#ill try to tag the biases

[person25]

Pls someone tell me how to get (kpop stan) instagram mutuals😭🙏

I literally just got it ang have no idea how it works over their.

self plug but

insta: jaem_58

[caruliaa]

bad decision maker (me)

[dsfjjshgffdg]

going to the store was so worth it i got to say hi to the little (3 months old iirc?) puppy again and this rlly nice smooth collie .. owner was like "they can tell u like dogs!" Fuck man i sure do

[came0dust]

esteemed tag readers, this is what i was alluding to last post. making a full-on original character again after however many years and personally i think ive made some major artistic strides these past few months, including while i was drawing him, that helped these feel fulfilling to work on (though also the fact that i was struggling with sleep at the time probably was a factor). havent really settled on a name yet, but his concept is "cursed werewolf except the curse is something else". i decided the "something else" was fire and his goal is, by some means or another, to rid himself of it

oh by the way the one looking up probably isn't him ultimately but it was the drawing that kicked off the session where i drew most of these so i thought it should also be here

[sirompp]

just saw a l0whunt post where they KISSED feeling VERY violated even though it was properly tagged and i was the one who clicked on it anyway. but.

[wimpout]

Hey, I'm Elijah. Please just call me Eli, I don't have nothing against the full name but Eli is just better looking. I go by they/them. Don't try and assume my AGAB, you'll be exploded by my mind.

I had an account before this, but I couldn't log back in.

I believe I have the most normal and non-biased takes so if you even care you should check it out. I might see you around.

Here's my old school ID, or something. Ignore the char.

And, er. I have amnesia and some prior memory loss problems. Please, just ignore if I don't remember you at all or even clearly. I'm trying my best, alright?

last update 8/9 23:22

‼️please read all they way below to find tutorial for this blog ‼️

if you knew my intro from orion, you can basically skip all this: its all the same. some of it is personalized for eli; so skim over it if you want to. the bottom is where i explain how this blog works!

about the mun!!!

hi! elis mun here!! you may also know me as im the one who runs @oranberryorion !!!

you can call me adon or guy!!! guy is more the silly nickname but i truly dont mind what you call me ^_^

i go by he/him strictly but you can freeball with neos if you want

ive been into pokemon since i can remember :3 b/w was my first games, but ive played back to emerald and ive played the entire sv dlc and all!!!

eli was an idea i had from the expansive community of rotomblr and my love for the ability of people to gather around to collaborate and build something unique. eli is that!! their story is completely made from what rotomblr will say.

interaction!!!

pelipper mail/malice: ☑️

musharna mail/malice: ☑️

mystery gifts: ☑️

magic anon: ☑️

in character non hate: ☑️

please remember that if any of the mails/anons oversteps my boundaries, then i probably wont respond.

this is also pretty important to say: i dont care WHO interacts with me. fallers, sapients, eebydeebys, hybrids, ocs, self-inserts, in-game characters, i LOVE interaction. i respond to anything i see as fast as i can and unless its weird or stepping beyond my boundaries i WILL interact back!!!!!

that being said, i should establish some things

- mod is 15, eli is 17! nothing nsfw. suggestive jokes i really dont care but theyre 17 so you should know the boundaries for that

- any rotumblr blog is allowed to interact (back). literally anyone. you want a sapient pokemon to talk to eli?? they'll answer!! want an eeby deeby to roleplay with eli?? ill respond!! even fallers or such, (as my own bff literally has two faller blogs LOL) asks, anons, general questions, spam mail, ask games, interaction is always allowed!!!!

- i love character events and planning. if you have an idea for a small event between our characters, or a type of relationship they have, anything, please let me know!!! my discord is adonciant and you can add me (im not always active, so ill try and accept any friend requests or such as fast as i can) OOORR you can just dm me on here!!! preferably keep it to eli, so dont go messaging my main/orion about anything ^_^

- i (accidentally) do long threads of reblogs/interactions. i swear none of it is purposeful, i just happen to interact back if i get no indicator of an ending conversation. if you want, you can make an ooc tag to tell me to stop reblogging back or anything. these threads do not get tagged with anything, either.

- theres some content warnings to this blog. however, its rough to estimate exactly what could happen. i know thats very scary to hear, but as rotomblr you decide what happens; which does include any darker themes. generally, spoilers for any game. i do tag triggers and theyre always the first tag, so if youre ever scared about something, read the first tags!

- my main is @adonciant ! likes and follows come from there!

heres the good part; how does this work???

in case you didnt see on orions blog, eli is a character who is collectively expanded upon by YOU!! the community of rotomblr!

everyone and anyone who has a rotomblr blog is allowed to contribute to eli.

logistically, if you wonder how it works with the fact these anons would seem to know an abnormal amount of information of eli, blame it on their old account they couldnt log into ^_^

how do you contribute, you ask?

simple! my asks are open. go ahead, ask them how their life is in galar. they'll respond as if their life is in galar. well, someone else already asked if they lived in unova? they live in unova! ask how their whimsicott is doing, because now they do indeed have a whimsicott! ask how their moms funeral was! because, uh oh, now they have no mom :(

but its important that you dont overlook the existing information other people/anons have already asked about. if they really do live in unova, you cant go out of your way to try and forcefully retcon that information: as a reminder, its a collective to create a story for them.

not only are asks open, but every type of interaction is allowed, even up to magic anons. if eli reblogs an ask game, he either responds appropriately to how his story has been shaped out or how i see is fit to the rest of his character! want to send musharna malice that means him seeing a nightmare of his past? say it! send pelipper mail of clothing from his dead relatives? say that!

all that i request is that you and the rest of rotomblr make a coherent story. you build off of previous information and make it into one, stable story. they could totally have been there for opelucid city freezing, but not for lysandre attempting to use the ultimate weapon at the same time.

genuinely, a lot goes by communication.

this blog is supposed to be fun. i dont want to see arguments over eli. its supposed to be something that a community works on together and adds in their words to the pages.

not sure whats canon and whats not? heres a google doc to check all valid information!

this intro/full body ref will be updated if need be.

[t0esniffer69]

this post is about what has been going on recently with the managers and stuff. ill be repeating my original claims with evidence and also be adding some new claims.

first off, i would like to say that my original post wasn’t supposed to be hateful. no matter what people tell you, i am not a bad person, spreading rumors or misinformation, or anything like that. i also made the post to try to help the gaehive, not to harm anyone. i knew posting about this would ruin my reputation among some people, so i’d like you to know that while i may have made some choices that weren’t the best out of anger, i also struggle with understanding tone and writing in a specific tone.

with brook, i accused brook of not updating thumbnail ids and being biased towards people that they like. i still agree with both of those things. brook has not been updating or has been writing insufficient thumbnail ids. i absolutely understand the struggle with having adhd and not being able to do something that you don’t want to. but there are so many better solutions than just not updating the id. you could ask someone else to do it for you, you could not update the thumbnail until you have the motivation to, if you have access to medicine you could use medicine that helps with that, you could write thumbnail ids and save them when you first make them, there’s so many better ways to do this than just not doing it. and about the bias, for example, my friend carbon was asked to not return to the gaehive for ban evasion, when brook and some of the other managers have ban evaded in the past. that’s just one example, unfortunately i can’t remember any more currently but i know there are more.

here are some examples of brook not updating thumbnail ids for proof:

about chaos: chaos is a proshipper, which is defined as someone who supports all ships, including ones like child x adult ships. this part cannot and should not be denied, it is a fact. chaos literally says it themself. this is pretty creepy especially considering that the gaehive is a studio full of kids, who shouldn’t be looking at stuff like that. it’s not that chaos’s content like that is hard for gaehivians to find, its tumblr which links to some of the fanfiction theyve made and proship content is reblogged and liked on, has been shared on the gaehive and the account has posted in the gaehive and hiveblr tags. + it follows a lot of gaehivians. i don’t want people to debate me on if proshippers are bad or not in the replies, i have already had several debates about this, im fine with asking simple questions just no arguments.

anyways, here is some proof that chaos is a proshipper:

you can also see more proof in chaos’s likes here although to find some of the worse stuff youll have to scroll a little (edit: archive.org was being a bitch and archived chaos’s tumblr itself and not the likes page, i don’t know how to fix this. for now ive made an ibb album with more images for proof but they dont have chaos’s tumblr in the frame so if likes are made private the proof will be gone)

i may make a post about jord too if the people involved agree

anyways, no arguing in the comments please. you can debate me on discord if you want an actual serious debate

[chenlizard]

intro ~ !

hi !!!!!!!

my name is livvie ! i am a new writer and i mostly write for nct, but i dont mind extending to other groups if you ask me to!

i use she/her pronouns btw :3

my biases RN are hendery (my ult), chenle, jaemin, and mark, but im ot26.

⋆ ⁺ ₊ ⋆ ☾ ⋆ ⁺ ₊⋆ ☁︎ . + *

you can request things in the link in my bio/above my bio on my page, and ill try to get to your requests as quickly as i can!!!!! i can try to do texting aus but i can also just write, and i would LOVE to do headcannons if i get requests to. thank u for readingg :3

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝

tags :

[marblecakemix]

Welcome to my humble domain!! 🫧✨

Hi, you can call me Marble (this is my internet nickname), a lesbian in her early 20s from Poland. Just vibing here on Tumblr from time to time. If you want to look into my post/reblogs read my takes on #talk tag.

*I'm an adult and I post things for adults. I don't have time to block minors, feel warned!

You can ask me anything you want. I won't shy away, but remember that I'm not your therapist and all my opinions are biased forward women!

More information about me under the cut! 💕

If the part has * in front of it that means I changed something in the text and/or my views are different than before.

*I'm still quite new to radical feminism and I'm trying my best to learn how to take action. In short, I fight for women's rights and freedom from sex-based oppression. *I'm looking into different ideas too, but this blog is mainly focused on radical feminism.

I desisted in the middle of 2023. I used to be a non-binary/agender and asexual individual for around 3 to 4 years, but I understood all of that was because of internalized misogyny and homophobia and I actually wanted to have my boobs intact and I did like being a woman before I was introduced to the trans community. (For clarification, I didn't take hrt or have any surgeries done. I've only transitioned socially, thank goodness.)

I'm an ex-Christian, now I probably would call myself a spiritual person, researching my Slavic roots at the moment. I have a complicated relationship with faith, so nothing in this department is set in stone.

I believe in critical thinking and triple-checking facts. Everyone can have their opinions, but actions should have a base in grounded reality and unbiased scientific research. Read those books ladies!

I'm mostly talking about my experience as an ex-TRA, a lesbian, a woman, someone who lives in a misogynistic/conservative family and a country that has yet to legalize same-sex marriage, but you can safely transition here even as a minor.

*I'm a trans identified men hater. I don't care. Fuck all men, I don't care anymore. Gender dysphoria or perversion (autogynephilia) in males should have never been "solved" with a surgery and/or irreversible drugs/HRT. No other mental illness has permanent body modification as its treatment, same should be for gender dysphoria. The trans movement (men's rights movement in disguise) is the most harmful thing that happened to homosexual youth and I'm so tired of seeing more people being pushed into it just because they are themselves and aren't scared to dress unconventionally!

I gave up on men. I don't believe men can change, at least not in the closest future. I will probably never trust a man again with anything. The stakes are too high and my life is more precious. I believe that women don't need men, period.

I make mistakes! I'm just a human being and, naturally, I will be in the wrong sometimes. May it be because of the language barrier or me just not thinking things through, doesn't matter. I will try to acknowledge my mistakes and say sorry. I'm still learning and there isn't a better way than through your own downfalls!

I don't block people, unless they're insufferable. We can have different opinions, different lifestyles, different views, but if you're annoying I draw the line there.

I also draw sometimes (I don't have much time for it right now, bc I'm in the middle of my academic years), you can find my work under #my art.

Nothing here is set in stone. As I grow as a person my views will probably change. If you have any questions, just ask them! I'm happy to answer all of them ❤️

Last update: 6th August 2024

[creative-anchorage]

Meta AI will respond to a post in a group if someone explicitly tags it or if someone “asks a question in a post and no one responds within an hour.” [...] Meta AI has also been integrated into search features on Facebook and Instagram, and users cannot turn it off. As a researcher who studies both online communities and AI ethics, I find the idea of uninvited chatbots answering questions in Facebook groups to be dystopian for a number of reasons, starting with the fact that online communities are for people. ... [The] “real people” aspect of online communities continues to be critical today. Imagine why you might pose a question to a Facebook group rather than a search engine: because you want an answer from someone with real, lived experience or you want the human response that your question might elicit – sympathy, outrage, commiseration – or both. Decades of research suggests that the human component of online communities is what makes them so valuable for both information-seeking and social support. For example, fathers who might otherwise feel uncomfortable asking for parenting advice have found a haven in private online spaces just for dads. LGBTQ+ youth often join online communities to safely find critical resources while reducing feelings of isolation. Mental health support forums provide young people with belonging and validation in addition to advice and social support. In addition to similar findings in my own lab related to LGBTQ+ participants in online communities, as well as Black Twitter, two more recent studies, not yet peer-reviewed, have emphasized the importance of the human aspects of information-seeking in online communities. One, led by PhD student Blakeley Payne, focuses on fat people’s experiences online. Many of our participants found a lifeline in access to an audience and community with similar experiences as they sought and shared information about topics such as navigating hostile healthcare systems, finding clothing and dealing with cultural biases and stereotypes. Another, led by Ph.D student Faye Kollig, found that people who share content online about their chronic illnesses are motivated by the sense of community that comes with shared experiences, as well as the humanizing aspects of connecting with others to both seek and provide support and information. ... This isn’t to suggest that chatbots aren’t useful for anything – they may even be quite useful in some online communities, in some contexts. The problem is that in the midst of the current generative AI rush, there is a tendency to think that chatbots can and should do everything. ... Responsible AI development and deployment means not only auditing for issues such as bias and misinformation, but also taking the time to understand in which contexts AI is appropriate and desirable for the humans who will be interacting with them. Right now, many companies are wielding generative AI as a hammer, and as a result, everything looks like a nail. Many contexts, such as online support communities, are best left to humans.

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

the person with that post still has it up on their blog, for some reason doesn't show up on the main tag anymore, also answered an ask going about their post.

the whole thing is just something they haven't seen explored in fandom yet and they see it as another possibility to explore. Something they feel like exploring. (the whole post was phrased a little badly)

They also don't bash aro/ace people or people that don't have interest in dating. They even know people feeling like this. They actually enjoy the many ways the fandom explores the twins and the way fandom treats the freedom in that regard.

I don't think they meant any harm towards others.

to clarify: I'm in no way want to defend them, just clearing things up and prevent possible discourse or anything like this in the fandom. I know how fast this can happen and I don't want it to happen if it's just something that is phrased badly but isn't really meant to do any harm.

That's very fair; they probably just took the main tags off the post.

I'm posting this publically bc yeah I don't want anyone being rude to a random other blogger; my post was simply hopefully a reminder to think about the language you use to talk about things like this and maybe try and combat internal biases

Not a big deal at the end of the day, and no ill will towards anyone! I also don't think they meant harm; it was just the language used that rubbed me the wrong way, again

I wish them luck in whatever they decide to create

[bliss-wily]

An apology.

It has come to my attention that a part of my post had been very ill informed. Unfortunately I am from a country that constantly spreads misinformation about NPD.

Narcissistic personality disorder is unfortunately synonymous with abuse in my country. I won’t state which one that is but it’s worrying.

Whilst creating that post I was consulting online information from medical websites and studies but I now realise they may have been biased. I always try to be thorough and in depth in any analysis I’m posting but unfortunately I’ve failed this time.

I will leave my post up because to remove it would be to deny that I ever said anything. I want to take accountability for my mistakes.

I am open to learning new information, and I have no qualms about being pulled up for anything I’ve said. I would never intend to hurt anyone, Tumblr is just my outlet and I wanted this blog to be a safe space.

I am sorry for anyone whose feelings I’ve invalidated. It was never my intention. I’m genuinely sorry.

I will be shoving this in DBZ and Zarbon’s tag because that’s where I seen where I had gone wrong. There is no excuse for how I went about this.

[frenchkisstheabyss]

Hellouw 🥹 I don’t really know who else I could talk to about something that has been on my mind lately and I’m kinda questioning how “normal” it is so I wanted to ask you and hear your opinion about it. You’re always so nice and I feel like you wouldn’t judge others.. 

So..I know a lot of K-pop Stan’s joke about having a crush on their biases or when they say “giggling, blushing, kicking my feet to XYZs picture” or whatever but I’ve also seen so many fans judging others for that. 

I was feeling really down for a while and when I discovered my ult group and especially my bias I finally felt some sense of enjoyment and happiness again. I began to notice how my mood and happiness depended on them and also how much I actually liked my bias. Obviously most idols are super attractive and with all the fan service it’s easy to develop celebrity crushes on them but I began to wonder whether I should feel bad about it or even try to stop it by maybe taking a break from my ult group. It’s not that I’m delusional and think I could actually pull my bias or would get mad if he dated someone and cancel them for that. 

It’s more like daydreaming about him and admiring him, finding him obviously super attractive but with no ill intent. 

But then I see videos or tweets of other fans who talk about “breaking the first rule of K-pop”and they’re really harsh and mean and talk super negatively about people who have crushes on idols and then I feel bad about myself and wonder if I’m actually weird for that or if it’s okay as long as I’m not delusional about it.. 

Have you ever felt like you like an idol too much? Or where you were close to actually falling in love with one? 

I don’t even know if what I said makes a lot of sense but I’d really like to hear some more opinions on that topic without being judged 🙃

Let me be the realest of realest of real with you. Anyone who’s judging you can suck a dick and not in the fun way. In the most disrespectful way possible.

It’s completely okay if your biases and the groups you love are the thing that makes you happy. Kick your feet, giggle, smile, feel good. Have a nice time. Be joyful. You’re not hurting anyone by doing that.

Would it be ideal if we could source all of those feelings from within ourselves? Totally but that’s just not the case . Life is fucking hard and it can be a struggle to make it through the day.

It doesn’t matter what the people judging you wanna say, they’re into KPop because it does the same thing for them. They can pretend that the entire industry isn’t one big parasocial relationship factory but they’d be lying to themselves.

We love our biases and our groups and the music and the concerts because they make us happy. They bring light to our lives. And yeah sometimes you’re super duper into one of them but so what?

I gave up KPop after first getting into it cause friends shamed me for loving it so much but I got back into it and I love it more than ever now liiiiike Hyungwon from Monsta X is my man period. I’ll go to war over my lil 6ft tall chronically sleepy turtle boy lol

All of that is fine and if anyone ever gives you shit TAG ME. GIVE ME THEIR INFO. I got your back 💜

[innamorament0]

20 questions game

Thank you, @luthordamnvers, for the tag <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

At this moment 9, though most of them are on hold and 1 is an art

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

206 916 at the moment

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Exclusively Supercorp with a dash of Dansen, Brainia and Rojarias as side pairings. No other pair had this much grip over me, so I would start writing fics for them. =D

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

how to interrupt the spellcasting (Explicit, smut 1 shot) When you move, I'm moved (Explicit, Ice Dance AU, non-trad a/b/o, multichapter, ongoing) Cold never bothered me anyway (Explicit, smut 1 shot) When those walls come tumbling down (Mature (for now) post-season 6 canon compliant, my first work that I intend to rewrite because it's a mess) I hope you're the end of my story (Mature (for now) Cowboy Kara AU, non-trad a/b/o, on hold now, but I will finish it!)

yeah.... people like smut XD

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always reply! It may take me a day or two especially when I am busy at work but I read them and try to answer something more or less meaningful <3

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I am terrible at writing angst and all my fics ends well because I am a fluff-loving bitch =D

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them have happy endings, but I think, the most satisfying is in I slithered here from Eden . Or I am just biased. But it's most domestic and hopeful.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Got some nasty comments, from some famous haters in a SC fandom

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

oh yes, that's my speciality XD Most of my fic contains explicit smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope, not yet but I never say never!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? I am not so popular too

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not officially, no, but I ran fics through the translator to read it many years ago when my English was worse.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Not in the full meaning of this word, but I count my Beta as my co-writer because he does a lot of work to make it readable, because English is not my native language and the raw text is... terrifying not gonna lie.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Supercorp, I think they overshade all my previous favourite ships. But I can't say I love my other ships less, so <3 you Xena/Gabrielle, Sylvaina and Pharmercy!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I want to finish all my WIP's, I had a writing draught for a year because of an illness and now coming back to it and focusing on one/two at a time with the occasional 1-shot in the middle

16. What are your writing strengths?

I guess I am good at writing adventures ( thus I focus on action-heavy AU's) and smut. To be honest I needed to write smut first but I try not to seem too thirsty XD

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Angst. Idk, I just don't have a mental capacity for it I guess

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If we dismiss the fact that English is not my first or even second language, yes, I thought that when I will write Red Daughter I would write her dialogue in Russian ( which is another language I freely speak)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I never wrote for fandoms before, so my first texts were about my OC's

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I would say that it is From Eden . First of all it is full of action and I love writing combat scenes and adventures, second of all it was for SCBB and I never participated in anything like that so it added to the fun. And last - it is my only finished long work so I am kinda sorta proud of it =D

I think all writers I know are already tagged so I spread it to anyone who wants to fill it up! <3

[nothing0fnothing]

Your trauma is not going to be healed or resolved if you're blaming NPD or borderline or HPD or ASPD (or any other disorder) for all of the awful shit that happened to you. If you keep trying to confirm those biases for yourself, you're going to poison yourself with paranoid hypervigilance and lateral aggression. It's not healthy for you to be overanalyzing and armchair diagnosing every person you interact with to see if they're a narcissist or something, because that hypervigilance will only cause you to isolate yourself out of fear, and community and new experiences/outlooks are vital for trauma recovery. (Not to mention that none of us can truly diagnose a personality disorder without years of professional psychiatric training).

I'm autistic too, formally diagnosed at 18, and I've watched people call us possessed or abusive or evil or toxic with only our disability as a basis for these accusations, the same way that folks will call people with NPD or other personality disorders malevolent or evil or toxic or abusive with only their disorders as a basis for those accusations. They face just as much unwarranted stigma as we do, but people have convinced us that we (we, as "innocent little autistics") are more vulnerable to this imaginary disorder-inherent abuse than anyone else, and so we've been tricked into extending this awful prejudice to another group of marginalized people who don't deserve it.

I'm genuinely sorry for what you went through at the hands of your mother — she sounds like an absolute monster — but you're doing nobody a favor, not even yourself, by turning NPD into an urban legend abusive boogeyman to be afraid of. It was your mother's fault for choosing to abuse you, not narcissism's fault for existing as a personality disorder.

Hi. Thanks for your support I do appreciate it.

You are absolutely correct regarding NPD. It is a very over stigmatised disorder and its stigma often proceeds it in spaces where those diagnosed can get help. It is so important for us to know the difference between narcissistic abuse and NPD so we don't further the stigma of people with NPD. I see many blogs here that tag NPD on posts about narcissistic abuse for example, and it's wrong.

The truth is educated people know that NPD does not cause abuse, that it is a disorder formed from abuse, that only professionals can diagnose as it is so complex and how an NPD diagnosis does not make a person dangerous, but that doesn't mean that every person is educated and its really important that when advocates see NPD being stigmatised in this way we call it out.

I have also talked about how NPD and Narcissism are not one in the same. Those with NPD can identify as "Narcissists" as a short hand for their disorder, but there is no such thing as a diagnosed narcissist, because "narcissist" is not a clinical term. NPD isn't a diagnosis of clinical narcissism, NPD is a complex disorder characterised by some traits associated with narcissism and mostly traits that aren't. To be a narcissist is to be an egotistical or self involved person, and as far as experts know, that's really not a good reflection of what it means to have NPD.

My mom isn't mentally ill because she abused me, and she's not abusive because she is mentally ill. I'm not going about my life psychoanalysing strangers to armchair diagnose through the lens of my own fucked up experience. I don't know if my mom has a psychological disorder and I don't claim to know either, because it doesn't matter, no mental disorder can explain what she did to me. It's not armchair diagnosing someone to recognise a pattern of behavior and accurately call it what it is. I'm not armchair diagnosing my mom as an abuser when I say I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse by my mother, I'm recognising her patterns of behaviour and calling it what it is.

A narcissistic abuser is a person so self involved or egotistical that they abuse another person for the purpose of satisfying a narcissistic delusion, not an abuser who happens to have NPD. I'm under no delusions that my mother had this one elusive disorder that somehow made her abusive. My mother abused my sister and I to satisfy a number of her narcissistic delusions. She believed that we, as small children, were trying to manipulate her and deserved to be punished, she believed that we were extentions of herself and thus should be treated however she saw fit, she believed that we were intentionally faking long term symptoms of CTPSD to unfairly embarrass and expose her. None of that is a symptom of NPD, but it is a reflection of unchecked and unchallenged narcissism being weaponised by an abuser.

NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is not "the Narcissism disorder" NPD actually is a very complex psychological condition that is defined by narcissistic traits and traits that have nothing to do with narcissism. The truth is, and I get a lot of backlash every time I say it, that NPD has very little to do with narcissism except its name.

A person with NPD can be abusive and it have nothing to do with narcissism. A narcissistic person can abuse someone to the end of satisfying a narcissistic delusion and yet never meet the clinical diagnosis criteria of NPD. Plenty of regular people have high levels of narcissistic traits yet manage to never abuse anyone or qualify for a diagnosis of NPD. I understand that even if my mom did have NPD or BPD or HPD or any other disorder that is classified with narcissistic traits, she still could have chosen to not abuse me.

You are right, my trauma and anybody else's won't be healed for blaming a laundry list of psychological disorders for the abuse we have endured. But narcissistic abuse is real, it is recognised by experts in psychology, therapy, abuse and recovery as its own distinctive type of abuse, and pretending that what I experienced, doesn't have a name isn't going to help me, or the millions of people recovering from their abuse every year either.

To recover from our abuse it is healthy for us to find support groups, to collect resources relating to our experience, to have acsess to spaces where we can share our experiences if we want to. It is important for us to have spaces for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

I understand that narcissistic abuse and NPD feel so inextricably connected in the cultural zeitgeist that it can feel like every mention of narcissism is a mention of NPD, and that is a norm that absolutely must be challenged to protect innocent people who have disorders they never asked for. It shouldn't come at the cost of taking away resources, spaces and platforms that help millions of people who are recovering from long term abuse.

[ask-serendipity-sky]

That thing with Holland is so sick. I've been seeing armys do bs for a long time but this genuinely made me ill.

Harassing a queer idol because the fetishizers in your fandom won't stop harassing him? Of course he named them, he's obviously getting requests from one group the most. They're so proud of being the biggest kpop ship - they should own this too. Why act innocent and naive now? And they all managed to completely ignore the point he was trying to make about how insane it is that these people are trying to forcefully out their faves even if they were actually not straight.

I just unfollowed every army I used to follow. They're either shifting the blame onto him or staying silent. They'll speak about a bunch of things when they need to virtue signal and it costs them nothing, they'll get into fights about the most stupid stuff with other fandoms, but the moment you can actually use your clout for something and speak on how awful it is that your fandom is essentially bullying a gay artist who we know has gone through so much - literal hate crimes - because he came out, you're completely silent? ARMYs have lost all sense of proportion, logic and morality.

The hypocrisy also strikes me because they'll go around naming pjms every day of the week. They always drag Jimin into fanwars. I don't see anyone saying let's not use his name then other than by solos themselves. But this isn't even the first time they've shielded tkkrs. They'll drag up random accounts with hardly any followers and a handful of likes and talk about solos infecting the fandom but god forbid anyone talk about tkkrs unless it's in the most general way so that you can sweep it away as a shipping thing.

And this discourse about namedropping is also ridiculous. They have 70K+ Jimin anti tkk shipper and 300K+ tkk shipping porn accounts running around freely. They tag JK in all their gross edits on Tiktok. We all saw them waving around the tkk banner during Jimin's bday event. Nobody had much to say about it except Jimin biased.

Plus do they actually think Tae and JK don't know? They just need to look at their comments during their lives to find out what tkk is. What are they even talking about? They've nursed these Jimin anti delusional shippers in their fandom for years but the problem is when others point that out?

I actually prided myself on following a variety of people so I'm never too enmeshed in any one group think. I used to follow ARMYs, shippers, solos and other KPop fandom accounts from my main but I'm done now. I was actually so proud that the fandom was being so active in speaking up about the Palestine cause but if your sense of mortality can't tell you how wrong what is happening now to Holland is and if you are too scared to sacrifice clout to speak up for him, then I can't take anything you say seriously. Sorry to bring up a serious real world issue in the midst of all this but what happened yesterday just tells me that if you can't stand up for a queer idol for petty bs fandom reasons or because you don't want to get involved when you know it's wrong (because I was very careful in curating my tl so I know the armys I used to follow at least have that much sense) then there's no way you'd actually do anything if were to cost you something in real life.

So yeah I still listen to BTS, I still like all the members but I'm done with 'army'.

Hello,

This was a tough read.

I can feel your anger and dissapointment and the only thing I can say is that I feel the same way.

It's "small" things like these that tell you who people really are and they are a sign of the person you could become. It may seem silly because it's kpop but it's real people with real struggles with real hate.

You don't have to be army or pjm or a shipper. None of those names mean a thing at the end of the day. Support what you want and stand up for what you believe.

I get you 🫂

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.