#idk much about this kind of stuff though lol
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redhead :-)
#hiiiiii. time for my weekly check-in lol#slowly but surely figuring out this procreate thing. maybe.#school is still going fine.#school & drawing is p much all i do these days#while i was leaving campus today someone drove by blasting the song from dinner in america#& it is now stuck in my head#i was kind of surprised to hear it in the wild. in my mind that is a very obscure movie. idk#i might have to rewatch it. again.#anyway. it occurred to me that i could totally start making comics now#(being able to draw without being tied to my desk is awesome btw)#so… i might do that#i genuinely miss my boys so bad. like i think about them nonstop all the time but it’s not enough#i haven’t worked on their story (like… canon story) in a while#got sucked into the AU rabbit hole a bit#but i was listening to dhes’ playlist the other day & it got me thinking about the canonverse again#dhes’ playlist btw… pure rage & insecurity lol#so idk. i might spend some time doing canon stuff.#i have not forgotten about the monster boyz lore edit. i just… have no time for it rn#still gonna get it done though !#ok i have to leave. things to do etc etc#rainyrambles#artwip
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A while ago I received a beautiful painting of Eishi in the mail from @kitsoa!! I've been meaning to post pictures of it but I so rarely have physical objects I wanted a proper photoshoot to do it justice <3
When I first saw this I was absolutely blown away by the colors. These magenta-maroon hues aren't ones I associate with urban cityscapes at all and yet it's beautiful and dreamlike. There are a lot of poignant moments of loneliness in this series and this piece really captures that feeling, in my opinion. I almost feel like crying when I look at it sometimes. Kitsoa just has a way with color I can never hope of coming close to; I often look at her artworks and think, "Ah, her brain's just wired in a fundamentally different way from mine." (NOT a lamentation btw-- I consider it a blessing that we are put on this earth to show each other pictures of that which the other could not conceive of)
I have it up on my wall with sticky tack (didn't want to put tape on the front in case it got damaged when I inevitably have to move away) and I look at it all the time. I love it so much!! Thank you!!
#birdmen#karasuma eishi#not mine#LOLLL perceptive members of the health committee may notice that these are the same flowers as the ones from my kaish*n merch shoot#and you may be thinking to yourself. wow. the colors of the flowers match this piece WAY more than the kaish*n stuff.#and well. you know. I actually DIDN'T bring this with me to the flower shop because. you know.#my merch gets damaged... whateverburger. I have more of it at home.#if THIS got damaged though I think I would go directly to hell do not pass go do not collect $200. so she didn't know about it at all#she just looked at my stuff and went 'ohhh what a shame we don't have blue flowers right now...'#(points at the bottom half of the book cover) we do have some orange-pink-yellow ones though#like the roses here or the [those other flowers. idk what they are lol.]#and I was like hmmmmmmm perfectttt actuallyyyyy#she even threw in an extra rose bc I told her I was going to take photos tomorrow#and she was worried the rose would have opened too much by the time I did it... sighing dreamily.#its crazy bc like. I kind of get it now kiriko.#and like in chorus too he has flowers in his apartment#but like I get it now. it's kind of great. to have flowers I mean. LOL
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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wanna be put in a room with craft stuff for 10 years
#i cant focus on anything rn but the stuff i wanna make and its turning my brain into mush#the weird brainfucked fear that if i dont get these things started Soon ill forget it#my memory is so fucking borked man and my brain runs too fucking fast to hold on to anything#i make so much that i went and made my own hell lol#the two jobs thing i think is probably the crux rn cause ive got even less time than i used to and my time blindness gives me troubles#ill get adjusted to it#sometimes with all my fucked up processing issues makes me feel like im kind of stuck in a weird bubble#like i have no idea whats happening or whos around me or what people are saying and i just have to stumble through it yknow#shouldve been born as a tiktokers pet snail#not tryna be complainy or in a bad mood or nuffin im fine i literally just want to be making stuff rn#even though works like a big Thing its also been understimulating the past week because theres nothing to do i just gotta Be Here#i need to be put under pressure i need squeezed i need smushed and i aint getting that#if i ever make something for u plz hound me about it#so i can explain in excruciating detail what step im on and how im doing it and what still needs done and how ill do THAT#i should make tutorials#i feel like im way too stream of consciousness to make anything actually helpful#idk i want a toast chee
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill
#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc#and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’#it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time#it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed#so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand#so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward#but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed#AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away#how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc#but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots#because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free#anyway.#even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it#1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever#don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’#don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations#don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time#it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!!#but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for#idk. idk. it’s entitlement though#sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know#but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol#anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions#also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc#like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly#‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that#i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing#the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit#but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing#maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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Reclining on a fainting couch, hands laced together and resting over my stomach as I stare up at the ceiling. Why the fuck do I so frequently end up caught between being attracted to mean guys (and gals) but also the wife material guys? Duality of man is falling for both all the time, apparently, and never knowing which I actually genuinely like better.
I wrote out a whole theory about why I like mean people before I realised the logic no longer applied to my current circumstances/character and now I'm back at square one. Perhaps the real answer is as lame as: because I like a challenge and the idea that someone treats me Extra Special compared to how they treat others.
At the end of the day, idk.
#reflecting on characters like jin kamurai primarily#cause like. why HIM girl lol#don't get me wrong he also gets on my nerves#I Do Not like getting bossed around (much) (okay well maybe it depends)#I hate waiting on someone's hand and foot 24/7 but actually I don't mind being an errand boy (gender neutrally)#there's a difference trust me#but there needs to be some kind of reward involved#thankless stuff will just have my eye twitching#maybe apply that logic to how I like specific kinds of mean guys#the reward for pursuing them despite on the surface getting no return since they're mean and uninterested#can range from getting a flustered/unusual reaction out of them to actually finding a tiny thing to grasp onto and be delusional about#in the end the reward is hard-earned dopamine#again idk I'm just rambling and thinking aloud#the Extra Special part is pathetically real though#spent a lot of time yearning for a best friend until I found some#and a selfish part of me wants to be special in other ways to someone too#you know???#I think now we're circling back to an element of my og theory I drafted where this is all linked to childhood#how typical#in a more humorous sense there's a way I can apply all this to the way I enjoy videogames but that might be an essay for another day#while we also examine themes of self-inflicted suffering and again challenges
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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I promise I'm not trying to be weird, I've just been curious about this for a long time 😂 Since Bisexual people have double the dating options, does that make it harder to be monogamous? Is having crushes ever an issue? Again sory if this is so weirdI love your blog 🥰
oh boy where........to begin..............................
i mean as a rule of thumb i think it's good to think of gay people just like you would anyone else lol? having a different sexuality doesn't like, change the nature of committed monogamous relationships. even if i were attracted to 'double' the people (which i'll address in a min) i've consciously decided to be in a committed monogamous relationship, so it's not an issue ya know..........i'm assuming it's no harder for me than it is for straight people.
second, being bi doesn't mean you're just attracted to every person you come across lol, LGBTQ+ folks have preferences just like straight people. some folks prefer one gender to the other even, it's not always an even 50/50 (actually I'd argue it rarely is), all sexuality is a sliding scale but no, i'm not just constantly overwhelmed by my crushes on people if that's what you're asking. same to the 'dating options' question, i don't really think i have 'double' the options because i have pretty specific types of people i get crushes on that narrows it down..........a lot. or there just need to be a lot of specific things in place for me to have a crush, is maybe a better way of saying that. i don't know but hopefully, that makes sense.
anyway hope that answers your question(s) and thank you for tuning into Sexuality 101 with spurgie cousin.
#i don't doubt that this was just curiosity so nobody be mean to anon lol#i will say though i think being a lil gay makes my relationships with EVERYONE easier#straight people i love you but you can be very uptight about sex an sexuality and when you dont have to abide by the straights rules it#makes everything so much less of Thing ya know? idk#anyway im usually peoples default receptacle for talking about that kind of stuff for that reason
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i'm not a prison abolitionist but cmon guys it's a big stretch to say that if someone said they don't support prison even for the worst criminals like sex offenders and murderers that means they think it's totally morally fine for people to do these things and they should be able to do that with no consequence (and an even bigger stretch to use that to call them a p*do or something. like you cannot accuse someone of something like that so lightly, that's a horrible thing to say about someone. you can't throw these words around as just an insult, there is potential to cause serious harm). that's an utterly unhinged and very bad faith reading
#iso.txt#vagueposting#tw csa mention#tw sa mention#also even MORE so if what they said was abolish the *death penalty* even for those people.#it's not about caring for their rights so much. it's just that you probably don't want the state to have that power lol#especially if your politics could be considered 'treasonous' (ie basically any communist/socialist/anarchist). u obv wouldnt want it#anyway these issues are complicated and i'm not an expert or anything. nor claiming the stuff i said is correct necessarily#point is don't accuse people of shit even if u disagree w them#i do think society with no prison of any kind for these types of people would not work. sorry. should be reformed a lot though#< idk maybe to some people on here that makes me basically an actual fascist based on things i've seen people say but tbh idrc
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Recent ones of these even though they all look the same lol.. forcing myself to document progress..
#I can average like 2500 words a day for a while and then something gets in the way and I don't write for a week or something#which then sort of erases my previous Doing Good At Keeping Up With It lol.. but... alas#Still moving slowly forward...#There's a 'community board' place in game where you can go to look at a few things and some of whats there is little 'odd jobs' the player#can do for a little extra coin (since you can buy items in the game/might need coin).#Thhough of course since it's just interactive fiction/visual novel it's not like... actual minigames or something. Just like..#mini stories of your character going places and doing stuff and having some interactions with the other places in the world#Like for example since modern refrigerators don't exist in this world one of the odd jobs you can do is help with doing ice deliveries#or there's one odd job where you assist a guy recharging the city's main bell tower/time keeping place by helping him go around and replace#the iriminel crystals (kind of like magical batteries - stones that are able to store energy that way and be used to fuel passive#enchantments). or one where you help food prep for the cooks at a nearby automat. etc. etc.#Just little short things to get a better glimpse of how the wider city is outside of just interacting with the main characters. plus earn#a tiny bit of coin. Though because they're so short there's not really branching paths or anything much for choices beyond#usually an optional dialogye menu where you can talk to the person you're working with and ask them personal#or work related questions if inclined to do so. It'd be cool if they were more in depth but.......erugh...#I have so much writing left to do already lol.. Also since it's really just to get money I could have just had them#all be like a single sentence of 'you go here and you do this all day then you come home. + 15 coins. yaay' and thats all#So maybe it's a middle ground to elaborate upon them at all. Just enough extra details to maybe be a little interesting#like ''ooh my character is in a little cart riding through the misty morning forest on their way to deliver ice'' . but also not so much#that it takes away time from like... the literal actual main game lol#ANYWAY. That's what all these are. There are like 10 optional little world exploring/job things you can do. and each I guess seem to be#about 2.500 words ish. That's including the optional chatting menus though. but still. reasonable for a little side thing I guess.#I got finished with one character's quests and stuff so I decided to take a break to work on some of the other little things like the Odd#Jobs and the 8 characters you can find around the world to have short conversations with that aren't actual main characters either. etc.#Then I shall return back to the Main Actual Things. ... augh...... still so much to do...#Which I could also just cut everything extra out but... idk.. since it's mostly all text I feel the need to give more options to flesh out#the actual setting somehow. Since in a 3D game you can walk around and explore the world and stuff. And of course there#are pictures. but it would take me infinitely longer to do detailed art of so much of the entire city youre in or etc. So i guess my versio#of still having some amount of ''exploration'' is just.. set up optional paths where more of the world can at least be Described.#You can't actually walk through a 3d orchard. or an elaborate bell tower. or an elven shrine. But you can Read About being in them LOL
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wanna make a new comms post as I'll be keeping them open for the next 3 years or so at least (uni stuff + laptop expenses xoxo)
#LOL the old one is kinda ugly 😭😭😭#and though it'll take up more of my time I wanna add stuff for painted thingies#backgrounds n shit#and i'll probably change my policy from upfront to half with the sketch half with the final piece 🏃♂️#or idk should i keep it upfront?#idk shit about this kind of thing#also idk how much to charge for more complex thingsjahdjclajdms#imposter syndrome is making me AHHHH
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oh no 😂 had made myself comfy on the couch to finish the horse portrait but didn't take into consideration that the file is on the pc rather than the laptop, and they aren't connected anymore due to having different systems...
getting up to put the file into Dropbox doesn't sound too enticing because yesterday I went on too long a walk and this noon right after taking the dogs out I got groceries immediately followed by cooking and dishes, which is A LOT in that short amount of time for me. my legs seriously need some rest 😅😅😅
now, do I find something else to paint or do I bite the bullet?? decisions, decisions...
#random stuff#me/cfs#it is so inconvenient that CSP doesn't run on linux 🥴#oops just checked my back account#it's only the 7th and it's already looking kinda sad#why even?? nothing unusual has happened#in that case I probably should prioritize getting the shop back up 😅 especially since the biggest hurdle is already cleared#I kinda wish I could just sell more plants though lol#I've actually been thinking about opening a proper plant shop before#had been thinking about Etsy but idk#staying on ebay classifieds for the time being tho which doesn't have any additional costs#but I'm happy about some kind of income of my own no matter how small 🥺 it feels so good#and it's very much needed too 🙈
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#kpop rambling feel free to ignore#the thing about stray kids and ateez getting even more massively popular is that i am genuinely so happy for them?#like when i sort of half-watched that kingdom season years ago both groups struck me as just#incredibly talented and hard-working but also as just great guys? like making the whole show into more of a#lovefest (kinda) that a competition seems to have come from them being friendly and kind and refusing to be#bitchy and backstabby just to 'mske television' or whatever - so it came off more like the olympics lol#where people just want to do their very best and encourage their fellow participants to do *their* best etc etc#and i do love quite a few ateez songs - if not as much of their most recent stuff and admire stray kids style and ethos#even if most of their song catalog just doesn't click for me - bc that's cool! not everything is *for me*#i can recognize skill and talent and hard work even when something doesn't conform exactly to my personal vibe#(and also beauty is beauty like come on both groups are SO visually stunning they deserve every contract/close-up/photoshoot)#even though i mostly post about bts because i LOVE their music including the solo releases i still reblog skz and ateez#because they are amazing and i am thrilled that they're getting all the attention and success they deserve#(although maybe getting a little overworked like my gods i know you gotta capitalize on the moment#i do understand but let these men catch a *breath* you know - we've seen what happens when groups get exhausted and scheduled to death)#i just feel weird sometimes as a not official fan of the music always but more the groups as ... people? performers? idk#i just like them and think they're neat lol#and i keep wanting to say something about it but i think it'd be weird to leave the sentiment in like tags on someone's gifset or something#it's not like i don't think plenty of other groups are gorgeous and hardworking as well (lyon for life! ha)#i just keep vaguely paying attention to charts bc of bts solo stuff and seeing people like making an either/or proposition#out of who you like and i'm just happy they are all successful and getting their due?#like these guys are normalizing publicly being friends across companies and fandoms as well as#having boundaries and manners and calling out industry bullshit - i couldn't be more proud of them for that#and for sort of taking up where bts had to leave off bc of ms in pushing the industry forward#like 4th gen is doing the WORK and while building off the foundations laid beforehand they're also#remaining down to earth and not ... untouchable? for the fans? and just generally presenting a 'regular guys' type image#which ... i guess i'm old and remember when a group of twentysomething guys meant public wastedness and clubbing and#horrible sexist girlfriend situationships and gossip columns and seemingly competing to appear like the most 'gangsta'#so like legos and fashion design and amateur asmr etc are reassuring pastimes lol#like not implying they don't drink or scuffle or get up to things but just the sense of being dedicated professionals is VERY clear
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