#if anyone here uses the app
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You can now find the newest Camp Camp episode when you search for the series, but it’s put under season four instead of season 5… just fyi. :p
#camp camp#cc roosterteeth#roosterteeth#ash rambles#shut up ash!#for anyone at all that’s still interested pfbtbt#I know pirating is still an option#but again#if anyone here uses the app#here it is hehehe#(I heard the website isn’t very user friendly#but I’ve been using the app on my phone and imo I don’t have too much trouble navigating through it)#(though I only use the app for camp camp so…. is that really saying much?)#okay I’m shutting up now…
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I think the worst thing about having very vague/spotty memories because I was so young when it happened is feeling like I can’t ever fully accept that it DID happen. I will always second guess myself—even though the evidence is always with me (the body keeps the score, as they say). I will probably never tell anyone who knows him about it because what if I’m wrong?? What if I’m making up these flashes of “memory”, and seeing “signs” in my present self where there are none just because I want an easy answer that would explain the way that I am???
It would be such a horrible thing to accuse someone of if it wasn’t true. Especially family. Even just thinking it feels cruel and unfair to him sometimes. And there’s no way for me to get the truth unless he were to confess it to me himself.
I fantasize about that sometimes—I like to picture him apologizing to me at some kind of reunion, scared out of his mind that I’ll tell someone about it and ruin his life. Or even unapologetic, making jokes about it. At least then I would have confirmation. At least then I would have validation for the last twenty years of my life.
Anyway if anyone else feels like this, you’re not alone.
#this is not my usual type of post but i feel like im losing my mind i had to get this out#and it’s fathoms easier to put it here than to say anything to anyone who knows me offline#but if you’re someone i actually speak to on this app if you could pretend you didn’t see this that would be great thanks 🙏#trauma posting#ro speaks#childhood trauma#repressed memories#csa survivor#incest survivor#i feel like a fraud using these tags lol#even now i can’t decide if i believe it or not#but like. bro. come on. you know#but DO I??#UGH#vent post#actually traumatized#csa vent#i am feeling very insecure about this post but here we go#trauma journal
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i meant to post this yesterday and just completely forgot - here's the full version of the cover i made for the wattpad port, by the way!! (i know cross-post is the technically correct term but port is just a fun word to say/type. i don't need to explain myself here)
#art#obey me#i had something more elaborate in mind at first but i couldn't be bothered to figure out how to execute it#hence this#i'm not the biggest fan of the font for the title but i spend like forty minutes looking and this was the best one#jtta ik#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#one thing about me is i love drawing the characters Tiny like this#i made a new brush for that solomon comic and i used it again here since i figured it worked better for the look than my usual pencil brush#i still have no idea how brush-making in procreate works actually i just modified one that was already in the app#(mercury in the inking section for anyone who wants to know haha)
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another year... 🍮🎀📖
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 written 19.7.24, 8:11 a.m.
it has come to the end of this school year and i find that though it's only been one academic year, i have experienced the biggest era of change throughout this past year than i have ever in my entire life. since last year, i have grown indescribable amounts, having met new people, developed a new mindset, found new interests, started new projects, worked so hard, learnt so much to aid in my academic and personal life that i have become a completely different person.
at the beginning of this year, i resented who i was in the year prior. i hated who i was before and i wanted so badly to be different, to feel different, to be anything but what i was. i was motivated but depressed and hopeful but anxious, flitting back and forth between emotions and feelings and ideas on what i wanted to do.
my only main goal for this year was to become the girl i want to be. i know for a fact i've definitely got what i wanted, even if it is not to the extent i wanted it just yet.
i was crawling back up the ladder from rock bottom at the beginning of this year and now i'm over halfway up the ladder, and writing this i've come to the realisation i don't give myself half as much credit as i should. i have done so well. i am so proud of myself, and as i should be. as human beings, we automatically hyperfocus on our failings and shortcomings, and fail to give ourselves the amount of credit we'd give anyone else. but i have done freaking amazing for where i was a year ago. well done to me from last year!!! ♡
the word surprise doesn't even scratch the surface of how utterly shocked i am that i am halfway through high school already. mentally, i'm still in primary, playing with my friends and drinking orange juice and eating pretzels on the playground at break, but i know that can't be the case forever and i'm slowly coming to accept that nostalgia and anemoia are just feelings i have to not overcome, but learn to live with and treat with kindness and fondness, just as i would any other emotions.
as much as i miss primary days when i didn't have the fast approaching, low looming fear of exams and jobs and finances and The Future as a whole, life is evermoving and everchanging in its fluidity and therefore i must be the same and yearning for a past i can barely remember as the days go by and a fragile, dreamlike childhood i'll never get back. in the end, there is nothing we can do but move forward.
so, another year comes, and i do all i can ever do; move forward, another step closer to the future. even as you grow, your heart will always stay the same, and that brings more comfort than any wistful memory ever could. i'm going to enjoy this break as much as i can, and i look forward to this coming year and making it something beautiful i can recall with a fond yet heavy heart, just as i do with the years already passed. ♡
#this was written back in july#and i posted it on my old side blog huehearts if anyone remembers that#but i deleted it the next day bcuz i got shy😭🩷#and its just been sitting in my notes app for ages#so i figured i'd post it here now that i have an account solely dedicated to me#if anyone reads any of this i love you#and thank you so much#bee's diaries ୨���୧#online diary#digital diary#dear diary#girl blogger#this is a girlblog#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#pink lifestyle#it girl energy#academic year#academic angel ୨𖹭୧
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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< I never had such fun >
#I'm kinda new to this gifmaking thing and not v good at it if anyone has tips or free to use app recs I'd be ever so grateful!!#pls hmu anywhere if you know some good apps for it#anyway i am obsessed with Phil's 'PISS' and 'Babes' here can you tell?#dnp#dan and phil#dan and phil games#dnpgames#dnp gifs#gifs#gifset#favourite moments
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if youtube is going to insist on having that many ads, they should at least give me the option to do them all at once at the beginning. interspersing the ads throughout is wrong and evil. So is making them play at the end (if you do this they should be ones that don't have sound. blease.) Anyway this environment is absolutely inhospitable to someone here to listen to ambient music while working (me) or stuff specifically designed to fall asleep to. to, you know, fall asleep to (also me).
#this has gotten markedly worse in the past few weeks#before anyone says it#yes I do use firefox yes I do have ublock all that jazz#but girl a lot of the time I'm on the youtube app on my phone okay??#esp when I'm#you know#working or going to bed#and don't be all ''why are you using youtube for that stuff'' okay a lot of people do#they have more of the kind of content that I'm looking for than other platforms#but it's like. okay they hate me here I guess#like. I hate ads but I get it if you want to use that as a source of revenue bc yeah I don't like paying for things#but seriously WHYYYY do they have to interrupt my relaxing focus music literally every 5 minutes#that defeats the purpose entirely#I hate it here
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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i drove 20 minutes to the food bank today on a drive that has been scaring me for months. and then i went to the store and got myself a little treat (air plant and sandwich) where i picked up an honest to god paper job application. please clap
#did it scared AND tired AND alone AND with no sense of direction 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻#the food bank didnt have very much but its fine the situation was not dire and they were SO nice#i almost scraped someones car while parking but DID NOT. applause#i felt like i was going to have a heart attack on the drive and then of course i was like 🧍🏻what if i die and kill everyone with me#but i didn't 👍🏻#the app is for greenhouse worker!!!!! but then i had a conversation with my friend and it sounds like shes trying to move out of here in a#few months and i have to use her cars so ummmm. yeah i havent figured this part out yet if anyone has a free car that works hmu#me
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do u speak any other languages
oh hello :D no not really! i'm learning spanish and i can spell in asl, but that's all hfsh :>
#just us hi#i got a 104 days streak in duolingo i need everybody on the planet to know that hfbshf#i had to break it tho cuz my parents want me to use a different app so. au revoir man fsh#//we have an old asl book that i like to peek in now and then but i'm afraid of not learning it properly so i didn't do much else than the#alphabet fbsh#i use it to stim sometimes so. lol#//anywho my parents are bilingual but they didn't teach us much so !! here i am :)#i know how to say 'el ultimo tolque; purpurina' which is just all anyone needs to know really Hbfshf#//aaaaanywho ! do you speak any other languages ? :3#and hey what's up hello !!#/oh and thanks for the ~+~ask~+~ hfhs :D
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#okay so#i have a spotify issue#if anyone could help that would be appreciated#my spotify web player stopped working#it keeps skipping songs saying that “this song can't be played right now” or something similar#then starts playing a song but the sound stops after 10 seconds#i tried it both on pc and laptop and none of them works#i checked the “spotify cares” account on twitter to see if others have similar problems but none of spotify's solutions seem to work for me#i was thinking if maybe it's the os since i have win 7 on pc and win 8 on laptop and i know the pc app is not supported on these#but I don't think it applies to the web player#i cleaned the cache restarted the device logged out then logged in tried in incognito disabled plug-ins#none of these work#the mobile app does work but i mainly use the web player#it's been nearly a month pls i need my music 😭#reddit also doesn't have any solutions that work#i mean i basically just said that nothing works so i probably won't get any answers here either lmao#but does this happen to anyone else?#personal
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if you have a work phone answer for your personal phone. unless you don't have a personal phone (????)
if you say other please elaborate 🥺🥺🥺 i know huawei has like a nonzero market share but i don't know if those users actually exist outside of the great firewall so i didn't put it in :)
for everyone: if you want, in the tags write which you have and vaguely where you live. also if you have any grievances with your phone os feel free to air them out bc that's kind of what sparked this in the first place
i'll give u a virtual human-sized hamster wheel if u rb. or a single apple. whichever u prefer.
#i'll go first im usa and apple :(#unfortunately.#polls#thoughts from hel#ios#android#phone#mobile app development#i don't think anyone is going through the 'phone' tag looking for polls to take. shoutout to anyone who's looking thru the 'phone' tag#and sees this. you're great#lots of 'if' statements in here. shoulda used a switch instead
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Ball dancing with a dress
Talking about being excited to see iruma again
Close enough welcome back eggruma
#crea.talks#I’m not maintaggijg this one but you must understand I will be making beautiful irukiri transgender yuri by the end of this week#mairuma spoilers#I GUESS I don’t think anyone here is actively reading it outside of alys and ace but they don’t use this app often
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#if anyone here remembers like a month ago when tommy tried using his instagram for the first time literally all year#and his text got cut off by the post he was sharing and he shared the same post like 2 more times#it was so fucking funny feoigneaorgnqwref#insta is a glitchy fucking app tho like literally every single day there's a new glitch#but dennis is such a fucking shitlord like he would fit in on tumblr so well which you would NOT expect from him#styx#like he's better at shitposting than all of us#styx band#tommy shaw#dennis deyoung#styxposting
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VERSES
Under the read-more is a breakdown of all the verses that take place on this blog. The first section deals with verses in the timeline of his existence, and the section lists the different AUs that may arise.
If the links do not work, every verse is tagged as " v; [name] ", eg " v; i could be king " (excluding quotation marks). There are no special symbols used.
To Summon a Ghost - Main Verse #1. Set after the movie (and post-Lion Guard if that’s applicable). Scar is dead, and can only appear as a fire-based ghost. He can be found either by those who have summoned him through the use of a fire (whether willingly or accidentally), or by those who have a natural connection to the supernatural. He can also be found by those who can access the limbo between life and death.
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I Could Be King - Main Verse #2. Set at any point before Mufasa’s death. Scar is the younger brother of the King, biding his time to take a position that he believes to be rightfully his. This setting is also the default for crossovers.
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The Rightful King - Set during the latter part of the movie. Scar is the king of a Pride Lands that is dying from a prolonged drought. Though he tries to maintain order and solve the problems facing him, it isn’t enough. The further into the reign the story is set, the more unstable he becomes. However, for most who reside near Pride Rock, he would still act as though he is not breaking apart under the seams.
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I Have a Plan - The Lion Guard verse. Scar is the revenge-driven volcano spirit, convinced that if he can’t have the Pride Lands, no one else can.
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Before the Scar - (Despite the name, Tacari does have the scar from a young age.) This setting covers the days from a bright-eyed cub to a bitter young adult who feels like all opportunities have been taken from him. Where applicable, this will also cover the era that he led the Guard.
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AU SETTINGS
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King of Sunlit Plateau - The Dreamlight Valley verse. Generally set after all his missions are completed. As a king of a small area called ‘the Sunlit Plateau’, Scar lacks the envy that consumed him in another setting, and is considered less ‘dangerous’ than he might otherwise be. He’s trying to behave, but it is difficult trying to adjust to a world that wants him to follow all their rules while refusing to understand who he is. He can’t mess this up, not after being reunited with his precious trinket. This is a good alternate setting for crossovers with other Disney characters.
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The Heartless King - The Kingdom Hearts verse. After all the work Scar undertook to become King of Pride Rock, including making a deal with Pete, he’s not willing to give up the throne so easily. If that means he will persist through death to haunt the kingdom, he’ll do it.
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Survived the Flames - An AU where the hyenas did not kill him. Scar was able to escape to the Outlands in a badly injured state. Time was not kind, and he is not in a position to strike revenge. He is a weak, elderly rogue lion who would not stand a chance in a fight. Instead, he watches from outside the borders of the only place he knew home as it thrives once more without the strangling ivy that was Scar’s mere presence. He is unaware of the existence of Zira and the other exiled lions, and he chooses to reveal his true identity to the next generation. He instead uses the name ‘Taka’, even if the old nickname feels like it doesn’t suit. (This verse does not link in with the Lion Guard by default. However, characters from that series are welcome to interact.)
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The Rogue of the North - An AU where Scar failed to usurp Mufasa long before Simba’s birth. Instead of being killed, he was banished. Years have passed, and there is a rogue lion by the name of Tatu who works alongside the hyenas. Who is he? What does he want? And why does he want his presence to be kept a secret from other Pride Landers?
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A Captured Prince - Before Scar can get his plans into motion, he is captured by humans and sent somewhere far beyond the Pride Lands. With all plans destroyed, and no way home, he has no choice but to reluctantly accept his new situations. At least the humans can understand him. (This will usually default to the adult setting, but can be used for him as a cub)
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A Better Life - (AKA the 'nothing bad happens’ AU) A potential follow-on from the above verse if Tacari was taken from the Pride Lands as a cub, only to be brought back at a later part in his life. Gaining a wider perspective of the world has helped him see that there is more to his sense of self than being king, and he is able to find a new purpose for himself in life while staying in the Pride Lands. He is still the antisocial, dramatic and sassy uncle, but this time around there is no intent to kill.
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Lost Soul on the Isle - The Descendants Verse. Scar is one of the few villains that has opted to remain in his true form. However, he will encourage his cubs to take advantage of human forms to help further their goals. He has no interest in getting personally invested in overthrowing those on Auradon.
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The Corrupt Businesslion - The Zootopia verse. Tacari is a lion highly ranked in the family enterprise run by his older brother Mufasa. He is a grump, but tries to help where he can. But once business has closed for the night, he begins his second ‘job’ as Scar, the puppet master of a gang of hyenas causing trouble around the city. Of course, no one can prove the connection.
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Revived But Not Alive - There may come a day where someone is able to revive Scar into a physical form, and in return gain a useful ally.
#handsomeinfo#(just putting a verse page here for app users; don't mind me!)#(I did a little tidy up on them too. Some of them were phrased weirdly.)#(I've also decided to keep this list to verses that can be used by anyone. Closed settings will not be included)
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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