#but the kids and the beta trolls? youre KIDDING ME

[exaltior-a]

Every day I try not to be a hater to people in fandom who completely fall for a characters facade or false perception of themselves. Like girl the narrative device tricked you.

[nekropsii]

Hello, I really like your analysis, especially of the dancestors but there's one part I don't quite get and would apreciate if you could ellaborate on

It's the part about how it's fucked up for them to be romantically involved with the beta trolls, because in the text, iirc, it does'nt seem like it is. They are treated like normal dumb teenagers, not that different than when they died as such, and I know it is canonically possible to go through character development after death, after all, dead Vriska did, but I can't remember the comic indicating that the dancestors did?

They still feel like teenagers and the comic doesn't seem to ever hint at abuse by virtue of their maturity, or include it as a theme or something. To me, that they spent whatever senseless amount of time dead thinking about stuff and never matured out of being teenagers just seemed like the sort of kind of dumb thing you're supposed to suspend your disbelief on for the juicy tumblr parody jokes and ignore, like the comic (imo) seemed to be doing.

Again, i'd love to read what you have to say on this and I hope to not be misremsmbering anything.

Thank you! I really appreciate it. I'm happy to explain.

1.) They are called the Alpha Trolls. Not the Dancestors. "Dancestor" refers to a relation that every single character group has with one another - it means "Person who is simultaneously your Descendant and Ancestor by way of a Scratch", and was actually originally coined by Porrim to describe the Beta Trolls.

The Beta Trolls are the Alpha Trolls's Dancestors. The Alpha Trolls are the Beta Trolls's Dancestors, also. The Beta Kids are the Alpha Kids's Dancestors as well, and vice versa. "Alpha Troll" is more accurate and more specific. They're even called this directly within the text, by themselves even. Best to just use that label instead.

2.) The Beta Trolls are 13 years old. The Alpha Trolls are 19 years old. That is a middle schooler and a college student. That is the power imbalance. That is what is wrong here. This also meets the DSM-5's definition of Pedophilia. Those children are 6 full years younger than they are, they should be completely off the table. This is not an excusable cultural difference, or something you are supposed to ignore, it is framed within the comic as being fucking gross. Meenah's relationship with (Vriska), who was 13, should have already clued you into that. Hell, the age disparity is called directly into focus as being fucked up by Meenah herself. More than once, actually.

NOTE: Yes, I know that 7.5 Sweeps translates to 16 Years - though, more accurately, she'd be 15 Years, since she hasn't even reached 7.5 Sweeps yet. (Vriska) and the Vriska in this picture are two different characters. (Vriska) is the Pre-Retcon Vriska, who died at 6 Sweeps, or 13 Years. Likewise, most of the characters targeted by the 3 offending Alpha Trolls were also people who died at 13 Years - Aradiabot (Rufioh), Tavros (Cronus), and Eridan (Cronus again - cool Incest bro!).

Child Predation is a running theme in Homestuck. The foul conduct of the Alpha Trolls exhibit towards some of the Beta Trolls - Cronus, Meenah, and Rufioh in particular having preyed on 3, 2, and 1 minor(s) respectively and specifically - is simply another follow up on that. We see it with Bro Strider, who abused and neglected Dave so badly that Dave was constantly exposed to and involved in Fetish Pornography, we see it in Doc Scratch, who is directly called out as having a thing for young girls several times and was literally keeping a young girl as a slave, we see it in the Alpha Trolls. It is everywhere. It isn't meant to be looked away from for the sake of memes. The fact that those college age adults are creeping on literal middle schoolers is thematically relevant, and very in your face.

So, like, yes, the Alpha Trolls are still teenagers, but these are the oldest possible teenagers targeting the youngest possible teenagers. Again, this is College Students creeping on Middle Schoolers, and the text wants you to think this is disgusting. Because it is.

[borzoilover69]

Alpha kids and why I like them (AKA the loneliest kids in paradox space)

(Elaboration under the cut.)

To get the nitty gritty out of the way, I like the Alphas because they're so openly flawed and relatable as characters, yet incredibly talented and ambitious in their desire to achieve and succeed, even though they're doomed. They're doomed to never even come close.

Take a look at the starting of the Beta's session, versus the Alpha session. The beta session starts in spring, a season thematically connected to nature, new beginnings, change, and opportunity. Their story grants them the chance to change and grow and realise their full potential, of which they do with the help of the trolls. They are the heroes, they are the ones that will create a new world.

The Alpha session starts in fall, otherwise known as Autumn. It's fitting that it's called the fall, given it truly is. Fall symbolises the late stages of maturity, decline, decay, and death. Their story is not one of creating, of realising their potentials. They were told to wait. There was to be no positive growth, no positive development or true adventure and beginnings, the planets they inherited were barren, and with only each other as company, it put a strain on their relationships that broke them apart. They were never called heroes. They were called Nobles. Their session, their entire lives, were ruled by the VOID. Not BREATH.

Even their tools that we first learn of them using are thematically on par. The betas, with their alchemiter, create a retinue of cool things to use, upgrade their fraymotifs, so on. They create and thrive. The alpha session is given a gristwidget, to conserve and survive.

They struggle. Terribly. The one thing that was supposed to save them, to be the biggest thing in their lives, was a massive disappointment and year long wait with nothing that much going on. They struggle with seeming independent, never feeling like enough (again, the void) and their expectations were such a let down for what they all expected.

The game was supposed to be the time where they reunited, where mind you, they saw their LIFE LONG friends, and finally had the chance to grow and change with each other, but it fell first. To quote a buddy of mine.

youre telling me they were given horrible starts and the game that they were anticipating their entire lives ended up killing them and oh it started a downward spiral of the very bonds theyve spent so much working up to? to.. wait for better people to save you? fuck my life man.

They resonate me because they have such high expectations for themselves and refuse to communicate because of that, because for so long they've been doing it on their own it becomes genuinely hard to talk about the things that suck. There's a VOID separating them all, whether it's Janes VOID in knowledge, the VOID that Roxy handles by indulging in underage drinking, the VOID of Dirks heart, splintering and constantly plaguing his thoughts, or the VOID that Jake has to struggle with as he borders on knowing, and being willfully ignorant if it means he can be comfortable. There is a VOID. A VOID separating them from their friends, from their achievements, and their potentials.

It's so hopeless. Their aspects, their themes, their stories and relationships, they're never enough, it's a struggle of not being enough. Do you know what it's like to finally make a change and oh, it turns out it's going to be debilitating to you? You get your big break and.. it's not it.

Their expectations crashed on the shores of opportunity and they could only watch and wait for their ancestors, who they never got to truly know to save them. The true heroes. Even their alpha versions were defined as heroes, adamant on fighting the condesce and bringing her down. They were never shown as human beings, they were yet another expectation to hold themself up to and aspire to be, which they could never surmount to.

They struggled to amount to something in their lives and they fell short. They became for the most part worse versions of themselves, and they blamed themselves terribly for it. Their moment isn't a rise, it's a fall. Everything just got worse. They're stuck with that feeling of insecurity, of inadequacy, that void, because they couldn't do what they needed to do as well as their dancestors, the kind of "I know we were doomed to fail and there's nothing we could've done to change it, but I feel like we are lesser for not finding a way."

The guilt that the betas had to go for YEARS to get a happy ending, and they didn't break as much as the alphas. The betas seem so much stronger than the alphas in a "if THEY could handle it, couldn't YOU GUYS handle it?" way, but it's not about which group had it harder, it's different. The alphas had so much bullshit happen, more than the betas, because they didn't really have the exposure to outside world that told them "hey you shouldn't always hold yourself to such high expectations constantly it will do a number on you if you expect so much from yourself and your peers." but it didn't exist.

The betas didn't grow up in shattered worlds. Maybe they grew up in households that weren't intact, but it was never the same level as the alphas, not even close. The alphas were broken from the start, in time, in space, in beginning. A VOID. They're so unbelievably tragic for that.

And the saddest most tragic part is. We don't see them change for the better. We see them *come to terms* with their flaws, but in ways that are detrimental in the long run, it's almost fitting that the only one that adjusted for the better was Roxy, Rogue of Void, and even then she indulges as soon as she's given a chance to do so. Because it's hard to grow up and change your ways. It's hard to grow up and change and grow and nobody really understands.

[homestuckreplay]

take me down to the pesterlog city where jade’s text is green and john gets all petty

(page 1394-1406)

It’s pesterlog time!!!! In a 12 page spread (1391-1402) there are seven pesterlog pages representing five characters. I feel like I am a medieval peasant attending my first palace banquet. The rich offerings of character moments and variety of colors on display is blowing my gruel-fed brain.

The art also kicks ass this update! Tbh I am going to make a post about the art more generally as I’ve noticed some big changes recently (and some slow changes that are very apparent when jumping back) so for today I’ll just say: look at this super cool art of John exploring LOWAS on page 1395. He’s so clearly questing in a way that the sprite just can’t represent. I would get this framed for my wall.

I’m delighted to get a longer conversation with CG, who I’ve named Reggie. They’re actually fun and creative with their trolling techniques here, and knowing what they look like means I get to imagine this little grey kid grinding their fangs as they tap away on their keyboard furious at a comparatively sweet and clueless guy. They look like a goofy nerd whose bark is way worse than their bite.

‘IT WOULD MAKE ME SICK TO MY HUMAN STOMACH IF I HAD ONE OF YOUR HUMAN STOMACHS’ is VERY funny. Reggie feels similar to the Felt and Midnight Crew in being so over-the-top in their violence that it loops back around to being funny. And John’s reactions are good too – he’s not upset at the trolling like Jade is, he’s hilarious and willing to turn Reggie’s snark back on them. Their willingness to play off each other definitely increases the ‘enemies to lovers’ feeling of this Valentine’s Day conversation.

It is interesting that Rose accepted GA’s offer to be friends (p.1093), and now Reggie is telling John that they’re friends in the future (p.1394). So suddenly the trolls, who act and look textbook malicious at first, are trying to play nice. Are the trolls setting this up in order to double cross the kids in the future? Or are the trolls trying to incorporate the kids into their group and get them to follow some sort of dark trolling agenda? Or are they also just outcast alien kids who troll people because they’re lonely and want some attention? Hard to say when we have only heard from three of them.

There is something amazing about PM’s sword previously being used for vengeance (p.844, 870) and this time when she tries to do similar, she’s interrupted by WV who convinces her to use it to open cans and share food instead. WV may be from the dark kingdom but he feels like a peacemaker between the light and dark sides, refusing to fight against either PM or AR. I mean he is literally followed around by the light of serenity. And now he sits between PM and AR and shares his food and Tab and they all become friends, which honestly, is amazing mayoral work. Solving disputes in the town already. I really think he could build a town just like Spades Slick did.

This view of Dave’s city is cool too, I love the color of the sky! He straight up lies by saying ‘i always keep birds in here its sort of my thing’ (p.1400) and calling it sincere, considering his earlier bird-free room (p.312). He is on way too many layers of irony to decode (i.e. he just says whatever bullshit comes to mind that might be funny with no regard for whether it’s true or false). Which is soooo great for getting to know his character (also he should stop saying slurs).

However, I can see why Dave is annoyed by Rose here. Like he does kind of bring this all on himself by being so ironic all the time and talking about how ‘cool’ his brother apparently is, but, it’s gotta be hard when he’s been telling Rose about fighting his brother on the roof and she’s dismissing that he went through a lot to get the beta to save her, when Jade had it literally handed to her. Rose doesn’t know the details so I’m not mad at her, but it still can’t be easy for Dave to hear that dismissal from a friend.

I do feel like Rose and Jade have this alliance in seeing themselves as the two who know what’s going on, with the combined power of Jade’s visions and Rose’s perceived high intelligence. This whole update is very gender roles but this does evoke page 838, where Rose is far more aware of Jade’s powers and the type of information she has access to than John or Dave are.

Meanwhile in Dave and John land...

TG: i should probably text him soon TG: see whats up TG: because TG: i love him

Straight up adorable. Don’t even pretend to me that there’s a shred of irony in this. I love how close these guys are. This is sort of the first declaration of love in Homestuck unless you count John’s telling Liv Tyler on his Armageddon poster that he loves her (p.223).

We specifically don’t get to see Rose’s conversation with a troll (yet), but I think we can assume she’s talking to GA, probably the only troll she respects enough to prioritize over Dave. We also don’t see where in the Medium Rose is; John assumes that she’s also in the Land of Wind and Shade, but according to Rose, ‘It’s hard to say for certain. But I think I like it here.’ (p.1402). If the Medium has four planets in between the light and dark (p.703) (holy shit half the story ago) then it makes sense for the players to all start on different planets and have to find each other, so we could be getting ANOTHER super aesthetically cool land within the next few weeks. Or teased repeatedly until the end of the act, who knows.

The puppets (including a wizard puppet) clinging to the totem lathe on page 1403 is a very good gag. Also, ‘eggy loking thign’ (p.240) spotted here in the menu?? Implying a limited set of Sburb entry items?? Also 2,000 starting build grist for Jade to use compared to 20 for Rose, and a bunch more gizmos and gadgets available to deploy, including a disc with a piece of green grist (?) and two devices shaped like captchalogue/strife cards; a further tease of what’s to come.

Finally, I’m so glad Hussie agrees with me that there’s no fucking way Jade knows how to clean a house. Even if she has absorbed gender roles and sees cleaning as a woman’s activity (p.1405) she definitely was not taught to do that and designed some kind of robot to do it for her.

[gabriel-xander]

Don't Forget

[Sans x Female!Reader]

36: Alright, Dude. What. The Flip.

♪────✿⁠(⁠✧◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕✧⁠)✿⁠────♪

When Gaster appeared in your dreams like this, he wasn’t exactly expecting a warm welcome or anything like that. Maybe a scream or a jump, something to spook you a lil’ as a little late-night trolling.

What Gaster wasn’t expecting was for you to immediately shout profanities at him.

He stands there awkwardly like the man-standing emoji.

🧍

All he can do is wait and twiddle his thumbs as you call him a beta bitch for the 17th time in 39 seconds. He almost wants to cry; why are you yelling at him? Is this really Sans’ type? Is this what the kids are into these days?

You stop pacing around in the endless void that is your subconsciousness. Putting your hands on your sassy hips, you look at him with an irritated and expectant look.

“Well?” You huff, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“…Are you done?” He asks.

You noticed that as he was talking, his hands (God, it’s so freaky. He does not have arms and his hands are not attached to his body. Seeing them with holes in the palms in person is a lot scarier than you thought it would be.) twitched upward, almost like he wanted to talk with them. You can somehow understand him now, but maybe he would feel better with some help?

Bringing your dominant hand up in a fist, you move it up and down in a nodding motion. “…Yes.”

“Thank you.”

He moves his left hand up to his mouth, palm facing his chin, then brings his hand outwards. The motion can be similar to blowing a kiss, but you know it’s sign for what he just said.

Looks like Gaster would much rather prefer speaking in Sign Language. That’s fine with you, you don’t mind having to do so for his comfort. It works out for you, too. Just because you can understand him now, that doesn’t get rid of this strange gibberish sound that seems to follow closely after his words.

Gaster continues to talk, and at the same time, he keeps using sign. “You should already know who I am.”

You snort, doing the same, “Yeah, that’s why I asked why are you here, not who you are.”

“…Oh.”

Nuh, God. This guy is so much like his son. A fucking dork.

Gaster is… not what you were expecting. His body is tall, probably over 7 feet tall. He’s almost lanky in stature, hunching over but you don’t think that’s of his own will. There are parts of him that are smokey and wispy, almost as if he’s incomplete (which you suppose he is…).

[ Despite being a tall bitch yourself, this guy still managed to be taller than you. / You’re considered to be average in height, so this man easily has height over you. / You’re already struggling in life being short, so imagine your horror when this monster is practically a fucking mountain compared to you. ]

His skull is not skeletal but the visual texture is similar to Sans’ and Papyrus’. Aka: bony as fuck. His right socket is normal and wide naturally, while his left eye is droopy in a forced-shut kind of way. The crack that starts on the tip of his head leading to his left socket is what forces it to be half-lidded.

His smile–his beautiful, baby boy smile–freaks you out the most.

He doesn’t have lips, no. But yet you can’t see the joints of his jaw the way you can with Sans and Papyrus. It’s almost like lips, but you know it’s not supposed to be.

Perks of being a monster, you suppose.

His drip is fucking immaculate though. A pearl-white turtle neck shirt that’s thick and hides his entire neck. Over that is a large black coat that closes low on his chest, dragging down to the floor hiding his legs and feet.

On top of all that, his voice is deep and silky. His tone is even and calming like he has it all figured out and everything will be okay.

Solid 8/10 in your opinion. You can see where Sans and Papyrus get their good looks from considering Gaster made them.

“Before we go any further,” Gaster clears his throat, “can you understand me just fine?”

“Oh, yeah,” You tilt your head, “How–How are you doing that?”

“I’ll answer your question another day when you are not about to shout profanities at me for the most minor of inconveniences.” He says with amusement.

…Okay, fine. You guess that’s fair considering what happened not even two minutes ago.

“Yes, I can understand you even though you’re speaking in Wing Dings. Using ASL is helping a lot, though.”

He chuckles at this, “How did you know to use sign language, if I may ask?”

You scrunch up your nose, “I remember the River Person mentioning a man who speaks in hands. Honestly, it was just a shot in the dark if sign language is what they meant.”

“Ah, I see. That’s right, isn’t it? You are aware this is a game,” Gaster smiles ominously. “That Undertale is a game.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Yeah, but…” You frown comically, “I’d rather not think too hard about it if that’s okay. Or what it means for me. Or what it means if it is a game, how I can possibly be here in the first place. Or what it means that this is all a game, how can I possibly be in different Au’s-”

“-Sorry, sorry. No need to spiral so casually. Let’s move on from that topic,” Gaster clears his throat again. You wonder if speaking might be too much for him. “That aside, how are you, [Y/n]? I know this must have been a long, tiring day for you.”

“Uh, yeahhh. I can’t lie, it’s been hella overwhelming.” You want to rub your cheek, but stop yourself since you are still signing as you speak, “I’m trying to push it down the best I can and not make a big deal out of it. I mean, I literally fucking jumped into an Au! How am I expected to just keep calm and act like this is nothing?!”

You continue your ranting, your hand movements getting messy as you begin to pace, “Oh, but I gotta keep my shit together whether I like it or not! One moment of complacency, and this Swap-Papyrus is gonna Divine Skeleton Death Blast us to next Friday! For some fucking reason, everyone’s got beef with poor baby Sans! I already gotta be this picture-perfect version of myself, that is sooo tiring, you know?!”

Gaster, that beta cuck, starts to laugh at you!

Another hand is summoned by him, identical to the other two he already had out. The hand is used to poorly cover his mouth to muffle his laughter. He’s not even trying, but you guess it’s just for show to appear polite.

Yeah, you’ll take it.

“It can be rather bothersome at first, yes. Though, you will soon get used to it, and possibly tired with it, too.”

You want to cross your arms. You already know that you cannot.

You even out your voice so you don't sound irritated, “It’s great to officially meet you, really. But I have to ask again, why are you here?”

Another hand appears; now a pair of hands are used to sign, and the other pair is used to straighten out his coat.

“Do you mean as of right now, or is the question deeper than that?”

“You know I mean more than just right now.”

The skeleton sighs, “I’ll be happy to explain it another time, but now is not it.” Before you can ask why, Gaster speaks again, “You will wake up from this extremely tired because of our conversation. Your body is asleep, but your mind is not. The longer you’re awake in this way, the less rest you’re actually getting.”

UGHHH! FINEEE!

“Okay, okay.” You sulk your shoulders dramatically. “I know how to be patient.”

“Do you really?”

“…”

Gaster chuckles, “My apologies.”

“…You’re not sorry.”

“I am not.”

Fucker.

“Okay, okay. Let’s focus,” You wave your hands then remember immediately you’re not supposed to do that. Damn, you need to get used to speaking ASL as you talk. “Is there a reason why you showed up now of all times? Please just tell me.”

“You’re quite straightforward. I like that.”

Slay.

“If it’s all the same to you,” Gaster begins to explain, “I’d rather not give you the answer right away. If I wanted this journey to be simple for you and Sans, then it would’ve been simple from the start.”

You deadpan.

“Don’t you youngsters enjoy adventure?” He asks genuinely.

You drawl out your words, “I meannn, I guuuess. But if the moral of the story really is “friendship was the answer all along…”

You trail off, and for good reason. Despite his simple face, Gaster looks rather sheepish and nervous.

“No…” You slowly shake your head, “Ain’t no fucking way…

“Do you remember how you told Sans earlier that you believe being honest with that version of Papyrus had worked out better for you?”

Bro.

“Dude, no way. So you’re saying we actually need to befriend these people?” You narrow your eyes, hand movements getting, admittedly, lazy, “I knew I was having a weird feeling about that the whole time! That was you, wasn’t it? That feeling was intentional.”

Gaster’s extra hands begin to rub each other out of nervousness. “I want Sans to make friends…”

…

Dude…

You’re so fucking done. This guy is a fucking dork-enormous.

You guess it’s cute that even in these circumstances, Gaster is like an anxious dad wanting to make sure his emo son isn’t emo for life. You’re guessing that it’s not actually necessary. Rather, Gaster will offer more help once you meet these “requirements”, similar to how he made the DJ work only until after you were honest with Sans.

Gaster continues when your defeated expression doesn’t change. “That is not all, of course. Please, allow me to explain some more to give you more background.”

You sigh and gesture for him to keep talking.

Clearing his throat, he asks, “How much… In regards to my past and how I became this way, how much do you know?”

“Ehhh…” You twist your face trying to think, “I know more than the average person, I think. You created the Core, and… the DT Extractor?”

The corner of his mouth twitches upwards, “Yes, that’s correct. Is there anything else you know?”

“You… “fell into your creation.” You put a hand to your chin, “According to Sans, you also created him and Papyrus. I know that you’re–were the Royal Scientist, too.”

“Yes, you are correct.” Gaster sighs heavily, body language and tone becoming exhausted, “When I created the Core, I made it with more than one purpose in mind. The first and main reason behind it being to provide magical electricity to the entire Underground.”

“It does more than that, of course. Because of the ozone being a byproduct of electrical power–Well, you’ve seen it before, right? That wolf who throws ice into the water–the ice reaches the Core to cool it off. Since the ice melts once it gets close to the Core, the ozone fuses with it and it becomes a source of ozonated water. This spreads throughout the Underground, infused with its natural magic. Because of that, it can clean clothes, sanitize food, and purify drinking water. Really, the Core is almost perfect.”

Gaster stops talking abruptly, looking at you with an almost embarrassed smile. You were patiently listening to him ramble on, nodding along with interest. He realizes that you probably barely understood anything he just said. (You didn’t understand shit, but it was endearing to listen to him regardless.)

“A-Anyway,” Gaster coughs weakly, “I thought at the time if I could extract raw power from the Core, perhaps with that power I can begin a new experiment that would allow me to research ways to naturally break the barrier without human souls.”

“I did not get very far, as you are aware of. I made a miscalculation and fell in. I could explain to you why it happened the way it did, but to be frank I am not patient enough to explain it in a way you’ll be able to easily understand. Just know that it resulted in my body being torn apart and destroyed on the spot. My soul was all that was left, yet that too was scattered across space and time.”

You don’t really know what to say to that. What can you possibly say? What words could you possibly give that would give any sort of comfort to someone as tragic as him?

“I…” You gnaw at your bottom lip, signing meekly, “I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s not my fault, I know I don’t need to apologize. But–you know what I mean.”

Fucking nailed that shit (you’re going to die of embarrassment).

Gaster smiles appreciatively and with amusement.

“For now,” He goes on to say, “all you need to know is that, yes, I waited for you to tell Sans about your knowledge of myself, and your knowledge of the Resets and Saves and whatnot. I waited only until then to turn on that machine myself. I believe you and Sans are calling it the DJ?”

You grin, “Great naming, right?”

“Indeed it is. Though if I may be honest, Sans is very much capable of doing all of this on his own. He doesn’t necessarily need your help in going to the different Alternative Universes and timelines.” Gaster shakes his head, “But I quite enjoy that you’ve made friends with him, and you’ve lifted his spirits a lot. I know Sans, and I know his way of thinking. If I made it so that you are “necessary” to be involved, Sans would believe it is intentional and allow it to happen.”

Ah, you think you get it now. Gaster used Sans’ belief that nothing (especially things involving Gaster) is a coincidence to make sure that Sans would keep you around for this adventure Gaster is putting you through. You think it’s really sweet, in a way. That even though you’re here to do something for the scientist, it’s ultimately for the betterment of his son as well.

…You wonder if you should mention to him that you’re… super friendly with Sans. Now probably isn’t the best time…

“You know, you weren’t far off the mark with that. Sans already thinks that you’re doing all this in this specific way on purpose,” You tell the monster, “It’s nice you’re looking out for him still.”

“And that is why I would ask you to keep this part a secret. If he knew that he doesn’t need to bring you along for future outings, I fear he would leave you behind.”

You nod, “I’m not a fan of lying, but… I guess I can make an exception for this. And… Yeah, okay. Despite all my bitching from earlier, I do like the adventure.”

Internally, Gaster is fucking stoked. So he was right! The youth does yearn for adventuring! That means he’s totally still hip with the kids!

“So, back on track!” Gaster claps his extra hands together, “I have been scattered across space and time, including the Alternative Universes and timelines. The original piece of me is still in our original universe, of course. But aside from that, the largest scattered piece of me is right here in… What did you call it before? Underswap?”

“Ahhh!” You nod eagerly in realization, “So that’s why you wanted us to come here first!”

“Yes, exactly!”

“And, that also means there are definitely other Au’s after this one that you want us to visit for the same reason! We’re finding these pieces of you and we’re putting you back together?”

Look at you, you smart fucking cookie!

“Right, again. What you did today, the way you will eventually find this piece of me, this is what you will need to do as well in the other Alternate Universes.”

Gaster uses one free hand to rub his chin in thought, the other hanging in the air, “Admittedly, the location of each piece will be different each time. Moreover, the effect of my fragments will have different effects as well. This one just so happened to cause a disturbance in the magic that affects the monster's emotional and cognitive health. Unfortunately, this is something I genuinely have no control over.”

You cross your arms and look down, “How do we even find your fragment? I mean, what does it even look like?”

“All of my fragments will look vaguely soul-like. I believe you will know what it is once you find it. As to where and how to find it exactly, not even I am 100% certain.” Gaster grins teasingly, “Well, no. That is a lie. But I’m confident you will be able to find it yourselves.”

You deadpan. Again.

This motherfucker.

Are you supposed to love or hate this guy? Or both?

“Now that you’re informed of all this, I will allow Sans’ device to work again. I believe that will also be what helps locate my fragment.”

“Wai-wai-wait. You made it stop working on purpose… just because you wanted to prolong our stay… just so you could talk to me tonight and tell me all of this? Just so I can make sure Sans makes friends before we finish the job?”

“Yes.”

…

DUDE.

You don’t even know what to say. What do you even say to that? How should you feel about this shit?

You groan and hide your face in your hands, “Why can’t bitches just tell me the answer? Why do people gotta make things harder and make us solve puzzles and shit?”

Gaster hides his mouth behind his hand, hunching his shoulders in a silent, mocking laugh.

Brother really said teehee.

Is this where Papyrus got his love for japes and puzzles and crap? Both he and Sans are rather cheeky, too. Motherfucker really is their dad.

You roll your eyes. You realized just now that you stopped using sign language a while ago. You feel guilty and hastily move your hands again before asking your next question.

“You know I have to tell Sans all of this–most of this when I wake up, right?” You frown, “I did promise him that I would whenever you are involved.”

“Yes, I know. I did this with that in mind, after all.” Gaster then smirks smugly. Somehow. “Tell Sans I said hello, yes? And congratulations on the relationship.”

“…”

“…”

“…Okay, I will.” You say casually, “Wait! Wh-What about the Swaps? I mean, if they know why we’re here and how we got here… Sans was saying how they might make him fix their machine, too.”

“I don’t think so,” He says quickly and confidently, “Once the Swap-Papyrus realizes exactly what is going on, I have a strong suspicion that he will most likely be eager to have you leave as soon as possible. In terms of the timeline, this is way before your swap version would “canonically” show up. During this time, if we were to mirror our Sans, this Swap-Papyrus will be too nihilistic and pessimistic to want anything to do with these things.”

Gawdamn, bro is roasting Sans and Swap-Papyrus in one go. This Sans slander must be stopped.

“Oh? So, there is time travel technically involved in all this?” You ask worriedly. “Is-Is that safe?”

“…”

“…”

“???”

“Ehh, you worry too much.”

You’re going to cry. This is karma for cussing him out, isn’t it?

“If I am being honest with you, it is not wise. But, it certainly won’t be harmful to you,” Gaster waves a dismissive hand, carrying the attitude of a confident scientist who isn’t aware his hubris will be the death of him. “Unless I suddenly and explicitly tell you otherwise, you shouldn’t worry.”

Wait a damn fucking minute!

“Don’t–Wait!” You frantically wave your hands, “Doesn’t this mean we might possibly visit an Au where I’m already there?!”

Gaster fucking giggles at you! He fucking giggles! What the fuck!!

“Until next time, [Y/n].”

Then there is nothing.

…

…

…

There is nothing until you wake up in total exhaustion.

You are immediately aware of what you were dreaming about, and remember the conversation you had with clear memory.

Sans is still sleeping on you comfortably, but you are now awake filled with annoyance.

A quiet “Motherfucker…” tumbles out of your sleepy lips.

Why is everyone in the skeleton family such a tease… 

Tags:

@lemonboy011

@adriixboo

@fetusbaconegg

@fluffyart5000

[dingodad]

oh what if The Game the kids are playing (could still be called sburb but idgaf about that) is seemingly what summons the trolls in the first place. no carapacians or nothing like that, just Trolls. and the "objective" of said game is, like in chess, to capture the king (LE). but theyve gotta take out the Queen (HIC) first! generic sburb monsters are instead just troll drones and shit. i dunno how to involve the sgrub cast though. maybe theyre rebellious teens "led" by karkat (or vriska or terezi or whatever. regurgitate the joke from the comic about who the actual "leader" is)

see now you guys are starting to get it. the black king and queen serve exactly the same purpose in the story as lord english and the condesce just on a smaller cosmic scale, so the story structure loses nothing of value when you cut out the midbosses to skip to the end ones. i think the overall purpose of homestuck's story is a little more complex than just "beat the queen so you can take out the king", but imo that demonstrates exactly why including most of sburb in a condensed version of the story is a waste of time to begin with; sburb's purpose in the comic is basically to trick you into thinking homestuck has straightforward quests with straightforward objectives when the real meat of it is far more interesting. so skip to the more interesting bits; in this sense, yes, if the homestuck movie does need to have a video game as the inciting incident, then it's going to be a video game that causes trolls to appear, ala trolls as manifestations - because that's basically how it goes in homestuck anyway, just with all these extra steps in the middle.

the trolls obviously need to start out as "'trolls", and in lieu of the whole convoluted bec noir debacle having them be part of the antagonistic force seems to me like the most immediately obvious way to put them in a position to come around to the humans' side. being part of an alien army just makes the most sense for karkat/terezi/vriska as characters anyway and the alien army consisting of children highlights what was implicit in the comic about the different relationships the kids and the trolls have with adults

the way i see it, if you get One Homestuck Film then you have to make the choice between a kids&trolls movie or a betas&alphas movie. there's absolutely an ironclad argument to be made in favour of the alphas, and i've probably said already that the movie version of "homestuck the Pure Idea that exists within andrew hussie's mind" shouldn't even QUESTION putting the trolls on the cutting room floor. that version of homestuck would be a movie about kids meeting child versions of their own parents and the catharsis that comes with that. but i also think it's evident that homestuck has grown far larger than a Pure Idea, and to me, an important cultural consideration to take into account in such an undertaking as a feature film adaptation is the lasting cultural appeal of the trolls. to my own storytelling sensibilities the trolls create the more powerful and interesting world as far as illustrating homestuck's key themes (re: creation, nurture, etc) goes. i concede that others who like the alpha kids more than i do will have the opposite viewpoint LOL but that's just how i instinctively approach the issue.

in the homestuck movie-with-trolls that exists in my mind the alpha kids are just the kids' parents. dirk is dave's bro. roxy is rose's mom. supernatural goings-on cause the ghost of john's nanna to appear. the characterisation that becomes more explicit for these characters in act 6 is just applied to the act 1-4 iterations of them. to me the relationships the alphas have with their children - nonlinear timeline or no - is the really important part, especially if we want to come anywhere NEAR addressing homestuck's thematic concerns re: parenthood. and looking at it from a purely practical standpoint if you were ever told hey actually you get to make one sequel to your single designated homestuck movie it would just be so easy to follow up the Acts 1-5 Movie with a Post-Scratch Movie, whereas following up the Act 6 Movie with troll shit is only ever going to feel like going backwards into less interesting territory

[somberauthor]

Masterlist!

Homestuck

John Egbert finds out you haven't watched ghostbusters

John Egbert <3 reader (HEADCANONS)

John Egbert and you have a sleepover

Rose Lalonde gets given a dress you made

Rose Lalonde + Jade Harley <> Reader (HEADCANONS)

Dave Strider and john egbert fight over glasses

Dave Strider gets called by his middle name

Dave Strider talks to karkat very seriously

Dave Strider <3< Reader (HEADCANONS)

Dave Strider tells john that nic cage is most likely dead

Dave Strider <3 Reader (HEADCANONS)

Dave Strider falling asleep on call with you

Dave Strider finds out your horns are sensitive (SFW, its not weird)

Strider cuddling headcanons

Beta Kids Sleepover (HEADCANONS)

Humanstuck (HEADCANONS)

Aradia Megido <3 Troll! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Aradia Megido <3 Fem! Horror Artist! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Tavros Nitram gets pushed around in his wheelchair

Mituna Captor plays just dance with you (HEADCANONS)

Karkat Vantas + Sollux Captor <3 AFAB! Reader (PERIOD HEADCANONS)

Karkat Vantas <3 Reader (STORY)

Kanaya Maryam, John Egbert, and Equius Zahhak with a S/O with a high pain tolerance

Eridan Ampora <3 Reader (HEADCANONS + STORY)

Feferi Peixes <3 Reader (HEADCANONS)

Hiveswap

Marvus Xoloto <> PurpleBlood! Masc! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Chahut Maenad + Marvus Xoloto <3 Human! Reader (STORY)

Karako Pierot <> Reader (HEADCANONS)

Vast Error

Arcjec Voorat <3 Reader (HEADCANONS)

Hamifi Hekrix <3 Reader (HEADCANONS)

Edolon Vryche <3 Mirthamaniac! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Calder Kerian <3 Reader (HEADCANONS)

Calder Kerian <3 Reader (HEADCANONS) but fluffier

Void Bound

Formik Amoros <3 Reader (HEADCANONS)

Metalocalypse

Toki + Reader (HEADCANONS)

TADC (The Amazing Digital Circus)

Cast + TV head! Male! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Kinger + Reader (STORY)

Kinger + Reader PT 2 (STORY)

Ragatha + Everyone (STORY)

Jax x Clueless! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Jax x Fox! Mime! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Jax x Chaotic! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Jax x Reader failed rizz (STORY)

Jax x Reader first kiss (HEADCANONS)

Jax x Nonverbal! Reader (STORY)

Jax x Sensitive! Bunny! Reader (HEADCANONS)

Pomni Shows Jax Tumblr (STORY)

DANGANRONPA

Chihiro Fujisaki + Reader (STORY) !ANGST!

Parent Au! Komahina + Reader (HEADCANONS)

Parent Au! Komahina + Reader comfort (HEADCANONS)

Parent Au! Naegiri + Reader (HEADCANONS)

ADVENTURE TIME/FIONNA AND CAKE

Fionna Campbell x Reader (HEADCANONS)

Farmworld Finn x Trans Masc! Reader (HEADCANONS)

HELLUVA BOSS

Octavia and you share music tastes

MISCELLANIOUS

Axeofshame x Dr. Catatonic

part two... ^

please tell me if any links are incorrect!!

UPDATED: 7/6/2024

[shittyjadedaily]

One of those lists of shitty/daily/character/homestuck/gimmick accounts*

*Some of the links aren't there because otherwise the post wouldn't save :/ If you know any others (especially ones that are active) go ahead and tell me about them so I can add them too! (Thank you all so much for the additions already!!)

@shittyjadedaily - You are here!!

Friends!! (We have lore) :D

@dailycaliborn My archnemesis, we play pony town together!

@shitty-yiffy-daily Discord penpal from another timeline!

@shittyjunedaiiy June!

Go Follow them now! They updated recently!!

Multi: @your-nerd-alert (Daily beta kids & trolls(?)), @dyke-stuck (Land of transfems and lesbians), @queer-quadrants (Rarepairs), @autisticaradiamegido (Lots of Aradia), @exilestuck

Ships: @dailyjadekat, @semifrequentdavetav, @consistantaranep, @rajiroxygen, @dailyfefnepz, @biweeklydavekat, @dailysolkat, @dailykatnep, @dailyvrisrezi, @dirkuu-daily, @rosemarydiely, @vativrisrezi,

Single(s): @dailycrappymspaintdavestrider, @dailypolishstriders, @ask-lilcal, @ask-sollux (Text posts), @autoresponderdaily, @daily-joey-claire, @eridoodles-daily & @fight-me-fuckboy, @shittyroxydaily, @shittyjunedaily (June), @kanayatherainbowdrinker (Text posts), @i-give-people-tavrisprite, @findgamzee, @cherubsdaily, @badlydrawnkankri, @crappykarkatvantas, @nepeta-daily-doodles

@carcinoarmageddon (EarthC revolving around Sollux & Karkat, updates slowly, April)

Daily Reblogs: @vriskaserketdaily (Reblogs & original art), @daiily-2ollux (Reblogs & original art), @janecrockerdaily, @dirkstriderdaily, @jakeenglishdaily, @dailyrosemary, @alphasesh, @dailygrims (Reblogs & original art), @dailyarasol

Other: @incorrect-hs-quotes, @lowqualityhomestuckedits, @grub-karkat-in-strange-places, @homestuck-screenshots-daily

They updated earlier this year!

Multi: @midnight-stuck (Midcrew & Felt(?), June), @shipstucks (Rarepairs, June)

Single(s): @shittydirkdail (May), @daily-fiamet (May), @jadeinplaces (May), @ask-jadeharleyy (May), @askultimatedirk (May), @stuck-in-the-bubbles (May), @ask-another-jade (April), @shittyvodkamutinidaily (April), @nepetablog (April), @casanovasaqueduct (February), @feltfreaks (February), @shittydavepetadaiiy (January),

Daily Reblogs: @fillmyquadrentslanddwwellers (rp & reblogs, may), @dailyjudeharley (February), @dailyvriskas (Feburuary),

Last Updated 2020-2022

Ships: @shittymituladaily (2022), @askmeteorbros (2022)

Single(s): @jadeharleydaily (2022), @shittystriders (2022), @shittyjanedailyy (2022), @ask-unapologetically-homestuck (2022), @shittykanayadaily (2022), @shittysolluxdaily (2022), @shittyhandmaiddaily (2022), @shittyrosedaily (2022), @shittytavrosdrawings (2022), @shittyfeferidaily (2022), @karkatvantasdailybutshitty (2022), @shittyeridandaily (2022), @shittydirkdailyy (2022), @shittycronusdaily (2022), @askthattimeguy (1 post in 2022), @fishyaskblog (2022), @shitty-ghostaradia-daily (2022), @ask-that-one-lonely-kid (2020), @dailyvriska (2020),

Uh yeah they're probably dead...

Single(s): @askdavechick (2014)

Daily Reblogs: @daily-betas (2019), @dailyprospit (2019)

[eure-k-a]

★ ZINE ANNOUNCMENT ★

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶⠀୨♡୧⠀︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶

HOMESTUCK ARTIST ZINE (APPLICATIONS CLOSED)

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶⠀୨♡୧⠀︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶

𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝒁𝑰𝑵𝑬𝑺 𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑴𝑬 𝑰𝑺 𝑭𝑶𝑶𝑫

Explanation: Draw Digitally any character (or characters) enjoying food, drawn accompanied by food, or anything HOMESTUCK and FOOD related!

This zine will have different sections, 10 ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛfood items, and 10 ꜱᴀʟᴛʏ/ꜱᴀᴠᴏᴜʀʏ food items!

Thus, for this zine there will be 20 SPOTS AVAILABLE and this POST will be updated in time.

The following DISCORD LINK is where i will update everything im doing as im doing it. https://discord.gg/rGgZbh5TZE

MAJORITY OF THE GROUP DISCUSSION WILL BE ON **INSTAGRAM** THOUGH. If you do not have instagram, i will add you elsewhere and notify you of changes, updates and the DEADLINE

THIS ZINE IS NOT FOR PROFIT, meaning youre doing this for fun, of your own violation!

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶⠀୨♡୧⠀︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶

dm me either here on tumblror:

INSTAGRAM: eurek_.a

DISCORD: eurek_.a

if youre INTERESTED, and PLEASE make sure yo SPECIFY whether youre drawing SWEET or SALTY/SAVOURY and what CHARACTER(s) youre doing! Please also mention which SOCIAL MEDIA youd like to be credited by and what the USERNAME is

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶⠀୨♡୧⠀︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶

SWEET

heartfunde3d (Insta) - Karkat

2 do (trickster) jane w/ sweet if thats possible,,,, and uh just gelarshiesprofruitboarder on tumblr

sweet roxy + jane Madochiis on insta

the alpha kids or just jake and jane (still deciding on that) sweet tumblr (pen-the-second

insta- vampirelaundromat or tumblr- shark-smuggler beta trolls fruit themed

vixezp insta

maika and @clockworkmaika plz :3

aikowru insta *hehestahn_ on insta

fehlgestalt insta SALTY/SAVOURY

tumblr transientcuriosity

@eerily.arsenic insta

caninosredvelvet insta

karcrabz on insta

salemgender insta

Heliomie tumblr

expirequiem + twitter / tumblr / insta

tumblr as gelarshiesprofruitboarder

https://twitter.com/cineratedstars

tumblr credited with the username 'purble99'

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Idk if anyone asked you this, but what's your take on the alpha kids?

I have a feeling that the alpha kids were a bit rushed? Especially Jane! (because of the trickster stuff + her being controlled by the Condesce) And the problem Dirk and Jake had was resolved so quickly that idk, it didn't feel natural to me??

ANYWAYS, I just want to know your thoughts on the alpha kids and how they would work things out and everything! :)

Less "rushed" and more "literally unfinished" imo - the same with almost all of the rest of the cast. They do get themselves into drama a lot faster than the beta kids do, but by that point in the comic, we kind of Get It, y'know? We did the song and dance already with the beta kids and trolls, there's no real reason to draw it out.

That being said, I do think if I had any major writing critique for Homestuck - like if I were being paid to edit it professionally for some sort of hypothetical director's cut - then it would be to have the alpha kids have more of a presence through acts 1-5, even if not necessarily the alpha kids exactly. More stuff like Jake sending John a happy birthday letter. Bro Strider/Momlonde/Nannasprite remain mysterious and vague in ways I think don't necessarily contribute to the story; it'd be neat, for example, for Rose to have stumbled upon some of her Mom's writings from when she was a kid, or for some second avatar of Bro in the form of a programmed robot to heckle Dave and foreshadow Dirk's splintered self/HAL.

This isn't to say I think Hussie did a BAD job, it's just going to be an issue with serial works in general - the alpha kids, their personalities, and their drama were not fully developed, if at all, at the time that the guardians were introduced, so there are things that Act 1-4 Hussie literally could not have written in that Act 5-6 Hussie probably would've. Hence, this would be a change to make in a theoretical director's cut; adding more alpha kid presence in Acts 1-4 makes it so we have to play less catch-up when the alpha kids are properly introduced.

As for how their arcs resolve... or, rather, literally don't resolve. Well, I personally believe that everything after Game Over is a heavily truncated version of the ending that was originally intended, and the alpha kids - along with most of the other characters - were kind of at the low points of their respective character arcs when Condy showed up and shit went south, and never really get the chance to pull themselves out. So, y'know, I personally believe the original ending would have had... more of that. I'm realizing now that, with the way retcon/dream/etc. mechanics work, it's totally possible for Roxy to have made a Choice with Nyx to die, but transfer her memories to an earlier version of herself, and for (Dirk) to finally make it out of the Furthest Ring to arrive in a completely different timeline. and it would be really funny

[davekat-sucks]

Let me throw in my two cents for the Rule 63 names just because I wanted to think this through myself. - For the kids, the ones in parentheses are alternate suggestions. - Dawn and Dusk I took from suggestions on here. I love them! - For the trolls there are multiple suggestions because I want their names to have meaning - I'd love to hear your favorites out of all of these Beta Kids: John > Joan (Jess, Joni) Rose > Ross (Rory, Ryan) Dave > Dawn (Davi, Dove, Dani) Jade > Joel (Jace, Jode)

Alpha Kids: Jane > Josh (Jace, Judd) Roxy > Roco (Remy, Ronn, Robb) Dirk > Dusk (Dara, Diri) Jake > Jodi (Jace, Jaka, Joye) Beta Trolls: Aradia > Averan (Lake Avernus was believed to be the entrance to the underworld to the ancient Romans) Abraxa (Abraxas, ruler over many heavens and circles of creation, is labeled as a demon or the God above Gods) Azatho (Azathoth, Blind Idiot God in the Cthulhu Mythos, that only understands his dreams) Azrael (Angel of Death)

Tavros > Tauran (Meaning Bull) Thalia (Ancient Greek word meaning to flourish) Tallos (Talos is a brass made by Hephaestus for Minos) Tarsus (Multiple meanings, one is the distal part of the leg of an insect) Jinniu (The jīn niú zuò, means the golden bull constellation, it’s the chinese name for Taurus) Taurin (Tauri is what stars in the Taurus constellation are designated as)

Sollux > Callor (Sollux is a mix of Castor and Pollux’s names, the legend behind the astrological sign. This is an alternative name.) Solene (Meaning Sun)

Karkat > Cancri (Stars in the Cancer constellation are marked with this name) Krabbe (Small crab, shrimp or prawn) Krasis (the practice of mingling water with wine) Kalika (Known more as Kali in the west. A major Hindu goddess associated with death, violence, time. In later traditions, she’s associated with motherly love. Sounds more like Damara.) Kraken (Mythical sea creature) Karmen (Arabic name meaning generous/selfless)

Nepeta >    Leonis (Gamma Leonis is a star in the Leo constellation) Nallus (Nalus meaning to pounce) Nimrod (A mighty hunter before the Lord and a king. His character is similar to Gilgamesh.) Felino (Feline) Kanaya > Kareem (Meaning generous in Arabic) Khamba (Khambalia is a fixed star in the Virgo constellation)

Terezi > Tribus (Latin for tribe, the term is used to denote a division within the state in ancient Rome)Tribun (Tribunal, meaning a court of justice) Tassos (A Greek name meaning resurrection) Themis (The Greek goddess of justice, note that the name is feminine.) Equius > Equine (Related to horses) Eponna (Epona is the celtic goddess of horses) Consus (An Italian deity, on festival days celebrating him, horses are given time off of work, name is masculine) Pegsus (Pegasus is a winged horse, I just noticed now that I spelt Peg Sus and it fits) Vriska > Varren (Varen means superior, it also means God of the celestial sky) Vesper (Refers to Venus or the evening star) Virion (A virus particle outside of a host cell) Victor (Winner) Gamzee > Gaiety (Meaning lighthearted or merrymaking) Gauche (Lacking grace or acuteness) Algedi (Stars in the Capricorn constellation are called this, it means kid) Eridan > Ephira (A water-nyph and daughter of Titans Oceanus) Nereid (The Nereids are female spirits watching over bodies of seawater) Feferi > Fathom (A nautical unit of measurement to measure depth. The Old English meaning means outstretched arms.) Fifral (A Fife rail is a rail on a European-style ship.) Fisher (An occupational name for fishermen) Fizzle (Meaning a sputtering sound)

These genderbend names are so amazing and love the meaning detail ones for the trolls. My faves have to be John > Joni Rose > Ryan (like Ryan North, who made Ryanquest, who also worked with Hussie) Jade > Joel Roxy > Robb Jake > Jodi Aradia > Averan and Azrael (the latter would be funny and cool considering Undertale) Tavros > Thalia Sollux > Solene Karkat > Kalika Nepeta > Felino and Nallus Kanaya > Khamba Terezi > Tribus (Themis is another as I know a friend named a Karezi fankid this) Vriska > Varren or Vesper Equius > Eponna Gamzee > Algedi Eridan > Ephira and Nereid Feferi > Fifral

[meshkol-creations]

Title: Campfires and Sandcastles

Pairings/Relationships: IronStrange

Rating: General

Summary: Officially, Tony has one kid. Unofficially, however, Tony has about fifteen kids, and on occasion, Tony has a thought to uproot the entire brood and move them to the private island he owns in the Caribbean, which would be fantastic for his blood pressure.

Or: in which Tony is a helicopter parent and Stephen is unsympathetic.

Notes: Happy holidays to Juliet316, who this is gifted to for the IronStrange Winter Exchange fest that starts today. I hope you like this little slice of life fic and that it satisfies one of your prompts—I almost messaged you to see if you'd like me to scramble up something not prompted, mostly because I see you're a fellow Stargate fan and I've always wanted to write a fusion LOL. Still, I do hope you like this fic and it brings you some joy during the festive season!

Thank you to the mods at @ironstrangehaven, who have put on a fabulous fest. Appreciate you letting me take part in the festivities!

Beta shout-out to my platonic spouse @moki-dokie—I adore your face, you little troll.

Enjoy the fic!

[nekropsii]

Every time I post about things that Cronus just actually did in the comic I lose like 1-5 followers. This is deeply funny to me. Guys I didn’t make that up just to hurt you or something, this isn’t spiteposting, that’s just canon information. You can go read that in the comic. It’s there. I hate to break this to you.

This is your reminder that I have CW tags for a reason and that reason is your mental safety.

And also, this is an Alpha Troll blog first, a Sovereignstuck blog second, an Intermission/Exile/Problem Sleuth appreciation blog third, a canon appreciation blog fourth… And everything else comes tenth.

I do not post about the Kids or Betas very often. Hate to say it. You have hundreds of other people for that, though.

[panicawa]

Omg heyyy I love your work! I loved seeing your homestuck works since 2017! You are so amazing! I was wondering if you were gonna draw the alpha kids to go along with your recent beta kids lineup? No worries if not, I just love seeing your stuff! Cheers!

Thank you so much for sticking with me!!

I am working on the beta trolls now and after that I will definitely do the alphas! :)

[gamkarenthusiast]

ermm question i was scrolling on your blog (as one does) (dont make it weird) and was wondering where you got the patterns/textures for your troll/beta kids or just like. in general is it Pinterest or..?

[btw your art is so interesting because it’s in a ‘simple’ art style but it looks so good!!! very tasty i ate all of it]

Yeah!! I got all my patterns off Pinterest! At first I tried utilizing the patterns on ibis paint but it was way too limited, so I opted to just search “____ patterns” on Pinterest. It’s been really helpful for me =o) hope this answers your question!

[dingodad]

you can link to it if youve already answered it, but how do you think lord english “runs” his empire? by the way you talk about alternia, it sounds to me like you imagine he did play a role as some kind of shadow political leader that made active decisions in the structuring of alternia. is that the case? i think thats really interesting, i always wondered what his rulership over the condesce actually looked like. iirc lord english has only ever shown been screaming and destroying things so i’ve always struggled to imagine if he would even be lucid enough to make decisions or do anything other than mass murder. does doc scratch have some way to implicitly understand his desires and then deliver orders to the condesce on his behalf? or was the caliborn that the “kids” fight at some nebulous time in the “future,” the one who’s soul dirk rips out, not teen caliborn but an actually fully realized adult cherub caliborn who had already been fucking with alternia? idk if that makes sense, the part of the comic where the beta kids are described by caliborn to have been sucked into the juju has always been a little weird for me to wrap my head around. i always imagined the battle happened between them all as kids still but now that im trying to imagine a lucid lord english im realizing they could very well all be adults because we still havent “seen” it actually happen aside from caliborn’s claymation right? anyways. very interested in what your thoughts on caliborn’s active influence on alternia looked like

lots of really great questions! i'll try to get my thoughts in order here.

to start at the beginning of lord english's story: yes, it is an important point that we have no idea "when" caliborn's masterpiece actually takes place; how old caliborn is, where the kids who beat him up even came from... and I think this is because the details in that story don't necessarily matter. while i certainly believe there is a point in caliborn's timeline where a gaggle of teenagers show up and stuff him into a puppet, what we see play out on his claymation stage is a mythologised account of something that happens to him over and over again in many many different ways over the course of his time loop.

so while i wouldn't call that caliborn "fully realised", necessarily, i think we are supposed to see him as "caliborn-as-lord-english"; he has the peg leg, he has mastery over the felt, he's finally obtained the rainbow magic eyes, and while he certainly hasn't encountered the trolls yet, no, he has had loads of practice at being the puppetmaster of his own world as he hones his homosuck craft and uses the terminals left to him by his session to influence homestuck itself! (i don't think whether caliborn is ultimately "teen" or an "adult" is hugely relevant, because caliborn's specific circumstances mean that he doesn't really "grow" or "mature" by aging the same way a human does; he gradually acquires power in different ways.)

related to this, i tend to use the names 'caliborn' and 'lord english' interchangeably. which i know not everyone will agree with, but i think it aligns with the hussie's philosophy that act 6 is about the kid versions of the comic's grownup characters; while, yes, the lord english contained within lil cal also contains sprinklings of equius, dirk and gamzee, these characters are ultimately caliborn's servitors, and i would argue that subsuming weaker personalities into his own is kind of part of caliborn's Bag as a dominant cherub.

anyway, all that is just to say that it's important to be aware that lord english DOES act like caliborn, and isn't just a mindless, speechless force of destruction - at least not all of the time. when damara tries to escape his captivity, he speaks to her in caliborn's voice, and perhaps more importantly, tells us the one thing you must never forget about lord english: he is ALREADY HERE. never be fooled into thinking lord english only showed up at alternia's death and then fucked off into the furthest ring to hunt his sister - his first act was to travel back to the beginning of alternian history and become its architect. notice how as soon as lord english speaks, two things happen: first, the cursor changes into english's reptilian hand; second, we see the puppet hole in doc scratch's back - he was the literal puppetmaster behind scratch's actions the whole time!

so yes, lord english was an active participant in the shaping of the alternian empire, though i think "political leader" is probably the wrong description; he certainly never had any face-to-face conversations or gave any direct orders to any trolls, at least within modern troll history. but that's not what he's about: as the cuestick, and with scratch as his cueball, english's manipulations are more about lining up the perfect shot, executing a precision strike, and then letting events play out exactly as planned.

probably the most influential of these precision strikes was establishing the subjugglator cult, who worship him and his puppet as twin mirthful messiahs; while we don't know exactly how he did this, it's not hard to imagine it had something to do with appearing to them as an all-powerful angel at the very dawn of their society. compare this to how the condesce makes cordial visits to every planet she passes on her journey through the stars, then fucks off to let her army of trolls decimate the place. after all, scratch operates in exactly the same way: he doesn't waste his time constantly relaying orders to his proteges, but rather grooms them when they're still young, turning them into his unwitting soldiers so that when he finally does intervene he's only telling them to do things that "deep down, they already know they want to do." (commentary from Homestuck: Book 4, p. 216)

while the condesce formally becomes english's puppet when she kills the handmaid - inheriting both the rustblood's curse and essentially taking up scratch's role on earth - it's not like she was ever particularly hands-on when it came to helming the metaphorical ship herself. in porrim's words, she was "the Lo+rd's slave all alo+ng [...] thro+ugh manipulatio+n by his cunning emplo+yee", but what the condesce enjoys doing most is delegating! on alternia she gave most of her authority to the subjugglators, and then did the exact same shit again on earth. remember meenah never wanted the responsibilities of heiress, and ran to beforus' pink moon to escape them; the way i see it, the condesce rushing off into space to explore the galaxy instead of overseeing the planet she's responsible for is just a repeat of the same behaviour, and doing so left a power vacuum for english to essentially insert his own guys into. (possibly thematically relevant, since lord english's role is fundamentally to shoot balls into unfilled dark pockets.)

in short, english is cleverer - or at least, more competent - than we give him credit for. it's just that rather than a chess master who moves each piece to its proper place individually, he's playing pool; if you line up just the right shot, you only need to make one move, and the balls will play the rest of the moves off of each other. looked at another way, as the Lord of Time and master of the alpha timeline, english makes his moves by controlling inevitability itself. he engineers things so that events can only play out in the exact way he wants them to, and all other options are doomed. and to do that, he only needs to be present at key moments in alternia's history - most importantly its very beginning and its very end.