#merry fucking christmas to me i guess
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so fucking heartbroken that my next therapy appt isnt till the 30th
#i hate the holidays i hate them i hate them i hate them#i need to talk to her!!!!#shes literally the only person in all this who gets it + is in my corner#i need her advice or support or just. to talk to her and have her understand#id try to book a last minute phone appt or smth if i could afford it#as it is im already abt to max out my insurance coverage w the appt on the 30th#actually i dont even think my remaining balance will cover it#which is. fun. considering the whole reason im wishing i could book another appt#is to talk abt how my insurance is refusing to extend my std benefits 🙃🙃🙃 meaning im not getting oaid 🙃🙃🙃#merry fucking christmas to me i guess#peace and love on planet earth unless youre suicidally depressed and severely traumatized to the point of being unable to work#then you can get fucked#but whatever yknow#whatever#ill continue to beg n jump thru hoops#ill continue to try to get ppl to believe me#same way i have been my entire life#remember kids: the system doesnt actually want to help you#the system wants you working or it wants you dead#lol soz said i was better. guess im not!#still filled w rage#i should take more melatonin#at least i can sleep
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#merry fucking christmas#i found this on my phone and cant for the life of me remember where i got it from#so oops i stole this i guess#half life#vids#fav
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I have no clue who the fuck the Rani is but watching half of you people say "oh my god this character is SO the Rani" and the other half go "it's Not the fucking Rani you dumbass whovian" literally is making me laugh so hard.
#i love this fandom#most times#kris shut up#doctor who#the rani#NOT the rani#how the fuck do I tag this#doctor who spoilers#mrs flood#i fucking guess#merry christmas this has brought me great joy
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I whole heartily understand Pete Wentz, I understand Pete Wentz in the summer of 2005 on a spiritual level. I get it. Me too. Most justified reaction ever. Me too Peter. The background soundtrack of my life is the sound of suspiciously doldrum shaped banging. Anyways 2025 WILL be my year guys it WILL ABSOLUTELY BE MY YEAR TRUST ME IT WILL BE MY YEAR !!! YAY I CANT WAIT IT WILL BE MY YEAE THIS YEAR WILL BE MINEITWILLBEMYYEAR….!!
#I am proudly retireing being gay! being gay has done absolutely nothing good for me over these long miserable years and I am now straight#jk unfortunately I could never stop being gay fuck my shit ass life#im also retireing being emo!! no more emo im so happy and not emo ewwww emo eww eww ew emoeewww#I love the song bang the doldrums written by pete Wentz of fall out boy about mikey way from my chemical romance#I get it#oh also merry Christmas I guess!!#Spotify
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🤩
#didnt pass the swedish class and the teacher dediced itll be smart to inform me about this at 2am on christmas eve :))))))))))))))))))#cried only a little bit but haha merry christmas!!!#its not all lost i get to retake it in jan instead of having to like. do the whole course again but fucking hell man#whats with the timing?? couldnt she spare me until at least christmas day??????#and im gonna have to retake it before my birthday or im sure im gonna have some kind of a breakdown about it#so. not free yet i guess. hopefully ill be free next year#if hell is real its gonna be this endless fucking nightmare of a course#my post#im more pissed off than like. devastated but i cant say im NOT devastated yk#its been so hard with this and to hear NOW OF ALL TIMES that its not over?? i have to spend my holiday studying more swedish?????#well it does make me cry a little bit i cant lie#whatever im just gonna try and forget it for tomorrow at least#i cant believe the teachers like actually trying to kill me though. like what the hell
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working in medicine and sometimes having to deal with psych patients as a person who hates being alive is wild. like bitch i wanna die and hate myself and being in my own skin too and i’m not screamin about it gotdamn ppl got work in the morning
#tw suicidal#drunk thoughts#oh lord he drunk again#merry christmas lmaol#notso happy holidays#i USED to scream about it but then i GREW UP and got a substance problem like an ADULT#suffer in silence until you off urself quietly inthe way most convenient for every1 else like the rest of us#jk. yk kinda#first responder life#'it's gonna be ok' i say to the person screaming abt wanting nothing but 2die in my face#before going home and immediately pounding bourbon alone thinkin abt how i wanna die#-but it's with eggnog!!!!! so it's christmasy so its fine#like i guess icant jump off my appt roof right after i talked my neighbor's teen off it huh. doesnt seem fair to them#drunk nights#im literally such a fucking hypocrite i wish someone would finally kill me for it and/or all the othr reasons
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i only got clothes for christmas. clothes that are very much not my size
#vari posting#nothing from my list#i didn’t even ask for much i sent my mom like three items i wanted#got none of them#just sweaters#my extended family didn’t listen either#and my dad barely got me anything to begin with#is this a sign#like i feel like it’s a sign#my mom used to go all out but now it’s like she doesn’t care anymore#what is she mad that i bled out in her bathroom#she wants me to cover up my arms with sweaters and arm warmers because she wants to hide me away#is that what this is#actually no what the fuck is wrong with me#i’m being ungrateful#idk merry christmas#i guess
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إلى أصدقائي الأعزاء،
سأحاول أن أكون مختصرًا.
اليوم هو يوم مميز. يوم يبدو فيه العالم وكأنه يتوقف للحظة وجيزة ليذكرنا بما هو حقًا مهم: الحب، الوحدة، الامتنان، والأمل. إنه عيد الميلاد! ولا توجد مناسبة أفضل للتأمل في جمال الحياة، والتحديات التي واجهناها، والانتصارات التي احتفلنا بها، وفوق كل ذلك، الروابط التي بنيناها.
على مدار العام، سلكنا طرقًا مختلفة. واجه البعض منا عواصف بدت لا نهاية لها، بينما حقق آخرون أحلامًا طال انتظارها. كثير منا واجه فقدانًا وحنينًا، بينما فوجئ آخرون ببدايات جديدة وأفراح غير متوقعة. في هذا التشابك بين القصص نجد المعنى الحقيقي لرحلة الحياة. واليوم، في هذا اليوم المشرق، ندعى للاحتفال بكل ذلك.
عيد الميلاد ليس فقط عن الهدايا، أو الأضواء اللامعة، أو الموائد العامرة، رغم أن كل هذه العناصر تضيف إلى السحر. إنه، قبل كل شيء، تذكير قوي بأن أعظم هدية يمكن أن نقدمها لبعضنا البعض هي وجودنا، وحناننا، ووقتنا. إنه دعوة للتوقف، للتواجد مع من نحبهم، ولإظهار، بصدق، مدى أهميتهم في حياتنا.
أود أن أتحدث عن سحر هذا اليوم. ليس ذلك السحر الذي نراه في واجهات المحلات أو إعلانات التلفزيون، بل السحر الموجود في اللحظات الصغيرة: ابتسامة طفل عند فتح هدية، لقاء عائلي مليء بالدموع والابتسامات، تضامن من يشا��ك مع من لديه أقل، وصمت الصلوات التي نرفعها إلى السماء طلبًا للسلام والقوة لمواجهة ما هو قادم.
هناك شيء خاص بعمق في عيد الميلاد لأنه يربطنا بشيء أكبر من أنفسنا. بالنسبة لأولئك الذين يشاركون الإيمان المسيحي، هو ولادة المسيح، الذي جلب للعالم رسالة أبدية من الحب والرحمة والخلاص. بالنسبة للآخرين، هو روح التجديد، نهاية دورة، وأمل لبداية جديدة. بغض النظر عن معتقداتك أو تقاليدك، هناك شيء عالمي في عيد الميلاد: القدرة على تغيير الحياة – بدءًا من حياتنا.
ذكريات.
وألا ننسى أبدًا مقدار ما يمكننا تقديمه للآخرين من حولنا. عيد الميلاد هو عن المشاركة، ليس ]
I mean sure go off I suppose?????????????
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embarrassing on my part to admit this but i'm patiently waiting for night to come so i can start drinking without getting many questions asked and then zonk out at 00:01
#i physically cannot pass this night sober it's so bleak. do not drink people. it's bad for your health#or i might greet everyone at 00:00 then go to my room and watch nosferatu at some point. or the bear christmas episode like last year#<- good for when you want to cry and can't#i'm going to v ent now because i got suddenly sad#today my friends were making plans for the night and i reallyyy am not in the mood to come#but as soon as i answered the groupchat the convo died and it's so easy to fall into the spiral that it was bc of me#i'm in an abysmal mood right now this does noooooot help#so i might fuck off and spend the night sleeping. or whatever#it's so sad!!! i don't like this!!!#there's so many things that are piling up and making me miserable rn!!!#merry crisis i guess!!!!
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Trauma-versaries are no joke
#neither is arguing with your mom mid mental breakdown to get your point across#I love my mom#I really do#I am blessed for my relationship with her#but it’s a fight to get her to understand how some of her actions gave me consequences in adult life#‘I feel like I messed up as a parent because you’re not happy’ is NOT the thing to say to help me#I get that she has to beat it into me that I need to do more to help my case when it comes to making friends irl#but I’m still fucking mentally ill and burnt out#me being the forgotten child because I had to act like I was okay while my brothers were also going tf through it#so much touched on tonight it’s painful to go over everything#but merry Christmas I guess#here’s to always getting the fallout of my parents issues that are unresolved#amelia speaks
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This is just a personal post for posterity because it has been a fucking time this year, the last two months in particular.
The tl;dr current situation is: Ryan and I both have a crush on the same person and are considering a very specific kind of polyamory
The long story is so much more complicated than that because my own feelings were on a several-month delay so I instead started off with a major breakdown after learning that Ryan had a crush on a mutual friend because of my own insecurities (ample, plentiful, all-consuming) and fears (being abandoned, being replaced, not being good enough, etc.)
Avoiding the specifics because it's truly way too much to get into and frankly, much of what I initially felt, I've dealt with or completely done a 180 at this point lol.
But yeah. Even like, two weeks ago, the concept of polyamory for myself and our relationship freaked me the fuck out. But now it's an open conversation and who fucking knows what's gonna happen.
Anyway. I still have a lot of work to do because my body image is truly horrendous and I've only recently realized that not everyone has the depth and intensity of self-hatred for their physical appearance that I do. And Ryan has been telling me that they think I am "much more attractive" than I think I am. To which I can't help but respond "sounds fake but okay" or "wild if true."
This has been such a fucking insane period of my life and I haven't really talked about it with anyone except Ryan (and Kaden, ty Kaden) so if you're an IRL friend reading this... sorry lol it's been Complicated and Uncomfortable and Scary As Hell.
But no matter what happens here on out, I do at least feel pretty secure in our relationship and feel like we've once again leveled up our communication.
#personal#polyamory#relationships#ask to tag#i dont know why i wrote this out but yeah#its just been. a lot.#i had been doing really well with my mental health#and then it plummeted#and ive been slowly building it back up#with dips and trenches#but i feel like last week it just shot right up#because ryan got mad at me - bc i really was wallowing and not dealing with my emotions#and it made them feel like they couldnt convince me that they loved me#which was devastating#and it snapped me out of something#and then like two days later i was just like oh yeah me too actually i have a crush too#my brain just fucking rewired itself i guess#anyway. merry christmas
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i miss my papa
#vel rambles#i had a vent typed up but it's stupid and doesn't really do anything#december sucks for a whole nother reason now#merry fucking christmas to me#it's been a week and i'm just now starting to actually cry over his stupid ass#his discord is still logged in and set to away#almost like he could send me a message if he wanted to#he'll never get to though#and i'm mad at him for it#guess my feelings about my biological idiot will never get fixed
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#merry fucking Christmas to me I got the rest of my surgery bill 🙃#it’s $2000 and it’s due immediately and they won’t let me add it to my payment plan 🫠#amazing timing I’m extra poor atm#I can take it out of my savings but like I hate doing that#no other options though I guess :/#I shouldn’t be complaining at least I have it#but big ouch 🥲
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You look similar to Kurt from Glee mate
i hope you get coal in your christmas stocking
#comparing me to that twink. the fucking disrespect#just call me a slur it’d be better#merry christmas to me i guess#message in a bottle#anonymous
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Wait omg Apple changed the essential albums for The Beach Boys this is so fucking based
#talkingcore#like it’s newest to oldest so I thought they stopped at pet sounds because they wanted it front and center which is fair#but no they cut out everything before today! and put surfs up and sunflower in Oh My God#pet peeve: they have surf’s up under 1970 instead of 1971 which then cause of the alphabet makes it seem like sunflower came out first#which it did not. but whatever omgggg this has like no real impact but this is such epic news!!! great minute for annoying people!!!!#okay actually wait they do the same order thing with today! and summer days summer nights where they came out in the same year today!#came out first but because of the alphabet it makes it look like summer days summer nights is older which is false though I guess in som#ways the sound Does reflect that.GRGHDJ i forgot to post the other day how they fucked up their top songs#they had like a demo tape & 5 versions of merry Christmas baby as the top songs which like Girl No Fucking way#OH it was fun fun fun from fucking STARS AND STRIPES GDGDHDJ hate that album so fucking much summer in paradise gets bashed on (as it should#BUT it’s at least The Beach Boys singing. so tell me why they try to play off this shitty ass glorified cover album as The Beach Boys#the beach boys don’t sing on it!!!!!!! it’s just fucking covers!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they’re not even good they got Caroline no and it :(#that is not for you that is for me that’s me that’s my song I’m caroline I had my femininity mourned like it’s ME fuck You Stars and Stripes#it is funny that still cruisin and summer in paradise were So ass that they literally are Not on streaming platforms I had to listen to them#for the first time through YouTube because No one wants to pay for them and like. yeah. that’s a good call
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AKECHI????????????
#p5#I UH. GOT TO THE PART WHERE THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. I GUESS. HELLO?#I KNEW HE COMES BACK BUT THIS SOON????????#MERRY CHRISTMAS I GUESS. CHRIST#ah. its already started hasnt it.#skhsjdj holy shit Yusukes scarf is Bright#OHHH THIS SCHOOL DREAM THING IS SO COOL. THIS FUCKS ojh god Ryujis voice jumpscared me tho#Akira sure is having a Moment rn. his winter outfit is neat tho#its so funny going thru this already sort of knowing whats happening. sorry buddy
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