#and guess what! theyre quite successful

[selamat-linting]

i know cost of living crisis and unemployment hits everyone and i have to build solidarity but man. I really have limited sympathies to cishet people that used to make fun of me and my queer friends in school. they are so much privileged and supported in society yet fumble things up so badly in life they have to ask help. from the same ppl they used to bully. Like, you dont have to support your parents like i do, you dont have to pay for hrt and surgeries like my friend, you'll never even worry of getting into a fight with your parents so bad due to your identity or political beliefs that youre getting evicted. ofc i'd try to help but like. geez. my friend ofc get the brunt of this. Tbf she's very active on instagram while i tried my best to make myself invisible online.

[sieglinde-freud]

oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

i feel like if ace's UM does end up just allowing him to copy other's UM, it would solve a potential problem which is malleus putting everyone into a state of sleep. like they told us that it would only be lifted if malleus either lifts it up on his own or if he dies and idt twst would kill off a major and VERY popular character. but if they give ace that ability as his UM it would solve that in a way?

but if they do give that to ace as his UM i hope that ace would struggle to copy people's abilities, or at least kinda go through the emotions the original spell caster felt when theyre using their UM or when they first awoken it. maybe like a price to pay to use other's abilities but thats just me HAHAHHA

Yeeeah, that's what I was thinking too. I can't imagine Ace's UM being anything but a UM borrowing/mimicry spell right now (due to his own propensity to easily learn new skills and do vocal impressions)... It would also just be really useful for the end of book 7, since the briar barrier can only be taken down with Malleus's death or with Malleus willingly removing his magic. Given Malleus's stubbornness and being in such an emotional state, I really doubt he'd be able to come to his senses even all these hundreds of parts later. I really doubt whether all of our powers combined can take him down either, given his track record of being so stupidly OP. And it for sure wouldn't be a good move on the Twst devs' part to kill off such a money maker and significant part of their marketing for their series. (I do want to point out, however, that Malleus's insane popularity is exclusive to the international/English-speaking part of the fandom; he is not a top contender in JP and I would say has more of a middling status.) Having someone else reproduce his UM could very easily resolve this issue, but I guess that's also highly dependent on if Ace can get a grip on his UM that fast, or if he can even feasibly iron out the kinks of controlling what is probably a very complex spell. Epel, who got his UM most recently in book 6, still seems to have only a 70-80% success rate with his, so it's possible that Ace doesn't fully master his UM even if he gets it as soon as his own dream. I definitely don't think Ace would be able to use his (theoretical) copying UM to its full extent ASAP, as then we could just cut the dreams short right then and there. I feel like it'd become more relevant during the actual OB Malleus showdown or something. In general, there'd have to be come kind of drawback or limitations to his UM even if he got used to casting it at some point (just for power balancing reasons). Maybe there's a cooldown period, or he can only use the UM as much as his imagination will allow, or maybe it requires that he be able to empathize with the feelings of the original mage.

... Oh, you know what??? That might actually tie book 7 up quite nicely! If Ace's UM allows him to copy the UMs of other mages but only with the stipulation that he must empathize or relate to how they were acting when the original mage used their UM... Wouldn't that mean that Ace has to understand Malleus's loneliness and the fear of being left behind by his loved ones??? ACE CAN ACTUALLY PERFECTLY RELATE TO THAT because he was in denial mode that Yuu would be going home earlier in book 7. On top of that, he's probably also harboring shame for making fun of Deuce so much, only to be the one who doesn't have his UM yet. Ace can totally relate to what Malleus is going through 👀 He'd be forced to confront his denial of his own emotional vulnerability because he sees Malleus displaying the very same behaviors.

Maybe Ace gets his UM early on but has no idea how to use it properly until it comes in clutch in the final battle because he realizes (at last) how Malleus is feeling. Then it’s Ace who becomes the trump card that lets us triumph…! And that brings us full-circle—the final boss being beaten by the first student that we met, our first friend… Ace Trappola 🫶

[katoobee]

I HAVE. MY OWN DREAMTALE HEADCANON THAT HAS GOTTEN A BIT. LARGE.

so i wanna put it into a big post!

i like the ideas for Nightmare that Passive and Corrupted are separate beings, as its implied (or iirc, outwardly stated) in the story that Nightmare isnt a worse version of himself, its literally just a really evil entity possesing him.

so with toying with the set ideas for Nightmare (different person, negativity, shapeshifting) i came up with this!!

-

the general idea for this version of Nightmare is that his Evil Schemes and Dastardly Deeds have been resoundingly successful, much to the dismay of literally everyone

his power becomes abundant due to the amount of negativity in the Multiverse, and he changes his form more and more. (my HC height of Nightmare is related to this!)

his minions (ie Killer Dust Horror) slowly get more and more beat down by Nightmare and look more exhausted, due to more prevalent abuse in the gang

Nightmare loses the need to manipulate other AUs by appearing as Sans. his body starts to look,,, saggy. with the more power he gains, his features more long and "incorrect" (like he's not respecting anatomy). the teeth in his mouth are the only thing that moves when he speaks.

his minions notice this around (i guess i can call it stages?) stage 3, and theyve started feeling like theyre not respecting Nightmare's orders anymore, and that they're respecting someone elses orders.

all this leads to this image which also introduces

NIGHT TERROR

Night Terror i imagine, is quite literally the Human that killed Nim and was imbued into the Tree of Feelings, once again given form. the driving force that started everything

he no longer hides in the costume of Nightmare nor sans, as he shows himself for what he truly is. (quite literally tore off his skin and stepped out of it like a costume, i might draw this later)

he knows fully what his presence entails, and he plans to uphold himself to that no matter what. he will stop at nothing to cause as much death, destruction, and suffering as possible.

he's freakishly powerful, a step above how Nightmare already was.

Dream is the only thing that can stop him completely, with the help of weakening him by other sanses and other powerful bodies.

calls Dream and Nightmare "Nim-Child/Children"

his body is still goopy, but its smoother and not runny. akin to surface tension in water.

his eyes glow when he speaks.

he can summon knives, mimics of the actual knife that killed Nim. he can also summon a LOT more tentacles. these are all lot stronger than his relatively "weaker" form

he can single out one person in an AT-Lich like manner (uses this to talk to Dream directly, and also generally uses few-line commands)

his hands can become coated in pure toxicity, acting like agonizing acid that isnt just exclusive to Dream. his fingers can also become sharp like razors when coated in the toxicity.

where everyone else speaks in the sound-font, noise for each letter, he has his own voice. like fully, audible voice

he still is going for Dream's golden apple, but is more forceful about it due to his mask basically being dropped

(visuals made here with lyrics from a song by Chonny Jash, yes i know its a LOZ song IT JUST FITS THE VIBE)

i imagine "killing" Night Terror restores the real Nightmare to what he was once was. "killing" Night Terror doesn't actually kill him, but makes him go into dormancy, keeping himself inside of Nightmare's soul, like a worm burrowed into an apple.

the only feasible way to save Nightmare is for Dream to severely hurt himself, since negativity is like acid to him,,,

arms go byebye!

i also believe that reverting Nightmare back to normal would mean he'd still be his young age, like when Dream was encased in stone

ok thats all i have to say about this if anyones curious feel free to ask about it :]

[ecto-hazard]

I just rewatched ii s1 (fucked up right?)

im just gonna make a post compiling some barebones concepts that im curious about. cause with the latest reveal, im wondering how much previous stuff might become relevant.

Obviously this was made years ago by a bunch of kids so its possible that most of the details can be disregarded as random bullshit. It does seem like they put a lot of work in creating retcons though so I have reason to believe theyre building off their previous work on purpose but i could be wrong and thats fair. im gonna post about it anyway tho

ii16 spoilers discussed under the cut

Who Mephone created (or rather, didn't create)

Mephone supposedly made every contestant for the show, but there's a couple vague characters.

Fan: weirdly enough he's in a gray area cause he appears as a background character before s2, but he also glitched out in that one episode, so its unlikely he wasnt created by Mephone. But yknow.

Apple: Apple is a fan character who was submitted to the show, and this is addressed in canon. It's possible that mephone made her and the other fan contestants based on whatever the submitters asked?

Bow: she randomly shows up after an ad read. Mephone doesnt seem to even want her to join, but he receives a call from Adam to insist she join. Mephone seems quite resistant to the idea (which would be weird if he made her?) Most interestingly, she's the only one in this list that Mephone couldn't recover.

Dough MIGHT be one mephone didnt create, but it seems pretty likely that Mephone would create him as he was specifically requested by adam to get bow back. Dough does seem like something he'd throw together really quickly to cover his ass

The reason any of this could be relevant is that if they arent created by Mephone, they probably cant be deleted by Cobs.

Adam

Stuff about Adam (the character not the guy) has been kinda quiet lately? He was supposedly the producer of ii, and pays mephone apparently? He clearly has a role to play since he showed up in one of Mephone's memories and seems to be a creation by cobs. So observing his actions in s1 might be valuable, especially since cobs would be able to manipulate the show through him.

Some notable actions of his:

Insisting on Bow being in the show. This is doubly interesting if Bow isn't one of Mephone's creations. She could be an industry plant of some kind?

Telling Mephone to keep 4S out of the season finale. This is supposedly to keep the finale from going crazy. If Mephone had been successful, he wouldve been killed by Mephone 5. Its possible this was on purpose so 4 could be destroyed and replaced

Investing in another season. at the end of s2, despite things going wrong, he tells Mephone they're going to do another season. He sweetens the deal by offering a raise and agreeing to get Mephone an assistant (Toilet). Cobs clearly got invested in this show, so it makes sense he'd encourage more of it from the shadows.

Mephone 4S

Yeah talking about 4S isn't anything new, the fandom's obsessed with him. I am too.

The implications of Mephone4 being in 4S's body never really got explored in s2. I guess they were similar enough that it didn't really matter. But he clearly still has some relevance in the modern series. One of Mephone's memories shows him getting developed as a replacement for 4, and he actually appears in Invitational, Sorta? Clearly Mephone's bothered by the sacrifice he made.

At the very least, the show's reminding us that he existed, so maybe he still does exist? I don't think he's going to necessarily make a comeback or anything but I dunno. It seems like he might be able to talk to Mephone in his head so maybe there's something to that.

Evil Paper

Im just gonna be upfront that I don't have a dissociative disorder and its not my place to talk about how it works or what is good or bad representation so I'm not gonna get super deep into talking about this. I'm just curious if the team has any plans for addressing Evil Paper. They seemed to make an effort into writing Yin Yang more thoughtfully (whether or not they actually succeeded, again, not my say). I could see them giving Paper similar treatment. If they did I doubt it'd be very plot relevant though.

Is the Taco we got the Taco we were supposed to have?

I've actually seen this conversation circulate a little bit already. This sort of debate could apply to any character really, but Taco is perhaps the most interesting example because she's so involved in the latest episodes AND because Brian actually addressed a tweet about this.

Taco behaves like a goofy idiot for the majority of s1, only revealing at the end that she was faking it so she would make it to the end. She specifically says she was "built to win" (the quote Brian addresses), and shows a much more competent side when she actually competes. In fact if it weren't for Bow's interference, Taco would have won the challenge (another case of Bow being weird).

This all seems to imply that Taco may have been intended to win the series by Mephone. Cobs points out to Suitcase and Knife that Mephone had "high hopes" for them, so it's not unreasonable to say that maybe certain characters were liked over others. Mephone never seems to give special treatment openly, but that doesn't mean that when he made certain contestants he didn't at the very least expect them to do well.

What is highly unlikely though is that Taco was created to be a twist villain. This results in Mephone's death after all (though the activity of Bow and Mephone 5 also could be to blame). Especially since he had pressure from Adam to keep things running smoothly, it just wouldn't make sense that Mephone would specifically create someone to toss a wrench in things. Most likely Taco developed like this on her own accord.

But that also raises the question, if she wasn't meant to be a villain, what was she supposed to be? How much of the taco we have now is the Taco that Mephone created? We don't actually see how he reacts to her "reveal" because he's in the middle of running away from 5. But everyone else clearly never saw it coming. OJ specifically comments that this doesn't seem like "the Taco he's been competing with all this time," and while that's written in reference to her reveal, it also could mean she WASNT the Taco he'd been competing with. We do get a hint or two of her true self in previous episodes, but its possible she wasn't ever supposed to be like that.

I think its possible Mephone4 created her as a goofy goober joke character initially, and over time, she changed. She developed into a more tactful and villainous character with her exposure to the contest.

A few things in the most recent episodes might allude to this. One thing being how in ii15 she discusses how she became aware of how much the contest is changing everyone, herself included. Secondly, in ii16 she tells Pickle that at the time she didn't consider how her actions were going to hurt him. This is a really shitty apology and no excuse for it, but it ALSO could mean that at the time, Taco really didn't think about it. In S1, she claims that she was just using him, but we don't know how aware of herself she was back then. Its possible that there was a past version of Taco who wasn't deadset on winning no matter the cost, and being in the game changed her.

Anyway these have been my slopthoughts. It's like 9 pm and ive been writing this for like an hour. Maybe most of this wont get addressed at all in the series, but I figured i might as well compile it down since I just finished s1

[joelletwo]

(sets a timer) the exorcist postcanon lore i can remember off the top of my head

well the precanon is they were teenmarried in an impulsive haha jk unless 'lets run away from our restrictive homes' moment they immediately chickened out of post-signing the license. and then immediately the various inciting incident cracks in their teenage tenuously extended-grace-bc-theyre-lonely-w/o-peers ability to cooperate that happen as they become adults (seiji dad death-now new heir of the clan-eye attack, and whatever shuuichi's doing to get away that makes him go insane and become a celebrity in three years) makes them more or less lose contact and ignore the elephant in the room until canon. though seiji (and nanase) do poke fun about it sometimes and any time natoris like fucking hell i cannot let the paparazzi find out im legally married itll be a whole Thing can you please sign the divorce papers hes like hahaha what a funny joke shuuichi-san /_^ [mails them back folded into origami]

[various natsume-fueled char development we've disturbingly stayed kind of sort of on track for in recent arcs] -> matoba reconsiders his whole life and the fact that as an adult hes in total control of it and he kind of completely hates it. he wants a less black and white relationship w youkai he's forlornly looking thru the window at natsume and all his sick ass youkai friends. he gives up his eye to eye-eater to settle the matoba debt and (at least temporarily) quits his job and leaves the community and lives a life as just some weird-ass guy whos suddenly free to have hobbies (just picking up and trying whatever) and go to therapy and physically recover.

[per my fics] nanase uses this to get her favorite matoba child back into the picture and help them reconcile as seiji passes the clan back to [matoba sister. i have not reconsidered with shinobu i cant handle it kjsf] and they uncover some of the misunderstandings that drove them apart as kids

[also per my fics. NOW DEBUNKED I GUESS] when natori hears that matoba quit his job he seethes in anger bc FUCK he was gonna do that!!!!! now he cant!!!! but its an opening for them to reconnect and similarly patch up some misunderstandings or figure out where, now changed by time, they fit together differently and less conflictingly than before. natori has also been gently prodded by natsume into therapy and lots of outdoor hobbies where he can Find Inner Peace

i really still adore the idea of. matoba gets settled in his lonesome. um he adopts a youkai-seeing kid thats varyingly important i love her to pieces i cant get into that. read my fics look at our art. but matoba's got his own thing going on hes broadening his horizons in his new life. natori's happy to dip in and out but hes got ten million lives hes busy hes all over the place. they get back together but like. only strictly Share A Life in the typical sense like. in passing. irregularly. always keep in contact but theyre not like. moving in together. for a long time at least.

natori does lose his leg in a freak accident at random one day and he DOES keep the lizard afterwards. really important to me. he grows to love this guy. disabi/_^y 4 disabi🦎y

broad strokes. funny specifics:

matoba gets into doll restoration and has lots of pickling jars w body parts all over his place. natori spends lots of time in the woods lookin' at bugs as he gets fond of the gecko and learns more about geckos and then learns more about little guys in general. hes perfectly positioned to like. anthropology out the symbiotic relationships he discovers between insects and youkai. he writes an pseudonymous guidebook about this thats nichely successful and taken as whimsical fantasy

meanwhile sasada has never given up the goat on trying to prove youkai exist even tho her whole friend group wont admit it. i forget the details but she gets into the book and gets really into bugs to see if she can reverse-engineer the youkai side of the relationship without being able to see it. at some point meets natori thru natsume in just-some-guy capacity and finds out they both like bugs and they bond over that without her knowing hes the author. comedy of errors time ^_^

[anzynai]

Hello!! For the drabble event (or you could make it a fic, idc do whatever youd like :3) , could you make Vil and rook have a spa day :3 (lol tickles included. I think you could guess how) mainly lee rook?

Feel free to ignore, your choice :3

-🍓

hiii thanks for sending this request! rook and vil r so lovely and i quite enjoy writing for them. praying they arent ooc.. i dont think theyre bad tho but u never know LMAOOO … also rook w ticklish cheeks tehehe anyway, please enjoy <33

——

“hold still,” vil narrowed his eyes as he tried to apply the face mask on rook’s face. rook twitched, a crooked smile on his face that he tried to hide without success.

“m-my apologies, roi du poison,” room gasped, the makeup brush grazing his cheeks. how could his face— his face— be ticklish?!

“what is the matter with you?” vil raised a brow, painting the mint green mask on with devastatingly slow precision.

“nothing! dohoho not frehet!” rook tried to reassure the housewarden, but when he accidentally let a few giggles slip out, he could only pray that vil didn’t notice.

and unfortunately, he did. he froze for a moment, allowing rook a few seconds pf relief.

“what’s so funny?” he asked, half-heartedly snapping at the other, but his confusion was plain as day. it was quite a fascinating look on vil and rook made sure to take a mental photo.

“it’s just that i seem to be more sensitive than i thought,” rook said, off handedly, hoping it sounded as casual as he wanted it to.

it took only a second for the cogs in vil’s head to stop turning because vil suddenly wore a face of realization and shock, though concealed.

“sensitive? you mean ticklish?” vil asked, curious and amused. rook tried his best to will away a blush as he averted his eyes.

“if that is what you would like to call it,” rook replied and vil sighed, picking the brush back up. when he started applying the mask back on, rook could’ve sworn it was much more ticklish than usual.

“vihihil..?!” rook giggled, though didn’t move away.

“i realized i missed a couple spots. sit tight for a second,” vil answered his unspoken question, his brush feeling even lighter and more torturous against rook’s skin. not only that, but it seemed as though vil would linger on spots that made him squirm. “missing a couple spots”… what a bold-faced lie.

[castingspellsanddaisies]

why do agencies feel they have to restric an idol from their potential success all due to a dating scandal? i guess its the marketing pov but then why dont they try to prove they can still be idols and have a normal relationship?

i feel so bad for my faves cause their common audiences especially on their online profiles is ppl who would just use them some way or other but theyre always online (arent we all) cause they seemingly cant freely go out and meet others or hang out like a normal person would do. i even want jk to meet his fs so he can prove to others he can date and be successful idol still but i also think if he does meet his fs once out of military that he will receive much backlash and not just from knetz this time same for his fs. i dont get the term of labelling it a dating "scandal" as such either.

It's a different mentality.

The Idols must seem ''available'' for the fans to be delusional and think they can date them or hook up with them at least. Also, by being single single they can stretch longer their ''youthness'' image in their career - after all the public don't expect very young people to commit themselves, this is ''adult'' thing.

Korea is a very sexist country, isn't it? The ''scandal'' about idols dating could also be because of that. I remember reading about a member of BlackPink being lynched by the korean press and public a while ago because she was behaving ''too western-like'' in America.

From what I heard, the kpop industry seems like a prison. The Idols are more like made goods than natural artists.

It's quite sad.

Take care <3

[jameswyerford]

I woke up early today to watch the last twinkmelon ep and tbh i don’t quite know how I feel about it kasjsjsh. for starters I agree with what you said about it. secondly I was SURE that the time travel would happen in the beginning of the ep and then we’d see scenes of the present intertwined with the past but they did the past sooo dirty. NO CHEONGAH GOODBYE???? when her father was like I’m taking her abroad I started to panic and didn’t stop until the very end about what that’d mean for her. just in general the lack of closure with the characters from the past feels sooo gaping. also I didn’t see anyone mentioning it but the family being rich in the future irks me out somewhat. I knew the present would change & having cheongah’s father around means money but that big empty house and family portrait and paparazzi around just added to the lack of closeness between eungyeol’s family that I could feel in the first eps. and why would cheongah want to leave in this place where she had a horrid childhood. their small flat with painted walls felt sooo much more homey and warm :( idk. eungyeol’s reunion with yichan also felt rushed and I kind of wanted them to meet at a similar point they left on in the present so they could reconnect but come from the place of a different perspective especially eungyeol. why do the go back to your father and explain his feelings to him yichan speech if it’s not even relevant anymore in the present!!!!! there are some other things but I guess I’ll leave it at this. as a side note I’m not trying to be negative but the characters and the concept of the story are sooooo good I just feel like they deserved a much better resolution. there are so many things this story could’ve done to be absolutely beautiful them going in a different direction leaves a bitter aftertaste

i think the problem with the drastic change in the new timeline is that we didnt get any scene of family together in the end,, everything felt so cold and distant i just wanted to see them in their house doing domestic stuff? like we didnt need that fancy ending to understand theyre rich and successful now (good for them btw #deserved) i just wanted to see them being... a family (?)

also i agree i hated how they made the family stay at cheongah's house as if it wasnt a traumatizing place for her like they could have put them in a new mansion idk akshksb

and i got nothing else to say tbh you made very good points, specially in the end because it is true that if only the writers had handled things better it could have been a perfect kdrama

[orchidbreezefc]

i just finished super metroid today. i think bookends to a game are cool, but not when they highlight the fact that you are exactly where you started with nothing to show and in fact things would have been better if you never did anything at all and just stayed home.

the game starts with the player answering a distress call on ceres and facing ridley, who escapes with a metroid larva that samus saved in the previous game and was quite attached to her. then the first bookend: a self-destruct sequence on ceres activates for some reason and you have to escape.

samus follows ridley to planet zebes and the rest of the game happens. you explore and shoot aliens and find gear that lets you explore more places to shoot more aliens. it's a very fun game actually!

in the final bit, your old metroid larva pal (now grown up) is mortally wounded in the process of saving you after you awaken the final boss by shooting the jar it's in. defeating the final boss then starts THIS planet's self-destruct sequence for some reason. so there's your other bookend; you can spend it running to your ship and thinking "so... nothing i did in this game had any benefit, huh?"

when you answered the distress call you didnt save ceres, or even stop ridley. your metroid pal thrived on zebes, feasting like a king and growing huge, maybe even breeding. YOU activate a dormant monster, which causes the death of the metroid and then, minutes after, the planet and everything on it.

when i started playing the game i was feeling the standard colonialism video game discomfort, like. why am i killing these aliens. that seems ethically dubious. theyre just chilling in their native habitat. many of them are hostile, but im an intruder in their territory, of course they are! i didnt expect the game to validate this feeling so completely.

the framing doesn't register the bleakness though. as you fly away from the explosion the game exclaims "MISSION SUCCESS!" and i just sat there thinking, what mission? what success?

if my "mission" was to stop whatever ridley's plan with the metroid was (can ridley plan? he seems to be just a big space pterosaur) then you do succeed, by killing ridley (a while earlier), and the metroid, and everything else on zebes, and zebes. you got some suit upgrades and weapons, so that's cool i guess. don't think too much about the intelligent civilization on this planet that made them, or the artifically constructed environments they had built.

this is admittedly a very 2023 way of thinking about this game, but if you ask me, the bigger statement is that this wasn't the 1994 way of thinking about it. i guess it is a really fun game, after you manage to quiet the moral questions in your head, and before they all come rushing back up at you again.

[cyanlastride]

can i be honest?

always.

it came to me in a dream. well not quite-- a daydream, not a nightdream. if thats what daydreams are. yaknow, i never thought of them as daydreams, i just thought of them as... thinking. daydream kinda diminishes it, dontcha think? like, as a society we put such little weight on dreams. theyre annoying to hear about -- i dont think that, but as far as im aware thats the popular perception. but thinking, well, smart people do thinking. and of course, im a smart person, so i must be doing the smart thing. i dont think i ever consciously thought that, but i still never bothered to actually sit down and ask someone what daydreaming is. so, goes to show ya, i guess. blindspots and whatnot.

sure.

anyways, where was i? right. "Legends of Anchor". it just sorta, came to me. it came to me, and i thought, i can do this! this is something i can do! was it close to what i was supposed to do? i dont know. i didnt particularly care. in that moment, i just needed something i could do, so i could do it. so, i wrote it down, in my little notes app, and the next day i did it. and then later, today, many days after ive handed it in but before ive got a mark back for it, i saw the note and deleted it.

yeah. i was here for that. it was like, not even 15 minutes ago.

yaknow, it had a new line after it. like, an enter. a press of the return key. like i wanted to add more. like i couldve added more. but i didnt really think about that. i saw the note, opened it, and deleted it.

do you want to continue it?

no! god no. not right now, at least.

why not?

im ashamed of it.

you did me. are you ashamed of me?

no, no, im not expla--

also, i totally helped you with it. it was kinda weird writing about myself, which is why we made a

third person to be a narrator, right, and i get that. its semi-autobiographical for you.

right. so why are you ashamed of it?

because it wasnt what was asked for! it was barely 700 words, and there was only one drawing, and it wasnt even a good drawing, and sure we added the little background bit but that only further undermines what we wrote, and it just...

it wasnt a good project.

yeah. its not what the assignment called for.

but its real. its truthful. its me.

i mean... kinda? its you, as a character.

you submitted yourself as a character for the creative writing class, and did well enough there. why should yourself characterized do any worse than me characterized?

because she'll see you as a character that i created, not as someone real. also, those are two different projects, with different aims, and different expectations...

but its a character. she asked you for a character. and you gave her one. sure, its not exactly in the format she asked for, but the work is all there.

is it? what work, exactly?

we put in work to do that. even if its just me, there's still art in choosing what to tell and what not to tell. we highlight that, with the gaps in the lorekeeper's knowledge. i am not something that can be totally picked apart and identified, replicated, none of that. i am not a science. i am a person. i change, constantly. just like you. in that way, im not a character. characters only change along a strict set of axis. if they change on too many, or too few, or ones that the audience isnt excepting, thats bad writing. but thats also real. thats how real people work. we contradict ourselves, constantly. so yeah, theres work there. theres art there. we made a character. and we drew her, with our limited drawing capabilities. is it good? maybe. maybe not. is it passable? i think so. and thats all we need. we pass this project, we pass the course.

but what if its not passable? what if we fail?

then we'll take another course, later. boo-hoo.

but--

failing does not make you a failure. people cant be failures. or successes. its not really a metric applicable to humans. people are just people. they fuck up. they learn. they grow. they help. they hurt. they keep going.

ill disappoint my professor.

do you really think that?

yes.

and youre worried about that?

yes.

then dont do it again.

but this was me doing it again. i never learn.

we will. eventually. we just have to keep trying.

that fucking sucks.

yes. yes it does.

i dont want to drop out again.

good. i dont either. keep that. keep that fear. keep that anger. when shit gets rough, think about how empty it was. youve got one advantage: yes, youre back at the starting line, but youve seen the view from halfway down. by some fucking miracle, youve seen it, and youre here to remember it. that doesnt put you ahead of anyone else. in fact, it puts you behind most people. but you know what that does mean? it means youll think twice before jumping again. and it means youll stay further from the edge, so you dont slip. and if you do fall, and you see that view again, at least youll be able to appreciate it.

an odd thing to find strength in.

strength in change. its either that, or hate. ill take change over mênis any day.

sometimes mênis is necessary.

sometimes. but not every day. it cant be every day. rage simply doesnt last that long. it kills you eventually.

change kills you too.

true. but the thing it kills lives on in the thing it creates. change is a force of creation and destruction. mênis is just destruction.

it feels like there should be one for just creation.

perhaps there is. perhaps one day we'll find it. perhaps we've had it before, and we've lost it, and its waiting before it lets us find it again.

or maybe its just for better people than us.

maybe.

[pesterloglog]

Davepetasprite^2, Jade Harley

Act 6, page 8003-8007

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < JADE!!!!!

JADE: d-

JADE: davesprite???

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < B33

JADE: youre alive!

JADE: and... very different :o

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its davepeta actually

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and yeah i am different!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < got this whole other person mixed up in me

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < her name was nepeta

JADE: ohh...

JADE: wow!!!

JADE: im so happy to see you, even if you have gone through some uh... pretty big changes!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah!

JADE: so what are you doing here?

JADE: are you asleep too?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nah im awake

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and like "actually here" and stuff

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess i just decided to fly away up to the sun like a fucking piece of garbage after all

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like i always said i would

JADE: haha

JADE: you did?

JADE: i dont remember that

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah i said stuff like that sometimes

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jade i used to be fairly depressed

JADE: yeah...

JADE: well i DO remember that

JADE: you seem to be in pretty high spirits now though :)

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes im doing fucking phenomeownal

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but fur real im not actually here to visit this sun

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i flew here as a point of reference to get my bearings

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im actually on my way to go fight lord english

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < have you s33n him

JADE: no

JADE: ive spent the last... however long, hiding from him actually

JADE: with calliope

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < who

JADE: shes my new friend!

JADE: well, i guess one of two new friends by that name, technically

JADE: one of them is presumably back with our friends now

JADE: the other just... quite literally flew away up to the sun

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like a fucking piece of garbage???

JADE: NO :P

JADE: she is quite dignified and aloof as a matter of fact

JADE: i sincerely doubt she has ever done ANYTHING like a piece of garbage

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok heheheh

JADE: anyway if you want to find him

JADE: i would guess all you have to do is follow his trail of destruction

JADE: see the cracks?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh yeah

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < good point

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess i could sniff him out

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < except i dont know what he smells like

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but i guess i do know what some people who will be NEAR him smell like

JADE: like who?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < vwiskers, for one!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < also supposedly a staggering dick ton of ghosts

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ill just smell around for where the ghosts are all at

JADE: sounds like a good plan!

JADE: jeez dave i...

JADE: or davepeta rather

JADE: i missed you so much :(

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < awwww

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sorry harley

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < id say i missed you too but it was barely a day ago i last saw you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this version of me i mean

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i made it all the way through the thr33 year voyage with you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess the one who made the trip with you wasnt so lucky huh

JADE: no

JADE: he and john died not long after we departed

JADE: i was so lonely

JADE: but i dont feel too bad now that i know it all worked out, and their deaths were just part of something bigger going on

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < right johns absurd time hoppy mission

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so fuckin glad some non dave dude could finally grab the reins on the time travel bs

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i guess im purrsonally so grateful to him because without his succession of handwavey dorkstunts i wouldnt have become davepeta which is literally the best thing either of us has ever b33n!

JADE: thats great!

JADE: its so nice to see youre happy now

JADE: even if technically i never got to be a part of that journey for you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but you did

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ive got a lot of different dave memories in me and theyre all part of who i am now

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < including the memories you contributed to

JADE: oh...

JADE: cool!

JADE: so what were things like in the timeline youre from?

JADE: how was our trip together?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it was good mostly

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < kinda turbulent i guess

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but that was mostly on account of me being a miserable bird douche

JADE: haha

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh also we dated for a while

JADE: WHAT? :O

JADE: omg

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it was nice for a while but then i put a stop to that

JADE: why?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < s33 again: bird douche

JADE: wow

JADE: i cant believe i missed this :(

JADE: even if it didnt go that well

JADE: its still something i would have gladly taken over the loneliness of that trip

JADE: i cant even say how much i thought about you both

JADE: and to hear that you and i actually...

JADE: *sniff*

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < B??

JADE: im sorry dave...

JADE: davepeta...

JADE: i guess calliope is right, this must be part of my path

JADE: as a space player... someone who "falls back" as she said

JADE: maybe being pushed aside by fate, and like

JADE: being deprived of important people and experiences

JADE: no matter how painful it is, or how much you feel like you need them

JADE: i guess thats just how it goes for us

JADE: i think i never appreciated how much of a burden your aspect was to you

JADE: but i think im starting to get it now

JADE: it just took a long time to figure out what mine really meant

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so THATS what space means?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < bein lonely??

JADE: thats a bit of an oversimplification!

JADE: but i think that can be one of the results of gaining a deeper understanding of it

JADE: or becoming connected to it more...

JADE: i dunno, this stuff is all pretty mysterious :p

JADE: i dont have it all figured out yet obviously

JADE: i just feel pretty sad that as i get closer to understanding my abilities and true nature

JADE: it apparently means being deprived of some important experiences

JADE: like i get closer to my aspect, but further away from everyone i love, and further from...

JADE: feeling like a person?

JADE: its just a really empty feeling after a while

JADE: empty like...

JADE: space i guess

JADE: heh

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but you werent actually deprived of important experiences

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < stuff like us dating and johns stupid birthday parties and playing shitty ghostbuster mmos

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < that stuff all happened to you, its just you dont have access to the memories

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < they didnt happen to shape this particular version of yourself

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but they all played a role in helping like "greater jade" grow if that makes sense

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but in your physical form there are all these partitions in your mind that prevent you from remembering any of that which makes your existence f33l totally linear

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < which is probably for the best!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in a regular body s33ing all that would be too overwhelming

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in an advanced sprite form like mine tho its fine

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i guess the same spritey magic that makes it possible to suddenly understand so much is also what makes it possible to make it bearable all at once

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < not even just bearable actually sorta liberating and cool

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and after it sinks in for a while you start coming to this understanding of a greater self

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe i "got it" quicker though because of the two people i was and their aspects

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < obviously davesprite stuggled with that too, but now its fine

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < gaining the d33pest possible understanding of any aspect will bring you to the same final conclusion about your ultimate self

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so maybe thats starting to happen for you too

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the space aspect sounds like a hard and lonely road to travel... i think they probably all are

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but youre gettin there jade

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you are doing great and im so proud of you!

JADE: :')

JADE: thanks davepeta

JADE: i really cant believe it

JADE: you sound so different... but youre still dave in a way

JADE: its hard to say how happy it makes me to see you doing well

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah likewise!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean assuming you are doing well

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ARE you???

JADE: i... think so

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hey what are you doing out here anyway

JADE: im asleep

JADE: i want to go join our friends and help out

JADE: but im not supposed to wake up :\

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < why not

JADE: i dunno

JADE: im just not!

JADE: calliope said i was too strong or something

JADE: but she also said i should have "fun" so

JADE: i dunno

JADE: i guess im just waiting around for the right moment

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nah thats dumb

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you should be able to do whatever you want

JADE: really?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well at least she was right about the having fun part

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe thats what she meant??

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe she was leaving it up to you in a mysterious way

JADE: leaving what up to me?

JADE: the decision to wake up?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sure why not

JADE: but i dont know how!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i do

JADE: .....

[lostacelonnie]

Definitely understandable i easily lose the energy to talk with people when i have to interact with family. So you're good. Ah yes the dont worry about it approach my favorite. Especially when what you do in regards to you is your business. Well between last message & now i forgot so thats a good indicator of how thats goin. Beaches over here are hit & miss but the closer ones to me arent as popular thankfully. Hm. What is a2 knowledge & how is it getting worse? I adore colder climates heat is not kind to me at all. Tents are. Well. Some are decently priced depending on how big of one you get. Oh i definitely recommend going with friends its a lot of fun. Ive been slacking a bit on the game but so far clara is workin for me. Probably wont have enough for kafka. Oooh good luck to you with all your pulls. Story spoilers aren't a major thing for me because the how is always still fun. Definitely understand some just dont want em at all. Every time i try minecraft im like. Never sure what i want to do. So kudos to you for stickin with the game & having fun. Smaller cities are nice love having close stuff without being in like. A big city. Ah dang i hope you find that dye again in the future. Makeup is hard it should be easier for those who wanna wear it. Ive been so busy i missed. So many events whoops. Problem of bein stuck level gaining to continue story. Motivation is hard to come by. I busy myself reading or looking up new science discoveries when i dont wanna leave my room.

thankies ahdhfjfj!!! and, once again, apologies for the late reply. my grandma fortunately left a while ago but i was feeling Cranky and didnt wanna sound Annoyed With Existing ahdjfh. still kinda dying inside since i return to school in 2 weeks but fuck it we ball we stay silly etc. COMING BACK. yeah like "nobodys gonna know-" "theyre gonna know." "how would they know". and understandable sjdkfgjk consider this your reminder then. and ahh fair i live pretty far away from the sea so i dont really know good Spots i guess. BUT i do like lake beaches since theyre way more quiet most of the time. and basically im not exactly sure in how many countries it applies, im thinking most of europe? but essentially language knowledge here is divided by levels, a1 -> a2 -> b1 -> b2 -> c1 -> c2 with c2 being the highest. and well i guess theres also a0 but thats just when you start. a2 is just speaking Basic English, so like enough to survive if you go to an english speaking country but not much more. for reference, by tests ive done, my level is like between b2 and c1 so very decent but i dont know most of the "fancier" and more specific words. and with it "getting worse" i mean that [at least from what our teacher told us] the textbooks are getting easier and easier so people are leaving school not actually knowing almost anything. yeah SAME its been so hot here recently so ive been Suffering. and yeah i know but me and my mother dont really know if its a good idea to buy one since we dont really go camping anyway. but maybe when im an adult im gonna get more into it, esp if i have ppl to do it with. and ah thats nice to hear!!! i DID manage to get kafka and her lightcone so ive been having fun with her recently. actually overpowered. tho i heard shes quite f2p friendly. and oh understandable!! i unfortunately used to be on tiktok where they spoil EVERYTHING and its impossible to avoid so ever since then ive been extra careful. tho i kinda feel that way ab fontaine rn [cos i ended up actually being kinda interested] since i cant download it rn but still am excited 4 the story despite knowing little unconnected bits. and fair, minecraft def isnt for everyone but its very good for chilling out at least to me. rn im procrastinating on beating the ender dragon so im just maxxing out my gear rn. and yeah but im still gonna see whether or not i wanna live a long way from my family. oh well i still have time. also thanks!!! i have not been successful yet but i bought another dye so im gonna keep you updated on that. and ahhhh understandable, ive been Grinding so i didnt have that problem sjfkg i should build my sampo but. ah. i hate grinding artifacts. pretty excited for the 1.3 simulated universe update tho!!! esp since im really curious about the aeons so seeing more of the propagation is sth im looking forward to. but good luck!!! and VERY real i like doing wikipedia deep dives esp about marine animals. im a fishpilled oceancel but i unfortunately suffer from Not Remembering Anything Ive Read Ever.

[sneakysnoo]

i guess if puppys gonna genderpost puppys gonna genderpost hehe 😖💦

idk i mean im fluid in that it feels like its always vibrating and never still, and i didnt used to think i swung between masc/femme but now ive been out long enough to see that sometimes one or the other comes and goes, on top of the usual mix of non femme non masc feelings. ok slightly masc? still havent figured out if thats actually masc leaning or if maybe itll change someday when ive put some more distance between myself and my agab… weirder stuff has happened heh

but when it comes to how im seen i just need everyone to know that im a guy who also no he is not, and also that i am a goofy silly companion who aspires to have game show host vibes in the philosophical way

how does one have game show host vibes in the philosophical way?? i mean. a show is an experience, and the host takes you through it while also making it fun and entertaining. life is also an experience and i think if you do not try to have fun along the way you die a long time before your body dies lol. but not a lot of people think about this, because its so easy to get swept out of the moment and into lifes insanity. this is why we are in desperate need of these silly little guys called hosts. i think i also like the irreverence and the sheer balls to the wall insanity attracts me. akira kogami, garfield the cat, max headroom, mister rogers, bob ross, pat sajack. and of course. kermit dee frog, all of these bold individuals did the job thats a lil bit of everything, that at the end of the day is also one with and facilitates the show. they are the glue that keeps a timeslot that would just be a pile of skits from falling flat on its ass. they shepherd the present moment so that things can be Seen. They tell the audience, welcome! everything is ok. this is where you are, and this is whats coming up. now look. listen. to host is to take a walk with someone, and to keep them company for a little while. which is what so so much art is really about at the end of the day.

there is significant overlap here with the more evil counterpart of the game show host, the used car salesman. both the host and the salesman project the confidence of those who have seen beyond the firmament. they have Figured It Out. a good shepherd must instill calmness in the flock. but unlike the game show host which is a capitalistically originated entity but still with a little breath of soul, of art, the salesman has seen through to the simple, ugly truth, and he is not interested in distractions or happiness like art. the salesman sees that the only one who can possibly succeed in this system must be hollow, and hollow he becomes. but still the truth shines in him, shines out from his desperate hungry eyes like light through cathedral windows. hes happy. as happy as he can be. hes “successful.” as successful as he can be. he can imitate, but he can never quite truly be a good host, because being a good host requires some amount of care for your audience. the audience will, if theyre lucky, sense this deep dissonance in him and trust themselves instead of his words.

idk why all that got mixed in with my gender brain wires crosses who knows lmao 😜

[honeylovecult]

black swan...

[sunball]

WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR PERSON'S LIFE RIGHT NOW + A MESSAGE FROM THEM

𖦹 this reading includes what is going on in your person’s life right now, what they (or their higher self) want to say to you at this moment and songs they'd like to give you. this reading is more about your future spouse or your future partner, someone who you may not be in contact with but you're curious about what they're doing.

𖦹 so there will be two paragraphs for each pile (what your person is doing and what they want to say to you). you can choose more than one pile. ex: pile 1 for what your person is doing and pile 2 for the message.

𖦹 how does this work? close your eyes and take deep breaths, pick the pile you are most drawn to. If you aren’t drawn to any pile then that’s okay, these messages aren’t for you.

𖦹 take what resonates.

THE PILES

PILE 01

now playing:

now playing:

pile 01's songs

THEIR LIFE

hello pile 01, welcome to your reading. I'm getting a lot of fire energy here, especially leo. I'm hearing Leo in 1st and 10th house, aries in 8th house, aries mars, mars in 10th house and also Venus in 2nd and 3rd house. I'm also getting gemini and capricorn. capricorn mars, aquarius venus. If these aren't your placements then they're most likely your person's placements. or perhaps, those are their transits. I feel a lot of confident energy from your person, I think they are at a good place right now. Your person has been betrayed and heartbroken quite recently but I feel like they're not trying to let that get to them. they're keeping their head high, focusing on their goals and working really hard. the pain motivated them to work hard, maybe as a way to get revenge? In their head, they may think that if they work hard, they can show off their success to the person that broke them like "hey, look at me now!". for some others, it's possible that they're working really hard because the work distracts them from the pain and the situation. they're acting like the pain isn't affecting them, I'm seeing them just laughing and hanging out with a group of people (their friends?) acting like theyre not dealing with any problems. your person is definitely at a period of time where work is only on their mind, they're hungry for success. success is the only thing your person is heading towards, it's the only direction they see. love isn't on your person's mind at all so I doubt that you've crossed their mind. but little do they know, the direction that they're heading towards will also lead them to you. your person may have travelled somewhere recently or maybe they're thinking of travelling somewhere else. there is change on the horizon for your person, maybe they will be promoted soon or moving countries, going to university, etc. they are so ambitious. I'm seeing piles of paper on desks, papers stuck on walls with dates and notes on them and also quotes. motivational quotes perhaps. your person is also working out, they could be getting up quite early. 6 am? I'm getting mad mars in 6th house vibes from your person. they're feeling burnt out, they have so much on their plate but they're not stopping anytime soon because they like it and also because they have no choice. they're also taking many responsibilities, I'm hearing house chores, work and looking after their parents or siblings. your person could be a student, a business person or they could work in an office. they're organizing their workspace and keeping track of their schedule, getting ready for the next chapter of their life. laziness is not in your person's vocabulary!

THEIR MESSAGE

you know, I am so busy right now. I'm too exhausted to even think about love, to think about you. I don't think about it anymore unlike before. I know at times you feel like we're nowhere close and you doubt my existence because of how distant I feel and I'm sorry. It is partially true, we're nowhere close to eachother and we're both individual human beings. let's live in the present and experience things and meet new people without having to think about eachother. I don't feel right about thinking of the future and just hoping for something to happen, hoping to just end up with someone like you. It doesn't feel right. I need to do something, I need to take action. that's exactly what I'm doing now. It gives me a sense of stability knowing that I'm taking action and there's a high possibility of my dreams coming true. I've promised myself that I won't stop working until I've achieved everything. I can't do all of this by myself, I need your help too. I'm asking you a favour, do your part. I'm doing mine. work hard and don't slack off. I'm sorry again for sounding cold, I'm not like this on a daily basis. I'm just really tired. I need to get my point across. don't slack off. please. I'll keep saying that. oh, that reminds me. at times I will definitely sound like a teacher or a boss, it's just a habit I got from work. It's not my intention to make you feel stupid, I know you're smart. I wanted you to know that because I don't want you to think I'm generally a cold person. I'm not. when tarot readers or psychics or astrologers or whoever says that I'm cold, they only mean when I'm at work or when I'm busy or serious. I would never be like that to someone I love, especially you. truthfully speaking, you don't know much about me at all especially if you think I'm a cold person. that thought you have of me stops now. I'm guessing that you're curious about me now. I like to look neat and clean, I don't like bright colours, they look unprofessional. I hang out with my friends sometimes and we just have lunch at a café or a local restaurant. I'm on my computer a lot so my back always hurts but I'm doing exercises to help me with it. I have too many cookbooks that I don't use because I don’t have much time, I end up freestyling my food and cooking up some eggs. I need to get better at managing time. I don't like people that don't practice what they preach, it irritates me. now for my appearance. this, in no way is useful information that will help us in any way but I suppose I'll just tell you. I have a sharp nose, it's pointy and a little wide. I don't have any piercings. I don't have bangs. as for my eyes, they're brown and deep-set. my lips? they're just lips. you'll love them anyway so it doesn't matter. my hair? neat and brown. you'll love it too. that's enough. you can stop trying to get to know me now, leave that for when we meet. you can know me more yourself when the time comes, I like the process of getting to know someone and the effort someone puts into getting to know me. until then, keep working hard.

PILE 02

now playing:

pile 02's songs

THEIR LIFE

I’m getting cancer energy from the pile, also pisces and gemini and libra. I’m hearing cancer/pisces/ libra venus, venus in 5th/7th/12th house, pisces moon, mercury in 7th house, cancer in 2nd house, gemini rising. if these aren’t your placements then they’re most likely your person’s, if not then these may be their transits. right now I feel like your person is trying something new, especially a hobby. I’m getting ‘painting’ for some of you. for others, your person has started something new like a project or they moved to a new house, something like that. there’s this feeling of ‘newness’ in your person’s life right now. they have so much passion for whatever this ‘newness’ is. they’re excited for this change, they can’t wait to move to the next stage. I’m feeling a positive energy coming from your person. their creativity is flowing through their blood, they feel inspired and joyous. some of you may not like to hear this but your person may have gotten in a relationship with someone or they want to get into a relationship with someone. they have a crush. I feel like there’s still an important choice to be made and your person has waited such a long time for the next stage, the relationship stage. I feel like their crush or their partner isn’t showing them that much attention, it feels quite one sided (your person giving more), they’re doing so much for their crush/partner but I feel like your person isn’t seeing it right, they’re just so blinded. like a little kid when they have a crush. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, don’t worry, they’re your person for a reason. anyways for others of you, I’m seeing your person listening to music while they’re doing their new hobby. painting is coming really strong, I’m seeing an easel. If it’s not a hobby then your person is feeling in love, whether it be a person or something else. their head is in the clouds, they’re listening to love songs, feeling so inspired by everything around them. love and venus themes is really important in your person’s life right now. If you’ve been listening to love songs recently or if you just feel all lovey-dovey, it’s most likely because of your person, you’re connected to your person. or if you feel inspired out of nowhere, it’s probably because of your person too. I just felt like I had to let you know that. sooner or later though, your person will realise that the relationship is one sided and they will give up on it. this will hit your person really hard, it will be a hard lesson for them. perhaps even the last lesson because I feel like your person has always done too much for people that don’t deserve their love. your person has experienced a lot and learnt many lessons except for this, when they learn this though, they will have learnt all the lessons. they can tick this off their box. I’m getting such wise Pisces vibes from them. for lots of you, your person is already in the 'realisation' stage and there's about to be a change in their life.

THEIR MESSAGE

It’s been challenging these days, maybe even these past few weeks and maybe even months too. It’s fine though, I can get through it. you don’t have to worry about me. I have a gut feeling that something is going to happen soon, disappointments? I’m not surprised, I’ve been so stuck in my own head. I don’t know why I keep giving people more. so stupid of me. maybe it’s not my fault? maybe it’s their fault for giving less, who knows. I don’t know how to stop. why do I do this? I keep getting disappointed over and over again, I’m starting to not have hope anymore. despite this, I still think love is beautiful. with the right person. love is not only limited to romantic love though, which is what I’ve learnt recently. I’ve been so fixated on romantic relationships that I’ve forgotten about the beautiful things around me. surprisingly, there’s love everywhere. do you know what I love? I love the stars, I love flat white coffee, I love the smell of fresh grass, I love nature and the sun, I love dogs (especially small dogs) and I love experiences. experiences that shape me into a better person, painful or not, I love those. not to sound masochistic – but I love pain. I learn from pain. love has always been painful for me but I’m still giving people my all, wrong people to be precise. Is that why I keep falling for people that don’t care about me? because I love getting hurt? now that I’ve thought of it, it sounds terrible. I need to fix that. I feel embarrassed now that you know this, please don’t shake your head. I will fix it. I want this cycle to end. don’t be worried about me. you should continue living your life, there’s yet so much you can experience. places to go, new people to meet, new activities to do. so much. I’d love to experience so many things with you. do you like road trips? I’d love to go on a picnic date too, does stargazing sound good? we could travel around the world, that’s on my bucket list. so many ideas but there’s still so much distance and time between us. I feel excited thinking about it, I want to do so much right now and experience so many things. by the time we meet, I might already have a long white beard because I’ll be so wise *laughs*. who knows, white hair does look awesome. I think it might suit me actually. on a serious note, I want you to know that you should not be afraid to try new things. don't be afraid of change. regret is scarier than change, staying in the same place and not growing is scarier than change. you may lose something good but what if you gain something even better? I’ll be there for you every step of the way, I’m always there for you even though I’m not there with you physically. do you feel me? I’m so proud of you. If you see an opportunity, take it or you’ll regret it later. don’t be afraid of saying no or saying yes, you deserve to be heard, assert your dominance *laughs*. I love you, take care of yourself. you can do it. [:

PILE 03

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pile 03's songs

THEIR LIFE

I'm getting mutable and fixed energy here, especially scorpio, virgo, leo, sagittarius. maybe scorpio rising and sagittarius rising with pluto in 1st house. I'm hearing saturn in 8th house, saturn in 22°, scorpio sun or moon aspecting saturn, pluto and sun or moon sitting in the same house. if these aren't your placements then they're most likely your person's. these could be their transits too. your person is going through a transformation, something had recently happened in their life that has caused this transformation. I'm thinking it's death, a death of a loved one like a family member, a friend or a pet. someone close to them. If it's not a death of a loved one then it's a death of a cycle, a death of a job, a relationship, something like that. something that came to an end. it's affecting your person badly and they feel so much guilt. they're missing and mourning over whatever this is. they're pessimistic, they feel like the whole world is against them and that their would turned upside down. they have no hope anymore, they're not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm seeing that image of Yuu Otasaka from the anime Charlotte. I think your person is exactly like that right now. depressed. I see tissues, dark rooms and hoodies and blankets. also gaming for a number of you (interesting how the picture you chose is a picture of keys). they're going through it right now and they need support. your person is not communicating with many people or interacting with anyone at all, they're pushing people away. looking at the picture of the pile you chose, I realised it says "wish you were here". now this could mean that they wish that the person they lost were still with them or they wish that someone could come and support them or comfort them, or for a few amount of you, this could be meaning you. they wish you were there with them. however, I don't think love is a thought that comes in their mind in this period of time. it's more like, they're screaming into a void wishing someone could hear them, not directly meaning you. for others of you, I'm getting a different situation. your person may have gotten fired or they tried something but it didn't work out and they had so much hope for it. they badly wanted it to work out and now your person is feeling disappointed in themselves, like someone just ripped away something really valuable to them. your person doesn't know that the reason this, whatever this is, didn't work out is because it wasn't meant to. It's not part of their divine plan. It honestly saved your person from future problems but they don't know that. It's a blessing in disguise. I'm strongly feeling it's something related to their job or maybe love, 'right place, wrong time' is what I'm hearing. your person is blaming themselves for it all, thinking it was because of time, lack of planning or they didn't try hard enough. It isn't true, they should be easy on themselves.

THEIR MESSAGE

I don't know what to say. I don't feel like saying much. why do you want to know anyway? do you care? am I interesting? I'm not all that special, you know. here I go again, making sh*t sad. I'll try and make this light-hearted as possible because you shouldn't see this side of me, not so soon. not like this. *silence* I'll start off by saying that you can't control whatever life throws at you. but you can control your reactions and how you deal with it. I'm not doing very well, not dealing with it the way I usually do. It hit me hard and I don't like being sad like this and not doing anything, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to talk to anyone, not finding joy in the things I love doing. I hate this f*cking feeling and the way I'm dealing with it. I heard that you should let yourself feel everything once in a while. I'm f*cking feeling everything alright. why did I not let myself feel before? now it's all consuming me. all of my problems and emotions, this darkness inside of me, erupting. I regret this. I regret acting like I was fine before, finding distractions. now I know that being distracted doesn't necessarily mean that it's gone, the problem is still there. don't do what I did. let yourself feel. or it will all build up and eat you alive. you don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want you to be sad, god no. definitely not like this. but if being sad will help you then that's certainly fine by me, just don't act like you're fine. that will hurt me much more. just do what I say. showing emotions is not a sign of weakness. look at me, I'm so f*cked up because of not thinking that. this feeling will go away, right? right. If you need to let it all out, do it. I can feel your sadness, the nights you cried, I felt them. those tears of yours, I want to wipe them away but I'm not there. it sucks. I need you here. I need a good f*cking hug right now. I want you to be happy but I don't know how. I'd do anything to see that smile of yours. that precious smile that I have yet to see. I know it's precious. listen to me. I need you. I need you to stay strong. you're so strong and much more emotionally intelligent than I am. I am so in awe. your strength gives me energy, you give me energy. you're the light of my life. I hope our kids will be as beautiful and as amazing as you. I'm glad I was given the chance to talk to you like this. I love you, sunshine.