#and nobody even cares. its so fucking selfish and childish but my whole life ive screamed for help and nobody has seen me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yikes-ajax-thats-sad · 3 days ago

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People really think trust issues are just "aww they're scared of love" and it's like bitch no. Trust issues as in I'm deeply in love and the issue is I'm waiting for you break my heart after undergoing periodic abuse in relationships. I'm not scared of love I'm scared of what you'll do with it.

#ahahahaha anyways. ranty time in the tags wheeee #paranoia has been terrible today. everyones mood is off. everyones acting different. everyones acting colder. they hate me im sure of it #and all this stuff i want to be happy i just know is gonna be ruined or left with tainted memories now and its my fault #but maybe its not because why the fuck cant you be consistent. why is it so touch and go #i support ppl through the worst parts of their lives and when i need the support nobody is there #i will literally take time off work to be with someone if theyre having a hard time but me? cant even afford more than three words #im sick of being told i love you and finding no proof outside empty words. i sure as hell dont feel fucking loved. everyone is lying #it's just like my ex. he smothered me in love to cover up the major lack of actually viable love #empty words make me sick to my stomach now. everyones a fucking liar and i dont get why the wont just tell me the truth!#if im such a burden then just fucking say it! if im horrible to be around tell me! how am i supposed to every grow if nobody tells me #i just wanna be loved and not unconditionally. i want to be loved by choice. i want someone to choose me despite everything #i want someone to love me to every little detail and hold my hand even when im at my lowest and just UNDERSTAND #i want someone to love me wholeheartedly and think about me as much i do them. i want the little gestures and the sweet things i do #but here i am. always the one carrying everything and putting in all the effort. when was the last time someone really liked me.#when was the last time i existed in someone elses head. when was the last time someone cared enough to check on me. to do something?#this savior mentality is gonna kill me but im only being straightforward when i say i cannot pull myself from this alone. i am so weak #and god im fucking tired #spent at least two hours straight sobbing while regressed because even as a kid i cant outrun this #and im just getting sicker. i cant sleep. cant eat. cant stay warm. feel like im slowly fading away #and nobody even cares. its so fucking selfish and childish but my whole life ive screamed for help and nobody has seen me #do i have to become another number in the statistics for you to care? or would you even care when i die?#because at this rate i dont even need to try. my heart hasn't slowed in three days. i think i really am dying #sad thoughts #vent blog #sad blogging #vent #vent post #venting #actually mentally ill #actually traumatized

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