#if i die PLEASE make memes about it

[magnificentmicrowave]

You are honestly insane to make light of an assassination attempt. Regardless of political side. You do not incite violence. And don't say this side does this and that side does that. Look at their side. Listen to what they are saying. Compare and contrast. Leave the insanity behind and be completely neutral and unbiased for a change. Listen to both side. If you do not like it. Leave that side be.

i hope ur DMing this to everyone who is making memes abt events that involve people dying and not just me

[bitegore]

Motormaster was fine.

The repairs were just itchy, was all, and they ached a little, but it was tolerable. He was a tough mech. It was fine. He might've been a bit fragging... stupid, earlier, sure. Everyone made mistakes. How was he supposed to know that the bits of kibble on the barrel of the gun would catch like that? Besides, he'd thought valves were tough.

Eh, whatever. He shifted uneasily in his chair, closing his thighs on the cold pack he had pressed to his groin, and focused in on his paperwork. He'd assigned Wildrider to do these reports- a mistake- and Drag Strip to clean them up- a worse one. Breakdown, possibly the only useful teammate out of his collection of stupid, frustrating glitches, had done his best to fix their illegible garbage, but Breakdown was no better than the rest of them. Motormaster already had a helmache brewing.

Through the door of his quarters he could hear Drag Strip start to laugh. Then Wildrider. That was never a good sign. He got to his feet and bit back a wince, and then stuck his head through the door.

Oh. Okay, whatever. They were both clustered around the little screen Breakdown had rigged up, snickering. Ah. So it was The Internet, then.

Much as Motormaster thought it was a waste of time, siccing his half-clocked teammates on the various denizens of The Internet was better than siccing them on each other. Plenty of other team leaders had thought the same, far as he could tell. Swindle was never without a screen these days. And besides, after Megatron had used it to trick the Autobots about secret Decepticon plans one too many times, the Autobots didn't even pay that much attention to what they were dong on there anyway, since it was always either stupid nonsense or tactically-relevant misinformation.

[inlovewithifsvns]

Did I make this blog just so I can post a wallpaper I made for my MC for @infamous-if? Maybe

Phoenix Cadence: he/they

(The large quote is from the Given movie, just adjusted to be related to Phoenix!)

(More stuff in the tags)

[bookyeom]

whatever you say, baby - chs

pairing: vernon x reader word count: 1.1k warnings: none? the slightest bit suggestive at the end but like... it's nothing author's note: part two to this fic! i would recommend reading both for it to make sense :)

You haven’t seen Vernon in four days.

You haven’t seen him since he kissed you — and he’d kissed you a lot.

You’d barely managed to finish the movie without making out on his couch like teenagers. And when it was over, he hadn’t asked you to stay — but he’d kissed you again by his front door. 

You’d texted when you’d gotten home safe, as he’d requested. Then you’d woken up the next day to a ‘good morning :)’ text, which was swiftly followed by ‘today is so busy I might die’. And then the two of you had just… moved on. 

He sends a Shrek meme and then disappears for hours; you laugh react or send a meme in return. He sends you a picture of a “gnarly” squirrel he sees on campus; you send him a picture of a shitty doodle you drew during one of your lectures. Neither of you brings up what happened. You know he’s got a project due at the end of the week, so you don’t push when his texts are few and far between. Even though you so desperately want to. 

Is he thinking about it as much as you are? You can’t get the feeling of his lips out of your mind, and it’s driving you crazy. You want to kiss him again, want to run your fingers through his hair again, want to feel his hands on your waist again.

But you remain in limbo. You don’t ask for an explanation — he doesn’t offer one. And you don’t know how much longer you can ignore it. 

Vernonie [8:34pm]: INCOMING VIDEOCALL

Your eyes widen when your screen lights up. You quickly straighten from where you’d been lounging on your couch, tucking your hair behind your ears and hoping for the best. He knows what you look like, you remind yourself, but that doesn’t help the nerves when you finally accept the call. 

“Hey, stranger.”

He looks cute, and it makes you sick. 

“Hey,” you reply, and you can feel your cheeks heat up for no apparent reason. All he’s done is say hello, but you haven’t seen his face in four days, and the last time you saw him you were —

“What’s up?”

“Nothing,” you say, and then you can’t help but blurt out, “You’ve been busy.” It comes out accusatory, and you regret it immediately. 

Vernon looks surprised, and you watch as his eyebrows raise. “Yeah, I had that big project to finish, remember?” 

You nod, avoiding eye contact through the screen. “Right.”

He’s quiet again before he says teasingly, “If you missed me you can just say so.” 

You know it’s an attempt to lighten the mood, but it hits so deep all of a sudden that you think you might cry. Did he not miss you, too? 

You know it’s a cheap move, but you absolutely cannot look at him when he tells you that the kissing had meant nothing, that it was all a mistake. That you’re better off as friends. 

“Hey,” he says when you shift your phone so that your face is just out of sight. You can practically hear his pout. “Come back.”

“I’m just gonna go,” you say weakly, and you can see in your peripheral vision the way Vernon sits up straight. 

“Hey, no. Wait. Please come back? Let me say something.”

You bite your lip as the tears well up. It takes you a minute, but you manage to take a breath and set your phone back upright to look at him. 

“Y/N,” he says gently, and you can see his soft smile through the screen. “Bro.”

You can’t help but smile a bit at that, and he takes that as a sign to continue. 

“Did you think I was avoiding you?”

You shrug. 

“You think I kissed you and then avoided you on purpose?”

Your heart stutters over itself a bit as he says the words out loud. When he puts it like that, you suppose it sounds a bit silly. Because it’s Vernon, and he would never be so cruel. You shrug again, but you still can’t find it in you to speak. 

“Kissing you is probably all I've thought about for the better part of the last few months,” he continues, and your eyes widen. “I wasn't deliberately avoiding you, I just... I was busy, that part’s true, but it seemed like a good time to give you some space anyway because I know you get into your head sometimes, so I thought that would give you some time to process…” He trails off, a hand running through his hair before he adds, quieter, “You know. In case you…” 

“In case I what?” It’s the first time you’ve spoken in a few minutes, and you can practically see the way Vernon’s shoulders relax at the sound of your voice again. 

He pauses, and then he says softly, “In case you regret it.”

Your eyes widen. “You think I regret it?”

“Do you?”

You shake your head, a bit dizzy as you return, “Do you?”

Vernon’s lip curls up at the side. “No, Y/N. I don’t.”

You’re processing, and he’s quiet as he lets you. He doesn’t regret it. He wanted to kiss you. He… 

It’s silent for another moment and then you say, voice small, “But you didn’t ask me to stay.” 

“Baby,” he says, and your eyes widen. “That’s definitely not because I didn’t want you to. Like I said, I was giving you space.”

“Baby?”

Vernon freezes. “Shit, sorry. Fuck—“

“It’s okay,” you interrupt, and he relaxes a little. 

“Yeah?” He breathes, and you nod. A smile spreads across your lips, warmth spreading through you as it really, truly dawns on you — Vernon likes you back. 

“Yeah,” you affirm. “I think I much prefer that to bro.”

“Yeah?” He says again, and you smile. You’re just realizing now that he seems nervous too, and it makes you feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy inside.

“Mhm.”

You stare at one another through the screen. Vernon’s grin spreads the longer you do, and even though you know your cheeks are flushed, you don’t stop the staring contest. He narrows his eyes, and you let out a giggle. 

“So…”

“So,” he repeats, and you watch as he adjusts to lie down on his couch. “I finished my project.”

That was not where you thought this conversation was headed. “Oh yeah? Good job, bro.” 

Vernon raises his eyebrows at the name, and you flush again. 

“It’s habit,” you whine, and he puts on an exaggerated frown. 

“That’s fine,” he sighs dramatically, “I was going to say that I can hang out with you now that my project is done, but I can see I’m the only romantic one here, bro.”

You gasp. “I can be romantic!”

Vernon grins, and you immediately know you’ve taken his bait as he teases, “Really?”

“I can!” You insist, and he just smiles even wider. 

“Want me to come over so you can show me just how romantic you can be, baby?”

Read part three here!

TAGLIST: @tae-bebe @wheeboo @waldau @iluvseokmin @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @seohomrwolf @pan-de-seungcheol @minisugakoobies @wqnwoos @gyuminusone @christinewithluv @darkypooo @lvlystars @bewoyewo

[sharlinefreire]

ok, there's a famous meme in brazil about house md and i don't know if there is an english version for this meme, so i'll try to translate as best i can:

every episode of house md is like

> the patient arrives the hospital.

> the patient is a prostitute or a religious fanatic.

> dr. house attends the patient. she's very sick.

“dr. house, we don't know what to do!! she's bleeding from her eyes!!”

“do the exams, you idiot”

> dr. house will talk with the patient.

“you're stupid. fuck you.”

“dr. house, i hate youuu!! please heal meeee!!”

> cameron, chase and foreman come back to the room.

“dr. house, all the exams were negative. she's gonna die in 2 hours if we do nothing!! will be game over for her.”

“hmmm... game over... oh, there's a gameboy in her ass, that's the problem!”

“dr. house, you're an idiot, but we will check if there really is a gameboy in her ass.”

> they found the gameboy in her ass.

“oh my god, dr. house!! you were right. how did you know that?”

“the gameboys pikachu edition released in 1997 had an iodine-based battery, which if inserted in the butt makes your eyes bleed”

> the patient, cured, enters in the room.

“i was wrong about you, dr. house”

“fuck you, you're a whore! life is pain!!”

> dr. house go to lunch and flirt with dr. wilson <3

> the end.

[everestgale]

Whatever you're trying to do right now, you don't have to do it alone.

------

Happy New Year's Eve, Slay the Princess community!

A long, long message and credits to the designs are under the cut.

[Please excuse any awkward sentences, weird repetitions, and grammatical mistakes, I've been awake for 20 hours or so]

I cannot describe how much joy I feel right now, finally getting this drawing done. I feel nothing but joy when I think about Slay the Princess, and I feel nothing but pure adoration when I think about and spend time in this community. This game and this community truly brought a lot of happiness to me and made this otherwise unremarkable, maybe even depressing, year that much brighter. I wish I had more and better words to describe what I'm feeling right now! Genuinely, I don't have words to describe how much gratitude I feel right now.

And so for my final piece of 2024, I wanted to make a thank you drawing to this community and hopefully express the fraction of love and gratitude I feel right now. And I decided to make that drawing a group photo of 30 different Heroes! It ended up being 29 Heroes and one Opportunist, but I promise there is a reason for that-

If I had more time and energy, I would've included even more people, there are so many skilled artists, writers, and wonderful people in general who ended up excluded, especially due to this drawing being a voice-centered piece. But I'm glad I at least get to highlight some of the wonderful creators and artists in this community! Please check them out and support their work! They are all amazing <3

If you wanted to know who is the author behind each design, I made an annotated version! Sorry if the text is too small, I tried my best to write it as large as I could T-T

------

Now onto the message to the people in the drawing:

First! I sincerely apologize if I missed some details with your Hero design, or if I used an outdated version of it. I wanted to keep this a surprise, and for some of these, I had to dive into the depths of Tumblr to find (hopefully) relevant references. And yes, if you've received a DM from me about your Hero in the past few weeks or so, this project was the reason why! And if you've received an anonymous ask about your Hero, there is a quite good chance it was from me, too <3

And second! I have a message for each and every one of you:

@acethekenku: Your designs are so well-made and awesome! Especially adore your Broken and Contrarian, there's something about them that just immediately catches my eye! Your Contrarian's fashion and DIY skills are also immaculate :]

@artificial-radiance: Your art is absolutely wonderful, whether it's Slay the Princess, Destiny 2, or sonas! I wish I had a better word to describe your art, but the best I got is "delicious" /lh

@beartitled: I adore your StP comics! I adore your drawings of male!Princesses! I adore your non-StP work! Everything you make is so charming, and it's always a joy to see your work <3

@bubblybloob: One of my favorite fanart memes, to this day, is your old "I do not control the speed at which princesses die" meme. I still go re-read it sometimes when I'm not feeling great, it always puts a smile on my face (yes, this is my kind of humor). Though, your new voice designs are SO creative and unique! Love the fluffy Para and the prophetic cage Skeptic especially, but they are all so good <3

@coldranger: Your lads! So simple and yet so well-designed and expressive! That roadrunner Hunted you shared yesterday is so adorable, I can't with him! It is always wonderful to see more of your drawings. Also thanks for gushing with me over mod Owl's designs <3

@cookiealchemieart: I recently mentioned that you are one of my first Tumblr follows, and it's for a good reason! You made a lot of wonderful illustrations, and your three fan princesses are some of my favorites of all the ones I've seen before! And your voice designs, gosh, I am hugging your Contrarian-

@dampfur: Your art is unbelievably charming! And when I saw your Burned Bridges post with redesigns for Cold and Smittten, I absolutely fell in love with them. I will use this space to gush about just how simple and yet adorable and recognizable they are!

@glitchh1337: Always love seeing what you are up to on Discord! Whether it's design concepts for voices or little pixel art animations, they are all wonderful :]

@justcherryqwq: Your animations!!! Cherry, your animations are pure gold. The way you draw voices as little guys flying around the scene/the Long Quiet is just too perfect. I am also grabbing and petting your Paranoid, gently, of course!

@occatorcreator: You have one of the most unique voice designs/representations I've ever seen! Especially in that one post where you drew voices taking over Long Quiet's body, the way you drew the "possession" is just... so unique, so cool! I wish I had better words!

@orcatnip: I cannot describe how much delight your sketches bring me whenever they show up on my dash! And the way you wrote about voices appearing as fractures in Long Quiet's soul! Oh! Genuinely obsessed!!!

@pareidolla: Your voice designs are very pretty and very adorable! As you can see, I immediately had to try drawing your current iteration of Hero because he is SO PRETTY! I couldn't help myself. Sorry if I was too hasty in my decision to include an in-progress design, but I wanted you to be included here-

@remaking-machine: Rema!!! Your voices!!! They are so precious and charming! Love your Cheated, love your Hero, love your Skeptic! You were one of the first people I found & followed on Tumblr, and it's been such a joy to see what you're up to <3 [Also, I still would like a tray of Hero cookies-]

@salty-an-disco: Your writing, at least from what I've seen of it, is awesome! I genuinely wish I had the attention span to read your Heathens AU because whenever I see you talk about it, or draw anything for it, I love it a lot! Hopefully one day I will, but for now, I am here to admire your art :]

@sorry-not-feeling-it-right-now: Hey, who let this bird-fox into this gathering of Heroes-

Jokes aside, I am absolutely obsessed with your voice designs, and I really, really wanted to include you in this drawing, despite the fact that you are still working on your Hero design. Thank you for letting me include your Opportunist in this drawing, I cannot WAIT to see your Hero design <3

@tai-janai: Your drawings are so delightful, and I love the way you draw your voices! Your voice shipping sketches are also so adorable, and your HeA-inspired ParaHero sketch sometimes decides to show up in my head and not pay any rent (I love it a lot)!

@voiceofthebroken: Remember how I mentioned that your Cheated post inspired one of my upcoming projects? Yes, it was this one. You are responsible for this /lh

Don't want to repeat myself too much from the ask I sent yesterday, but I will once again say that I love your voice designs, and I will once again compliment your Cheated and Hunted. They are precious! <3

@wysteriaisapenguin: Your art is so charming and so recognizable! Your most recent HeA drawing is absolutely stealing my heart in a way that I cannot describe!!! I also really like your Hero design, he was an absolute joy to draw <3

------

Oh look, there's more, too!

@sonjalikestodraw: Sonja! Oh Sonja, everything you make is just SO PERFECT, your pieces are always so stellar and carefully crafted, and your voice designs are so thoughtful and so iconic, I love it every time you make a post with a little write-up of your design notes! It's always such a joy to read!!

0th: To say that your designs and your writing inspired my own would be saying nothing at all, they were some of the first I've seen! They will always have a special place in my heart as "the designs" that greatly contributed to my own final designs! And your Swap AU still is one of my favorites in the whole fandom, love all the unique designs you made for it!! Noble my beloved <3

@itsonlypolite: The way your voices ingrained themselves in my brain, I cannot describe it! Your designs are truly some of the most unique, most recognizable designs in the fandom. You deserve every single positive comment and compliment on your art and designs!!! I also love how you reply to people's asks with little drawings of your own. It's so charming and welcoming <3 It's also always pure joy talking to you!

@cammie-yammie: I am very glad that I got over my anxiety and started talking more and hanging out in your thread! I love your art, always so charming, so distinctly you, just such joy to look at, and I'm glad I got to engage with it more, and with you as a person!!! Damn, these sentences are confusing lol Long story short, love your art, love talking to you, and it's just pure joy either way <3

@lavb-b: I am not kidding when I say that your Businessman animation rewired something in my brain, whenever I watch it, I cannot stop myself from laughing, even though at this point I've seen it like 20+ times already. Besides that, your art in general is just such high-quality work, and I love talking to you on the Discord server! Welcoming you with open arms to EG's Yap Central Station /lh

@phantasmatoucan (mod Owl): OWL HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS- You have no idea how obsessed I am with your art, you have SUCH a distinct, awesome style, and the way you designed your voices brings me so, so much joy. And not only are you a skilled artist with amazing voice designs, but you are also just such a positive person, too!!! How is this possible!!! What's your secret!!!

@hello-universe-lovers: Your reblog comments always make me happy, and I absolutely love chatting with you!!! The little interaction you wrote between our Cheateds brought me so much joy as I was finishing this project <3 And even besides that, your art is so charming, and also apparently you are a wizard who draws everything with your finger- I cannot understand such witchcraft /lh

@neverpathia: You are the reason I QPR-ship ParaHero! You got these birds in my brain, and I can't get them out, how dare you (/lh). Jokes aside, I really like your writing, especially the way you write voices, and your art is also very pretty, I love it a lot! It's also such a joy to have you hang out in my art thread, thanks for doing that :]

@disarraydoodlez: Jam! And Kiri! Your art is so iconic, Kiri's desire for perfection never goes unnoticed, and Jam's chaotic silly ideas are always such a highlight (I'm still waiting for you to finish that one Den idea. The one we kept laughing about for like 30 minutes. That one). Thanks for inviting me to the PotC one-shot, I had a lot of fun playing it, and I'm glad we still hang out and chat sometime! Love everything you make, regardless of the fandom, and I can't wait to see what you both will make next <3

@s3viien (they mostly exist on BSky, check them out there!): Sev! My partner in crime! One of my biggest cheerleaders, you have no idea how much how dearly I appreciate it. I love sharing all my random ideas with you, and I love hearing about all of yours! Your art, your videos, and your music are all PEAK, and I'm always happy to see what you've been up to! To our friendship for as long as it lasts <3

@inkedout: And last but certainly and absolutely not least, Ink, my friend, you are one of the big reasons why I feel as comfortable writing all of this right now as I am right now. I cannot put into words just how much I appreciate you as a friend!! it is always such a joy to talk to you, whether it's about StP, or ATR, or a different fandom, or just life in general! I love seeing all your art, your OCs, and anything else you might have <3

Also voice shipping. There are certain ships, you probably know which ones, that are now stuck in my head because of you. I blame you /lh

-----

I believe that should be all I have to say! Happy New Year's Eve again, and I will see you all in 2025!

[cyberels]

thinking about modern loser!ellie as ur gf :3c

modern!abby version here!!!

requests are open btw please i’ll write for ellie or abby

18+ sfw & nsfw

-> sometimes she’ll send u random ass pictures she finds funny

-> does the thing where she pretends to swerve off the road while she drives cuz it makes you laugh

-> she SPAMS you with tiktoks

-> every time there’s video of an old guy on her fyp that has 2 likes she’ll send it to u and be like “thought this was joel”

-> the guy looks nothing like joel

-> pretends to have a fear of thunder so she can use every thunderstorm as an excuse to cuddle you

-> “babe i’m so scaredddddd please😣😣😣 im shaking”

-> CANNNOT keep secrets from u

-> she’ll plan surprise dates and when you ask where the two of u are going she’s like “…nowhere…”

-> she’ll have to be silent the entire drive because if she speaks she will immediately reveal entire date

-> she HATES cringey pet names

so obviously you call her them all the time

-> she’s in line to buy smth and she’ll ask u for her wallet and u’ll hand it to her and say some shit like “here u go baby snuggle bear🥰”

-> the look she gives you LMFOAODKSLDKDDK

‘😦’

-> literally looks like u just killed her first born

-> does that “i hardly know her!” joke all the time

-> if no one laughs at her jokes she’ll tap on her hand and be like “uh, is this thing on?”

-> she thinks this is peak comedy

-> she’ll find silly things throughout her day that remind her of u

-> she takes pics everytime she sees a heart shaped object and sends it to u

-> absolutely has to get u a little treat or gift when she goes out, candy, flowers, etc. anything u might like she WILL buy

nsfw ‼️ 18+

-> SENDS U STUPID ASS REACTION MEMES AFTER U SEND NUDES

-> omg u and her buy stuff off adam & eve sometimes so she signed up for texts

-> and every time she gets a text she’ll send u a screenshot like “great news babe the butt blaster is 40% off!”

-> when y’all first starting having sex she’d be so awkward 😭😭😭😭 she couldn’t take herself seriously

-> eventually warmed up and started getting more confident

-> ellie williams is a sub i’ll die on this hill

-> but she’ll def try almost anything at least once to see if she likes it

ok that’s all for now love u all

masterlist

[funficwriter]

Fontaine Characters with Violinist Reader!

A/N: This disappearing thing of mine is annoying, I'm trying to stop it. However, I finally got a bit of spare time to play Genshin and I am so, so in love with Fontaine. I think it's gonna be a wonderful arc. I haven't felt this much jubilation since Liyue or Inazuma!

Warnings; None, really.

Lyney, Lynette, Neuvillette, Navia, Furina, Wriothesley (no particular order)

Lyney

First off, this boy is no stranger to performing, an activity he loves. Naturally, he's going to be most interested in fellow performers, including you!

If you're the type to get anxious before, or even during a performance, say goodbye to that with him. He'll guide you through plenty of destressing rituals to help you relax beforehand.

(This included, but wasn't limited to; Taking deep breaths, doing tongue twisters, asking you to play meme songs on your violin, or tickling your sides because 'laughing is a great way to be loose'.)

Even during, should you freeze up and he's in the audience, he'll do a quick but loud magic trick to get everyone's eyes off you. Even one that makes him look like a fool, so long as you have time to put yourself together.

He'd LOVE to have you on stage with him! He adores your music and would ask you to sync it up with dramatic moments in his magic.

If you compose you own stuff, he's pretty much your biggest fan. The guy who never misses a concert. The loudest clapper. The biggest braggart.

"That gorgeous, graceful violinist we had the pleasure of watching? What if I told you that they're coupled up with an equally electric performer? That is, me~."

Lynette

It's easy to think that her brother outdoes her in terms of being your fan, but quietness hides a lot. If you think she doesn't care as much, you're so, so wrong.

She learned several music skills just to be closer to you, including sight-reading. BTW, she's got a killer voice and loves to sing out your compositions. Sometimes it helps you come up with alternative movements within them.

She can also play piano, to a good level of accompaniment. With time, one would think she is also a music assistant; It's not uncommon for her to be on your stage.

Lynette is VERY attentive to your instrument. Does it need rosin? A new bow, perhaps a re-hair? You just say the word, and she'll happily take it to the repair workshop if you have no time.

"By the way, Y/N prefers real horse hair, the thinnest you have. Don't worry. They're talented enough to thrive on it.".

She makes it a point to let you know how much she loves what you do: "All other music in Fontaine pales in its beauty next to yours. Please, keep playing.".

Neuvillette

You play the violin? (he crosses his legs and assumes his royal position). So when are you going to get married? Will you be okay playing a few pieces, even while being the spouse? /Half-joking, tbh.

For him to say that he is the lover of a music pioneer as important as you... Will never not be a moment of joy for him.

First off, what a sugar daddy. I hope you made a list of the expensive violins you wanted but couldn't afford. Because now, it's yours, never mind the Mora. Your very case may as well be coated with gold.

He won't die on this hill, but he would love it if you could play a bit during the parties he hosts. He loves live music to begin with, but after hearing you, it feels like no other pro could hope to sound as good as you.

(And side note, he likes how mesmerized everyone is with you lol)

If you're the type to remember your patron's personal preferences, and compose/play in accordance to that, just for him? Put hearts in his eyes. He's no longer joking about the wedding thing.

While he loves showing you off, he'll never force you if you're shy/nervous. If anything, he would also feel very special if he got to heard songs not out yet, compositions just for him...

"Perhaps this is Lady Furina's way of rewarding me for my years of service. Bless our Archon for giving me such a talented, show and heart-stopping partner.".

Navia

She likes that the Spina del Rosula is represented by passionate, talented people!

If you like sweets, I say just join her team. It's guaranteed pastries after each request lol.

Her detective work is cool, but can get a bit drab after a while. She likes asking you to play some violin ambiance, partly because it makes her feel cool, and partly because your music changes the atmosphere for much better.

Navia is a woman of decorum, but she'll often have trouble staying still during your concerts. It doesn't matter if there are rules to how loud a woman can cheer, she's happy for you and will make sure you know that.

She becomes even more proactive than usual. If a concert of yours falls on the same time as her work, she'll scour the ends of Teyvat for its solution, so she can see you.

With time, she might request you to play pieces that her father loved. Once they're brought back to life, through your own strings, she can't help but be a little emotional. She must have done something wonderful to have you.

"How beautiful, how poignant as you, my dear Y/N! This calls for macaroons! Which flavor would you like today?".

Furina

"Yes, Neuvillette, I know they perform and all, but why can't I keep them to myself! They're so darn great, I want that everyday!"

Of course, she's not gonna stop you, but beware; I feel like Furina would almost turn you into her own personal violinist lol.

She'd keep requesting your presence over her other personal entertainment and somewhat bombard you with song requests. Buuut if you're looking for a varied repertoire, she's your gal!

One reason she requests so much is because she so impressed with how you not only fulfill them all, you do it so creatively and beautifully. You don't just follow the note as it is... Once you're acquainted with what she likes, you modify the tune a bit to be more her taste.

She's so cute when she claps; The way her hands go so fast and she's about to get up from the seat, the huge eye and smile... Why, you might start reconsidering her offer.

"Bravooooo, Y/N!! Bravo! That was everything, I can't go on without an encore!"

If the tune is more happy-go-lucky, she will get up and dance along. Will also do it in circles around you because she's your little orb :3

Wriothesley

"Forgive me for intruding... But I was overhearing, and your playing is terrific. Electrifying. Do you happen to perform on Saturday nights? That's when I can leave the Fortress for a bit.".

Of all your fans, Wrio is one of the quieter ones, but not so much that no one knows it. For one, he's a Duke, he's bound to enjoy good music. And heavens knows he needs some fun in his life.

Here's a fun thing (ngl this is what I was excited to write): At first, it doesn't sound like he can make it to your recital. You see him on his desk, surrounded by paper mountains that only ever seem to grow. He doesn't want to make you sad, but his remark lets you know that he's not coming: "Would it kill some of these people to tone it down for a bit so I can go see my partner perform?".

So imagine your shock when you step on stage, and see him on the first row, sitting tall and handsome, shit-eating grin on his face and waving. You really bought it for a moment.

"Hehe... Did you really think I can't even make a bit of time to see Fontaine's best violinist in action? You actually bought that?".

I HC that he has insomnia, and has tried any things to cure it, but to no avail. It's rumored in Fontaine that his is incurable, but little do they know about how he lays down next to your sitting form. Little do they know of the soft lullabies you composed just for him, or how peacefully he dreams afterwards 💜

[star-girl69]

i think aphrodite kid reader x clarisse is simply just better??? like the trope is just superior??? like, we have clarisse who is tough, and mean and one of the strongest people at camp, then we have reader who is kind and compassionate and really doesn’t care all that much about fighting. so naturally, clarisse is super protective and treats reader like a princess?? how could people dislike it 😔😔

no exactly and i actually must write about this - basically this is just all about the little things clarisse does for her perfect princess angel daughter of aphrodite gf (me!!!!!!)

okay as payment for my absence please accept some shitty headcanons I LOVE YOU ALL BYEEEE

she’s just always DOING THINGS FOR YOU

she’s so perceptive and she always knows exactly what you want and need even if you don’t know it yourself

like if you like wearing high heels one) clarisse genuinely wonders what is wrong w you

she sees no practicality in them bc there isn’t lol

but also she’s like omg???? MY GF feels safe enough around me to wear shoes she can’t run in???? WHAT JOY!!!!!!!!!

and you’ll come back to your cabin being all ugh omg my feet hurt so bad laying on the bed and putting your feet UP

and clarisse is like “well i could have told you that”

excuse me????

“don’t get me wrong baby you look gorgeous and i love you wearing heels but it’s your funeral”

“DIE”

she just laughs and takes your shoes off

she’ll continue to bully you as she’s literally massaging your feet like ok girl yeah we see you

clarisse is also a MENACE about making sure you eat

“did you eat today?”

“babe you SAW me at lunch”

“just making sure….”

you’re just so kind and amazing and clarisse loves you so much but you are not the best at fighting!

she is constantly stressed when you’re not by her side

bc no one loves you like her who will protect you 💔💔💔💔

when someone takes advantage of you she gets so PISSED OFF

bc it’s not like someone is beating you up it’ll be like someone is using you as their personal therapist or smth and you’re just like “pls go speak to an actual professional wtf 😭😭😭”

and she’s so pissed off bc WHY IS THIS BITCH PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY TORTURING HER GIRL??????

she’s not afraid to beat people up for you and actually enjoys it!

anyways, clarisse is also a koala bear

and an emotionally stunted caveman

she’s not good with her words so these actions are all she has to show you that she loves you

idk if y’all have noticed but clar rarely saying ily to y/n bc it’s my personal headcanon that she has such a hard time saying those words. she shows you she loves you but for some reason it’s just so hard to get the words out. (…BC SHE IS AN EMOTIONALLY STUNTED CAVEMAN)

so she quickly adapts to do all these little things

if you’re walking down a flight of stairs trust she is holding your hand

QUEEN of opening jars for you

if you’re not feeling well or you’re tired or just feeling lazy she’ll bully someone into doing your chores for you

also this bitch is NOT afraid to stand up for you and make sure you get what you deserve.

like that one meme

“UM… she said NO PICKLES… you fucking dumbasses…”

“CLARISSE 😭😭😭”

also like in “better than revenge” she loves to watch you do your makeup

finds it so fascinating that you can only get PRETTIER

like she’s okay at makeup but you can do that shit perfectly like standing on your head

you make it seem so effortless

she’s not a HUGE makeup girly but sometimes she’ll let you just go crazy

so you can sit on top of her….. that one sapphic meme yes…..

also she’s constantly bragging about you

“yeah… i have the prettiest gf in camp… y’all are just losers what can i say”

ofc if anyone were to agree w her she would go insane

“yeah y/n is so pretty”

“um ok yeah you don’t have to say it i say it enough….”

even if one of your siblings gives you a compliment she’s like HOLD THE FUCK ON- then she remembers THATS YOUR SIBLING ITS OK and she’s like oh this is so embarrassing.

will she stop? no ofc not

she’s constantly telling you how pretty you are. beautiful. gorgeous. exquisite. all the words

loves kissing you all over

KISSES YOUR HAND 🤭🤭

anyways going back to the clarisse koala bear agenda that got away from me

she’s just always touching you

hand on the small of your hand guiding you somewhere

hand around your waist

SITTING IN HER LAP AT CAMPFIRES

no matter what type of hair you have she’s obsessed w it. if you have pin straight hair she’s so obsessed w the fact that you don’t need a huge curl routine like her, finds it fascinating

if you do have curls she loves doing a curl routine together

whatever whatever type of hair you have she’s obsessed with it and will wash it for you if you want

so soft and lovingly like a more of a scalp massage than a hair washing

will brush your hair for you, braid it for you, anything you like just OBSESSED

she loves when you like sit on top of a picnic table and then she gets to sit in between your legs on the bench thinks it’s so so fun and so so silly

she LOVESSSSS sleeping w you OBVI.

on top of you, you on top of her, she’s a koala bear. like entirely wrapped around you

partially bc she is as aforementioned a koala bear and partly bc she is overprotective even in her sleep

if you move in the middle of the night even just a little bit

she’s a super light sleeper i feel like

always on the guard fr ✊

a little bit better when you’re there tho

so if you move in the middle of the night she’ll just like caress your hair and kiss your cheek and try to shush you back to sleep

like bitch you’re still asleep have you never heard of ADJUSTING? MOVING? SHIFTING?

hope you’re not one of those people who has to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night bc with clarisse that will stop

you can’t abandon her even for 2 minutes even for basic bodily functions like you just can’t it’s so inconsiderate to her… 💔

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish @rebecca37 @saltair-and-palemoonlight @ace-spades-1

[xiao-come-home]

PLEASE PLEASE PPLLLEEEAAAASE GIVE ME HEADCANONS OF BOOTHILL WITH AN INSECURE CHUBBY S/O. I KNOW THIS MAN WOULD SHOW EXTRA LOVE AND KILL ANYONE WHO MAKES FUN OF HIS BELOVED

Oh wow hehe twirls hair did you just call me out in this ask because its so me 🧐 some are a little sugg/estive but yea, you ask and I shall deliver 🙏

Boothill does not care that you're chubby at all - quite the opposite, he loves it! He genuinely thinks you look gorgeous, but most importantly, he's obsessed with hugging you and how soft you are! It gives him the fuzzy memories and reminds him how much he misses his old body.

Boothill does not tolerate yours or - aeons forbid - anyone else's bad comments about your body. Sure, he might laugh at some jokes you make, but once you take it too far, he gently reminds you that you're just as human as anybody else and should respect yourself! He won't judge you either, I mean - you're dating a cyborg, so if you love him for who he is in and out, he'll do the same.

Boothill might be a little too happy to touch your love handles at any occasion he gets. He's a little bit of a chubby chaser (like Itto, but it ain't about him) in the best way possible, he really likes to just... Grab stuff. Especially if it's about you.

Boothill might not be that good with words, but will always reassure you that he truly just loves you, regardless of how you think about yourself. Boothill will scoop you in his arms, kiss your cheek gently and wipe your tears if you truly feel down about your looks that day.

"Listen up, sweet pea," Boothill smiles at you softly, "all I can see is absolute perfection. Ya might not feel the same and it's fine - but I promise ya, pretty thing, I'll never get tired of seein' these beautiful curves."

He's definitely willing to prove his words with actions, though..

Try prying away Boothill from your thighs when he gets to them, I dare you. God, he loves, fuck, LOVES everything about your thick thighs. Having them as pillow, having his face squished between them... He jokes it's his only place to die the second time (💀). He just might go insane if you wear shorts that emphasize your revealed thighs.

He might just be laying between your thighs when he recharges. There's no reason to it, he's enveloped by two warm pillows and he's on cloud nine. Deal with it.

You may not notice, but Boothill sometimes just drools over you. If you're chubbier in the butt - he fights himself internally not to pull you from behind by your shorts against him and shamelessly grope you. Chubbier tits? He's almost barking when they spill from your bra. Chubbier stomach? God, the way some of your clothes stick to it, it makes his head dizzy. A little bit of everything? Good, he wants it all. Just sit on his face and stop talking.

Boothill might short-circuit when you sit on his lap for the first time because any aeons out there, this is heaven. Literally just marry him on the spot please. He isn't letting you go once you sit down. He's literally the "let's fucking go" meme afterwards.

You just have to slap away Boothill's hands in public from time to time because this man's hands slowly progress from just holding your waist, then firmly holding your hips, and traveling to finally hold your ass.

Though, when someone dares to speak something that makes you doubt yourself even more, let alone make you cry - things are going to get violent. Boothill won't let it slide, and on top of that, he's fucking pissed off. Boothill will hunt them in every lifetime.

[kanasbinwriting]

Hello!! Do you think you could do "a date with death" headcannons?? Like just general romantic headcannons!

GENERAL DATING HEADCANONS

Thank you so much for your request!! Apologies for the long wait :( I was quite busy recently.

I love him so much I might even do a part two if I can come up with more after I finish all of my requests...

I listened to the adwd soundtracks as I wrote this lol. Idk and idc if someone cares or not, but my Casper plush arrives soon and I'm sooo excited ^^!! Anyway, enjoy!!

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

- He looks like someone who adores kisses but wouldn't initiate them at first, so you'd have to make the first move

- But don't worry, if you stop giving him kisses and tease him enough he'll be the one to initiate them

- He gets especially weak in the knees when you kiss him on the neck

- Do you guys know that meme "Ah, yes. My girlfriend and her 500 dollar four foot tall mareep."? That's Casper with his Azrael plush and I will die on that hill

- He will laugh at you if you get jealous of his plush

- How can you be jealous of a plushy...? Mortals sure are weird...

- In the beginning stages of your relationship, he would be very shy and uncertain when it comes to initiating physical touch, but when you initiate it? He would never say no

- He loves to tease you but will explode when you tease him back

- No matter how often he denies it, it's obvious that he loves your teasing and adores the little back and forth you guys have

- You don't know how makeup works? Don't worry, because your personal makeup assistant is here!

- He would LOVE to do your makeup whenever you please, may it be every day or just on special occasions it doesn't matter to him. He also loves to have you this close to him and cups your cheek when he does your eyeliner

- Don't get me wrong, I bet he's a great cook, but I don't think he knows a lot of recipes and will make the same things over and over again

- If you want to eat something different, feel free to join him. I think cooking would be one of his favourite activities with you

- If you're a picky eater, he will make sure to only add the things you like

- His baking is shit though, no matter how precisely he follows the recipe, he somehow always fucks it up

- Even though he gets easily flustered, I think you two moved on quite fast in the relationship

- He would love to include you in his nightly routine

- Your skin's going to look glamorous!

- Even if you don't want to use his products for whatever reason, he'd still enjoy having you next to him doing your stuff as he gets ready for bed

- Even with Azrael in his arms, he still wouldn't be able to fall asleep without you. So when you get home late expect a grumpy reaper waiting for you on your bed

- He'll immediately forgive you when you give him cuddles

- I think one of his love languages is physical touch

- He isn't too keen on PDA, but he'll still hold your hand and give you small kisses in public

- In private he's a big cuddle bug though

- I think he would enjoy being the little spoon and big spoon, you can take your pick. He would also enjoy every cuddle position where he can hold your hand and look at your face

- One of his other love languages is definitely words of affirmation

- He enjoys receiving it as much as giving it

- I don't think that gift-giving is his love language, but he'll still give you gifts from time to time to surprise you

- Okay, I think I should stop talking about his love languages, but let me drop one more.

- I definitely think that one of his love languages is quality time

- Be it going outside for a walk or just staying at home cuddling while watching one of your silly series, he will always want to spend his time with you

-  He seems like a morning person to me, but he also enjoys staying in bed with you cuddling

- He's a GREAT listener

- No matter the subject, he will always engage in it and ask questions about it

- He loves listening to you info dump

- He'll even check the things you like out so he can engage in the conversation more

- I like to think that he enjoys playing coop games with you... especially Cult of the Lamb :)

- He's quite tidy and keeps his things organised, but he still wouldn't want to clean after you

- So if you leave your dirty laundry on the floor, be prepared for a big lecture

- When it comes to arguments, I think his reaction depends on what kind of argument it is

- Are you arguing about something silly? He will act stubborn and be a little know-it-all, even if he knows he's in the wrong

- If it's a more serious argument he will raise his voice, but won't scream

- It'll take him a day to cool off, and it will be a bit hard for him to apologise first but he still manages

- He will feel a bit awkward at first when everything's sorted out

- Just tell him that everything's fine now and give him a little smooch and he will be back on track

- Tbh I don't think that he's a jealous type, he trusts you a lot

- He does get jealous though when you somehow manage to spend more time with someone other than him

- I think he would immediately seek you out and talk to you, embarrassingly admitting that he's jealous

- If you have any hobbies and/or a fan of certain things, be prepared to suddenly have tons of merch and/or stuff of it on your bed waiting for you

- He'd look at you with a smug smile waiting to be praised and praises he will receive

- If you have any trauma and are mentally ill, he will do his best to support your every need

- If you have sudden outbursts and want to be left alone, he wouldn't mind going to a different room and wait for you to calm down. He'll still feel bad for leaving you

- He needs a lot of reassurance when it comes to your mental health and what exactly you need him to do

- The same goes for when you're chronically ill

- He won't bother to look the information up, he knows that not every method applies to the same person and will just straight up ask you what you need

- When he's sad, all he wants is for you to hold him and tell him that everything's going to be alright

- If you're stressed due to work or an entirely different reason, be prepared to get spoiled by him. Of course, he would lecture first that you need to take better care of yourself, but he will immediately massage your head after

- He will tear up if you give him a gift and bake/buy him a cake on his birthday

- If you have a hobby that he can somehow participate in be ready to have a player two, because he will join you

- He likes it when you call him baby girl. Even when it confused him at first

- He loves it when you give him serious and silly pet names, he isn't picky

- He knows that marriage is a big thing for most mortals, so he would love to marry you. It doesn't matter if it's official or not

[batbux]

It's forty minutes into the latest state of the company press conference and Bruce has had to mute his mic entirely to avoid being turned into a meme AGAIN for sighing too much at his own event. For all that he's spent almost 20 years coaching his own children on not making scenes, he's really not much better. It's hot and he doesn't want to be here. His ribs hurt. He's tired. He's hungry. He's every excuse Dick or Jason have trotted out over the years.

(Tim understands company manners and can almost always be trusted to stick it out as long as he's allowed to vent his frustrations afterwards. He's recently taken to smashing ugly thrifted dishes. Stephanie and Damian have been collecting any ceramic not entirely pulverized and turning them into pavers for Alfred's garden.)

(Bruce gave up after Tim. He really only needs one kid to tag along to social events. If the kid start to outnumber him they start getting IDEAS.)

His distraction is why it takes two very rude repetitions of his name for him to take notice at the young reporter pushing his way to the front. Lucius stands, cutting off the project manager currently presenting and speaks into the mic.

"Please keep hold all questions until the end of the presentation, thank you."

"Mr. Wayne," the reporter tries again and Bruce waves away Lucius's further protests.

"Can I help you?" He asks, smiling with the full force of Brucie Wayne's charm behind it. It's been awhile since his last scandal, but if the press is inventing drama then it's less work for him.

The man holds up a photograph almost accusingly. He reeks of gotcha journalism.

Bruce squints towards him, unable to fully make out the contents of the photo. Dick may have been right when he gently suggested Bruce add glasses to his Brucie Wayne persona but that was a hill Bruce was still willing to die on. It was bad enough he had to have a prescription COWL.

"What do you have to say about the presence of your adopted son, Timothy Drake at the illegal mob in Robinson Park last Saturday?"

"Drake-Wayne," Bruce corrected because Tim hyphenated, damn it. He was the first of his children to let Bruce tag the Wayne name on and it mattered, damn it. "Wait do you mean-"

"How about reports of him kissing a man while there?"

"A blond man?" Bruce asked, finally giving up and crossing to take the photo for himself. "Oh. No, that's his boyfriend."

There was a beat of silence before Bruce realized his mistake. Just as the reporters began to squall, he dropped the blurry photo and began to speed walk off, phone suddenly in hand.

Through the podium's microphone, the gathered reporters heard one thing as Bruce evacuated the immediate vicinity.

"Tim? Don't be mad."

---

Despite Bruce's best efforts, he becomes a meme.

---

Immediately following the bombshell that Timothy Drake-Wayne had a boyfriend, social media blows up, clamoring for more information. They're ravenous for it, desperate. Tim doesn't have a personal social media presence but they stalk his professional accounts religiously. Bruce does have personal social media, but he maintains radio silence.

In the end, a Gotham based "influencer" stumbles across Dick Grayson and Damian Wayne getting donuts at Kosher Donuts and Co. Dick is personable, as always, and stops to speak with the young woman briefly.

"Yeah, Tim wasn't mad," he laughs when asked. "Just disappointed. But man, he knows how to milk it."

"Bruce is in the doghouse, huh?" she asks, full of false sympathy.

"A little bit," Dick says as Damian mumbles, "Titus would never share."

"But," Dick continued. "Tim's spun it so Bruce is on the hook for like, half a million in donations for local LGBT charities. Tim says it would hurt less if he sponsored a new shelter too, so that's something to look forward to."

"That's a lot of money! Where's it all going?"

"Oh you know," Dick says and gestures vaguely. "A lot of different programs."

"Yeah? Anything you personally want to see done with the funding?"

"Drag story time," Damian answers before Dick can. He looks intense. "But not for children. For dogs. In the shelter."

---

A day later, Tim breaks the silence. He goes live on Bruce's Instagram.

"So the problem was that Bruce thought the reporter was saying I was being unfaithful," Tim explains. "He totally forgot I wasn't out to everyone yet. Bruce was just worried because he's already told me if I break up with my boyfriend, he's not uninviting him from any future family events."

"Luckily, I was in fact just kissing my boyfriend at PRIDE. Just because people got shifty with the permits at the last second because of protestors doesn't make it an illegal mob. If you wanna hear about Wayne's and illegal mobs, talk to Dickie about his younger years. Nothing I do can compare."

[psycheetamore]

Feyd-Rautha’s benevolent teachings for his favourite soldier

Summary: you are the favourite concubine of the na-Baron. After a gruelling day of battle on Arrakis, he wanted to wind down. But one of his most prized soldiers, Ivan, had again saved his life, granting him one wish to be fulfilled. And again, he chose to have you, or in any case tried to do that. The young lord tried to settle with offering entry to his annual underground rave, and one of his other concubines, not wanting to share you again. But Ivan was not having any of it. Where initially the men started to quarrel over you, it ended with them examining who could fuck you best.

Tags: the works – MDNI, Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen Is His Own Warning, explicit smut, Feyd-Rautha is physically imposing, Feyd-Rautha as benevolent teacher, oral (trying to dry her out and weirdly not succeeding in it), p in v, public, little ménage à trois (mfm), punishment, Feyd-Rautha having someone else pressing down their hand to feel the na-Baron’s cock, reference to a na-Baron shaped toy, interaction between concubines, dubious consent, no beta we die like duke Leto, the author regrets nothing, the author was set up to write this by @houserautha & @mrs-hardy-hunnam-butler-pascal following a convo on the meme above I made recently

Word count: 5.4k

+++

“Ivan, you seem to have done everything you could to save me” Feyd-Rautha growled. Although it should have been his soldier’s task to protect the na-Baron, the former had learned that the latter would upkeep tradition that anyone who saved a member of the Harkonnen family could ask for anything they wanted. Which could only be refused through a battle to the death.

“I do not believe there was a second where you were not hovering around me” the young lord continued. “And” while the men stood to look at how Ivan had overcome a Fremen who flown from under the surface of the sand to kill “it appears as if you have succeeded.”

Ivan smirked, crow feet forming around the eyes on his tanned and quite rectangular face. This man did not even try to feign what he was after. Light brown curling hair and green eyes: quite the opposite of his master. Years in battle had roughened his body and face, but had never managed to remove his boyish twinkle in his eyes and lips. And that would not change now.

“We both know why you did that” Feyd-Rautha sighed. Laying his hand over the shoulders of this brother in arms, he asked: “what do you want this time? And please don’t ask me anything that will make me kill you.”

“Sir, you know what I desire, and you know what I will ask” he said, as the men walked back to the ornithopter.

Another sigh left the body of the Harkonnen heir, as he replied: “how about tonight? Join me at my gathering. You are my special guest. And maybe I can teach you a thing or two.”

Ivan nearly jumped, getting this honour bestowed upon him. Never had he participated in this infamous event, despite longing to do so after hearing many rumours. Feyd-Rautha wanted to continue his annual fête, even if he no longer was in Barony. Organised within the belly of the Arrakeen palace. A party, fuelled by spice, sounds and sex, continuing for multiple days. There were no limits, other than the darlings of the na-Baron. Not even the body of the heir was inaccessible.

+++

As you were preparing yourself for the evening, which required your participation, Feyd-Rautha stepped in your room. He always did this, visiting his different concubines, comforting that he came back in one piece, even if that was a given. As his favourite, he would first come to you.

“Feyd!” as you leaped at him and wrapped your arms around him. You knew he disliked you seeing his return as a special achievement. Still, you could not overcome the worry, and allowed yourself this little insubordination. It was good you were not yet dressed, as this hug covered you in blood – again.

Kissing him on the cheeks and hugging him, relieved he was back again, safely in your arms, you asked him whether the raid was squashed.

“Yes, it was my darling. I told you to never doubt me” he stated, with some displeasement in his voice.

“I am sorry my lord. You know I just cannot deal with the uncertainty, however small the chances may be of you being hurt” you explained with an exhale.

He petted your hair, as he said, surprisingly understanding: “I know. You explained it before. You know that I carry good protection with me, who has proven to be very reliable once again.”

You looked at him, perplexed. He was not one to admit someone or something had saved him. Your heart stopped beating for a second. The last time he told you something like this, you ended up being fucked by him and Ivan.

You still thought about that every night that you were alone, and also sometimes when Feyd would own you. You would close your eyes, and as the na-Baron was fucking you, you thought about how it was actually Ivan driving himself in you, relentlessly, punishing. Soldiering through. You had always found both of them to be very attractive. Knowing the pleasures the soldier was willing to bring you, made you keen to see him again. Who knew what could be the situation now, and why he had mentioned it. You just hoped it was Ivan again, who had saved him, and that he had requested your favours again. And at the same time, you felt incredibly guilty. The young lord had allowed you to live in a lap of luxury, protected and provided with everything you needed, including his own companionship. Unless you had acted up, he would always leave you satisfied, give you more than you could deal with. There was nothing to complain. But still, being surrendered to another man enticed you. Perhaps even more knowing the menacing na-Baron was appalled, or even offended by it. You felt alive. And having some hair to hold yourself to was also nice for a change.

As you gathered your wits to ask him, he had already wrestled him from under your arms, kissed your hand and bid you a good evening, only to see you at the gathering.

With a flutter in your stomach, you continued your preparations.

+++

Feyd-Rautha walked into the deep basements of his palace towards the source of relentless beats. He was adjourned by his concubines, two of whom walked next to him, as he had wrapped his arms around their waists. You were one of them, being fully covered in a form hugging leather brown one-piece, held together through zippers and buckles. He had opted for mere leather trousers, showing his impressive pale physique. Walking into the large basement area with the prince of the party caused you to bask in the limelight.

No time to waste, Feyd-Rautha did not stop to join one of the halls where guests were focussing on dancing. He went directly to the more scarcely lit rooms, deeper into the castle. The rooms where people found each other. Where they joined their limbs and became one. As you got deeper and deeper, less people were dancing and more people were groping each other, pushing themselves into each other, licking and sucking each other. In corners, trying to find places with more shade. As you got deeper and deeper light became scarcer all together, as was the case with people’s inhibitions. The sound from the party softly died down, allowing for the more physical noises to take over. Even if you could not see them, you could hear and smell bodies merging repeatedly with pleasures being found.

Nothing was off limits, apart from the darlings of Feyd, as well as the platform on which a custom bed was placed. You found your way through the mass of people laying on the floor, standing against pillars and sitting on couches while fucking each other high on spice, to find the matrass large enough to cater to a considerable number of people. Soft, sturdy, surrounded by poles. Curtains could be drawn, or not. Although it was not roped off, everybody knew this was truly Feyd’s territory.

He went straight for the bed and laid his tired body down to rest. You knew he loved to watch people lose all inhibitions, submitting to fornication. It made him feel safe, relaxed. He pointed at one of his other concubines and ordered her to take of the outer layer of her clothes. Watching her follow his orders, he winked to have her come stand next to him. He moved her panties to the side to push his fingers in her. “Warm and wet. You will do” and ordered her to sit at the end of the bed.

“Ivan, come claim your prize” he shouted, and as if coming from the woodwork, an excited soldier emerged from the shadows. “There, you can take her. She is ready for you. You will like her.” He turned around, as this conversation was now over as far as he was concerned. He wanted to avert his attention to you.

But Ivan was not having that: “Sir, the woman you offer is lovely. But, I want her” glancing at you, while both arms of the na-Baron were wrapped around you. “I have never encountered a cunt so velvety, so sweet, so full of desire.”

“Ivan” he said menacingly.

“Sir” he replied with a light tremble in his voice.

You heard a sigh, as your heart was racing. You were so close yet so far. You had been longing for Ivan. You had never expected to have this opportunity again. But the thought of him fucking another woman, mere meters away from you, it was devastating. You knew you could not plead to Feyd, you could not beg. But how you wanted to. Clenching your jaw to control your emotions, you decided to accept this situation.

But Ivan would not, and he moved closer to the bed, ignoring the woman he so brutally had rejected.

The atmosphere shifted and you felt the men size each other up. From the look in his eyes, you knew Feyd-Rautha could lash out any moment now. Before you could control yourself, you grabbed his face, turned him towards you and kissed him, dragging him into you. Knowing what you were doing, he shoved you away and leaped up towards Ivan.

The men started to fight and soon ended up wrestling on the floor. Rolling over each other, trying to get each other to submit. All, to be able to claim your favours this evening. How you were willing to share them with both of them, as you had a while ago, they would probably never know.

Panting, Ivan said: “I have trained you, I know your weaknesses. Keep your promise. It is always the same with you Harkonnen scum” as he pounded away at him. Ivan had managed to mount the young lord and was throwing punches at his abdomen and face. Some landed, some not, but Feyd-Rautha was pressed into the defence. You wanted to intervene. You needed to intervene. But how could you, without insulting your lord? You knew your concubinator would be able to salvage himself, but you wanted to protect Ivan. Winning from your lord would come with repercussions. He should have known that, but he clearly did not care, as he continued to fight.

So, you did the one thing you could think of, that should not get you in life-ending trouble. You crawled towards Feyd’s other concubine, who had been sitting at the end of the bed, nearly naked and alone. From the corner of your eye, you could see they were slightly disrupted by your actions, keen to learn what would happen.

Once you found her, you spread her legs to kneel between them, and started to kiss her. If neither of the men would entertain you, you would find someone else.

As you kissed her, your hands flowed down over her body, across her back, her waist, her hips, her legs. You pressed her mouth on yours, as you placed her legs further apart. Starting to push her backwards, your fingers found her folds. Still warm and still wet.

You wondered what kept them from intervening. Were they so taken in by their fight, that they would ignore this?

While in the process of exploring your fellow concubine, you suddenly felt yourself being torn off her.

“Woman, why did you distract me?” as Feyd-Rautha turned out to be the one holding your ankle, as he pushed you on your belly and slapped your butt cheek. “I thought I taught you to never cause any distraction” as he slapped you again. Feeling the leather surrounding your body was holding you back from feeling the true pain, he started to unbuckle the back of your jumpsuit. He needed to find your bare skin, allowing his hits to have their full impact.

But before he could continue, you heard Ivan speak to him: “sir, I believe that this night I get to implement your punishment. I saved you, and now I bested you. You need to keep your promise.” It was followed by a growl, and movements on the bed.

Soon hands continued to uncover your backside. “Milady, I am terribly sorry, but I must enact the punishment your lord has ordered for you.” He continued: “my lord, how many blows should she get for this?”

“Ivan, do you want me to kill you?” was the response that came.

“No sir, I just want to follow your orders. Ensuring discipline is key in managing both your army and your harem” Ivan responded.

“Ivan, I will not forget this. You will be punished.” He sighed, clenching his jaws out of frustration and spat: “give her 10” as you felt him fall back to the matrass again. “And make them hard. She needs to regret what she did.”

“Yes, sir” as he caressed your butt, before he started to hit.

You decided you would not give Feyd-Rautha the pleasure of hearing you scream of pain. The first slap caused you to bite your teeth. You could handle this.

The second blow resulted in you biting your lip.

The third strike was harder than the two before. You were not anticipating that and grabbed the covering on the mattrass to project your pain.

After the fourth slap you could not stop yourself and groans left your mouth. Your buttocks were turning red, the palm of his hand started to show and a fire was ignited inside of you. Laying bare in front of him, no panties covering any sights, allowing him to see right into your core.

By the eight slap your response had turned into screams every time his hand hit you.

At the tenth slap you were trembling, trying to recover from the pain, dripping from your core.

Ivan crawled over you, with you still laying on your stomach as you tried to breathe the pain away, whispering in your ear: “I will make it up to you. You have no idea how much I have longed for you. No woman could compare after I had you. I would give my life for a last fuck with you. I want to bury my cock in you, and stay there until I die. I want to be deeper in you than any man has ever been. I want to be so deep in you that I am lost, can no longer leave and are to life there forever.”

As he pushed his fingers in you, he continued: “you are so fucking wet. So warm. Hmm, I believe you wanted to be punished. Didn’t you? If I would not know better, I would have thought you had already come, so slick, so precious.”

From the back of the bed, a smoky voice shouted: “stop the charade, fuck her already and get it over with. You don’t want to keep your master waiting.” You felt the tension rising again, causing your heart to skip a beat. “And you know: you cannot come in her pussy. That is reserved for my cum that she will get tonight, if she behaves. But we are still a long way from there as punishment of this distracting thing is not yet over.”

“Yes, my lord” as he unzipped his pants, pushed your legs wider and drove himself into you while pushing your chest deeper into the matrass. You felt him fuck you without any gentleness, just as you had remembered. No build up, no soft beginning: menacing from the start. You tried to stop yourself from coming so quickly, but you were so ready for him. You had been ready for him ever since he had spilled himself in your ass a while ago.

In the aftermath of that first and last time, feeling his cum leave your body, as Feyd’s left your cunt, smelling both of them on you – it drove you insane. Feyd knew his concubines could have appetites he could not always fulfil as he needed to attend to all of them, so he had gifted each a toy replicating his manhood. You used this gift to satisfy yourself, with what they left as lubrication. It wasn’t as good as with either of them, but it was successful none the less, being filled and stretched by this correctly dimensioned yet larger-than-life replica.

You wanted to savour these moments. Cherish them. But your body wasn’t capable of stopping itself, and within what felt like mere seconds you came; barely being able to shut your mouth, as you would have otherwise moaned Ivan’s name.

 “Coming so quickly? Little needy cunt that you have. Didn’t your lord satisfy you, while I was away? You needed me, I see” he whispered. “Nice tight little pussy, all for me. I spoiled you. It knows it will never get a better cock.”

“I fucking heard that, Ivan. I can still kill you” the menace behind you threatened.

As Ivan kept driving himself in you, he looked to Feyd-Rautha and you could already imagine that he would say the most taunting things. Just like last time, when he chose a balancing act putting his life on the line to achieve his satisfaction.

He did not disappoint: “tonight, you will watch me fuck your favourite. You see how quickly she came? I can teach you that as well, sir. Or maybe you just need to give her to me.” As he continued to engulf himself in you: “you can borrow her sometimes, if you ask nicely” while squeezing one of your cheeks so hard that it left the marks of his fingers and nails.

You had learned to read men. To understand men. It was a matter of seconds before Feyd-Rautha were to challenge him again. But there was nothing you could do.

And you were right.

Ivan was pushed aside, causing him to leave you mid-thrust without a warning, resulting in a large thumping sound and a ripple on the platform. As you turned around to see what had happened, clenching your thighs together to keep the pressure on, you saw Feyd kneeling where Ivan had kneeled just moments ago, whipping his cock out, ready to replace his trainer.

“My darling” he said, as lovely as he could do that, tiling his head forward and gazing straight into your eyes, “you will need to tell me, us, who fucks you better” as he pushed you on your back, drove your legs apart and found himself where he had just caused emptiness.

Despite the perhaps deserved disciplinary actions inflicted on behalf of Feyd and despite all the efforts of Ivan, your walls still needed time to adapt, causing you to curl under Feyd’s relentless punishment. Your lord knew you needed time to adapt, you always needed that. But he did not give you that luxury this evening, no time to get accustomed, every centimetre he possessed was driven inside of you at once.

“Tell me woman, who feels better? Who claims you better? Who gets you wetter?” he growled.

But all sense had left your head as you were heading towards a new high. Something that would save your life. The only sounds you were capable of making were involuntary moans. It must have been a sight to behold, in front of his other concubines, in front of his subjects, fighting over a single woman. Neither of them made any effort to hide or somehow protect your modesty. There was only one thing on their mind, or perhaps two: best each other and find their own highs.

“Sir, I do not believe she will make for a very objective judge” while looking at you as you fell apart. “We need to find another way to determine who takes her better, who she hungers for more” Ivan suggested.

Continuing to own you, Feyd thought about this. The ever-benevolent leader, he had always been willing to learn sensible ideas from his men. He had no patience for stupidness, but he had grown accustomed and perhaps even had started to appreciate Ivan’s forwardness. Any other man would have already been laying to bleed dry on the floor for the insolence shown just this very evening, but not this man.

“What other way, soldier? How can we compare? Through her wetness? How quickly she comes? How hard she moans?” The young lord’s brain capacity was available only partially, as he was primarily focussing on you.

“Yes, let’s start with that. We cannot compare how much moisture comes from her anymore. She is already too wet.”

“No. You need to think in solutions. You can lick her dry” the na-Baron replied.

“We can try, sir”, an enthusiastic Ivan replied.

“No soldier. You do not try. You succeed” as he removed himself from you, allowing Ivan to proceed.

Your mind still in a haze, you could not help but feel that the young lord knew what he was doing all too well, as Ivan started sucking your pussy, starting the quest. A tiny moment that your eyes locked was enough to convince you.

The man’s tongue and mouth worked for your pleasure, even if that was not his primary goal. Not stopping but continuing. You could no longer recall where one high started and the other ended; it became one big wave you surfed high.

As was the case with everything between these men, this too became a little fight between them. Trying to drive themselves in to deplete the source of all the moisture, seeing who could achieve that first.

But in the process, they only enticed you to share more.

“Sir. I hate to say it, and I would love to continue, but quite unexpectedly I am coming to the conclusion that we may not reach out goal anytime soon. She is expelling too much of her liquid gold” after which he continued to fulfil his duty.

“Let me have a better look. Continue” his master said.

How he knew what he was doing. He always knew. A more cunning man than his cunning appearance even suggested. Knowing you were on full display did cause you to startle, but the delicateness of Ivan’s movements soon took over.

“Ivan?” he growled.

“Yes, my lord?” while continuing to suck.

“Why are your fingers in her cunt?” he said laced with a tone of annoyance.

“Uhm…” as he removed his fingers instantly. “A matter of habit sir.” He answered like he was caught doing something naughty.

“I will show you how it is done” as he pushed Ivan away.

“Sir, please. Leave some for me” Ivan said, trying to find out how he could participate without taking the pleasure of his master away. The men had fought in battle together, finding ways out while being under fire. They could master this situation as well.

“Ivan, you have misunderstood the assignment. If you are thirsty, grab something to drink. It is about comparing who is best at fucking her.”

The men stood up to start arguing. They had always added physical intimidation to their discussions. In the process, they started to ignore you, allowing you to recoup again. The concubine that had been sitting at the end of the platform moved slowly to you, lifting your head up her lap, petting your hair. She felt you panting. She knew how relentless the young lord could be. How he could push his female companions to their limits. She wanted to help you, support you, recover. She was a dear friend. In her arms you felt yourself slipping away into a deep rest, which was her trigger to try to get you covered up again.

As she started, you felt a hand yet again on your ankle, pulling you away from her, again.

“Don’t. Intervene. Ever” Feyd-Rautha said punishingly, causing her to scurry away. “I will give you your punishment after the party” he promised.

You would have been perfectly happy calling it a night, but that was not your destiny this evening.

Feyd-Rautha looked upon you, still holding your ankle. “Neither do I believe she will be responsive enough anytime soon to be a good judge.”

After giving it some thought he said: “explain to me how you fuck a woman on her back, and I will do the same. That will show us who is best.”

Ivan nodded: “I can agree with that, sir.” Looking at his lord, he asked: “may I?”

“Yes, Ivan. Here you go” as he gave your ankle to Ivan to position himself.

You decided to help out and spread your legs while placing your feet on the matrass. Ivan positioned himself between your legs and started his process: “sir, I would first of course check whether the lady is wet enough to have me. It is otherwise not pleasurable for either of us. But I will skip that for now, as she is.”

Feyd-Rautha hummed, as he had placed himself next to the bed to look at you, pushing his swollen cock back into his pants. He too needed to recoup, although he would never admit it.

As Ivan placed himself at your entrance, he continued: “typically, I would proceed quite gently. Allowing the lady to open herself up to me. Although it can be interesting to know I am hitting her cervix, it causes her pain, which again, makes it less pleasurable for either of us.”

“Continue” the na-Baron said, as he had placed his hands on his hips to observe.

“With the tip of my cock placed at her entrance, I do not need any support any more. A woman like this makes a man like me hard enough to do without any guidance.” He had placed his fingers on your folds and explained: “depending on how wet she is, I will either push her open with my fingers or not. Like this” as he showed how he would do that.

“But in this case, this little treat does not need that. She is wet and open enough already. So, I just push myself in, like so” as he did exactly that.

“With sweetness so ready for me like she is, there is not need for patience” as he started his relentless pace. You curled your back and grabbed the sheets again. It was all still so sensitive and here you were being slaughtered again. Yet, it felt so good, knowing also this was being condoned by your concubinator.

“I see. Not bad” Feyd-Rautha said with genuine interest. “There are however a few things you can improve on. I will show you.” Ivan left you and moved away to give the na-Baron room.

“You need to look at the state of a woman. This one here is nearly done. Or even done. She would like to curl up like ball” as he grabbed your hips and pushed his clothed hard cock against you. “Don’t you, my darling?” he said, for the first time in a while addressing you. Ever sensitive for your position, you knew what to say: “never, my lord. I will cherish all benevolence you have to share with me.”

“She is lying, Ivan. That is perfectly fine. I want my pets loyal. I want them to sacrifice themselves for me. For my pleasure. And that is exactly what she is doing.” Pinching your hips, he addressed you again: “a good little pet you are.” Looking at Ivan he continued: “I have fucked her bloody, raw. I have fucked her so hard that she ran out of moisture, and she still would not try to refuse me.” Crawling over you, he whispered: “because you know I treat you like a good master. And because you know you would not survive that.”

Standing up straight again: “the first step, Ivan, is to set the right atmosphere. Half of how well you fuck does not come from your cock, but from enticing their heads.” Moving his lips to your neck: “you would not survive that, because you could not live without my cock. You need it, as you need air and water, don’t you, my precious darling?”

You moaned agreeingly.

“Speak” as he placed his teeth on your neck, and applied pressure.

“Yes, Feyd. I would die without your cock” you said, still happy for the moments you got to replenish your energy, as you knew this was anything from over.

“So, that’s where we start, Ivan. With their heads.” He opened his trousers again. “With that out of the way, I will now proceed to fuck her. But, I like my pets needy. Yearning for me. They need to be addicted to me. This means I need to get her to crave me again. Her body will adapt. It will start to seek for a high again. And I will not be giving that anytime soon. The longer I delay their peak, the better their peak is. That is what makes my cock so addictive.”

“Look at how slowly I will push myself in her. There is no need for speed. Her walls are already tired.” Under Ivan’s watchful eye, Feyd-Rautha sheathed himself in you, centimetre by centimetre. “And if you pay close attention, you will see how she starts to move. She is now positioning herself to have me hit her most sensitive bits.” As you did exactly that, involuntarily, he pointed out: “see? How she tilts her hips, how she opens her legs, how she tries to draw me in by pushing her butt just out a bit? If I do this well enough, I don’t have to move at all. She will do all the work.”

“Sir. I must say that I am impressed” Ivan complemented.

“I will show you one other trick, Ivan” as he removed himself from you. “Here, hold her leg just a bit wider” and pointing at his other concubine: “you hold this one.” He placed his hand under your behind and moved you to the edge of the matrass, allowing him to stand. With your legs wide open, your cunt had no place to hide. Ivan could not help himself but dip his finger in you for a taste of the sweetness that had got him enticed.

“I will keep one hand under her back, tilting her backwards. The other hand will stay on her hip to help me stabilise”, as he thrashed in you again. Thrusting harder and harder, deeper and deeper. He hit the front of your walls with new found energy. It was overwhelming. Being taken by your lord in front of Ivan. The men competing over who could fuck you best. The deep vibrations coming from the music. Being on full display while your master taught his soldier. While your master taught everyone in the room. It was as if your mind had left your body, as you looked up the mirror filled ceiling of the platform to see yourself being fucked.

You saw your lord look at Ivan again: “if you pay close attention, you can see my cock protruding through her belly” his balls slapping violently against you. “Here, place your hand on her abdomen.”

As Ivan complied, he gasped. It was as if he felt the cock of Feyd-Rautha hit his hand. He felt the power that was behind each thrust. Knowing the distance from your entrance to where he had his hand. Seeing you unfold again in pure chaos, how you submitted to the na-Baron, how you were willing to break down just for his pleasure, Ivan could not do anything else but accept that he was bested: “sir, may I ask you to teach me?”

+++

After note: sorry, I could not help myself and add some Feyd-Rautha Managerial Examples. And yes, the favourite of our favourite is also Ivan’s favourite.

[feministfang]

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!!

Just recently, an Indian woman’s brutal rape case shook the entire world to the core, Indian women are out on streets protesting and fighting for her justice, women everywhere are scared for their lives and angry, but men somehow made it about themselves once again.

These shameless south asian men are making and sharing disgusting dark memes on social media about the victim and cracking jokes, but women are not even allowed to speak a word against these bastards cause the pick me pricks won’t stop bringing their swords in, protecting these men who should be lynched to death.

All men are busy "nOt aLL mEning" like always, but women can’t point fingers at them because "i hAvE hUGGeD mEn yOu gUys thEy’rE grEaT"

In India, one in every three women is raped every minute, but let’s not blame all men, it’s just a fEw oF thEm. PlEaSe tHinK bEfoRe yOu sPeAk!!

Men are happily cheering on the victim’s death and going on with their privileged lives, but let’s give them a tissue paper because tHey’re sUbjEcTed tO thE sAme tUrmOil tHe wOmEn fEEl. 🥺

South Asian men are number one in the list of all trash men and yet these dumbfucks cannot stop worshipping their ugly dicks. But enough is enough now!! This happens every time a woman goes through something worst. Every single time the pick mes and their favourite m@les pop out of their garbage dumpsters making it all about these mEn. But not anymore!!!!

Please start calling out these type of people and publicly shame them! I swear if i see any other person saying shit like "nOt aLL mEn bUt aLwAys a mAn" it won’t be my fault whatever happens to them next.

I will blame all men because YES IT IS ALL MEN! ALL MEN ARE TRASH! ALL MEN SHOULD DIE!

PS. the last pic is the screenshot from the instagram story of a Pakistani writer, Umera Ahmed! Also, excuse the B slur!

[bellobambino]

⚠️GUYS, in the last 48 hrs, all social media sites have been TERMINATING MULTIPLE accounts, including here on Tumblr, who post about Luigi! Very soon, his tag might not work as well! Let's make sure we have backups and tag all posts with Lulu, Pep, Peperoni, and everything else you can possibly imagine. They WILL actively try to force us to shut up. They want to CUT our connection with each other because if we have no one to talk to, eventually we'd stop and forget about him. We can not let that happen. I'll send this message to a few other active blogs. Please be aware and be careful.

ok, i don’t believe this, but i do think it’s smart to have an alternate way to communicate with other luigi blogs.

the reason i don’t believe it is because i don’t think his popularity is “growing” and i do not see internet behavior around him to be “dangerous” at all.

nobody is talking about the shooting anymore. nobody is actively calling for more ceos to die anymore.

if you haven’t noticed, all the language and topics surrounding luigi online have a common theme……. simping and memeing.

i’ve been on the internet long enough to know these platforms aren’t staffed enough to take even the more serious and dangerous ideas down.

i can’t imagine thinking luigi blogs pose any sort of legitimate threat to public safety.

but i’ve been wrong before, and the internet does surprise me often.

someone suggested starting a discord. i’m willing to do that!

but i don’t know much about content restrictions there. i would have to just not mention his name anywhere in the setup.

is there a luigi discord anywhere? or a fanfic discord or rpf or anything of the like?

talk to me

[yuri-is-online]

Criminally Smooth (Floyd Leech x Yuu)

Floyd might have a concussion, but that doesn't mean he can't recognize true love when he sees it, and that halo the bisexual lighting of this cop car is giving you makes him think he might have a chance.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, based off a meme I saw and the song Bonnie and Clyde by Dutch Melrose. Vaguely modern au, hints of a mafia au? Yuu and Floyd are implied to be adults and full of bad decisions. More fic can be found on my masterlist.

“Hey baby, what's your name?” Floyd's teeth are sharp and his smile is weirdly wide, like he's trying to display his mouth for you. “You come here often? I swear I've seen ya somewhere before…” You take a deep breath trying to ground yourself, the metal of the handcuffs should be painful enough to do the trick but the ridiculousness of Floyd asking that question when you're both going to jail is overriding the discomfort.

“We've met before, yeah.” You grumble trying to shift to get a bit more comfortable as Floyd's eyes get wide as saucers in a way that would be cute if that meeting hadn't been him shaking you down for “interfering” with Azul’s business model.

“Really?” He sounds so happy, and tries to move his hands to do who knows what but gets stopped by the cuffs, which wipes away the facade of kindness as he glares down at them. “Well I must have introduced myself-”

“You did yeah.” You try to cut off whatever it is he has to say and try not to die of embarrassment when it doesn't stop him from babbling.

“I've got your number then right?” Floyd begins wiggling to reach for his back pocket and glares when Officer Clover tells him to knock it off. “You're just so fucking pretty please tell me that wasn't just a dream and I got your number.” Are you even talking to the same person?

“I don't think so?” He whines, whines! When you say that and looks up at you like a kicked puppy. “We uh. We weren't. Didn't get much of a chance to talk.” You shouldn't be flustered by this. Shouldn't be thinking that it's sort of cute how he presses up against the bars separating you in the back of the cruiser to try and get as close to you as possible.

“Aww well let me do it again please?” You nod and try not to fluster when he brings back the dreamy smile places his cuffed hands against the bars. “I'm Floyd, sorry I totaled your car, baby.” It wasn't your car but you know better to say that in something rigged for audio. “You free this Saturday? I wanna make it up to you and I know a real great place-”

“I don't think either of you are going to be free this weekend,” Officer Clover isn't even hiding how much he's enjoying this you really wish you could get away with punching him “sorry Floyd.”

“Ignore Sea Turtle, oh hey I don't know your name do I?” Surprisingly Floyd isn't annoyed at all, he's still keeping his mouth wide and gets even more excited when you begin to subconsciously mimic him. “C'mon what's your name pretty?”

“It's Yuu but you kept calling me-”

“LITTLE SHRIMPY!!!” He shouts so loud Officer Clover slams on the brakes out of shock, Floyd laughs as he tumbles around and you try to brace against the wall. “Dawww ya should have just led with that baby, I wouldn't have rammed ya. Not with a car anyway.” The police cruiser lurches again as you feel the tires hit something, slamming Floyd against the door and tumbling you towards the floor. He bites down on the metal of his cuffs making sure to keep eye contact with you as he chews through the metal, winking like he's putting on some sort of show and not at all surprised or afraid that your ride is spiraling out of control. “Remember, Saturday ok? And don't worry about dressing nice I'll take care of it ♡” His door flies open as Officer Clover scrambles for his radio and Floyd jumps out of the tank into an awaiting vehicle laughing the entire time, yelling a few choice expletives at the police commissioner as he goes. You curl yourself into a tiny ball and chew on the inside of your cheek as you try to process what just happened over the angry squaking you hear on the radio.

There's no way a judge is letting you make bail after this.