#-for donnie. while donnie loves leo so much because he just Gets It. truthfully i like donnie caring about the chosen twinship thing Way-

[qoldenskies]

Okay, I finally read the "justice isn't mercy" chapter, and I just gotta say in the scene with Mikey killing Kitsune, I was SO satisfied by that scream. I know each of them have already had that scream. But this chapter it really shined.

It was an everything scream. A scream of pain, anger, and despair all in one. Mikey was screaming and crying through every horrible memory he would never forget because of what she did.

Even though I know he killed her himself, after that moment, the first thing that came to mind was the scene from the movie.

Like, I believe there was a parallel going on there. So I can just imagine that in that scene, in a moment of clarity, that both Leo and Raph were there with Mikey, conjoining their ninpo, to kill her together. All of them screaming and giving Donnie Vengeance together.

But, he carries the burden himself. At 13...

Which makes it all the more tragic.

And wow, my invision of that scene was so perfect. That entire witchtown part was so clear it might as well have been animated.

it was a parallel yes, mostly in the way that i was trying to invoke the same kind of righteous anger mikey was feeling in that scene, as well as the thing with the cracks in his arms (and THAT i chose because kintsugi metaphor, especially because its already been invoked before in ch7) im sure at the very least that was felt in the ninpo bond, because while mikey's sixth sense for it is way more intense (feeling donnie's ninpo break, noticing the absence first afterwards, feeling chills when leo gets particularly murderous) all of them still have that intuitively,,,

but also mind you, at the same time mikey mentions a little earlier that theyre united so strongly under one goal at that point that they may as well be one person, and considering things like raph and leo mind melding in the moment,,, it would make a lot of sense! :]

im glad my imagery was clear!! im not suuuper proud of some things in that chapter but there's a lot of moments i do like from it, very good animatic-bait. if i had the balls and patience to make one LMFAO maybe some day. mikey standing in front of the shrine is so clear in my head,,, you can tell he KNEW he was cool as fuck. guy with swag

[artzzyb00-27]

{💙New Guy In Town💙; part.2}

After a few months of hanging out and getting to know each other, Usagi and Leo were able to become good friends. Not just friends in forced environments, like the one they were currently in. The one where because of their appearances, no one else would be their friend. It became so much deeper than that.

They were able to be themselves around the other and express their passions without getting ridiculed or judged in anyway. Not even questioned because that's how similar they were. Of course everyone has their own unique aspects and one of them was flavors. Usagi was the kind of guy to like savory flavors. Like steak and carrots and just regular food that wasn't meant to be anything special. Leo was one of the loyal followers of sour/spicy flavors. The rush he got when eating spicy foods or just having some Mexican food that April had bought from somewhere in Washington Heights.

This led to an interesting discussion of what was a good middle ground. Developing ideas they had simultaneously decided that if it was shown to them they'd acknowledge it but never mention it. The arrangement wasn't made vocally either. As if they knew what the latter was thinking they just went on with more topics of conversation.

That may seem stupid to most, or at the very least boring, but it never bored Leo listen to Usagis' voice when he talked about a new movie he couldn't wait to watch about super heroes. Another thing they had in common of interest. He felt happy whenever the rabbit mutant would go to the lair and specifically look for the leader in blue because it meant he was special to the boy.

Usagi was special to Leo too. Whenever they would team up on patrols with Uki and Usagi, Leo would make sure Usagi was partnered with him or with Donnie. The reason was because he knew how his other brothers were and didn't want Usagi to think Leo was weird.

Why, you might ask? It's because the turtle with baggy pants let is slip he loved hanging out with Usagi by himself. He had meant to only tell Casey this when him and April visited but it was overheard by Splinter. After a round of training, Splinter popped an interesting question making the other brothers do their own investigations.

"I must ask Leonardo, what is it about this mutant you love hanging out with?" hell broke lose after that one. Mikey was chuckling like numbskull, Donnie gave a smirk accompanied with a side glance and Raph just crossed his arms with a smug expression.

One that surely meant, 'I told you~', referring back three weeks prior to this event. Sadly, because his father asked, Leo answered truthfully. Saying that from his interest and drive for succeeding in martial arts and compassion towards anyone, he couldn't help but admire him. At least that's what he had told his sensei. After leaving the dojo the brothers cornered him almost immediately.

"I can't believe Raph called it before me!" Mikey exasperated.

"I can." Donnie replied, while Raph just put his arm over his elder brothers shoulder. Leo rolled his eyes and looked away in embarrassment to hide the tiny blush forming.

"Aww, ya' thinking 'bout your boyfriend?~" Raph teetered as Leo just groaned while laughing and shoved them off walking away as best he could. It didn't work, considering they all had a last gaming session in his room and just talked about the subject for the entire time.

Coming back to present time, it became more apparent to everyone how close the turtle and rabbit dynamic had gotten. Every time they would visit each other, or the other was in sight, they would rush over as if something was trying to stop them. Nothing was stopping them. Not the rules of society or their own personal friendship and family dynamics.

Usagis' favorite moments with Leo had to be when they had taken down a mob of rogue Foot soldiers trying to start their own version. It was shut down after 3 days due to the duo being strong in battle. The fluidity of each others movements was great like a river and when working together in a special dual move they were sturdier than obsidian.

As if to be connected psychologically, their movements were in sync from the moment they began talking alone. Without the distractions from their friends and family, it suddenly felt like their moments alone together was the most cherished thing they could have. Even moments sitting on billboards, in the shadows with lights of the city and stars above, where the most soul relieving experiences.

Tonights was one of those nights. On top of a roof near China town, they were talking about the latest issue of a novel series coming up. Usagi had been ranting about how beautiful the cover was for the soft-cover version when he suddenly felt someone staring. Turnings his head towards Leo, his eyes locked with dark blue ones and didn't let go right away. Suddenly turning their heads away they sat in silence.

Not awkward silence, never awkward silence. More of unexpected yet calming silence meant to ease the tension. Taking deep breaths, Leo turned to face the mutant rabbit with softened gaze. The purple lights from the rave down below were shining onto his white fur glowing with the lavender hue. Sighing in delight, Leo looked away from his friend who was looking up at the sky while leaning back to the billboard.

The turtle boy looked up as well and breathed the atmosphere in. Usagis' ears twitched and he side glanced at the ninja leader. Proceeding to pull something out from his pockets, Leo turned his attention back to him again. Pulling out a walkman from his baggy pants and some earbuds that could be shared between people, plugging them into the device and passing one to Leo, he put the other one on and put a tape record in.

'Sagis' Playlist' began to play and Leo had to admit,... this boy loved romance songs. Like,.. a.. lot. Some of them were just basic dance, hip-hop, pop songs, but most were 'good feeling', 'falling in love' and 'being in love' songs. The blue bandana'd turtle memorized some of the rabbits favorites(he could tell because Sagi would break out into song), and wrote down their names on his phone in the notes app.

After a while of just chilling they decided it was time to head back home. At least to meet up with Uki and his brothers to go their separate ways. Once the turtles left Uki looked at Usagi in curiosity. Noticing he was still smiling from his encounter with Leo earlier and was most likely replaying the event on loop.

"Why are you so happy after seeing Leo?"

Not gonna lie, it made the rabbit jump. However, that did not stop him from ranting on about how kind the turtle boy was. How strong and skilled he was in battle and just the amount of ability to have this presence that brought peace to his soul.

"You like him?" Usagi stopped and looked at the wolf girl. She stared at him without a specific emotion, but it was an expression that dared him to deny anything. He thought about it, and then stood in his spot. No movement, or attempt at trying to defuse the tension. Letting the air build on itself solidifying the question asked.

"Yeah, yeah I do." he smiled and continued to think. Everything he liked about Leo came rushing to him causing a bundle of words to spew out from excitement. "Holy shit, I like him! I like the way he's able to be serious but it comes from a place of worry and consideration for his family and friends, I love that no matter what he's tried to understand me on any level of hyper-fixations or just simple interests." At some point Uki leaned back on the wall of a building and watched her friend go on a rant while pacing slightly back and forth.

"I love how even when we've had tough battles and he's exhausted, he always gives me the option and heads up of making sure I get out off it with less injuries. I mean, even if I do get hurt, he always tends to them and checks them right away to make sure I'm fine. Normally when a mutant with scale touches my fur it makes my nervous system feel jumpy, with him it feels like I'm able to relax further and ground myself. It's like he's this thing and light in my life that keeps me more stable than before, and when I'm not? Oh you best believe he's there to get me out off negative thoughts through compliments. Not just ones on my appearance, but ones that truly matter, like how he loves my personality. This turtle boy really doesn't know what it does to me but I can't believe I haven't realized before that I've had a crush on him. Shit, maybe even more than that!"

Once done and out of breath he finally stops pacing and looks at his friend, who's face is smug looking and glancing out to the side on the right of Usagi. He quirks and eyebrow and looks in the direction Ukis' attention is. Leo is standing in front off his brothers, who were looking at their elder brother with smirks and smiles, holding the headphones Usagi shared with him back in the billboard. An expression on his green face that sent different emotions through the mutant samurai.

Usagis' eyes widened and shuffled quickly to take back the headphones. Snatching them away and trying to run, he's suddenly grabbed by the forearm, pulled back and spun to face Leos' carapace. Leo wraps his arms around the rabbit boys waist and hugs him. Usagi reciprocates, throwing his arms over Leos' neck and nuzzling into Leo. The turtle brother lifts Usagi up slightly, bringing one hand up to the boys' cheek and rubbing his thumb on it.

"I know this is fast, but, can I kiss you?" he asks and not a millisecond passes before the two are lip-locked and taking the moment in. It's good that Leo saw Usagi that night on the rooftops and decided to chase him.

[newtmntfan]

Grief

I wrote some angst for Future Leo and Mikey. It takes place a while after Donnie's death, and a lot of things can be up to your interpretation. Enjoy!

"I’m sorry. For everything. I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at you.” Mikey apologized. Tears were in his eyes. Leo wanted to wipe them away. He wanted to pull his little brother into a hug and never let him cry again. He wanted his last brother to be happy.

“It’s okay. You had a right to be mad.” The leader said, calmly. Mikey had been grieving. Grief made even the best of people angry and bitter. Mikey shook his head.

“No I didn’t. It wasn’t your fault. It was the kraang’s.” He sniffled. More tears ran down his face. Leo wasn’t sure if he could reach out. He knew how Mikey hated to be coddled, but did this qualify as coddling? It did not in Leo’s opinion.

“Well, I still should have tried harder. I should have done something.” Leo gasped, “He needed me, and I couldn’t do anything!” Now Leo could feel the tears running down his own face. He tried blocking the memory, but it still got through. It was still so vivid and loud and real. It really was only him and Mikey now.

“Leo, please, I was being selfish and stupid! It’s not your fault! What else could you have done?!” Mikey exclaimed. He grabbed Leo’s hands and rubbed them. Leo accepted the small comfort even though he shouldn’t have gotten it.

“Mikey, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Leo sobbed. Mikey pulled him into a hug.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. I know that now. It’s not your fault, Leo.” He said, honestly. Leo embraced the hug, realizing how much he had missed this. How much he had needed this. The oldest one cried more as Mikey rubbed his back and nuzzled his chest. Slowly Leo felt his tears stop. It sounded like Mikey’s had stopped too. He took a deep breath. Then he said,

“Thank you Miguel.” Mikey sighed,

“Don’t thank me, Leo. I still have a lot to make up to you.” He stepped away from Leo. Leo put a hand on his shoulder, bringing his brother back to him.

"You don’t have to make up anything, little brother. I’m just happy you’re here with me.” He confessed.

"After all I did? Why are you happy? Why aren’t you mad or disappointed?” asked Mikey.

"Because you’re my baby brother. And you were grieving. We both were. I know how close you two had gotten. It…it must’ve been so hard for you to accept. I know I had a hard time accepting it. But I witnessed it, so I really had no other choice. I can’t be upset with you for grieving like that.” Leo explained.

“You should be. I didn’t get angry with you when…when Raph died…so I shouldn’t have…” Mikey trailed off. Tears pricked at his eyes again. Leo couldn’t stand it. He pulled Mikey closer into another hug.

“It’s okay. Different circumstances will make people grieve differently. It’s okay. I love you, Mikey. I love you so much.” He spoke, softly and truthfully. Mikey cried more but embraced Leo’s touch. Leo hummed, hoping that would calm him down. They had both done enough crying for one day.

“Thank you Leo. I love you too. You're too nice to me. I’m sorry. I never hated you. I love you, Leo.” Mikey confessed.

“I know, you don’t need to tell me.” said Leo, lightly.

“But I do. I need to incase…incase…”

“Shh, don’t think like that. We’ll get through this together.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Leo agreed. They held each other tightly wanting to savor their time together. They both knew the promise would be broken.

[void-writing]

Excuse me as I wrote a lil post-movie Cloaking Brooch!Casey reveal because I am inspired.

In the wake of an averted apocalypse and the functional death of the world he grew up in (along with the people who loved and raised him), Casey finds that he forgets a lot of things. Like that hot water is a thing he can use again, that he doesn’t have to be on guard for Kraang and their zombies whenever he goes topside, that he has the luxury of options that he’s never entertained in his life. He also routinely forgets that Masters Leonardo and Michelangelo and Commander O’Neil and...everyone Casey’s ever known is gone, but their younger selves still walk around. It hits him like cold water every time he wakes up in the morning and ambles out into the atrium, expecting to walk into a scene he’s lived his entire life, only to find a strange mirror instead. Similar but unfamiliar all the same.

The biggest thing Casey forgot, however, is his brooch. Well. It’s not actually a brooch. Those can get caught on things and torn off way too easily, and neither Mister Draxum nor Casey himself wanted to risk wasting precious time and resources on something he could so easily lose. His is a simple bracelet that fits snugly against his wrist and is easy to hide under his wrist wraps. Since Casey has always been battle ready until very recently, it’s easy to forget about the unassuming item that so radically changes his appearance.

A little more than a month after the thwarted Kraang invasion, Casey trudges into the Lair kitchen like usual, sleep still clinging stubbornly to him as he plops himself onto a stool at the kitchen island. Around him is the usual familiar but unfamiliar buzz. Master Michelangelo--or rather, just simply Mikey now--is making a heavenly smelling breakfast at the stove, Master Splinter stands nearby on a two-tier step stool expertly slicing and peeling fruit with a paring knife (not a daily occurrence, but often enough that it has become familiar), and down the hall, the cacophony of the other three brothers echoes as they approach.

“I still don’t understand why you insist on hanging onto this thing, Donnie,” Raph says.

“But Raphael, my dear brother! While I can agree that this mystic Key is the stuff of evil, there is still much we can learn from it!” Uncle Tello--Donnie, Casey mentally corrects himself--says. “Think of the possibilities! We could achieve trans-dimensional travel! Or even faster-than-light space travel!”

“But what about the Foot? They didn’t learn from the last time their grand schemes backfired spectacularly, what makes you think they won’t just try again?” Master Leonardo--Leo, damn it--points out.

By this point, they’ve entered the kitchen. Donnie holds the deactivated Key in one hand, gesturing wildly with the other. Master Splinter climbs down from his step stool and boldly replaces the Key with a bowl of sliced strawberries faster than Casey can blink.

“Do not concern yourself with the Foot Clan,” Splinter says, placing the Key on the island. “They suffered heavy losses from their hair-brained ritual. What remains are weak, fragmented factions that Casey--uh, Senior, that is--is gleefully picking off one by one.”

Raph crosses his arms. “Are you seriously alright with us just keepin’ this thing, Pops?” he asks, nodding towards the Key.

Splinter grumbles. “Truthfully, I would like nothing more than to be rid of the blasted thing for good, but unfortunately we have no way of destroying it,” he says. He glances at Donnie. “Just don’t plug it into anything, Purple. I do not what to have to clean Kraang gunk out of the Lair again!”

Donnie nods enthusiastically, cheeks round with the bowl’s entire contents of cut strawberries. He reaches for the Key, but Splinter’s tail slaps it away.

“Ah ah! No science until after breakfast!” Splinter chides.

Grumbling, Donnie plops down at the kitchen island as Mikey whips around with plates stacked high with steaming...uh...Casey can’t remember what they’re called. Skillet cakes? Something like that.

Donnie flips down his goggles as Mikey passes out servings, resting his chin on the island while still staring intently at the Key.

“Why are you even so fascinated with this thingamajig anyway, Don? I thought you were strictly a science guy,” Leo asks, leaning himself against Donnie’s shell.

“Ordinarily, yes, but even I can’t deny that I find this item fascinating when it’s not unleashing a planet-wide calamity,” he says. Donnie takes his goggles off and holds them up to Leo’s face. “I mean, just look at the energy this thing is putting off!”

Casey reaches towards the maple syrup and Leo’s browline furrows.

“Huh? What’s glowing on your wrist, Junior?” Leo asks.

“Huh?” Donnie snatches his goggles back and affixes them to his face, suddenly very interested in Casey’s wrist. “Well, that is curious. Your bracelet is mystic!”

Casey instinctively pulls his arm back defensively as Donnie reaches out to touch his wrist, but the mutant turtle’s finger still brushes the bracelet enough to activate it. Or rather, deactivate it.

An involuntary shiver creeps up Casey’s spine as the spell disperses, revealing his true appearance for the first time since he received it. Jaws around the kitchen table drop.

“Oh mi gosh!” Mikey exclaims, pointing. “You’re a mutant turtle!”

“You’ve been a mutant this whole time!?”

“Wait, does that mean one of my sons actually gave me grand-kids?”

“Is it Leo? I mean, he definitely has his marks.”

“Me and Cassandra!? Oh no, April’s gonna kill me--”

Casey lets out a long, shrill screech that cuts about the shocked shouting. Good news is that it works as Casey intended in getting everyone to be quiet, bad news is that Casey realizes he needs to readjust how he talks again.

Dang turtle vocal cord nonsense...

He takes a deep breath, focusing for a moment on the technique Master Leonardo showed him. It's been years now, but Casey still remembers the exchange fondly.

“chiiirrrp-kay first of all--”

There’s a high-pitched cooing that interrupts Casey moments before he’s abruptly scooped up into Raph’s arms. The huge turtle’s tail smacks the ground heavily in naked delight.

Casey sighs. “First of all, none of you are my dad,” he assures. “I was a trash baby. Whoever my dad was, he either abandoned me or died, but I was born human.”

“Wait, so then how did this whole situation happen?” Mikey asks, gesturing to all of him.

Casey shrugs awkwardly in Raph’s cradling hold. “I don’t know! I went to sleep human one day and woke up like this!” he says.

“...Did you by chance see any glowing bugs?” Leo asks.

“Oh there is no way Draxum’s oozequitos managed to somehow make it through the apocalypse!”

“I mean, I didn’t see any, but...”

“...’But?’“ Splinter prompts.

“...But...it would explain why Master Leonardo said something about this being Mister Draxum’s fault...,” Casey answers.

“So does that mean that even in the future, Draxum couldn’t figure out how to reverse the mutation?” Mikey asks.

He shakes his head. “No, no he figures it out,” Casey says. “I just...I mean, being a mutant turtle is a bit of a mixed bag, but I didn’t hate it.”

It was nice to feel like one of them. Like properly one of them. Plus, being able to retract into a shell was absurdly comfortable.

Casey holds up his wrist. “So, Mister Draxum made me this,” he explains. “Master Leonardo never knew. No one did besides me and Mister Draxum.”

"But...why though?" Leo asks. "Why hide it?"

Casey shrugs helplessly. Even he doesn't know why he felt the need to hide that at the end of the day, he didn't want to reverse his mutation. Not fully anyway.

Instead of voicing this, Casey taps the smooth amber square set into his bracelet, activating the cloaking spell once again and wriggling out of Raph's hold.

The larger turtle plops a hand on Casey's head, tussling his hair affectionately. "You don't have to hide with us, you know," Raph assures. "No matter how you look on the outside, you'll always be one of us."

"Yeah! So embrace the turtle every now and then, if you want to, okay?" Mikey adds.

Casey chuckles. "Yeah. Okay."

Splinter claps. "Alright now. As exciting as that was, food's getting cold!" he says. "Everyone dig in!"

Gradually, everyone sits back down, recollecting dropped cutlery and resuming dressing their skillet cakes to their tastes. Personally, Casey likes the sweeter toppings, so he drowns his cakes in maple syrup.

"So what kind of turtle are you, Casey? Do you know?" Raph asks.

"He's obviously a red earred slider, like me! After all, he has my gorgeous marks," Leo says.

"Actually, Uncle Tello says I'm kind of a mix," Casey says. "I have Master Leonardo's stripes, sure, but my shell's on the softer side and has a hinge like Master Michelangelo."

Splinter smiles warmly. "It is wonderful that even worlds apart, you still carry pieces of your family with you, Future Boy," he says.

Casey can't help but mirror that smile, a warmth curling softly in his very core at the notion. "Yeah. I never thought of it that way," he says. "But you're right."

As Casey and his new family enjoy breakfast, the promise of a new day and bright future ahead of them, Casey absently remembers how Master Leonardo always told him that he'd never be alone, even if everyone was gone. He could have been talking about Ninpo, or memory, but maybe this is why Casey ultimately chose to quietly remain a mutant. So that no matter what, he'd always have a piece of his family with him that no one could ever take from him.

Part 12!

You have no idea how happy I am to draw him as a human again

----------

Look at that open ending.

Then look at me and look at how sorry I am.

(The face of someone who isn't sorry at all)

Part 1

[cicissketchbook]

Y’all wanna read my Apritello story?

So sometimes when my artistic drive is down, the writing bug will come bite me. I’ve been working on an Apritello story for awhile that currently has three chapters that are up on my Patreon. Eventually I’ll post it publicly, but I want my patrons to have early access. Anyway here’s an excerpt from the first chapter.

It’s kind of angsty.

The summary is, April invites Donnie to join her for a long weekend at the farmhouse, which sounds romantic until you consider that she’s been plagued with visions of his accidental death and is desperate to stop it from happening.

To say there was tension in the air was a drastic understatement. Truthfully, things had been tense for a while. Blame it on cabin fever, or perhaps they were outgrowing their sewer lair, but the brothers had been quick to jump down each other’s throats. 

Leo was especially on edge, and not unlike how it had been since they were kids, his mood had set the tone for everyone else. One thing that differed from childhood though, was that he had been butting heads with Donnie, while Raph remained a mostly neutral third party. 

There was the knowledge that they were getting older and they all had desires to get out there and live their own lives, and then the realization that doing so wasn’t really possible for them in the world they lived in. They wanted what any young adults would want, but they were mutants.  The world still saw them as freaks. They couldn’t lead normal lives the way they wanted to. They knew this, they had known this all their lives. They had all been on the same page about it. They realized that living their lives in the sewer, at least most of it, was probably in the cards. April had always contested this idea, believing that the world would accept them in time. It’s not like people didn’t know mutants existed, but the turtles weren’t willing to take the risk. It’s not like they couldn’t go out and do things like they always had, but leaving the nest for good just wasn’t feasible. And they were content with this. The sewer was all they’d ever known. They’d always been together and they were happy to always be together. 

But like all families, arguments were inevitable. Familiarity breeds contempt, after all. And they were accustom to bickering. But… it was different now. Leo seemed ready to explode at the drop of a pen, Raph never seemed to be able to find enough alone time, Donnie felt like he brought more to the table than the other three combined, and Mikey… sweet Mikey was such an incurable optimist that he sought to find the positive in every situation, but they knew he did this to mask his depression.  

If asked what they were arguing about today, the simple answer would be that they were all just getting on each other’s nerves. Donnie couldn’t even remember how the argument started because they fought about trivial things so frequently, but he remembered the thing that Leo said that set him off.

“God, why is it so hard for you to just do your part? Why do we have to pick up your slack?”

Donnie was silent for a moment, almost unsure he’d heard correctly. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, you never fucking help out with anything!” Leo’s tone implied that there was something else he was upset about that he wasn’t speaking of. 

Donnie, by his best effort, kept his voice calm and composed. “I’m sorry, are you referring to three days ago when I didn’t help clean up the disaster in the kitchen because I was literally putting the microwave back together? Or perhaps last week when you left a mess for me to clean up that you all made while I wasn’t even here? And then you got mad when I didn’t?”

Leo seemed to get more aggravated at the mention of Donnie not being there, but continued on. “C’mon man, there are four of us that live here, it’s really not asking too much for everyone to help clean up around here.” 

“Dude, I clean up after myself more than anyone. The difference is, when I make a mess, it’s in my lab rather than communal space and-“

“Oh, right, I forgot. The huge space you have that’s your’s. That none of us have.” Leo turned to their other brothers who sat near by. “Hey Raph, other than your tiny bedroom, do you have your own creative space that you can do whatever you want in? Mikey, how about you?”

Raph hadn’t spoken, but seemed invested in the exchange his brothers were having. It was impossible to tell who’s side he was on. Before Mikey could speak, Raph stopped him and said firmly, “Leave us out of this, man.”

“So now your mad at me… because of my lab?”

Leo paused, not making eye contact, before he huffed. “No.” He admitted quietly.

Normally, Donnie was used to these arguments making little or no sense, but Leo seemed genuinely angry and he couldn’t understand why. 

“Bro, what is up?” He demanded. “Why are you actually so upset?”

“I just…” Leo started. Donnie could tell there was something he didn’t want to say. Leo crossed his arms and turned away from his brother. “I just want to know… where your priorities are.”

“My priorities?” Donnie was trying not to lose his patience. He had no idea where this was coming from nor where it was going. Which meant one of two things. Either there was something his brother wasn’t telling him, or this was in fact going no where. Like, this had started out a fight about cleaning duties, and now he’s talking about priorities. If Leo did have a point, he wanted him to hurry up and make it because this argument seemed like a waste of time.

“It just…” Leo blew another huff through his nose. “It just seems like… you are… distancing yourself from us, Donnie.”

This statement completely threw Don for a loop. He hadn’t expected that at all. “What in the world are you talking about?” He asked, truly bewildered by the turn in conversation. “Because I don’t want to clean up messes that aren’t mine? Like what the hell-?”

“No, obviously it’s not that. It’s alot of things.” Leo spoke quieter now, not as impassioned. 

“Well, I would love to know what those things are, because I am completely lost here.”

“You never want to hang out with us anymore, and when you do, you act like you’d rather be doing anything else-“

Donnie cut him off with a humorless chuckle. “We’re brothers, we all get on each other’s nerves.” 

“And I get that, but we do all still live together and we all need to contribute to the household chores, and you’ve just been acting like you are so far above doing any type of housework that doesn’t directly effect you.”

“Well, excuse me Leo, sorry if when it rains and the power get knocked out and I have to go topside by myself in the cold pouring rain to fix the power line, I don’t also want to have to mop up the leak in the kitchen when none of you did anything to help!”

“Okay, you keep bring up specific instances, but I’m talking about in general-“

“No, you’re talking alot of nonsense is what you’re doing!” Donnie’s lack of patience was starting to show. “First you’re mad that you think I don’t clean enough, then you’re mad that I have a lab and you don’t? Then you say I’m distancing myself from you all…?” Donnie stood and made a move like he was going to walk away. “If you have something to say, Leo, you better just say it because this whole conversation seems like a waste of time to me. It’s late and I’m tired, so make your point, or I’m going to bed.”

“Are you distancing yourself from us because of April?”

Donnie had already started walking away, as he didn’t expect Leo to actually have a point, so he was halted to a standstill at his words. “What does she have to do with anything?”

Leo looked away again, like he didn’t actually want to have this conversation. After a moment, he sighed and continued without making eye contact. “It just seems like… I mean… I thought we were all on the same page here. We’ve had this discussion, a long time ago. We aren’t…. Human. We’re getting older and it makes sense that we’d want to start living our own lives, but… we can’t. Not really. The world doesn’t accept us, so staying down here is just how it has to be. I thought we had agreed on that. That no matter what the world thought of us, no matter that we can’t lead normal lives, at least we all had each other. But… now it seems like you have other plans, Donnie.”

He finally looked at his brother and Donnie could see the emotions in his eyes. Nothing of what he said had been new information, of course. Donnie knew, painfully well, that the world saw them as freaks and being “normal” was not a luxury they’d ever be able to have. Alot of their friends were at the point where they were starting to branch off, which didn’t help. Karai and Shinigami were currently back in Japan. It was just a visit, but the kind of visit that lasted for a month or two. Casey had gotten a hockey scholarship for a different school than the one April attended. He was trying to go pro, so he poured all his time and attention into practicing. He still came around, but not like he used to. Mona Lisa had left Earth awhile ago, also with promise to return, but they hadn’t heard from her in a few weeks. They were sure it was just a new mission she had, but that didn’t make Raph feel any better. April was the only one who still came around all the time. With most of their enemies gone, everyone was moving on and it felt like the world didn’t need them anymore. 

The pain in Leo’s voice would’ve normal made Donnie want to hug him, but it was the accusation that he couldn’t get over.

“Leo…” He gestured non threateningly with his hands. “Why are you acting like I’m not literally living down here in the sewers right along with you? And I still don’t see what April has to do with anything-” 

“Okay, I’m going to jump in here.” Raph said unexpectedly. “Look, Dude, I know we don’t… we don’t say it enough but… we would be up schitts creek without a paddle without you.” He crossed the room to give Leo a lighthearted punch in the arm. “Wouldn’t we, Leo?”

“…Yeah.”

“So because of that, the idea of you leaving is…. It’s scary.” Raph admitted. He was going to say something else, but Donnie interrupted.

“I’m not going anywhere! What in the actually hell are you guys talking about?!”

Leo rolled his eyes, apparently getting annoyed again. “Don, can we please stop pretending like you’re not going to marry April and then move in with her?”

Donnie froze. To say they touched a nerve was an understatement. April was his best friend, but truthfully, it was very painful to be her friend sometimes. His feelings for her were still just as intense as ever, but for different reason now. In his youth, he’d maintained a kind of innocent hopefulness that they would someday be together, and he never even really thought of the details of how. He knew, even back then, that it wasn’t that simple and when he really thought about it, nothing about it made sense. Which is why he didn’t think about it. Now though, after some soul searching and dropping into a deep depression which he was starting to get better from, he’d resigned himself to the reality that she would never be with him. He’d accepted it, and told himself that it was enough to just be her friend. But the truth was, that pain never went away.  They had such a close friendship, they had developed such a level of comfort with each other, but he knew it would never be enough. The idea of never seeing her again was unbearable, but to be so close to her, knowing that it was as close as he would ever get… it was torture. He didn’t care though, he just couldn’t let her go.

What really hurt was when she would talk about the next stage in her life. She was in school now, but with her grades and what she was studying, she could go anywhere. She wanted to travel, she spoke of it often. She never made any committal remarks about moving away, other than when she talked about the farmhouse and saying how expensive it is to live in the city. Her dad had signed the property over to her for tax reasons, and she would’ve inherited it anyway. She wanted to renovate it.

He was only vaguely aware that Raph and Leo were still talking.

“It’s not like we’re mad at you for finding love, that’s not it at all!” Raph was saying, obviously more concerned than Leo about ruffling his brother’s feathers. “It’s just, we need to be realistic about what would happen if you weren’t here.”

“Yeah, and the reality is, frankly, I think we all feel left behind by our friends, but we didn’t think  our clan would be breaking up as well!” Leo threw his hands up, finally letting his true feelings out. “I mean, all we have is each other, we’re the last of the Hamato clan! I can’t let this clan die, I just can’t.”

“Why do you guys feel the need to do that?” 

They stopped, taken aback by how low and serious Donnie’s voice was. He was done barking, he looked ready to bite. 

“Do what?”

Donnie’s chest felt tight and he had to taken in a sharp breath through his nose to keep his cool. “Why do you guys feel the need to not only remind me of my unrequited feelings for my… our  best friend… but now, you’re holding it against me?”

Raph looked concerned at first, but then sighed. “Donnie, c’mon, don’t act like you wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to get out of here. April isn’t going to stay in New York forever.” 

The statement, while probably true, hurt to hear. “What does that have to do with me?” He said, quieter this time. “I can’t help what April does.”  

“Dude, she is literally planning her future with you in it. Have you not noticed that?” Leo nearly screamed. “You have the opportunity to get out of here and do something with your life, and we’ll be-“

“No she’s not!” Donnie shouted back. “Are you guys smoking crack or something? Don’t say that shit to me! April doesn’t…” He paused, his words getting caught in his throat. “April doesn’t want me. I thought we’d been over this.”

Mikey, who hadn’t yet spoke, immediately picked up on how much pain Donnie was in. “Hey guys, let’s just drop it, yeah?”

Leo pressed on as if his youngest brother hadn’t spoken. “Maybe she didn’t five years ago, but she sure as shit does now.” He didn’t seem bothered by Donnie visible cringe. “I mean, dude, you’ve spent the night, alone at her house.”

“So has Mikey. And Raph once, I think.” Donnie said quietly, and Raph nodded in confirmation. “And she’s spent the night here a billion times, that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Mikey and Raph didn’t sleep in her bed.” Leo said accusingly. 

“I did.”  

They all paused and turned to the youngest brother. Raph spoke. “You did?”

“Every time I go over there, I sleep in her bed.” Mikey said matter-o-factly. “Whenever… whenever I’m sad, she let’s me come over and… she’ll listen. She doesn’t try to offer solutions, she doesn’t try and tell me things to make me feel better, she just… listens. And that’s what helps me the most. Then we watch funny videos.”

None of them commented at first. They all knew Mikey struggled with depression, but he rarely, if ever, talked about it. They all had told him at some point that they were there if he needed to talk, but he never came to any of them. One might of thought that hearing that his brother shared a bed with April might make Donnie jealous, but quite the opposite, it made him very happy and appreciative to hear about it. It made sense that Mikey would be more comfortable talking to April than to any of them, and to know that she had been there for him was comforting. Donnie wanted that for his brother. 

“See?” He said finally, more to Leo than anyone else. “April… she’s there for all of us. She cares about all of us… I’m not special.”

“Donnie, don’t say that.” Mikey offered and rose from his seat to place a hand on his brother’s shoulder. Donnie placed his own hand over Mikey’s and squeezed it, staring at the floor.  “She cares about you the most. More than you know.”

“Mikey, please, please don’t.” He said through his teeth. “I can’t… I can’t even believe we’re having this conversation right now. You know how long it took me to accept the fact that I was kidding myself by thinking there could ever be something between us? Of course you guys know, which is why it is so baffling to me that you feel the need to do this.” 

“So if April wanted you to move away with her, you wouldn’t do it?” 

Raph punched Leo in the arm again. It was a strange thing, to see Raph scold Leo for being insensitive. Donnie had had enough though.

“I’m out of here.” He turned on his heel and heading towards the turnstiles. 

...............

Yes, it’s NSFW, of course it is.

[roseverdict]

heh :) 3.4k words yeehaw.

〜

After what felt like an eternity of blessed dark nothingness, Raph cracked one eye open, grimacing slightly at the lights above him.

There was a voice murmuring quietly nearby, and while the words slipped from his mind like a greased-up rat, the tone was familiar enough that Raph felt himself relax again.

The voice moved somewhere to his right, and he blearily tried to remember where he was-

"If this is it, I want you to know I finally understand…and I'm sorry."

"Hero moves are totally your style."

"Ewww, is this Staten Island?!"

-oh.

Right.

Raph felt hollow.

Like something had gotten into his body and scooped out everything that made him Raph, thrown it in a blender cranked up to high, then unceremoniously plopped it all back in without caring about getting his Raph-ness back in the right spots.

Heh.

Unceremoniously.

He hadn't thought he could still remember big words like that.

There came a minute twitch from the bed to Raph's left, and he twisted his head slightly to get a look at the other occupant of the medbay.

(Oh. Huh. How'd he get to the medbay?)

Leo's face was scrunched up slightly, but it quickly smoothed back out into the same serene, high-on-painkillers half-smile he'd had ever since they'd gotten him hooked up to the IV.

(When had that been, again?)

Raph's memories were a bit fuzzy, and he knew at least some of it had to have been from his own IV drip.

Hm.

Raph watched dully as Donnie walked into his line of sight and peered down at Leo for a moment, murmuring to himself. "He doesn't seem to be waking up yet. With his current dosage of painkillers, I doubt he's feeling anything physical…"

"A nightmare, then," Raph croaked.

Donnie blinked in surprise, glancing over at Raph. "You came back to lucidity fairly fast."

Raph just offered a weak grin. "How long was I out?"

"Well, you were presumably dissociating for a while before we caught on and put you to bed," Donnie said, walking closer to Raph's bed and inspecting what was probably a nearby monitor- Raph didn't have the strength to look over and check. "It's been approximately 18 hours since the end of the invasion, and you were out of it for the majority of that time, in a bed for nearly all of that. I only just lowered your dose of sedatives ten or so minutes ago."

"Feels like Raph got hit by the Turtle Tank," he groaned. "Multiple times."

"The physical ramifications of your injuries do bear a startling similarity to the effects of being run over, yes," Donnie admitted. He drew up a chair and sat down to continue speaking. "However, so long as no other armageddons come crawling out of the woodwork in the next few weeks, you ought to make a full recovery. The worst of it was in your right eye and the surrounding area, but we've got a patch on it for now, and you shouldn't end up losing it or your vision in it."

Raph swallowed, his gaze drifting back over to… "…and Leo?"

"Severely injured from his brief time in the prison dimension, but he came out of critical condition a few hours ago and has made no moves to return," said Donnie.

"Good. That's…that's good," Raph said truthfully, even as his eyes locked onto the ugly bruising around Leo's neck and refused to move.

"…I know that look," Donnie said. "Pizza Supreme above knows I'm not good at emotions, but even I know that look."

"…I strangled him, Donnie," he managed. "Raph strangled him."

"The Krang strangled him using you as a puppet because they were cruel, heartless bastards who sought to cause as much anguish as physically possible," Donnie stated darkly.

"Don't let Mikey hear you talking like that," said Raph, definitely keeping his priorities straight.

Mikey's voice came from the blind spot on Raph's right, startling him. "Raph, I love you, but I've said plenty worse about the Krang in the past several hours, all of it deserved. I can handle hearing the word 'bastard.'"

Raph jolted and whipped his head around to get Mikey in his field of view, only to groan again as his head decided it was the perfect time to pretend to be a bowling ball.

"Careful, you haven't recovered all the way yet!" Mikey spluttered, pushing himself from the table he'd been sitting at and rushing over to Raph's bedside.

Raph just sat up and gave Mikey a quick once-over; band-aids littered his skin and covered several small-ish cuts, but the most in-depth bandaging seemed localized to his hands and forearms. Considering Raph had been there for those particular injuries, (and may have received some of his own- his left hand was in a bit more pain than his right, now that he thought about it,) Mikey was as unscathed as could be expected.

(Raph distinctly remembered feeling his body throw Mikey aside like nothing but a brother-shaped ragdoll, mere moments before everything had turned into a fuzzy, blobby mess in his head.)

In his moment of distraction, Raph found himself pushed back down to the bed as Mikey clambered up next to him, curling into his side. "I'm glad you're awake, Raphie."

Raph swallowed, then nodded carefully and put his arm around Mikey. "Glad to be awake, big man."

"Try not to move around too much," Donnie instructed. "You will make a full recovery, but I would not be surprised if you feel like roadkill for a while longer."

"Yeah, I can see that," Raph admitted.

Leo made a quiet noise in his sleep, drawing Raph's attention back over to him.

The bruising around his neck extended all the way to his shoulders and even up his chin a bit. There were cracks in his plastron visible underneath the mountain of gauze and bandages wrapping around him like a mummy, and one of his legs was elevated in a cast. His eyes were swollen, with at least one of them potentially swollen shut.

And that was just what could be seen. Who even knew what sort of internal injuries he had? Certainly not Raph.

Raph's forehead pinched.

"He'll be okay," said Mikey quietly, shifting slightly and pillowing his head on Raph's right shoulder. "Promise."

Raph just dropped his gaze to his own body, taking in the dressings on his left shoulder in detail.

After a long moment, Mikey chuckled tiredly. "You shoulda seen him out there, Raph. We were losing hope bad, but then it's like he channeled his inner you or something! Gave this whole heroic speech and got our butts in gear!"

"He did, did he?" Raph smiled thickly.

"That he did," confirmed Donnie, scooting his seat closer and tapping at the panel on his left wrist with a bandaged hand to match Mikey's. "Actually…I do believe I have a recording of it. One moment."

Raph straightened as he heard the recording of Mikey's voice. "What do we do now?"

"I fear we are lost," said Splinter's voice grimly.

Donnie flicked his fingers along his screen, and a larger one appeared at a better angle for Raph to watch.

The camera seemed to be positioned just over Donnie's shoulder, and Raph watched as the Leo on-screen fell to his knees off to one side. Mikey seemed to be right by Donnie and mostly out of frame, but Splinter, April, and Casey were more-or-less centered.

Everyone was looking to something far to the camera's left in horror.

"The Krang are too powerful," Splinter continued.

"Maybe we can change the future s-some other way!" the recorded Mikey tried.

Raph swallowed as Casey spoke up, his mask flipping up mid-sentence to show his defeated expression. "Guys, it's time to face facts: we can't change the future."

"Says who?!"

Mikey spoke over his recording and reached up to point at the image of Leo on-screen. "See, he's already got a plan rattling around in there."

Sure enough, as Donnie's recorded self rattled off a bunch of phrases that stank of science and the word "paradox," Leo's posture shifted from beaten-down to something with a little more fight left in it.

"Look, I didn't want it to be true, but…" Donnie's past self insisted, even as Mikey's recorded face dropped from indignance to defeat, "…science."

The Donnie of the present lifted an eyebrow with a small smirk, catching Raph's eye.

Then the recorded Leo leapt to his feet excitedly and pointed a finger at his Donnie. "That's it! DONNIE'S WRONG!"

The camera shifted to get Leo centered in the frame, and Donnie's voice snarked, "The world is ending, yet the barbs continue."

"Here we go," said Mikey, audibly smiling.

"Don't you remember?" asked the recorded Leo. "We already did change the future."

He turned to Casey. "Raph never got kidnapped and turned into a Krang zombie in your time, right, Casey?"

"…no, he didn't," Casey realized.

"That means we did change the future! We're just in a different, uh," Leo began, stuttering over the words for a moment before Donnie took pity on him.

"Bifurcated time branch?"

"Yes, yes, yesyesyes, that nerd thing!" Leo declared. "Y'know what that means, right?"

"You still had hope," Raph breathed, his good eye tearing up as a proud smile grew on his face.

"We still have hope!" Leo's recorded self agreed at the same time, beaming.

Donnie's smirk grew behind the screen, and Mikey shifted more into the crook of Raph's shoulder.

"A ninja's greatest weapon!" Casey gasped.

"Hey, I like that!" Leo's smile quickly turned determined as he looked each of them in the eye. "Look, I'm done thinking I have all the answers. I dunno how to beat the Krang, but I do know our future isn't written until we write it. As a team."

Raph sniffled and hugged Mikey a little tighter, meeting Donnie's proud half-smile with one of his own.

"So, what do we got?" asked Leo, the tails of his mask billowing in the wind.

There was a moment of silence, then April shifted at the edge of the screen. "Maybe…maybe! We don't have to beat them! Can't we just send 'em back to the prison dimension?"

"There's an idea! Donnie, what do those big, beautiful eyebrows have to say?" Leo turned to the camera with a grin.

"If we got control of their ship, we could send it back through the portal," said Donnie with a bit more energy than before.

"Yehehes, yes, now we're cookin'! Who else?"

"And if someone on the ground can get to that key-!" Casey started.

"We can close the doorway!" exclaimed Splinter.

"And then bye-bye Krang forever, baby!" said both Mikeys, crowing loudly in the recording and chuckling quietly next to Raph.

"Exactly," said Leo, smirking at the camera. "Whaddya say, Donnie? You ready to fly a spaceship?"

The camera blurred for a second as the Donnie of the past presumably stood ramrod-straight. "Literally the greatest question I have ever been asked."

"Alright, team, looks like we have a plan! Let's go save the world," Leo declared, grinning encouragingly at the others.

Mikey stepped cautiously forward and into the camera's view. "Wait. But what about Raph?"

And oh, Raph had almost forgotten the reason why he wasn't there to hear Leo's heroic speech the first time around.

The camera slumped down slightly for a long moment, and Raph gave Mikey a light squeeze as the recorded version of his littlest brother shrank in on himself.

Then Leo's hand dropped on the recorded Mikey's shoulder as a particularly bright light flared somewhere in the distance. "That big jerk may be covered in goo and half-alien, but he's still our brother, and I'm not giving up on him. I'm not leaving him behind."

Raph watched as Leo took his hand back and swung his katanas out, turning back to face whatever-it-was that was off-camera on the left-

The camera turned, and Raph got his first and only good look at the way NYC had burned during the invasion.

…he could see how their hopes were hanging on by a thread before Leo's rousing speech, now.

Leo's past self stood there for a moment, then nodded, glancing over his shoulder and gesturing out at the destruction with his swords as he spoke. "Alright. April, Dad, Casey, you're our ground team. The key's gotta still be at Metro Tower. Get to the tower and be ready to pull the plug on my signal. Donnie, Mikey, let's see how good we are at apocalyptic sky parkour!"

"Roger that!" Casey declared, the three of them darting to the edge of whatever roof they were on and leaping down.

"Here goes," Donnie muttered, the camera charging forward to stand next to Leo-

-and the video ended.

Raph sniffled and brought his free hand up (gingerly- his shoulder was still not happy with him) to wipe his left eye dry. "He really did it."

"He really did it," confirmed Donnie, dispelling the screen with the slightest gesture.

"Y'know, he actually stayed awake a bit longer than you did," Mikey said. "Refused to let us put him under until he knew you were gonna be okay."

Raph pressed his beak together and shot one more glance over at where Leo lay.

Leo murmured something quietly, shifting ever-so-slightly deeper into the bed with a tiny, blissful smile on his face.

"Can-?" Raph tried, only for his voice to crack and force him to start over. "Can we move the beds together? Raph…really needs a turtle pile with everybody, he thinks."

"I don't see why not," Mikey said, shimmying off the bed and out of Raph's sight.

Donnie nodded and stepped out from between the beds, bringing his seat with him. "As long as we're careful not to jostle either of your IVs or Leo's leg during the combining of the beds."

Raph felt his own bed start moving, and only a few seconds later, the beds gently bumped each other.

"Bam," Mikey said, climbing back into Raph's side. "Let the turtle pile commence!"

"That means you, too, Donnie," Raph pointed out.

Donnie gave Raph another nod, then carefully dragged his chair around to the outer edge of Raph's bed, pushed himself onto the mattress, and curled up against Raph's legs. After a moment more, he gingerly took off his battle shell and set it on the ground, probably leaning against the side of one of the beds.

With his two awake brothers settled in, Raph reached over to Leo and carefully lay his hand against Leo's arm.

Leo blinked his less-swollen eye open at the touch- though only barely- and beamed widely, wrapping his arms around Raph's like a teddy bear and clinging onto it as his eye fluttered shut again. "I goootscha, Big Raphieee, nooooo takesy-backsies…!"

Mikey giggled, Raph snorted, and even Donnie managed a small grin.

The medbay doors opened, and Raph turned his own smile towards the newcomers. "Hey, guys."

April, Casey, and Splinter all sagged from their initial weary expressions into matching faces of relief, and the three of them gathered around the combined beds. Splinter sat in the chair Donnie'd left to the side and took one of Raph's fingers in his hands. "How are you feeling, Red?"

"Like somebody turned my brain into a smoothie and poured it back into my head," Raph said with a weak chuckle.

"Got room for one more in there?" asked April, gesturing to the space between Leo and Raph, ripe for the nestling.

"I think so," said Raph.

"Just don't bump Leo too badly," mumbled Donnie into Raph's leg.

Mikey's only response was a content little snore.

To her credit, April was exceedingly careful as she wiggled her way into the open spot, quickly mirroring Mikey against Raph's side. Leo's right hand twitched under Raph's arm as she settled in, but Leo seemed content to loosely grab at the shoulder of April's jacket for the time being.

Oh, wait, no, he was blearily looking at the others with his brow furrowing slightly.

"What's up, Leo?" asked Raph quietly.

Leo mumbled something unintelligible as he squinted at them, nodding slightly as he 'spoke,' but if Raph's hunch was right, it sounded like he was counting something under his breath. One, two, three, four, five…

Leo frowned and started looking around, then broke out in a wide, beaming grin when his eyes landed on- "Caseyyyyy! I'ssa turl pile! C'mooon!"

Casey's eyes grew big and wet, and he did one of those half-laugh half-sob things that they'd all done a few of in the past day or so. "Leo, I don't think I'll fit."

"Gimm' y'r arm," insisted Leo, lifting his left arm (the least-injured part of him, it seemed) and flailing it vaguely in Casey's direction. "Gotta be in th' turl pile!"

"You heard the man," chuckled Raph. "Better grab a chair, I don't think we're going anywhere for a bit."

Casey sniffled, but grinned and nodded before doing exactly that, letting Leo drag his arm over Raph's and entrap it there with his own.

Leo giggled loopily and snuggled the two arms and April's jacket shoulder to his chest, quickly sinking back into unconsciousness and clinging to the three of them like a content leech.

"We'd best get some rest," Donnie murmured. "My tech is monitoring vitals for both Leo and Raph, so if something goes wrong that doesn't immediately wake us up, the alarms will take care of getting us moving. At present, however, we're all stable, and we should remain so."

If even Donnie was resigning himself to rest, he must have been exhausted like Raph had rarely ever seen.

"I can get behind that," Raph agreed quietly, letting himself relax against the bed and allowing the knowledge that his family was all in arm's reach to wash over him.

Splinter gave Raph's finger a squeeze. "I do not believe I will be able to sleep for some time yet, but I will stay right here. I promise."

"M'kay," Raph mumbled, closing his eyes.

When he opened them again, the others had shifted slightly, nearly all of them asleep. Mikey had retracted into his shell and gotten comfy in the crook of Raph's elbow, Donnie was laying with his shell against the thin blankets on Raph's leg and his limbs splayed out, April had sprawled her legs over Raph's chest, her jacket still in Leo's grip, Splinter was snoring lightly from his seat, and Casey-

Raph watched sleepily as Casey's head drooped, then jumped back up again before repeating the cycle.

"Hey," Raph whispered.

Casey blinked at his voice, then managed a small smile. "Hi, Raphael."

"Please." Raph grinned. "Just call me Raph. You did good out there, Casey. We all did."

Casey's eyes watered slightly. "…thanks, Raph."

"…You didn't know me that great in the future, did you?" asked Raph on a hunch.

Casey just pressed his lips together and looked down, giving his head a minute shake.

With Leo still gripping both Raph's and Casey's arms like a pair of long teddy bears, it was a bit of an awkward maneuver, but Raph managed to work Leo's grip up his arm until his forearm was free. With his newly-regained range of motion, Raph twisted his arm back and gave Casey's arm a pat. "Hey, Raph don't need to know the details if you don't wanna give 'em. It's been a long few days."

Casey nodded, swallowing thickly. "…'kay."

"Get some rest. Donnie's alarms'll make sure we wake up if we gotta," Raph told him, shooting him his patented Reassuring Biggest Brother Grin. "We made it."

Casey just gave Raph a wobbly smile, then leaned over the remaining clear space on Leo's bed, pillowing his head on his free arm.

Raph wasn't always smart, but he knew Casey probably wasn't going to manage going to sleep that quickly.

Still, he was making an effort.

Raph let out a breath, some of the remaining tension in his body draining away, and he let his eye fall closed again.

Mikey and April next to him, Donnie against his legs, Splinter still holding one of his fingers, Leo hugging his and Casey's arms, the Krang invasion successfully stopped…

…yeah.

They'd done good.

Leo had done good.

Raph would have to tell him he was proud of him sometime soon.

“Donnie records everything”

broke: Donnie listening to what happened in the prison dimension

woke: Donnie showing Raph Leo’s big damn hero speech since he wasn’t there the first time

[thelostandforgottenangel]

Zootopia Tarzan Moana Atlantis 101 Dalmatians Frozen Beauty and the Beast Hercules Aladdin

Zootopia – Would your muse enjoy living in utopia, or would they feel out of place?

Raven would completely and utterly probably hate it; sure maybe she would like a world where everyone got along and lived in peace and her family was safe from harm… but she lives in the sewers (Currently is up in the woods away from civilization with everyone) – she would feel way out of place

Tarzan – How did the place your muse grew up in affect them?

Strangely enough where as the turtles were eager to get to the surface she loves living underground and might prefer to stay there unless they are out in the open with nobody around for miles like up at the cabin, it gives her a sense of safety and security she only feels around her family if she is up top on patrol

Moana – Does your muse believe in fate or destiny? What is theirs?

Nope not really! Let’s put it this way she didn’t expect to see the late teenage years and truthfully she expects she will probably die so it’s a live by the moment kinda thing and accept there might be no chance of seeing next year much less 25.

If she does have a destiny it will probably be to kill her bastard of a sperm donor who has tried to kill her and her family one to many times

Atlantis – Is your muse adventurous or do they prefer to seclude themselves?

Both, but you gotta catch her on the right day! She loves exploring places she’s never seen wondering off too far from home sometimes getting herself into trouble other times finding somewhere for her and the turtles to hang out, other times she’s like a feral kitten with some violent tendencies meaning she hides either in her room or up in her crevasse within the pipes if there are people she don’t want to be around or trust in the lair *cough*Vern*cough*

101 Dalmatians – Does your muse have a large collection of any particular thing?

If you’re talking collections she has several but we’ll just do the bigger two; one is a box of the most random treasures she finds either in the sewers, through the grates, or up on the surface when she’s patrolling. Most she shares with the guys if they really like something but everything else is in this pretty box hidden under her bed

Pillows!!!

Her bed consists of a ‘nice’ queen size mattress they found on the streets then topped with about 50 *not exaggerating* of the plushiest pillows she could find while on junkyard supply runs crafted under her sheets into a nest, any stuffed animals she decided to keep from when she was a child sits along the back wall, and a giant knitted blanket Raph made her which she curls up in right in the middle of it all. Yes she has stolen all of her brother’s pillows before; Donnie’s not to many times because she wants him to sleep, and yes they had to physically go in her room at 6 a.m. when they had just got home from patrol and gotten cleaned up to drag them out from under her fake sleeping body or offer a new pillow so she will give it back… her bed is the softest so sometimes revenge is taken out on her for not giving them back in a timely manor by one of them climbing into her bed to just sleep there for the night being to tired to really work to get their stuff back

It’s a trap, this was her plan all along because she likes cuddles; Raph and Mikey give the best but good luck when she needs to get up, Leo is just fun to nestle up against cause he churrs softly in his sleep and it is soothing as fuck, if Donnie winds up in there it’s usually cause he missed his door or he couldn’t get comfortable

Or the lair is cold at that point they all nestle in the same room to keep from getting too cold

Frozen – What is your muse’s relationship with their siblings like?

It can be a rocky thing from time to time because they are still siblings and there will always be disagreements or rivalries… but no matter what she loves her brothers and their relationship is pretty good.

She is the baby of the family and no matter how mature she acts her brother’s spoil her rotten same as they did when she was tiny, she literally gets away with murder because of her big bright green eyes and innocent face (This is a lie don’t fall for it)

Leo although strict with her training because he would feel like a failure if she got hurt or died while in the middle of patrol or a battle pushes her harder then his younger brothers even gives her extra lessons if he feels she isn’t getting it but tends to let her goof off just a bit if she is doing great (Denies it to the highest power if called out by anyone)

Raph will act tough and argues with her either cause she’s bugging him or asking him to do shit (Will act like he hates her from time to time, they get into physical altercations, have at least one yelling match a day a real serious one every other week or so) but is the biggest teddy bear if close to the teen and thinks nobody is around, he still lets her ride around on his shell or his shoulder if it doesn’t hurt too bad because he does love her even if he will never admit it

Donnie no matter what always gives her his latest tech to try out since he believes she will tell him the truth if it needs work  and updates her laptop before Mikey’s game system because he can and she never asks him for much

Let’s face it; she is Mikey’s best friend, baby girl, and partner in crime! Both of these babies can always be found in the kitchen cooking almost every day and when they are not they are causing hell by pranking the other three, putting graffiti on the walls, playing their music too loud while having an epic dance party, fucking with Leo while he is attempting to train or meditate until he gets so frustrated they can pull him out of that serious ‘Leader Mode’ he runs on or as Raph calls it ‘Pulling the stick out of his ass’

Beauty and the Beast – How has your muse changed as a person over their life? Have they changed for the better or for the worse?

As a young child she was the same as she is now nothing seemed to bother her only she was a lot more fearful of humans believing they could get her through the TV and the scary metal monster that haunted her dreams until she was almost 13…so we did get a lot of personal growth

It’s could be worse – she could have been raised by Shredder but nobody wants that!

Hercules – Is your must more physically strong, or emotionally strong

She tries to be both but she is 5’4½, 170 pounds soaking wet with all her gear on, and even though Raph tries to put some more muscle on her she’s still tiny … they all remind her of this daily

I think she’s more emotionally strong; it takes a lot to break her unless it’s about the guys being hurt or almost killed then she shuts down, stays by their side, and cries like a baby until they are better

Aladdin – If your muse had 3 wishes, what would they be?

Her family’s safety will always be her first wish no matter what

For her brother’s to be accepted by the world above because seeing them upset by some unappreciative asshat of a person that ran screaming after they saved them from harm when they may have risked their own lives hurts her a lot. She will sit and comfort them if she is allowed and has held a sobbing Mikey a few too many times

Last but not least you would think she would want Shredder dead and his head on a pike but actually all she wants is one whole day of silence, everyone getting along, and for Donnie not to drink all of the damn coffee before 9 a.m.

@betelgeusessonajblog

[setoangel01-fanfiction]

Ending

Crazy - Chapter 27 (Previous Chapter)

Fandom: TMNT 2014/2016

Pairing: Raphael x April (Raphril)

Rated: T

Chapter Summary: The ending. April comes clean about some things she's been meaning to say and Raphael can't fucking believe what he's hearing.

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I cannot thank everyone who has read this story enough. I've gotten so many messages from so many wonderful people asking me when/if I was going to write another chapter of this story which is more than for any other fanfiction that I have written before.

So, it pains me to have to inform y'all of this, but truthfully, I am done with writing fanfiction for the TMNT universe. I've moved on to other fandoms but I really wanted to finish this story instead of putting it in permanent hiatus.

So, here's the final chapter.

What I am presenting to you now is woefully unfinished - mostly pieces of chapters I started and written bits for but never completed fully but the idea is there. There are also larger chunks of it missing which I will summarize briefly (or even more in depth at points) what is occurring before getting to the next scene but the ending (approx last 1500 words) is COMPLETE. I finished the last chapter forever ago so it will have a (hopefully) satisfying ending but it will be rather rushed in getting there.

I planned at least 10 more chapters and this would fit into about 3 at most. And while I hate having to release something only partly finished as this final chapter, I wanted this story to have a conclusion. I would rather it be done than just be in permanent hiatus until I somehow got into TMNT again (which honestly, I don't see happening) and I thought most of my readers would agree, so hopefully, this is sufficient.

Thanks again for sticking with me through this long wait. I sincerely hope you enjoy!

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Author's Note: Scene starts from where we left off last chapter -

The following day, Raphael wakes up in the lair's infirmary suffering from a mild case of pneumonia from being out in the cold. He's frantic and wondering where he is when he finally notices Leo sitting next to him by the bed.

As Raphael stares at Leo, Raph suddenly recalls what he's doing here and what he'd just been through last night and the situation with April. Of course, it's a shock to the system as he's forced to confront that April had been with Casey and is understandably brokenhearted about the whole situation all over again.

A long terse silence passes before Leo and Raphael (reluctantly) have a long talk about everything that transpired. Here is a bit of that I did manage to write out; sorry if it's shit. XD It was a mere 15 minute word vomit more than anything.

<><><> "You can't keep doing this to yourself, Raph." Leo sighed, still internally wondering why he was even bothering with trying to reason with his emotionally unstable brother. Yet as he kept stealing glances at Raphael's face and into the molten gold of his eyes, Leo knew something was wrong.

Something had broken his younger brother last night - exactly what is the question.

For as troubled as Raphael could be, Leo had never seen Raph like this.

It was like a light had been turned off in him. Because as defensive as Raphael was while brutally fighting him last night in that alley, it was like the combative nature in Raph had been completely snuffed out upon awakening.

"...Yeah...I know, Leo." Raphael muttered what seemed like hours later.

Wait. What?

Leo stared at his brother wondering if he'd really heard his brother say that or during his vigil he'd kept over his brother, he'd fallen asleep without knowing it. He couldn't remember the last time Raphael called him by his actual name…

"...What was that, Raph?" he asked while sneakily pinching himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

There was pain...so this wasn't a dream.

"...I said I fuckin' know, Fearless." Raph growled but it held hardly any of the heat it usually did.

Leo remained silent mostly in shock for Raphael was never one to say he was right - ever.

Just what the actual hell happened to Raph last night!?

Fists clenching on his lap, Leo stared at Raphael's profile for some of the answers but none were found. Just Raphael's nearly blank stare as the red-banded terrapin stared at the worn blanket crumpled around his lap. The bandages on his swollen and bloody knuckles knotting in the fabric almost absentmindedly.

"Hey, Raph…" Leo said softly, reaching over to touch Raphael's shoulder but pulled back when he thought better of it. "Talk to me."

Minutes passed in silence and Leo was prepared to speak or outright leave his brother to stew in his own misery when that quiet was broken.

"...I lost her, Leo… " Raphael said in a choked, broken laugh that might as well have ripped Leonardo's heart straight out of his chest. "I know wat cha gunna say too; like how da fuck can ya lose somethin' ya never had, huh? …I shoulda jus fuckin' listened ta ya…"

Leo was stunned into complete silence as Raphael continued.

"I…I really neva stood a fuckin' chance with April…did I?" Raph asked, looking at Leo and the agony lacing those golden orbs was something Leo only saw once with Raphael before - the night they almost lost Splinter. But before Leo could say anything in response, Raphael went on.

"Who da fuck am I kiddin'? I mean, fuck - look at her! As if I stood a fuckin' chance cuz who da hell could anyone ever want anythin' to do wit a freak like me?" Raph grunted, slamming a fist onto the bedsheet and Leo didn't care about boundaries anymore, he grabbed the edge of Raphael's carapace and pulled the much larger terrapin against his chest.

"Don't fucking say that ever again! She's a damned idiot if she turned you away because you deserve all the happiness in the world, Raphael! Don't let this define you! Ever! That's a fucking ORDER!" Leo yelled, holding tightly as Raphael tensed like a coiled spring in his arms.

Leo was waiting for the blow, for Raphael to punch him with his broken knuckles and scream in his face…but he didn't.

Leonardo swallowed the lump clogging his throat as he stole a glance at Raphael's face and it was almost like a physical blow to see the normally strongest brother look completely defeated. Resigned, just accepting of the shitty hand and heartbreak life kept handing him and the worst part was Leo couldn't fight this.

Curling his lip as he watched a rogue tear drip down Raphael's face and a new disdain for their Hogasha grew in Leonardo's heart as he held his little brother together as best as he could.

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AN: Raphael finally pushes Leo away and he coerces his older brother to leave him alone. The embarrassment catching up with breaking down and letting his oldest brother hold him together when he was always so strong. Finally alone, Raphael accepts what happened with April and thinks it's best that he stays away from her to avoid any more pain. If he kept being around her, he'd only be jabbing the knife deeper into his own chest. It's just not worth it anymore.

As much as he loves her and wants nothing but to be with her even only platonically, he knows that even being in her presence would be too much for him to take.

Finally listening to his better judgement, Raphael lets her go.

Raphael recovers and goes back to life - being more present in his family's life and away from the brunette reporter - and more shockingly, improving his and Leo's relationship along the way.

…A week later April visits but it doesn't go so well…

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April's heart hammered unsteadily as she quickly made her way through the manhole cover. The acrid stench meeting her nostrils immediately but she had grown used to it throughout the years even if it still turned her stomach especially in the summer months. But it was not the smell of the sewer that was bothering the brunette now.

Adjusting the half a dozen pizza boxes in her arms, she walks toward the turtle's lair.

It had been a week since Raphael fled her apartment; a week of turmoil and anxiety since the incident and it was only now she felt brave enough to confront Raphael. The terrapin who still refused to answer her texts even if it showed them as 'read' - he never replied.

"Hello?" April called into the lair; unsurprised when she saw Donatello in his usual spot and Mikey in front of the television further into their living area. Per usual, Leonardo and Raphael were nowhere to be seen.

"Baby Cakes!" Mikey excitedly burst into the room and approached the brunette in an explosion of energy that she missed so damn much. How long had it been since she visited them?

Mikey was careful to put down the pizza she brought before he picked her up and spun her in large circles with a chuckle. April happily accepted the hug from the smallest turtle; his arms strong and firm around her body.

"I missed you, Mikey! How have you been?" she asked when her feet touched the floor again.

"Just peachy, doll!" he announced before cupping his mouth with one hand and stage whispering in her ear, "But between you and me, Leo and Raph seem to have gained yet another stick wedged up their uptight asses, so watch out, m'kay?" he winked.

"I'll remember that," she giggled at his words; some sense of normalcy she craved filling her battered chest.

"Good evening, April," Donatello approached while she had been distracted by the youngest.

"Hey, Donnie! How are you?" she asked the genius terrapin.

Donatello shrugged, wiping his bloodshot eyes.

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AN: That's all I wrote but in summary, Donnie tells April about the attacks in the sewers that seem to be happening in greater frequency. The strange outages and power issues they've been having as well as the breaks in their security systems which is all very worrying and keeping them all on edge.

Yet instead of really listening, April is distracted, looking for a familiar flash of a red mask to ask about the incident last week and of course, to apologize, but Raphael is nowhere to be seen.

As her, Splinter, Mikey and Donnie eat the pizza she brought, Donnie and Mikey and intermittently, Splinter, informs her that Leo and Raph apparently have been closer than they'd been in years and have been patrolling together and trying to investigate the vast network sewers more than usual because of the strange happenings.

Donnie talks about the connections this has to Dr. Baxter Stockman and his inventions Donatello had studied and how it all links with the prison breaks - namely Karai and now they're waiting on pins and needles to see what is going to happen next. He warns all of them to remain vigilant and cautious of their surroundings at all times.

Hours later, April still sticks around the lair when finally Leo and Raph return…

Here's a clip of Raph and April's interaction -

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"Raph!" April jumps up from the couch as soon as she sees his red mask from across the lair.

Without caring about those around her and their sudden stares, she makes her way over to him but instead of being met with his lazy smirk and bright golden eyes, the second he sees her coming, he ignores her and heads in the direction of the showers.

"Hey! Raph! I- I wanted to apologize about last week. I'm so sorry to keep you waiting for so long, I really didn't mean to. I'm sorry." April says as she scrambles after him.

"It's fine," is his short answer and he still won't look at her as his stride barely slows down and she struggles to keep up.

"Well, still! I need to make it up to you! I know! How about dinner and a movie at my place this weekend? I could order from that new sushi place I heard is damn amazing! How about it?" she asks, grabbing his forearm is when he finally stops and looks at her.

Instead of his open expression, crooked smile, and bright gold eyes, there's nothing. His face is just like his mask - giving no emotion away - eyes a dull honey and mouth almost lined with irritation.

He hadn't looked at her like that since the very beginning when he didn't trust her…

April is not put off though, pushing through with, "So, what do you say?" she asks again with the brightest smile she can muster even as her chest feels tight while confronting this almost unrecognizable Raphael.

"Eh - Sorry, but nah, I'm gonna havta pass. Been busy lately, ya know," Raph replies and incredibly gently brushed her hand off his arm as he continues toward their bathroom without even looking back at her.

"But - I - W-Wait! But what about the weekend after? We can meet then!" she desperately inquires as she runs after him.

"Thanks for da offer but no thanks. Bye, April." is all Raphael says before he walks away; quietly closing the door behind him and April is left staring at it in shock.

A part of April is terribly confused and a little pissed but the other vast majority just wants to cry…

She feels an unexplained feeling of loss she hadn't felt in such a long time - as if she lost her best friend just now and she has no idea why. Just what the fuck happened for Raphael to treat her this way?

The sudden guilt hits her like a damn train as she wraps her arms around herself and feels the back of her eyes burning with unshed tears. She's tempted to slam her fists on the door, to demand Raphael let her apologize even if she has to grovel for him just to talk to her again or not look through her like she doesn't even matter to him anymore.

But she swallows back the desire and just whispers out, "Okay…M-Maybe next time then… Bye, Raph." before turning away.

Pressed against the door, he hears the soft click of April's boots as she walks away and it is then that Raphael gently falls to his knees. The pain of seeing April broke something in him and having to push her aside and seeing the undisguised hurt on her face almost had him disregarding his own pain to comfort her but somehow, he got through it…

Now that the initial contact is over, he thinks he can finally get through this with his heart intact…

Raphael just wished it wouldn't hurt so damn much to walk away from her…

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AN: Raphael and April stay away from each other for months.

April works, goes home, eats and sleeps; her life continues around her but she feels stuck in a limbo.

In case anyone wanted clarification about a few chapters prior -

Yes, April and Casey slept together that night when Raph was waiting for her at her apartment. Both were completely drunk and it was barely remembered the next day (but it was consensual!). Afterward, Casey tried to communicate with April to basically form a romantic relationship, but April refuses. She'd felt horrible guilty for the one-night stand with Casey but it stemmed deeper than just sleeping with the Detective when, while attracted to him, didn't love him in that way.

If April was honest with herself, the only reason she allowed herself to have sex with Casey was because she was horribly confused. Her feelings for Raphael had been more than platonic for a long time but she refuses to acknowledge them. Mostly in fear for what having affections deeper than friendship for a mutant turtle would mean in the long run. The species difference, the age gap, and most importantly, she worries these feelings she has for Raphael are only temporary and she has no idea what Raphael feels about her.

If she tells him how she feels and he didn't return it, she'd feel horrible and selfish and Raphael and his lack of self-esteem would suffer thinking she only spent time with him because of lust or misguided intentions. More than the rejection, she's more worried when she realizes that even after months of being ghosted by Raphael, her feelings remain unchanged. …while she loves all the turtles, this love she has for Raphael feels far more significant - but she could never tell him. Especially now.

As months pass and Raphael still refuses to talk to her, April slowly gives up on the notion thinking she did something to permanently fuck-up her friendship with Raphael. She wonders if it was to do with her sleeping with Casey and Raph finding out about it and thinking negatively of her. She's tempted to call Casey and give him a chance to stem the horrible loneliness she's experiencing and the guilt for feeling as if she used Casey somehow - but she can't because that would only be using Casey further and she refuses to do that. The feelings just aren't there - she's physically attracted to him, sure - but that's it. She doesn't have that same emotional connection she had built and grown with Raphael for over two years by this point.

It takes a long time, but April finally comes to accept that what she feels for Raphael goes deeper than friendship.

Their relationship was more than that - he was her best friend, someone she could talk to and listen to for hours without tiring. How seeing him smile and making him laugh were the highlights of her day and how she always wanted to spent time with him. How inexplicably her heart would pound whenever she felt those smooth scales underneath her fingertips and the sensation of butterflies would grow in her stomach when she caught herself staring at his mouth and wondering how it would feel pressed against hers. She just wants to be with him… It takes her a damn long time, but April soon accepts that she's in love with Raphael…even if now she'll never be able to tell him because she doubts he'd want to hear it.

So, she continues with her life thinking she ruined the one chance she had with Raphael forever. All her calls and offers to hang out remained unanswered and she realizes she also lost her friendship with him also.

Raphael on the other hand, throws himself in full time with his brothers to try and figure out the connection between Baxter Stockman, Karai and the increasing problems within the lair and the unrest in the city. Foot Clan being spotted frequently but not doing anything nefarious either. The turtles stay vigilant and mostly, Raphael stays busy to stop himself from thinking about April.

Even after months of being away from her, he still finds her at the corner of his mind every time he's not focusing on something else. Always in the background ready to fill him with guilt and anguish in the fact he hadn't seen or heard from her for months by his own volition and not answering her calls and texts. How pathetic he feels when he always finds a way to watch April on television if only to hear her voice and see her even in the grainy pixilated screen.

It's driving him absolutely insane.

Raphael thought that being away from her would help - but it's only getting worse. It's not he fact he lost out on any potential romance with her - he lost her friendship too - and he misses it desperately. Raphael is also terribly and constantly worried about her safety with all of the happenings throughout the city. So, Raph devises a plan to follow her home every day to make sure she's safe at the very least.

After weeks of following her home is when something happens no one could have predicted…

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Maybe he was a fucking idiot but he didn't care. Never mind that his creepiness factor was over 9,000...damn Mikey and his new old school anime obsession...

It didn't matter to him.

All that mattered to Raphael was making sure April was safe.

The pretty brunette reporter had no clue of his hobby of following her home every night - even Leo approved if he'd kept himself in shadows. Ever since he started ignoring her texts and calls, he noticed they'd stopped after the first month. Mikey and Donatello (who still spoke to the reporter frequently - which still filled him with bitterness even as he refused to see her) told him to call her back but he never did. When she'd show up at the lair, he was sure to leave without even talking or even allowing her to see him; he'd saunter off without a word. If there was a conversation, he gave short answers and gave an excuse that would allow him a quick escape. If his family noticed their lack of communication, they didn't say anything - even if the looks they flashed him spoke volumes.

But for their silence, Raphael was thankful.

After all, this fallout with April was bound to happen eventually. He'd go on with his life as he has been and she'd go on with hers. Let her continue her relationship with Casey; let them fall in love, get married, have 2 and a half kids, white picket fence, the whole perfect shebang - let the Detective give her the happily ever after like April deserved.

…As if he could ever compare or give her anything she truly needed…

Raphael shook his head of those thoughts and hoped that eventually, the pain of wanting her so bad would dissipate. That his once-obsession would fade away… For those first few weeks, it was freeing. A sense of freedom he'd not known for a long time.

It felt incredibly liberating..for only three months.

Three months being all it took for this unbearable gnawing ache inside him to form. This need and want to be with her like it used to be. He deplored this new relationship of skirting around each other just to not hurt the other's feelings.

...But he was certain that it had to be this way.

April's certain rejection of him would be the final nail in his coffin and he would rather control his own fate rather than wait for her to deal the final blow. Smelling Casey on her should have done that, but to hear it from her mouth would be the last straw. Yet, it still didn't stop the horrendous need to just be with her; aching to be in her presence and the chance to see her - so the shadows would have to do.

It was night like any other.

Fucking cold and windy even this late in winter, almost early spring, with small snowflakes landing and melting instantly upon his skin.

The frigid wind cascading over his reptilian skin burned, but the pain in his heart overwhelmed it enough to make it bearable and even welcomed at times. From the shadows, he watched her leave the building, walking side by side with her co-worker, Vernon. She said a few parting pleasantries to her camera man, who thankfully, quit asking her to go over to some new cafe for 'munchies' once the nerd finally got himself a girlfriend - a fucking bombshell one at that.

How Vernon managed to pull it off, Raphael would never know.

A parting wave later, she was off into the dangers of the city - not alone - but she didn't have to know that.

Raph followed her diligently, staying silent as night. Keeping a large vantage point around her and anyone who would pass by, look in her direction or walk near her.

She was only a few blocks from her apartment when Raphael swore that if he had hairs on the back of his neck, they'd be standing on end. A dreaded realization came over him when he saw the visage of someone he never wished to see again emerge from a nearby alley like an actual shadow. Yet instead of the normal ninjitsu techniques he'd expect - he saw the flash of an object he didn't anticipate them to carry and a sound that followed it - the non-mistakable metallic click of a gun being cocked than aimed straight toward the back of the unsuspecting April's head.

In an instant, he was jumping from the building and running as soon as the muffled pop went off.

The graze of the bullet sliced cleanly across the scales of his shoulder the second he heard April shriek and hit the ground in a blind panic. Raphael ignored his wound, pinpointing the attacker and the woman stared back at him in terror.

Karai.

The very appearance of her filled him with more rage than he could have imagined.

Without any care that she was a woman, he attacked, and for the first time, she flinched in panic at the utter fear that consumed her. Raphael supposed that just the sight of his burning amber eyes and bared teeth let her know immediately that mercy simply was not an option.

In what could only be desperation, Karai shot again.

The shot ricocheting off his plastron right before she tried to run, black hair flicking across her face as she hurriedly cocked the gun again, but she didn't have time to pull the trigger when he saw red; slamming her with every ounce of strength in his body.

Karai's thin form flying backwards at the sheer force; hitting the brick wall with a heavy thunk and the distinct crack of bone echoing throughout the area before she fell lifelessly to the floor. The woman let out a pitiful noise and Raphael was sorely tempted to snap her neck to finish her, but pulled himself back. If she was still somehow alive, there was no way he was ending her misery - she deserved every single bit of pain he dealt her for trying to kill April.

Raphael swallowed back a lump that clogged his throat and swiftly turned back to April.

The lump returned when he saw her sitting there - cornflower blue eyes wide, body shaking profusely with arms wrapped around herself but Raph highly doubted it was a response to the cold.

Raphael took a moment to look around just to make sure there was no foot soldiers nearby but from the look of it, Karai was sent on this assignment alone. He snorted angrily. Hating the fact April got caught up with them - the mere fact of her merely associating with them consonantly putting the reporter in danger. He fucking deplored it...but April still wouldn't stop. She still wouldn't even after their fallout…

Without thinking about anything but April's safety, Raphael scooped the brunette up into his arms and took off back into the night.

April was silent at first, but as the shock wore off, he heard her crying, pressing her face into his throat and letting out the most guttural sobs he ever heard from her. Every warm tear against his clavicle was another stab to his heart. April should never cry - her strength and resilience during so much of the shit they'd put her through since they met - not once did she cry. Not once did this woman break down - and yet, here she was, hiding her face in the concave of his neck - weeping uncontrollably and clinging to him like a lifeline.

"...Ya okay?" he finally asked in a gruffer voice than he intended, heart racing, pulse thrumming in his ears as he continued to run.

April was silent, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, hard enough to slightly cut off his airway, but he didn't have the heart to tell her to loosen her arms.

Raphael didn't dwell on what would have happened had he not followed her home that night.

Had he not been there to take that bullet...

Raph shook his head, not even daring to ponder that thought further.

As he made his way to her apartment, what just transpired flitted through his mind like scene from a horror movie.

The instant he understood what was happening, he just moved. Sheer instinct to protect April - it was like his body knew what to do before his mind could even catch up. It didn't matter that she'd broken his heart - didn't matter if she decided to never see him again - he loved her regardless. That was never going away and he accepted it. As long as he was drawing breath, he would protect her - would die for her if need be. This fierce protectiveness was daunting but he'd come to accept that he'd thrived with it.

There was something about seeing April broken like that - rigid, her knees and legs shaking profusely underneath her. Even after the threat had been disarmed and most likely dead, she didn't move; still, he approached her slowly and his heart nearly stopped when she flinched away from his touch. The pain of their mutual avoidance fell to the wayside when the tears started. Raphael didn't care if she didn't want to be touched, he wrapped his arms around her and to his relief, she quickly hugged him back, weeping into his neck.

Within seconds, he'd picked her up into his arms and they went off into the night, which brought him to his current point.

Raphael had frozen atop her apartment building. April had not spoken a single word since he saved her other than her broken sobs.

April sniffled into his neck and finally mumbled a choked, "I'm fine..."

Raphael couldn't recall the last time he moved so fast down her fire escape, opening her window and making his way inside her dark apartment. He's quickly flicked on a couple lights and made his way to place her upon the couch, but the second he tried putting her down, April screamed.

Flinching at the sudden scream, he embraced her tighter, hushing soft mantras of "It's okay", "I'm here", and "It's all over".

<><><>

AN: As soon as Raphael and April get back to her apartment, April becomes hysterical. Seeing Raphael's wound on his shoulder and the fact she almost got killed just hits her and she's frantic. Raphael can do little to calm her down so he allows her to control the little she can. Allowing the brunette to clean his wounds and bandage him up just to keep her quiet even as he worries over her seemingly shattered mental state.

It wasn't just tonight either. Raphael notices the dark circles under her eyes, the fatigue, and how she looks at him with the most heartbreakingly haunted eyes. So, apparently he wasn't he only one that was going insane from their separation… There are still a lot of bitter feelings between them that neither can fully accept or talk about yet but the silence does most of it.

Lost in almost a little world as the adrenaline and near death experienc e fades slightly as the night continues. There's little words but not much needs to be said. Raphael and April are sitting next to each other on the couch and April still has yet to take her hands off of him. Clinging to him like a lifeline and Raphael doesn't even bother trying to remove the touch.

He missed it.

The guilt of refusing to talk to her so long builds in him and he knows she feels horrible too for probably the same reasons. Eventually, April calms but still keeps her hands on him; her fingers gently running up and down his forearm and the backs of his hands and over the new scars from his knuckles he got the last time he fled her apartment.

There's so many things both want to say but don't.

The exhaustion mentally and physically hits April first. The brunette lying her head against his chest where she falls asleep and Raphael accepts it. Gently lying down, he lays her on top of him with a blanket over both of them.

Months ago, his heart would be hammering and his pulse drumming frantically at this interaction but now he just feels relief to have her close.

Closing his eyes, Raphael almost falls asleep when his phone beeps in his pocket.

It's Donnie's mile long text informing him in great detail that with the police interference and information, they located where Baxter Stockman was staying and trying to reestablish communication with the Krang and Shredder. They were able to stop them all. The only missing piece is Karai who is missing and it suddenly made sense to Raphael why she went after April alone - a final piece of hatred to leave when she believed all turtles would be occupied with Stockman. Even if Baxter failed, the pain of losing their closest human friend would devastate them all…

Raphael felt immediate relief at the outcome and wrote with one hand, 'Karai is dead she tride 2 kill April. Aprils ok btw.'

Donnie doesn't respond immediately but when he does, all it reads is, 'that makes things a lot easier. Where's the body so we can inform the police?'

Raphael returns the information before shutting off his phone and focusing on the slumbering brunette in his arms.

As much as he wants to stew in his guilt and frustration of these past few months, he instead relishes in her life. Her breathing and sleeping on top of his plastron as if these past three months of avoidance didn't matter…

Raphael soon joins her in slumber and it's the best damn sleep he ever had.

<><><>

…Now for the actual conclusion…

<><><>

The first signs of wakefulness was like a light dusting of snow - while it would hit your skin, it would be so light and airy, it would hardly register; leaving you in this limbo in that cusp of unconsciousness. It began to pull at his awareness when he felt a tickle of breath along his chest, the warm air brushing over those sensitive plates.

It hit him like a runaway train when the warmth that rested on his stomach began shuffling - the recollection of what had occurred the previous night slashed at the remains of sleep and caused his eyes to flutter open.

The first thing he saw was the tattered white ceiling of April's apartment, delicate cracks trailing along the surface like spiderweb patterns in the thin stucco. He trained his eyes to the source of movement; fighting the need to flinch upon seeing April resting upon his chest, her delicate fingers brushing comforting circles; tracing the grooves on his plastron. Blue eyes peering along the surface as her fingers continued their languid movements in an almost hypnotic motion.

April began speaking, as if sensing his state even though her eyes continued to focus at some point beyond her vision.

"...Do you know what I was thinking about... when I was certain I was going to die?" she asked, her small, shaken voice was broken and he knew that if his hearing wasn't as good as it was, he most likely wouldn't have heard it.

Raphael didn't answer immediately, still frozen in place at the sight of her; while April was always small and petite, how she was curled up into herself at this moment made her look downright fragile - like a glass doll that could turn to dust at the slightest breeze. Heart aching upon seeing her this way, broken and afraid weren't adjectives to describe this strong, fiery, and damn stubborn woman in the least, it was as if she inverted into herself; a shell of some sorts.

"...what?" Raph asked in a gruff whisper, as if she'd break into pieces if his voice was too loud.

"At first, my thoughts were all over the place...stupid things like that vacation I never got to take because of work. Not calling my aunt and wishing her a happy birthday last week. Getting the damn garden salad instead of the bacon cheeseburger burger I really wanted for lunch... Heh... Isn't the brain the strangest thing when you think you're going to die? " April chuckled, fingers never letting up from the pattern. Her voice was a low, withdrawn whisper as she continued.

"Regrets... I always thought I've always lived my life in a way where I wouldn't have any...but..." a heavy sigh punctuated the thought before she finally continued, "It was all a lie, Raphael. I do have regrets - mostly trivial things that mean nothing at all...but there's one that terrified me into a fucking panic attack last night..."

All of a sudden, her movement stopped; palm flat over his racing heart as she lifted her face and looked at him as if for the first time.

"Do you want to know what the worst regret I have is?" April whimpered, cornflower blue eyes boring into his own burnished amber.

"...What?" Raph asked in a barely audible whisper at the pain lacing those beautiful blue eyes - pain he'd be willing to die for just the opportunity to take it away from her.

"If I died last night... How I never would have gotten the chance..." her left hand reached out to lightly touch his face; dainty fingers brushing along his jaw before she continued, "...t-to tell you..." fingers brushed over his lips and signature scar marring them and he trembled at the touch, "...just how much I love you...how I've always loved you...so fucking much. I was just too much of a fucking coward to admit to myself…" The whispered admission was like a shock to the heart; blue eyes lined with tears as she continued staring at him.

For a long time, there was nothing but silence in the small apartment.

The only noise that could be heard was his heartbeat pulsating in his ears, their combined breathing and the soft purr of the heater turning on. Raph was certain she could hear and feel just how fast his heart was drumming in his chest, one palm still resting comfortably atop his plastron. He wasn't sure if this was some kind of dream - some kind of euphoric conjuring of his mind, but the pain he was experiencing just by witnessing the overwhelming sadness in her blue depths that told him this was indeed reality. It wasn't those sweet dreams where she'd kiss him, hold him in a way he was certain she never would.

Fate had never been kind to him.

He never imagined he'd be lucky enough to know what it was like to be loved, be accepted by anyone other than his family.

And yet - here she was.

This incredibly beautiful woman (inside and out) who'd become such an instrumental part of his world - who he had yet to thank for his very existence when he should have perished in that fire so many years ago. How she'd entranced him from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her. The blindness at his initial distrust peeling away when she helped him with tending to Splinter. She'd had him wrapped around her tiny little finger since; slowly melting the black ice that surrounded his heart. Years of resentment toward humanity who would hurt him, dissect, and kill him at the first opportunity.

…but she changed everything.

April showed him that he was wrong and he'd never been more thankful to have been. He came to care for her - protect her - and ultimately love her with every fiber of his being; fully accepting the fact she'd never return those feelings once Casey came into the picture.

The words she spoke now ripped all that pondering to shreds. This was the same little girl who fed them pizza and named them after Renaissance painters - the same one who grew up and lost everything only to give everything to him and his family. She owed them nothing, but he owed her his very existence, and yet, she was here; just admitted to him that her only regret in her life before this moment was her withheld feelings of love she'd harbored all this time.

It was enough to take his breath away.

This was not something he expected. In a moment right now where she was lying on his chest, curled into his body and looking at him as if just waiting for him to reject her - sadness and resignation overwhelming every sense of the word.

Raphael wanted to speak.

Every fiber of his being screamed at him to say something - anything - but yet, his tongue felt like a chunk of lead stuck to the bottom of his mouth. The words just wouldn't come. Words of his own confession, his own secret muse of being in love with her from almost the very beginning. Convictions strong; willing to die for this girl if only for the chance to see her smile...but his mouth just wouldn't move...

"I love you, Raphael…" she whispered again, a sad smile tipping up the edges of her lips, "I'm not wasting another second with this regret and I'd fully understand if you'd continue with us not seeing or even talking to each other. Heh...I just...wanted you to know..."

Raphael couldn't speak, but this time, he knew actions would speak something words never could.

He interrupted her musing with a giant, gentle hand on the back of her head; pulling her toward him.

Within seconds, his lips enveloped hers and he gave every emotion, every word that he could put into that one kiss. It was off center and sloppy, but God, did it just feel so fucking good... He couldn't count how many times he'd dreamt about this, those visions of the feel and taste of her lips upon his own were nothing compared with the reality of that beautiful, soft, pouty mouth loving caressing his own. Certain his heart was going to beat out of his chest as his other hand moved to press along the curve of her spine, the fabric of that ratty t-shirt clenched in his hand as he lost himself in her.

All too soon, he felt her pull away with a wet popping noise; while already craving her lips again, hearing her heaving breaths and rapid pulsation of her heart, he knew she felt it too.

That maybe...he wasn't so crazy after all...

...They were both completely insane...and it was the best fuckin' feeling in the world as she kissed him again...

The End!

[mutated-green-things]

In Circles

I commissioned this picture from @shellsweet awhile ago and ended up writing a whole fic for it! Only I’m a slow well editor so I’m only just getting around to posting everything. I’ve been thinking about this idea, this story and image for a long time though, and wanted to make sure it was something special. Mostly for me if I’m honest, because I think about these two all the time, but also so I could give something special to everyone else who loves this ship.  Anyway, I hope you all like it, and again thank the amazing @shellsweet for the artwork. You can click the read more to look at the fic or you can simply go to the AO3 link here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20896832

Leonardo glanced up, stared for one, two, three beats, and then trained his eyes back onto the grass outside the farmhouse. April and Casey had chosen an amazing spot for their summer wedding, and though Leo and his brothers had drawn some seriously unwanted attention to the event, everything seemed to be gliding along smoothly now.

Music was playing, alternating between upbeat and slow. Paper lanterns hung from the large green trees and were filling the air with warm, buttery light. People, mutants, aliens were all talking, dancing, laughing. April and Casey were the spotlights of course, and their beaming faces just seemed to make the space glow even brighter. Michelangelo was dancing alone, but every time a fast, poppy song came on he'd tear up the floor and then bow for his adoring crowd.

Raphael and Donatello were even better off. Raph wasn't graceful, but Traximus must have learned how to dance somewhere because the way he led through every slow ballad looked effortless.

And though Donnie wasn't dancing with Leatherhead, they were both making eyes as they chatted in the corner, just outside of the lantern-lit grass dance floor.

Leonardo, well, he was watching it all unfold. He fit well into the shadows of the trees, and there was a lot to sit back and contemplate. Or worry about if he was being honest with himself. That attack had been troubling for starters. He was glad Karai had finally laid their vendetta to rest, but it seemed that even with the foot out of the picture, and even on a peaceful celebratory day, they'd always have enemies.

Worse was as much as Leo tried to focus his family's future, on strategy and battle plans, his mind and eyes kept wandering to the presence of a rather unexpected guest.

He still wasn't sure how April had gotten an invitation across dimensions to Usagi Miyamoto. The process of opening the portal must have been complicated enough. Leo could only guess how she had managed to hunt down that info. Mikey was his first guess, and that was only if his little brother had decided it was worth it to memorize the symbols and the chant. In the end, it mattered little how she'd managed it. Usagi was here. He'd shown up with a gift in his arms and a smile on his face.

A smile he'd directed at Leonardo. Leo had returned it despite his nerves. He was just glad that a customary greeting for Usagi was a bow. Leo's hands were already clammy enough without them touching. And after all the pleasantries and that crazy, dangerous, eventually calm ceremony, here he was, trying, and failing, not to stare.

Leo's choice to be on the exact opposite side of the dance floor was exactly that. A choice. His nerves and the way had been skirting around exactly what their relationship was had made the last few months... weird.

Usagi had been... well relieved seemed like understating things when he'd found out that Leonardo was still alive and had simply spent that past year locked away in the future. They had missed each other so much that Leo was sure the longing looks and subtle touches would come to a head.

That moment never came though. Usagi had seemed... hesitant, had looked away when one of them stared and pulled away at the briefest touch. Whatever doubts Usagi had reverberated, making Leonardo unsure, lost even. A few months ago he'd been confident in his feelings and Usagi's. He was just looking for the right time to confess. When Usagi shied away though, Leo began to doubt himself, and his confidence crumbled until he was left with what he had now. An awkward friendship and a lot of questions about what exactly the samurai had been thinking and feeling.

Leo flicked his gaze back up. Usagi was still there, chatting away with their other extra-dimensional guest, Gennosuke. Leonardo contemplated the rhino. He'd shown up with his own volition, inviting himself before Usagi could say no. Or at least that's what Usagi claimed when Leo and his brothers had given Gen strange looks.

Ugh no. Being confused was one thing, second-guessing Usagi's motivations and words was another. They were friends, no matter how messy Leonardo's feelings were at the moment.

Leo banished those thoughts and turned his mind outward, letting his gaze drift again. From Gen to the object of his tempestuous emotions. As he did, Usagi's eyes turned too, and for a few intense moments, they made contact. The soft light of the lanterns flickered against the pink of Usagi's irises. Leo was transfixed by the way the light moved, no danced in his gaze. Leo broke away. The cool, dark grass welcomed him, steadied him as his heart pounded in his ears and through his body. All he could focus on was the thump thump thump of it. He tried to take deep, calming breaths, but each one shook out of him as he lifted his head again. Usagi wasn't there. Gen looked perplexed, and Leonardo found himself even more confused.

He scanned the crowd for Usagi, head whipping here and there, but the stark white of his pelt was just... gone. He wondered briefly if that stare had made things worse, if Usagi had perhaps left the party early, left this world even. Leo was about to accept that theory, about to stop looking, when soft footsteps against soft grass drew his attention.

He spun, hands on his swords. It was the natural reaction of a warrior, and he's unsurprised to find Usagi mirroring him, a hand tightly clutched around the hilt of his katana. Of course, as soon he recognized the white fur and wry smile, Leo dropped his hands to his sides. "Usagi-san."

Usagi dropped his fighting stance too and then frowned. "Leonardo. What are you doing out here?"

I could ask you the same thing. Except he couldn't when Usagi has asked him to drop the formal 'san' so many times he'd lost count, and when he was certain why Usagi was there. So instead, he tried for a half-truth that seemed believable. That seemed the most like Leo. "Watching over the party. I just want to make sure we don't have to deal with any more funny business."

Usagi paused and blew out an amused breath as the wry smile slid back into place. This time though, there was a sadness behind it. A little dimness in the fire that sparkled there. "Can't you do that while celebrating the happy couple? Or at least a little closer to the festivities?" Usagi stepped closer, not waiting for permission to lean into the tree Leo had chosen as his lookout spot.

Leonardo didn't scoot away. He was tempted to at first, but his mental conflict left him indecisive, so he ended up staying put, close enough for their shoulders to just press together. Not much, but enough so Leo could feel Usagi's presence rather than just sense it. That alone was enough to make his head spin, so it took him several moments to realize he needed to say *something*. "I uh..." He could only manage that at first, but he cleared his throat, and more words tumbled out. "This gives me a better vantage point. To spot anyone sneaking in from the woods."

Usagi didn't protest, nor did he comment on the pauses. "True enough. But perhaps I could stay here and watch for you. I promise I'll be vigilant."

Leo didn't doubt that. Truthfully Usagi's long years of spotting ninja made him an exceptional lookout for their tricks, maybe even better than Leo himself. They've discussed many a time how much knowing a ninja's mind factored into thwarting them. "I know but..."

Leo tried to think of an excuse, but all he kept coming up with is the fact that the person he wanted to celebrate with was right next to him.

"But?" Usagi prompted.

"I have no one to dance with." It wasn't the truth, but it was close enough that when he looked at Usagi, his pink eyes widened just the littlest bit.

"Michelangelo? He seems..." Mikey had taken a break, breathing heavily and drinking water as he waited for another jumpy techno number to come on, but they'd both seen his moves.

Leo shrugged. "He always outperforms me here. I don't have the rhythm to keep up with him. Plus, we can't exactly dance together to every song." Leo splayed out a hand, referencing the couples swaying in the soft light.

"I see."

Another pause filled with beats and melodies, ballooning out and out until neither of them could stand it.

"I'm sorry Leonardo-"

"Usagi I understand-"

They stared into each other's eyes, stunned for one, two beats, and then they laughed together softly. Leonardo was struck by that laugh, by how much he missed the warm connection that used to hang between them. Before things had gotten messy. Before he'd been filled with doubts.

Usagi spoke through his last couple chuckles. "I suppose we have a lot to talk about. I... just wanted to apologize Leonardo. I know..." he trailed off and stared at his hands, fiddling with the fur between his paw pads. "I know I've been cold recently. It was an overreaction on my part. I did not... I still want to be your friend. I want to be close like before. I just hope you can forgive the way I backed away from you."

"I understand." Leo tried those words, but they sounded wrong coming from his mouth. "Well I don't, not really. But I..." He looked over Usagi. He seemed to shimmer in the dim light. Pink eyes and glowing fur dyed soft orange and yellow by the flickering flames. "I want your friendship Usagi. I always have. And I will gladly give mine if that's truly all you want."

Usagi nodded, but it seemed weak, sad again, the light dimming as he forced a smile. It wasn't enough, or maybe Leonardo just didn't want to believe it. He reached out, setting his heavy, calloused hand on Usagi's soft shoulder. Leo spoke as they gazed into each other's eyes. "No, Usagi. Is that really all you want?"

"I..."

"Because if that's the case then I understand. I just. I need to know."

Usagi kept his gaze focused on Leonardo's face, searching it, eyes scanning each wrinkle, each small scar. Then he turned and watched the lights, and the dancing couples, the soft, slow music coursing through them.

When he looked at Leonardo again, his gaze was still sad, but there was a fire dancing again in his pink irises, a determination that made him reach up and touch the hand Leonardo had laid on his shoulder. The next couple moments were a little awkward, as Usagi tried to tangle their fingers together, but eventually, they managed the spacing, and for the first time they were tangled together intimately.

Leo looked at him, dumbstruck, but smiling. Usagi was smiling back and then speaking, each word sugared with excitement, contentment. "I saw your interest from a mile away. Even before I started... dropping hints that I felt the same." Leo beamed at that. He'd been right after all, and the confirmation made his chest, his shell fill with bubbling warmth. "But we are friends, and what started forming between us. The long looks, the letters, the way you'd sigh and smile just being in my presence. That was equal parts amazing, and terrifying." The warmth stops, still there, but held with trepidation. Terrifying? Why?

Usagi didn't let go of Leonardo's hand as he dropped his gaze to the grass. "I have told you how my last relationship ended, but I don't know if you knew how close a friend Mariko was before she became my lover. Moreover, you do not know of the countless people my pilgrimage has led me away from. The path I walk is usually lonely, Leonardo, and I was afraid that, and the complications of romance, would leave our friendship torn and tattered. I'm still afraid, in fact. I..." He turned his eyes back up, that determined blaze shining again. "I want more. I do. I won't lie to a friend. But I also still fear losing one because of my desire."

Leonardo mulled on that for several moments, not moving, still holding onto Usagi like a lifeline. "We're you afraid that you were seeing things? That your attraction was blinding you and making you think..."

"Niceties were flirtations?" Usagi finished the question, then shrugged. "Of course. All the time."

"And you worry jealousy or anger or fear or the simple march of time may drive us apart?"

A simple nod.

Leo looked out, past the party, past the lights, into the dark forest beyond. His gray-blue eyes grew dark and heavy, stormclouds billowing inside them. "I fear it too. I fear I'll make mistakes. I fear my responsibility as a leader, as a brother may become more important than you. I fear I will drive you away, or worse, hurt you."

"But..." he looked back at Usagi. The storm behind his eyes calmed. "If we share that much. Then I can assume you feel what I feel. The electricity in the air, right now, just from touching you this much. The way your chest gets tight and warm and feels like it will burst when I tell you I feel the same way you do. The way your lungs clutch for breath when our eyes meet. The hunger in your gut to touch more, to hold and squeeze me close." He took a staggering breath. Then spoke, asked with desperation behind each word. "You feel that too, right?"

Usagi Miyamoto was rarely speechless. He didn't ever run his mouth, no he was far too polite for that, but he'd always had a talent for putting the right words in the right places. Now though, with yearning the only thing in Leonardo's face, in his words, he could only gulp down his nerves and nod. Leonardo clasped his other hand over Usagi's, and held it tenderly, carefully. Like a fragile treasure.

Leo smiled, and the amusement danced up into his eyes. "So we've been torturing ourselves, scared and worried at what the other might say. Which definitely seems like us."

Usagi's little laugh made Leo's heart and stomach flip places. "Yes, the two of us, always so determined to suffer in silence."

Leonardo took just a moment to rearrange his body back into place, just a breath, and then he continued. "Yes and..." He had to keep his stare down at his own hands clasping Usagi's. His bright smile was too much. It kept leaving Leo speechless. "And if we were to step away. To stay too scared to try. Well, then we'd still suffer. We'd question every day if we let a golden opportunity slip through our fingers."

"So..." Usagi said it tentatively, but when Leo glanced up, his eyes looked so bright and sure.

"So we try it. We get closer than ever before. We..." Leo didn't turn his head, but his eyes flicked back to the party. "We dance?"

Usagi laughed again, and gods above it was worse this time. Leo had to remind himself to breathe. "That sounds like a good start yes."

So they stood. Their nerves, overflowing emotion, and the soft light made it all seem surreal to both of them. A dream neither wanted to wake from. But with their hands still entangled, they walked down the hill, to the dance floor. It welcomed them with warm lights and knowing smiles. Mikey even winked at them. Not that the teasing mattered. Leonardo was too happy to be embarrassed, and Usagi only had eyes for his dance partner. They would care later, when the slow music, the glowing lanterns, and the sensation of sliding close, of soft fur against coarse scales, had faded away. All they could think about in that moment was the fact that now, finally, their futures were tied together.

[acelikesturtles]

“Ice Cream Sunday”

Prompt: Depression Comfort One-shot feat. Olivia & the Turts

Warnings: Lots of internal reflection about depression and mental health stuff. Also there’s like one curse word, maybe more, I don’t remember??

Word Count: 1,783

A/N: The formatting on the original post got royally FUCKED as always and near gave me a heart attack when I realized what I did. Hope you don’t mind @dw-im-just-sad​! I also hope that there are sunnier days ahead for you, I too have been struggling with a depression episode recently (which is part of why the drabble for this prompt is coming in a little later than I’d have liked it to), so I definitely know at least some of the feeling. <3

Lazy Sundays were normally pretty good in Olivia’s mind.

The lack of obligations, the peace and quiet paired with the promise of a more fun night ahead when the boys got finished training or doing whatever it is they did during the day. Today’s Lazy Sunday didn’t feel as good though, if anything it made her feel worse the more that she was a part of it. Staring up at the ceiling of the lair, her mind felt simultaneously numb and tired while still managing to be alive with an uncomfortable amount of unaddressed emotions.

Aside from the laid back bliss that came with a Lazy Sunday, this was supposed to be her happy place. Although the initial experience of the stench when she came in was (and always would be) unforgiveable, her nose became adjusted to it until it was practically background noise amidst the experience of being with the turtles. Their little home environment was always so loving and warm, a spot where she could escape or run away from a world that felt so harsh and anxiety-inducing and instead surround herself with people that eased her into smiling even when life was at its most difficult.

Even if the lair was usually a safe and happy place for her, it didn’t mean that it cancelled out the rest of her own very prominent emotions, particularly right now. Reluctantly, Olivia had to admit that this was probably her depression again, baring its teeth and looking for a fight that she didn’t have the energy to start. It wasn't like it ever went away when she met the boys, if anything it just enjoyed burying itself like an ostrich in the sand when they were around before pulling its head back up when they weren't. It didn’t quite like company as much. After all, it was infinitely easier to take her down when she was alone.

Blinking slowly, she recognized that while there may not have been one singular reason for the depression to start bubbling up, its persistence despite her attempts at distracting herself from it probably meant that it would be there to stay for a while, or at least until she found a big enough distraction to offset the emotions and the experiences. The boys had said they wanted to run a movie marathon once the day’s activities were over, so that would probably help. Or at least she hoped it would.

Olivia ran her hand down her face and let out a deep and shaky breath. The weight of her own emotions started nudging her closer to tears, and she gave in rather reluctantly. She tried to be quiet, only letting one or two tears out so she wouldn’t break into a full out sob. This wasn't the place to cry and be sad, this was the party pad and nobody cries when they're in the party pad, Mikey had said it himself one time.

Right as she was about to get up off the couch she had been curled up on to get herself a glass of water, her eyes quickly met with Mikey's. He was hovering over her now, a few beads of sweat on his forehead running down the side of his face. Their training session must have been particularly brutal today if even Mikey was sweating. Normally that was reserved for Donnie, he tended to get winded a little bit faster given the brutal workout routine Splinter kept them on.

"Are you crying, dude?"

"No," Olivia said defensively. She sat up so she wouldn't have to feel like she was under a magnifying glass quite as much as she did with Mikey peering down at her from over the back of the couch. "I'm tired, that's all."

"Nah, nah, dude you were crying, I can see it in your eyes they’re all red and stuff," Mikey seemed really insistent with one hand reaching for and firmly grasping her shoulder. His face seemed more empathetic than it did confrontational. "What's wrong? You can talk to me."

"I-"

A jumbled mess of every last thing that had ever felt wrong or ever been wrong throughout her entire life flashed in front of her mind. It wasn’t like one specific reason stood as the answer to why she felt like this, it was more like an unfortunate combination of it all that left her drained, and had been leaving her drained for years now. She frowned, then looked down at her jeans and began picking at the worn frays of denim at the bottom of her pant legs. Talking about it would just get complicated, especially to Mikey. He oozed pure light and joy almost all the time, would he really understand what this kind of thing felt like?

"Seriously Mikey, its not that bad, just feeling kinda off I guess. I'll be okay."

Mikey narrowed his eyes at her before thrusting himself over the back of the couch and onto the cushions to join her. Clearly he wasn’t buying it. “Its okay to cry, I do too,” He said softly. His own openness to admitting his emotions was remarkable seeing as . “He wouldn’t wanna admit it, but Raph does too at those puppy commercials.”

“ASPCA Ads.” Donnie interrupted through a sigh. He had been sitting in his desk nearly the entire time, typing away at something important while monitoring the security cameras. As for how he managed to get out of today’s training, she didn’t know, but he at least had seemed to be enjoying his little vacation time away. He got up from his chair and plopped himself down criss-cross on the floor in front of them, whispering, “Sometimes we gotta flip the channel cause he gets all worked up seeing them. But you didn’t hear that.”

Olivia couldn’t help but smile, even if it was just a weak smirk that tugged at the corners of her lips. That sounded like Raph alright, the boy had a soft spot for pit bulls and other big tough seeming dogs and seeing them suffering in kennels all alone would probably pull at every last heartstring he didn’t even know he had.

“I better not have heard you say what I just think I did.” The now looming shadow over her spoke. She turned her head and saw it was Raph, who only peeled his eyes away from Donnie for a moment to look down at Olivia. Suddenly the thought of beefing with Donnie outside for embarrassing him didn’t seem as important to him once he caught sight of her puffy and reddened eyes. “Are you crying?”

“Fine.” She gave in. “Yeah, I am, but its fine, seriously. Don’t worry about it.” Olivia sighed. “Sometimes I...I don’t know, I just feel like this, no reason to worry.”

“Nah, I ain’t worrying, just wanna make sure its not because of one of these two knuckleheads.” Raph responded coolly before shoving at Mikey playfully and pushing him off the couch so he could sit. “Why are you feeling like that though?”

“I don’t know,” Olivia sighed. “I just do sometimes. It doesn’t really ever go away, just subsides for a little while."

A couple moments of silence filled the air, only punctuated by the sounds of Leo's footsteps as he joined the conversation and sat down beside Donnie. "What's going on?" He asked, looking from brother to brother.

"Olivia's been feeling super sad and its bumming her out." Mikey answered, rolling onto his back.

Great. Now everybody was on her case. Olivia braced herself for the long and draining conversation that was bound to be ahead about why she was actually sad and why she had depression when her life “wasn't as bad as some other people”. She had heard it all before and none of it helped, it only made her feel worse, like she was a weight that everyone else was forced to carry.

"Is there any way we could help?" Leo asked. His expression seemed genuine, as if he was coming from a place of understanding rather than judgement. As her gaze drifted over each brother she noticed a similar strain of understanding and friendly compassion behind their eyes (except for Mikey, who was still laid back on his shell waving his arms back and forth as if he were making snow angels.) Even the usually closed off Raphael, who seemed particularly invested in what she might suggest.

Olivia didn’t really know what would help if she was honest with herself, but maybe there was some merit behind the thought that their genuine desire to help her could take the edge away for the time being or push her out of the storm clouds she had been sitting under. Her gaze once again drifted across the room to each turtle, hesitating to answer as she parted and closed her lips again. What would help?

“I don’t know.” She answered truthfully, feeling a little embarrassed at her own lack of an answer yet again. There had to be something, she just didn’t know what it was, couldn’t place her finger on it. Crawling out of one of these depressive episodes was a process, not something that happened overnight.

“That’s okay!” Mikey said, now sitting back up and pointing a set of finger guns at her. “We can help until you do know.”

"We could all use a little company when we're not feeling good." Don smiled.

“Not going anywhere until you’re feeling better.” Raph nodded in agreement.

Small waves of relief washed over Olivia’s body. The numbest parts of her mind began to feel a little more warm and relaxed. The turtles didn’t know the full extent of how much their friendship meant to her, or the positive effect they had on her most crushed and beaten down psyche. Despite maybe not entirely understanding, they were still able to offer a hand out in peace, something that reminded her of why she so often called the lair her second home. This was a happy place, a party pad, a place to have a good time like Mikey always said. But Olivia saw another side of the lair too now.

This could be a place where she was able to cry and feel her emotions while still having a support system at her side by the end of the day.

Although she still felt pretty shit, Olivia finally had something on her mind that she felt like could help her, even if it was just a little. “Movies and ice cream.” She said softly, rubbing her puffy eyes. As Mikey excitedly got up to fulfill the ice cream part of her request, she shouted after him.

“Two scoops!”

[someonefromabove]

A/N: I already did Leo for most of the past requests, so let’s do one for our lovely Donnie ❤️ Also, thank you very much for your request and I‘m sorry for the long wait! I hope, you’ll enjoy! Btw I will not rewatch both movies right now (because it would take too long) so the dialog won’t be from the movies. I hope you understand xD

Pairing: DonniexReaderxCasey

Warnings: angst

**********

New York City was yet again in danger, you knew that much. Your friends the turtles, Casey and April were currently at the lair to discuss the next step on saving the city. You were with them, because you were like a part of their family to them and they were scared for you to get hurt. So you were asked to stay at the lair for the time with Splinter. It wasn’t like that you didn’t like sensei or being at the turtles home, but you felt really useless. Even April got a role in this plan, but you had to sit back again. Donnie explained to you, that April was used to this kind of action and that she also wouldn’t fight. You had to admit, you didn’t really listen to Donnie. Because you had a crush on him you were merly focused on how cute he was.

„So, everyone understood the plan, right?“ Leo asked and everybody nodded. „Alright, then let’s go. We don’t want to waste any time.“ With that the turtles and April left the room, leaving you and Casey behind. „Hey, uhm...Y/N? Do you have a sec?“ Casey asked and walked towards you. „Hm? Yeah, sure. What’s up?“ you smiled warmly at him, making his heart bounce. You didn’t know it yet, but Casey had a little crush on you for a few weeks now. He found you very attractive and always wanted to get to know you better, but there was never the time to do so. „Well, I...uhm...I don’t know how this all will end and...I don’t want to regret anything when I might not come back, so...phew...here goes nothing.“ And with that he kissed you. The kiss didn’t last long though, because you pulled away after realizing what was happening. „Uh, Casey that...I...you‘re really nice and all...but...I don‘t like you that way. I‘m sorry...“ you truthfully told him and looked at him worriedly. „I think you and April would make a much cuter couple...“ „Well, I can’t force you to like me, I guess. But...thanks for letting me know...maybe you’re right...uh...and...sorry if I made you uncomfortable.“ You quickly hugged him with a smile on your lips. „Don’t worry, we‘re still friends. Just be safe, alright?“ With a nod and a smile Casey looked at you for one last time and later left the lair to go to get the ooze.

But there was one thing the two of you missed. Mikey was standing in the doorway the moment you were kissing. However, he only saw the kiss, not the conversation afterwards. And knowing about Donnie‘s big crush on you he decided it would only be fair to tell him about that incident. „Donnie? Uh...can we talk?“ Mikey asked as he entered the lab. „Mikey, I‘m really busy at the moment. And shouldn’t you be too?“ Donnie asked, a bit annoyed since he was disturbed from his research. „Yeah, but there’s something important I need to tell you.“ „Alright, what’s up?“ Mikey looked worriedly to his brother, not knowing how to say this. „Well, do you remember telling me about your crush on Y/N?“ Donnies eyes went wide with surprise (lol that rhymed) and he looked at his little brother. Why was he mentioning that now? „Uh...yeah? Why?“ „Uhm...I just saw...Casey and Y/N kissing in the living room. I...I thought you should know...“ Donnie‘s heart shattered that moment in millions of pieces. You kissed Casey? Of course you did. You were a human like him. How could he ever believe a beautiful and smart human like you could love a mutant freak like him? He was so stupid. Or at least he thought he was. Mikey saw how his brothers eyes went dull. „Thank you, Michelangelo. Please get to work now okay? We have to save New York.“ Mikey only sighed as he left the room. There was no use in talking to him now, he clearly wanted to be alone.

After a while the boys and April were ready to leave the lair when you stopped them. „Wait! Guys...please be safe alright?“ you told them with a worried look. The boys reassured you, they would be alright, but you noticed something strange. Donnie didn’t even look at you. He stared at the ground before him like his mind was somewhere else. This worried you even more since Donnie was otherwise talking to you everytime possible. Not wanting to keep secrets any longer, you walked up to him and looked deep into his eyes before you kissed him. Not only Donnie was shocked, but so were his brothers. What the heck was going on!? „Please come back in one piece. I won’t forgive myself if you don’t.“ But before Donnie could do or even say anything he was dragged into the police van by Leonardo. You watched how the van disappeared in the distance, not knowing about the verbal fight that was going on inside the van between Donnie and Leo.

*****time skip*****

The fight was over, the city was save again. And hopefully for a while now. Due to working together with the police, the turtles were getting honored with medals on a special ceremony. Since the kiss Donnie and you didn’t have time to talk, so you were a bit nervous when he walked up to you after the presentation. „Congratulations, Donnie. It suits you very well.“ you smiled at him. He returned the smile and looked only at you. „Thank you. But...I want to talk to you in private...“ You gulped hard. Was he mad at you? Did you destroy your friendship with him? „You...want to talk about the kiss, right? Well, you see-“ you tried to explain, but you were stopped by one of his fingers on your lips. „How about we talk about it after our second kiss?“ he asked with a smile before he leaned in to kiss you again. And this time it was even better, because he was staying with you.

[mean-green-imagines]

Normal is Boring

2018!Leo x reader

It was finally Friday night and it was exactly midnight, the time Leo told you to meet him at the lair. You two had made plans weeks in advance to go to the carnival that city held on the docks every fall and Leo had spent hours and even days begging Splinter to let him take you. He just wanted to show you a good time, which only really meant winning you a cute prize...that was his goal. Winning you that prize. That’s what all guys did for the girls they liked, right? The blue clad turtle wanted you to know that he loved you and even though the two of you couldn’t go on normal dates like other couples, he still knew how to show his girl a good time...even if that meant sneaking into the carnival after hours when no one was there.

“Hey, I’m here!” A feminine voice called out from the entrance of the lair. The blue clad turtle turned and instantly lit up with excitement when he saw his girl walk into the lair. You weren’t afraid of speaking at your normal volume late at night here because Splinter was always dead asleep by now and there was no waking up that rat when he was asleep, especially after his cake and milk. Plus, Friday and Saturday nights he let the guys stay up as late as they wanted. 

“Hey, babe! You ready for the best night out ever with your one and only?” Leo asked you, puffing out his chest and giving you that smirk that you grew to love so much. He walked over to you and put and arm around your shoulders and you put a hand on his chest and looked up at him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Sure am! This is going to be so awesome!” You giggled and bounced up and down slightly. Leo’s heart practically melted when he saw how happy and excited you were because that meant he was doing something right. When you’re a mutant turtle who grew up in the sewers you never really expect yourself to get a girlfriend, and when you finally get one by some act of God, you definitely don’t want to let her go.

“Good, because I want to give my baby the best night ever, like normal people.” Leo said as he removed his arm from around your shoulders to grab his blue fanny pack. They were making a comeback you know. You went quiet and blinked a couple of times at his words. Like normal people?

“What do you mean?” you asked. Leo turned around and blinked and let out a small laugh then frowned slightly when he saw that you were actually being serious. 

“Huh? I mean...you know,” Leo rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from you, obviously not wanting to make eye contact which worried you a little. “Normal couples get to do this stuff all the time. Like, (y/n),” Leo walked up to you and grabbed both of your hands while you continued to stare at him wide eyed. “I-If I were a normal person...” he trailed off and you had to gently lift up his face so his eyes could meet yours again. 

“But we are a normal couple, Leo.” you told him truthfully. He gave you a confused look and you just sighed and shook your head. 

“How? How on earth are we a normal couple, (y/n)?” he scoffed, obviously starting to get really down on himself. 

“Well, for starters,” you gave Leo a kiss on the cheek and he froze up and got all flustered. “I like to do that, just like a normal girl who loves her boyfriend.” Leo blushed and he brought you close to him and he gave you a few good smooches on both of your cheeks. 

“And I like to do that too like a normal guy who loves his girlfriend.” Leo smiled like a big old goof who was head over heels for his girl before giving you even more kisses. You giggled happily and blushed, trying not to get too flustered. 

“We like to spend time together and play video games and watch Vine compilations and watch a bunch of B rated movies and go on dates and kiss and cuddle...” You just went on and on and with each word you said Leo just felt more and more in love with you and better about himself. “...But why do we even want to be normal anyways? I like exactly how we are.” Now this made Leo’s eyes go wide and he blinked. 

“You wouldn’t change anything about our relationship? Not even the part where you’re..dating a mutant?” he asked. You just looked into his eyes and gave him a soft smile and a shake of your head. 

“That’s the last thing I would change.” you whispered, making Leo tear up. 

“You guys this is seriously the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!” Mikey gushed over the cuteness that was unfolding before him. Leo groaned and you giggled when a sudden flash went off and Raph and Donnie gathered around Mikey’s phone. He took a snap of you and Leo being all couply with each other and made sure to put tons of hearts and kawaii stickers all over the picture before sending it to April.

“First of all, that wasn’t my good side,” Leo scoffed and Mikey just rolled his eyes. “And second, I have to take my girl out for night at the carnival. Just the two of us! Soooo see ya, single Pringles!” Leo teased as he led you out of the lair for a night playing of carnival games (Leo won you a HUGE stuffed unicorn), riding a whole bunch of rides (Leo requested to stay far away from the ferris wheel), and stuffing your faces with pizza, cotton candy. and funnel cakes. If anything you two were way better than a ‘normal’ couple. Who wants to be normal anyways? 

Normal is boring.

[littlebitoffanfic]

Reward

Fandom: TMNT Characters: Leo, Casey Relationship: Leo/reader Request: Can you make a Leonardo x reader where the reader is Casey's younger sister? Thank you! I love your stories, I keep reading them over and over! “Leo, we have to stop.” You giggled as you looked around the lair, sure your brother was going to pop out from behind the couch or something. Leo let out a low hum of annoyance, but moved back. He had seen you walking through the living room and, with no one around, pinned you against the wall, kissing you deeply. You couldn’t describe how much Leo made your head spin and heart hammer in your chest. You had never met anyone who could make you feel the way he felt. It was like you were addicted to him. “Casey said he would be here soon.” You giggled as Leos frustration. You pulled out your phone and waved the text at him. Casey, your older brother, knew nothing of the sort of things you and Leo got up to. You knew he would flip out if he ever found out. He would have kept you in the dark if he could have, but then the bad guys started trying to target you, so Casey had introduced you to the turtles in the hope that they could keep you safe. What he couldn’t have expected was how deeply in love with the leader you would fall. Nor how much Leo felt drawn to you as his feelings became unmanageable. He was good at keeping his emotions in check, but with you it was different. “damn.” Leo muttered as he tried to keep himself from kissing you again. It had been a couple of days since he had been able to. “I know, but if you wait a little longer-“ You leaned up and started to press soft kisses up his shoulders and neck. “- you can have me all to yourself tonight.” A soft growl left Leos throat as he turned his head to kiss you quickly and deeply, knowing you would pull away any second. but you didn’t. Self control was such a problem for you anyway. You wrapped your arms around his neck, meaning he was able to lift you slightly off the ground just to be as close to you as possible. But he knew you were right. He put you back down and stepped away from you, panting. Just in time too, because the door opened and in walked your brother. His eyes instantly found you and Leo. “Whats wrong?” he asked, sauntering over to you. “Oh nothing. We were just training.” You smiled, knowing it was the only sure fire way to keep him off your trail. It was how you got out of many hot and heavy make out sessions with Leo when Casey walked in. “if I didn’t know any better, Id say you two were making out.” Casey laughed, making both you and Leos heart stop. Your blood ran cold at the thought of Casey knowing. He was extremely overprotective and you were sure if he found out, he would demand you never come back to the lair. He didn’t even like you dating other humans, never mind one of the turtles. A hand patted you on the back as Casey laughed. “Your face! Im only joking.” Casey laughed harder, seeming to think your shocked look was one from embarrassment at the thought of kissing Leo, rather than being found out. You saw the way Casey seemed to sway on the spot while laughing and it made you relax. He was drunk. Not completely drunk, but had had a few before coming here. “Oh.” You joined in with a small chuckle, looking back to Leo who was smirking at you. “Im gonna go find Donnie. This watch isn’t working right.” Casey said as he raised the watch on his wrist to his ear, listening for a moment before scowling and walking out the room. “That was close.” You whispered to Leo as he took your hand. “I don’t think ive ever seen you that pale.” Leo laughs, making you playfully slap his arm. “Well, if you’re so confident, then you tell him that you have sex with his younger sister nearly ever night.” You scold. “What?” Casey’s voice made you both just as you turned to see he was standing in the doorway once again, his jackets half way off his shoulder. You forgot that Donnie had employed a strict ‘no outside jackets in the lab’ rule. Shit. “uhh.” You looked to Leo who was frozen to the stop, staring at Casey like a deer caught in headlights. “Tell me you’re joking.” Casey moved towards you, shrugging his jacket back on. “im mean, right now? Yeah, I was joking.” You say truthfully, since you didn’t really mean for Leo to tell Casey. “I mean about you and him.” Casey’s eyes dart to Leo then back to you. “well…” you trailed off, unsure about what to say. “Oh my god!” Casey cries out, exasperated as your lack of response spoke volumes to him. “I brought you here to keep you safe.” “And I am safe.” You point out. “But you and him, you’re…” Casey trails off, then shudders and looks back to you. “There are worse things that could have happened.” You argue, getting annoyed by his reaction. “oh yeah? Like what?” He challenges you, placing his hands on his sides. “I could be dating Shredder.” You offer, hoping that a moment of silliness might defuse the situation. Thankfully, it did. Casey looked from you to Leo and then back, with an open mouth. “Fine.” He snapped. “But I need a drink and my hockey stick. And some time alone with Leo.” He says as he looks from you to Leo. “Yes to the drink and yes to the time alone but no to the hockey stick.” Leo suddenly said, making you look at him. Was he crazy? “fine.” Casey growls and starts to walk to the Dojo. You start to follow but Leo catches you. “wait here. We wont be long.” He promises, steal a quick kiss before following your brother. You paces the living area for what felt like hours, though it could only have been 20 minutes or so. You tried to press your ear to the Dojos door but could hear nothing. Damn Donnie for noise proofing the room. but soon, the two emerged, unharmed. Casey tapped his watch and shake his wrist. “Gotta get this damn watch fixed. I’ll speak to you, oh sister of mine, later.” He saids but offers you a small smile which told you things were fine, surprisingly. he shrugged off his coat, threw it on the sofa before going to the lab, this time not returning. “What did you tell him?” You asked, turning to Leo who stood by your side. “I just said I was mad about you, that I really did care about you and you were happy.” He shrugged, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you against his side. You immediately cuddled in to him, still unsure. “What did he say?” You asked. “Well, that’s a different story. He promised me that if I hurt you, he didn’t care what sort of training I had and that he would hunt me down.” Leo told you, making you laugh. Your hand flew up to cover your mouth. Now that sounded more like Casey. “So, its all okay?” You asked, moving out of Leos arms to take his hands. A quick nod made you smile. “That was easier than I expected it to be.” You said, pulling him towards Leos bedroom for some privacy. “I wouldn’t say that. You weren’t in the room. And hes slightly drunk.” Leo shook his head but smile nonetheless. “oh, my poor baby.” You said, leaning up to kiss his jaw. “id better reward you.” You smirk as you open the door and pull him inside.

[spectrumscribe]

Invisible breaks, unspoken bruises.

@hotmilkytea​ for the idea, since i got it from your critical.

(this ended up being less comfort more hurt than I intended. whoops.)

Post Tokka vs the World: 

Seeing your friend nearly be vivisected leaves a mark, and nearly being vivisected definitely leaves a mark. Other things leave marks too, and Donnie is the only who seems to see that.

------------------------------

Donnie didn’t know why it was always him, but it was. Things like this always happened to him.

“Get out of my room,” Donnie said, glaring at both his brother and Casey, who were touching things that they shouldn’t and they knew it. “And hands off my encyclopaedias.”

Mikey and Casey both stopped touching the carefully organized volumes, which were arranged according to both date and language.

“What, no love for you bros?” Mikey asked in a sickly sweet voice, flopping onto Donnie’s bed. The bed that Donnie, for once, wanted to be in.

“No.” Donnie replied. “Get out.”

He was in no mood for this. He’d had a very long night of breaking into military buildings, avoiding being shot by said military, flying a type of space ship he was out of practice using, and almost being incinerated by a giant cosmic tortoise. He was very, very tired, and wanted to just shut down for a while, and not think about how he and his brothers likely destroyed whatever peace treaty the Utrom and the American Military had built. Or about how the world was probably still freaking out, seeing as there had been giant kaiju falling out of the sky, or about how his family had outed themselves to the military, who were only vaguely trustworthy at the best of times, and definitely trigger happy every other time, and how they’d very likely evoked their ire for the destruction they’d caused and painted bright, obvious targets right onto their own shells-

Donnie shut off that train of thought, and internally sighed.

Another night, another disaster. Another ordinary Friday outing, for them at least.

Donnie just really, really wanted to sleep. He’d deal with bumping up their defenses next evening.

Trouble was, he needed people out of his room first.

“We could have a movie marathon though,” Casey suggested, also flopping down beside Mikey. “You have, like-” He gestured at the collection of Planet Earth DVD’s Donnie had on his shelf. “-at least ten hours’ worth. Or something.”

“Eleven, actually,” Donnie corrected, mind automatically adding up the collective episodes’ time worth. He shook his head, and refocused. “But that doesn’t matter. You’re both getting out of my room, and I am going to sleep, for once, and neither of you are going to bother me while I do.”

“Aw, please, Dee?” Mikey asked.

“For real, the night’s still young!” Casey added.

“No, it is not,” Donnie said irritably, because he could see the early hour digits displayed on his alarm clock, and-

Wait, why were his brother and Casey so adamant on staying anyways? Or willing to put up with watching Planet Earth, instead of some blockbuster monster movie?

Donnie took a better look at his brother and his friend, looking past his first reactions of annoyance.

For starters, they both had significant bruising on various patches of skin. But that was normal, for their group at least. Everyone got bruises after a mission. Though, usually, Casey didn’t seem quite so wide eyed afterwards, and typically wore his bruises with pride. Now, though, he seemed to be hunching a bit on himself. Shoulders curled in a defensive set, a very out of character thing for his posture, post a successful mission.

And Mikey. Mikey had symmetrical bruising on either side of him. He’d brushed Donnie off earlier, much like Casey had, when they’d been doing physical checks on everyone. Called it no big deal. Though it didn’t seem like ‘no big deal’, seeing Mikey had a slightly- and pun not intended- shell-shocked quality to him. His knees were bouncing with energy he usually would have spent in battle, and he had a mildly desperate look to his expression, much as he was trying to hide with a charming smile.

Donnie closed his eyes, and pinched the space between his eyes. He sighed. “Okay. What is this really about? Neither of you like Planet Earth, or hanging around me when I watch it. Or like spending much time with me in general.”

“Does a guy need a reason to hang with one of his buds?” Casey asked, and now that Donnie was listening for it, he heard the false bravado in the human’s voice.

Donnie dropped his hand, and crossed his arms. He stared at them both, watching the cracks continue to appear in their expressions.

“Please?” Mikey asked, his forced cheer taking a further dive. “Can we stay just for a bit?”

A small part of Donnie, a very tired and rather sharp part of himself, wanted to say no. The rest of him however, was far too squishy and family oriented for him to even consider refusing. Not after that kind of emotional attack.

He looked at the two people sitting on his bed, and examined their bruises again. They hadn’t told him specifically what they were from, or how they’d gotten ones that matched. Casey’s might have been hidden now, but Donnie had seen them when he was changing out of his gear. Likely, the bruises they both had were what’d driven them to force their way into Donnie’s private space.

Donnie probably should have pushed harder for answers earlier. No time like the present to remedy that.

“Only if you explain why you want to stay so badly,” Donnie conceded, going over to his desk and pulling out his swivel chair to sit. Mikey and Casey exchanged glances, and Donnie watched them squirm. Interesting.

“Well, you see…” Mikey started, then trailing off as he glanced to the side and grimaced. “There was this thing, and then some guys, and…”

“Mike was gonna get vivisected,” Casey blurted, only for Mikey to elbow him and hiss for Casey to let him explain things.

Donnie’s eyes widened.

Well then. That explained some things.

“For real?” Donnie questioned. Because if that had been what really happened, and why they seemed so unsettled… Donnie could relate to those feelings.

Mikey shrugged, eyes aimed at his still bouncing knees. “Yeah. Sort of, I guess. They, uh, caught us like right away after you guys left, and then strapped us down and everything. Like right out of a movie, tables and lights and doctor guys- whole shebang.”

“They were gonna do it right beside me,” Casey said, looking a tinge queasy. “It was fucking sick, and not in a good way.”

Donnie took a moment to be very, very grateful that his brother was sitting across from him right then, and not in pieces in some government laboratory. Old nightmares of meeting a similar fate, and the memory of his unfortunate experience with a situation nearly the exact same, welled up in Donnie’s mind, and he understood. Understood why Mikey was so desperate to not be alone, and why Casey was hanging around long after he could have gone home to his human family.

Donnie, in the spare moments he did sleep these days, sometimes saw images that sounded like what Mikey had described. Reoccurring nightmares from childhood and onwards, surfacing again because of what Don Vizioso had attempted to do to him just a few weeks ago.

And to add to that experience, still having the crystal incident fresh in his mind, and his subconscious dreams, Donnie knew all too well that waking events could bring terrible images when one slept.

His brother and friend were watching him, waiting for Donnie’s response.

“I’m glad you’re both alright,” Donnie said truthfully. And he was, oh he very much was. He was also adding this to the pile of critiques he had for Leo’s ‘plans’ in battle. They’d nearly lost Mikey, and they hadn’t even known. “But why didn’t you tell us this earlier? That- that could have been really bad.”

‘Bad’ was a tame word. Disastrous, crushing, the tragedy that finally broke them all- take your pick. It could have been all those things.

They were both squirming again, in each their own manner. Casey’s fingers were tapping rapid pace on the comforter, and Mikey’s lip was being chewed into oblivion.

“We. Um.” Mikey, never short of words, seemed to struggle finding the right ones. “We thought they were gonna laugh at us for getting caught so easily.”

They.

Who were the ‘they’? Donnie didn’t even have to guess.

He repressed a sigh about their two other brothers, and pushed away the familiar pangs of frustration regarding them. It was really getting tiring, dealing with their condescending remarks towards Donnie and Mikey; mostly about their martial arts abilities. Casey was rarely a victim, but obviously, he was wary enough of mocking that he’d kept mum with Mikey.

Or maybe Mikey had asked him to keep things quiet, and he’d obliged. Donnie didn’t know which, and wasn’t planning on asking. That was between them. “And you came to me specifically, and told me about all this, because…?”

More squirming, and Mikey answered again after a beat of thought.

“I thought you’d be less…” He grimaced. “Mean? I guess?”

Casey mumbled an agreement, and Donnie felt very, very tired.

Why was nothing in their family straight forwards anymore? Mikey apparently couldn’t trust their older brothers not to mock him for almost dying, and Casey didn’t see Raph as a fit confident for nearly witnessing a friend’s slow death right before his eyes.

Donnie added another thing to his very, very long list of items to discuss with his brothers, one day. Also to the list of ‘things our father isn’t trusted with’, seeing as Mikey hadn’t even brought up the idea of talking to Splinter.

Donnie just wanted to sleep.

It didn’t look like he’d get to.

“How long, exactly, did you want to stay in my room?” Donnie asked wearily, feeling much older than he wanted to. From the awkward grimaces Casey and Mikey made, Donnie figured just a few hours wouldn’t be enough. He sighed. “Fine. All day it is. Someone go get the spare mattress, I’m not letting you two get my sheets dirty.”

He huffed at the thankful smile Mikey gave him, and at the half hidden gratitude on Casey’s face.

What a mess they all were, really.

A few minutes later, after rearranging his bedroom and letting Mikey haul out all their spare bed accessories, there was a twin sized mattress on the floor, decked with more pillows and blankets than they could ever use.

It made for a comfy pile, though. Supportive of both Casey’s back and Mikey’s shell alike. Donnie took the liberty of helping himself to the supply of soft items, and stacked up his own sleeping space. Once they were all arranged, Mikey closest to Donnie’s bed and Casey on the far side, Donnie turned on the old flat-screen TV he’d mounted to his wall a few years ago. At least in his room, he was able to afford luxuries that wouldn’t get broken by wayward destruction from his brothers.

He’d loaded Planet Earth’s first disc into the player, and turned the volume down as it started playing. Maybe it wasn’t the most interesting thing to his guests, but neither of them argued as the smooth British narrator started speaking.

Donnie’s earlier exhaustion remained, but now he couldn’t sleep. Not with images of Mikey being chopped into pieces flashing across his mind. And he hadn’t even known that nearly happened. Mikey could have been long past help, drained of blood and ready to be packaged up for further examinations, by the time Donnie knew. If not for Casey, and Bishop, as they’d told him, Donnie could have been short a brother tonight.

The thought terrified him much deeper than his own brush with vivisection had. Donnie wondered vaguely if Mondo had felt as strongly about the situation as he had. The gecko wasn’t nearly as old as the rest of them, in age and experience both, and that had likely been his first time experiencing danger of that type. And Donnie still hadn’t found time to call the Mutanimals for a check up on the younger mutant.

He added that to another one of his many lists. Something he needed to do, likely the moment he woke next evening. If he woke at all, seeing as sleep wasn’t going to come easy.

The fifth episode started to play on screen, and Donnie shifted his eyes to his brother and friend on the floor. Casey had wrapped himself around a number of pillows, bandana off for the day and hair tangled up as he’d buried himself into the pile. He’d texted his family before finally passing out, and didn’t seem like he was going anywhere for a good while.

Mikey on the other hand, had his brow furrowed, and was tensed up head to toe. No sound was escaping him, but Donnie saw the slightest twitch to his hands. Even in sleep, ninjutsu and survival training ran deep. Make no sounds, have your weapon at the ready. Always, no matter what.

Mikey’s hands spasmed, and he tightly gripped the blanket closest to him. From the way he was curled around his center, Donnie guessed what was haunting his dreams at the moment. It wasn’t hard, seeing as he’d had similar dreams many times before.

Donnie leaned over the edge of his mattress, and reached out to run a hand across Mikey’s skull. He minded the dark bruise on the back of Mikey’s cranium, and tried not to think of Mikey trashing in restraints, desperate to get away.

Or, think about the other bruise, right beside Mikey’s eye. That one wasn’t from the restraints. That had been from Raph, and inflicted right in front of Donnie. And he’d done nothing to stop it, as usual. And then he’d left Mikey right afterwards, both him and Casey abandoned to face a whole building’s worth of security all on their own.

And no one had even stopped to wonder about them again until after Tokka had left. Just a phone call after everything was said and done, from Donnie, because Leo and Raph hadn’t even made a move to check on their missing teammates. And Mikey had answered brightly and replied that they were fine, totally fine!

Donnie was sure Raph hadn’t apologized for hitting Mikey, and Leo hadn’t apologized for stationing them somewhere he should have known they’d get caught. And Donnie hadn’t pushed them to.

Donnie brushed the edge of Mikey’s black eye, and added another few regrets to his lists.

There were a lot of things Donnie should have done tonight. A lot of things he was putting on his lists to remind himself not to do them again.

Mikey’s hands spasmed again, a grimace crossing his expression and Donnie stopped touching the tender spot by his eye.

“Shhh, Mikey,” Donnie whispered, moving his hand up and rubbing a circle on Mikey’s temple. “You’re at home, you’re not there. Go back to sleep.”

It took another few minutes, during which Mikey’s eyes opened blearily and sightlessly, before closing again, and Donnie’s brother finally stopped tensing himself for a fight. His breathing evened out, and he stopped curling so tightly on himself.

Donnie lifted his hand away, and looked again at his brother. The bruises were starting to fade on the edges already, but it would be a while before the sickly discoloration disappeared completely. It would sit there, plain on Mikey’s exposed scales, and remind Donnie how very close he’d come to losing someone in his family. Again.

And, remind him of how there were cracks in their relationships. Cracks that had been widening with time and strain, that hadn’t been attended to at all. No apology for their creation, and no closure to the events that caused them.

A sudden noise caught Donnie attention, and he moved his eyes to the other person beside his brother. Casey made an angry, muffled sound in his sleep, and his legs thrashed for a brief moment. Then he settled again, turning deeper into the pillows he was clutching.

Donnie waited to see if Casey would do anything else, but a soft snore signified it wasn’t likely. With the two of his guests settled again, Donnie moved back onto his bed properly, and lay against the pillows he’d accumulated.

The sounds of British narration, and of distant wildlife ecosystems, filled the gaps left by Mikey and Casey’s gentle inhalations. Donnie tried to use the steady flow of both sounds to lull himself into sleep. Even though a weight had settled in his chest, and made the prospect of rest feel very unlikely.

He could think deeper on the horrors of tonight, of the last years, and of the future, come the next evening. He’d do his best to not think at all for a while, and sleep for however long he could. He’d sleep lightly though, listening for further distress from his guests.

He’d forgotten to watch out for them once already, failed to be there when they needed him, and he wouldn’t do that again.

Donnie closed his eyes, and did his best to sleep, even with his lingering thoughts weighing on his mind.

[setoangel01-fanfiction]

Searching

Crazy - Chapter 26 (Previous Chapters)

Fandom: TMNT 2014/16

Pairing: Raphael x April (Raphril)

Rated: T

Chapter Summary: Raphael is missing. April is frantic while Leonardo searches for his lost brother in the desperate hope to prevent him from doing anything irrational.

Fanfiction.net

A03

Long, excruciating hours of anxious waiting and all April could do was silently pace around the small space of her apartment. Sending out texts and calling the red-banded brother's phone over and over again… without any response.

Hours had passed since Raphael fled her apartment like it was ablaze and the slight worry was quickly morphing into frantic anxiety. Her screams of telling him to come back went unanswered and since then, April felt nothing but a hallow hole grawing deep in the pit of her stomach.

As much as the brunette would like to believe Raph when he said he had patrol and left with hardly a word, she couldn't ignore the sensation that she was being lied to. There was also no way he was asleep since she knew for a fact if he went on patrol, it wouldn't conclude til at least four in the morning. It just - didn't feel right since Raphael wasn't one to ignore her and she hadn't the vaguest idea of what she may have said during their brief interactions that possibly set him off. Everything was perfectly fine when all of a sudden, he took off with the most half-assed excuse she'd ever heard from him.

It just wasn't like him at all...

The reporter couldn't help but be worried wondering if he went off and got himself into trouble or danger like he would frequently do. So little self-preservation if his numerous injuries and scars he acquired almost daily were anything to go by... Heart pounding, she jumped slightly when her cell 'pinged' in her shaky hands. Instant relief flooding her system was quickly diminished upon reading a text from Leo rather than Raphael and the context of the text nearly stopped her heart cold in her chest.

"Have you seen Raph? He hasn't come home yet."

April, her legs suddenly weak, plopped down on the worn couch as she tried to calm her breathing even with her stomach lodged itself into her throat. Texting forgotten and panic overtaking her system, she called him.

"Leo?" she asked upon him answering.

"Oh. Hello, April. What's going on? Did Raphael decide to stay at your place tonight? It's fine, I just wished he'd inform me of his plans ahead of time." Leo replied with a throaty chuckle, unaware of the grimace forming on April's mouth.

"R-Raph said you texted him that he had patrol."

"What?" Leo chuckled, "No, I didn't. That doesn't make sense, it's his week off."

That news had a chill echoing deep down through her spine. "...Raphael left three hours ago." April whimpered, shocked she allowed the sound to come out.

"..."

"Leo?" April asked hysterically when he didn't respond.

"...I-It's okay, April. Don't worry, I'm sure everything is fine. I'll have Donnie track his phone since he's not answering it for some reason, but it's okay - we'll find him. Raph probably went to cool off or just lost track of time; he tends to do that occasionally."

"I hope you're right."

"Hey, April...are you okay?"

"I…" she struggled to keep her voice from breaking or retelling the night's events to the eldest terrapin brother but she bit it back, "I'm alright... Just a damn headache, um, please, let me know when you find him."

"Will do. Don't worry too much, alright? Have a goodnight." with that, the blue-clad leader hung up the phone, leaving April to listen to the droning beep on the other line before she hung up and tried to quell the frantic pounding of her heart.

A sigh left Leonardo's mouth as he hung up the phone with a forceful push of his thumb before placing it back in the pouch of his belt. Pushing his shoulders back, he left the lair in search for his brother through the dark, frigid night hoping he wasn't too late…

Only one thing was certain - Leonardo despised this part of his job.

An hour had passed since he departed the lair in a desperate search for Raphael and still found nothing. A gnawing began to plague his stomach when he contacted Donnie and was informed Raphael shut his phone off close to April's apartment, meaning the red-banded terrapin could be anywhere in the city by now…

Stopping at a rooftop edge, Leo sighed at his brother's typical brash behavior for whether Raphael liked to believe it or not, he wasn't invincible.

It was as if Raph's very purpose in life was to drive him absolutely insane ever since Master Splinter gave him title of leader. The once-impenetrable bond he shared with Raphael was severed permanently as if it never existed whatsoever; it frankly didn't stand a chance with the stubborn and hotheaded brother of his who detested Splinter's decision. In its place was growing resentment and a fierce jealousy the younger brother couldn't mask and ever since that day, Raphael grew reckless; doing everything in his power to go against orders and rebel like some angry, misguided teenager hellbent on making Leo's life a living hell. Like his red-banded brother was purposefully making his job harder just for some leverage in digging his burrowing bitterness underneath his shell.

Little did his younger brother know, but Leo never wanted this position.

Truthfully, he despised the title of Leader and all the connotations it entailed but he would never say it aloud. Leonardo didn't like the responsibility of being the sole one responsible for keeping family safe and coming up with plans to disarm criminals and enemies in a moment's notice. A difficult job which Raphael tended to make nearly impossible whenever given the chance.

Yet over the years, Raphael seemed to mellow out some - especially after April O'Neil spontaneously came into their lives.

Raphael did hide a lot, but there was no masking the feelings he had for their hogasha.

It was rather sad how easily the normally stone-faced Raph let it show, but apparently, he was the only one who saw straight through the act. Mikey and Donnie had no idea (either that or they didn't mention it) and apparently, neither did April.

Leo desperately wanted to do it - to approach his hotheaded brother and flat out tell him it shouldn't happen just because of the mere shit storm it would be certain to cause. He wasn't worried for April, but for Raphael - his brother, for as hard-headed and strong as he seemed outwardly, had more of a fragile shell than Raphael would ever admit even under threat of death. As much as Raphael aggravated him tormented him, disobeyed him, and plain drove him crazy with his irrational behavior - Leo never intended to hurt his brother. All Leo wanted to do was protect him, shield him, discourage him from chasing after such a fruitless endeavor that could end up being the death of him.

So, at first, Leonardo said nothing.

As time went on, Leo merely watched the story unfold from the sidelines; seeing if anything at all would come of it other than anguish - and so far, nothing had - until the point Leo began silently rooting for something deeper to develop between Raphael and April. It took some time, but he began to witness just how inexplicably happy April made Raph. Smiles that were rarely glimpsed became a permanent fixture on his face whenever their hogasha was around. More shocking was when he noticed the slight nuances of April's behavior toward his brother; how she tended to seek him out; touch him for no reason, and always make sure to call him at least once a day and they were always texting back and forth...

...Until a year later they met Casey and Leo watched it all crumble like a house of cards.

While he personally had nothing against the masked vigilante, it was immediate chemistry between him and the pretty reporter and it was when Raphael began to spiral down a deep, dark road once again. It was only a matter of time, he supposed for as nice as it was to envision his little brother and April hook up and perhaps fall in love when the two finally stopped skirting around each other...their reality wasn't a fairytale. The two had come from such different worlds and yes, while she was vital for their lives and owed it to her, Leo knew it would ultimately happen; that she'd find someone who fit into her world... someone that wasn't Raphael.

This realization and his desire to protect his brother's heart finally forced his hand. Leo approached Raph about April, telling him he would only be hurting himself if he continued to pursue her, but if anything, it only further drove the wedge between them.

Leo would be lying if it didn't hurt to see his little brother grow colder once again; smiles weren't as easy to come by as before the masked vigilante came into April, and their, lives. The title Leader hurt worse than ever right now for it has always been his job to keep his his younger brothers safe - but this wasn't anything he could protect Raphael from and now - Leo had to reluctant accept that he ultimately failed…

Stepping into a darkened alley, Leonardo finally found Raphael.

The temporary relief upon finding him alive quickly faded upon taking in his red-banded brother. Raphael sat at the end of the dark alley, shell pressed against the wall and a look of utter despair etched into his face if the drying tear tracks streaking his bloody face weren't enough. Scanning his form further, Leo couldn't help but flinch when he took it Raphael's leg and knuckles. Dark green scales were horrifically torn apart and bleeding profusely and one of his hands was definitely broken; the knuckles of each a mesh of ripped skin and blood.

"Get fuckin' lost, Fearless..." Raph suddenly snorted, wiping his face with his injured hand, smearing fresh blood across his snout in the process.

"I'm not leaving you here, Raph. It's freezing out here, you shouldn't be out here in this weather for any long period of time. Now, get up and let's go home." Leo was stern, knowing if he let his guard down now, he'd be tempted to give his bristled sibling a hug that the hotheaded turtle definitely didn't want.

Raph grunted as he shifted on the bloody pavement, "I don't care... now leave me da fuck alone, Leo!" Raph growled, brandishing his canine fangs in a veiled threat.

"Make me." Leo replied calmly, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

Raphael's golden eyes flashed menacingly before he outright roared.

The massive turtle pushing himself blindly to unsteady feet and instantly attacking Leo without preamble or even a warning, but the Leader merely stepped aside. Not even breaking the barest swear while he swiftly avoided every clumsy punch and kick like clockwork. It was the same song and familiar dance they'd been doing for years and Leo could do it with his eyes closed. This was the very reason Leo stressed Raphael to control his anger because when Raph was angry, he fought sloppily, leaving enemies wide open to attack his most vulnerable areas.

And tonight, Leo was aiming straight for his pride.

One quick kick to Raphael's wounded leg, which Leo admitted was quite a cheap shot, but he didn't want to get into a big brawl where there could be people walking or living nearby to witness. Leo had to take him down - now. The swift slam of his thick leather shoe against his torn flesh had Raphael grunting loudly in pain as he gracelessly collapsed back to the ground with a thud.

"You ready to go home now?" Leo chided.

Within the blink of an eye, Raphael was back on his feet; glistening sais in gnarled fists as he launched himself akin to a runaway train headed straight for his brother.

Leo didn't even flinch; merely ducked and weaved along with every punch and kick Raphael threw his way. If Raph was in his right mind, Leonardo might have even had to draw his own broadswords to counter, but in his delicate state, Leonardo didn't dare in fear of hurting Raphael even worse.

"Raphael! Stop!" Leo demanded, blocking a sharp jab intended for his face. "There's no way you can beat me in this condition! Wait, you can't beat me anyway..."

"Shut yer fuckin' trap!" Raphael yelled, throwing himself at his brother; the blades of his sais nearly catching Leonardo's arm. "Leave me da fuck ALONE!"

"No!"

"Get away from me, Leo!" Raphael choked out in a guttural scream, his voice hoarse and actions becoming far more sloppy as he furthered his attack.

"I'm not leaving you here alone, Raph! We're brothers! Family!"

"Fuckin' shut up! Ya never fuckin cared before!"

"I DO care, Raphael! I've always cared about you! If I didn't care than tell me, why am I here?!"

"Yer only here 'cause Splinter prob'ly told ya to be - ya'd only do something like dis if he asked ya because normally, yer usually too busy kissin' dad's ass to care about me at all!" Raphael grunted, a sudden sob breaking the last word into a wail.

Leonardo froze, staring at his hunched over brother before uttering, "Raph…" Leo's voice was gentle as he watched Raphael suddenly throw his sais down, the metal clattering noisily in the dim alley. Nothing but sheer, utter agony was lacing his little brother's eyes and it shook him straight down to his very core.

"..."

"Raph, what happened?"

"..." Raphael didn't speak but he didn't have to.

The massive terrapin turned his face away from him, the darkness of the alley not hiding the glistening tears that slipped down Raph's face before they were roughly wiped away with a shaking, bloody hand.

"Nothin' happened, a'ight!?… Now, will ya kindly fuck off?" Raph growled out but all the fire was gone from his voice, "…I jus' wanna be alone…"

"I'm sorry, Raph, but that's not gonna happen…" Leo replied before knocking Raphael out cold.

Painful seconds and minutes trickled by into hours as April continued her frenzied pacing.

The reporter halfway watching a show to calm her nerves slightly while checking her phone to make sure she didn't miss any messages or calls. It was nearly 3am when she began to fly into a blind panic but still refused to call Leo back - the last thing April wanted was to look like some desperate person hopelessly obsessed with his brother.

But fuck, she was worried…

Raphael hadn't rebelled like he used to back in the day - well, as far as she knew.

Mikey relayed instances of multiple occasions where the red-banded turtle would disappear for days at a time only to come crawling back with cuts and bruises and be instantly sent to the hashi without a word. It didn't help when so many worst-case scenarios flitted around her mind even going back to the nightmare with Sack's - the insane man who was ready to dissect them and drain their blood - similar imaginings of it happening to the biggest turtle shook her straight down to her core and she couldn't help but blame herself for this.

April poured over every single word she spoke wondering what the hell she said that could make him react that way...because if anything, Raphael was a terrible liar and she'd seen straight through his bullshit when he said he had to go because he 'had patrol'.

...since when did Raph ever listen to Leo?!

When a blurry transcript of the conversation began playing in her head and how Raphael reacted with such panic upon her arrival, April instantly began regretting her less than kind words and actions toward him. Saying things she never would have had not she been suffering from a massive hangover and headache; his presence not expected after her admittedly prolonged absence…

Instantly, April's heart shattered when a flicker of Raphael's face showed up in her mind's eye from hours earlier. The utter panic and fear etched into his golden irises; the bags under them not hidden by the scarlet bandanna and it dawned on her then - what had she done? April bit her lip, heart frantically throbbing painfully in her chest when her phone suddenly pinged.

Troubling thoughts falling to the wayside, April peered down at the device and nothing could match the utter relief that flooded her system upon reading Leo's simple text of -

"He's home."

Clenching the small device in her hand, she lifted the other one up to brush back an errant strand of hair that obscured her vision. Upon doing so, she skirted her fingertips against her cheek and was surprised to realize that they were wet. The warm tears clinging to her skin before she wiped them away with a trembling hand.

Guilt settled deep in her gut, April allowed a sob of relief to escape her lips.

[setoangel01-fanfiction]

Farewell

Hurt - Chapter 30 (Previous Chapters)

Rated: T

Chapter Summary: The group leaves Northampton.

Fanfiction.net

A03

It was the next morning when Splinter finally drummed up the courage to approach them.

The four sat upon the various couches; April and Donnie with cups of coffee, Leo with a small half-eaten bowl of oatmeal, and Mikey with a plate of jellied toast of which he had barely nibbled on.

The sight was a welcomed one; them somewhat eating and being together was better than their previous aloofness and separation as of late. For a split second, he was uncertain if he wanted to break up this moment but something in his chest knew seeing them all in one room together was one that didn't happen too often…and there truly was no time like the present…

"Fa-amily..." Splinter spoke, cringing how his voice cracked for a moment.

All eyes went from the muted glow of the television to Splinter.

"Good Morning, Sensei." Leo spoke respectfully.

Donnie gave him a polite nod and smile and Mikey looked up to him as he approached.

"D-Did you need anything to drink or eat, Splinter?" April asked and while her demeanor seemed pleasant, there was an underlying cloud of despair that seemed to always be over her. She hid her pain well but the veil was quickly wearing thin. He worried deeply for her.

"No thank you, Miss April." The ninjitsu master's hands were shaking as he took a seat by the chair; reaching over to turn the television off before speaking words none of them fully expected.

"I-I think it's best that we leave soon."

The look plastered on everyone's face was of shock and awe, but there was an underlying question that reigned on most of their faces - Why?

It was so great Splinter felt compelled to answer it.

"After much meditation and reflection, I came to the conclusion that three months is enough. R-Raphael was never one to just lie down and give up. He would have strove on and continued fighting even in the worst of pain" Splinter's voice broke for a second as he said it, "…So we should do the same. I-I think it's about time that we went back to the city."

The only response Splinter got was a room filled with silence.

Donnie's head slightly lowered in acceptance.

There were so many things he wanted to say. Logical reasoning as to why that wasn't a good idea flooded his subconscious. They were out of shape for one. Going back to resume their normal life of patrol and ninjitsu training wasn't going to be easy or possible in their sad state. They'd lost weight, their diet not up to their normal healthy standards, and the sheer grief they were still dealing with was an almost astronomical hurtle to jump over… Donnie was unsure if it could even be done, yet his mouth stayed shut.

"Dad, I-I don't think we can. I don't know if that's a good idea!" Leo suddenly spoke; voice vibrating slightly as it came out. "We haven't trained in months. How are we going to continue our patrols and training after this? I - we…how?" Leonardo stammered, a nervous hand itching at his mask.

"We won't right away. I'm not asking that of you, I-I just think we need to go home and try to resume a normal life." Splinter explained, hands up in a placating motion."That's all I ask, but I will honor your suggestions as well."

April sat quietly, pinching frantically at the flesh of her thighs in an attempt to quell the rise of tears burning the back of her eyes. The news was not any she was expecting and truthfully, couldn't accept at this point. Being here, staying busy was the only way she was able to function and now going back? Having to resume school and life like nothing happened? She wasn't sure if that was even possible…

"Do you…really think that's best, Sensei?" Leonardo asked.

"...Yes." Splinter replied with shaky assurance, "I-I think it's time we started moving forward instead of remaining stagnant."

Leonardo took a deep breath; hating how his heart began palpitating painfully in his chest. Going back meant going home. Home meant way too memories of Raphael. All his belongings gathering dust; room empty and unused. It would hit home that Raph was really gone and never coming back. Left with tattered remains of a life taken far too soon.

"Is this because of the crime wave happening back in the city, Sensei?" Donatello spoke for the first time; careful to notice how Mikey leaned closer to him as if seeking comfort or reassurance. He placed his arm over the youngest brother's shoulders in hopes that would be enough for now.

"Partly, yes. Crime has run rampant but that's not the only reason. We need to regroup, retrain, and move on all in time. I think going back home would be the first step. We'll still take it slow but I think we've been here long enough." Splinter answered calmly, stretching a paw out to caress Mikey's shaking shoulder.

The youngest was more or less in a daze; vision locked onto his lap as he listened to the conversation going around him. There were no thoughts, only pain that echoed into every fiber in his body. Leaving this beautiful place and all its distractions would be next to impossible; especially leaving behind Raph. Mikey suddenly began shaking and Donnie suddenly wrapped his arms around him as hot tears began leaking down the youngest turtle's face.

"Mikey…" April gasped slightly as the youngest began sobbing into his genius brother's chest.

"I'm sorry, my son, but I think it's for the best…" Splinter tried desperately to comfort him; getting off the chair and kneeling down next to him. Paws quivering slightly as they enveloped Michelangelo in a warm hug. "I believe it is what Raphael wants…I wouldn't be doing this if I did not believe it was the right thing to do, my son. I promise…"

"I-I-I know, dad…I just…" Mikey whimpered into Splinter's throat, "It's just gonna be hard to leave."

The room grew quiet except the sounds of Mikey's shuttering breath. It was a sober realization and acceptance of change none of which were completely willing to accept but knew it had to be done. A silence in which each of the occupants knew life from this moment wouldn't be the same; hadn't since Raphael's passing, and it was yet to change again.

A shift, a move in which signified with certainty the horrible reality that they lost a loved one and they had to go on without him. It was time to move on whether they wanted to or not. While their world had stopped three months ago, it didn't change the fact the world was still spinning, sun rising and setting, time ticking by with the hands of the clock. The calender days were indeed being checked off and seasons were changing - life went on regardless of the hell they were reluctantly thrust into.

Time didn't get to stop for those who grieve; it only made the passage of the time all the more painful.

As easy as it would be to give up; to live the remainder of their lives here in peaceful tranquility, it was not meant to be. There was a city that still required their services; needed their protection more than ever. Yes, indeed they would need to go on without a vital member to their team. Learn to fight without a fourth party there to count on; deal without their strong brother who was never afraid to run into a burning building; hold up the front, set off traps and always being the last one out. The one who watched their backs; muscled their way through all too many seemingly impassable obstacles.

None would lie - it would never be the same.

Raphael left this hole that would never be filled. An unmistakably viable asset they would realize its absence almost constantly. They would never be a complete team anymore; forcing them to learn to fight with only three instead of an even four. Tactics changing and shifting like grains of sand on a beach, learning to fill in Raphael's spot the best they could to account for the loss but it seemed impossible at this time to even fathom having to fight without him…

It was painful, horrible, but necessary at this point.

As soon as Mikey's cries ebbed away, Splinter relinquished his hold; moving his paw to lovingly wipe away the tears that still stained his youngest son's cheeks. The pain was visceral in the room. They were all hurting in ways they never expected to and to be honest, he knew it would never be easy.

"It will be difficult to leave, but we must."

"...I know, dad," Mikey sniffled, burying his face into his father's robes if only to hide his face for a moment. "It's what Raphie would want…"

Although true, it didn't make the accompanying pain any easier to take…

It was three days later when they finally finished packing.

Cleaning and preparing the house for future visits and making sure all their necessities were taken care of before they began packing up the Shellraiser. A few bags and boxes were pushed into the back; the squawk of the chicken's absence noted as they walked back and forth to and from the cabin. (April had reluctantly sold them to a distant neighbor when they knew the sewer nor her apartment were optimum places for the feathered creatures.)

It was particularly somber as Donatello assisted April in shutting off the water and generators. The genius packing up the remains of the chamber and gurney that housed Raphael's body for a time. Particularly hard to burn the sheet that covered him even if it had to be done.

"Is that everything?" April suddenly asked, breaking Donnie out of his painful memories.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure. I'll walk around the cabin once more to make sure but I think that's about it." Donnie answered lowly as he closed the Shellraiser's backdoor and turned to look at the redhead behind him.

"Okay." she replied with a shrug before moving to the front to climb in the van.

Splinter and Leo were carrying a few blankets and pillows out as Donnie re-entered the cabin for the last time. Upon entering, he saw Mikey standing in the cusp of the living room; staring out at the interior of the cabin. At first, he ignored him in favor of making sure everything was in order but once he was done, Mikey had only moved toward the front door, looking out through the tattered screen.

"Mike?" Donnie asked, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah…" the youngest muttered back.

"I-I need to lock up, Mike." Donatello replied, placing what he hoped was a comforting hand on his thinning shoulder.

"Oh. Okay." Mikey replied easily, slowly moving through the door and to the porch as Donatello pulled out the keys from a pouch to close up behind them.

Michelangelo silently continued down the stairs, his eyes drifting toward the large oak tree; the familiar plaque and mound of dirt underneath. A sight that he would never quite get used to. A place he spent so much time these last three months; a place that held so much pain and comfort at the same time… Bringing home the uncomfortable realization that his big brother was gone. Raphael. A brother he considered himself to be closest to was really never coming back…

Donnie had reluctantly passed Mikey and moved to the van. Hoping the youngest just needed a few more minutes and it appeared as if he was right when Mikey began to move toward the Shellraiser but as soon as he got to the side door, he stopped.

The youngest turtle stood there at the door for a long drawn out moment as he looked back upon the cabin, trees, lake, and again toward plaque and grave underneath the large oak tree. Everything inside of him didn't want to leave; downright refused to leave his big brother all alone here.

Yet another side could almost hear Raph telling him to go. To keep their promise to protect the citizens of New York; to go home and fulfill their childhood promises.

The group remained silent as Mikey suddenly moved; walking toward Raph's grave and no one dared utter a word or attempted to stop him.

Michelangelo fell to his knees in front of the stone; the smooth plaque etched with Raphael's name and the dates of his birth and death. A strange sight he still could hardly fathom. There was so much that felt unreal; a nightmare in which he hoped he'd soon wake up from...but a part of him accepted that it simply would never happen.

A shaking hand went to run a hand over the words and dates.

This was reality…and Raphael was really gone...

Without his permission, so many memories flooded in. Like a movie or picture book; these glimpses of happier moments. Four brothers growing up, being kids, and all the adventures it entailed. A beautiful time. Relative ease to spend their days running around, playing tag, swimming in the clean cisterns under Splinter's careful watch. Becoming ninjas; training, learning their weapons, and ultimately, how to fight as a team. Scattered flashes and pictures in his minds eye of times long since passed and never to truly be regained.

Mikey silently remembered Raphael.

A brother who would become his best friend; their various interactions ranging from full on brawl to being comforted and held by the red-banded terrapin when nightmares plagued his sleep. Arms open and understanding; never judging him as he curled up next to him in bed even in their later years. Raphael was always there. Mikey was still trying to accept the fact that he wouldn't be anymore. He'd gotten used and took for granted all those moments as well as their friendship that went beyond their brotherly one.

They had a bond few understood.

Raphael was the brother he could tell anything to without fear of being judged. Raph would happily take a punishment when they got caught goofing off or doing something particularly dangerous or even illegal in some cases. Of course, there were arguments and disagreements but at the end of the day, they were still brothers and best friends. Still as close as can be even if Raphael had a hard time saying it.

"I love you" was never much in Raphael's vocabulary. Neither was "Please" or "Thank You" but that's beside the point.

Mikey could count on one hand how many times he'd heard Raph say those three words at once and it was understandable the more you got to know him; wasn't much for words or long drawn out conversations at all. What Raphael flourished with though was his actions which always spoke louder than words. Raph didn't have to say he loved you because he showed it often in ways few understood.

Raph was the first one in, last one out.

Always watching your back and protecting you without you ever knowing it. He may say rude things to your face and his endless supply of sarcasm was only a defense against you seeing how much he truly cared. There was never a doubt that Raphael loved his brothers more than anything; than anyone…

…and now…it hurt like hell that now…he was gone forever.

That strong brother he relied on for most of his life was brutally ripped away; faded and disappeared like sand through the large gaps in his fingers. Lost adrift amongst these tsunami waves of grief and pain that seemed to multiply by the day. It was hard not to just allow it to suffocate him and drag him under its depths but the one thing that kept him adrift was Raphael.

Words spoken, friendship and love so visceral that allowing his grief to swallow him wasn't an option…because it was the last thing Raphael would want. Raph would want him to move on, to push forward without him. Wallowing in sorrow would not be approved and Mikey could even hear his brother's admonishing voice now.

"You'll be fine, Mike. Now stop yer cryin'!" were some of Raph's favorites and they seemed somehow fitting here.

Yes, it hurt.

It would always hurt.

There wasn't anything or anyone that could ever fill the spot Raphael left in their hearts and lives. Why would he even try? Yet, as much as his chest and mind ached with the reality his brother was dead; there was also a comfort in his memories. Knew that somewhere, Raph was still around; watching and protecting them from afar.

Mikey was certain of it.

Sure, he still wasn't exactly sure how he was going to move on; how any of them could fathom pushing throughout all of it in one piece but he knew they had to try.

It's what Raphael would want and he dared not let him down…

"I love you, Raphie." Mikey stated firmly, his voice refusing to crack as he brushed off a few specks of dirt that littered his brother's gravestone. There was more he wanted to say but found himself unable to say any more. He wanted to be strong; to make Raphael proud and for some reason, he knew Raph already was.

A final brush of his hand over the cool stone before Mikey stood to his feet. Staring silently at the spot his brother lay before gravitating toward the surrounding area. So lush and beautiful; serene and peaceful. Raph was lucky to be in such a place and Mikey hoped that whoever was in charge of his burial however long from now, would place him by Raph's side.

Michelangelo swallowed a thick lump; refusing to allow tears to fall right now. His lips wanted to say goodbye but it was just too final; too painful.

"See you later, bro." he said instead.

Without another glance back, Mikey swiftly walked to the Shellraiser and jumped in the back with his father and Donnie. Careful to avoid their eyes as he awaited the movement of the vehicle.

Once Mikey was in and everyone settled, Leo put the keys into the ignition and the vehicle came to life with a turn of the keys. The leader checked the mirror's position and put on his seat-belt. Then they were off.

April was silent as she fastened her seat-belt from her spot in the front passenger seat next to Leo. Desperate to hide her internal grief, the redhead pulled her hood over her head and turned to face toward the window where she could see her reflection. Looking beyond it, she was faced with the rear-view window; Northampton growing farther and father in the distance. Emotions rising in her throat, she buried her face in her sleeve and quietly sobbed. Silent tears streaming down her face as Northampton disappeared and if it was at all possible for her heart could break anymore - it did…