#idk if i can go back to that in my old age
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hello i was tagged by @18minutemajor for WIP Wednesday. it is not Wednesday but i am also not a cop so . here we gooo!!!!!!! tagging my esteemed colleagues (very politely and with no pressure!!!):
@neonfretra @oensible @sorrellegiance @moregraceful @stereax
@wheelsnipecelebrini
@korshrimpski (EDIT: it won’t?? let me tag you. unless these are on separate lines <3)
what's in-progress in your life <3 writing? art? recipe? skill acquisition?
if any crafty people see this - if ANYONE sees this - and would like to join in, feel free and consider yourself tagged <3 (and tag me back so i can see your stuff!!!) link to 18minutemajor's post if yall curious :3 my VERY long wip dump + ramblings under the cut!
its christmas soon and i like to paint gifts for my friends + and i'm finally revisiting my anime/lineart/inking era (here you are K!! my lineart past, present, and future!! <3) so here are some things i've been working on/coming back to/MAY NEVER FINISH: hockey related:
this is juraj slafkovsky and his dinky little middle part which he can absolutely learn to style into something a little less dinky but never does. i am so charmed by him. i imagine he just rocks it because his pretty privilege supersedes dinky middle parts . LMAO!!
here is Sasuke from my Naruto Hockey AU. I am a little stuck on jersey mockups lol. here he is. our haunted little 1OA who is absolutely normal and regular about his captain (LOUD incorrect buzzer):
personal oc art
wanna know some puckpocketed deep lore? i've never been one to make OCs. i was just not a very creative kid tbh. spent all my time drawing sailor moon instead. i still go back to her sometimes because she is one of my favourite shapes in the WORLD!!
in my 20s i took up playing d&d because of the. uh. plague. <3 and got pretty close to having OCs!! those count right? anyway. here is my tavern-wench-turned-wizard!!! i think i painted this 2 years ago? <- put dates on your works guys it saves lives. her name is Mel (short for Melins (pronounced like melons. on account of her knockers. can you tell i never grew out of my 12 yr old booby/cock joke era?) i revisited Mel recently and have started painting her in earnest again!! :3
I briefly dated someone who was very into streetwear and fashion, and I fell down a techwear/gorpcore/cyberpunk rabbit hole for a couple days out of curiosity. i remember literally zero salient info on any of it except the broad strokes of silhouetting and Vibes. what i emerged with, however, was a ?? sorta OC?? im not sure what to call them. they dont rly have a name or gender. I did this little sheet ages ago + the aborted attempt at a portrait later:
Here are my most recent explorations (i have been doing SOOOO much art. <3) which include:
unfinished character sheet + chibi art. I played with their jacket (much more structured/square/tailored thing) and added a lotta random buckles and belts. i took textiles class years ago and have a little experience in garment construction. and i know for a fact this thing does not make any sense. it hurts me to look at a little bit LMAO so i've paused it while i go draft patterns (badly. i was never good at drafting. i think i may have to break out my scrap fabric stash and hand sew a real life mock-up. HELP!)
here is me having fun with them and imagining them as some kind of cyber-fisherman. the best part of every game is the fishing mini-game to me. i love fishing mini-games so much. I made their hair really big because i wanted them to have big unwieldy hair and the vibes told me i should add more movement to the piece aside from the fishing line. I messed with their jacket AGAIN because i can't stop thinking about what kinda jacket they'd wear. gorp-core ? idk. it sure is something!
gifts for my friends :3
back in my weeb era for real YAYYYY!!! up til now i'd been making hockey art using a zero pressure sensitivity pen brush because i simply did NOT want to deal with that. it is and has always been a barrier to me making art that uses line art. <3 easing my way back into it though!
I used to paint gifts for my friends and then get them printed into lil posters and mount them on nice backing :3 i am now ready and back to painting.
Here is my girlbestie's OC. just a rough pose sketch. i think im pretty unsatisfied with the gesture of the head/hand. i wanted to include her gun in some way. i fear i may have to rework the pose entirely <3
For the genshin girlies.. here are some of my friends fave characters.
Yelan - this one i started many holidays ago and put on the backburner because the colouring was wigging me out. you can see where i started rendering stuff + got sidetracked and started on something else (the crystal choker IM LAUGHING @ past me...)
Ayaka - I reaaally like what i did here with the perspective + foreshortening. I don't know if the pose or expression is in-character or not, but i had fun :3 got stunlocked looking at references of genshin weapons so this is where i left off:
if you made it all the way down here hi... <3 ice hockey really cracked the ketchup bottle open for me when it comes to making art again. i love the communities i've found, and i'm inspired by every artist on here every day. thanks for being so cool + have a great day :)
#hiiii... late with starbucks (gigantic wip dump now i feel good about sharing again)#puckpainting#tag game#eye contact#the . the tag thingy for half of these aint working HELP <3
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back when the switch from flare jeans to skinny jeans happened, i was SO RESISTANT to skinny jeans and it took me forever to resign myself to them, but now that flare jeans are apparently allowed again, i can't let go of skinny jeans and switch back. i feel like if i even dare to contemplate trying on a pair of flare jeans, someone will jump out and yell "ha ha, PUNKED!" in my face. i said goodbye!!!! i accepted it!!!!! and now suddenly we're back to the old ways??????? even though societally we'd decided, once again, that bellbottoms were a mistake??? how many rounds can one endure on this rollercoaster?????
also: are the flares just for the youths? are all of us supposed to be wearing them, or only the young and fancy free? WHAT IS GOING ON
#as you can probably tell i went to the store in search of a new pair of jeans yesterday#i did not succeed and instead vowed to just do laundry more often#(but i did buy a very soft and fuzzy sweatshirt at lowe's so. winning!)#also the very wide legged pants are just taking me right back to sixth grade#what is happening#dollsome's deep thoughts#the one thing i didn't miss about flare jeans is having the bottoms of them reduced to tatters from being dragged under your shoes#idk if i can go back to that in my old age
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people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T
tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3
#tmnt yap in the taggies !!#would you believe me if i said my cat is named after donnie… teehee !! ^_^#i have been a tmnt lover since i was the ripe age of 6 years old SOBSOB#i used to write bf headcanons on wattpad way long ago… thats where my love for writing started i fear…#i probably have more tmnt merch than i do anime merch which is soso crazy to think about PHEW !!!#notebooks cups plushies legos shirts pajamas stickers tins action figs keychains name something and i have it… is that weird… SOB#im not joking when i say i know the entire lore and could explain everything from start to finish… FOR EACH AND EVERY REBOOT EVER…. wowza…#other than rottmnt because i’ve never been a fan of that reboot sigh…#the only reason donatello hamato isnt on my blorbie list is because i do not want to seem out of touch… he used to be there though !! :3#also i love raph too sigh#i fear donnie was my start to my love for nerdy men… raph was for the mean ones… cough cough akaashi and bakugo#tall lanky men… yeah hes a turtle… i know… let me speak… pls… i beg… T^T#tmnt 2012 will always be my star my light my beloved#i can recite every single episode </3 ALSO THE 2014 & 2017 MOVIES DONT GET ME STARTED i have them on dvd :3#i also have the 1990’s movies on dvd teehee theyre sososososoo good T^T my comfort franchise forever and always#i may always speak of anime but just know tmnt will always be the start of it all and my most beloved <3 its everything to me#also i was and still am an avid tmnt 2012 april oneil hater someone get her out of there i loathe her >:/#was never a supa big fan of leo im very sorry… idk who im sorry to… where are my tmnt fans… am i alone in this world… hello… tmnt fans…#omigosh im back after looking at my old wattpad story IM GIGGLING why was the writing kinda good… it was first person though sigh… goodness#i should create my own tmnt yap tag i fear… i will never shut up about it EVER SOBSOBSOB !! i even had a tmnt party when i was younger </3#donnie ( & mikey ) are so misunderstood UGH i could yap about the lore all day. donnie deserved more recognition he was always doing so muc#FOR ALL of his brothers and they never appreciated it… ill cry right now. donnie you will always be famous to me. april doesnt deserve you.#raph and his temper are so misunderstood too like please. always making him the bad guy HE JUST WANTS TO BE A GOOD BROTHER HES JUST AWKWARD#remembering when i had a crush on a guy names joseph in first grade and he liked tmnt too… joseph just know we were soulmates… i promise </#i used to go up to the tv and kiss the screen when donnie showed up. i was like 6 years old tho its okay… still sleep with my stuffie tho.#thank you to my yaya for buying me that when i had the flu hes still in perfect condition SOB donatello i love you so much UGH im crying#‘thats a mutant turtle ew !!’ HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE TO ME. YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND EVERYPONY </3 nia reference woah hi nia :3#whos in favor of tmnt. raise your hands up high so i can see them. im giggling. tmnt lovers rise we sha’ll prosper… WE RIDE AT DAWN 🦅🦅🦅#is this like totally crazy of me… has anyone read this far… if you have jusy know i love you. i cherish you. you are my everything <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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penelope canonically retreating to her room and refusing food = she puts on some weight, the reason being both lack of physical activity as well as her body being on constant emergency mode (so what little she does eat ends up being stored away bc the body doesnt know when the 'starvation' will end). whats more her constant stress elevates cortisol levels which in and of itself leads to weight gain esp in the abdominal area.
tl;dr chubby penelope send fucking t w e e t
#that is it that is the post#cortisol is also known as the stress hormone#helps u wake up & regulates metabolism among other things#it helps you cope with stress but too much of it (much like anything else in life) is not good for you and your health#this has been on my mind for so long#no im not projecting#shush#thinking abt her naiad heritage too#like maybe she can get through long periods without or with very little food but her human body's nutritional needs prevail idk#and then midnight snacks maybe lol#away from the piercing gaze of the wretched suitors and judgemental looks of certain maidservants#chubby penelope for the soul#penelope of ithaca#my beloved muffin#with razor sharp teef#give the cinammon roll some tummy rolls!!#BONUS: when ody comes home they both heal together and side by side#coming to terms with just how merciless the years have been#ody gains healthy weight after years of abuse in ogygia (i hc he purposely denied himself proper food bc thats the only agency he had#as well as the making urself undesirable to the abuser)#and penelope goes for swims and perhaps bonds with telemachus in a new way like races and swimming competitions aw#as well as teaching him some naiad stuff he probably inherited#family healing yay!#:')#btw not saying they go back to their 20 year old physiques#what i am saying is they now take better care of themselves and each other#and one of the ways its reflected is in their frames#i think we need more middle aged odypen art#and age accurate content in general#esp post odyssey
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something invokes the carnal rage in me when a grown man rages like a two-year old over a video game
#it makes me think of the mothers trying to act like theyre defusing an already blown up bomb and it's literally just#idk#it just gives me the ick im srry the moment i hear one 'me' entitled statement and it's not like#clearly burnt out 'i kinda know im being ironic' ventong#venting LMAO#and just genuine sorrow for urself#over a Digital Game#i just cant srry#maybe it's my youngest to an older brother who everyone gets the ages flipped around Not just from looks but actual Acting#syndrome#and of course context plays a part too like if u have a stressful af job and just wanted to rewind? understandable. id be pissed too#but mfers who just Sit there and continue to stink the whole room up is like. ok. get some air or smthin#i do Not fuck around with throwing or damaging expensive shit ESPECIALLY if u did not pay for it#idk im naturally good at video games i think only bcs i only had access to old one that were way above my age audience#so i had to develop a sense of patterning not just to have competition but to just play the game at all#but still i have gotten frustrated at games bcs everyone gets frustrated at smthing#but usually now. at my grown age. (even tho i Rarely ever game anymore bcs i cant rlly so anything not active in my mind#bcs of Guilt and Constant Dread of Judgement)#when i find myself getting frustrated it's bcs im purposefully either playing a harder level/mode/with better ppl so i can advance#and the advancing is just not happening#i acknowledge that and accept not every difficulty can be passed at one time or at all sometimes in my limited time/care so i just either#Shut it Off. or go back down to a pace i know can just be carefree#i DO have a thing where i Need to end on a win. which is not good bcs i do that with everythin (like sports) in order to justify me quittin#but if i have to get out of the rlly competitive lobby to get my dopamine then i will bcs this is meant to give u that#anyways it's just insane. ted complains abt superfocus while being superfocused himself on the concept of superfocus#the neverending story#DO anything not active** idk it's my fear of death maybe that i disease myself with everything needing a purpose when it comes to gain
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applied for a job a while ago and wrote in my spreadsheet "i am not fucking getting this job" not because of the qualifications but because my application was honestly just not that good. today the lady called me and scheduled an interview. Ok
#mine#i dont knowwwww though#urgh...#its in the city where i went to college so i know its a nice place thats familiar to me#but its also pretty hcol and the job itself is like...idk about the pay#the content of the job is good though like its basically exactly what ive been wanting to do#but then i keep coming back to my hysto...i really want that too#it sucks its like a rock and a hard place you know#i dont want to keep delaying this surgery i want my shit gone NOW#but at the same time i dont want to keep delaying my ~career~#and then i think well theres more jobs in the world...but then i think about how few ive applied to since graduating#and how long it might take me to find one after surgery#and if ill even want to or not cause this country is getting old#i want a job...but i also want my hysto...#i dont want to like get a job and then go do it and then be stuck for ages waiting for PTO and bennies to kick in and to find someone who#can take care of me when i can instead do it now like i already have a letter from my therapist and consultations upcoming#but also i need money and i dont wanna fuck up my early ~career~ days#I DONT KNOW#its a lot#i just wish id done the damn surgery sooner but i couldnt in 2023 cause i was working that summer#and this year i naively thought that i would be able to get a job relatively fast and just get hysto next year after working for a while#WHATEVERRRRRR#the interview isnt for another week and a half so ill talk to my therapist and see what she thinks#if i need to cancel the thing i can if not then i wont#ughhhh
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Me @ my brain: cmon man we gootta focus on this school shit and we gotta do all these things to ensure we’re good for the next quarter and we literally cannot be late or we’re so screwed and we reeeaally have to make an appointment like we’ve had to for the past 3 months pleeeaasee
My brain: ok but like what if Tick Tock constantly feels the need to move around, whether it’s moving his ears, tail, tapping his hoof, or even just talking to make sure that he still can?? Like bro was paralyzed and literally could not move AT ALL for at LEAST a year (at the very VERY least) like that must’ve done SOOOO MUCH DAMAGE OH MY GOD HE LITERALLY COULD NOOOT MOOVE BRO HE WAS 12
#doctor whooves and assistant#tick tock#I have a lot of things I have to get done but my mind will always return to Tick Tock#no matter how long I go without consuming dwna content it always comes back#I consider that a blessing<3#seriously tho I feel like him literally being paralyzed at age 12 is kinda brushed over sometimes#like yeah he brings it up because it still heavily affects him but like#that must’ve been terrifying#he was literally at the mercy of a town that wanted him fucking dead#at age 12#obviously he was taken care of because he definitely wouldn’t have made it without help but still#he was probably beyond terrified#like brroooo#sometimes I think about it and goooodddddd#I might try writing more fics just so I can have him process this shit cause there’s no way he’s processed it all#I NEED derpy and doctor helping him get through this trauma that has been with him for likely a whole DECADE#idk how old that mf is but he’s definitely early twenties so it probably has been a decade💀#I also think him constantly talking to himself good be him continuing an old habit of making sure he could talk#idk how to phrase it but I’m sure it’s basically understandable#hopefully💀#sorry about this huge rant#haven’t ranted about Tick Tock in a looong time#need to do it every now and then#it’s my enrichment<3#I just realized my tags are longer than my FUCKING POST LMAOOOOOO
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Good evening to everyone except the person who decided to have Haru disappear from the home screen after finishing the game
#no thank you!!!#that shit hurted#i actually teared up#he waved goodbye then faded away :((((#i'm really stupid so kouichi's route left me more confused than anything#aniki is alive apparently???#i feel bad for bunbun#i hated him at first because journalists are usually scum but then he grew on me#he's the sad wet cat of the game#ryu's route was my least favourite‚ then kouichi's‚ hiroyuki's and maki's is my fav#idk what my problem is with stuck up dudes with glasses who lost their younger sister to sex trafficking#first fujieda now ryu#kouichi's route had some great moments but the final rape scene + the fact kouichi thought haru might be his son the whole time is kinda...#not my cup of tea#also kouichi's son was kidnapped when he was 6‚ that's more than old enough to have like‚ recognizable facial features??#how can he not know for sure haru's definitely not his son?#on paper hiroyuki's route seems like it would be my least favourite#two guys the same age who immediately get along with the bottom being a virgin blablabla#sounds boring when put like that but they turned out to be extremely cute and uuuh piyoshi has a really cute voice#boy was i glad to be home alone when playing his route because that guy is LOUD#i'm at 97% and am missing quite a few CGs so i'll go through it again then once i'm done‚ time for lkyt i guess#also want to go back to room n.9 real quick because i don't think i got 100% on it either#parade#blvn
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Guess which bitch now has room on its phone for instagram for the first time in like 3 years. This is only good bc now we can post art there again.
Not that instagram is nice to artists or anything. Just that our art tumblr is so very tiny and unused. Gonna probably have to clear it out somewhat when I finally get around to posting art.
#thank fuck for our silm special interest tho#we can finally get like traction on posts#which'll mean that when our fibro flare-up finally dies down (lmao it'll be ages bc our dad is Stressing The Fuck Outta Us)#we can get commissions done again#and through those. well.#money both for clothes to make us comfortable#(which will also last for years & be the right kinda clothing for when we move overseas)#and also for savings for WHEN we move overseas#like our grandma is nice & all &'ll probably help pay for us getting housing or whatever#but i dont want to have to Rely on her inheritance from her aunt(?)#and disability benifits are dodgy at best. and we'll have to survive somehow *before* we get them through#and i kinda dont want to have to rely on the generosity of an old school friend's mum. or a 10th cousin 4 times removed (or whatever)#who might well be dead before we move to ireland#bc he's like 95 rn#and idk if he'd even let us stay at his (scarily enormous) house At All#also. idk if we'd have the money without some kinda work to get HRT when we move out. dont wanna have to be reliant on parents or the gov.#for our HRT. i doubt we could get public healthcare to cover it. not immediately at least.#and i kinda dont want to have to go back on birth control. cause progesterone or w/ever its called has feminising effects iirc#and we're not sure if we want a hysterectomy yet. so.#it'd be a choice between periods (hell) and HRT (expensive)#fuck i hate being disabled sometimes#like actually if anyone calls chronically fatigued ppl “lazy”. i fucking WISH i was lazy.#like bitch please this flare-up is making it so that NONE of my meds get rid of the pain anywhere NEAR fully#and im low-key on the Good Shit™#also so annoyed that ireland hasnt legalised weed. bc. we're almost certainly gonna be doing it for pain#and getting an *illegal* product is so much more difficult#lmao i worked out commas#—Roquén#my fingies hurt so much rn lmao#anyway gonna go draw my source drowning in blood & despair. then im gonna work out what the fuck kinda pigments caranthir would use
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obsessed w gen alpha
#stream#literally the kill them w kindness philosophy 😭😭😭#gen z & millenial urge to respond w smthg like ‘unfortunately u too were brought into this world kill yourself’ AKSKAKKSLAKALAKLAKALA#this was on a. post of op asking ‘is there smthg wrong w my sea monkeys’#like how are u being snide in a reddit community that surrounds a ‘first pet’ for children aged like 8-13#literally all they had to do was top up their water like they’ve an amazing colony - it’s flourishing !! i’d be proud ??!??#like when i had my first sea monkeys as a child i had to aerate the tank so the said pour it into a cup back & forth so i put it in a#blender but the bottom didn’t have like the blender bit so it was. a straw#so i poured them into the floor & cried#i was DEVASTATED#but still ALSKALSKALSKLAKALS LIKE IDK I DEFEND SEAMONKEYS THEYRE SUCH A GOOD FIRST PET & THEYRE SO FASCINATING#like idk it’s just ???? w most hobbies u should just be nice bc it’s not like ur making fun of someone in a TOBACCO or LIQUOR subreddit#like even in the pigeon reddit u can get some cunts but like u can … tell when it’s a child asking a question or looking for advice ….#well child or ‘young person’ i don’t want to be like a 16 year old is a child but they certainly are constrained financially so they can’t#like ‘go out & but a dog crate’ to put it in but u can advise them on where they can take it for like vet help or resources on how to keep#an injured animal comfortable#like idk I JUST THINK it’s SO important to make these spaces comfortable & accessible for children bc sometimes their friends or family#won’t be interested in a hobby like BIRDWATCHING but if ur ONLY surrounded w other children misinformation will proliferate#i should just be a teacher or work in some sort of community outreach like idk i just like working w young people#& old people !!!! but i like young people like omg helping them find their passions & pushing them in that direction#ooohhhh how MOTHERLY
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hi, i see you are on hiatus, but thought at some point you might like to hear that january 28th is henry’s deathday ~ holiday anon
another one bites the dust (haha because you hoover dust)
#one year anniversary of this in my ask box <3 have a silly little niche comic that would only make sense if you’ve seen this one behind the#scenes video interview thing i don't remember#i was going to find it to link it but alas it was super old (before covid! before cast change!) and i gave up#it was like is henry involved in this show? and yeah he eats the confetti at the end that's it or smth like that#in the uk. there is this specific brand of vacuum cleaner// hoover? (why do they call it a hoover i had to go back and bri'ish-ify the#dialogue in this. goodness). and its name is henry. amongst other things. go google it ig#notes!! okay so like. was going to draw all six queens but ran out of stamina. i have spent the day doing idk what and my eyes kinda hurt#so you get the trio of?#catherine parr#jane seymour#anne boleyn#fun fact! i was scrolling through the inbox today and coincidentally saw this and today's date. insane. and so i kinda rushed this out.#also. not sure if you've seen this @holidayanon but after the <now retracted> goodbye post i got to know who was behind this all along#and like. thank you amber you're very cool! haven't talked in ages! can;t believe you fooled me for so long. sneaky skills? ily <333#back to notes on this yes.#there's a few references in here to my super old stuff (3 in total i guess??)#1) couch. one of my oldest drawings of the queens is all six of them on a couch and ngl i love the vibes i keep meaning to redraw it and#then not doing so. but every time i think of their headcanoned shared living space i like to stick in a couch hehe#2) plant!!! a long long time ago incorrect-sixquotes did smth about a plant and anne. its name was bess. if you look at like. sept 2019#it's there in the archive. i think it might have been a fake plant but yknow what? i will allow bess to Grow. as a treat. and 3) there's an#incorrect quote out there i drew once from misha (wify!!) asking about cathy parr and 'make me a sandwich' meme/vine/thingy#with her and henry the hoover. so yeah! also i like in this one she's the queen declaring his death bc like how she was the one who outlived#him. itches my brain. i like to think that in this comic jane is humming one of the songs from six- specifically HoS or six!! <3#i am not sure what noise a vacuum cleaner makes when it dies. i'm also unsure who other than my family vacuums a couch but then again i was#unaware we owned a vacuum cleaner until a month ago! so there's that#six the musical#six the musical fanart#caption is a silly little pun courtesy of me channelling my inner seymour. i think the last comic i did was for aragon's bday and despite th#e passage of time. i am still unable to properly pace things. oh well
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i feel like im probably gonna be talking about this a lot here since i cant talk to Her about it and it really is bothering me so much
#but i feel bad about this too bc it just feels like im talking about her behind her back. which i am kind of. aughhhhhh#its just. idk large age gaps have just Always bothered me no matter how much my opinions on everything else change!!! i think its a bad idea#and dangerous! almosf everyone else she knows thinks its fine so maybe i am just annoying and insane but i literally cant change how i feel#ive tried#like theres. so much that could go wrong here#hes 10 Years Older. hes had experience dating. hes been an adult for 13 years#shes 21. has basically 0 experience dating. and her mental health is really not great#like she just realized she liked men too a few months ago and shes been in this cycle of getting really really obsessed with guys older than#her really fast and everything they do really affect her. she has trouble recognizing sus behavior and is too afraid of upsetting ppl to her#own detriment#i really hope that this guy is normal (as normal as you can be when ur 31 being with a 21 yr old) but if hes not then this has the potential#to go so so bad#and im worried#no one else seems to be tho so idfk!!! am i just too child brained compared to people who date. maybe. but im so worried
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I'm just constantly on my bullshit these days. brain said fuck you feel everything and think about everything
#nerd alert#i feel like im going thru my midlife crisis early#im 28 years old thinking 'i need to get in better shape so i dont get all run down as i age'#like damn i should get on a workout machine so i can both get swole and also so i dont like. idk end up using a walker at 50#my dad had really bad knees and had at least one knee replacement probably both bc of his 30yrs of factory jobs lifestyle#and because one time he had to snatch his step-grandson out of the path of a moving vehicle and fell hard on his knee when he did#and also probably my insistence on riding around on his back like a pony when i was like 3. i have vague memories of that#sorry dad#anyway i dont have a factory job or kids but i probably will end up diabetic and i just. wanna keep my physical health as long as i can#im like lowkey paranoid about death and it would be cool to worry less about my body breaking down through my own negligence#ik disability can happen to anyone for any reason but i wanna do what i can to keep myself able-bodied#like if i become physically disabled then i become physically disabled but i dont want it to be something that i couldve prevented#just by being less negligent of my own health#that said. i just need a whole new set of teeth like at this point it feels like thats inevitable
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girls will put an EXTENSIVE amount of thought and research into their next couple of planned fics and THIS IS THE THANKS THEY'LL GET FOR IT.
#aly.writing#i literally hate it here#the next 2 im working on i want to get ages solidly figured out and also itll just be helpful to give myself a timeline in general even-#-for stuff like boy best friends which'll be happening in the future#and the [redacted] fic which will be in the future also. and the other WIP which will be moreso in the past but ages are important#TECHNICALLY i shouldve done this for desiderium too to more accurately write characters like barbara and kaeya. because i wrote them at the#-age i consider them to be in my head frozen eternally instead of how old they'd be by the end of the traveler's journey which was-#-definitely a MISTAKE but hopefully/probably not a huge one? idk i definitely couldve done better but. i will going forward at least#kinda glad i decided to style the fic the way im styling it though#a) im gonna be forced to learn how to do Very Slightly Fancier things in ao3 to formet#b) i DO get to figure out ages and such just based on my own perception of the characters and itll be a good base timeline for what i write#actually fuck redacted im just gonna start tagging these as im talking about them so i dont have to go back and sort through later#30 seconds posting#aly grief fic#<- i can replace that tag w/ something better once i have a title for it rn i mostly just have the basics
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I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.
#faer personal files#i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming#also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of#ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess#but i don't think that's the case#idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up#from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off#and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try#if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that#i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability#but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong#and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21#or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart#bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times.#and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!!#and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine#but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart#like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like#no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can#and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going#too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa#more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around#idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian#but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the#FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on#anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.
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While touring on the San Diego duck vehicles, we actually caught a glimpse of the navy training dolphins and sea lions. According to the guide, the sea lions were much better at being food motivated and trustworthy, but the dolphins were a bit more agile and quick, so that’s why they use both. They find and ‘tell’ the military where underwater mines are and such
I’m generally against the military, and I’m kind of against using animals in such dangerous jobs. But regardless of my feelings, it’s happening. And I’ve been wondering for a while how ethically involved are these animals. Like, are they domesticated? Are dolphins really that smart, enough that they can consent to this sort of thing? I know they need lots of mental stimulation, like border collies but even more. And I figure this is the right post to ask.
(Also for the record I am 99% sure the duck vehicle company respected the animals well, and asked us not to feed them at all. It’s been about 2 years since I went so I may not remember everything but they seemed good to me)
I think it's a common misconception that domesticating animals is somewhat like enslaving them. It really is more of a symbiotic relationship. No wild animal would have willingly put up with early humans if they didn't get something out of it. Wolves wouldn't have stayed with us and become dogs if they weren't getting food and safety out of it. Many large herbivores that are now domesticated could and would have easily trampled their early human captors or broken their enclosures open if they didn't have a reason to stay. Sometimes individual animals still do if we don't give them what they need.
The animals that have stayed with us for thousands of years have evolved to cooperate with us better. Dogs have additional facial muscles around their eyes that wolves lack in order to mimic human facial expressions. Sheep grow their wool perpetually while their wild counterparts don't because a bigger fleece means they're more likely to be allowed to breed and be kept around. Domestic dairy cows produce much more milk than wild bovine species and domestic hens lay more eggs. Do you know how energy costly producing eggs or milk is for an animal? It's pretty intense! They wouldn't be able to do that if we hadn't given them the food and safety from predators and the elements to.
And we really need to show these animals respect and gratitude for what they give us by taking excellent care of them. They gave up a lot to be with us, often including the means to take care of themselves in the wild. That's a huge reason why I'm not against using animal products, but I hate factory farming. They are still living, breathing creatures with needs and feelings. They deserve a comfortable life and, when the time comes, a humane death.
#also for the record cows are actually very smart and have senses of humor similar but not the same as goats#I have yet to detect personality from a sheep#I’m a farm worker during college breaks so I come from that perspective#bomb sniffing rats are another one I’m curious about#like it’s great that they’re light enough that they don’t set off mines or can go visiting in building collapses and such#but idk like is the risk an acceptable risk?#I guess it comes back to the partnership and safety of the animal and the human#like the farm’s eldest pet steer (he’s 7!) was a difficult birth due to his large size and he had to be pulled out#and his mother was AI impregnated so there was a snowball’s chance in hell she would have ever#met the bull big enough to father such a bull calf#so arguably that was a risk her (previous we bought her pregnant) owners exposed her to#but frankly wild bovines can also have difficult births and while bovines are NOT gifted pumpkins with people to pre-crack them for her#so I think she thought it was a win-win (she adored her baby) and enjoyed her last few years before her old age made further treatment cruel#and we made sure it was quick & easy you know?#anyways further cow notes: big animals like cows and horses are careful not to step on unsteady surfaces#because if they injure a foot or leg then that’s usually a death sentence#and despite the steers’ adoration for roughing things up with their horns and tussling with wheelbarrows#I’ve never seen one pick up his pumpkin with his horns and fling it?#so when we give the cows pumpkins they’ll never step on it and break it#if they know what it is (babies never know) then they will spend hours rolling it around hopefully with their noses or occasionally their#horns just hoping it spontaneously breaks#so we always have to break it for them <3#the cows would eat the entire thing ofc but the goats usually sneak in and eat the guts and seeds that are attached to the guts#so the cows usually eat the shell. in any case our manure pile usually has a few pumpkins every summer it’s pretty great#usually I pick it up over my head and throw it to the ground to break it#even the small pumpkins (besides the tiny table top fuckers) will break by the third throw#but one year a local produce farm donated such a huge pumpkin#that if I had sliced off the top and cleaned it out#my two Nigerian dwarves who love to sleep cuddled in empty water tubs would have totally climbed into and been snug#it was super heavy so I couldn’t lift it over my head. so I cleaned my boot and stamped a hole in it
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