#im a neglectful parent i guess
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💖💣💀
quick sketch of my baby floating in a void look at her go 💖💖
this made me remember how much i LOVE drawing her. and her in general. this is gonna be the cover to her character playlist im compiling. might even line & color this. who knows haha.
#posting this after i lined this so i don’t forget#muhahaha#art#my art#artists on tumblr#arcane#arcane art#jinx#jinx arcane#jinx fanart#arcane fanart#jinx lol#my baby#im a neglectful parent i guess#cuz i just remembered she exists#how do normal people juggle this many interests
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i know cost of living crisis and unemployment hits everyone and i have to build solidarity but man. I really have limited sympathies to cishet people that used to make fun of me and my queer friends in school. they are so much privileged and supported in society yet fumble things up so badly in life they have to ask help. from the same ppl they used to bully. Like, you dont have to support your parents like i do, you dont have to pay for hrt and surgeries like my friend, you'll never even worry of getting into a fight with your parents so bad due to your identity or political beliefs that youre getting evicted. ofc i'd try to help but like. geez. my friend ofc get the brunt of this. Tbf she's very active on instagram while i tried my best to make myself invisible online.
#posts about my life#im not exactly known as the gay kid however im the very dirty and disheveled kid that used to disappear from school for a few days#or went in late or couldnt afford textbooks or extracurriculars#im just a very ugly picture of parental neglect back then#but i do hangs out with fags in middle and highschool. because i like them#though my highschool friends are generally very kind and nice. theyre the exception#and guess what! theyre quite successful#more than the old bullies
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I'm starting to feel like bpd is actually just what happens when there's an overlap between adhd, ptsd, and depression- which I think is much more common than physciatrists think
I have a lot of theories but also like I need to do way more research on this before assuming things because I know this is already a greatly stigmatized disorder and I don't want to erase anyone's experiences or make it worse.
#i have adhd ptsd and depression myself#and im not sure if physciatrists are misunderstanding (ima be honest ive lost a lot of my faith in them for stuff like this) again#or if its just a coincidental overlap in the presentation of the conditions#it would honestly make a lot of sense to me though#a lot of physciatrists and therapists agree that bpd is a trauma disorder#it almost feels like what happens if you recieve the trauma that would cause DID (i have DID as well) but#but either at an older age or without the necessary capacity for dissociation required#the reason i say adhd is because the link between adhd and depression seems heavily overlooked#not to mention the effects of adhd in adulthood#given that bpd is a trauma disorder im guessing a lot of people with the condition were neglected by their parents to some degree#not necessarily all but enough that adhd symptoms in childhood would go undiagnosed#and once youre an adult its much harder to get a diagnosis#youre more likely to be diagnosed with things like depression and bipolar disorder#because its gone on so long that its sort of metastasized into more har.#*more harmful conditions#i could be totally wrong about the adhd thing#i just think that its unacceptable how ineffective the treatments are for it#feel free to tell me about your experiences with the condition if you have bpd#that includes self diagnosed people too btw. anyone with bpd#i know a lot of people who suffer needlessly because doctors are incompetent so im just really passionate about this
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sometimes you have to kill your dad because as long as he's alive you can't breathe
#im not in danger i just need to bloody my knuckles with his face#i wasn't given the privilege of teenage rebellion. all my older sisters got to do it#break away from our parents' control and tbh neglect and verbal abuse and do their own thing#and now they can talk to them more normally. they dont just bend to our dad's will#if they dont like something he's saying they can just leave bc while they were away from home they learned how to do that#i missed my chance i guess#i went from obedient child to obedient teen to obedient adult and i can never leave#because im the only one that can fucking deal with his shit by suppressing every negative emotion i have around him#even then it's not enough. i have to agree with him not just listen to what he has to say. im sick with rage#but he's only ever seen me smile because other emotions would just prove to him that women are overly emotional and illogical#i was kept on a leash maybe a little tighter than the others because the ones that came before left when the door was left open#ive never felt more like a dog than when im with my father
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ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do
#purrs#i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life#situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to#drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a#stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well.#i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i#am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone#and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good.#delete later#that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd#this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be#neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.#24 year old dependent moment <3#well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will#never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰#side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester#starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like#this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it#would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or#anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol#well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3
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and maybe its not fair to yori or kohaku for the emotion to be love.. like idk. kohaku's view of her actions VS what those actions truly are are completely opposite
#Also i really hope im being nonstereotypical when it comes to BPD. Kohaku's is just a very extreme case+combined with other mental disorders#It might make more sense for Kohaku to have come from a home where love is distorted that way but I like her backstory?#I mean being in the spotlight and watched all the time since theyre like nobles#Being held to an extremely high standard since childhood#and nothing below those standards being accepted in any form#would have a negative mental effect on someone with BPD already right?#Hmm#im trying to think of the core reason kohakus view of love is so deluded#Like Kohaku was held up to those standards had a very uptight household no mistakes aloud#her obvious disorder was completely ignored; her mother refusing to believe her daughter was “crazy”#and this would destroy their social standing in her mind#and the whole no daughter of mine is some “psycho” type mindset#Kohaku was told to push it all down . pretend she's fine . mantain her perfect grades etc#So yknow there was obvious neglect there. rich parents. I wouldnt say kohaku was spoiled but shed always get what she wanted#So maybe that could be part of her obsession with yori? i guess? and how#a person of such lower social standing would be utterly unacceptable for kohaku to be associated with#and Yori is so unique in Kohaku's eyes- she's an angry righteous person that takes risks and doesn't care#what people think of her when public image was#taught to kohaku to be everything to their family.#so like being with someone like yori could be a sort of freedom from this life Kohaku's forced to live#like Kohaku has always been able to be herself around Yori#even when she started to get really clingy all the time yori didn't mind#and shed try to help her with her manic episodes and everything- her anxiety/paranoia etc#and when Kohaku felt like shed lose Yori (when she met Tatsuko)#she did everything she could Not to lose her. (lying&sabotaging Yori's relationship with Tatsuko)#cus she didnt want to lose the only tether she had outside of her nobility. or whatever.#... What was i talking about originally
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Don't know why all the best Pokemon antagonists are also all really bad parents.
#giovani#ghetsis#lusamine#the s/v professors#the s/v professors are really bad cause it ends up turning out that the real life ones were actually WORSE than their AI counterparts 🤣#lusamine was alright then got neglectful because she was caught up in Ultra Beast research & then got brain damage from it & went insane#ghetsis.....well hes just straight up not gonna see heaven 🤣 awful awful man. fitting leader for pokemon peta i think#Giovanni seems like the most 'normal' bad parent in all of this. just an emotionally constipated mob guy who wasnt around enough#idk just somethin i was knockin around in my brain lately#i guess by 'best' i mean 'the ones i like the most as villains'. Maxie & Archie are just mega hippies who ultimately didnt mean any harm#Cyrus is alright but i don't care too much about him if im honest#Lysandre is just kind of a bitch 🤣#and that Chairman Rose guy. i would break his fuckin nose. fuck that guy. lame ass mf. he sucks but not in an interesting way
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YEAHYEAHYEAH see I had no actual thesis and knew I must've been missing things... this is why I love writing in... you may feel like you're just restating but you always cover for my blind spots and reinforce points I'm not too confident in...
I did kind of gloss over the instances where Arakawa really had any agency though huh, but if you think about it, his love for Ichiban is what caused most of the post-timeskip events of the plot in the first place. And he had to make some of the biggest gambles of his life in sending Ichi to prison and shooting him and just hoping Ichiban would pull through okay...
Ough... that's exactly it, it's so tragic specifically because he does overcome his upbringing and even his profession, has so much heart and kindness despite or perhaps even because of it, but it just hurts him in the end :( I've always seen a sort of Kiryu-and-Mine comparison with Arakawa and Jo there with how their struggles early in life took them down completely different paths. Two came to be compassionate, altruistic people with "heroic" qualities while two came to incredibly self-reliant and jaded while treasuring the few bonds they did form deeply...
i guess it does help getting anyone to look over your thoughts, so im glad i can provide some substance when i can (❁´◡`❁)
in regards to the kiryu/mine comparison, mine and kiryu have always been interesting characters to compare for me, esp when the comparison is made so much (though that more specifically is something else to talk bout another time ig). its a fair parallel to make nonetheless :]
#snap chats#when it comes to the love relationship between ichi and arakawa its kinda funny#i cant really expand on why- i thought i had a point but i nullified Said Point when i tried to expand on it#its just an interesting subject itself i guess#onto mine and kiryu though i rambled bout it months ago but im always free to talk bout it again since it picks at my brain a lot#its an unfortunate comparison honestly. sure kiryu and mine were both orphans but they had incredibly different upbringings#after mine's father passes that's it: he's on his own henceforth. meanwhile kiryu still has the orphanage and kazama#in that he has a solid support group and thus can grow up in a loving home whereas mine obviously was neglected that#in regards to jo and arakawa i can see where that comparison comes fro#while they both had abusive parents arakawa was still able to feel that love from his father whereas jo-#as far as we know- never experienced that kind of care from anyone and didn't until joining the arakawa family in his 20's#and presuming arakawa's patriarch did treat him with some form of tenderness until The Betrayal#then yeah the comparison between mine and kiryu is pretty potent and noticeable#that despite his unfortunate start arakawa still had someone to love him meanwhile jo was mostly on his own#as is kiryu losing his parents but still having kazama and co and mine being by himself after losing his father etc etc#its all these sorts of small seemingly-inconsequential things that can really determine the outcome of someone#and thats shit always fascinates my pseudo psychologist ass
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putting the lil "Japanese 80s City Pop Songs" playlist to destroy my morning executive dysfunction because the vibes are immaculate and it feels like you're in those domestic movies where you see the characters living their little routine in their house and so you're just mimicking the energy
Also it cures depression, i forgor world is a fuck and i'm going to be so happy while filling paperworks ✨
#nano.txt#also i 'binged watched' (as much as my ADHD college student ass can binge watch) All Saints Street and ough...#i love it so muuuuch but i can't even ramble about it#my gf wants to see it so i can't spoil too much#my bestie is hesitating bc it contains some stuff that might trigger them#and i feel self-conscious about rambling about it on the server bc i fear they might not really like (dumb i know)#(but i keep connecting at times when there's noone for several hours so i just. delete stuff. when i get no feedbacks/reactions smh 🤡)#good god i do have attachement issues i think 🤡🤡🤡 oversharing and rsd is a fucked up mix 🤡🤡🤡#am i the problem or is it again bc of my kinda neglecting parents that im oversharing to get attention but then feels bad when#i have nothing in return or isolation or a silent treatment ? Who knows#adhd or trauma let's guess 🤡#...ok it turned into a rant in the tags fuuuuuuuuuck#but it made me realised things lol#vent#yeah...#smh word put in quotes gets deleted
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forgot.
#guy learns that neglecting himself causes physical problems.#anyway. ive remembered that eating breakfast is good and nice.#if that doesnt feel like enough think about the horrid shit youll have after dinner =w=bb#anyway.#sillyposting#eat breakfast yall. and lunch. and dinner. and many many snacks. and drink water.#actually i should drink water. ill get a glass.#YOU TOO. water =w=bb#anyway i want to talk about it but yk. eating stuff below. beware.#ive only started having somewhat regular breakfast (some frozen fruit + some fruit-yogurt smoothi. about 700 ml idk) forr three months now.#after maybe. 3+ years of not having breakfasts. i mean i had a brief cereal habit for maybe 2 months but =w=#after i realized that the. diarrhea i had daily after dinner wasnt bc i was drinking too much (not even 1L of liquid :) )#but it instead was because i was. eating too little.#i have a good healthy lunch habit of 14+ months which is a wrap+lettuce+cucumber+pickles.#and its very good! but sometimes i doubt the nutritional value.#i know i shouldnt bc if i didnt have my trusty saladwrap i. would not have regular lunch. which is way worse#but anyway yeah the wrap itself probably doesnt fulfill the body needs that well which means that once i had dinner....#.... (which is still prepared by my parents thank god) it would be a BOMB on my intestines. bc theyve had nothing all day every day.#and. your body gets in a custom of not being prepared for a. normal amount of food.#which means it cant process the food. which means the half-processed food has to leave. which means daily explosive shits.#like genuinely i was fighting daily on the toilet. stomachcramps like menstrual cramps so painful.#anyway due to circumstances ive missed a few breakfast or lunches in the last week or so.#and guess who has come back =w=bb lovely old no-good shit. yay.#but i do feel better today!! aside from the horror the general depression has dimmed so =w=bb were hopefull for the future#and. will keep eating breakfast and lunch. which are harder than dinner bc im forced to join my family (lovingly and thankfully ofc)#=w=bb#let us get a glass of water!!!!
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Not gonna lie
I dont think I'll ever forgive my parents for how poorly they mishandled our dog's health. I constantly felt as though it was my fault even though I quite literally couldn't do any more than i did. I still feel as though it was my fault. He deserved so much fucking better. I love him, and he had to endure such horrible skin problems because my parents refused to take him to a better vet because they were convinced the one they went to was fine. Even though I protested them for YEARS. I tried so fucking hard to get them to see what was going on but they just let it get worse and worse. They would never listen. And I couldn't take him somewhere on my own because I was a kid with no money. My sibling was too busy to notice. And my mom couldn't accept that it was her fault, and that she could've done better. I think she knows now but is still denying it to herself. My dad, quite frankly, didn't care.
#thinking about it right now because of how neglectful ive felt in regards to my dog's teeth#even though it again is the result of my parents not caring#or not wanting to realize#for fucks sake. they didnt take the other family dog to the vet for YEARS until i coincidentally#almost killed myself and they decided to do things that would make me happy#and why didnt they? because they didnt want to admit they were being neglectful in that regard#but i think it was a wake up call for them#when he had to get a quarter or more of his teeth removed as a result.#im so worried about my dog#they wouldnt LET me get his teeth cleaned for years#and when i got him we had agreed that they would pay for the teeth#and i really thought they would show up. despite the fact that it took me three fucking years to get my own cavity filled bc my#mom is insane about health stuff and im too fucking mentally ill to get a nine to five#and it ended up being a root canal because of it#and i told them time and time again that i would spend my money from my grandparents on his teeth#in a fucking instant#but i dont hsve control of the account. because of course i dont. and i cant help but feel like i failed my dog#even though i dont even know if he'll even need more than one tooth pulled yet#he's everything to me#he keeps me alive#he threw me out of a haze that for sure wouldve otherwise ended up with me bleeding out#so im not being dramatic. hes the reason i get up every day and get out of the house and take care of myself. because i know he loves me and#depends on me. and DON'T say animals dont love the same because for all intents and purposes love is being able to depend on people. that's#what love is. love is about caring for people and being cared for in return#it doesnt matter if he doesnt comprehend things the same. he comforts me when im sad. he lays on me when i have migraines#that's love to me. and i loce that little guy wven when he's an annoying little shit. hes my bro yk?#hes there for me when i need him so I'll always be there for him. shoutoit to my dog for being himself#also ik he does it because i care for his needs. but like. what is platonic and familial love or like love in general i guess if not#reciprocating care? even if it's not the same kind of care it's still care. you provide what the other person needs when they cant provide#it for themself.
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The two options are currently:
1) Lilith and Hunter swap (as the redeemed villain sibling of the protagonist)
Caleb and Evelyn are also swapped. Lilith is a clone of Evelyn.
2) Huntlow and Aladarius are swapped
Lilith and Vee are swapped (protagonists' sisters)
Gus and his dad are swapped
I brought up swapping Huntlow and Aladarius for the Swap Au. But said I wasn't sure because Willow is nothing like Alador but then I sketched up a what Willow's design would look like and I think I'm cooking
#ngl though kinda feels like im doing a diservice to willow#alador jokes aside her role really is based on the guy shes with#but like#she and gus arent close to any adult character in canon besides their bio parents#unlike luz amity and hunter#i guess i could argue im doing the same with amity and raine so its okay?#i wont make willow a neglectful parent though#she gonna have different issues going on
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of course im moving literally during finals week and i didnt think to get work off or plan ahead to make it easier for myself literally at all
#it will be fine i just. am entering a pretty stressful week and a half#basically. i dont actually have thaaaat much to finish for school (<lying)#and my parents are helping me + i am borrowing a truck from my cousin#i need to be out and have the place clean by 4/30 at 10 am. and they can help me on saturday which is the 29th#im scheduled to work that day but i should be able to get it off if i post in the coverage chat soon#so leading up to it on free days i can pack and clean as much as possible and move everything i can over in my car#and then on saturday we can take all the big stuff and hopefully finish that in the morning and then do all the cleaning. i have to hire a#carpet cleaner as well though:p i guess i can just clean my room first bc thats the only place w carpet and have them come in the afternoon#so if thats the moving plan. basically for the rest of this week i need to get as far ahead on school as i possibly can and get work#off for saturday. okay!#sorry just need to write out a plan to make myself not stressed. whats that post thats like *covered in blood* i just need to write a list#me rn. but that helped. i see the path before me and it is doable#zem diary#<ive been neglecting using that tag. sorry.
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It's kind of jarring to be reminded that everyone around me has always had more than me (aside from a select few). Like I just forget until it comes down to something mundane like buying shoes and I don't know my shoe size because for most of my life I've had one pair of shoes that I wear until they break. And it was usually something someone either got me as a gift (horrified that my shoes were wearing out. As if thats not what shoes do when you wear them) or they were passed down and I grew into them.
Like that's just normal for me. It doesn't bother me either, this isn't a pity party. It's just surreal that it bothers other people sometimes
#i don't really feel like ive been that poor either#most of the things i needed and didnt get were things me/my family could have afforded but refused to#i figured 'if I'd rather save up my money to get some new coloring books than to buy some new shoes i probably dont need them that bad'#maybe those are decisions they havent had to make#i cant be jealous because i cant imagine what thats like#i simply cant imagine it#oof now im remembering the only time i actually had to ask for new shoes and i didnt#i was growing out of my shoes and getting blisters from it but i kept putting off getting new shoes#because idk i guess it just didnt bother me that much until it started to hurt really bad#and i didnt want to ask my mom for anything either because yeah#she was the type of parent you dont ask for things from#eventually someone else noticed and said something along the lines of 'if you dont get him new shoes then i will' to my mom#and then she got mad that i didnt tell her?#it was all so confusing to me then but i understand why now. she just wanted to hide the neglect. she didnt really care about anything else#its why everything was fine and she never thought i needed anything until someone else said something about it#even with my eating disorder... she knew what i was doing but she didnt interfere until someone else told her i looked sick#but that wasnt until years after the problem started. funny how that works isnt it
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A night at the boardwalk
Platonic Yandere lost boys x reader
Part 2
Notes- Sorry this took so long to write! This fic wasn’t supposed to be that dark but then idk I guess I kind of changed my mind towards the end.
Warnings- Neglectful parenting, (They’re all kind of assholes in this but at least Dwayne and Paul try to be nice)
You glared down at the sheet in front of you, hoping that the intensity of your gaze would somehow make it disappear altogether. Algebra had always been a weak spot for you, so being given a sheet full of equations to solve by your tutor had been a very unwelcome surprise.
It was hard to even read the numbers under the dim light of the cave, which only added to your growing frustration.
��I’ve been looking for you.”
Your head shot up at the sound of Paul’s voice. Judging by the way his words seemed to almost melt into each other, you came to the conclusion that your father was definitely not sober.
“Hey pa,” You replied as he sat down on the couch beside you.
The man threw his head back with a theatrical groan and rested his arms on the back of the couch.
His eyes remained shut for a moment, before opening and curiously glancing over at you.
“Whatcha got there babe?”
You shrugged, fiddling with the paper absentmindedly.
“School work.”
Paul snorted, “School work! You actually bother with that shit? Y/n you don’t even go to school.”
You rolled your eyes at the comment, “Well yeah. Lindsey set it for me- and besides the others would kill me if I didn’t do it.”
He frowned, “Is she setting you too much work? Cause you know we can find you someone else if-”
“No! No! I like her.” You cut in quickly. Lindsey wasn’t your first tutor. You’d had a few before, but they usually didn’t last long. Each one mysteriously disappearing after a few months.
Since you weren’t enrolled in school, your fathers (well, David and Dwayne) had decided that it was important that you were still somewhat educated, and had taken the responsibility of finding tutors for you.
It was risky of course, having outsiders visit the cave to teach you, so it wasn’t surprising that your fathers were extremely careful about who they picked and what information they gave to them.
Lindsey was the best so far, but she had been teaching you for three months by now. You knew it was only a matter of time until they replaced her.
Paul took the work from you and squinted at it.
“You know how much math I do each day?”
You frowned, “Uh- do you even know how to do math?”
He scrunched the paper into a ball and threw it across the room.
“Nope! And I don’t need to- cause it’s all just dumb made up shit.”
He twisted onto his knees and grabbed you by your shoulders.
“Look babe, you should be enjoying life- not wasting it on algebra.”
You laughed dryly, “I would if David hadn’t grounded me.”
Paul sat back with a defeated look on his face, “Well shit. I forgot about that. Wait- what did you do again?”
“Fuck knows.”
He hummed and lit a spliff.
You debated asking for a smoke, but ultimately decided not to.
“Y’know… I think you’re right about me enjoying life.”
Paul quirked a brow, “Well duh. Im always right.”
“Yeah, so I was thinking maybe you could take me to the boardwalk.”
“Take you to the boardwalk…” He repeated under his breath.
“Yep. David said I can’t go alone, so as long as you’re with me..”
Your dad blinked at you, trying to make sense of what you were saying.
“So.. so.. you’re grounded- or are you not?”
You smiled innocently and shook your head. “Not grounded.”
“And you want me to take you to the boardwalk?”
“Yeah.”
Paul paused for a second, “Sure, that sounds fun.”
You grinned, delighted by how easy it was to get your way.
“Great! I’ll go grab a jacket.”
He nodded slowly, “Ok I’ll uh- I’m getting the keys then.”
You almost tripped in your haste to get to your room. You grabbed a worn leather jacket from your clothes rack before spinning around and running back to Paul.
Unsurprisingly, you got back before he had managed to find the keys to the bike.
“Pa, they’re in that drawer over there.” You said as you entered the main part of the cave, pointing over to a small, wooden chest of drawers.
He frowned, “Coulda sworn I just checked that one…” you heard him mumble to himself as he lumbered over to where you had directed him.
“Ha! You’re right babe- they were here this whole time. That’s weird.”
You smiled impatiently, “Can we go now?”
“You aren’t gonna put on your jacket?”
You glanced down at the leather tucked under your arm, realising you’d forgotten to put it on in your rush.
“Yes- fine! Can we please go now?”
Paul watched as you quickly shoved your arms into the sleeves with barely concealed frustration. Not that he particularly noticed in his impaired state.
“Cmon then.”
He stood up and held out a hand. Usually you would’ve refused, claiming to be too old for that, but you knew better than to test your limits right now. As long as you got out the cave, that was all that mattered.
Paul spoke to you the whole ride. Or at least, you think he did- it was difficult to hear over the rushing wind and snarling engine.
When you eventually reached the boardwalk, it only took around 5 minutes for your father to get distracted.
You noticed them before he did. A rowdy mix of surf nazis and punks, many of them seeming to recognise Paul. They called him over, flashing their alcohol and weed enticingly at him.
He looked at you, torn between his responsibilities as a father and the desire to do whatever the fuck he wanted.
“You stay here, ok? I’ll be five minutes. Don’t go anywhere.”
You nodded obediently, “Don’t worry Pa, you can trust me.”
He ruffled your hair, “I know.”
You stood there for a moment, watching as he eagerly greeted the group. It saddened you slightly, seeing how he’d rather spend the night with them instead of you, but at least it gave you the opportunity to see your friends.
Once you were sure he wasn’t coming back, you began making your way through the busy crowds. The smell of food stalls, and the sound of people chattering excitedly- you loved it. You loved the boardwalk with your whole heart.
“Y/n! Is that you?”
You turned at the sound of your best friend’s voice. She was hanging out with a group of kids you’d never seen before, a surprised look on her face.
You hurried over, greeting her with a hug.
“I’ve missed you Beth,” you said as you pulled out of the embrace. Your friend smiled and gave your hand a warm squeeze.
“Me too- I kinda thought you were grounded.”
“Yeah I was. I managed to convince Paul to take me out.”
Bethany frowned, “Is he the one who taught you to skateboard?”
You were touched by her effort to try and remember the things you had told her about your dads. “No that’s Dwayne. Paul’s the stoner.”
She nodded, “Ah ok, so that means we won’t have to worry about being caught?”
“Unless one of the others shows up we should be fine.”
“Great! Let’s go do something fun then.”
You frowned, glancing over at the other kids she was with, “You’re just gonna leave them?”
Bethany shrugged, “They’re just school friends. I’d rather hang out with you.”
You smiled, “If you’re sure. What kind of fun did you have in mind?”
She shot you a sly grin, “How about we get our ears pierced?”
“Again?”
“Yeah, we can get our seconds done!”
You hesitated, imagining David or Marko’s reaction to another set of piercings.
“Oh cmon, your dads are punks right? Surely they won’t be that pissed off.”
“Yeah but they’re also total hypocrites and control freaks.”
Bethany gave you a pleading look, and you finally gave in.
“Ok ok, let’s go do it.”
She squealed in excitement and grabbed your hand, “We’re gonna look so cool! Have you eaten yet? We can grab some hotdogs or something after!”
You laughed, “I’m starving! We’ve got like no food at home.”
Beth shot you a sympathetic look, “Aw you poor thing. They starvin you again?”
“Yeah but.. not purposely this time,” you shrugged, trying to downplay it.
“Ok, well we’ll get ya something to eat after.”
You nodded, “That’s the place, right?”
She glanced over to the tattoo parlour you were looking at, “Yeah that’s it. I know a guy whose brother works there.”
You hummed as you both reached the door, “Sometimes it feels like you know the whole of Santa Carla.”
Bethany laughed, “You would too if your dads let you go to school.”
You shrugged, “Maybe one day…”
Your conversation seemed to naturally die as you both walked inside.
The guy Bethany knew was nice enough- he gave you both a 50% discount and told you to come back again should you ever want anything else.
You thanked him and left once you were finished, eager to find something to eat.
“You want any mustard on that?”
You quickly shook your head, “Just ketchup’s fine.”
The guy in the van nodded, squirting red sauce onto your hotdog. He handed you the food in exchange for a couple dollars and you walked back over to Bethany.
“You sure you don’t want anything?”
The blonde girl shrugged, “Me and mum ate earlier.”
You nodded and took a large bite out of the hotdog.
Bethany watched you eat. The way you hungrily tore into your food saddened her- she knew you were being mistreated by your parents. She knew that sometimes you’d go days without food. You claimed it was accidental, and that they would never starve you as a form of punishment, but she wasn’t so sure.
“Y’know, you could always move in with us. My mum wouldn’t mind, and my dad… well he’s been gone for a while now. I doubt he’s gonna come back anytime soon.”
You swallowed your food and shook your head, “Beth I couldn’t do that to you. If my dads found out-”
You stopped yourself before you could say it. If your dads found out that you had moved in with your best friend, then she was as good as dead.
You’d seen what they were capable of. Only once, but that was enough to change the way you saw them. They were predators. They fed off people. People like Bethany. People like you.
“I know I just- I just worry about you.”
You smiled, “You shouldn’t, you got your own shit to deal with.”
She laughed humourlessly, “You mean my dad? He’s long gone, Y/n. I don’t need to worry about him anymore.”
You were about to reply, when a familiar voice suddenly caught your attention.
“Two hours Paul! Two fucking hours and you somehow managed to lose her.”
You stopped in your tracks and grabbed Bethany’s hand. She shot you a questioning look, but you offered no explanation.
“Dude I swear I was only gone for like five minutes! I thought I could trust her.”
“She’s thirteen! In what world is a thirteen year old trustworthy?”
Bethany suddenly seemed to catch on. “Shit! Are those your dads?”
You nodded frantically, “Yeah! They uh- they definitely know I’m here so you gotta get outta here now before they see you.”
“You gonna be ok?”
“I’ll be fine- just go ok?”
Your friend reluctantly turned around, sending you a quick goodbye before disappearing into a crowd.
A moment later, David rounded the corner, followed by Dwayne, Paul and Marko.
“Where the fuck have you been?” David demanded, his icy blue eyes staring threateningly at you.
“I was hungry.” You said, meekly holding up the ketchup stained napkin.
Dwayne took a step closer, eyes full of worry, “Paul forgot to feed you?”
You narrowed your eyes, “I can feed myself- there just wasn’t any food.”
David scoffed, “So you snuck out cause you were hungry?”
You frowned, “I didn’t sneak out- Paul took me!”
“Hey! Don’t blame this on Paul. He brought you here as a kind gesture and you fucking ran off!” Marko interjected.
“He went off to get high! How is that my fault?” You could hear how your voice was getting whinier the more you spoke, desperate and full of frustration.
Paul opened his mouth to speak, but David cut him off. “Enough of this. It’s time to go home.”
You bit your tongue to stop yourself from arguing with him, knowing it would only make the situation worse.
Dwayne took your hand and rubbed your knuckles placatingly. “Cmon babe let’s go.”
You nodded wordlessly, allowing him to lead you to where they had parked their bikes.
Dwayne mounted the ride first, before helping you up onto the seat behind. You glanced over and accidentally locked eyes with Paul. He looked slightly apologetic, although it was hard to tell through the darkness.
“Alright let’s go!” David called over the grumble of the engines. You wrapped your arms tightly around Dwayne’s waist as his bike shot forward seconds later.
The cool night air stung your eyes, forcing you to shut them.
Smothered by the howling wind, you could hear laughter and cheering from your fathers. It almost felt like they were taunting you.
They were excited to get back to the cave. Excited to punish you. It made you sick.
Tag list- @bella-goths-wife @xjesterxjacksx @simplyreading96 @ursinaw @purple-lemon-8
(This technically isn’t a part 2 of the first fic because I wasn’t really sure what direction to take that one but I do have a few ideas for this so if anyone’s interested in a part 2 of this or just has any suggestions/requests my asks are open!)
#the lost boys#the lost boys 1987#the lost boys x reader#tlb 1987#poly!lost boys x reader#yandere lost boys#platonic yandere#yandere#platonic#the lost boys x child!reader
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Fastpass spoilers
I think one of the largest issues I have with Lore Olympus is Rachel Smythes tendency to ignore her favourite characters wrong doings or to try 'justify' them with poorly executed retcons. In the latest chapter we get yet another "Zeus bad" retcon that somehow feels worse than the prior "Zeus bad" moments. Im not going to deny Zeus is a very VERY flawed person in LO, I am all for Hera divorcing him. But here she is trying to justify the Metis/Zeus plot point by saying "oh she was protecting her daughter all along by sleeping with someone who she met when he was underage!!!!" That feels really creepy? I dont think she really considers the implications of the things she writes and thats not a good thing. She cant even try argue "oh kronos time shenanigans make it ok" or whatever stupid logic she might use because she has established his time powers had run out from his fight with Ouranos at that point in the story.
Like lets take the catastrophe that was the Dio birth arc, she tries to retroactively justify Persephone being a terrible midwife who steals a baby without letting the father hold him by being like "oh actually he didnt care about the baby he chose to carry in his leg for about 10 years Persephone was in the right!!!" instead of having her ask to take custody or do anything other than demanding she be given the baby like a few minutes after Zeus finished giving birth.
Its not just Zeus either, she tries to justify Persephone invading Leuces home by being like "Oh Leuce never really got any texts shes delusional!!!!" ignoring the fact that Leuce thought the texts were valid enough to show to Persephone when mrs pink tyrant was being a home invader and neglecting the baby she just stole a couple of hours ago. Dio is treated like a purse dog and we get some off hand comment where Persephone blames the neglect (which was so bad the child got into TARTARUS) on the sitter she hired rather than being like "oh I should have made actual arrangements for Dio instead of giving myself a makeover". Theres also the way she tried to claim Thanatos was as much to blame for Hades' terrible parenting as Hades was by being like "well the abandoned child had an attitude can you blame Hades for not being a good dad?" Like yes. Yes we can blame Hades, he was an ADULT and Thanatos was a CHILD.
I guess the point Im making is, if she wants her characters to be morally grey, she needs to stop twisting the narrative into a gordian knot to justify every bad thing her favourites do whilst condemning other characters as being 'the worst' like hold them all to the same standard and actually let them develop instead of making excuses.
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