#if im such a burden then just fucking say it! if im horrible to be around tell me! how am i supposed to every grow if nobody tells me

[nemotakeit]

hot take? i don't think blurryface is going to be "defeated" by the end of the lore. he might be the villain of the story but at the same time he's a living part of tyler as well. i think they'll win, but not completely eradicate the existence of blurryface. they might suppress him, or learn to peacefully coexist with him, or outgrow his influence or whatever - that's the "managing the tension" part. we also have to keep in mind that tyler is still struggling to some extent with his insecurities and vulnerabilities (though he's gotten much better ofc) and i think that aspect will be reflected in his art.

besides, they've said that some people might not like the ending, which insinuates we won't be getting a perfectly hunky-dory happy ending. i also don't think tyler is the type to give this kind of story a sunshines and rainbows type of closure.

the core message of twenty one pilots, although it has certainly evolved over the years, is that it's fine to be not okay, but you must fight for your survival. i think that the lore ending will leave us with the message that broken as we are, we have to stay alive AND push on through - and before you know it, you'll be in a much better place than when you first started.

[swagging-back-to]

the way literally every fucking person has been REPULSIVE about euthanasia lately.

[yikes-ajax-thats-sad]

People really think trust issues are just "aww they're scared of love" and it's like bitch no. Trust issues as in I'm deeply in love and the issue is I'm waiting for you break my heart after undergoing periodic abuse in relationships. I'm not scared of love I'm scared of what you'll do with it.

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

[heartxdecay]

WHY do bad things always have to happen to me so close together like I did not NEED the combo of an acquaintance I was attempting to befriend blowing up at me and threatening to kill themselves over them deciding I said something I didn't (fuck being autistic why does everyone assume I'm inferring things when I'm actually NOT) and then my stalker who I haven't seen in about a year suddenly decides to show up at my place of work and ask MY BOYFRIEND if I was there (he lied and said I wasn't but I still caught a glimpse of him so he might have seen me) which lead to me finding out he never actually moved like he said he was going to which means realistically he could go right back to stalking and harassing me any time he wants. In the span of like 3 days. And of course right now we're like 3 weeks away from the big traumaversary time from when I left the cult + this is the midst of when I was reporting aforementioned stalker last year so I'm already constantly on high alert anyway. So now I'm constantly struggling just to stay awake let alone work and I already had to drop out of school and lie to my parents about it because the condition of me living here is remaining in school which means since I'm not they're going to kick me out if they know. So I can't NOT go to school AND not work especially because I'm trying to save as much money as possible in order to move out of this stupid hellhole of a "family" home where I'm constantly used as a third parent for my younger siblings. But I'm so tired all the time from stress keeping me awake at all hours and being completely unable to leave fight or flight mode when awake that I can barely find the energy to move, and my work is extremely tiring. I work retail as a supervisor and I have to deal with my coworkers not doing as much of the workload despite all being full time while I'm part time, none of the people I'm in charge of taking me seriously because I'm either younger than them or the same age as them, regular stress that comes with working retail and dealing with customers, and a management change that is leading to us getting a notoriously rude + perfectionist manager who I have personally seen throw an actual tantrum over having to do his JOB. Which means I can't afford to be tired and grumpy because I have to remain professional and productive. But every time something slightly off happens I want to burst into tears. Nobody there respects me and it's hard enough to handle when I'm NOT dealing with all of this. And of course because God hates me all of this happened when I decided to try to cut back on constantly vaping so after incident #2 I immediately gave up on that and I honestly think I've been going through cartridges FASTER. It's genuinely such a struggle every day to not relapse on self harm or turn to alcoholism and I'm not sure how much longer I can last. Especially because my literal only IRL support system is my boyfriend, because my parents are worth jack shit, my siblings are children, and my only "friend" in person is an objectively terrible human that I only still have around because they were my FP for a really long time and I have a hard time letting go of that relationship (every time I try I end up running back) and I just KNOW that if I even TRY to breach any of this with them they're either going to hit me with an "oof/yikes" and nothing else or spread my PERSONAL shit to everyone they know INCLUDING my extremely abusive ex that they refuse to totally cut contact with because it's "mean". which means I actually have nobody to turn to except the internet friends in my phone who for one aren't online all the time and have lives but two since they're my ONLY SUPPORT SYSTEM I cannot keep dumping everything on them constantly or I'll overwhelm them. Not to mention they have also had to deal with the acquaintance I mentioned at the start because they're actually THEIR friend, not mine, so if anything it's an even bigger deal to them. This leaves me with only my boyfriend who I already feel shitty enough about given the raging BPD.

[jackass-jones]

Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

[gunpowder-tim]

.

[420technoblazeit]

isnt it so fucking funny that cas knows that dean has horrible abandonment issues bc of the way he was raised and that he has a really hard time trusting people and accepting that they care about him. and then the SECOND he gets into any kind of trouble whatsoever he goes full no contact and doesnt talk to dean for sometimes months at a time

like i know why he does it, ik that he feels like he'd be a burden on dean otherwise but also cmon man. im tired of ppl saying dean's the only dysfunctional one in their relationship cas is literally just as bad

[tomboyyyaoi]

steering the discussion around the "i can see it in his eyes" scene from tristamp away from holy fuck that was gay and more to that probably made a massive impact on wolfwood. like it probably completely fucked him up. this is a guy who, for his whole life, has been a problem child, a human experiment, a burden, a monster, an assasin, designed to be beyond humanity. now heres this other freak of nature who quite frankly does not fucking know him at all, looking him dead in the eye with the softest gaze and saying 'youre good, i know youre good, i know you dont mean it' and it knocks the wind from him because??? "y?? huh???? how did u know???? who???? i mean no actually yeah im evil fuck you >:( no i am im so evil im horrible shut UP" but we know vash was right. we know he fucking clocked wolfwood bc we know (or assume that this will be the case in tristamp) that vash experiences the same self vilification, hes just much more of a kicked puppy about it. i love this scene i need people to take it more seriously outside of "omg yaoi"

[queerheadcanoncentral]

hi hi! hope you're doing good :)

im a sucker for angst and wilson, so could you please write some hcs for him? could include anything from bad childhood memories, mental health issues etc! thanks you sm if you do it :))

James Wilson angst headcanons

Cw: bullying, homophobia, the f-slur, self-harm, alcohol, pills, suicidal thoughts and attempts, depression, self image issues, it's all angst.

—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—⁠☆—

He was a bit feminine in his behaviour as a child and got relentlessly bullied for it until he graduated from highschool. It was both physical and psychological. He got beat up, spat at, humiliated and called names. He never stood up for himself and is regretting it to this day.

One time on a middle school camping trip he got pulled out form his cabin by the other boys and dragged outside. Some of the boys were holding his arms behind him, some were putting lipstick on his lips, cheeks, eyelids and wrote "faggot" on his forehead, some were stripping him down and putting women's underwear and a bra on him. They tied his wrists above his head and hung him by them from a tree branch. While it was happening, some of the boys went to get girls from their cabins, so by the time he was put up on a tree, everyone was laughing at him. It took a few the worst minutes of his life for the teachers to wake up and help him get down. When teachers tried to discover who did this to him, none of his classmates said anything and neither did he.

He is so overwhelmed all the fucking time. The constant pressure of taking care of his patients while taking care of House and by extend, his patients, is killing him.

Most of the days he just fells numb.

He gets dressed, brushes his teeth, puts on a smile for everyone else and goes to work, works, eats lunch, works some more, goes home eats dinner by himself, goes to sleep. rinse and repeat. that's what he considers a good day.

His empathy is killing him. Not only does he have to care all the time about everyone, but he also has to care in place of everyone else because why does it seem like no one else actually cares they say that they do but they don't because of they did no one would be alone no one would have to die alone like his patients like so many people around the world and like him.

Nobody cares about him like he cares about other people and it is killing him.

He drinks wine every night. Wine or whiskey or scotch. People usually don't mind when you drink a glass of wine with dinner…or five; they just think to themselves “it's just wine, it's classy, it's french” - but when you do it everyday, it's a problem.

He has attempted at least twice, one of which was after Amber died. The night he and House met he was gonna attempt but while he was in jail he was glad that he had no way of carrying through on his plan. That may be part of the reason why he is still friends with House, he feels like he owes his life to him and he hates him for it sometimes.

His go-to are pills and alcohol, maybe because it leaves a bigger chance that he will wake up the next morning, which sucks but oh well-

He feels like a fraud. He has built this image of himself of a man who likes everyone, always gives a shit, and who will be there no matter the time of day or if he has something going on himself. But often that is not who he is in his thoughts. In his thoughts he catches himself being bitter and toxic and he feels horrible about it; he completely disregards all the times that he is kind and genuinely cares and the fact that it doesn't really matter what you think as long as you don't say it out loud and your actions are good.

attachment issues.

He has a tendency to take on others problems as his own as if him carrying the burden of their issues will take them off of others.

He isn't good with loss. You would think that after three divorces he would get a hang of it, but he hasn't. Every time he loses someone, wether they just left or passed away, it hits him like a ton of bricks and sends him down a spiral of guilt and booze. He wonders why? What he could have done differently? Why are they doing this to him?; every time it feels like someone is ripping his heart out of his chest with hands lined with barbed wire.

That's why he cuts himself. Usually on his thighs or upper arms so that he can still roll up his sleeves at work without anyone seeing the scars. Even during his lowest lows he still thinks about others. He still comes into work the next day even tho he has a raging hangover and is covered in band-aids and bandages. He still smiles at others and says his hellos on his way to his office.

[ammarettu]

please pleaseeeeee please please please give us a part 3 to true hate's kiss i NEED a resolution im obsessed 🙏

Your wish is my command.

Parts 1 and 2

Part 3 under the break

He dithers at the edge of the stage for just a moment, hesitates, until Valdo forcefully shoves him back into the crowd.

He doesn't want to think about what will happen now, his hands have a tremble to them that make him almost wonder if he could claim to be ill again just to keep him. He wonders if Geralt will notice if he just... follows him out of the party and into his camp and just... stays there.

He groans, of course Geralt would notice. He's already annoyed the poor man enough. Fuck. What does he even say now? Should he say anything? Should he just leave and save Geralt the trouble?

He nabs a cup of wine from an unsuspecting bystander who huffs at him in disapproval. He tosses it back in one fluid motion, then glances over to where Geralt was only to find the Witcher absent from the space.

Jaskier's heart somehow plummets and rises into his throat all at once, his pulse throbs in his fingers. Of course Geralt would leave the moment the curse was broken. Why the fuck would he stick around? Jaskier's already been enough of a burden on him, even before this whole fiasco, he couldn't have honestly expected, or even hoped, for Geralt to stick around.

He asks someone if they saw where the Witcher went, alright he asks several people, but none saw him leave. He slipped out silently, or whatever. Likely to avoid Jaskier trying to trail after him like he always used to.

Jaskier takes a breath, closes his eyes in an attempt to calm himself and force the tears back - it doesn't work. He gets drunk instead.

-

Geralt flees, you know, like a coward.

He can't describe the rush of feeling that floods through him when he hears Jaskier's voice again for the first time in... too long. He'd gotten so used to having that voice at his side, encouraging him, complimenting him, and just generally being a light that was far too bright for this world. For Geralt's world, dark and dripping with blood and hatred.

And hearing him speak again wrenches at something in his chest that he doesn't want to dwell on. Something raw and painful. He thought when he heard that voice again he could have atoned for all the cruel shit he'd spewed, merciless and without truth.

He can't bear to stick around and hear that voice turn on him the same way he'd done to Jaskier. Can't bear to hear the words of hatred he's so used to hearing from every other human pour like vitriol from such sweet lips-

Can't bear the rejection.

It's pathetic, after all he's put the bard through, all he's said, how he's certain his own words felt to Jaskier, who feels everything so deeply. But he is pathetic, and a coward, so he runs.

He finds himself down one of the estate's many long halls, golden filigree doors lining the walls. He'd intended to go outside, kind of. He hadn't really been paying attention, more concerned with simply moving away, but he'd hoped he might just end up outdoors.

Still, it's better than nothing. He pushes open a door, finding a large bedroom on the other side, and closes it behind him.

He sighs and flops onto a red velvet armchair, burying his head in his hands.

It's been a long day. A long week. It's been strange, as nice as it was having Jaskier back at his side the lack of noise usually associated with the bard still being absent was off-putting and wrong.

He takes a minute to recenter himself. To get used to being alone again. He curls into himself, resting his head on his forearms, on his knees, and firmly does not cry. He doesn't.

He also doesn't lose track of time, nor is he startled when there is a noise in the hall, giggling and shuffling footsteps - a thump, someone is pushed against the door to the room in which Geralt has taken residence. He stumbles to his feet, hears a moan past the door and moves to the window to calmbor out (the sun has set now, several hours have passed since he entered) - his medallion shudders in it's place against his chest. A warning. He pauses, he hasn't a choice, whatever is waiting outside the doors is a monster of some kind about to feast. A bruxa, knowing their affinity for alcohol infused blood.

"I wasn't expecting to find you here tonight," a female voice mutters, "Imagine my delight and surprise."

"Mm, I'm about to delight you even more."

Geralt almost fucking trips over his own feet as he glides across the room towards the door. The second voice is Jaskier's. As badly as he wants to turn on his heel and leave, his cowardice returning with a burning vengeance, he can't. Not if-

"And what of your Witcher? Will he not be joining us?"

Jaskier huffs a little laugh, "Geralt isn't my anything," Geralt winces at the coldness in his tone, "Anyways, he left."

"He'd just leave you here alone?" He hears Jaskier take a shuddering breath, hears the unbuttoning of his doublet.

"Course he would," Jaskier mutters, "He hates me."

Geralt blinks. That- Jaskier can't possibly think- but then again Geralt has always been rather cruel. It makes sense, he supposes, that he'd think Geralt hates him, especially after the mountain. But he was certain that the hatred was more than a little directed back at him.

"And yet you love him still?" The woman taunts, "How admirable."

Geralt wants to laugh at the absurdity. Jaskier doesn't love him, he hates him. He made that clear when he came to him to break a curse that could only be broken by kissing someone he hated. He waits for the refusal, but it never comes. Instead, Jaskier mutters, "Aren't you supposed to be distracting me? Making me forget?"

He can hear the grin when the woman, the Bruxa, replies, "Oh, darling, soon you won't remember a thing."

"What the fuck-" Jaskier gasps as the door handle moves, he's shoved inside, the Bruxa stepping in after him all feral eyes, fanged teeth and clawed hands. The door opens inwards, blocking line of sight between the newest occupants and the Witcher pressing himself to the wall as the vampire lurches towards Jaskier. The door slams shut, and in less than a second Geralt has his silver drawn and cleanly through the Bruxa's neck. One motion. One swipe. She never even saw him. Neither did Jaskier, until the head is already rolling, and he's taking a breath in to scream.

Geralt is there in a flash, leather-gloved hand pressed firmly over the bard's lips, "It's me, Jaskier."

He's trembling, breath coming in short little puffs that make Geralt kind of worried he might pass out, but he moves carefully back away and says, "Geralt. You're still here."

His eyes are misty with tears and drink and Geralt finds himself sighing, fond.

"I'm here. We should go."

"You- we?"

"You want to stay in the room with a bloody corpse?"

"Well... no, but we should at least take her jewelry, don't you think? Those sapphires, Geralt! A travesty to leave them on the floor."

He rolls his eyes but allows it, if Jaskier wants some jewelry he's earned it. Plus it's kind of nice to see a little glimpse of the same hedonistic bard he's missed.

The sneak out of the manor, and into the stables to gather Roach. It's just easier. Sure the woman was a Bruxa, but she was still high society, and all the red tape and questions... Geralt shudders just thinking about it.

They end up in the forest under the stars just like they used to sleep, with Jaskier chattering away and a canopy of leaves swaying with the breeze.

Geralt will ask Jaskier tomorrow what the Bruxa meant about him loving him.

-

He doesn't ask. He can't make the words force themselves from his throat. Instead, he wakes early and makes them both breakfast like he used to, wakes Jaskier with gentle shakes and a cup of warm willow bark tea sweetened with just a bit of honey.

"Where are you off to now?" Jaskier asks him as they pack up, soft as a whisper.

Geralt pauses, glances to Jaskier, and takes a chance, "Always drowners along the coast," he says. Hears Jaskier swallow in response.

"Yeah?"

"Mm... Hear Kerack is pretty this time of year." A sharp intake of breath, Jaskier's heart beats so hard Geralt is pretty sure he could hear it even without his Witcher senses.

"Is that so?"

Geralt resumes what he was doing, tacking up Roach, pretends to be nonchalant, "The taverns there could probably use a bard," he says.

"Are you sure?" Jaskier's voice is shaking and Geralt hates how uncertain he sounds. How hopeful.

"Jaskier."

"Yes?"

Geralt turns, tilts his head to the side a bit, "Come to the coast with me."

A sheen forms on those gorgeous blue eyes, brought to life even more by the glittering sapphires he now wears on his ears and around his neck.

"Yes," he breathes, and Geralt smiles his response, holds out his hand, and hoists his bard up onto his horse.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Question about something (no tw) you can call me cookie.

I’m only asking because I was told by a couple people that I’m childish, embarrassing, manipulative and stupid so I wanted to get your opinions on that?

Im an adult (23) so of course I have to be emotionally mature and responsible… Is it okay to cry as an adult in general? Over things like movies, depression, and just stress? Is it okay to feel triggered or hurt over something cruel someone said to me and end up crying and freaking out over it? There are times where I’ve cried, as an adult, over horrible things other adults have said to me, and not just cry but some of those times I seem to get triggered into what could be an anxiety attack? Only over certain things. But those are harder to control but I try my best if I’m still in touch with reality to distract myself from it or try to stop it. Some anxiety attacks I’ve lost control of my limbs and vision so that’s safe to say it’s out of my control at that point.

I can be a bit irresponsible at times I won’t deny it but I don’t mean to be on purpose if that matters, I have been getting better the past 6 months versus what I used to be like. Is it okay for others to yell at me about it and get really… aggressive about it too? I can say they seem to just hate me with the things they say to me bc they’re pointing fingers, gritting teeth, and saying, “wtf is wrong w you? You’re so disgusting act like a fucking adult, you’re such an embarrassment!” I have to point out it DOESN’T effect ANYONES life but my own… (my parents are my abusers so it’s just a tough relationship with them anyway) so I don’t get why it makes them so angry at me when it doesn’t effect them. I wouldn’t ever choose to roommate or whatever with anyone unless I knew I could be responsible on my own FIRST. Bc I certainly don’t want to burden ppl.

Hi anon,

The last response to anxiety attacks or mental breakdowns should be anger. There is no good reason for anyone to be angry with you for expressing your emotions, even if you're completely dysregulated. The more dysregulated you are, the more important it is to be approached with sensitivity and kindness. Being emotional doesn't make you manipulative, childish, or stupid, it makes you human, and being met with aggression isn't going to help you calm down. I would highly recommend reconsidering the relationships with the people that you're describing.

It's okay to cry at any age. Sadness is a healthy emotion and it's completely normal to cry from things like movies and stressful events. This does not make you a burden whatsoever. Sometimes you simply cannot regulate yourself and that's okay, that happens. But it's important for you to find a way to more efficiently manage your emotions in a self-compassionate way. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could explore this with you and help you come up with some helpful ways for you to self-regulate.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Looooong ass vent

TW for: Self hate. Lots of swearing. Use of not nice words. Eating disorders, purging, self harm, suicide, rants, venting, tons of triggers, dissociation, lying, all caps, me whining, me being a bitch, mistreatment, body shaming, hateful stuff, mental illness, all that- like seriously this has more TWs than I can think of. .

I'm a jealous person. I'm sorry, it's true. I'm jealous when other people have art that gets 40, 50, more notes. I get jealous when my friends have better friends than I ever could be. I get jealous of song writers because damnit please I want to make music. I get jealous of others art,voices, bodies. I get so jealous I get mad at nothing over nothing. I get jealous at others art styles, at other success, i get jealous at my own FRIENDS wow I'm awful

I'm selfish. I'm greedy because I can't just- be fucking happy with what i do have. I can't be patient to get better at drawing, better at recording my voice, more freedom. I am never satisfied, I'm a fucking whore for any sort of love and attention and likes and reblogs. You hear me? I'm, a, whore.

And I'm fucking awful because I can't take criticism for shit, I get so fucking unhappy at it and I lie and I say I'm happy to receive it. I lie all the time like this, I'm a dishonest whore, that's worse than a normal whore! I get so bent out of shape!

And I want to make it big in the Tumblr community BUT FUCK IT BECAUSE I NEVER FOCUS ON ONE THING

M so impatient

And when I talk to my friends I-

I forget all that. I calm down, I feel... wanted.

But I'm burdening them. I'm burdening them I'm burdening them I'm I'm fucking selfish and horrible because they give and give and give and I take like a needy selfish greedy whore.

AND I DON'T SHUT UP, I'm sorry I'm sorry I never shut up

...I'm... awful. And... I shouldn't keep posting shit like this, because nobody should have to read my rambling and shit and I'm overreacting and I want to die and

Im useless irl BTW. I've been nothing but a stupid moody bitch the past two weeks, I stay up all night doing nothing and wake up at 5 pm like a useless piece of human shit that should burn in the garbage

I keep forgetting who I am, who is talking too

Im sooooooooo uselessssssssssss

Its fucking because I think my family would be happier if I didn't exist. Because that'd be one less stupid moody bitch that can't do anything and hides in their room all day that they have to deal with

Im lazy I get apathetic I have no motivation to do anything and I don't cry at sad movies like a broken robot and everything about me is wrong

And my father wanted a daughter so fucking badly, but I'm not a girl I'm nothing and he'd be so mad if I ever told him

And BTW I'm literally awful like I've run out of things I'm a jealous whore

M a whore because all tye time I think of stupid sexual stuff and then I feel disgusted I'm disgusting I barely take showers

I'm pathetic btw I never finish anything I start I have so many half assed AUs and drafts and fanfics and art and chores and needs and shit

and I sit in my room all day and play on my phone like a fucking loser. Im also really stupid btw, I don't know half the shit I'm supposed too and I can't spell shit or know history AND I HAVE THE ABILITY TO LEARN BUT IM SUCH A STUPID FUCKING BITCH I NEVER DO ANYTHING

I'm also a hypocrite because I get so snappy and shit with my siblings when they do nothing wrong except be annoying or something but when I feel justified I shouldn't because I'm still a shitty person

I barely reach out to my friends unless they text first, I'm a horrible friend that never listens I'm sorry I'm sorry I never meant to abandon anyone

And I can't take blame or accountability I'm sorry I am shit why do I keep trying to hide behind myself??

Its past 6 am,people are statving and in here venting like a bitch

I never shut up

I Bother people

i sleep in and I'm moody and I demand attention like a whore whose demanding love idfk

I never know anything, I'm rude as hell

Im sorry

and I'm protective over shit nobody cares about, I'm so damn defensive

Im sorry I'm not doing better I'm sorry I'm not improving myself. I'm so mad at myself I have so much anger at myself I direct it at innocent people I'm sorry

I HAVE NO EXCUSES, IM SO FUCKING SELF AWARE OF THIS BUT I KEEP DOING IT KM SO DAMN FHCKONG DUM IM LUTERALLY COUNTING HOW MANY WORDS OF SELF HSTE

Its justified BTW, i deserve hate

I feel like I'm lying abt being a system and artistic and depressed and anxiety like what I'd I just suddenly decided I had them?? I swear I promise I'm not faking I'm not I don't want to lie I want to be good I never meant to hurt anyone BUT I FEEL LIKE IM A FAKING BITCH

I binge food and throw it up, I hide food like a greedy pig just to purge I take others food because I'm so gluttonous and I LIE about it

and I vent and vent and vent and... and I still hate myself

I'm so fucking manipulative because anytime I talk I CSNT STOP IMSGING HOW THE CONVERSATION WILL GO, I CANT STOP TRYONG TO FUCKING GET MY WAY IRL, AHHGHGBTIDDHDH I ALEATS ACT LIKE I KNOW EVERYTHING WHEN I DONT and I purposefully annoy my siblings so they leave thr kitchen so I can binge like a fat pig, I'm a hypocrite too in every aspect. I'm toxic ok im awful

I s/h and then i forget about it so its not even a problem but I whine like it is and I want to do it so badly rn I wanna go deep

AND I RUINED MYSELF WITH UGLY SCATS they're so ugly like me inside and out

And I wanna cry and

and I'm so awful because like I get so... idk, I am. I've done shifty things, I'm a shit person. I act sweet than a condescending little bitch

and sometimes the smallest things set me off

Im jealous of everyone else

Hell I'm fucking jealous of people I've never met, I want so much so badly I'm so greedy and lustful for it and selfish

In... conclusion? The world, would, be, better, without, me

I'm useless, lazy, stupid, jealous, slutty, angry, sad, pitiful, pathetic, fat looking, no good child, moody, stereotypical, ugly, hateful, chatter box, greedy, selfish. Gluttonous, messy, dirty. I'm all the bad stuff

Dont lie, these are facts. I have so much awful in me, the world wpuld be better off without me

[skybristle]

im jsut gonna shamelessly dump this from dms with mac idgaf

also been thinking abt how rays and sparks were friendss..................... The dynamic must've been sooo fun........... Sparks also probably knew reefs pretty well as its head technician. Can you imagine how much she would have had to trust it !!!!

mac: "God. to have to look back on all the good times knowing now that they'd BETRAY you like that. Sparks cant ever look at them the same even if she wanted to. She TRUSTED THEM!!! she let them into her most vulnerable parts, let them take care of her and tend to her structure!!! and they then went on to hurt her! that SUCKS. for all parties involved, but especially because of how much dependence sparks had on them...."

EXACTLYY !!! !ITS SO EVILLLL

Sure her trust breaks with ancients and her creators in general. But she really never has a personal realtionship again with anyone after the expansions. I wonder how much of reefs she sees in chimes. I wonder how much her skin crawls every time she sits through him talking about his ancients and city and his 'mama'.

i think thats why out of all of them sparks likes ochre the most despite flor being relatively quiet. she doesn't have that personal hurt with amber the way she does with reefs, since amber was long gone from her project by the time everything crumbled. even as chimes is so warm and friendly she just butts heads with him instinctually and really can't trust anyone, let alone reefs creation.

Of course that changes in off string and stuff where chimes and sparks relationship becomes Immensely important but in canon they're like. estranged.

they should be family. He should be like a little brother to her. He probably would have been had reefs just gone and built an iterator withotu all fo that happening. But that's not what ever would have happened

Rays tries to tell her about chimes construction [and ochres] as hes in development. as a late apology, as news, as whatever he frames it as in their tense conversations. but she just doesn't want to hear any of it anymore

mac: "She loses the people in her life who supported her the most, they betray her horribly, and she's expected to be able to trust people after that??? fuckkk no. And god,,,,, chimes. Chimes is so so close to reefs and. Sparks just has to. Watch that. FUCK"

ESPECIALLY WITH ALL THE POLITICAL DEVELOPMENTS IN CHORUS WHERE REEFS STRONGMANS SUCH A DIFFERENT CULTURE !!! ITS THE ENVY !!! WHY COULDNT HAVE THAT BEEN HER. HOW COULD REEFS SAY ALL THAT AND HAVE DONE WHAT IT DID TO HER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STARTS EATING GLASS

i dont think she ever hated chimes or anything its just every interaction with him is so tainted and he'll never really understand why. I think thats also why him specifically turning on her and getting into a fight with her is what sends her over.

sparks would have never TOLD him that this is what she sees, that she's been hrut like this, because chimes is a new generation past her expansions and theres no need. she doesn't need to burden him with that beyond what he already knows. i think he would have really tried to make up for it had he known. But he doesn't and so he lives his happy life as sparks just. watches with frustration

which fucks me up about off string because in my head she DOES tell him. she DOES !! FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haah sparks you get to grow and be a better person and escape without suciide but you have to have these hard conversations and you have to put yourself out there and you have to have faith that you won't be stabbed in the back haha sparks

mac: "she HAS to learn to trust others. Which sucks. She's been betrayed so hard in the past, but part of healing is accepting that you can learn to put your faith into people again!!! she has friends!!!!!! GAGDH"

i need her to like. Get her ass beat by something and chimes [who is VERY much a coward when it comes to combat] doesnt hesitate to go in there to grab her and pull her away. I needdd a million little things to pile up to shore up the initially stringy trust she's put in her group. I need them to become her friends i need her to get better !!! RIPS SHIRT OFF

boooo shed your godhood and live the human experience and do dumb shit. fucking lsoer

[thousandyearphantombunker]

she-hulk episode 1:

Jennifer Walters: "spouting the most cruel asinine ableist anti-psyche politicization of mental health issues and telling the HULK how she has it harder than everyone else and makes being a woman sound like a fate worse than death/some kind of punishment and like we are eternal victims who should be paranoid at all times"

Radical Feminists (somehow not understanding how seriously fucking ableist and bitchy the shit she said was and how the Hulk is probably the last character you'd want to play misery poker with): "shout it louder honey!"

Y'all don't understand mental health at all- usually lack of empathy isn't that much of a bad thing but ooh boy- y'all kick people with problems down with all sorts of insanely ableist rhetoric instead of pushing aside your politics for a second to act like a human. like you can say everything is political- but you've twisted it- yes there is such thing as disability politics but you've twisted it for the sake of your shitty movement- disabilities are often genetic or a result of biology and your just being dicks over things people can't control

and you make being a girl sound like it's hell on earth and like the only reason a man would want to be a woman is because they're a predator pretending to be a defenseless creature- like your that fucking paranoid you make womanhood feel like a horrible burden- then you get mad when girls starting going 'im not like other girls'

I shouldn't have been surprised. Your disability politics are shit and your misandry bleeds into a river of misogyny

[rabbithaver]

for the final five years of my academic career, May symbolized for me the month of being crushed by the realization that i had no future as a human being, i was fundamentally worthless, and every single person i went to school with was leagues ahead of me, emotionally and intellectually.

and that last thing is still true.

everyone i went to school with can hold jobs! all of them were able to graduate high school... except for me, of course. all but two of them can drive. most of them went to college and got degrees. over half of them own homes and have children of their own. quite literally all of them ended up having futures.

even my abusers.

TWs for... just about fucking everything, and this isn't even going into depth

the ones who stalked me if i walked home. the ones who made me afraid for my life every day. the ones who told me all the ways they planned on killing me for daring to be openly queer. the ones who repeatedly physically assaulted me. the one who, upon learning i had switched to a new school in desperation to get away from his violence, sought out the name of my new school and then convinced his parents to let him switch schools a month after the year started just so he could keep tormenting me. he learned my entire schedule and transferred to as many of my classes as he could. when i went to the school counselor, i was told my grades were not good enough to justify them doing anything to protect me.

that year, that abuser and his friends got so bold as to repeatedly swerve and try to strike me with their SUV if i dared to try to walk home. my home was right behind the parking lot of that school; if we had a gate, i could have just walked into my backyard from the parking lot, but not even that would have been safe, because they tried this on school property multiple times.

that student, who called me every slur under the sun, who attempted to kill me so many times i lost count, who cornered me often and beat the shit out of me, who tried to assault me over a dozen times at knife point on school grounds... was never once punished for his behavior. i was ruled the instigator every single time for "making myself a target." i was told by my school's counselor, "stop being a tranny and they'll stop. wear makeup, lose some weight, try dating boys. if you make yourself a target, of course they'll go after you." the school administration sided with my abusers every single time. nobody fucking believed me.

those students all graduated high school and went on to college while i continue to try and fail to put the shards of my life back together. they all have careers now. two of them are fucking cops, because of course they are.

they went on to get college degrees.

they never were punished for destroying me psychologically that year. they got away with it while i was repeatedly punished for asking for help.

and you know the worst part? they were right about me, in the end

i turned out to be a complete and total failure by every stretch of the imagination.

i turned out to be a burden on everyone in my life.

i turned out to be a waste of my parents' money.

i even ended up going on to abuse other people myself, saying horrible things to people online just because it made me feel like a "better activist." if anything, i'm worse than my own abusers, because i went through everything they put me through, and then still went on to hurt others like that. that kind of thing... that's irredeemable. you can't come back from that. you just can't.

god im so fucking worthless hahaa.