#idk yall i am so stressed
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kfldjds
#i literally have no idea how to normalize tonight ahead of the huge storms tomorrow lgifejndsksl#it says there is a high risk of severe storms which is terrifying glfkfjfjdh#i think we are going to get absolutely pummeled#and it will likely be widespread so i feel like when we inevitably lose power it will take forever to get it back glfkfjfnd#idk yall i am so stressed#my entire being is telling me that i need to get the fuck out of here but that isnt an option fldkfjd#*dykeposting#negative#delete later
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cutie moments during Ephemeral Gaze soundcheck 😌💘 [240901 WANT / SITA]
#shinee#taemin#lee taemin#shine taemin#ephemeral gaze#sexy in the air#want#dailyshinee#kpopccc#ksoloists#smsource#kpopstages#speakofgifs#wow i haven't giffed in a while i almost forgot how heh~#not gonna lie.. it's been stressing me out. i can't keep up idk how yall gif so quickly :')) but cutie taemin moments are always fun#gotta make something for key's comback or i'll feel like i betrayed him <33 i am SOOOO excited. the concept/album looks and sounds amazing#and the brief sneak-peek i let myself have of his performance of pleasure shop looked so fun! I'm glad he's going party bop. does them well
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i just want to be happy by default wo needing meds i just wanna be normal. is that like. too much to ask idfk
#meds arent fucking working anymore#and im stressing abt it bc the psych told me i needed to do a blood test#and i. i didnt do it#for like 3 whole months#bc i am DEATHLY afraid of needles just typing this is making me feel queasy#i need my meds upped but i hopeee he doesnt ufckingng idk SHOOT ME ON SIGHT for not doing the blood test#if he says i still need to do it ill litreally jump off a roof#i have TOO MUCH OCD for bloodwork. and he is treating me. for ocd#i cant fuckign do this yall#im so scared my results will come back and it'll say u have 823489234 diseases u will die in 7 day#minnie post
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pls stop characterizing viktor as angry and violent i s2g fdsgfgdfh
#i just - does half the fandom realize viktor's the most pacificist character in the show...#he doesn't insult people. he never wishes violence on anyone.#i get sad when people draw/write him as insulting jayce or yelling at people or hitting people with his cane#that's literally not who he's shown to be as a fundamental part of his character and his arc#he doesn't lash out. he curls inwards#he's witty and dry and sometimes guarded and stressed because he's literally going through horrible things but he's never violent#he's only shown EVER wanting to help people. make life flourish. grow things. STOP violence#the only time we see him act aggressively is the council room scene for that brief chokehold and again as machine herald in the chokehold#specifically both times as a way to subdue and restrain jayce from hurting him back and hold him in place so he can enact smth#(I still don't think his intent in the council room was to kill jayce. it makes zero sense. and MH was holding him to get him up the tower)#just..................why do you look at this gentle polite fundamentally compassionate character and see someone with a snap temper#while im at it. look i respect yall dom viktor truthers who am i to get in anyone's way but like#there is a big difference between craving control over your own life and circumstances and craving control over others#yes viktor desires control but i just. dont see that translating over. idk. sorry.#which there's a discussion to be had about arcane herald viktor there and the glorious evolution itself#because despite his ascension to godhood he's never actually framed as wanting to be worshipped like a king or a god#ultimately yes he desires to remove control from the human race but... hard to explain but like. he doesn't try to take it for himself?#he thinks he's freeing everyone. not to bow down to him but to find peace and connection with each other and with him#partially because he's so fucking lonely. his ascension is framed as enlightenment not a power grab.#his very evolution framed almost as unwilling. a resignation of a burden he must shoulder to be the one to fix things alone#but of course you have the influence of the power-hungry hexcore at play which distorts viktor's altruistic motives so. there's that.#anyway this is tangential to the main point which simply was 'stop making viktor angry and rude he's literally not like that in canon'
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artstyle crisis so bad i've resorted to drawing a silly cartoon rabbit on a daily basis
#(i promise I'm not abandoning any fandom i usually post art for-)#idk I'm just struggling so much right now... uni stress is not helping#in any case yall get silly doodles of a little slimeball /aff#THE LU GUANG BIRTHDAY DOODLE IS COMING AROUND THO!!! >:3 nothing much but i am not forgetting my bois day!!!!!!#ariowl's rambles
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🦔
#yall i start night shift tonight :S which is whatever but since the days are flipped for me now im having Late Night Thoughts rn at 7 am#and like. its been a year since i cut my hair short (i cut it once more in like march? and then after that i let it grow to my shoulders)#and i so badly want to cut it again tbh but im also v afraid??#bc having long hair is such a bitch to maintain and also its starting to shed more and more#and besides not wanting to have another breakdown over hair loss (i literally was getting bald spots last year bc stress)#plus my curls have p much disappeared w the length. and will probably not show up again until it grows way longer idk why#like depending on the length its either super curly at the front or just plain frizzy and rn its just frizzy and gross#but anyway im afraid to cut it bc its kind of been a security blanket of sorts? like when i had short hair i felt like ppl#treat u differently (and not in a good way)#but at least w long~ hair literally no one pays attention to me (which i enjoy)#idk its just hard. i just want to look handsome again 😭😭 or at least my own version of handsome#i keep telling myself once i get more fit i'll chop it off again but idk if i can wait that long :(#ignore me
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jdfuafhuagkldflgajkd
#what if i also am a mess this week 🤩#theres this banner marketing thing we ordered on monday that needed 5 business days and we needed by this monday#production started on it monday and they sent me a link to track progress and shit but the link didnt work#and i tried emailing them abt it and i had to email other ppl but i waited like a few days before doing that and ended up not getting iit#to work or anything and now we need the thing sent to somewhere by tomorrow afternoon#today afternoon lol and like they had the 5 business days they said they took for it so it Should be fine#but i literaly have no idea#bc the fucking progress link wouldnt work#and everyone i emailed to help w it werent responding over the weekend#so like im sending another email tomorrow morning at 8 lol to be like did yall send it pls bc i cant see TT#i feel like it's my fault if it doesnt happen and we wasted many money bc i've been handling the logistics and stuff for this thing#i know it's not rly but also i . couldve done some things earlier#anyway idk im not rly dwelling on that i just feel like#if i go on campus tomorrow and the banner is up im gonna start crying LMFAO#bc this is highkey stressing me out and i like to cry when im stressed 🥳#if it doesnt happen i will also start crying lmfao#i also always be overthinking things and just why cant i . not have such a negative perception of everything i SAY/do woohoo#afterparty for our show but im just crying bc release of this stress while everyone else is drinking#bro im not even nearly the most significant / high pressure board position and im likeeeejgndfndkfdkgdh lol#tbf tho marketing do be . the most during this week ig ;-;#also i need to go to sleep but i dont want to :D am excited for the show this week but i think i am#procrastinating actually having the week start bc it is kinda stresssssfulllllllll lolllllll#manifesting this fucking banner is up tomorrow#i will see it either in the morning idk if they put them up that early or#i guess when i leave the building in the afternoon but also i wont be facing the sign at all#or in the evening ;-; my only two chances to see#altho my friend might text me if she sees it when she goes like later morning i think#anyway *screaming* ran out of tags bye lol#jeanne talks
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If you like this piece, take a look at the product page and get yourself a little something, it would really help me out!
“there’s no problem,” she mutters, but weren’t the words lost? failed again, another failure if it ends after she finds her mistakes, then she will roll again! One more time, one more time “Are you all right now?” “Not yet, the end is still nowhere in sight, so I will hold my breath, for now”
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Rolling Girl makes me Feel Things, fam
#vocaloid miku#rolling girl#ik its the holidays amd everyone is stressed#but holy ass i am barely keeping my nose above the water rn yall#i got hit with an unexpected expense that i REALLY couldn't afford a couple months ago and I've been trying to claw my way back ever since#but i barely have two dollars to rub together to my name rn#as long as literally nothing happens until payday it's a double check week where both jobs come in so that will be a massive lifeline#but idk how I'm gonna scrape rent together at the end of this month and if i have to beg am extension again i might walk into the ocean#so anyway yeah every little bit helps!
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Fuck fucking fucking fukc fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
#somebody shoot me in the foot before i DO IT MYSELF#im kidding. im fine. im not immensely stressed out right now. for absolutely no reason. other than a sick dog and sleep deprivation.#im not fighting the incredibly strong urge to cry#WHAT NOOO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT#IM NOT#hah#this really is like a diary for me.#i know yall aint reading 😭#but its nice to think maybe one or two people somewhere out there maybe know my struggle and listen to my incoherent ramblings#basically just dont have mutuals at all anymore#i know i am speaking to the void as it were#i say stuff like 'i dont know if you'll read these posts' but its like i know. ik. ikikikik. you arent watching. you arent reading.#not because you dont care#but bc you have shit to work through too#and for probably similar reasons that im not looking at your profiles you also arent looking at mine#also i dont want you to see this truly#i think if i did i would probably send it to you cause we both know im kind of pathetic that way. plus ive said some hurtful things#about you on this blog in the past few weeks#because ITS LITERALLY LIKE MY DIARY#and i do a lot of processing on here. then theres the posts about ykw. it killed me seeing the posts that i saw about him so i dont want to#assume you just wouldnt feel anything similar. maybe not same but similar#so#so ultimately i think id rather you dont see the personal posts on this blog#if only for the sake of your own mental state bc i know how you are and how you drive yourself crazy and i dont want that#jorden speaks#not nsft#delete tag#maybe?#idk this one feels kinda raw
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It's so embarrassing to be in my professors biggest fail class yet but at least I'm not part of the problem
#after our two midterm exams she has been like ''im so concerned about yall ive never seen a class struggle so much with xyz concepts b4''#and now theres a pop quiz every single class and she does routine surveys to determine where things went wrong 😭#idk if she is hazing us or what but she makes it sound like we stand out in a bad way#and she is not a bad teacher either like..... i have an A in this class and i dont work harder than i normally need to for an A#(im not one of those ''its so easy to ace a class i dont even study'' kind of ppl like i do put in effort for it but. its not ball busting)#she also has a lot of experience both in teaching and in nursing like i think she works really hard on her end#so its like.... what da hell is going on with my class#😮💨 i have to not stress about it bc i know that personally i am doing well and she has never approached me privately with concerns#its just nerve wracking like i dont want to be in the ''bad'' class i want everybody to succeed#but some of my classmates have failed out of this program several times before and half of the class skips almost every week#so. what the student doin
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Me reading an OCD symptom: oh whatever I definitely don't have that I never do that!
Me the next day: oh I do this CONSTANTLY OH NO
#yall im incredibly certain i have OCD and ADHD and my ocd keeps getting misdiagnosed as a mood disorder#because i could only describe it through incredibly sudden mood changes#because the thought of my having OCD was never entertained because i dont have the cleaning kind#but i cannot tell you how both relieved and incredibly stressed out i am to learn more about it and watch gaps get filled that ive struggled#with almost my entire life and some of these are uh really hard pills to swallow but#ive always stuck to the belief in that knowing what something is will inevitably lead me to its solutions so#when im finally able to im gonna try to find somewhere to go and see about pursuing this because nothing other than my autism and adhD#has ever made this much sense and really made me be like oh my god is that why i do that is that what this is#maybe i dont even have adhd maybe i just get stuck in ocd loops or something idk#ough#well time to boot up bitch and do what i can
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bus stop crush who has a gf is back :(((
#bus stop crush#chronicle. if you will#also me being stressed out apparently now entails getting zits all over my chin so thats fun. never had achne so idk what thats about#okay so this is a rant now btw#theres a huge sand cloud over the island and thats air pollution apparently and as i am prone to power walk my asthma is back??!!#like i havent had a flair up in.. what 6 years? ive worked on my cardio and over all muscle mass and my asthma is back??!! cruel shit#hmm what else? ive got a paper due the day after tomorrow that ive technically worked on for the better part of this year but#i dont like it#and my ideas have developed and i have new sources and my computer's broke and my crush likes someone else and thats so fucked up#so embarrassing to admit i have been delulu. the delulu memes are about me. and thats embarrassing#uuuugh hows yalls day been?
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This is Isyl, Amryl's sibling!
Originally my plan for Isyl was that Isyl [I haven't decided on pronouns lmao. Leave me alone. Isn't telling me what Isyl is. Isyl exists. Isyl is Durge jkjk ..... Isyl's pronouns are Cleric [of Lathander]!] was that Isyl was either raised by an off-shoot of lawful good/neutral Duerges that learned about Lathander [family members maybe?] or kidnapped by one, so basically kinda cult? BUT THEN I got the idea of Isyl was stolen by the Society of Brilliance.
But then I got this great idea of testing Isyl out as a durge, and now here we are. OG Isyl was very very sweet, despite loss of memories [or maybe because of] -- but duerge's have too many good asshole responses so this might change. IDK we shall see. I haven't played Isyl as much after I decided to shuffle my polyam plans from Isyl to Amryl.
#look at the vein aarms#see what i meant by isyl being stunning too?#i'd say its genetics but --#their mom fed them the best of foods? idek#lotions and potions galore?#oc: isyl shadowhoard#aest: isyl shadowhoard#isyl's romance may be barcus but idk#im not on the barcus train the way some of yall are but i AM on the fuck wulbern train so.#i also like the stress barcus would have with a duergar durge love. he's very loyal tho. so i believe in them#meet my ocs#meet my tavs#bg3 druge#why are isyls eyes like that you ask?#bc i wanted them to be#... isyl is also blind in the right eye#idr what i wrote down was happening with the left#iwerrersa lmao#too many thoughts not enough memory#i think i liked how they MAKE you sorta want to stutter away [well not me. yall. me i think they are beautiful]#and i also liked the idea of one black eye it looks evuhl!~ bbut isyl is Not#... can i play a non-resist durge run? idk maybe one day#og isyl was more gung ho about goodness than kaeliana#for kae its ... complicated#but kae at best would be an antihero while isyl would be hero hero. probably more 'straight' on that path than even adair who is guile hero#material#but idk where isyl will go now!1#we shall seee!#both siblings have freckles. you cant tell on isyl but isyl does. that's four out of seven? nine? idr how many tavs i have that have freckl#black people and freckles agenda
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bleh
#yall im struggling#mental is honestly at an all time low and idk why#is it a) traveling almost non-stop this past week#b) the birthday blues that i always get every year#c) the stress of moving to live completely alone for the first time#d) the stress/conflicting thoughts about starting to study comp-sci vs pursue something i like just for that good comp-sci money#e) the fact that im unsatisfied with my job of 2-years and am considering quitting soon#f) the fact that ive realized im genuinely not the same organized person i was 4 years ago (used to make to-do lists every day)#and now i can barely remember basic tasks (let alone have the energy to write them down)#g) ALMOST FORGOT im doing summer math class and the pace is currently breaking my back#i hate math and science but it pays well and i want to be secure in my future#all the things i love dont pay well (art teacher. musician. being an artist in general.)#anyways plot summary is im stressed and dissatisfied and disappointed but have absolutely. no motivation to fix it bc what's the point#its been so long since ive ranted on here i forgot what I tagged it as ope
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Man I am in such a bad mood rn for no good reason (<- in fact, has a good reason)
#rat rambles#the stress of shitty relatives visiting soon has been hitting again lol#hold on#rat vents#ok anyways not gonna go too into it but some of my bigoted pieces of shit family are gonna be visiting soon and I am Not excited babey#Ive been trying to ignore the building stress but its rly starting to get to me and I am starting to get hashtag paranoid lol#Ill live but I am going a lil crazy#me and my sibling did an art trade today tho so that was fun#and I also had fun playing a boardgame with the rest of my family#just everytime Im not actively distracted by smth I feel like crying a lil bit which is annoying#idk I would rb an ask game but I know a max of 3 of yall would send me smth /lh#my fault rly for only rbing them in the middle of the night fjfnfjdndj
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Not to make yall sad, but I was so stressed over paying the remaining balance on the wedding and I had a panic attack.
I’ve just been paying it on my own up until this point, never asking for help and my fiancé paid for half of the venue. But all the little details and stuff, I handled.
Today it reached a peak, looking at the remaining balance, knowing I’m going to have to live with the bare essentials and eat at work or put it on my credit card (which sent me into a panic attack)
So I called him (I wasn’t home) and told him that I’m just so overwhelmed and idk how I’m gonna do it.
And he just says “you tell me what need I need to pay”. When I argued it was too much he argued back that he has savings. He has a credit card.
I cried. Feeling like a failure for having to ask him for help. I hate asking for money. When my dad blocked my mom, I had to ask for child support anytime I saw him which ended up making me feel like such a burden.
Now I’m marrying a man who just says “tell me what you need, tell me what I need to do” and he just does it. When I went to explain the cost breakdown and why we needed what, he stopped me. Told me I don’t need to justify it. He doesn’t need to know what it’s for.
I have always had a hard time asking for help. Allowing myself to drown before asking for any help. And when at the mention of feeling overwhelmed, I have a partner who is all in.
I know it’s stupid not feeling able to ask my fiancé for financial contribution for our wedding but I have this mindset of “I picked out the DJ I pay for it” or “I wanted it so I gotta pay for it.” It’s silly but I had a dad who I felt so pressured by giving child support I would go over expenses for school supplies, clothes or other necessities.
I am so fucking blessed that my kids will never have that dad.
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