#if I don’t see this in a week I’m making it myself and I probably won’t post it
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Title: The Hideout 2.0

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Reader
Fandom: UConn Women’s Basketball
Word Count: 2.5k
Summary: escaping to the safe haven of the scissor sisters once again
🏷️: @yailtsv , @sitawita , @starfulani , @authentic-girl03 , @paige05bby , @paxaz535 , @azziswrld
It happens again. A week later to be exact.
Paige and KK are on TikTok Live, and once again, they’re loud.
I love them both, I really do. But between the overlapping voices, the sudden bursts of laughter, and the chaotic vocal stimming, my head starts feeling like it’s in a pressure cooker. It’s not even their fault—it’s just how they are together.
Instead of letting myself crash, I do what I always do: I slip my phone out of my pocket and text Carol.
Me: Coming to your room again
Carol’s response comes instantly.
Carol: Got The Vampire Diaries queued up. Door’s open.
I smile to myself. That’s why she’s my favorite.
Standing up, I move toward Paige, who’s too caught up in whatever nonsense she and KK are on to notice right away. I tap her arm, and she turns her attention to me with a curious expression.
“What’s up, babe?”
“I need a break,” I say softly, leaning in to give her a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll be back later, or I’ll be sleeping.”
She barely has time to react before I slip out the door.
⸻
Carol’s bed is already warm when I crawl in beside her.
Azzi, still working on her classwork, glances up from her laptop. “You on the run again?”
I nod, getting comfortable under the blanket. “I kissed Paige and dipped.”
Carol snorts. “Smooth.”
Azzi chuckles, shaking her head before turning back to her accountant assignment that she swore she was gonna burn.
Carol presses play on The Vampire Diaries, and I instantly feel myself relaxing. It’s become our little routine at this point. My quiet escape.
But while I’m finally unwinding, things on Paige’s Live are… not so quiet.
⸻
Paige doesn’t pay much attention to the comments at first. She’s too busy laughing at something KK said, completely unbothered. But then she notices a repeating question.
Why does Y/N keep leaving the Live and never coming back?
She ignores it at first. But then another comment pops up.
She was texting someone right before she left…
Paige’s brows furrow slightly.
Then comes the kicker.
She’s probably cheating.
That makes her stop mid-laugh. KK, noticing the shift in energy, nudges her. “What’s up?”
Paige exhales sharply, reading the comments again.
She shakes her head, unamused. “Alright, let’s shut this down real quick.”
KK raises an eyebrow but lets Paige talk.
“For everyone saying Y/N is ‘cheating’ or whatever dumb theory y’all are coming up with—shut up.” Her tone is firm, unwavering. “She was texting Caroline, telling her she was going to her room. Because, I dunno, maybe I’m loud as hell and she needs some peace?”
KK nods dramatically. “Yeah, we are pretty loud.”
Paige huffs, clearly annoyed. “Y/N gets overwhelmed easy, and instead of suffering through me and KK being obnoxious, or ruin our fun as she states it, she goes to Carol’s room to chill. That’s it. No cheating, no weird drama, just her needing quiet. Y’all gotta stop jumping to conclusions.”
The chat quiets for a moment before some fans start defending me, calling out the ones spreading rumors.
Satisfied, Paige ends the Live.
Then she gets up.
She’s not letting me hide out this time.
⸻
I don’t hear Paige coming.
I’m too comfortable, curled up with Carol under the blanket, half-watching the episode. Azzi is still at her desk, finishing up her exam, completely unbothered.
Then the door swings open.
Carol and I both look up just in time to see Paige stepping inside with a determined expression.
Before I can react, she’s at the bed, reaching down and—
“Paige—what the—”
She lifts me. Bridal style.
I yelp, grabbing onto her instinctively. “Girl, put me down!”
She ignores me, turning back toward the door. “Nope. You’re coming with me.”
Carol snickers. “Damn, guess our throuple honeymoon phase is over.”
Azzi, without looking up, mutters, “Justice for our wife, Y/N.”
Paige ignores them, carrying me effortlessly down the hall.
Carol calls out when Paige and I are half way to her room, “The scissor sisters will avenge you, we promise.”
I squirm, but she tightens her hold. “Relax, babe. I got you.”
“You could’ve just asked me to come back.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t like waking up alone last time. So I just stole you, simple.”
I stop squirming at that.
Paige sighs, adjusting her grip. “I don’t care if you need space, but you don’t have to run away every time. Just tell me, and I’ll chill out.”
I glance up at her, feeling a little guilty. “I didn’t want to ruin your fun.”
Paige scoffs, finally stepping into her room. “Babe, I’d rather you tell me than disappear.”
She sets me down gently on her bed before climbing in beside me.
I let out a small sigh, settling into her warmth. “I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head, pressing a kiss to my temple. “Just talk to me next time.”
I nod, snuggling closer.
KK walks past the open door, peeking in with a smirk. “Damn, you really kidnapped her.”
Paige flips her off. “Mind your business.”
I laugh, finally feeling at ease.
---
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-Thank You For Reading!🩵🩶
-prettygirl-gabi🎀✨️
#gabi writes#support the writers!#gabi answers#uconn wbb#°~prettygirlgabi ask~°#paige bueckers#wbb#uconn huskies#uconn women’s basketball#oneshot#Azzi fudd#Caroline ducharme#azzi x reader#caroline x reader#azzi fudd x reader#caroline ducharme x reader#paige bueckers fluff#paige bueckers x you#paige#paige buckets#paige bueckers x reader#paige blockers#paige x reader#paige bueckers uconn#uconn wcbb#uconnwbb#uconwbb#uconn x reader#uconn#wbb x reader
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Beneath the Quiet
HIII my beautiful people
tbh this is a sweet and heartwarming fic
have fun reading 💕
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It was a crisp autumn evening when Y/N found herself walking through the quiet streets of her neighborhood. She had just finished a long day of work and was heading home, ready to unwind with a book and a warm cup of tea. The sun had just set, and the air had a chill to it that made her pull her scarf tighter around her neck.
She was lost in her thoughts when she heard the sound of a ball bouncing against the pavement. Curious, she turned to look and saw a group of people playing basketball at the local park. They were laughing and shouting, clearly enjoying their game.
But it wasn’t the game that caught her attention—it was him.
Niki was standing by the side of the court, holding the basketball in his hands. He was tall, with messy dark hair and a laid-back style that made him look effortlessly cool. He was wearing a simple hoodie and joggers, but there was something about the way he carried himself that made him stand out.
Y/N tried not to stare, but she couldn’t help it. He had a certain charm that was hard to ignore.
She turned her head quickly, hoping he hadn’t noticed her, but as she kept walking, she felt a presence behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and found Niki walking in her direction, his long strides easily catching up to her.
"Hey, sorry to interrupt," he said, his voice friendly and easygoing. "But I saw you walking, and I was wondering if you’re new around here? I don’t usually see you around."
Y/N blinked in surprise. “Oh, uh, no, I’ve lived here for a while now. Just… been keeping to myself lately,” she admitted, slightly embarrassed by how awkward she sounded.
Niki smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners. “I get that. Sometimes, it’s nice to just enjoy the peace and quiet. But hey, if you ever want to join us for a game, feel free to drop by.”
Y/N hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Maybe one day."
There was a brief silence between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Niki seemed to have a way of making everything feel easy.
“So, what brings you out here tonight?” he asked casually.
“I was just heading home from work,” she explained. “And you? What about you and your friends?”
“We’re just shooting some hoops,” Niki replied, shrugging. “Nothing too serious. We do it every few days just to unwind.”
Y/N nodded. “Sounds fun.”
He smiled again, his gaze softening. “Yeah, it’s a good way to break up the routine. Anyway, I won’t keep you. I just thought it’d be nice to introduce myself. I’m Niki, by the way.”
“I’m Y/N,” she replied with a warm smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”
They stood there for a moment, exchanging small glances. Despite the initial awkwardness, something about Niki’s easygoing personality made her feel at ease.
“Well, I’ll let you get going, Y/N. But it was nice meeting you,” he said. “And like I said, if you ever feel like joining, you know where to find us.”
Y/N smiled. “Thanks. Maybe I will, someday.”
As Niki turned to walk back toward his friends, Y/N felt a strange sense of excitement in her chest. It wasn’t often that she had conversations with strangers, let alone someone as easy to talk to as Niki.
The next few days, she couldn’t shake the memory of their brief exchange. She thought about it more than she probably should have, wondering if she would ever run into him again. But she didn’t want to get her hopes up. After all, it had just been a casual chat.
A week later, as she was heading back home from the grocery store, she spotted Niki again—this time sitting on a bench near the park with a book in his hands. He looked up and noticed her, and without missing a beat, he waved at her.
“Hey, Y/N!” he called out. “What’s up?”
Y/N couldn’t help but smile at the friendly greeting. “Not much. Just finishing some errands.”
Niki stood up, stretching his arms as he made his way over to her. “I was just enjoying some peace and quiet. You should join me. It’s nice to sit and just… do nothing for a change.”
Y/N thought for a moment. She hadn’t expected to run into him so soon, but there was something about his casual invitation that felt warm and welcoming.
“Alright,” she agreed, “I’ll join you for a bit.”
And just like that, their unexpected encounter turned into something more. Over time, Y/N and Niki found themselves meeting more often, whether for short chats in the park, grabbing a coffee, or even sharing a quiet evening stroll through the neighborhood.
What started as a chance meeting blossomed into a meaningful friendship, and who knew where it could go from there?
Maybe, just maybe, it was the beginning of something more than either of them had expected.
---
The End
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hiya friendz !! happy monday lovelies !! i’m buzzing in to wish you all the best week ahead and giving you guys big big hugs !! i will be on a hiatus for a little while. see you soon 🤍 take care of yourselves & each other ! ✨
#the last week or so took a toll on me and i let sooo much go so now it’s time to play catch up ଘ(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و wish me luck !#i’m sorry if you’ve sent me an ask recently and i haven’t gotten to it yet </3 i haven’t had time + energy to b very interactive forgive me#i need a little break from tumblr bc i get a lil overwhelmed being on here lately#just need to take some time to recenter + focus + take care of myself !!#don’t forget about me tho okay !!!! /lh /j#just know i am mentally liking all your posts + supporting you guys from afar !! eeeeee#i have a list of trees i must get to as well !! please don’t be shy in sending them to me !! i wanna make sure i get em all#i will probably pop in here or there but yeah mostly will be a busy bee ( ྀི o̴̶̷᷄ o̴̶̷̥᷅ ) !!!#i *need* to finish some trade fics + make sure all my gifts are in order for xmas + just a lot of other stuff that’s boring LOL#so yeah <3 that’s that !!! ily all sm#see ya later 😽✨#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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I can’t edit for SH*T so I’m begging someone to make a “they both reach for the gun edit” of Matpat and the new hosts/ash and the ‘Gun’ is the channels. Idc if it doesn’t really make sense, it’s been in my mind whenever I hear the sound but I’m terrible at editing😭
#matpat#gtlive#the game theorists#the film theorists#the food theorists#the style theorists#MATPAT BRAINROT IS REAL:(#if I don’t see this in a week I’m making it myself and I probably won’t post it#I just need to see it desperately.
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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Jesus Christ bro just received the most aggressive ask in my inbox confronting me about how I write Aventurine and demanding proof for why I interpret him the way I do 😭😭 I’m not good at making straight up analytical content but ig I’m gonna have to try to do it so I can support my own ideas because ig it’s not fair of me to say things about him without backing myself up. I wouldn’t mind if they hadn’t been so hostile like pls I like to think I’m pretty reasonable you don’t need to yell at me 😞
#[rawbin]#[aventurine]#Like it’s fine if you don’t like me and the way I write him but like. man.#please can you at least not be outright aggressive towards me ?#it’s kind of frustrating#like I do think I have decently thick skin when it comes to random hate comments (being a content creator since u were like 13 will do that-#- to you) but it’s still not fun to have people come up to me and insinuate they think I suck :/#Like yeah fair enough that you disagree with my takes I can see why but pls maybe don’t imply I’m a terrible person who doesn’t know what-#-abuse and toxicity is ?#sorry I feel like I’ve been very negative these last couple of posts#I’d probably be able to handle all this better if I wasn’t already in a pretty bad way 😭#I won’t even be able to put the analysis together tomorrow to make myself feel better about my own writing because I’ll be so busy#but whatever I’ll live and get over it I’ll be fine in like two weeks
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I am once again neglecting my physical and mental health to finish an ambitious project on an impossible timeline I’m sore and exhausted and dehydrated and either overeating or not eating at all. be normal about my hobbies challenge failed immediately
#I am burning myself out trying to finish this fucking corset for Saturday#I’m gonna have a breakdown about it fr#it’s not fitting right and I haven’t hemmed it yet and I haven’t even STARTED on the skirt part#and I have like 3 days to finish it#I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack#it’s actually racing in my chest like at all times#I stay up sewing every night until I can’t see straight anymore#and then I wake up the next day and do it all over again#it’s an endless punishing cycle and it’s all my own fault#note to self: don’t try and make a full corset in two weeks#future me im BEGGING you can’t do it between your job and your gf and your dogs#and you should also probably take care of yourself too bc this is definitely not good for you#okay when I start actually talking to myself in the tags it’s time to call it#personal
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ayyyyyyy I set up an appointment for medication this Friday (telemedicine but whatever) and I get to see my former therapist again later this month. I’m kind of excited. More than kind of. Little sad, but I’m lonely and want to talk to someone. He’s a real cool dude. I’m a little worried to trauma dump the last 6 months on him, but whatever, it beats sitting there for an hour feeling like I’m wasting his time and struggling to think of things to say. dang dang dang, I’m excited.
#I’m excited to tell him about my mom’s transplant. less so to mention all my dark moments since we last spoke.#ok so I gotta wait a week for antidepressants and then a couple of weeks for them to take effect#that’s a lot of waiting#especially with how rough I’ve been these last couple of weeks#I probably have more appointments I should schedule but we’ll see#I’ve only been able to sleep sitting up#like the dang elephantman#something about laying down freaks me out#it’s uncomfortable and not very restful and just thinking about sleep gives me anxiety#brains are fucky#oof… now it’s setting in. I’ve got an appointment but it’s 5 days away#5 days of… this. anxiety and distraction and my sick brain#this is my fault#well… no. yes. I don’t want to COMPLETELY beat myself up for it#I should have been managing my mental health better instead of waiting until I spiraled out#I should have been managing my health better in general!#this isn’t sexy to say but I hate my body. I’ve run it down. and it’s going to be so much harder getting back to something semi healthy#but I’m trying now 😕 so maybe that’ll count for something#I’ve been realizing that I really really miss going to the gym late at night#that’s what I need now. been doing these little drives at night to distract myself but having an actual place to go would be much better#BUT! too expensive. need to work and make some money. not excited for that but I needs it. I neeeeeeds money. for burgers. and distractions#this is too rambly. I’m sorry. I thought about counseling and got too excited to talk and talk#I talk too much#you can ignore this#text
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What’s she listening to?

WIP, prolly gonna line and color this in later but I like how this looks so far c:
#Tonari of Jananda#Tonari#WIP#my art#wont tag the rest of the fandom cuz it’s technically incomplete I suppose#I’m like. enamored with how she’s turning out tho this outfit is so cute on her#it’s an outfit @squire_gob made on Twitter#I dunno if they made a tumblr but I’ll @ them or include a link to the original once I get the color down I think#I love her I love how she can’t sit normally even with a skirt on she’s just like me for real#Tonari’s never beating the Bisexual allegations and 90% of it is cuz she sits like that#I wanna see her sitting backwards on a chair next has anyone done that yet? I feel like it has but I can’t find it yet#like I saw it in last week’s chapter but I think I hallucinated it#considering just making that content myself rn#I’m just holding off for a bit on drawing her new design till my friends catch up cuz I want them to experience what I did#when she walked on screen in that outfit dude I lost my marbles#I love one (1) Babygirl so much and it’s weird cuz I don’t want her or kin her. it’s a secret third thing#it’s just secret even to me (it’s love. I love her. her character rules. probably doesn’t need to be more complicated than that)#alright nova ramble over. I’ll have this WIP done once I’m through with my first MizuHanna YuriLympics entry#byeeeee 👋
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Well…if there’s one (1) good thing about having a crush, it’s that when I’m (for the moment anyway) not worrying about the other person’s boundaries and terror about whether I’ve stomped on them or not + my own frustration at how slow things are to just communicate verbally and directly instead of constantly dancing around nonverbal reads (that are two-way, I suppose but still no substitute, can still mean just about anything)…
…yeah. I do let myself be selfish. Acknowledge what I want instead of burying it so deeply away from my consciousness to not “take up space” I suppose. Finally give myself some damn permission to fall in love with another person “despite” being ace, and “despite” being chronically ill and struggling with my mental health.
And what is it I want?
To feel cared for. Cherished. By someone here. To wake up and have someone greet me with a gentle embrace mindful of the constant chronic pain especially in the mornings to not accidentally pinch things, but not treating me like glass, either. To be given autonomy instead of having it taken away—to do things together, FUN things, without being made to feel guilty about that “taking away” spoons from chores or “well why won’t you just work a job then!” but also respecting my need to rest periodically or take a longer rest after the fact.
To feel heard. To trust that there’s love enough for us to disagree and feel angry and frustrated and sad around eachother and with eachother without judgement, without the risk that things are forever one disagreement or misunderstanding away from falling apart completely or worse.
And please tease me. Teasing is a love language just as much as communication and encouragement and acts of service and finally being held. It’s verbal play, and I trust you to not bully me.
And…I’ve shown as much as I can, I think. I know you’re trying to mirror at least some of it. And I think I’m reading you correctly, but I wish I understood why you seem so terrified to talk directly to me.
#tiger’s musing#screw it. ‘don’t say i’m in love’ or whatever#and well. it will fade eventually. and I am very practiced at Behaving and keeping my feelings to myself#legit always have to do that the very few times I’m liked someone This Ain’t ‘Just’ Platonic Is It#because…guess what. the other person’s comfort and boundaries matters more to me#and friendships aren’t a ‘consolation prize.’ they’re the Good Shit#it’s…just that much harder when there isn’t that Direct Communication With Frequency for me#…bUT!! if he didn’t like me…why does he keep looking at me Like That?!#…right. hang in there for a few more weeks. I did hand over a script as..#…yeah. wonder if he realized /he’s/ the reason I finally found my nerve to write it the way I want#and for all my current ‘will you just RELAX and TALK to me yET?!’ frustration? he’s my muse for joseph!#I needed to see what a GOOD man even remotely looks like just as much as I needed someone like him#to accidentally or intentionally show interest (look. if ya gripe about wanting to do something. PUBLICALLY#(and it’s within my skills to make it available. guess what. I’m gonna call your bluff#(I’m too much of a writer and actress. if I see Checkov’s Gun I’m firing it!)#…does he realize that I basically told everyone off for pressuring him via social media and semi privately?#that the only reason why I started using facebook again was to get people to leave him alone?#(who knows. but that + him…kinda witnessing just How Bad my mental health is? is…when I think there was a turning point. maybe. probably.)#…I suck at socializing in Initial Stages. so much. it’s so uncomfortable#but…screw it. I’ve learned that I’ll use what power I have to change environments and make opportunities#even when it’s (deeply) uncomfortable for me to do so#…because sometimes you gotta blink first to make someone else feel safe. and hopefully latch onto that#and…yeah. guess I am patient. but also griping the entire time
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i cannot stop talking huh
#oh man#finally saw my favorite band live yday but then spent today teary and in despair#the come down from all that adrenaline was so ROUGH i feel so empty and sad#like don’t get me wrong it was like a top 10 night for me i will never forget#the lead singer & i got to chat and exchange jewelry after the show and like afterwards i was full body trembling like a chihuahua like#i’ve never loved life more#but now everything feels so grey and unsatisfactory#ugh!!!!!!!!#i’m TIRED of it grandpa i’m tired of constantly planning enrichment activities for myself so i don’t leap off a building!!!!!!#also i thoufht i wss going to do a lot of wholesome hobby stuff once i moved out#like start drawing and writing and reading again and perhaps even picking back up instruments and stuff#but instead i have to schedule social interactions constantly back to back to back bc i cannot stand being alone#but then conversely when the stars aligned and my friend’s lease was ending and i wss up for transfer i was like no#i can’t do it i love being alone actually#a roommate would probably be good for my brain but at the same time i’be spent the past two years bouncing in between#stifling living conditions that never gave me my own space so now i do have to sit here and fiercely remind myself that i NEED this#anyways one ray of positivity is that i made a soup today and oh my god it is so delicious#my second soup i’ve made in this apartment and i do consider myself a culinary genius of just this genre#it’s just annoying that this is the only day this entire week that i blocked out to make myself sit in my apartment and not see anybody#but yet i’m still fiending for at least a phone call and hoping a friend texts spontaneously#i’ve been running back to back between my friends and i was like ahhhh ok i finally get a day to relax#but i do think it was a bad idea to place it right after the show bc i DEFINITELY needed company today#half the time i didn’t even know why i was crying
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Absbevejishevebsb
Fucking great. Staying in California for summer might now be fucking up my holidays. Because I only get to see some of my cousins during the break that I’m in California and now my stepmom wants me in Texas for part of that break. Because I can see them “any time”. I see them once a fucking year. I can only really ever see them once a fucking year, the only exception ever was for my uncles birthday when we all went to Vegas. Otherwise, it’s once a year. And I can “always come back” to Texas if my summer plans don’t work out, LIKE FUCK THAT. The summer plans are: ‘stay in California and hang out with friends and my mom and just not be homesick for once. Also as a bonus maybe pull off getting a job. And go down to the boardwalk and hike’. THERE IS NO WORLD WHERE THE KEY PARTS OF THIS WON’T WORK OUT. But I keep only citing getting a job, and a volunteer opportunity, and summer classes to get ahead a bit as my reasons for staying. Maybe I should just stop sparing their feelings and say I just want to stay in California, because that’s where my whole fucking life is. And despite their best efforts, Texas is not my home and I don’t like being here. I’m only not having a breakdown because with enough hiding in my room and going on hikes I can convince myself it’s sort of like back home. And I can spend enough time on the swing that my brain just stops long enough that it’s not hitting fully.
At least I only have 1 more full day of this. Then on Sunday I’m catching a plane right back home. And today I’m joining a call with me friends to finally finish our D&D campaign, but it’s not going to be the same because it’s going to be over a call and we’re going to have to mind my 6 year old brother.
Holy fucking shit. Someone should have warned me that the custody issues would be the worst part of having divorced parents, maybe I would have been able to convince them not to move. Maybe that would have made it worse
#brain soup#local idiot going through it. let’s see if I cry myself to sleep tonight.#fucking hell it’s not that big of a deal. people go through so much worse.#I’ll probably delete this later. probably a lot of the other stuff touching on this as well. I just need to get the thoughts out and I don’t#have a better place to since I don’t want to bug my friends. I’ll talk to my mom about it once I’m back home.#it’s not something I want to have too many texts of and I don’t want anyone over hearing a phone call#it was already such a big deal just to get spring break last year. now I’ve promised to look into staying a week in the school year and#doing the abroad study thing I did for my granddads 80th. because I can’t say I don’t want to come without promising that I’ll show up more#somehow. I don’t want it to turn into a legal issue but fucking hell. I don’t want to keep visiting. I’m in highschool. I’m almost 16. sure#I’m not an adult but that’s old enough to have a say in where the fuck I spend my time right??? my mom has full custody why the fuck is this#an issue?? why does this get to be an issue???? if it becomes a legal issue would I even have any sway?? would I just make it worse?#would my dad actually get custody now? because before a huge part of my mom getting custody was her having a stable job and having paid for#the house while my dad’s was iffy he was away for military stuff a lot and he moved into an apartment.#but he has a stable job and a house and even when he’s gone for military stuff my stepmoms there. so that might change things.
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#to double up on the irritability i did Not sleep so :#i saw some people being obnoxious about ocd the other day and i didn’t say anything bc im scaredddd lmao#and always feel like i’m saying too much anyway#and besides ocd isn’t like hashtag my diagnosis anyway#but#idk#i mean first of all i guess that’s kinda the point. something kinda sorta looking like a social media quip version of something isn’t. like#doesn’t make it The Thing#it did make me think about the concept of gentrifying disability again#like. it’s a net positive. that people talk about their experiences and relating to each other#and generally broadening What It Can Mean to Have A Diagnosis#but. but. lmao.#i am fucking tired this week. month. forever probably lol.#and seeing the whys treated about as seriously as my hashtag so aquarian traits is soooooooooooooooo#lmao#anyway my brain is being a hate crimer and i don’t wike it#took mundane bad for granted. bad bad is Bad.#talking 2 myself
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i can’t believe i managed to get fucking mono and didn’t even get it by doing anything fun
#mono glandular fever whatever the people who will see the joke will call it mono and it’s less clinical sounding#I need to shout about a lot of stuff now and if you do not know a bunch about what’s been happening already this will not make any sense#I’m just fucking. so [static] about how this term has gone bc this isn’t how it was meant to go#this year was meant to be good! it was going well enough already! I was genuinely happy and would’ve recovered from the bumps!#and it’s my last year in this fucking place and a good chunk of that time is just Gone now. eaten by this bullshit#I had so many plans! and I was actually doing them! and that’s collapsed now!#just on the kind of basic level there I was gonna do dnd and while we might get a few sessions Nobody least of all me#will have time to do much. and I was gonna try to do Some Kind Of Exercise I don’t know why the phrase work out sounds bad but that and like#didn’t happen! and now I have mono :) and I can’t even do ice hockey anymore#worst part abt that is that I didn’t and wouldn’t have noticed that I’ve been so much more tired than normal for the past month if it werent#for the fucking throat swelling#but like! I’m going home in two weeks bc I can’t stand being here any more than I absolutely have to now and I hate that! I want to be here!#I want to get back to my fucking life but that just Isn’t Happening now because of all this bullshit#and everything bar the mono has been stupid and preventable but I’m also pretty sure I Got the mono bc I was so stressed + run down already#I need things to be normal again when I come back in January but I don’t know how much it will ever be normal again in this flat#and on top of that I am So Behind on work. I can’t tell how much I should have done but I’m barely working. I’ve probably done no more than#like 10-15 hours a week? for the past three weeks and that’s honestly optimistic because it’s so hard to even get out of fucking bed#I wanna see my fucking friends but I haven’t been and the last time I saw someone was turning down a guy who surprise: Still Into Me#I was gonna do shit this weekend but then storm and being plagued so not wanting to go out in the storm#and this weekend was nice I had some time to myself which I haven’t had in ages but. I think I just miss everything really bad#I need to cook and it’s getting late and before I can cook I need to do a bunch of cleaning I’ve been putting off and I can’t Not do either#tonight I need to do both bc I don’t have food left and I literally can’t cook until I clean so I should go do that now#I’m terrified I’m losing something I can’t get back and will be later making decisions based on short term bullshit that fucked it all up#I’m gonna go clean while I still have something left in me#luke.txt
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won some money last week so splashed out on my food shop - it’s actually so nice to be able to sit and pick what i want to make rather than just scraping together whatever meal i can with what foods left in my fridge
#actually feeling a bit spoiled for choice actually#trying to make it so i can make the most out of my fresh food#so i’ve been having a lot of noodles to use up the spring onions and coriander#SEE I EVEN GOT LITTLE GARNISH THINGS I USUALLY DONT WASTE MONEY ON!!!!#and i bought meat like really splashing the cash there#i’ve never bought pork other than cheap little chunks to put in rice sometimes#anyway this is wild#i didn’t even get fancy fancy foods or anything#which i think makes it a bit sad that im this excited#like i just got baby corn and a stirfry sauce#but usually i only get cupboard stables and a bit of fresh stuff like broccoli and peppers#so i can make a few different things from the same stuff#but this week i got to go yes i will buy a sauce for just one meal#like won’t be able to do it again because i’d be spending my entire weekly budget on food otherwise#but maybe i’ll start saving up to do this once a month or something#it’s wild that i’m halfway through my food week and im not down to the last morsels of food#when i haven’t even batch cooked a family size soup or something#don’t know what to do with myself#it was only an extra 20 quid and all (and that includes me getting cleaning products i was out of so really it’s less -#what a difference that little bit makes)#i talk and its probably something weird
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me, walking quickly by a reflective surface: I look hot today
me, stopping to look in a mirror only to be greeted by puffy eyes, bumpy hips, and visible love handles: you sure about that one champ 👀
#girl 😔 she really thought#also I went on my first date ever yesterday. don’t know about it#it lasted three hours and we played impromptu trivia#made an absolute fool of myself the entire time. so it goes#he also didn’t compliment me once which makes me believe. well I shan’t say. but you know#for those keeping tabs this is not the Hot Guy. he disappeared forever I’ve come to accept#this is a different one and I’m unsure. which probably means no.#but then again did receive many a nudge from the universe re: topics of conversation#so who knows. he’s very nice and tall. and he’s funny. I could love him I’m sure#but is that fair? I don’t knowwwwwwww. in the immortal words of naomi smalls life’s not fair#we’ll see if he messages me. he did technically ask me out again for the same place next week but. that might have just been an in the#moment thing. perhaps only out of politeness. didn’t even try to hug me or anything which is admittedly probably for the best#I’m sure I was giving off small prey animal vibes. I took a selfie before I left and my eyes were WIDE with fear. but that’s just me#I guess it’s yet another game of we’ll see. we all know how much I love those.
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