#im currently still recovering
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So uhm…. Matthew and James just about MURDERED me in ChoT with how adorable they were? Like, who gave them the right??!
#i love them i love them i love them#im currently still recovering#i teared up so many times#my expectations were so low for some reason i did not expect to be smacked in the face with heartmelting moments like that#heronchild#james herondale#matthew fairchild#chain of thorns#parabatai#chain of thorns spoilers#chot spoilers#just me rambling
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1995 darcy has social anxiety (and anxiety in general) and 2005 darcy is autistic, i won't elaborate (yes i will, with evidence)
#im currently watching the 95 series im loving it sm#also sorry im inactive im still recovering from being sick af#pride and prejudice#pride and prejudice 2005#pride and prejudice 1995#mr darcy#fitzwilliam darcy#jane Austen#aj is reading
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"😦?? (looks over to forsy going over to the bench) 🏃♂️💨💨"
st louis blues @ florida panthers | 12.20.24
#aaron ekblad#gustav forsling#florida panthers#2425#uppy got confused#he thought he was gonna stay on the ice but had to be informed his handler is currently going for a change#and has to run to catch up#forsy gliding over while ekky is scrambling to catch up. overtakes him. still waits so he gets to the bench first.#chivalry isnt dead <3#but puppy doesnt go first he knows his manners <333#the dynamic here is fantastic and i will never recover#FORSY DOESNT EVEN BOTHER TO LOOK AT HIM#god give me the strength and patience to not do something insane right now#oh forsblad... (sighs into my hands)#ekky really is just a puppy scrambling over his gangly limbs to heel next to his owner huh#yeah im gonna go snort some coffee or something thatll fix me
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Taking an indefinite break from trying out voice acting because something quite upsetting happened 🙃
#keeping this in the tags because i dont want it to be a callout in any way and it IS partially my fault for not checking the discord#but am I wrong for feeling a bit frustrated with them abruptly deciding to close auditions over on discord#it was like idfk a day ago or so#but SOLELY on discord#and they decided to close them on Friday#mind you#it is currently 9pm Thursday and the CCC deadline is still stated as end of October 😀#like idfk it feels like it ought to be your duty as a project manager to update both pages#anyway#it has been feeling a little overwhelming to go from not doing much of anything at all right into recording auditions and trying to edit#the audio all the while still trying to recover motivation and has been stressing me a fair amount#but I feel I COULD’VE persisted if they didn’t do this :(#and now i just fee like going right back to where i started#ie no hobbies or ambitions at all#im reinstating that I dont blame them for my decline in mental health ofc not#i just needed to vent bc this doesnt help my delusions that#“fate” is out to ruin any semblance of hope I manage to get#like there’s some higher power that wants to give me false hope only to make me suffer#yes i am this easy to discourage#then again im mentally ill so
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It's crazy how I havent posted in months when I used to use this site daily. I've been pretty bad but doing the best I can. I had so much happen in the last few months and I'm trying to find my footing. I'm back in the city, which I've missed. Ttrpgs are keeping me mentally afloat and I'm obsessing over my characters, having ocs with friends is wonderful. Trying to work on a big project also, but I think it will be slow going. I'm trying to respark joy in the things I used to do.
#as it turns out my last relationship was pretty bad and i have had a lot help identifying that from multiple povs#ive had a lot of support from people who were able to see and experience the things first hand which is unique and helpful#so im recovering from that. but my current situation is not ideal. honestly worse in a lot of ways.#im struggling but really trying my best but it feels like everything is always working against me#i continue to try despite the only thing ive ever done is fail lmao 👍#i need to figure out at the bare minimum how to start drawing again. because idk how to work around the skill regression.#but ive still been having fun drawing my ttrpg characters and stuff ^^#oh and ive been learning how to write short stories these past few months which has been a fun creative outlet !
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Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?
#lynx thinks#oh nooooooooooooooooo#nooooo i can feel the urge to be crazy and act on my hubris#ive just been talking to the grad students in the theater program and theyre taking like 9 credits a semester#and its all stuff that seems interesting or fun or at the very least useful unlike my undergrad degree#and im like... i can already sew as well as if not better than these grad students. i can for sure draw better for any designs i come up w#heck i can draw better than the current head costume designer faculty member for the university#so the little overcommitting gremlin in my brain is like ''yoi could totally do it. do it.''#and the other part of me is like ''im already so tired just from working again after needing to recover from burnout. how would i even?#so I'm sitting here Thinking about it...#a masters degree in theater might be better for finding work at a pre-existing institution than just a bachelors in art#and it might be better than a masters in art too#I'd have to stop taking commissions completely probably if i did it for the sake if time#but if i somehow got an assistantship position? then maybe?? i could do it?#oooooooh i hrm so hard y'all#its only been a week since moving and ao much is still in boxes. im only working part time but I'm tired now so much#idk if its just because my stamina levels have atrophied or what but im so. tired. these days#and by these days i mean in the last week.#maybe a week isn't long enough of a sample to work from.#im hoping my energy levels will even out a bit but with the time zone change and the fact that I'm almost 30 I'm not sure if it will?#so thats worrying#i actually kind of see why people seem to drink coffee every day now#I've definitely been eating a lot more normally since i started. both in timing and quantity#i still have projects of my own to work on i cant afford to be so eepy orz
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i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad
#tw s3lf harm#i dont even feel sick from eating too much like usual#its like the feeling of food in my stomach is making my throat feel tight and its activating my gag reflex a bit so i feel like im gonna tu#tw 3d shit#tw 3d vent#3d ana#not exactly pro a*a but not anti either.. :/#i want to post more in this community and get mutuals and get help with navigating this whole thing but im scared cause ive seen#so many people have their whole accounts deleted and i think i would actually kms if that happened since ive had my main for like 8 years#and to be clear im very pro recovery#which i know i know conflicts with the whole wanting mutuals to *help* me with an ed and not help me to *not* have an ed#i think everyone deserves to recover and i hope i do but right now is just not fucking it for me#so for not its a whole lotta#male thinpo#slef harm#right and i definitely cant talk about being b p d uncensored or ill get reported cause the b*d community is super toxic but in the way that#slef harm and scars are chillin but eds are actually a real struggle™️ and you should have it in secret like everyone else#not to generalize all pw b*pd obviously many and probably most arent like this#but tumblr is a very concentrated dose of that kinda person and its sad for us pw b*pd that are both kinds of toxic LMAO#i joke of course#anyway yeah pro recovery for sure but not currently in recovery#ana moots#body chex#someone who could help with that maybe idk im also kinda shy so maybe just someone to help me with restrictions and staying accountable#at least for now#also if you sh all the better cause i will wanna talk about that too#also to clarify my earlier statement 'not pro a*a' means i dont think and 3d is a lifestyle and i recognize that im sick#but 'not exactly anti' means im not going to avoid these communities or report people in them for being pro#because thats about as effective as throwing out an addicts stash or hiding sharp objects from a chronic sh'r- theyll still find a way#and probably way easier and faster than you think and theyll feel even more alienated and less inclined to seek help
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everybody get the fuck off tumblr and watch nimona right fucking now i am so serious
#nobody fucking look at me#nobody fucking touch me#nobody fucking talk to me#i am gonna need six billion hours to recover#at this current moment i am too whelmed to articulate how much it means to me but i will do that at some point#why are you still reading these tags#go fucking watch it#nimona#nimona (2023)#i am fucking whole#shut up im holding the trashtalking breadstick#happy scrapbook#i swear to fuck—
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just had my dad admit to me that even though he's fully aware of how much his alcoholism hurts me and my mum and brother he refuses to quit drinking outright because he likes it. cool
#im so sick of this shit. cant wait to move out#his current method if youre interested is to only drink wine after dinner. so that hes not pissed drunk at the dinner table#note: he can still drink as much beer as he wants. and still drinks all that wine after dinner anyway. and has a success rate of very bad#this is harm reduction. apparently#AND he has the fucking gall to complain that we dont give him any positive reinforcement when he succeeds!! fuck offfff#i try to be graceful and forgiving. addiction recovery isnt linear. and at least he admits its an addiction now#and he has chronic back pain and childhood trauma and whatnot. but given that he has that back pain because he stormed out in a drunken huf#then shat himself wandered into the shower to clean off and then slipped and broke his ribs. i find it. a little hard. to be sympathetic.#the complete dismissal of the success stories from recovering alcoholics going teetotal as fucking AA propaganda also doesnt help. lol.#but yeah. point is: he values being allowed to drink more than he values us and keeping himself from hurting us#there you have it. in black and white#personal#delete later#apologies for oversharing. needed to get this all out#i gotta get the fuck outta here man. i feel numb to everything#anyhoo. if you read this far kudos. thanks for lookin out or whatever <3
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Watch "Obey Me Nightbringer Trailer‼️" on YouTube
youtube
Ohhh is this the new game they were talking about? Interesting but where is Thirteen??
I'm a little groggy because I just woke up but I noticed some things from first watching:
Only Levi and Belphie had different expressions on one of cutscenes. Both of them had composed faces while their brothers look like they're on the verge of losing it
WHERE IS THIRTEEN
Barbatos has something sussy going on
Why does Solomon look sad oh no
#im still trying to process this#if it looks like im pretending to be shocked im not#im currently recovering from an illness so excitedness is overpowered by everything else#everything else being i feel like im almost dying but the doctor still insisted it's not covid apparently#obey me#weird tags ik tmi i guess lol#Youtube
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The way the breakup/fight was framed as light vs dramatic. Byler endgame.
#byler comfort#still recovering from that david comment#but im getting better#honestly all i want for season 5 is character consistency#and i mean at all not just to my current perception of them
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When will we have the next chapter of ATLOP?
All going well, tomorrow but more likely next Monday. Unfortunately I'm rather ill (again) right now, have been for a month, so it's made working on any fics difficult, especially on top of work and school.
#but I might have more free time soon so might have more time for fics#tho I still need to recover from my current illness#im hoping to post tomorrow but that might be too ambitious#life answers#anon asks#atlop asks
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laying on the couch while petsitting and some neighborhood dog started barking so of course these guys had to rum outside to bark as well. the big dog whos like lab size was sitting on the other end of the couch and fucking leapt over me to get to the pet door i about had a heart attack holy shit
#like before i even heard the dog outside i realize val has launched himself over me and im currently seeing his belly as he fucking soars by#fucking terrifying#i thought for sure one of his hind legs was gonna clip me#and he was in the backyard before i even processed what had happened#hes still my fav tho cuz the other one is the one i had to take to the vet last time and i still havent recovered from that#day one of petsitting this dumbass somehow got his dick stuck out for like five hours and i had to take him in to get the vet to fix it#scaring the shit out of me by leaping over me out of nowhere is pretty harrowing but its not quite penis crisis levels of stressy
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was showing venom oz stuff so i was skimming thro some oz stories & found out that he can transform into a small animal at night (while testing what he can and cant do during night). and akira immediadetly goes for the "c...can u transform into a cat?😳 ill pet u..........u can sit in my lap...." LILE WHAHHAATTA THHHEEE HEHEHEELLELELWLWLQLQLQNSKQLSNLQ
#stardust speaking !#ITS BEEN AN HOUR AND IM STILL. ?#I DDINT KNOW...I HAD NO IDEA.......OZ EVENTUALLY AGREES......WHAT.....#worlds strongest wizard turns into a kitty cuz the current sage is begging#i wont ever recover
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posting here because this just doesn’t feel right to talk about in the horseimagebarn voice but this is extremely important to talk about.
my partner and i have returned to our hometown to stay with her family and my own has gotten a hotel here too (they moved to the town we currently live in after we did) so we are all safe and out of the thick of it
however there are tens of thousands of people who are not both in my own town and in the many surrounding it. appalachia will take an extremely long time to recover from this and there are more storms on the way. all i see on social media right now is people asking for shelter because their homes have been destroyed, or people asking for help searching for family members who are missing. hundreds of trees have fallen. hundreds of homes have flooded. roads are literally falling apart. preexisting sinkholes due to shitty pipes are opening up and consuming land. dams are on the verge of bursting and the only way to stop it is to release water so quickly it floods whole towns. all but one of our cell towers are down, so only people with at&t have service and the rest can’t contact anyone. over half the town still doesn’t have power. a major water supply issue occurred and the entire town is on a water boil order with no electricity to boil with. people are trapped in their homes and workplaces or out on the street because they have nowhere to go. law enforcement is blocking off roads but trapping people in the process. people have to be rescued by helicopter. our animal shelter has no water or power and boarding facilities have been flooded. entire villages like chimney rock nc are gone, and entire cities like asheville are cut off from the rest of the state and are completely inaccessible. ALL OF THE ROADS IN WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA ARE CLOSED. 400+ roads are closed because they are unsafe . that is INSANE!!!
when people say that climate change isn’t real, they don’t know what they’re talking about. climate change and its father capitalism are only going to continue to worsen lives in every way possible. i live in the mountains and our infrastructure is completely unprepared to handle hurricanes and it’s only going to get worse. it’s such a strange and eye-opening experience to live something like this when you think that it could never happen to you because that type of weather shouldn’t reach you in your environment. climate change doesn’t care where you live. it’s real.
western north carolina and the rest of the southeast that has been hit by helene need help. more people need to be talking about this so that the government DOES SOMETHING because the government historically fucking hates appalachia and it still does!!! the major state institution near me took DAYS to respond despite being the only place in town with power and wifi connection because they had to wait for the state to approve their response—they could have allowed thousands of people to evacuate days prior to the hurricane hitting us but they didn’t do anything before or after until it was too late!!! it’s bullshit!!! PLEASE get talking about this because something has to be done. climate change is going to continue happening and our mountains and the people in them are going to suffer immensely. hundreds if not thousands are now homeless. please talk about this look at the footage online of the wreckage and look how quickly our infrastructure crumbled. we need better. the people of appalachia deserve better.
i’ll get back to posting horses soon. but for now this is a lot. my friends are homeless and my family had to get off the mountain or be trapped there without power and water for days. we’re all safe but exhausted. i hope everyone who has been affected by this is staying safe. if you are in western nc, dm me. when i come back, if you’re in my area, im happy to bring supplies. stay safe everyone
#meposting#hurricane#hurricane helene#natural disasters#natural disaster#disaster#tropical storm#climate change#climate crisis#appalachia#north carolina#western north carolina#tennessee#east tennessee#virginia#west virginia#georgia#kentucky#south carolina#southeast us#awareness#climate awareness#please spread the word. please talk about this. let those in power know that it matters#this is so important#serious post#news
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#the worst part about the past few months of burnout recovery#is that now im incredibly out of shape#like get winded on stairs out of shape#and of course b/c im fatter now clothes shopping has been promoted from the fifth circle of hell to the 7th#i dont need body postivity right now i need clothes that fit and to be able to take a flight of stairs without gasping for air#and i know itll take a while to get back into shape#but that is not currently being helped by either the weather or my still recovering shoulder
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