#or ​maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now

[silkjade-archived]

i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….

[froggibus]

Stay A While - Jason Todd/Red Hood

Pairing: Jason Todd x reader

Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff w a shot of angst

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: you’ve always been one to suffer in silence, shutting yourself in your apartment for the duration of your episodes. but Jason Todd doesn’t want to sit idly by and watch you suffer alone, even if it annoys you

CW: depressed! reader, mentions of depressive episodes, negative thoughts/self talk, Jason is overbearing, mentions of insomnia, reader struggles to eat, some violence (out on patrol), the rest of the family kinda sucks in this lmao

this is for the people who followed me expecting Batfam/DC content and didn’t unfollow when I didn’t post any for months 😭 I love y’all. also idk the idea of soft! Jason makes me so emotional. also I WOULD LOVE SOME DC OR BATFAM REQUESTS!!! if there’s anything you want me to write I will gladly do it 🫶🏼 (also let’s ignore the fact that this is like my 3rd angsty post in the past few days oops)

————

It was common knowledge around Wayne Manor that disappearing into your room (or apartment) for a few days meant something different for everyone. Usually, it wasn’t anything to worry about. 

Sometimes it would be Tim finally sleeping when he’s pushed himself too far. Other times, it was Dick working a case and refusing to leave until he knew what to do. For Bruce, it usually meant he was injured and trying to hide it from everyone. 

Jason was still finding these things out little by little, so when you suddenly disappeared into your apartment, he was worried. 

“Honestly, it’s nothing to worry about,” Tim tried to ease his mind. “Y/n tends to retreat when things get bad.”

“And you guys are okay with that?”

Dick shrugged, adjusting the ice pack he had pressed to his forehead. “We tried the first time it happened. After a while, we realized that alone time is the only thing that really works. If y/n needs help, y/n will reach out.”

And the topic ended there. Or at least, it did for Dick and Tim. Jason couldn’t stop thinking about it though—did they really just let you suffer in your apartment all alone whenever you had an episode? The thought made his skin crawl. 

He’s had a few bad episodes over the course of his life, and while he managed to deal with it alone, he didn’t think that you should have to. 

Maybe that’s what led him to your apartment at four in the morning with a bag of takeout. 

You open the door dressed in your pyjamas despite not having slept a wink. You're almost surprised to see Jason standing there with the paper bag. Didn’t everyone know to let you ride it out on your own? You thought they decided to stop bugging you ages ago. 

Still, you don’t think it was fair to slam the door in his face, and instead welcome him inside. “What are you doing here, Jason?”

“Just thought I’d check on you,” he sets the bag on the counter. “Haven’t seen you in a while and wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

You squint at him. Did he really think you were that dumb? You figured he would have asked Dick or Bruce right away if you suddenly fell off the face of the earth, and they would have told him about your situation. Jason and you had never been particularly close, either, so why was he here?

He raises his hands in defeat. “I just want to make sure you’re taken care of somewhat. Alright? I’ll leave you alone after that.”

“I mean, I’m fine aren’t I?”

Your words come out harsher than you’d like, but you can’t help but be annoyed at the sudden intrusion. Not to mention the implication that you can’t take care of yourself. 

“You clearly haven’t slept in a while so we both know that’s some bullshit.”

You sigh. He’s right, after all. You can’t remember the last time you slept, let alone for more than a few hours. Though used to staying up late on missions and patrols, you never went this long. 

“I just have a lot on my mind, I guess,” you admit. “But I can take care of myself, Jason. So while I appreciate the concern, you can leave.”

He doesn’t protest, instead grumbling to himself while you show him to the door and effectively kick him out of your apartment. He stands outside the door for a while, wondering if he should try harder. 

He decides against it, and thinks he’ll just have to check on you again tomorrow. 

—

You almost feel guilty unpacking the takeout he got you, but then again, there weren’t many days lately where guilt and stress didn’t weigh heavily on you. As soon as you felt that familiar flood of negative thoughts and emotions, you knew it was time to withdraw. Still, through all of your episodes, you were yet to experience one quite this bad. 

It’s nice that Jason checked on me, you think to yourself. At least someone thought of you. Sure, you’d told the others countless times over the years that solitude while you sort through your thoughts was imperative, and it was true. Regardless, it was nice to have someone check on you, even if it was annoying. 

You dish yourself a plate of Chinese food and sit down on your couch, looking out at Gotham city through the window. It’s a dim, rainy night and the weather does nothing to help your mood. You find yourself picking at your food, having only a few bites before packing it up and leaving it in the fridge. 

You didn’t eat much, but it’s a start. 

—

Jason tries to push back the thoughts of you on patrol the next night, but he can’t. He just thinks of the bags that line your under eyes and the way your voice cracked when you said you were fine. 

It’s only when he damn near loses an eye to a stray bullet that he realizes he can’t ignore it anymore. He ducks around a corner, ready to head back to his bike. 

“Hood, where are you going?” Nightwing calls after him. 

“I gotta go check on something!”

Red Robin scoffs, “y/n is a big kid, Todd. Just leave it alone.” 

He shakes his head at the younger boy. He wants to argue with him but for once in his life, Jason Todd bites his tongue and turns the other cheek. 

When you open the door, you’re unsurprised to see Jason Todd standing there in his Red Hood suit. “Jason?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, walking past you straight into your apartment. “I’m back.”

“I—welcome back?” You close the door behind him, spinning around on your heel and raising an eyebrow at the man in your living room. 

“Look, I know I said I’d leave when I knew you were taken care of but I don’t—you’re not. Like, seriously, y/n, just talk to me.”

You sigh and take a seat on the couch. “Do you really want to listen?”

“Yes,” he says and sits down next to you, dropping his helmet on the cushion next to him. “If it helps you, I’ll listen til my damn ears bleed.”

His words are almost enough to bring a smile to your face, the muscles twitching almost painfully. You nod slowly, drawing your knees into your chest. 

Jason analyzes your body language, seeing just how vulnerable and small you really are despite your usual front. He knows to tread lightly here. 

“I—,” you tug on your hair slightly, trying to think of how to verbalise it. “Have you ever been so tired, like beyond tired, that you can’t sleep?”

He goes to speak, but thinks the better of it. You don’t need to hear about his own problems right now, but the truth is he has. He’s been where you are before—guilt and misery weighing so heavily on him that he can’t breathe. 

“I don’t even know what triggered it. I was fine one day and then all of a sudden….” You gesture to your current state in hopes he gets the idea. “I really hate feeling like this,” tears prick at your eyes and your nose stings with every word, “but I’ve never really found a way to make it stop and—and—“

Jason is almost as surprised as you are when he sets a gloved hand on your shoulder. “Y/n,” his voice is soft, “it’s okay to feel this way.”

His touch helps ground you and you manage to take a deep, shaking breath. “I don’t want you to see me like this, Jason,” you say quietly, voice so soft he almost doesn’t hear.

“There’s no shame in the way you’re feeling.”

“I know that I just—can you just go? Please?”

He opens his mouth to speak, to argue with you, but thinks the better of it. You look so soft and sad and vulnerable. He doesn’t want to push his luck and push you further away from him. 

He grabs his helmet and stands up. “Have a good night, y/n. I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.”

You watch Jason Todd walk out of your apartment door for the second night in a row. 

—

Jason is surprised when his phone screen lights up with your picture while he’s on patrol. The last person he’d expect to call him at two in the morning was you, especially considering he hadn’t heard from you in a few days. 

He tried to come and visit you the next night, but he couldn’t bring himself to knock at your door. Y/n’s tough, he thought to himself. You don’t need his help. 

He can’t pick up the phone in the middle of a fight, though, and has to wait until the henchmen are in a pile on the ground. He doesn’t even retort to Damian’s comment on how long it took him to take them down—his mind too focused on you and what could possibly be wrong. 

He pulls his phone out of his pocket, pressing redial on your number. Please be okay, he thinks. 

You answer on the third ring, your voice sounding soft and defeated. “Jason?”

“Y/n? Is everything okay?”

“I-I just…” you sigh into the phone and Jason’s heart clenches at the sound. “I don’t really want to be alone right now.”

Jason considers this for only a second. “Alright, I’ll be there in 10.”

He hangs up the call and shoves his phone back into his pocket, making the walk back to his bike. 

“Todd?” Robin says in his earpiece. 

“Pipe down, brat. I have more important things to deal with tonight.”

“More important than protecting the city?” Nightwing says over the comms. 

You have no idea, he wants to say. But he doesn’t, opting to turn off the ear piece and focus on getting to you as quickly as he can. He said he’d be there in 10 minutes, but he’s at your apartment door in 7. 

You’re waiting at the door when he knocks, a blanket over your shoulders, curled in on yourself. As soon as you open the door, you’re wrapping your arms around him. 

His suit is damp from the rain, soaking into your pyjamas and making you shiver. Still, you don’t let go of him. It’s been a particularly rough day, and you needed some company to combat the thoughts filling your head.  

“Miss me?” He jokes. 

You say nothing, content to hold him as close to you as possible. He rubs your back gently before wrapping his arms around you and half carrying you back into your apartment. 

He closes the door behind him, awkwardly adjusting to hold you up with one arm. Not that it’s much of a struggle for him, considering he’s a lot bigger than you are. 

He’s torn, he doesn’t want to let go until you do, but he wants to talk to you and figure out why you needed him so badly. Lucky for him, he doesn’t have to make that choice because suddenly you’re pulling away from him and tucking your hair behind your ears. 

You look anywhere but him. “Um, thanks for coming…”

“Anytime.” 

You try to think of something to say after that, anything to break the ice and explain yourself and not make this a huge waste of time for him. Before you can speak, though, Jason goes first. 

“You don’t have to explain it to me if you don’t want to,” he says. “I know it’s hard.”

You nod slowly, every movement of your body feels sluggish and heavy. You got a few hours of sleep the other day, but only out of sheer exhaustion. Now, it seems the exhaustion is catching up. 

“I’m just gonna…sit down,” you plop onto the couch cushion and pull your knees into your chest. You pat the cushion next to you, inviting him closer. 

Jason takes off his helmet and jacket, laying them on the kitchen island before sitting next to you. “Have you slept much?”

You shake your head, resting your cheek on the cushion and looking into his eyes. “A few hours the other day but…nothing since.”

“Did you want to try while I’m here?”

His eyes are soft, a jarring contrast from his other features. It’s almost as if he’s pleading with you. 

“Y-yeah, okay,” you slowly rise from the couch, your damp pyjamas clinging to your body. You usher for Jason to follow you to your room. 

You dig through your drawers, looking for a pair of clean pyjamas. You settle on a t-shirt you stole from Dick ages ago and a pair of sweats you used for training. Jason looks away while you change, trying his best to respect your privacy despite the way his face heats up. 

You crawl into your bed, trying to rearrange the messy comforter to cover your body. “Do you…is it okay if you lay with me? It only has to be until I fall asleep.”

Jason knows he’s pushing his limits, his heart racing at the thought of being in bed with you. He shakes the thoughts away—this is completely innocent. He’s just taking care of you. 

“Yeah, I can stay a while.”

Jason lays down next to you, his broad frame taking up more than half of your bed. Your breath catches in your throat at his proximity, and his warmth draws you in. Somehow, for the first time in days, his presence is enough to let you relax. 

Jason lays with you for some time, just staring at the back of your head while you cuddle your pillow. You must have fallen asleep at some point, because your breathing is even and your body is relaxed. 

He smiles, it’s the most calm he’s seen you in days. He knows you’re sleeping now and he can leave, but he doesn’t want to. What if you wake up and he’s gone? He doesn’t want to risk upsetting you. 

You roll over in your sleep, your head landing perfectly under his arm and on his chest. His breath hitches in his throat at the contact. He tries to adjust his body to make it as comfortable as possible for you to lay on him. 

He wraps an arm around your waist, cradling you within his own body. Jason can’t help but think to himself in this moment that he’ll take care of you no matter what, even if you can’t take care of yourself. 

[abbyromanoff]

dark!gp!nat x dark!stripper!reader, were natty thinks reader is all innocent and even w reader's job she's just a sweet little thing, only to one day at the club one of the male stripper's flirts with Nat and r sees everything so she basically walks to her girlfriend's side and starts to bite at nattys neck, marking her all up, Natasha is surprised at this but also smug about it after that reader starts getting distant. Natasha, being the insane mf she is, starts stalking her only to see reader murdering the stripper that flirted w her

(Smutty 😈😈😈)

That shit turns me on

Pairings: dark!g!p Natasha Romanoff x dark!reader

Warnings: dark fic, mentions of killing, mentions of torture, smut, horribly written smut tbh, fingering, unprotected sex, small dirty talk, jealousy, little bit of angst

Word count: 1,698

Summary: again just the ask written down in a story

No one is permitted to steal, copy, or reblog my work as their own!!

“Miss Y/L/N will be out in a minute, for now you can take a seat.” The bouncer told the redheaded woman. She sighed and plopped down onto the chair, it wasn’t her first time here, in fact she’s been here many times before all for one person, you. Every weekend she’d come here and watch you dance on the pole and then ask for a private dance, at this point you’ve gotten used to seeing her.

The buff man approached you as you finished your dance. “You have that redhead in booth 4.” You nodded and thanked him. Getting ready you looked yourself over in the mirror, making sure you looked good for your favorite customer. Over the few months that she’s been going here now you grew a bit of a crush on her, I mean it was impossible not to. Her amazing personality and her stunning looks drew you in right away. With most customers you’d usually feel slightly uncomfortable, especially since they were mostly middle aged men who were tired of their wives so they decided to try and feel you up instead. Of course the bouncer would end up kicking them out but you’re lucky you’ve never experienced that with Nat.

Walking into the small booth you approached the woman seductively, discarding your bra and throwing it off to the side. She eyed your figure as you turned around, bending over to show off your almost fully exposed ass. You heard a groan come from the woman and went to grind against her crotch, using the arm rests to hold you up. You felt her cock getting hard under the confinements, making you grind slightly harder. She threw her head back in pleasure as her hands held the armrests with all her might, trying her best not to touch you all over right then and there.

You noticed this, she did it everytime. “Why don’t you come back to my place after this, there you’ll be able to touch me here,” You said while grabbing your breasts in your hands, “And maybe even here.” Your hand went to cup your covered center this time, letting out an exaggerated moan to rile her up.

At the end of the dance you told Nat to wait for you, telling her that you need to clock out and get dressed before she could take you back to her place. While she waited for you a woman came up to her, “Hey gorgeous, you looking for a dance?” Nat internally cringed at the nickname, it would sound way better coming out of your mouth. Although she still had to be polite with the woman.

“Oh, uh, no thanks. I’m actually waiting for someone.” The black haired woman looked to where she was pointing.

“I’m assuming you’re talking about Y/N. She’s always talking about you, but I guess now I see why.” She tried seducing Nat once again, this time stroking her arm with her hand. Nat was starting to get fed up.

“Look miss, you’re really pretty and all but-” “Ready to go babe?” The both of them turned to look at you, seeing your face smile that tried to hide your anger.

“Yeah, let's go.” Nat said as she took your arm in her own, not missing the glare you gave your coworker on the way out.

“Babe?” Nat repeated your words from earlier as she led you to her car. You got in with a small red tinted on your cheeks from embarrassment.

“Yeah sorry about that. I guess I was a little jealous.” You said with a fake chuckle.

“There’s no reason to be embarrassed sweetheart, I liked it.” Red painted your cheeks once again, this time it wasn’t from embarrassment.

Over the next two weeks you’ve been distant with Nat, whenever she’d request a lap dance from you it was denied, the bouncer would just tell her that you’re too busy. She’d start to leave until she caught a glimpse of you grinding onto another woman in the booth. You took her home with you after, just like you did with Nat not long ago. She hated to admit it but her crush on you has grown into an obsession.

She’d find out about your work hours and hide outside the building after, planning on following you home. She would take hundreds of pictures of you without you even knowing, she now had a whole shoe box filled with them. Whenever you’d go out with someone, whether it was a date or a hookup or even just seeing a friend she’d be hiding in the corners and would make sure nothing happened.

She was sick of this, all she wanted to do was explain the situation and ask you out on a date. She made a plan and followed you home once again, not noticing how you stuffed something in your trunk before leaving.

When you arrived at your place Nat made sure to park far enough from your home so you wouldn’t see her. Getting out of her car she walked over to where you were, hiding in the bushes near your front yard. She was confused seeing you lift what looked like a body bag into your home so she went into the garage door before you could close it.

When she entered the house she heard screams coming from the basement, worrying that you might’ve been in danger she ran down as fast as she could only to spot the woman from a few weeks ago tied up to a chair screaming for help. You turned around when you heard her gasp and smiled at seeing her face.

“Oh baby, I thought you were going to wait for me.” She said, confusing the victim even more.

“I know, I know but I just couldn’t wait any longer.” You said while wrapping your arms around the back of her neck and kissing her on the lips. You’ve both planned this night out, you would get the girl and the two of you would kill her together. Nat thought you might’ve bailed out on her since you’ve been ignoring her all month, but you wanted it to be a surprise.

“Well I’m here now. So, shall we start?” “We shall.”

The two of you tortured the old friend for what felt like hours to her. She was begging you to just end her life because she couldn’t take it anymore, but you and Nat had something else planned. You both dropped your weapon and connected your lips, already starting to discard your clothing. She ripped off your shirt and used your breasts as stress balls, squeezing and massaging them. When she dropped to her knees the woman's eyes shot open in shock, you were really going to have sex with Nat right in front of her. The redhead pulled your pants down swiftly and spread your legs, giving pecks to your exposed inner thighs.

She stared into your eyes and gave you a smirk. “I think our guest deserves a nice show, don’t you?”

“Oh I think so Natty.” You both giggled as she continued her screaming through her gag and Nat removed your panties, a shiver going down your spine when the cold air hits your cunt. Nat doesn’t wait any longer and dives right in, switching between sucking your clit and teasing your entrance with her tongue. You threw your head back as you basked in the feeling. Nat quickly lowered her own bottoms and grabbed her cock, starting to jerk herself off while still fucking you. She used her other hand to run them across your folds and entered you with one digit. Your moans increased in volume as did the guests' cries for help. Her finger went at a rapid pace, fucking you like there’s no tommorow. Nat stood up before you could finish and replaced her mouth with her length, slipping inside of you without ease due to her fingers previously stretching you out.

“Fuck baby, you’re so warm and tight, could be in you forever.” She whimpered out, going to attack your breasts with her mouth once she finished speaking. She drove in and out of you, skin slapping could be heard from a mile away. Her dick could easily reach your g-spot, knowing your body as if it were her own she was able to find it no problem.

“Yes Nat! I’m gonna cum all over your fucking cock!” You yelled out. The pleasure was too much, it felt like you were going to explode any minute with her mouth stimulating your breasts and her length sliding in and out of you repeatedly. She added her hand to the mix, rubbing your clit in circles as you squirted all over her stomach.

“Shit! Feels so fuckin’ good baby.” You said as you clawed at her back, leaving red lines all over her. She quickly pulled out and stroked herself, wanting to cum all over your body. While you were calming down you replaced her hand with your own, jerking her off at a fast speed. When you used your hands to massage her balls she spilled all over you. Spurts of cum hit your tits and your face as she finally let go. You used your finger to wipe it off and inserted it into your mouth, sucking off her juices while making eye contact with the barely alive woman in the chair. Nat bit her lip as she watched you moan around your finger, using her mouth to lick off the remaining bits on your chest while staring up at you with love in her eyes. She admired this dark side of you, the one that would kill and torture anyone that she asked of. You stood up and grabbed the weapon that Nat earlier dropped on the floor, taking her hand and interlocking it with yours that was placed on the trigger. You both shared a passionate kiss as you finally shot the woman in the head.

“I love you so much, my beautiful wife to be.” You smiled at her words. “And I love you so much more my amazing wife to be.”

[slothmeters]

Maybe Justin Herbert or Joe Burrow giving their new gf a key to their place? Hehe I’m excited to see your work!! <3

Mi casa es su casa - Joe Burrow

- w/c - 619

- warnings - cussing, a little bit steamy at the end

- I hope you enjoyed this joey b blurb anon!

Locking my car door, I walked up to Joe’s house and knocked on the door.

It only took Joe a few seconds to answer the door because he knew that I was coming.

“Babe. You know you don’t have to knock. You basically live here now.” He said as he moved to the side to let me in.

“I know, it’s just polite, that’s the way I was raised Joey B, to be a little southern belle.” I said as I gave a little curtsy.

While Joe went to the pantry to grab snacks for the TV marathon we were about to have, I made my way to the linen closet to grab my favorite blanket of his.

“Joeyyyy!” I yelled out when I couldn’t find the blanket.

“What?!”

“Where’s the blanket?”

He walked towards me with his arms full of snacks, “It’s on the couch already, and there’s a tea in the cup holder that I have way more of in the fridge that one of the guys made for you, a phone charger connected to the outlet- oh shit-, and a little present for you on the side table.”

Snacks fell out of his arms left and right as he was telling me what was already in the living room.

We both chucked the food onto the couch before giving each other a knowing look. Whoever gets to the remote first gets to pick whatever is watched.

“Don’t you dare Joseph Lee!” I yelled at him.

He sprinted towards me, and before I had any time to think he grabbed me, threw me over his shoulder and brought me to the couch.

“Joey what are you doing?” I was beyond confused. In the 5 months of dating, we would normally almost take each other out trying to get to the remote.

“Remember when I told you I got a present for yo- fuck me man this food is gonna be the death of me; if I sit on one more box I swear I’m going to cry. Anyway, I just wanted to give you something that I hope you’ll use for a really long time.”

He nodded for me to open the box, and when I did, a little piece of paper fell out of it that said ‘mi casa es su casa.’

“Joe wh-“

“Shh, just keep opening.”

Under a piece of cloth was a matte black house key with a heart engraved on the top.

“I wanted to get you something that made sure you knew that you were always welcome at my house. Now, if you don’t want to move in you don’t have to, but I mean if you want to you can because that would be totally nice and-“

I cut him off with a kiss.

“Oh, that’s nice too. I guess I was rambling, wasn’t I?” Joe continued.

“I’d love to move in with you if you’d have me Joe!”

Everything was starting now, we were both stable and we could maintain a healthy, long-term relationship. My visions were finally coming true, and everything I was scared of was washing away slowly.

He looked up at me with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen on his face.

“I mean think about it, imagine coming home from your away games to see me..” I moved closer to him so that we were able to put our foreheads together. “With nothing but your jersey and your favorite lingerie set of mine.”

The quarterback’s eyes widened at my words as he pushed all of the snacks from earlier off of the couch and pulled me onto his lap.

Needless to say, there was no show watching tonight.

[crazychaoticizzy]

TRACK ONE: Pilot/Heart Attack

Heart Attack: the greatest rock band in history. Decades after the nasty breakup that followed their final performance in Dodger Stadium, Los Angeles, the six band members finally agree to separate interviews that reveal how they came together and their rise to fame.

And what led to their sudden downfall.

EREN X READER X JEAN

CONTENT: multipart fic, rock band au, love triangle, slow burn, angst

WORD COUNT: 1.1k

Series Masterlist

AOT Masterlist

DODGER STADIUM, LOS ANGELES After their highly anticipated performance at Dodger Stadium, Los Angeles, Jean Kirschtein tore off the neck of his bass on stage and ripped a hole in the drums. After announcing his resignation from the famous band, Heart Attack, Eren Jäger punched him.

Following Jean Kirschtein's resignation, Heart Attack fell apart. The performance in Dodger Stadium was their last, and the six band members have not been seen together since.

This biography is made up of a series of interviews compiled over the years by Olivia Russo. This is the first time the band and others involved have spoken on their scandals since they broke up.

JEAN KIRSTEIN, bassist for Heart Attack: Just sit here?  Alright. Yeah, of course. Sure you don’t want anything to drink? Okay. [smiling] Hi.

EREN JÄGER, main male vocalist for Heart Attack: We’re gonna make this quick, ‘kay? I don’t wanna talk about this shit. Ask your questions, get a snack or something, and leave.

ARMIN ARLERT, guitarist for Heart Attack: Do I look okay? I dunno, I just feel nervous, I guess. I haven’t really talked about this in years, especially on camera.

SASHA BRAUS, keyboardist for Heart Attack: Oh, I’m so excited for this. Did my hair curl weird? No? Okay. What do you want me to do? Introduce myself? I don’t know, everything’s changed so much since the last time I did a one on one interview like this. Hi, my name is Sasha Braus. I was the former keyboardist and supporting female vocalist for Heart Attack.

CONNIE SPRINGER, drummer for Heart Attack: Ready, kid? You’re in for a ride. I hope you brought snack or something to hold you by, this is a long story.

MIKASA ACKERMAN, photographer and costume designer for Heart Attack: This is for a documentary, right? Or a novel? Oh, okay. Either way, I’ll try to remember everything as best I can.

Y/N L/N, main female vocalist for Heart Attack: Hey. Yeah, of course. Mess with whatever. Maybe you can hide the circles under my eyes. [laughs]

What did you think of Heart Attack?

MIKASA: Well, it was Eren’s dream, so I just kind of went with it. It was fun, though. I really liked everyone we worked with. Most of them were really nice.

EREN: We were on top of the fucking world. The biggest band of the century. Everyone knew our name and we were making millions. I don’t know why Jean wanted to throw that shit away.

JEAN: You want honesty? I fucking hated it. Every single second.

CONNIE: Ooo, getting into the deep shit already? Well, I personally thought it was so fun. More so after we got famous, but it was great even back when we were just teenagers in Mrs. Yeager’s basement.

ARMIN: I kind of felt… indifferent? I mean, yeah I liked it. I was spending time with my best friends. But I would have preferred something quieter, maybe? Something that didn’t have us at each other’s throats all the time, at least.

SASHA: Well, it was definitely stressful. God, especially when I was pregnant. I was so worried about what we were going to do then. I mean, I couldn’t be up on stage at almost nine months. Are you crazy? But then for half of our songs the keyboard is a really big part so it’s not like I just couldn’t be there.

Y/N: I really enjoyed it. Yeah, there were a couple times I maybe wanted to kill someone, but it was fun. Lifelong friends, some of them. All of them, actually, but . . .

SASHA: Oh, well. We figured it out in the end. [smiles]

Y/N: It didn’t end well, as I’m sure you know.

JEAN: What were we? A rock band, according to Google, but what we were doing wasn’t rock.

CONNIE: It’s kind of funny, actually. Before Sasha we were all so uncreative and couldn’t come up with song titles. With good reason, too, that shit is hard. Trying to sum up your song in a couple words? Pfft. We were all useless, especially Eren.

ARMIN: Only the super old fans know this, but our very first song ever, track one on our debut album, was originally called “Pilot.”

EREN: Yes, like the fucking first episode of a show that doesn’t know if it’s gonna do well or some shit. It was not my idea.

JEAN: It was Eren’s idea.

MIKASA: I tried convincing them to name it something else, but they wouldn’t budge. I suggested just their band name and they said, “No, that’s too basic. We need something unique.” They didn’t change it until Scout Records told them to. And guess what they changed it to.

CONNIE: We changed the first song to “Heart Attack” in… let’s see, 2018 or somewhere close to that. 2019, maybe?

JEAN: Naming our first album “Debut” was Eren’s dumb ass idea, too. Uncreative prick.

EREN: No one else had any better ideas, so we just went with what I said by default. It’s not like anyone cared, anyway.

What can you tell me about Marco Bodt?

SASHA: Sorry, darling. I don’t know much about him other than he was the band’s first keyboardist.

Y/N: Just what Annie and everyone else told me way back when. I don't remember much.

MIKASA: Oh, I wasn’t around them enough at the beginning to know him. That was around the same time my mom had started getting me ready to take over the store, so I spent almost all of my free time with her.

ARMIN: I don’t really remember him. I had him in my Chemistry class before I dropped out. He was my table partner, I think. He was nice, though. We tutored each other sometimes. And, of course, he was over at Eren’s with us a lot.

CONNIE: I loved Marco, man. If you met him, you knew you had just met the sun. He always had such a bright outlook on everything. He was like Switzerland when we started arguing. And he always came up with the best compromises.

EREN: Marco was amazing. I felt bad all the time because he was always breaking up arguments. I have no clue why he was friends with us.

ARMIN: We were definitely annoying. It took a special kind of patience to deal with us, especially at that age. Marco always handled it so well, though. I think he and I would’ve ended up being much better friends if we were given the chance.

JEAN: Someone did their homework. You know about Marco? Course you do, you’re fucking [incoherent]. Uhm, Marco… God, I haven’t talked about him since he died. I don’t even think the really old fans know about him, to be honest. Well, Marco was . . . I think he was the first boy I ever loved.

i'm so excited for this series you guys don't even know. i have so much planned and i hope you guys have as much fun reading it as i had writing it

TAGLIST: @arlerts-angel if you'd like to join the taglist please comment to let me know!

next part >>

[laylasmoonchild]

“Are You Okay?”

Sam Kiszka × Reader NSFW 18+

Author's Note:

I have no idea what l'm doing or what possessed me to write this... That's partially a lie- There's no Sam Fics out there, and this is compiled of some requests l've had/Requests l've seen on other blogs. This is loosely inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six (The Amazon series, not the book, the book was better though hehe), Basically when Camilla was seeking out attention during a rough patch with Billy. I'm Layla, let me know what ya think, or don't. Just be nice! Sorry if there's typos, this took me hours to write on 2 separate nights, l'm not an amazing writer, just out here trying new things!

Summary:

Sammy's girlfriend (Y/N) is under the impression he is cheating on her and not only gets drunk to mask her feelings, but seeks comfort in Jake... Yup, it's messy, folks. Also, there's sex, read the warnings!

WARNINGS:

Angst, Topics of Cheating, Arguing W/ a S.O., NSFW, Sex, Spit Kink (this is a common request on Sammy blogs, if you're not into it, close your eyes or keep it pushing! my page is a no judge zone!), Unprotected Sex (Wrap it up, or don't, it’s not my business… prob wrap it up though.)

Word Count: 7,149

——————————————————————————

I was looking out the window of the plane that was taking me to God knows where. All I knew was that I was on my way to the love of my life.

Sam’s been on tour for a few months, and honestly, I’ve been starting to feel a distance. I’m assuming it’s more on my end, I’m working a high stress job while trying to make my art my main one. Sam’s understanding of it and I think it’s time I show him just how much I appreciate that of him.

As the plane is landing, I start to write out a text to Jake, who’s going through a major rough patch with his girlfriend. Sam mentioned they were on a break, but I won’t pry, I just want to tell him to let Sam know that I’ll be at the hotel in about an hour…

“Hey! Could you let Sam know I decided on taking an uber? I think his phone’s dead, I’ll be at the hotel in an hour!”

“I haven’t seen him since last night, but I’m sure I’ll run into him, be careful, sweet girl…♥️”

Sweet girl… Jake’s nickname for me since we first met… He always said I was too sweet for Sam.

As I gathered my bags from baggage claim and made my way outside to my Uber, I started thinking about how Jake mentioned he hasn’t seen Sam since last night… I never think about Sam’s whereabouts, I know most girls would be itching to know what their traveling, rockstar boyfriend was up to, but he’s never given me an inkling of a feeling that the rumors about guys on the road and his past were true. And I was far too busy career wise to think into those thoughts.

But I’d be lying if I said the reason I was tapping my foot in the backseat of this Uber wasn’t because I was starting to believe it.

————————————————————————

I got the keycard from concierge and made my way to Sam’s room. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking that the distance I’ve noticed wasn’t just me, and maybe he wasn’t as trustworthy as I thought…

I shook away my thoughts while the elevator chimed it’s arrival on his floor. I walked out, luggage trailing behind me, and anxiously speed walking to his door. Suddenly I was picturing the scene behind that door. A Penny Lane wannabe enthralled with him between the sheets, while he tells her I’m the last thing on his mind. What was wrong with me? I knocked on it, holding my breath.

I heard rustling behind the door, and feet lazily lugging themselves across the floor. It swung open, and there he was.

“Hey,” He pulled me in for a half hug, out of breath, hair a mess. He smelled like the floor of a dive bar.

“Hi, baby” I entered the room, it was in decent condition considering he’s been here for at least two nights.

“Room looks clean…” I huffed as I released my bag from my hand in the small walkway.

Sam looked around, yawning a bit while running his hand through his tendrils.

“Yeah, I guess- Haven’t really slept in here.”

I tried to ignore the pit in my stomach, telling myself not to read into it as I kicked my shoes off.

“Crashed at Danny’s or something?” I asked, trying to remind myself that he has 3 other rooms to end up in if he pleases…

I tried to look for his eyes as he sat on the foot of the bed. He looked guilty. This wasn’t in my head anymore. Suddenly my extremities went cold.

“Sam?” I said, firmer than usual. My chest was rising and falling at this point.

“What?” He practically spat at me. He looked at me like he’d been found out. His eyes blinking with a dullness behind them that felt inhuman.

“Sam… Where were you last night?”

“Y/N…” He held his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes.

“Sam. Answer me.” I felt tears beginning to sting my eyes.

“Y/N, I was at Danny’s, okay?” He stood up now with his arms open in defense.

“Look, I’m hung over, I really don’t want to be questioned by my girlfriend right now.” He walked past me to make it to the bathroom. As I turned to watch him slam the door.

Sam was the most attentive man in my life. Never leaving me when I’m upset, always letting me cry it out to him and absorbing every word I had to say.

Instead, he started the shower.

A few tears made their way out as I unpacked my outfit for tonight, feeling stupid as I pulled out each piece that I was so excited to wear for him. A cream colored, see through, lace dress with a slit up the leg, dark brown cowboy boots and a dark brown slip to wear underneath it.

I continued laying everything out when I saw something peeking out from underneath the duvet. Assuming it was one of Sam’s shirts, I pulled it, with the intention of folding it and placing it to the side. Except it wasn’t his shirt. It was distinctively a woman’s blouse. Orange chiffon, staring back at me. I stared back at it in my hands for a second. Hoping it would disappear from my hands and maybe I would wake up from a dream. Suddenly, I had no tears, my throat was too dry to speak.

He stepped out of the bathroom in a towel and I shoved the damned piece of fabric into my luggage. His eyes were softer now.

“Love,” he called out softly.

I nodded, eye’s fixated on his. He walked towards me, he took my waist into his hands and pulled me close to him.

He brought one hand to the valley between my jaw and neck, resting his thumb on my cheek.

“Y/N, I love you, I just had a rough night. I’m so happy you’re here, I’m sorry okay?” He looked me dead in my eyes, and something about that made my stomach turn. He’s lying to me, while looking into my eyes.

“Okay.” Was all I could manage. I felt a sense of serenity, or extreme numbness. He looked puzzled, looking for the rest of what I could say on my face.

“You love me, right?” Sam said, matching the hand that was on my waist to the one on my face.

“Of course,” I smiled, insincerely. “I have to shower now.” I motioned my head towards the bathroom door.

He leaned into kiss me, I moved my head slightly to where he could only kiss the corner of my mouth.

“I feel gross from the plane, sorry.” I said acting like everything was fine. He nodded and let me go.

————————————————————————

After my shower, I immediately started getting ready. It was all so robotic.

Sam knocked on the door to let me know he’d be going to the venue for soundcheck, which he’d been late for. I put my hairdryer on to drown him out mid speech. I heard the hotel door shut, and my phone lit up on the counter.

“Baby doll I left for soundcheck, I don’t know if you heard me♥️ See me before the show like you do?”

I “thumbs’d up” his text and continued my hair and makeup.

While doing my makeup, I suddenly felt thirsty. I opted for every alcoholic nip in the mini fridge.

————————————————————————

I finished getting ready and Ubered to the venue. I drunkenly vowed to myself that Sam will not make a fool out of me. If he was going to realize what I was being short about, it will be on MY terms. Not his, and most certainly not on my emotion’s terms. The alcohol has numbed every emotion, and I was thanking the heavens for that.

While I got into the building and was escorted backstage, all I could think about was another drink.

Entering the green room, I made a beeline for the bar cart while everyone mingled and were making the last touches to their outfits. Danny, Sam and Josh were gathered around the tour manager while Jake was off to the side, looking rather uninterested.

I poured myself a drink and sent my happy-fake smiles to the tour crew as they passed by, cheerful to see me. As I sipped my concoction of liquor, I began to feel disgusted with them too, knowing they could smile at me while they probably know of Sam’s girl on the side and smiled the same way at her.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, as I turned around, I was met with the soulful eyes I so dearly loved. It was Jake. Who reeked of rum. It broke my heart that we were drinking for similar reasons.

“Hey, my sweet girl!” He pulled me in for a hug, squeezing me extra tight and letting his hand linger on the small of my back as he positioned himself to the side of me. A classic Kiszka hug. The kind of hug that makes girls wonder if it’s flirtatious but it’s really just their loving nature.

I beamed for the first time all day. Jake and I were the kind of close where we didn’t need to speak all the time to keep the friendship alive. We often found ourselves on late nights after shows talking about everything while everyone was off to sleep. As I look into his eyes, I’m realizing he might know me more than Sam does.

In my drunken state, I didn’t realize my smile faded till his eyebrow became crooked.

“Are you okay?” Was all he said, my extremities went cold once more like they did earlier.

“I-“ I felt an arm snake around my waist and someone kiss my cheek from behind. I knew who it was.

“Baby doll, come with me before I go on, talk to Jake later” Sam said, all too normal.

I smiled weakly at Jake and he gave me a concerned look. He must’ve made eye contact with Sam because his concerned look quickly became a forced, tight lipped smile. And with that, he caught up with the rest of everyone, who waved at me, unaware of the situation at hand.

Sam led me down a dark walk way, the route that takes them to the stage. The opening act was on and I could feel the bass in my chest.

We stopped walking and Sam pulled me in for a kiss. I barely kissed back, uninterested in his lips on mine… Knowing they were on God knows who’s the night earlier.

“Y/N, kiss me,” He said running his hands up my sides then to my neck, pulling me in again.

“Sam, I’m not in the mood.” I slurred.

“Y/N, I told you I’m sorry for before. I still am.”

His eyes were looking through me at this point.

“Sam, this isn’t about you, okay? Really, it’s okay!” I amazed myself with how natural it was to pretend that I didn’t find another woman’s article of clothing in his hotel room. I grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him. He began to melt into me, pushing his tongue into my mouth.

I faintly heard the opener end their set, they would be getting off on the opposite side of the stage so I wasn’t worried about stopping him. Even if I didn’t want to kiss him right now, a part of me wanted to make him think I was okay before his show.

“I love you so much-“ He said in between kisses. I kept thinking of him talking like this to another woman. It made me sick. I pulled away. Staring at him plainly. His eyes were dull with lust and confusion.

The boys started walking towards us, getting ready to go on stage. I turn to them and smile.

“Good luck tonight,” I blew them a kiss and smiled while they said their thanks and blew kisses back. Jake watched me intently as I started to walk backstage, not daring to turn around and look at Sam.

“Hey,” Jake grabbed my hand.

I turn back to him and look for his eyes, that are fixated on my hand, and work up to my face.

“Sweet girl’s on my side tonight, yeah?” He winked with a grin. His thumb rubbed my hand, all of this making me blush. This gesture was more comforting than flirting.

“Of course.” I said, bashfully.

Jake smiled once more, and I looked back towards Sam. His face was stone cold at the interaction.

————————————————————————

The concert was amazing as always. Jake made it a point to wink in my direction and blow me a few kisses during their set, all of which Sam saw.

I was still, naturally, upset. Drinking as much as I could, stumbling in the crowd a bit. I was trying to blend in with the stands but of course some of the fans recognized me, I’m embarrassed to admit I was probably too incoherent to hold any sort of conversation with them.

We were now at an after party backstage, celebrating the tour or something, I could barely tell in my inebriated state.

Sam was on his phone, frantically typing and trying to stay focused on the conversations around him. I assumed that was her on the other end of the text screen. He put his arm around me while Danny and their roadie went on about an equipment mishap. Before Sam could reply to the phone vibrating in his pocket, I turned to glance at the tour crew & opening band dancing in the middle of the room. Jake was on the other side of the dancing bunch and caught eyes with me.

“I’m gonna dance-“ I said while breaking free of Sam, who said something in return but I couldn’t hear him over the music. I walked through the moving bodies and put my hand out to Jake, who took a good swig of his drink and slammed the glass on the table beside him. He took my hand and pulled me into what felt like the music itself engulfing me. We danced, innocently. Singing the lyrics to each other as we swapped dancing partners and laughing gleefully like little kids. I felt someone grab my wrist.

“Gonna save a dance for me, right, little girl?” Sam husked into my ear.

Feeling incredibly prideful and cocky, I danced with him, and as he leaned into me, I moved my mouth to his ear.

“Tell that little slut to get her cheap shirt before tour’s over.” I said in a tone only he could hear. Sam’s grip on me loosened.

“Y/N,” His face was pale, and his feet were suddenly glued to the floor. I kept dancing.

He reached his arms out for me when I started dancing too far from him and he pulled himself into me.

“You’re not going to make a fool out of me, Sam. I’ll play stupid for everyone around us right now, but trust that I won’t let you continue this. I’m not going to be the other woman in my own relationship.” I said still quietly but snidely.

“Listen to me, Y/N,” Sam said as he tried to pull me out of all the dancing, swiftly and without causing suspicion.

“Good idea, I need air.” I said, walking towards the tunnel that lead to the parking lot.

“Even better, I’ll come with.” He said following behind.

“No, stay! Please, enjoy yourself!” I said in a tone where he knew I was sarcastic but people around us would assume I was genuine if they overheard us.

Jake came up between us and put an arm out to distance Sam.

“I’ll go with her, don’t worry!” I couldn’t tell if Jake realized what was happening or if he really thought he was just helping ease Sam by following his drunk girlfriend who needed to get air in a sketchy parking lot.

Either way, I locked arms with him and smiled.

“Thaaaank you! Enjoy yourself, Sam.”

Sam’s eyes started to get glassy. Those around us would probably assume it was from weed or the alcohol, but he was on the verge of tears. His face was hard, stoic as he watched his brother whisk me away.

————————————————————————

We made it outside. Surprisingly no one was around, just the empty trailers, cars, and tour buses.

I started running to the middle of the lot & began spinning with my arms stretched out, basking in the cool air. I heard footsteps coming towards me, increasing speed.

Jake ran up to bear hug me, I yelped.

“You’re too drunk to go exploring, let’s go closer to the building, Y/N!” he laughed as he pulled me towards the brick wall. I tried to protest but I was too weak and he was too strong.

We reached the wall and I turned to him. There was that concerned expression again. It made me shiver.

Jake started to take off his jacket, he laid it gently on my shoulders.

“Better?” He asked. I’m assuming he thought my slight shiver was from being cold, considering my outfit choice, but the truth is that my blood is boiling from anger and alcohol, I can’t feel a thing.

I nodded and gave him a tight lipped smile.

“Are you okay? And answer me this time. You drank like a sailor, and you don’t do that.” He waited for me to respond. Suddenly I was too scared to speak again, like my voice wasn’t going to be strong enough to carry these feelings into solid words.

“Are you okay?” He repeated.

I teared up, flicking away the single tear that dropped on my cheek. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it out of my face, taking a deep breath.

“I’m fine.” I said, knowing he wouldn’t believe me.

“You know I know that isn’t true.” He said, leaning closer to my face. I smelled the dark rum on his breath.

“How do you know that?” I said sarcastically as a few more tears left my eyes. He got closer.

“You know things are pretty much over in my relationship… I know the signs.” Jake’s lips stayed parted and his eyes focused on my mouth.

I steadied my back against the wall, backing away. He moved closer again.

“How long has it been going on?” I asked him, scared to hear the answer.

“Hm?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“Sam and some girl…” I said quietly.

“What gir-… Wait, he’s sleeping with her?” With that, the tears flowed more. He pulled me into him and left he sob.

“Let it out, Y/N, I’m so sorry, I had no idea. I can’t believe he did this to you. None of us wanted her around but he said he was just trying to help.”

He was rubbing my back, and suddenly, I was not only devastated, but curious. Who was this girl and why was he trying to help her?

I brought my head up to ask these circling questions and Jake looked at me with his tender eyes.

In this moment I felt like Jake was looking at me in a way that only women he’s been to bed with have experienced. I felt frozen, I was nervous that I was so low I’d dig myself deeper, even when I wouldn’t want to stoop to Sam’s level. I looked down, avoiding Jake’s eyes.

“I’d never do that- to you,” Jake said, letting out an awkward and breathy laugh, an attempt to lighten the meaning of his words.

I nodded, still looking down. This can’t be happening right now. I started thinking about how Jake would taste on my lips… His rum mixed with my liquor… I physically shook my head to attempt to metaphorically shake these thoughts in my head.

Jake’s single finger lifted my chin to look into his eyes. His other arm lifted, planting his hand on the wall.

“Wanna get out of here?” Was all he said.

Like clockwork, my phone started vibrating. Text after text, and the night was too quiet to ignore it. Jake waited for an answer, trying not to look down where my phone was located, inside the calf of my boot.

My face was plain, not able to answer him. Saved by the bell, his phone in his jacket pocket started ringing, I reached for it and saw Sam’s contact photo. I handed it to Jake, an attempt to make him get his finger off my chin.

He sighed, then muted it and put it into his back pocket. My phone continued to vibrate. Jake looked into my eyes once more. It felt like he was trying to subconsciously communicate that he could take me away from it all, and take care of me, even if it was for the night.

“Jake,” was all I could let out before he leaned his face, inches from mine.

“You’re my sweet girl, you know that?” He said looking at my lips. I’m not sure why, but I nodded, looking up at him.

“I love him though. No matter what.” My eyes watery.

“I know, I’d never ask you to change what’s in your nature,” He paused. Taking my hand into his. He brought it to his mouth, giving my knuckles a light kiss, staring into my eyes as he did this. “It just breaks my heart that you’re so loyal to someone who was entertaining someone else, even if it’s my baby brother.”

Suddenly, the curiosity was getting the best of me. Who was this girl?

“Jake, just tell me who she is.” I took my hand out of his and rested both hands on his chest. Practically pleading and trying to change the subject away from his earlier question. Surprisingly, he let me.

“You know that ex girl of Sam’s? James’ girlfriend’s best friend?” He adjusted his jacket that was falling off my shoulder.

James was one of the openers who has opened for the guys every couple of legs of their tour. His girlfriend introduced Sam to his ex girlfriend, they dated for awhile. I was told through the grapevine that she would get into Sam’s head, make him choose between her and his tasks for the band… When he finally left her, he knew he would see her again on tour, but always made it a point to let me know that it wouldn’t be by his choice. She’d be there with James’ girlfriend and he didn’t really have much to say to her, so he would just avoid her.

My stomach was in knots. Thinking of him with her again. Someone he was so badly hurt by is who he chose to break my trust with. It’d hurt less if it were someone new. I lightly sobbed, moving my hands from Jake’s chest to around his neck. Hugging him tightly, he held me.

“Jake, how could he?” I looked up, trying to find the answers for Sam’s infidelity on his older brother’s face. He gave me the kind of look that told me he didn’t know what to say.

I sniffled, trying to collect myself. I thought about Jake’s previous offer. Getting out of here… with him. As we looked at each other, I knew that he knew what was going through my head. Us, going wherever he had in mind, and losing ourselves in each other.

If anyone saw us, they would think they were interrupting, and maybe they would be, but I wouldn’t dare move till he did.

“Let me take care of you.” He said, each word laced with lust, his hands were underneath the jacket he leant me, and on my waist.

I let out air through my nose, furrowing my eyebrows and frowning my lips. In a way that said “We can’t do this, I still love him.” without saying it.

We must’ve been lost in this moment because I didn’t hear the footsteps coming from the entrance of the tunnel that led to the parking lot. Until I did.

Jake and I both turned our heads to see one of the tour bus drivers. He awkwardly smiled at us and went to start the bus.

We let out a sigh of relief, knowing that if anyone else saw us, or God forbid Sam, we would be dead.

“Now or never.” He said, pulling my face to look at his. I quickly nodded in response.

————————————————————————

We made it back to the hotel after a silent ride. As we walked through the lobby and made it into the elevator, I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Jake held my hand and gave it a light squeeze. I felt him looking at me watch the floor numbers ding on the monitor. I turned to him and smiled lazily. He smiled back, and kissed me on the cheek. He lingered there for a bit before moving to my ear.

“I’m going to make it better.” He whispered.

I felt a pool begin between my legs. It felt so wrong. My boyfriend’s brother, making me feel like this. But Sam was wrong too. I hated him as much as I hated myself in this moment. But I was so detached from reality. So drunk, so lost, and so hurt. The doors opened.

We walked out, walking past Sam’s room. My eyes followed it as if he was going to come running out of it. Jake opened his hotel door, the one conveniently next to Sam’s, softly saying my name, and pulling me into the room. He closed the door behind me.

I felt him behind me as I entered more of the room, knowing I was entering the biggest mistake of my life and my body couldn’t turn off autopilot. He came up behind me, holding me. He kissed my shoulder and rubbed my stomach. I let out a sigh, I hate to admit it, but I was turned on at the thought of what he was going to do to me.

Even though my body was vibrating, my chest was aching, and a few tears escaped. He spun me around, anticipating what would be our first kiss, but he was met with my eyes, full of tears. His face was surprisingly comforting. He pulled me in for a hug. The kind of hug he always gave me.

“We won’t.” He said, as I fell apart beneath him. He kissed my forehead and held me close. I let out wailing cries, mourning what was once Sam and I, and what I almost allowed to happen. I was sick with myself as much as I was with him. I was trembling, and my throat felt raw from the noises escaping it.

A string of words kept flowing from me, “Jake what did I do? I’m horrible! I lost my best friend, I love him, how could he do this to me? I love him, Jake, I love him!”

He lead me to the bed since I began falling to the floor in his arms. He shushed me, rubbing my back.

“You didn’t do anything, I did this. Sam’s at fault, I’m at fault. Not you.” He said firmly.

I weeped. Picturing what almost happened and what transpired with Sam and his ex in the next room the night before.

“Y/N, I am miserable right now. I almost took advantage of your vulnerability because I lost the love of my life. I betrayed my brother, don’t blame yourself right now. Please. I will make this better.” The last sentence was said in a new tone than it was in the elevator.

———————-————————————————

I woke up to knocking on the door. The room was pitch black, my face was damp, and my throat was sore.

The knocking turned into banging.

“JAKE, LET ME THE FUCK IN. YOU PIECE OF SHIT, OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR.” The banging persisted, and the voice was familiar. It was Sam.

My body was frozen, I felt Jake rustle beside me.

“Stay here.” He said, making his way through the dark, turning on a lamp on his way to the banging door.

I sat up, and looked at my phone on the nightstand, I tapped it to see any notifications. My phone was completely blown up from Sam and even a few texts and calls from Danny.

“Please answer Y/N”

“Y/N”

“Hey”

“Y/N, Sam is trying to call you, he’s going crazy right now, he’s not telling anyone anything. What happened? Are you with Jake? He’s trying his phone too. Just let me know if you’re okay.”

Jake opened the door, and Sam busted through, immediately attacking Jake.

“YOU THINK I WOULDN’T FIND OUT?” Sam yelled as he threw a punch at Jake, who was dodging his fists, telling him to calm down.

“YOU LET YOUR RELATIONSHIP FALL APART SO YOU TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND? DID YOU FUCK HER? THE FUCKING TOUR BUS DRIVER TOLD ME HE SAW YOU WITH HER.” He pushed Jake up against the wall. Sam hasn’t even looked towards the bed, where I was.

Sam had Jake by the collar of his shirt, I was frozen.

“Sam.” His name escaped my lips, raspy.

He turned around. Eyes blood shot, hair a mess. He let out a breathy, sarcastic laugh. He turned to Jake and raised his fist, aiming for his face. Jake, again, dodged his brothers fist, and finally used his strength to throw Sam to the floor.

“JAKE!” I screamed, finally being able to jump up. Jake looked at me while Sam struggled beneath him, cursing at him. Jake gave Sam a firm gaze, holding him down.

“YOU FUCKED HER? YOU FUCKING TOUCHED HER?” Sam yelled.

“I could’ve but I didn’t. Because I fucking love you, and I love her. And YEAH, I am miserable right now, I wanted to take her from you because of it, but what the fuck is your excuse?” He spat through his teeth. Sam writhed underneath him.

“I DIDN’T CHEAT ON Y/N, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER,” Sam yelled “Y/N, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.” Jake let Sam go. He stood up in front of me.

“I didn’t sleep with her, I didn’t kiss her, I didn’t even hug (her name), PLEASE believe me, listen to me, LOOK AT ME.” He said, tearfully, shaking me by my sides as I struggled to keep eye contact.

I finally caved. I nodded in return. Waiting for him to continue. Jake gave me a kind smile, and patted Sam’s shoulder. He told us he’d be in Josh’s room if he needed us, and left.

Sam led me to sit on the foot of the bed. He held my hands and continued to speak.

“She was on tour, like I said she would be. She told me that one of our roadies and her had a fling after her and I split two years ago. She said she wasn’t expecting to see him again and it was hard to avoid him because he was working close with James’ team.” He looked into my eyes, waiting for me to let him continue. I nodded.

“She said she was scared of what he would do if they were alone because he threatened her, I told her she could hang around us. I have no say in who’s fired, I tried to relay it to our tour manager but he said that the roadie was one of his best employees and wasn’t dropping him this far into tour because of something that can’t be proven. I was stupid. It was a way in. Last night she said he said something about knowing which room she was staying in…”

Again, I nodded. He hasn’t broke eye contact, or tried to retrace his story… He was telling the truth, and I let him continue just that.

“I didn’t want to deal with her, believe this. But our tour manager was being a dick, I know she’s not the talent and doesn’t have needs in their eyes, but I felt obligated to help. I told her to come to my room, stay there the night, and I’d go to Dannys… She came to my room, and immediately, I knew something was up, Y/N. She started asking about you, and how serious we were. I asked her what her intentions were. She joked to get me back. I told her to get out, but she wouldn’t. She insisted that the story about her and this roadie was still true, and she wanted me to protect her. I left her in my room, and I slept in our photographers room. I knew that if I slept in Danny’s, she wouldn’t end this till she got in. And as for her shirt, one of mine was missing from my suitcase, I assumed she took one of mine to sleep in and left hers for me to find. And baby, I’m so sorry that you found it. That’s awful.” He put his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at him.

“You don’t have to believe me, I know this sounds like a load of bullshit. But please, ask anyone. Anyone you want. They’ll tell you what impression I fell under.” His eyes pleaded with mine. Even though it was hard to give into him after this entire day, my gut was telling me that he was telling the truth.

“Sam,” I tried to find what I was going to say next. That I believe him and that I love him of course, but I couldn’t say that without being honest about what almost transpired between Jake and myself. He waited patiently.

“I almost did something unforgivable tonight, to spite you.” I continued. His chest physically sunk, and his eyes welled up.

“Almost? Not just Jake?” He spoke, loosening his tight grip on my hands.

“I’m not proud.” I teared up. My voice was still raspy.

He cleared his throat, letting out a sigh, opening his mouth to ask “How far?”

“He asked me to come here and I did-“ I started, but Sam put his hand on my thigh, trying to get me back on track.

“Baby, how far?” He said firmly, but still sadly, nonetheless.

“He kissed my cheek in the elevator… when he got to the room, he kissed me here from behind.” I ran my fingers along my shoulder, showing him where. His face was stoic. He looked at my cheek and then my shoulder.

“He stopped when he realized it’s not what I wanted. I promise he did, Jake is not at fault. He feels like he is, he says he is. He’s just lost right now. He doesn’t want me like that, nor do I want him. I never did. It’s always and only been you, Sam. I was in such a bad place. My life felt like it was over.” I began to weep again.

He pulled me into his lap, let me cry, and held me… Like he always did. He kissed the top of my head while I soaked his shirt in my tears.

“It’s okay. Him and I will talk, but you and I are okay, baby.” Sam let out. I was relieved, but still felt like it wasn’t.

“I’m so so-“ I tried to reply, but he stopped me with a kiss. He let me go and looked deeply into my eyes.

“Don’t you say sorry. I’m sorry. I could’ve told you from the jump. But I was so in my own head about that night and I took it out on you.” He kissed away what tears were on my face and stroked my hair.

He always knew how to make me feel at ease, and right now I did… For the first time all day.

“And by the way, I was texting her earlier to never show her face around me again. You’re more than welcome to look-“ He said, reaching for his phone, but I shook my head in protest.

“Not now…” I said softly, looking into his eyes. He placed his hands back where they were, supporting me in almost a cradling like position.

“Sammy.” I spoke out. Knowing he knows I only call him ‘Sammy’ when I’m feeling soft.

“Yes, Baby doll?” He tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Take me to bed?” I rasped. He smiled and leaned forward to me, into a passionate kiss. His tongue dipped between my lips, searching for mine. I let out a small whimper, and he let out a deep moan in return.

He kicked off his shoes, while I transitioned from his arms to straddling his hips, wrapping my arms around his neck. I started to grind my throbbing, clothed pussy onto the denim covering his hardening bulge. His hands made their way onto my ass, guiding me on top of him. We let out moans and soft laughs in between our passionate kisses.

I took his bottom lip between my teeth, earning a low groan from my beautiful boy. He lightly tapped my ass.

“Lay down, baby.” He instructed, and I did as I was told. Resting my head onto the pillow, I looked up at him… He was undoing the buttons on his shirt. I leaned forward, helping him. Once the buttons were undone, I worked it down his shoulders. I went to undo the buckle on his belt, but he moved my hands away, and had me lean back by gently pushing me.

“I’m taking care of you.” He said firmly. I thought of how Jake said this earlier, but the truth is, only Sam could.

I blushed under his gaze while he removed his pants, leaving him in his briefs. His cock was rock hard, Sam caught me looking at it pulse for me. I bit my lip lightly and went to cover my face, squirming my legs beneath him.

“Don’t be shy, now” He let out a little laugh and so did I. He began undressing me, removing my dress, then my slip. He looked down at me in my bra and panties. Completely flushed and exposed, just for him. I opened my legs while he got between them.

“Sammy,” I began. His eyes traveled up my body and landed on my bashful gaze.

“Hmm?” He hummed, running his hands up and down my thighs.

“I love you too. I didn’t really answer you before…” I said, still trying to make things right.

He smiled lightly and pushed air through his nose.

“I know you do, my girl. Don’t worry.” He replied looking up at me. He began to slowly remove my black lace panties. Once they were discarded, I let out a shakey breath… Sam laid down next to me and gave me a tender kiss. He spread my legs wider for him. He took some of the wetness from my core and dragged it to my clit.

He began rubbing it just the way I like it. Immediately, I’m saying his name over again. He dips his skillful fingers into my pussy, toying at my g spot. He alternates between my clit and pussy while kissing my mouth, and slowly moving open mouthed kisses down my neck.

I pulled the lace of my thin bra down, exposing my hardened nipple. I start squeezing the sensitive bud, suddenly it’s replaced with Sammy’s wet mouth. His hand is solely focused on my clit while his tongue works my nipple. I reach my hand down to his throbbing cock. I cant think of anything more intoxicating than the thought of him deep inside me.

He moans onto my nipple, creating vibrations that intensify the sensation.

“Sammy, I need you, please.” I let out, desperately.

He releases my nipple and doesn’t let go of my clit while now, starting to lean over me.

“Aw, look at you.” He says, looking down at me, grinding into his hand, squeezing the nipple he just had in his mouth between my fingers.

“My girl wants it rough, huh? My pretty girl wants me to cum inside her perfect little pussy, right?” It doesn’t matter how sweet Sammy can be, he loves to see me fall apart for him. He wants to see me cry for him, beg for him. Always loving a show put on for him.

“Yes, Sammy, baby please, I need it, give it to me.” I moaned out, feeling like I could cum just watching him drool at the sight of me. He removed his hand from my clit and removed his briefs. His cock sprung up for me. He positioned himself between my legs.

He kissed my forehead, lining himself up with me, before sinking into my aching pussy. The sounds alone from my wetness were enough to prove how much I needed him. He fucked into me, bringing his hand to my clit once more.

He kissed me deeply, pulled away, and looked into my eyes.

“I love you,” He groaned while pumping in and out of me.

“I love you too.” I moaned, unintentionally tightening my walls around him. My arms were around his neck, while his chains danced from his chest onto my neck.

We both moaned into each other’s mouths, he brought up his other hand to relax my jaw into a more opened position.

He let a slow, string of spit into my mouth, earning a pornographic moan from me as I swallowed it. He mouth hung open while watching me do so as he continued to fuck deeper into my pussy.

His fingers sped up on my clit and he sped up his pace while hitting my g spot. I felt a familiar knot in my stomach, and he could tell I was close by my walls clenching and face alone.

“Cum for me, baby, cum on my dick, let it out, little girl, let it go for me.” He cooed as I came. I wrapped my legs around his torso, tightening them with each second of my release.

I felt his cock twitch inside of me.

“Cum inside me, Sammy, give it to me, please, please-“ I panted. And with that, he came deep inside of me. Moaning and panting, sweat beads on his forehead, pressing his to mine. He found my lips and kissed me hungrily, like he was starving for my mouth.

Our eyes were still teary eyed from earlier but extra teary for the passionate love making we just shared. He collapsed on top of me. Pulling himself out of me, he rolled onto the side of my body, now pulling me into him.

“I love you, so so much, Y/N.” He said softly.

“I love you so much more, Sammy.”

[aroacebrucewayne]

when I grow up, I want to be nothing at all

CHAPTER 1.

summary: ‘Bruce hasn’t looked at himself properly in the mirror for months.’ {batman? more like notman.}

a/n: 1. character referred to w he/him pronouns for a while because she doesn’t realise she’s transfem. She’s also Misgendered because the batfam doesn’t know yet. 2. I haven’t read any comics except for the first one w/ penguin in it!! All my knowledge is from other fanfics!! Do not come at me for not knowing lore please!!! 3. Story title is from “the end” by mcr because I’m cliche trash. 4. yes, I know Dick lives a city over. Why he’s randomly returning to Gotham on this day is unknown to me. But I have gone on overnight trips to visit my grandparents in the past and they live in another city too, so I guess it’s fine. Maybe he missed his family :) [also if you’re wondering where everyone else is/what their roles may be: patience. I’ll add to this au soon hopefully!]

5. Enjoy! Idk when I’ll be writing more for this but uh. Yeah. Have fun :)

Bruce hasn’t looked at himself properly in the mirror for months. He figures that it’s the scars crossing his body, riddling his torso and limbs with a map of his past victories and losses. Sure, he looks at his face to shave and occasionally cut his hair, but that’s about it. He’s still pondering this when he his phone chimes sharply.

Tim: hi bruce. dickhead coming for dinner 2day

The text, short and to the point, only reminds him to hurry up with his dressing. The batcave, while cool, isn’t an “acceptable substitute for fresh air and human interaction, Master Bruce.” So he swiftly pulls on a sweatshirt and pants, and goes back upstairs to wash the dirt, grime and facepaint off his face.

The bathroom tile he rests his forehead against is cool against his flushed skin, offering slight reprieve from the steady pounding in his skull. Bruce forces himself to look up at the mirror. Heavy dark circles, downturned mouth, and tired eyes stare back at him, and he trudges out into his bedroom.

The room isn’t really messy, he’s never allowed it to be. But there is a jacket flung over his full-length mirror, and a chair shoved in front of it, and both of them obstruct the full view of himself. He pushes the chair aside and grabs the jacket, convincing himself with some difficulty to look at himself fully and truly.

He looks normal. Maybe a little beaten down and weary, but otherwise he looks like a normal, regular, alright guy. The moment the thought manifests in his mind, he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to ward off the feeling of WRONGWRONGWRONG thrumming under his skin.

Fuck. Fuck. Maybe there is something wrong with him, something twisted. Self hatred is nothing new to him, but this feels different. More painful. He takes one more look at the mirror - Face your fears - and leaves the room, jacket tossed to the floor. He can’t waste time thinking about himself: Dick’s coming for dinner, Tim and Damian are coming home from school soon, and the sky is clear and cloudless. It’s a beautiful day, and Bruce has spent most of it in the cave, burning case details into his mind.

The thought makes his headache spike up again, and he casts his mind to other things. Chiefly, the sound of voices coming from the dining room. Tim and Damian are sitting at the table, eating sandwiches, while Tim chatters excitedly about his day to Alfred.

Bruce steels himself for a moment before he enters with a smile, jumping into the conversation with ease. All his worries and anxiety melts into the background, his chief attention being on this sliver of his family, here and now. His mind hones into the present, and he drops his earlier train of thought with ease.

He can always figure that thing out later.

[atom-writings]

Sleepy cuddling with Ivan :3c

(HWS Russia x Reader) Sleepy Affection!

(Gender Neutral) Scenario ~ A/N WAIT THIS IS A A THOUSAND WORD.S WHOOPS. UM. IM NORMAL ABOUT RUSSIA (LYING LYING) I HAVE NOT BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS FOR YEARS (LYING I AM A LIAR I AM LYING)

Trigger Warning: None, just Fluff!

Meteorologists had predicted a large snowfall. While you had told Ivan that you would leave before it got too bad, that plan ended up dead in the water. Or more accurately, dead in the snow. Before you knew it, the ground nearly rose to your knees. That’s fine, right? It’s really no problem, staying with your boyfriend. That was… until the power went out… along with the heat.

He tugged on your shirt lightly, rubbing the collar between two of his fingers. In the background, the fire crackled quietly. The scent of a warm fireplace nearly drowned out your boyfriend’s faded cologne. He always smelled faintly of roses, something close to what you’d find in your grandmother’s home.

Months earlier, you recalled him mentioning that he had lived in this home for centuries. Which, to be fair you could’ve guessed. Normally it would be nothing more than an annoyance, how it creaked and groaned keeping you up at night. But now, its ancient architecture meant you two had nothing to worry about. The fireplace meant you two could make it through the night in comfort.

So there you two lay. A short distance away from the fireplace cuddled up on an old mattress he had dragged downstairs. On top of you lay layers of quilts and ratty old blankets, all of which smelled of must and people you’d never meet. 

“Крошка? Are you still awake?” His voice startled you out of your thoughts.

“Yeah…”

“Why?” He readjusted himself, sitting up and facing you.

“W-Why? This isn’t the ideal situation to sleep in, Vanya.” You replied, looking up at him in confusion. He paused for a minute, lost in thought, before reaching out and holding your shoulder tightly.

“I understand. We just have to get through one night. I am sure your hotel will have the power back by then, and you will be alright.” 

He laid back down, “Will you let me warm you?” 

A light pink rose to your cheeks, and you rolled to look away from him. Sure, you had been plenty affectionate with each other before, but nothing like this, “If you’re fine doing so… aren’t you cold too?”

“Of course. But I have been cold many times before,” Ivan responds as he presses himself against your back, “Besides, I cannot help but be slightly delighted by this arrangement.”

“You’re happy about this?” Your tone rises.

“As I said, only slightly. It reminds me of many nights I have had before.” He wraps his arms tightly around your waist, drawing you closer. You can feel his hot breath on the back of your neck, along with his eyes resting intently on you.

“I would have thought that an immortal would try to ignore any memories. Don’t they just make you sad?”

“Sometimes, yes. The world has changed very much. But I try to not let that bother me. It is all about looking on the bright side. Years ago, I could not have been seen with you. But now…” Ivan leans forward, laying his head in the crook of your neck. “We can be here… together.”

Smiling to yourself at his sudden affection, you begin tracing light patterns on his arms. Quickly, you hear him sigh, muffled by your neck.

“Be the romantic all you want, I still want our power back at least.” You joke.

“Really? I do not mind.” 

“Psh, of course, you don’t. But I’m a little used to the comforts of modern life.” He returns your playful tone with a smile.

“I enjoy this. It reminds me of nights spent with my old family. We would have to sleep like this often in the winter as well.” Although he smiles, you can hear his tone drop.

Although you had been dating for almost a year now, he rarely talked about his family. You had gathered that he had sisters… at least one… and maybe a brother at some point. There were pictures of this home, filled with people, placed everywhere throughout the home. Yet, they never seemed to be the same people. And anytime you would become curious as to why he would brush your questions off.

“Your family?”

“We never had much money. I was lucky to receive this home from the Tsar many centuries ago. It protected us well.” He lets go momentarily, just to grasp for your hand as his voice falters. 

You wiggle out of his hold, turning around to face him. His eyes soft, lost in memory, suddenly transfixed on you as you grabbed his hand. He leaned into your touch as you caressed his cheek and squeezed his hand tightly.

“It’s nice to know you have happy memories with them. Whenever you mention them usually, you seem so sad. I can’t stand to see you like that.”

Ivan closes his eyes, relaxing his tense face. “Those are not happy memories. It makes me sad to think about those why we had to huddle in those winter nights.”

“Then why did you bring it up?” Your face turns to concern as you begin running your hands through his soft, silvery hair.

“Because I am not sad right now. Regardless of how it reminds me of my old family.”

“H- Why? I know I would be upset if I were you right now.”

He opens his eyes, staring intently into your own, “Because I have done this with my old family,” he smiles lovingly, “and now I have done it with you.” 

As you look up at him in confusion, he simply draws his quilts tighter to the two of you. Grinning, he continues, “I did not think I would ever do this again. It means that even in this world I do not always recognize, I will still find my new family.”

Bringing your hand, still tightly holding onto his own, up to his face, he kisses your knuckles lightly, “You will be my new family. We are together here, like I was once with my family, and that is all that matters, любимый.”

Despite the intense emotionality of what he just declared, his face betrayed nothing but peace. “V-Vanya…” you pause, “I love you.”

“I love you too. While you sleep, I will make sure you are safe.” He put one hand behind your head, pulling you forward to kiss your forehead.

“Thank you, my love.” You say before closing your eyes, leaning back into his chest.

“Сладких снов,” he whispers, before falling asleep to the crackling fire himself. With you safe in his arms, everything felt just as he had wished it to be for centuries.

[yourlocalartsonist]

ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Nine

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT I'M ALIVE AND I AM SO SORRY! It's been way too long and I'm genuinely sorry this chapter took several fucking months to make but IT'S FINALLY DONE! It ended up way longer than I intended man, I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE SHORT. It's my longest chapter yet fun fact. I don't even regret it really, it benefited so much from the extra effort. Hopefully the next few chapters won't take this long but I will refrain from jinxing myself again so🧍‍♀️Anyway enough blabbering, hope y'all enjoy this one ;w;

CREDIT To the MFIP Team: Thank you to @yosajaeofficial, @urlocalmj, misfortun3_ismyname (on TikTok), @chaoticspeedrun, @ramblehour and @goldanrabbit for being my lovely editors! MAN did they give this chapter a lot of polish-

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Chapter One

Disclaimer: Chapter involves verbal abuse/manipulation, harassment, gaslighting, depressive thoughts, violence, blood, mentions of a wounded limb, brief mentions of nausea, displayed anxiety, and curse words. If you're sensitive to that, scroll past and stay safe!

I rushed around my room throwing shit on as fast as I could. Not fast enough apparently, since my phone’s vibrating like it’s gonna explode.

It’s late as hell right now, but Zane insisted on meeting up. Pretty randomly at, like, 11pm on a school night. I was initially planning to reject the idea or ghost with the excuse of sleeping, but it’s been a good while since I actually did hang out with him. I know insomnia’s gonna keep me up for a bit anyway, so why the hell not? We might even have fun! Just wish he’d stop flooding my notifs like I didn't already say I was actively getting ready.

I looked in the mirror, checking to see if I was presentable enough for the outside realm. My reflection’s the same as always; for better or worse. Still the same pink dress, same green skirt, same  boots. Can’t forget the gold earrings; the only emergency asset I held onto. I don’t know what I expected. I don’t have much to work with. Guess the gloves from Donnie are new, at least. But I’m still getting… bored? A change in appearance—even a small one—might be able to fill that hole for a while. Keep me distracted.

Maybe I could do something with my hair tonight? I still have Mi’s ribbon lying here somewhere.

I ignored Zane’s digital pestering and spent a few extra minutes shuffling through drawers and boxes, eventually finding her long, white ribbon—handmade from moth silk. She wore it all the time. I barely remember her hair being fully down unless she was sleeping or about to shower. Except for that one night, of course. The night she left and was never found again. She almost did take the ribbon with her. Had her hair done up in a bun and everything, even a little fancier than usual. But she took it off once she saw me behind her, barely reflected in the mirror. She crouched down, placed it in my tiny palms, and gave me her wonderfully warm smile. It’s the last thing she left me with. The last gift she could ever give me. 

After that, the ribbon’s survived years of storage and then more years of… unconventional bullshit use. I know moth silk ain’t the weakest thing on Earth but I’ve deadass used this ribbon as a make-shift pulley system to sneak stuff into my room through the window before, some of which weighed more than me! Its got the endurance of a Nokia at this point. 

I’ve barely used the ribbon for its intended purpose, though. I mean, how could I? I’m not my mom no matter how similar we look. Maybe this is a me-thing, but I always felt wearing the ribbon would be like replacing her with myself. 

Although, I’m sure Mi would’ve loved it if I wore it. 

Using the ribbon, I tied my hair into a ponytail and styled it as a loose bow, just to see how it would look. The white tails gently draped over my back down to my hips. I never quite realized how long the ribbon was before now. I don’t look as fancy or pretty as mom did, but it’s the best I’ve got. It… it doesn’t look bad, though, I think. It actually looks kinda nice! Maybe I’ll use it a bit more often. 

My phone’s repeated buzzing snapped me out from my trance. “Alright, alright, shut up already.” I groaned. Zane’s growing impatient.

You: hey sorry I jsut finished getting ready

You: heading out the door now! :3 

Fuck doors. Sneaking out became a whole lot easier ever since I did it from my window, but he doesn’t have to know that. I can already imagine him scolding me about the dangers of dropping down from high places, even with the fire escape there. He wouldn’t be wrong, per se, but at this point I’ve handled worse. Would probably send him into cardiac arrest if he knew what I’d actually been up to these few months.

I sprinted to the spot we agreed to meet up at. Zane was already there, leaning against the wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets like always. 

“Salena! Hey!” He lit up like a star when he saw me, beckoning me over.

God, for a sour person, he has such a sweet smile. He’s usually so good at being intimidating and frightening. Yet the second he brings out his smile, all that built-up fear washes away like it was never there to begin with. 

“I almost thought you wouldn’t come.”

“Well, I figured I could use some fresh air.” I tilted my head to the side, eyeing his fit. “You left your sweater at home?”

“Hm?” He followed my gaze to his pitch black tank top in place of the usual outfit. “Oh, right! Yeah, the weather’s too hot for a sweater tonight. Forgot I changed it, really.”

Now that I’m looking closer, his choker’s missing too. It probably didn’t match with the top. Seems like it got swapped with a black watch on his left wrist that complimented the look way more. Doesn’t matter what he pretends to be though, I know Zane pays very close attention to his appearance. He’s gotta maintain the rep of our grade’s “Pretty Boy” after all. When it comes to him, every little detail matters.

Wait a sec…

“What happened to your arm?”

I couldn’t see ‘till he turned towards me but his left arm had a deep bluish-purple bruise spread across it. It looked like it was from something long like a pipe or a bat. Either way, it was gnarly enough to worry me. 

“Oh that. It’s nothing too bad.” He shrugged.

“You kiddin’ me? It looks awful! What happened?” I carefully grabbed his arm and took a closer look at the mark. I wish Leo was here, but thankfully I’ve picked up a little medic knowledge from him so I can at least tell if a bone is broken or not.

“Hey, don’t get your feathers all fluffed! I got a little hurt rough-housing with the guys, that’s all. You know how they are.”

“Rough-housing? Or a secret murder attempt?” I was only being half sarcastic. It wouldn’t be out of character for them.

“Don’t worry! It’s really sweet of you to care, but they’d never dare hurt me on purpose! Now, on another note…“ He paused for a moment, taking a proper look at me. For a little bit, I couldn’t tell why he smirked. “Looks like someone wanted to look cute tonight, ey? You wore your hair up.”

“Huh?” I touched my hair, forgetting I changed it earlier. “Oh, um, yeah! I-I did! I thought I’d give it a try. Does it… um, you know, look too bad or weird or?…”

“No! No, it… it looks really pretty.” Oh god, that’s a relief to hear! I was so paranoid it wouldn’t suit— “I gotta ask, though.”

I caught him inching closer. I tried creating space, but quickly realized I was up against the wall again. Should’ve been more careful about that. His hand reached out, bringing back all sorts of cringe-inducing memories. He didn’t technically pin me like last time, but he tucked my bangs back behind my ear. Feeling his fingers come into contact with my skin almost feels just as nauseating, though. 

“How’d you know I had a thing for girls in ponytails?”

And fuck, he made it weird again.

“Z-Zane?”

“Yeah?…” WHY ISN’T HE GETTING THE HINT!? “You know, you always look so soft when you dress up. You just bloom.”

“…So! What are we doing tonight?” 

His smile slightly dropped, likely upset I ruined whatever moment he was trying to have. Honestly, didn’t matter to me, as shitty as that sounds. I just wanted to change the topic so he’d step back a bit. We go through this every time; this stupid ass, awkward aura. I wish it would stop happening. 

On the bright side, he did step back and redirect his focus to answering my question. On the not so bright side, his answer was a pathetic shrug.

“I don’t know.”

“Y-you… What do you mean you don’t know? I snuck out here in the middle of the night, you told me it’d be something special! You’ve gotta have something planned.”

“Honest, I don’t! I thought it was beautiful outside and it reminded me of you. Wanted to see where such a lovely night could take us. I think that’s special enough, don’t you?”

“W-Well, I mean—“

He chuckled “What’s wrong? You’re not backing out now, are you?” 

I may have praised his smile earlier, but right now it’s making my eye twitch. I’m a little peeved knowing he brought me out here for shits and giggles when I could’ve at least been resting in bed, replenishing some of my energy. I know I don’t have the best sleeping habits, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get tired from the constant action going on! I don’t even know how long he’s gonna keep me hostage for! But… he’s also right that it’d be kinda shitty to bail now. Besides, I’m already out here so…

I guess all that’s left to do is suck it up and try to make the best of it. 

“Well, do you wanna… go for a walk or something?”

“Sounds perfect to me! Come on, hold my hand, Dove.”

For someone who supposedly didn’t have a plan, he sure took an awful lot of charge during that walk. He suggested we go to Central Park and practically dragged me there despite my common sense screaming to never go to that hellspawn at night. Although, I can’t complain too much. The park’s definitely the best place to see the stars, and tonight had clear skies! He made sure to keep a tight grip on me in case we ran into any classic New York weirdos anyway, so I should probably be less tense. I guess I got used to the guaranteed safety of having literal ninjas around me, I forgot what it was like hanging out with a regular person. 

On top of that, Zane seemed really happy! Happier than I’ve seen him in a while, actually. He was giddily pointing out any interesting greenery we saw and rambling random facts he knew about them. 

Even later, when we went and dined inside a relatively fancy restaurant, all he could focus on was the different plants they chose as decor. He’s such a huge nature geek, but he’d never let anyone know. Zane’s the type of guy to get 100% on a biology test and shamefully shove it in his backpack to avoid being labeled as a nerd. Being a nerd myself, I think it’s pretty cool, so I never understood it. But either way, I’m glad he feels safe around me. I’m glad he doesn’t hide around me.

I forgot about this side of him, I really did. The side that is my friend.

We were walking back to my place, taking in the bliss of the quiet night. Even if a part of me prefers the busier, noisy parts of the city, it’s really soothing to experience the calmer sides of it too. Everything about tonight feels nearly perfect. I’m surprised nothing ruined it. I’m debating if I could ruin it…

I really want to talk to him. I wanna bring up those photos, get some answers, put my strange emotions to rest once and for all. I wanna hear it from him that neither of them meant to hurt me. That this was just my mind screwing me over again. I need to know. I really need to know. 

You know, friends are supposed to lend a shoulder when you need it.

I don’t want to ruin the night. But friendship takes risks sometimes. That’s what shows its strength, right?

I take a deep breath and go for the leap of faith.

“So, I was wondering—” “Salena, I wanted to ask—” 

I really gotta work on my timing for these things.

“S-Sorry! You go first.”

He shook his head with a delicate smile. “Nah, it’s okay. You can go.”

“Are you sure? I-I mean it’s kinda complicated…”

“Yeah, I’m sure! I always love hearing you talk, anyway.” 

“O-okay then, well…” My hands balled up into determined fists and I looked him right in the eyes. I have to put an end to this or I’ll never be able to move on. “I’ll be real, it might be a weird question.But you’re my friend and I really trust you a lot. I… I have to know this, so please don’t get mad.”

“Yeah…?” Why did he have to lean in closer…

I came this far, I’m not letting my tongue shut me up again. 

“What’s going on with you and Jaiden?”

Immediately his demeanor changed. His posture slouched, the disappointment clear as day on his face. “Jaiden? You’re—you’re really thinking about… about them, now?” 

“Yes, b-but I want to stop! That’s why I need to ask you this, so please bear with me, Zane.”

He leaned back with a hand on his hip, the other covering his face as he exhaled. “And here I was getting my hopes up for nothing.”

He would never think that I heard him; Zane’s a good whisperer. Unfortunately, my hearing rivals it.

He looked at me again; his eyes didn’t feel the same. “Okay, fine. What is it?”

I felt my stomach twist into itself. My chest began to ache. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was about to hurl.

It’s okay. Friends get a little upset at each other all the time. Doesn’t mean they’ll break apart. Don’t be a coward, Salena. 

I told him about everything. The canceled plans, Jaiden’s distant behavior, the increase in their pics together on his Instagram. I vented about how frustrated I felt with seeing them spend so much time together and then completely ignore me. And then vented some more about how frustrated I felt from that frustration, how I knew it was wrong yet couldn’t help it seeping into my everyday life! I let out a lot of steam tonight, even things I didn’t plan on telling him. The only things I left out, honestly, were anything related to the turtles to hide their identity. And to avoid any irrelevant questions.

He seemed strangely chipper hearing all of this, a curiously amused smirk plastered on his face. Not the reaction I expected, but I guess it’s better than him flipping out like I thought he would. 

“So, if I’m getting this right, you see me and Jaiden hanging out more often and it actually bothers you?”

“I don’t want it to but yeah, it bothers me a whole fucking lot. It’s taken over my life and I hate it! I hate being jealous! It’s so—“ 

“You’re jealous!? You’re jealous! Oh man, I can’t believe I am living in the same timeline where the Salena Moni is experiencing jealousy like every. Average. Lowlife. Person!” 

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead and rub it in, why dontcha? That helps me so much.” I pouted.

He laughed, enjoying my misery. “I know, I’m sorry. Just, damn! Somewhere, pigs are flying aren’t they?” If Meat Sweats could fly, I’d be his murderous Cupid.

“Har har. I get it though. I mean, you know me! I’ve felt envious before, but jealous? How does anyone even deal with this…?” I held myself a little tighter.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Dove. It happens! Everyone gets a little jealous. It’s a normal thing to go through, Salena.”

“Yeah, I sure did want a normal life, so I guess I got what I wished for.” I can’t help feeling salty over all this. 

He only laughed and patted my hair, fluffing up the ponytail a little. 

“Hey, Zane? For the sake of my psyche, you sure I’m not a bad person for this?”

A tender sigh rang through my ears. “I’m sure. You could never be a bad person, Salena.” 

…I never realized a husky voice like his could feel so honeyed.

But he’s right. I’m not a bad person, I’m just human. If both him and Raph said the same thing, it’s more likely to be true.

“And for the record, Jaiden and I are just friends right now. There’s nothing going on between us, so you don’t have to worry.”

“Uh… Cool? I… might be a little lost here. Why are you telling me that?”

“Reassurance, obviously.”

I blinked, not really getting it or knowing how to respond. He thought for a moment, then had a face of realization while he giggled.

“Oh my god, don’t tell me you’re actually that innocent! You’re so cute, I swear!” He booped my nose and leaned in again with a huge smile. He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “You’re jealous because you have a crush.” 

A crush?

“But why would I have a crush on Jaiden?” 

“I’m just saying—Wait, rewind. A crush on Jaiden?” He physically paused for a bit before awkwardly laughing. “No, sweetie, you don’t get jealous of your crush, you get jealous of the people they’re with!”

“That’s why I’m asking. Why would I have a crush on Jaiden?”

…Why does the air feel colder all of a sudden? 

The night was warm just a minute ago, but now it’s dead like the core of winter. His smile is long gone. His eyes, they’re slicing me in half. Is my breathing a little faster? He’s coming closer. I’m suddenly aware of just how alone we really are here in this silent little street. 

“To be clear. Who are you jealous of.”

My throat clogged up. I blinked and lowered my eyes so he wouldn’t see the tears being fought back. I forgot this side of him, too. The side that made my heart close in on itself.

“Salena, don’t make me ask twice.”

“Of you.” I managed to let out. “J-jealous of you.”

He wouldn’t speak for a while. Only felt him staring me down like a predator stalking its prey, making me swallow to keep my throat from drying up. My hands felt so clammy, begging me to wipe them on my skirt. But I didn’t dare move. I couldn’t even look at him right now.

“Of fucking course you are.”

I knew it was coming, but I still flinched when he cursed with no shame, tugging his hair and punching the wall next to me. It’s stupid, isn’t it? I can handle giant mutants and a literal cult of evil, but Zane’s temper was not something to be messed with, and my unlucky ass did exactly that.

“Why did I ever expect anything different! Of course it’s me you’re jealous of! Why the fuck would you phrase it like that if you meant something else, god dammit!”

You’re gonna bleed if you keep doing that…

“Z-Zane, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t think it’d come off as me being jealous of Jaiden—“

“OBVIOUSLY, IT FUCKING WOULD!!!” He grabbed my shoulders, bringing me closer to him. I don’t know if it’d be an exaggeration to say I nearly got a panic attack from the action alone. 

“When you say things like how you’re jealous of how much time Jaiden and I spend together, of course I think you’re jealous of them, not me! Why would I ever assume it was me! That never happens with anyone else! God, you’re such a fucking moron sometimes, I swear!” 

“I'm sorry… P-please stop…”

“After everything we’ve fucking been through, everything I did for you! All you can ever do is somehow relate me back to Jaiden! There’s always someone else! I mean nothing to you, Salena! Don’t I!? I! Mean! Nothing!”

“I-I didn’t mean to, I promise—”

“THAT DOESN’T MATTER, IDIOT!”

He let go and pushed me back. Sometimes I overlook how much bigger Zane is compared to me. This is not one of those times. 

“You know what? You know what’s funny, Salena? That night you’re so fucking fixated on, the one that’s consumed your ability to even think like a normal person? Yeah, I’ve got some news about that night.” 

I just want to disappear…

“I asked Jaiden to go with me to that shitty party on purpose!”

…

What?

“I asked them on purpose, I posted those pictures on purpose! I did everything ‘cause I knew you’d see it! I thought maybe then, for once, you’d finally, finally feel a single ounce of longing for me! That was all I wanted!”

What.

“…You better be lying, Zane.”

“I’m not. And you deserve this.”

I glared at him the entire time while he was too focused on his own bullshit words to even notice. My arms burned with the sensation of my nails digging deeper and deeper. I hope they'll draw blood.

“You don’t understand, Salena! You keep saying all these… all these stupid fucking things that no one else says to me! Do you know what it does to me? If I had my way, I’d hold you forever and never let you go. No one’s shown me kindness like you.”  I was so numb I couldn’t even react to him caressing my cheek. Only kept glaring. 

“But then you barely ever give me the time of day! You’re barely ever with me! Fuck, honestly, you’re never with me anymore! I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s not like you to say one thing and do another! You’re not that type of two-faced asshole! So why are you fucking acting like one!? Ever since that day you went to ‘hang out’ with that stupid drugged-out bitch you called a friend, you’ve never been the fucking same! With the way you act, I wouldn’t be fucking surprised if you got addicted and stay on the high 24/7!”

He’s… Is he talking about Mikey? That’s what this is about? Is he fucking serious right now.

“Who are you!? Where is my Salena?” 

“Did you know Jaiden and I had plans that day?”

“No, I didn’t. I’m not stupid, I wasn’t gonna go that far. I wanted you to get a taste of what it felt to not be chosen, that’s it! Obviously, it was dumb to think it would work!” The dumb bitch sighed, exasperated. As if he had any right to be. “Seems you don’t have room for me in that big heart of yours after all, huh? Maybe I’m a dick for saying this, but it’s honestly karma that I happened to choose the one day you two were gonna hang out. That’s gotta be a sign, Salena.”

You never get the fucking hint, do you Zane Evans?

“I need to go.”

I couldn’t even get two steps in before he gripped my wrist to stop me.

“Wait, what do you mean go? Go where?”

“I meant exactly what I said! I’ve had enough. Now let go of me.”

I yanked my arm back and stormed off, Zane following close behind. At least, judging from the sound he was. I didn’t bother looking back. 

“Hey! Your place is in the opposite direction!”

“Stop following me, I can go wherever I want!”

“Salena, seriously!? It’s already late, you’re gonna get lost! Come on, are you really that pissed off—”

“YES!!!”

I turned my heel and faced him.

“How are you even unsure of that!? You got upset I hung out with someone else for one day—a person I made plans with in advance, might I add—and you decided to take revenge on me!? Do you have any clue how fucked up that is!?”

“I got a little mad! So what? You’ve known me for two years! Stop overreacting about a harmless dig!”

“Harmless!? You have no idea what I’ve gone through this past month because of your little ‘harmless’ stunt! I’ve suffered so much because of you! I can’t even sleep because of you! God, sometimes you’re so—Ugh!”

I began counting down from ten to one, just like Raph taught. I shouldn’t say something I’ll regret later. Honestly, I shouldn’t have said anything at all.

He looked like a sad puppy. It’s clear he wasn’t expecting this. But somehow, my sympathy won’t halt my anger tonight.

“Salena, I… Look, I didn’t know you’d be so sensitive over this—“

“Zane, I really need to leave. I’m sorry I exploded like that, but it’s gonna happen again if I stay here any longer. So please, just stop following me. Hurting you would add more shit to my plate and I really don’t need that right now, okay?” 

“N-no! Stay! I can make it up to you!”

“Another day, any day, but not now! Not now.”

I walked away and this time he didn’t follow. 

“…Fine.”

I heard his footsteps stomp in the other direction, slowly fading away.

My own legs went faster till the wind consumed me. 

The anger returned almost instantly after I knew he left. I’m happy I kept my cool during the end back there but holy fucking shit! What was he thinking!? I wanted answers tonight but I didn’t expect this! I thought I was overthinking again! I thought my brain made up the possibility that they ditched me intentionally! But no, turns out it wasn’t just Jaiden but Zane, too! What the fuck did I do to them? What did he mean I “deserved it”!? 

I don’t get it, what is he expecting me to do? I know he… feels a certain way about me. But even then! I can’t just shit romantic feelings for him out my ass! 

Ugh, so fucking stupid. I’m gonna lose my head if I keep thinking about this.

I wandered around the city some more and got back to the main road where a good handful of cars were passing again. It’s past 1am now and I’ve gotta get ready for school in less than five hours. But I know damn well I won’t sleep, not after this. I don’t wanna go home. Take me anywhere but home. I don’t feel like facing any of this right now, I…

I want somewhere I can feel safe for a while, just so the day won’t end on such a horrible note.

I pulled out my phone and opened the contacts. I wish I was one of those folks who didn’t have to think of someone before they dialed but alas, here I am. 

I can’t talk to Jaiden. 

I obviously can’t talk to Zane.

I don’t know if I can tell Casey any of this yet.

I’d love to talk to April but she’s probably asleep by now. But… but the guys might not be! They’re usually up at these sort of freakish hours of the night. I could try giving the group chat a call and hope for the best. I feel bad for bothering them so often but who else do I have right now?

It took three rings before the line went through.

“You are conversing with Donatell—Why is your screen so dark?” 

Oh fucking lovely.

“H-hey, Donnie. Sorry, I didn’t realize it was a video call.”

As my luck would have it, Donnie was the one to pick up. No offense to him; he never did anything wrong. I’m just not entirely sure how he feels about me yet. So, having him answer when I’m already high on nerves isn’t what I pictured hoping for the best would result in. But he’s much, much better than being alone right now.

“Uh, what… Whatcha up to?”

“Oh, simply being my usual genius self to aid with our nightly hero duties! Sure, no regular teenager could detect a break-in on sensitive confidential info before the actual government could, but I, Othello Von Ryan, have proven to be no regular teen!” 

“Yep, definitely the usual for you.” 

Donnie’s def no less than Leo when it comes to being allergic to humility. Though, they both earned their egos. Donnie’s not wrong; not just any person could be nearly as smart as him.

“So, did you need anything fixed? You’re calling at a rather unusual hour for a school night.” 

“Oh, no, not really. I mean, I was kinda out with a friend, but things… ended abruptly. I don’t really feel like sleeping right now. I wanted some company?” 

He opened his mouth to respond but got interrupted by a familiar accent asking who was on the phone. The instant my name left his voice, three others repeated it with joy. My screen suddenly overflowed with four green goofballs all trying to fit in the camera’s scope at once.

“SALENA! How are you? How come you’re not asleep? Don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“Mikey, it’s Salena, it’s way too early for them to sleep.”

“Wow, Leo, anyone ever tell you how funny you are?” My words didn’t match my tone. I wonder why.

“Leo, let ‘er breathe!” The camera shook as a red bandana came into frame. “Hey, but for real. Why you up so late, Salena? Somethin’ up?”

“Nah, just couldn’t sleep! I thought I’d call you guys for a bit, but from the sounds of it, y’all seem kinda busy.” 

The camera moved again as the device got transferred to the next turtle. “Give me my—Ugh, there we go. And yes, you’re correct. We are actually busy with a mission tonight.” 

I tried keeping my smile intact as I understandingly nodded my head. Is he mad at me for assuming they were free the exact moment I needed them to be? I mean, I’d be mad at me, so it’d make sense.

“Hey, but you know what?” Leo leaned next to Donnie, trying to see the screen. “You should totally join us! Tag along, have some fun, we’d all love that!”

You would?

“What? Nardo, what are you—“

“OMIGOSH, YEAH!” Mikey jumped in, knocking Donnie out of frame entirely. “If you’re not gonna sleep, we should totally hang out! I really miss you, Salena!” 

“Uh, am I really the only one thinking it would be a bad idea to let the person who barely leaves their house join us on a mission to a highly-secured and regulated government facility?”

“Chillax, Don, she’ll be fine! You’ll be fine, right Salena?”

“I mean, uh—” 

“See? What’d I tell ya, totally fine!” 

“Raph agrees! Salena can handle herself.” 

“Oh sure, I’m absolutely positive nothing could go wrong! He said without a trace of doubt.”

…I can’t tell if he’s trying to protect me or just doesn’t want me there. Neither option feels good right now, to be honest.

“C’mon, Dee, we’ve all seen her fight before! Including you, remember? When they helped us stop Meat Sweats?”

 Mikey’s got a point. That was before I had any real battle experience, too! I don’t know why Donnie seems so hesitant about this. Or why it’s making me so pissy, actually.

Another car passed by and I lowered the volume a bit, remembering the time. Now that I’m actually near some apartments, I don’t wanna accidentally wake someone up. I really gotta save up for some new earbuds; my last ones broke like, a month ago and I can only make do for so long.

“Three to one, hermano. You’re outnumbered.”

“But—Sigh, forget it! Salena, I—“

“‘NOUGH SMALL TALK!” At this point, they’re just playing hot potato with Donnie’s phone. “Salena, hurry up! We’re boutta start the mission so don’t want ya missin’ out!”

“Ha! Almost made a pun!”

“Shut up, Leo. Anyways, we’re at uh… Uh… Hey, Donnie, where we at?” 

I could hear him struggling for his phone in the distance. “You could just send our coordinates!”

“I could send her our coordinates! …How does Raph do that, again?”

The audio muffled as the phone shuffled back to its rightful owner. “God, I’m so gonna install security on this thing. Anyway, I’m sending our location to you right now. And as I was GOING TO SAY BEFORE! Salena, I look forward to seeing you again.”

He flashed a smile and part of my worries vanished. I’m still not sure how to read him but if he’s being nice, it can’t be all bad, right?

“OH, AND IF YA CAN, COULD YOU BRING ME A SNACK—“ Donnie hung up before the teddy bear could finish.

Luckily for him, his face beamed when I finally arrived around twenty minutes later and did, in fact, bring him a snack. 

“Hey guys! Hope I didn’t take—“

I couldn’t even finish speaking before finding myself laughing on the floor with four giant turtles hounding me in hugs. 

“It has been way too long since we’ve hugged!” Poor Mikey, I haven’t been able to see him in a hot minute. “Nice ponytail, by the way. Really makes your eyes pop.”

“Aww, thanks! I missed you guys too. Ugh, I really wish scheduling was easier! I’d hang out more often.” 

“Dude, why waste time on schedules when you could just come over?”

“‘Xactly! Ain’t like you’re not welcome!”

“Oh. I-I mean, sure! If you guys really don’t have a problem with it…” I wonder if this is what it’s like to feel wanted.

“I just wanted you to get a taste of what it felt to not be chosen!”

…T-then again, they’re probably just being polite.

Click!

“And fits perfectly, just as the estimations foretold!” The fuck? 

I looked down and saw a shiny black belt matching the arm wraps now resting above my hips. It’s actually fairly loose around my waist but I’m guessing that was the intention. There’s a giant pink button on the left with the same M-shaped logo as all of theirs. It looked super cool, honestly! Even seemed to match with my outfit!

“Woaaah, what is this thing?”

“Donnie. Really?” Leo didn’t sound impressed and neither did the others but, like, who cares! The belt’s dope as hell!

He ignored them and continued addressing me. “It basically functions both as your very own panic button and is a carrier for your sickles thanks to a highly specific magnetic attraction! Plus, it obviously helps tie in your outfit better ‘cause Great Galileo did you need some accessories.”

“Damn, I didn’t know my sickles were magnetic!”

“Oh, they weren’t before, I installed magnets in them last night.” With that, he pulled my fucking weapons seemingly out of his ass. Judging by everyone else’s groans though, I’m the only one who’s surprised and confused.

“Donald! What did we say about breaking into strangers’ homes!” 

“Hey, I didn’t break in!… to a stranger’s home! I broke into Salena’s, Salena is not a stranger—OW, HEY!” Raph slapped the back of his head. One quick yet dramatic recovery later, we all began our route of sneaking into the building. 

Security wasn’t monitoring the higher floors, so we only had to ninja our way up ‘till there and the rest was easy peasy. I tried focusing on the quick briefing I was receiving on the way up but my mind was admittedly elsewhere. Back to the weird situation I thought I dreamt up last night.

I don’t remember much. I was too tired to really register anything, and Donnie being a ninja probably enhanced that. But I do remember still hearing faint footsteps in my room; drawers being opened, the closet getting browsed. I was so out of it I figured I probably hallucinated everything. Either way, I was way too paralyzed to do anything; I couldn’t even put my phone back earlier. Kept passing in and out of consciousness. But it seemed like someone put it back for me. They helped my sloppy body into a position that wouldn’t leave me aching the next morning and pulled the covers up to tuck me in. What really sealed the whole dream theory to me was the metallic-textured “hand” that patted my head before they left and let the world return to tranquility.

I seriously did figure it was all a weird fever dream or some shit. Personally, I still feel like that’s more believable than it being Donnie all along. But staring down at my sickles, I guess I can’t really argue against the proof right in front of me. 

“Gentlemen, here we are! The Techno Cosmic Research Institute! Otherwise known as”—the door opened as I returned back to present time—“The TCRI.”

The moon illuminated the flat, revealing that we were in a main lobby of some sorts. Huge and spacious, decorated with different plants I’m sure Zane would’ve gone crazy over. 

…I shouldn’t think about him right now.

It was a huge and spacious lobby full of plants. The windows that were tinted from the outside now presented a full view of the city skyline. Doors were carved into the walls, transitioning to the other rooms. Some, like the several meeting rooms, were made with glass so I could vaguely make out the interior from here. Others were blocked by heavy, solid, metal doors, holding whatever secrets the government had behind them.

I felt strange setting foot in this place, like I wasn’t supposed to be here. Well, I guess we are breaking and entering, but it’s not that. It’s something else, something I can’t quite explain. Unrelated to the guys but personal to me. I feel I’m not wanted for a reason I’m not yet aware of. It’s freaking me out a little. 

“So, what do the Purple Dragons want with this place again?”

“Honestly, your guess is as good as mine. I only caught a break-in to the system in general and tracked it back to Kendra, I don’t have info on what they’re trying to gain access to. Whatever it is, though, it has an impressively tight security system that’s nearly impossible to break! At least, not through their simple B-tier remote hacking.”

“If the Purple Dragons want it, then it’s gotta be something major.” I’ve known about them for a while thanks to April. 

It kinda shocked me at first, not because a group of teens created a tech-smart gang but because April O’Neil was a loser to someone. Call me a little biased—and you’d be right—but I still think Kendra’s got rocks for brains if she ignores someone like April. 

But that’s a mental essay for another day. Right now, Leo’s smirking. And if Leo’s smirking, things will either go amazingly well or horrifically wrong. 

“So… If we’re already here, why don’t we just figure out what they want ourselves?”

Mikey propped his chin up on Leo’s shoulder. “You mean like, go and explore? Sounds rad to me!”

“Yeah! Sneak around, let Donnie do his nerdy smart people stuff and see what’s so great about this place, yeah?” 

“Invade the privacy of our nation’s government and scavenge for confidential data!? Nardo, I love you!”

“Raph? Your call, buddy.”

He was shockingly quick to shrug. “Sure! Raph don’t see a problem with it. Sounds hella fun to me!”

“Uh, guys?” I raised my hand. “Isn’t this, like, highly illegal?” 

“And?” They all said in unison. To be fair, legal doesn’t sound like them anyway. 

“What are they gonna do? Arrest us?” His hand circled in front of his blue bandana.

“And don’t worry, you won’t get in trouble for anything that happens! Donnie can get rid of the evidence and no one will know you were here, right Dee?” Mikey shot a wink at Donnie.

“Affirmative!” 

Dang, Mikey’s made a lot of good points tonight. 

“Eh, you’re right. To hell with laws!” Passing up an opportunity to explore a space institution would be laughably unlike me, anyway! 

We decided to split up and meet back at the main lobby in fifteen, assuming the Purple Dragons hadn't arrived by then. It’s kind of scary wandering on my own in this place. It still feels off to me, but at the same time, I’ve always wanted so desperately to walk through a facility like this. Fascinating space research, meeting after meeting to discuss whatever new breakthrough was made, access to a shit ton of databases and technologies I’ll never have the chance to use at home!? Everything about this place is perfect! It’s all I dreamed it to be. 

So why won’t that damn feeling go away?

Whatever, it’s probably just tonight in general. I really, really, need to get over it and move on already or else I’m guaranteed to fuck up the whole mission.

I sighed and glanced down at my arm wraps, raising them to get a better look. Despite my flip-floppy mood, I couldn’t help but smile. It’s dorky but they do comfort me every now and then. They felt nice to wear and even looking at them made me all fuzzy and nostalgic. They feel like an older me even though I got them recently. 

“I take it you liked them, then.” 

His voice startled me, I thought everyone went their own ways but I guess Donnie was nearby. 

“Yeah, I do! The belt, too, they’re really cool gifts! Thank you.” He lit up when he heard those magic words. Man, I can’t believe I forgot to thank him sooner. Poor guy was probably aching for some feedback.

“I-I actually always wondered how you made them. They feel really sturdy but like, it’s not heavy to wear, either, if that makes sense.”

“Oh yeah, totally!” He typed on the screen on his arm, booting up the scanning feature to make sure we didn’t miss anything. “It’s an intentional design choice. They are supposed to act as armor, so.”

“Woah, cool! Do they count as tactical gear? As in military grade and all that jazz?”

“What? No, that’s not even good quality, that’s just a buzzword. Military grade simply means they met the minimum stated requirements at the lowest unit price.”

“…”

“…Low budget, few money, lead to mid product, good enough for gullible minds and general public consumption.” 

Ohhhh. “So they lied.”

“As per usual. It’s shit engineering in actuality.”

I pushed open one of the meeting rooms’ glass doors as Donnie’s shell held up a bright torch. We began scouting the area for anything interesting while continuing our talk. All this investigative work’s reminding me of April and the way she’d gush about doing the same. Completely understanding the appeal now; it feels so thrilling snooping around somewhere you’re not supposed to be! Especially when the law’s involved.

The room wasn’t anything unordinary. It looked like any other corporate meeting room. The long table leading to the small TV on the wall, decorative paintings and plants, the usual. Man, we probably should’ve gone into a more interesting—“OW!”

“…Watch your step.” He said after I already fell to my knees.

“Thanks for the very useful warning. What even was that?”

He shined the light closer to a… metal? No, definitely not entirely metal. A robot arm sloppily plopped on the floor. We couldn’t see what the arm was attached to, if it was attached to anything at all. It’s too long to trace back with the torch light from where we are. One thing’s for sure, though: It’s giant. The claw I tripped over is practically the same size as my head. 

“Hmm…” He crouched closer to the arm, slowly inspecting it. “Weird. It looks like it’s made of some cheap plastic. Perhaps a prototype of some sorts.”

“I don’t think they’d make it this big if it was a prototype.” Maybe we could do a test to see what type of plastic it is. “You got any fire?”

“While I see your angle and would love to carry through that experiment, it’s probably not wise to burn something we don’t know the purpose of. Or, you know, alert the security of our presence from the alarms.”

“Yeah, fair…” Man, would’ve been hella fun, though. 

We both stayed on the floor, a little stumped on what the hell this thing was. My eyes got bored after a while and wandered around the room again. The only interesting thing in here was this weird ass plastic arm, it’s pretty much useless looking around the room but it did keep me entertained. There were five plants in this room which explains the fresh smell, all of them were basic enough for me to recognize. Two zebra plants, a ponytail palm, and…

I ignored the plant on the table when I spotted something thin underneath it, hidden by the shadows. I think it’s a slip of paper?

Donnie’s sigh brought my attention back. “You know what, I’m gonna go to their computer lab to see if one of their databases has anything about this thing.”

“Aight, I’ll stay back and keep exploring. Good luck!”

Right as he left, I sped over to the mysterious paper, unable to contain my curiosity any longer. The table was tall enough for me to comfortably sit under, leaning over the paper on the floor to read it. It’s, coincidentally enough, about that puzzling arm. The incomplete text made it clear it was probably part of a stack of paper or a file and fell out. Sadly, it didn’t reveal much but what I could get out of it was that it’s an automated arm controlled by an AI system, mostly covered with polypropylene plastic. Heh, PP plastic. Oh, it was created for the purpose of security. Well that’s just fantastic. I should go warn the boys about it.

I quickly snapped a pic of the loose sheet, almost getting out from under the table.

…But I’m glad as hell I didn’t.

I heard it. A soft, mechanical hum as something slithered off the ground. I grabbed my sickles from their belt, trying to minimize my shaking. It took a few blinks and tries but I managed to turn invisible, watching the machine move through the darkness. How was it suddenly on?

Its movements were smooth and natural. Too natural for something meant to be robotic. It’s so eerily graceful, slithering through the air. The arm swiveled its claw around like an animal head checking its surroundings. It… It’s looking where I am. It’s looking at me. It shouldn’t be able to see me, I’m not supposed to be visible! But it won’t stop staring.

”FUCK!” I shrieked when it lunged at me, quickly slicing it before it could grab me. Thank god it’s just plastic… Why the fuck is it hollow? 

That doesn’t make any sense! Shouldn’t there be wiring or something? Even if not to connect the AI, how the hell can it move like that without anything to mimic muscle!? 

I gasped, turning my head to the side. I can hear something else. It’s gooey and mushy and… 

It’s looping around the room.

It’s getting louder.

”W-what the hell?”

…I think I can see it now. Something solid but stretchy, resembling thick vines climbing up the plastic arm. I backed up, watching as it crawled over to the newly severed claw. It pulled the claw back to its other half and tightened around them. It glowed? A sickeningly blinding green color. Before I realized what was going on, the claw suddenly reattached as the vines slinked back into the darkness. 

It saw me again and the chase resumed. 

It’s so damn fast, I can barely outrun it! Dodging is saving my ass but it keeps knocking over any furniture I used against it! 

I jumped when I heard Donnie from the comms. Wait, he installed comms on my arm wraps? Damn, I'm so frazzled, I forgot about those.

“What’s making all that racket? Everything okay over there?”

”You can hear that!?”

”Yeah, I’m literally right next door?”

”Well—SHIT!” Too fucking close, too fucking close! It almost fucking grabbed me! Fuck, my knees hurt from that! “SON OF A—Don’t worry, I can handle it! I’ll explain soon!”

I tried getting off the floor as quickly as possible but the claw pulled me back down. The four sharp grippers opened up like a mouth and a fucking chainsaw came out. It went straight for my head, life flashing before my eyes as my sickles blocked it by pure reflex, holding it back. It won’t back off! I can’t keep pushing forever! How the hell do I get out of this!?

“FIBONACCI!�� 

A spinning titanium blur whacked the arm back, grabbing its attention to the maniacally smiling turtle now dashing through the room. His arm reached out, grabbing his staff from mid-air, and chopped off the robot arm with a giant drill. I curled in on myself right before a bright, violet shield spread over me and kept the arm’s falling metal parts from landing on me.

“You know, that did not seem like ‘handling it’.” 

My vision cleared to his hand offering to help me up. I’m suddenly getting deja vu from the other countless times my helpless damsel-wannabe ass needed a rescue. Panicked and guilt-ridden, I waved it off and got up on my own. 

“We gotta get outta here right now!”

“What? Why? I already—”

The vines returned and began repeating their process of fixing the arm. Though this time, it seems to be going faster.

“Oh my banana pancakes! What is that!?”

“I don’t know but that’s why we’re leaving! Come on!”

I grabbed his hand and we ran out the room, running into the others in the main lobby.

”Leo! There’s—”

“Crazy killer robot arms, we know. Was just in the middle of talking about that, actually.” He gave a glance of disapproval to the pouting red giant next to Mikey. Who also looks hella annoyed. It would appear we’ve walked in on a teensy squabble. 

I heard Donnie sigh beside me “Raph, please tell me you didn’t.” He left my clueless ass standing there to join in on their talk.

Wait—Oh god, not again!

Turning around, I grabbed my sickles. I heard it again. Managed to dodge just in time for its jab to my right. It seems the guys are too busy to notice and I really don’t wanna burden them again. I’ll solo this one!

“When I said we should go explore, I didn’t mean go ‘round pushing things! We’re in a government building, why would you touch anything!?”

I heard another hit coming and blocked it with the blade. 

Yeah, I-I can totally take this! I should let them finish their conversation—Holy fuck, there’s more than one, fucking end my suffering already. 

”I didn’t mean to! You guys know I got a weak spot, what was I supposed to do? If they didn’t want Raph to push the big, red button, maybe they shouldn’t make it big ‘n red!” 

“Buddy, that’s not how that works and you know that.”

There’s three of them now and they’re so unreasonably fast! It’s so hard to keep up! Ugh, it almost feels like I am being punished after all. 

My accidental yelp luckily got drowned by Mikey’s groan. “Man, just let it go! We can smell your ‘I know I fucked up but don’t wanna admit it ‘cause I’m the big brother’ stench!”

”THAT’S A DIFFERENT STENCH!”

”AHH!” 

I really didn’t mean to blurt that out but the claw dug into my leg and yanked me off the ground! Guilt aside, it’s probably a good thing I caught their attention, especially since I dropped my sickles like a fucking moron!

“SALENA!” His sword slashed through the air but got promptly blocked and thrown back by another metal claw. A scary amount of them are showing up now! The guys are completely surrounded and I’m stuck useless, dangling in the air!

One of the arms came closer and opened its grippers, a scanner popping out this time, its red beam blinding my eyes. My breathing grew shallow, the commotion from below fading away. I’m getting lightheaded from being suspended upside down. I need to get out of this situation. But there’s nothing I can do. Just squint past the light and anxiously wait for its next move. 

My ears burned from the claw’s monstrous shriek. It sounds like a fucking animalistic version of nails on a chalkboard! Why did it react to me like this? Why me? Aren’t we all intruders? Why is it just me!?

“You deserve this.”

Was he right?

I didn’t process getting swung in the air until I was let go with enough momentum to cause a crash through the decor. My arms shook as I tried lifting my body up. Everything hurts, everything fucking hurts! My ears, my arms, my legs! My head! I just wanted a little distraction tonight! Why is this happening?

Is this really my karma?

…Wait a sec.

When I managed to lift my head, I came face to face with a crack in the wall where the robot arms were emerging from. The vines I saw earlier turned out to be permanently merged with the arms at the roots and lead to… something behind the wall. The crack was too small to properly make much out but it looked like it was breathing?

Whatever, I don’t have time to be surprised. “Guys! The arms! They’re coming from over here!” 

The crack’s small but just big enough for something slim! Like—

The claw dug into my leg once again and began dragging me away. “Leo! Donnie! One of your weapons can fit through!” 

“Got it!”

“I’ll cover!”

Flashes of blue scattered around the lobby. Each portal and throw of his sword brought Leo closer and closer to the wall. I couldn’t watch for too long, though, as I found myself back in the air again. It froze my skin getting thrown across the room faster than before. This time, towards the glass windows. 

Chains grabbed at my ankle and yanked me back to the ground away from my disastrous fate. I looked up to see the tangerine flashing a confident yet relieved smile at me. “Hey!”

“…Hey!” 

Mystic metal clinked as Mikey pulled back some of the robot arms chasing after Leo to buy him more time. Raph and Donnie quickly shifted gears and guarded me to make sure the plastic freaks couldn’t grab me again. Mikey continued to aid Leo, bouncing all over the room, keeping the arms distracted with his flow and somehow, still bringing them back to where he originally stood: Away from Leo. 

Finally, a sword was heard stabbing through the air and splashing through a soft, squishy substance. The arms dropped to the floor as the thing in the wall hissed in pain, slowly leading to the dreadfully awaited silence at last.

Mikey reached his hand out for me and pulled me up. “You good?”

“Not dead, yeah.” 

“Guess that’s a start.”

I glanced to the side at Donnie staring blankly at me, confused until he walked over and held one of my arms to examine my wrap. 

“Hmm, I wonder if there’s some modification I can do to your gloves that prevents your sickles from getting so easily lost.” I guess that’s why he was staring a minute ago. 

“Honestly, that’d be great. I keep losing them, so…”

“Yeah, I was thinking—“ 

“Nerd-talk later! Do a med scan!” Leo shoved him out the way and accidentally knocked Mikey back. Didn’t seem like he noticed since he immediately started checking me for injuries. I don’t even know when he got here?

Donnie sighed but went through with it anyway, tapping on his wrist as he checked my vitals. “No broken bones, no internal bleeding, nothing too concerning to report thankfully. Salena, do you feel alright?” 

“Mhm! Just some scratches here and there but I’ll live.” 

“Just some scratches, hm? You forgettin’ something?” Leo pointed down to my horrifically bruised and bloody leg. Whoops.

“…I-I’ll still live.”

While Leo took care of bandaging my leg, the rest of us spent the next few minutes catching our breaths. Mikey laid on the floor, limbs starfished out, while Donnie was texting April and catching her up to speed. I can only imagine how devastated she’d be in the morning, finding out she missed all this action. It’d have been nice having her here, honestly. 

Raph wasn’t near us, though. He stood by the wall where the once-breathing specimen was at. He kept peeking through the crack, rubbing his arm and looking hesitant about something.

“Raph?” My voice prompted the others to turn their attention to him.

“…Nobody else wonderin’ what the hell this thing could be? I know we’re only here to stop the Purple Dinos—“

“That’s Purple Dragons, Raphala.”

“—Whatever! But really, guys! After all that, we just gonna head home and forget about it?” 

He’s not wrong.

Come to think of it, this place is government funded. There should be no reason why some foreign entity exists in a place like the TCRI. They’re supposed to do space research and nothing else. That’s what they’re paid for.

“You know what?” Donnie turned his phone off. “I could work on hacking through their system myself. I don’t know if it’ll prove successful, but I can try.”

I felt Mikey’s head drop on my shoulder. He sure loves doing that. “What do we do about the vine thingies?” 

“Well, we can’t just—“ Leo paused, making eye contact with Raph. They shared a smirk and nodded.

“You thinkin’ what thinkin’ big bro?”

He chuckled, punching his fists together. “You bet!”

A bright red aura surrounded his figure as his arm reeled back and locked the sais in his hands.

“POWER PUNCH JUTSU!!!”

My body staggered as the ground shook upon impact, the dust clearing to reveal the tiny gap in the wall is suddenly a giant ass hole now.

“Man, y’all really don’t give a shit about government property, do ya?” 

“Nope. But hey! It was def the right choice!” Raph’s snaggletooth gleamed through his mischievous smile.

The five of us stared through the hole, trying to comprehend the oversized specimen in front of us. It was a pulsing, yellow-green thing in the shape of a tall tube, wider on the top than the bottom. There were reddish lines on it zigzagging up and down almost like veins. It was punctured at its middle, caused by the blade of the katana that shot right through it a few moments ago. 

“Ya know, it kind of resembles a plant. Which would explain the mystery vines, actually.”

“What plant, then? Ain’t no plant Raph knows of that throbs.”

He shook his head with a light shrug. “Sadly, I am not sure. It looks a little like a pitcher plant but also not really? They shouldn’t be luminescent or have vines emerging out like that. And also the throbbing, of course.” 

Pitcher plant, ay? I’ve heard of that. They’re my favorite out of all the carnivorous jungle plants Zane rambled about once. Plants were actually one of the first things we had a genuine bond over, even if I’m pretty clueless about them. The way his eyes lit up when talking about them with so much love and adoration just melted me.

His eyes…

His godforsaken eyes…

“Salena?”

“Huh?” How long have I been spaced out?

“You sure you’re good? You seemed kinda out of it just now.” I forgot how close Mikey was to me, I should be more careful.

“Yeah, it’s nothing.”

“Really? ‘Cause lowkey, you’ve been off all night. I didn’t wanna say anything but…”

“Oh, no, no, I’m—“

“Actually, you did mention something happened between you and your friend earlier, remember? Before you called me.” This violet ass motherfucker did not just erm actually me at the worst time ever.

“That what this about, big man? Had another fight with your friend?” Why is everyone suddenly focused on me!?

“N-Not the same one! This is someone different, I promise! T-that’s not to say I have a problem with everyone! I just… Um…” Great going, Salena! Now they’ll think you’re just insufferable and incapable of friendship! “I-I don’t think we should be—Well, we kinda have worse issues to worry about, don’t we?”

“Kendra and her yes-men ain’t here yet. What I wanna know is why you’re so spacey tonight! Dr. Feelings can’t help if he can’t know!”

“It’s nothing! N-nothing too bad, at least. He just—A-actually, it was really mostly me so um… It’s hard to explain exactly…”

Geez, my palms are annoyingly sweaty. I really don’t wanna give them the wrong idea, it was just one fight! It’s not a representation of our entire relationship! But I know from experience any time I try talking about Zane to someone, they end up hating him and I don’t want that! Fuck, I should’ve been more careful. My stupid tongue-tied gibberish ain’t helping the situation, either!

My shoulders flinched when I saw Leo stand in front of me, hand on his hip as he faced towards his brothers. “Okay, hermanos, give her some space! Stop smothering! I know we’re all worried, I’m worried too, but if Salena doesn’t wanna talk, they shouldn’t be forced to.”

The others finally piped down. None of them looked happy about it—understandably so—but it seemed Leo was able to convince them to drop it, anyway. I really owe him one. 

He peeked over his shoulder to glance back at me. “If you do wanna talk about something, though, we’re here for you.” 

…It’s not that I don’t want to. I just don’t see how it’d help anything— 

CRASH!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, HAVE WE NOT HAD ENOUGH SURPRISES FOR ONE NIGHT!?

“Good going, Jase. Real quiet of you.”

All of us, equally tense and gripping our weapons to stand guard, took a solid minute to process that the loud crash wasn’t another dumbass robot-plant-arm thing, but instead was Kendra and the other two stumbling through the main door they hacked open. Speak of the dragons and they arrive, I suppose.

She looked over at us and her sharp eyes drooped lower. “Of course.” 

I only ever knew Kendra before tonight, none of the other members. Hate her guts since she’s forever engraved as April’s bully in my mind and doesn’t seem to have changed. Her movements and mannerisms still match the coy, conniving person I remember her to be, walking over in such a smug, superior way that screams “greater than thou”. Once, back when they were still in high school, April had a mini breakdown due to college applications kicking her ass. She was struggling and stressing over not getting accepted into a good amount of her options and believed she’d have to rely solely on her safeties at that point. Kendra really rubbed it in. Wouldn’t shut up about it, demeaning her for being a failure. 

April knows damn well to never take Kendra seriously. However, it’s not a surprise those words still stung considering how stupidly frightening the whole college process is. Joke’s on Kendra, though. One of April’s main choices that had her wait-listed ended up accepting her in! As for Kendra? All hypocritical bark, no bite it seems. 

“Hello, Von Ryan. How’s life?”

“Good, good. How about you, enjoying your—what’d you call it? ‘Intellectual freedom’?” 

“Low blow even for you. You guys couldn’t fuck around here with your little toys another night?” She scoffed and rolled her eyes, her arms crossed over her chest. Her gaze drifted towards me as her brows furrowed more. 

“Who’s that—Hold up. You… Yeah, I remember you!” She’s doing that annoying fake-nice tone she uses sometimes, the one that makes me wanna punch her in the face. “You’re that idiot kid April wouldn’t shut up about tutoring last year! What’s a teacher’s pet like you doing here?”

Mikey gasped and covered my ears like a parent to a toddler witnessing sailor-speak. “Hey! Don’t you dare talk about our friend like that!” 

I honestly couldn’t care less what Kendra says about me. Personally, I’m more focused on the other two, right now. It’s my first time ever seeing them, I think Donnie said their names were Jason and Jeremy? They’ve been pretty quiet so far, standing at her side and smirking like Saturday-morning cartoon lackeys. One of them had a large, blocky figure, dark skin, and dyed green hair. His gold visor looked pretty cool, I’ll admit. The other—I could guess from his hunched demeanor alone—was definitely their token punching bag. He’s got these awkward gloves that are way too big for his hands. Dark eyes, short, black hair, and round… glasses…

NO FUCKING WAY!

“YOU—HIM! OH MY GOD! NOOOO, NO-NO-NO-NO! NO! NO!” Ain’t no motherfucking way this bitch is who I think he is, this has to be a prank! It has to! For the sake of my sanity! Oh, but it isn't! It’s fucking real!

“...Salena? You doin’ okay?” The others looked concerned at my sudden and dramatic outlash. Fucking of course, Donnie and Mikey wouldn’t know! Jason still had the bag over his head when he was around them! Fuck, why didn’t I just take it off right there!?

“Jason! That asshole was who we saved from Meatsweats a few months ago!”

Raph and Leo looked just as lost as before. Mikey and Donnie, on the other hand, went pale with shock.

“That was you!?” Donnie’s staff pointed directly at the fucker. “Why didn’t you say anything!? I know you recognized my voice!” 

“I can’t believe Salena and I interrupted a perfectly nice day to save you of all folks! You ruined our lovely little ice cream date, dawg!”

“I was being kidnapped by a pig monster? Why would I reveal I’m a rival when you were the only help I had?”

“And yet, here you are, the very reason we’re stuck in this creepy facility, preventing you three from illegally accessing information and doing who knows what with it even though you now owe us one, YOU UNGRATEFUL MENACE!”

Before I could fix my brain enough to join in on justifiably shaming the idiot, I noticed Leo and Raph exchanging confused glances at each other.

“...What the hell is going on?”

“Raph don’t know.” They both looked at me for answers because the universe hates me.

I tearfully and shamefully explained the bullshit scenario we are now stuck in due to my impulsivity. “Donnie, Mikey, and I saved a guy from Meatsweats I think back in April? H-he had a bag over his head so they didn’t know what he looked like and I-I was the only one who saw him without it b-but I didn’t know he was part of the fucking Purple Dragons and—Fuck my life! My first ever save and it was a villain!?” The one time I actually did something useful…

God, there’s so much noise everywhere! Everyone’s arguing with each other or trying to get it to stop or whatever else is going on! My head hurts. Why did I even come here? I should’ve just went home. I should’ve stayed with Zane. I keep getting in the way, I keep making mistakes, I keep ruining things!

I have to keep my composure, though. I don’t wanna cry in a situation like this, not when I’ve already done enough harm.

“Wait a sec, where’s Jeremy?” 

We all paused, the realization clearing up as we heard a cheer from another room. “Yes! I got in! I got past the system!”

“Holy shit, he’s in the computer lab! Quick, we—” 

A bat hit Donnie straight on his stomach and knocked him back, Raph catching him so he wouldn’t fall to the floor. 

Kendra clicked her tongue as she laughed. “I gotta hand it to ya, you morons somehow turned off these stupid security systems. Definitely the most annoying part I’d have had to figure out; I guess that’s why I wanted ‘em, anyway. I don’t know how you did it but congrats! You’re not completely useless.” It looked more like she was addressing Donnie over any of us.

“But now?” She and Jason blocked the door. Her bat stood by her side. “Stay out of my fucking way.”

Obviously, that’s not happening, so chaos erupted instead. One would think a Two VS. Five would be pretty easy to handle… until they saw how well Kendra used her bat, that is. She’s faster than I expected, able to zip around before anyone could properly react. Definitely has a strong arm, too. Then, of course, there’s the traitor. Jason pushed his glasses up his nose bridge and took out his own set of weapons. Or should I say, whipped them out. ‘Cause they’re actually fucking whips. 

They were almost impossible to get by. Glowing in the dark room, buzzing from the static friction they made against each other. 

He targeted them towards Leo who barely managed to dodge just in time. Mikey, not being as lucky, got smacked right in the face.

“OW! Hey! Since when did he even have those!?” 

“Oh! Since last week, actually. I made them using—”

Either the bitch has good hearing or I was too loud when my sickle swung at his head. “Are ya dense!? How are you still tryna maintain small-talk after literally betraying us!? You know what I looked like, you wouldn’t have even said anything if I didn’t call you out! You lied to me! I saved you and you lied!”

“AH! The hell, man!? You’re gonna kill me for that!?”

“No!” The sickles weren’t sharp, only a little solid. I know I gotta resist. Unfortunately. “Just knock you out for a bit, you scheming piece of shit!” 

I wish I could say I was making up for my several blunders tonight by at least being able to handle the living embodiment of a toothpick. My leg’s not super mangled up but, surprise-surprise, it’s hard to move at my fastest and dodge with it still being injured. He’s a little impressively good with those whips, too. It’s hard keeping track of where they both are at all times, the difficulty only increased by how quick he’s able to use them considering he’s only trained for a week. I’m trying my damn best with what I can.

“Oh my god, give it up with the guilt-tripping! I’m not gonna turn on my sister just ‘cause you saved me once!”

“Hell no! I risked turning into mutant-munchies for you—Hol’ up a sec.” The pure blasphemy that came out of his mouth shocked me so bad, I actually had to pause. “Kendra’s your sister? Ew, what’s that like?”

Yet another mistake on my part. One of the whips wrapped around my sickle to fling it and I—determined to not lose them again—got shot through the air along with it. 

At this rate, I’ll be free-bird flying and crashing to the floor every five minutes. I don’t even feel like getting up anymore. Fuck, I don’t usually feel pain so easily.

Hm?

The battle ground’s a little chaotic so it’s hard to follow when in the middle of it. But, now that I’m seeing it from a distance, everyone’s intentions are suddenly ten times clearer. Kendra’s hovering towards a specific direction, dancing around the door to where Jeremy is. Jason’s distracting everyone and keeping them from paying attention to her. I have a feeling that’s very much so on purpose.

She’s starting to go in. I guess it doesn’t matter whether or not I want to, I gotta get up now. I closed my eyes and with whatever strength I had, used my sickles to turn invisible and go after her. 

I snuck by Kendra and entered the lab. Jeremy was glued to the computer, staring at a loading screen. On the side of the PC was a USB stuck to the port. Of course, accidentally saving the villain wasn’t enough! They had to use the same shitty USB we went back for, too.

“Jeremy, status report!”

“It’s almost done downloading the files! Just a few more seconds and… We got it!”

“Nice work! Quick! Toss ‘em over!”

Oh boy, if Kendra’s able to gain the instructions for those freaky arms, who knows what she’ll make with it! I can’t let them get access to anything here!

 Thus, following my usual rule of acting-without-thinking, I threw a sickle at the USB. I don’t know if it was my panic or my rage that caused it to be so sharp but it cut the USB in half mid-air and smashed straight into one of the PCs. My punishment for resorting to such destructively impulsive solutions was being greeted by the lovely melody of security sirens going off for breaking their important tech.

“No! My USB! There was so much stuff in that! Fuck!” She is so seriously distraught over the wrong thing. 

Upon retrieving my sickle, I hadn’t realized I was flickering in and out of visibility till Kendra’s bat nearly made contact with my head. “You little skeeze! Do you have any idea how much of my progress you destroyed!” 

“But that’s mine and Jason’s progress—“

“SHUT UP!” She snapped her head back to bark at him and I took my moment of escape, knocking her down out of my way. Still, she kept up by yanking at my leg and pulling me down with her, severely getting on my nerves by now.

So, I kicked her in the face.

She stayed there, groaning in pain, while her sidekick buddy checked on her. Sure, I could’ve kicked a little softer but I think a bloody nose is merciful enough for her. 

I returned to the lobby, greeted by chaos more hectic than before. The alarms and sirens were still blaring, red lights flashing on and off the entire facility. Our oh so beloved security arm friends returned in even greater numbers now! If I believed in superstition, I’d believe this night was cursed.

Jason’s looking a little overwhelmed now having to solo both the Teenage Mutant Mad Dogz and the newly emerged robot claws, yet he’s still not giving in and letting the guys go in peace. Speaking of them, they’re scattered all over the place, trying to keep themselves and each other from getting yoinked and flung like I was earlier. 

Donnie was the only one who managed to maneuver over to me.

“Salena!?” 

“Donnie! What’s going on!? Where’d the stupid arms come from!?”

“Well, I suppose it’d be impractical if they only had one source of their weird mystic high-tech robots, so there’s that.” He spun his tech-bō and whacked away the claw that was following him. “What happened in there? You disappeared and then we heard a loud crash from that room and suddenly everything got dialed up to eleven!”

“Uh, yeah, my fault, I uh—Eek!” Thank god for reflexes, the only thing that let me slice at a robot arm before it sliced me. “Good news is, I destroyed the USB they were using so Kendra can’t access the government’s whatever-the-fuck anymore! Bad news, I also accidentally destroyed one of their computers in the process, set off the security alarms, and now we’re here. Sorry, haha…” 

“You what!?”

“It was an accident, I swear! I really didn’t mean—”

“You annoying little twinkle-toes!” Kendra charged at us from behind and her bat swung directly at me. Thankfully, Donnie blocked it from knocking me dead and sent Kendra back a few steps. 

“You know what? If you got Kendra this mad, then you’re forgiven for everything on my terms! Let’s go!” He grabbed my wrist and dragged us away from the bat-wielding maniac.

Though, I’m not sure whether a metal bat or metal claws are worse. A bunch of them charged towards me now that I got back within their sight. 

“Move!” He shoved me out of the way of the monster claws.

I slid on the ground, actually keeping my balance this time, and swung at another claw coming from my right. Without having a moment to breathe, I ducked and slashed at one right above me. I would’ve missed the one coming from behind me, had Raph not been there and created a mystic shield. There’s so many all around the flat and it seems I’m still their favorite toy. 

“Salena, try hidin’ somewhere!” He punched one of the claws straight on, the impact causing a loud clunk. “They keep coming after you!” 

“I can’t! They saw me even when I turned invisible, they probably have a different type of vision or something!” 

“Infrared vision, genius!” Kendra’s bat got caught by my sickle. She aimed for my torso this time, I’m surprised it wasn’t back at my head. “They were built with thermal sensors! Which I would’ve been able to shut off if somebody didn’t break the computers!”

“God, were you built to get on people’s nerves!?” 

I’ve just about had it with her bullshit, reflected in my blades turning sharp enough to slice her bat in half. I elbowed her in the stomach and took the chance to roll over to a new spot. The closest I can get to hiding is continuously moving, staying in one place meant getting hoarded.

Mikey grumbled nearby, his nunchucks spinning in his hands. “Man, they’re too much! We gotta go! Leo?”

“A bit busy!” Busy was right, he’s cutting down a good number of the plastic pains with his katanas. There’s no good opportunity to use them as an escape portal, let alone any safe ones.

Beep! Beep!

Donnie raised his gauntlet up and flashed what I assume to be the building’s security cameras he hacked into. “Oh, no, no, no, guys! They’re sending actual human officers up now! What do we do!?”

Everyone’s panicked, shit’s fucked to the brim, and the constant beeps and shrieks are only making it harder to think! Kendra’s yelling about her bat, Mikey’s chosen to deal with the Purple Disasters while they’re bickering away, Raph’s boxing the claws and shielding Donnie, who’s frantically typing at his wristwatch to hack the security, and Leo’s… Screaming and getting flung. Sweet, we’ve matched now.

I ran over to Leo, guarding him from the arms trying to take advantage of the situation. “So, how’d you like your first flight?”

“I’d prefer it more if I was actually expecting it.” He got up almost as fast as he crashed down, not wasting a single second to getting back in the fight. “Ugh, I gotta get us out of here, but I need an opening!”

“Want me to try clearing something out?”

“You got any plans on how—Shit, get back!” His arm pushed me back behind him to avoid getting hit. 

The white tails of my ribbon flew forward, slightly blocking my vision. I looked straight ahead, past the death machines and battle-ground chaos, and saw the glass windows showcasing the brightly-lit city night.

The ribbon…

…Bingo.

“I actually might.” I tugged at the silk tails and felt my hair flow down as it got undone. “Just trust me and get everyone out at the first opportunity you get!”

“Wait, what are you—”

I dashed past him before he could ask any questions, no real time for them now. My multitasking skills were given the ultimate test as I focused on darting across the room, intentionally getting the arms to gather and chase after me, while tying the ribbon to the handles of my sickles and connecting them together. 

In the corner of my eye, I saw Mikey had managed to take out Kendra and her sidekicks. Don’t even gotta worry about them now, it’s going better than I thought! There was pounding at the door. Seems Donnie locked the officers out for now, but I doubt it’ll be long till they find a way to break in by force. Gotta move fast. This plan could fail horrifically, but it’s the best shot we’ve got!

With all the security arms focused on me now, the boys had a clear opening to leave. I sprinted to the windows, wound back my sickles, and broke the glass with a single throw. 

Now or never!

“HOT SOUP!!!” 

And out the window I went.

The air felt amazing, rushing by my skin as I let gravity take over the fall. I turned myself over, now looking up at the sky. The arms were shooting out the windows, unable to reach down any further to get me. A flash of blue from the inside indicated everyone was out safely. That’s my cue to prevent myself from dying now!

I held onto one of my sickles and swung the other one up. My spine tingled as a pink aura washed over my hand and over the sickle that I grabbed, trailing its way up the white silk ribbon…

Transforming it to chains!?

The pure white mystic chain clanked as it stretched out. The sickle I threw up now broke through the glass side of the building and continued shattering through it straight down. A few broken shards chipped at me as I snapped back to reality and remembered the original plan. I closed my eyes and refocused on the sickles. No thoughts, no distractions, no room for any of them. I have to breathe. I have to focus. 

The blades morphed them into a stiff rubber. Too soft to break the glass, too strong to break itself in half, effectively yanking me to a stop. 

I did it.

I actually fucking did it!

“Holy truffle mac and cheese, that was awesome!”

“I know!” I excitedly greeted Donnie who had flown over using his jet pack. “I can’t believe it went so well! You saw it all?”

“And recorded!” He turned his back towards me and pointed at his shell. “Need a ride?” 

“Definitely.” 

We cruised across the sky onto the roof of a nearby building where the rest of the guys were. The instant I hopped off Donnie’s shell, Leo jumped me with a hug, followed by several frantic checks to make sure all limbs were intact.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Are you dizzy? What’s wrong with you? You’re crazy! You’re crazy, you know that!?”

“Now who’s smothering them?” Mikey snickered at Leo, who looked relieved and on the verge of tears at the same time. 

“Everyone shut up and look at this video first! You’ll probably forget whatever meaningless chitchat you were having, anyway!” Donnie hissed from glee, using his extra mechanical limbs to huddle us all around his phone that was playing the video of me from a few moments ago. 

Looking at the footage now, it seemed the pink aura actually came from my whole body. It spread throughout my arms and circled past my hands, flowing to the white ribbon and replacing them with shimmering, white chains. 

Mikey screamed from excitement, holding onto my hands. “MYSTIC CHAINS! Omigosh, we match now! We’re like twins!” 

“I know! Isn’t it great!? We can be chain buddies—Eh, nevermind, that doesn’t sound right.” 

We sat around for a while so Leo could help with all the cuts and microscopic bits of glass stuck to me. In the meantime, they were all curious how the chains even came to be, which I sadly didn’t have a clear answer for. I went ahead and reassured them my plan would’ve still worked with the ribbon itself, though. Speaking of, I can’t really get my ribbon back now. Sorry, Mi. However, I did figure out how to make the chains vanish and re-materialize, so at least I don’t have to learn a different fighting style! 

Donnie was paying attention, I think. Just multitasking with a few holographic monitors up. He sighed and put ‘em away after a while.

“Yeah, no, sorry guys. Maybe my brain’s too fuzzy but I can’t hack into the actual database tonight.”

“No big deal, Don. Ya done enough.” Raph gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. “Hey, you guys wanna go grab some pizza? Raph could use a break.”

“Yeah, I think we all could.” Hopeful, green eyes faced towards me. “Salena? It’s late but… You wanna join us for a bit?”

It’s around 3am now. If I went home now, I’d only get three hours of sleep and that’s assuming I’ll conk out immediately. It’s not impossible, though, I can feel the energy crash creeping up from all the adrenaline. But, I don’t know. I don’t wanna go yet. 

“I’m already out, aren’t I? Might as well!” 

Turns out, for once tonight, I made the right choice. It was fun getting to be with them in a more casual manner. Just chilling at a park, enjoying some pizza, and re-energizing myself as I watched them goof around. I checked through my phone while I enjoyed the delicious cheesy glory.

Everything seemed normal.

Except for one tiny issue.

I was putting it off but Zane sent a voice note to me a few hours ago. I don’t have earbuds but everyone’s pretty distracted right now, anyway. I could listen to it. Maybe it’s… Maybe it’s better than I think it is. 

I lowered the volume just to have it barely audible and clicked play.

“Hey. Um… I hope you’re home and safe now. I…” He sighed and went silent for a while. 

“This wasn’t how I intended tonight to be. It was such a gorgeous night. The weather was perfect. Everything was perfect. It was all going so well. What happened? Why do we always end up like this?”

I wish I knew. Or that he knew. Maybe we could’ve helped each other if just one of us knew what was the problem.

“Everything in my life always goes so wrong. I’m so tired of it, Salena. You’re the only thing I haven’t messed up. I don’t want to mess this up. I just—” I could hear a creek from the door opening as someone came in the room. “Yeah, it’s on the floor, clean it up. I don’t know how, just go clean it!”

Sounds of glass being swept up filled the background atmosphere. Zane sighed again. “Sorry. One of my vases broke tonight. The cherry on top, right? Anyway, uh… I’ll just end it here. I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re dreaming of something nice. And I’m… I’m sorry.”

The voice note ended. It wasn’t that bad, I guess. I feel a little bad about earlier but I’m glad he apologized. I guess things are fine now. I should probably leave a text, it’d be wrong to hold a grudge if the situation’s already resolved. 

You: hey i’m safe yea. I just wanna say i’m sorry too for lashing out like that earlier. I hope you’re sleeping well, sweet dreams and see ya tomorrow <3

There we go. Nothing to worry about now. Nothing to stress over.

A hand tapped at my shoulder. I raised my head to meet Mikey smiling down at me. “Mind if I sit? They’re bein’ a little loco even for my taste right now.”

I looked straight and saw Leo and Donnie arguing over whether pineapple belongs on pizza and Raph taking the opportunity to sneakily eat their slices. Pretty tame behavior from them, but Mikey’s tone was too lighthearted to be serious, anyway. 

I shifted over on the bench and patted the empty space next to me. He sat down and brought his knees to his chest, his back leaning against my side. He shuffled with his phone for a bit before offering me one of his earbuds. “Wanna listen to Fall Out Boy with me?”

“Sure!” 

I could use some music after tonight.

Next Chapter

This chapter was nearly 15K words btw-

[completemessash]

You hate me, don't you? (Part 1)

notes: I’m having a bad day, then my family did nothing but berate me, I’m in my self-conscious feels today, so yeah, this imagine is intense, I would say, cuz writing this stuff makes me calm down. Be warned xx

Warnings: SMUT, degradation, dirty talk, fingering, humiliation

xxx

“You’re a bitch”

You looked up from where you had been sorting Luke’s makeup, so you would be ready to get started with your job once the band turned up. Working for 5 Seconds of Summer was your dream job, but you hadn’t expected to be treated like air.

Well, three of four members were polite, said hi, how are you and goodbye, and you didn’t expect any more, you only worked for them after all.

Ashton, though, seemed to have a problem with you. He hadn’t said a word to you once in the past two months, wouldn’t even look you in the eyes.

And now this.

“Huh?”, you made, meeting his hazel eyes for the very first time. You must have misheard him because you knew that this would not just be the first thing that Ashton Irwin would ever say to you.

“You’re a bitch”

Okaaay, so he did say that. But you had dealt with pissed off bosses before, so you took a slow and deep breath, then asked: “Mr Irwin, is there any way I can help you?”

His jaw visibly clenched upon seeing you stay this friendly.

“I want you to stop this bullshit”

“Excuse me, I am afraid I do not know what you-“

“You know what I fucking mean”, with two steps he was invading your personal space, crowding you against the makeup table.

He was towering over you and you were losing your composure. “I – I don’t know –“

“You’re trying to separate the band”

Your eyebrows shot up and your mouth opened. Flabbergasted was the only way to describe how you were feeling.

Before you could answer, he continued: “Don’t fucking try being stupid with me. You’re treating everyone with this fake friendly act but you ignore me. But I’ll tell you what, you won’t get me kicked out of the band”

“And I’ll tell you something, Mr Irwin”, you lifted your chin to get closer to his face in a hopefully intimidating way, “You treat me like I’m shit on your shoe all the time, so all I am doing is trying not to get on your nerves and stepping out of your way since you seem to dislike me so much. I don’t give a flying fuck about kicking you out of anything or what not”

Okay, maybe you had messed up the trying to stay professional thing by the end. You could definitely get fired for using such words towards him.

“You’re lying”, his voice was a dangerous whisper, “And I know you want me”

You blinked, irritated by his statement. “What?”

“You want me”, he repeated and you had to ball your hands up into fists to refrain from slapping him across the face for the arrogant tone he was using now, “It’s written all over your face. Bet you’re dripping for me already, aren’t you?”

You let out that long deep breath you had taken in earlier. “Listen”, you gave your best to not hiss at him, “not everyone thinks you’re the hottest shit alive. I know your ego is the size of a rocket ship but guess what, I am here to work not to fuck the oh so cool, oh so hot, oh so rich drummer”

His lips pressed together in a tight line like you had hit a nerve with those words.

“I know you’re lying”, he said through gritted teeth.

“Whatever”, you sighed, turning back around towards the makeup on the table, “I don’t have time for this, Mr Irwin, so if you’d excuse me, I have to prepare-“

“They’re not coming until in half an hour”, he said referring to his bandmates. Before you could say anything, he had gripped your waist, roughly pulling your body flush against him.

“Tell me you want me”, his voice was deep. Sadly so deep that you could feel yourself getting wet, just like he was so sure you were. Fuck him and his stupid cockiness.

“W-“

“Tell me”, he repeated, his long fingers pressing bruises into your hips, “I’ll let you go if you say you don’t want this. That won’t change the fact that your little pussy is clenching for me but I’ll let you go, I’m not a monster”

“I doubt that”, you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

You could feel his grip lessen at your words and you immediately felt bad for implyingly accusing him of pressuring you into anything you wouldn’t want. So you pushed back against his hips, pushing your ass into his crotch.

“You seem tiny”, you grumbled, knowing this was the weakest insult you could have thought of but you had to say something to try and keep up the act of totally not at all not even a little being into this.

“Sure”, he wasn’t even hurt by your words, which really annoyed you.

You wanted to make another comment, something about him being all talk and no action, but before you could speak up again, he had pushed your leggings that you were wearing under an oversized hoodie today, down, one hand still around your waist to keep you pressed against him, the other sliding into the front of your now exposed panties.

The groan the left him when he felt wetness coating his fingers as he pushed them between your lips, went right into your ear.

You had to bite your lip to keep from making any sounds as well. His long fingers rubbed over your entrance, up to your clit and back down, making you wet everywhere. He groaned again, when he had spread enough to easily glide up and down.

You tried hard to keep your face relaxed, trying not to give away how good his fingers felt, but when he pushed his pointer finger inside, your mouth dropped open and you couldn’t stop the small gasp from leaving your lips.

Without looking up, you knew Ashton was grinning in the most annoying and arrogant way right now. Two more fingers pushed inside you shortly after and just when you were considering dropping your pride and pushing back on them with a moan, he stopped.

“Told you, you’re wet for me”, Ashton said, scruffy chin resting on your shoulder when he pulled his hand out of your underwear to show you his glistening fingers.

The first time you had met Ashton Irwin’s eyes was already in a way you would not have thought, but the second time being when he was licking your juices off his own fingers was definitely not anything you would have ever expected.

[marvelmaniac715]

Remember that essay that I wrote on here about Chucky? Well, it occurred to me that Nica studied psychology, so maybe I could write a fic where Chucky’s trying to annoy her and she just does a full on psychological analysis 😂. I’ll give it a sappy ending because that’s my favourite type to write, and it’s set during Season 2 of the tv series where Chucky/Nica, Kyle and Glenda are hiding out together because I thought it would be fun. Enjoy it :).

————————————————————

Today, Chucky thought he’d try and play ‘psychologist’. His logic for this is that he spent some time in a mental institution, so he was basically an expert. Nica just rolled her eyes and ignored him as he tried to piece together her (in his words) ‘messed up’ childhood. But then he tried talking about her dad, and that hit a nerve.

“Okay Charles, let’s talk about you.”

This stopped the doll in his tracks.

“…Excuse me?”

Nica smiled sweetly knowing full well he could see her and politely responded:

“You’re excused.”

Chucky seemed flustered now.

“W-what do you know about me?”

Nica scoffed.

“You talk too much. When I get bored of your blabbering I look through your memories to see how you got like this. After months of careful examination, I’m confident I have a full psychological profile that can explain why you are the way you are.”

Now Chucky seemed really nervous.

“I’m like this because I wanna be, there isn’t some touchy feely crap that-‘

“Wanna talk about your mom, Charlie?”

If Chucky could’ve killed her, he would’ve.

“Nobody calls me that.”

Nica smirked knowingly.

“Two important women in your life have.”

Trying to regain control, Chucky retorted:

“Yeah well, I hate to break it to ya, but you ain’t an important woman in my life.”

Nica choked out a bitter laugh.

“I disagree, but I’m going to move on. Shall we begin?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Great, let’s get started! Okay, this is just my best guess, alright- I’m spitballing here. But… little boy kills his mom in a panic and realises that he made a huge mistake. Big strong man that reminds him of his newly dead dad teaches him a valuable lesson and spares his life so the idolising of violence begins… you move to a Boy’s Home and the only person who truly understands you calls you by the nickname your mom called you in moments of extreme fondness and rewarded you with I’m guessing physical affection like hugs and head pats when you committed a destructive act. She treated you like the little boy you still were inside despite having to grow up quickly in the foster system. Oh yeah, and I’m pretty sure she groomed you.”

Chucky seemed outraged by this point.

“Okay, two things. One, how the hell did you know all that? And two, I wasn’t groomed, isn’t that only to do with-‘

“It counts for other things, the thing you’re referring to is just the most common one. In your case I believe she was grooming you to be a killer in order to live out her own twisted fantasies- maybe more, she creeped me out so I didn’t look at those memories too much. But you grew up, and she still treated you like a kid when you were convinced you were an adult. So, craving independence, you distanced yourself from her and began hunting at night clubs, right? That’s where you met Tiffany and began a super toxic, borderline abusive relationship that spanned several decades. But she wasn’t enough, was she?”

After a quiet moment of reflection, Chucky admitted:

“She was just… too much.”

Nica nodded sagely.

“Exactly, and you wanted to be loved, didn’t you? At that point in your life you didn’t want someone who could match or maybe even surpass your level of crazy, you wanted a family, with someone who was (in your eyes at least) innocent and untainted. And what could be more innocent than a pregnant woman who already has a fully potty trained kid ready to go? But she didn’t love you, and my sister didn’t warm to you the way you’d hoped-‘

“I tried everything to get that stubborn brat to like me. She refused to call me Daddy so I settled for Uncle, but that wasn’t enough, oh no. I brought home every toy I could find, I even untied her mother for a few hours a day once I’d locked the door because it made her sad. Hell, I let her keep going to daycare! Why didn’t she like me if you’re so wise in the ways of psychology, Nica?”

“Well, you killed our dad. That doesn’t usually make for a great start. Also, I’ve seen those memories and… you looked sorta creepy. Would a haircut have killed you? You looked like Tommy Wiseau in that really bad movie ‘The Room’. I kept expecting you to ask some one called Lisa ‘Why’ and respond to a man called Mark’s trauma with ‘What a story, Mark’. To a little kid, you probably looked like the boogeyman.”

Chucky’s only response was a quiet and disbelieving:

“My hair wasn’t that long-‘

Nica cut him off with a mocking:

“Maybe he was born with it? Maybe it was L’Oréal?’

She punctuated her last sentence with a dramatic head toss, letting her hair sway from side to side.

‘L’Oréal: Because you’re worth it.”

“We’re getting sidetracked here.”

“Yeah, maybe. Anyway, where was I? Psychopathic tendencies…’

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

‘Classic textbook narcissism…’

“I’m not a narcissist.”

‘It shows in the way you attempted to raise your kids-‘

“Don’t you fucking talk about them. And I’m not a narcissist.”

‘So you don’t believe you’re God- sorry, Damballa’s gift to this world?”

“Well… I am pretty great…”

“I literally want to slap you right now. Anyway, moving on. We’re just gonna skip past most of the doll years, the height perspective makes me dizzy. But I would like to discuss the twins, thanks for bringing them up, by the way. I thought you’d forgotten that they existed-‘

“Why would I forget my own kids’ existences?”

‘-Well you aren’t a great dad, you tried to kill your own six year old-‘

“He started it.”

“That’s very childish logic, but I digress. You traumatised that poor kid because you expected too much. You wanted them to be like you. You made Glen kill when they weren’t ready and Glenda made their first appearance because the kid was so stressed out that their twin probably felt the need to protect them! You were a horrible parent and you still are!-‘

“I’m an amazing parent actually.”

Nica raised an eyebrow.

“Oh really? What were their first words as dolls?”

Chucky thought for a second, then he said:

“Not sure about Glenda, but for Glen it was probably ‘violence is bad’, they said that a lot.”

Nica shook her head.

“Nope. Not even close, and even I don’t know. How about first words as humans?”

“Tiff was raising them, so probably something like ‘Mama’?”

“And you wish it was ‘Dada’, don’t you?”

Chucky didn’t answer, so Nica tried again.

“It’s okay to admit you love your kids and regret not being there-‘

“I don’t regret anything.”

“Okay, strong words for the guy who willingly transferred his soul into a doll.”

“Every move I make is meticulously calculated.”

“Stop changing the subject Charles, we’re talking about your kids here, your flesh and blood. How you failed them.”

“I didn’t fail my children.”

“Glen told me that they don’t feel whole, neither of them do, they were born in one body and they were meant to be together, but you went along with your wife’s batshit surrogacy idea and literally fractured their souls. Don’t you feel guilty about that?”

“…Maybe.”

“Do you tell your children you love them?”

“Hey, I called Glenda beautiful-‘

“You did, but in the same conversation you called them ‘Shitface’ despite knowing about their trauma. And we both know that was just to get them on side so they’d free you. Now answer the question, do you love them?”

Chucky didn’t say anything, so Nica kept talking.

“Your kids- or Glenda is at least- are terrified of you. The poor kid has to constantly be at your beck and call otherwise you scream at them. You haven’t tried to get to know them, you haven’t talked about their interests- your twins like art, did you know that? The twins waited their whole lives to meet their dad and now they’re learning that he’s a tyrannical monster who doesn’t give a crap about them. I mean, what’s your plan in the long run? Have the twins stay by your side to rub your tiny doll feet or some shit as your army rises to the top? Kill them and stuff their souls into any old doll so you have more soldiers for your little army? You aren’t parenting them, Chucky, you’re torturing them.”

Chucky finally spoke, but he wasn’t as defensive as before. He was quiet now, as if he didn’t want to admit this.

“I don’t want them to be scared of me. They’re actually the only people I don’t wanna scare. But… I don’t actually know how to love someone. I failed every time I tried. I couldn’t make it work with anyone, platonically or romantically. Do you know how much it hurt when I had to fight my own kid? I was so proud of them when they used that axe… I think I’m starting to realise that violence is the only way I can properly express myself. Maybe in a way me fighting Glen was like if I was teaching them to ride a bike or something, I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist. I’m getting off topic, but what I meant to say is that I do love my kids deep down, but I don’t know how to show it.”

Nica was taken aback. She hadn’t expected this sort of breakthrough, not when Chucky always seemed so convinced that he did nothing wrong and had zero flaws. Maybe her comments had actually been getting to him? There was no way to know for sure; this could be some sort of act after all, but if it wasn’t, she wanted to try and repair Chucky’s relationship with his children. If only to cheer up the heartbroken twins (after speaking with them a few times, Nica actually really liked them, they were sweet and almost nothing like their dad). With this in mind, she suggested in a soft voice that was barely above a whisper:

“I don’t think you have to do anything… overt, exactly, just tell them the truth, that you love them and feel bad about how you treated them. Do you want me to give you control of the body for an hour so you can tell Glenda?”

Chucky was confused.

“You hate it when I take over, why would you do that?”

There was quiet, then a tired sigh.

“I’ve been in the twins’ shoes. I would do anything to hear my dad say he loves me, even once. And you’re still alive, so you have no excuse not to do it.”

With that, an agreement was made and Nica voluntarily fell asleep so that Chucky could control her body. It was quite late, so Kyle wouldn’t be up. But would Glenda be? Chucky had no idea. Even when he had control of Nica’s body it took him about fifteen minutes to work up the courage to wheel into the small bedroom that his youngest had claimed as their own. He chuckled when he noticed that Glenda slept sprawled out like a starfish - just like he had when he was first human. 

It occurred to him that he had no actual plan from this point onwards. He refused to launch into some sappy speech, he just wouldn’t do it. But he wanted to do this, and Glenda was asleep so there would be no shame or embarrassment on his part unless he woke the kid up (which he wouldn’t, he had experience sneaking around at night). Clearing his throat, Chucky began to whisper:

“Hey kid, you up? No?… Good, because this would be awkward for us both if you were awake. I don’t have much time till Nica wakes up again and bugs me, so here goes… I love you. This isn’t some sort of manipulation tactic or something stupid like that, I actually do. And I’m sorry for pretty much everything. You and Glen didn’t deserve to be dragged into this mess, so my bad.”

It didn’t feel like enough, despite the fact that Chucky’s heart was pounding in his chest with fear and panic with the knowledge that he’d been brave enough to do all that. Extremely unsure, Chucky extended a metal hand (it was so weird to have no sensation in either arm or hand, he’d experimented with his new limbs several times and was still confused) and cupped the side of Glenda’s face.

In their sleep, Glenda smiled and contentedly nuzzled into the cold metal hand. Chucky denied all of this when both Nica and Glenda asked him about it the next morning. 

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e12 prophet and loss (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

feel like i'm just grinding through s14 at a decent pace. several times now they've made me had minor (to moderate) breakdowns and i just want to keep plowing through because i don't want the breakdowns to last more than one day 🫠 been a long time since a season made me cry so much. and especially with mid-season episodes? but it feels more.... hm. calculated. like when i bitched about 4 months suddenly equals 40 years in hell etc.

ranted about it in 9x09 because i don't think i was making my feelings known here for every episode back in s4

instead i just sighed because “trust me, kevin” and “i always end up screwed :)” so now dean’s gonna feel guilty. he’s already feeling guilty enough, did we need that too? when they push too hard on the excessive dean whump, i get annoyed. like the whole 4 months=40 years, i enjoyed torturing people, etc. edgelord bullshit :P

except instead of getting mad about it being edgelord bullshit now, i'm just feeling brokenhearted and manipulated. very not fun times. it's too much too close together to the jack thing and too similar to things they've done in the past, i think. is why it's pushing me away so hard.

dean's nightmare in the box / suicidal deathbed-esque convo also with interstellar-ish music / interstellar cornfield chase (c. hans zimmer) played by anna lapwood on the organ

well. dean's nightmare was awful. shades of him in hell calling out for sam. cannot fucking wait until this particular plotline gets snuffed out. and because i can't deal with not comparing this interstellar-ish music (it's in both spn scenes) i tacked it on to the end of this video too.

SAM Oh, hey. Didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry. DEAN No, it’s just a… bad dream. It’s fine. SAM You want to talk about it? DEAN No, I’m – No, I’m okay. DEAN What’re you doing? Why don’t you get some sleep? SAM You know, Dean, you don’t have to act like what you’re planning to do is just business as usual. I-I know you’re scared. DEAN Never said I wasn’t scared. But it doesn’t matter. SAM Doesn’t matter? We know we could die, uh, doing what we do. It’s always a possibility. But what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could literally keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever. DEAN Okay. I get it. But what’s the other option, huh? Michael gets outta my head and ends the world? ‘Cause it’s all right there in Billie’s book. SAM Yeah, but that’s only if we don’t find another way to take Michael off the board, and there has to be another way. DEAN And what is that other way? [SAM says nothing.] DEAN Exactly.

(but at least he wasn't sleeping in his jeans this time. oh and they're in an actual normal mid-price generic hotel room)

this reminds me a lot of the conversations in s5 about sammy going in the cage.

and like when i was watching the old guard, i'm like ah yes, stuck in a coffin in the ocean drowning over and over because you're immortal - i have heard this story before! on the vampire diaries! someone... stefan?? was stuck in a ...... safe? and pushed into a lake to repeatedly die and revive. 500 years and 3 months, respectively.

well this rando dude torturing and drowning a woman scene, also awful. jesus. we're committing to darker-than-usual i guess

CAS Sam. Maybe if I spoke with Dean… SAM It wouldn’t matter. Believe me, I-I I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t listen to me. H-He just – No. If we don’t find some way… Dean’s gone.

that interstellar-ish music again...

DEAN You ever think about when we were kids? SAM Maybe. Yeah, sure. Sometimes. W-Why? DEAN I know I wasn’t always the greatest brother to you. SAM Dean, you were the one who was always there for me. The only one. I mean, you practically raised me. DEAN I know things got dicey… you know, with dad… the way he was. And I just… I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should’ve. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was… when I was away, you know it wasn’t ‘cause I just ran out, right? Dad would… he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that. SAM Man, I left that behind a long time ago. I had to. And if we’re gonna get through this, I-I have to do like you said and… try and keep my mind off of where we’re going. So, if we could not have conversations that sound like… deathbed apologies, I would really appreciate it. DEAN Right. Yeah.

listen i know this gets resolved somehow and i'm not gonna bail on this fucking project with a little more than a season left but i can't express how much i don't want to watch something that's making me cry so hard my head is killing me (more than it was already) on a regular basis. this is too many things that cut too close to home with characters i'm too attached to. sigh.

[milkywaygg]

AN: This story doesn’t involve my usually versions of Mama and Papa Cosma (aka Nora and Linnie in my universe). I’m writing this for @amaryllidae, who had allowed me to use his versions of the characters for this, so full credit goes to him < 3. Please enjoy!

Month Zero

“Here you are, ma’am. I hope this is what you’ve been looking for”, a lanky, green-haired man at the front counter said, wearing a name tag that said ‘Jules’ on his green vest. He handed the customer, a short, somewhat plump woman with red, curly hair and ruby lipstick a bouquet of pink roses, getting somewhat nervous as the customer frowned slightly.

“Oh I’m so sorry. I was really hoping for red roses.”, the woman said, with slight disappointment in her tone, “See, it’s for my 10th anniversary. I was hoping for something more romantic.”

“O-Oh! I’m so sorry. Here, I can fix those no problem.” Jules took the roses back from the customer and took his wand out, thinking nothing much of a simple color changing spell. He waved his wand in the usual C-shaped patter before tapping the roses, expecting them to go from a pastel pink to a romantic, vibrate rose. Raising an eyebrow, he did the motion slower to make sure if was correct before tapping the flowers again, his stomach hurting as the spell failed a second time. Looking up nervously at the customer one more time before back at the bouquet, he tapped the flowers one last time, only to instead emit small, yellow sparks coming from the star tip.

“Oh golly…I’m really sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with this darn thing.”, Jules laughed nervously, shaking the wand slightly, “I-I’m gonna call for help.”

“Ehh don’t trouble yourself dear. I’m sure he’ll love them regardless.”, the woman smiled, taking back the flowers, “I appreciate you trying. I’m sure these kinds of jobs can’t be easy.”

“W-well, we’re sorry we messed your order up. I-I don’t get why I couldn’t do such a simple spell though. My wand was working fine this morning…ugh…”, Jules groaned, clenching his stomach with one hand and covering his mouth with the other. As the wave of nausea came and went, Jules slowed moved his hands down, smiling apologetic at the woman. “Oh..excuse me.”

“Hmmm”, the woman said, though the ends of her lips smiled slightly. She looked down at his stomach that had a small bulge down at his waist, though it was barely noticeable, and saw that the rest of Jules looked somewhat pale and sweaty, “You know, it’s not only our anniversary dear. My husband is almost 10 months pregnant, and I wanted to do something special for him before he went into labor.”

“Oh gee, you’re so lucky! I’ve always wanted kids.”

“Yeah…You know dear, you remind me of him in his first trimester. He had some problems casting even the simplest of spells and he kinda looked how you do right now, sweetheart.”, the woman said concerningly, taking a card out of her pocket, “Rubella Winchester. I’m actually a gynecologist. My office is on Starlight Lane if you want to make an appointment.”

“Well..”, Jules lingered for a moment, taking the card, “Well gee whiz…um….I-I guess if I still feel bad then maybe. It might be just a off day for me haha.”

“Alright then dear, well you hang onto my card, ok?”, Rubella said, looking at him kindly, “You have my office number. Take care of yourself and thank you so much for the help.”

“Of course, a-and again I’m so sorry.”

Rubella gave him a understanding nod before taking the flowers and leaving the shop, giving Jules the chance to take a wet cloth and wipe down his station. As he moved his arm back and forth, his nose suddenly started to pick up on all the different aromas around him. Numerous sweet smells of roses, tulips, daisies, and assorted carnations all hit his nose as once, making his head spin and his stomach churn. Making sure there were no other customers were nearby, he took a seat at the desk in the back, grabbing the trash can near and taking sharp breaths, slowing down at the nausea passed one more time.

“Are you ok?”, Lesley, a pink-shoulder length haired man asked, watching as Jules practically stuck his whole face in the trash can, “Do you need to go home?”

“Ugh…no…no I’ll be fi-“, Jules tried to talk before finally, he threw his head back in the trash can, letting his lunch explode all over the bag.

“Nope. That’s it boo. You’re going home.”, Lesley said, giving him a separate trash bag and he took the trash can, “And by the looks of it, you can take tomorrow off too.”

“Oh golly..I-I really don’t want it to be an issue. I mean, I don’t feel that bad.”

“Boy you literally just threw up. We can’t have you puking all over the roses, baby.”, Lesley’s rather flamboyant voice scolded, “Besides, you looked miserable all day sweetie, and I saw what happened with the roses.”

“I-It was an accident.”

“I mean the sparking. Wands don’t just do that for no reason, boo.”, Lesley said, handing Jules his bag, “Now go home. Don’t worry about us. We got it from here.”

Not wanting to argue, Jules hung his vest up and dusted some of the saliva and leaves off his lime green sweater, clutching his stomach as he left the building. Grabbing his wand, he attempted to teleport back to his house, sighing as he received the same sparks as before, settling to flying home instead, passing by his neighborhood pharmacy just outside his neighborhood. Stopping for a moment, he remembered what Rubella had told him about her husband. Landing on his feet, he made his way inside and towards the back, the smell of medicine and cleaning supplies making him slightly nauseous once more. Desperate not to throw up all over the bag and on their floor, he made his way towards one of the aisles in the back that shelved men’s health supplies.

Numerous brands of pads and tampons decorated the shelves, alongside your generic shampoo and conditioners. There was also a small selection of self-defense items and at the very end, lied several boxed of pregnancy tests. Looking through the boxes, he finally settled for one that had color coded results before paying and making his way back home.

“Honey? I’m back.”, Julies called out, receiving no answer. Throwing the test in his bag, he noticed a sheet of paper on the counter.

Darling,

I’ll be working late tonight so I’ll be home a little after 10. I really hate how short notice this is, but I don’t want you to worry. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Try not to stress yourself too much. I’m sure you must have had a long day.

Euphemia

Long day was right. Slightly disappointed that he wouldn’t see his love until later, Jules made his way to their bedroom, that was connected to the master bedroom, pulling out the pregnancy test out from his bag. He took it out of the box and read the instructions; a pink heart representing positive while blue meant that he wasn’t pregnant. After about 15 minutes of so, Jules finally started to see the test results, albeit faded slightly. His stomach dropped in both excitement and shock as a pink heart was barely visible in the little circle.

To say the day hasn’t been one the best would be an understatement. Euphemia rubbed her temples as she scrolled through both her work and personal emails, ready for the night to be over with. After several angry clients, long work meetings, and a rather lovely email from her parents, Euphemia looked desperate towards the clock on her desk, which rested next to a photo of Jules and another, somewhat busted frame of her and her parents when she was younger; or rather, the last time she thought they were cool.

The email they had sent her still played in her mind like a broken record. Her mother, Athena, started on her daily complaints on why Jules wasn’t good enough for her, and why she ought to “ditch the little skank and find someone more deserving”, insisting that she marry someone that was the son to one of their many business partners. While Euphemia found her parents’ friends’ kids fine to be around, most of them always had this sense of superiority and snobbishness that got on her nerves greatly; where she felt like she had to impress them in order to be noticed.

She hadn’t gotten around to telling Athena that it was too late. That the diamond ring was already slipped on Jules’ tiny finger. Despite how much she loved him, she admitted to herself that she had rushed it and proposed out of anger and resentment for how much they treated Jules at the party a few weeks ago. Sure, him having way too much to drink and slobbering all over her didn’t help much, but the more she remembered the party, the more she heard her mother call him “a skank” and her father asking her if he was originally born as a dog and doesn’t know how to act like a gentleman. She also remembered wishing that she would just shrink out of existence as the rest of the party stared at the man; some of the women jeering at Euphemia to get her man under control, while the other males wrinkled the noses, or excused themselves to the bathroom to fix their foundation.

Regardless of how Jules acted however, Euphemia wished she had gotten in their fact and told them off for what they had said, but at the time, she was more worried about getting Jules back to the house more than anything and swore to herself that one day, she’d make her parents see just how amazing of a man he was, if he wasn’t downing several glasses of Strawberry Shortcake Martinis.

A few more hours had passed as Euphemia finished with her task list and sent off the last of the emails. It was 5 minutes until 10, and Euphemia had began packing her suitcase away, ready to head home. As she packed away her papers however, she heard another ding coming from her personal email; sadly another one from Athena. As she looked closer at the subject line however, Euphemia felt a nasty, nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach as she scrolled through the email for more details.

Come by the mansion as soon as possible. We would like a word.

[dreaming-colourful-skies]

Hello again 👋

I am... not sure if a mass exodus to Tumblr is happening? Or if any of my mutuals from years ago are still active? 😅

If anyone cares and/or if I ever, like, relaunch this acct, lil fandom update &... context statement I guess! 

It’s getting long so I’ll hide it behind a “Read More”. But if you’re hemming and hawing over a follow or have a weird “you shipped that??” moment then feel free to take a look!

(And welcome to my page 🎉)

Past: FMA & Brotherhood

I stand by my older writing, at least to the extent you can see your old stuff without cringing too hard ahaha.

That said, I wouldn’t say I currently ship this pairing. Their fanon interpretation is in my memories fondly, especially from certain authors, but I’ll be honest, the ship did not occur to me while I was watching the show itself. I think part of the beauty of fandom is that transformative aspect, and I did appreciate experiencing the anime and manga in a new way through fanfiction.

I never set out to ship somewhat “problematically”, stumbling into it as FMA’s most popular Ao3 ship at the time. For my own writing, I consistently made it clear that Ed was an adult (like, at least 20), maybe Roy younger if an AU, and adjusted things like employment context to minimize power imbalances, because that was important to me.

Can people ship them in different ways, incl. age gap, boss/employee, etc.? Sure! I’m not out here to judge and don’t really want to touch that, tbh. It’s important to me that we can all create fandom in the ways that are meaningful to us, tag, curate our own experiences, and mute or click away as preferred, but I’m also too sensitive to dive properly into Discourse around these things (I mean, I’m out here creating soft bantery fluff hahaha) so that mismatch was a bit of a deterrent. Nuance is difficult online, and often in short supply.

Leaving was a weird combo of fandom getting quieter, inspo leaving me, and I guess life stuff. Tl;dr I’m pretty “ship and let ship” and against harassing any creators, but my own take was gentle and if it makes anyone comfier, I did want to add that context!

Little did I know that I would later stumble into a whole different arena of “don’t call me short, bastard!” exchanges.

Past: Carry On

My time in this fandom was fun! Ngl, there was no issue or major reason for leaving; I simply read the second and third books, once the third was out, and lost inspiration. 😅 What can you do?

CQL/MDZS, HQ

These fandoms are still dear to me, but I didn’t end up creating content for them for a couple of reasons. Perhaps someday if it makes sense!

Bungou Stray Dogs

It’s been... idk, eight months of BSD obsession? Six months writing it on Ao3 (Colourful_skies), in any case! If I do move back to Tumblr, I’m sure you’ll hear more. As of now, I’ve published ~65k in that time, which is... hard to compare, I suppose, but a high rate for me personally! I don’t know if that will continue, but at this point, I hope so. More recently I’ve attempted a bit more engagement w others, which has been fun.

In short, Soukoku and especially Chuuya have my heart, and I also really appreciate Sigma. I tend to write soft skk, fluff, and introspective fics, but mentioning that simply for context; I prefer to follow wherever inspiration leads me. Analysis is also v fun, including drawing connections with BSD authors’ works and making non-BSD poems or songs about skk/Chuuya, but idk if I would post about these topics here.

Moving forward, I hope to continue to work on my craft and brainrot over BSD & fandom with other lovely people, until my inspiration or mental wellness (?) lead me elsewhere.

Thanks for visiting my page! 🌻

[shipsgaysfordays]

Mary and Harry: The Ultimate Dynamic Duo

Another chapter, and NOT a month later, I’m shocked too.

This chapter is a bit more separated from the current plot, so if you missed the past few chapters then you should be fine.

Mary is babysitting Harry during this chapter, she’s a bit overwhelmed, but they have fun, it’s a fun little romp.

Links to other chapters here

Remus’ pronouns are they/them, Sirius’ are ze/zis/zer/zhe/zeir/zey.

Fuck JKR and her hateful rhetoric, and fuck you if you repeat that terf antisemitic racist shit, don’t buy the stupid game.

There is a child in the living room. A CHILD. LILY’S CHILD. HARRY POTTER. Or I guess it’s more I’m in this child’s kitchen, or in the Potter’s kitchen. How in god’s name did I end up in this situation?

The cogs turned in Mary’s head as she remembered exactly how she got here, a school crush, a complicated relationship turning into simply a friendship with some unresolved feelings, James Potter being a part of it all, the Potter’s “dying”, trying to keep in touch with Remus, trying to get into the muggle world, the Potter’s not dying, all leading up to these stupid words:

“You stay here with Harry and watch him while Sirius, Lily, and I go talk with Remus?” 

“That could work, as long as I get some stories in return,” she winked at Lily. 

She WINKED at Lily, I’m a queer disaster, that’s my conclusion I’m a queer disaster. FLIRTING WITH A WOMAN IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND WHILE TALKING ABOUT BABYSITTING HER CHILD. 

Opening the fridge there weren’t really any leftovers, of course they couldn’t make this easy, Mary grabbed out some cheese and butter, then began the search for bread. Through cupboards, cabinets, pantries, until finally finding a breadbox. Then the thought finally dawned on her: would Harry even want to eat this? 

Swinging the door open, she swept her eyes across the room until finding the boy sitting and playing with some blocks, those sticky together blocks with the little round bits. 

“Hey….buddy,” Mary said awkwardly, “would you want some cheese toasties for dinner? And maybe a bit of tomato soup?”

Harry looked up and nodded, then returned to his…what are those tiny blocks CALLED?

As Mary paced around the kitchen, toasting bread, melting cheese, heating a can of soup, she couldn’t help worrying a bit about the child in the other room. What if he somehow aparates away, what if his first bit of magic makes a fire somehow, what if he finds James’ stupid invisibility cloak and won’t come out–WHY THE FUCK DID THEY LEAVE ME HERE ALONE!

Her mind went back, back to that stupid conversation, they had always been planning on leaving her in the dark. It’s funnier being left in the dark about caring for a child than left in the dark about the other thing, but…Mary’s mind couldn’t help wandering back again and again to how hurt she felt. 

….

Crumbs fell all around the table as Harry ate across from her. Dear lord, children are so messy, was all Mary could think as the pile of toasted spheres accumulated like some sort of burnt snow. 

“Where are my Mummy and Daddy?” Harry asked, for what felt like the millionth time, and it felt like an arrow through Mary’s heart for the millionth time.

“They’re out,” Mary said, quickly, trying not to concern the boy across from her. 

“I know that, but they barely go out together, not without me. Where did they go?”

“I’m not sure I should say, it’s a bit of a secret.”

“I’m 5 years old, I can handle secrets, I can handle anything.”

Mary smiled, “Well…you got me there. Hmmm: have you ever heard of a creature called a werewolf?”

Harry nodded, “Daddy will tell me about werewolves all the time. The kids in school always call them beasts and evil and thieves, but Daddy will say they’re nice and brave and smart. Like Moony, he’ll tell stories about Moony all the time, especially at a full moon-y.”

The Potter’s can’t come up with an original story to save their lives, can they? 

“Well, you’re Mommy and Daddy went out to go and try to help our friend who’s a werewolf. They’ve been having a hard time lately…and they have an even worse time asking for help, so after your Mommy and Daddy heard about that they knew they needed to see their friend Moony again. Do you understand?”

“Is Moony hurt?” Harry frowned, the gears visibly working in his little mind. 

“In a way, yes.”

Harry got up from the table, running off somewhere.

He’s old enough to help clean up, right, yeah he’s old enough to help clean up. “Harry,” Mary called out, “Harry, buddy, I need your help cleaning up dinner!”

“One minute, I needa get something,” Harry called from across the house. 

When he returned, Harry was holding tightly onto colored papers and some crayons. 

Mary raised a brow, “What’s that?”

“Some paper and crayons,” Harry said, well obviously it’s–

Mary took a deep breath, “What is it for?”

“A get well card, for Moony.”

Water started to form just a little bit in Mary’s eyes, “That’s a great idea,” Mary patted Harry on the shoulder and smiled, “A wonderful idea.”

Harry smiled back. 

“Let's put the papers down on the chair for a second though, we need to clean our dishes and the table so we don’t get our art dirty before we can even make it,” Mary said in her best teachery, parenty, adult voice. 

“Oh,” Harry nodded. 

And so they cleaned for a moment. 

….

Once all of that was over, Mary stared at the green paper spread in front of her, what can I say that hasn’t already been said? What can be said to help them? What do you tell someone? 

Harry tapped her hand, Mary looked down at him and asked “What is it?”’

“How do you spell ‘get well soon’?”

And so they went through each letter, Harry diligently writing one after the other, putting the words very close to each other despite Mary trying to warn him not to. Right after he started a new word. 

“Do you need help with the next word?” Mary pondered. 

“No, L-O-V-E spells love, everyone knows that, and U is also easy. I need help with their name though.” 

They…they really just had the most perfect sweet child, didn’t they? And they hid him away. Mary’s looked around in realization, do I correct him on the U thing? Moony would think it’s cute but like…well it’s not like I’m his teacher. 

“Moony is spelled M–”

“LIKE MARAUDER!” Harry shouts, excitedly as he scribbles the word.

“How do you–nevermind, yes like marauder, and like Mary. Then O-O, so two O’s, it’ll look a bit like your glasses,” Mary smiled as she remembered the stupid way James would wiggle his glasses around after making the WORST jokes that could ever exist.

“N, like Neverland, have you seen the movie Peter Pan?”

Harry nodded. 

“And finally a Y, like the word Yesterday, or Yikes, or You.” 

And so Harry stared down, proud of his hard work writing, then quickly started grabbing an assortment of colored crayons. Mary looked back down at her own sheet, took a deep breath, grabbed a pencil, and began drawing a flower. Though Remus always preferred the gift of chocolates, they would probably still somewhat enjoy a drawn flower. 

What if they hate it? What if they visibly hate it? What if they hurt Harry?...or Lily, or Sirius? It’s still Remus but….is it?

As Mary’s thoughts spiraled she looked around the room, seeing a little record player cabinet, Mary needed to see what they had, she just needed to, it was a must. She got up and quickly found herself flipping through an assortment of records: Queen (from/for Sirius), Bowie (from/for Remus), and some other records that she flipped through until she found it, perfection–ABBA. 

Harry was staring at her from across the table, “Which music?”

“It is witch music, yes, but it’s fun music,” Mary smiled. 

“No, which music?”

“ABBA.”

“ABBA?” He cocked his head, kinda like Sirius in dog form.

Don’t tell me he doesn’t know ABBA, he’s gotta know-- “Dancing queen,” she started singing, “young and sweet, only seventeen.”

“ABBA! YES, play the music Miss Mary!”

“You like ABBA?”

“Yes! Mommy plays it all the time and we dance around the room, and normally we’re even able to convince Daddy to join.”

“Can you show me your moves? And then we can get back to our drawing.”

Harry gave a big gapped tooth grin as he slid out of his chair, Mary put on the record, skipping to Waterloo. 

Shaking their hips, flinging their arms around, twirling, tiring myself out, Mary gasped and continued jumping around and dancing with the boy, reaching out to hold his hands and swinging their interlocked hands together. 

…

Hours pass as they dance and draw, until Mary looks up at the time and it’s far too late for a child to still be awake. It’s 9 at night, “Okay Harry, let’s get going to bed,” she said a bit frantically, trying not to think about–while still very much thinking about how long the Potter’s are taking to get home. 

Pajamas, brushing teeth, and now the five year old is sitting up in bed looking to Mary as if she knows what to do next. And that’s when the tears come. 

“Mommy,” Harry cries, for a woman who isn’t here to hear him for one of the first times in his life. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Mary held his hand, “she’ll be back in a little bit, it’s okay. If we go to sleep then she’ll be back even sooner.” 

“And Daddy?” his watering eyes looked up. 

“And Daddy,” Mary nodded as she wiped the tears away, then got a tissue from a nearby table, handing it to the boy. 

“What can I do for you? Sing? Tell a story? Just be here?”

Harry looks around, the stuffed animals around him, the pictures on his wall, it feels incomplete without Lily and James. “Mommy and Daddy normally tell me a story about magic and Hogwarts and marauders.”

Mary thought back to the stories in her head, Cinderella would be far easier than this, but he made a request and she’ll try to fulfill it.

“Once upon a time,” Mary patted his head, just lay down, kid. 

“There was the bravest of brave knights, named Marlene The Strong, she could take down anyone in a battle of the brawn. Though…she hadn’t always had the best intellect, meaning she wasn’t always that smart. Which is just fine, we’re always working on our brains and brawn throughout our life. 

One day as she was passing through the halls she came across a bridge guarded by a riddling rambunctious witch who wouldn’t let her pass unless she answered her riddle’s 3.”

“What was the witch named?”

“Dorcas,” Mary smiled, thinking back to the strange stupid time this happened. 

And so, Mary continued rambling on about puzzles and pranks and riddles. About a hairbrush, some polyjuice potion, and an eventual kiss that grossed Harry out. Eventually the kid fell asleep, thankfully before Mary had run out of story ideas that weren’t too sad. But now, sitting next to this child, her mind filled with the thoughts of Marlene and Dorcas, they missed him growing up. They’d only seen him a few times. Marlene would have taught him flying skills far better than James could. Dorcas would leave him loving the nature and world around him more. But instead he’s laying here, in a world where both of these incredible women are gone. And Mary’s sitting in this world too. 

What if I just looked up–STOP,  a part of her mind began to speak, but was quickly shut down by the other part of herself. They deserved to rest in peace. Though, in some ways it felt unfair, that Lily and James and Sirius and Remus and her all got to live. 

On multiple occasions Mary had wished she could do something about it, that she could just bring everyone back so things could go back to how they were. So she could be with her best friends again. So she could be with the loves of her life again, platonic and romantic. 

There were times when Mary looked around her, at the ways Remus had been treating themself, at the emptiness she felt to her core–she wanted to forget it all. 

Where would I be if I did? 

Mary looked out the window, to the night sky. Clouds all around, like some sort of barrier between her and the cosmic beasts that were her friends. Just watch over them, please. Just please let them be okay. Just let them get back. 

She looked into the dark navy and gray once more, I miss you. 

Her eyes glazed over, looking out the window for what seemed to be forever, until she stood up and began moving to the room. The Potter’s bedroom. Peering in, it felt like a place Mary was never meant to be. Being the ex, she shouldn’t be there, at least not without James and Lily there. She turned around and wandered the halls, opening and shutting doors in search of a closet, in search of some blankets and pillows that she finally found. Holding them in her hands, she went back to Harry’s room, laid them on the floor, and slept in there instead. Just in case anything happened.

[troglobite]

i’m trying to unpack why it makes me immediately furious to hear my mom groaning or whining in pain

two events have recently caused that, one happening rn

this past week she got her bivalent booster (bc she finally could after having covid a few months ago) 

i was absolutely happy to help and do whatever she needed, and i said as much multiple times. just text me if you need help.

she asked me directly for help maybe twice in 3 days. every other thing she just suffered alone in her room, or got up to do things that hurt her. 

that makes me mad. i’m sick of her needlessly hurting herself for some stupid fucking bullshit that either doesn’t matter or that i could do instead. 

every year she sends out these fucking holiday packages to friends, family, and coworkers. it’s not fun for her at all. she doesn’t enjoy it. she spends so much money ordering the same gifts each year. she goes through the hassle of personalizing each package (there are over 20). then she pays for postage and shipping. 

and she did it while her body hurt from the booster this week and i’m just like. WHY. if your back is killing you, you’re tired, like WHY?!

she “had” to get them done so they arrived by christmas for most ppl.

and again, WHY?! these are not incredible one of a kind gifts. it’s the same shit she gives every year. and i’m sure some of them arrived later than christmas before. like. WHY?!

if someone i knew typically sent something out each year and i didn’t get it one year, i’d check in w them and see how they were doing. i wouldn’t give a single fucking shit if their little annual gift to me didn’t arrive. 

but no, my mom has to bend over backwards and get this shit done bc?????? Reasons. 

and right now she’s doing my least favorite thing of hers. 

so cardboard boxes have been piling up in the hallway (bc this house is small and fucking sucks) and there’s not much room in the garage but in order to put them in our recycling, they have to be broken down. i can’t do it bc the sound and texture of cardboard makes me want to fucking perish. so she unfortunately has to do it. but she doesn’t want to. bc it’s time and energy consuming. i have said that i could help, but i would need to wear my headphones and some gloves. 

well. 

today she was going to go pick up some new end tables she ordered. 

her lifelong friend who moved here last year to be closer to us (and away from ohio) was going to go with her to pick them up. i don’t really know why it wasn’t an option for me to go and help? but it just wasn’t, i guess. 

but now she’s been spending the last three or four hours cleaning the entire house and moving the boxes into the garage and just cleaning EVERYTHING.

bc her lifelong friend who has seen her through both of their own messy relationships and divorces and a million other things is going to be inside our house. for. 15 minutes???

so she’s wheezing and huffing and puffing and agitated and running around and just in a fucking frenzy.

WHY?!!?!?!

SHE’S KNOWN YOU FOR LIKE 45 FUCKING YEARS.

SHE DOESN’T FUCKING CARE STOP DOING THIS

and she becomes INTOLERABLE when she’s like this and doing this. 

i’m hungry. i have been awake for 1.5 hrs. i missed my 15 minute window to get food while she was in the shower.

i offered to open the garage door for her while she moves boxes around.

she just said it would be “too hard” so she’s INSISTING she do it on her own.

she just made some of the worst fucking noises in the hallway outside my room rn. boxes scraping. all this shit. and there she goes, wheezing and huffing and puffing.

but god forbid she ask for help 

but mainly forbid SHE JUST NOT DO THIS FUCKING SHIT BECAUSE WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES?!! NOBODY!!!!!! NOBODY GIVES A SINGLE FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

i SHOWED her that gayle video “company’s coming over” YEARS ago. she laughed like haha that’s me. 

and i’m like

yeah, it is.

and it makes no sense

this isn’t even an exaggeration 

she’s going to fold all of the blankets on the couch that we use every day and move the pillows all around

“WE CAN’T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE SIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!” but LITERALLY in REAL LIFE. THAT IS WHAT SHE DOES.

i’m so tired of seeing a million reasons she needs to go to therapy (this is so far down the list and only related to a few things at the top of the list) and not being able to say or suggest anything bc she’ll see it as an insult.

which is super kind to me, a person who has been in therapy off and on since i was like 9 years old. 

i went to sleep early last night bc i was so exhausted. i slept forever. i woke up 1.5-2 hrs earlier than i have been. i was feeling good.

and ever since i’ve woken up she’s just been doing this fucking useless completely unnecessary and EXTREMELY FUCKING LOUD AND IRRITATING bullshit, and i haven’t been able to do anything.

and then i got up to check and i have to send out like 35 more emails for the job she gave me that, again, I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE, bc nobody else has responded since i sent the emails on tuesday and wednesday. and i need to DOUBLE the responses i’ve gotten. 8 ppl for this one campaign from over 40 emails that i sent. so i need to send 30-40 MORE emails. i’m just. 

and i can’t do that.

bc if i TRIED rn, i would be HUNGRY bc i haven’t been able to get ANY FOOD YET bc she has been NEEDLESSLY CLEANING THE FUCKING KITCHEN

AND i wouldn’t be able to focus AT FUCKING ALL bc even with my noise canceling headphones on, I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO FUCKING HEAR HER. 

i’m just so fucking tired

i HATE having these family friends over PURELY BECAUSE IT MEANS MY MOM JUST LOSES HER ENTIRE GRIP ON REALITY FOR MULTIPLE HOURS AND I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH IT BC SHE WON’T EVEN LET ME HELP IN ANY WAY

it’s so fucking stupid and i hate this