#if you have the choice then let yourself choose
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saltyowlets · 3 days ago
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I am the type to analyze and comb details in games, read on the dialogue, and make inferences on what characters are like as i play a game. I did that constantly playing Inquisition and that helped playing such a huge game seem so fun. There are multitude of themes in that game that are so fun to gnaw at and your game play can differ depending on your race, if you let yourself immerse in it.
Then there's Veilguard. See, I initially did the same thing. Comb every area, read into the dialogue and quests, hoping that I would get something substantial to bite like I did with DAI. By the end of Act 1, I realized that there was nothing to chew on.
Everything became predictable, the characters acted as I imagined. There was no nuance to any of the factions. It made me so tired to play through the game and not be rewarded for my diligence. I even nearly 100% the game because there wasn't anything rewarding so I had to find some other way to do so. I didn't even enjoy it, it felt so slow and inefficient. I enjoyed DAI's quests as it doesn't force you to complete them but let's you explore and discover at your pace. I didn't 100% it, not because I didn't want to but because I wanted to discover more when I replay it.
I do not feel like replaying DAV. I can try to convince myself to play a different Rook for the romances and maybe explore different factions, but I know my gameplay will be the same, the outcome won't be any different. None of my choices make a big impact in the game, besides the Minrathus vs Treviso one.
It's crazy cause a common critique of DAI is that choices don't matter but that's not entirely true. Your choices in DAI affect the world state. Who would choose in the War Table missions impact other missions and rewards. Your trials can change public sentiment. The order of the missions you can complete make minor differences in how NPCs interact with you.
DAV just doesn't not have that. I do not feel like what I do matters in the short or long run. I felt like I was pushing myself to finish the game. Im also big on character and game narrative, it was the biggest motivator to finish the game. But in the end, I did not feel satisfactory.
Battle mechanics were fun and the fights were straightforward but that's not enough for me in a game. I can deal with bad gameplay as long as I am given a story I can invest in, a world I can explore.
And sadly, that is far from what DAV is.
it’s interesting how many people, including myself, share the similar sentiment that veilguard is actually incredibly fun while playing, and its the process of thinking back on it after finishing where it begins to fall apart and the holes begin to show… i think it’s especially interesting because at least for me, the other dragon age games are the opposite. i hate playing inquisition, but when i sit and look back on it i cannot help but admire how brilliant the writing and characters are. dragon age 2 can be a slog by act 3 but when i finish and think back on how the story unfolded i know in my heart that it was a masterpiece. i got bored or frustrated while playing them but these games stuck around in my head after finishing them for the first time not just for days or weeks but for years.
veilguard lacks this. i had A LOT of fun playing the game. i love the gameplay loop. i like the puzzles. i love the environments. it was probably the easiest dragon age game to blast through 60 hours of. but then the credits roll and instead of analyzing character arcs and deconstructing banter, im stuck on all the plot holes and missed opportunities.
veilguard gets worse the longer i let it marinate in my brain, rather than better. each rotisserie turn of the story over in my head reveals more and more nothingness - or just clumsy attempts at misdirection so i don’t think too hard about what’s missing. the dragon age games have always been an olympic sized swimming pool that you can dive headfirst into if you want, and you will be rewarded with a corresponding amount of depth. veilguard is one of those kiddie pools at a water park with slides and fountains and a water-based jungle gym on top - it’s fun on the surface and packed with things to do. but if you attempt to dive? you’ll crack your head open.
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helianthus-tarot · 2 days ago
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FUTURE SPOUSE: Challenges to overcome or events to experience before meeting them
As written in the title. I posted the extended version on my Patreon which includes at what stage of life will you meet 👀❤️ There are also other 90+ readings on Patreon so definitely check it out, pick a card reading is posted every week plus extra mini pac every month! 🎉
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Instructions: Focus on the topic and ask yourself the question. Choose a number/picture that you feel the most drawn to or that you can’t stop looking at. Trust your intuition. May the message resonate. Let me know which pile you choose! Feedback is appreciated!
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PILE 1 
Challenges to overcome or events to experience in your life before meeting them: 2 of Swords, Wheel of Fortune, 7 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, 8 of Cups. 
I think it’s got something to do with a change in your life path; things in your life moving in a direction that is unexpected, or that is different from what you initially visualised your life to be. There may be some external events that will be contributing to this development, that will be nudging you in this direction, or that will make you aware of this path. For some of you, it will involve a change in fortune; meaning that, if you take this new path that is being presented to you, you may feel like there’s a possibility that you can change your fortune. For others of you, this path will come to the surface the further you work in the direction that you think you are going. It’s like, let’s say you are currently working on X, but the more you work on X, the more Life directs you to Y path, or the more Y path becomes visible to you. X and Y may be related, they may be logical outcomes of each other. Like, pursuing a film major and wanting to work at X company, but then instead of going to X, you are presented a choice to go to Y organisation instead which will take you to a place you didn’t consider before. It’s that kind of event. 
Whatever it will be, you will have to make a decision, and this decision may cause some internal conflicts; you won’t know what you should choose. For many of you, this decision may involve you leaving something behind; this could be a place, an old idea of how you think your life should develop, it could be a project or skill you’ve been working on, or it could also be a relationship, if you’re in a relationship. For the latter, it feels like the typical event in films where one character has to break things off with their partner because they are asked to move, or they want to take on a project somewhere else and they can’t make the relationship work. This change of events may also highlight what isn’t working out in this relationship, path or place.  
You may also be asked to assertively solve your problems; the solutions may be presented to you by Life itself, and you may come to a standstill where you have to make that decision. In order to progress, in order to reap your hard work, you may need to be more assertive or direct in pursuing certain things, and this will lead to a change in fortune. So yeah, there will be introspection, inner conflicts, not knowing which decision to make—your heart and your mind will be pulled in different directions, or you’ll feel like there are many things that make it difficult for you to make a decision. But I think, at the same time, the answer will be clear to you. There may be a change of perspective, or Life may show you something which will make it clearer to you, and you may choose to move on from whatever it is in the past, in search for something better for you, in the direction of what you believe will help you progress and change your fortune. 
Advice for you is to stay centred in yourself, maintain that emotional balance and maturity, and be patient with yourself. I think the answer will be obvious, but the process of coming into the answer may require you to be confident in your ability to make decisions, it may require you to sit in your feelings and hear yourself out, it may require you to have a mature outlook instead of just following purely feelings or purely logic. For some of you, you may also need to believe that if you’re destined for a relationship, it’s not going to miss you. If you’re destined to be with someone, your relationship isn’t going to fail. There may need to be some reliance in the Universe with regard to your relationships, and about your emotional fulfilment. To remain strong in yourself, and trust that whatever wish or hope you send out to the Universe will not miss you even if you suddenly change your direction. I do feel like there’s a strong message that you will take this new path or that you will follow the direction that Life shows you; whether or not you’ll leave behind your current relationship (for those of you who are in a relationship). 
EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! At what stage of life will you meet them? What will be going on in your life at that time? Will it happen when you are living your dreams, or when you get a new job, etc? Find out here! 😘❤️
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PILE 2 
Challenges to overcome or events to experience in your life before meeting them: The Lovers, 9 of Cups, 6 of Cups, The World, Wheel of Fortune. 
I think you will be pursuing your passion here, or dream, especially something that is related to your past or childhood passion. For some of you, you will do this just for fun; it’s just one of the things that you’ll do because it brings you enjoyment, and it makes you get closer to yourself. It feels like a desire to express the highest form of yourself, or to be in that joyful and dreamer energy; this dream, passion, path will feel achievable to you. For others of you, you may have a bigger goal; you will have imagined that pursuing your passion or doing this thing will eventually lead you to something bigger, like you could move to a bigger stage, you could go global or international—there's something with the external world, I’m talking about something big, something that will feel like destiny to you. You may have imagined this for yourself, and because of this, you’ll pursue whatever path this is.  
Regardless of what your goal will be, you will reach it and you will live that experience; it will feel expansive, it will feel lucky, it will feel like you’ve achieved your dream or wish, it will feel like this is one of your highest accomplishments—especially one that represents who you are, your talents, your soul. It will make you feel like you are on the track of self-actualisation, or you have done something that has a spiritual meaning to you. Something will reach an end (this is not negative) and reward will come, and you will enjoy it. So you will have done something here related to what I’ve just mentioned—possibly passion, wish, etc—and you will feel on top of the world, you will feel achieved and things in your life will feel like it’s moving in an interesting direction, a bit unpredictable but it will feel expansive. For some of you, you’ll meet your person either during that stage (after the end / achievement has just come to be) or after this stage entirely; but for others of you, the message will be in the next section. 
This may involve you meeting someone from your past, especially past lovers or partners. I’m not sure if you will get into a relationship with them again (some of you might, and they might be your future spouse). But either way, you will feel positive about this past encounter—or this past encounter will lead to you getting in touch with yourself and pursuing what brings you the highest enjoyment, which will eventually lead you to your person. Of course, like I mentioned before, for some of you, this is you reconnecting with your childhood memory, passion or dream, and you will do something about it that will lead to a sense of achievement and accumulation of experience, and it will feel lucky. This may also involve getting in touch with many people—there could be many emotional interactions or connections here—especially with the general public. For others of you, this may be talking about people online, people abroad, people from different countries. I think your life at this point may also make so much sense; there are a lot of circles in the cards, so it feels like something that started in the past and will reach the point where it connects back to where it begins—so it becomes whole. You will feel whole too. This will generally be a positive experience. 
Advice for you; keep working on yourself, your path, your skills or whatever it is that you’ve got your eye on. Constant learning, constant improvement (but with curiosity and light-heartedness of a child, instead of stress and jadedness of an adult) and constant movement towards what you feel called to—these will eventually lead you to your person. Your progress and movement do not have to be fast; they just have to be consistent. You are advised to hold on to that optimism, the belief that can you do amazing things. You are also advised to connect with the society, community, the world around you—what I meant by connect is not necessarily socialising; it’s more about your emotional connection with the world outside yourself. Connect that to the work that you are doing. For some of you, this may feel a bit exhausting sometimes, so take your breaks, but always come back to that hopefulness and that diligence, and put in the effort to reach the stars. 
EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! At what stage of life will you meet them? What will be going on in your life at that time? Will it happen when you are living your dreams, or when you get a new job, etc? Find out here! 😘❤️
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PILE 3 
Challenges to overcome or events to experience in your life before meeting them: 7 of Pentacles Rx, Justice Rx, 3 of Swords Rx, 5 of Swords, The Fool. 
Yeah, this will be a challenge. For some of you, this challenge has been brewing under the surface, so it will come out and you will realise it or you will be made to realise it—you can’t pretend it’s not there anymore, or you can’t try to hold on to it anymore, you can’t try to prolong the heartache anymore. For others of you, certain events will be obvious but some events may be quite hidden, so at first you may not understand what’s truly going on (what forces are at play), or what you are supposed to do. And when you do realise it, you may try to suppress or hold off your emotional reaction to it, not sure why. It could be that you will try to hold on to something here, something you’ve been putting effort into or investing yourself in, something that you are emotionally attached to—anything like that. 
I feel like for many of you, this challenge will involve people. There may be misunderstandings, arguments, or disagreements, or people misjudging you / your intention and words. For a few of you, it may feel like bullying; I’m not sure if it is, but it may feel that way. It’s like within a friend group, something happens, and people take sides and you feel like you are standing alone. Something like that. For some of you, it may feel like you’re trying to manage multiple perspectives, or juggle different sides / opinions to the point that it’s hurting you. For others of you, it will be a battle of some kind, it could be related to law—I'm not seeing anything super big or significant though so this may be something like contract issue or small dispute. There will be a feeling of being treated unfairly though, like there will be unfairness somewhere, some kind of injustice and imbalance. You may also feel like you can’t freely express your hurt about the situation; because for some of you, the unfairness or injustice may be hidden. Like you will be able to feel it but it may not be addressed out in the open. Some of you will hurt some people’s feelings or you will get your feelings hurt when you defend yourself or argue your case. 
Whatever the event may be, it may put a halt to or make you have to abandon the previous thing that you’ve been working on. You have been building something here; this could be anything like a path, project, job, programme, skill, investment—something that you put effort into because it’s getting you somewhere, because you want to progress. But because of the conflict, you may not be able to continue, or your effort may feel like a waste. It’s probably not really a waste though. Whatever it will be, you will start anew; you may take a new path, and it will feel more liberating and exciting than whatever these restrained energies are. For others of you, it’s precisely because you will be taking a new path that this conflict happens, almost like your new path disturbs or goes against some people; in this case, I think you will still proceed with that new path, but the progress may experience some kind of delay, until you overcome this conflict, so this will be like, a blockage. You will end up learning from this experience.  
Advice for you; don’t be too accommodating or kind. King of Cups in reverse fell on top of Justice in reverse, and when I took it, I kinda accidentally dragged the Justice. So I think both cards are related in some way. I think one of the contributing factors to that imbalance may be your tendency to understand the other parties, to accommodate them, to want things to work—but this can only work well for you if they do the same thing. But if they don’t, it can become unbalanced, and you may be treated unfairly as a result. Don’t think too kindly of people; I mean, don’t start being suspicious of everyone, but if people have shown negative traits to you, don’t explain and give positive meanings to those traits to yourself. If you have a tendency to give yourself to others too much, maybe restrain that a bit more. You’ve got to support yourself first before you do it for other people.  
Some of you are a bit too nurturing that people take advantage of that. You may also have a strong sense of responsibility, so you give yourself too much sometimes. Remain centred in who you are, your beliefs and your values—regardless who will be questioning you or starting issues with you here. Be mature, don’t add to the fire, but have confidence that you know what you are doing and you are doing the best for yourself here. Don’t settle for less—for example, if you get involved in some kind of dispute, make sure you get your fair share / compensation because you deserve it. So there needs to be that feeling of ‘I deserve to ask for this, or to be treated this way, or to hold this position without being disturbed’, because it’s a basic thing to ask for.   
EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! At what stage of life will you meet them? What will be going on in your life at that time? Will it happen when you are living your dreams, or when you get a new job, etc? Find out here! 😘❤️
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PILE 4 
Challenges to overcome in your life before meeting them: 4 of Pentacles, 6 of Wands, 10 of Swords, The World, Page of Cups (Ace of Pentacles). 
I feel like there will be several, and these things may be different from one another. You’ve got multiple energies here, and I asked how these things connected to one another, you got Ace of Pentacles. So it’s either one event leading to another event and to another event—or multiple things happening at the same time and they’ll just end up leading you somewhere new. It is also possible for some of you, that these events, although they may look different, all of them will be related to material opportunities. For example, in order to pursue those opportunities, you may experience these events. Or experiencing these events will eventually open up material and financial opportunities for you. 
Now what are the events. There will be something with regard to your home life, most likely your house, or your physical location. I feel like it’s been or it will feel quite difficult to live there, or something won’t be that satisfying, or you will feel like you’re storming through difficulties or inconveniences, or you’ve got to hold on to this place for whatever reason (like a lease) before you can move on to the next one. So it will feel that way. It won’t be that unpleasant, I mean, you will still have your stability but you may feel like you need to hold on or deal with some things.  
Now, another thing that you may experience is a victory; you will feel on top of the world. Some of you will feel achieved; some of you will feel celebrated, as in, people paying attention to you, people recognising you, people admiring or respecting you—this could be people abroad, or more than just one or two people. You may have been working on something, and that thing may reach an end and you will get the reward. This victory may come with some downsides for some of you. Since it will involve people, sometimes it may feel like a burden, or it may make you stressed out for some reason; some people will feel too passionately or emotional about what you are doing and they may start causing some scenes. This could be the reason for 10 of Swords.  
For others of you though, 10 of Swords is a separate matter. You will experience a mental and emotional hardship. It will be either something that has started long before that ending happens, or it will feel like you have got to move on—because things are ending and stressing you out and you can’t do anything about it anymore. It’s related to a heartache; I got 3 of Swords when I asked for a clarification. It may be related to a breakup, or a relationship ending. The odd thing is, I’m not getting a strong negative energy from 10 of Swords. Some of you may experience the heavier version of it, because this is a general reading, but for some of you, this may be like... an accumulation of stress that has been burdening you and so you will finally be pushed to the end of it, and realise that you can’t take it anymore, you don’t want to think or feel hurt about the same thing anymore. It can simply be mental or emotional exhaustion from having putting in a lot of work / effort.  
I did mention achievement; so whatever that will happen here, whether it’s positive or not, you will feel like a stage of your life is completing. It feels positive though. Some of you will be graduating, completing a program, a contract, project. Some of you may go abroad, or relocate; some of you will connect with people abroad, people from different countries, or simply people online through this achievement. You may also feel more connected to the world, and wiser through this experience, like you can see how the world works and what is connected to what—having a mature understanding of the world and the interconnectedness of it all. This could also be related to your passion, heart desires, creativity, or the part of you that is drawn to the arts—so you may be led to explore your idealism, your artistic inclination, a hobby that you’ve been wanting to explore because it speaks to your emotions and soul. It feels very soft and genuine and like opening a box containing parts of your soul as a child. It will feel joyful but in a quiet way; you will feel content with what you have at that time and what you want to do. I think this will be the light that you will follow, which will lead you to more material opportunities, which may lead you to your person.     
EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! At what stage of life will you meet them? What will be going on in your life at that time? Will it happen when you are living your dreams, or when you get a new job, etc? Find out here! 😘❤️
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neoyorzapoteca · 2 days ago
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"Ambivalence about responsibility for our own freedom does not mean we are stupid, self-destructive, incapable, or desirous of harm. It means we are human. And part of being human is not always wanting every moment of our lives to be a step on a long march toward emancipation and enlightenment. It also means contending with desires to circle or enter dark rooms.
Alcoholic or no, most who drink do so in part to ease the terrible burden of our volition; we drink in part because it can be delightful and exciting as much as scary and awful to “let things happen,” to find yourself in places and with people your sober self might not have sought, or might have outright rejected. This can be especially so for those of us socialized to be fearful. I was a pretty fearful kid, raised in the shadow of the sexualized murder of my aunt, and the teenage troubles of my wayward older sister. I thus found no small measure of euphoria and relief in tossing my drunken, twentysomething body upon the whims of late-night New York City, stumbling home regularly at 3:00 a.m. with a wad of waitressing cash stuffed in my bra or shoe. The problem, of course, is that the very substance that allows you to feel this freedom is the self-same substance that inhibits your capacity to remove or protect yourself if a situation becomes unwanted or dangerous. There is no magic cure for this dilemma; it is a knot with which each of us must grapple. Only we can know when we’ve had enough of the kind of wonky judgment that comes with combining sex and substance; it took me until I was thirty-three to have had enough. Some of my times were good and some were bad (none, thankfully, was catastrophically bad). But they were my times—I chose them, until I chose another way. I know—if and when you’re under the sway of a substance, it might not feel like you’re choosing anything. But one revelation of sobriety is that you actually can choose another way, even if this choice depends, paradoxically, on surrendering your illusion of control, and tiring of the particular brand of freedom that the substance has to offer."
Maggie Nelson, On Freedom: Four Songs of Care and Constraint
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blueberrybeomgyu · 1 day ago
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prince sungho drabble *ೃ༄
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+:🥞:﹤content : 18+ mdni, power bottom!sungho but i'm not sure if that's the right term, handjobs / wc : 600 / ml
✧・゚: *
prince sungho doesn't like getting dirty. he has you repaint his baby pink nails every three days, has you lotion every inch of his fingers before you slip a pair of gloves over them. he chooses what he wears, and he watches you in the mirror every step of the way to make sure you're putting it on him right. at least, that's what he says but you know his eyes wander, can feel them burning holes into parts of your skin he shouldn't be looking at. he's not shy, and if you catch him a few times with his eyes on your ass, he'll shrug and quirk an eyebrow – he can do what he wants. 
he makes you feed him every part of his breakfast. he chews slowly and keeps eye contact with you the entire time you wipe crumbs away from his mouth. he teases you the entire day when the guards are distracted, dropping things just so he can watch you bend over to pick them up, fingers lingering where they barely meet yours as you hand it back to him.
after a long day of looking pretty, he prefers the way it feels when you scrub the soap over his skin as opposed to him doing it, less work for me, he'll say, but he's letting out soft, broken noises, and you genuinely doubt you're having an easier than he would. he makes sure you painstakingly clean off every inch of his body, his soft hair, his long neck, his smooth chest…often by the end of it, he’ll convince you to get in with him, how can you help him while having to lean over the side of the tub? it'd be so much easier if you just joined him…
his eyes wander again, hands resting on your body for much longer than necessary, getting you squirmy just from a few touches. on days when he’s feeling extra mean he presses gentle kisses to your back or neck and revel in the way you shiver, but it never goes far – he pulls back when he's bored, getting out of the tub and drying himself off. he orders you to finish washing yourself then come put him the bed.
he spreads out on the bed all pretty, getting worked up as you rub lotion on every inch of his skin. when his body is relaxed and his cock is standing upright, he bats his eyelashes at you and says, won’t you help me out? as if you have a choice…
he doesn't like getting dirty, except when it's the right moment. “time and place,” he says, and you know he means the hours you spend in his room every night, working your hand over his cock with your palm coated in unscented oil. 
he likes to be touched a very specific way, letting you know that he's still in charge, and that you will only do as he says. he'll talk you through it all – just how hard to pinch his nipples, just where to start touching his cock first, just when to let go so he doesn't cum too early. on rare, special nights if he’s had an especially good day, he slips into a different headspace. his eyes roll back as he whines out a soft please, and you do as he taught you, flicking your thumb across his slit, massaging the sensitive part of his base right below his head, lightly squeezing the tip between your fingertips. his control wavers, but you never feel any less wrapped around his finger. 
it doesn't take long for him to cum when he's like this, body shaking against his sheets, breathy moans ringing out in the walls of his room. your breath hitches at the sight, and he holds eye contact with you the entire time. 
you're hot and wet yourself, eager to go back to the servant chambers, but he won't stand for a rushed clean up. you must wipe his own cum off of his body with a wet rag as he drifts off the sleep. if you're lucky, he'll fall asleep before you leave, and you can slip out of his room with any article of clothing that's soaked with his scent and will help you ease the ache in your underwear.
✧・゚: *
MY FIRST SUNGHO POST !!!!!!!!!
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noxturnalmoth · 2 days ago
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What Could Have Been
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Silco, the Eye of Zaun, the Industrialist, was first and foremost a son of Zaun who wanted his motherland free. After an altercation in which his adopted daughter shot him in a fit of rage, he is left dying while the world goes on without him. His life's work and ideals soon trampled to nothing as his memory fades from the world. But what if he was saved?
Chapter 5: Children of Zaun
That night was strange. It had been nearly a decade since you shared a living space with someone yes, yet you adapted, but with Silco in your bed you felt restless. Not that his presence was making you uncomfortable, you just have never been so close to someone during this vulnerable moment, and if you had to choose you'd rather your partner be Silco than anyone else. And although you two had entered a rhythm, the boundary of sharing a sleeping space was never crossed, which made everything feel all the more intimate and domestic after the heart to heart the both of you shared that evening. Yet this was the best choice, you had left Silco your bed for months so he could heal and have a private space, then he gave if back to you so you could rest from your hectic life and dealt with the pain of couch rest until now, you two definitely deserved good rest without compromises.
You also feared that you'd be a bad bed partner due to your nightmares, thrashing, sweating and mumbling in your dreams before waking up with a scream. So, with you back turned to him you faced the wall, eyes wide open as you try to make sure he can rest, breath muted, your fidgeting body calmed.
"Rest."
"I can't."
Silco shifts, turning towards you before his hand takes the blanket covering you both and tucked it beneath your chin.
"Is this about your nightmares?"
So he knew, you nod. Just like you knew about his, bated breaths welcoming you from your nightly rebellion that led you up the stairs only to find him thrashing in your bed, not knowing what to do other than to softly lend him words of support as he slept before going to crash on the couch yourself. It happened many times, yet you didn't find it in yourself to ask, yet now that you knew the reason behind his nightmares you found the courage.
"You haven't been sleeping either, have you?"
"Not used to the proximity."
"Me neither.." You yawn out, exhausted but unable to sleep. "But I don't know what to do."
And you turn towards him, your eyes finding his in the dark and you huff out a small laugh, a sigh of his own heard harmonizing with you.
"Something I used to do when Jinx couldn't fall asleep was to brush her hair with my fingers."
"That's adorable."
"And it was all that could calm her down along with staying near me, sleeping on the couch in my office or in my bed if I went to sleep."
"That's even more adorable." He smacks your cheek gently to chastise you. "So what...I'll do yours and you do mine?"
"I'm going on the couch."
"No!" You shuffle as he does, catching his wrists in your hands and he huffs. "I can't let my favourite senior citizen hurt his back, who will help me at the shop if you're not here?"
His hand suddenly rests heavily on your hair and ruffles it, making you kick and smack at him weakly to "fight back".
"I'll be the last senior citizen you know if you keep that up, birdie."
"Birdie? I'm just a weak little fuckass bird?"
He chuckles. "Yes. I could've put it more elegantly, but your words have more impact I fear." And you laugh along, settling in a more comfortable position again, as does he with his hand still on your head.
Yours slowly reached up to his. Hand raking through the softer, wavier and longer strands, much more healthy than they had been when he first came in and with a bit more silver swirling in the ink black hair. His hand begins to move in similar patterns, scratching at your scalp softly, your eye drooping at the comfort of the warmth and motion, heart fluttering warmly at the ministrations.
"Shit, it might just work."
"Once more, goes to prove you're still just a kid." His voice teases, lowly and slowly as if your touch got him sleepy too, yet as you yawn and he chuckles, you can't help but feel like he's holding out better than you.
"Bite me gramps." Another yawn forces itself out of your mouth, eyes unable to open even if you wanted them to. And it wasn't long before you fell into deep sleep, your hand in his hair stilling, and when you awake due to a nightmare so does he from your movement. His hand back to caressing your hair, an arm around you to bring you to his chest, his warmth and movement making the paintful visions and sounds ebb away as it plunges you back into sleep. Yet as you wake up the next morning snuggling up to Silco, you realize he hasn't taken your hand away from his hair, and your arms from around him, his in the same place as they were when you first woke up.
"Who knew you were a cuddler?"
"Shit, my bad Silco." You take yourself away and shuffle back a bit in bed, refusing to leave its comfort yet creating a bit of distance between you and your friend.
Friend.
He is your friend. Him, Silco. Last night's memories are enough to have you purse your lips in order to hide a small smile. The soft voices talking of darkness in the silent evening, Piltover's lights overseeing you two from afar. The cold water freezing you from your legs to your head as you walk in the river and dip yourself, your proximity to Silco providing a bit of warmth to counter the bite of the Pilt. The soft laughs and banter shared on the way back, as if that baptism has truly shed your friend of his past like a snake stuck in his own skin finally freeing itself. In a way, you felt like a changed woman aswell, a lot of the doubts you felt around Silco now gone, replaced by the velvety smooth feeling of something new within your heart, the empty space left behind by the world now filled with one single thing.
Friendship.
Warm and beautiful like the soft crackling of flames. You hoped he felt the same, but with how his lips pursed similar to yours and his eye crinkled on its side, you knew he did. Albeit that domestic moment and the soft yet unfamiliar feeling of a blossoming friendship made last day worth it, after the strike team visited Zaun you knew things would only get worse.
And indeed, they did.
Within the span of two weeks enforcer outposts had been put in each level of Zaun, forcing people to identify themselves in order to pass through. Walls were put up to separate zones and neighborhoods, and small enforcer stations were around the corners of each important sector. Enforcers were ruthless and violent, now aided with Noxian soldiers around each corner, their cruelty knowing no limit. Their policies, or rather Piltover's policies, were thoroughly carved into Zaun and people quickly grew restless.
Your already limited freedom had been all but destroyed.
Clients had said Caitlyn Kiramman was at the head of all of this, Mel Medarda nowhere to be seen yet her mother Ambessa stoking the flames of war. Appearing everywhere a conflict was and somehow always making the best of it. It was not that surprising as she was Noxian, yet something foul felt at play here, it reeked of opportunism and schemes.
Speaking of schemes, more people came in with information, desperate to have someone do something about the growing injustice and civil unrest, and you were but one woman. And after a couple of months, you found yourself preparing to go for yet another restless night.
"Let me join you."
You turn around, coat in hand as you're about to leave to wreak some havok on some of the navy collared wardens that invaded your home. Your head tilts and eyebrows furrow at him in question.
"You've been leaving earlier and coming back later, working then fighting. I help you plan but you're all alone in those missions otherwise, so let me help."
"You want to fight?"
"Yes. When have I stopped fighting? The combat was just a different one, and now my friend needs me and I can't let her run herself into the ground." He puts his own coat on, sauntering towards you before unlocking the door, a hand splayed on the small of your back to make you move forward, the warmth sipping through your clothes and into your skin and making your stomach flutter. "Let's go, we've got some mayhem to cause, birdie."
You scoff, yet a smile grew on your face at his words. "Sure thing, fossil."
You two slipped in the streets, one with the shadows and silent like an owl's flight.
"What do you plan on doing then?"
"Explode barrels all around the entire zone to make enforcers leave their posts. Pillage their stations of important files, break their weapons, and leave them with a little gift." You reach into your bag for a grenade. "We'd link that to a trip wire. I took a page from your daughter's proverbial book and made a color bomb."
His eye widens and his lips purse as he swallows, his hands cradling and tracing the object.
"Why?"
"Well she's pretty good at pissing people off, and she's also your daughter. I guess I wanted to kinda remind you of her, pay homage."
His lips twitch for a millisecond and the corner of his eye softens.
"It stains indefinitely." You say maliciously, your voice dropping to a conspiratory whisper as you get closer to him. "And it's a stink bomb."
His chest jumps as he silences a laugh, the cold ocean of his teal iris warmed by mirth.
"Unwashable?"
"Oh they'll need to burn their uniforms and order new ones to get rid of the color and stench. Picked blood red, for symbolism."
He nods, smirking at you from his shoulder and you two separate, lighting bins on fire and shooting guns in dark alleyways to call forth the attention of enforcers, slipping past them. On your path you find yourself surrounded by a handful of Noxian soldiers, their armors thick red riddled with cracks, their stance strong yet too rigid against a Zaunite fighter such as yourself. Silco climbs up a gutter to get access to a roof as you get ready, stance low before you lunge at them like a feral animal, flipping and bouncing between them and the walls, delivering kicks and punches as you make them exhaust themselves. Their thick armors slowing them, and yet they have grazed you a few times with their blades, bruises blooming where they grabbed and hit you, they were indeed fearless and strong. With a few well placed kicks and punches you find yourself disarming one of them, the huge knuckle knifes knocked out of their hands, and you smirk while picking them up as you've found yourself turning the wheel in your favor. The weapons were hefty and could slice through bone, the blades half your height, and their power sensed from only wielding them. But as the enemy approached you had to stop admiring the craftsmanship and get back into position, the blades creating sparks as you ran at your adversaries. Each hit and slash given now had their strength multiplied, the heft of the knives and knuckles giving you extra speed on downward attacks aswell as more weight behind each attack, the blades helping with defence and offence as the knuckles were of aid to break their own weapons, disarm and deliver punches that rattled the big suits of armor. After a while, and although you were battered and bruised, you smiled and motionned to Silco that the way was clean, the man's eye widened as he raked his hand in his hair. Groaning as he realized his hair was not short anymore and redid the half bun he made to keep his short bob away, the same strands escaping the updo to lay on his left side in some sort of half bangs.
"Not used to the long hair anymore?"
"It has been close to a decade since I last had it this long." His arms cross in front of his chest.
"And why did you let it grow? Change of style?" He shrugged nonchalantly before kicking at one of the dead bodies laying on the ground.
"I suppose. A reminder of my youth perhaps?" He crouches, picking a weapon and huffing at the weight muttering about how unpractical it was before looking over his shoulder. "Are you complaining?" You furrow your eyebrows, mouth moving to open before he gets back up, sauntering towards you with a smirk. "Because I remember you saying that I'd look 'hot' with my hair long."
You groan, pushing at his shoulder before placing your newfound weapons in your belts on each side of your hips. "Prick."
"Keep on telling yourself that, my dove."
You started to walk away, stomach fluttering and face warm as you hurried the both of you to the station. You both arrive there, ridding yourselves of the couple of enforcers left in the station before beginning your heist.
"What are we looking for?" Silco was looking through a file cabinet while you were reading reports and notebooks at the sargent's desk.
"Plans for attacks, next orders, interesting observations, blackmail fuel...anything that feels right." And with that he nods and silence overtakes you two, the only sounds being drawers pulled open and close and pages turned. Books, files, schematics and such stuffed in your bad before you detonate a shrapnel grenade in the armory, the tripwire stain grenade set from the inside before you escaped through the window.
Sitting on a roof far away, panting softly, you hear the huge explosion, blood red smoke escaping the station while people around gather in shock and horror. Soon enough the screams of terror were replaced by disgusted wretching from the enforcers, not used to the smell of condensed sump water, chemicals and rotten food. A smell that wasn't all too uncommon here in Zaun. And as you begin snickering you lay on your back, looking at the metal sky now dyed red with smoke, its tendrils reaching high as if to touch Piltover.
"Wanna do more?" You ask, voice uneven and eyes trailing to a smiling Silco, teeth visible and eye scrunched in amusement and something much softer that made your heart pinch just a little.
"You don't even have to ask, my friend."
And so your night and many others were spent sabotaging stations. Your ministrations moving to outposts soon enough. The same gut wrenching acrid, rot smells and blood red staining the map at different spots, metal fences and stations looking like they were doused in blood. And metaphorically they were as you stained more of the town red, you were dying enforcers with the color of your people's blood, the trenchers that have been persecuted and ruined by the elite under their gilded rule. The gold too pure to rot yet beneath the surface it was festering like a wound that would never close, a wound that they'd inflict over Zaun so that it feels the weight of Piltover's power, so that it takes the blame for its sister's corruption. And as months passed, your influence grew, both you and Silco working in perfect tandem to not only provide for your fellow Zaunite, but also to attack the enemy. Using the information head in the street or from clients and neighbors aswell as the stolen files, you two become sharper, more vicious, yet keep the same vigilence and accuracy in all of your excursions. The ever growing civil unrest fueling your fire as you hear more and more people praising your work, the rebellion that you had feared would take over Silco again was bringing you two closer and making you work better than ever. He imparted his wisdom, his knowledge of all about Zaun to you while you made weapons and other trinkets that would help in missions and fought off the Noxians getting in your way, the both of you sharing brain and brawn equally to tire the Piltovan forces, exhaust them mentally, make them unstable and messy.
Your paths and planning were always randomized so that the enforcers would never catch onto you, and as time passed you would see more red smoke than your own each nights, the smell as horrid as your own bombs. So sometimes you wouldn't even work in sabotaging enforcers again, you'd watch the Sump and Entresol burst in red smoke from the rooftop of your appartment building, a tumbler of whiskey in hand as you read and annotate the files you stole. During the day you'd hear whispers about the Children of Zaun coming back when the Undercity needed them the most, the name making Silco freeze yet after looking at him and observing a nostalgic and profoundly sad look in his eye, he smiled. His eye shut as he shook his head, the small huff of a laugh leaving his nose. And after a month or two of observing, you even followed those people, tailing them unbenknownst to them and watching them work. You two would be taking note of every different rebel working as a copycat, how they moved, how much time they took and their paths until you delivered all of them a note at each and every one of their domiciles.
You have been helping us fight the good fight against Piltover's elitist law.
Under this cruel dictature you've fought alongside us.
Rejoice, for your work has us admirative at your loyalty just like ours made you admirative at our rebellion.
Let us keep fighting the good fight, Children of Zaun, together.
We hope you turn to look at the Old Hungry tonight, and that you'll feel pride at how hard we've been fighting for our independance.
By that time six months had passed since the Kiramman rule was instored in the Sister cities. Jinx posters were everywhere, people admiring her and painting her as a hero both figuratively and literally, her fans even calling themselves Jinxers, creating a sense of community while Piltover tried to enforce the opposite. Just like yours called themselves by the name of the oldest and strongest rebellion movement of Zaun. It was strange, hearing excited whispers at your work, the rebellion you helped begin. Years of working towards this couldn't have prepared you less as the warm feeling within your chest at how proud you were of seeing your people gain the courage to fight back, to ally themselves to each other against the common enemy.
That night, the rooftops arbored about two dozen of people, watching Silco and you's latest heist at the Old Hungry, one of Zaun's iconic landmarks, the clocktower bursting in red, foul smelling smoke while slips of paper rained from the sky. The tower had been taken over by enforcers at the beginning of their occupation yet you had to divert their attention, tire them to make sure you could pull the operation off. And as elated screams flooded the streets and rooftops, you looked down, the Children of Zaun looking up at you with teary eyes. They were teens and young adults, not tired enough from Piltover's tortured, and pissed enough to wake up from the cycle plunging their people further in the dark day by day. They were smiling proudly, eyes misty and wet, their left fists held to their temple and the right one over their hearts.
The Zaunite salute.
The one that enforcers prohibited any Zaunite to do for decades upon decades, the one that the old Children of Zaun used as a salute. And they were doing it, to Silco and you. With your own heart beating like a Noxian drum, lungs expanding and deplating quickly and eyes stinging with unshed tears you turned to look at Silco. He had taken his eyepatch away, shaky breaths leaving his lips as he looked at the sight before him, then he too turned towards you with his good eye widened and misty, lips pulled in the softest of smiles, his now long hair in a ponytail and the strands of hair framing his face floating in the breeze. Your heart beat faster at the sight, he looked positively breathtaking. The years of pain suddenly erased from his face and leaving nothing but youthful hope and soft joy.
"They..They see us as heroes Silco."
"They do."
And a smile slices your face, the biggest smile you've produced in years or maybe ever in your life. Teeth exposed, tears falling down your face as your left fist knocks against your temple, right hand over your heart.
"Remember where you're from! Rejoice in your origins! Fight for your freedom! And look back in pride at your hard work!"
Silco, whom you've never heard raise his voice, was in position too, his voice carrying a heaviness he's been dealing with for decades. Alleviating now that his people are awake, now that he isn't lost anymore within his own darkness, now that the world is moving. Because no matter how dreary it can get, Silco someway, somehow never lets go of his love for his people and his hope for a better future. It has motivated him all his life, and now that his mind and heart were clear, the flame has been tended and stoked back into a roaring blaze. And his roar of hope made your heart flutter in the similar way that has been happening more and more often around him. Melting at his passion, at his patience, at everything that he was.
The Children came by the shop, giving you all the files they got, talking to you and ordering whatever it was they needed. Since making groups after dark was risked, they'd trickle in slowly to the shop, pass informations to you two aswell as each other. And as time passed, the crew grew, more and more people joined under you and Silco's kind, protective wing, leading them to a rebellion that would chip away at the enemy's will, their sanity, their health and their patience. The town was painted in beautiful shades, blue from the Jinxers, painting walls and posters; while the Children of Zaun dyed outposts and stations red and the Firelights left their green symbols to guide whoever needed refuge to their hidden haven. The three creating an harmony in the midst of the chaos they cause, Jinxers visiting you with blueprints for machines and tools they'd need as much as your own team. Firelights coming to you for help in bettering the lives of those taken under their wing with different tools and contraptions. Understanding Silco was the one that raised and created the one the Jinxers followed, and following him and you by proxy while their own leader was gone as the Sumpers followed you, still bitter and angry about Silco's old occupation yet growing more used to him and friendlier as time went. The fear they felt at seeing Silco subsiding into quiet admiration, seeing him now for who he is, understanding who he was before, and appreciating who he was even before that.
The forefather of Zaunite rebellion.
Ten months had passed by now, enforcers tired and losing their grip on Zaun while Piltover sent more of them down, trying to keep their steel like dictatorship to crush and bind you yet failing miserably to contain the growing rebellion bubbling beneath the skin of the Undercity. Noxian guard dogs imposing more and more violence yet you fought them still, their blood staining your hands for the sake of the safety of your own people.
For the past months you had been going back and forth between work and your movement, Silco always by your side. Yet on your days off you'd wander on your own, going to Samira's to see if she could help you with creating an antidote, an antibiotic, whatever it was that could heal Silco's eye. The grey flesh gained territory, albeit slowly, and he needed more dosages of shimmer, going from one to two or three a day. Your stock was depleting at a fast pace, maybe you had enough for four more months but you would have to work fast.
So you provided Samira with Pilt river samples, samples from Sump moss, even a handkerchief you had used to clean up Silco's face wounds covered in a bit of pus and some dead skin. No matter what you gave, a piece of the puzzle was always missing.
"We still haven't tried everything."
"Samira, you have the toxins that eat at his skin, a sample of his skin itself, pure shimmer...I don't know what I can give you to help."
"The moss you gave me had an agent in it, it seemed to stabilize the shimmer solution and help in eating away at the bacteria. Unfortunately as resilient as moss is, the lack of water retension makes only a small bit of sap, which is what is needed to accomplish the biggest of the serum." She shows you through her microscope as she drops a bit of her trial serum onto some bacretia cultivated from the handkerchief, and it actually did work. Not much but it did. The bacteria went into a sort of shock, freezing in place as if they all suddenly fell asleep, then some of them would dissolve. Not all of them, but at least a quarter of the bacteria died from this trial alone.
You sigh, a hand raking through your hair. "Nothing grows in Zaun because of the poor soil and chemical waste." She nods, patting your hand. "I did get something more than information from my heists though."
Your mumble resonates in the room as your hand fishes through your pocket, finding a glowing blue marble.
"A hex crystal?"
"Yeah, they usually don't give those to basic enforcers, but a girl from the ex strike team visited, she had two on her and was stupid enough to leave one behind." You hand the marble to the woman next to you, her tan skin licked by the cold light.
"And...you want me to..use it?"
"If possible, see if shimmer, if the cultivated bacteria, the chemicals or the sap react to it."
"I'm no mage, you know?" She says placing the crystal above the light beneath the microscope, the white shine now blue, before looking into the eyepiece.
"I know Samira, but maybe a little bit of magic can go a long way. We need to try, Silco's good at hiding it but I know he's not getting any better and I worry for him. I just want him to be alright."
She nods and you get up from your chair, leaving the crystal in her capable hands as you go back home. You knew Silco was in much more pain and discomfort than he showed and it saddened you. He had payed the price for his actions, even before he made them, his whole life was spent in pain, and you were going to remedy that in whatever way you could. Yet you needed to find a plant that grew in the Sump for more of the sap that Samira needed and that was something you'd link more to a myth, nothing could grow in Zaun, even less a plant of that sort. And you sigh in frustration as you get back home, Silco sat at the alcove with a book and a cup and turned his head at your presence in the room, nodding his greeting to you.
"Rough day?"
"I'm just kinda stumped on something personal, it's frustrating me to no end because that matter is very important to me."
"And do you know what you'd need to solve that problem?"
You sat in front of him in the cushions, legs framing his as you leaned back in the alcove. "I have theories of one thing I could need, yet it seems to be more of a myth than anything. But what use is it if I can even have it yet not know what the recipe is."
"Is it so important to you that you leave for it everytime we have a day off?"
You nod slowly, pursing your lips into a smile as your eyes find his.
"Then I'm sure you'll find what it is you need. You're a stubborn woman, you won't back down until you get what you want." He nudges you and you sigh, a genuine small smile replacing your pused one. Your stomach bursting with butterflies at his soft encouragement, not rare anymore yet still as impactful each time it leaves his scarred lips.
"I guess. Thanks Silco."
"Don't get used to it." He smacks your hand as you go to take a sip from his coffee, handing it back to him afterwards, a cigarette quickly trapped between your lips as a flame licked the tobacco to ignite it. "I heard of a meeting at Vander's statue."
At his low drawl you open your eyes to stare at him curiously, your head tilting slightly.
"I heard Sevika would conduct it."
You nod to show you were listening. "And do you wish to go?" You blew your steam to the side.
He took a minute to think. "I suppose I do. In the hopes of seeing my daughter again although it seems she's disappeared from the face of Runeterra." His hand passes through his hair.
"Well I know she's definitely not dead, she wouldn't go out so easily against anything in this world. Enforcers, Noxians, magic...no matter what it is."
"I know."
"She's like you in that regard. But even if she isn't here, what will you do?"
"Appologize to Sevika."
"For what?"
He hums pensively, his eyes filled with swirling and clashing emotions, his thoughts looping and multiplying in his head before he simply smiles.
"Everything." Is all that he utters, his eyes conveying the weight of his words.
"When is it?"
"Tomorrow afternoon."
You clasp your hands on his shoulders, grabbing and squeezing comfortingly, his face tilting to the side so his scarred cheek touches your hand.
"Then we'll go." Your own smile grows on your face before you go shower, a meal prepared soon enough after you were done. The both of you falling into your routine, a year of sleeping in the same bed now and a year and a half of living together having led to much comfort in each other's presence. Your hands still found one another's head as you fell asleep, caressing your scalps into a much needed slumber.
The next morning you visit Samira again, Silco eyeing you suspiciously as you do yet letting you go without a word.
"Did the crystal do anything?" The woman slaving away at her desk startles, groaning as she turns to you, your own expression sheepish in apology to her surprise.
"Seems like the serum is boosted. But there's once again something missing..."
You sigh, leaning your hip against her desk, hands braced behind you as your eyes cloud in thought. "Anything hextech has some sort of...runes around the gem. As if to direct the energy purposefully towards any tast the hextech tool is supposed to do."
Humming pensively you trace on a bit of paper the runes you've seen around enforcer weapons, around certain tools carried by construction workers or even on the underground entrance to the hexgates. "Each of those have a purpose, to harm, to transport, to strengthen....If I can find someone proficient in runes we could possibly try something."
"I don't think I could do much for that, I manipulate biological matter, and that's of the order of magic and engeneering."
"You formulate the serum, I'll focus on the crystal. I may not be a mage but I have enough experience as a blacksmith to make something for this."
She nods, a hand rubbing on her forehead. "It could be dangerous you know?"
"And I'm willing to take the risk." You say, pocketing the crystal now that you know of its effects on the serum.
"It's crazy what you do for that man you know. Saving him and taking him in is one thing, letting him in your life and your shop for him to have something new is another, but you're inviting him into your revolution and using dangerous materials to save him..." She turns to you, her dark hair shadowing her face and making her grave expression all the more impactful. "I know you work yourself to the bone for everyone. But this is nearly madness."
"You know me, don't know when to stop."
"And you won't, especially not for him."
"He knows everything Samira." The glowing marble is back in your hand, thrumming with untapped power as you turn it to observe its smooth surface. "He's my only friend. The one person who saw past everything, and he's letting me in too. I see the bigger picture about him and he deserves more time. To repent and to finally live a life he loves, without the corruption of his own trauma."
"That's not all, now is it?"
And you were loath to admit it but it was true. It had been a year and a half of Silco's presence in your life and all had changed for the best. It was as if he was the key and you were the lock, he tried to force himself into locks unfit for his shape and broke them and himself as a consequence, you had been lockpicked again and again and pillaged only to decide to lock yourself away forever. You had provided him with a lock worth opening, letting him unravel after chipping away at himself for a world that would not budge and he had provided you with the gentle unlocking of your potential and all of what you had hidden for so long. What had started as wanting to save a fellow Zaunite, progressed to a silent need for companionship, then an unspoken friendship, but after the baptism even if he had called you his friend your heart had swayed into a different form of affection. The longing for companionship having been fulfilled you hoped to be content, and to a certain point you were. Yet there was still an emptiness, parts of your cracked heart not yet reached by his care, and you doubt they'd ever be. You hated that feeling. That longing for something more you believed you would not be granted. How dared you expect more from a man that already gave you so much more of himself than he allowed others? It made you feel unworthy of his friendship, the craving for something more, like you were given an inch but took a mile. Yet even as you pushed those feelings they kept on growing, every little action, every little word, fuelling your hidden affections and bringing them back into the spotlight.
It could be a simple playful nudge that you exchange, your gaze finding his in a clash of cold tides and searing metal, a soft smile or a teasing smirk. It could be his voice rolling like impending storms as he calls out to you, the gravelly quality it takes when he's tired, the silky soft tone he uses when you two open up or the velvety smoothness that drowns you in his seductive drawl when he jokes. Or maybe his laugh, that could be a soft huff, an almost indignant scoff, a low chuckle or a thundery cackle, rare like a flower growing in Zaun and just as beautiful. Maybe it was how he never seemed to fully hide how he felt around you, his façade slipping enough to show his comfort, his body relaxed, the permanent furrow of his eyebrows gone, the crows feet framing his eyes softened, his jaw loosened, and his eyes oh so expressive everytime he looks at you. Emotions that were familiar yet that took so long to decypher, still hard to fully comprehend even after so long. He seemed to seek out your presence, long gone were the days where he kept all the distance he could between you both, his body now always close by. Following you to the alcove or the couch, sitting at the table while you cooked, touching the small of your back when he opened the door to let you go first, a hand on your shoulder as he looks at whatever you're doing from behind you. It could be his growing humor, banter leaving you feel warm and joyful as he comes more and more out of his shell, the soft and open hearted moments also multiplying, bodies huddled together in the alcove with whiskey and cigarettes as you talk about anything and everything. Dreams, aspirations, hope....they all seemed so far away before him, then he came around and everything changed. You knew he believed himself to be a jinx, trying again and again yet always failing, always making things worse.
Yet he saved you from loneliness and his presence brought comfort and support you were never granted before. Fuelling your zeal, healing your heart.
Your heart clenches at the thought of your shared nights, the bed was where the both of you slept, soft breaths mingling as sleep overtook you, your chest warmed by his, one of your hands in each other's hair. In your dreams, when they seldom overtook your nightmares, you'd see you two embracing one another so tightly, words whispered in the other's skin, clothes discarded for closeness. In those dreams you felt fulfilled and complete, as if his care was all you needed for your life to click into place, for the final puzzle piece to be placed. And when nightmares woke you and he would drag you in his arms, you knew it was right. That his affection was all you craved, all you needed, to finally be fully yourself, yet as comfortable as you were in his arms in the mornings you always woke up alone. Well not exactly alone, yet not as cared for as in your sleep. And those nights happened more and more often, as if to tease you and mock you for falling deeper, making you realize just how fucked you were. Nightmares triggering from the stress at liking someone who wouldn't like you back, someone you couldn't have, yet Silco was ever so patient and caring towards you, maybe more so as time passed. Yet the embarrasment always melted as you came downstairs to the sight of him cooking, teasing you about how you clung to him in your sleep with one leg surrounding his hips and your arms clinging to him for dear life. All shame leaving for the day up until you wake up the next morning alone in bed yet again.
You sigh. "It doesn't matter."
"It does if you bleed yourself dry for him."
"But I am not. He helps me with everything, I have so much more energy now Samira, and more time for myself even if most of it is spent with him."
"You like it that way don't you?"
You nod, lower lip pinched between your teeth as you let out a long exhale through your nose. "He won't feel the same anyways, so I take what I can get."
"Are you sure about that? Silco is not rumored to be the most gentle, open guy, he's grown a lot with you." She rolls away from her desk, getting up to stand next to you. "Maybe he's in the same situation. But I doubt he'll reveal it anytime soon."
"He's probably just grateful, it's been over a decade since he's had a true friend, so he's probably just happy about it. Like I said, I'll take what I can get, I'm his friend first and foremost, no need to change something that doesn't need changing."
She looks at you knowingly, her eyebrows lifted and her lips in a soft pursed smile.
You put the crystal back in your pocket and leave Samira with a wave of your hand as you open the door, walking back home and sharing a quick lunch with Silco before you both make your way to Vander's statue. A large crowd already surrounded it and a short haired woman, who you guessed was Sevika, was on the statue's pedestal and as she spoke with her soft yet comandeering voice everybody listened. Jinxers, Children of Zaun, Firelights, factionless Zaunites and ex Baron lackeys, all joined in this important space for an important reason.
The need for unity against adversity.
"It's no secret we got history. Blood spilt on all sides. But we grew up on the same streets, ate the same scraps. Like it or not, we're in this mess together."
You nod along, eyebrows furrowed as your eyes stared at her, her words ringing true and showing her attachment to her people and how she respected the Zaunite code. Other people reacting in similar ways as more trenchers gathered in the square, the space getting scarce but the spirits getting stronger.
"Enforcers raiding our homes, Noxians down our throats, innocents getting carted off to Stillwater. We gotta choose right now whether we're going to throw the towel or make a stand together!"
Her voice gains in strength as she paces, looking to all of the faces in the crowd, eyes widening at the man next to you, Silco's hand suddenly holding yours in a tight yet gentle and warm grip while her bionic hand clenches. You squeezed in reassurance, wordlessly showing your support to your friend as his thumb caressed the back of your hand, eyes meeting Sevika's with a strong solemn nod, eyes conveying your allegience to her cause and she nods back before her eyes trail away.
"Not as Firelights, or Jinxers, or washed up goons." She takes a shaky breath. "Or even Children of Zaun." Her voice sounds gentler, reminiscent of a past long gone. "But as Zaunites!" She smiles to the crowd.
Yet people yell about wanting to see Jinx and you roll your eyes. No matter if their leader wasn't there, Jinxers had to realize that this was about more than symbols, that this was the place we'd create a united Zaun to fight back against your wardens. And all noise stops as a child climbs up onto Vander's memorial, lighting a blue flare and posing like one of the many paintings of Jinx you had observed on the walls of the Undercity. People slowly raised their hands, no matter who they are, taking off their masks and speaking in agreement, your own arm going upwards, the hand interlocked with Silco's raising in a joint cheer. You felt your friend's gaze on you and turned to him, cheeks softly burning as you smiled, his eyelashes fluttering as his mouth softly opens and closes as if to say something yet being uncapable of it.
That's when enforcers struck, what was a secret meeting suddenly thwarted by violence as citizens were beaten. You pulled your knuckle blades from beneath your long coat, a holster now holding them to your belts, and slipped in the crowd to attack, Silco preparing two daggers and doing the same. Yet as many as you beat more came around, it was an ambush.
"Stop fighting and run!"
Your voice screeches, continuing your unrelenting attacks towards the enforcers to permit as many Zaunites to escape as you could. Noxian forces soon arriving to the Piltovans' help and you sneered as you got low, blades planted in the ground as you prepared to lunge before you were dragged away by a familiar hand.
"It's not worth it, we have to leave."
The low gravelly voice of your friend was breathed directly into your ear, the closeness, feeling and sound disarming you before you turned to him. His eye was shadowed by a feeling of familiarity, a pain that had occured in the past, and at his haunted look you nod. Your weapons back in their sheaths as you hold his hand and run as fast and as far as you can, climbing gutters and avoiding the enemy through the roofs. Something felt wrong though, like someone following you.
"Silco." You call out.
"I know."
"The Sump." He nods at you, you both rushing between rooftops, getting down in the winding alleyways until you arrive at one of the entry points, suddenly stopping and taking your blades out, pointing them towards the one following you.
It was Sevika.
"Who are you?"
"A friend of Silco's." She scoffs.
"He doesn't do friends."
"He didn't do friends Sevika." Her eyes narrow and you sheathe your weapons back. "But you're not here to talk to me, you two need time, take it. I'll be here." You walk away, clasping your hands on Silco's shoulders for support and he grasps your hands gently, squeezing them and releasing a deep sigh. "You got this Sil."
His head snaps up and he looks at you in the eyes, his own widened until it softens. This time it's different than the usual ones, a look that has been coming more and more since that night you met up with the Children of Zaun at the Old Hungry, sparce yet growing more present. Before missions, after, during lunch at work, when no clients are around and you're working the hot metal in your hands, when you talk in the alcove at night while sharing cigarettes and a glass of whiskey, when you go sleep...
And that look made you crumble more the more you saw it. Falling deeper into a feeling that you were too scared to name under the idea that knowing about it will make it all the more concrete to you, cemented into your very being, carved into the rough metal of your soul.
So you step back, setting yourself on a dumpster not too far away. Silco's eye following you before he sighs, his hands clenching as he steels his resolve and takes off his eyepatch, slowly turning towards Sevika.
"You died."
"And yet I am no ghost Sevika."
"Yeah, unfortunately." She scoffs and that's when you notice her arm, or lack thereof, broken during the fight she was left without her mechanical aid. Your mind already making calculations for a small gift to your friend's former friend. She was rallying Zaun, loyal to her people even during such a time. No, especially during such a time. And her words earlier filled you with respect, no matter what would transpire between Silco and her, she'd get a new arm.
"I wish to apologize Sevika, if you'd let me."
"Hah! You? Apologize?" She barks out a laugh. "That's grand Silco. Real grand" She takes a few steps forward before looking at you. "What did you do to him, girlie? Silco isn't someone who appologizes or hides."
"We didn't hide Sevika, Chross came to us and we took care of him, shut him up in exchange for not divulging his..dealings." Silco takes a step forward. "If I was hiding I wouldn't lead a revolution and I would not be working out in the open either."
"Then why didn't you come back?" The woman's voice was angry, but a crack in it proved that there was more than just that.
"Because I had done enough damage, trying to fix it would risk me falling back in my ways or making everything worse. I had to...take a different approach."
"So the Children they're.."
"They're our faction, hers aswell as mine." He motions to you, a small smile softening his face. "She saved me, just because I was a Zaunite, she gave so much time and energy for me even when I was highly undeserving of it. She reminded me of what I was fighting for in the first place, the reason I kept going. Sevika I was blinded by pain, my dream stemmed from my love towards our people yet it was corrupted by loss, by fear, by anger, and I lost sight of what trully mattered in this fight. I lost sight of my love."
He sighs, putting a hand on Sevika's metal shoulder.
"You joined me because I got things done, and I know you saw me lose myself and tried to get me back. The only reason you stayed was because I was genuinely making things change, yet were they for the best? All I did was divide our people, drug them to create a weapon strong enough to give me power and money to take Piltover down, all the respect they gave me mainly stemmed from fear and rarely from admiration."
Sevika sighs and nods, agreeing to Silco's words.
"My friend here, she showed me the errors in my ways, not only by being honest and loyal when I had nothing, but also by giving me a place besides her and see the world for what it truly is again. Not a swirl of black ink in milky white, showcasing billions of shades of grey. No, she brought color back, showed me the beauty I believed had died so long ago. And she made me realize just how cruel I had been. Not only to my people and my men, but to Jinx and you aswell. The only two people that stayed besides me even when I all I did was hurt you."
"So you grew a conscience?"
"Yes, and a heart aswell." Sevika's face sours, it's acrid and bitter like the Sump, full of so many emotions. Anger, hurt and disbelief amonst them.
"I hurt you Sevika, I used you and you let yourself be treated like this because of our shared dreams, because of your morals. Yet in the end, you were the one who ran everything weren't you? You enforced authority, inspired respect, you checked every operation, acted as personal security while I was rotting away at my desk. My mind circling the drain, battered by corrupted politics, self-hatred, fear, anger, spite and hopelessness. But you never lost hope, and you stayed despite the behavior I was punishing you with. Gradually becoming worse to you, to Jinx and to myself."
"So you admit she was a mistake? Taking her in wasn't your responsibility, you fucked everything."
Sevika straightens, the look in her eyes softening and her lips pursing.
"While I know that taking her in was what made my downfall all the more painful, I will not allow you to call her a mistake." He rumbles, his shoulders tight. "She was the one element keeping me human even after i lost it all. And she was Felicia's daughter, I was not going to let her get caught by enforcers, or leave her without anything or anyone. I prefer suffering the price of my daughter's actions than risk my old friend's legacy dying without fighting for it."
"But I shouldn't have let her get involved in the enterprise. I shouldn't have made her into a monster, and I should have seeked help for her. She hurt many of our people, she hurt you, and her actions caused this war to happen. Maybe it was necessary, yet maybe a better solution could have been found had I been a better father. Unfortunately I was the best father I could be to her while being the unhealed, pathetic man that I was."
"We both know you were anything but pathetic Silco."
"I don't mean weak, Sevika. I was drowning in my own darkness and I pulled her with me, the rare instances of clarity I had were because she swimmed to the surface and let me take a lungful of air before my weight dragged her down again. And as she grew, my darkness exacerbated hers, and she drowned in her own, pulling me along aswell. I was pathetic because I could not recognize my faults as a father, as a leader, as a revolutionary and as a man. And for all of that, for all of the hurt I caused you, Jinx and our people, I appologize."
Sevika freezes, her hand clenching and unclenching rapidly as if debating whether to punch Silco or hold him, eyelashes fluttering and eyebrows furrowed.
"I'm sorry Sevika. You've always picked up my messes, always tried your hardest to make everything better, and I could never see how lucky I was to have you by my side. If anything, I was by yours the whole time, yet never was I there for you like you deserved."
And with that Silco steps back and takes a knee, saluting Sevika like a true Child of Zaun while her mouth opens and closes rapidly, her fingers twitching and her lungs taking quick, deep breaths.
"And you expect me to forgive and forget?"
"No." Was the simple and gentle answer he gave.
"No?"
"You are free to hate me, even beat me where I stand if it makes you feel any better. But you shouldn't forgive me if you cannot find it in yourself to do so, and you should never forget how I was either. I was a real piece of work Sevika, and you were the one that dealt with my every whims, I want you to realize how strong you are for that."
She drops down, her flesh arm gripping Silco's neck, his eyes fearful yet determined, his face soft, warmed by a smile.
"I should have never done that to you, old friend." He embraces her softly, the woman dropping her hand to wrap it behind your friend, hand punching at him before it grips the leather jacket. Her back jumped as Silco held her, she was crying.
"Fuck you Silco." You chuckle at her muffled words and her head comes up, arm unwrapping to wipe at her melted makeup and aid her at getting back up on her feet. "How'd you do that kid?"
"A lot of patience. Gotta need it to deal with him." She approached you, eyes wet yet a small smile growing on her face. "I also make him work, he's under me so if he does something unsatisfactory I deck his pay."
You both chuckle and she extends her hand to you, you grab it and shake it, introducing yourself as she does the same.
"That's all?"
"I also make pretty good food?" She snorts and releases your hand. "What? No Zaunite would turn down a good homemade meal."
"You look strong." Her words resonate as her eyes take you in, trailing up an down your form.
"Blacksmith." Your head tilts to her mechanical shoulder and you smile. "I'll make you something."
"You don't have to."
"I want to." Silco chuckles from behind her.
"That means the decision is final Sevika. Her stubbornness is one of the many reasons she chipped away at who I was before. And although I have a long way to go, I wouldn't have made it this far and won't make it much further without her."
You huff out a laugh. "You'd be good on your own Sil, stop buttering me up."
"I'm not. I'd lose myself without you, at the very least I'd risk it. You keep me straight, you transmute me like the philosopher's stone changes the crudest of elements into gold."
You bite your lip trying to distract yourself from the growing blush making your face burn as it you were feverish and your stomach and heart churn and flutter. Sevika grins, her eyes widening mischeviously while her chest bounces with a laugh.
"Now when did you learn to become a poet Silco?" She teases, her eyes trained on you.
"I've had a lot of time to read and reflect on my feelings."
Her eyebrows raise in incredulity as she huffs out a chuckle.
"Right." She drawls teasingly. "All of your feelings?"
"What are you implying?"
"Me?" She turns around. "Nothing."
You slip from the dumpster and breathe deeply, stepping from behind her to find Silco now standing up with his hands in his coat pocket.
"Something big is coming, will you two lend your strength to Zaun when it happens?"
"You don't need to ask Sevika, we're all Zaunites, it's our fight and we'll give it all we've got." She grins at your words, an arm wrapping around you.
"Good, you're valuable to our people. I heard of you, the blacksmith who worked day and night to provide masks for us during the strike team attacks. The ever so reliable woman of the Sumps that people praise day in and day out to provide all that her people need." And all of a sudden she cackles. "That means you-" She points to Silco. "Are the assistant? Oh I never thought I'd see the day."
"And he still takes care of boring papers. As a punishment." You giggle alongside her and look over to Silco who looked at you with that same warm look, nearly warm enough to make you melt into a puddle at this very moment if it wasn't for Sevika's hold on you.
"You let me do this because you hate these boring papers and I'm good at them. Don't lie, I make your work easier my dove." His voice teases, velvety and drawled as he looks at you, his hands placing his eyepatch back on his face and redoing his hair. Locks of ink black fluttering until right below his shoulders before being placed back in their low bun, the half bangs still adorning the left side of his face. His hair having grown much longer in the year he'd spent by your side.
The tease had shivers racking through your body.
"That's what you're supposed to do as an assistant, you pissant." You retort, trying to take the attention away from the words he'd just uttered. Yet Sevika's hand gripped your shoulder tighter and you saw her smirk from the peripheral, she had felt everything and you know she wouldn't let you live it down when you next met.
"I'll leave you two, I have to find Jinx, Isha's been taken."
"Isha?"
"Jinx?"
Came out two replies at once and the woman nods.
"Jinx is well, she found Isha around a year ago and raised her, took care of her. She's the kid that was on Vander's statue." You hum in understanding and Sevika takes her arm away from your shoulders and into her pocket. "Kid's very important to baby blue, helped her with her psychosis, she got better because of the little one."
Silco takes a deep breath and approaches you two. "Then thank that child for me, and cherish the both of them."
"I have been. Jinx was all that was left of you, and to her I was all that was left aswell. She's...grown on me, that crazy little thing."
You smile at Silco and Sevika, lips softly pulled up as you cross your arm.
"Thank you for that. Caring for her."
"I know how much she means to you, she'd done a lot of efforts towards me too you know. She's the one who built me that arm after the previous one was ruined. So what started out as a debt just became..."
"Genuine care." Your friend's voice finishes Sevika's sentence, the woman nodding gently at the words, agreeing to them. Her eyes found Silco's and whatever she found in that cold teal had her smiling, her eyes drifting to you for a millisecond as Silco's do aswell. Still swirling and glittering with that underscribable look.
"Yeah. Genuine care. Same thing I felt for you after you saved me from life as an infirm." Sevika says, cutting the eye contact before raising her eyebrows at the man.
"The ledgers have been flipped, I owe you greatly now."
"No. You saved my life and fueled me, no matter how much of a prick you were, there was a lot of good in you. Even if your actions were beyond reprehensible. The debts have all been repaid."
"Then you two are equals." You butt in, taking Sevika's hand and Silco's right one, trapping them between your own in a handshake. "No one ows anybody a debt anymore, you now see eye to eye and have the same goal. That's all there is to it." You turn to the woman next to you. "You're always welcome to visit us anytime if you're in need of anything or just wish to swing by, a friend of Silco's is also my friend and like hell would I turn a Zaunite away."
She smiles and frees her hand, showing it to you and you take it, a smile of your own reciprocating hers. Before she drops her hand, steps taking her away, a goodbye hastily thrown over her shoulder as she leaves, you and Silco also walking back home. Your routine was similar to always yet as you rake your hands through one another's hair that night you get closer, holding him.
"I'm proud of how far you've come, Sil."
"I wouldn't have been able to do it all without you."
You shiver and snuggle deeper in his hold, his warmth seeping through your clothes as you try to ignore how much faster your heart is beating.
"Yet if you weren't good deep down, it would have never happened. I'm proud of you, so I hope you're proud of yourself aswell."
"By your side I always am, my dove."
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Taglist: @vicurious28@midromiell@zorosleftmantit101@anthy-j-ander@agathasslutt@onyxistired@ren-ren23@hurts-my-brain@burgerwolf74
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adaedellta · 2 days ago
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Epic the musical soulmate au
Where nothing changes but all the words make you a lot sadder
I’ve been on a soulmates AU kick recently and thinking about the Ithaca Saga so imagine a first words tattooed on your body trope with young Odysseus and Penelope and he’s a little intuitive having heard of Penelope and thinking she’s so cool then he sees her and gets this feeling she’s the one
Maybe it’s an Athena’s pupil thing maybe they’re such a perfect match for each other that he can feel it in his bones but he has this almost tangible cord pulling him towards her
But he’s there tryna wingman for Menelaus, talks to Tyndareus abt the oath idea and when the king responds well he maybe quietly implies he’s set his sights on Penelope, and maybe Helen and Penelope are somewhere nearby just close enough to hear Odysseus’ pitch but not so close they hear his goals(I can’t find a solid source online for their first meeting so I’m making stuff up) and after, penelope is intrigued by him and he’s somewhere close and she comments something like “he chooses his words well” to Helen. and he’s like stupid smart, trying to impress her, even his subconscious is focused on her and he hears and says something like “it’d take a fool to be insolent in your presence” to her
and it clicks in her head immediately that those are her words and without any shock or question she just says “you’re mine”
And they’re so sickeningly in love, they call back to their words often, he’ll say “I’d be a fool to___” and she’ll repeat “you’re mine” and almost never call him his name favoring lovey nicknames like “my love” and “my dear”
And when he goes off to war she says “you’ll come home to me, you’re mine” and he says “It’d take a fool not to return to your presence”
Then things go south, but through his journey it’s all he thinks, that he has a promise to keep. When he loses his crew, when he faces and befriends Circe, hears his fallen brethren and family in the underworld, the sirens song having an almost “I’m yours” tone as opposed to “you’re mine”, he evades Scylla, he makes Zeus’ choice, all thinking “it would take a fool not to return to your presence”
And calypso, she doesn’t have the words of a soulmate. it’s a fate confined to humanity, from when Zeus split mortals in two and forced their souls to be forever reaching to connect the puzzle til they finally unite. But she knows what they are. And just like her using his sleep-spoken trauma against him, calling back to his dead friends and family, she repeats “you’re mine” in love in paradise even dipping into “my dear” and “my love” despite his unending denial of her affections. It puts even more emphasis on his already rightful aggression and pain at what should only be said by Penelope
Then “I plan to put an end to all the foolishness” in dangerous he already wasn’t going to let anything stop him but now he’s willing to do straight up anything (and he does) to get home. He has a firm belief. he would rather be savage and merciless than be foolish because in his eyes there is nothing worse.
And when he becomes monstrous, how will he sleep at night??? “NEXT TO HIS WIFE” we all say in unison.
That’s not even mentioning Penelope, she spent 10 years pushing back the suitors, because Odysseus is coming home, she knows her husband, he is no fool. He will come back to her. She will not let anything go, and she will keep what is hers. The suitors all having an approach of having her turning their already flat chances into the negatives, especially Antinous’ threats in hold them down all having a message of taking from her where to be with Penelope is to give her all of yourself so she can do the same in turn.
And he absolutely fucks shit up, the suitors and their threats, the harm they’ve dealt to his family, the way they continue to try nothing but take what’s Penelope’s, what’s his. Their foolishness will not be tolerated. The actions they’ve taken to his wife, to his son, the greatest creation their love has ever made, they didn’t stand a chance against the guy who just fought god and won.
And then what everyone has been waiting on for the entire musical the absolute masterpiece that is would you fall in love with me again will never not be heart wrenching. He’s not just asking her if she could look past all he did, fall in love with the man he’s become. He doesn’t know if he still deserves her, if he’s too far gone to be worthy, He’s asking “am I still yours”
And she’s as cunning as ever, even after every year they spent apart she will always know exactly how to push his buttons, how to set him off, how to force him to convey his desperation for her, and hell she’s from Sparta of course she’s gonna be into him after all that. The second he turns his back in shame she’s probably twirling her hair and fanning her face knowing what he did all to keep his promise and return to her. And she gives him the reassurance that he needs, tricks him into proving that no measure of distance and time could ever take away or change what they have, and for the first time in 20 years he hears her say “you’re mine” and it shatters any apprehensions and self doubt because he’s still Penelopes.
And overall it changes literally nothing about the plot or the storyline and only serves to make things a hundred percent more sad and angsty
and I’ve had this eating away at my brain all through a piercing appointment and shopping with my mom and sibling all day I can finally rest now that it’s escaped my head
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kaiyunsim · 2 days ago
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dreamer -
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pairing : childhood bestfriend!yushi x gn!reader (no pronouns used)
summary : having a sleepover at your childhood bestfriend's place !
warnings : fluff, crack, short read, friends hanging out !
a/n : i love nct wish <3. hope you enjoy !
queueing : dreamer - laufey, no one noticed - the marias
- wc : 1.1k - not proof read ! -
it's a lazy saturday evening when you find yourself at tokuno yushi’s house, a familiar routine that’s been part of your friendship for years. he’s sprawled out on his living room floor, a pillow tucked under his chest, while you’re curled up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket thrown over your legs. the soft hum of a cheesy rom-com plays in the background, but neither of you are really paying attention to the movie.
yushi’s hair is a mess of dark waves, falling into his eyes as he props himself up on one elbow. "so," he says, breaking the comfortable silence, "what’s your snack of choice tonight? popcorn or instant ramen?"
"you’re asking me to choose between two staples of fine dining?" you tease, tossing a throw pillow in his direction. it lands near his head, and he grabs it dramatically, pressing it to his chest like you’ve wounded him.
"i need answers, not sarcasm!" he exclaims, but his grin gives away his amusement. "your indecision is delaying our feast."
"fine, ramen," you say, stretching your legs out over the couch. "but you have to make it."
he groans like you’ve asked him to climb a mountain. "you’re lucky i’m feeling generous."
you watch as he stands and heads toward the kitchen, his oversized hoodie nearly swallowing him whole. it’s endearing, the way he moves with a casual ease, like this is exactly where he’s meant to be. you’ve always felt that way around him—like the world slows down just enough to let you breathe.
he comes back a few minutes later with two steaming bowls of ramen, balancing them carefully as he kicks the coffee table aside to make room. he plops down next to you on the couch, handing you your bowl. "don’t burn your tongue," he warns, already shoving a massive bite into his mouth.
"hypocrite," you mutter, but you’re smiling. the warmth of the soup seeps into your hands as you cradle the bowl, the savory aroma filling the room. it’s nothing fancy, but it’s perfect.
"so," yushi says between bites, "what’s the plan for tonight? do we marathon terrible movies, or do i crush you at mario kart again?"
"excuse me? 'again'?" you nearly choke on your noodles. "you’ve never crushed me at mario kart."
"oh, the denial," he says, shaking his head in mock pity. "it’s okay to admit defeat, you know. it builds character."
"let’s settle this right now," you challenge, setting your bowl on the table. "prepare to eat my dust, tokuno."
his eyes light up with excitement as he grabs the controllers, handing you one with a flourish. "may the best racer win," he says, already selecting his character. you both know this is going to get competitive, but that’s half the fun.
the next hour is filled with laughter, shouted insults, and dramatic cries of "betrayal" whenever one of you launches a blue shell. yushi’s couch becomes a battlefield, your legs tangling with his as you both lean into the game, fingers flying over the buttons. at one point, he’s so focused on trying to overtake you that he leans too far and nearly falls off the couch, catching himself at the last second.
"serves you right," you say, nudging him with your foot. "that’s karma for stealing my item box."
"you’re ruthless," he says, but he’s laughing, his eyes crinkling at the corners in that way that makes your chest feel warm. "i respect it."
after your victory—which you’re quick to rub in his face—the two of you collapse back into the couch, the controllers forgotten. the movie’s still playing in the background, but neither of you pays it any mind. the only light comes from the soft glow of the tv and the faint string of fairy lights draped along the wall.
yushi’s quiet for a moment, his head tipped back against the cushions as he stares at the ceiling. "hey," he says softly, "thanks for coming over. it’s been a weird week, and... i don’t know, it’s just nice having you here."
his words catch you off guard, but they’re not unwelcome. "of course," you say, nudging his shoulder lightly. "you don’t have to thank me, yushi. you’re kind of stuck with me."
he turns his head to look at you, a small smile tugging at his lips. "i wouldn’t have it any other way."
the warmth in his gaze makes your cheeks heat up, and you’re suddenly very aware of how close he is. you clear your throat, trying to shake off the butterflies. "okay, enough sappiness. what’s next on the agenda?"
"pillow fort?" he suggests, his grin widening. "we haven’t built one in ages."
"you’re on," you say, already grabbing the nearest blanket. the next half hour is a chaotic whirlwind of pillows, blankets, and some questionable engineering. yushi insists on being the "architect," which mostly involves him balancing precariously on the arm of the couch to drape a sheet over the top. you’re in charge of "structural integrity," which basically means you’re holding everything together with sheer determination and a few strategically placed clips.
when it’s finally done, you both crawl inside, the makeshift fort lit by a single flashlight. it’s cramped but cozy, and yushi’s shoulder presses against yours as he settles in next to you.
"not bad," he says, surveying your handiwork. "i’d give it a solid 8 out of 10."
"excuse me?" you say, feigning offense. "this is at least a 9.5."
"we’ll compromise on 8.7," he says, grinning. "deal?"
"deal," you agree, rolling your eyes. "you’re impossible."
he nudges you lightly with his elbow. "but you love me anyway."
the words hang in the air for a moment, and you’re not sure if he meant them as a joke or something more. either way, your heart does a little flip, and you’re grateful for the dim lighting that hides the flush creeping up your neck.
"yeah," you say softly, "i guess i do."
he glances at you, his expression unreadable for a moment before it softens. "good," he says, leaning back against the pillows. "because i’m pretty fond of you too."
the rest of the night passes in a blur of quiet conversation, shared laughter, and the occasional sound of rain tapping against the windows. eventually, you both drift off to sleep inside the fort, your head resting on his shoulder and his hand brushing against yours. it’s simple and sweet, the kind of moment that feels like home.
and as you drift off, you can’t help but think that there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.
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urrmomzfavorite · 6 hours ago
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PICK A CARD MESSAGE YOU NEED TO HEAR
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Pile One: Cards: Three of Cups, The World, Ace of Pentacles, Page of Swords
Pile One, I’m really excited for you, my loves! Your friends are going to play a key role in your success when it comes to your career. You’ve been undergoing a period of deep transformation, shedding old layers, and purging what no longer serves you. There have been tough choices, some that went against your desires but were necessary for your growth. I feel a recognition of childhood trauma and the realization of how it has shaped your life so far. It’s a hard truth to swallow, but you’re emerging stronger. Your luck is turning, and that's the part I’m excited about—finally, we’re entering the rebirth phase! Soon, you’ll face a crossroads, which may feel like a test from the universe for some of you. The advice here is simple: choose YOU. What is best for you, always. Apply the hard lessons you’ve learned in recent years.
Great things are on the horizon for you and your loved ones, filled with celebrations and opportunities for growth. Stand your ground and set clear boundaries. You’re currently building a solid, honest foundation for your life. Your friends, as well as your community, are playing a huge part in your evolution. There are abundant opportunities ahead, and soon, you’ll find yourself in rooms you never even dreamed of.
Pile One, you’re a powerhouse, and I’m so proud of you! <3
(Lenormand Cards drawn: The Whip, The Coffin, The Child, The Mice, The Cross, The Rider, The Clover, The Crossroads, The Tower, The Dog, The House, The Bouquet)
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Pile Two: ( I honestly forgot to write the tarot cards that i drew, and now it's next day and i have no idea what they were, adhd brain sorry )
Pile Two, how does it feel to be right? You’re shining and glowing—no one can miss your light because you're radiating. I’m picking up on a "getting my revenge energy," but not in a malicious way. It’s more of a constructive, maybe a little mischievous, but not destructive vibe. I love how you express yourself—you would make an excellent politician. You’ve been through some challenges but bounced back quickly, showing resilience. I feel like you’ve realized you should always go where you’re celebrated, not where you're tolerated.
Now, I have something to say, and if it doesn’t resonate, it’s not for you. I feel like you've started a new relationship, and maybe the honeymoon phase is over. There’s been a lot of communication through messages, and it seems like you know it’s coming to an end. You're scared of what's next. My advice? Follow your childhood dreams. I feel like reconnecting with past hobbies or passions will bring you guidance. Your inner child is calling to you, and you’re finally answering the call. Is that why you’re glowing? BADDIEEEEEEEE. If you're going through this right now, just know that you are protected, and you're in good hands.
Your path is becoming clearer, and you're walking toward abundance and greater strength in your character. Let go of that feeling of being haunted, and trust that you are protected.
(Lenormand Cards drawn: The Whip, The Heart, The Letter, The Coffin, The Cross, The Crossroads, The Child, The Sun.) (Prism Oracle Deck: Abundance, Strength, Ghost, Caution, Protected)
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Pile Three: Cards: The Hanged One, The Magician, Knight of Swords, The Devil, Nine of Wands, Knight of Cups
Pile Three, you’re creating significant change around you. I’m getting this feeling that things are finally starting to fall into place. It’s like you’ve found the right key to unlock a door you’ve been trying to open for a while. It’s been a long and sometimes lonely journey, but you kept going, knowing success was inevitable. I want to commend you for your strategic approach, rational thinking, and cleverness. Some might call it luck, but the truth is, you’ve put in the work!
Soon, you will receive news or a message that will bring you much joy. You’ve poured so much energy and passion into this, and now you're reflecting on your growth. Pile Three, perhaps you’ve even gone through a physical transformation recently?
Your finances are set to grow significantly this year, and important people will want to work with you. Once again, I’m so proud of you, and I wish you all the best, my loves.
(Lenormand Cards drawn: The Scythe, The Tower, The Dog, The Fox, The Star, The Fish) (Prism Oracle Deck: Passion, Pain, Reflection, Growth)
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tarotnoob · 18 hours ago
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First half of 2025 (general reading)
This is for the first 3 to 6 months for you in 2025. Please choose a pile and scroll for your reading.
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Pile 1: Hongdae magnet
Pile 2: calico cat
Pile 3: Fox and blue flower
Pile 1
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What a nice pile! I think the energy of how this pile went matches the cards pretty well. The cards just sort of like hopped out of the deck. So, I think for the first 3 to 6 months of this year, you're going to be taking some bold steps, kind of throwing yourself into things, literally taking leaps with your career or some kind of skill or hobby. I see a lot of returns for your efforts. There's a lot of potential success and recognition. Again, this looks like it's particularly going to have to do with work, a skill, a hobby, or something that you're studying in school. Some of you may even graduate with law degrees or something in some kind of social justice. So probably yeah a lot of you might be graduating in around May or June.
I see a lot of you upgrading your skills in regard to if you play music, or you are a writer or some kind of artist. Because of the practice, practice, practice category I definitely think it's reinforcing you putting in the effort everyday or every week doing whatever it is you're doing, and then eventually you're going to see rewards from it. Again, this feels more like in the form of promotions or a new job where you make more money or is more suited to your skills, or graduating with a degree or certificate especially in a particular field. This isn't so much like graduating with a general liberal arts degree though there's nothing wrong with that, but this feels like people who are studying something more particular whether it's arts or science.
This makes even more sense with the open up to change new moon in Aquarius card. Aquarius is often about information, technology, communication. So I'm seeing more like science or law driven people and then some of you will just have very specific things you're doing with the arts like it would have to be specific widths instruments like you play the horn or you are specifically studying digital art. So I see a lot of success with that. There's a lot of clarity coming through as well. I think some of you are going to embark on some life changes in the next 3 to 6 months and you'll have more clarity about your future and what you want to do and where you want to go and probably job offers will come in if you're graduating.
Also again the art of Life card with this door that is blue with a star on it, it says there's no sacred light in the aura of an invisible life be bold in your skin let your love dance in sight. So again I think confirmation for those of you graduating with art degrees or upgrading your art skills. It's also reinforcing that idea of being bold and taking leaps and sort of carrying that full energy into the first half of the year. I think this also harkens back to the idea of clarity as well. So lots of things will start falling into place for you kind of like a puzzle. And I feel like it's just going to go step by step by step. Very normal chronological events. Like you do the work, you graduate, you get the job either before you graduate or shortly after because you have all the skills you need to get it. Or even if you're just getting your bachelor's degree and moving on to graduate school or from graduate to PhD. Everything seems to be lining up fine according to how the energy is now. Again as long as you are still putting in the effort and having a positive mindset and being goal oriented.
With affirmations, it says to lift up your thoughts and energy, and to attract what you desire, use positive affirmations. Again I think this is being very clear-minded with your goals and your choices and as long as you follow that path, you'll get exactly what you want. I'm not necessarily seeing a manifestation card, but this is what it feels like. However the logical side of me is like well of course it's going to come because you put the work into it and had clarity and a positive mindset about where you're going. So that just makes sense right. When you put the directions into an app, more than likely it's going to take you where you need to go because you get on the road and you take the turns that you're supposed to and you clearly know where you're headed. As long as you carry that mindset, it will be fine.
In terms of colors, I see quite a lot coming through. The predominant one for me are the purples and the blues and then greens and yellows. So a lot of clarity in terms of mind and communication, spiritual effort is going to be necessary. Like I said having a positive mindset and doing the affirmations. Green is going to be your heart, doing something that you have passion for. The yellow would be doing it with confidence or building your confidence through repeatedly doing whatever it is you're doing. Like if you want to be an actor, you are already performing in plays on stage or taking the acting classes. If you want to be a scientist or researcher, you're working in the lab and getting hands-on experience at school.
So, this feels like my very logical, goal-oriented people or at least people who are super confident in where they are headed. I also sort of wonder if you might have a bit of luck during this time. Almost like things will be on your side for the most part. But again I think that has to do with mindset and having a goal and putting in the work.
I don't think there's much to say. I find this pile pretty clear. But we can talk about the numbers. You have a six 11 or two and then an eight... So maybe June could be especially significant like June 11th or June 2nd or June 8th. I think the Justice card in terms of what that card usually means besides indicating maybe an area of study or work that you're going into, is just the suggestion that you're going to be rewarded for the work that you put in. It's giving like that karma energy. So whatever you put in you're going to get out and you're going to get recognized for, you're going to earn skills, and be acknowledged for your hard work or abilities. Some of you besides wanting to become a lawyer might want to become a judge or a social worker or PR or philanthropy especially. And again I still feel like a lot of science and research happening as well. And the arts.
Some of you could have legal situations and you'll find success. Something very specific would be a thing like workers compensation or receiving professional development from your job, having opportunities to travel to go to a conference something like that. Although there aren't really any travel cards here. Specifically during late January or February, you might have opportunities for change. This could be planning more during this time about your graduation or having job interviews etc
I don't see much in the way of romance at least that's not what the cards are focusing on for this time. I do at least see you in the presence of friends and colleagues. There are people who admire you for your skills and abilities. I think you could be generally well liked and popular even. Some of you. I see a fair amount of self-reflection as well, but this is going to be geared toward your goal and your future and what you want to do. The advice I can give is pretty much to stay on the course you're on, be confident in yourself, make both choices and bold decisions, try to keep your eye on the prize is what I want to phrase it as. I already feel like most of you are pretty well focused, so I want to say just stay focused at least until the 6 months are up and get where you're going. If there are any turbulent times ahead for you, if it's not really showing up. The only place that it kind of could exist is in this Justice card because Finn looks pretty well beaten up. But I think this is more whatever hardships you go through, something will come out of it. Because six of wands indicates success for whatever you're going to do or put the effort into.
In terms of confirmation of astrological signs if you need that. Libra and Aquarius are really the only ones showing up. So that could be your sign or you could have a mentor of that sign. It's not a romantic indicator here. It is cute how you have a horse in the practice card and then a six of wands has a horse in it. So you could have a friend or a family member who has been significantly supportive and loyal to you, especially in regard to you fulfilling this role. Somebody who's kind of helped carry you to this point, so as long as you're also very appreciative of that person in your life.
That could be part of your affirmations and showing gratitude. They both even have a little pink scarf around their necks or will one has like some flowers. Okay fine so maybe some of you if you did have a spouse or significant other that has supported you through your studies. It's not necessarily a love match but I feel like it's more showing appreciation for people who have supported you along your path. Like if they listened to you play your instrument or came to watch your shows or listened to you talk about your dissertation. Or maybe you even had a close friend or colleague that you're graduating with from your studies. But mostly I see it as support. It could even be a spirit guide if you're into that. Somebody who kind of had a hand in it on your way to make sure that you got the success that you deserved.
Okay well rather than keep repeating the same things. Very cool oriented group, success at least halfway through the year, moving on in terms of studies and career, potentially upleveling any kind of skill that you've been working on, being surrounded by supportive people, a real focus on the future and goals and making sure that you keep telling yourself no matter what happens that you're going to get there because you're doing the work. I don't see a lot of doubt or I should say I don't see there's a lot of room to have doubt. As in it's not going to help you get to where you want to go so just throw it out and be like okay. This is my destination, these are the routes or steps I need to take to get there, and that is literally all I need to focus on. I don't need to focus on any BS. That doesn't mean you can't have a personal life, it just means that this is something that's your priority right now. And because that goal is so clear in your mind, it does seem very attainable and real. So good luck!
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Pile 2
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Where to start? Let's start with the tower and destiny card because both cards talk about and indicate change. I also think that having the spring card as well indicates that sort of change in transformation. I can't tell you whether this is going to be a difficult change, just that there's really nothing that you can do about it and that it has that very traditional the tower card meaning of something toppling down because something new wants to come in, usually that indicates something with the stronger foundation. Tower changes can be any kind of thing, they could be something like losing a job, or ending a relationship, or a loss in the family. I don't mean to sound scary, but it's more than just simple transition or transformation, then maybe we would have gotten the death card. This can be a more forceful type of change or it doesn't have to be a really dramatic or sad event filled with loss, but it tends to be something that shakes you up a bit and feels uncomfortable.
It also falls in line with the timing. We see that it says spring, so for some of you around the end of March could be an indicator of the timing. I know spring doesn't really like come until maybe you think of April but perhaps it will be a warmer year. Because I'm feeling more Aries energy so I guess that is March and the beginning of April.
So that definitely indicates timing of when you can expect maybe some type of event, change, upheaval. It does possibly involve people, as in a relationship, friendships, family. I say that because you have two Court cards. You have the Queen of wands and a king of cups. This could also indicate a specific relationship where the Queen of wands energy is perhaps an Aries. This could be a romantic relationship or a friendship or whatever. Because the king of cups is here. It could also indicate two people. If somebody is a water sign or water dominant and the other person is a Queen of wands type person. There could be some type of friction between these people or some type of significant change in this relationship or that person in this relationship could be causing some type of change for you in your life or going through their own change sure. I don't think the cards always have to indicate that this is about you. It could be about somebody in your life going through this type of change and then it having effects on you or you need ing to be aware of what's going on with them.
Again to get specific, this could have to do with literally if you have a daughter or niece or a younger person around you. I don't want to really give scenarios for that kind of situation. A pregnancy could be a tower moment. Not because it has to be negative but obviously it indicates huge change in your life and maybe uncomfortable moments or conversations if it's unexpected. The daughter card could also indicate your inner child or something that you've been wanting to do or pursuing or going through since you were young. It could be indicative of an event, particularly in the spring, that involves a child's birthday or communion or baptism or a birth in the family so a lot of you could experience or your family could experience an unexpected announcement of a child or an adoption or something along those lines.
The spring being more about birth too I'm more inclined to say that this is about a pregnancy and not necessarily like a death in the family or if it were it would be like you lose somebody and then you have an announcement of somebody being pregnant or something. But I'm not really seeing death here sorry. Not to freak you out. But I just have to go through all of the potential possibilities for calamity. The destiny card again tells me that you know whatever happens is meant to happen. Same with the purposeful card. When I see the practice gratitude card for last quarter moon and Sagittarius, I also think this is a message of being thankful for what you do have, being appreciative of the people in your life, of those moments of peace that you have because life isn't always static and peaceful. To get to those moments you have to go through change and being uncomfortable and even pain and struggling sometimes.
But putting that aside because we do have to talk about the tower in that way. We could just talk about timing and you may not encounter anything negative. This is just about things happening around Aries timing you could be reunited or meet somebody during this particular time. Again I gave you the characteristics. You could be the king of cups and they could be the Queen of wands or vice versa. I wouldn't sort of be surprised if some of you were drawn to pile one because in that pile, I felt like there was somebody in some people's lives that was the support and sort of admired them for their skills. And I see this again here with the daughter card and the little cat and king of cups kind of like looking up with adoration. So you might be mentoring somebody or you might not realize that somebody is looking up to you. You could be a teacher or work around kids and people might be looking up to you for leadership during some type of event in the spring.
In terms of other things I guess I feel like a lot of not solitary energy but somebody who's a little bit of a quiet hero or martyr type of energy. There's a lot of feminine energy here as well. I see somebody who's interested in spirituality and higher learning. That there's a lot of time for reflection and maybe questioning what your purpose is or what you want to do or why things are happening the way that they are. Not just in your own life or other people's life but maybe the state of the world.
These three tarot cards could actually be a bit of a combination of your personality. Somebody who's a little bit bold and creative like the Queen of wands, somebody who's a bit how should I put it like a bit self-sabotaging sometimes or sometimes like has these mood swings or just has a lot of feelings all at once, but also somebody who is extremely sensitive and would be a good listener and really genuinely cares and is super empathetic maybe to the point that saying bad things happen has a huge effect on you. I see you as again I'm feeling people who are drawn to work with children in some way. Teaching, social work, pediatrician. It could be an anniversary for some of you who maybe have lost a child and that anniversary or their birthday is in springtime.
I think the best message comes from the destiny card, which says one door closes another opens for you let the plans of destiny unravel true. And the door makes me think of Thailand or like a Buddhist style door. So like with that Sagittarius card, a lot of focus on spirituality. Like coming to terms with something internally that has to do with events in your life or the world and sort of rectifying those feelings that you're having. But a super empathetic type of personality. I do feel like internally troubled but like affected by external events. It might be a good time to really focus on healing whatever like childhood wounds or things that are affecting your feminine energy. You could be in survival mode and not being able to really rest and have that time to like heal exactly. Some indicators of advice are just the practice gratitude card. Being mindful probably. Remember to stay in the moment and when you get worked up maybe start thinking about things that you have that you can be grateful for or how you can have an impact on somebody else's life. Some people when they feel bad or they don't feel like jae deserve goodness or good things to happen to them or don't really like focus on themselves, can take that energy and put it into helping other people.
So I guess specifically becoming a mentor or maybe doing Big brother Big sister or considering adoption etc those are things that are coming through. I kind of want to pull another tarot card.
Ton of cups and death. So you did get that death card! So, I feel like such a downer when I read stuff because I have to read it two ways. I have to read it literally and then I can read it spiritually and whatever. So just because I read the most negative aspect of card doesn't mean that's going to happen to you.
What I get from this is again what I talked about in terms of the Tower and causing change. There could be a loss in the family, there could have already been a loss in the family. That's one possibility for a tower experience in the spring. And especially when you have ten of cups which can represent family as well to me. That's the most negative possible way to interpret it. But I already talked about some of those things. It can also be about an anniversary of a death. It could be like a global thing that's affecting you in terms of death.
But overall, also it could be that this king of cups card is specifically going to be a Scorpio. So maybe there's a lot of Aries and Scorpio energy that's affecting you during this time or the people involved could be in the Aries and Scorpio or you could be somebody with a fair amount of Aries and Scorpio in your chart or as your main signs. In that case this whole pile is just trying to analyze you in terms of your personality and what kind of person you are. So maybe that means the focus during this time is more about you figuring out yourself. Not a specific goal but just some type of transformation that you are experiencing that will develop who you are meant to be.
In general just death means spiritual transformation, or a cycle being fulfilled. Ten of cups is usually about happiness, whether it's about romance or family. It's about emotional fulfillment. So it can be some type of cycle come while like thinking back to what life was like a year ago and what has changed in terms of the things that have satisfied you or fulfilled you emotionally. Or that could be the cycle that you are working on now. What do I need to do to feel emotionally satisfied or happy or those are the things that you'll be thinking about during this time. Like there's a lot of emphasis here on just the cycle of life and death. So you're probably thinking a lot about those things right now. What's the purpose of life? Why am I here? Why do I have to endure these things? When am I going to meet my soulmate? Like why is everything so difficult or why does it take so long or why isn't my person here yet? Those times aren't wasteful or indulgent in our life. It's part of the process of figuring out who we are especially for people who are very intellectual and empathetic and affected by bad things that happen in the world or in our lives. Sometimes people take a little bit more time to push through that kind of spiritual sludge.
I don't know why but coming back to this spring event like a birthday or something significant with a child or daughter or whatever. It doesn't have to be a thing that is upcoming in the spring, it's just reiterating this cycle of life and death. But it's almost like some significant event around a child or childhood, has had a real impact on you and is now like causing this sort of internal what is going on. Kind of like a catalyst for change. Forcing you to change the way you think or to think about things more broadly or to change things that are happening in your life or something about you really. It's not really an external change I'm feeling. It's feeling more like an internal change that came about from some sort of catastrophic or sad event that either directly affected you or indirectly because you saw it on the news and it's just happening. So it's making you think about life and the purpose and things that you want or are lacking. There's nothing wrong with having reflective moments like that. And that's usually how people describe a tower moment anyway.
So a lot of spiritual navel gazing. Again practicing gratitude and focusing on the small pleasures in life as well as the small things that you can feel grateful for. Like looking at the bees on flowers or walking by and enjoying pretty things in a window display. I think things like that will be grounding because maybe I'm projecting but I feel like just a lot of frustration and a little bit of anger and resentment and trying to navigate through some of those feelings because really all you want to do is be happy but then you can't really be happy so it starts up this whole cycle of okay what am I doing wrong and what do I need to do and so on. But you're not a bad person. You're clearly a very sensitive and empathetic person and those people tend to end up having days where they feel bad about everything or sad.
You might pursue more spiritual self-care to help with that healing. You could consider therapy. With the daughter card, things that are just like indulgent in a child-like way. That type of joyous activity is really going to be beneficial for you. Especially really silly and immature things. So if you're feeling down, watch a silly cartoon or anime. I would recommend rather than watch anything negative or dark or heavy, to try and push yourself to read or watch positive or uplifting things. During this time, I would suggest limiting your time on social media or any kind of scrolling of the news. If you need to spend time alone, do that. I already see you focusing a lot on yourself anyway. But I do think you would benefit through volunteering or any kind of activity where you can help other people. I just don't think maybe intellectually and spiritually are going to be a little bit listless for the first half of the year. Restless way. Frustrated at times.
I don't necessarily see an outcome in particular by the end of 6 months. If anything this is more like a temporary time or sort of transitory time. You might see more results or more change or something happen around next fall and winter. Given that we have Scorpio and Sagittarius. Of course you could read this at any time as well. This can be a timeless reading. But for those of you reading early spring or spring or whatever well actually it's not timeless if it's for the first half of 2025. But that doesn't mean you can't read it later on in 2025 and reflect on what's happened. Point being just for this pile in particular, it does seem that next October to Sagittarius could be significant in some way. Again as well as the timing around Aries. It could even be a cycle where maybe something or some event happens in March or early April and then another effect happens from that or related to that in the winter. That can be a cycle of its own I don't know is that long enough to have a baby as well. From March until December yeah. So again some of you might get pregnant or know somebody who gets pregnant. Gets pregnant around March and then is said to have a baby in December.
It could also just be reiterating that there's a strong focus about the life death cycle. And how those are subjects that you are thinking about and affecting you right now. These things would definitely affect your mental health areas and relationships. So it's not really saying a lot in terms of specific events with this reading but just acknowledging and validating what you can expect to feel and think and go through during this time and that that's okay. And that it's just part of the cycle of not just life. Legitimately like if a death or something happening in the world is affecting you and it is concentrated particular around that subject of life and death. But also potentially just part of that internal cycle of spiritual transformation and how there's an actual public process involved with that. Where you have to do deep reflection and think about things and if that serves some kind of purpose in the long run. I feel like I've been in that type of stage for a very long time and I'm not sure what the final outcome is. The only thing I know is that you are supposed to go through it and it's a natural. And you aren't alone in having those feelings or feeling like okay life isn't really like going one way or the other. What do I need to do and that's part of the frustration. Lots of people feel like that.
It could be a breakup that kind of affects you or it could be the anniversary of a breakup. But again that's just the most negative to read it. You could always read it like hey during Aries months I meet this Scorpio or I meet another Aries or I meet this fire sign or this other water sign. And maybe you meet that person shortly after a breakup. And that's part of a cycle of one thing ending and another beginning and it being for the best. The only kind of solace I can provide is that like everything is happening in course and everything that ended either was part of a plan or was a component necessary to push you into a direction that is more stable for you. Like perhaps leaving a relationship that was abusive or just neglectful or just wasn't completely 100% and then moving to a relationship that fills the gaps that the other relationship couldn't. But you would never know that you needed those things in the new relationship unless you went through the relationship that made you understand what was lacking or what you did need. And then you can apply that lesson if you don't have any type of relationship and don't want a relationship to some other area of life
Like you lose your job or you want to quit or whatever and then you end up at a job that fulfills you in ways that the previous job couldn't but losing the job itself caused a lot of conflict and stress and you weren't exactly sure of the outcome. Sometimes I think people get lessons in different types of ways. I don't know why that is. I don't want to say it's easier for some people but it certainly feels like that whereas some people get pushed off a cliff. And you think what did I do to deserve this? But in my experience it's been like those are the people that would have been slower to let go of an experience or situation that was negative for them so in order to get them out of that situation the universe gives them like a really rude kick in the pants. That feels very hurtful at the time but it is what it is is all I can say.
And in terms of looking at the little calico cat as the item that you picked. You know it's looking very cozy. You don't really know its situation either. Is it in a box because it was abandoned? Is it safe and cozy in a new home. Does it not want to venture outside it's cozy little box because the world is scary? I think that reflects a lot of what this pile is like is like a lot of people are having different types of experiences. But they seem to be stuck in a box and the universe is working very hard to try to shove you out of it in different ways. You might be very set in your ways or feel comfortable even if things aren't exactly as ideal or as happy as you wanted. So life is like well I think I'm going to have to force you out of this box. It's also interesting that I mentioned feminine energy and my understanding is that calico cats are mostly female because it's the sorting type of genetic thing. So again there's an emphasis on feminine and energy, pregnancy. This doesn't have to apply to gender or anything it's just the energy of receiving and self-love and empathy. So that's why I think a lot of the root issues have to do with empathy and compassion and sensitivity and feelings. Lots of people in their feelings in this pile. I could do a psychological profile and say probably there were interesting traumas in their childhood or traumas around sexuality or relationships or intimacy or love or whatever. And so there's a part of you that just needs to be handled with care. As if you were a baby or child.
You need to be very careful with yourself and how you talk to yourself and how you treat yourself. So that's why I say a big emphasis on self-care like massages or taking care of your general health like going to an OBGYN or whatever related to your gender and health health. Doing things that make you happy that are small and things that you would expect would make a kid happy. Like watching your favorite shows or getting a coffee or an ice cream or going to an amusement park or getting a stuffed animal or getting something that makes you feel pretty. All in all, it's giving that typical heal your inner child wounds focus on those things. So if you like to listen to YouTube music, find some videos that center around healing childhood wounds and healing wounded femininity or whatever.
Follow that type of course in terms of healing and I think you will probably see results in the fall where you start to feel better or you recover from that significant change or you see that you can look back 6 or 7 months later or 9 months or whatever from March and be like oh I see the progress that I've made or I see why it happened that way or I see why I needed to go through that or have those thoughts or think about those things. I think it's a very slow progress type of energy. But it's essential and it's happening and it's valid. And this isn't to say that nothing is going to be happening in your life. It's just that it's not focusing on any specific events outside of a potential event in the spring. It's just that during the next 6 months or even this whole year, after events in life are going to happen and it's going to impact that internal life you have going on. You could have a whole slew of things that happen in the next year but that's not really the point
The point is more about this internal and spiritual transformation that you're on now and that you will continue to go on through the next 6 months and maybe even until the next year. And it's going to be not a super easy row. Maybe nothing significant happens but you're just feeling really depressed this year or anxious or whatever. And you working through that. Or maybe something upcoming will happen and put you on that kind of path as well. Or maybe by spring you'll have recovered from some type of event that happened year before and it's taken you that long to get to this point in the journey. So a lot of people having different experiences in this pile and possibly following a different kind of timeline where spring could be an end to something for some but a beginning for others and so on. It would make me think that it's possible a lot of people who read this particular pile are from a specific generation. Like a lot of gen z or a lot of millennial and so on. Because it's giving that sort of Pluto energy of being a generational feeling. Like a whole bunch of people going through this transitory period one time and being drawn to this particular pile.
So what can you expect? Lots of thoughts and feelings. Watch adventure Time. Go back and watch the shows that you used to watch that are nostalgic for you and made you laugh or feel good. Don't go back and watch Arcane for the thousandth time or even squid game. Like don't watch violent and heavy media. Literally put the limits on your social media scrolling. Go to the settings and make sure you aren't on Instagram for more than a couple hours a day.
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Pile 3
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This pile is really all over the place. And that doesn't surprise me given the way it shuffled and the cards fell out. Like the Earth card sort of fell out because three of those Oracle deck cards came out and I was like that's too many I'll just take these but then when I peaked to see which one it was in case it came up relevant it had the fox on it so I was like oh well that's weird giving the sticker but I put it back anyway and then later on I was like no maybe I should include it maybe it was important. And then multiple cards came out of the other decks and then there were only two tarot cards and I was like clearly this is for the pile of people who are going to have issues concentrating or focusing.
Some readers say that when that happens it's also the pile that gets chosen by the most people. But let's just see.
I think the issue is that for the next 6 months there's just going to be a lot of different things happening. There's going to be opportunity for travel and adventure, there's going to be opportunity to try and work on your goals, there's going to be opportunity to do your spiritual practices, there's going to be opportunities where you can be a leader or organize some type of event or work on yourself and become more authentic. There's just like a whole lot of s*** that the universe is throwing at you at one time. Something that is kind of interesting is this walkabout card which says you discover your path in sacred walk about the trees are your people the Earth is your tribe in indigenous lessons you find the will to survive. This card has a lot of things that tie into other cards that you got like Earth and then in this manifest card she actually looks like a tree and with the adventure and even the guy in nine of wands with a stick it kind of makes me think of somebody walking or hiking. And then the be real card also has trees and stuff and the Earth card talks about being respectful of the planet so that makes me think of the word indigenous as well
I wonder if there are a lot of Earth signs or like earthy water signs for this pile. In terms of manifesting as well this 11:11 card with the synchronicity and spiritual numbers or whatever make me think about manifesting and the magician card is number one so there is an element of working on or working toward and being able to manifest certain things in life. But what are you manifesting well the perfect timing card says this is the right time for you to move forward. This matches the adventure card, it matches the nine of wands, step up and lead and so on. So a lot of the messages coming through are about finding your authentic goal and stepping into your power. I know those are kind of buzz words which I hate but just to give you an idea of it's almost like you are being set up to become a type of person or be put into a position where you become a leader.
This can be a lot of things like becoming a manager, becoming a graduate assistant, becoming a counselor and so on. It's like if you experience challenges or have experience challenges you are being set up to be put in a position where you could potentially help others. But it's also a feeling of not just being a cog in the machine like you would have your own spiritual practice or your own therapy practice or you would start your own blog to talk about travel or spiritual stuff. Like it's you literally taking the lead almost like a business person.
See the bigger picture as well like I just imagine somebody getting ready to prepare a small business and coming up with a business plan. And that doesn't have to be literal it can be an example of what to expect like you are being prepared to do this thing where you will have responsibility and it will take planning and organization and imagination. And then you also have to get real. As in like not just about just being authentic here but like it feels more like get real. Like be practical, see the bigger picture, like what needs to be done to start this business. Like what are the legal things that you need to go through, how do you figure out what inventory you're going to have. The universe is definitely asking you to put your big boy pants on
And I think that message is coming because generally you might be somebody or you've gone through something that's distracting you. But the universe seems to think that you are in a very unfocused and distracted energy so it's like hey button down okay it's time to like get it together and figure out what you're going to do and like realize that if you keep going in this direction then this thing probably isn't going to happen. Like a goal or something. So you really need to like strap in here. Because honestly I feel like the manifest, Earth, adventure cards are like all of these distractions. Sort of like all these shiny things that are keeping you off task. Like oh well I would do that but you know I want to travel or oh I would do that but like I want to go to this fun party or oh I would do that but like I want to do a lot of different things so I don't know where to start.
And that might be where the seven of wands and nine of wands are kind of coming in. Because the seven of wands can kind of make you feel like you are backed into a corner or you have to defend an idea about something and nine of wands is also that kind of like having gone through the ringer or like needing to defend something as well so there's a lot of defensive type of energy or potentially some blockages. But I personally think the blockages are the things that are distracting you. For some of you that could just be that you are a lazy or easily distracted. For some of you it's just been like non-stop events or like bad luck.
Even so I do think it would be a good time for you to travel. To be able to experience new and different things so that you can gain perspective about how things could work or how things are different from what you're doing or even just to clear your head. But like you can't spend the entire year traveling. But I do definitely think that doing interesting and intellectually stimulating things for you will give you perspective and maybe help you kind of like see that bigger picture. Some people like when they get bogged down with life might go stay by the ocean or like go take a trip to New York or something. And that allows them to kind of put space between the things that are muddling them down at home. So I think the universe is saying that is an option for how to kind of clear your head so you can start thinking about other things that you want to do or need to do
You know what's interesting is the second pile was a lot about those people who picked that pile were extremely focused so if you could befriend people who chose pile two they could probably help you with your goals. Maybe some advice would be like to write down lists of goals and the steps it would take to get there. If you have issues with time management which would not surprise me here like I don't think a lot of you would be very strong project managers or if you are it's just like become so much that you are sort of overwhelmed and you can't coordinate your personal life.
So I really think you know forcing yourself to think about goals and writing them down step by step or doing things we're like okay what do I want. Even if that changes each day, maybe writing down in a journal what do you want to achieve today, what do you want to achieve this week, what do you want to achieve this month and then take it even further like okay what do I want to achieve in a year or even 5 years from now. I think something like that will really help you to picture what it will take to get there and to really have a concrete idea of what the hell you're doing.
Like maybe you think I don't know I don't know what I want to do so I'm just going to do a lot of everything. Which is fine because that's gathering information to figure out what you like or you don't like. So maybe you're in that kind of stage but I'm still feeling like okay you can play around for so long but then what are you going to do. And it might even be that you have pressure from family or friends that are like okay you did all this stuff now like what are you going to do. Almost like as if you are at this stage where maybe you're like in your early twenties or late teens or something and you have kind of been living this life as a kid still and now people are like okay you're getting older so you need to be able to handle responsibility and you're going to start being treated like an adult so you can't just faff around all the time
I mean looking at your sticker even it makes me think like the fox is sort of distracted by this pretty little flower and it's nice to have little joys in life but eventually the fox has to like prepare for the winner and find a den or like find a mate or do something. Like you don't really have to grow up and there's no natural way of becoming an adult or being an adult because no matter how old you get you're not going to feel like the age that you are. But you do need to kind of think if you are taxing other people and relying on other people instead of taking responsibility for yourself and what you need to do then the universe does want you to grow up a little. Like at some point you do need to become responsible and mature so I think the universe is saying something like okay you're ready to push forward and move on to the next step. No more just having fun. You do actually have to like find a purpose and have a plan.
Again I'm seeing a lot of travel or journeys. Maybe more slow than with other people because a lot of these images show a solo person or animal. So like with all the piles there's going to be some solo reflection. And yeah I basically think you are the group that is going to learn most through travel or like experiencing new things. It's definitely Sagittarius energy that's coming through the most. I can understand the Aquarius and Capricorn as well. Because Capricorn is kind of like that good organization and like practical skills that you could use in school or at a job.
There's this idea of learning more and having like a higher perspective of things that comes through this Sagittarius energy and then with the Aquarius it's a bit of that traveling down your own path I guess. Figuring out your specific identity which may be to do that you need to go through different experiences. It might also be a message to if you are a person who constantly needs to rely on other people or has codependency issues to experience more things just by yourself. Like maybe when you go out to dinner you'll only go out to dinner if friends are going and only go to see a movie if friends are going and like the idea of doing things on your own is scary. Well if you constantly rely on other people then you can't really figure out things about yourself because you haven't ever like been challenged to be on your own.
So yeah I think opportunities to have more Independence and be more self-reliant and make your own voices and do your own things is going to be what happens for the first 6 months of the year. Backpacking somewhere would be good hiking would be good, especially being close to nature makes sense for you. So if this is like going surfing or visiting destinations that are more focused on the geography or look of the place.
Because I do think nature and landscapes are the things that are going to have the biggest impact on you and how to kind of stimulate that thought process you need to become more independent and mature. It's almost like you're fighting growing up or being responsible or feeling like you have to get a job and do these things. Again I'm just feeling like it's somebody who just thinks they can play around for forever. Or even if not that just a sense of getting more organized. It doesn't really mean becoming more boring or anything. It just means there's something that you are purposely distracting yourself or are naturally distracted but it still feels like a defense mechanism. Like you don't want to look at yourself and you don't want to be serious and you don't want to do these things but it's coming from a place that seems to be like fear of change
people might consider you a bit naive maybe or sheltered. I get that from the white figures that keep coming up it makes me think of somebody like computer and innocent and youthful and a little immature. So I just think there's a lot you have to learn about yourself. And you're going to do that by doing more things by yourself. I think there will be a lot of figurative and literal exploring that happens. And again I feel like strongly will benefit from being in nature. Taking a walk through the woods. Like in a safe way. Taking hikes. Doing spiritual practices related to nature., as in like using things from the earth if you like to do any kind of witchcrafty like things. Like using sand, using leaves, using flowers.
You might have particular experiences around Aquarius time, Sagittarius, or Capricorn which is almost a year from now. I wasn't going to go that far. But like the previous pile there could be some type of cycle where something will begin in Aquarius and the cycle will last until next January. That could be like something happens at the end of February and you decide that you want to plan a trip for next December. Or maybe you graduate next winter so you still feel like you can kind of be young and a kid and then you don't have to get serious until you graduate but really you should probably be preparing to grow up even before then. Or maybe that's just something you're grappling with now is I do want to just enjoy this time until I have to get serious so I can still dick around a little bit. Which is fine. I'm not telling you either one way or the other if it makes sense to have fun and it's not burdening anybody. You know like when you lose track of time and you have a roommate but you don't pay rent on time and then they get in trouble for it. Or you stop turning in assignments or you aren't returning calls.
There's kind of like a flaky type of energy that's existing here as well. So that's something I kind of see. Like a very spacey, distracted, unfocused person. And not in a cute way. Like maybe you think it's cute but I think other people in life find it frustrating or immature. So I do think there's some growing up that will happen in the next 6 months or at least that's what the universe wants to happen. Whether you do end up focusing I'm not really sure. But as long as you travel and experience new things at least you'll be doing something. Red and orange kind of seem like significant colors for me in this this pile. That's like your root and sacral. So you might listen to those type of sounds on YouTube. You might wear those colors. That's kind of on par with the idea of being responsible and being more grounded and practical and potentially even taking the time to explore things so you can figure what you're passionate about. Because that sacral energy is usually about passion and creativity. So I think maybe you need to be inspired. Maybe you get bored easily and that's where it's coming across as unfocused and kind of flaky. Like you need to have people entertain you but it's like you know sometimes you have to be the source of your own inspiration. You can't be reliant on other people or other situations to entertain you forever.
I hope that doesn't sound too harsh. There's nothing wrong with having fun. But I do think there are people who take advantage of it especially when they are young and then it kind of laffects other people in your life because they're ready to get serious and you're really not and you don't get why other people are so serious. And I mean you aren't obligated to keep people around who can't handle you as you are now. Like if they think you were flaky or inattention seeker or like lazy or something then maybe they're just wound a little bit too tight and you aren't compatible. Everybody explores things at a difference scale and on a different timeline and not everybody knows who they are or what they want to do right away. Some people know from a young age and some people have to figure it out throughout their life and I think you guys are the latter.
So if you do want to be more focused I would suggest grounding activities and grounding spiritual practices that will help you focus more. Doing those other activities that are like making lists. So that you don't forget about things. If you need to get groceries write it down. If you have important dates use Google calendar and different practical ways of reminding you. I would also suggest like the previous pile maybe putting a limit on your social media scrolling because maybe you get bored and you scroll for hours at a time and then you have wasted a lot of time and you didn't do your assignment and now you have to go to class and you have to ask someone if you can copy and that's a burden on them because they did the work. Or your teacher is like okay so for the fourth time you haven't brought in your work. Like do you see where it's not okay all the time to be freestyling life completely. Like if you do it on your own and it's no bother then that's life man. But yeah
Other advice could be you know a rabbit or cats or a fox could be your spiritual animal or totem or an animal that you kind of relate to. Foxes are very clever and bunnies are very quick so you might actually be very witty or funny people. You might have the potential to write really well. Some of you might actually be kind of athletic or have an athletic ability or used to when you were younger. Like you used to run track but you don't really do it anymore. Or maybe you're the type of people who will start a lot of activities because they interest you at first and then you get kind of bored so it's hard for you to stay with one thing for a long period of time. You might have recently or will in the next few months or later on have small Petty arguments with people around you. Again this could be about your laziness like if you live with somebody you don't pick up after yourself, you don't do the dishes, you don't take out the trash and the people you live with will be like how come we always have to do this and you don't ever do it or your parents are like how come you always sleep until noon and stay up until 4:00 a.m. looking at your phone. You might notice more people doing that and that might be the universe's way of being like are you getting the hint now.
And also you know if you had ideas for big changes even if they feel impulsive the perfect timing card does suggest that that's fine. If you have an impulsive trip planned, that also is fine. Anything that will help you discover something about yourself and embolden and give you confidence and teach you about responsibility, I think those are good lessons for you to learn for the next 6 months or so. The moon also seems prominent in these cards. So I think you are also a group that relies a lot on intuition. You might be able to read people really well. You might have a lot of emotional experiences or deep emotions or deep feelings about certain specific topics. I do feel like you follow things that call to you.
So maybe there's not always a lot of things like a lot of thoughts happening in the skull sometimes and you're just like well I'm just going to do whatever I feel like doing. Not to say that you're self-absorbed or selfish or anything I just think that Sagittarius energy is coming through. Like you just do whatever you want because you just like feel called to do that thing at that particular moment. Which I can see where that would frustrate people in your life. I'm not saying that's valid that they are frustrated but I'm seeing it in a way that I get what they are frustrated about. But you also can't surround yourself with people who are constantly going to make you feel like you aren't enough or that you're always wrong in what you're doing. People have different ways of doing things. And that's okay like if that person is super rigid then maybe they need to be around other people like themselves. And maybe you need to surround yourself with people who are a bit more open-minded and creative and understanding and empathetic.
That will have patience with you. So if you have a lot of people who seem impatient or like hot tempered. Although you yourself may be hot tempered as well but maybe that's a message because it keeps coming to me is that you need to start thinking about your circle and Fu have the healthiest people around you. Like I almost feel like maybe you usually surround yourself with people who are a little shallow. Like really concerned with the latest fad or what influencers have to say and because you are too lazy to find enough for friend group or you just have been attached because you've known them for so long it's like well it's too much work to actually find better friends. But like why do you want to be friends with somebody who's always saying mean things to you. Like why did you get that tattoo it's so weird or why did you get that piercing it's so weird or why did you dye your hair that crazy color like come on or why are you wearing that that's like so 2 years ago.
Or you might have people who do make you feel bad about not knowing what you want to do or not being serious. And that's not really okay. Now if it's your parents and it's coming from a place of concern as long as it's not completely toxic then okay. And if you are being a slob and you have roommates then yeah you need to work on that and they have valid points. But nobody should be demeaning you to the point that they are making you feel bad about yourself and causing even more delay and confusion about who you are and what you want to do. So I don't feel like you should become complacent in this energy of like it's fine to not do anything because people don't expect anything. Or it's fine to have this friend group because like yeah they're mean sometimes but like we have fun when we go out. Like you don't have to put up with that. You could probably make friends easily and if you just apply boundaries with relationships like that then those people will kind of fall away and other people will come in that are much better for you.
Very specific message but some of you would be really good at comedy writing. Whether this is fiction or non-fiction or literal sketch comedy type stuff I think a lot of you would be really good at that. I just feel really strongly that a lot of you could be good writers. And that you're funny. Like maybe even a little quirky. Some of you might have an interesting clothing style. Like specifically like to shop at vintage stores or consignment stores. Some of you might be a bit on the alternative side in terms of your style. But anyway I think you get the general idea so yeah you should grow up a little bit but at your own timing and however you want to do it and not how somebody else tells you to do it because that's the way society is. Like you'll have your own timing as long as you're mindful of other people. And remembering that you don't have to settle. That it's okay to do things on your own. That doing things on your own doesn't have to be scary and growing up doesn't have to be scary and learning things about yourself and the world doesn't have to be completely scary or intimidating. Also my final suggestion is to read more.
Like not fanfiction but like think about reading books and listening to podcasts and finding a bunch of different mediums to learn as much as you possibly want to learn. If you want to watch YouTube videos. Maybe that's why you're staying up so late though but like I feel a thirst for knowledge. But also laziness like not reading physical books I think that would be really good for you though. Or if you can't even do that if you're a person who runs or travels in the car a lot to listen to audiobooks. I guess I think maybe those activities will ground you as well and calm me down a little bit. So especially if you do go on a walk through the woods why not also listen to a podcast. Or maybe you should just do one at a time maybe that's too overstimulating for you guys. And maybe that's what you do already and I should actually be telling you to unplug from that stuff and just enjoy the sounds of nature. But it doesn't really matter because I don't think you'll listen to what I have to say anyway LOL. Because there is a bit of stubborn energy here okay well hopefully that helps bye!
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ihatechosingnames · 3 days ago
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A few days ago, while I was walking back home from work, I started daydreaming and at one point I had a potential fanfic in the Batman fandom.
It all started with the death of the Joker by the hands of a very angry and tired and devastated civilian.
I went through a minimal backstory for this man, a retired army/navy man, who tragically lost his entire family (wife, daughter, son in law and two grandchildren) to the Joker in some sort of stupid game with the Bat (like you have tot minutes to choose who to save but the Joker is cheating and they all die) and since he already lost everything, why not making sure his family's killer tots in hell.
And I argued against myself about why it should be a civilian, a nameless one, to do the deed.
Batman cannot kill the Joker, because by doing it he stops being Batman. In UTRH he says "if I start, I will never stop" and it's kind of a disservice to the human and caring side of Bruce (which we are seeing less and less through the years) who wanted to help and care and believed about the sacrality of life (every life is precious). That man will break if he kills someone even by accident. In UTRH he sounds more like someone who is one murder away from becoming the worst serial killer in US. What the fuck. And instead of turning away from a life where the choice to kill or not is dangling in front of his life every single time, he keeps dressing up as a bat because through violence they can resolve their inner issues.
Nightwing is another one that cannot kill the Joker. First, he already did that, it's time for another to take his turn. Secondly, he is so much like Bruce but without being all dark that for him it will be twice as hard to accept that he did something like that. Yes, when he killed the Joker he was angry, he wasn't pulling his punches and the Joker kept goading him with Jason's and Tim's (supposed) death by his hands. He was devastated by Jason's death (in a more visible way than Bruce's) and the mix with grief, hate, regret and despair, knowing that another Robin died by Joker's hands again, made him snap. That will probably make him the most sympathetic to the story of the civilian who shot the Joker. Because once upon a time, for a brief moment, he felt the same fury and grief and hate against the Joker.
Jason, in my opinion, shouldn't be the one to kill the Joker. He was killed by the Joker, it's not on him to find justice or to enact revenge on him. And it also seems that half of the time, when he isn't thinking about being the Better Batman that Gotham needs, he is probably thinking that he is back from death only to get revenge on the Joker. If he kills him and survives good, if he kills him and he dies, I don't see Jason fighting to stay alive. His first plan in UTRH was prepped that or only two would walk out or none of them. It wasn't just "kill the Joker yourself or let me kill him" plus "if you want to save the Joker you have to kill me", Jason had prepared plenty of explosives to go all out. That was a test for Bruce, but also a moment of truth for Jason (please choose me) and Jason, for all his plans to be the Better Batman, to seize the criminal empire, he was more than ready to explode alongside the Joker and Batman if it was required. If this behaviour isn't slightly suicidal, I don't know. That's why I think that seeing the Joker dead by the hands of someone who did it to take revenge for his family, it's going to give a breakdown to Jason. And the brain, to metabolize that right now the only reason Jason is alive, his revenge, is dead (and it wasn't even Bruce), needs time to think so he checks out. He needs to find some other reason to explain why Jason is back from death and is still alive. Could it be able to send Jason in a dissociative state where he is still functional but also "no one is here"? I don't have a degree in psychology, but definitely will study more on the matter. It's very likely that some sort of revaluation for the brain will translate in a breakdown with lashing out.
And back to the mystery civilian I was debating around how he will be able to kill the Joker:
1. he waits until the Joker escapes again and just shoots him and then he goes to the police to get a death by cop kind of suicide.
2. it's a more collective effort since he is not the only one who lost someone to the Joker and so we have a group of civilians that all helped the mystery man to do the deed, by either helping the Joker escapes or helping the guy infiltrate Arkham and shoot the Joker in his own cell. And then he shoots himself.
Either way I don't see him alive, he already lost everything important, he lived his life and he did his job. Now, the only thing missing is going back to his family.
But what I actually wanted to focus on the fanfic, because this is just the context, is the argument that will follow between the vigilantes. How their own personal beliefs and experiences should actually weight in this matter. Who they are to judge someone. And there will be some judging.
Because Bruce will never believe that just some civilian wanted to shoot the Joker. He is so paranoid that he will not believe that it was simple for revenge. There must be a plan or something like that.
Meanwhile Jason wants to go and scream somewhere, far away from Bruce and the stupid case. And it's clear that Bruce is thinking that Jason is behind this because, in his mind, no one wants the Joker dead like Jason (there is actually a line).
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oleandequill · 1 day ago
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Because of those damn storyboards, I am completely destroyed and I need to rant.
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I thank God that this was not the final scene they went with because if I had to see that animated I genuinely might have just passed away because I swear this version is so much more painful than the one we got in the movie.
I mean, first of all, I love that the High Guard actually had a bigger role here in which they actually fought Sentinel with D-16. Also the fact that they had a bigger impact on like influencing D-16? With Starscream literally telling him to go ahead and kill Sentinel? Also D-16 (during his talk with Pax) looking between the High Guard and Elita and Bee as though he was deciding which side to pick? Just ughhh
Also makes me happy because TFOne Starscream as a mentor figure (I mean, not exactly the good kind lmao) for D-16/Megatron is just an idea I really love
Second, the fact that D-16 had a dream? That they actually gave him like a dream/want outside Pax? Cause like the whole movie he was kinda like Pax's ride or die friend and I always found it weird that he was just so willing to go along with whatever Pax wanted. The fact that the storyboard addresses he had his own aspirations and that Pax realizes this (which def fuels the pain of him thinking he was partially to blame for D-16's crash out).
Also the fact that D-16 realizes he doesn't even know what he wants now?
Lastly, the change of him deliberately shooting Pax? Like oh my god. Cause in the movie it was an accident, but here he made the deliberate choice to do so. And the best part about it, in my opinion, is that he doesn't appear to be full of rage about it? Cause when he dropped Pax in the movie, he was really pissed. Here it looks like he was just resigned/tired about it. He just wanted Sentinel dead, and at this point didn't care anymore.
But yeah, like two things I got out of this (and I'm sorry it's all about D-16/Megatron, can you tell who's my favorite at this point lmao?) is the fact that:
(1) Megatron just acknowledging that he was so much happier when he was living in ignorance? I talked about it before with a friend how it's so painful seeing D-16's descent especially when he was blissfully happy as a miner beforehand. The idea of just living a happy life in ignorance and the fact that you can't ever return to that once your eyes have been opened to the truth. So like, do you purposely choose a life of ignorance just to be happy or do you willingly let yourself see how bad the world is because you know you can't remain blind forever?
(2) Honestly, I'm also glad they didn't go with this scene as somebody who was formally introduced to transformers through TFOne. Cause while I didn't know much about Transformers before this movie, I already knew Megatron and Optimus Prime. Like Megatron is the bad guy, OP is the good guy and all that.
The Megatron we got in the movie, I have no doubt in my mind that he would become the infamous bad guy that I know from Transformers. Cause that one had so much rage.
The Megatron from the storyboards, on the other hand, is giving exhaustion. This man is done. Like he even says he doesn't exactly want to lead, he doesn't even know what he wants. Obviously, this would probably change once Pax came back as OP, but like from this scene I honestly have a hard time thinking this Megatron would become the bad guy. This Megatron is giving "I'm going to go on a self-discovery journey after this" or "I'm going to just die after this" energy.
But yeah all this to say, now that I know that canonically D-16 had a dream about going off-world, all my fanfics will now include that.
AKA, I'm going to punt him into space.
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beta-adjacent · 1 year ago
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Best self-care tip I’ve ever received in my life: choose no✨
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deoidesign · 4 months ago
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Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between
#to be or not to be. that is the question#ty adam for being my model for dramatic vampire moment#musings on the thinkings about:#when to live you are required to hurt others. you must repeatedly ask yourself what the value of your life is#To sleep... perchance to dream...#ah. THERES THE RUB.#ok I actually couldnt come up with too many thoughts. I had a lot more while I was drawing this but I guess I put them in the painting LOL#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires#the reality of course is that the soliloquy is a debate over suicide and ultimately making the choice to live#even if just out of fear of the unknown#and vampires are about dying and then in undeath choosing to continue to live#despite the fear of eternity and loneliness and hurting others#theyre not the same. but like let me thiiink come onnnn I'm allowed to thiiink and have incomplete thoughts#I would have to write like a proper essay about this to organize my thoughts. this is the tags on a tumblr post.#anyways finished episode 79#working on patreon stickers for this month (and next month soon)#and working on book 4. taking a pause from episodes cause I've got 3 weeks of buffer now... UGH#I'm so mad that they changed it. it would have been 5 weeks before but it's fine it's whatever#anyways yeah taking a break from episodes to make my book now!#its good stuff.#and this painting is good stuff#banger after banger from me tbh#this was a little relaxing giving myself a couple hours to muse#it's necessary for my health and I always forget that til I do a painting...#I loved doing the little landscape in the background too I should do that more! I love how plants are just like whatever shape you want#like you can make up any plant you want and not only does that plant PROBABLY exist somewhere#a weirder plant exists somewhere too. so. literally whatever you want#ok bye again for a few days while I get back to work
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abirddogmoment · 6 months ago
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today's hot take for dog people: management is not the same thing as training.
#dogblr#unpopular opinion: a lot of the current flavour of dog 'training' is actually just management#does your dog know how to make a good decision? does your dog know what a good decision even is?#or is your dog under such heavy management that they never ever have to make a decision on their own?#YES set your dog and yourself up for success!!!! absolutely!!!!#but (unpopular take) errorless learning is detrimental to overall wellbeing#stress is a part of life and of your dog crumples when they experience A Stress then you have a serious problem#teach resilience as a skill#dont misunderstand this on purpose#im not saying let your dog run wild unruly unmanaged#im saying train your skills and then trust your training#when it is safe to do so let your dog make a decision#(this is not in response to anyone on here#i am casual irl acquaintances with a service dog handler and i do not respect her handling/training/management#i am very frustrated with the lack of nuance between training vs management#and the beautiful space where they overlap#people who are here from Not The Dog World#management is setting up your environment so your dog makes the decision you want#eg using a long line so your dog has no choice but to come when called#training is teaching your dog to make the decision you want them to make#ideally you would use both (management while training) but the current flavour of dog training#tends to put all responsibility on you as the person#to manage your environment so the dog never has the opportunity to make a mistake#instead of training your dog so they understand what the 'right' choice is and WANT to choose that most of the time#i am braced for the deliberate misunderstandings that are likely to come out of this post#THERE IS NUANCE PEOPLE
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revvethasmythh · 1 month ago
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So I went and watched all the possible endings, and it confirmed something I had been thinking, which is that the redemption ending choice is, perhaps, the most immediately regretful one--but that they all come with some form of regret. In the redemption ending, Rook has to knowingly deny themselves the catharsis of retribution (should they desire it, which, at least for me it felt difficult not to) in order to offer Solas one last, painful chance to do the right thing. That willful denial of your own catharsis feels like an immediate regret. Giving Solas the opportunity to pursue atonement might very well be the best choice all around, but it is also incredibly painful to offer that to someone who has done so many terrible things (not a small amount to you personally). Why does he deserve another chance? Especially when so many dead (including a beloved mentor) lie in his wake? Which, I suppose, is the point: he doesn't. But you offer it anyway and it SUCKS ASS, because how could it not?
I don't know how this plays with other story choices (a sacrificed Davrin or a Harding who embraced her anger, for example), but within the context of my own choices, I can imagine an immediate satisfaction to either tricking or fighting him--especially the trick ending, where you can actively name drop Varric--but it feels like the sort of thing that would feel worse as more time passes. Once you've calmed down and are able to ask yourself if that's what the people you've lost really wanted. Varric, in Regret Superhell, didn't want vengeance. He just wanted his friend to walk a better path. And Harding always believed there was another chance for anyone, so long as you kept reaching a hand out for them--even when it sucked ass. So the redemption ending feels like a sort of indignance, an instant regret for not doing worse, for not getting comeuppance, for being forced to eschew satisfaction (related: I wonder if the Inquisitor feels those things as well coming out of this ending, considering how long they've lived under the shadow of Solas' actions). Conversely, the other two endings feel like an immediate satisfaction, because you got to trick the trickster with all the wits Varric taught you, or because you finally got to punch him in the face and it felt really good. But I feel like those endings would come with a creeping regret, something that sneaks up on you later, especially when remembering the fallen and what they would have wanted you to do. Ultimately, because of that, it feels like no ending is devoid of regret. Which I suppose, is rather thematic.
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manygreetingsfriend · 10 months ago
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i’m sooooooo normal about the god of war series. so incredibly normal i liked it a normal amount and would be so chill talking about it. don’t worry about the sign
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#god of war#i’m so so so so so normal about it it’s so whatever it’s so haha you know#something something when it comes to yourself you’ll let yourself drown before you change. you’ll die before you change who you’ve become#to survive this long#up to and until it affects the ones you’ve come to love in this life you’ve made for yourself and you suddenly have no choice but to change#it’s fine it’s ok it’s chill. everyone does this.#it’s becoming a parent and loving your child so much you HAVE to change. you HAVE to be better#we MUST be better. than they were.#who’s they. our parents. the gods that come before us. yes.#i’m screaming i’m crying i’m wasting away im disintegrating. there’s no coming back there no return#you are on your knees. you are gripping your son’s shoulders like they’re the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.#you are struggling with who you are and who you want to become. you are promising to be better.#i’m so normal about parent(al figures) taking responsibility for their actions and choosing to do better#i’m not high enough to really express what’s going on here. can you feel it? can you fucking feel it?#this series has destroyed me.#dad of boy. dad(s) of boy. i will never be the same (affectionate)#can’t remember the last time i finished a series and went ‘oh well i’ve GOT to play it again Now That I Know’#AND I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE BROTHER HULDRA!!!!!!!!!#sindri’s face. has not left my memory#i’m dying scoob#gow#gowr
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