#actually fuck redacted im just gonna start tagging these as im talking about them so i dont have to go back and sort through later

[pinkseas]

girls will put an EXTENSIVE amount of thought and research into their next couple of planned fics and THIS IS THE THANKS THEY'LL GET FOR IT.

[falloutboywife]

I keep typing this up and then deleting it because I'm genuinely not sure what to say, like I don't know how much I should say or how I can even begin to express how I feel and I feel like it ultimately won't even matter because so much of it is sabotaged already lol. like I've been trying to talk to some people about it and talk about it as a whole but I really don't know how to because I've misled like. everyone, all because of stupid habits I formed in a community I never wanted to be apart of

there are parts of my personality and my past behavior that I'm actively trying to get away from but it's been really hard for a number of reasons. I used to be in this big community on Twitter that started out as being just "proship" (meaning they thought you should ship/like whatever you wanted because its all fake anyway) and I thought this would be a good space for me to just be myself, since every time in the past someone found out I was into something "weird" it blew up in my face because I'd had to hide it. I joined this community because I thought I'd be able to express myself more in general but it very quickly got out of hand and I got backed into the corner where I was encouraged more and more by the people around me to like. honestly be kind of gross and ridiculous because it gave me validation and I really thought I was doing something good for me. but this entire group of people wanted me to be hypersexual at all times and it got very out of hand and now its like.

me being horny and sexual and gross constantly is apart of my identity and the worst part is that I'm actually asexual, and I'm like barely invested in any of my actual sexual interests

and I know that it was my own behavior that led to people expecting this out of me and it was a group of people I had every option of leaving but I never did because I thought no one else would "accept" me. and being autistic my whole life without a proper diagnosis until recently makes it very hard for someone to be confident being on their own when you've always been seen as "weird"

this is a perception I genuinely do not know how to break free from and its these habits I've built up that allow my blog to be what it is. there are screenshots floating around about me with wildly outdated information that doesn't even exist anymore because I've since deleted and changed a lot of it but instead of like...asking for any sort of clarification, I've had people assume the worst about me (rightfully so) and its like

this identity i don't even want, that I don't even know how to get away from, is causing me problems when I genuinely feel like I'm not doing anything

I dont want people to think I'm this horny freak anymore, I want to like. be able to make jokes about how id LIKE to fuck Patrick or see frank in drag because I like the IDEA of it but its so hard to really convey this because I don't even know how to put it into words. especially since most things that have been misconstrued that I have, in fact, said in the past were still mostly jokes about my own sexuality

im fucking asexual and I don't want to have sex and I get drained when its all my friends want to talk about, but I trapped myself here and its having serious repercussions and I don't know how to make it go away

if I remade my account and changed my identity then id be misleading people who may have heard of my negative reputation in the past but I don't know how to change that reputation because its not who I am nor who I want to be and I don't even know if remaking would change it

yeah I still like a lot of the stuff I talk about on here (like redacted) but I don't really know how to explain that it isn't inherently sexual, and like

do you guys notice how I don't draw porn? it's because I don't actually like it but I like the implications of it

its really hard to explain and I don't even know if there's any point in explaining any of it because like. I think the people who decided to cut me out have their minds made up and I hope they see this post to see the explanations I wish I could have given them if they'd given me the chance

im not a sexual person, I'm the opposite of it, and the identity i built myself around is one that came out of pressures from people I desperately wanted to like me and out of the intense need to be in a community that accepted me but so long as that identity still exists somewhere out there its always going to follow me, especially if I keep giving into the expectations people have because explaining my sexuality to every single person that sees my tags would be daunting and exhausting

so like. I think I'm gonna take a break, I genuinely don't know what to do, and I'm sorry for encouraging all you guys to send me these messages but I think I need to stop for a while because like. I like giving you guys an outlet and I'm so happy you're so enthusiastic about these things but I'm so drained from doing this all day with everyone I talk to that its getting hard for me to have conversations with people who actually know what my deal is

I'm leaving this blog up especially since I have a lot of fandom-wide commitments and I hope that this clears things up. again, I'm sorry for misleading basically everyone but I'm not really sure how to break away from this

if we've been talking feel free to ask for my discord because after the bandom big bang thing I'm probably gonna be inactive indefinitely until I figure out what I wanna do

[uniformbravo]

me trying to make a gif part 2 (thrilling finale, buildup ver.)

ok good news and bad news: good news being withheld for Spoilers (not that it’s that hard to guess anyway lol), bad news explained first bc, chronologically, it is first

so yesterday i mentioned in the tags of that post that i had seen that krita has an animation feature so i was gonna try importing the frames into that and then exporting it as a gif. easier said than done, as it turns out

i started by opening the file i made yesterday with 62 layers as the frames and importing that into krita, which worked fine (i didn’t know you could actually open .psd files in clip stuido ((this typo is so fucking stupid it made me laugh so im leaving it)) and krita, so that’s pretty neat, i wonder if it works the other way around too) but i ran into problems when i tried to convert those layers into frames in an animation. because, like, the layout of the program has the layers displayed in one tab, and the animation timeline in another, like so:

(do u like how im using pictures now, i thought of that yesterday after i published the other post and realized hey, visual reference would probably make my plight a lot easier to understand!! so enjoy these educational diagrams from now on)

so my goal was to get the frames from the layers into the timeline, and i still don’t know if i did it right bc lbr krita is not very intuitive at all,,.,, i mean i watched a video tutorial abt how to animate in krita which was v helpful (it’s the one by jesse j james on yt fuckin SHout out) but it was about animating from scratch, not importing an animation you’ve already done elsewhere

so like, the way krita’s animation thing works, from what i could piece together as i bumbled my way around w/ it, is that each layer in the layers tab is a separate timeline in the,,, timeline tab

i want them all to be in the same timeline, not separate ones, and there’s no way to combine them in the timeline tab bc doing that just overwrites whatever layer you’re pasting it down onto, and also if you define the number of frames for that timeline (62 for this project) it just puts the single image of that layer for all of the frames instead of just one of them, so you’d have to go through and delete all the other frames you don’t want it to be, which would be such a fuckin pain

so i found a workaround, which is so tedious that it can’t be the right way to do it, but basically i started w/ layer 1 and defined 62 frames & then emptied frames 2-62, like this

(that blue box is the frame, btw, even tho it says 0, which actually kind of annoys me like why doesn’t it start the first frame on 1????)

from there i went up to layer two and selected that in the timeline, but for some reason the frame doesn’t show up automatically?

& i couldnt fuckin figure out how to make it into like, an Official Timeline Layer or whatever tf bc like, u see on layer 1 how theres that little lightbulb-looking icon on the right? that’s for turning on onion skin which only applies when you actually have frames with things drawn on them, so basically layer 2 in the layers tab has a drawing but in the timeline it doesn’t?

i didn’t find out what the actual reason for this is or how you’re /supposed/ to make the frame appear in the timeline, but what i did was right click on layer 2′s timeline & select “create blank frame” which magically made the frame i want appear

but it’s on top of the layer 1 frame, and i want it to be the frame after. also it’s still in a different timeline. this is the only easy fix in this whole damn process, u can literally just click & drag the frame from layer 2 to layer 1 and put it wherever u want on the timeline

and then u just delete layer 2 and that’s it, frame transferred!! then i just had to do that for 60 more layers and after [unspecified amount of time but it was a fuckin while ok] my timeline looked like this!

(the gaps near the end are held frames, to save me time so i didn’t have to copy a bunch of frames that were exactly the same)

krita is great because as far as i know ur animation can have an unlimited number of frames, at the risk of your own pc’s processing power, which is a definite upside to SOME expensive art programs i know (clip studio, i’m talking abt csp) and u can pick the frame rate too (cough photoshop elements 5.0 even tho u dont technically have an animation feature & it’s a miracle u can even make gifs at all) so once i finally got all the frames situated all nice and in order like on the same timeline, playing it was great! played at the right speed, looped perfectly, it was a dream come true right

well, time to export it as a gif

ha

haha

hoooo oo  o

so u got 2 options for exporting ur animation, u can either hit “export,” which lets u save it as different file types, one of which being gif, or you can hit “render,” which gives you gif and video options

well

i tried export first, bc that seemed like a good idea, but the “””gif””” it made was distinctly not a gif, despite its claim to be one?? this is what i got:

notice: 1. it is not moving, and 2. the black bars to the sides?? those are supposed to be transparent. they’re transparent in the file i made so why didn’t they register as transparent in the export, when gifs have transparency capabilities??

so That was some real live bullshit but i still had the “render” option, right? export was wrong, so rrender must be the correct option to go to that will produce the results i am wanting to see produced in front of me like a silver dinner platter with a correctly functioning gif under the lid, that’s what i want to see and “Render Animation...” is gonna Give me that silver platter righWRONG ok look at this shit rn ok Look

it says GIF it says it RIGHT THERE right??? right?????? then WHY

?????????????

and it also gave me all This bullshit

like did i ask?? did i fucking ask???? i already have all the individual frames why do i need even M o re i mfjgjgk

((rationally ok yea thats v useful for if ur making the animation in krita and want to export the frames to use elsewhere, but like uhhh 1. again, they’re not transparent & 2. i should have the option of saying i don’t want these??? bc *meme voice* i don’t want these)

so in the end i could find NO correct method of exporting animations as a gif in krita bc every ooption that says gif is fuckign LYING to ur face there are NO gifs in krita, aliens made the progam who looked at gifs and went “hmm i thikng this is how a gif works “ and just made jpegs instead but somehow got on the computers good side and got it to lie for them about it being a gif so thats why it says gif on the file still even tho its not a gif illimati confinr

so what is the conclusion to this? well i said there was good news too, and this is the portion where i divulge that sweet nectar (i type dthis 2 seconds ago and @ me what the fuck)

so after wasting a good 2 hours trying to figure out krita i gave up and watched some good old [youtuber name redacted bc what if it shows up in search & ppl see this dumbass post in there but it rhymes with fjackfsepticfeye] to relax into accepting my fate that i’ll never be able to upload my animations to tungle except in poor quality loopless video form, making me into a laughing stock on my own art blog, but THEN i had a stroke of genius, in my Brain

so if u read yesterday’s post u might remember that flipnote studio, the animation program i use on my ds, to animate, has the option to export files as gifs, both animated and sequential (meaning either as one fully animated gif or each individual frame separately), which is super convenient, but as i mentioned yesterday, any time i tried to open the folder with those files on my laptop, it crashed immediately

WELL today i thought “hey, how about instead of opening the folder in the sd card when it’s plugged in, how about i copy that folder from the sd card to my flash drive, and try to open it there, in case it’s the card’s hardware that’s causing the problem, not corrupted files”

so i tried that and it FUCKING WORKED THANK GOD GLORY HALLELUJAH

so now instead of spedning A THOUSAND YEARS trying and failing to force art programs to bend to my will i can just export the animations straight from my ds and drag them onto my computer Just As God Intended oh GOD im so fucking happy

here’s the gif in the end, i’m gonna post it to my art blog too but this is the Green Version bc i animate in green bc of some default settings in flipnote that i got used to, plus it makes me feel like i’m just sketching so nothing really has to be finalized so i’m comfortable while i work, and also it’s just nice ok it’s a Nice Green

(there’s a few frames at the end that are like the extra scraps from while i was working dw i got rid of those in the final version that i’m posting to my art blog later. also i added my blog url to that one too it’s aaaaaall good)

the only downside to this method is that i can’t change the canvas size to be 540px wide to fit with tumbrl s image dimensions but whatever i can just post them in a text post and fix the html to display it at its original size instead of the resizing bullshit tmurbl pulls constantly ugh. anyway it works great on desktop but it’s inevitably gonna look like shit on mobile no matter what i do *Big Ass Shrug*

anyway thats the end of my success story uhh i can’t make the like comment & subscribe joke again bc i already did that in the last post so like bye i guess thanks 4 watchign & have a great day i’ll see u in my next fvideo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYob4uDjEKI&t=0s

(^that’s my outro music)

[the-ace-of-the-moon]

this got derailed oops

im really sorry i havent refilled the queue lately and that i havent been posting much but i sorta have good news and bad news. Both are mostly related to me personally but obviously they have been (a/e)ffecting the blog so i will be sharing but to start off, i will be continuing this blog and its here to stay. If you want my whole rant/ breakdown its below the break but long story short good news i got a job bad news im having some life problems that are making my mental problems flare up like my anxiety and trichotillomania so i will do my best but i probably will only have scattered posting for a while sorry.

The good news is that i fimally got a job so i wont just be lazing about anymore and so far ive been enjoying it there! I dont know what i get paid but tomorrow is the last day of my 2 weeks of training, which is great because i actually got proper training and also i get to see how i do on my own after this!

The bad news is i have a lot of things that have been getting set aside even before i got the job and some of it is kinda approaching deadlines and while im trying to forcus on the new job, the job is taking a forefront priority as a commitment thats blocking everything else out. I have to return a couple audio books, start and finish a painting that im just blocked on, set up a day to talk to a councillor so i can apply to a new college, apply for college, and balance my social life with my down time. The new jobs sorta eclipsing everything so im trying to think of how i can even do college while having a job and my mom keeps pressuring me about college and in the meantime my friends keep trying to schedule things and i dont know how to react so my brain keeps just kinda fritzing and then rerouting to a different task so i end up ignoring them which is bad but i dont know how to explain to this one friend that shes kinda pushy and ive been really nice about it but its not realistic to expect someone to drive for hours on end not only frequently but also at insane hours of the night and not even out of town. Like just cruising the streets from 9 pm to 3 am. And enjoy it. And not get paid for gas or anything. Just tonight she said "oh yeah and [name redacted of friend who usually tags along] is leaving in a couple weekends (this person goes to college out of state so we dont get to see them) so we are gonna need to go on a drive soon" I dont want to? But if the friend thats leaving wants to go its 2 against 1 and honestly both those 2 have been having some drama of each saying the other interacts with their significant other too much and they keep talking to me about it and its exhausting? Like i get that both of their significant others live far away and in different time zones and have jobs but neither of my friends have jobs or can drive and i have to listen to their shit waiting for something to blow up and worry about how im gonna take care of my problems and its not like i can drop these 2 bc i keep burning bridges due to lack of social motivation so i only have 4 people i actually consistently initate contact with but 2 of those people are far away and have actual lives so i try not to bother them and the other 2 are these messes and really its the one that causes the most problems but all of this has been stressing me out which makes me anxious and kinda depressed and unmotivated to do anything and its all made my trich worse but ive been doing my best to control it but now today there was too much going on bc i had my axiety at the forefront, my problems on my mind, i had an exhausting family event to go to earlier, and then this shit gets shoved back into view and since im home alone i finally dug out the tweezers ive been trying to hide from myself and now half of the inner lashes on my top left lid are gone and i look fuckin wierd and im too keyed up to sleep and im ignoring my friend and i want to pluck more but ill just go for the left eye again bc it looks wierd and ill end up with no lashes and my coworker who's training me will ask and itll be awkward and my mom will see and be mad bc she thought the trich was just a phase when i was in elelmentry and why didnt i tell her about it still going on ant ittl be a whole thing which will make it worse and now im fucking crying. Or not bc apparently ive suppressed my emotions too much and too often that im fine now ok that was wierd any way sum up lifes good but simultaneously shitty so now my lashes and skin (didnt mention but i typically have really good skin unless im stressed real bad so now my face is starting to break out and get dry and irritated) are fucked up and i wont be posting as often until i can find the motivation to fill up the queue agan. Sorry you had to read this mess and apparent roller coaster of emotions (with an anticlimactic end) but hey now you know more than you ever would have about the admin of this blog other than that shes an aro(flux)ace witch