#it was like idfk a day ago or so
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Taking an indefinite break from trying out voice acting because something quite upsetting happened 🙃
#keeping this in the tags because i dont want it to be a callout in any way and it IS partially my fault for not checking the discord#but am I wrong for feeling a bit frustrated with them abruptly deciding to close auditions over on discord#it was like idfk a day ago or so#but SOLELY on discord#and they decided to close them on Friday#mind you#it is currently 9pm Thursday and the CCC deadline is still stated as end of October 😀#like idfk it feels like it ought to be your duty as a project manager to update both pages#anyway#it has been feeling a little overwhelming to go from not doing much of anything at all right into recording auditions and trying to edit#the audio all the while still trying to recover motivation and has been stressing me a fair amount#but I feel I COULD’VE persisted if they didn’t do this :(#and now i just fee like going right back to where i started#ie no hobbies or ambitions at all#im reinstating that I dont blame them for my decline in mental health ofc not#i just needed to vent bc this doesnt help my delusions that#“fate” is out to ruin any semblance of hope I manage to get#like there’s some higher power that wants to give me false hope only to make me suffer#yes i am this easy to discourage#then again im mentally ill so
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guys holy shit i predicted melodie................
#this is from my drafts i dont think i explained the idea well but it was something i thought about a lot and made sense in my head#id rather have my idea and the bs i came up with than whatever melodie is#I HATE HER GRAHHHHHH#brawl stars#its funny how castle duo is my favorite duo ever and i havent ever came up with a fan idea for a third member... im a fake fan guys smh </3#/j i would but i have no creativity whatsoever#wait actually ill do it right now#ummmmmmmmm i think having a princess is kind of dumb bcuz like i said mandy exists.... i think maybe a brawler revolving around#the haunted armor trope would be cool? like... a ghost knight that died a long time ago and possessed a suit of armor and fights on to this#very day#and supercell could release it on halloween wow im so smart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1#“why are you rambling about this so much its such a dumb idea” its my blog and i ramble about whatever i want💥#their name could be. idfk. and they love their sword or something like how ash loves his rats and grom his walkie talkie#the trio ever !!!!!!!!!!! guys if you think its a good idea and want me to draw it ummmmmm ill draw it when we hit 100123901239million like#ill show my incredibly smart and cool and super and awesome idea to my brawl stars friends and moots and see what they think#mishs not art tag
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the sun’s setting
#my art#photo study#aesthetic#these vibes are from a couple days ago#or maybe more idfk my sense of time is just [vague blur of events]#the photo i took did not have the exact right colours so i just had to.. write them down#and then edit the ref image to have the True Eyeball Colours before i forgot what it looked like once i got home#someone needs to invent a meaty living eyeball camera that sees the same damn colours i do#a special tag
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KIKI IN MY ANIMAL CROSSING CAMPSITE UR KIDDING ME
#vanny shenanigans#I JUST FOUND THE BLUE UNICORN GUY IDFK WHAT HIS NAME WAAS ON AN ISLAND A FEW DAYS AGO AND MADE HIM MOVE HERE#AND I HAVE NO EMPTY SPACES OR VILLAGERS IK THAT WANT TO MOVE#GODDAMNT#SHES SO CUTEEEEEUH#lowkey cantf eel my fingers from being outside in the cold it feels like pins and needles
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The chronic pain has been so fucking bad lately
#And usually colder weather is easier on me idfk#Had a full blown panic attack that my beloved saw...#Not the funnest of times.#But yeah its getting so bad I don't know how much longer I can just. Work. In general#I wish I could take a walk and bring my cat along because she loves being in a harness and going outside#I wish I could swim in the summer#I wish I could go a day without pain shooting through half of my body and I have to brush it off & any thoughts of it being a heart attack#I'm so fucking tired these days#I need to do so many things still. I have comms from months ago I still need to do. I feel like I can't hardly work on art#Without having a full blown meltdown because I've lost so much skill over the years#I've watched my life slowly deteriorate in regards to my health and every result from doctors come back as average or exceptional#Idfk what to do any more#I turned in disability papers in MAY and its still months away from being fully processed l#And is likely to get a no from the first time l#How do I survive another year like this. This past one nearly killed me#I desperately need help and I have no idea where to find it#My poor girlfriend has been getting a short straw for a while regarding how we split payments and god I wish I could#Do so much more. She deserves comfort and so do I.
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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately
#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally#i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days#i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had#i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday#i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something#my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man#i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap#i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head#i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy#i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job#WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone#i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind#i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent#delete later
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i got home fell asleep woke up and immediately played minecraft?????
#ive never played minecraft before#THE SCREENSHOT IS SO LONG BECAUSE I GOT ONE OF THOSE SILLY FOLDING PHONES OKAY#ok but ive NEVER PLAYED MC ????#i played once for my little brother like 5 years ago#HELLO?#i feel like i just woke up from a possesion#ill prob doodle some mc stuff idfk ive had a sad day#this might aswell happen#jerrsterrr jests
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I faked being sick to go home early from work yesterday (mental health was not letting me act nerotypical enough to function for retail), and today I think I actually am sick 😳
#yesterday I pretended to have a bad stomach ache#and while today I feel slightly nauseous its more my throat and my head that hurt#but its like. a sickness type of hurt yknow?#careful what you wish for I guess#I did just wake up a short while ago tho#so maybe I'll feel better as the day goes on#hopefully haha#although I wouldn't be surprised if this was an actual sickness#the other day a manager forced herself to come to work while sick#and she came close to me several times (idfk why)#so there is something going around between my coworkers#Im not gonna worry about it too much until Im certain I am ill#sam's rants about life
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i am desperately trying to be more active but i'm experiencing mental burnout. just want to say thank you for the interactions even when i'm only checking in here now and again - i'll respond when i'm feeling better! <3
#nothing really happened - work and the house just got on top of me.#for context i was promoted to a management position in october and i hit my stride so i have a lot of responsibilities and i'm hhh.#having to play catch up in terms of skillset. i'm good at my job but i'm not the best - therefore ? i must keep pushing :y#as for home... Man (horse.jpg)#we bought a house a year ago. i envy people who renovate days after moving in. we're a year in and i'm only just redoing the kitchen floor#after a leak that happened in JUNE 2022. it's expensive as fuck and takes so much time.#i'm so fortunate to be able to afford a house but like. i won't lie. it's really hard having to be responsible for everything that goes#wrong with it. my kitchen has been subfloor for months. we destroyed our kitchen island trying to make room for the floor to be done#so we're down storage and stuff is just piling up. eh i know this is like. first world problem and really not a big deal.#but when your house is in disrepair because you don't have the money to fix it quickly or time to do it yourself. shit's hard.#anyway this is a rant. don't want a wrench or a tissue- just wanna get it out.#[puts on pantalone hat] i have money anxiety too#like i earn the most i've ever earned. i won't really get much higher than this atm. i'm due a bonus and i can cash out my shares#but fixing up the house is so expensive. i'm worried i'm gonna lose it all somehow. idfk why. when things are going well i worry i'm gonna#lose it all somehow. growing up poor does a number on your resource guarding. if i spend a penny I Will Lose It All.#' dima why do you like pantalone so much ' HE JUST LIKE ME FRRRR#sry this is a ramble . i treat tumblr tags like my diary but i hope you enjoyed the read xoxox#anyways! point is! i'm alive! i'm itching to come back but i dont have the mental space for fun rn.#can't have fun until i feel safe enough to have fun if that makes sense.#aight byeee
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commentary
#the orange peel test is so funny#bc i learned how to peel oranges YEARS ago#when i saw the one tumblr post poem about#how peeled fruit is an act of service#or cut fruit idr#and i was like omg i want my boo in the future to be so loved#bc what if one day im too sad and emo to say it to them#i can still give them an orange i hope they will love it 🥺🙏#i still think its FUCKED UP to put your partner through a test like that#BUT LIKE AS A CONCEPT#AS A SOCIAL TEST#ITS REAL FUCKING FUNNY THAT 'I STUDIED FOR IT'#anyway yeah i love peeling oranges#i wish she were here she hates unpeeled oranges#like with the white strands#depending on the orange i like to peel them down to the pulp#i am a machine that turns oranges into peeled oranges#its so fun!!!#idfk why?????
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God I have an entire week off for the first time in my adult life so obviously I'm taking full advantage and drank an entire bottle of pink Whitney bc in an idiot and i fucking forgot how heavy vodka makes my teeth feel and that's really cramping my style >:(
#teddy talks#personal#to delete later#i have to pack to move house tomorrow but also. first time ive had a week off literally ever#ofc im getting drunk/high every night i dont gotta wake up in the morning my time is my own#yes i have to pull one shift on fri but thats still 4 days in a row off which ive never had ever#short of my nyc vacay but that doesnt count i was driving 6+ hrs every day and also dealing w my neurotic family. the same family#that gave me an incurable case of 'severe cptsd. how do you function day to day?' idk patti. idfk.#patti was my therapist btw years ago. my therapist said that to me lmao#so yeah first actual string of days off in#forever actually. ive been working fulltime since 14 thats am entire decade since ive had 2+ days off in a row#that weren't spent carting my sister around#fucking magical is what this is#yes i still have to pack and move an entire house but also#i have all this time to myself? and i can play music i like out loud for the first time in my entire life#and dance and sing along and not worry abt obligations to other people#im having A Lot Of Fun thanks for asking :))
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Is the 2021/current venom run worth the read because I’m really not sure how I feel about it
#fae.txt#venom#marvel#bc I just finished the 2018 run a couple days ago#the idea of Dylan as venom is just#ehhhh to me#I don’t really like it tbqh#I think he should be his own thing#or be sleeper bc that would make a lot more sense#but also flash just gave the sleeper symbiote to Some Guy in extreme carnage#so idfk
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#do I???? have a crush???#I've genuinely never had a crush so I genuinely don't know if this is it?????#like; I've been excited before bc of making friends; and I mean REALLY excited; but somehow i feel it different???#or maybe not???#do I just find her super cool???#like; we've literally just met I need to chill???#like; I've never gotten the difference between romantic and platonic 'love'; so sometimes I was like#'what if I have a crush in one of my friends and I just haven't realized?🤔'#so I tried to; like; imagine??? if I wanted to date them or smth; and it was an obvious and immediate nope#but with this girl... idk??? it doesn't feel so wrong i guess???#but then again we barely know each other we met barely some weeks ago😭😭😭😭#we've been talking every day tho; and I just feel so comfortable???#bruh idfk what the fuck am I feeling anymore 😭😭😭😭#I'm probably just freaking out for nothing but anyways
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Man. I keep putting off doing chores because the process in this new room is giving me massive anxiety, but that means I have even more to do at once. Which is even more anxiety-inducing. I am building the worlds biggest snowball here aren't I
#like. I do not want to drag my literal dirty laundry thru the public lobby of the building. but that's the only way to get to the washers#same with garbage. the only way to get to the bins is thru the public lobby.#I would rather die than have a whole bunch of strangers watch me drag trash around because I'm not supposed to be living where I am#but I can't figure out when the lobby is most likely to be empty because idk the class schedule of all the ppl here#I think somekne should kill me. that'd be easier#armchair speaks#like I know it's usually Dead early Saturday/Sunday mornings but other than that I got nothing#and I kinda need to take out the trash like. three days ago. same with laundry. so I don't wanna wait till Saturday but like#idfk. it should not be this difficult for me yet here we are
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Duty
Jacaerys Velaryon x female reader smut
After a rough start to your marriage, whispers from the palace cause you and your betrothed to start what you should have done months ago; produce an heir.
w.c: 1487
c.w: SMUT 18+, NO use of Y/N, not exactly enemies but y'all beefing, hate sex (if you squint, but more like dislike sex and its more just sass idfk), mention of pregnancy, breeding kink, afab reader, p in v sex, fingering, overstimulation, pls let me know if i've missed any
a.n: so i recently watched the queen charlotte bridgerton spin off and i absolutely loved it, this is very inspired by charlotte and george's earlier dynamic tee hee.
Four months and 3 days. That is how long it has been since your wedding, and how long you have loathed your husband. The two of you were not exactly close before your betrothal on account of the rapidness of it but the tensions that spread between parts of his family did not help. You both seem to fight every conversation you had thereafter, so it became easier to avoid each other. That was until around 3 months into your betrothal that questions of when you would need your dresses altering had you worried. You were supposed to making heirs but you both exploded whilst in the same room as each other. You’d visited the prince in his separate room and communicated the issue, he was reading by the fire. You played with your fingers in your hands as he eyed the flaw, thinking intently. He placed his book face down on the table as he petted the bench beside him. You hesitated for a moment, before sitting next to him. “Once a week, we will fulfil our, uh, duty to try and produce an heir. Once you are with child we will stop.” You thought for a moment, before nodding. You couldn’t help but feel your heart sink. This was not what you had wished for in your marriage. Jacaerys was a painfully handsome man, dark curls that framed he chiselled features.
“It is the end of the week today, your grace.” You spoke, not fully considering the implications of the statement. But the quicker your belly was full the better.
He turned to you, hesitated for a moment before moving closer to you and pulled you onto his lap. You were surprised by the sudden closeness of someone, let alone your husband. He looked up from beneath you with a glimmer of what he had on your wedding night, without the naïve hope. His hands slid up from your hips to the bust of your dress, he looked into your eyes before giving the bodice of your dress a quick tug down allowing your breast to spill out. You gasped as his hands cupped over your breasts, massaging them before running a thumb over your nipple. You brought your bottom lip between your teeth as you felt a warmth spread over your body. You didn’t dare look him in the eye, keeping your eyes shut or trained on the ceiling. You felt as one hand left your breast and hike up your dress further up your hips. He sighed to himself slightly, at the sight of your exposed cunt. He could not believe his luck the first time he had saw you. You were quite possibly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and unfortunately that did not change the more you both disliked each other. If anything, it grew. Seeing you from across the room at formal engagements, gluing to his side when you needed to seem like the happy couple. It made the frustrations between the two of you even more palpable over the past few months, given the lack of relief. You opened your eyes to see his dark eyes looking up at you. He brought his two first fingers up to your lips, “Open.” His soft tone contradicted the demand and look upon his face. His fingers slid into your mouth, gliding across your tongue as you closed your lips around them. Out of sheer lust you grinded your hips against him, needing to feel some release and gaining small jolt at the feeling of your cunt rubbing against his clothed cock. His free hand shot to your waist, fingers digging into the soft flesh. He removed his fingers from your mouth, admiring his spit covered fingers for a moment before they reached between your thighs and lightly grazed across your clit. You jolted, leaning forward to grip the bench behind him.
You could not stop the moan that escaped your mouth as his fingers slowly ran circles across your clit. He smirked as the noises that fell from your lips, knowing how much you couldn’t bare to be around him but fell apart in his arms was a satisfying feeling. “I did not know you were so needy, dear wife.” The honorific felt like a pin prick. Insincere and laced with sarcasm.
Despite the tightening growing in your stomach, you could not let him have the final word as usual. “You hadn’t been paying close enough attention, your grace.” A flash of frustration flashed upon his face as his hand moved to grip your hair and fingers plunged inside of you. A gasp left you as his fingers thrusted deep inside of your cunt, you had gone from strolling towards an orgasm to being thrown at it. The tips of his fingers curled slightly, deliciously massaging that spot inside your pussy that drove you wild. You jaw fell open, eyes going wide at the loss of contact when he removed his fingers from you. You went to protest before seeing his cock in his hands, brows furrowed as he stroked the length.
You couldn’t hold off any longer before you took a hold of his wrists and pushed his hands away to his sides. You took his cock into your hand giving it a few pumps, watching an expression of lust spread across his face. You leaned over slightly, letting a ball of spit leave your lips and watch as it slid down his cock. He hissed, returning his hands to your hips pulling you closer to him. You took the hint, angling his cock towards your pussy, rubbing the tip over your clit for your own pleasure a few times, before lining him up and sliding down slowly, a large groan left his lips as be bottomed out inside of you. You had forgotten just how big his cock was, and just how good it had felt filling you up. You began to raise your hips up and down, moans leaving your lips as you did. You worked at a steady pace but after being accustomed to his hands began to push up and down with the movements of your hips moving you faster. Your fingernails dug into his shoulders as he pounded into you, no matter how much your stifled your moans, you gave him the satisfaction of them loudly leaving your lips. His hand reached up to yours, removing it from his shoulders and moving your fingers between your legs. You immediately got his instruction, fingers latching onto your clit. You worked tight circles into it as you got filled over and over with Jacaerys’ cock. A familiar tightness returned to your stomach as your head dropped back and numerous illicit words left your lips. Recognising your peak, he pulled you forward by your thighs, almost pressing your bodies against each other as he quickened his pace. Your orgasm cascaded over you, feeling your pussy tighten around Jacaerys’ cock and your body buzz from the overstimulation. You rode out your high atop of him, watching as his eyes screwed shut and his thrusts became sloppier.
You took the opportunity to return your knees to the bench either side of him and bob your hips up and down as fast as you could. His fingers reached the lip of the bench gripping it until his knuckles turned white. “Mmm, my grace,” You moaned out. His eyes shot open, his heart pounding at your remark. “Please fill me with your seed.” You pleaded and moaned, half doing it for a reaction, half because it felt too good. His jaw hung open in shock for a split second before he sputtered a moan from his lips, hips snapping into yours. You felt satisfied as a warmth filled your pussy. Your hips moved slightly, slowly thrusting his cock inside of you still. His hand shot to your hip, mumbling something, before you placed your hand flat across his chest. You bobbed a few more times on his cock, being sure to be as full as possible with his cum. You smirked to yourself seeing his head throne back, lip quivering, veins prominent in his hands gripping your waist, sweaty curls sticking to his neck. You slowly raised yourself off of his cock, standing to your feet and trying to mask your wobbliness as adjusting your dress.
You stole a glance his way, admiring his beauty before he spoke and ruined it. He panted through his mouth, arms outstretched over the sides of the bench. You smirked to yourself, admiring how he too had crumbled for you. The opening of his doorhandle caused him to call your name from behind you. You glanced at him and smiled. “Goodnight your grace, see you in seven eves’.” He opened his mouth to response, but you had already shut the door behind you. You hoped it would be sooner before he fucked you again.
#jacaerys x reader#jacaerys x you#jacaerys velaryon#jacaerys velaryon smut#hotd smut#jacaerys smut#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd x reader#jacaerys velaryon x reader smut#jacaerys targaryen#prince jacaerys#hotd fanfic#jacaerys velaryon x y/n smut#jacaerys imagine#game of thrones#game of thrones smut#asoif#asoif/got#fanfic#smut#jacaerys fluff#fluff smut#hotd jacaerys#jacaerys fanfiction
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vent I am so sorry I am ranting loosing my shit and balls
#vent#sorry#i sound so dramatic but im fucking idk#I don't know who I am I literally feel like I'm loosing my mind#it gets worse everyday it feels like I'm not even myself#and other days I am and I don't know which one is actually me because they're so different from one another#and it's like my brain decided to get a pet and let it control me like what r u doing#and I'm about to pull my fucking hair out because idk which version of myself I am can my brain please just make up its mind#I'm going to scream I feel like its trying to play tricks on me so I loose my shit and go nuts I'm so conflicted with myself is that#even the right word idk#one part of me is its like I'm becoming a different person and idfk who i am anymore#but I'm not because I'm lou and ehy the fuck is my brain being such a bitch to me#why do i feel like this i hate it#AND THE LAST TIME I TOLD MY MAM ABOUT THIS AGES AGO SHE WAS ABOUT TO PUSH ME OUT THE DOOR AND TO THE DOCTORS
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