#ill be fine. hopefully
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I’m starting to actually get to the point where im ready to actually be able to write and code soon, which includes thinking up stats, and that made me think how funny a flirty/bold MC x Noel will be.
Especially pre-route/early route because while Noel isn’t in denial they’re arguably worse in the way they don’t think anyone romantic is there.
Prior to MC they’ve never actually felt really threatened by another skater their age so they’re just like, “what? Of course I don’t like them, that’s absurd. This is how all rivals feel.”
#I seriously did almost cry over coding todsy tho n i havent even started LMAO#ill be fine. hopefully#i am NOT a coding guy tho
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Woahza!! Spongbob critterpants?! (Again?!)
As well as huggy hassleholf
And another art because im insane
#i was thinking about posting all these in lil bunches#but ehh its fine#poppy playtime#smiling critters#dogday#catnap#huggy wuggy#poppy playtime chapter 3#art#ppt#im very normal dw about me#hopefully this dosen’t look to bloated hwbhd#oh dogday and catnap my beloveds#maybe ill do the last bit and ask people for their lil smiling critters ocs to be shown#cause thees a bunch of fish#why are catnap and dogday underwater#silly of them#tbh
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beating artblocks ass with a more steampunk-y tango
#nics art#kinda wanna give my normal tango design his create mod prosthetic arm#now that i kind of know how i wanna draw it#tangotek#tangotek fanart#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#hermitcraft s10#hate that now that i've got time to draw ive been really struggling to#whaaaaaaaaat#anyway i gave it a rest for a few days hopefully ill get back into the swing of things (it is not often i stop drawing for multiple days)#(in fact its often a sign of me feeling like shit if i haven't drawn in more than 3 days)#(im fine though this was a conscious decision to do other shit to give myself a break. healthy . i think.)
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THE NAME OF LOVE .ᐟ
✩ — the three times hoshina soshiro dismissed his feelings for you as something that friends do and the one time he realized otherwise.
✩ — request: IVE BEEN WANTING TO REQ U SOMETHING FOR SO LONG NOW I HOPE U DONT MIND !! can i ask for hopeless romantic reader and hoshina soushirou.... the way he... is...... (LOVE PESSIMIST 🫵) I'm a sucker for hoshina falling first or confessing first but it is truly up to you!! i genuinely have no idea where im going with this so pls feel free to change anything to your liking
✩ — includes: hoshina soshiro x gn!reader. fluff. cw: uhm funky pacing bc this is just pure word vom LAWLZ. wc: 3583 (i did not expect for it to be this long i swear). reader works for operations and is considered as second best to okonogi (is also okonogi's assitant). ikaruga and okonogi cameo yipee! hoshina is bad at feelings ™. reblogs and feedback are much appreciated !!
to love is something you cannot name.
that’s a saying that stitched itself onto your brain because it just makes sense. loving someone has way too much depth, depending on the person who is the one lending out their heart and who they are giving it out to in the first place. it could be named as anything, depicted as anything, or interpreted as anything.
especially for you, who had witnessed, watched, read, and consumed all sorts of media that named love as numerous things. sometimes love is tragic, making two people feel so much just for them to get pulled away from each other when they were so close to running into each other’s arms. sometimes love is mirthful, having two people become the best versions of themselves around the person they love because they feel safe becoming vulnerable with the other. yet sometimes love is bittersweet, accepting the art of letting go as it was for the best—accepting that things weren’t just meant to be but not forgetting the emotions the person made you feel.
well, how were you supposed to know what love really is? a hopeless romantic is hopeless for a reason.
having a day off is quite rare, even for the employees of the operations department. the work was quite demanding, as any job involving the JAKDF was. but you still made time to relax and enjoy your rest from time to time, whether that was rewatching a good old romcom film from the 2000s or reading a new romance novel you decided to pick up.
it was normal for a hopeless romantic to dream. to fantasize. that maybe they could experience an extraordinary love like it is portrayed in films or described in songs. so naturally, as a hopeless romantic yourself, you weren’t any different. you just wanted to experience love—to be loved.
then again, liking someone does count as experiencing romance in a sense. admiring someone with traits the public doesn’t really notice is… rare. but that’s how it always went with you. though you wouldn’t really say that you actually acted upon your feelings, they're usually be gone once that person has stepped out of the current environment you’re in.
that’s how it was before.
vice captain hoshina was a respectable man. he is talented, and he sure as hell knows it. as the ton put it, you and the vice captain had a strange relationship—nobody really knows what to call you two. as the secondary leader of operations and okonogi’s assistant, it was only natural to be in the presence of the vice captain most of the time. but there’s just something different when it comes to how you two treated each other.
from flirtatious remarks and confusing gestures that you aren’t sure if you’re supposed to interpret as romantic, just what were you to the vice captain? you’ve observed long enough that he only does this to you. though you don’t really hate it. in fact, you like it that he’s only like that to you—but you weren’t supposed to like him, you swear! but honestly speaking, how could you not? you had plenty of reasons to like the vice captain in that way. you just pray that no one has really noticed it.
however, okonogi wasn’t stupid. she gets praised for her analytical skills for a reason and you wish she didn’t have to use those skills when it came to your romantic interest in the vice captain of all things. she promised to keep it a secret, though, and keeping secrets is a thing okonogi was really good at (to your surprise).
— — — — — — — —
the first time hoshina denied his feelings for you was when he overheard some rookies talking about you.
“(l/n) is such a blessing to the third division, don’t you think?” one said as the other hummed in agreement. “i know, right? they’re so nice! did you know that they helped me once? they gave me tips on what i should do to enhance my combat power for my fighting style; it was really helpful too!” the rookie beamed. hoshina had an unsettling feeling churning inside of him as he eavesdropped on the conversation. but he quickly shook it off, thinking that he probably ate something funny earlier.
but why hasn’t he received such treatment from you? you were closer to him than some rookies, right?
right?
wait, what the hell is wrong with me? hoshina thinks, snapping out of his earlier thoughts. he was not jealous of some rookies. those were just rookies, for christ’s sake! hoshina walks away, only to be greeted by the sight of you and ikaruga talking this time.
“thanks again for the film recommendation the other day, (l/n). i didn’t expect to enjoy it so much—you were completely right! it did suit my preferences,” he excitedly says. hoshina watches silently, observing everything in detail. and one thing he notices is that ikaruga is standing close to you—way too close than he preferred.
“really? i’m glad you liked them, ikaruga. feel free to ask for more film recs when you’re free.” you laughed at his enthusiasm. ikaruga had always been a fun person to converse with, in your opinion. and you two bonded over films! but it was really nothing more than that. “will definitely do!” he replies, giving you a two finger wave as he excuses himself.
he was definitely not jealous. why would he be jealous in the first place? you two were just friends.
and friends don’t get jealous like this.
— — — — — — — —
the second time was when he was undergoing recovery after the whole fiasco of the tachikawa base raid. everyone was exhausted. it was fortunate that the third division didn’t get any casualties during the incident; the majority of the troops were only injured for the most part. soshiro was counted among the severely injured troops but he doesn’t regret it one bit.
or so he thought.
soshiro wakes up slowly, blinking and squirting his eyes at the sudden brightness of the light above him. he felt a weight on the side of his bed when he tried to get up, as if something (or someone) was pressing down on the blanket. looking down, he wouldn’t mistake your hair for anyone else. he knew it was you with just a glance.
and there you were, sleeping softly on the side of hoshina soshiro’s bed. soshiro takes note of your appearance that he could see right now—which was really just your messy hair. he gets up, making sure that you don’t wake up. it is likely that the operation has not had much sleep up to this point, which is why you ended up sleeping in his hospital room of all places.
he feels bad. a hand slowly reaches out to your head, stroking it ever so gently. if he were to be honest, he was worried for he operations team during the attack. he recalls regularly checking in to see if things were okay on your end, and you kept reassuring him that everyone was unscathed. his other hand reaches out to his phone on his bedside, checking to see if he missed anything. he was unconscious until now, he thinks. and the text from okonogi just confirmed all of his suspicions.
you’re probably still unconscious by the time i sent this, but they’ve been there every day since you got admitted.
that’s all the message contained. soshiro glances at you again, a soft smile tugging on his lips. he doesn’t get why okonogi felt the need to send him that text, but the thought of you waiting for him to be conscious again made him feel… warm inside. but it all went away as he pulled back his hand from your head as you stirred awake. you raised your head, adjusting yourself to be in a more comfortable position as you rubbed your eyes with your knuckles.
shock was an understatement when you realized that he was finally awake.
“vice captain! i—sorry, i didn’t mean to sleep on your bed. wait, are you okay? does anything hurt?” he just stared at your eyes, trying to process something. shock was still present in your eyes, and relief was mixed in them too. you noticed him not answering anything you said. worried that he might be suffering from some aftereffects, you asked him again. “uhm… vice captain hoshina?”
he snaps out of it as soon as he hears his name. “sorry, i was just thinking. what were you saying?”
“er… is there something on my face? you’ve been staring at my face the whole time since i woke up…”
hoshina blinks once. twice. then thrice. before he focuses his gaze on something else, looking away from you. you held back a laugh at the sight of red tinting his ears as he apologized for his actions.
“i’m glad you’re alright, vice captain.”
hoshina freezes. he didn’t expect those words to have a bigger impact on him than they do now. but this is all natural, isn’t it? friends worry about each other. friends wish and hope that the other is okay.
yet why does he feel bitter when he labels this as something that friends—no, snap out of it. he thinks.
“i’m glad you’re alright too.”
— — — — — — — —
the third time was when you were sent to work to the first division of all places. he was completely against it, of course, but he doesn’t have any concrete reason to actually protest against it.
it was quite boring to not have you there. he didn’t really have anyone to disturb anymore. and the sudden change in the vice captain’s demeanor doesn’t go unnoticed by the platoon leaders. sure, he still had the same toothy grin on his lips, with his fang peeking out ever so often but deep down, you can’t really point out if it was genuine.
after all, hoshina soshiro was good at concealing his emotions and thoughts.
but then again, okonogi wasn’t stupid. it pains her to be the one who’s stuck between the vice captain and her subordinate. soshiro was the same as the night he didn’t get to neutralize kaiju no. 8 back then. shoulder slumped, arms crossed, a slight pout on his lips, and an expression that clearly stated he was pondering about something—or perhaps someone?
“you miss them, don’t you?” okonogi suddenly asks as she organizes the paperwork in front of her. working with hoshina when it came to paperwork wasn’t really new, except for this time because you would also be present in times like these. “miss who?” he decided to play dumb (or is the right term indenial?)
“please don’t make me spell it out for you, vice captain.” she replied, pushing up her glasses.
hoshina doesn’t reply, zoning out as he thinks about okonogi’s words. well, it wasn’t really false that your sudden absence had changed things in the vice captain’s usual routine. he doesn’t see you making a cup of coffee after he finishes training in the middle of the night. nor does he see you drowning yourself in research at the library when you’re not in the operations room, where soshiro would personally lend you a hand and provide his own insights on whatever you’re researching.
oh.
oh.
he does miss you.
but that’s just normal, right? friends miss each other. and friends tend to leave sometimes but they will always come back when the time is right. however, the head of operations for the third division didn’t have to be some kind of genius to put two and two together.
the vice captain has some sort of interest in you as well; he just hasn’t realized it himself.
— — — — — — — —
the day you returned from the first division was the day everything went back to normal for soshiro.
it was currently a quarter after one in the morning, and he had just finished his training. he ended up going more overtime than usual, but if he hadn't, he probably would’ve missed the open door to the library at this hour. and of course, being the ever so curious man he is, he takes a peek in.
and again, there you were. but this time, you were drowning yourself again in research. your hair was a bit messy, and the eyebags doesn’t go unnoticed by him. yet in spite of that, soshiro still found your appearance to be lovely. maybe it was just the fatigue from his training, or perhaps it’s the thought of you being so determined in your work that sparked such a thought in him.
regardless of what the reason actually was, soshiro found your appearance lovely despite it all.
“you should head to bed soon.” he says, approaching the table you were currently working on. you looked up, surprised to see him awake at this hour. but you put your focus back on your work, not even giving him a second glance—which surprised the vice captain. he reads on whatever you were working on, noticing that they were mostly reports of kaiju no. 9.
“researching on kaiju no. 9, i see. need a hand?”
“there’s just something off about him and i can’t put my finger on it. also thanks, but no thanks. i can handle this myself, vice captain.”
“it’s almost two in the morning, are you sure about that?”
he didn’t quite catch on to what your reply was, but he was positive that you just declined his offer either way. hoshina decides to pull up the chair beside you and grab the small stack of reports in front of you. he rotates the lamp a bit in his direction, but just enough to leave some light for you to read as well if you needed to.
you sigh at him. “vice captain, you really don’t have to—”
“but i want to. it’s the least i could do.”
truth be told, you really can’t bring yourself to be in the presence of the vice captain now. everything was just confusing. you were aware that the vice captain doesn’t really like paperwork in general (who even likes paperwork in the first place?) but you don’t get why he’s so insistent on helping you every time he finds you here.
you don’t get why he likes your company so much. you considered yourself to be plain, a bit mundane for someone to actually spend some time with. especially when your interests don’t really spark any others for the most part.
and while you may be a hopeless romantic, you weren’t foolish. even if you like the vice captain who’s currently making an effort to help you with your work, he’s just way out of your league. he’s too high to reach, and you were sure as hell that he would never actually look at you in that way. not now, not ever.
but why? why does a part of you keep saying that maybe he does? he wouldn’t do all of that if he didn’t actually look at you in that way, right? hope is a dangerous thing for someone who doesn’t know how to stop. for someone like you who refuses to give up on most occasions. it was stupid. foolish. naive.
not now, not ever would hoshina soshiro actually look at you that way.
“vice captain, please get some rest.”
“i could say the same to you.”
god, why is this man so stubborn? is he not tired from all the late night training he does? you thought, slowly getting frustrated. hoshina tells you his observations based on the reports in his hands and shares his hypothesis on the matter. he had some valid points and he’s lending a great hand at the moment. but frustration was just getting the best of you at the moment from your numerous trains of thought.
“the fact that he can adapt so easily is scary in itself. and the recent report of him breaking in the operations room in the first division states that—”
“why are you doing this?” you cut him off.
hoshina stares at you, dumbfounded at your question. he opens his mouth to answer, but no words actually come out of him. he chuckles bitterly in his mind. soshiro would like an answer to that question as well. but then it dawned on him. every flashed across his mind in seconds, and he finally realized it.
yet the result of that still scared him.
he was in love. hoshina soshiro is in love—with you nonetheless. the person he swore was just a friend. it took him quite a while to realize it, always being in denial that it was just normal for friends to act the way you two were. but he was in love. and that scared him. because what is he supposed to do when he finally realizes that you have consumed him? he never wanted this to happen, not in a million years.
but perhaps he was in love with you long before he started tripping along the lines of being friends and something more.
why are you doing this? your question echoed in his head. because i love you, he swallows back down his throat. he can’t say it. there’s no way things would work out. he could die any day and he’d rather not see you miserable because of his death. it would be better if you found someone else—but how ironic. he couldn’t really handle the thought of you being with someone else in the first place.
why are you doing this? your question echoes again. “because i love you.” he finally says, hesitant even. hesitant to know what you’re reaction was going to be. your eyes went wide at the sudden confession, and hoshina was certain that you wouldn’t believe him (well, he couldn’t really believe it either). “you’re kidding me,” you replied.
“i’m not.”
and surely enough, the look on the vice captain’s eyes said it all. he was dead serious. "i... why?” it's ten past two in the fucking morning, and you were too scared to accept that all of this was occurring right now, so you were afraid to ask. you were too scared to just randomly wake up and realize that maybe it was all a dream. too scared to believe that your feelings are being reciprocated.
“because you’re different—different to me, if that makes sense. it’s like you have this effect when it comes to me. food tastes better whenever i share a meal with you; my day just feels more peaceful whenever i get to see you’re doing fine, and i realized that maybe i haven’t actually looked at you like a friend or coworker for as long as i can remember; i was just too stupid to realize it earlier.” he avoids his gaze for a moment before looking at you again.
“i love you. i want you to look at me and love me too. we’ve come too far to turn back. i’m already too deep into you.”
you were speechless.
he loves you. he loves you. he loves you. it repeated like some sort of chant inside of your head as you processed everything. hoshina soshiro loves you back—who would’ve thought? you hadn’t realized that he was sitting so close to you. the tension was so thick, but you easily cut it down as you started with your response.
“you’re an amazing man, vice captain, and i truly cannot grasp how you could feel such feelings towards me, but i love you too.” you could see hoshina jump in his seat in shock at your confession, but you continued. “i love you in ways you have never been loved, for reasons that you may not have been told, for longer than you think you deserve and with more than you will ever know existed inside of me. yet i can’t help but still wonder… how? why? wait no, why was already answered—”
he chuckles at you. stopping you with your words. “what’s so funny?” you pouted at him. “it’s nothing. i just can’t believe that we’re seriously having this moment at two in the morning.”
“sorry, i think that may have been on my part. i kind of snapped there because i was just so… confused.”
“confused?”
“yeah, confused if we’ve crossed the line between friends or lovers without actually realizing it. crazy, right?”
hoshina moves a bit closer to you, making the distance between the two of you smaller than before. he puts his forehead against yours. “not really, but i look at you, and i just love you, and it terrifies me. it terrifies me what i would do for you. i’m in love but i’m also terrified—that’s what i think is crazy.”
“then let’s be terrified together,” you whispered to him.
a soft laugh leaves his lips this time. “i like the sound of that.” he whispers back.
he loves you.
and you love him back.
that’s all what matters.
love, in general, can make you feel all sorts of things. joy, confusion, anger, fear, and many more. it can also make you do all sorts of things. it can make you do things you never really imagined doing for or with someone in the first place. it tends to be irrational—ridiculous, even. but the thought of doing all of it for the person you care most about? you finally realized that’s simply what love is all about for you.
to love is something you truly cannot name.
#( writings )#kaiju no. 8 x reader#kaiju no. 8#kn8 x reader#kn8#soshiro hoshina x reader#hoshina soshiro x reader#hoshina x reader#soshiro hoshina#x reader#IM SO INSANE LIKE WDYM I WROTE FOR HIM AGAIN#ILL WRITE FOR MY OTHER REQUESTS I SWEAR JUST GIVE ME SOME MORE TIME#im having troubles w an ichikawa req i have uhhh but its fine ik what will happen i just dont know how to put it into words yk !!!!#but ill post that one soon along w my narumi piece too (hopefully)
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!
Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.
My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!
So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.
#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me#i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself#if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job#but if not. I'm never going back#i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw#anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills#which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it#so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen#whatever will be will be#i keep getting distracted lmfao#im excited about it coming back#and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO#i check for comments like all the time#love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work#it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting#i get straight up nothing done on big update days#cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk#its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better#plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer#or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility#time and time again
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Looks like David will be back as Macbeth tonight ❤️
#macbeth#david tennant#Hopefully he genuinely feels fine again and isn't pushing himself to hard!#i'm sure he feels it's safe in terms of infection risks#but it wouldn’t be unlikely that he'd try to push through those annoying lingering effects illness can have on you#hopefully Cush will also feel well enough to return soon 🤞#Even if Eddie got the date wrong then hopefully David being back is right#although I'm sure yesterday's performance was no doubt also great!#also even if I feel sorry for everyone who had tbeir ticket cancelled or didn't get to see DT yesterday#one can't help but also be happy that Eddie got to see his daughter perform in this brilliant production ❤️
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It's always fun experiencing severe mental illness symptoms because of fiction, eh?
#helluva boss#Stolitz#helluva boss spoilers#helluva spoilers#I feel like I've finally managed to stabilise myself#Which is impressive. It's taken less than 24h. Thank you therapy#Last time a fandom left me emotionally in shambles (the last of us 2) it took me days to overcome the anxiety#Anyway the reason I'm talking about this is to hopefully give some visibility to the fact that this kind of thing can happen#When you struggle with mental illness#I'm not posting to vent or because I need help or anything! I'm fine!#But I do want others to know that it's okay if you're not fine because of something fictional you really care about and you're not alone#This is your reminder to think back to techniques that have helped you handle anxiety before if you're feeling shaken or on edge now#You got this!!!
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Swoolf.
#honkai star rail#silver wolf#bounces in my seat im almost done the lines for the commission im on#that has nothing to do with the doodle im just excited#but i have to get food before i finish its fine ill be fine i just forget to eat sometimes#and i didnt think about food before i started silver wolf or else i woulda finished lines then gotten food then doodled#but you know what i dont THINK about things like that in a timely manner#and i dont like to eat so hopefully the idea that i have to eat before i finish is motivation to eat#if not im doomed for all of the evening so
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saw my queen yesterday ❤️ lady in red <3
#erika vikman#it's so nice that my last gig of the year was erika PHEW#going to non kä gigs is always such a breath of fresh air for how uncomplicated it is#i showed up 20 mins before doors and BOOM. front row babey!#though the thingy before the barricade was SO UNCOMFORTABLE to sit on it had these little raised spots#& after awhile it felt like i was sitting on spikes 😭😂#so the two hour wait for the gig to start wasn't all that pleasant even if it didn't feel like much after all the suffering of kä gigs lmao#LOL ANYWAY why am i complaining#i mean nobody is reading these tags anyway it's fine#hiiii if you are though 👋#anyways yes my queen erika was GREAT!!! she's such an amazing performer#the dangly bits of her outfits kept falling off it was kind of funny seeing them all over the stage and her kicking them off awh#and hmm she had to cancel some gigs before bc of lingering problems with her voice after an illness and you could kind of tell in parts#that her voice isn't back to 100% yet 😭💔#mind you not to say she sounded bad not at ALL i just hope she fully gets better <3#hopefully i'll get to see her again many a time in 2025 🥰#her music is such a vibe it's so lovely to jam to it live
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So, I have been in a very long, very hot shower because I hurt like a bitch, and I think I have narrowed down the basis of my major whump pet peeve, and I'm going to be using my pet fav series Word of Honor to do it.
You cannot survive sustained/chronic/severe pain if you don't develop a relationship with it. The first couple episodes of Word of Honor aren't about Zhou Zishu x Wen Kexing, they're about Zhou Zishu x Zhou Zishu's pain/condition. And that latter relationship continues to evolve and stay at the forefront on a parallel path to the development of the former.
He saddles himself with this thing as penance, because when he makes that decision, he believes that being crippled is "a fate worse than death." And then he goes on living, and discovers that life goes on, so he makes an increasingly-less-guarded peace with it. So when he meets Wen Kexing and Gu Xiang, he's doing his own thing, enjoying the good parts of what remains of his life even though his condition remains at the forefront, and will for the rest of the series. He's integrated it into his life to such an extent that Gu Xiang readily dubs him "Sick Man."*
That's what gets my goat every time: whumpees that aren't allowed to develop a relationship with their pain and are instead thrust into relationships with "caretakers" who don't do much more than provide warm blankets and snuggles and therapy-approved conversation on demand, and be "heartbroken" over how broken and pathetic the whumpee is in their eyes. Because the reality is that the relationship with pain has to be established before any other relationships can go anywhere.
Pain/illness kills relationships. People leave. They just do. It becomes too much of a bother to make changes to their own lives, and they jet.** And it's just you and your pain/condition until you can find the few truly good people who will give you love and reasonable help. You have to develop a relationship with it. It's your new roommate for the rest of your life.
You and your pain are going to be in the wars. You're going to get mad and scream and throw things at it. You're going to resent it for being the only one who's there with you every day. You're going to think about all the shit you can't do anymore, and you'll be frustrated to tears.
But eventually - if you're allowed - you make peace. You stop hating your roommate for holding you back from parties, you just find someone who can drive you home, or stay in with you. You'll find other people who have the same kind of roommate, and then you'll all get along.
And if you are very, very, galactically, fictionally lucky, you find a partner who will help you stand your ground against life and what your roommate pain has made of it. This is what happens in Word of Honor.
Wen Kexing is by no stretch Zhou Zishu's perma-caretaker, or "Caretaker" in the sense that plagues new wave whump. But he cares, and offers what help he can, when he can, without hovering and without kid gloves. He looks for a cure earnestly but without coddling or pitying Zhou Zishu for being a Sick Man. It's a more honest and realistic portrayal of someone ill/disabled and someone not who loves them than I've seen anywhere else.
My relationship with my pain is ongoing and continues to evolve. It takes things from me, but it gives me things, too. My love of whump, the Pain Genre, is one of those things. Whenever my pain spikes like this, my tolerance for fluff in the whump zone plummets, so just know that whenever you get ornery meta from me, my pain and I are sitting around having wine (gingerbeer, can't have wine with the new meds, thanks a lot pain) and bitching.
The reason there's no good chronic pain rep outside of WOH is that characters are not being allowed to develop relationships with their pain, and are only allowed to have relationships with other things and people, and those relationships are inevitably trainwrecks, or insultingly unrealistic and saccharine, because an entire segment of the character's life and personality and identity is being masked or exploited instead of embraced. So let your whumpee have a relationship with their pain/conditions/traumas. Chronic pain/illness havers the world over will thank you.
#granny fish on the warpath again#hopefully in an articulate way this round#*I've talked about this before but it's one of my fav things abt the series#it's not pejorative at all#she recognizes his advanced kung fu#and the fact that he has been and for the most part still can take care of himself#he's just a Sick Man#and it's fine#**i know a lot of people whose illnesses/disabilities hit critical mass out of nowhere#i only know one whose partner didn't decide it was too much effort and leave#whump#whump community#whump scenario#whump prompts#whump tropes#whumpee#whumpblr#writing#whump writing#whump reference#writing reference#chronic pain#writing chronic pain#caretaker#whumpee x caretaker#hurt/comfort#which is what most of new wave “whump” is#it's just mislabeled#whump is about the whumpee and their struggle#not the caretaker and how heartbroken and squishy and perfect they are
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We took our steadiness training out into the wild last night!
#dogblr#rory borealis#bird dog training#the goal here is just to wait until i tap her to go get the thing#she stands better on the ground than on the board#so in subsequent runs i just moved the cato board#but nbd#shes doing soooo good#im gonna stay at this stage for a bit#no need to move forward from here for a while#i overheard some people saying that doing steadiness foundations too young can ruin your bird dog but i think thats nonsense??#if it is true well whatever ill know for the next dog#but shes not lacking enthusiasm so hopefully im fine#some notes if youre doing this at home: dog should be standing of their own free will not you holding them back#dog should be looking in the correct direction before you send them dont ask for eye contact#and only work on one skill at a time (dont ask for a steady to throw and a retrieve to heel if your dog doesnt know both of those separate)#and if you have multiple dogs consider using their name to release instead of 'go!' like im using here#just to make it easier to work multiple dogs at once if thats something you want to do
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a jo in the palm of my hand
#custom design so not for sale sadly :(#but!! hopefully maybe ill figure out the whole online shop thing!!#i was starving for roti merch so i went. fine. ill make it myself#td jo#tdi#total drama#tdroti#jo total drama#bless you vograce for making this happen :)
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Sometimes I think to myself "actually maybe I'm exaggerating the terror I felt from being stalked", but then I remember that the person in question followed me and waited for me outside my school every day, tracked me down on every website I'd spent even the slightest time on, left physical letters in my mailbox, sent creepy as hell novel length messages on a near daily basis on FB. And then when I was living abroad and I answered the phone I told the caller to text me cause I couldn't hear, after which I had to read "I was saying that you would probably be VERY scared if you knew who's calling... hehe" with my own damn fucking eyes...
And then I'm like yknow what nevermind!!!! the fact that I'm still terrified of being perceived and seen in public not just IRL but also FFXIV might be understandable actually!!!
#im not saying its what caused my psychotic breakdown cause there were many factors#but needless to say it played a HUGE part especially surrounding the debilitating paranoia i was left with for years#i should mention that i only learned LAST YEAR that this person supposedly gave up according to them#by an old mutual classmate (the only one im still in contact with sadly because this person destroyed all the connections i held dear)#(we were classmates for years and this fucked me up cause we were friends for years before it all went down)#but yeah so last year they gave up apparently and it started 2012.#id managed to evade their notice online since 2019 when they last contacted me on facebook and i assumed id simply shook them off#given the habits i developed as a result of it that still affect me in ways i hate#but yeah its only been about a year of feeling relatively safe for the first time since 2012... and even then only relatively#cause i have no idea how permanent that is. and i dont dare to fully relax knowing what the person is capable of in terms of violence#hysterically tumblr is one of the very places online where they never found me it seems#but yeah. apparently they can just move on and here i am meanwhile still feeling the effects#such as feeling like im drenched in ice even in fucking *ffxiv* just because someones targeting or emoting at me#even though its never actually a problem! its a normal thing! and yet that brief moment of dread and fear seems to stick#IDK WHY IM RANTING ABOUT THIS I WAS JUST REMINDED AND. AURGH#awful. horrible. hopefully itll be fine forevermore and that ill be able to relax one day#silvi talks
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28/12/2023 - 06/01/2024
bunches of team dynamics. mostly tavstarion + @nahrgles and @justlet-melive's tavs !
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion ancunin#tav#tavstarion#shadowheart#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#admin draws#fanart#urggg these are a nightmare to format. hopefully it looks fine#tav art exchange was so fun though ... id definitely be down to doing that again with someone after exams#got a small comic drafted soooooo ill post that one tomorrow ig#all uncolored so im wondering whether i should do it proper sometime. but chances are no#posting these quickly bc i wanna get to the sonic stuff !!!
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hi guys i was in an accident and had to be in the hospital for a while but im home now
#stressful bday month but we r back hello#had to get some meds out of my system but im alright now#my surgeries went well and physically my injuries r like a bad bike accident but ye nothing bad my face is fine now too mostly#got bumped to the side and broke my face and arm#something w my hip but it healed itself didnt break or smn#school on pause dont have to go so ill have time to relax anyway#reblogged some stuff in the hospital too which is funny bc i don’t remember when or that i did it after the accident but i remember#actually doing it#hopefully i can put this whole experience behind me now#i have some therapy recommended but thats understandable#it was worse than what im describing rn but i dont remember anyway it was just rough as a whole#my memories sorrounding it r vague and little but thats normal#acute stress phase but i think we avoided it becoming ptsd#i survived and thats what matters#shout out to the doctors that saved me#mostly from drowning in blood
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