'll have a 'sunglasses' tag for those. In terms of my new wip, demi et demi, that also has its own tag! Other than that my tagging system is pretty trash.
I'm always happy and open to chat with anyone! And I lowkey kinda miss my sunglasses anons, where'd y'all go- If you wanna be friends with me, hmu here or in my comments section. PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT ON MY FICS Y'ALL IM NOT ABOVE BEGGING PLEASE
... yeah. Anyway. Welcome!
#intro post#writer#how to tag these things someone help#haikyuu#marvel#agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#looking for friends#or#looking for moots#anything is fine#im desperate for love can you tell#also i fucking love music its so vibey#also ive been told im a little overwhelming#yes i do text a lot#if i dont i might forget you exist#also ive been told im autistic :p#but my doctor said im actually depressed and have anxiety so like#yay#a label#fuckin love labels#bye now
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s5 epilogue where jonathan and nancy are scrambling to get ready for work and are rushing to the door but stop just long enough to both give steve a peck and he waves them off to work while revealing a child on his hip
#stranger things#stoncy#my mantra for this season#here's how stoncy can still win#bc the alternative is giving us a really tired love triangle#you can't tell bc im typing but im sobbing in desperation
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I’m watching Pirates of the Caribbean and I’m at that part where Will and Elizabeth get married IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING FIGHT and my first thought was “That’s so Time coded” but like, let’s be so fucking for real right now: Name me a Link who WOULDN’T do that
#‘but they’d want it to be romantic and sweet not in the middle of battle they wouldn’t do that’#okay yes but have you considered how crazy both love and desperation can make you#any of the links would do this#they’d all do it and then feel bad and have an actual ceremony later#tell me im wrong tell me Time and his badass wife wouldn’t do this#tell me this isn’t the most Link coded bullshit#maybe im losing my mind a bit im half awake rn and super sick#linked universe#linkeduniverse#jes talks
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i love sapphic people so much we’re all so beautiful and deserve so much love i love you i love you i love you
#hiiii!#it is emotion time for me#listened to some of my favorite songs after midnight#im very emotional#i love you so much#i hate how many people interact with this blog#because i want to grab your faces and tell you how much i hope you’re happy#and how badly i hope you feel loved#i hope you read my posts and feel the love in them#it’s for you#i wrapped it up in all my silly little words and hit post l#and now i just get to live hoping someone could feel it#because i desperately hope they do#because you’re just like me and im just like you and we both deserve SO much from this world#@ future me u can delete this but i hope you’re still this in love with the world when u do#@ people who read all these tags srry it’s late and im having a cry sesh and a lot of emotions#pls ignore me
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i am not pulling up the helluva boss finale and speeding through the video to see the vaguely jmart couple they aren’t even my boys they just look like them no i’m not— GODDAMMIT
#they were my boys and they were good#i literally dont care that they’re just some random gay people#i love them :3#can you tell im desperate#im so (ab)normal about them#helluva boss#jmart#tma
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Yo any Diluc Brainrotters out there?
I wanna make a longer post about Diluc's and Kaeya's dynamic with an interpretation I haven't really seen
Unfortunately the entire thing hinges on if Diluc has ever called Kaeya /anything/ other than his work titles
#ragbros#diluc ragnvindr#Kaeya Alberich#Kaeya#diluc#dont worry his 'im not your bro' line has been considered and processed#but like was there ANY other time?#I've searched places I usually stay well away from but no one evers posts the source of Diluc's side or say where they pull it from#only of Kaeya's#I know Kaeya's#I do not need Kaeya's#look around you#look at where you are#I am well aware of the things that man has said#But Diluc hasn't said a damn word and THAT'S leading me to something interesting#Genshin Impact Diluc#Genshin Impact Kaeya#you can tell I'm desperate when I start adding the full game name lmao#Genshin Impact#pspspspsps c'mere even if it's to say no otherwise you aint getting your next funny theory post from me#and yall loved Crepus theory#shame I cant change this to a poll but I'm not re-writting these tags#if you also dont remember Diluc mentioning Kaeya besides that ONE webcomic under the breath line of not being his bro#just put a '2' in the replies so I know that if I DID miss something obvious that I at least wasnt alone in it lmao
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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thing that makes me feral is its everyone else telling Jinx who she is
her friends end up dead and she's still got their voices in her head telling her who and what she is. Silco spends the rest of his life telling her who she is to him. one city is telling her shes a terrorist and the other that she's a savior. even Isha is the one who 'adopted' Jinx, deciding that they would have a relationship—Jinx just go to decide what that looks like
I don't even have a point to this, just. the relationship with Isha and the touching her shoulders scene could both be seen as moments of growth for Jinx—people rely on her, they trust her, they believe in her, and she seems to believe it for the first time since Vi returned—but they're also just more instances of other people telling her who she should be
#arcane#idk i kind of love that all those people touch her shoulders and walk away... and jinx immediately goes and does something else#like i'd have to analyze the visual language of that scene a lot more to know how the animators wanted that to read#but it was such a... everyone acknowledging you're just a figurehead#like good job. we appreciate you. we're moving forward#and Jinx definitely is hit by the gravity of the situation as well... and then leaves to go find Vi and deal with the Vander situation#of course thats because the big monster fight happens right after the shoulder touch scene and she IS fighting to defend the people#but theres two episodes where shes like alright. well. nevermind im slinking back into the shadows to deal with my family stuff now#and everything with Isha too!!#Isha is desperately trying to get Jinx to be the heroic figure everyone wants her to be and Jinx is NOT interested#and I can totally see Isha's death spurring Jinx on to let herself be this thing she didn't want to be#and I don't even know if that's necessarily bad it's just again other people telling her who she is!!#let Ekko be the figurehead leader of the rebellion where the hell is Ekko! he's in the opening credits so he can't possibly be dead so soon
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Estefany frustration compilation
#my art#doodles#vent art#oc estefany#i still feel weird about the tag oc she's my whol ass alter and childhood friend idk what to tell you#i love when her face looks round btw. es has always been on the skinnier side but it's cute. put some meat on those bones#I've been making more vent pieces than i have proper art#not proper. finished peaces i mean#this is bc. we live in a society#but i desperately needed to see es on paper again.#it's just soothing what can i tell you. tje fany.#always makes me nostalgic. its been so long#so so long man#give us a fucking break it's been too long#<- just got a flashback that's why im man
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if i wasnt for my mutuals i think all of my events would have flopped
#auburn's rambles <3#gahhh its so dumb but like#events are my way of trying to connect w the twst fandom#and i have been so desperate for any sense of community here lately#i feel like im just screaming into the void#and i dont know why it feels like nobody new bothers talking to me anymore#i think its because people are scared of me but i wish they werent#ive tried my best to seem approachable and i tell people over and over that they can talk to me#but nobody does#ever since 1.8k really#its just been my mutuals talking to me and nobody else#and i love my mutuals but i want to have what i had when i first got here#i dont know if this is a twst Fandom problem or if its just me but#its like theres nobody here anymore and its not the same#im so tired of people being intimidated by me#im literally just like you i am just like ALL of you#its exhausting honestly.
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Do any of you remember a Youtube video about Re:Kinder talking about how the game is seen and percieved by some people (mostly touching upon and arguing against how it has been treated insensitively as some sort of weird legend like "ooo disturbing game with a hidden truth behind it" due to it's creator being dead), as well as talking about the charm of the game (even mentioning it's art at some point) and sadness of the themes without spoiling anything at the same time?? I remember the video avoided saying any spoilers at all and only touched on the literal plot as the kids being stuck in a dire situation in the town with all the adults dead without really getting into the why (it didn't even say one of the kids themselves was the cause— as thus, spoiler free), other than that it just touched on the emotional side of it and vaguely mentioned some scenes.
i also remember at some point the later half (at the very least if not in all of it) of the video, music by Siinamota was playing in the background. Does anyone remember seeing a video like this?
I can't seem to find it anywhere and don't even remember the exact year I watched it.😭 It was the way I found out about this game a while ago, which eventually ended up in me playing it, and I really wish I could watch it again. I thought it was a deleted video by someone called hazel as it was mentioned by a lot of people, but I found that one and it isnt it.😓 I'm wondering if anyone remembers watching something along the lines of what im describing and knows if it's still up.
#re:kinder#not art#posting this because naw i am desperate ive been looking for this video for months#i genuinely thought it could be the hazel video but it wasnt and now im back at where i started...😞#if its still up i cannot find it on youtube#but i wonder if anyone even recalls watching this at all because im worried my memory is playing with me😞#itd be rather weird though because i do recall it very vividly. it struck with me in a way i managed to remember the game by name later on#looking back on my memory of it it was a really nice video. i do agree on what it said of how people seem to treat this game#the video was really trying to make people see and appreciate the game and the themes itself instead of the glorified urban legend idea ofi#because it is true that people treat it as some “disturbing fun fact” that someone died as if it was all his legacy was😞#i dont remember it being the high quality standard editing known of video essays nowadays#oh thats all i can say i dont recall much its been a while and i dont know how much a while is ...😞#id be very happy to know if anyone can recognize anything at all. that video really got imprinted into my memory#it left me very emotional even as it didnt even tell me much about the game it still managed to express the feelings of it#ou shoutout to this video forever i love you thank you for informing me of this awesome game while letting me go blind#i was up for a ride#i wish i could see it again#really showed me one of the ending scenes and i had NO IDEA I HAD NO IDEA#oh my god what a good video i had no idea yet i was so devastated#thats all i can convey im not sure if saying “it made a deep emotional impression on me” is a good descriptor to find a video i cant find#i dont know if anyone who has seen it would have felt as emotional as i had but im not sure how else to put it
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every few years im reminded that the war of the worlds stage show exists which is never good because i always find something new to hate about it
#missives#the war of the worlds#jeff wayne#watched a few clips of the latest tour and brooooo why does it suck so bad#it doesnt have to be this way. make me the single divine arbiter of what goes into the show and ill fix it i promise#lile obviously it is successful somehow but that doesnt make it good#rip it from jeff's clammy little hands and make it into a proper musical please please please. they were on the right track in 2016#with the dominion theatre production#its been downhill ever since#like. its just a bunch of decrepit old men way past their prime who desperately need to retire (looking at jeff and herbie flowers and JH)#and a stupid fucken hologram of an actor nobody likes. put a real actor there PLEASE#its soooo painful watching these genuinely talented performers being forced to rush their lines#anyway! my latest gripe#every new iteration of brave new world ive seen since 2018 keeps making the song worse#2018 is on thin fucking ice bevause i like the cast so much but thats where it all began im pretty sure#turning the end of the song into this weird combo love duet and whole cast ensemble song (life begins again) out of fucken nowhere#its the artilleryman's song holy shit get that out of here!#and i get that the latest tour is the 'post covid' life begins again tour or w/e but holy FUCK#can someone please explain to me why they now even have the other cast members on the screen saying lines at the same time#as the artilleryman#e.g. im not trying to tell you what to be#and its going to have to start with me and you etc etc etc#its annoying and even worse it doesnt make sense!!! why are they there!!! why are they saying the lines!! those lines have a very#specific meaning within the context of the song#idk it just seems like the song keeps being stripped of all its original meaning and i really like it so it's driving me bonkers#anywya. ANYWAY
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damn why did i stop being an alcoholic being drunk rules actually i dont feel a single OUNCE of my burdens. i just feel the wine. and its pink.
#this post is mostly a joke OBVIOUSLY i dont wanrt to be a True Alcoholic again#ive been sober#(in the definition that i dont consider myself addicted - not in the definition of complete abstinence)#since 2018. and its been very good for me obviously#but damn i gotta remember that alcohol exists and i have some if i ever truly need to unwind#bc like. yk. i have a lot of trouble unwinding#i used to have this uhh#one of my grandmothers brothers. idk the word.#he always said that the world was so bright and loud and sharp. except for when he drank.#dgmw. i do think autism runs on my dads side#(and thats cool!! bc it proves autism isnt just a white thing!!!!! something thats unfortunately a popular belief :/)#but i think there was def a genetic susceptibility to it on my moms side too#like ofc i was going to be autistic!! look at my family!!!#which is interesting bc as far as anyone can tell my only biological sibling isnt autistic#i have two Additional siblings but thats a longer story. but i love them both just as much as my biological sib#i love having lots of siblings by choice#so many of my younger friends have said im like an older brother they need#and i love that tbh. i love that i get to be something i desperately needed when i was a terrified teenager#n e ways. if u read this far thank you its just wine drunk ramblings.#WHO want to run in the forest naked with me
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Enough of my thoughts. Let me create a crappy RadioApple oneshot (It's just me going with the flow. Im really sorry if the povs get confusing)+(It's just Lucifer healing Alastor)
Lucifer grunts as he stares out of the windows of his freshly made apple shaped chambers. He's happy, ofcourse! Charlie is slowly achieving her dreams, and each feat she triumphantly reaches reminds Lucifer of his sweetheart, Lilith, more and more. He's proud of them, and it warms his heart knowing his family loves being a beacon of hope for the dwellers of hell.
So why are his brows furrowed and his face painted with extreme grimace? Well the stupid radio music emanating from the other side of the hotel should explain it.
If Albert wasn't hosting or blasting jazzical music every morning, he'd play fiddle with some obnoxiously loud Television guy who seems to lose every. single. time.
Lucifer scoffs, these two surely are serious about playing a part for the Pride Ring. He can't just leave, because that might upset sweet Char-char.
It was fine, A-Okay, sure! But not exactly when he needs time to be depressed and a mess. He may NOT require sleep, but that doesn't mean he can't desire one! Probably hoping for a permanent one.. Haha... Anyway, Alaska keeps bothering his slumber and it was getting quite unbearable.
He sighs melodramatically before lightly kicking a duck prototype. It makes an adorable squeaking sound, which makes him smile for a small moment.
A loud thumping sound shakens the distracted Lucifer, catching his attention. It came from that annoying deer guy again, the noise was easy to grasp because it echoed through his mic.
Whatever, Lucifer thought, rolling his eyes in dismissal. He has to hang around the lobby with Charlie and the others. The bartender's a good guy with great champagne.
After a while of blocking away outside hubbubs to have a peaceful makeover, Lucifer finally places his iconic top hat on, touching up some strands of hair for the finished look. He grabs his cane and closes the door behind him for good.
Lucifer has a specific aura to him that reminds anyone his authority, of course it's because of his overwhelming power. But he's pretty silly on top of all that crap.
Just before setting a foot on the stairs, he takes a really really big deep breath. He makes an awfully forced smile that definitely took all of his might to muster.
"Haha! You, sir, are proving to be the most suitable choice for the 'dud' birth parent."
'Great, speak of the dear.' Lucifer thought. His eye twitches, but he stands his ground, giving no attention to the man behind him.
Alastor's smile wavers just about, one thing he disliked the most was being thrown out of the spotlight.
"Charlie would be wise to direct you to me, sir. I possess a treasure trove of fatherly wisdom, perfect for your needs." Alastor walks past Lucifer, closing his eyes in viscious mockery.
Lucifer scowls at that, he uses the end of his cane against Alastor's chest to forcefully push him aside.
"You-" Alastor coughs up blood so suddenly, it made Lucifer audibly shout "EUGH!"
"Dad? Is that you?" Charlie's mumbled voice from downstairs, her footsteps began approaching.
Lucifer widens his eyes, everything is happening too fast. But one thing's for sure, this situation is not difficult to misunderstand. He hurriedly picks up Alastor bridal style.
"H-Haha yes, Charlie! Don't wait for me, I'll be right there!" He shouts frantically, sighing in quick relief once the footsteps finally stop.
He runs back to his room and sets the injured Alastor down on his bed, which looks like it got conquered by a bunch of ducks.
Alastor who was immobilized, attempts to use his shadow to leave this terrible situation. But Lucifer simply pulled him out with his own claws.
"I WILL be healing you." Lucifer's voice turns demonic, his face dark, he's wearing a grin that would both piss and scare anyone off.
Alastor's mouth thins into a small line. Still smiling, but his ears are slightly dropped down as he looks back at him.
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The healing session was pretty lackluster. Alastor was just stiff and silent the entire time. He still had that shit eating grin though.
Lucifer on the other hand, just wants to get this over with. He looks pretty upset.
You can imagine him sitting at the side, palm pressed into Alastor's torso as it illuminates a bright yellow glow. Alastor with his feet dangling on the edge of the bed, barely showing any movement.
Maybe it was peaceful. But who knows for sure.
#radioapple#Idk if I regret this or not#like I was that desperate to avoid thinking that I spent too much time on this (3-4 a.m.)#im so sorry for the crappiness#i did proofread a bit because I have anxiety#but my vocab and grammer aint the best.#settle for worst wheb youre with me#i just love them as a ship ngl.#you could tell I tried as much as I can to NOT make them ooc..#lucifer heals alastor#lucifer heals alastor fic
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hear me out: gilmore girls but they villainize lorelai and sympathize rory
#can you tell i have mommy problems#im obsessed with gilmore girls but i hate rory#i desperately want to love rory#why is gilmore girls so relatable#gilmoregirlsedit#gilmore girls#rory gilmore#lorelai gilmore
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listening to the isat ost and i feel like im gonna explode
#im TRYING to PAINT but i keep having to take BREAKS BECAUSE (REDACTED SECRET BOSS THEME) IS MAKING ME WANNA SHATTER INTO A BAJILLION PIECES#words#also like i have thoughts so SPOILERS#but its so.#the trio of i wont let you go home/tell us tell us tell us/you want to stay with them is so#like it gets me in my feelings...#i wont let you go home is so desperate and despairing and frantic#and then tell us tell us tell us is like the immediate aftermath of a breakdown things dont feel real yet but youre calmed down now#it feels so tired and worn down but still hopeful#and you want to stay with them is just pure Comfort and its just. SIFFRIN. I CANT. I CANT HANDLE THIS#it feels muted though and it feels like youre getting covered in a big warm blanket#and its just lovely ahgh#the we're with you!/its finally over melody finally feels Complete and then its immediately emphasised with the its finally over reprise#I JUST. I LOVE THIS OST#AND NOT TO MENTION HOW CAN YOU HELP ME STARDUST THAT SONG IS SO#IT FEELS SO RESIGNED IT HURTS TO LISTEN TO#loops depression vs siffrins mania FIGHT#isat spoilers#ok im done now
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