#idk man i've just been feeling this

[gansey-like]

ooo

[egophiliac]

don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12

[pigeonstab]

Waiting at the bus stop

[deoidesign]

One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)

We all start somewhere!

[territorial-utopia]

Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)

Sure has been a year.

[violetscanfly]

How has it been almost a month since I posted oops, have a Hange doodle dump with one (1) Levi and a sneak peek to something I've been working on for a while now :D

>:)

[whumpty-dumpty-doo]

Late night mush-brained I-really-need-to-edit-this-draft-because-this-is-probably-all-way-too-much-irrelevant-information late night thoughts

[hellooobees]

I can't stop thinking about how the show sets up selfishness and selflessness as two sides of the same coin. How do you walk the line between making sure your loved ones can achieve their own dreams even if it means hurting yourself, and hurting your loved ones because you're hurting yourself for their sake?

It all goes back to Thame putting up his wish on the orange tree that he'll make all of the other members' dreams come true. Thame, who agrees to a shitty contract and works himself to the bone and makes it completely his burden to prove that Mars is a good investment for the company. Thame, who is made to believe that that very act of love and sacrifice is only debilitating his friends' dreams and the only way to keep his original promise is to leave.

We see Thame essentially being back at square one in this episode. He has to leave and go to Korea alone so the people he loves can achieve their dreams. But so much has changed since then. Thame had found hope, that he could simultaneously keep his promise and be selfish to want both his band and his partner. He's once again been working himself to the bone, giving up all of his time and attention between the band and Po, because his tiredness is such a small price to pay to turn that dream into reality. Why wouldn't he gladly take on all of that tiredness and more?

But despite all of the groundbreaking things he's achieved and everything he's given of himself, it doesn't work. His friends break down around him possibly reigniting the same insecurities from earlier that he worked so hard to ensure wouldn't come to pass. His boyfriend breaks up with him despite Thame promising to take on all of the burden and tiredness to make it work. He's being forced to leave everyone behind and he's being left behind too.

That flip from Thame being convinced that the best thing for him to do would be to leave for everyone else's sake, to the rest of Mars and Po being convinced that the best thing for them to do is to step back for Thame's sake is so so important to me. It's not just Thame who made making his friends' dreams come true into his own dream. The rest of Mars and Po did the same thing with Thame's dream. But how does it all work when the sacrifices you're willing to make for the dreams of your loved ones are at the cost of their happiness because they're at the cost of your own?

Thame's effort didn't go to waste. We see all of that effort manifesting in how it opens doors for the other members and Po so much more easily now. But it's also true that at the base of those new successes lie the shattered hopes of that shared dream between them.

The show sets up the question of whether the person who's leaving others behind feels hurt, and we see so many iterations of it. We see Earn leaving behind the person who was an instrumental part of his success without a second thought. We see Thame giving himself up and leaving for the band's sake. We see Jun leave twice, the first so that his friend would for once think of himself and his own success instead of letting the others drag him away from it, and the second when he's sure that his friend can be what the person that he cares for deserves. We see Pepper being completely willing to leave if the two biggest parts of his life cannot exist together and we see Gam actually leaving when it proves to be true. And we see Po leave because he cannot let himself become an obstacle in Thame's path and make all of their efforts come to waste. If that's the price to pay so that the people they love can have what they want then so be it, right? Their sacrifices are insignificant in the face of that.

But what happens when all those sacrifices still aren't enough? When the cost becomes too huge to bear?

[brekitten]

Bruce doesn't dream.

He never has, really - at least, not that he can remember. He never even had nightmares from the night his parents died. Maybe that's why; maybe he just subconsciously trained himself to not dream after that night, in fear of the nightmares that were sure to come. But the point is that he does not dream.

And yet.

The dream always starts out the same, every night, every time he closes his eyes and slips into the embrace of sleep. He's in a pitch-black room, one so dark that he can't see his hands even when he raises them right in front of his face. He knows, somehow, that he can walk for hours without coming into contact with anything - walls, furniture, anything at all to indicate that he was even in a room. Yet he knows that he is, although he's not sure why, as there really is no reason for him to know that.

The dream changes, after a while of walking. He knows that he won't find anything, no matter how far or how long he walks. This place is empty, desolate even. It fills him with dread every time. The change is never consistent, always bringing him to a different place each night.

(Once, it was a dusty old bedroom, one that made his heart ache, although he didn't know why. He had taken notice of the various space-themed decorations, the model rockets and NASA posters and stars on the ceiling. It was clearly a child's bedroom, but it hadn't been used in a long time. Another time, it was a darkened lab, illuminated only by the strange vials of green liquid lined along the many, many shelves. Bruce had wondered, after he had awoken, if it was Lazarus Water, but that felt wrong. It was something else. Something more. It had made him uneasy, and he got the feeling that something terrible had happened there. He didn't get a chance to investigate the gaping hole in the wall before he had been whisked away to another part of the dream.)

This time, he is in a brightly-lit white lab, and he has to blink stars out of his eyes at the abrupt change in lighting and color. He looks around; it seems like a typical lab, but everything is pure white, except for a green stain on the table. He can feel bile rising in his throat at the sight of the cuffs on the table, and though he still doesn't know what the green substance is, he gets the horrible feeling that it's blood. A lot of it.

He uses what little time he has to investigate the lab. There is an abundance of medical supplies, but many look unused, with the exception of the scalpels. The pit in his stomach continues to grow. Why were there so many? He reaches toward a vial of red liquid, wrong wrong wrong this is wrong, when the dream changes again.

Now he's in what is clearly a cell, except even the cells in Arkham aren't this bare. The only thing it contains is a familiar white-haired teenager, who is chained to the floor with cuffs that glow the same green as the vials of Lazarus Water that he's seen before.

Though Bruce has never learned his name, he has been in every dream, the one constant (besides the empty room, of course) in each one. The kid has never spoken, never done more than watch, but Bruce has always gotten the feeling that he was the reason for these strange dreams.

He knows that he should be more worried. If some kind of meta has managed to get inside his head, there's no telling what could happen. But he can't bring himself to be. Something is wrong, and it's not the teenager.

He can't help but think of his own children.

Something feels . . . off this time. The kid isn't looking up, isn't even moving - he seems limp, almost, as he kneels on the ground, weighed down by the chains keeping him there. Green blood - Bruce knows it's blood now, it has to be - drips from his still figure, pooling on the ground underneath him.

Bruce can't move. He desperately wants to, what could he even do? but it's like he's frozen in place. He can only watch as the teenager slowly, agonizingly, looks up at him, his bright green eyes dull and filled with fear and desperation and hope and -

Bruce wakes.

[torchickentacos]

i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.

[sainz100]

2024 Hungarian GP | x (edited)

[egophiliac]

the lovers, reversed

(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)

[kuroo-hitsuji]

The Dark Santa Mammon card... Unrealistic (/hj). I'm gonna be so real, as soon as I knew his ass wasn't possessed or cursed or something I would be eating that shit uP--

Mammon can be pushy. As a treat. On account of the whole being a huge sub literally 90% of the time thing shxhjsgdhzhx Very rarely Trying to be dominant gets you free Dom For The Day tickets in my book and Mammon has a surplus--

[dazais-guardian-angel]

With today's entry, I was rather surprised and confused that Johnathan seemed to turn around so quickly from the absolute pit of despair he was in yesterday, having newfound determination and energy when he's seemingly been completely hopeless and inactive for weeks now (and for good reason). Not that I ever thought he'd completely given up, but there's definitely been a slow decline in how descriptive his journal entries have been to reflect his declining mental state (more robotic, less of his actual feelings about things), and today was a sharp contrast; it feels more like the early entries again. I thought, well, his mind is probably just so cracked at this point that he's looped all the way back around to being bold and energetic again, because by now he's desperate enough to throw caution to the wind: he either succeeds doing something extremely reckless to escape, or he fails and meets his end in a far better way than if he just waits for his fate by Dracula's hands.

...But having thought about it and reading other posts, I realized (probably stupidly obvious as it is) that his sudden change in mood probably has to do with what happened to the baby. Despite how scared he's been all this time, yesterday he didn't hesitate for a single second to try to save the baby once he realized from the previous incident what was happening, not thinking about his own life at all. And then he despaired when he couldn't save the child, the first time he's mentioned crying in the book at all, and then he had to witness the mother blaming him for her baby's death, and being killed herself for trying to rescue it. Now, the day after that horrific and heartbreaking failure, he's suddenly more determined than he's been in ages to escape. Maybe that was a turning point for Johnathan, and lit a fire under him... maybe he's clinging to the need to escape not just for himself and the people he loves anymore, but for the vain hope that he can put a stop to Dracula's schemes somehow once he gets out, because he doesn't want to let any more children die :' )

[mariocki]

Colin Baker makes some excellent faces as an unnamed town hall clerk, assisting Frank Marker with his case in Public Eye: The Man Who Didn't Eat Sweets (5.9, Thames, 1971)

[confoodles]

Does anyone else feel like Aylinluna was horribly out of character this episode?? I've heard that apparently some things were cut, so that might be the reason but it still felt weird. Like ur telling me Luna, who has literally been so respectful of Aylin's boundaries literally even last episode, is suddenly forcing her to go out of her comfort zone?? Okay, fine, I understand the concept of wanting ur gf to get along with ur friends, but ur telling me Luna wouldn't stand up for Aylin when someone is clearly getting in her face and making her uncomfortable?? That she would call her an ALIEN??!!!