#idk I feel crazy for this but only bc I’m crazy
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imagine Vi with a gf that will do drastic things to their appearance and not mention it- like reader just shows up with new piercings, haircut, nail set etc and just plays it off to mess w/ her
"I've always had those wym?" "It was just a trim idk what you're saying"
Ok I’m obsessed w this idea bc it’s literally me, I shave and dye my hair every month and don’t realize ppl can’t recognize me when they don’t see me every few weeks, oopsi. This also ended up being very self indulgent BECAUSE I GOT A TATTOO OF VI’s NAME ON MY LOWER NAVEL 😌 I’m so down bad for her it’s not even funny (this IS a photo of MY tattoo so plz just lmk if ur gonna use it for anything)
Anyway hope u like this! (And thank u for my first Vi ask!!) requests/asks are always open!
Lil suggestive at the end but nothing too crazy I’d say…
Vi loves that you’re so all over the place, it makes her feel like you’re always changing and it’s kinda why she fell for you in the first place.
But she was not prepared for the amount of drastic appearance changes you bombard her with on a monthly basis.
You’ll show up with a random new hair color one day, walking into the gym she works at to drop off her lunch. Just strutting into the place, so nonchalantly, like there’s absolutely nothing new when in fact your hair went from brown to black with bright green highlights.
Vi’s at the reception about to head to the back with a new client when she sees you. She doesn’t even register that it’s you at first and her jaw only drops when she does a double take.
“Hey honey” you say in your regular loving tone.
“Uhh… Hi.. uh- hi baby?” Vi’s so confused but you just look at her innocently and bat your lashes. “I brought you lunch!”
“I see that” Vi looks down at the bag you dropped on the counter and leans over to kiss you on the cheek quickly. “I also see you’ve got a new hairstyle?”
You look at her surprised, “oh this?” you’re picking up strands of hair twisting them around your fingers absentmindedly “yeah I guess…”
“You guess?!?” she stares at you incredulously “it’s quite a big change cupcake!”
You fake being hurt and pretend dramatically, placing a hand your heart “So you don’t like it?”
“No, no, no! I didn’t say that! I just meant it’s so different!” Vi’s reaching over to run her fingers through your hair “I really like it”
“It’s really not that different Vi, just added the green” you brush it off, messing with her a little.
Vi swears your hair was brown and not black but she just shrugs, “as long as you’re happy!”
Then one day you’re off work early and you walk by this piercing shop every day on your way home. You’ve got a few piercings on your ears and that one on your belly button that Vi adores, but you’ve been wanting a septum for a while.
So before you can convince yourself otherwise you’re walking out of the piercing studio with a fresh silver ring in your nose.
You walk into your apartment met with the sound of Vi playing video games on the couch. Swooping down you attempt to give her a peck on the lips while she moves her head around your figure trying to see the screen “Hi Angel… one sec I just have to pass this level, then I promise I’m all yours”
You let her be and go to quickly clean your brand new piercing before she’s done with her gaming.
Later you guys are making dinner together and Violet can’t help but notice the silver ring glittering above your top lip when it catches the light. To be fair, Vi is always staring at your lips anyway, so it’s not like she really wasn’t gonna notice a piercing right above them.
“Uhhh hey babe?”
“Yeah Vi?”
“Did you always have that septum piercing?”
“Mhm” you’re humming absentmindedly as you stir something on the stove.
Violet can’t think straight, cause is she that distracted and so down bad that she didn’t notice her beautiful girlfriend had a septum piercing?!? Or is this another one of your “what do you mean I didn’t change anything!” moments like when you showed up with dyed hair and pretended it was the exact same or when you got new nails done and told her you’d been wearing them for weeks…
She swears you messing with her like this is gonna be the death of her, but… she’d never complain.
Nothing prepares Vi for your next drastic move though, cause she goes absolutely feral when u show her the tattoo u got of her name on ur lower navel.
Oh no. You’re done for. Cause she’s almost quite literally on her knees drooling, staring up at you with big blue eyes and you know she’s about to jump your bones and never let you go.
Vi knew you were going in for a tattoo appointment that day. But what she didn’t know is that you decided to surprise her with a little “VI”, the same one she has on her face, but in ink the color of her hair. The deep fuchsia pink you love.
So when you come home from your tattoo appointment, Vi thinks you just went for the bigger piece you got on your leg. So she jumps from the couch as soon as she hears you entering your apartment “Hey! you’re back!” and she’s running down the hall kneeling at your legs, lifting your trousers to see the new piece with an excited “Lemme see!!!”
You’re just as excited and giggle while she admires the work. But you keep ur mouth shut and don’t say a word about the little surprise tattoo you have of her name just above your panty line.
“It’s so cool! I love the colors and it’s so much bigger than I thought you’d go for! I love it!” Vi’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts. “Did it hurt? You were at the studio for a while…”
“Nah it wasn’t too bad, plus the artist was so gentle and it’s not like it’s my first rodeo Vi.” You’re rolling your eyes at her concern and she’s standing back up pulling you in for a long kiss.
“I’m gonna go unwrap the tattoo foil and wash the new ink, are you ok to start dinner hon?” You yell into the kitchen as you walk toward the bathroom. “Yeah! In a minute!”
Before you’ve even finished undressing to hop in the shower, Vi’s bursting into the bathroom claiming she needs to wash her hands before cooking. (but you both know there’s a perfectly good sink in the kitchen and she just loves barging in on you in the shower).
She’s smirking as she leans on the side of the sink “Cute panties”
You look down and immediately cover your face in embarrassment realizing you’re wearing high waisted flower-patterned cottons. It’s not your usual choice and they’re kinda reserved for shark week cause you don’t think they’re cute, but it was your best option for getting a lower navel tattoo and making sure it didn’t get irritated. “Stahppp Vi, I had to wea-“ you catch yourself before you can tell Vi about the tattoo.
She’s already sauntering over to you her hands finding their place on your bare waist making you shiver. “I don’t know… I still think they’re kinda cute..” Vi trails off as her fingers dig under the band and slowly lower it.
You’re waiting in anticipation for her to notice the tattoo at any moment, and then she does.
Her eyes go wide the second she sees it. You swear you can see her brain reset to factory settings and her mind go blank.
She doesn’t know what to say or do. Sliding down to the ground, shes now on her knees in front of you, hands on your hips holding the band of your panties down with her thumbs as she just stares at the little fuchsia pink “VI” on your lower navel.
“Vi?” You try gently, dragging the word out like a question.
“Hmm?” She’s not looking at you, just staring at the tattoo of her name on your body as she swallows hard. “Fuck Angel, fuck… is that… is that my name, sweetheart?” She’s biting her lip inhaling and ur nodding a happy “mhm” down at her.
Something short circuits in her then. The way her name is permanently on your skin. The way her name on you marks you as hers. She’s breathing heavy.
She thinks she’s drooling but she doesn’t care. She’s focusing her pretty blue eyes up on you now. You cup her face and try to play it off like you usually do, teasing her with your big appearance changes, teasing her “Oh, I’ve totally always had thi-“
Before you can finish she’s up, kissing you hungrily, her hands on your waist and the side of your neck, crowding you against the sink. Your breath hitches as you notice the glimmer in her eye and you can barely contain a little gasp when Vi’s thigh slides between yours.
“Don’t bullshit me Angel, we both know you haven’t always had a tattoo of MY name-“ she’s brushing her fingers across the fresh lettering, making you wince “-especially not here of all places.”
She’s kissing your neck, sucking on the soft skin leaving marks everywhere, slowly making her way down your body. Your hands are in her hair as she reaches your navel. She’s kissing everywhere but the tattoo, stopping to say a few words in between light pecks and little kitten licks “Fuck sweetheart… mmh, I can’t believe… you, fuck… got my… name tatted… ugh.. fuck” her voice trails off sounding so thick and needy. She’s looking up at you through her lashes and you know you’re done for.
You whimper and Vi’s vision goes fuzzy. Forget the shower, forget dinner, she’s carrying you to the nearest bed… so she can look at her name on your skin while she makes you scream it.
#I can’t believe i actually got a tattoo of her name#i’m just a girl#vi arcane#arcane vi x reader#haunted by dreams tf#vi brain rot#vi headcanons#violet arcane#vi arcane x reader#vi fluff#vi x fem reader#vi x you#request#reqs open#asks open
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Ramble abt CobiSpek bc I think abt this ship every day. Putting it under a read more bc it’ll include game spoilers and also like idk how long it will be and it may be a lil. Incoherent. I’m insane about them
OKAY. SO. I think about CobiSpek a lot and there’s a lot in that relationship, at least to me. Like at first I was like oh that’s nice that Cobigail was so quick to reach out and invite him back into the pantheon. And then I thought more. And went crazy.
Inspekta and Cobigail are both like, stupidly lonely gods, Inspekta actively isolates himself because of his own mental issues (also Capochin not letting other bizzyboys see him but shhhhh) and Cobigail is basically forgotten. Inspekta is scared of being replaced and forgotten, that he’ll become unimportant and cast aside. All he has to do is look at Cobigail to have that confirmed as a possibility, no one has visited her in 20 years, she’s forgetting her favorite food, the harvest songs, her own domain. She’s everything he’s so scared of, and she’s coping by acting like everything is alright. Thinking about possible interactions between them makes me ill.
Because when you’re about to head into Milldread he says that he doesn’t think Cobigail’s a blood drinker. I don’t think he says that solely because he feels bad. He says that because he absolutely NEEDS to look, to feel, like he’s the good guy. He’s the hero of the story. Don’t you get it, he’s not the one in the wrong. Why would he ever call Cobigail a cannibal, that’s evil and wrong and he’d NEVER do that. The gods can talk to each other, Cobigail tells Thespius about you visiting and Inspekta gave Click Clack the letter from King. Do you think Inspekta ever visited Cobigail, assured her that he was a friend, or that he would fix this. That he would solve this problem he caused. That he would absolve her of this accusation that he made. She started to believe it. She considered the possibility of being a cannibal. And Inspekta caused that. But he’s her friend.
That’s. THATS SO MUCH TO WORK THROUGH!!! But Cobigail would understand, wouldn’t she? She was isolated for twenty years, she’d understand the desperation, wouldn’t she? Their greatest difference is that Cobigail’s reaction swings in a completely opposite direction. Inspekta is hungry, Inspekta consumes. Cobigail is starved. She acts like everything is fine, demands nothing, smiles and jokes around like she’s not in a terrible spot. I think they have a lot to talk about. I think they have a lot to work through. There’s so much potential in their dynamic, in who they are as people. The only god in Milldread and a god with no area to look over. Someone desperate to be worshipped, to be loved, to be the hero, the one that saved the day. And someone who deals with serious issues, mentally taxing situations and horrible isolation, with jokes and laughs and staying as lighthearted as she can, even while being painted as cruel and evil. They’re so sides of a coin to me.
They make me insane. Lonely people with the problems ever. Friendship, romance, something secret third thing. Who knows. Love loses.
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I understand 100% why this matters both personally and in terms of industry but I still can’t relate when people talk nostalgically about how shows used to be once a week. I’ve basically never watched a show that way. I didn’t have cable or any local channels or anything growing up so everything I watched pre-netflix was a dvd from the library (for example I’d check out like 5 BTVS DVDs at once and sometimes had to wait a couple days for the next ones which was agony yes waiting to see smth that came out like 10 years prior lol). The few times I’ve tried to watch ongoing shows I’ve almost always lost interest which I think is partly just distance but partly bc I don’t like thinking about it when I don’t Know. I’ve never watched a show that I couldn’t spoil for myself and the idea of not having that option is actually terrifying to me lmaooo do you guys really just watch something without at least skimming the IMDb parents’ guide???? What if a scene comes up that seems scary and you can’t look up what happens??? Man real life has enough unknowns and plot twists 😭
#I’m not cut out for the harsh world of network television#someone on r/cptsd said something similar so I guess that’s probably part of it#although I know it’s not a universal thing for ppl with cptsd or trauma sufferers in general obvs#just like needing to know what to expect at all times#idk I feel crazy for this but only bc I’m crazy#like I know it’s not actually that weird of me but it does play a huge role in how I consume media which is#a big part of my life lol#jus talkin#personal ish#sorry I’m so annoying I know it’s just bizarre how my relationship with media is so weird yet so important to me idk idk#the only shows I’ve watched recently and felt really confident abt were on pbs kids lol#banging my head against the wall be normal#why am I like this rn in particular
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idk what we’re all calling the concept of fiddlestan working together but i’m calling my version the portal partners AU 🙏🏼
#gave it a name bc i was kinda tired of calling it the Fidds and Stan Work Together on the Portal AU#it’s called portal partners bc they’re partners in fixing the portal partners in running the shack AND partners in life#ik i’m not the only one to think of an au where they start working together after ford goes missing#but i don’t see a lot of people really showing the older version of them ? i don’t think ?#like i’ve seen canon older fiddlestan but not older fiddlestan after working together for 30 years ? idk#also figured fidds would look different in a world where he doesn’t lose his mind in his 30s#🤷🏻♂️#gay old men#yay#stan looks and acts the same btw he just happens to also have a very longterm bf to be gay with#gravity falls took place before gay marriage was legal (jesus christ that’s crazy to think about) so that’s why i say very longterm bf#(this means ford would be back in time to attend their wedding tho so. best man ford real. fidd & ford may be sort-of-exes but it’s fine)#gravity falls#gravity falls au#fiddlestan#also… petition to start calling fiddlestan fiddley#bc fiddle(ford) + (stan)ley …. fiddley… u see the vision????#fiddley#🙂↕️🙏🏼#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart#idk man i’m gonna tag the au too ig#portal partners au#gravity falls portal partners au#???#my art#(i guess? used a fidds base then redrew it with my changes so idk)#rystiart#sorry if someone’s done smthn similar bc i feel like this idea of them working together is pretty popular maybe 😭
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“people only like agathario as a ship because of the actresses”
NO actually because do you know how fucking insane the concept of having a character whose soul purpose for even existing is to Lead people to the Afterlife, like that’s literally it. There’s no rules** or feelings or certain way to do things. She literally just IS.
And then suddenly this Character meets This other character who has been rejected by the only people she’s ever known, called a monster and nearly executed by said people. She thinks she’s a fucking monster but Death gets her because that’s the one THING that makes her so alike with this witch:
They aren’t Monsters. They can’t control what they do. They aren’t cruel.
They just are.
Now imagine this character, who has never once in her life has felt Anything because it’s not who she is. She’s not supposed to FEEL things.
But this other character, she makes Death feel for the first time ever: anger, jealousy, longing, anguish, sadness, turmoil and, above all love. And this love LITERALLY humanizes her.
Death isn’t supposed to have a Heart that beats.
And yet, out of this love, comes life.
Death isn’t supposed to be a Mother.
And when Death is doing her job, her Love begs her not to do it. To not do her job.
And, perhaps maybe for the first time ever, Death has a rule she can break.
She can’t NOT take the dead.
She doesn’t take Nicky from Agatha for six years. Nicky was never, ever meant to even exist. But because death broke her own rules, he lived for far longer than he should have.
And then she Had to take him.
And suddenly, for the first time EVER, Death is affected by the loss.
The loss pushes the person to give her Life, humanity and more to hate her. And then she feels guilt, and sorrow, and further down the line, anger and frustration because she can’t Find her.
And when she finally does, she’s at Peace. She’s enjoying herself because her person is here and she’s talking to her and suddenly Death feels whole again.
She’s not supposed to feel.
And, still, when her love dies, Death feels it like she never has before. She cries. She mourns.
She’s not supposed to do anything but be Death, and yet because of Agatha Harkness, Death had become so much more.
And THAT is insane to me.
The fact that agatha and rio are played by two incredibly talented and Stunning actresses is literally just the cherry on the cake.
#on my soap box hours#agatha harkness#rio vidal#agathario#agatha x rio#agatha all along#i also don’t consume much marvel media outside of this lil corner and i don’t want to hear if I’m wrong#thank xx#‘bu—but a rule is Death can’t kill#agatha said it’s not allowed!!1!1#because death can’t kill#that’s not a rule babygirl that’s just how it is#i have a lot of thoughts about the humanity of this Death character I wish someone would dissect my brain#idk if I even did good explaining it here tbh#i just rambled#oops#death#bUt wHat AbOuT ChArAcTeRs ChEaTiNg DeAtH#idk if I decided if there’s like the One ‘rule’ death has or if it’s just#Certain People#being like#ummmm Nu-uh#and rio not knowing how to deal with it#other than her frustration#she only has bc Agatha made her Feel Things#like Feel things but also like actually FEEL#anyway#they really did spoil us by having Kathryn Hahn and Aubrey Plaza play crazy lesbian lovers tho love that for us#and by us I mean lesbians thank you
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Growing up as an only child people would always like talking to me and say I’m nice and generous then when they found out that I’m an only child they’d tell me “oh so you’re spoiled and don’t know how to share?”. And it was always so frustrating because why would I be spoiled? Yes both of my parents attention was only on me but they raised me right? And I’ve met people that are spoiled and not brats, like spoiled brat and spoiled are two different things.
And I love sharing and always have bc I never had anyone to share with so I like letting other people use my stuff. One of my friends that I did so many things for all of middle school (I gave her homework answers, pencils, erasers, bandaids, some of my lunch, gum, etc) told me that I don’t know how to share because I’m an only child. We’re not friends anymore because at one point she started rushing me to do my work so she could copy and she would not let me concentrate and she wouldn’t copy my shit while I was doing it and then she’d get mad at me because she was failing. But anyway, I was a little mad because you KNOW me, but you’re just gonna say that because why, exactly? It was like people were always telling me what I should be like and telling me that I don’t understand any childhood experiences.
And then I get told I must not know how to compromise just because I’m an only child? Like what? I will do anything to please you so what the hell are you talking about.
And people go on rants saying that parents need to start having more than two children because they hate only children. I’ve seen this so many times and it makes me a little sad because my parents tried, okay? Generalizing is not cool. They’ll hate only children just because they had a bad experience with someone that happened to be an only child. And then I’ll make friends with someone and when they find out I’m an only child they’ll tell me they never would’ve guessed because they hate only children. Thanks, I guess?
“You must not have a very good family bond” uhh why? My cousins are the closest thing I ever had as siblings growing up and I genuinely don’t understand when they would say this because it doesn’t mean I can’t bond with people my age.
“You probably get everything you want” i was told this just because I bought a new notebook when my old one ran out of pages. Again, what is the thought process here because it’s not like I can ask for anything and get it just because I’m the only kid my parents have.
I would say I’m lonely and want a sister and people would get straight up mad at me. “No you don’t you’re lucky” and you think there aren’t things I want that you have too? I literally feel so alone 24/7 but I guess I’m not allowed to feel that because at least I get privacy.
They also always assume I’m rich. I am very much not rich and I did have friends that lived in bigger houses and it made me so insecure about mine. Idk what it is about assuming only children are rich. I wish being an only child came with that bc then I’d never complain again. But unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.
Anyways. This was a random rant. I just remembered that I would get so frustrated because I would literally cry from the fact that I didn’t have a best friend or someone like a sibling to talk to, and then I’d be told my feelings weren’t valid. I know this is such a non issue, but just sharing I guess.
#idk it’s midnight#can’t sleep#and I’m feeling lonely and this was the result#I might go crazy if I can’t find a best friend that will call me their best friend back#everyone seems to have their person but me and that’s not fair#only child#only child core#if anyone gets mad bc they can’t handle someone has a different experience I swear#rant#midnight rant#random post#and when my parents die I’ll be alone#I literally cry thinking of it#and I either live up to their expectations or literally nothing else bc J haven’t really thought of a plan b#all the pressure is on me and that kind of sucks#only child culture#only kid things#but yeah call me spoiled just because my parents couldn’t reproduce another offspring#the fact that I’m so scared to not be okay because my parents only have one daughter#I’m trying so hard to make it worth it#only child experience#spoiled brat#according to everyone#eldest child#middle child#and when they say ‘attention whore’ as if said attention doesn’t feel like being under a microscope sometimes
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i miss carpisuns sometimes </3
#not necessarily that I regret switching over but i just get like nostalgic for an earlier time in the ml fandom#s3 was soooo much fun for me#and the long hiatus before s4 was also the best. so good wasn’t ready for it to end when it did haha#things just feel so different in the fandom now#both the fandom has changed and I have changed#and of course the STORY has changed#and I like don’t know what to do about that or how to react#cause I am used to being one of the guys who is defending ml’s honor with my life lol#committed to spreading positivity#and I still want to be that guy!#but it’s like. idk. I don’t recognize this story anymore#this isn’t the same story that I fell in love with years ago. but I don’t want to just like Leave??#I do want to see how things play out bc I am still invested in these characters#and I would love to still be part of the fan community and connect with people over a mutual love for this thing#that has been important to me for years and has inspired me to create and learn new skills and make new friends!#but I also don’t just want to shut up and pretend I’m happy about things I am decidedly unhappy about lol#like it’s honestly surprising to me that a only a small minority of the fandom seems to feel the way I do?#and the majority are still super pumped and frustrated at the people who are complaining#and really. I don’t WANT to rain on anyone’s parade. I honestly don’t#I was part of the parade for years! I had the best time in the parade! I don’t want to ruin the good time!#so i try not to be too salty on main ? but i feel like I’m going a little crazy lmao! like I’m just one bitter little miser fhdjjd#i mean i guess it’s kind of a good thing that I moved blogs tbh lol#cause now when i whine only a fraction of the people have to be exposed to it 😂#but man i hate knowing that people might think of me as a salter#I mean it’s valid if people are trying to have fun and do not want to hear my complaining haha#but also do i automatically have to be a salter. are the only options support and defend ml 100% at all times or Be A Salter#or can there be a third category of certified ml lover that is just disappointed in recent events & disagrees with the new writing direction#is that too much nuance for tumblr lol#see maybe that’s why I miss carpisuns. she didn’t have to ask this question. she was only full of LOVE!#but therein lies the irony…like marinette I have made this choice out of love…for what the story once was…what is to become of me now…
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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I’ve never been so obsessed with a character so bad that I literally can’t do anything else I’m like the squidward meme watching SpongeBob frolic outside the window stretching a hand out to all the pretty paintings and animations and comics I see in my head but being unable to feel any motivation for it . If only i could use the energy spent to create 20 kon doodles to sit down and concentrate on a single finished full piece I used to be able to make like 5 page comics what happened to me
#sighs yes before anyone says anything IK it’s probably adhd related 😭#BUT ITS GOTTEN SO BAD I CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY BRAIN HOW DID IT GET WORSE#it’s probably a mix of burnout too but I don’t get tired of drawing ?#it feels like when u get dizzy or change glasses or so#and it’s either everything is wayyy too in focus and you can see literally everything clearly that it hurts ur brain#which doesn’t help given how saturated w information the world is always#and simultaneously somehow everything is blurry or out of focus and I physically have to strain myself to hone in on one thing#I JUST WANNA READ COMICS AND FINISH A DRAWING AND HANDLE WORK AND SCHOOL AND TALK TO MY FRIENDS#ALL IN OME DAY#BUT MY BRAIN IS LIKE. TODAY IS ONLY FOR COMICS. YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ESLE#😫🫶 I’m deleting this later I’m just ranting LMAO#I’m highschool it’s crazy bc I did okay and then honestly i just think my ability to concentrate has deteriorated as the years have gone by#free me!!!#either way I want to lessen my social media and just pick One bc girl I have an Instagram a tumblr and a twitter this is horrible for me .#honestly I’ll probably pick instagram and just post on tumblr when I have art#I already do that#I mean when I have Good art.#IM RAMBLING IDK
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I rly like making gifs and I have ideas but I can’t help but feeling slightly demoralised abt my fav creative fandom activity when half of the fob fans on tumblr who might enjoy looking at them have me blocked and it keeps happening live crylaugh love
#god I feel like I complain about this all the time which makes me seem pathetic but it kind of still sucks even if I guess if I got blocked#for dumb reasons then sure I’m better off I suppose idk. but like man this fandom has slowly kept making me feel more :/ :/ bc of#this cliqueyness. I’m literally only trying to have fun and I believe in blocking absolutely.#feel like I have to reiterate that every time lol. but like … sad tigger looking back meme… ok…#BLAGH ANYWAY. Stan judasisgayriot she’s nice and chill and likes to make gifs goddamnit! lmao#anni rambles#it also makes me feel crazy. why do people I’ve followed for ages and/or mutuals keep randomly blocking me#is there someone telling ppl to block me when ppl reblog my stuff???#what sort of surveillance state is this?? joke. I’m joking. foblr panopticon is a joke. I hope#MAKES ANNI SAD THO
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They should invent a machine that you walk into and it tells you What’s Wrong with you and also it’s free
#day uhh……of questioning myself about plurality#i don’t have any capital T Trauma that would’ve caused a split#and I’m only recently wondering so like#idk it seems like the sort of thing where you Just Know#but I know it’s not#I wanna talk about it but if I am plural I’m prob endo (is that the right word?)#and I know there’s tons of hostility there with all the dnis I’ve seen#for the record#I didn’t intentionally/conciously/deliberately make up anyone#idk y’all.#then there’s the whole copiloting thing which idk if that’s a thing?#idk idk idk aaaaaa#emotionally im okay but I’m kinda frustrated bc I don’t feel comfortable talking out loud about any of this#i’m not making this up#anyway there’s someone in here who steps in sometimes when I’m anxious to make me/us emotionally distant#it helps I think. I either feel everything or nothing so it helps when the ‘everything’ gets crazy#idk. is anyone reading these? hello?#Tobi back at it again with the vague body text and hyperspecific tags
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The way they framed surfer boy pizza with Mike in s4 makes me optimistic about the prospects of smalltown boy agenda actually
#byler#stranger things#mike wheeler#something about the van scene is so visceral…#the way the shadow of boy passes behind him#the back window is blurry but then boy becomes clear after Mike sees the painting until will says it was from el then blurs again#the way he’s sitting directly in front of it after rink o mania bc his mind was on Will (boy) and not El (girl)…#also the two snack (bar) references in s4 with byler looking incriminating in the frame…#idk smalltown boy agenda is low key still in the running I feel like#in general it's going to be crazy being a byler and seeing the duffers hint about stuff that only we understand#like with that Dawsons creek reference recently#Redditors are out of our league atp#like if smalltown boy was even referenced at all subtly in an obscure ass way…#we would be hyperventilating like okay it’s happening#and everyone else would just be like what?...#same with the milkvan break up in early s5… like we know from a story standpoint it’s guaranteed..#but no one else is ready for that…#s5 fandom experience is gonna be really satisfying for bylers that’s all I’m gonna say!#also the promo has to really ramp up positively for byler if they expect to pushback all the criticism successfully#there’s going to be a lot of homophobia and claims byler only happened bc of fan service#that’s why I do think they’re going to have no choice but to change their tune#bc it would be weird to go from not considering byler a possibility at all to surprise they're canon#they definitely want people to root for them while watching the last season!#s5 promo is most likely going to be like s4 but a little more intense#it’ll be HILARIOUS seeing people try to downplay obvious evidence#like if hypothetically they dropped a character teaser with all the characters and mike got one with smalltown boy in the background...#we would be on the floor#and all the redditors would be downplaying it like it means nothing!!#tbh I think byler would have to literally kiss for those still convinced there is zero evidence to actually consider it a possiblity#like they are 100% convinced there is zero evidence... and I just can't take that seriously..
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#ok the story behind this is: like 2 weeks ago i was at a friends apt (studio) and someone went to wash their hands in the kitchen sink#and the host went ‘are you crazy. wash hands in the bathroom sink’ and me and my other friend thought that was so bizarre#so we were asking him all sorts of questions like ‘what if you’re cooking and you need to rinse smth off your fingers’#and he said no hands are washed in bathroom sink only#so i’m curious if other ppl feel the same way or not#personally if i need to wash my hands and i’m in the kitchen i will wash my hands there. usually there aren’t dishes in the sink at home tho#bc we have a dishwasher#but like i never rlly thought abt it. if i’m like oh i need to wash my hands and i’m in the kitchen i will wash my hands there#like we have hand soap there next to the dish soap. idk what do y’all think#i think also it being a studio apt helps cuz like at home if i were to use the bathroom sink only i wld have to walk#halfway across the house every time i needed to wash or rinse my hands off#which seems inconvenient#but in my friends apt the bathroom & kitchen r directly adjacent
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i am experiencing emotions rn and idk what they are :)
#so i got laid off in march and i have not shut up about it since bc it was a horrible experience and i’m still upset about it#and quite literally the only place i wanted to work after that wasn’t hiring at the time but they said to check back in the summer#so i just started picking up extra shifts at my second job bc i’d rather wait on this place than apply to places i have no interest in#then end of april i get a call from this girl i met at my old job saying she got fired#we were super close last year and then our friendship got super weird and tense when she suddenly became my boss#and tbh i’m not at all surprised she got fired bc as much as i like her as a person she was not at all qualified to be running that business#but anyway we’ve been talking more lately than we have in the past couple months#and i was thinking our friendship could maybe go back to normal now that neither of us works there anymore#BUT now i’m feeling super weird like idk if i’m uncomfortable or annoyed or what i’m just feeling put off#bc the place i wanted to work finally started hiring a couple weeks ago and i applied and interviewed last week#and yesterday i got the job which i’m super excited about#and this friend just sent me a screenshot of her rejection letter for the exact same job at the same location#like am i crazy or is it justified to be weirded out by that??#why would you apply for the same exact job as me and not even tell me until after you get rejected#and i know she knows i applied bc i’ve been talking about it nonstop with all my friends#like i’m so confused#it’s not even about the fact that she could’ve potentially gotten chosen over me it’s just weird that she didn’t tell me she was applying#i’ve literally been talking about this job since before they were even hiring like as soon as i got laid off i said i wanted to work here#she didn’t get fired until almost 2 months after that so she wasn’t looking for a job until a couple weeks ago#so i can’t think of any scenario where it would make sense for her to just not mention this to me#idk someone please tell me if this is weird or not bc idk how to respond to her rn#lj.txt
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Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)
Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh
The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)
All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!
ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more
^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls
Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.
#vent#cw vent#rant#delete later#<- like tomorrow morning I’m shre#usually I delete stuff like this immediately but I’ll try to keep it up#was talking to my mom earlier about OCD and intrusive thoughts and whatnot….#she definitely has it too. like undoubtedly#her intrusive thoughts and compulsions sounded exactly like mine#which sucks for me bc my dad ALSO definitely has OCD (in a more outwardly recognizable way) so! wahoo! double whammy#just feeling kinda defeated about mental health stuff#I feel like it’s never gonna get better#I need to go to therapy or a psychiatrist or SOMETHING#it’s been like 4 years now since I was originally supposed to go lol#and I keep putting it off out of fear (I think)#my friends (irls) have all been getting diagnoses and prescriptions lately#which is exciting for them but :( idk. I feel like there’s no way to medicate whatever I’ve got going on except SSRIs????#and I don’t really want that#mostly though I’m just scared of going back to therapy or to a psychiatrist bc I think they’ll think I’m lying or crazy or whatever#which sounds stupid when I write it out but idk#I should probably keep a journal but when I’m only writing for my own eyes I just kinda wallow in it and write concerning poetry lol#I like journaling in a way other people can see (even if y’all DON’T like seeing it lmaoooo) bc it makes it feel more real?#and out of my head.. concrete etc.#wackyposting#<- seriously need to change that tag still lol
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only 6 more days for 12th grade to officially finish and my exams to be over. perhaps jaeyunverse comeback with a long fic ????? 😳
#first order of business will be to finish that damn jeno fic#then i will work on one of the valentine’s event fics who’s masterlist i posted Last Year 💀#i will prob make a poll for that bc idk which one to write 😭 i have 4k for the heeseung one but i’m STUCK#i have 4k for the halloween special fic i started in 2021 ummmmm maybe i’ll buckle down on it too#THE ALICE IN BORDERLAND AU???? i have the entire plot but it is going to be So Long i just know it.#i hope i can finish my current wips before any other long fic ideas come to me 😭#i have to finish the stupid headcanon series too what was i thinking when i started it#IM TERRIBLE AT HEADCANONS#fffff i only have a few weeks of peace after boards 😭 i have to start grinding for my other exam in june once april starts#i hope i can be more active on this account and actually get some writing done bc ngl i have sm plans for the small vacation i’m getting#but i wanna be delusional too 🫡#also i have so many unfinished projects here sometimes i feel like abandoning this account completely#and this place is lowkey dead in terms of activity ngl 💀 i will have try to revive it#but then i remember that i put effort into building this blog so seeing it go to waste would be sad#plus i Really do not want to repost my fics for a third time ppl will call me crazy
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