#I kinda wish I could just sell more plants though lol

[elektroyu]

oh no 😂 had made myself comfy on the couch to finish the horse portrait but didn't take into consideration that the file is on the pc rather than the laptop, and they aren't connected anymore due to having different systems...

getting up to put the file into Dropbox doesn't sound too enticing because yesterday I went on too long a walk and this noon right after taking the dogs out I got groceries immediately followed by cooking and dishes, which is A LOT in that short amount of time for me. my legs seriously need some rest 😅😅😅

now, do I find something else to paint or do I bite the bullet?? decisions, decisions...

[ri-ahhh]

van life

I wasn’t gonna post this because it’s just like an overload of unrealistic softness but now that we know that they’re selling the van I think now is the best time if I’m gonna do it lol.

Also I’m sorry I can’t make this shorter on your dash by putting a ‘keep reading’ break. Tumblr is shitty and permanently fucked on my desktop where it just won’t load the page once I’m logged in so I have to do everything through mobile🙄

6k

warnings: fluff, smut, kinda unedited

***

MJ sighs as warm morning sunlight kisses her skin through the passenger window of the tiny house van. She and Grayson had decided to have a beach day to themselves — the first one of summer — and she could’t be more excited. Nothing makes MJ Macias more content and at peace with her life than laying under the Pacific sun until her nose freckles and her skin takes on that healthy golden hue. Wrinkles are a risk she’s willing to take as long as she has a nice, long podcast, something to munch on, and, of course, a good view of her boyfriend in the surf.

That view of him rivals the one of the ocean in her opinion, which is just past his window as they cruise down the PCH on their way to Malibu. MJ wiggles her white-painted toes on the dashboard and smiles as she watches him sing along quietly (and off-key) to the Tame Impala song filling the cabin of the van. She loves his profile so much: the perfect slope of his nose; his full lips; the chunk of hair that swoops across his forehead.

She lifts their clasped hands from where they rest on her thigh with their fingers threaded together, and kisses the back of his wide palm.

“You’re so handsome, Bear,” MJ murmurs against his skin.

Grayson stops singing long enough to look over at her and smile brightly, his eyes hidden behind his black Louis Vuitton sunglasses. He pulls their hands towards himself so he can copy her kiss, only to her her own soft skin.

“My pretty Peach,” he returns with a squeeze to her palm, making MJ flush the color of her pet name. “Always so beautiful in the mornings.”

MJ hums and takes her turn returning their hands back to her lap, trailing her long nails up and down his muscular, veiny forearm. Apparently they’re equally as headass for each other today. “Just in the mornings?” she teases, tickling the sensitive patch of skin near the crook of his elbow.

She can’t see his eyes roll, but she imagines they do as his grin turns playful. “Of course not, but especially in the mornings. Your hair is in that cute braid and your skin is all silky soft and your eyes are extra green.” He takes his eyes off the road for a moment to appraise her looking exactly as he described. “And, you know, usually on the weekends you’d still be naked at this time. I like that part about mornings, too.”

“Oh, Lord,” she laughs with a shake of her head. “Grayson!”

She gasps his name and giggles harder as he completely catches her off guard by moving their hands right over his hardening cock. MJ squeezes him reflexively, and Grayson gives a little grunt as he shifts in his seat with a smirk.

“What?” he asks in mock defense, placing both hands back on the steering wheel. “I had to show you how much you affect me! I only have to think about you naked in our bed and it goes up.”

“That’s sweet,” MJ says, stroking his dick one more time before moving her hand further down his thigh, “but if you think I’m giving you road head in this car on this twisty road, you’re very mistaken.”

Grayson makes an obnoxious little whiny noise in defeat, pouting playfully and muttering dejectedly, “I knew we should have taken the Tesla.”

MJ raises an eyebrow. “Well, we wouldn’t have been able to bring your surfboard. Or be the first ones to christen the tiny house.”

“Oh, shit,” Gray says quietly, surprised. MJ smiles at the small victory of teasing him, her eyes diverting back to the beautiful scenery ahead of them as her mind wanders to all the things they can do in that makeshift bed.

“How about road hand, then, to start it off?”

She lets out a frustrated huff, his request interrupting her daydream. If there was ever a scenario where she didn't trust Grayson, it was one in which he was receiving any overt sexual pleasure whilst controlling a giant motor vehicle.

“Gray, I love you, but you’re pushing it.”

“Understood.”

***

It takes about half an hour for them to reach their destination, but MJ knows it was worth the drive as soon as they exit the car and she inhales the clean, salty air. They park at a little camping lot they had reserved a spot in for the day, the glittering ocean a mere few hundred feet away.

“Surf looks good,” MJ remarks, her hand shielding her eyes as she gazes out at the water. It always makes her a little nervous when Gray goes out in big swells, so the mild waves are a happy sight for her. “Nice and small; just how I like ‘em.”

Grayson looks out as well as he climbs on the roof of the van to retrieve the surfboard. “Funny, I happen to know for a fact you like ‘em long and wide,” he jokes. He just couldn’t help himself, apparently, his wide smile looking down at her from the top of the ladder a clear display of how proud of the stupid joke he is.

MJ watches the exposed muscles in his arms and shoulders ripple under his skin as he begins wrestling with the hooks and ties securing the board to the roof racks. The sight combined with his words and thoughts of what transpired earlier in the car makes her center pulse dangerously.

Needless to say, he’s successfully turned her on despite her best efforts.

“You’re insufferable, Dolan,” she says with a shake of her head. Her body feels heated from his innuendo and also the midmorning sun that is steadily raising the outside temperature. She pulls off the hoodie she had thrown on in the chilly early morning and steps into the back seat to haul out the cooler and beach bag.

“Yeah, but you love me,” his voice comes from right behind her. She turns around and yelps in surprise when she sees Grayson peeking his head upside down into the cab from the roof. He’s inches from her and is just dangling there like an overgrown monkey, which makes her fall back in the seat in a fit of giggles. He wags his brows at her playfully. “Ooh! Spider-Man kiss!”

MJ rolls her eyes good-naturedly and happily scoots over to clasp his cheeks in her hands, granting his wish by planting a sweet kiss to his lips. The scruff on his chin tickles her nose peculiarly, but she’s not mad at it. “Too much. I love you too much, you goof.”

Finally, with all their beach supplies in hand, they walk together towards the ocean. The private beach that they can access with their camp site is quiet and secluded. Best of all, it isn't clogged with tourists or people in general, which they both greatly prefer. Less people means they’re less likely to be bombarded by fangirls, or paparazzi, or any other unwanted distractions from what MJ hopes will be a perfect day.

As soon as the texture under her feet changes from firm concrete to sunken sand, MJ is stopping to remove her flip-flops so her toes can dig into the fine powder. This moment of first stepping on the beach is one of her favorite experiences, as minute and insignificant as it seems.

She looks up at Grayson, who glances back down at her questioningly. “Race ya,” she challenges suddenly, hauling ass to a perfect open spot on the wide expanse of beach. If there’s one thing she and her boyfriend have in common, it’s a highly competitive spirit.

“Cheater!” Grayson calls after her. He has the surfboard under one arm and the cooler slung over his shoulder, but everyone knows Grayson Dolan is the last person to turn down a competition. Which is why he does his best to catch up to her even with the obstacles in his arms holding him back.

The finish line is also only in MJ’s head, so she stops when she finds a spot she likes. She drops their bag and turns around with her arms raised like Rocky. Grayson isn’t very far behind her, being as in-shape as he is he’s reached her quickly, but he slows down earlier than he really needs to so he can take her in. Her breasts heave beneath a leopard print bikini top, loose hairs escape from her messy french braid, and her long legs glitter with the sand she had kicked up on her run.

She’s the most beautiful, dorky, amazing woman he’s ever seen and she is his.

MJ watches smugly as her boyfriend stalks over to her. “I wi—“

Grayson releases everything he’s carrying to the sand and grasps her face in both hands, pulling her in for a long, lingering kiss. MJ lets out a little squeak of surprise, but she melts into him half a second later. Nothing warms her soul more than his lips on hers, and she wraps her arms around his middle to bring them as close together as possible.

When he pulls back, Grayson stares at her with complete, obvious adoration. Ethan would have called him a simp if he were there, that’s how sappy his twin looks. Grayson can’t help himself, though; he is a simp for MJ, and, truthfully, he doesn’t give two shits who knows it as long as he makes her smile up at him like she is now, every day.

It’s why yesterday he had casually opened a new browser window, convincing himself he was just curiously window shopping on the ring section of Tiffany’s and the like… even after he got sucked into the customization tool on one website for nearly two hours.

Shaking his head and biting his lip through a grin, he traces the freckles on MJ’s cheek. “I want a rematch later.”

MJ squeezes him and smacks his ass playfully before releasing him and reaching into the bag for the big blanket. “You’re always such a sore loser,” she teases, unfolding the cloth and weighing it down with Grayson’s help. She digs through the bag again and hands him his wetsuit. “Go catch some waves. I have to catch up on this podcast by this really sexy guy and his twin brother.”

If there could be snapshots of the rest of the day, they would have been out of a picturesque rom-com. For a while, MJ rests on her tummy as she watches Grayson glide through the water, his deep voice simultaneously reverberating in her ears through her AirPods.

Eventually, when he’s done surfing — looking like a beach Adonis when he walks up the shore with the top half of his wetsuit folded down at his hips, surfboard under his arm and his wet abs glistening in the sun — he joins her on the blanket.

In the early afternoon MJ props herself up on her elbow, appraising his form with hungry, appreciative eyes as he tans on his back next to her. He has his hands pillowed behind his head, which causes his biceps to bulge and her thighs to clench. MJ is lost in him as she trails her finger over the features of his face — down his button nose, smoothing over his arched brows, across his rosy cheeks, against his pillowy lips. She smiles as he sighs contentedly and drops a peck to the tip of his nose before settling with her cheek on his chest. He smells like tanning oil and ocean and that clean, woody musk that MJ knows as him.

Later, they wade around in the sea between batches of sun bathing. At some points, he’s holding her waist-deep in the water with her legs wrapped around his middle and arms around his neck, lips connecting occasionally amidst easy conversation. Other times they have full-on water fights that have her squealing and him laughing as they splash each other back and forth.

It isn’t until the orange and pink hues of the sunset paint the sky that they’re brought back to the beach for good. Once they rinse off and have all of their things collected, they head back to the van.

MJ removes her bikini inside while Grayson reattaches the surfboard to the roof. She slips on her sweatshirt and a fresh pair of soft shorts just in time for him to carefully crack open the back door to make sure she’s decent.

Grayson smiles widely as he crawls in on the already made bed where she sits and is piling her damp hair into a messy bun. “So fucking beautiful,” he murmurs, giving her a lingering kiss while her hands are still mid-twist in her long hair.

A pleasant warmth swoops through her belly at his compliment; it had taken her a while to get accustomed to not only how often Grayson rains sweet praises like that down on her, but how sincerely he means them, too.

She hums into his mouth right before he pulls away. “I left your shorts there, baby,” she says, gesturing behind her with her head. Gray thanks her and she starts to dig through the cooler as he tugs his swimsuit down his inked legs, following them back up with the clean shorts.

They eat dinner with the back doors wide open, a perfect view of the sun setting below the ocean’s horizon right in front of them. A pleasant breeze floats around them in the van, cool and refreshing from being picked up right off the water. MJ nuzzles her cheek on Grayson’s bare shoulder, and he presses a kiss to the top of her head as she chews her last bite of tofu.

“Thank you for such a perfect day,” MJ says a minute later, gazing up at him while he takes a sip of La Croix. “Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I felt so…carefree. Loved. In love. Not that you don’t make me feel those things every day, but… y’know. Today was just great.”

Her hand reaches to caress his stubbly cheek, a soft smile at the corner of her full lips. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Gray.”

Grayson looks down at her silently, but his eyes say everything his lips don’t. He tucks his can and their empty tupperware back into the cooler, tossing the bag into one of the back seats behind them so it’s out of the way.

He cups her cheeks in both hands, wasting no more time in bringing their mouths together. MJ sighs and shifts so she’s that much closer to him, just as his tongue prods gently at her pliant lips to coax them open.

They make out like that, slow and deep, with the soundtrack of crashing waves wafting through the open doors. Gray lies her down and supports the back of her head with his forearm, his free hand swooping up and down her side before settling in the dramatic dip of her waist as he pulls away just barely.

Eyes closed, their breaths come heavy and mingle sweetly in the minute space between them. Grayson suddenly lets out a little incredulous huff, shaking his head and diving back in blindly to suck softly on her bottom lip. MJ lets out a little moan and digs her nails gently down his bare back, her eyes fluttering open.

“What?” she asks with a little smile of her own, nuzzling her nose against his in an Eskimo kiss.

Grayson’s hazel orbs meet her green ones, and the hand resting on her waist comes to cup her face once again so he can stroke the new freckles that litter her high cheekbone.

“I’m gonna marry you,” he answers, chuckling at her shocked little gasp. He hurries to clarify himself. “One day, when we’re ready. You’re my world, MJ. Maybe it’s selfish, or self aggrandizing, but hearing you say that makes it so obvious to me that you’re the only person I’d ever want to spend the rest of my life with. Because I feel the same about you. I only ever want to make you feel that way; nothing makes me happier.”

MJ is stunned into silence. Grayson isn’t exactly the most eloquent person, so somehow she reasons that his perfect delivery of such meaningful words means they’re truly heartfelt. Not that she would have doubted him either way, but their relationship has suddenly shifted even deeper in the matter of one day. One simple, amazing day.

She feels the prickle of tears behind her eyes, and bites her lip through a watery smile as she raises her hand to run her fingers through the back of his hair. No matter how happy she is, her instinct for dealing with any emotions is to deflect with humor. “Can’t wait ’til I pop out a few of your babies. From the sounds of it, you’ll be worshipping the ground I walk on.”

That hits him right in the baby fever, his dick hardening even more behind his shorts at the thought of her belly swollen with his child. Joking or not, she’s absolutely right.

“Fuck,” he whispers, grinning as he ducks his head to nibble her favorite spot just behind her jaw and right under her ear. “How many of my babies? Hm?”

“Mmm,” she sighs, scratching lightly at his scalp, considering the question seriously. “Four little Dolan babies, I think. Three boys and a little girl.”

“Yeah,” Grayson agrees easily, making his way across her jaw with soft little suckles. “But make that three girls and a little boy, and you've got a deal.”

MJ giggles and grabs his face so they’re staring each other in the eye again. “No actual baby-making until there’s a ring on this finger.” She wiggles the digits of her left hand, which Grayson grabs and kisses the back of with a smirk. If only she knew just how close that moment might be. “But we can always practice in the meantime.”

Grayson nods and hitches her leg up his hip as he ducks down for a surprisingly chaste kiss considering her invitation a second before. As much as he wants her, he has a need deep in his chest just to be close to her for the moment. To feel her hold him and nuzzle into the warm crook of his neck, sucking gently on that freckle there to make his head swim like after a nice glass of wine.

MJ is just as happy with that arrangement, and she lets her body be still and her breaths tickle the sensitive skin at his collarbone. The ocean breeze billowing through the open doors of the van is cool and salty and comforting.

“It’s crazy,” Grayson whispers after a few peaceful minutes, his fingers starting to trail up and down her covered back slowly. MJ pulls back a little so she can see his face. He isn't looking at her, but rather out the open van doors at the last moments of the sun setting behind the water. “I remember feeling exactly this way the first day we met, only now it’s…more. You felt right then, so right it was scary. And here we are. How did I know that you were my person as soon as you let me walk you back to that tent?”

MJ smiles and her belly swoops. She thinks back to that night, how scared she had been and how instantly — well, as he said — right Grayson had felt the minute they crossed paths.

“I did kind of seduce you,” she chuckles, lifting her head to nibble at the underside of his chin and reveling in the sensation of his deep chuckle vibrating against her lips. “Maybe you’re just under my Black Widow spell. Have I never let it slip I’m only after your money?”

Grayson laughs louder, squeezing her to his body tighter. “Nope. But that’s the MJ I remember falling head over heels for in a matter of hours. Smart and witty and sweet and so fucking pretty with her green eyes and bright smile.”

MJ stares up at him with stars in those emerald eyes he adores so much. He is unreal to both see and hear; his skin has turned olive and his hair has the crisp of the ocean still in it, and the fact that he can still pinpoint the little things he liked about her from so long ago…

“Do you love me?” she asks quietly. It’s so ridiculously unnecessary to ask, he tells her multiple times a day, every day.

“So much, Peach,” he murmurs back predictably, finally swooping down to capture her lips like she wanted earlier, tongues meshing instantly.

He tastes so familiar and sweet. She wants to devour him slowly, intimately, like she has a thousand times before.

“Close the doors?” MJ gasps after the simple swipe of his thumb over her nipple through her sweatshirt makes her thighs tremble and her hips grind onto his half-hard erection. Something about the heartwarming intimacy of the day has translated to her body being physically sensitive beyond belief.

Grayson nods and sits up, reaching for the switch of the fairy lights MJ had hung up a few weeks ago before slamming the doors shut on the nighttime scenery.

While he does as she asked, she scoots up to rest her head on a pillow and watches his bare, chiseled torso glow in the dim, sensual lights. Right as he turns around he catches her struggling to free herself from her hoodie.

“Let me do it, Peach. I wanna do it,” he breathes, dipping down to kiss her soundly before tugging upward on the hem of the soft fabric. MJ drops her head to the pillow to break the seal of their lips, lifting her arms up so he can pull the garment over her head.

Grayson flings it to the front of the van and brings their mouths together so quickly, like he simply can’t be away from her lips for longer than a second. His hands reach up and cup the pliable mounds of her breasts, which are several shades lighter than the rest of her chest. Clearly, he could care less, and MJ sighs softly as he massages them firmly, his calloused palms creating delicious friction on her hypersensitive nipples.

“Still the prettiest tits I’ve ever seen, too,” he smirks, making his way across her jaw. MJ smiles too, eyes closed in bliss as he kisses the familiar trail down her sternum. Predictably, his warm lips suction around the bud of her left breast, and she lets her mind wander through the pleasure to flash back on the first time he did this.

“We’re still kind of in a tent, too, y’know,” she gasps as he switches sides, letting out her first moan of the night when he scrapes his teeth against her. “Just…more bougie.”

Grayson hums, quickly getting lost in the feel of how soft her tits are and how much he loves the sensation of her hard nipples under his tongue. He drops his hips down so he can grind his full erection against her hot center, eliciting wanton gasps from both of them.

MJ groans again, the feminine sound literal music to his ears and the perfect reinforcement to keep going. She hooks her legs around his waist to hold his hips against her, thrusting up against him as he continues to bite and lick and suckle her breasts.

“Holy shit, Gray, right there… I’m gonna cum,” she whimpers, grasping at his hair to hold him down where he was sucking perfectly on her breast, and continues to grind roughly on his dick. Sure enough, a few seconds later she’s shuddering with the most intense orgasm she’s ever had without manual stimulation. Even from Grayson.

Grayson himself can hardly believe it; they have a great sex life, but he can’t remember the last time he had gotten her off just through some intense dry humping.

He isn’t going to question it, though, because it only means one thing: she’s as voracious for him tonight as he is for her. He growls when she starts to come down and surprises her with his mouth planting roughly back on hers. MJ kisses him back lazily as her mind clears some, smiling and fluttering her eyes open to meet his dark gaze when she feels his middle finger replace his tongue in her mouth. She closes her swollen, pouty lips around the digit and sucks, holding onto his hand and maintaining complete eye contact with him when he moans softly. She pulls his hand out of her mouth and pushes it into her shorts.

“Fuck,” he rasps, collecting her slippery cum against his finger, swirling it against his thumb before trailing his middle finger up to her clit. He soaks in her expression as her eyes roll back at the first contact, his favorite reaction she has to his touch. “Fuck, MJ. So fucking wet for me.”

MJ nods quickly, opening her eyes again to watch him watch her. “Lemme taste,” she whimpers.

She pulls his hand back up and doesn’t wait for permission or leave him time to process her demand as she sucks the slick moisture straight off his finger, the taste of herself gracing her tongue causing her pussy to gush even more. When his brain finally catches up, he’s immediately ripping his hand away from her with a harsh groan and hooking it around the back of her neck to kiss her deeply. His tongue plunders her mouth as he searches for traces of that sweet, earthy tang he knows oh-so well. MJ’s hands distractedly push at the waistband of his shorts, desperate for the feel of his dick in her hands.

“Please, baby,” she whines against his lips when they break for air, using the moment of clarity to tug more determinedly at his shorts. “Need you.”

“Need me where?” he teases, backing up so she can’t reach him as he pulls her own shorts down her long, newly tanned legs. Once he flings the scrap of fabric to join her sweater, he ducks down and swipes his tongue quickly over each of her nipples. “Here?”

MJ groans and shakes her head, her brain not operating at enough capacity to tease back, it’s so clouded with desire for him. “Gray…”

Grayson smirks and grabs one of her hands that are coasting down his back and attempting to pull him down against her. He cups her petite palm against his pulsing erection, sighing a little when her fingers wrap around him through his shorts instinctively. He drops his hand and brings it to her pussy, his fingertips dancing delicately against her swollen lower lips. His head swims at how wet she is and how the solid feel of him seems to have brought her mind back to earth, because as soon as he lets go of her hand she delves past his waistband to grip him directly.

“My dick, baby, you need my dick?” he asks softly, his voice a little high and his breath pitchy as she strokes him steadily now.

MJ moans and her pussy throbs simply at his words. She nods hastily. “Need it in me,” she manages, meeting his heated gaze as she gives him a firm squeeze. “Love your dick.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, his touch leaving her as he helps her in getting him completely naked, kicking his shorts off when they reach his ankles.

He takes a moment to gather himself and to slow down, trying to get himself back in that intimate headspace they were so deep in earlier, so that this doesn’t turn into just a hot, hard fuck. They love that, and it’s kind of their bread and butter in the bedroom. But he wants to hold her close and savor her body, to pass that loving energy between them in the most special, physical way.

MJ’s chest heaves as she watches Grayson hover above her, staring at her, and she parts her legs to welcome him back into her space. He looks like a fucking Greek god in the low light, his hair curly from the saltwater and sweat, his skin golden and his muscles bulging. She can’t possibly want him any more than in that moment.

“C’mere,” she whispers, reaching her arms out and making grabby hands at him. She can’t allow another second to go by without the sensation of his smooth skin against hers.

Grayson smiles sweetly at her, eyes sultry as he lowers himself at her request and presses their bodies together from chests to centers. She cups his cheeks and scratches her fingers against his scruff as they kiss slowly, deeply, desire building intensely once again as they grind together at the middle.

“Please, Grayson,” she finally says again.

All thoughts of any more teasing are out the door as Grayson obliges her. He dips his fingers in her pussy, testing her readiness and using her sweet juices to coat his dick.

MJ spreads her legs up and out, bent at the knees, and she throws her head back with a gasp as he enters her in a short thrust; a little more on the second, until he bottoms out with the third.

“Fuck me,” she whimpers, her hands pushing on the firm globes of his ass.

Grayson obeys with a groan, drawing his hips in and out steadily. “Wanna fuck you slow,” he says in her ear, thrusting all the way in and all the way out. The warm clutch of her perfect pussy is so intense at that tempo that he shudders and his eyes roll back. “Slow and deep, Peach.”

“Yes,” MJ agrees, her breaths coming in fast despite the maintained speed of his dick. He’s working her up so good, and she leans forward to bite into the junction of his neck and shoulder out of habit to keep her sounds muffled.

“Yes, baby,” she squeals quietly when her minute adjustment shifts the angle just right for him to hit her spot over and over. Her nails claw at his back, scraping over the work of art that is both his rippling muscles and the picture of the lions inked into them. “Oh my God, keep fucking me like that.. like that…”

The air confined in the van is warm and thick. Sweat drips from the ends of his hair, his hot breaths fan over her forehead, and his chain dangles enticingly across her face as he stares down at her all blissed out beneath him. Nothing turns him on more than her words of encouragement, which are usually muted due to the fact that his omnipresent twin brother lives across the hall. But now that they’re alone, in nature — just like the night they met — all filters are off. It makes him even more determined to get her to cum so hard she forgets any of those sweet praises she’s mumbling other than his name.

It’s already so, so good, but as soon as he gets on his knees just enough to gain more leverage to thrust even harder into her, that knot in MJ’s stomach starts growing in a fantastically unfamiliar way. Her eyes roll back and Grayson reaches a huge hand up to support her head against his shoulder, sensing how perfect the angle is for her and wanting to help her maintain it. She’s getting tighter and wetter around him, so much so that he has to grit his teeth and hiss to avoid having to pull out and stop.

“MJ,” he moans into her ear, tugging on her lobe with his teeth, an unspoken warning that he’s close. He’ll hold on as long as he can, but he absolutely needs to get her there first.

In the back of her mind, she comprehends his cue. But she’s so focused on reaching the bursting point of that expanding ball behind her belly, she can’t help but selfishly draw every ounce of pleasure she can from him. She thinks she knows what’s going to happen, and it will be a first-time experience for both of them.

It’s only going to take a few more deep, hard thrusts, and she’ll be there. Almost there…

“Gray!” she squeaks, squeezing a hand between their bodies to push against his abs, just in time for him to pull out and her to gush all over him and the blankets serving as makeshift sheets beneath them. It’s an indescribable release that washes over her, her own loud, shaky squeals of pleasure distant noises in the back of her head. She can only see colors behind her closed eyelids, greens and blues and lavenders sparkling in her mind’s eye like a mystical fog.

Grayson can’t believe what he’s seeing. His shocked and aroused groan sounds obnoxiously loud and foreign in his own ears; the fact that he doesn’t bust his nut right there on the blanket next to hers is a miracle. Instinctively, he reaches his fingers down to help her through it by rubbing her clit, huffing out an incredulous laugh when her thighs clamp instantly around his hand and a little more of her juices come out, soaking his hand. His name tumbles repeatedly out of her lips, just like he was aiming for and unwittingly exceeding his own expectations.

He’s painfully hard as he leans over her again, kissing her through her mindless whimpers as she starts to slowly come-to, her damp thighs opening once again and allowing him to slip between them. Right where he belongs.

“MJ?” he whispers, stroking her brow softly and watching her face intently. “You okay?”

Eyes still closed and breasts heaving, MJ takes a second to respond, but she moans quietly and nods, puckering her lips in invitation for him to meet with his. He obliges, indulging her for a moment until he can’t wait anymore. “Where do you want me to cum?”

“Inside,” she breathes at once, reaching down to grasp him and bring him to her dripping pussy. Grayson flinches at her sudden grip on him and the overwhelming wetness against the sensitive head of his dick. “Come on, Bear. Want you to cum hard inside me.”

With a groan, he slides back inside her, and a few hard, sloppy thrusts later, he’s shooting deep in her pussy. He’s never cum so hard in his life, and he whines into her mouth with the timing of his spurts. She hums contentedly, obsessed with that feeling of warmth that comes with, well, his cum.

“So good,” he murmurs when he’s finally done, pulling out of her slowly. He grabs a spare towel and cleans up the liquid white that follows him dripping from her center. “That was incredible, MJ. You’re incredible.”

MJ shakes her head in agreement, clapping a hand to her forehead and giggling softly, her knees bent and swaying side to side. “I thought we had done everything to try to get that to happen. Turns out we just had to go back to the beginning.”

Grayson lies down next to her, turning her head with a gentle hand on her cheek so he can press their lips together. “I love you,” he says simply. “My pretty Peach.”

MJ grabs a blanket and tosses it over the both of them, brushing her nose against his once they’re cuddled together. “And I love my Gray Bear. Mine.”

“Yours,” he whispers in affirmation, tucking her head into the crook of his neck until they’re both lulled to sleep in their cozy little bougie tent.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #479

“war sends our sons to slaughter  /  another failed attack; there is no turning back”

Have you ever boycotted something? Yes: Chick-fil-A. Homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you, and not returned it? Yes, a video game when I was little. I was so mad, lol. Do you vent a lot on social media? No. I don't want people to get annoyed with me. What was your first bill you started paying on your own? I haven't been responsible for any bills yet. What is your favorite charitable cause to donate to or volunteer for? I can't/don't do either really, but if I could, I'd probably donate to uhhhh... suicide prevention organizations. As for volunteering, definitely something with animals. Have you ever dated someone who wasn’t at all your usual type? No. What is something you have no patience for? Waiting at the doctor's office. Have you ever received a misdiagnosis? Yes. What’s that you’re listening to? I'm watching Gab play The Evil Within 2. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? We're a couple. What is your biggest accomplishment in life? Still being alive. What is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Political stuff. Economics. Have you ever been tutored or tutored someone yourself? I had an Algebra tutor the last time I was in college, and I had to strangle an anxiety attack down because I wasn't understanding the material AT ALL and felt so dumb and annoying. I never did it again. What was the last thing you said out loud (singing doesn’t count)? "It's really embarrassing," to Mom. It really is fucking humiliating that my ankles are swollen from walking/standing more and pushing my desk chair back against the resistance of the carpet. That's pathetic. I'm trying to focus on the fact it's good my body is even reacting to moving more, though. Is everything you have on actually yours? Yep. Do you ever just randomly drive around when you’re upset about something? I don't drive, but if I did, that would NOT be my method of de-stressing. What was the last act of creativity you displayed? Writing an RP post. What’s your favorite department in Wal-Mart? Uh, I guess where you can go see the plants and flowers. Do you find kite flying boring? I LOVED it as a kid. I'd still probably find it kinda fun. Do you have any interest in visiting Japan? Yes, but it's not a massive interest. I've heard the humidity can kill a bitch, and I am NOT into that. Have you ever run a cash register? Yes. I sucked. Have you ever worked as a server? No. Have you ever done the Bratz challenge on YouTube? No, but I saw James Charles do it and it was v unnerving, holy shit. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Carve. What was your worst experience in high school? My depression as a whole. How much did your senior prom dress cost you? I don't remember. Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? Three, if you include my current one. Which part of your body is the most muscular? Uh, nothing? What is the first site you check when you get online, generally? KM. Are you good at creative writing assignments? That's my forte. In elementary school, I actually won a I think county-wide creative writing short story assignment. Not to brag, but I've always been very proud of that, ha ha. Or would you rather just do an informative essay? That's easy for me too, but I prefer writing creatively. Are you more attracted to the badasses, or the goody-goody types? Definitely the goody-goodies. The "bad guys" have never appealed to me romantically. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did if I really wanted to ask something or was confident in an answer. What is something BIG you want to do with your life? Make a difference, somehow. What do you think of people who own wild animals? Do NOT just casually take in animals from the wild. That's selfish and just generally disgusting. If you're going to keep an animal generally described as wild and undomesticated, you'd better have a license and deserve that license. Know what you're doing and be certain that keeping the animal in captivity is in the animal's best interest for its unique case. Are you good at explaining things, in general? NOOOOOOOOO, I suck at that. Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not? Not our mall, no. Its stores suck/are extremely limited, and SO much crime has happened there. Do you like window shopping? Why or why not? YESSSSSSS, mostly on Morph Market, a mostly reptile selling hub online. You can browse TONS of breeders and literally thousands of reptiles, especially ball pythons. They even have a tarantula section I like to look at sometimes. If you lost your job/home/etc., who would likely help you? If I'm losing my home, I'm assuming my mom is gone, so my dad. Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? We were a couple and I felt like I was supposed to. At that time I didn't see him romantically, but I desperately wanted to. Funny how we're back together and I've no reservations against kissing him now. Feelings change, for sure. Plans for tonight? Girt and I will probably play some WoW Classic together. We've started playing that together, and it's lots of fun with him. :') Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Actually, no. Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know Girt does. Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? My mom. Who last made you smile? Girt, 'cuz he's a sweetheart. Where is your mother? She's in bed in her room. She feels like shit. Like, you would think she WASN'T vaccinated, though her long-time doctor has said she'd probably be dead without it while having Covid. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. Think about your biggest mistake, would you go back and change it? I absolutely would. Are you dating the person you last kissed? Yeup. What is the most immature item you own and actually use? Um. Idk. Do you always take a shower after you have sex? I... didn't know people did this? Like I know women are advised to pee after sex, but full-on showering? No. Do you like chocolate popsicles? Oh hell yeah. Are your parents proud of you? They claim to be. I don't see how. Are you interested in the ocean? Yeah; it's inarguably so fascinating. Hot dogs or hamburgers? I prefer burgers. Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? No. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. Do you have any dietary restrictions? No. Have you ever turned down a job offer? No. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? A dog named Cali that was a boxer mix. Do you ever pray, even if you don't believe in God? What exactly is the point if you don't believe in God...? Anyway, I don't. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever gotten stuck in quicksand before? No. What's the shortest or longest length you've ever had your hair grow? To around the small of my back. The last nest you saw - was it a bird nest or a hornet's nest? I think a bird's? Do you enjoy Jeff Dunham? I don't know if I'd like him as a person, but I do think he's a funny comedian. Who is your favorite character from Frozen? I was never into the movies. I do think Elsa is kinda cool (no pun intended, lol), though. I like that she has her flaws. Did you finish high school? If not, do you plan on doing so? I did. Have you been in a simulator that mimicked a submarine or rollercoaster? A rollercoaster, yes. How often do you go out to eat instead of cooking for yourself? Mom and I try to avoid fast food for our health. We do a pretty good job at it, but sometimes for convenience's sake, we do eat it. What is the largest family of siblings that you know of? This is probably gonna come across as very judgmental, but... it really bothers me. I don't know how many kids she has now, but one of the dance moms from the studio has SO many children; I've completely lost count. Now if you want that many kids and can provide for them, that's cool. But that's not the case. She uses the "if God wants me to have a baby, then it will happen" mentality, and I'm just like... um, no hunny. Poor choices are leading to kids you're not adequately providing for. She uses no methods of protection and literally has twins whose room is a fucking closet. Ugh it just really bothers me. What foreign languages were offered to you at school? A whole lot. Only Spanish and I believe French were offered as in-school courses, but there were lots of online classes. If you were required to take a course right now, what would you choose? Photography. Team Biden or Team Trump? Over my dead body would I have voted for Trump. My vote went with Biden. What is an animal native to your country that may not exist in others? Bison are factually exclusive to North America. Note that bison and buffalo are different. What are some of your favorite autumn activities? Taking pictures of fall scenery. <3 What are some of your favorite winter activities? Going out in the snow. :') Especially with a camera. Do you eat a shit-ton the week before your period? uuugggghhHHHHHH yes Wendy's, McDonalds, or Burger King? Wendy's. What's the weirdest question you've ever asked Alexa? I've never asked Alexa anything. Do you prefer your apple cider to be warm or cold? I've actually never had it. Do you prefer your coffee hot or iced? Y'all know the story of me and coffee. Can you sing the alphabet backwards? I can't. Have you ever sent flowers or chocolates to yourself before? Ha ha, no. Is there any meat that you won't eat? Yeah, fish and ANYTHING that comes from a wild animal. Does your cat use anything other than it's scratching post as a scratcher? When we got him a scratcher WITH CATNIP, the lil butthead ignored it. -_- He scratches the carpet instead. Did you go through a vampire craze before? Are you still going through it? Nah. Have you ever forged your parents' signature on a poor test paper, etc? No. Has a bird ever pooped on you before? Omg, no. I'd die. Have you ever been sprayed by a skunk before? No. Are black jellybeans delicious or disgusting? I HATE them. Have you ever rolled down a grassy hill before? I have! I miss that.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Hey! I saw you were taking requests :3 would you mind writing (hcs, scenario, anything!) a thing where, shortly pre-OVW recall, McCree and his old teammate (f or neutral pronouns are fine but it’s up to u!!) accidentally meet again after he left without warning? Bonus points for “I thought u were dead/I was never gonna see you again” type stuff :p thanks! Sorry if this was confusing!

{This was, like, super fun to write? I did kinda flip part of the script, but it still fits what you asked for (hopefully). Minor warning for implied alcoholism though, oops. It can also be read as more of a “bars exist for brawls” than “alcohol is my coping method” though, so maybe that’s not as bad??? IDK, at least the ending feels cute.} {-J}

After the fall of Overwatch and its subdivisions, there were certain things that you had been forced to accept: Dozens of your friends and coworkers had died, you were out of a job, and everything you had worked so hard for had crumbled into oblivion. So yeah, shit, you ended up drinking away your pain more than once. At this point you weren’t even sure how many places you were banned from. Still, you held onto the pride that came from never starting any fights, instead waiting for some asshole to decide he wanted to rumble with an ex-Blackwatch agent. It was messy, dangerous, and only added to your nasty reputation.

Few organizations would even think of hiring you. Did that make your drinking worse, or did your drinking make the job search harder?... It wasn’t something you wanted to dwell on, especially considering how desperately you were trying to change things. Mercenary work hadn’t suited you for long, as all your clients were faceless, mysterious forces pulling strings from the shadows. How could you trust that they weren’t like Talon?... Or like Blackwatch had become? In the end you had been forced to slink back into the shadows, praying to whatever gods may be that you could still do some good for the world.

That was a couple years ago. You had changed your name, traded out your old gear for something less suspicious, and set yourself up along the halfway point of Route 66. The area was known for its problems with gangs, violence, and a general lack of government intervention. Sure, the road itself spanned across eight different states, but most of it had been in a state of disrepair for a few decades now. The Omnic Crisis was the final push that sealed the region’s fate. Or, at least, it had been. Some people still cared.

Like you. Why else would you be here, now, scanning the horizon, a beer in one hand, binoculars in the other? There certainly weren’t any good birdwatching spots nearby. Just a rundown gas station perfect for staging ambushes, an old school diner with shitty coffee, and a dusty, dirty crevice up high, wonderful for keeping an eye on it all. You didn’t like it up here, but it was the only discreet place to perform surveillance on the local miscreants. 

Apparently a new gang was starting to harass people in the area, despite the proximity to Deadlock turf, and were trying to sell “insurance”. Understandably, that really pissed you off. Sweet-talking one of the locals had gotten you insight on the gang’s general daily routine. Nothing too specific, unfortunately. Now all you had to do was wait for the scum to show up so you could pound them into the dirt.

Taking a quick swig from your beer, you settled in a little, preparing to wait for who knows how long….

    Dust flew into the air like a trail of smoke, blurring your vision but not deterring you in the slightest. You slipped around your target, barely avoiding his second kick, before slamming your elbow into the back of his head. Sure enough he went crashing down with a thud. More dirt was kicked up in the process. At least it made it a little harder for the gang members still outside to target you. Another quick dash landed you behind cover, where you could finally take a moment to breathe.

    “Damn it,” you grumbled, hearing yet another bullet whiz past your hiding spot. There were still four or five gunmen outside. Truthfully, that was the total number of people you had expected to find, not just the backup boys. Sure, you had prepared for unforeseen hiccups, but apparently not enough. In over your head, stuck sitting like a duck, reminded more and more of the old days. Shit, you missed your teammates. Normally Jesse or Genji would have saved your ass by now.

    You missed them. So much, in fact, that you were pretty sure you just heard Jesse’s signature “high noon” line. It almost made you feel like you were a bit more tipsy than you had thought. When the sound of a revolver firing reached your ears, you couldn’t help but wonder if you had actually died; if so, this was the weirdest form of afterlife known to mankind. Curiosity ended up getting the best of you. Crawling to the side, you made sure not to reveal any part of yourself to your enemy, working your way towards the building’s secondary entrance. That was still within the gang’s line of sight, but you hoped it was far enough to the side that they wouldn’t immediately notice you poking around the corner.

    Sure enough, nobody shot at you when you turned the corner. Someone did, however, raise a silver revolver in your direction. Air got caught in your lungs as you stared down that ever-so-familiar barrel. Relief started to flood your chest… until you realized that the gunman wasn’t wavering in his stance. Your gaze follows up his arm, to his face, and you suddenly wish you weren’t wearing this stupid goddamn mask.

    “Hold it, buddy, unless you want to end up like your compadres back there,” Jesse McCree drawls, tipping his head back towards the fallen gang members. Evidently he hadn’t seen you beating the crap out of the ones inside. Still, you raised your hands slowly, showing your lack of weapons. “There we go. Now, take off that there lil’ mask, nice and easy, alright?” You complied, of course, tossing it to the side before throwing a grin in Jesse’s direction. His reaction made you really, really wish you had brought a camera. The normally smooth and put-together cowboy is now slack jawed, a sense of wonder (and something else…?) in his eyes. Soon your name drops from his lips, whispered like a sacred prayer.

    “It’s good to see you too, Jesse,” you manage to reply, still grinning like a fool. Hardly a moment passes before the wind is suddenly knocked out of you. Jesse had holstered his gun, closed the distance between the two of you, and pulled you into a hug in a matter of just a couple seconds. The action catches you by surprise, now making you the one to choke on the words caught in your throat. Still, you manage to hug him back, leaning in to gently rest your head against his chest.

    “Goddamnit, who gave you the right to surprise me like this?” He asks after a few moments of silence, his voice on the edge of breaking. His grip was tight, like a man desperate to keep his sanity clutching onto a lifetime of coping methods. Words failed you, barely managing a confused noise, as you pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes. There was something you couldn’t comprehend in his gaze. Something you were missing, that required knowledge you didn’t have. Your head tipped to the side as you hoped for at least a little elaboration. Jesse seems to realize your cluelessness, and shakes his head with a bitter laugh. “I thought you were dead,” he murmurs, the words settling on his tongue with an all-too-familiar weight.

    Shit, you thought, eyes going wide for a moment. Thoughts raced through your head as you tried to process what he said, thinking back to what had happened after Blackwatch’s disbandment, wondering why he could possibly have thought that you were-

….

….

    Fuck.

    Yeah, that tracked. Going from constantly fighting in bars to fucking off to nowhere, changing your name, and turning to the vigilante lifestyle? No shit people thought you were dead. How had you ever thought that this was a good idea?... Sure, most of your old friends had done the same, scattering across the four winds without so much as a “lol bye” (or, you know, a proper farewell). However, that didn’t mean that there weren’t still people who cared, who you could have at least made the slightest effort to keep in touch with before disappearing. People like Jesse.

    “Now that you mention it, I realize I didn’t exactly leave much room for thinking anything else,” you replied, barely managing to speak through your embarrassment. A laugh tried to move past your teeth, even though you knew the timing was bad, but the sound died as soon as your gaze met Jesse’s.

    “That’s one hell of an understatement, old friend,” he said, hardly a trace of mirth to his name. Both of his arms were still around your frame, gently cradling you, as if a stiff breeze might sweep you away from him once more. You could feel his body shifting with every breath he took, slowly finding yourself matching the movements. One of Jesse’s hands moves to cup your cheek, fingers sliding so carefully that you almost didn’t feel it, but you lean it instinctively, finding your lips placing a whisper of a kiss against his wrist. “Darling,” he breathes, voice caught in his throat, blocked by joy and surprise alike.

    “I’m sorry for worrying you, Jesse. I swear I never meant to just vanish like that,” you plead, tears pricking the corner of your eyes. “Things were bad, and I… I just ran from that, I guess. But you didn’t deserve that, at all, and I swear to whatever passes for high heaven these days, if you give me a chance-....” Pulled in closer, you couldn’t help but squeak a little when Jesse plants a kiss on your forehead. One of his hands is rubbing gentle circles into your back. A reassurance, one you desperately needed. “I can make it up to you. We can do better this time, right?...”

    Jesse didn’t say anything, at least not at first, but the feeling of his hat settling down on your head gave you all the answers you’d ever need.

[cutegirlmayra]

When your tired after a 16hr shift yesterday so you rant about Sonic and explain why aggressive writing vs. neutral writing helps with sharing ideas

Me and my online Sonic friend talking about Belle.  (I’m skipping some dialogue throughout the chat, this was lazily put together lol)

WARNING: It’s long, and it’s a rant. So please note that I’m blatantly aware of how wrong my aggressive, sleep-deprived rant was and that I’m stating “DON’T PRESENT YOUR IDEAS LIKE THIS!” because this is not a healthy nor effective way of sharing ideas.

ALSO, ALL THE MENTIONS OF WHAT I BELIEVE MY FRIEND IS FEELING OR THINKING DURING MY RANT ARE ENTIRELY MY OPINON. If she tells me to delete something or change it I will without hesitation but I find it funny, as I look back, to insert what I think might be going on in her mind XD She might have been oblivious to me but I’ll get her thoughts and change anything if necessary.

It’s also how most trolls and antis and even some ‘not experienced writers’ write their ideas out, and it can be easily avoided by using Neutral Writing Methods. So this is a ‘don’t do this, but try this’ post. Enjoy my badly written, sleepy aggressive rant~<3 (Also, my friend gave me permission to share this lol)

Me: She could be for entertaining little kids. But we already have too many OCs, and they're not 'dying off' any time soon so...I smell a mini-series backup plan...and I don't like what that means for Sonic. And it is cute, sorry, my brain is off the hook right now, I'll keep things to myself cause you may not like what I'm predicting and I'm getting sad thinking about it ;-; so, want to be wrong.

(Friend mentioned “Tinker Bell” spin on name.)

That's precious, but can I get a link to the reference sheet plz? Reference sheets can tell a lot about a chara's functionality if you compare it to the 'needs' of the casts. it can help predict their role. I think she's meant to help but also entertain the kids, maybe planted with a secret. Her goal could be to come back to Mr. Tinker but Eggman abuses that and tricks her into a new robot. I got a weird theory about her but I'll just say that she's probably gonna go a bit dark. But be cute and make the audience go, "Aww, poor thing! She's a cinnamon roll" at first, wonder if they'll equip her with 'happy backstory, tragic ending' kinda thing to switch the usual 'tragic backstory happy ending' but I feel this is a tragic character meant to pull emotion out.

(Friend understands my concerns but mentions there hasn’t been a ‘Bad’ Oc for the comic)

No one sets out to create a 'bad character' especially professional writers like these guys. But what makes a character 'bad' is if you ruin or oversaturate their purposes. If she's a main character that over-shines others with too much story then the audience feels 'betrayed' because they want that screen time for the main casts to express themselves and shine through. That's just an example. When working with IPs like Sonic casts, you HAVE to remember the fanbase is expecting things Do you like my OCs? be honest lol Not from my prompts. There's a specific way to handle a OC that helps the main cast shine and reveals their characters more. AU Ocs help Canon Characters in many ways.

(Friend admits they have not seen my OCs in some of my fanfictions, they’ve only really read my prompts.)

Oh, well, some of my fanfictions have OCs, not Lavinya, she's just a mascot. My Sonic OC that retried XD Sorry, I'm misspelling a lot but I hope you don't mind, my spellcheck sucks and I've given up on it lol Oh, so you don't know Harmony, Ol'Wizzy, and Data?Or the Metal Series? Well, there are specific Ocs that my readers like and they express/compliment the canon characters to where even though they're a main character, they don't intervene with the Main Cast's goals. They actually help. Then everything I'm gonna say won't have much merit so I'll just focus on waiting to see if my predictions for Sonic IDW will come true, but I really hope they don't do what it looks like they strategically might be pulling... I hate SEGA marketing- 

(The beginning of my aggressive rant, please note that I’m not thinking about my image and am writing tired and lazy. This is an example of how NOT to express your opinions in negative ways. It doesn’t influence good at all.)

Their ploys are outdated and frankly, do not work for their IPs market. They target the wrong age group, they have no idea how to organize themselves, and they don't have a leading 'elder' so to speak (just a professional among them) to make good calls. So you have young adults (not super professionals, this might be their first real company job) trying to target internet culture and failing their IPs. They're doing outdated Nintendo tactics that only worked for NINTENDO! Also some other companies that have DIED so why are you copying their marketing strats!? stop! lol

Friend: Did you study marketing because this entire convo kinda flew over my head in terms of understanding (This should have indicated to me that my words were coming off too factual and had too many ‘jargons’ going on. I was losing my ‘reader’ through my rant, but my tired brain would not cease!)

Sonic's trying to morph into something he's not and they're following outdated college course books and it's not gonna help... they're leading Sonic further down and the creators in japan have no power cause all the power is in the stock holders who are stupid money-hungry americans who have lost faith in American SEGA leading SEGA of Japan to move on to other things

Friend: mostly just got you don’t like the marketing (Huge red flag! This means my friend is starting to tune my info out, it’s because I’m presenting my ideas in a slightly aggressive writing style. There are trigger words here that lead an reader to start doubting you. This is why, in most of my answer posts, I make sure to write Neutral writing methods, but I’ll mention that more after my rant lol XP)

It's just bad. Lol I have a Frankenstein degree, (Now I’m justifying myself, which was caused by my aggressive approach. If I simply stated this in a more ‘neutral writing method’ then I wouldn’t have to worry about creditability claims because I’m not trying to sell my idea as the high authority on it.) which means I have knowledge on many different fields. I never took a fully -dedicated- 'marketing class' I took a lot of different communication classes that went to my overall major. One was directly about how you present, sell, and look at marketing tactics. So I have my fingers in many different fields, my major was "Creative Writing for Fiction and Film with an Emphasis in Video Production and a Cluster in Theatre Arts." So I can be on camera, off camera, post and pre production, creative table and actual filming. Does that make sense? (I’m not fully awake to realize what I’m writing, but it’s clear at this point I’m starting to wake up and realize I’m ranting and tossing my ideals of how to present ideas out the window, but let’s watch my follies and learn from them, shall we?) I have theories on what SEGA is going to do, and I have my worries because it's all outdated. It worked for older companies but those companies also targeted a varying audience, which SEGA refuses to see themselves as for a 'teenage audience' which is exactly why they boomed in the 90s. Their target audience is now 20s.

Friend: There are Kids who also like Sonic, even if they don’t play the games though. (Due to my aggressive tactics from not thinking clearly about, not just the what, but the HOW I’m writing, it has turned my friend into a ‘contrasting neutrality’ which is amazing by the way that she did this! She noticed my writing was turning aggressively ranting, and being my friend, didn’t want to be rude about what she was noticing. -I’m guessing lol- so instead, she took the commentary approach, which is to state the good as well. This is a terrible position to put your reader into, and you should make sure to always have good examples and good praise mixed in to contrast any opposing or aggressive statements you ever make. -though you should avoid aggressive writing at all times- Sadly, this does put the reader, in this case my friend, in a very vulnerable position. It leaves them open for attack... but thankfully, she’s a wonderful friend and had trust that I wouldn’t hurt her on her counter-follow-up.)

So instead of using their 40 to 50 year old charts, start with looking at early millennial trends and desires. They tried for 'angst' to 'adultify' Sonic but it busted because we are STICKLERS for animation. Because their story was so scrapped together and had no actual character depth, motivation, or even emotional growth to develop for future game lore, they went for the 'easy made game' (Easy baked oven quote lol that’s just mean XD) We loved the trailer, it was well made, but they threw their animators elsewhere and made the programmers (WHO BLANATLY ADMIT THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO DO STORY/GRAPHICS) and made them do things they aren't trained in. Those micro-head movements and mouths took them A LONG TIME to figure out.

(My friend is now agreeing with me several times through my rant. This is a tactic that is used as ‘avoidance’ but also for ‘appeasement’. She’s probably tuned out by now, but respects what I’m saying but is also incredulous at it as well. It’s fair, I’ve cornered her into my sleepy-time rant, and being the lovable woman that she is, she is simply waiting for me to realize my follies lolol I wish she would have told me but I think she knew I was beyond ‘logical reasoning’ at this point and was just letting me get it all out lolol What a good friend TDT)

Animation can't be learned that fast AND expect them to program a game AT THE SAME TIME. Sonic Forces was a 'split up SEGA' trying to get those who survived and said, "Yeah, I'll stay in this job." to do things that THEY AREN'T EVEN TRAINED IN. you put a game programmer on animation and some other stuff they didn't know what to do with and expect it be a top-notch seller.

Friend: (in more attempts to join in and be a ‘participant’ of the conversation I’m clearly dominating -MY ABSOLUTE BAD- she tried to engage normal conversation flow into the discussion again. At this point, she probably did notice I wasn’t my usual self, and just decided to play along and enjoy the ride lolol I’m just guessing this tho, but it’s a good chance to reflect on what ‘wrongs’ I was doing and what ‘rights’ she was doing during this situation ;)b) My big issue with SEGA is that they rush everything. A lot of things would’ve been better if they had the proper time.

That was resolved actually.

Friend: Oh? It was? (Although this looks like an encouragement, it’s actually just another avoidance tactic to help me ‘get the venting out’ but it’s clear she’s not fully onboard anymore. When you write to discuss, you have to leave room for other’s opinions to shine through as well. Healthy conversation doesn’t mean forcing the other person to comply to you. A lot of this is educated guess based on past research, she knows this, and it’s clear she’s got her own research. Please remember to never shoot someone down when they try to engage you in your conversations. But again, this is the ‘don’t do this’ and me upset at my tired self for not waking up fast enough to contemplate how I was coming across in my wordings. Let’s continue to investigate and dissect the train wreck, shall we?)

That was an issue a few years ago but SEGA is taking their time, it's just that they can't organize themselves and hire the right professionals. They have old tactics, they have rookies that aren't 'Fresh Blood with professionalism' like they need. They don't need an old fart who knows his stuff, they need a new guy who is dedicated and passionate about their company who will remain there, learn them in and out, and knows his stuff SPECIFICALLY for the things SEGA needs. You have to grow that. You have to hire a very talented and young spunky and fresh professional, have him work with you for 10-15 years, and start training others. But SEGA is already recognized as a 'established' company.

(Friend is still agreeing with me, but is aware of my way of presenting it isn’t “As nice as I usually present it” so she starts mentioning the symptoms of Japanese Work Culture. A wonderful, insightful point to mention! But let’s see how I butcher this as well...)

It's not Japan though! (Again, shutting her down. Tsk tsk, sleepy me. Wake up, you lazy bum.) They won't let Japan interfere! They're all really rude to japan actually. The guys in charge, anyway. We all respect the officials, but SEGA of America people just want results. They are just funders, they don't actually work the company.

Friend: So you blame them for everything? (She’s trying to help me see that my writing is coming off as ‘hate’ which is because of my aggressive writing follies I’m doing so bluntly. Let’s please all admire my friend’s patience as she lets me rant and kindly waits for me to realize how bad I’m handling my 16 hr shift from yesterday lolol)

Look, business is really unfair, and I get that, but if I have to rant (I’m starting to wake up more, oh goodie.) I'd say they really need to humble themselves and ask Japan to please take ownership again. They kicked out people due to a money crisis but they need a game that will be 'safe to secure money but get enough excited momentum to help us push on and continue.' which isn't Japan's strategy usually. Japan likes risks, they also like money too. They trust America too much (especially in the beginning) because America is a HUGE consumer. For the world in fact. But I think they sacrificed too much for the company (common in Japan) and trusted America too much in making decisions. The officials are too nice to say that America screwed them over because America wanted full control. Well guess what? They have too much control now and their product is sinking..

Friend:  You’ve got a lot of fire about this topic. (After I completely disregarded reading her follows-ups and continued to rant, my unconditionally kind friend finally threw in the towel, realizing I was no where near my usually ‘present’ self and was probably just flopped back in her chair smiling at my idiocy of not understanding her kind and subtly hints.) Go ahead and rant it out. (BOOM! Obvious right!? I should have corrected myself but at this point, I was writing like wild fire with droopy, waking up eyes and didn’t even read it during my long paragraphs...)

Sonic won't ever fade away due to it's fans, but the company is struggling to figure itself out for YEARS now. I just worry what they plan to do next. But I have a theory that they are really putting the next game in Japan's hands, a lot of activity is happening in SEGA of Japan, and they're spending WAY MORE TIME on the next installment of Modern Sonic (or Classic, still unsure which one it is yet.) I really think they need a remake game to give them profit, then use that profit for their next big installment. But so far, I think they are working on a game BUT corona might have effected production so I'm sure they are working but I'm concerned if Corona helped manage 'time and quality' or is helping to ruin it...That I can't investigate yet :( I just wish for the best (I’M FINALLY WAKING UP FULLY AS I STOP AND REALIZE-) Sorry for my rant! My theory talk showed through and I don't usually like doing that so forgive me. I'm tired and that's why T-T

Friend: It’s cool we all need to rant sometimes. (My friend’s going to make it to Heaven TwT she’s so kind.)

(Then I profusely apologized a billion times cause I realize how badly this all went down. lol)

(But the terror hasn’t ended... she mentioned some youtube videos mentioning other opinions as well. -which I’m usually cautious of cause some of them can be fanon.-)

OHhhh did he mention the arcade crash??? the literal WORST event in SEGA history??? That's literally where they sank the titanic, SEGA has never recovered from selling off their stocks. (I’M BACK AT IT AGAIN. -facepalm-) Shareholders are everything now and it's the biggest loss ever. Also, the problem is that kids don't play the games, (Rereading my follies and wanting to answer but still only just waking up...) but SEGA can't figure out why they like the characters and can't seem to take the FREAKIN' TIME to learn their lore. (Overwhelming the conversation again.) My easy steps: Re-establish Sonic lore CANONLY AND CORRECTLY, Re-gather the Japanese Officials original plans and notes, guides and study art, Re-make some popular games with the most details on Animation, Fluidity of motion graphics, and with modern Technology incorporated into the game. Once that is accomplished, they will have enough money to then- Create a continuity. Only with a flowing story and relevant past lore can they start moving forward. Animation will target their audience, Story and character re-established arcs will bring nostalgia and new blood to the field of their games, and then Japan's influences will keep it authentic for the continuities so we don't have fandom mixing with canon NEARLY AS BADLY as before anymore. Ugh, it does matter their sales, but I literally bought a book on the history of SEGA, and read a really compelling history article about more then just the Console Wars... I know SEGA has survived literally the edge of extinction on multiple fronts, but someone needs to take charge of their Sonic branch, and it's... it's just too outdated. kk, sorry for the rant.

Friend: (After being multiple times ignored, even after my brief moment of clarity, is still an angel. Frustrated, maybe, but an angel.) And your steps sound really good. Also mostly just listen to his vids if you ever do. It’s ok we all need to rant. (THE WORLD DOESN’T DESERVE THIS GURL T-T)

I'm tired so my 'angry' is showing and it's not professional XD do you mind if I post my rant? lol Actually, no. (Realize how awfully I delivered my ideas, this is where I begin to see my errors and where the clarity comes into play. -we all have our off days lol- )

Friend: Go for it

I want to but it's too aggressive. I'm too lazy to rewrite it out so I'll just save that for another day XD You got a rare treat

Friend: (This is actually interesting and fascinating to her. But she realized then that I finally did see my error.) Concerned you’ll get aggressive responses back?

Honest opinion is sometimes too blunt and I need to be careful about that

Friend: I mean it’s always good to try and get most of the anger out so you seem more professional (Saint. Literally. A saint. She’s puts up with too much of my crap XD)

That, and also the war of 'But this is Cutegirlmayra? She's so sweet and constantly puts her answers in supportive, positive lights so that if SEGA were to see it, they would feel empowered to try it instead of threatened and throw it off as hate or something unprofessional.' I have an image too. I can't post something super aggressive or I'll lose trust. You're right.

Friend: I’m glad you put a lot of thought into everything you post

I apologize for it tho T-T I didn't mean to dominate with such opinions...lol I worry who I influence, you know?

Friend: Most people don’t and trust me they get into trouble cause of it. And yeah.

I don't want to create trolls or heated arguments. I want to teach people they can safely express an idea without using such awful communication. Exactly, it's professional fanism. lol Positive writing is what companies and their employees actually read. (I’m almost fully awake now lol, realizing my blunder and starting to explain why I was in the wrong. Good on me, pat on the back, admitting I was coming off as aggressive is the first step to changing and getting better lolol Also, I’m including her more, and I’m saying “You’re right.” and she’s going “And yeah.” which is a indicator that the conversation is slowly returning to an enjoyable and healthy one. ;w; happy endings lol)  That's why I skip the aggressive stuff, even if it's passive, I write in a neutral setting so everyone feels safe to read, even someone who works at SEGA.

Friend: (Mentions some nintendo youtuber rant and also news as well, then says-) It was honestly very professional sounding and not rude. (MY HEART, YOU KNEW THAT WAS AN AGGRESSIVE RANT lololol So nice to me TDT)

Lol you had to have seen how slightly aggressive it was tho. (I’M CALLING YOUR BLUFF, BESTIE lol) You literally asked, "You blame America for it?" which is not always true but semi-true. They were way too prideful (Aggressive word) and haughty (Still aggressive terminology) about their success in other Japanese products that they wanted to completely change Sonic to their own wishes, pushing out Japan's creative "licenses" (I use this word loosely, and this gives a slightly aggressive feel but is also more dumbed down so it's more 'passionate' than just aggressive)

Friend: Yeah I saw it was slightly aggressive (Either is starting to realize it or at last admitting it now that I am fully aware of how I was coming across. I also used indicators to show what words were aggressive to help illustrate my point. This is showing I’m much more awake now :)b)

Gotta use those neutral tactics or no one will feel comfortable just reading your idea and instead, will constantly look for a place to intercept with aggression back, whether they agree or not, they're looking for ways to self-insert their aggression if you are also aggressive. I can't write something that doesn't somewhat support and uplift SEGA of America. Why? Because like I said, they literally have survived EVERYTHING and have stuck around. Without them, there wouldn't be an American branch and the money issue would have ended SEGA. Some might say, "But they've done so much harm than good! Why is the money thing such a thing to be praised for?" But it's huge, it's so big, it kinda does offset the wrongs. (Now I’m doing the healthy thing, doubling back and mentioning the good to try and recover. The damage may be done, but she did recommend some videos for me and was polite, so I’m just trying to smooth things over and leave on a ‘wrapped up’ conclusion. But... I should have just left it there in all honesty xD Some things you can’t double-back and correct lol) America is a great business-influenced mindset. None of us would be fans of Sonic without them.

(Friend continues to agree but realizes I may slip into ranting again. She just asks if I can watch the videos.)

America does have it's advantages in some fields and areas, but their biggest most redeeming quality is that they saved SEGA which gave us our biggest love and obsession: Sonic. Now, my usage in that writing was still off neutral, but combined with the slightly aggressive statements, made a GREAT contrast. It's still slightly praising

Friend: And they stopped Japan from giving him a human girlfriend right away.

Me: Exactly.

Friend: I will always thank them for that. (She’s still a sweetheart, working herself into the conversation so it stays healthy. lol Such amazing follow-ups too!)

So although I don't like what's happening, I'm also grateful... to a degree lol We need SEGA of America, which is why I think Japan just ignores them now lolol they know they owe them a lot. 

(Friend mentions videos and as I go to save them to my ‘watch later’ sees that one of them is about Nintendo.)

Yeeeahhh I've noticed that Nintendo is starting to trail into 'cash grab' tactics and that's sickening (MORE AGGRESSIVE WORDING??? HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED YOUR LESSON CHILD?! It takes time to fully wake up lolol) cause before, I literally thought, "Nintendo can do no wrong" their marketing was ON POINT! but the stuff they said about Peach and now... I think new, unprofessional blood (like SEGA) has entered Nintendo and the older guys are either 'training' or 'retired to other ventures'. Nintendo is having it's own 'we used to not be prideful but now we're getting a little too pompous (Another aggressive wording... This can easily trigger people to comment with further aggression either against you or for you, but no aggression is the ideal. Which is continuing to show my lack of remaining conscious lol) about ourselves' and they're starting to act like Disney before their big crash. Disney also had 'limited time offers' with their VHS movies. Now, Nintendo is doing that. They'll make money, but at what cost? When you lose your costumer's trust...

Friend: And yeah the 35th Mario thing immediately reminded me of the Disney vault

Me: Yep. I'm worried for Nintendo. Don't get me wrong! Disney is really good with money grabs, but they... they also act high and mighty (More aggressive statements, wake up, darn it!!!) and their fanbase literally calls them 'an empire' so the fan-trust is gone. That makes you 'lame/outdated' and fans begin to look for 'what's cool?' instead.

(Friend is now re-realizing I’m ‘in and out’ so is trying to use a effective avoidance tactic by asking about different things to help my ranting fully stop.)

Sorry, I'm tired, I get on these rants and I don't mean too. (Trying to shake myself awake again.) I'm sorry.

So we returned to a healthy conversation, but I hope this interesting insight has revealed how to and what not to do about Aggressive Writing. Always stick to Neutral writing if you can, putting in a compelling counter-argument. In this aggressive writing demo, you saw that I tried to cover up my follies by saying counter-praise, but praise writing can be just as bad as aggressive writing. Passive writing can sometimes be annoying (aggressive word choice) too if you come off as disinterested or uncaring, which can still result in negative comments coming at you, or someone overly praising in their writings.

This has been all I’m showing you cause it’s kinda embarrassing ^^; but I hope it helps you in what ‘not to do’ while writing your ideas out :)b

Learn from my sleepy-time mistakes! lol

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Humpty Dumpty: Have you ever felt so broken that you didn’t feel like you could be put back together again? That’s how I’ve felt for a long time now.

2. Jack and Jill: Have you ever tumbled/rolled down a grassy hill? No.

3. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star: Do you enjoy stargazing? Has anyone ever gotten a star named for you? I don’t stargaze per se, but I’ll look up and acknowledge the stars sometimes for a moment. Aww no, no one has had a star named for me. 

4. Little Bo Peep: Have you ever thought you lost something that was actually right in front of you the whole time? Yeah.

5. Itsy Bitsy Spider: What do you typically do on a rainy day? I don’t do anything different except for acknowledge that it’s raining. I love listening to the rain.

6. Baa Baa Black Sheep: Do you own any clothing made out of wool? No.

7. Ring Around the Rosie: Did you know that this childhood song/nursery rhyme is actually about The Black Death? Yep. Children back then made nursery rhymes during plagues, people today have memes. 

8. Five Little Ducks: Have you ever gotten lost before? Yes.

9. I’m a Little Teapot: What is your favorite flavor/type of tea to drink? Peppermint, spearmint, and chamomile. 

10. Hokey Pokey: How were you taught to understand the difference between your left and right sides? Hmm. I’m not sure.

11. Old MacDonald Had a Farm: What is your favorite farm animal? Horses.

12. Make up your own lyric for “Down By The Bay”. Okay, how about: “Down by the bay, where the watermelons grow, back to my home, I dare not go, for if I do, my mother will say, did you ever see a cat playing with a bat down by the bay.”

13. Little Miss Muffet: Would you be terrified if a spider sat down beside you? UH YES. That’s happened a few times where it was near me or even worse, ON ME. lsjfkdfklsd.

14. Rockabye Baby: Do you feel that this is a more calming or terrifying lullaby for children? It sounds calming, but yeah the lyrics are disturbing. “when the bough breaks, the baby will fall, down will come baby cradle and all.” Uh....

15. Hickory Dickory Dock: What are you usually doing when the clock strikes 1? 1PM I’m still asleep. 1AM I’m probably eating ramen and watching YouTube videos.

16. Pat-a-Cake: What’s your favorite thing to bake/baked good to eat? I don’t bake, but I love brownies, cupcakes, and muffins.

17. Why do we stomp our feet if we’re “Happy and We Know It”? Shouldn’t we be doing this when we’re angry instead? True.

18. The Wheels on the Bus: Where’s the furthest you’ve ever gone on a bus before? Not far, like just 10-15 minutes.

19. Row, Row, Row Your Boat: Do you enjoy boating? (ie: cruises, kayaking, canoeing, white water rafting, etc) I don’t do any of those things.

20. 3 Blind Mice: Do you know someone who is blind? Yes.

21. 3 Little Kittens: Do you prefer gloves or mittens when getting dressed for chilly weather? Gloves. I rarely need to wear them, though. 

22. Jack Be Nimble: Do you enjoy lighting scented candles? I like the idea and aesthetic of it, but I don’t actually do it. I wish I were a candle lighting kinda gal.

23. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear: Have you ever made a teddy bear or any other sort of stuffed animal at Build-a-Bear? If not, do you still have a favorite teddy bear/stuffed animal from your childhood? I have a lot of my stuffed animals from my childhood stored away.

24. 5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed: Have you ever cracked your head open before and needed stitches? Nooo, thankfully.

25. Hey Diddle Diddle: The cat plays a fiddle. What instrument would you like to play? Piano.

26. Mary Had a Little Lamb: Have you ever brought a pet to school for show and tell before? No.

27. Once I Caught a Fish Alive: If you go fishing, do you release the fish afterwards, or do you take them home and cook them? The only fishing I do is in Animal Crossing haha. In which case, I sometimes keep to sell or let ‘em go. 

28. Little Jack Horner: What is your favorite flavor of pie? The only kind of pie I like is cheesecake.

29. Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary: Do you have a garden? What do you plant in it? Nope. I do in Animal Crossing, though lmao. 

30. Miss Mary Mack: Do you wear clothing with a lot of buttons? I don’t like wearing stuff with buttons. Too much work.

31. Old Mother Hubbard: What is your favorite food to keep in your cupboard? Ramen.

32. There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe: Do you have a lot of siblings growing up? Did you enjoy it? Why or why not? I only have two brothers.

33. This Little Piggy: Do you like roast beef? No.

34. Rain, Rain Go Away: Have you ever played outside in the rain before? Yeah.

35. It’s Raining, It’s Pouring: Do you know someone who snores very loudly? My dad does.

36. Star Light, Star Bright: Do you ever wish on stars? Has one of your wishes actually come true before? Nope.

37. Here is the Beehive: Are you allergic to bees? Do you know anyone who is? Do you enjoy eating honey? Isn’t everyone, technically? Though some have more severe reactions. I’ve never been stung by a bee, thankfully, so I don’t know what my reaction would be like. I don’t recall the last time I had any honey, but yeah it’s good. It’s good with peanut butter on toast.

38. If All the Raindrops Were Lemon Drops and Gumdrops: What food would you want to rain down from the sky: That doesn’t sound pleasant lol.

39. Little Boy Blue: Have you ever slept anywhere other than a bed before? Where?                       The couch, floor, and the car.

40. Do You Know the Muffin Man?: What is your favorite type of muffin to eat? Banana (without the nut), blueberry, and lemon poppyseed. Also, Entenmann’s has mini muffins in party cake flavor that are really good.

41. Wee Willie Winkie: Have you ever sleepwalked before? No. I’ve never known anyone who does, but it sounds scary to witness. 

42. B-I-N-G-O: If you had a dog, what would you name it? I have a dog, her name is Princess Leia.

43. Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?: Has your pet ever run away from home before? Did it get returned? Nooo. I would be a complete mess if my dog ever ran away. One of my cousins has a dog who roams the streets and comes back randomly and she’s fine with it. I’m just like noooo way. I couldn’t allow that. My doggo is my baby!

44. How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?: What’s the most you would spend when adopting a dog? We paid about $150 to adopt our doggo.

45. This Old Man: Do you own any knick-knacks? Yeah.

46. 1, 2, Buckle My Shoe: When did you learn to tie your own sneakers? I think I was like 4. I remember going around the house tying all the shoes once I learned. 

47. Are You Sleeping?: What time do you typically go to bed at night? Like 7AMish. :X I don’t understand how that became my norm these past few months. [a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[latin-dr-robotnik]

Sonic and the Mayhem Master (Full Fix Update Part 1) - Personal thoughts!

So, if you have followed this blog for a while, you might have caught wind of a few things that I like, from music to series to videogames and, specially, Sonic fangames.

No, I’m not here to talk about Sonic ATS once again, but I’m going to talk about another very nice fangame I’ve been following for at least two years (my Spanish blog had more info about it though): Sonic and the Mayhem Master.

The last time I reported on this project was during my SAGE 2019 coverage, which... didn’t set the world on fire, let’s put it that way. There were two main demos back then, and after that, we recently got more updates from author Trinitroid. The “Full Fix Update” as he calls it’s the latest show of progress, but it’s currently split in two parts, with part two yet to be released as we speak.

What’s in store for the Full Fix Update? Well, a lot, actually.

First of all, Trinitroid claims around 70% of the old bugs have been squashed, and I can confirm that stuff like UI scaling (present on all previous demos) are no longer a problem to me. Other stuff, like deaths bugging the game progress are still an issue, but the author is aware, and I do believe there’s more to love about this update past technical issues. Let’s also remember that this is still a heavy WIP, and even the first text screen when you boot up the game tells you about how this is more of a “playtesting demo”.

The biggest thing about this update is the content available to play through. You can now explore a longer part of the first chapter of the game, “Lamp of the Deadly Mist”, while also tinker around with the basic gameplay systems in place, something that the author says he wants to focus on first, before continuing with the story and his more ambicious ideas. I did explain some of the basic ideas behind the plotline on my last report about the game, so I’ll assume you know at least what’s going on and why Sonic and Amy look and feel so different to their canon counterparts.

The first part of the Full Fix Update lets us play through the first part (lmao) of Sonic and Detective Amy’s first assignment on the city’s power plant, meeting some different robots (some friendly and others not so much) along the way, and even interacting with different parts of the environment that give some nice additional text and some funny comments like this one. I always enjoyed this new steampunk-Sonic universe Trinitroid is creating, and the different exchanges along the way are still a highlight of the project. Amy is such a savage in this game, lol.

Like what you’ve come to expect of a RPG, this game’s dialog has a good amount of charm and, should you choose to interact with most stuff along the way, can give you a healthy amount of backstory and development. There is a part where the story kinda breaks up and picks up again in a fourth wall breaking “Sorry I haven’t finished this section yet” dev message, yet it’s done in such a fun way it works very well this early in the dev process.

Also, many, many references. Won’t spoil you on them, but there are some pretty cool references sparked here and there.

How does it play, though?

As with each demo, the author keeps on improving the basic gameplay systems that will power the entire adventure. This is a RPG game... with a twist. Instead of passively taking on turns and carefully thinking about each step, Mayhem Master takes a more active approach, as you have you keep dodging the enemy’s attacks and building your MP meter for a few seconds, until they overheat and you have a small window to decide: do you spent your MP points attacking the enemy? Do you heal yourself? Do you decide to power yourself up with a random permanent boost? Do you skip your turn (granting you a MP boost for the next turn)? Or do you simply roll the dice hoping to land on a 50-50 change to flee from battle? You only have so much time to think before your turn is over, and the game will ask you to multitask as you make quick reactions. Even though I kinda miss the old, card deck based battle system, the current one works a lot better in terms of creativity and possibilities, according to the author. 

I need to also add that the difficulty curve isn’t yet in place as of this update, and it’s something that Trinitroid fully acknowledges, so things can take a while to get used to, and difficulty spikes will happen to you as you play. Still, I do think this approach to combat could make it a very big selling point, should Trinitroid’s wishes to make this a different indie game out of this in the future come to fruition. So far we have only seen a very small enemy selection, but every single one of them has their own battle quirks, and some of them can get wacky very fast, so don’t underestimate them. The only thing they lack is maybe to make some comments in-fight, but I don’t think that’s a priority, and it could potentially distract you from the actual battle. Just sayin’.

So, that’s where things stand right now. I started covering this game around two years ago, and I'm rather happy to see it still coming along, no matter how fast or slow updates may come. Back in 2018, I remember pointing out the unique art style and premise of this game, and the fact it took the RPG route, as I was going through a “Hey, we need more Sonic RPG games” phase. As the second part of the Full Fix Update looms on the horizon, I’ll start to pick up my coverage efforts, because I really like what I’m seeing and I want more people to talk about it. Who knows, we may be on the brink of something special, be it for a Sonic fangame or for a future indie title.

So, give this one a shot, be wary of technical issues along the way, and maybe we can talk more about it, what do you say?

[jungnoir]

just to continue off of that yukhei head canon, jungwoo as a florist or part of the school gardening club? thank you :) (also love u so much this is the shy anon who thinks ur ethereal but can not show her love as well as she wants to❤️🌹)

(jungwoo requester) also i’m sorry i never specified what i wanted it as but tbh anything you’d like to do because you’re amazing and i have full trust no matter what you do:)❤️            

a/n: here you go!! my dumb self accidentally lost the first half of this yesterday so i tried to recreate the magic as much as possible. and ok!!! i was super excited to get going on this when i got this message!! i love you too omg and dw!! i’ll make these headcanons to keep up with the bad boy!yukhei ones. I hope you enjoy~ the bad boy!yukhei headcanons in question are here. also, i’ll stop blabbering soon, but i recommend listening to this song when you read this :)

jungwoo got into gardening because of his parents influencing him from a young age

jungwoo’s parents were v v much crazy about nature and grew up in the countryside, so when they moved closer to the city, they severely missed having all that open space and being surrounded by green

no matter where jungwoo’s family lived, they always had a garden and they always employed jungwoo’s help

whether he was carrying tiny potfuls of dirt across the yard or whether he was watering the plants, he was always doing something with his parents out there

as he got older, he started doing more heavy labor

in fact, by the time he was thirteen, he could tell a farmer a thing or two about a thing or two ok ok

also by thirteen, his parents gave jungwoo a small section of the backyard where he could start his own garden

while he loved to plant flowers, he also liked to plant veggies and herbs and the like

he has this cute little aloe vera plant that has gotten quite big recently (!)

he makes a lot of homemade remedies and things

now, being best friends with bad boy!yukhei, he also knows a variety of plants that can be used to treat cuts, burn, bruises, you name it

sometimes yukhei just shows up at jungwoo’s door and his parents are like “jungwoo!! he got hurt again!!”

and jungwoo just quietly leads yukhei into the bathroom, sits him down on the toilet and has a lil upset expression on his face as he treats yukhei’s scraped knuckles with salves that he made himself for things,,, just like this,,, cause goddamn it wong yukhei u are a mess

it doesn’t happen as often seeing as yukhei is like. Large and scares most contenders off pretty easily with his words and those thick eyebrows but sometimes a dude gets a lil brave every now and then and yukhei has to show ‘em a thing or two

yukhei always likes to be cute tho, just to convince jungwoo not 2 be mad

yukhei: u kno,,, jungwoo, ur my best friend :)

jungwoo: unfortunately

yukhei: whenever u help me out like this i just think abt how like,, u and me? we’re an iconic duo u kno???

jungwoo: what

yukhei: ur like the village mage and i’m the humble but emotionally motivated warrior protagonist u kno

jungwoo: yukhei i don’t know what you’re trying to SAY

yukhei is kinda mad that jungwoo doesn’t appreciate his analogies but i mean,,, it’s Fine that’s just the problem with being best friends with the village mage and not sidekick #1

even tho jungwoo acts absolutely exasperated with yukhei and yukhei loves to tease the eldest, they’re both fiercely protective of each other

like yeh yukhei will avoid abt 95% of the fights that ppl try to start with him bc all he has to do is buck up and ppl run but like?? one time a fool came up to him and started talking shit about jungwoo’s gentle persona and long story short yukhei was almost expelled and that aforementioned fool switched schools the following week

Nobody Disrespects Jungwoo In Yukhei’s House

and while jungwoo is definitely not the fighting type (he much prefers using his words to get his points across), he also has done a lot of research and has access to several recipes for poison so like don’t fuck with yukhei is what i’m trying to say

don’t ask why he has those just don’t fuck with yukhei and u won’t have to worry about it

anywho :)

it wasn’t until jungwoo started his first year at school that he realized that he’d always,, gardened by himself

and it wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy his solitude!! it was just that he’d never really realized that he wanted to share his hobby with anyone until he got to high school

even tho yukhei was his best friend, they clearly didn’t share the same hobbies as yukhei would rather rot inside all day than go outside and “let the sun cook me from the inside out while doing physical labor”

and even though his parents gardened, they didn’t do it as often anymore

so!!! lil jungwoo just decides to pitch his idea to the school about starting a gardening club

at first, there’s only jungwoo so the school isn’t totally sure they should even bother but then jungwoo brings along a few friends who are interested in joining and they let it be

and the club absolutely flourishes over the next four years

it rapidly collects members of all types and backgrounds, people who lived in rural areas and people who had been at their closest to plants in a flower shop

jungwoo is just so bright and friendly and sweet that a lot of ppl join when he asks despite not knowing a thing about gardening

and by the time jungwoo is about to graduate, he’s got such a following and ppl who are just as passionate as him who want to take over when he heads off to college (yukhei told him he better take a gap year so they could go into college as freshmen together but that choice was still pending oops)

the school had seen how passionate they all were so early on and decided to devote a part of the land at the school to the club to do with as they wished, so jungwoo had the great idea of creating a mini garden paradise

they all pitch in to decorate the garden so it has a beautiful stone walkway with trees that line it and flowers planted all around. benches are placed every couple of feet and it is the Perfect place for students to come whenever they feel particularly stressed during the end of the school year and need somewhere that’s just not hectic

the cool thing about this lil garden is that on holidays, they dress it up!!

so for the christmas eve, they string lights through the trees and hang ornaments on them while the school choir sings carols the whole night

and on valentine’s day, they also string lights through the trees but add little foam red and pink hearts to hang from the branches and on each heart, you can buy one and write a name of someone you love

it can be your family members, your best friend, a crush, or your significant other

it can even be ur cat!!!

(jeno has been doing this for the last three years and we’re honestly all concerned he loves nothing else)

the cool thing about these hearts is that you can either write the name of who you love anonymously and hang it on the tree (and whose ever name you wrote gets to take the heart home with them if they’d like) OR you can sign it ;)))

the tradition is, if you sign the heart and that person finds it and brings it to you, that means they accept your confession

despite jungwoo being the key organizer of this v-day event, he’s never participated

however

that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been confessed to more than a dozen times

when his mom saw how many he’d brought home with him since sophomore year she asked him if she could make a collage and hang it up in his room but he was like mom!!! no!!!! that’s lame

so he keeps them all in a shoe box under his bed

and when he feels a little down or ignored, he’ll pull the box out and remember that some people out there like him a lot

there were all unsigned, but sometimes jungwoo would wish that one of them would be signed at least

part of him would feel himself grow expectant every time someone came to his table to get a heart and he’d wonder “is that one of them?” “will they do it again this year?” “is this the year they sign it?”

the other members would often joke with him abt how his eyes would light up when someone would buy one and would always fidget a lil as he thought about all the possibilities

you had joined jungwoo’s gardening club your second year when your counselors started encouraging you to join clubs to meet people

honestly, there were a lot of strange clubs around

you had almost joined the gaming club but then you found out about this school gardening club, and something abt it just,, called to u

your first time you went, you found a piece of paper crudely taped to the door of the classroom they were supposed to meet up in and all it said was “outside”

so, you went outside

and sure enough, in the back of the school in the large expanse of land back there, you found a bunch of students near this garden all crouched down and doing… Something

you made your way over, a little confused, and tapped the shoulder of the person nearest you

they have a huge ass sun hat on so when they turn around, you weren’t really expecting such a,, good looking guy,,, oh. hm

jungwoo narrows his eyes at you, but it’s only bc he has to look up and the sun is getting into his eyes “hello! can i help you?” he asks cheerily, pushing himself up from the ground and clapping the dirt off his gloves

he’s much taller than you expected, so you step back a little and try to remember what u had even came all this way to do in the first place lol

“ah! uh… this is the gardening club, right?”

jungwoo was smiling before, but now he grins so wide that his front two teeth resemble bunny teeth

cuteeeeee

“it sure is~ i’m jungwoo, the head of the club. did you want to join? i promise, you’ll have a lot of fun” he promises this to you and you absentmindedly think that even if he tried to sell you rat poison under the premise it was candy, you would believe him

but this club is rlly candy in this case bc once you’ve told him your name and joined, you find that it’s so much more fun than you had expected

you had really just wanted to be able to tell your counselors you were into something but now,, now u were really passionate about this

something about how jungwoo ran the club made you so interested in gardening

he taught you the basics from the ground up, but it wasn’t super hard???

he was always very simple and forward with what you needed to do, so you had v lil chance of messing up

he was also v friendly and was constantly asking questions abt your life

he always sounded so interested!!! even in the lil things

like what was your last class of the day? what flower appealed to you the most?

he helped you plant your first “honorary” flower as a member of the club

on the walkway, each member gets a flower to take care of up until graduation, after which then the other members will keep it alive to remember them and their contributions to the club

jungwoo just has a lot of sappy cute traditions ok

he tells you that you can plant anything, so you choose the flower you like most and he tells you you can plant it right next to his

even tho… there’s tons of space…. jungwoo…… it doesn’t have to be…. next to yours

this also means that when you all go out to check on the garden, you have to stand right next to him to check on your flower

your knees touch his as you water them together, make sure they’re getting enough light, etc

he always loves to talk to you about the flowers

honestly sometimes he just chatters and chatters and you’ve noticed over time that it’s a nervous habit of his

it was,,, rlly cute

since it was fall when you joined, jungwoo informed you that it was important to care for the flowers so that they wouldn’t be too affected by the weather change

you remembered one cloudy october day when the club couldn’t meet bc of the expected rain storm that evening

you had been about ready to head home for the day when you saw something strange through the windows, where the garden was

there, you could see a very frustrated jungwoo trying to set up tarps over the garden to protect them from the harsh weather

he hadn’t quite gotten it set up right

it was supposed to stand like a small tent over the flowers that weren’t covered by the trees, but it kept slipping off the middle post

rushing out to the patio, you drop your backpack next to the back door and sprint over to help jungwoo steady it

he’s surprised you’re there, but smiles appreciatively and gets back to work hammering it in the ground on the other side

“thanks,,, i honestly thought i could do this myself but i guess not” he rubs the back of his neck and laughs shyly

you just chuckle, “i saw you struggling and couldn’t help but come over”

jungwoo clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “where would i be without you, (y/n)?”

you bite your lip and look away before he can see how flustered that comment alone makes you

somewhere along the way, he’s gotten the tarp set up correctly, so he’s just about ready to call it a day when all of a sudden,,, it starts beating down rain

Hard

jungwoo, in surprise, grabs an extra tarp he’d taken and throws it over his shoulders before coming over to you and handing you the other side

all he tells you is to “run!” and you just start sprinting toward the cover of the trees because it’s the closest thing to you

and,,, you’re standing awfully close to each other

you don’t register jungwoo is laughing until he unknowingly presses his chest against your shoulder, the vibrations from his laughter shocking you out of your concentrated stare on the crazy rain that forced the sky to be dressed in a dreary grey

you look up at jungwoo and find him grinning at you, “why’d you run this way and not toward the school?”

the rain is beating against the tarp despite the tree cover, but it’s not nearly as much like it is out on the open grass

“oh,,, uh,,, well it was closer and.,,, uh,,,”

yeh no u can’t even find the logic in your choice

but jungwoo doesn’t seem so bothered by it

he looks around the garden and sighs, “i’m glad you came to help me when you did… otherwise the flowers would be in trouble”

you just nod, trying not to focus on how warm his skin is against your own

he suddenly crouches down so you’re uneven and you blink at him, “jungwoo, what are you doing?”

“do you wanna run out there again?”

“uh,, not right now, no”

“then let’s just sit here and watch the rain. it looks really nice like this”

to be honest, you couldn’t see how pretty it could really be sitting outside in the rain, but he was also holding one half of the tarp and it wasn’t like you could really leave him like that,,, so u sit down

you both have to cross your legs so the rain won’t get you wet, and while you’re both sitting on the walkway and looking out as thunder rumbles and flashes of lightning show in the distance, jungwoo says very softly “most people don’t like this kind of weather because it’s wet and cold and disruptive… but i find it kind of peaceful. even though it isn’t very nice for my garden, i still like it in a way. it’s like the world telling you to stay in for the day and rest”

you look over at him once more, but he’s focused on the sky, eyes alight with the same kind of admiration that he has for his flowers

he looks captivating

you smile almost instinctively, “a gardener who likes gloomy weather?”

he chuckles, meeting your eyes, “if you know plants, you know that they don’t just need sunshine all the time. they also need rain. you come to appreciate both and set up protection when needed. kinda like people… though it takes us longer to realize that for ourselves in comparison to plants.”

you’re not sure what to say after that, so instead, you scoot minutely closer to him and start to look at the rain through the same rose-colored glasses that he does

you don’t realize how long you’ve stayed out there with him until one of the teachers leaving for the day catches sight of you both and tells you to come inside before it gets too late and the storm picks up more

reluctantly, you walk with jungwoo until you get under the patio and its overhead roof, and when you grab your phone out of your bag, you find that you’ve got quite a few missed calls from your parents

“i really should go, my parents are probably pissed i missed their calls” “ok!! i’ll see you tomorrow then?”

he lets the tarp fall, and his hair is a little mussed from the rain that got on him before you both found shelter

his skin is dewy from the humidity

but he looks just as handsome as he did the first day you met

“yeah… tomorrow… hopefully we don’t get caught in the rain again” you joke

jungwoo suddenly turns bashful, “i… wouldn’t really mind”

that’s probably the day you fell for him tbh

you kept your feelings mainly to yourself, and when you found out about the valentine’s tradition, you thought that maybe,,, maybe you could just get those feelings out and be free of them

so you made your own heart instead of buying the ones you guys were selling and put it up on a random tree when you were sure jungwoo wouldn’t see

only, ,, you had expected to be the only one

it turned out that when you and some of your friends went walking through the garden to see if anyone left any for you, you found the trees decorated with so many other hearts that had jungwoo’s name

yours was the only one that was different

before you could go back and snatch it down however, jungwoo had already found it

“why’s this one look different?” you’d heard him ask his friend yukhei, who had begrudgingly tagged along

“idk dude, maybe they wanted to be special. you’ve got like a thousand fans around this school u know”

you don’t know why your heart felt so,,, pained when you heard that

after all, you just wanted to “confess” and get it out of your system in some way so you could move on

why would you care so much that other ppl liked him too? you couldn’t control that!!

however, you went home with a few hearts that your friends had left for you and decided that you would just leave it at that. the next day at school would be as normal, and you would start getting over your crush on kim jungwoo

except,,, it didn’t happen that way

if anything, the years that dragged on only made you more in love with him

and so, every year, you would leave another heart (always homemade, always the only one of his confessions that was different in some way)

and you never dared to sign them

you would stay anonymous and hope that by the time you graduated, your feelings would somewhat dissipate with age

look bih!!! it’s not working!!!

plus,,, it seems like ppl just keep catching on the longer it goes on

especially yukhei

you had never even talked to the guy but he had caught on to you after the first valentine’s incident almost immediately

he just spotted you in the hall, walked up to you, and said (in a very not subtle voice) “so you like my best friend!!”

you had to shush him and pull him around a corner where there were less students

and he’s just grinning like a fool, “you seem cute! don’t hurt him tho or you’ll wish you hadn’t”

and ur just like ;-; pls don’t threaten me i’m just tryna live my life as a simple lovestruck human being

but then he shakes his head “i’m just kidding, i know you wouldn’t hurt him,,, but why,,, won’t u tell him”

u: !!! i’m fine being just friends

yukhei: LOL yeah no really why won’t u tell him

feeling like you can’t continue to lie, you tell him that you feel like you won’t have a chance, what with the fact that he has so many admirers already and you don’t want to take any chances bc i mean,,, u really really like him

and you’ve already become his friend so why jeopardize that

but then yukhei is like “well,, i understand that much, but i think that you should still tell him. if not now, at least before it’s too late. you’re just going to keep feeling unsure and if you miss your chance, you won’t forgive yourself for that…. i know that it’s scary, but i will tell you one thing and you can figure out what to do with it: there’s a great chance your feelings aren’t as one sided as you think”

then he drops his eyelid down in a wink and pats your shoulder and leaves you like that

yet, still, you don’t confess

at least, not yet

you continue to just be friends with jungwoo and leave him that same unique heart in the garden every valentine’s but that’s it

you continue to keep yukhei’s words in mind, but haven’t yet decided went to act on them

fast forward to graduation, everything is all over the place

ppl are getting ready to head straight off to college, others are planning parties to celebrate, and others are just unsure of what to do

jungwoo knows that he’s going to miss this school with his everything

he’s already crying harder than his parents when he wakes up the morning of LOL

yukhei also comes over early that morning just to threaten remind jungwoo that he should wait for him so they can go to college at the same time

jungwoo: who even said you would get into the same college as me?

yukhei: do you think i don’t have my ways. we’re going to college together you fool

for some reason,,, jungwoo just pulls out the box of hearts he’s received

and he sets out the three unique ones he received

he had honestly tried his best to figure out whose writing it could have belonged to, had tried to rule out ppl who bought the hearts the club made, etc.

he never got to find out

he had once jokingly asked yukhei if he made them for him but yukhei just grinned all knowingly and told him he needed to look a lil deeper

and jungwoo was ???? but really anxious to know

but today was the last day for this mystery person to personally confess, and he felt a foreboding feeling. like it wouldn’t happen

he goes through the ceremony, taking pictures and the works

yet, the whole day, he hasn’t seen you

sure, he’d seen you walk the stage, but you had disappeared into the sea of people as soon as the ceremony ended

he had sent you several messages but you hadn’t answered any of them

he had taken his last pictures with the rest of the club and had elected the next leader of the club in a very emotional goodbye

he decided he would find you later, maybe see you before the day ended after he finished having dinner with his parents

he had one last thing he wanted to do before leaving, and that was in the garden

he looked at it now, a beautiful, ever-growing thing that had come a long way since ninth grade

now he was leaving it, and he couldn’t quite believe it

he wandered down the stone walkway and found his flower, right next to yours

he couldn’t help but snap a few pics of them, sending one or two to you in the process

when he had finished up reminiscing, he found himself just sitting on one of the benches and watching as the wind swayed the branches of the trees, distorting the sunlight that filtered through the leaves

he felt himself quietly laughing to himself as he recalled when you and him had gotten caught in the rain here all those years ago

it felt so far away now

tugging his cap off his hair, he leans forward on his knees and sighs

until something pink appears in his vision

it takes him a second to realize there is a little cut out heart in front of his face, hanging from a red string that dangles off a familiar finger

on the heart is his name, in that familiar handwriting that he had never been able to recognize

and underneath his name,,, it was signed

with your name

jungwoo follows the finger to your face, a nervous twitch in your smile as you hold the heart out to him

“i meant to leave this for you before you got here but… yukhei told me you’d beat me to it”

jungwoo breathes out in disbelief before reaching into his pocket for his own homemade heart with your name on it

“i guess we both have funny timing” you laugh, watching him stand from the bench to take your heart from you

jungwoo blushes, “the fact that we’re both here tells me our timing is good enough”

you watch as he puts both your hearts on a branch next to each other, watching the wind blow them back and forth in the breeze. the strings they’re hanging on tangle and it feels like a sign

he looks at you with that same look he gave his flowers, the same look he gave the angry, stormy sky as it shamelessly rained down on the both of you. his hand reaches for yours

“yeah,” you say softly, letting him pull you closer, “i think you’re right”

jungwoo captures your lips in a small kiss that feels like the last three years of longing finally finding a home

you suddenly don’t feel so bad about waiting for the right moment, because had you not, you might not have met jungwoo halfway like this

and it feels so, so good

also yukhei is totally taking pictures from behind a bush but dw about it

[a-splash-of-stucky]

A Messed Up Place | Six

Pairings: Bucky x Reader || Steve x Reader

Summary: Bucky realises that he has well and truly lost his chance

Warnings: Mentions of drugs and human trafficking.

Notes (there’re quite a few): Written for @hellomissmabel. Saying this ahead of time: I AM SO SORRY.

Slight time-jump between this and the last chapter. Part of this chapter was inspired by this song, which I highly recommend you listen to, as it’s quite an accurate representation of Bucky’s feelings (but listen to it after you’ve read the chapter, otherwise, it gives the whole chapter away, lol)

Also, I have no clue what I’m talking about with the drugs bullshit. Also, also: I have a rough timeline for this series, but it’s not completely solidified. So, if you spot a continuity error, do let me know.

AMUP Masterlist

He supposes that he should have expected this. He’s been lucky to get this far without having to do this, really.

Nearly a whole three months have passed without Bucky needing to go on a mission with you. The last one had been about two weeks before you and Bucky ended your arrangement, and even then, Sam and Wanda had tagged along. Bucky can’t remember the last time he was on a mission with you and you alone.

In a way, he’s glad of that — the fact that he hasn’t had to spend more time with you than is strictly necessary. Bucky’s been avoiding you and Steve as much as he can without raising suspicions. By this point, he’s gotten over the initial stages of his grief — can it even be called grief? — at losing you, but it still hurts. His life has just transitioned into a new kind of normal.

But of course, his luck couldn’t have lasted forever.

The intel came through less than 48 hours ago. Nova, a drug cartel known for smuggling heroin across South and Southeast Asia have apparently been bribed to sell a particularly large load of the substance. According to the team’s intelligence network, this particular batch of heroin has been contaminated with traces of radioactive material and is therefore not safe for human consumption. Well. Heroin in general is not safe for human consumption, but this batch is especially unsafe. Primary mission objective, therefore, is to prevent as much of this drug from entering the market as possible.

Beyond that, though, Nova is known to have strong ties with the South Asian human trafficking ring, which has a global reputation for supplying live human subjects to questionable laboratories all over the world, in order for human testing to be performed. The team have been trying to infiltrate their system for several months, now; this could be the breakthrough they’ve been searching for.

Bucky and Y/N thus have a relatively simple mission ahead of them, as far as objectives go. Because Nova targets a particular kind of clientele — the wealthy and elite, marketing their heroin as being ‘premium’, top of the line stuff — the two of you will be posing as a couple interested in buying some of their drug. Couples, for whatever reason, seem to be their preferred customers. In the process, the two of you need to find a way of decontaminating or disposing of the shipment, whilst also worming your way into the human trafficking side of things, perhaps by mentioning an interest in buying some specimens in order to carry out testing back home.

Natasha would have been Bucky’s first choice partner for this mission; she’s the one with countless years of experience under her belt. Moreover, he’s worked with her before, seen how flawlessly she can pull off any role, no matter how different it may be to her true self. Unfortunately, Natasha is currently occupied in Berlin, following up a lead about the German government developing military-grade weapons using Chitauri tech. God knows how they got their hands on that.

So with Natasha out of the picture, Bucky’s next choice would have been Steve, except — well, posing as a couple would have been a tad more difficult. Not that Bucky’s got any reservations about parading around as a gay man in the name of the mission, but, well. Malaysia’s not exactly the most accepting of countries when it comes to that sort of thing. Besides, the punk’s not cut out for espionage. In fact, Bucky would even go as far as to say that he’s completely hopeless at it.

Steve’s idea of ‘going incognito’ is a baseball cap and sunglasses, for goodness�� sake.

And, since everyone else is either occupied with another project, or simply lacks the skill-set required for this particular type of mission, Bucky had no choice but to go on it with you posing as his wife.

The two of you have just made it to your hotel. You’re at the reception desk, checking in. Bucky is slouched in a velvet-upholstered armchair, guarding the luggage. He scrunches his nose and itches the back of his neck. The damn face veil makes for a good disguise, but fuck if he isn’t excited to take it off.

In order to maintain your role as a well-to-do couple, you and Bucky are staying in an upscale hotel in the centre of Kuala Lumpur. The lobby is massive, all double-ceilings, chandeliers, and sparkling marble floors. The whole place practically exudes lavishness from every crevice. It’s not the ideal place to bunk in — not enough escape routes, for one thing — but he can’t be picky when he’s got pretences to keep up.

He looks up as you cheerily thank the crisply-dressed receptionist and make your way over to him. With his eyes hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses, Bucky allows his gaze to slowly drag up your body. Embodying the look of a classy business woman, you’re dressed in a pair of black cigarette trousers and a white blouse, a relaxed-fit blazer thrown on top. The face veil you have on is projecting the image of a generic ‘pretty girl’ and to complete the ensemble, you’ve got on a black, curly-hair wig, which you’ve tied into a loose ponytail.

“Ready to go?” you ask, picking up your duffel bag and hooking it over your shoulder. “Apparently we’ve got a nice view,” you say, waving the key card in front of his face.

The action causes the stunning diamond ring on your left hand to glint in the sunlight streaming through the massive floor-to-ceiling windows. Bucky wishes the could say that that ring is only there for the sake of the mission.

He can’t, though. That’s not the truth.

The truth is that that ring is one-hundred percent genuine. And Bucky wasn’t the one to give it to you.

—————————

Bucky sprawls out onto the slightly-damp grass after his sprint, cheeks flushed and chest rising and falling with each pant. He yanks up the hem of his t-shirt and uses it to wipe the worst of the sweat off his brow. Heavy footfalls thunder past him and moments later, his view of the sun is blocked by a shadow that looms above him.

“You cheated,” Steve accuses, eyes narrowing to angry slits. Bucky grins.

“Would’a beaten you, even if I hadn’t,” he replies, “You said you wanted to race me. You never said I couldn’t push you into a ditch along the way,”.

“It’s called fair play!” Steve cries in frustration, throwing his hands into the air.

“Dunno if you’ve noticed, Stevie,” Bucky says solemnly, folding his hands together, “But the world ain’t exactly a fair place,”. Steve shakes his head in mock annoyance, chuckling dryly.

“Aww, c’mon, Steve, don’t be sore with me,” Bucky whines, reaching out to tug on the ankle of Steve’s joggers. “Come down here and enjoy the sun. It’s real nice,”.

Steve mutters darkly under his breath but eventually gives into Bucky’s request. He sits down beside Bucky —sighing loudly as he does so — with his legs outstretched and his palms planted behind him, face tilted towards the sun. His foot is near Bucky’s shoulder, so Bucky takes the liberty of poking his ankle a few times, just to see what kind of reaction that gets him. Steve grunts, then kicks Bucky gently with his foot, clearly not amused. Bucky snorts, but moves his hand away, pillowing it under his head.

A moment of companionable silence passes. This is probably the happiest Bucky’s been in — a long time. Too long. Much longer than he’d like to admit.

“Bucky?” Steve asks, breaking their peaceful bubble. His voice is quiet, tentative.

“Yeah?”

“Can I…talk to you about something?”

There’s an undertone to Steve’s voice that raises Bucky’s hackles, sets his nerves on edge. His blood starts to rush a little faster through his veins. Somehow, a part of him just knows what Steve’s going to say. This is it, he tells himself, this is where he calls you out.

“Sure,” Bucky says, voice a little more cautious that he wants it to be.

Steve sits up straighter, crosses his legs and starts to pick at the grass in front of him. “Listen, I—you remember the night you got drunk?”

Bucky stiffens. His heart stops. Worst-case scenarios are flashing through his head at a million miles an hour. He feels like his chest is collapsing in on itself, ribs constricting around his lungs. He can’t catch a breath—

“You—you remember that?” he croaks out.

Steve smiles tiredly. “Look, pal, I—I know you were talking about her,”.

Bucky swallows thickly, tamping down the wave of nausea rolling through his system. “Steve, I—,”

Steve holds a hand out to stop him. “Just listen for a sec, ‘kay? I know you were talking about her, and…and I already had a feeling, by that point. I kinda thought that you might like her,” he admits.

Bucky is all sorts of confused right now.

“Steve, I—what?” he says, completely at a loss for words. “I—you—I thought you didn’t get me—,”

“Pal, you were pretty wasted,” Steve says wryly, “But even shit-faced, I could make out what you were talking about,”.

With a heavy grunt, Bucky heaves himself up, crosses his legs and situates himself in front of Steve. Clearly, they are about to have a Talk™, and those kinds of talks should be had face-to-face (if one is brave enough to manage it), and sitting down.

“Okay, why’re you bringing this up now?” Bucky asks tersely, “Why now, Steve? Because, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s been nearly two months since that night and I’ve been going out of my goddamn mind with—,”

“I know, I know,” Steve says, holding both hands up in surrender, “I’m an idiot, I shouldn’t have left it so long. I should’a…come to you a long time ago,”.

Bucky huffs indignantly. “Finally. Some sense has gotten through that thick skull a’ yours,”.

Steve cracks a weak half-smile.

“But Steve,” Bucky continues, wringing his hands agitatedly, “I—seriously, you’re telling me that you’ve known all this time? You’ve…I’ve been going crazy wondering if—if you were mad, or upset or…” Bucky lets his voice trail off in his uncertainty, his eyes trained on Steve’s face like a hawk, tracking even the minutest change in his expression.

“I’m an idiot, I know,” Steve repeats morosely, plucking out a blade of grass and twisting it around the tip of his index finger. “I didn’t…know if you wanted me ta’ bring it up, that’s why. You seemed so…upset about it, so I didn’t wanna push you, if you didn’t wanna talk about it, I guess,”.

“So why now?” Bucky repeats, crossing his arms in front of his chest and tipping his chin up in silent challenge. “Why’re you bringing it up now?”

“Because I love her, Bucky,” Steve says carefully, keeping his eyes trained on the mud-caked soles of his shoes. “I love Y/N, but I also love you, and I don’t wanna go on hurting your feelings,”. As he finishes talking, Steve lifts his eyes to meet Bucky’s stare.

There, says Bucky’s inner voice, now’s your chance.

Steve has given Bucky the opening that he’s been looking for all this while. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity has just about fallen into his lap. The words hang unspoken between them, but Bucky knows without a shadow of doubt that if he admitted to the fact that he still has feelings for you, Steve would take it all in stride.

But can he? Can he do that to Steve? Can Bucky live with himself, knowing that he obtained his happiness by depriving Steve of his?

“Nah, pal,” Bucky says, shooting him a small smile, “I’m over her now, it’s been…what? Over two months since that night, right?”

“Yeah, but—,”

“M’over her, now,” Bucky says, injecting every ounce of authenticity he can into his words, “Really, Stevie, I am. I mean, yeah, I had a crush on her for a while but now it’s…gone,”.

It’s a lie, a blatant, outright lie. If anything, Bucky’s feelings for you have only intensified with time.

Does Steve need to know about that, though? Of course not.

Steve arches an eyebrow, still not entirely convinced. “Bucky,” he says, tone all gentle and patient, “Really, if…if you do, you can tell me, you know that, right? M’not gonna…m’not gonna be mad or upset or nothin’ like that, I just wanna know,”.

Bucky squares his shoulders and looks Steve dead in the eye. “You deaf or somethin’? I’m telling ya’, Stevie, I don’t got feelings for her no more, I really don’t,”. His stomach contorts itself into uncomfortable knots at the untruth, but by this point, Bucky’s buried himself so far deep under a pile of them, what difference does another make?

Steve narrows his eyes in suspicion, but doesn’t press the issue any further. A moment of tense silence slips by.

“Then…can I ask you for some advice?” Steve asks quietly, “If…I…y’know what, nevermind,”.

Bucky’s curiosity is piqued. “Hey, no — tell me!” Bucky protests, “You gotta tell me, c’mon,”.

Steve shakes his head, huffs out a dry laugh. “Nah, it’s…s’ too much after…that,” he says, waving his hand in vague circles.

“It’s about Y/N?”

Steve nods, chewing on his bottom lip in the way he does when he’s nervous. His eyes flick up for a brief moment, catching Bucky’s own.

“I’mgonnaaskhertomarryme,” Steve blurts, the words coming out in a sudden rush, all spoken in one exhale.

Bucky blinks, dumbstruck. He’s pretty sure he caught what Steve’s just admitted to, but just to be sure, he says “Stevie? Could you uh…repeat that? At, like, half-speed?”

Steve swallows. “I’m, uhh…I want to ask Y/N to marry me,”.

“You’re gonna propose to her?” Bucky says slowly, the gears in his brain scrambling to make sense of the situation.

“Yes,” Steve says, tone firm and resolute, as if he’s made his mind up already. Knowing Steve, he probably has.

“Steve, isn’t it…I dunno, a bit soon? It’s only been a couple’a months, right?” Bucky says, throat going uncharacteristically dry because the reality of Steve’s words is now sinking in. He bites his tongue, willing himself to not say what he really means: It’s too soon, Steve. I haven’t had my chance. I have’t had time to show her that I can be good.

Steve’s expression visibly falls, shoulders sagging in defeat. “You think it’s a bad idea,” he sighs.

Bucky catches himself quickly. “No, no!” he splutters, “No, Steve, I—Christ, you just surprised me, is all! ‘Course I think you should!”

It’s not technically a lie. It’s…well. It’s complicated. Half of Bucky thinks that Steve is perhaps jumping into things a tad too fast, but the other half of Bucky thinks that life is too short — even for enhanced individuals — to be sitting around, waiting for the good things to come to you. Bucky as a whole wishes that Steve would back down, just so he can have even the slightest chance at winning your heart. But — he’s had chances before and not taken them, why would he do so now?

Oh, can he have a do-over of this life? Why did it have to end up so complicated?

“Bucky?” Steve asks, resting his hand on Bucky’s thigh and drawing Bucky out of his thoughts.

“Just…wow, Stevie,” Bucky says, coaxing his lips into a smile and praying to the dear lord above that Steve won’t see through the widening cracks in his facade. “M’so happy for you,”.

Steve, the punk, ducks his head in embarrassment, the tips of his ears turning a little pink. “Yeah, well. Haven’t asked her yet,” he mutters.

Maybe Steve’s oblivious, wrapped up in his own joy and completely blinded by his love for you. Or maybe, Steve is not actually as smart as Bucky once thought. Whatever the case, Bucky thinks it’s a miracle that he’s gotten this far into the conversation without Steve calling him out, because Bucky’s pretty sure that his pain is written all over his face, plainly apparent in his body language.

“Don’t worry, pal,” Bucky murmurs, “She’s gonna say yes,”.

But a part of me doesn’t want her to.

—————————

The hotel room is swanky. There is indeed, a nice view of the KL city skyline out of their enormous windows, and as a bonus, the fire-escape stairwell is accessible via the bathroom window. You can never have too many getaway options on hand. They’re paying for this hotel out of Stark’s bank account, so this splurge is mostly to keep up with the appearance of the two of you being a wealthy couple. It’s more of a suite than a room, really; the front door opens up to a small living room with an adjoining kitchenette, and the bedroom is through a doorway beside the sofa. There’s an ensuite with a massive shower that Bucky is just dying to test out.

Bucky dumps his bag at the foot of the bed, the flops face down onto the pristine white sheets, moaning in contentment as his body sinks into the marshmallowy softness of the mattress. He reaches for the switch behind his right ear, switches off the face veil, then peels it off his skin and tosses it across the room. The trained soldier inside him is telling him to get out of bed and sweep the room for bugs, but fuck, this bed is way too comfortable to get out of.

“Hey Bucky?” you call, raising your voice so that he can hear you from the living room.

“Mmm?”

“I’m just gonna give Steve a quick call, ‘kay? Just to check in?”

“Go ahead,” Bucky replies, his voice coming out muffled due to the thick duvet.

—————————

“Hey Bucky?”

“Mmm?”

Bucky looks up from his tablet, holding his hand above his eyes to shield them from the glare of the sun. Earlier that afternoon, he’d decided to take himself out of the restricting confines of his room and come to sit in the back garden for a while. Stark had built a little patio area there, complete with fancy outdoor furniture. Bucky is currently relaxing in one of the swinging chairs.

You’re standing off to Bucky’s right, your hands held behind your back. Your body is haloed by the burnt orange glow of the sunset; it’s quite a breathtaking image, actually, spoiled only by the tenseness lingering in the air.

Bucky has a feeling he knows what you’re going to say.

“Yeah, Y/N? What’s up?” he prompts, when it’s clear that you’re unwilling to be the first to speak. He switches off his tablet and tucks it beside him.

“I—um. Is it okay if I sit down?” you ask nervously.

Bucky scoots a little to the left, then gestures to the newly vacated space. You gingerly perch on the swing, back ram-rod straight, your hands shoved into the front pocket of your navy blue hoodie. You’re deep in thought, staring intensely at the grass in front of the swing chair. Bucky allows himself a moment to admire the curve of your jaw and the elegant column of your neck.

The suspense is starting to get to him, though. “Y/N?” Bucky asks softly, “What’s up?”

“Can you keep a secret?” you ask tightly, sparing him a glance out of the corner of your eye.

“Of course,” Bucky says, without a moment’s hesitation. Lord knows that he’s been keeping a hell of a lot of them, for the past couple of months. More than is strictly healthy, if he’s honest with himself.

“I—um,” you start, your voice thick and a little scratchy. You swallow audibly, before turning to look Bucky in the eye. His breathing catches and his heart races a tiny bit faster — out of dread, anticipation and fear.

“Steve…asked me to marry him. I—I said yes. I—we’re engaged. You’re…the first person to know,”.

Bucky’s mind is simultaneously blank and all-too-loud. He clenches his jaw and rages an internal battle with himself, fighting to hold back the tears stinging the backs of his eyelids. He’s been expecting this. The anticipation has been eating away at the last shreds his of sanity ever since Steve told him that he wanted to marry you.

Every.

Single.

Night since that day, Bucky has been harshly jolted from his sleep by the vision of you in white, walking down the aisle like an angelic deity floating on clouds. The more he tries to steer his mind to other avenues of thinking, the more he finds himself nervously waiting for you to tell him the good — the bad? — news. To slam the door in his face, as it were, making it undoubtedly clear that Bucky has no chance with you.

That’s it, then, he thinks. There’s an unyielding sense of finality to the situation. His chance is well and truly gone.

“Bucky?” you ask worriedly, a small line appearing in the middle of your brow.

Bucky swallows, runs his flesh hand through his unkempt hair. “I—wow, Y/N, that’s amazing!” Bucky cries, trying to muster up as much enthusiasm and excitement as he can. It takes no small amount of effort on his part, pretending that he’s happy when in reality, he’s anything but. Bucky’s so exhausted, now — he’s running on his last reserves of energy, trying to play the part of a supportive friend when all he wants to do is breakdown.

You gnaw on your bottom lip anxiously. “You gotta…please can you not tell anyone else? Steve kinda wants to do a big reveal,”.

“The punk’s always been a drama queen,” Bucky murmurs, voice low and tired, the corner of his lip twitching into a little smile.

You’re not smiling, though. An anxious expression is still playing on your features. “I…wanted to tell you directly. I mean, Steve was probably gonna do it, but I—you, y’know, we have…history,”.

Bucky flaps his hand offhandedly, feigning a carefree attitude. “History is history. You’re with Steve now, I’m happy for you,”.

“I know it’s a rush, but…I love him, I do,”. After a pause, you continue, “He’s thinking of having our wedding sometime in June—,”

“What?” Bucky says sharply, interrupting you mid-sentence. He winces internally, realising his mistake. “I—I mean, that’s only what, two, three months from now? A little soon, right?” God, he hopes that that was a good enough save. His heart — what’s left of it, anyway — feels like it’s being squeezed by razor-sharp talons.

In truth, Bucky doesn’t have a problem with the fact that it’s happening so soon. You could tell him that you and Steve were getting married next week and he wouldn’t do anything to stop it. No, the issue is not in the fact that June is only a handful of weeks away; the issue is in the fact that June is…your anniversary. Okay, not technically your anniversary, given that you and Bucky were never actually together in the first place, but June is when you first propositioned Bucky. June is when the two of you first stepped onto this long and winding road.

You nod slowly, expression turning a little wistful. “I know, I know it’s a rush, Bucky. But—Steve is, heh, eager,” you say, laughing dryly. “He’s leaving for that military tour in Afghanistan at the start of July, remember? And he’ll be away for three months, so—,”

“So wouldn’t it be better to wait til’ after?” Bucky suggests, cutting in again. He can’t help it; he doesn’t want to hear the wedding bells chime. He doesn’t want you to get married in June. He doesn’t want you to get married to Steve full stop, but he especially doesn’t want it to happen in June. Even if…June means nothing to you, it means a lot to Bucky and he’d like to keep that month for himself, if at all possible. Besides, three months is…it’s not enough time for him to do something, anything, that could possibly turn this situation in his favour.

When those wedding bells ring, they’ll mark the end of an era. They’ll symbolise the fact that Bucky will never have a second chance with you. He’s not ready for that. Christ, he’s not ready for that.

He doesn’t want to love, if it’s not you; there’s no one else he trusts with his fragile heart. You’ve seen the truly black and broken parts of his soil and somehow, still managed to show him kindness. You know his past, are fully aware of the crimes he’s committed and the sickening amount of blood covering his hands, but yet — you don’t look at him differently. You don’t judge him. Bucky doesn’t want to love anyone else. His heart belongs to you; always has, always will.

“Bucky, you…” you pause, as eyes narrow almost imperceptibly. An expression of curiosity crosses your features. “Bucky, do you not want me to…?” your voice trails off, leaving Bucky to fill in the blanks.

What does he want, really? He wants you, that much is clear, but more importantly, he wants you to be happy — if you find your happiness in Steve, then who is he to judge?

“M’sorry,” Bucky sighs, leaning back and scrubbing a hand over his face, “You put me on the spot, Y/N, just—yeah, that was a little harsh. Uncalled for. S’your wedding, you do what you want,”.

But if he’s honest—

Fuck it, Barnes, he growls internally, that’s the problem, ain’t it? It’s always an ‘if’. You’re never honest. You’re just a goddamn rotten liar, lyin’ to everyone’s faces.

—he wants you to see through his lies. Bucky wants you to see right through the flimsy mask he wears, expose him for the crumbling wreck of a human being that he’s become. He wants you to peel back the curtain, tear open the fine wrappings that bind his sanity together and see Bucky for what he truly is: a hopeless, love-struck, abject failure. Bucky wants to get caught, wants you to see how unhappy he is. He wants you to see the truth, the reality of the situation, but—at the same time, he doesn’t.

“No, Bucky, if you’re not okay with it, the whole June thing, I can talk to Steve, we can—,”

“Y/N, seriously, m’fine,” Bucky says, whipping up a cocky smirk and even managing a small laugh. “Just a little surprised, honestly. Life’s too short to be waiting around, right? Go on, get married,”.

“Bucky, it’s…it’s because it’s June, isn’t it?” you ask quietly, turning away to look into the distance, again. “S’cause it’d be one year, since…”

“Yeah,” Bucky says thickly, “Just seems a little weird, is all,”.

You take your hands out of your pockets — the diamond on your left ring finger sparkling in the light of the setting sun — and place them both on his thigh, forcing Bucky to look into your eyes. “Barnes,” you say softly, “Tell me the truth. What do you want?”

Fuck.

“I—want you to be happy,” Bucky says, voice barely louder than a whisper. He swallows and hopes for all he is worth, praying that you don’t see the lie for what it is. It’s not technically untrue, it’s just not the full truth. A thousand words are clamouring to be spoken. Only two of them really matter, though.

I want you to be happy with me.

—————————

“Barnes!” you cry, snapping Bucky back to the present as you flop onto the bed beside him. “You okay? You seem pretty exhausted,”.

“M’fine, just a little jet-lagged,” Bucky replies, speaking directly into the duvet.

“Shall we go have dinner? Scout the area a little?” you suggest.

With a tired groan, Bucky pushes himself up onto his forearms to look at you. You’re spread out on the bed, hair in a ruffled mess around your face, a playful grin on your lips. For a moment, it’s enough to take Bucky back to the compound, back to six months ago, when he had you all to himself and things weren’t as fucked up as they are now.

The dream shatters like a breaking mirror when he catches sight of the ring on your finger.

“Yeah,” he sighs, “We might as well,”.

————————— Tags are open, but I’m only accepting requests via asks or PMs. Tag requests from replies/comments will be ignored. 

[truly-fantastic-me]

tagged by: no one

+ Basics:

- Do you have a magical/Pagan name? The closest I have to a “magical/pagan” name is the surname Haddock.

- How did you find Paganism? Toothless.

- How long have you been practicing? 5 years this year.

- Are you out of the broom closet? me? out of the broom closet?? in this shitty Christian-dominated society?? don’t make me laugh...

- Solitary or group practitioner? Solitary

- What is your path? pop culture paganism, spirit work, death, draconic, alien energies, with a vast ol’ mix of dragonkin, merfolkkin, vampirekin and fictionkin.

—-

+ Deity:

- What’s your brand of deism? hard ass polytheism.

- Who is your patron God? I have three. but I’m not sure if I call them patrons?? just.. my gods??

- Who is your patron Goddess? n/a

- What Gods do you worship? Death (aka Arkay “from” the elder scrolls), Fathurmor (aka Toothless “from” the HTTYD soon-to-be trilogy) and Jel, a creator god  that once ruled over the planet Mars (along with others)

- Do you fear darkly aspected Gods/Goddesses, or rather respect them? Depends on which one?? I haven’t met each one, and if I did, I’m fairly certain that I wouldn’t fear them in a “omg they’re bad i wish they didn’t exist” but rather fear them in a “holy shit they’re intimidating do not piss them off”

Other than that, all the respect in the world goes to them in my eyes. They work their asses off the maintain the balance too and they should get the same respect “lightly-aspected” deities would get.

- Do you worship the Christian God? Nope, sorry.

- Do you worship animals? Or plants? no, but my respect goes to them.

+ Nature:

my spirituality isn’t really earth-bound...

- Do you regularly commune with nature? uh.. not really?

- Taken a camping trip just to talk to nature? well tbf, nature is a really nice place to be in and its very refreshing on the mind. So if I had the money, I would, but.. no. I haven’t. and it would more likely just to enjoy nature.

- Describe the moment you felt closest to Mother Earth? uh.. the closest to Mother Earth I have is Jel, who is very much respectful of nature.

- Do you have a familiar? i.. don’t?

- Have you ever called upon the powers of an animal in ritual? no

- Or a plant? no

- Do you hug trees? uhh.. i think i’ve hugged a tree spirit, does that count?

- Give them gifts? no

- What are your favourite plants to work with? N/A

- What are your favourite trees to work with? N/A

—-

+ Wheel of the Year:

- What is your favourite holiday? uhh Halloween

- What is your least favourite holiday? labor day??? i apologize that my answers are so Christian-centric, but labor day just sounds capitalist to me.

i say this as i know literally nothing about labor day

if i’m really honest though, my least favorite holiday would likely be easter. for very personal reasons and not because of religious abuse

- Have you ever held a ritual on a holiday? uhh.. not really.

- Ever taken a day off work to celebrate a Pagan holiday? I’d love to be able to do that.. if I could work hahaha..

- Do you celebrate Yule on the 21st rather than the 25th? uhh, I say happy solstice, but that’s about it.

- Have you ever felt the veil thinning? I feel more spiritual energy when the veil is supposedly thinning.

- Ever danced the Maypole? uhh.. what’s that?

- Know what the Maypole symbolizes? i’m assuming its a sacred thing, so i’m not gonna say anything else in order to avoid disrespecting anyone.

- How do you usually celebrate the Pagan holidays? I.. just answered that question in all of the questions above..

like all of the questions above were literally just different forms of that question.

—-

+ Divination:

- Do you use Tarot? I want to.

- Do you use runes? I want to

- Do you use a pendulum? yeah, but mainly for energy work

- Do you use dowsing rods? No.

- Do you use astrology? uhh. not really? its an interesting practice, but, i’m not really that much into it.

- Any other forms of divination? uhh..

—-

+ Spells:

- What was the first spell you did? a forgiveness spell to allow myself to forgive someone who had hurt me. but tbf, I was kind of a douche to them too. like, incredibly ableist. ew. - What was the latest? just a devotional spell to my gods. - Ever done a love spell? no - A job spell? No

- A healing spell? I do healing energy manipulation sometimes? - What was the most powerful spell you’ve ever performed? probably the devotional work

- What deities do you usually call on? my gods??? what? do you honestly think i would call on gods that aren’t mine??? wtf no!

ok i’ve done that before quite a few times with Bastet and Hecate i’m so sorry.

—-

+ Cryptozoology:

- Do you believe in vampires? yep

- Werewolves? yep - Shapeshifters? yep - Elves? yep - Fairies? yep - Dragons? yep - Nymphs? yep - Sprites? yep - Mermaids? yep, but merfolk - Satyrs? yep

basically, everything exists somewhere.

- Ever “seen” any of the above? i think by “seen” you mean encountered, but yes.

- Ever used any of the above in magic?  what do you mean by used?? I dont’ believe in using spirits for your own gain. the magick i use are usually from me, and if not, then they’re from my gods in the form of devotion.

- Do you have one of them as a personal guardian? yeah, my gods. One of them is a dragon, another one of them is literally Death Himself, and the other is a literal extraterrestrial creator god. there’s a few other gods that aren’t necessarily my “patrons” but i still think of them as family.

—-

+ Random:

- Do you see a rabbit, a man or a woman in the moon? i see a night fury’s head tbh...

- Own a cat? no, but i wish i did.

- Do you work with chakras? i’m not hindu, so chakras aren’t really mine to work with??

- Do you believe in past lives? its only half my spirituality lol

- If so, describe a few briefly. uhh, lets see, being crucified, being burried alive, falling to my death, to name a few. i have more, but i can’t describe them as briefly as my deaths.

- Do you believe in soul mates? i do kinda. but like? its not in the way you think. its less romantic and more.. any kind of consensual relationship that two or more people feel connected enough to call eachother soulmates and that relationship can be platonic, queerplatonic, romantic, or sexual.

- Do you have a spirit guide? edit: uhh no and i prefer not to be culturally appropriative thank you very much

i apologize for changing the comment to this question. the previous answer wasn’t mine, but from someone that posted this meme before me. i know i should’ve when i did this meme.

- Is it always love and light? love and light? why should i have my paganism centered around only two aspects on the multiverse??? that’s so limited, dude. 

also, light =/= good and dark =/= bad.  anybody who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something.

tagging: whoever the fuck wants to do this

[lazcht]

Contemplations

...of aging, and the year of 2017

Hey, it’s been such a long time I haven’t write a long (and personal) blog so pardon my (even more) rusty writing skill--phrasings and poor vocabulary. 

Well. I’ve been thinking to share some of my thoughts to the internet concerning...age. 

26th of September is my birthday. Actually this is the last year I’ll be in 20s, haha. Lately (at least among my friends) it’s so familiar to hear “It feels like I was graduating school yesterday damn it.”

Is birthday really matter?

Nah it’s just a calendar--day, week, month, year, time system made by humans as a system to measure how long we’ve been here, on earth. I don’t feel really connect with the concept to celebrate anniversaries exactly by “time”. It works more as reminders, a trigger to notice myself to contemplate, evaluate, and plan. 

Should I be happy? Hmm. Celebration, eating fancy, wonderful wishes, surprises, gifts, are bonus. I might be taking them for granted actually, (I feel bad for that) but I kinda feel it’s not a necessary thing to have on a birthday. Though my birthdays have been so great since I was little, so in my mind, a birthday is always been a good and fun association. 

Except, when I was reaching 20... my anxiety about stuff arose, maybe this time is the same. I’m about to hit 3rd checkmark of 10 years of milestone. So it’s a lie if I say, that aging doesn’t matters at all.

I feel so grateful that I’m always surrounded with kind people who care about things I love, my well-being, or my future, or simply all people that accept my presence on their lives. So thank you for all wishes and gifts... Though I can’t promise anything in return.

Suddenly I remembered...

My mood was not really good lately. I’m thinking about lot of stuff. Frustrated, anxious, worried(?), and a little bit pessimistic. Why, I wonder?

I’ve been thinking, what’s the difference, and how I’ve been changing from 10 years ago; the teen me, to I am now. So here are my personal conflicts.

1. First of all, the easiest thing to notice, is my physical body. 

Back then, recovery was fast, good stamina, and a body that didn’t go sick although I didn’t put so much attention in it. I could ate stuff sloppily, hygiene doesn’t stop me from doing what I want, sleep deprivation didn’t matter as much, pollution didn’t really affect my respiratory system, bad posture didn’t get me strains or sores, lack of exercising also less punishing. Waking up motivated and energized.

Now... well, I’ve been trying to wake up not feeling bad, and go to sleep with a good posture so I don’t feel like shit the next day. 

Allergies such as dust, smoke, (my own) sweat, water (on my scalp) are easily triggered these days. I dunno if the environment here getting so much worse (well, it’s a capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta), or just my body can’t cope up with my old lifestyle.

After I get the feeling of living in a weak dying body previous years, being unproductive, unmotivated and low at energy, mood-swing, stressed and getting the feeling of “decaying”, having atrophic and useless muscles; I figured it was because I lack of self-care. I feel that can’t ignore this shit anymore, before it’s getting far too late.

2. Mindset & interests.

The more I think, I noticed maybe the biggest difference between me 10-20 years ago with me right now, is the optimism level LMAO.

In junior high school days, to 20+ ish, I kinda have faith that someday (perhaps in 5-10 years) I might be able to become famous, or having decent money flow. I felt that I was a genius compared to people my age, haha well I had a narrow social circle. As I grow older, things become difficult (actually prolly I was just underestimated lot of stuff back then?). Having more knowledge makes me think that I know nothing about this world, this industry I work in, about what’s work and what’s not, about this life.

I used to have strong feel of justice or moral compass that’s quite firm. I could really simply say that doing A is plainly wrong and doing B is absolutely right. As I grow older, learning so much stuff (from experience, or fiction stories I consume), knowing so much people with their insight from cultural, religion aspect, things are not as simple. I faced lot of turning point couple of years lately.

I used to have interest in drawings, my capability to draw something, but not about reading, or listening about things that inspire. My dream was to become an animator or comic artist, later on I was only interested in the drawing process, the result, but not the story. Maybe that’s why I’m comfortable in joining other’s project rather than doing my own.

I consumed things that only makes me able to create what people told me to, but not “nutrients” for my ability to conceptualize and inspire, to deliver message. In 7++ years of my career, I deliver nothing, just work, ego "masturbating”, fun and money. Not so long ago, I noticed I that I should change my direction. That I had to make impact, or at least, a lasting impression, stuff that people could think about. 

I focus less in technique, and think more about purpose, idea, vision. Things that only I, can deliver it (still looking). Things that are more personal and close to my identity.

3. Family condition.

Not only me that gets older. Parents, partner, sibling and other relatives are also getting old. Not to mention the economy and how industry, business trends flows by. 

Economically, my family is currently going downwards. Parent’s not as healthy as they were 5~10 years ago. Good thing they’re still lively, active, able-bodied to still go traveling actually. They simply can’t work continuously, hence eventually, incomes are scarcer. Bills getting higher each year, or even months. They don’t demand retirement (thanks to them), but I feel they’re thinking we (their children) are not ready to take full responsibility of paying all of household needs. But luckily enough, our family didn’t have any debt. Yet I could use steady income to cover us, as soon as possible.

Psychologically, parents are more into games now (I’m so glad lol), and they’re still quite sharp to pick out hoaxes though there are lot of random Whatsapp videos or articles they share with the old folks. Overall, still good but long term-wise, I’m quite pessimistic.

4. Spiritual side, ego, myself.

It’s getting harder to reach a clear mind nowadays, just a moment to meditate and let my mind sit calmly, silently. I guess I’m now getting even more drowned into the “Lazcht” ego. I feel the need to work hard, but only to serve the “me”. How about afterlife thoughts, awareness, mindfulness? I know I need more mind exercise, but there we are, too busy being involved into mundane stuff haha.

Love life, it’s hard to describe but now I feel like I can control better of my own possessiveness, to think that love is about giving, having a big heart, and letting go. Breakup? Nope, but as a formerly monogamous person, I’m currently having a polyamorous partner. We had been seeing the differences as our biggest obstacle on continuing the relationship, and I was trying to make myself adapt and change to compromise, but now, we decided to see and experience love with our own “style”. It works for now, tho, we don’t know for how long. :’)

Insecurity changed and taught me a lot of life lesson. Back then I’d never care much about my body image, upgrading wardrobe and so on. Lately I also feeling anxious again about my gender issue. The urge to transition (I’m a trans FYI) is getting stronger, but meh... I’m broke, so not now. :(

What do i do then?

1. Physical aspect: workout, regular outing, drink more water, body-awareness, and keeping good habit. 

Latest one is hardest, because of my zero-discipline. For people who has similar issue with mine, easiest way I find is to bathe regularly, at least once a day would make my day better. Maintaining room’s sanitary is also excellent method to wake up feeling great. Recently I bought an air purifier, vacuum regularly, and it worked nicely.

I once find using a scheduler app with fixed wake up time, eating, working, etc makes me feel better and content, then again it’s hard to keep it on long-term. 

2. Nutrients for brain: watch or read more interesting and recommended stuff, explore, make new friends or be in a new circle. 

I also feel that it’s necessary to learn languages, especially Japanese, I feel like someday I’ll really make use of them.

Probably planting is also a way to refresh mind and soul. I really hope to learn on cultivating vegetables, or just herbs if it’s easier haha.

3. Economy and family matter: can’t do much for this actually, except doing my best on my work and keeping healthy relationships. 

I really hope I can make them go travel somewhere else beautiful, since their mindset always like “we wouldn’t afford that much.” or “it’s not worth it.” well, perhaps they’re not into it but I just don’t want they can’t afford to spend money on something they love.

Hopefully I can find a good way to improve my economy without too much sacrificing important things.

4. Myself as me: I... just hope to improve, or perhaps become slightly more famous as an artist or gamedev person lol. Most of all, I just want to love myself more, and be content with my own self. Also hopefully I’ll become more useful to others, on anything. I wish I can optimize myself because... too much burnout (physical or social). If anyone notice that sometimes I don’t appear anywhere or rarely seen, that’s not necessarily that I hate being with you guys, mostly it’s because I need my space and time.

Ideally, I want to go to more convention events, overseas, selling my own stuff (or with circle), get in touch with amazing people. Or simply maintain good relations with people around me (not just physically ofc) right now. You guys are good friends. 

Okay that’s enough, I think I can count this as my prayer because I don’t usually “pray”. Forgive me for my wrongdoing (or let me know?) and thanks for being here with me. May universe get along well with everyone and hear our wishes! :)

~Lazcht, 29 Y.O.

[rayomz]

repost of my ac predictions/wishlist so i can cross out the things that were confirmed or disproven more easily

🌟 they will change something drastically about the character design (acww: hair, acnl: taller/pants, ac switch: ???) ANIMALS WEAR MORE THAN TANK TOPS!!!!!

🌟 you still get to be mayor, or some sort of town planner

may be like happy home designer, where you can design entire facilities like shops, schools, etc, however that works

you will be able to choose where animals move in (like in previous games, houses went on top of signs placed around town. you’d be able to place signs wherever)

more public works projects

you will get to choose your face instead of having The Quiz

🌟 more customization options in general (skintone)

an upgraded version of the pattern maker

🌟 a dedicated tool for path creation and not just putting paths down via patterns (shovels for dirth paths, more TBA maybe?)

MORE pattern space regardless

more complex villagers

at least one new species

one to two new personality types

one new shop type

a small online hub, maybe

an in-game gallery where you can upload custom patterns and download them from other players

if that’s not it, you will have to use your phone using the NSO app. i think animal crossing will have app functionality anyway, maybe something like splatnet where you have shop exclusives, but mainly because of voice chat. but i was thinking this app would let you scan QR codes and send them to your game since the switch doesnt have cameras

a new type of collectible (like how acnl added deep sea creatures)

the town for ac switch will be Large. Big. acnl was too tiny, i want something Large, city folk was nice but it could still be… Bigger.

they might bring back amiibo cards and the campsite

❌ free camera in town i think is a 50/50 possibility. the switch is powerful enough to handle it but at the same time the current view is iconic i think and idk if they’d get rid of that. i will predict better cameras in places like the museum though

🌟 graphically, it will look nice. the way the ac track looks in mario kart is the dream but, i can see them doing the exact same thing from acnl. which is Not what i want

they’ll put in all furniture from pocket camp

they’ll put uh.. plants from pocket camp (birch trees please)

monthly free dlc like in new leaf

inevitable japanese-exclusive content

WISH LIST:

bat, raccoon, weasel, otter, or possum villagers

fantasy species like dragons, gryphons

more fantasy villagers at the very least (draco, julien)

biomes/landscape variety: be able to choose different town types such as mountains, forests, deserts, grasslands, tropical, whatever. or start out with the regular forest type town, and have the option to change it into anything (maybe it changes depending on what you plant? like if an area has a lot of cacti, the grass will disappear and turn into scrub)

more options for an urban/modern town

more variety in personalities per species. cats for example, a majority of the male cats are either grumpy or lazy. no smugs, and one (1) jock

more complex villagers. i want a relationship system. i’m not talking about marrying or dating anyone, i just want friendships to mean something. i want to be able to progress through a relationship.

^^ related, i want more complex villagers in terms of their OWN personality. they’re always upbeat and in a good mood in acnl. they have no bite. they lack any personality. they’re so bland. i want a villager to move in and hate me for absolutely no reason. and then maybe i can do errands for him or something, and we can slowly become friends. SOMETHING other than *knows each other for 5 seconds* “hehe we’re best friends :)”. in acnl i made NO friends other than zell and kiki (who is a staple villager for me) because i had no incentive to make any friends. everyone is exactly the same. boring

^^ maybe animals in a town can have relationships with each other? like dotty and felicity are friends, but dotty hates poncho. i dont know what this could do other than more errands to run but it would help the town feel more alive

Big Leafy Trees

fruits and vegetables. maybe leif can sell planters in his shop that allow you to grow things like strawberries or tomatoes that you can sell

cooking? i’ve seen people talk about cooking ~LiKe BrEaTh Of ThE wILd~ (bc thats the only nintendo game that exists i guess) where it effects your stats and energy/stamina and tbh animal crossing does NOT need that. i think you should be able to cook for food as furniture items, or you can give food to villagers as gifts to increase your Friendship Points. Or you could sell it for a a little bit of Money

more furniture, but that’s a given with any ac game

customizable pants! in acnl they gave us the option to customize different types of shirts but i want customizable pants and skirts now

🌟 yards. even if they’re small

🌟 half-tile placement for furniture like in happy home designer (idk if half-tiles are in pocket camp)

more customization options for houses, like windows and doors (like HHD)

an online marketplace where you can go and trade with people online without having to need to go to their town and swap FCs

nice beaches, the ones in new leaf kinda suck imo

being able to rename yourself/your town

more villagers that use slightly different models/wear hats/etc, like o’hare, zucker, drago, muffy etc

more holidays/events would be cool i guess

can we change neighbours’ houses easily like in acww you could send them a wallpaper/floor and they’d change it to that lol

[pocket-anon]

Operation: First Noel (2/7)

Happy Tuesday! It's @xhookswenchx‘s Gutter Flower Secret Santa Week of Fic, Day 2! I was going to cut this chapter off at the first half, but then I thought, "Who doesn't need more domestic Swan Jones Family?". LOL. I hope you enjoy. I'm off to try to get Chapter 3 ready for posting by tomorrow night, but if the muse doesn't cooperate, I'll do my best to get you a Chapter 3/Chapter 4 double feature Thursday. Thanks for reading!

Find it on AO3.  Missed a chapter?  Get caught up here.

Summary:  When the residents of Storybrooke enjoy a rare period of peace over the holiday season, Henry asks his family for something he’s never had - a real Christmas. A series of holiday vignettes. (Captain Swan/Captain Cobra/Captain Charming.  Canon Divergent.  Domestic Fluff, Humor, & Smut.   Rated E purely for Chapter 4.)

Requested tags: @optomisticgirl.  Want to be tagged on updates?  Let me know!

Chapter 2: Christmas Trees, Chocolates, & Promises You Don’t Intend to Keep

The following weekend, David takes Killian and Henry out in his pickup to scout for Christmas trees. No one in Storybrooke is expressly growing evergreens, but when Henry shows him pictures of what they’re looking for, David’s face lights up and he nods.  “I know just the place.”

He drives them out to the west edge of the woods the next day, pulling the Ford to a stop along the side of the packed dirt road.  “There’s a grove of younger fir trees,” he says, lowering the gate on his truck bed and pointing, “just through there.”  He hauls out a stack of folded tarp and turns toward Killian, his breath misting. “Here.”

Killian accepts it with a curious look.  “What’re these for?”

“To wrap the trees,” David explains, grunting as he reaches for the chainsaw he’s also brought along.

“You act like you’ve done this before,” Killian observes.

“No,” he says cheerfully, leading them away from the road and into the tree line, “but I can look things up on the internet well enough.” He claps Killian on the shoulder with one gloved hand.  “You could try it sometime, you know.”

Killian suffers the ribbing good-naturedly.  “I’ll have you know that I’m becoming quite proficient at using Google, even though I still say it’s a ridiculous name.”  He doesn’t miss David and Henry swapping amused looks on either side of him as they crunch their way through the ankle-deep snow.

“At least he’s stopped calling it ‘The Google,’” David comments indulgently.

Henry grins.  “Baby steps.”

Killian merely rolls his eyes but doesn’t retort.  In truth, this relaxed camaraderie he’s developed with the members of Emma’s family is a one of many gifts they’ve given him that he never dreamed of having. Where once he threatened men’s lives for such teasing, he now views these little barbs from Charming, Snow, Henry, and, yes, even Regina, as a badge of honor, a sign that he’s been accepted into the fold, that he belongs. He's spent hundreds of years feared by those closest to him, respected but unloved, and now that he is loved, albeit inexplicably, by a group of remarkable individuals who view him as an equal, rather than their superior, there's no question in his mind which he prefers.

It’s a short walk from the road to the grove David spoke of, a smattering of younger trees of various sizes scattered amongst the towering, more ancient specimens that make up the canopy.

“Will this work?” David asks as they pause to survey the scene in front of them.

Henry ploughs ahead excitedly.  “Yeah. It’s great!  How’d you remember this place?”

David chuckles, following along with Killian at his heels.  “Given the amount of time we’ve spent looking for people out in these woods over the last couple years, I should hope I’ve got a decent lay of the land by now.”

They locate a couple of handsome six-foot firs that garner Henry’s approval and set to work felling them and wrapping them in the tarps.  It takes a bit of trial and error to get the trees wrapped tightly enough that they can carry them well, and David ends up making a trip back to the truck for some rope to use to bind them up.  

“Maybe we should have brought Mom,” Henry says as they finish wrapping the second tree.  “She could have just poofed these trees home.” He holds the tarp in place while Killlian tugs the loops of rope snug around the oversized bundle and ties it off with a maritime knot.

“Which mom?” David asks.

Henry shrugs. “Either.”

Killian climbs to his feet and dusts his hand off on his leg.  “As convenient as that might be, lad, you know magic is not always the answer,” he chides.  “We’re three capable men, and there’s something to be said for doing an honest day’s work with your hands.  Or, you know…”  He waves his hook with a sheepish grin.

“Besides,” David adds, “Isn’t this part of the Christmas experience?”  He and Killian position themselves on either side of the tree and hoist it off the ground in tandem.

Henry gathers up the chainsaw and a coil of unused rope.  “I guess.”

“Well, how did you and Emma get a tree before?  I mean,” David clears his throat, “in your fake memories?”

Henry shrugs.  “You know how fake memories are.  Everything is kinda fuzzy.  But there’s no local forest when you live in New York, except for Central Park, I guess, which doesn’t count.  So there are farmers who grow Christmas trees out in the country and bring them into the City to sell.  You just find a Christmas tree stand and get one already cut and wrapped.  This,” he gestures to their surroundings, “is totally old school.”  He brightens as they set off for the truck, tromping back toward the road.  “Do you think we could get Tiny to start growing Christmas trees on his farm?”

David grins. “That’s not a bad idea.  Maybe if you ask nicely.  Or your mom.”

“Aye,” Killian agrees, smirking.  “The giant has always had a soft spot for Emma.”

They slide the first tree into the bed of the pickup and head back to retrieve the second, and fifteen minutes later they pile back into the cab with Henry sandwiched in the middle.

“Hey, Grandpa?” Henry asks as the truck rumbles to life.  He leans over with his smart phone and shows David a picture of a leafy green plant with white berries.  “Have you ever seen anything like this growing around Storybrooke?”

David takes the phone and studies the picture as he adjusts the heater, his brow wrinkling. “Sure.  It’s a parasite that grows on trees.  Why?”

Henry flushes excitedly. “Do you know where to find it?”

David arches an eyebrow at his grandson’s eager expression and smiles wanly, suspicion in his eyes.  “Yeah, there used to be some down by the animal shelter.  The berries are poisonous; we always had to keep the dogs away from them.”

“Can we go get some?”

Killian reaches over to take the phone and inspect the image with interest.  “What is it, lad?”

Henry’s face turns a little ruddy.  “Mistletoe.”

“Another Christmas tradition?” Killian asks, clearly smelling a plot.  His lips curve in a burgeoning grin, and he shoots David a look over Henry’s head.

“Well, yeah,” Henry fidgets.  “You hang it, and people who get caught under it together have to kiss.”

Killian breaks into a hearty laugh.  “I see. Planning to keep some handy for your Violet, are you?”

Henry shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant.  “Maybe.”

David beams with amusement and pulls the truck out on to the road, making a U-turn and heading for the animal shelter.  “Well, we can’t go against tradition, can we?”

“Perish the thought,” Killian scoffs.  His eyes glint with mischief as he gives Henry a sidelong glance.  “You're not the only one who might be able to put this mistletoe to good use.”

Henry groans. “Promise me you and Mom and," he turns to look at David, "you and Grandma aren't going to be making out all the time from now until New Year's.”

Killian gives his stepson a rakish grin.  "It's bad form to make promises you don’t intend to keep, lad.”

*                             *                             *

  I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

 Emma hums to herself as Christmas tunes fill the first floor of the house, pausing in between refrains to take a deep whiff of the aroma of milk chocolate as she stands at the stove and stirs the melting concoction in a double boiler.  Her free hand absently strokes her belly, and she sways a little in time to the song, wondering if the baby can hear any strains of music or sense the excitement of the impending holiday.  The little girl certainly seems to be giving Emma plenty of Christmas food cravings, and the big draw these last two weeks, in contrast to Emma’s usual penchant for the warmth of cinnamon, has been the cool bite of mint.

She sets her spatula aside and breaks away from the stove for a minute, moving over to the wood block cutting board on the counter.  Taking up a stainless steel meat hammer, she proceeds to whack at a large plastic bag full of peppermints in time to the quick beat, the candies crushing with each satisfying blow.

The front door opens, a frosty gust pouring in, and Henry appears with his arms wrapped around the front end of a cut and bound tree, his cheeks blotchy pink with cold and exertion. “Hey, Mom!” he pants, hauling the bundle over the threshold with Killian bringing up the rear.

“Hey, guys.”  Emma grins and pauses the candy carnage to watch them set the tree down along the wall just to the left of the coat rack. “I was starting to wonder where you two were.”

Killian sighs with satisfaction as he straightens and pushes the door closed against the frigid afternoon air.  “Sorry, love,” he says, flashing her an exhilarated smile.  “We had to make an extra stop on the way, and then it took a while to get the first tree set up at your parents’.”

“Extra stop?”

Her husband and her son exchange a conspiratorial look.

“Just an errand,” Killian assures her smoothly.  “Picked up a little something for later.”

She briefly narrows one eye at his coyness but resumes crushing the peppermints just as the song swells to a climax.  Thwack-thwack-thwack-thwack...

Killian and Henry exchange another look, clearly wary of the idea of a woman of Emma’s temperament wielding a hammer while pregnant and hormonal.  As usual, Killian braves the threat first, tugging his glove off between his teeth and flashing her his most disarming smile as he wanders into the kitchen. “What on Earth are you doing, Swan?” he chuckles.

She hums and sets her mallet aside.  “Making peppermint bark,” she says simply.

Killian’s face remains pleasantly blank as he draws close.  “Bark?”

Emma’s lashes flutter as he plants a quick kiss on her lips and smoothes his hand over her belly, and she hums happily.  “Mm-hmm. It’s a Christmas treat,” she explains, turning back to the stove to stir the molten chocolate before it burns. “It’s crushed peppermint candy in layers of white and milk chocolate.  It looks a little like tree bark.  And it’s delicious.”

His blue eyes light with understanding, and he grins at her knowingly.  “Ah.  Craving the peppermint again today, I take it?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” she says, rolling her eyes and cutting out the burner on the stove.  She hastily scatters a generous portion of crushed mints over the bottom of a baking sheet lined in wax paper and then reaches for an oven mitt.  “We may be out of candy canes, by the way.”

He chuckles and goes to shuck his coat.  “Well, we shall just have to order more.”

“Way ahead of you.” She bites her lip, looking a little chagrined.  “I may have splurged on a whole case this time.  And express shipping.”

He laughs.  “No worries, love.  I’m fairly sure we can afford to keep you stocked in candy canes.”

“Did you ever think this is how you’d be spending all those dubloons?” she asks slyly.

Killian strides back over and gives her a one-armed hug, pressing his lips into her hair.  “No.  This is a far better use of them than anything I could have imagined.”

She beams, and he responds with a wink as he goes to help Henry address the tree.

Henry has the spot for the tree prepped, the location just to the left of the bay windows ready to go with a thick towel and a plastic tray and a tree disposal bag set out just as the YouTube video he’s been diligently reviewing the last couple days instructed. They double-check the tree stand and huddle together around the stump, murmuring to each other as they secure it to the base of the tree.  

“You want me to magic it over there?” she calls, watching Henry and Killian bend down on either side of the tree and prepare to move it.

“It’s okay, Mom,” Henry says, glancing up at her.  “We’ve got this.”

Killian gives her son a proud smile.

Having already done this once today at David and Snow’s, he and Henry hoist the tree upright and maneuver it into the place with only a minimal amount of awkwardness and grunting.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“To your left, lad.  The other left.”

“Oh, right.  Oh!  Wait! Wait-wait-wait...”

“Alright?”

“Yeah.  My hand almost slipped.”

“Easy does it now…”

Emma smiles to herself as she finishes pouring the chocolate onto the baking sheet and scrapes the remnants out of the bowl with a spatula while she listens to her boys work together. She reaches for her phone and snaps a few pictures covertly as they settle the tree into place and pull the wrapping away to reveal the handsome silhouette of the deep green fir.  A watery smile curls at her mouth as she catches a shot of them standing next to one another and admiring their handiwork.  Killian and Henry’s first Christmas tree, she thinks.  Our first Christmas tree.  It’s a symbol of them as a family, this tree, the first thing next to this house that they’re all investing in and molding to make their own, and her heart swells at the thought.  

Henry leaves Killian slicing open the boxes of lights and ornaments they’d ordered the week before and pops into the kitchen to locate a pitcher with which to pour water into the Christmas tree stand.  “You gonna help us decorate the tree, Mom?” he asks her, rummaging around in one of the lower cabinets.  His face lights up when he finds what he’s looking for.

Emma hurriedly sprinkles another healthy dose of peppermint shards over the liquid chocolate in the baking sheet and moves it to the refrigerator, grinning at her son over her shoulder.  “Of course, Kid.  I can’t let you guys have all the fun.”  She narrows her eyes as she counts the boxes of Christmas lights resting on the floor next to Killian.  “How many lights do you two plan to put on that thing?”

“A thousand.”  Henry grins innocently and sets the pitcher to fill in the sink.  

Her eyebrows peak, and she lets out a helpless laugh.  “I’m pretty sure you don’t need a thousand lights for a tree that size, Henry.”

“Who said anything about ‘need’?”

Emma groans and rolls her eyes.  “Promise me you two are not going to blackout the town.”

Henry glances over his shoulder and meets Killian’s eye, and they develop matching impish grins.  “I would, Mom,” he says blithely, “but it's bad form to make promises you don't intend to keep.”

Thanks for reading!  Ready for more?  Click here for the next chapter!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #300

that’s a lot of time wasted, lmao

If you were a witch, which animal would be your familiar? Could I have like, a melanistic barn owl? That'd be dope. They're fuckin gorgeous. If there's a design on your shirt, what is it? Ha, speaking of owls... Would you ever visit a ghost town? MOTHERFUCKER would I. Bringing my camera, too. What would you do if you found out your life was only a simulation controlled by someone else? I have a very much Detroit: Become Human (phenomenal game, btw) outlook on this: I think, therefore I am. It honestly wouldn't affect me terribly. I sure would hate my creator though, jfc, lmao. What's the scariest thing you've accidentally found on the internet? Okay so there is this one video filmed by some guys who had this really strange, sulking guy in black stalking them, and it ends with the suspected murderer slinking over to the guys (who were by this point finding it almost funny, due to how the man was acting) and charging with a knife, I think, once he was very close. I believe the men were never found afterwards. It is SO goddamn unnerving. Is there anything bothering you right now? Not to be a Negative Nancy, but when isn't there lmao. Thinking of every Halloween costume you've had, which one was the most creative? I never had creative ones, really. What's the picture on your calendar for this month? I don't have a relevant calender, just old meerkat ones on a wall in my room. If you were a mythical creature, which would you be? As much as I love dragons, they're targeted too much in fantasy to kill, so let's not, haha. Being a dryad would be cool. Or druid. Either/or. If you were an animal, which would you be? A housecat, ig. Were you ever bullied when you were younger and how did you handle it? I consider myself very lucky to have not been. Have you ever thrown something away and then wanted it back? Okay so it's "deleted" versus "thrown away," technically, but there are two senior prom pictures in specific I desperately want back because fuck my low self-esteem, I look beautiful in them and so damn happy. I even tried Facebook restore programs that supposedly recovered all pictures you ever removed, but I couldn't salvage them. I'm still pissed about it, haha. What's one random city you want to visit? I don't have a specific city, per se. More so just countries in general. If you owned a store, what would you most likely sell? I think owning a pet supply store would be really cool, with some animals that are actually very well-cared for, unlike chain pet stores. I HATE those, vehemently. So unspeakably ignorant and neglectful. If you had a garden, what sort of plants would you grow? I don't want a garden, but hypothetically, I'd love orchids, dahlias, tiger lilies, a weeping willow tree, some strawberries... What's your favorite phase of the moon? Full, of course. What's the song for your life right now? I've felt extremely connected to Seether's "Weak" lately. Do you believe that when you die, you get to see all your loved ones again? I hope so... Who would you be the most excited to see? DO I ACTUALLY NEED TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION?????????? Do you enjoy reading National Geographic magazines? If I'm like, sitting in a waiting room and they're available, I'll go for them. Do you know anyone who's serving in the military right now? Welcome to the South, baby. The boys graduate, they're going straight for the military. I only have one real friend who was one but left tho because he fucking hated it. Does or did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? Not in this house, no. As a small child, did you ever feel as if you were different or weird? Absofuckinglutely. I have A LOT of bad memories of instances where I felt like "the weird kid." Can you say "happy birthday" in another language? Omg... I forgot the German phrase. Wow, I'm rusty. What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math. Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? I don't have pictures that go with any. Who was the last person to comment on one of your photos on Facebook and how did you meet that person? I just checked, and it was my friend Summer. I met her because she was actually first friends with my younger sister in pre-k, but we grew closer than they did in our teen years. What career paths are you considering? I just want to be a photographer. So badly. But I've felt super, super discouraged lately. Do you watch music videos? I pretty much never do, but rather listen through the artists' Topic uploads or lyric videos. I don't generally like official music videos because they tend to have other sounds/parts/breaks/etc. in them that distract from the song. Have you ever clicked on those banner ads that promise a prize for clicking? Probably by accident at some point in time. What kind of computer are you using? Acer Nitro. What kind of computer do you wish you were using? I'm fine with what I have. Have you ever had a weight change so drastic you went to the doctor? .-. How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater? Depends on how long I'll be outside, but in most situations, in the 50s. Do you eat things off the floor? Um, ew. Who do people say you look like? My sisters. Do you usually get your homework done on time? When I was in school, I was very serious about having my homework finished by the date it was due. Have you ever framed your old movie ticket stubs? I've kept some, but never framed any. Do you have a digital camera? A Canon, yeah. Have you ever stuck something inappropriate in an electrical outlet? Bitch I ain't tryna get electrocuted. How many days has it been since your last birthday? My b-day is actually coming up soon; the 5th of February. Do you want any more siblings than you have now? Well, considering both my parents (and stepmom) are in their 50s... How easily shocked are you? VERY. I am extremely jumpy and on edge at like all times. You like the color blue, don't you? I mean yeah. Particularly the lighter tints. Who was the last person who asked you something that made you think? My therapist REEEEAAAALLY makes me do this. She's an absolute pro at getting me to dig deep into myself. Ever fired a gun? No, and I don't want to. From 1-10, how would you rate your cooking skills? Is 0 an option? Do you notice the heat or the cold more? HEAT, JESUS FUCK. It can be one or two degrees above what I consider stable and I'll be sweating. I'm hypersensitive to it I know from being in such a consistent temperature in my room like 24/7. Do you believe in miracles? Probably no. What hurts more: scratches or bites? Bites, if you're talking serious ones. Do you prefer rabbits to mice? No, mice (and especially rats) are absolutely amazing, intelligent animals. Bonus points for being mega cute too, though I do find rabbits cuter. Who out of all the people you know reasonably well is the most "dark?" Sara, haha. Favorite chocolate-based candy? Reese's. Do you call anyone babe or baby? My pets sometimes. Name me a food you used to like that you now don't: Peas, olives. Name me a food you now like but never used to: Mashed potatoes, IF prepared very well (by my standards, obviously). Would you rather live in Europe, The US, or Australia? By this point, take me to Europe. If it wouldn't be such a huge life change and leaving so many people, I would 120% move to Canada, but out of these, Europe will do. Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids, or a high flying job? Give me the high-flying job, 100%. I don't want kids, and I have no need for a large house. Is crime a big problem in your area? Oh yes. What’s your town/city most well-known for? By the locals, being the crime hub, actually, lol. Name 5 objects that you don’t have but would like right now: Hmmm... I want a 40g tank as an upgrade for Venus, a gaming chair for when I turn the extra room into my "office" so I don't destroy my back sitting there, new glasses and a driving permit, and don't forget a gd tattoo needle pounding my skin. :^) If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you? Yes, I would absolutely want a girl just because IF I wanted kids, I'd want a daughter named Alessandra. Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? Yeah, she's nice. What types of soups do you like? None. If a color could reflect your current mood, which would it be? Grayish blue. The last time you saw fireworks? I really don't know; it's been years, at least. Have you ever gone to a movie premiere? Possibly for Silent Hill: Revelation, but I'm not certain. Who was the last person to make you laugh out loud? My mom, because she made me remember something funny. What was the last commercial you heard selling? *shrug* Do you prefer fairly common names or a bit out of the ordinary ones? Oh, definitely rare and unique ones. Would you rather have a pet cat, dog, horse or tortoise? At this current time, a dog for Mom, which we're actually probably getting. She misses having one super badly. Is your laugh loud, normal or very silent? My laugh is loud and obnoxious as fuck. What are you interested in that most people would be surprised to know? Tarantulas, probably. I love them, even though spiders kinda scare me. Last movie you watched the whole way through? Elf, I think, with Sara's fam. What's your favorite fruit? Strawberries are where it's at. Last time you drank coffee? I've only ever sipped coffee to try to see if I liked it. Never have. I THINK I last took a sip of Sara's when we went on a breakfast date? Has anyone ever called you rich? Calling me rich would be entirely ludicrous. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. How many bathrooms are in your house? Two. Last time you were on a plane and where did you go? A couple years ago, coming home from Illinois. Favorite flavor muffin? Uggghhhh chocolate. Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. I tend to find circles visually appealing. Did you take Music when you were in school? I think all the elementary school students did. I was also in band in middle and high school; I played the flute. Why did you last feel like crying? I'm just sick of how my life is going. Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting, or indifferent? I find it either awkward or terrifying, depending on the gender. It's not a willing thing or intended sexism whatsoever, I'm just naturally afraid of men. Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No. Does someone’s background affect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Well, it depends on what they've done. How about their religious background? No. If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? Nope, bye. Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? No. How about a fashion designer? No. Do you prefer fire or ice? Fire aesthetically, but ice is certainly less intimidating. When happy, do you become more talkative? OH yes. Are you offended easily by non-politically correct language? No, really. I wouldn't say derogatory terms, but I really don't understand why most people put so much weight into a single made-up word. But again, you won't hear that language coming out of my mouth because I understand that it just does hurt some people, and I respect that. Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? It's gone overboard, imo. What's your I.Q? I don't want to know, haha. Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? No. Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Um, no. What person who has died would you bring back and why? Probably Steve Irwin. His children have done FUCKING FANTASTIC at carrying on his legacy and purpose, but I feel he could've taught the world so much more than he had time to... Do you like watermelon? No. Too watery. Can you remember the month of your first kiss? Yes, actually. March. What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? I'm unsure, really. Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? Both. What artist's paintings do you find the most beautiful? This is an impossible question. What about the most disturbing? Oh man, I watch this one person on deviantART that makes especially creepy artwork. I follow a loooot of dark artists, though, so it's difficult to pick. Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? A church-related summer thing, yes, as a kid. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Pokemon was/is where it's at. What was your biggest fear as a child? Thunderstorms, holy shit. Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Be able to breathe underwater. What about invisibility or mindreading? Definitely invisibility. Mindreading would just... suck. Hurt. Especially if you couldn't control it. Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Good question, considering I hate a shit ton. Can you remember all your past teachers names? No, not all of them. Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I don't mind watching 'em. I particularly used to love America's Got Talent. Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Yes; I failed horribly at my final math exam the last time I was in school. Are you on any meds? Too many. Just way too many for someone my age. I'm really starting to think I'm over-medicated to where it's dulling my senses, feelings, and also destroying my memory. But I kinda need like... all of them. I'm talking to my psychiatrist in just a couple days though, actually, and I'm going to talk to him about maybe trying to wean me off my OCD med, since I haven't had big symptoms in a long time. I wanna see how I deal without it. What color is your razor? Black and orange. What is your fave frozen treat? Just the classic ice cream. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? We tend to get our groceries from Wal-Mart. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YESSIREE. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? I don't think there's anyone that is widely disliked, no. Have you ever had to deal with someone close to you going off to war? No, thankfully. Other than yourself, who did you last buy something for? Mom. What's something you complain about frequently? My legs hurting. It's hard to ignore when taking one step is painful. Have you ever talked about your period with a guy? Were they okay with it, or grossed out? I certainly haven't talked about it in-depth, but it's been mentioned in some way when I was with Jason. I mean we were together for three and a half years, sexually active (and I ain't doing jackshit if it's that time of the month), and I spent as much time with him as possible, so... it woulda came up. I'm sure he was indifferent about it, he was a mature guy. Have you ever been to an Asian (any type) market? If so, what is the closest one to you? No. I've never even heard of one around here. Have you ever slept with a member of the opposite sex without having sex? Back up two questions, haha. That was normal. How would you feel if your significant other had tattoos? Shit man, I love tattoos. I'd obviously not care. How have you been feeling today? Depressed. Where’s your phone right now? On my chest. I'm lying down. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? ugh When you drink alcohol with friends, do you play drinking games? I never have. What are the best kind of Girl Scout cookies? I don't remember their names, honestly... but the chocolate and peanut butter ones come to mind.

[survivorelsalvador]

FINALE - It Was Unnatural For Me To Have Any Moments Of Feeling Good About Myself - Richie

DANA

"It's me America, the QUEEN of winning F6 immunity and ruining everyone's plans. Thinking about how sad everyone was feeling when I won is honestly making me CACKLE.

So.. now what? Fuck everyone except Nicholas honestly. I'll be bored out of my mind if he goes home this round, so I'm not letting them happen. I won F6 immunity which is lit and means... IT'S TIME TO FIGHT without fear of what it might mean for my chances at getting further in this game.

Ashton whom? He decides to reach out to me tonight for the first time in the game. It's laughable, and honestly THE MOST™disingenuous thing someone could do at this stage in the game. This sketchy weasel pops into my pms trying to be all ~casual~

On 7/12/17, at 1:30 AM, Ashton wrote: > Hey. I can't believe we haven't talked once this whole game lol

LIKE. IT'S F6 U INSINCERE BITCH. WYD.

I can ABSOLUTELY believe we didn't talk. Let's just call it like it is Ashton, you didn't want to talk to miss me and I wasn't too hot on talking to you either. But at this point? King of inactivity is probably my best option at keeping Nicholas around, so i'll be a fake ass bitch and sell myself to him. That's fine I guess.

All I want is Lily gone and I'll plant whatever garbage lies I have to so I can make it happen. Catch me on the other side of the F6 Tribal Council though, fans. "

ASHTON

Okay I'm gonna tell you a little story about a useless goat named Ashton. He began the game on a tribe he doesn't remember the name of and swapped to another tribe he doesn't remember the name of and finally swapped to another tribe he doesn't remember the name of where he aligned with two powerhouses, Lily and Richie. Lily and Richie did everything for him, added people to the alliance, figured out who he should vote for and even kept him in the game with an idol. But Anakin turns on Obi-Wan, at some point an apprentice has to turn on their master. And for young, naive Ashton...this might be that point. Dana and Nicholas are two easy votes, this could be the time to make a move and take out the biggest player in this game, Lily...or not. Toon in later to see how it all turns out.

RICHIE

"i was so extra for zakriah's vote out smh.. dana went H A R D campaigning to me like i was impressed by her ability to talk and determination so iconic i was shook!!!! unfortunately for her our interests didnt line up at the time so what she was saying didnt work out in her favor but still damn she tried!!! she came to me saying that her/nicholas/zak had 2 vote negators and were voting out lily and how lilys such a big threat and if she makes it to the end the 3 of them are all voting for her......

so i played along and joined an alliance chat with them and i talked to dana a lot about it to the point where i told them i was with them and i said lets vote lily.. my hope was that if they thought i was with them then they wouldnt play both vote negators because i knew lily had 1 vote negator and if i convinced nicolas/zak/dana that i was with them they would have the numbers without playing both negators so that me/lily/chips/ashton would still have the majority or else if they played both it would have been a tie and gone to rocks....

i think my plan worked? i wasnt sure if they were bluffing about the double negator or what their deal was but in the end it worked out where zak played a negator and lily played a negator and i voted with my real alliance and betrayed dana/nicholas/zak and i felt bad about leading them on because it really wasnt THAT necessary but there hasnt been an idol played since i played it at the merge vote so i've been on high alert thats why we voted zak because we figured dana and nicholas would be more likely to play one (RIP ZAK IM SORRY AGAIN) but i couldnt vote out lily because shes a shield for me if i got rid of her last time i would be target #1 in final 6 and be at the bottom of the zak/nic/dana alliance so it just didnt make sense for me to flip... i dont usually lie like that and i hated doing it but it needed to be done to assure everything went down smoothly "

"dana desperately campaigns part 2: nicholas hasnt approached me once to save himself its been all dana and im still shook by how much shes trying like good for her i love it when people are here to play and dont give up she won the immnity when she needed it and doing everything she can to try and put herself in a better position next week impressive and legendary!! the only problem is its very transparent shes saying things that i know arent true shes trying to downplay her game like i str8 up told her shes going to win if shes in the end and she said ""I really… am not. I havent spoken to any of the jurors except Willow. I don’t know Austin or Josh.... like i have never spoken to them"" but i know these things aren't true because i was aligned with austin and he campaigned to keep dana and was giving her information and thats why i idoled him out and i know she talks to zak because i caught her in a lie from her campainging last week vs what she said in the tribe chat

[7/10/17, 4:07:52 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Island Host): i talked to zak for the first time in the game… mmmmm right after willow left

[7/10/17, 10:17:16 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Island Host): I have a 50 day snap streak with zakriah that I WILL NOT kill for this game so

so im sticking with my 4 of me chips lily and ashton and voting out nicholas... im hoping theres no idol and if there is an idol dana's fixation on lily will mean she goes over me "

ASHTON

I'm voting Nicholas this tribal. I wanna stay loyal to my alliance for now and that might come back to bite me but I think it's the right move. So I tell Dana that I'm not gonna be making a move with her this time and she goes full Ciera Eastin on me, "You guys are stupid, Make a move blah blah blah". Basically throwing a pity party because I'm not doing what she wants. I don't know what she expects when she has been feeding me bullshit about how she's not a jury threat when her whole fucking alliance is on the jury.

IMMUNITY LETS GO. WOO WE NEEDED THIS. BYE DANA PEACE OUT.

It all came down to this immunity challenge if Lily wins she wins the game and we need to stop that. So when Richie won the final immunity I was elated because that meant we could vote her out and actually have a shot at winning the game. It's gonna be a simple vote 3-1 Lily and she's not helping herself by coming after me. So Adios you turned on me in seconds so doesn't feel as bad to have to turn on you.

LILY

I really hate this bullshit. Richie is fake af. Bitch, I told me vote me out at 7 if you aren't taking me to the end. Fake af Richie I never would have done that to you if your ass was on the line. You are going to lose this game and I'm excited to hang this thing to chips or really switch it up and just give the win the Ashton. Proud that I won two of the challenges just wish I could have finished the job so I would finally get a chance at FTC. Really disappointed 😔

RICHIE

"well... i was going to write a confessional about how well everything has gone for me game wise... we got nicholas out then we got dana out and it was our group of 4 that ive been working with this whole time in the end and i won final immunity so i made it and it looks like me chips and ashton are going to the end together and out of us 3 i feel like i definitely played the most strategic and dominant game so i was basically prematurely celebrating my win the second immunity results came out but my .00003 seconds of self confidence faded quickly lmao which is okay because it was unnatural for me to have any moments of feeling good about myself im much more comfortable being back in a place of self loathing!!

i told lily i was voting her out because i really like her and shes so sweet and i didnt want to blindside her like i've been final juror multiple times in other games and its such a shitty position and i just wanted to tell her rather than string her along because i have immunity theres no reason to lie to her... but FUCK she's pissed and it makes sense she feels like ive betrayed her and i kinda have... i neverrrrrr made a final 3 deal with her and i was sure to always choose my words carefully about going to the end together because ive known shes a jury threat just by how likable she is and i know that ive fucked people over and in this game i havent been the most likable person so sitting next to her infront of a jury would be stupid of me but god she went off telling me that shes never going to vote for me that shes not going to be kind shes going to do everything to ruin my reputation in jury  saying ""I do not respect disloyalty. I will destroy your game for this, you can't win solely on challenges. I will say and do everything in my power so you lose this game. That is your choice"" and ""You won't get my vote and I don't care what you do to try and get it. I won't ask you any questions and I will get to that jury and do what I want to ruin your game."" and a lot more.... so it sucks that i hurt her on a personal level and on a game level ive tried to do damage control and i was hoping by telling her this far ahead of the vote would give her time to decompress before going into jury pissed and have a chance to explain myself but i dont think theres any hope for that so RIP "

LILY

Chips, my favorite human? Yes.