#idk why I like to hurt myself

[romanticatheartt]

What if we get to watch the scene where Michael meets Francesca for the first time, while he doesn't know she's his cousin's fiance and she doesn't know he's the infamous Capital-R-Rake and her fiance's cousin?

What if John finds them, completely oblivious to how Michael fell in love with her at first sight and announces their engagement to him?

What if we see the devastation in his face?

What if we get to see him watching her getting down the aisle by Anthony?

What if Anthony notices the agony and longing in Michael's eyes throughout the whole ceremony?

What if...?

[chrissy-kaos]

Why.. why does this always happen to me 😭

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

[charmac]

Do you think Mac has jacked off while reading the Bible? Or is he too ashamed? Or does the shame just turn him on more? Are the pages of his Bible all stuck together?

Oh, I don't think; we know:

(Pages stuck together, thanks for the confirmation, Charlie)

I think the shame definitely turns him on more, considering Mac Day:

And, the connected punishment, lest we forget The Gang Goes to Hell... (and the script here... whew)

While he was repressed then, he wasn't as of Charlie's Home Alone, so I think it's clear to claim that a part of his "homosexual awakening" was connected to the fact that he was gradually getting more and more into the idea of being punished (gone sexual) for his sins, to a point where he was just genuinely jerking off to the "evils of homosexuality"

I do wanna continue here though and say Season 15 is pretty interesting because we see Mac battle between being Catholic and proudly gay. He seemingly has no issue bragging to a Priest in the middle of a church that he's into triple penetration, but it is his sex life that is the driving "reasoning" for why he thinks he should become a Catholic Priest:

He's been "S-ing&F-ing" his way though life for too long and now he thinks God has taken away one of his identities (Irish) as a result. Mac's idea of being punished by/for God continues, but it's now through the form of revocation (as opposed to shame or flagellation). I think there's a clear "connect the dots" idea that depriving himself of sex (via becoming a Priest) is an "evolved" form of allowing God to punish him for being gay.

Obviously Mac learns he was lied to, as he actually is Irish, so his "journey" here is a bit of a wash, but the fact that his rationale jumped to God punishing him for having gay sex still stands. As he grows to accept himself, he's still looking for ways to feel shame (which, as we've seen, gets him off)...

But is the constant seeking for some form of punishment still there? We didn't see much of his Catholicism in Season 16 (I think the only mention of God from Mac was in The Gang Gets Cursed), but we did continue to see his sex life and—well, that was pretty heavy on Mac, openly gay dating, somehow managing to be neglected and deprived of actual gay sex, wasn't it?

[bixels]

When I was getting my diagnosis, my psychiatrist told me right after giving me my prescription that I need to consider eating food a part of my medication, and that flipped a switch in my brain that oh. Maybe willingly starving myself and eating only one meal a day isn't healthy.

[coolnonsenseworld]

I wanted to say that outside of semantics and divisions - I am simply happy to find communities that welcome with kindness - that welcome you by a good heart and not the ability to conform. I am happy for the opportunity to be surrounded by people who care. It's a funny world we live in - making the same mistakes over and over, multiplying the same suffering by billions. I don't think I hope for an utopia anymore, I don't think such a thing exists - but you can't call me hopeless either. And that's what matters.

As a side note - this piece is set in DanceAU, which might be better known to Patrons so far, but still it was the best and most fitting option for this occasion..... also there are 12 DanceAU pieces incoming, because I might be making another calendar so. get familiar with these mutts

[the-woman-upstairs]

It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

[godhurts]

Yo so I'm confused

How do I tell if I'm poly and a little bit in love with all of my close friends or if I'm aromantic and just love everyone platonically

[angelnumber27]

It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

[ganondoodle]

im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-

and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..

it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now

i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...

[skunkes]

ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page

[bunnihearted]

legitimately wanna die bc i keep checking his blog and thinking obsessively about him and then i get pangs in my chest as i realize that he doesnt care abt me bc he has someone else again so he doesnt think of me and im sitting here going crazy bc i want him so bad but he doesnt want me he wants someone else 🥴

[faaun]

oh my god u rly are everyone you've ever loved !! for better or worse !! a part of you becomes them!

[lupismaris]

..

[ggreeeenheart]

god... work is such a shitshow rn. my company is failing everyone (status quo) and I'm playing the role of atlas (status quo), and what I NEED to do is not give a fuck when they come yelling screaming at me for not doing enough.

the problem is that I fucking care!! i care too goddamned much!! i care that people are getting screwed over and i care that half our shit doesn't work and i care that i've been stuck on a single project for so goddamned long and barely inching along in terms of progress!!! they're going to demand receipts for why I haven't done more, and the simple answer is my adhd!! but when every meeting is my boss trying to wring new excuses or progress reports out of us instead of actually giving a shit about what we do here or why anyone's struggling...

my head hurts. the right thing to do, genuinely, is to tell my boss to shove it up his ass. his company didn't want to hire someone with actual time and talent to play manager, then don't come complaining to me when our whole shop is mismanaged. (that's YOUR job, bucko!!!!!)

but i just care too goddamned much. and when the truth is that the One thing i'm sensitive about is whether or not I can fight my body and mind hard enough to actually get things in my life done...

...this week is going to suck.

[yourfavoritebookclub]

(ACOSF SPOILERS)

You know we don’t get a lot about Rhysand and his sister, but I always wonder if he taught her to fly. If he gathered her up in his arms and flew side by side with her until she got it right, always with the promise to catch her should she fall.

Do you think he snuck her extra chocolates at dinner, or misted the vegetables she hated when their parents weren’t looking?

I bet he did.

I wonder if he teased her.

I bet he would ruffle her hair, and she’d aim a kick at his shins, and he’d dance back on his toes and their laughter would bounce across the Sidra.

I bet he made puppets out of shadows for her, performed entire tales of adventure and happily ever after until she fell asleep.

I bet he missed her so much the first night in that Illyrian war camp.

I bet she cried and raged that she couldn’t go too, and I bet her tears hurt him so badly that he learned to conjure notes between them so she wouldn’t have to be alone with just their father in the house.

I wonder if he thought about her as he wrote that first note to Feyre.

I wonder if he sees her when he looks at Nyx, if the way his baby’s nose crinkles reminds him of the little sister he lost.

I bet it does.

I bet on late nights, when he joins his friends at Rita’s, he imagines her sitting between Mor and Feyre, imagines the laughter that would bubble between them, the little jokes and whispered secrets that they’d share,

I wonder if he imagines what life would have been like if he could’ve protected all of the women he loved.