#im actually fucking traumatized and im not kidding
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only got barely an hour and a half of sleep and had possibly the most detailed, surreal and psychologically devastating dream i've ever had in my life
#i hate drinking#THE ONE TIME I DIDNT SMOKE BEFORE BED...#im actually fucking traumatized and im not kidding#the intense depression i felt from thinking id been in a fugue state i couldnt remember for an UNSPECIFIED LARGE AMOUNT OF TIME#and drunk or sleeping in public or in random houses and college dorms#what the fuck man#im so scared#i think i cried in my sleep#i dont want to know what it means
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I present to you my newest crackship that everyone will love: Corruptednightmare shipping.
#I put actual time into this btw#it was originally just gonna be 2 pngs together w the hearts but then i did the blush#then i realized NK didnt look v happy so I MADE him happy#then I gave them matching bracelets#then I thought 'hey what if i gave the overlord red lipstick and gave NK some smears on his body?' but the MOMENT I visualized it I did not#do that#so instead NK has the lipstick and overlord gets to be kissed#this is not serious btw I swear its just for shits and giggles...#ninjago#lego dreamzzz#raine's shitposting#corruptednightmare shipping#overlord ninjago#ninjago overlord#not gonna tag n*ghtmare king bc like. what if a tiny child randomly decides to google this villain who almost NO ONE else is talking ab#and they get to see and be traumatized by MYYYYYYY edit#im not evil#also im just silly idk#edit: idc fuck the kids im tagging nightmare king now . 1/28/25 if u even gaf#nightmare king dreamzzz#dreamzzz nightmare king#nightmare king
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Day Seventy-five | id in alt
He used her shirt as a washcloth because she accidentally left it in the bathroom and she came and shaved the middle of his head in his sleep.
Sukuna probably fixed it because he doesn't wanna look ugly when possessing somebody.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#They're such weirdos and i love them#siblings to the core. they know everything and nothing and will actually destroy a building because of their antics#also im never NEVER giving any first year or second year a chiseled jaw because NO ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! THEY ARE KIDS HOW THE HELL???#anywayyy Kugisaki fucks up Itadoris day on purpose but she does it better than sukuna ever will because she doesn't traumatize him#and shes infinitely funnier than sukuna because as much as yall say he isn't. hes not funny when it counts#im thanking my fucking friend for this idea bc they're watching jujutsu kaisen bc i was brain rotting over Kugisaki and they said this joke
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People really think trust issues are just "aww they're scared of love" and it's like bitch no. Trust issues as in I'm deeply in love and the issue is I'm waiting for you break my heart after undergoing periodic abuse in relationships. I'm not scared of love I'm scared of what you'll do with it.
#ahahahaha anyways. ranty time in the tags wheeee#paranoia has been terrible today. everyones mood is off. everyones acting different. everyones acting colder. they hate me im sure of it#and all this stuff i want to be happy i just know is gonna be ruined or left with tainted memories now and its my fault#but maybe its not because why the fuck cant you be consistent. why is it so touch and go#i support ppl through the worst parts of their lives and when i need the support nobody is there#i will literally take time off work to be with someone if theyre having a hard time but me? cant even afford more than three words#im sick of being told i love you and finding no proof outside empty words. i sure as hell dont feel fucking loved. everyone is lying#it's just like my ex. he smothered me in love to cover up the major lack of actually viable love#empty words make me sick to my stomach now. everyones a fucking liar and i dont get why the wont just tell me the truth!#if im such a burden then just fucking say it! if im horrible to be around tell me! how am i supposed to every grow if nobody tells me#i just wanna be loved and not unconditionally. i want to be loved by choice. i want someone to choose me despite everything#i want someone to love me to every little detail and hold my hand even when im at my lowest and just UNDERSTAND#i want someone to love me wholeheartedly and think about me as much i do them. i want the little gestures and the sweet things i do#but here i am. always the one carrying everything and putting in all the effort. when was the last time someone really liked me.#when was the last time i existed in someone elses head. when was the last time someone cared enough to check on me. to do something?#this savior mentality is gonna kill me but im only being straightforward when i say i cannot pull myself from this alone. i am so weak#and god im fucking tired#spent at least two hours straight sobbing while regressed because even as a kid i cant outrun this#and im just getting sicker. i cant sleep. cant eat. cant stay warm. feel like im slowly fading away#and nobody even cares. its so fucking selfish and childish but my whole life ive screamed for help and nobody has seen me#do i have to become another number in the statistics for you to care? or would you even care when i die?#because at this rate i dont even need to try. my heart hasn't slowed in three days. i think i really am dying#sad thoughts#vent blog#sad blogging#vent#vent post#venting#actually mentally ill#actually traumatized
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man yellowjackets would be so much better if it didnt keep cutting back to the present day
#incoming tag rant#I DONT CARE ABOUT THESE GROWN ASS WOMEN SHOW ME THE LORD OF THE FLIES SHIT#like i dont wanna see that shauna is having an affair i wanna see these teenagers go crazy dude#im not kidding i skip through all the present day shit like an ad on youtube bc i dont cAREEEEE#its starting to frustrate me BROOOO#also how are they making three seasons outta this what more story can you tell#bc if its not about the wilderness im not gonna watch it HAHA#one could say im impatient and thats the point of tension and buildup BUT i can argue that these ladies' lives are fucking boring HAHA#i wanna know more about lottie and why she has weird visions (which they allude to in the cold open) bUT we're back to taissa and her bs#n e way both actresses who play misty are great i wanna kick her fucking throat in LMFAOO /pos to the actresses#we dont even see how it traumatized them in present day which would actually be interesting#all we know is shauna is guilty and taissa is vegan now LIKEEEEE who the fuck cares man HAHAH#and i guess someone is blackmailing them? okay ?? and ?????#sidenote does it ever bother anyone else when shows/movies show [usually] girls naked that are supposed to be teenagers ?#like the actress is 20-30 n a consenting adult but in the eyes of the show im supposed to be looking at a 16 year old girl ? thats weird !#seems like a weird loophole that we dont talk about enough ? id rather not see a naked teenager even if its not real thank you very much🧍🏻#takes me out of the show too lmao im like wait this is supposed to be a minor i dont think i should be looking at this :/#why did tumblr gender neutralize my emoji HAHAHA
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i Ɛ> feeling reality split
#thinking abt the time our house almost caught fire & the only reason it didnt was bc i happened to be in my room the window to my right & i#just happened to see the smoke coming through the bushes & then saw them go up in flames & i was able to yell to my parents that they were#on fire & we just happened to get outside with the hose in time & the neighbors kids just happened to also see it & so we were able to put#it out but it got like 5ft from the house. & i spent a GOOD WHILE afterwards convincing myself that that was how it actually happened & that#it hadnt actually reached the house & my room hadnt actually burned & i wasnt actually dead & just watching from the perspective of an#alternate version of myself that survived (ie u know. the real actual version of me right now. & all the things that did actually happen)#& somehow i STILLLLLL cant shake the feeling when i think back on it that no i did die & all of this is fake this is a fake version of me &#im not real rn bc im actually dead .#ANYWAY TOTALLY NOT LIKE TRAUMATIZED BY IT OR ANYTHING#literally just trying to fucking fall asleep & my brain is like hey remember that time u died in a fire for realsies not imaginary#four years ago. four years & were still doing this shit this isnt even the only example of this its just the most extreme i think#but it really did feel like everything split there. there is a version of me that survived & there is a version of me that didnt & i know#which one i am but do i really? do i??
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the fact that finding out santa claus isnt real is a pivotal moment in most peoples childhood is so hilarious to me
#im sorry i know it was traumatic for you whatever.#but 💀#like did you really not know??#i guess bc he was never real to me i didnt think abt it like that#but an analogous thing for me was the tooth fairy and i just worked it out#bc my tooth fell out and i told no one and got no money 😭#there was never a big moment of its not real#kind of fucked up actually im not doing that. of all the random things to lie to a child about..#my kids will know that i bought those presents sorry .. its not that deep
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everyday i wake up and think about what dc vs vampires could've been
#jkb.talk#i should really just watch iwtv instead but#a dick grayson who gets turns who is alone and no one really notices the difference. he's just been hurt he's just been traumatized again#and no one cares. and it festers#he has to play mediator between bruce and his siblings; his siblings with each other and he's tired of being the pseudo parent for everyone#including the guy who fucking raised him#vampires are such a good vehicle to talk about the problem of hte family structure and particularly a patriarchal family structure#so dick kills the father (bruce) and then ends up taking his place instead#itd be most obvious with damian who i think would be the only actual kid. idk duke's age and i am gonna assume that tim is not kept static#at 17. but the point is that dick starts to repeat the cycle just with him in control this time#and the other aspect about damian is that some comics do discuss the fact that they did have a half brohter half parental relationship#which is reminiscent of how old bruce was when he took in dick and their relationship#doomed family structures!! doomed family structures!!!!#and the fact that in dc vs vamps damian is trying to kill dick... the appearance is that the cycle would continue#anyways#this would also want to lend more role to kori. high offense to how barbara was written and also the fact that like.#kori just existed to like be chained up (:/) and give blood#replicate the family structure via heteronormative means is what im saying and then its the tragedy and horror of all that#dc#dc vs vampires#just for my own tagging purposes
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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girl if raymond is a virgin after 20 something years of marriage that would be the true tragedy of The Mortuary Assistant
#out of context im kinda talking to myself here but yeah#and like they never had kids so ig theres no proof but come on now#HONESTLY honestly you could make a very convincing point for an extremely dry marriage#but do not even tell me for one second that raymond delver didn't fuck nasty in college at least#mans was SO traumatized and SO angry and actually wrote down (was aware of this desire and did not hide it from himself) that he wanted to#FINALLY start his life#and for a like 20 something man you know at least part of that is getting his dick wet i mean come on#*through clenched teeth* straight white man
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so fucking heartbroken that my next therapy appt isnt till the 30th
#i hate the holidays i hate them i hate them i hate them#i need to talk to her!!!!#shes literally the only person in all this who gets it + is in my corner#i need her advice or support or just. to talk to her and have her understand#id try to book a last minute phone appt or smth if i could afford it#as it is im already abt to max out my insurance coverage w the appt on the 30th#actually i dont even think my remaining balance will cover it#which is. fun. considering the whole reason im wishing i could book another appt#is to talk abt how my insurance is refusing to extend my std benefits 🙃🙃🙃 meaning im not getting oaid 🙃🙃🙃#merry fucking christmas to me i guess#peace and love on planet earth unless youre suicidally depressed and severely traumatized to the point of being unable to work#then you can get fucked#but whatever yknow#whatever#ill continue to beg n jump thru hoops#ill continue to try to get ppl to believe me#same way i have been my entire life#remember kids: the system doesnt actually want to help you#the system wants you working or it wants you dead#lol soz said i was better. guess im not!#still filled w rage#i should take more melatonin#at least i can sleep
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i think the gang goes to a water park might be. at least in my top ten episodes, if not top 5. on top of being really funny and just generally a blast to rewatch, dennis immediately ditching his plan to pick up milfs to mentor his fake daughter because he sees she has potential to be a criminal an Artist like him is just. beautiful. no notes.
#ada speaks#i was having so much fucking fun rewatching it last night and im still thinking abt it#like i remembered really liking it but the entire episode is so fucking solid and all the jokes hit#the far away shot of frank going down the thunder gun express and just. seeing the blood coating the slide fucking killed me#dennis not fucking hitting on women for once and actually having fun being a menace. more. MORE.#i know that dennis doesnt want his son to turn out like him but i would have killed to see him be a loving yet objectively terrible father#i do appreciate how (comparatively) serious he was about his own kid but i think they couldve made it work showing him as more oblivious#like. i'm not traumatizing him! this is a good life skill!! i wish frank had taught me this when i was a kid#i hope at some point they do bring brian jr back tbh even if just for an ep or two#he'd be 8 now......
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I finally caught one of the livestreams last night (I'm in Canada so it's at like ass o'clock in the morning for me) and it made me so fuckin happy. Every time I catch clips of them on stage I'm reminded of just how much MCR means to me. I've carried them with me for over half of my life, their art has impacted me in ways I can't fully explain. I'm just so greatful to be here and to be alive to experience this alongside so many people who feel the same.
I just took my meds and also had coffee so It's Real Kvelling Hours™️ over here so ignore me if you find this sappy shit boring-
I used to get so embarrassed about saying shit like "This band saved my life" because I was scared of sounding cringey or obsessive, but they really did and I'm so fucking thankful. They helped me save myself, this community helped me save myself, and thanks to that I'm living a life I could have never imagined.
I remember being 12 years old, making my first emo little tumblr account and finding the MCR community. My friends and I making matching URLs and blog themes, sharing memes and making edits and just having so much fun. Throughout all the terrible, scary times I've been able to come back here and have a safe place to just engage in my special interest and find some peace. I might have grown apart from those friends, but this community has always felt like home to me so I don't exactly feel alone in it.
It's because of this community, as well as MCR's loud acceptance, support and welcoming of queer people that I've really learned how to be proud and unashamed of my queer identity. When I was in situations where I wasn't being accepted or treated fairly, it made that shit hurt far less knowing that there were so many good people out there like me, and that would support me. Now with all the scary shit going on in the world it's been really comforting to know that I still have this to turn to.
So basically thank you MCR for making art that's shaped me in ways I hold so close to my heart and will forever, Thank you MCR Community for existing alongside me and sharing this beautiful experience, we might not be perfect but I've felt safer here than I have any other fan space, and thank you Autism Brain for slapping me in the face repeatedly with this special interest for over a decade without a moment's rest you're the real MVP.
#lmao sorry for the ramble im just euphoric about being alive right now and after i caught the stream i was like#this is why#i really didnt intend to live this long but im extremely greatful that i did because after years and years of back to back trauma#and painful recovery#im finally living the best life i ever had#im about to go pick up my girlfriend who is the best partner ive ever had and also one of my best friends#yesterday i made a handful of new friends and connections at shul and ive found a wonderful jewish community in this city#ive made friends with someone who went through the same trauma as me at the hands of the same person and have found support and validation#as well as a really good friendship there#my friends are getting married and having kids and making beautiful art and sharing it with me#im making beautiful art and sharing it with my friends#ive also found a home in the local punk community and have been going to shows at sketchy little dive bars and basements and backyards#or just in parks downtown#im getting the surgeries i want for my transition and health and ive got a great medical team behind me and a new therapist and meds#that actually work for me#also my cat has just been such a clingy happy baby lately and is just the Sweetest little guy#life is good life is so fucking good and im so glad i decided to stay alive#if you needed a sign to stay alive this is it please#life can be so scary and awful and traumatic but there are beautiful things out there i promise#and sometimes they take a while and some effort to reach but its so fucking worth the wait and the work it takes to get here#community has played a huge part in that for me#humans can be really beautiful when they're loving and kind to others#anyway if you read all this congratulations we're best friends now thanks for watchinf me dissect my brain u can take some of it#and put it in a jar with some isopropyl alcohol :)
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taking a third shot at my evilverse by renaming it the darkverse instead..whipped up a couple stories for patoto and kinpa and man. theyre edgy!
#evilverse didnt rly sit right with me for a while#but i think darkverse is more doable??#im still a bit on the fence about it but we'll see how it goes i guess#all i know is kinpa is fucked up and evil still lol. both he and patoto have trauma but damn kinpa did not deal with his well in particular#actually now that i think about it i have the desire to create one oc story in particular and idk if these two scratch that itch :/a#i feel a LITTLE iffy abt it tho bc its based off someone else's story for their character and i dont wanna be That Guy yknow#i know i jack canon stories and designs a lot but its different when its an oc#i based patoto and kinpa in darkverse off the same song just different verses but thats their only basis so far#i kind of had the idea to implement them into fractals? which i learned i apparently named rifts on toyhouse lol. i guess rifts still works#but anyway if they were in rifts thatd be. a whole thing LOL bringing these two edgelords into the picture with their alt timeline kids....#thatd be traumatizing for the kids actually. oop#anyway i know im leaving a lot of tags its like 4 am and im still fucking awake
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yknow i've mentioned before that chelly is very capable of being violent and explosive. however the most ever angry i've ever drawn her is mildly upset. plus there was the memey-ish thing with chelly literally begging chip to let her bite maim kill people for him.
i kinda wanna draw chelly completely snapping. chelly getting a little too silly.
#cell screams#cw vent#//<- just incase lol#//fun fact that horse toon ive mentioned a few times? sam bucus? yeah he's based on my actual childhood bully#//this might start looking like a vent from here-on and will get violent so little warning if you keep reading these tags#//but yeah since my actual bully ruined my childhood and social development and never apologized i feel a lot of hatred as u can see.#//and since actually getting revenge on the real guy is both illegal and a total waste of my time im just going to take out said rage#//on the toon version of said guy. is that deranged? maybe. at least im self aware about it idk lol#//i am very close to just drawing chelly killing bucus or something idfk.#//but i am not wasting time trying to hunt down some asshole brat who definitely played a big part in me being so fucked up today#//bc like. he had a chance to apologize senior year. then when a friend told him to apologize he fuckin vanishes into thin air never to be#//seen again until graduation night. so in my opinion i think he didnt regret anything and wasnt sorry.#//which sucks bc in my traumatized rage i definitely said some fucked up shit to him too as a kid and would've apologized as well.#//but there was a chance for closure. i tried to find him too to try and get that closure but no. there never will be closure. its over now#//so instead im going to unleash a teeny tiny portion of my bottled up decades long rage and hatred#//on an anthropomorphic purple horse. :)#//besides sam bucus did more fucked up things to chelly than my irl bully since bucus is a culmination of EVERYTHING thats#//fucked me up in life whether it be mental machinations; intrusive thoughts or things that actually happened#//so while perhaps my real bully doesnt deserve death; SAM BUCUS SURE DOES AND HE'S GONNA GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#// :)#//sorry for my violent rambling i got it out of my system now thanks for reading my weird bullshit lmao
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No because the amount of gen z kids who I've seen say "no, let them be traumatized by the internet. It's good for them. I saw LiveLeak when I was their age!"
Bitches say folks who beat their kids are horrible (which they are) and then decide new little kids should be traumatized :] you're not normal, fellow zoomers!!!! You have issues and the moment you start projecting those onto little kids then you lose all sympathy points!! No more for u!
watching gen z and millennials make fun of gen alpha has been torturous. "But they're actually stupid" 1. theyre middle schoolers 2. isn't that what older gens said about us? don't you remember being 11?
it truly is just "impulse reaction to cringe <- has not yet unlearned shame"
the cycle continues let me out of here
guys. guys I think we should kill cringe culture
#jay gets serious#sorry#serious#but actually fuck those ppl im so serious#being traumatized isnt an excuse to traumatize kids!
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