#im a normal well adjusted person
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Sevika and Heimerdinger fighting for my favourite character title (we dont talk about the range)
#shes so aahasgha#im a normal well adjusted person#my art#artists on tumblr#sevika#sevika arcane#sevika fanart#arcane sevika#arcane fanart
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I just finished rereading LN 3 of the apothecary diaries and I need to ramble for a bit
One of the things that is clear and emphasized a lot in the these initial volumes is how much maomao is scared of accidentally committing an infraction unknowingly and been punished (killed) because of this. That is her reasoning behind wanting clear limits and direct orders, as in her narration she mentions multiple times that that makes her life easier.
Even in situations where the people in higher station are clearly showing signs of affection towards her (I'm thinking about when the emperor pats her head in the labyrinth-shrine), she has her guard up and is still very aware of the image she presents as to not "accidentally offend a noble and get killed".
And then we get at the end of volume 3, where the hunting trip offers more proof than ever that Jinshi is much more important and high up in the chain than she had previously thought, and that the whole situation is VERY messy. And she is obviously resentful and stressed for being dragged into this, because the undeniable truth is that she is the one that stands to lose the most. But still, when Jinshi offers her the ox bezoar she then SHUTS THE DOOR IN HIS FACE and it's such a funny and very maomao way of showing that she is a little bit closer to him and can let her guard down enough to let her excitement for pharmaceutical ingredients consume her necessity to maintain propriety (lest she gets beheaded for being accidentally rude as she always thinks????).
She knows that her own feelings about people are not something she is very in tune with (she knows how she feels about her dad and maybe her sistersand thats about how much she recognizes), so we the readers are not going to get a direct declaration from maomao about how she feels about jinshi. I like then that we get progressive and subtle glimpses of how she starts to let her guard down and feel more at ease in jinshis presence, that she becomes a little bit more rude, outspoken, direct with her observations and conclusions in her investigations. We get to see her talk more and narrate less, and I find it such clever and subtle way to show that she is warming up to him.
#the apothecary diaries#maomao#jinshi#can you tell im feeling normal about this series#ramble#barely coherent#but i just love her so much#she just manages to supress evrything under like 15 layers#she's going to be that last person to realize she actually is so fond of him she cannot think about a life without him#shes gonna enter a room and be like 'i realized i love you'#and he will be like 'yeaa whats new'#you told me to go die in a ditch#that obviously means that you love me'#whos doing it like them#the true freak4freak#the apothecary diaries spoiler#also jinshi is a whole nother problem#like dont ever mistake it#he is not well adjusted AT ALL#its just that his disfunctions complement maomaos so well#theyre made for each other (derogatory)
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Every day I try not to be a hater to people in fandom who completely fall for a characters facade or false perception of themselves. Like girl the narrative device tricked you.
#homestuck#jake english#people for dome reason just. dont engage with their characters beyond surface level#the apha kids in general#june Egbert#john Egbert#people eho think june is well adjusted and normal LMFAO girl be so real#rose lalonde#jade too tbh#for the alpha trolls thats find most of them are obvious as shit with their personality and stuff#but the kids and the beta trolls? youre KIDDING ME#well not all of the beta trollsbut yk#it boggles my mind when people reduce a character to ttheir modt shallow interpretation#i.e himbo jake. cool smart put together rose. roxy being a perfect angel who can do no wrong. june bring well adjusted snd silly#etc etc#like you say you likr these characters but do you really?#anyone who calls jake a himbo im putting in yhe literal dirt. in the ground#SOCIALLY STUNTED AND PRETENDING TO BE INCAPABLE ≠ STUPID#auuughhh#looking at fandom posts like augh they misinterpreted my boy
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well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.
also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever
(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )
#so. i get why people are against children transitioning i really do. and i have my own nuanced complicated feelings about it#but honestly. im beginning to believe id be more well-adjusted by now even if just a bit if i had started larping as male by 15.#would it fix all of my problems? no. but it would make a lot of things in my life much smoother and easier.#but i was sooo deep into raddie/gc shit that i had this fucking. complex about not wanting to troon because its ~cheating~#and 'omg all the butches are leaving!!1 butch flight i cant be one of them!!!1'#'i MUST be a good example for all the young girls!!!1' a weird sort of almost martyr-like complex if you will.#but as i get older im like... honestly man fuuuuccckkkkk this.#barely anybody expects straight or even bi women to abstain from dating men forever For the Good of Womankind#its not seen as Expected but rather Exceptional and Wow Amazing if you do.#and anyone who Expects it is seen as a ~crazy extremist~#meanwhile lesbians and especially HSTS are almost fucking Expected to sacrifice themselves for the ~greater good~#and ngl other lesbiams perpetuate this shit too.#oh you CANT transition even if you feel it'll make your life easier because because because#[arguments that would really only apply to OSA females transitioning]#[strawman] [misinterpreted stats] [unverified reddit posts]#and if all else fails 'think of how the very act of doing so will HURT ALL OF WOMANKIND'#no fucking wonder dysphoric lesbians develop an fucking insane martyr complex and start to treat hrt/transitioning like its fucking crack#'ill give into the temptation if i see a happy trans person ohh nooo so nobody should be allowed to troon'#like thats not fucking normal! you realize thats NOT FUCKING NORMAL right?#youre acting like a deranged christian who is so afraid of sinning by wrongthink#and disclaimer no. i dont inherently hate being female or a lesbian but with the way i am physically and mentally#i would have/have had a Much easier time integrating into society as a ~man~. just because of how i am physically and mentally.#now i wont say internalized homophobia/etc. NEVER has anything to do with transition or etc. but im gonna be real#for HSTS (which are extremely rare in the first place) thats often only a very small part of it at most.#its often more about making our lives easier and integrating better without having to completely remold our entire personalities.#thats the reality.#would we not transition if society have patriarchy/gender roles/sexism? perhaps. i wont deny that possibility.#the fact of the matter is however#that it wont be happening any time soon. so we just want our lives to be easier.#'oh but youre lying to yourself' not necessarily. i dont have a ~gender identity~ and im well aware of myself and my situation.
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being traumatized is crazy. ive been living in the same metaphorical home in my mind for the past 22 years and i am finally moving out and now that im moving out im looking at that old home in my mind and im going "oh my god the floorboards are rotting out there are leaks everywhere the ceiling is caving in theres black mold theres roaches in the walls how did i live like this for so long and not realize something was direly direly wrong" but it is because that house was all i have known. the maladaptive coping mechanisms and the incredibly fucked up rewiring of my brain is all ive known for 22 years and im only just now realizing how deep it goes
#txtpst#was talking to my therapist about it like being traumatized means viewing the entire world through the filter of trauma#i was only ever taught that things are painful or based in power / manipulation. normal hurdles for others are like Fucking Warzones for me#which is very obvious but not something i thought to apply to myself because i thought i was very well adjusted despite the trauma.#turns out the further that i go into my brain the more im like 'what the fuck is wrong with me'#and now i have to figure out how to not hyper moralize that like. maladaption. like how to not feel like it makes me an evil person. scary
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I’M SO SORRY I SAW YOUR VERSION OF THE ISABOOB RANT FIRST AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING LIKE. UNIRONIC. LIKE I WAS GENUINELY CONSIDERING UNFOLLOWING BECAUSE LIKE WHAT?? I WAS GIVING YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW THE CONTEXT AND I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE COMMENTARY ON SOME BIG ISAT FANDOM DRAMA I HAD MISSED I'm so glad i know it's parody now. like. thank god you're sane. I’m so sorry
NO HOLY SHIT I SHOULD HAVE LIKE. MARKED IT AS A COPYPASTA.
pix, pastell, and i (and a handful of our other pals) have been clowning on the ask pix got all day. the post was inside baseball which is why it wasnt rebloggable.
i, for the record, believe that a: the isaboobs post literally isnt sexual it was a bit that i think was posted because of a vc joke??? or at least a discord joke. and b: its important for minors to be friends with people who are older than them and for people to not act like 17 year olds are incapable of making jokes that air on the side of raunchy. and also c: its a screenshot of an actual asset in the game with the caption 'isaboobs' and not that deep.
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ruyan is literally so beautiful that i get ill looking at her
#a lot of my time as a person who cant recognize himself to the point that if you start asking about myself im going to lie to you#is that i really like to engage with media that asks you to be present in the text by creating an outside being who simply has#some similarities to me#like the concepts i know i have. but make them their own unique person#so ruyan is really fun in that if i was a well adjusted person she would probably be a self insert and not her own person#but instead by the grace of god and my own mental problems she exists and is a full person that i practically see as a friend#like when i like a character so much that they become a comfort to me (emil) my brain engages in relationship interpretation to that#chartacter. emil is my daughter who i feel paternal sentiments to despite me being a human person and her being code in a video game#for ruyan she is like a friend where i want to go to her wedding and see her kids and hear about her life#i may have made her but i watch her as if i just met her'#recognizing this thing i have going on has helped me immensely be comfortable with myself#ruyan is a friend to me a sister tock is my daughter who i feel a real world father-daughter dynamic towards#i feel the need to nourish her and entertain her and put her to bed and let her know i love her#and you dont have to think this is normal because if you by now havent harbored some sort of#This Guy is Weird sentiment towards me youre either like me or VERY kind#but i know that i have parts of me that are weird. i am 23 years old bringing toys to the beach#but i dont chase validation so much as i just enjoy when its given to me#but i dont need validation because i cant even form my own self to need validation for#im learning about myself like im wiping down an old mirror. that doesnt need validation because im seeing it for the first time#im having my understanding moment here and you are free to leave the room and leave me to my mirrow
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i like to think charlie was just really annoying about the events of episode 8 for a while. whenever he has to do something he doesn’t want to he’s like remember what happened last time you forced me to do something? and he always uses the excuse ‘cmon i was literally born like yesterday’ for absolutely anything even when it’s been like half a year since it happened
#i know this is ooc but idont care#im gonna be Real charlie isn’t that interesting to me at all. there’s not really anything to him except he died and also the way it’s kind-#of implied that bad luck runs in his family like a curse or something. this isn’t a complaint im fine with how just. Average Dude he is#this is also amplified by how interesting pim is as a person to me. like he has so much more going on compared to charlie yknow#AGAIN. this makes charlie great in his own way bc the concept of just the most relaxed normal well adjusted guy ever getting into the-#situations he does is objectively funny and good#and that’s like… the whole joke of the show#smiling friends#charlie dompler
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Do we need to yell about Kate Mulgrew at 2 in the morning? Not at all
But do we need to? Yes, absolutely
#normal well adjusted adult person I am#idk I'm gonna go see her in person in two months it's a thing#im very normal about this upcoming thing
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evil rpf where you can see something happening but you dont like it one bit and want it to end
#my mom asked me if i heard abt yungblud and i started frothing at the mouth like. hes a POSER! and stealing MY GIRL!! MY OLD MAN!!!#so u can say im a normal well adjusted person.#piksla.txt
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“My only hope is for one word. A simple, trivial word from a certain person…”
bungou stray dogs is an anime that iv had a fondness for since like..2018. but only now am i doing fanart for it, as iv gotten back into it via a rewatch with my friend ^_^ akutagawa was my favorite character as a mentally ill 15 year old and continues to be my favorite character as a mentally ill 20 year old
#scribbles#ryuunosuke akutagawa#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs fanart#bsd fanart#some general rambles abt my relationship w this anime incoming#nowadays its not a super serious interest cuz all my love to me i feel iv kinda outgrown how... hot topic slogan-y it is (ALL MY LOVE)#and i have a better eye for some of the issues in it. but its still got a nice place in my heart#i dunno if this person is still...around? but i first watched it with a friend as a teenager and i enjoyed it!#and when i fell outta touch w that friend i'd wanted to return to this anime but always felt bad about it. cuz it was Her Thing#but nowadays i have another pal (hi dark) who i watch a lotta anime with and i decided to take this opportunity to properly rewatch it and#idk im happy i am#especially bc when i first watched this anime in my youth it was a period where i was still freshly affected by like. trauma#and that colored my perception of it (COUGH MY DAZAI HATRED SORRY hes still kinda annoying tho)#(i'm way more normal about him now though XD)#and in general its a very Mentally Ill Teenager anime. so its cool to return to it as a more#mature well adjusted person. just finished season 1 of my rewatch and im eager to fall back in love w this show haha#anyway all that aside LOOK AT THIS RENDERING IM SO PROUD OF ITTTTT
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Sometimes I look outside my scope of mutuals and I'm like.....I'm glad I'm not them (whole essay in the tags)
#im going to ramble about a very touchy subject here but it pertains to 🐉♠️ which i am very open about shipping#apparently its Problematic or whatever 😭😭???? according to Some People#you know ive been thinking abt this for a while now but people really like spouting rhetoric abt how this or that is problematic without-#-really considering the specifics of why things are bad. things being bad are not the same as things possibly being uncomfortable#like people have an aversion to adult/minor ships or incest ships because these are real and tangible things that happen and are disgusting#i do feel like people have freedom over what they want to consume/create in fiction although those topics are an ick to me and i avoid it#but also you have to understand people dont like it primarily because of the realistic aspect of it and how it connects to reality#not a one to one but because reality already has these preexisting issues we naturally have an aversion to it#you cannot apply the same logic to like a dragon man x human ship because a dragon man is not going to scoop you from the sky#the ramifications of shipping an immortal and human are nonexistant and do not pertain to reality and cannot be judged on the same scale💀#well beside from the logic 🐉 is old in body but his mind develops in the way a fae would. and he is described to be young in fae#so up until now i assumed the normal assumption was to say that he is around ~18 in fae yrs by how he interacts with others in his yr#🐉 is like old in the way where hes lived for a long time and understands the passage of time#but hes processed it through the lens of a young person hence why he can come off as immature despite how old he physically is💀#like are we playing the same game?? if he was a well adjusted fully developed adult with a complete understanding of the world and stuff#like idk trein. none of the events in ch 7 would be happening. its kind of like a huge part of his character that despite his physical age#he IS still learning as he IS still young#i could go into a analysis of his character but thats for another time </33#anyways i see people . primarily young people. telling their mutuals you can or cant ship this and that#and im like its okay to not like ships if you personally find it uncomfortable but to police ur friends...for ships that arent even 'bad'#its insane to me...how do u live like this?#people really need to start thinking about the nuances and why things are the way they are in regards to fiction#instead of buying into that weird pr*ship/ant*ship thing 😭 ive always hated it its so dumb. my university professors wouldve hated it#theres no nuance like...none. personally i also think its why people have low reading comprehension these days too tbh#life is about looking at various viewpoints and coming up with your own opinion#not 'picking a side'💀 learn to form your own opinions. talk to people around you about it. do not constrict your opinions to black/white#its an extremely dangerous mindset to have even outside of literature and it makes you very susceptible to dangerous ideas/propaganda#anyways what im getting at is learn to have educated discussions with others and come up with your own opinions instead of picking a side#btw there is no right/wrong side in literary discussions. there is no good/bad side either. whatever you come up w someone will disagree#thats why its important to just believe what YOU believe in (and not parrot others💀). and also be open to change
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Right wing politicians want to "return to the good old days" but don't want to bring back the 91% to 92% marginal tax rate of 1950-1963. Those are the good old days you're talking about and a lot of what made them good was that "excessive" tax for the top 1%.
#personal#also for those of you who aren't familiar with what a 'marginal tax rate' is#a complete return to the highest ever marginal tax rate in american history when adjusted for inflation#would mean that the world's wealthy would still have a normal tax rate on their first 3.2 million in income#everything after that would get the 90+% rate#so if you make less than 3.2 million in a year you're fine#and if you make more than that... well. im guess you can probably live comfortably on 3.2M plus the 9% you get to keep of the rest
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Sorry guys I live for three things and that's D&D, Bears, and my Ocs and I've been trying to draw my little guys more bc they make my brain BLEED
Fun little chart thing so I can just. Be free . And now you gotta look. I'm still drawing DnDads stuff too DON'T SWEAT!!!!! like here look
Glenn Wip.
#dndads#ocs#wips#dndads spoilers#idk how to draw Glenn so bear with me. i will figure it out. im at the trial arc again and its hitting the feelings#also my ocs!!!!! you dont fucking care but sit down let me talk /j#from right to left! Dulcie. Jamison. Caspian. Eli. Lorraine. Barren. and Anthony.#I've thought about drawing Dulcie and Eli with the Daddies before just for funsiessssss#you cant tell but Eli is a massive naga and Dulcie is an ice cream slime girl so you can figure out why i havent yet.#Caspian is also a half giant and hes like if Darryl and Henry had a well adjusted son ( normal person )#Anthony is half vampire and no relation to the Burch kind#Barren is a ghost. weirdo. Lorraine is just a human but shesss cool and has an adiptive daughter
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shout out to the way i wrote an 8k owandy thing in one go two months back but then i stopped bc i hit a sappy part where they were gonna talk abt Feelings n my emotionally stunted ass pussied out JGKFKFK owen ass moment of me. andy was like can we PLS hav transparent communication here and me and owen in the fic both went 😬 lmaooo
#sss#ill finish it eventually#txt#maybe ill reframe it as an argument n thatll help me#JFJFKG IM A NORMAL WELL ADJUSTED NON TOXIC PERSON I SWEAR
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okay idk who needs to hear this but ive seen it in so many fics and its a huge pet peeve of mine. if youre writing a character getting choked (as in, grabbed around the neck) and you want them to pass out and not require an urgent hospital visit, you should not be describing them having a hard time breathing or "cutting off airflow".
like, okay. in order to make someone pass out, you have to prevent oxygen from getting to their brain. and on its own this wont do any major damage as long as the brain starts getting oxygen again very soon (it cant go more than a couple minutes without or youll start getting permanent brain damage). [NOTE: im not a medical professional. its probably not very good for you to deprive your brain of oxygen at all. but like for fanfic purposes theyll be fine afterward as long as they start getting air again right away.] so you can do this by preventing oxygen from getting into their body at all (i.e blocking their airway), OR you can prevent blood from carrying oxygen to the brain by cutting off circulation. and when youre talking about grabbing the neck from the outside, that second one is absolutely the one you want.
now, it is possible to choke someone out in a way that restricts airflow- by applying pressure to the front of the neck and crushing the windpipe. and this is what i usually see described in fanfic, BUT damage to your windpipe is extremely bad news. needs-immediate-attention-or-you-could-die bad news. you can certainly write this one if thats what youre going for- its also extremely painful so i can certainly see it having uses. and if the goal is to KILL someone by choking them, then this is obviously a perfectly fine method. but if you want someone to pass out from restricted airflow WITHOUT needing an ambulance, a tight seal over the mouth and nose is a much much better way to go. its not that hard to accomplish- any kind of plastic bag will make a nice tight seal. im sure duct tape over the mouth and then plugging the nose would also do the trick. additionally, sticking..... *ahem* /something/ down their throat far enough to completely block their airway would do the same thing, as long as you have a way to get it back out so they can breathe again.
but theres a nice easy way to cut off circulation to the brain- theres a major vein and artery on the sides of the neck that take blood to and from the brain (the carotid vein/artey). so by squeezing the sides of the neck, you can make someone pass out while doing almost no damage at all- it doesnt take a lot of pressure, so it might not even hurt that much. but you know when you wrap something a little too tight around your finger, and it swells up and turns red and gets that kinda pressure feeling in it? the same thing happens in your head. you can even try it for yourself- squeeze the sides of your neck for a couple seconds and see what it feels like.
and since the bloodflow is cut off, air can be coming in and out of the lungs just fine but none of it will get to the brain. (this way can also kill someone btw. although i imagine it would be less painful.) you may have heard people talk about this technique in terms of being safe in the bedroom, but thats not because it "feels good". it makes you pass out, which can be erotic in certain contexts, but even if youre into it it probably wont be a fun time outside of a controlled environment. and this is also the way they do it in some martial arts- youve probably seen a chokehold at some point, where they have their whole arm wrapped around their opponents neck? theyre not pulling back to put pressure on the front, theyre squeezing with the elbow to put pressure on the sides.
"but if i cant describe them struggling to breathe or pain in their neck, what can i describe?" good news friend, i have had the displeasure of almost passing out on several occasions, and i can describe the kinds of things that happen! first youll start to feel lightheaded, and that will keep getting stronger and stronger. you feel kind of disoriented and like youre going to fall over. might get a bit nauseous. your hearing will gradually fade out until everything sounds kinda muffled and far away, which makes your own voice sound really loud in comparison. then your vision will start to go black around the edges, and your ears will start ringing, and presumably that will get worse and worse until you cant even see or hear anymore. im guessing at this point you would probably fall over and that would be it. out like a light.
its a scary feeling! youll probably go into fight or flight pretty much right away (even if youre doing it consensually- your body will think youre in danger and act accordingly. from what i understand, thats part of the appeal- its like the thrill of riding a rollercoaster), so your heartrate and breathing will speed up and other things that happen in fight or flight. also, i described it as really slow but it can take anywhere from 5 seconds to several minutes depending on how much of the oxygen is cut off. like when someone sees blood and then passes out right away? yeah thats a real thing. and that happens so fast you probably wouldnt register what was happening before you were out. but getting choked out would probably take at least 10-15 seconds if i had to guess, longer if theyre doing it poorly.
anyway im not a writer so i dont have much in terms of specific writing advice like pacing or what to focus on or whatever. and im not an expert either- all of this is based on martial arts knowledge, basic biology and anecdotal evidence, so feel free to correct me on anything ive said here. and obviously you dont have to write it to be perfectly realistic if you dont want- im just trying to share some info about this for anyone who didnt know how it works and wants to write a more accurate portrayal
#also please ignore any implications about my fanfic reading habits in this post#im a normal and well-adjusted person who only reads wholesome fanfic what are you talking about#choking#death mention tw#writing info#how to write#passing out#biggie tumbles
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