#it’s not even about the fact that she could’ve potentially gotten chosen over me it’s just weird that she didn’t tell me she was applying

[steviescrystals]

i am experiencing emotions rn and idk what they are :)

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[elizabeethan]

Steal Away: 2 / 5

When a bank robbery with his brother goes horribly wrong, Killian Jones learns to heal with the help of a fiery blonde who happened to get caught in the crosshairs.

A Modern AU

Based loosely on the movie Hell Or High Water (and so I tag @captainswanmoviemarathon)

Read on Ao3

Read The Rest

Read my Other Stuff

A/N: So this was supposed to be a one shot, but it’s, like, 24k words so I thought it would be best to split it up. I’m probably going to post one part a night for the next week or so, though.

This part is rated T as well, mostly for language and car sickness :) (I’ll let you know when we get to M hehehe)

thank you as usual to @the-darkdragonfly​, @donteattheappleshook​ and @xhookswenchx for letting me ramble about this for weeks, and to Kay for beta-ing <3

~~~~ 

It happens quickly. 

 Her sense of humor, her taste in music, the adorable way she snorts when he hits a pothole while she’s sleeping… it’s impossible for him to avoid the feelings that stir in him. It’s almost embarrassing, the speed at which he begins to recognize his feelings, but it’s not as if he plans on sharing them at any point. 

 The fact is… he likes her. She’s cute, and funny, and undeniably sexy, and he knows that if she wasn’t here, he probably wouldn’t be either. He would’ve been arrested right off the bat, or shot in the bank himself, or drowning in a bottle of rum beside his brother’s grave. If it wasn’t for Emma Swan and her insistence to stay in his life, he wouldn’t be on his way to Maine to pick up the only remaining person in his life who means something.  

 Although, perhaps that isn’t true, because after a day on the road, he’s discovered that she’s starting to mean something, too. 

 He doesn’t know enough about her to dignify a crush, but he also isn’t stupid. He knows that he’s infatuated with her. He knows that he’s finding it hard to keep his gaze off of her. He knows that her stunning green eyes play off of the gold of her skin and her hair in such a way that makes his heart race. He knows that, based solely on what she’s told him so far, he’s desperate to know more. 

 She doesn't have a family. She spent much of her childhood homeless and running away from abusive foster placements. She was abandoned as an infant, left in the woods at only a few hours old. She’s been through hell and back, and she still manages a blinding smile.

 Her ex boyfriend is the reason she’s here with him, he thinks. She says that he screwed her over and that she wants nothing more than to get away from him and from the place that reminds her of him, and Killian thinks this all happened at a rather convenient time for her. She told him yesterday, when he was panicking over his brother’s demise, that she could tell that he was there in that bank for a good reason, and he’s taken to assuming that she has a good reason to assume that. 

 They hardly know each other, and yet he feels as though he’s known her his whole life. He knows so little about her, and yet, he can read her like she’s an open book. The term kindred spirits feels naive, and yet, that’s exactly what they are. 

 “Are we gonna stop in Chicago?” she asks excitedly as she watches the Welcome to Illinois sign pass them by. 

 “Definitely not,” he laughs. “It’s far too north for where we’re headed.” 

 “What, and Maine isn’t?” she snorts, shaking her head and pointing out a bird that flies by. “What’s up there, anyway?” 

Immediately, his heart starts racing and his palms start sweating at the thought of telling her the true reason for their trip. It dawns on him that, when they arrive, he would have to tell her anyway, lest he abandon her in town before he arrives at the lawyer’s office. 

 Of course, Emma has experienced her fair share of abandonment at this point in her life, and while he hardly knows her and shouldn’t care, he wouldn’t dare contribute to the trauma that comes with the feeling of being left behind and forgotten. 

 Bloody hell. 

 “You don’t have to tell me,” she says after a long moment of silence. 

 He clears his throat, drawing his focus back to the highway before him. “It’s alright, love. I just… it’s a sore subject, I suppose.” 

 “We share a lot of those,” she jokes, smirking at him and making his heart race. More gently, she reasons, “which means you should know by now that I won’t judge you.” 

 “Aye,” he agrees immediately, because he does know that. “Aye, you’re right. It’s, um… my child.” 

 He catches her balking, her jaw dropping and then snapping shut in quick succession before he needs to focus back on the road. “You have a kid?” 

 With a nod, his grip on the steering wheel tightens. This vehicle is better than the last, the clutch not sticking like the one in the truck had, but it’s so small and cramped that he doubts they’ll be able to sleep comfortably in these seats tonight. He’d best pull over soon so that they can find a place to sleep. “I do,” he confirms. “A daughter. She’s eight.” 

 “How old are you?” she asks in shock. 

 He narrows his eyes, shifting his gaze to her briefly and suspiciously asking, “how old are you?”

 “I asked you first,” she says seriously, as if she truly doesn't want to disclose her age, and he begins to panic. She looks old enough, but the potential that he’s just kidnapped a minor on top of everything else begins to assault his thoughts. 

 “Please just tell me I didn’t kidnap you,” he begs, his heart racing. 

 “No,” she rolls her eyes. “I’m 23, and much more mature than you.” 

 With a sound that’s somewhere between a snort and a sigh of relief, he nods. “Aye, love. I’m sure you are.”

 She sits in silence, staring at him expectantly, and he knows that it drives her mad when he smirks and begins to laugh. “Don’t be stupid! Just tell me how old you are!” 

 “I’m… I’m 31.”

 “Oh,” she says, chuckling beside him. “So you’re not that much of a cradle robber. Just a regular old bank robber.” 

 “Oy!” he shouts in offense, staring at her in shock. “Sensitive subject. And what makes you think I’m trying to rob your... cradle?”

 She snorts and shakes her head. “Please. I saw the way you were staring at my ass at that last rest stop.” 

 She could’ve chosen a more opportune time to say that, perhaps when he wasn’t taking a sip of coffee. It’s rather uncomfortable coming up his nose. “Love,” he says through a cough. “I’m not— that is, I meant not to—”

 “It’s fine, Killian,” she tells him, giggling softly and playfully. “A girl likes to feel flattered, especially a girl who feels like a—”

 Her jaw snaps shut and her eyes grow wide, the emerald catching the rays of the sun and throwing glints of gold. “Like a what, darling?”

 “Like… um, like I could eat everything on the menu at McDonalds. Is it time to stop yet?”

 “No,” he laughs, although he finds that he struggles to say no to her and mean it, even after such little time, and he indicates his intent to change lanes and moves towards an exit. “We only stopped for breakfast a few hours ago.”

 “Well, I’m starving,” she tells him, shooting him a soft smile. “And if I don’t stretch my legs in a minute, they’re gonna fall off.” 

 “You need to stretch your legs? Your feet are currently on top of my dashboard. Is that not enough of a stretch?”

 “Your dashboard? I’m pretty sure I witnessed you stealing this car.”

 “From a scrapyard,” he mumbles, giving her a shy smile as he exits the highway. “What do you want for lunch? Or should I say brunch? It’s barely eleven.”

 “We crossed time zones, you ass.”

 “What do you want?” he laughs. 

 She hums playfully, pretending to ponder his question seriously and says, “a prime rib, cooked medium rare, with a side of garlic mashed potatoes. Caramelized onion and mushroom sauce on the steak. And some green beans, for balance.” 

 Shaking his head and laughing along with her, he says, “chicken nuggets and fries it is, darling.”

 ~~~~

 “You need to pull over,” she says suddenly, breaking almost an hour of silence between them during which he was certain she was asleep. After their early lunch, he decided to keep driving, anticipating that she would take over in a few hours. 

 “Emma,” he sighs, “we only just stopped two hours ago.”

 “I’m not asking,” she demands. “I’m telling you that if you don’t pull over,” she puts her hand over her mouth, her retching and gagging preventing her from saying anything more. 

 “Jesus,” he mumbles as he pulls into the breakdown lane, barely stopped and still in gear when she thrusts the door open and loses her lunch all over the ground. He can’t ask her if she’s alright because she hasn’t stopped vomiting, so he checks his side mirror and opens his door, walking around the front of the car to meet her. He stands behind the door and places his hand in her hair, massaging her scalp as she shudders violently. “I didn’t realize you were prone to car sickness.” 

 She groans, shaking her head and resting it against the window at her side. “I think your driving has gotten worse.”

 He hums, continuing his ministrations on her scalp as she catches her breath. “Was it the chicken, love? I knew that stuff was crap.”

 “No, it’s your crap driving.”

 “Do you want to take over, then?”

 “No, I want to sleep.”

 “Come on out and get some fresh air, would you?” She whimpers as he pulls the door open a bit more, and he takes her hand to help her out and around her sick. “It’s alright, love, come here.”

 She breathes deeply as she stands, and only remains in front of him for a moment before she falls forward against his chest and into his arms. “Sorry,” she whispers into his sweatshirts wrapping her arms around his waist and holding herself close to him. “For delaying the trip.”

 “You needn’t worry about that, love,” he soothes, and he focuses on moving his hands along her back and hair in the same way she had his. “A few moments while you find your bearings won’t hurt. Are you alright?”

 She nods against him, a sound coming from her throat that makes him squeeze her tighter. He can’t stop himself from pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, the need to comfort her interrupting any reasonable thoughts in his head. She whispers, “yeah,” so softly that he kisses her again. 

 “During lunch I found a small campground that takes cash. It’s only another few hours; can you make it that far? We can use the tent and the camping mat instead of sleeping in the car.”

 “Luxurious,” she jokes softly, maintaining her firm embrace around his middle. “That sounds perfect.”

 ~~~~

 She’s relentless in her jokes at his expense as he struggles with the tent. It’s dusk, and there’s a decent canopy of trees above him, and, as she points out often, he’s getting old. He struggles to see the small pieces and determine what goes where, and she’s hardly any help as she sits in the car laughing at him as she claims to be recovering from another spell of car sickness. 

 “You could try helping me, you know,” he finally mumbles as the structure collapses again and he’s met with her symphonic laughter. 

 “Need a newer pair of eyes, Captain?” she asks in good humor, standing and bounding towards him confidently. It’s almost miraculous how quickly she’s recovered, and yet her nausea seems to keep coming back. 

 “Very funny, love. Come and tell me where E connects to G.”

 It’s impossible to ignore the way the full moon shines against her hair, almost white in the dim light of the night sky. The gentle waves flow freely as she releases the tie from around her locks, rubbing her palms over her face as she settles into the warm cocoon of the sleeping bag. She gives him a soft, gentle smile as he zips the tent’s opening securely shut, taking his place upon the ground between her and the door. “Where’s yours?” she asks, gesturing down at her sleeping bag and camping mat.

 He shrugs and then nods towards her. “Someone stole it.” 

 Her eyes widen in surprised embarrassment and she asks, “this is yours? What about-- weren’t you and… I mean…” 

 Smiling as he lies down on his back, he turns his head to face her and says, “I was meant to travel alone, actually.”

 Just as he thinks she’s about to match his position and lie back herself, she stirs and begins tugging on the sleeping bag until she’s out of it. She shakes it out in front of herself to straighten it and then feels around in the dark for the zipper, pulling it around the puffy fabric until it’s fully open before her. Turning towards him, she gives him another soft smile and dramatically opens it like a parachute, draping it over the both of them. “There you go,” she says with finality. “We can share.” 

 “You don’t have to do that, love. It’s summer anyway.” 

 “We’re sleeping outside, and you're taking a second, unexpected person on your trip across the country, who also happens to frequently demand pit stops. The least I can do is share your sleeping bag with you.” 

 “Well… thank you, lass. That’s very kind of you.” 

 “I just can’t part with the mat, sorry. The ground is way too hard.”

 He laughs as he turns to his side, silently agreeing with her that the ground is mighty firm as he grimaces. “You can’t spare it for an old man with old bones?” 

 She shrugs, laughing softly as well as she rolls to her side to face him head on. “You're not that old.” 

 “So I'm only young when it suits you?” 

 “I didn’t say you were young.”

 He hasn’t laughed this much in years. Before he met her, he hadn’t been so close to a woman in almost a decade. He’s forgotten how soothing the gentle touch of another can be, and he’s been hard pressed to ignore how especially soothing she is, in particular. “You do have quite the sense of humor, love.” 

 “All in good fun,” she smiles. He catches her gaze shooting down at the hem of the old sleeping bag, her fingers fiddling with some thread that has pulled away from its place. “Will you tell me something?” she asks in a whisper. 

 “What is it?” 

 She clears her throat nervously, continuing to avert her eyes from his, and asks, “will you tell me about your daughter?” 

 With a hum and a sad smile, he bites his bottom lip and nods, the memories of his love flooding back into his mind, as if he’s ever been able to prevent them. “Alice,” he says. “She’s just turned eight a few months ago. I missed her birthday.” 

 “Why? What happened?” 

 He notes the way that her fingers continue to play at the loose threads, and he matches her actions just beside her. “I was with my mother; she was dying and had no one else while Liam was in jail. I wanted to bring Alice with me, but… her mother wouldn’t allow it.” 

 “I’m sorry,” she says immediately. He hears a rustle against the mat her head lies on and lifts his own gaze to meet hers. 

 “Thank you.” 

 “When did you see her last, then?” 

 He gulps over the lump in his throat. “It’s been well over a year.”

 She sighs, and he doesn’t think he imagines the minute amount of space that she closes between them. “You must miss her terribly.”

 “Aye, I do. Everyday.”

 “Is there… I mean, is there a reason it’s been so long? I’m not trying to judge you, I’m sorry, I just—“

 “It’s alright, love,” he interrupts, noting the sudden shift in her demeanor as she realizes the nature of her question. “Her mother was rather… controlling, I suppose. I believe she used drugs and alcohol for much of Alice’s early life. I don’t have any reason to believe she used during her pregnancy, but I cared for Alice from birth when Eloise fell off the wagon. I even named her, after my ailing mother. But a few years later, she got clean and started to take over. She took Alice to live with her; became upset when I came around. And eventually, the way she would scream at me when I tried to visit made Alice upset, so I stopped coming around as much.” 

 She’s quiet for a moment, and he wonders if he’s taken things a bit too far. If he’s opened up to her too much. He fears this for what feels like an eternity as she lies beside him, her warm breath washing over his nose as he thinks the worst. That he’s upset her, that he’s offended her, that he’s made her think of the trauma of being abandoned herself as he describes the way he abandoned his own daughter. And his fears are confirmed when she sniffles softly before him and moves her fingers from the frayed threads to her eyes, wiping tears away. 

 “Emma,” he whispers into the darkness, “I’m sor--”

 “That’s so terrible,” she interrupts sadly, and he bows his head in shame, knowing already that his actions are deplorable. Until she whispers, “I’m so sorry.” 

 “Sorry… for what?” he asks in shock, speaking almost at full volume, a contrast to their whispering tones. 

 “You just--” she sniffs once more, “--it’s obvious how badly you want to be in your daughter’s life, and you haven’t been able to. That’s got to be the worst feeling… I can’t even imagine not being allowed to…”

 Clearing his throat, he takes a risk by reaching before himself to wipe a tear from her soft cheek with his thumb, almost desperate to comfort her as she has him the entire time he’s known her. “It’s alright, love,” he whispers. “I’m going to get her back, with your help. I wouldn’t be here, on my way to her, if it weren’t for you.” 

 She sniffles and laughs at the same time, adorably embarrassed at the sound that escapes her, and asks, “what’s changed now? With you and her mom?” 

 “She died,” he answers simply. If she had begun to relax slightly into his hand, she stiffens at his words. “She relapsed, mixed drugs and alcohol… her body couldn’t handle it.” 

 “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “That must’ve been hard, too.” 

 “Not much,” he answers too quickly. She draws her brows together in question and he continues, “I’m sad for Alice; she’s lost her mother. But she never really had her much. Eloise was never a very devout mother. It always seemed like she was in it for the image, or only when it suited her. I don’t think she ever really wanted a child.” 

 Emma nods gently, the small gap between them getting smaller when a gust of wind shakes the tent and she slides closer to him. “Was she, I mean, was Alice a surprise?” 

 “Oh, aye, very much so,” he laughs softly. “El and I weren’t ever a couple, we just met at a bar and… well, we were only together once. It was sort of a low point for me.” 

 “I get that,” she nods again. “Sleeping with the wrong person, I mean. Not that… I mean, not that Alice was a mistake or anything, of course.” 

 “I know what you mean,” he consoles in a whisper as she again worries that she’s offended him. She should know that she couldn’t possibly say the wrong thing, because despite how short of a time he’s known her, he knows that she can do no wrong in his eyes. 

 “Will you tell me about her? Like… What was it like when she was a baby? Was it very hard?” 

 He hums and nods, agreeing, “it was hard, yes; I was mostly alone. But it was so worth it.” 

 “It was?” she asks softly, almost insecurely and making him narrow his eyes in thought. 

 She hasn’t told him anything, but he isn’t a fool. He means every word of what he says to her next, and says it in hopes that he can give her solace. “Aye. As hard as life has been, I wouldn't change anything because it’s how I got Alice.” 

 In a move that surprises him almost as much as it doesn’t, she moves as close to him as she can and tucks her head into his chest, just below his chin, and wraps her arm around his waist. “That’s a good point,” she murmurs into his sweatshirt.

 “Are you alright, love?” he asks, accepting her into his embrace and letting his hand run along the length of her spine over her own sweatshirt. He reminds himself that he doesn’t truly know her, so he can’t assume that this isn’t like her, but it feels profound. 

 She nods against his chest, pulling herself impossibly closer as she seems to seek more warmth and a firmer embrace. “It’s weird,” she starts, her voice muffled. “I barely know you, but it feels like you're my friend.” 

 “I am your friend,” he agrees with a smile. “And you’re mine. I told you I wouldn’t be here without you.” 

 “I wouldn’t either.” 

 “Of course not. I’ve been driving most of the way.” 

 She snorts, nuzzling her nose into the crook between his neck and his shoulder and squeezing around his waist. “Yeah, that’s why I’ve been puking nonstop.” 

 “Would you like to drive tomorrow, then?” he laughs. 

 “Sure.” 

 “Alright. We’ll need to leave quite early. Just another two days to go, I think.”

 “Okay,” she yawns, falling asleep in his arms feeling, he hopes, as safe as he does.

~~~~

Tagging:

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[greengoblinn]

Dude, Carnage Gwen introductory scene, before we even knew she was Gwen (or she did for that matter, given there would have been that post-resurrection amnesia storyline that’s common enough), we would have been her literally massacre the Sinister Six like that Darth Vader scene from Rogue One, the ending of Episode One of Invincible, or the hospital scene from Spider-Man 2. It sounded AWESOME. Obviously later the reason would have been revealed to get at Harry, but just imagine the possibilities — it could have, would have genuinely been brilliant. Now this idea was created before Spider-Gwen was even a thing, but if this happened now, I guarantee she would have become Spider-Gwen by the end of the film before she, Peter and Harry took on the also brought-back Giant Goblin King Norman. Even in comics for the last few years now, Spider-Gwen’s suit has been a symbiote she has complete control of due to her musical skills, and so she really only uses it as simply just a suit.

i had to take a double take because you just sent me this blog’s very first ask?? and it’s about carnage gwen??? i am elated that someone else cares about her and the fact we were robbed of this film like i do.

i only ever knew that the concept of carnage gwen existed, so hearing this opening scene is all new to me, and WOW. the idea of revenge completely taking over gwen, who we knew as clever and stubborn but ultimately kind, would have been so jarring once her identity was revealed. i feel like if the tasm universe (the tasmcu, if you will) continued it would’ve gotten so dark and twisted. killing off the main character’s soulmate was insanely dark for what was otherwise a pretty lighthearted franchise - the raimi movies got dark and obviously included a lot of deaths but there was always some sense of hope in the end. imagine if they killed mary-jane! there was hope at the end of tasm 2, but the heartbreak of losing gwen still hung heavy on the conclusion. if they had chosen to include the scene in the clock tower where peter nearly kills harry after he killed gwen i feel like it would have set up a sinister six/carnage gwen/tasm 3 set of films perfectly. harry has an even stronger reason for forming his villain group and gwen, taken over by the symbiote, attempts to finish what peter started. and if gwen is resurrected, i absolutely see potential for norman to come back to life as goblin senior. i also love the idea of carnage gwen becoming spider-gwen, it just makes so much sense. i imagine some confrontation between her and peter taking place where the evil symbiote is defeated, they both begin to heal, and of course she’s left with powers.

i rambled on so much with this, but i genuinely appreciate you allowing me to spill my thoughts! i am haunted by the loss of more tasm universe films and am always down to discuss what could’ve been. andrew, emma, and dane are all so talented in these emotional roles, it breaks my heart to know we’ll probably never see them together again as these characters. at least we can dream together on the internet!

[tonystarktogo]

(this could’ve been) a villain’s origin story 

part IV

For @shitistanstank who wanted to see Bucky’s reaction and @everything-is-applepie who asked for more [Warning: Bucky is an unrepenant killer and his mindset is dark(er) than Tony’s parts were]:

James hates mentals. Doesn’t matter if they can read your thoughts, break out illusions that have you question everything you believe, make you forget everything you are, everything you used to be or if their powers are even more insidious -- every single one of them is a manipulative fucker with a god-complex. 

Usually, James doesn’t generalise like that -- it leads to assumptions and assumptions lead to stupid mistakes that get you dead -- but in this case he’ll make an exception. It’s widely known that, as fussy as the Winter Soldier can be about his jobs, he always takes contracts involving mentals. Doesn’t matter how old they are, what gender, how powerful, what specific abilities.

Mentals are weapons in a way that physicals aren’t, can’t ever hope to be -- and it doesn’t matter what their intentions are, what fucking alignment they hold -- like alignment isn’t just a skewed personality test gone wrong -- or what laws they follow.

[Every supe uses their power. You can’t not. You can’t be less than you are, even if some like to pretend otherwise. Like to play at being human, idealising what they’ve lost and will never achieve again.

Even when you don’t want to, even when you train yourself mercilessly, grit your teeth against it-- a supe’s first instinct is to use their abilities to the fullest. To survive. To live. To make life more comfortable.

There’s better men than James out there who like to offer long lists of requirements, of all the people they refuse to kill. As though not killing children, women, supes, humans, whatever the fuck their line in the sand is, somehow absolves them from the fact that they kill others for money, power or pride. As though having rules -- morals, as they like to sneer pretentiously -- makes them better, when all they do is choose and find one life more worthy than another.

James doesn’t have a list. He takes a contract or he doesn’t, depending on whether he trusts the contractor to pay up and not stab him in the back while he’s at it.

Have you ever seen a five-year old in a temper-tantrum that can bend the minds of those around them to their will? Have you ever considered what a toddler with the ability to erase memories is, what they become? Do you really think it was morals that kept anyone under fourteen from being chosen?

Rules, after all, are rarely implemented before they’ve proven to be necessary.]

The problem with having a reputation for killing mentals is that mentals don’t take kindly to being killed. And it’s hard to be prepared for a threat you don’t know exists until it reveals itself and tries to twist your mind into hushquietobeybenothing.

Granted, that doesn’t stop most of the stupid ones who track him down from monologuing about their righteous revenge before they get on with it. So convinced that just because James didn’t see them coming means he won’t kill them anyway.

Arrogant fuckers, all of them.

He’ll make them regret that before he’s done.

At least the last set of attackers wasn’t stupid. Makes it more of a pain, but ultimately a more satisfying fight. And fuck, if he hadn’t been blind-sided by the witch, James would’ve gotten away clean. But Scarlet Witch [And what kind of bullshit name is that when everyone knows her powers are anything but magical?] has been a persistent pain in his ass for a while now.

She’s smart and powerful and embodies everything James despises in a mental. The only reason they haven’t gone to war so far is because Scarlet Witch couldn’t care less about mentals as a whole. The only thing she values is her brother -- and the guy is a physical. A physical James wouldn’t try to land a hit on unless he was 100 percent sure he could take out the witch as well.

And Quicksilvers is a hard man to hit.

They don’t have an understanding of any sort because James doesn’t do understandings with mentals. But The Captain does, which puts Scarlet Witch and James into an awkward position as far as battles go. That’s the only reason James assumes their last showdown was an accident -- and, also, presumably the only reason he wakes up at all.

James doesn’t wake up slowly. Hasn’t since they shoved the pills down his throat for the first time, back before they realized that injections were that much more effective.

[The doctors never did figure out why James activated at all from such a low dosis, why he survived at all when the pills turned out to be useless with the sole exception of him. Granted, James killed them roughly forty hours after the first test, which might have played a hand in that.]

He comes to from one moment to the next -- finally, finally free of the black nothingness the witch trapped him in [nothing like what she can do, or so the rumors go, but that doesn’t make him itch to see her brain splattered over a sidewalk any less] -- and is immediately aware of his body, his surroundings, himself.

He’s in an unfamiliar place. He’s half-naked. He’s in a negligible amount of pain. He’s unrestrained. He’s not alone.

James is up and moving before the observation fully sinks in. It doesn’t have to. He already has all the data. [Has pinpointed the steady breathing and puttering motions of one person, placed him to his left, four steps, notices his odd surroundings even as he moves. There’s a wrench in easy reach that James aimes before he even sees the person -- man, young, brown hair, a head smaller than him -- and throws before he’s finished taking stock of his surroundings.

It’s more reflex than cold-blooded murder, really, not there’s much of a difference between the two where it concerns James.

The man ducks, proving that he’s not quite as idiotic as James initially assumed for keeping him unrestrained in his direct vicinity. That or he has good instincts.

He’s not a mental though, James can tell. He can always tell. His killing intent goes down a solid 60 percent with that realisation, though that still leaves him with plenty to work with should his potential client [James has lived through weirder recruitment strategies, though not all those potential bosses have] and potential victim prove troublesome.

It’s not that James wants to kill every human he meets. It’s just that he prefers to plan for the eventuality of needing to kill them and how to accomplish it efficiently, rather than be caught off-guard when the inevitable happens.

[There’s something that never made it into any of the papers and articles about supes and it’s this: A supe’s life is insane. There’s no logic, no rationality, no clear reason why you can’t go to a public swimming pool without accidentally ending up in a lagoon filled with starving piranhas. The Captain once theorized that supes offend the natural order or balance and this is nature’s way of striking back, of wiping them out. That or their unnaturalness attracts similar insanity.

James thinks that’s bullshit, not that it matters. He still has to live with the painfully ridiculous situations he tends to get himself into, after all.]

As such it really is nothing personal that as soon as James finally gets a clear view on the man -- kid, really, can’t be a day over twenty -- who’s found him, he immediately plans the guy’s death. It’s not like he acts on it right then, James isn’t a total barbarian.

He even gives the kid time to regain his footing and stare at him in shocked surprise, mouth half-way open and holding a bag of marshmallows as though those will somehow soften the next blow.

James is not gonna lie, he totally expects the boy to pull a sonar death ray, explosives or something similar out of some hidden stash and start some tirade about James having killed his parents and how he’s been planning this moment for a long time, or something along those lines.

Not to offer him marshmallows.

James gives the innocuous bag the deeply suspicious look that offer deserves. 

[On an unrelated note, his respect for the boy rises a smidge. James doesn’t know many people with the foresight to keep something ans inconspicious as poisonous marshmallows within easy reach.]

“No.”

“Oh.” The boy looks disappointed.

A scientist eager to see his newest creation in action? James doesn’t frown, but it’s a near thing. He’s not fond of scientists. [They tend to end up dead in his vicinity, but most people do.]

“Can I offer you something to drink?”

James raises his eyebrows, but fairly obvious attempt to drug and or kill him aside, he’s never before wasted a chance to be a little shit and he’s not planning on starting to now. 

“You can.”

The kid blinks. Snorts. “Oh, I like you.”

James smirks. He can’t recall the last time anyone told him they felt that way, but he doesn’t recall very many things beyond how to hunt and make them bleed.

“You’re the exception of the rule then.”

The boy laughs and if James wasn’t what he was, he wouldn’t have heard the bitterness echoing it. If James looks closely, he can even see the fractures in that pretty, wide smile.

“Believe me, Goggle Eye, I’m the exception of every rule.”

[It’s a good hour later, after the kid -- call me Tony -- has recounted where he found James and needled him endlessly -- “Come on, there’s got to be something you need! If not food or clothes, what about information? The adresses of your attackers? Schemantics of the newest SI rifle? Clean papers? Give me something!” -- that it occurs to James. A stray thought that nonetheless leaves an impression: It’s a good thing he’s human.

Because there’s something broken underneath Tony’s easy words and open gestures, something sharp and jagged -- still bleeding -- that was crushed and never healed quite right. Because when it comes down to it, you can forget the pills and the injections and the endless treatments and experiments designed to push for moremoremore. Because all the miracles of modern technology can’t build a monster out of spite and thin air. The drugs only reveal the potential that’s always been there.

And there’s no doubt what Tony would have been, should he have found himself among the test subjects.

His mind is a weapon worth killing for already.]

James leaves Tony’s lair two hours later, armed Quicksilver’s current adress -- one can never have enough leverage --, detailed information on four potential targets and the knowledge that Tony is the kind of competent that is as useful as it is dangerous and has an agenda James doesn’t yet understand. 

He’s not yet sure what to do about the latter.

[debbiewilder]

On Portraits - Ruth and Debbie

When Ruth moves to the GLOWtel in 1x04, she takes a portrait of Katharine Hepburn with her and hangs it above her bed. When Debbie sells almost everything in her house in 2x04, she still holds onto an incredibly large portrait of herself (she sells other picture frames so she could’ve sold that one too, but she chooses not to). Other photos in these environments are much smaller (or nonexistent) in comparison.

Clearly, these items are important for them.

Like most things in GLOW, it’s never overtly stated what these items mean, but I think you can come up with some answers if you look at Ruth and Debbie’s (unhealthy) relationships to themselves, their bodies, control/power, reality, fiction, and their careers.

Ruth

I’ve written before about Ruth’s relationship to “real.” The meaning of that word is incredibly complex for her, but I’ll just reiterate here with this portrait in mind. Throughout the pilot, the word “real” is used around seven times. Ruth clings to “real” in fiction but runs from it when it comes to reality. Ruth wants “real” parts, calls herself a “real” actress, but when Mark calls her “real” as they have sex, she shushes him. In addition, the word “real” is associated with her and Debbie. In their first scene together, lyrics play: “You make me feel mighty real.” During their fight in 1x01, Arthie asks if this fight is “real;” Melrose says “Who the fuck cares?” While Ruth doesn’t want real without the safety and control of fiction, together Debbie and Ruth find a “real” that neither wants but it becomes something they both need and are better because of. Ruth might not have gotten GLOW without Debbie’s “real.” Debbie might’ve been stuck in a loveless marriage without Ruth. Ruth certainly would not have gotten in Birdie’s good graces and helped save GLOW in 1x09 without her real need to communicate to Debbie. Their real drama makes GLOW come to life and Sam starts to see GLOW’s potential in 1x01 because of who Ruth and Debbie really are.

Ruth’s relationship to power is also very complex. Ruth escapes into fiction to find the power she never cultivates in her relationships. But, because of that, she self-destructs in every relationship and every acting opportunity. Ruth is not a submissive person. Ruth came from Nebraska to pursue acting. Ruth reads the man’s role because it’s better. Ruth confronts a casting director in the bathroom. Ruth goes to GLOW after being cut. Ruth is super empowered and clearly goes after what she wants when it comes to acting. But these moves are also super self destructive. Ruth’s not going to get a part she wasn’t called in for. Ruth shouldn’t confront a casting director in the bathroom…that’s…super creepy. She screws up her audition for GLOW by turning it into something it’s not. Like, it’s not Shakespeare. Just do the move you were asked to do and don’t turn it into a scene about stolen bread. When she’s given the opportunity to act in a real role (which is what she says she wants) in season 3, because she’s intimidated by Sheila’s talent and doesn’t feel empowered in this specific escapism, she just doesn't show up and self-destructs. In season 3, she also doesn’t go to acting class when others do and avoids real opportunities even though she still has the same goals she did in season 1. She does, however, show up to Justine’s audition without self destructing, reads the role she was called in for and gives a good audition but is still not chosen. Maybe with that one she doesn’t self destruct because she goes into the audition less insecure because she thinks she’ll actually get the role (and that’s why it’s so heartbreaking when they don’t ask her to read the scene another way, when she doesn’t get it).

Also, there are a few meanings to the word “act” which tie into this as well. Ruth hangs all of her agency and power on playing other roles. She wants to be active/act through fiction. When it comes to being in her own skin around other people, she is incredibly passive. She wants her role to be “acting” in ways because she doesn't act enough when she is just herself.

Even though Ruth is clearly not a submissive person, in her relationships, she’s almost completely submissive. She basically always defers to what other people want and need. She almost never expresses any of the power she demands so readily when it comes to fiction. This is part of why Ruth relies so much on fiction. And, this is largely why all of her relationships fail.

She destroys her relationship with Debbie. Instead of communicating about how their power imbalance made Ruth feel, she has sex with Debbie’s husband. Sure, she ends up being grateful for any crumb Debbie gives her after that and doesn’t screw them up after even though she’s forced to be even more submissive than she was before. But, I think that’s because she knows she owes Debbie for eternity. And, despite everything, she does want to make things right. Also, in a weird way, it must make her feel a tiny bit powerful to see how deeply Debbie cares about her. That despite everything, she still chooses Ruth to wrestle with in 1x06 and can’t help but stare at Ruth all the way down the drive in 1x03 and says, her voice breaking, that she wishes they could still have a conversation in 1x09.

She destroys her relationship with Sam. Sam’s words are pretty manipulative in 3x02. (Roughly: I think you want me -> You’re in MY hot tub (I know you want me) -> “I’m telling you what we have.” Your thoughts and no is a “lie” and a ridiculous “belief” that has no basis in reality.) I don’t know how intentional this is, but when she goes to him in 3x09, I don’t think she really knows what she wants, she’s completely floundering by that point. Also, she still hasn’t broken up with Russell so they can’t be real, it’s another way to keep Sam at bay and ruin them before they even begin. So, she destroys them over a small part. Sure, she feels like a failure. I could be wrong, but it just doesn’t seem like they just fall apart over the role.

She tries to break up with Russell on the phone in 3x08, he says not to, and she just listens! And then, the very next episode, she cheats on him. Ruth just…can’t communicate in a healthy way.

Even with Sheila in 1x04, she lets herself be pushed around and sleeps on a pool lounger.

She just goes along with what anyone wants for her, and she thinks fiction is enough to offset how submissive she is with others. It’s clearly not.

So, yeah, escapism is big for Ruth. In fact, Ruth, on her own, rarely looks at herself in the mirror. Even when she’s in front of a mirror, she often doesn’t seem to see herself. In 1x01, when she’s with the casting director, she turns to face the casting director instead of her own reflection. When she’s with Debbie in the locker room in 1x01, she doesn’t seem to see herself. There are times when she does look, like 1x08 when she realizes she’s pregnant, and later when she cuts her own hair or as she looks at herself in character in 1x01, but she doesn't really seem to investigate who she is in any way while she faces herself basically at all until 3x08 (there’s one exception I could find, after she gets ketchup splattered on her in 1x02). So, anyway, that moment in front of the mirror is huge in 3x08 because she’s actually facing who she is and her own failings. She doesn't know how to fix any of that yet but she’s actually unable to turn away from the truth/reality more by the end of season 3.

It’s like she plays a character with those in her life since she expresses so little of her own wants or needs in her close relationships. She allows pieces of herself to come through, just like she does when playing a role. Maybe she thinks that if everyone validates pieces of her and if she expresses other pieces of herself in fiction, then that’s enough. Like she can Frankenstein all of that validation together into something that’s enough. It’s clearly not since she destructs in both fiction and in relationships.

However, this coping mechanism of escapism isn’t just constant down sides. She clearly developed it for a reason. Because of how she romanticizes the world around her and is unable to take things as they are, she fights for a place on GLOW and gets it. Because of creeping on the casting director in the bathroom, she learns about GLOW. Because of her inane levels of bravery due to her inability to take things as they are, she shoots the title sequence in 2x01 (which, okay, she kinda almost gets fired for but still). She finds real control and power in GLOW even without a title like producer or director. She takes charge of the GLOW pilot in 1x10. When Sam tells everyone that GLOW is done for in 1x09, she comes up with the idea to fundraise. She continually takes charge. This flaw is also a strength for her. She demands more because she doesn’t live in the world around her, she lives in the air of possibilities. (“We’ll let the stars guide us.”) In fact, because Ruth is incredibly brave, she leads Debbie to demand for more and push for more for herself too. I’ve written about that but I’ll just quickly point to a couple of examples: Debbie only becomes better at wrestling because Sam wants to show Ruth off to Patio Town in 1x05. She probably would’ve only asked for more money in 2x01 but because Ruth is the director of a title sequence she demands to be a producer etc etc. Ruth pushes Debbie to be better. Ruth of course doesn’t see this due to insecurity. Ruth believes Debbie’s life moves forward because she has an inherent shininess that makes her life move faster than Ruth’s. She can’t see the reality of their relationship or see Debbie clearly.

So, this portrait distills Ruth’s whole relationship to herself, others, power and fiction into a single image. Ruth turns to fiction for anything “real” because as herself, reality is filled with submissiveness and not feeling like she’s enough let alone in control. She hangs a large portrait of a famous actor on her wall wherever she goes during early seasons of GLOW because being around an image of that person makes her feel powerful. Because that person is powerful, that person was chosen. Her own image doesn’t make her feel any of that. She constantly strives to forget and escape from who she is. Also, this choice of actor is telling. It’s someone who is a force who changed the acting industry, and also someone who isn’t just a feminine ideal. Katharine Hepburn and her characters are known for being fiercely independent and incredibly powerful who push boundaries and challenges gender roles. Of course Ruth would aspire to that. Ruth constantly tries to push boundaries in acting just like her role model but often fails because she just tries to turn any situation into what she wants rather than making the most out of what’s in front of her.

Debbie

While Ruth clings to a large portrait of someone else to escape from who she is, Debbie clings to a portrait of herself. But, it’s not really the Debbie we know. The version of herself that she clings to is very posed. Debbie may cringe and make weird faces every other second, but in this portrait, she looks domineering and stoic.

The placement of this portrait, right behind the front door, means that wherever you go in this house where a family of three lives (at least in 1x01), you will see this portrait of Debbie, large, alone, looking down on you.

I think this says a lot about Debbie. While Debbie was willing to give up acting and give up so much for Mark and her son, she still demanded to be seen constantly and seen in a very specific way.

Debbie’s relationship to her own image is explored throughout the series as she struggles to overcome the belief that how she’s seen is her only value. And, since that perceived value is about to expire, it makes sense she clings to an image of herself—it reminds her of what she believes is her only worth. Since she holds on to a part of herself that she feels will soon fade, this also makes her feel incredibly powerless. This is probably part of why she tries to control her body in unhealthy ways such as having an eating disorder.

While Ruth is introduced to us in close up in 1x01, reading the man’s role (the role she wasn’t given, but one she demands), Debbie is presented in a wide shot, in a sea of bodies doing the exact same boring aerobics moves as everyone else. Debbie’s reflection is presented to us before Debbie and when we see her she looks half alive, zoned out. Debbie is presented as someone who calls herself “a bovine mutant.” This is how she sees her body and self in 1x01—replaceable (just another body doing the same moves) and something that exists basically only for men including her son (“Don’t you want to be happy and have a family?”). These first images say a lot about these character’s relationships to themselves and power.

Debbie is used to submitting to those around her, and, unlike Ruth, is not used to going after anything that she wants. In fact, I don’t think Debbie allows herself to want real things that would fulfill her at all until GLOW.  

Debbie, unlike Ruth, is from LA, has lived in LA her whole life (until Vegas). Debbie never fought for acting. Debbie was probably told she was hot and should try her hand at acting because it’s around in LA. She just clearly has a very different relationship to acting than Ruth does. She is willing to do anything to get power rather than latches onto a specific role like Ruth. In fact, she likely viewed acting as another way to cling to her own image, an image that she feels is going to expire very soon. And, once it expires, she believes she will be worthless, so she better get it on film now. I really don't think she ever used acting to escape into someone else’s image. Debbie also talks about wrestling in terms of her relationship to her own body, not really about playing a role, it’s about her feeling like a superhero, it’s Debbie saying she’s Clark Kent in 2x01 because it’s her body that’s being empowered. And, in the past, acting wasn’t empowered Cat on a Hot Tin Roof monologues like it is for Ruth, Debbie saw it as wheelchairs and comas, and being written out as men decide her fate. The word “coma” sums up a lot about Debbie’s relationship to the world around her in 1x01—her life is about being still and dead to the world as others choose to define her actions and her worth. Just like in that aerobics class, just as Mark chooses what her life should be, acting is about letting men decide if her body can move this episode or not. In addition, her relationship to the industry is clearly just as based in powerlessness and bowing to whatever men want as we learn in 2x05.

She doesn’t escape into fiction or turn possibilities into what she wants them to be. Debbie’s husband tells her to quit acting, she listens. She tells Ruth to give up on her dreams and just have a family like her in 1x01 because that is the definition of “happy.” She believes that is the most she or Ruth can get out of life—a husband. A husband who tells her to give up on acting, on everything. A person she doesn’t notice when she doesn’t touch him in over 40 days.

Debbie is unhealthy in her relationship to “real” in the opposite direction. Her whole philosophy can probably be summed up in 2x05: “That is the way it is.” But, to be clear, Debbie’s “realism” isn’t actual realism. She completely self limits and has a totally unhealthy relationship with reality in the opposite way that Ruth does. No, happiness isn't just having a husband or listening to what others want for her and how other see her. In fact, it never was for her. She was “miserable” with Mark as we’re told twice. As the series progresses, she consistently grows to become more like Ruth—she chooses work, she takes something meant for a man (a network for Debbie, a role in Ruth’s case) and takes it for herself, etc.

In fact, in 1x01, it seems like her only outlet for trying to correct the complete lack of power in her life (besides her disordered eating) is making Ruth feel small, and trying to have Ruth validate choices that make her miserable. She even wants Ruth to live the life she has, to have a family too, in order to validate them as well. She continues to ignore Ruth’s struggles and makes Ruth feel like a disaster in order to feel okay about her own choices. But, Debbie clearly doesn’t even view them as choices (even though they are) so much as “the way it is.” Debbie relinquishing control over Ruth throughout the later part of season 2 and 3 is such a huge shift because Debbie needed control over Ruth in order to survive for maybe a decade. It’s an incredibly vulnerable thing for her to give Ruth control and let her be happy with Russell in 2x10. Also, Ruth is the only person who understands her and validates her beyond her beauty and a surface understanding. I think that has always been very scary for Debbie, and she also deeply needs this so she clings and pushes Ruth away at the same time. She also must find the freedom that Ruth has in her own body, in herself, the way that she doesn't submit and internalize what men want (which is wholly how Debbie defines herself), such a threat. Even Ruth’s idealism is a threat to Debbie who self limits so much in her life at the start of the series. So, she tries to control Ruth throughout the series—her relationships, her career, etc. She hurts her just to feel a little less powerless in the world. And, Ruth lets her. (Except when she fucks Mark because it gets to be too much.)

In terms of Debbie’s relationship to her own image, Debbie wears nice clothes and jewelry (versus Ruth who typically wears frumpy clothes and escapes into fiction to be seen). She has many shots where she’s looking at herself in front of the mirror. For instance, as her relationship to wrestling changes, so does her relationship to her reflection. In 1x05, she struggles to find the meaning of wrestling in the mirror and then, by the end of the episode, she sees power in her own reflection. Ruth avoids her reflection, Debbie is often swallowed up by it.

Debbie is, like Ruth, used to submitting in her life and in her relationships and not expressing who she really is or what she really wants. When Debbie finds out that Ruth fucked her husband, she says, “I don’t know--I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” I think that she’s always been told what to do, has internalized this way of life, that just like Ruth, she doesn’t really know how to act/be active in reality. She slowly finds her way to discover those things, to discover her body is worth more than just that flat one dimensional image of herself on the wall. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do?” (1x01) -> “I have no idea what I’m going to do?…You want me to wrestle?” 1x02 -> “I understand how to do that.” (1x05) -> “I want to fly.” (1x07) -> “I feel like a goddamn superhero.” (1x09) -> “Imagine I’m Clark Kent.” “Oh, no, I am a producer.” (2x01) -> “I fucking stole it…I am going to build us an eden.” (3x10) etc

This is at least part of why she hates men. She resents who she is around them, how much power she lets them have over her. With Mark, she gave up acting, gave up everything. He called Paradise Cove silly, wrestling silly. And, for a long time she gave in. She probably would’ve given in for the rest of her life if Ruth didn’t fuck Mark. Even in 1x10, after what Mark did, she gives in and gives up wrestling even though she monologues about how much it meant to her in 1x09. Even her relationship to Randy—she calls herself a “bovine mutant” and we see her eaten up by him in front of that portrait of herself. With Tex, in her relationship in season 3 after she’s grown so much, she clearly presents herself in a way that’s against who she really is, so that he thinks she shouldn’t be anywhere near his “ruthless” side when Debbie Eagan is the most ruthless bitch around. She controls how men see her, maybe because she thinks if they see all of her, they’ll realize she’s not enough (which is similar to how Ruth is in every relationship). She believes how men see her totally defines her and tirelessly tries to control how they see her. But, at the same time she of course resents this power they have over her (which is power that she gives as well).

Of course, Debbie does grow a lot and goes from housewife to star to producer to network president. She starts to see her own worth and slowly learns to demand more and submit less. But that is because Debbie demands power for herself and takes it by any means that are in front of her, that is living bigger (3x08) to Debbie, not any specific role like acting.

So...Portraits...

After looking at these characters a little closer, maybe new meaning can come when looking at shots where Ruth and Debbie stand by these portraits. Well—

Ruth throws away the dead animal that Sheila leaves for her and abandons her room when Sheila tells her to in 1x04 while standing in front of this portrait she escapes into for power. She sits on her bed realizing she needs to have an abortion, feeling totally powerless, as Katharine Hepburn looms behind her. She feels totally powerless calling her parents and asking for money while Katharine sits, breaking gender roles in a suit, being all badass and empowered behind her.

Randy chews on Debbie in 1x02, and her ideal self is right behind, a constant reminder she’ll never be enough. When she sells everything except for basically that portrait, she sits alone with only that ideal self there as company, haunting her. And, in 2x08, she covers it up with an American flag but it still hangs behind her as she parodies her own pain from 2x04 in the same exact spot.

It’ll be interesting to see, if we do see their homes in season 4, if these items are abandoned or are brought back as these two characters continue to heal and grow.

[futuresmashmemes]

You're called Future Smash memes-- can you see into the future of my universe? We just had 6 more character slots announced for our game, meaning there are 6 we dont know who they'll be! Do you have any insight? Or at least a prediction o'wise one?

Hmm. You know, I’ve been told that your timeline is the “main” one, and therefore is very tricky to predict and deal with. It may not be much, but I guess I’ll give my two cents on who I think the final six DLC slots for this timeline will be.

First of all, it’s important to remember that these choices were made by Nintendo, not Sakurai. I think that’s the reason why we got Sans and Cuphead miis in this timeline rather than full on fighters: for one reason or another, Nintendo didn’t want them (or at least, didn’t want them as much as the chosen fighters). Sakurai has said that he’s an avid fan of Undertale and Cuphead, so this makes sense. Then again, he’s also an avid Persona fan and I still don’t get why Nintendo would’ve chosen it of all franchises. Don’t get me wrong, Persona looks great and all (never played it myself), but it’s not very…Nintendo, y’know?

With that in mind, I think it’s safe to say that we won’t be getting an indie rep. Nintendo currently doesn’t seem to be very open to the idea of full on indie reps, so that means that characters like Hat Kid probably won’t get in (maybe as a mii costume, though aHiT isn’t as well known for its music as undertale and cuphead are, so I don’t think it would be a deluxe costume). Really, the only indie reps I see getting in are either Reimu or (as much as I hate to say it) Steve. Touhou is the poster child for popular indie projects, even if it isn’t as big over here as it is in Japan. ZUN is also open to the idea of Reimu in smash. The main things that go against Reimu is the fact that she isn’t very well known outside of Japan (and those who do know her often associate her with loli culture, which might be a problem) and because the way the franchise is set up, legalities with Touhou would either be really easy or really, really hard. Steve, on the other hand, has sort of transcended being an indie character. Minecraft recently overtook Tetris as the best selling game of all time, and has become a household name around the world. Maybe I’m just projecting (I’m probably the only person from my generation that doesn’t like Minecraft), but I don’t think Steve is getting in either. First of all, legality with Microsoft would probably be an issue as they would certainly demand more money for Steve than Banjo, who, while a treasured character worthy of his spot, comes from a dead IP who wasn’t had a new game since 2008. Also, similar to former best seller Tetris, I just don’t think that Minecraft’s blocky, pixelated art style and rigid player animations would be a good fit for smash. Again, totally me projecting, but that’s just what I think. I do expect to get Steve over mii swordfighter, though. That makes sense.

Now with my little indie rant out of the way, I’ll do a bullet-point list for characters that I’ve posted memes about on the blog before and what I think of their chances of getting in:

First of all, I think it’s obvious that Raz isn’t going to be one of the DLC characters. Yes, Psychonauts 2 is coming out later this year and the first game is one of my favorite video games of all time and he would fit in perfectly, but let’s be real. The franchise is a cult classic that has never been released on a Nintendo system in any way and probably sold horribly in Japan. Double Fine was also recently bought out by Microsoft which really killed any small chance he had of making it in. Sir Daniel is in a similar position

First/second party characters like Bandana Dee and Impa I think are deconfirmed because most of them are represented by Spirits, and I don’t think that they would “double dip.” And because of the scope of spirits mode, I think it’s unlikely that we’ll get any older characters from prexisting franchises (I say older so people won’t hound me with “WELL BYLETH GOT IN SO”).

We are not getting another FE rep lol. Rip red head merchant waifu.

Shooter characters are in a really weird spot since these games tend to not be made for kids (it’s easy to forget in all the hype and speculation that smash is first and foremost meant for kids), yet have made such a big cultural impact on the gaming scene that it’s hard to deny their “worthiness” to be in smash. Master Chief in particular is tricky to place since I definitely think he has much more character than most other shooter reps (cough cough Doomguy) and could have a more varied moveset than just “gun.” But that being said, he’s once again a character owned by Microsoft and comes from a franchise that up until very recently was Xbox exclusive and (as far as I’m aware, has never been released on a Nintendo system). It’s also important to remember that the original Xbox sold miserably in Japan, so I doubt that he’s getting in either.

On a similar note, I’ve seen people throw around ideas for a TF2 rep. This makes a lot more sense to me than Halo or Doom; the playable characters have much more personality and the cartoony aesthetic of the game fits in way better than most other shooters (cough cough Doom). I don’t know which character would be chosen though. Heavy probably? I think their main problem is that Valve would probably be picky about licensing and whatnot (I don’t think we’d be getting Gordon Freeman or Chell for the same reason). Additionally, I struggle to imagine TF2 without it’s signature dark humor which would most likely be cut for smash

Due to recent events, I do not think we will be getting an Overwatch or any other Blizzard rep.

If there’s one character I’d be willing to bet money on getting in, it’s Crash. While he’s never really been all that popular in Japan, it just feels right to me. He fits in perfectly, he has some history with Nintendo (even if he is more synonymous with PlayStation), and I mean…he just feels right. I know that sounds shitty after having just denied a bunch of other characters in an articulate manner, but I don’t know what else to say. I’m not even that big of a Crash fan. The only thing I can see hurting his chances is Activision potentially asking for money than Nintendo is willing to give (this is why he didn’t get into Pl’ystation Allst’rs)

Similarly, I think Spyro has a good chance of getting into smash, but not as well as Crash. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I always thought that Crash just had more of a cultural impact than Spyro did. I do think Spyro has a good chance of getting in though. Maybe some Skylanders/amiibo crosspromotion? Probably not.

Given how stingy they were with Hero (when compared to other DLC reps) and _especially _Cloud, I don’t think we’re getting another Square Enix rep, be it Sephiroth, a Black Mage, or Geno. That being said, it could’ve all been a long con and the FF7 remake will release alongside Sephiroth DLC with the actual fucking spirit battles that we should’ve gotten. Probably not though.

Dante I think has a pretty good chance at getting in. I think that he stands at a similar position to Bayonetta when it comes to censorship, so I think he could work. God knows that he would be broken if he did get in though.

I’ve been a big advocate for a Puyo Puyo rep in smash, and if we were to get one I think it would be Arle (maybe with other characters on her alts like Koopalings/Heroes). People have already theorized how her moveset could work, and I agree with that speculation wholeheartedly. Puyo Puyo unfortunately isn’t very well known outside of Japan since in the past it was usually released under a different brand (Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine, Kirby Avalanche, etc). I do think that we absolutely need more puzzle reps than fucking Doctor Mario though, and Puyo Puyo seems perfect.

Professor Layton has unfortunately not had a new game in a long time (at least not one where he has a staring role), and outside of his swordsmanship, which is seen very rarely throughout the series, I don’t think that there’s much of a moveset to be made for him.

I love Ace Attorney, but I don’t think that Phoenix Wright is getting in. I don’t think that Sakurai would realistically just copy and paste his MvC3 moveset to smash and I don’t know what else you could do with him. Also, we haven’t gotten a new international release for Ace Attorney since 2016.

I know next to nothing about No More Heroes but I know a couple of people who will have a fit if I don’t mention Travis. I know there’s a sequel on the horizon but similar to Psychonauts, I don’t see it really happening. It feels to much like a cult classic to me. Once again, I know next to nothing about No More Heroes, so take that with a grain of salt.

I don’t think that any assist trophy characters will be “promoted” to playable through DLC.

And that’s about it. I know that sounded really pessimistic, but that’s honestly because I haven’t the foggiest idea about who’s going to get in. Everyone I want in in this timeline is either an assist trophy/spirit or a niche western/indie pick that I doubt has a chance. That sucks, but it’s just life. As long as we don’t get Goku or Fortnite though, I’ll be happy with whoever.

[abundantchewtoys]

Homestuck Candy p9-12

Page 9

Well, it's good/bad to see Jade, Karkat and Dave are as much a disaster in this timeline as the previous one.

So Jade is definitely a buff girl, being able to lift them both like that.

And she coyishly set Dave up, inteding for him to fib himself into a corner, exposing his true feelings. But alas, all her logic cannot achieve here what it took Dirk an excessive amount of meddling to do. I am starting to wonder how these versions of Dave and Karkat are going to end up acknowledging their feelings.

It's also a bit weird to see Jade's flirting. In the sense that she doesn't appear to be clear on what relationship she is after with them. She's shipping Dave and Karkat as matesprits/red rom. But she's also maintaining all the black signals she shared with Karkat in the session. So it wouldn't be a red polyamorous relationship, something more clusterfucky.

Dave tried to message Dirk - I'm actually kind of curious what would've happened if he had succeeded. But - coincidence or not, narrative meddling or not - he was prevented from doing so.

It's hilarious to consider that this anticlimactic parting of ways is how they spend most of the "dates" Jade takes them out on. As she said she was going to eat spaghetti alone *again*.

Speaking of *again*: KARKAT: WE ARE NEVER HAVING A PLAYDATE WITH DIRK AND JAKE AGAIN

It's funny, come to think of it, to call this a noodle incident, as they were going out to eat spaghetti when Karkat said this.

---

Page 10

Okay wow.

Wow okay.

So... John's unsure where he stands, or wants to stand, with Roxy. He's feeling like he might be breaking into something here, with her and Calliope.

That was exactly what he was worrying about in the Meat timeline too, with an added feeling of being too late. But, he's right. Whatever he says, he's not dumb, he still picks up on some things, and he knows there's more between them.

What surprised me is to see how Roxy turns out to not actually be that "girly" underneath after all in this path, so the point of diversion I talked about earlier might really have been John's choice.

It's just that, whatever bothers her about her identity, those worries seem to fall by the wayside when she's with John! N'aww. I still feel like she should talk things through with him (and Calliope), since whatever she went through in the Meat timeline didn't just come from thin air, she must have been going through these issues for years.

John does feel like he can't completely parse Roxy, which we know is normal. But it would be great if they could talk more, that we get more info from her. The setting of this "Hakuna Matata" atmosphere that permeates the Candy timeline to some extent, might mean that she doesn't swing all the way to nonbinary male-presenting. But she's definitely not okay, feeling pressured into presenting as a feminine woman. It puts into perspective Mom's behaviour as well - fleeing into booze for all the things that were bothering her about herself.

Also, more references to the fact that John was quite miserable alone in his house for these years, and didn't know what to do about it.

Dave's sudden appearance was unexpected! It implies this takes place the same night as the previous page. But Dave only travels through time, so did he, like - fly all the way over to the consort kingdom to see John?

It seems that Dave could've used John to confide in during the Meat timeline as well. I'm assuming he's about to ask for some advice, or soliloquy at John to get to an epiphany, about how to handle his relationship with Jade... and Karkat.

Meanwhile, John is steadily keeping his conversation with Terezi going - which I'm just silently squeeing over. No matter if this Terezi is the same as the one in the Meat timeline. After his feelings for Roxy, and potential feelings for Rose he doesn't even want to think about - he's still harboring that same attraction as Meat John.

And yes, their conversations here are also a treat to read. I know that when Roxy and John first interacted I was definitely on board with shipping them, but I've gotten the feeling during the epilogues that they've grown too far apart, each struggling with issues the other can more difficultly relate to. While Terezi and John's chemistry still rings true with me.

But now's John's going to continue texting Terezi while en route to the spot Dave's chosen for their bro talk, hahah, this'll end up being awkward too. Especially taking into account that Dave and Terezi were an item during the Game Over timeline too.

---

Page 11

Wow.

Okay so the conversation with Terezi wasn't shown.

But we did get something much better - Dave and John actually discussing something deep and deeply personal.

Unfortunately, John doesn't have the romantic experience to be able to give Dave solid advice. But he did ask some of the right questions. Even if it were questions Dave was already struggling with, it must've have been at least a bit validating.

I think John doesn't give himself enough credit - even if he couldn't help Dave, he was *there* for him. Few people are able to do that, be there, at the right moment.

The reference to the coin flip was indeed unintentionally ill-put, yeah. It reeks of Felt Dave and the horrendous decision Dave faced in deciding to kill him or not.

Dave's torn up, thinking that he has a responsibility toward Jade and Karkat to go into this relationship. But he has to come in the clear first on what he's feeling and what he wants for himself.

I imagine that there's a bigger than zero chance he won't take up Jade on her flirting after all. He wasn't leading her on at this point, Jade has started being rather intrusive on them, if I'm honest.

Meanwhile, Roxy and John are still going to end up continuing there date. Leave it to Roxy to leave a wrong date venue carrying all the breadsticks she can. :D Reference to the meme secured!

I do wonder if Dave is going to be able to contact Dirk at all. What state could he be in.

Also, Dave momentarily showing to John as transparent reminds me of how Rose looked to Dirk during her ascension during Meat. That might indicate something about the events to come.

It would be wild if Dave had some big epiphany moment rocketing his Ultimate Self development skyward all of a sudden.

---

Page 12

...

Well.

For a full minute there I was wondering if Jake would in fact be one of the people noticing something wrong going on with everyone.

But alas, it was not meant to be. He was again characteristically hoisted by his own desire not to hurt anyone's feelings.

Still, hmmm. So they all agreed to never use the Spiral Sucker unsupervised, huh. Dang, another strike against Meat Jane. :/

---

So far this week, we've read 4 pages each night, and again this seems like a good moment to stop. Tally ho!

[emeraldwaves]

Title: What We Lack Part 13 Pairing:  Kacchako, Deku/Melissa, Todomomo Rating: T Word Count: 4,158 Read on Ao3 Summary:  

Quirkless.

They’re the last people anyone expects to have a child without a quirk.

Neither of them can fully wrap their heads around it, but Ochako knows Katsuki is struggling far more than her.

Thank you to @its-love-u-asshole for beta-ing

"Come on, Yuuta, attack me!" Shouhei called out, bouncing back and forth on his feet. He hadn't even activated his quirk yet, and already he was ready for a fight.

"Sh-Shou!" Yuuta cried back, shaking his head. "I think it's a bad idea for us to fight." He couldn't attack his boyfriend, if he was even calling him his boyfriend. Yuuta still hadn't worked up the nerve to clarify.

"We're not fighting, Yuu," Shouhei snorted, folding his arms across his chest. "We're fucking training! There's a difference, and this will be fun!"

Yuuta swallowed, unsure of how any of this could be classified as fun.

"But Shou... what if I... what if I hurt you?" he said, glancing down at the ground.

"Then we get healed! The whole point of training is to get stronger. You're going to have to face your classmates during the sports fest!" Shouhei said, pointing out the rather obvious truth Yuuta was trying to avoid thinking about.

Admittedly it was one of his biggest fears, fighting both Shouhei and Arata during the sports fest. Knowing his luck, he'd probably have to face both.

He slammed his eyes shut, trying to breathe. So many times now had he pictured the large stadium... Shouhei standing across from him, a smirk pulled across his lips. Sometimes it was Arata, his piercing turquoise eyes looking as though he were about to murder Yuuta.

Neither were a pleasant daydream and Yuuta's heart began to pound in his chest, his breathing growing shallow. He shook his head back and forth.

"N-No..." he said, pressing his head to his hands. "I can't!"

"Oi, oi, oi," Shouhei said, jogging over to him. His hands wrapped gently around Yuuta's wrists, pulling them down. "What's going on?"

Slowly turning his gaze to Shouhei, Yuuta bit his lip. "I-I... I can't fight you Shouhei," he whispered. "I'm terrified I'll hurt you or... or..."

Shouhei scoffed. "I guess I should be offended you think I'm weak enough to let you land a hit."

"Eh?" Yuuta blinked, confusion dancing through his dark eyes. "I-I don't think you're weak at all, Shou."

"Exactly. I can hold my own against you," he smirked. His thumbs brushed over the backs of Yuuta's hands. Somehow Shouhei was always so gentle, even behind his sometimes gruff personality.

"Yes but..."

"Boys!" Mina's voice cut Yuuta off and he jerked away quickly, not wanting her to see them holding hands. Or well, he supposed Shouhei probably wouldn't want her to see them holding hands. He wasn't sure how much it mattered.

"M-Mina-sensei! A-Ah uhm... Kirishima-sensei," Yuuta stammered. He knew they should be calling her by her family name, despite being more familiar with her.

"Yuu-kun," Mina chuckled, smirking at both of them. "If the rest of the class isn't around, you don't have to be so nervous and formal!" She giggled. "It's cute how much like your mom you are. Momo-chan must be so proud."

"I-I uh, I hope..." Yuuta muttered, looking down at the ground. So far he hadn't done much to warrant his parents being proud of him.

"What seems to be the problem over here? Everyone is training and you two are just standing here talking," Mina said, narrowing her eyes at the two boys. "You shouldn't take this time for granted, especially with the sports festival coming up! These hours we set aside for training are crucial!" she said, tapping her foot against the ground.

"Well Yuu-"

"It's my fault Mina-sensei!" Yuuta said, immediately cutting Shouhei off. "I-I told Shou I didn't want to attack him and I started thinking about having to face Shou or Arata during the sports festival and I just... I freaked out..." he muttered, his cheeks flushing.

"Yuuta," Mina said and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I get that fighting against your classmates might seem a little bizarre, but I promise it will be good for you! I paired you with Shouhei today because I thought you would feel more comfortable working with someone you know very well. I guess that was maybe a mistake?" She raised her eyebrow, smiling at the two of them.

"N-No!" Yuuta said, shaking his head. "I need to get over it... I know..."

"Try not to think too much about it," Mina explained. "Your mother and I used to spar all the time!" she laughed. "Same with me and Ocha-chan!" She glanced towards Shou. "Your dad was a different story. No one wanted to fight against Bakugou, save for like Eiji... Midoriya... Todoroki occasionally... Oh and of course him and Ochako-chan sparred all the time, probably why they got married," she teased, waving her hand back and forth. "Well, either way, neither of you are going to explode the other, so just try and have fun and give it your all! You're on the hero track for a reason," she said.

Yuuta bit his lip. She was right. He had chosen to do this... he knew what it entailed. He wasn't sure why he thought he would never have to potentially spar against everyone in class. As heroes, his parents never fought against their friends. Only people who were quite obviously villains… but even they probably did things like this in school.

"Right," Yuuta nodded.

"I can promise you your parents sparred all the time as well, Yuu-kun," Mina explained. "None of us became heroes by holding ourselves back."

"I keep telling him he's not going to hurt me," Shouhei huffed.

"Yes, give Shou-kun some credit!" Mina giggled. "Do you think you boys can try to practice now? If you don't want to be paired up in the future, I can make sure to avoid this again, but I think the two of you can help each other get stronger-"

"No! We can do it!" Yuuta said, pulling away from them to go stand more in the middle of the field. The last thing he wanted was to be denied more chances to work with Shouhei. "Let's go Shou!" he called out, letting the blue flames flicker around his palms.

"Alright, alright, give me a second," he said, running to stand across from him.

Yuuta glanced down at his hands, the blue flames cold as he started to warm their temperature, he saw Shouhei press his hands against a few large rocks, moving his fingers to raise them up.

They could do this... it was just like Mina said, they could help each other get stronger.

~~

 SLAP

The sound was sharp, echoing across the training room, Enji's palm connecting with Arata's face.

"You're late," he stated flatly.

The sting spread across Arata's cheek and he instinctively brought his own palm to gently rub the spot.

"I-I had to... change after class," Arata muttered, though even as the words left his mouth, he could tell they felt like a piss poor excuse. It wouldn't matter to Enji what he was doing... Arata was late and Enji wasn't going to accept any sort of reason.

"I don't appreciate people who disrespect my time," Enji scoffed. "You came to me Arata. Please keep that in mind."

"Yes Grandfather," he breathed.

"Good, I'd like you to spend the first hour rotating between core training; jogging, pushups, sit ups, etc."

He opened his mouth about to argue they had worked on those things today during their training session at school, but he didn't wish to elicit anymore slaps.

"If you truly wish to be stronger, Arata, you must discipline yourself. Right now, I question how serious you are taking this."

Arata's stomach dropped. He was questioning that? After how much time and how hard he was working both here and at school? Arata couldn't allow Enji to think that.

"I-I promise I want to take it seriously."

"Words are empty. Actions will prove to me how serious you are."

Arata nodded silently, making his way to the training hall. He would work all night if he had to, homework be damned. Even if he lost sleep, he could make up for the time at some point.

 "There are many reasons we don't speak to your grandfather."

His father's voice echoed in his ear. It was a well known fact, even amongst the professional heroes that Todoroki Shouto and Todoroki Enji did not speak. Enji had been a strong hero before his retirement, maintaining the number one spot for quite some time. Eventually, as did most heroes, he grew too old, forced to retire the name Endeavor.

Arata didn't remember much about his grandfather. He recalled the smell of the house, like something was burning inside of it at all times. He remembered hugging him and excitedly showing his grandfather his quirk for the first time... that was the last day he had seen him with his parents alone.

Aunt Fuyumi occasionally would have the entire Todoroki family over, and Enji always went to that. He attended but he barely spoke, keeping to himself until he said goodbye to each of them, only glancing at Shouto once, nodding his head in acknowledgment.

Shouto never made it clear what their grandfather had done, but Arata wondered how bad it could've been. Then again, based on the way Enji spoke sometimes, Arata had a suspicion it had to do with their mother, and knowing his father, he was very protective of her.

Even Arata disliked the way Enji had made a few subtle comments about his quirk being too similar to his mother's.

"Grandfather..." Arata began, standing in the middle of the room. "Do you think... my mother is strong?"

"Your mother?" Enji asked. He sighed, letting his eyes shut. "Your mother is a strong woman, yes. She uses her quirk well, and has clearly put a great deal into her training."

"I see," Arata said.

"Your father is stronger..." Enji said, trailing off. "I don't believe this is something we should speak on. We're wasting precious training time."

Arata glanced down, staring his feet. "Do you think that... they shouldn't have gotten together?" he asked, biting his lip. Enji clearly wanted to change the subject, unsurprisingly. The few times Arata and Yuuta had brought up the topic of their grandfather to their parents, they too had been dodgy.

"Hm..." Enji sighed, huffing out a breath of air. "No. I don't think that. Momo has always brought out something good in Shouto." His voice gruff as he spoke the words, as though they were painful to him. "She makes him work harder and the two of them have always been a good... duo."

"Oh..." Arata muttered. "Have... you ever told him you think that?"

"He never gave me a chance," Enji muttered, standing up.

"Why is it that... you two don't talk?" Arata knew he was pushing his luck, especially from the way Enji's face fell slightly.

"Mmm," Enji hummed, tapping his finger against his arm. Arata watched, waiting for Enji to respond. "I wanted Shouto to be number one. I wanted him to carry on our family legacy. I pushed him, and he did not wish to be pushed in that way..." he explained. "But you, Arata, despite your tardiness today, I do think you can make it to the top. Your father is constantly fighting for the number one spot against Ground Zero and Deku, but if you work hard, you could own that spot. Just you."

"The number one hero," Arata whispered. It seemed like a dream beyond his reach. He never felt as strong as his father, nor did he think he was as strong as Yuuta even. Though his brother certainly didn't have the same drive Arata did. From what he could tell, he was only interested in following Shouhei around.

He clenched his fists, his eyes burning with more determination. "I'll do it. I'll be the number one hero," he said.

"Good, then I trust you will work hard at this training, and no more being late," he said, narrowing his eyes. "I do not wish to discipline you any more than I have to."

"No more being late," Arata repeated softly. He wondered if this was what his father hadn't liked. The pressure was already tightening in his chest, hoping he wouldn't do anything wrong to upset his grandfather again. If this was what he had to do to be the best... so be it.

~~

Tapping his pencil against his desk, Yuuta twisted his lips. He was tired, and he really didn't feel like continuing his homework, but they had barely started school. He couldn't lose steam now.

He made his way down to the common room, pulling out a kettle to put some tea on when he glanced out the window, noticing a figure heading back towards the B dorm. He raised his eyebrow, noting the way they walked, their backpack and hoodie. There was no doubt in his mind it was Arata.

He pursed his lips and pulled out his phone, glancing at their messages.

[Text to: Arata]: Wow! Training was hard today, huh?

Yuuta sighed. Of course Arata hadn't responded to him. He barely acknowledged him, even when he saw him in the hall.

But what exactly was he doing sneaking around after curfew? Yuuta leaned over the counter, glancing down the hall. There didn't seem to be much movement... he wondered if he could sneak out himself...

He just wanted to talk to his brother... even for a second.

Stepping quietly back to his room, he grabbed his own hoodie and tucked his phone into his pocket. He prayed he wouldn't get caught, but even if he did, worst case, he could make up some excuse about missing his brother or something.

He snuck across the grass to the other building, stepping inside. Arata was on the fourth floor, and of course he had to be at the very top at the other end of the hall.

Taking a deep breath, he scurried towards his door, knocking on it lightly. "Arata," he whispered, and the door immediately swung open. His brother glared at him and grabbed his hoodie, yanking him inside.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, frowning. "It's after curfew."

Yuuta glanced down. "I could ask you the same question."

"It's... my room?" Arata said, glancing around.

Clicking his tongue, Yuuta folded his arms. "I meant I saw you sneaking back inside just now!" he huffed, and then frowned, noticing the redness on the side of Arata's face. Maybe he had been training... or... "Where... were you, Arata?"

"Whatever Yuuta," he scoffed, yanking his chair out to sit down. "I have homework."

"Arata, please," he said. "Are you doing extra training?"

"Yes, now go back to your room before you get us both in trouble!" he hissed, slamming his fist down against the desk. Yuuta jumped, freezing in place. He really didn't want to get caught in Arata's room but...

He had to get to the bottom of this.

"Where is this anger coming from? I don't... I don't understand," he whispered, stepping towards his brother's desk.

"I don't expect you to," Arata muttered, running his hand through his hair. "Look, Yuuta. We're both here to learn and become pro heroes. Can we just... focus on that? Please?"

"I just want to know where you've been."

"It's none of your business," he hissed. "Can't you just go back to Shouhei's room and make out or something?"

Yuuta bit his lip, his body deflating. "Arata I... don't understand why you're acting so... mean? What did I do to upset you? I-I just want to apologize and we can figure this out-"

"Yuuta, not everything is about you, okay? We don't all have our perfect lives figured out and we can't all just laugh and play around with our boyfriend while we half-assedly train. I don't get to just use my quirk casually like you," he snapped. "There's a lot to think about, and it takes way more practice!"

Sighing, Yuuta sat on Arata's bed, looking at his hands. "When we were little... I... was always really jealous of you," he began to explain. "You had such control over your quirk, and your crystals were... well, are, so beautiful. Mom was so helpful to you and... and I was a mess. I still am a mess. My quirk isn't easy to control. It's not like Dad where one side is ice and one is fire... it feels like mine is a weird mix of both and I still... suck at it. Secretly deep down it terrifies me," he laughed softly.

"So I guess what I mean to say is I don't understand why you're so jealous of me when... you have your life together way more than I do. I-I’m terrified I'm going to be a horrible hero. You're strong and badass, like... the perfect combination of Mom and Dad. I don't know why you feel so weak," he said, raising his eyes to look at Arata.

His brother had turned away, staring straight down at his desk.

"You were also the only person who wasn't afraid of my flame at first. When my hands ignited and I screamed, you were the only one to reach forward and grab them, completely unafraid. You've always been brave Arata, so I don't understand... this attitude. It kinda sucks," Yuuta shrugged. "Being pushed away over and over again... I... I don't like it."

Turning around, Arata sat next to him on the bed in a huff. "I wanna be the best, Yuuta. I know you don't care about this and you probably think I'm being crazy but... I need to do this... for myself. You need to do things for yourself too... we can't rely on each other forever."

Yuuta sighed and leaned against him. "Yeah but... we can still be friends. You're my best friend Arata, you always have been and always will be."

Arata sighed with him, rolling his eyes. "You're such a sap, Yuu," he chuckled, gently bumping his side.

"Can you please tell me where you went... I'm just worried..." he said quietly.

"Ugh, Yuu..." he muttered, running his hand through his hair. "Look if I tell you, you can't tell Mom or Dad. Especially Dad."

Yuuta blinked, nodding his head once before pausing. "You... You're training with Grandfather!" he said, thrusting his finger in Arata's face.

"W-What?!"

"Of course!" He jumped up, staring at him. "You want to get stronger and you're working really hard and sneaking away from school! Oh man," he smirked. "Dad is gonna kill you."

"Not if he doesn't find out! Yuuta I swear... if you tell them..."

"Oh my gosh, I'm right," he gasped, covering his mouth.

"I swear, if you tell Mom and Dad, I will kill you."

"Arata, you know how Dad is about Grandfather!" Yuuta said. "Dad might kill you first!"

"Look it's just... extra training and it's going really well... they don't need to know! I-I just... let me tell them on my own time?" he asked.

Yuuta sighed, taking a seat back on the bed. "Okay, okay... I won't tell them. You just have to promise me three things."

"Three?" Arata scoffed.

"Yes three," Yuuta nodded, folding his arms indignantly. "One, if anything goes wrong, you'll stop! Two, you tell Mom and Dad soon, and three, we can be best friends again."

Arata let out a long groan and fell back against his bed. "Fine, fine... I agree... but if I find out you tattled on me..."

"I promise I'll keep your secret... for now. If you don't tell Mom and Dad soon though... all promises are off," he hummed, falling backwards with him. "I really miss you Arata."

Pain flickered in his brother's eyes and Yuuta wondered why Arata was putting so much pressure on himself, why he felt like he had to hold back whatever he was feeling.

"Yeah," Arata swallowed. "I missed you too."

Yuuta could tell from the crack in his voice, Arata truly meant it.

~~

Ochako stared at the table in front of her. For so long it had felt complete; her and Katsuki at the ends, Shouhei and Sayuri sitting across from one another in the middle. It felt whole, complete, and she hated that now the table had dwindled back to three.

She couldn't imagine what she would do in a few short years when it was back down to just two.

Katsuki stood in the kitchen, scrubbing dishes before he loaded them into the dishwasher. Sayuri had slipped away almost immediately after dinner. This was becoming her new habit, eat in almost silence, then escape to her room to work on what she claimed was homework.

She knew Sayuri was still adjusting to Shouhei being gone, and of course, the horrible girls in school who were still bullying her.

"Oi," Katsuki growled. "What's wrong, Cheeks?" He spoke, but didn't turn around from his dishes. How he was so in tune with her emotions always shocked her momentarily.

"I-I just..." She glanced down the hallway towards Sayuri's room. "I'm worried about Sayu," she whispered softly.

"No shit... she's barely talking to us," he snorted.

"Well you're not much of a talker, I guess she gets it from you," Ochako teased, watching the muscles in her husband’s back while he continued to wash through their plates.

"Probably," he grunted. "I'll make her speak if I have to. If it's those girls at school I'll fuckin' murder 'em myself," he snarled, his hand moving faster as he washed the plates aggressively and slammed them into the dishwasher.

Ochako giggled and stood up, making her way to wrap her arms around him. "I understand where you're coming from, Katsuki, but please don't break our plates."

"Those bitches deserve it! What does it matter if she doesn't have a quirk!? I just... it doesn't fucking matter. I sure have fucking learned my lesson there," he said, his voice getting quieter the more he spoke.

"I know," she said, gently stroking her hands over his chest. "Her being quirkless doesn't matter... it shouldn't matter."

"Why are you guys talking about me?" Sayuri's voice made both Ochako and Katsuki freeze in the kitchen.

"Eh? Honey!" Ochako gasped, turning away from Katsuki. "We were just discussing work, that's all."

"Mom, I'm not a fucking idiot," she snapped, glaring at both of her parents, admittedly taking on Katsuki's level of rage. "I get it okay!? It would be so much easier if I just had a damn quirk, wouldn't it?!"

"Honey that's not what-"

"Baby girl..." Katuski growled, turning to face his daughter. "That's not what we were talking about. We were angry about the shit girls at your school. Your mom is stopping me from killing them."

"Ugh, why," she rolled her eyes, snorting as she popped back down into her dining chair.

"Because that's wrong-"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it," Katsuki and Sayuri muttered at the same time.

Ochako couldn't help the giggle, shaking her head at the two of them. "We can start training soon," Ochako suggested gently, sitting down with her daughter.

Sayuri pursed her lips. "Yeah..."

"What's wrong, baby girl?" Katsuki asked, peering over his shoulder as he took his own seat at the table.

Gently brushing her thumbs over her own fingers, Sayuri shrugged. "I-I guess... being quirkless... not having a power or ability... it used to be normal right?" she asked softly. "Not having a 'mutation' was considered the normal and now..." she trailed off. "I guess I just don't understand why now it's considered so abnormal to be what once was normal..." She twisted her lips and looked down as if she was trying not to cry. "I just don't get why it matters-"

"It doesn't," Katsuki was quick to snap. "So don't tell yourself it does."

"I-I just don't understand why I don't have one. You two have such powerful quirks, Shouhei has one... so why am I sitting here with the short end of the goddamn stick!" she snapped, growing angrier.

"Sweetheart..." Ochako said, and gently touched her shoulder. "I don't want to give you a... scientific answer but... I guess it has something to do with genetics. There was nothing we could do about it, and honey you have to know we tried..."

Sayuri glanced towards Katsuki briefly and then back at her mother. "Well, science is fucking dumb," she hissed, pushing away from the table as she stormed back into her room.

Ochako sighed and glanced at her husband. "Well that went well..."

"Oh yeah," Katsuki snorted, rolling his eyes.

"She is your daughter after all," Ochako said, wishing she could say something to understand and make her daughter feel better.

"Yeah," Katsuki muttered, pushing away from the table to continue the dishes.

As Ochako sat by herself, she realized the table had never felt so empty.

[marignytotreme]

SPOT ON!

Sometimes when I look around the internet, in all it’s glory, I realise just how fucking deluded people are – especially where Meghan Markle is concerned.

A number of us dislike her, a few really don’t care either way and the rest live with their heads up her arse. For those living with their heads up her backside, I’ve noticed that a lot of what you say about Meghan online is, quite frankly, total bullshit and sometimes so utterly absurd, I wonder if most of you are simply on day release.

So below, I have tackled the most common misconceptions head-on; because we all know I don’t enjoy anything more than putting Sussex fans in their place.  

She’s a style icon

I don’t know anybody on this Earth who has access to so much money and the best stylists you can buy, but still appears to have gotten dressed in the dark most of the time. Yes, she has worn one or two nice pieces; but by and large, she looks like a cheap knock-off of Victoria Beckham and I don’t think that image exactly screams “royalty”.

Until I take my last breath on this earth, I will forever be baffled by how Meghan Markle has gotten it so spectacularly wrong in the style stakes. Some people do seem to like the way she dresses; they see her “style” (if you can call it that) as “fresh” and “modern” – but quite frankly, I prefer Kate’s dress coats and hats, which some have labelled “boring”. I don’t agree at all.

Yes, Kate is the future Queen and therefore has played it slightly safer with fashion; but I do really like her clothing which is usually a perfect mix of the traditional and modern. She looks like a ROYAL. And yes Meghan, those long trousers that sweep the floor as you walk may have looked nice on Vicky B, but she is the wife of a footballer – not a member of the royal family. Believe it or not, there is a difference.

She’s a humanitarian

This one always makes me laugh.

Show of hands please; how many of you know genuine “humanitarians” who visit the impoverished in a coat worth £7,000? I thought humanitarians were meant to have common sense?

Meghan, dear; walking down the road in Kensington with an “alleviate poverty” bag doesn’t make you a charitable person or a humanitarian – it just makes you a hypocrite. Instead of spending thousands of pounds on ugly clothing that you’ll only wear once anyway, why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and donate to your chosen charities? Yes, instead of getting your fans to donate to them on your behalf under the guise of a “Global Sussex baby shower”.

And just another tip for the future; humanitarians don’t preach about climate change off the back of a million-pound trip on a private jet to New York for a party. They don’t wear £99k maternity dresses in Morocco. They don’t spend millions of pounds of the taxpayers’ money to renovate one of their many homes. And they certainly don’t visit those living in poverty dressed from head to toe in Givenchy.

She was already famous and rich in her own right and didn’t need Harry’s money

Right – we’ve been through this. How rich do you really think she was before the ring went on? I mean, seriously? Suits was a lowly cable show and she is not an A-lister. And given her knack of merching at every available opportunity, I’m guessing the woman looks for every possible chance to make money. That doesn’t scream “well off” to me.

Meghan has only really ever gone after men who have a lot of money or means to open doors for her toward new opportunities and a better life, and then drops them when they can no longer do anything for her. This is not the behaviour of an independent feminist who is able to achieve things on her own – this is the behaviour of a gold digger.

So sure – Meg had money; from her divorce settlement with Trevor, from her rumoured days as a yacht girl and Soho House regular and from all the merching she did and does for Jessica Mulroney. But was it millions and millions? Clearly not or she wouldn’t have had to marry a Prince.

She’s proud to represent Britain

In two (very British) words: my arse.

In the year and a half since Harry and Meghan became engaged, I have yet to see her wear any British designers or champion much that is British at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure she goes out of her way to actively avoid wearing anything that is British.

There are even rumours that she has apparently hired an all-American medical team to deliver her brat because in Meghan’s expert opinion, our 70-year-old NHS service isn’t good enough to deliver the second coming of Markle and Wales. It was good enough for the future Queen Consort to deliver three children in an NHS Hospital, but no, not for old Meggy.

And when charity patronages for Meghan were announced back in January, it was revealed that she would be focusing on – you guessed it – everywhere but the UK. Africa, the Middle East, Antarctica… you name it – if it’s not Britain, Meghan’s happy to back it.

She is the best thing to hit the Royal Family

I think you’ll find that was Kate eight years ago.

(Happy Anniversary for tomorrow, Cambridges!)

Despite the adamant claims of her fans, so far, I have yet to see Meghan do anything groundbreaking. If you ask her little followers for proof of anything they’re all like:

Oh, and when they’re really stumped, they’ll come out with “yeah? Well Meghan’s only been married a year but Kate’s been on the scene for eight and hasn’t done anything at all.”

Right… Apart from being an ambassador for Britain on several overseas tours, starting the Heads Together charity (amongst others) and birthing a future King?

Meghan has so far, by my tally – cooked once or twice with a few Grenfell victims and gave a bunch of bananas to some prostitutes.

While I’m all for backing any disaster that happens on my doorstep (I live around the corner from where Grenfell stood), I will say this: the tower disaster has had more money thrown at it than you can shake a stick at and it was almost two years ago now – Meghan, it’s time to find something more current to support, not just backing the first “English” cause that you could get your hands on.

As for the bananas – don’t get me started. What bright spark thought it’d be a good idea to give phallic shaped fruit to a group of sex workers? And with messages like “you’re so loved ”… yeah, I’m sure 35-year-old Louise from Dagenham is feeling totally “loved” when she’s shivering at the side of the road waiting for possible clientele to drive by or blowing some guy for a fiver at the back of his Ford Mondeo. Get real, Meghan.

If I were one of those women, I’d tell Her Royal Highness exactly where she could put those bananas – and probably not for the first time either.

She doesn’t want the limelight

Yeah, like a cat doesn’t want the canary.

I have never seen a person so adept at sniffing out a camera from at least fifty miles away. The Cambridges could’ve used her in France seven years ago when Kate was papped taking her clothes off on their villa balcony – with Meghan about, no photographer goes undetected.

Bottom line: Meghan loves herself and she loves the cameras. The two combined thrill her to no end.

The best example of this would’ve been at the British Fashion Awards earlier this year – she was so unbelievably excited to have the spotlight on her where she could squeeze the life out of her bump in front of the UK press for all to see, I’m surprised she didn’t have an orgasm.

I’d put fifty quid on this whole “privacy” thing surrounding the baby’s birth being Harry’s idea and Meghan has just been forced to go along with it. Madam? Give up the spotlight when her mealticket arrives? Once again – my arse.

She could potentially be Queen one day

I know this one sounds totally mental, but please go with me on it – her fans are actually saying this sort of crap on Twitter. They actually believe, in their tiny deluded minds, that this woman could eventually wind up as Queen Consort one day.

And how exactly do you think this will happen?

Perhaps she’ll poison Kate with the contents of one of her diamonds, divorce Harry’s balding, ginger arse and William will marry her after realising the deceptive, social-climbing grifter actress was really “The One” after all? Ah, just like Romeo and Juliet.

For any Meghan fans reading this, please let me say this for the final time, as some of you do not appear to understand how the line of succession works – Meghan will never become Queen. Say it with me now…

No fewer than five people have to cark it in order for Harry to get anywhere near the throne, and no, he does NOT take over if William were to die suddenly while George is still young. In this instance, the throne would be powered by a team of advisors until George turned eighteen, and then he would be crowned officially. Harry and Meghan are unlikely to ever sniff the material the throne is made from, let alone sit on it – sorry Sussex Stans.

She’s here to stay

Incorrect again, I’m afraid.

Given the woman’s track record, it doesn’t appear she sticks around anywhere for very long and the second something better comes along, she’s off.

No, right now, I can’t imagine what could be higher than royalty – but I’m sure Meghan has a few ideas and is probably targeting her next victim as we speak.

What will it be, Meg? A billionaire without the life of restrictions and protocol? Or maybe you’ll run for President? Nah, even though you love the sound of your own voice, that seems like it would be too stressful for madam’s liking.

Whatever her next move is, I have no doubt she’ll be hitting the road in the next two to three years.

Once the novelty of having a title wears off, the royal purse strings are tightened by the Queen and the penny finally drops for Meghan that she’ll never really have her own brand and platform to project her oh-so-wonderful ideas from, she’ll be out of there – with half of Harry’s money and his kid(s) in tow.

Of course, the list of misconceptions about Meghan goes on and on; there is so much utter rubbish spewed on social media by her fans that I can only assume they’re either paid PR people, seriously deranged or Meghan herself. Honestly, you can’t write some of the stuff that comes up – or apparently you can. It’s a crazy world out there.

If you do think any of the above is incorrect, and you believe Meghan really is a stand-up (Non-UK) citizen, you can find me on Twitter to discuss it @CrownofSapphire – I’m always ready and willing to have an argument.

Have a good one, guys!

[dent-de-leon]

what do you think of people saying allurance won't happen because "they treating treating lance's love interest as a secret"? I personally think they making excuses because they were doing it before season 3/4 come out and all the allurance development happened after those interviews I don't remember any talk about lance's love interest after we beging to get allurance stuffs

To be honest, I don’t think they’re treating his love interest like a secret. Quite the opposite, if we go by how they very politely explained it was never their intent to bait k/l, responded to a gender neutral question about Lance’s future SO with female exclusive pronouns, and how Dreamworks has continually pushed all this allurance content lately–I think they’re trying to be as transparent as possible. With Lance’s love life more than anything else, because of how demanding the fandom’s gotten, I think they’re trying to gently show fans how this will go. 

Here are the sources for the interview excerpts I mentioned above:

Interviewer: What would Lance look for in a future Mr. or Mrs. Blue Lion? I’m gonna guess she meant Red Lion now. I think she’s trying to fill out her space Tindr profile. But yea, what is Lance’s–And I like this, because Lance is kind of all over the place. He hits on anything that moves and is pretty, which all the aliens are pretty. But what would he look for, really, in a partner or a soulmate?

Lauren: I don’t know if Lance knows what he needs. I know what he might look for, but what he might look for is not necessarily what he needs. I think he needs someone who is self-assured and knows herself, so that he can kind of become that same person and know himself. (source)

and

Interviewer: “I feel like there was a little tease? It seems shippers want to ship Lance and Keith together, so are there gonna be any hints of that at all? Or is it just more like–okay, they’re friends, they’re starting to become friends.”

Lauren: “I think we had a very natural arc in mind for those two. Which is, they start out at odds, but then they grow to kind of respect each other. And if that leads into people being like–they’re spending time together! Then that’s a ‘thing,’ but…We’re not trying to cater to or bait anyone into anything, we’re just trying to do what’s right for the story.”

Joaquim: “We also try not to be overtly affected by what popular opinion might be.”

Lauren: “And we’re working in animation. Our schedule is so far in advance for that–even if people shipped Keith and Lance, we couldn’t go back and just change the story–to be like and now they’re in love!”

Joaquim: “There’s just no way. We’re already years past that storyline, you know?” (source)

As for this notion Lance’s love will be for someone he didn’t expect, it comes from the answer about his future “Mr. or Mrs. Blue Lion.” Note that the use of a male SO was introduced first, and the staff could have easily answered the question gender neutrally. But they made the very deliberate decision to go no, this is a she, so as to not mince words or get hopes up. This is what the staff means when they said they wouldn’t queerbait. It would be so easy to feed into what fans want and perpetuate this idea k/l might happen so fans keep watching. But nothing in this track record remotely suggests that. 

That’s not a matter of “not wanting to ruin the surprise,” it’s legitimately the staff making a conscious effort to be completely transparent so as to not condone or perpetuate queerbaiting. And that honestly is so much more comforting to me than a staff who will lead their audience on, yet people still ignore it. The thing about keeping things a “surprise” is, that doesn’t come into play when they’re being crystal clear about Lance’s interests. Because if you say things like “oh, you’ll never know!! It might happen!!” when you’ve already expressed that it won’t, that’s queerbaiting. 

Anyway, I’ve covered the allurance thing here, but basically–the sentiment that Lance doesn’t know what he needs in a relationship still holds true. Because at the start, he was interested in Allura for the same shallow reasons he liked every other princess. He wanted someone pretty and cute. Early on, he fantasizes about Allura and another princess in the comics both kneeling at his feet, which indicates he saw the two as interchangeable. Any pretty girl would do.

But as their relationship organically evolved, it became clear that Lance had wholly underestimated Allura and was completely taken by surprise when he saw who she really was. Consider, for instance, Lance thinking he needs someone sweet and soft for him to protect. A damsel in distress he can swoop in save. 

But then he sees Allura fight for the first time and wow. He realizes Allura is just as physically strong as she is mentally, she’s a force of power and Lance has come to highly respect that. Again, not something in a partner he knew he wanted, but it’s part of Allura’s character, and he wholly respects that.  

And then there’s all the other things about Allura he never realized–her devotion to her beliefs, the way she’ll put herself on the front lines to stand for a cause, how she and Lance both just click with Blue, how Allura is the one who steps up and supports Lance rather than just being some damsel he can save. How Allura is strong and fierce and so trusting of him, how she opened up about her very personal connection with Red to him and only him, how she confided the importance of her armor. 

How Lance was the one who realized she had so much potential and heart, how he literally calls her “the heart of Voltron,” and gives her the confidence she needs to awaken an ancient magic. When Lance first met her, he never could’ve predicted things would end up like this. He didn’t realize Allura was so very different from the person he thought she was. Just like how, at the start, he wasn’t what Allura expected either. 

Remember how she didn’t tell him the Blue Lion traits because she felt he didn’t deserve it? 

But then she was the one who opened up and told him why he was chosen by Red? Why he deserves to be on this team? Yeah, their whole dynamic is built on working past that first impression and coming to terms with how much they actually love each other after understanding who they are. 

There’s “keeping a relationship secret” and then there’s “We’re halfway through the series and want to start getting one of our ships together, so we’re hinting at it as much as possible so people won’t think it just came out of nowhere. It’s a good relationship that’s getting the foundation and buildup it deserves.” Allurance is the latter. 

The fact that the lead-up to season 5 was filled with supplementary material like Lance’s completely Allura focused vlog, his very heartwarming “I knew I could feel you in my heart,” and the allurance holiday edit, are all signs of the latter. I’m pretty sure we’re getting a lot more allurance in season 5, and they’re basically preparing us for it. If a major ship was going canon soon, I’d expect that kind of keen attention to it. 

Happy holidays, I love allurance and Dreamworks does too, because this kind of buildup is very intentional 

[turnloosethelibrary]

ASCENSION, THE FIRST

By Cee

Fire was destruction. That was why Callidia respected it, even though she couldn’t spend more than two minutes around an open flame without getting the shakes. It had set her free one cold winter night like a bird from its cage. At first, her family had assumed she’d perished, then they assumed she’d set it. Neither were true but she had seized upon the destruction of 546 Illiger Way to leave town. It wasn’t like, in the glow of the night, she had anywhere else to go. She called up her best friend on the payphone and told him to tell anyone else who was tired of the confines of the town, even if it were for a reason completely different from hers, to come around, the bus leaves in an hour. A few of them did and they boarded a bus to nowhere.

None of them were certain when, two years on the road, they crossed into another world. There were no flashing lights, no rabbit holes to fall in or tornados to take them away, they didn’t get lost or swept overboard or get swallowed whole by an earthquake. Maybe the first sign was that the sky was just a bit more purple than usual, the air just a bit more sweeter, but that could’ve been chalked up to being on a whole new coast, so far away from their home. Nothing about the new world was particularly new, nor interesting.

Then, they met the talking black fox, guided by a butterfly made of fire and any explanation they had crumbled away.  “Welcome home, young ones.”

The first reaction to a talking fox is generally a rapid fire list of all the things one has consumed in the past forty eight hours, to rule out food poisoning or drugs. Being that Calli had only had a few apples and some bread, she felt pretty safe to say that it wasn’t a hallucination. She felt like she should freak out, after all she could hear Quincy’s rapid breathing behind her, along with whispered questions of disbelief but the fact that some foxes could talk settled deeply in her heart, like the fact that some boys (like Quincy) wore make-up or some girls (like Aislinn) believed in tarot. She bent down, out stretching her hand. She read once that in order to get a dog to like you, you had to let it smell you. She wasn’t sure if the same thing would be said for a talking fox but it did push its head into her hand so she figured it was close enough.

“Hello there,” She whispered softly. The fox looked up at her with orange eyes. Her breath caught in her throat as it spoke again. It sounded young, high-pitched, almost like a child.

“You five have travelled far, but you have so much further to go. Come! Follow me! The Elements are gathering and wish to see you.” The fox bounded off, then looked back at them, twiching its tail.

“This is crazy, we can’t do this.” Suzy broke the silence that had partially fell, her drawl trailing behind her thoughts.

Calli shrugged, “Well, do you want to waste time wondering how it’s possible or do you want to figure out where we are?”

“Both? I feel like both will be very ahuh, helpful.” Quincy spoke now, running his fingers through his hair.

“Look, okay none of us understand this, but either we freak out, or we try to understand what’s going on and quite frankly, I think I’ve had enough freaking out for a lifetime, thank you very much. I’m going to follow him. Y’all can stay here if you want.” Callidia crossed her arms, making no motion to leave. She became a de-facto leader in the winter time, when their food bags would get low and she hoped that the trust that position brought would let them follow her. She didn’t want to go through whatever the forest brought alone.

Quincy, Aislinn and Suzy shared a glance of equal concern. Jason stood a little straighter and grinned, “I’m going to follow you, sweetheart. I trust you.”

“Any other complaints?” Calli cocked her head, looking each of her friends in the eyes in turn. “Then let’s go.”

The people the fox took them to professed to be Gods. Calli had a hard time believing that, until she saw a man rise from the earth and a woman fall from the sky, landing perfectly. She backed away from them, closer to the fire. They were impossible beings, with hair that seemed to move of its own accord, hair not made of keratin but with their respective elements. The woman who fell from the sky chose Aislinn, sweet Aislinn with her habit of staring off into space and talking about things that could not be. The man who rose from the earth chose anxious Quincy. One with hair of water chose her beloved Jason. Calli didn’t see who chose Suzy.  It didn’t seem that there was to be anyone for her. She backed away, closer and closer to the fire.

Then she stopped. She had run into something solid and it felt like a scene out of an old horror movie as she turned her head. A man stood there where before there had been nothing but the hot flames.  He laughed cruelly, until he saw the fear in her eyes and the way her shoulders rose to her ears and his laughter died off. “Hey now, it’s alright. Just a prank, my dear, just a prank.”

She stepped away to appraise him thoroughly. His hair was made of fire, though she wasn’t certain if that was because he had seemingly just stepped from it or if it was a personal aspect. Her throat tightened at the thought that this would be her - she hadn’t even realized what they had been chosen for.

They were Gods and they were the Elements and they were going to raise them to ascend.

The man who took her in told her to call him Jayvin, though his subjects called him the Lord of Fire. She liked knowing his true name, it made her feel just a bit safer in this foreign element, strange in more than a few ways. He noticed her discomfort around the open flames, and so moved her bedroom further away from the central chambers and higher up, where there was more smoke and ash, but less live fire without her even having to ask. He didn’t seem to be a harsh or cruel man, but for the first few nights when she moved in she stayed awake, still and staring up at the ceiling so she would be ready to defend herself if need be.

Time passed oddly in that world, and she wasn’t sure if she had been there days or weeks or months or years. She didn’t know when she last saw the Chugs, and she missed them but she knew they were most likely off in their own adventures, finding their place in this strange new world.  She studied history of the world because she loved learning. That would’ve been a great surprise to any who knew her in her old life but there was none of that competitive hierarchy that made each lesson a game of memory, not of comprehension. Each day was paced exactly how she needed it. She learnt of the foxes and the dragons and the other creatures that fell under the Lord Fire’s commands.  Communications between her and Jayvin were few. He was far busier than she was, though he did try to spend at least dinner with her.

“Soon,” He said each night, “soon I think you’ll be ready to learn magic.” That seemed far more impressive to her than learning of how many wars the Elements had gotten into over their respective times. There had been ten cycles of Elements, and hers was to be the eleventh - a holy number by Jayvin’s old books. It made her feel luckier about the whole affair.

He took her to a razing one long day. An entire length of forest was found to be hazardous, quite possibly cursed. The only one hundred percent remedy to either of those was a complete burning. He left her on a hill, close enough to see what was happening, but not so close that she was in danger of being burned, though he warded the hill, just in case. Once the boundaries were set and the fire was started, Jayvin walked up the hill and sat next to her. They were quiet for a long while, just watching the blaze, the grass turning bright then a dead black.

“This is one of my least favorite parts of it.” Jayvin said softly. “The destruction.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“Because otherwise this land would be inhabitable. With each razing, comes the chance for life to renew again, for potential to blossom. That’s why Rev doesn’t despise me each time I must destroy part of his kingdom.”

Callidia nodded, that seemed honorable enough. “Am I going to have to do that one day?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

The flames turned blue, reached their apex. It now had nowhere else to spread but back into itself. Soon it would be out, destroying itself as it had destroyed the trees that’d grown in that cursed ground. She shuddered, tried to act like her throat wasn’t closing up. She didn’t want to be the kind of person to do that, even if it were necessary. It seemed so sad.

“Here now,” Jayvin drew her attention away from the fire burning miles away to one in the palms of his hands. “I wouldn’t have survived so long as an Element if it were all razing and doom and gloom.” He seemed to form a butterfly out of the fire in his hands, carefully pushing it into open air. It floated there, streaming auburn flame. It reminded Calli of the Monarch butterfly she’d seen once on a hot summer day.

“Can you teach me how to do that?” She asked, eyes wide. She followed each amber spout.

“When you’re ready, of course.”

“Will I ever be?”

“I guess we’ll have to see.” Jayvin smiled lightly,  “I think you will be. Tomorrow, maybe, or the day after.”

She pulled her legs up to her, hiding a grin. He was annoying, surely he knew relaxing around the fire wasn’t an option for her but.. maybe, maybe she’d get used to it. Fire was destruction, but it was also creation and renewal. It was burnt houses and growing leafs and it seemed to her it was the first family she ever knew.

[p3-lies-here]

Charmed Opinions

Okay, so I’ve been rewatching some Charmed recently, and I kind of want to voice my opinions on some things because… well, why not? This is Tumblr, and that’s what Tumblr is for.  

I’m gonna try to divide this little essay up into headings like “stories I wish were told” and “my thoughts on (insert topic here)” just to make it easier to follow. Starting with:

My Thoughts on Cole Turner and Chris Halliwell

So, the reason I’m picking on these two characters specifically is because they are my two very favorite characters, aside from the sisters. I’ve got a lot to say about their potential and what could’ve/should’ve been done with them. Let’s start with Chris.

Chris Halliwell

I think it’s safe to say that Chris is a fairly beloved character amongst the fandom, which is no surprise. He was a brilliant addition to the cast. Every bit of Chris Halliwell, from the actor to his interactions with the rest of the cast, made him undoubtedly memorable. There were just a few things involving his character that I would have enjoyed seeing.

While I don’t think Chris should’ve been on the show for longer than a season, it does feel like his time on Charmed was cut short. It could be that a lot of his episodes put him into a Whitelighter role, which wasn’t what the majority of his character was about. Rather than episodes of him being a sort of background piece, it could’ve been nice to have Chris’s role be more restricted to his mission of saving Wyatt. However, seeing him struggle to maintain his cover while also acting as the Whitelighter for the Charmed Ones is something I wouldn’t trade for the world. Still, I wish we’d had more time with him.

Namely, after the entire family had found out Chris’s secret of being Piper and Leo’s son. It would’ve been amazing to see Chris spend more time with Piper or hash out his differences with Leo or even just hang out with his aunts. Although, I do understand that this probably wasn’t written in for lack of time in the season, or maybe it was excluded so we didn’t receive too much information about the future. Nonetheless, I wish we’d seen Chris interact more with his family.

On the topic of the future, it would’ve been nice to see more glimpses of it. We got some nice flashbacks in “Chris-Crossed,” but those memories were isolated to Chris since the episode was focused on him. It would’ve been cool to see a broader scope of what the world became without Paige, Phoebe, and Piper there to save it. On that note, I really wish we’d gotten more of Chris and Wyatt being enemies. Maybe Chris could’ve gone back to the future for an episode to see if it changed, or Wyatt could’ve come back to keep Chris from saving him. Something like that would’ve been amazing. Well, that’s enough on Chris. I think it’s time we move on.

Cole Turner

Cole was probably the best decision this show ever made (give or take bringing Paige into the mix). The chemistry this man had with each and every character was amazing. I feel like most people in the fandom either love or hate Cole, and if they hate him, it usually has something to do with the fact that they don’t like his relationship with Phoebe. If that’s you, you’re not going to enjoy this section, so… maybe skip?

I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s ridiculous how well Cole fit into the show. It’s naturally a combination of great acting and great writing, but seriously. Not only with the sisters, but with Leo and Darryl as well. I’ve said this probably a thousand times by now, but it’s not difficult to picture Cole in a relationship with any of the Charmed Ones. Honestly, just picture it for a second:

If Cole had been with Prue, it would’ve been constant disagreements, all the time. The strong-willed nature of both of them would frequently bring them to a boiling point, often compromising whatever mission they were currently working on. But when they weren’t fighting, they were saving people. Constantly. It was the one thing that kept them together. A power couple for the history books.

If it’d been Piper, it would involve Piper worrying over Cole’s safety and not being afraid to kick a little ass to save his. Her nurturing nature would rival his risk-taking nature in the best way. There’d be a lot of compromises and a lot of discussions about how to make it all work, a Charmed One and a demon. She’d make the potions and he’d tell her what battle they’d be fighting that day. At the end of the day, they’d just be happy to have a quiet moment.

Now, Paige and Cole… well, that’d be nonstop magic. Paige would learn something new and be so excited to tell Cole about it. Cole would take her to the Underworld to kill demons. They’d talk about everything from Paige’s job to the rush Cole gets when he takes down a demon. There would never be a still moment or a dull day. All the time they’d be seeking out some adventure together.

But I didn’t come here to talk about alternate timelines where these things could’ve been possible. I came here to talk about the way Cole’s story ended.

All in all, I understand why the writers opted to end Cole’s story the way it started—with him being evil—but I still have a fire in me when it comes to Phoebe and Cole. I adore Coop. I think Phoebe, the girl who falls in love far too easily, ending up with a Cupid is very poetic. But it didn’t seem much like a whirlwind romance to me. I’m so happy that Phoebe found a life with someone, but I don’t think that would’ve been Coop if Cole had never been taken over by the Source.

I’ve always felt that Cole was done a real injustice toward the end of his time on the show. Phoebe completely stopped sympathizing with him, which is completely unlike her character. Hell, Paige sympathized with him more than Phoebe did in season 5. Not to mention, a lot of the actions Cole carried out during his time as the Source were compelled by the original Source. So, a lot of that time wasn’t entirely Cole’s fault. It’s was completely possible for Cole to be redeemed in season 5 so that he and Phoebe could end up together, or at the very least, so that he could die with dignity. I do get that the writers were trying to bring it full circle, but what they ended up doing to Cole’s character was a real shame.

Paige Matthews’ Story

A big thing I will forever be bitter about is the way Paige’s character was downsized in comparison to the other three sisters. Sure, she didn’t grow up with Piper and Phoebe, but that shouldn’t have been an excuse not to further her character development. Paige never got the spotlight like Prue, Piper, and Phoebe did, and that’s very sad because her character had so much potential. The focal plots she did have where usually limited to an episode, unlike the other three sisters’ series long plots.

Prue was typically a main focus for a number of reasons: she was the strongest, she was the most stubborn (thus the most likely to put herself into dangerous situations), and she was the oldest. That lent itself to storylines involving Patty (as Prue remembered her the best) or storylines involving new characters (as she was the overly protective older sister) or, really, any plot they could’ve written.

Piper always had Leo, from the jump, because Piper’s underlying characteristic is that of a nurturer. So, she always had a place in the story for nurturing her relationship or her children or her family.

Phoebe had her troubles with love, which seemed to push her to the front of every storyline, no matter what it was. Her relationships constantly put her in the spotlight because she either had forbidden loves (like with Cole) or she had complicated loves (like with Jason). Beyond that, due to her lack of active powers, Phoebe was often the character throwing out ideas or plans. She wasn’t ever a background cog in the system.

But, for some reason, Paige never got an overarching plot like this. The closest she ever came was in season 8 when she met Henry, and that wasn’t even an entire season’s worth of story. I’ve seen people mention that she could’ve had an issue with her returning drinking problem. I think it would’ve been cool to actually see her be a Whitelighter rather than just hear about it, maybe even seeing more of her relationship to the supernatural world and how she worked with them (like the leprechauns). Her role at Magic School would’ve also been interesting. Really anything would’ve sufficed.

This isn’t to say that I’m angry about Prue, Piper, and Phoebe having series long storylines, I’m just angry that Paige didn’t get at least one to go along with her sisters’. It just feels like wasted potential of a really strong character.

Goddesses

While we’re on the topic of Paige, let discuss my feelings about the goddess that was chosen for her in “Oh My Goddess.”

I… don’t get it. Like, I want to… and I’ve tried to… but I don’t get it.

I don’t know much about Greek mythology, so I won’t pretend that I do, but the Goddess of War? Phoebe and Piper’s goddesses make sense, and I basically explained why in the above section, but Paige’s? Paige is half-pacifist! And when has she ever gotten into a hand-to-hand fight, aside from the times she absolutely had to? I assume they stuck her with the Goddess of War because of the powers they could elicit from that to supplement the episode. Although, Piper’s powers were the ones shown the most as well as the ones used to take down the Titans, and Phoebe’s powers were hardly used at all, so there’s another reason Goddess of War makes zero sense for Paige.

Might I put forth the Goddess of Retribution or the Goddess of Youth for Paige? The former makes a certain amount of sense because of Paige’s passion for righting the wrongs done by others (which can be seen often during her job as a social worker), and the second makes sense because Paige is a beacon of liveliness and fun. I don’t know how either of these would translate into powers, but I imagine the first one’s powers would be similar to the Goddess of War’s. All in all, I think they wanted to use “popular” goddesses for the sisters. I just think the one Paige got stuck with doesn’t fit. Maybe it does for Prue, though…

Meetings I Wish Would’ve Happened

This is going to be a short list, but there were a few characters I always imagined getting to meet that never got to because their stints on the show didn’t overlap.

Paige and Prue – I mean, of course, right? I personally don’t think Prue would’ve accepted Paige right away. In fact, I think she would’ve been slower to accept her than Piper was (although, if Prue hadn’t died and the show had become about four sisters, Piper probably would’ve accepted her readily). It probably would’ve been similar to Phoebe and Prue’s relationship in season 1. However, Prue would’ve eventually warmed up to her, and probably would’ve taken Paige under her wing. It’s honestly really difficult for me to imagine, but I will forever be sad that they didn’t get to meet (on the show, at least; I don’t read the comics).

Chris and Cole – Don’t ask, I just love thinking about the chemistry they’d have together. I’m, of course, talking about future Chris. Now, baby Chris…

Cole and Piper’s sons – Obviously I wouldn’t want evil-demon-power-grab-bag-crazy-douche-Cole to have any kind of contact with Piper’s babies, but good-guy-Cole would’ve looked so cute holding his little nephews-in-law.

Prue and Chris – Again, this is another one I can’t really explain. I just love to think about Prue teaching her nephew to properly use the power they share. Or even Chris summoning Prue in the future to learn from her.

If you couldn’t tell by this list, I’m mad that Prue wasn’t a part of the series finale. I don’t know what was going on with the people involved at the time, but they should’ve made it happen somehow.

Relationships I Love

This’ll be another short list. There were just a few relationships I wanted to highlight my love for. And I’m gonna keep couples out of it because those are obvious (i.e. no Prue and Andy, no Piper and Leo, no Phoebe and Cole, no Paige and Henry).

Piper and Paige – This is another one of those things I’ve said a million times already. I especially love these two in season 4 when Paige is adjusting to being a witch a Piper is adjusting to Paige. I do wish we’d seen more of Piper assuring Paige that she didn’t expect her to be Prue, but their relationship was always amazing to me.

Paige and Chris – No doubt, this is my favorite Chris + another character combination. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “What! What about Chris and Piper or Chris and Phoebe? Chris and Leo!” Look, I’m sorry, but I just adore the way Paige interacts with Chris. There was a mention in “Spin City” that Chris and Paige had a strong relationship in the future, and I wish we’d gotten to see it. I imagine that Phoebe is the go-to aunt for Wyatt and Paige is the go-to aunt for Chris, and maybe Melinda is strictly a mama’s/daddy’s girl? Paige and Chris make a lot of sense, not only because of their blood, but because of their inferiority complexes with their older siblings. I imagine they bond over a lot of things. It’s just super cute, okay!

Cole and Piper – It’s hard to isolate which sister relationship with Cole is my favorite, but I think I’ve got to choose Piper. She’s like the perfect combination of Paige and Prue’s sass toward Cole and Phoebe’s respect of Cole. It makes for some awesome interactions, I’m telling you.

Stories I Wish Had Been Told

Oh man, I could talk about this for the rest of my life. So, I’m just going to talk about one specific story I wish we’d seen play out. Well… we did see it play out… but not the way I wanted it to.

So, here’s my idea: a power swap between, either Piper and Paige, or Piper, Paige, and Phoebe (in which Piper gets Phoebe’s powers, Phoebe gets Paige’s, and Paige gets Piper’s).

The reason I’m drawn to the first option is because Piper and Paige are my two favorite sisters, but we’ve seen Piper with Whitelighter abilities, so it wouldn’t be much different on her end.

That’s why I propose a swap between all three sisters. I think it would be amazing to see Piper having premonitions, Phoebe orbing, and Paige blowing shit up. It happened with Phoebe and Prue as well as Piper and Leo, and I think it was referred to as a “supernatural Freaky Friday.”

Conclusion

Okay, to conclude this massive wall-of-words post, I just want to say I love this show. At the end of the day, it can do no wrong in my book. I invite everyone that took the time to read this to tell me your opinions on my opinions, or even just send me some opinions of your own. I love discussing the things I love, and Charmed is definitely one of those things.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and have a lovely day!

[anothernonversation]

Believe me, I have met several people who think Ron deserves at least the main girl, because he’s constantly overshadowed by Harry. I wouldn’t have mentioned it out of the blue.

As for Harry never expressing any romantic feelings for Hermione, why wouldn’t they make sense? They have A LOT of potential. They are both equals, they have similar backgrounds, they compliment each other perfectly and most of all – their relationship is grounded in mutual respect (which is the most important factor), trust and understanding. Those are things that sustain a life-long relationship. Ron never showed any sign of liking Hermione as more than a friend, either, unless constant, baseless bickering can be counted as romance. That kind of a relationship is going to end in tears. Harry and Hermione’s relationship is SO much deeper than that.

And Harry says “he liked Hermione very much, but she wasn’t just the same as Ron.” He never says he likes Ron more. Or that Hermione is not as good as Ron. He likes both of them in different ways. And he was a 14-year-old boy at that time, of course he wouldn’t prefer listening to Hermione jabber about books and spells all day long over Quidditch discussions (or the like) with Ron. If Ron had been chosen as a Triwizard Champion, he wouldn’t have liked listening to Hermione either, for that matter.

It’s really surprising how the probability of Harry having enough respect for Hermione for him to be at ease with other boys she goes out with never occurs to some people; instead, inconsequential jealousies, fights over trivial things are apparently more romantic.

In the entirety of the series, Harry only tried to comfort a total of five people. When Hermione was upset, he at least wanted to reach out and comfort her. But he didn’t know how to, owing to his upbringing. And in DH, when Ron left, Harry’s first instinct was to ensure that Hermione was warm. He could have just gone to sleep, but no, he gave her Ron’s blankets. He made sure they were protected. He observed her enough to realise that she was trying to wait, to see if Ron was going to return. He was looking at the Marauders’ Map to see if Ron had gone to Hogwarts, but then he found Ginny’s name. He was her ex-boyfriend then, so obviously he would want to know how if she was well.

There are many instances where Harry and Hermione are enjoying themselves with each other. Harry was ‘happy’ when Mrs Weasley told him Hermione was there at the Burrow as well. They talked ‘amicably’ about the Ministry when Ron was busy snogging Lavender. Their speculations about the Pince/Filch romance.

And please, Harry never lied to Hermione. He was the most open with his feelings in front of her. The only time he cried openly in the books, it was at Godric’s Hollow and in front of her. She was the one who knew him well enough to find him at Grimmauld Place (Christmas in Book 5) and coax him out of that room and make him talk to them. Throughout OOTP, they are like partners. In the DOM, he communicates with her. The split up into two, JKR could’ve put Harry, Ron and Hermione together. But no, she put Harry, Ron and Neville together. She could’ve put Ron, Hermione and Neville and Harry, Ginny and Luna together. But she didn’t.

Hermione likes challenges and arguments, yes, but not over petty things like cats and international Quidditch seekers. Ron could never challenge her intellectually. He wouldn’t even want to. In fact, when Harry and Hermione fought over the Prince's book in HBP (one of the only times they had a disagreement), Hermione actually went on to research about the Prince's identity. That's a proper intellectual argument, a civilised debate. Hermione challenged Harry. She thought he'd be Prefect in their fifth year, and Harry actually dreaded the thought of Hermione finding out he'd gotten a T in his OWLs.

Even if we consider the ‘I love her like a sister’ moment, there are so many reasons to ship Harmony. Like I said, they had a lot of potential, they were very good friends, and they could have become a very good couple as well. One with a much deeper bond that wasn’t based on petty bickering and jealousies. Quite honestly, JKR’s whole story was going that way, even if she didn’t realise it.

If Harmony makes zero sense, how do you explain all the moments they share in the books? The “I declare you bonded for life” moment during the wedding? That they rode on a hippogriff -- the symbol of love -- together? That she literally gave up her only family (possibly forever) to help her best friend on a mission that could result in death? That when nothing could make Harry shut Voldemort out of his mind, her being in pain was the one that finally did the trick (while I  would be touched if my friend was bawling over me being in pain, Ron didn’t really do anything constructive that would actually save her life, did he?)? There are so many of them, honestly. And JKR couldn’t have added them just like that. Romione with all its completely baseless quarreling and fighting and Ron belittling Hermione's passions makes sense, of course Harmony does too. It’s one of the most realistic ships in HP. 

(This discussion wasn’t about Harmony in the first place, but oh well.)

Well, Petunia, Molly and Narcissa all loved their children in pretty much the same way. Petunia tried to protect Dudley from the Weasleys (in beginning of GOF), Molly killed Bellatrix to protect her daughter, and Narcissa lied to the Dark Lord. It wouldn’t feel weird at all. Please.

I mean, it’s okay to be upset for Ron because he’s always the second best and shit.

But Hermione is not a trophy.

She doesn’t exist just to make Ron stop feeling sorry for himself, and it would be really cool if the fandom stopped treating her like that.

[regrettablewritings]

A Portrait Worth a Thousand Words (Bruce Wayne x Reader)

aka My Sad Attempt at Fluff for Bruce

The portrait wasn’t the original – that one had been one of the many things lost in the fire that claimed Wayne Manor. No, this one was actually a copy that had once hung for many years at Wayne Tower in downtown Gotham. Of course, Bruce made sure that it had been replaced with a duplicate he’d commissioned, earning admiration from many who saw it as the act of a loving, successful son who was determined to always keep another legacy of his parents nearby.

It therefore puzzled you that he didn’t keep it aboveground in the Glass House but, instead, subterranean in the Batcave. It became even more perplexing when you realized that it was placed in a hallway that Bruce seemed to rarely walk down, quite possibly even finding alternate options to the route if he could. Most people would have a painting of their long-deceased parents somewhere in a common area or even private one; just somewhere where they could always see them and smile at them, maybe even hold a conversation. Then again, Bruce was not most people, being a tall, stupid-rich, former-playboy who moonlighted as knuckle-baring vigilante in a bat suit.

You simply followed his unspoken example.

It was easier for you to forego nearing or even traversing down the corridor than it was for Bruce, to the point that you only ever really saw the portrait from afar. The rare occasion wherein you would take a few steps down said hallway to observe the piece was the most you ever pushed, taking on your boyfriend’s habit as your own. To a degree.

Bruce himself never told you anything worth a detail about them besides the bare minimum. And whatever info you could pull from the only other nearby person who knew the couple was just as fruitless.

“That would be up to Master Bruce,” Alfred would say. But, being that “Master Bruce” never offered anything to you when it came to the subject (sometimes even dodging it entirely), you began to inherently take it upon yourself.

At a distance, from down the hall, it was easy to determine the characters of Thomas and Martha Wayne, who they would be if only they’d met you: Thomas, a hardworking man in his younger years, had become more lax in the autumn of his life. He would flirt harmlessly with you and slap congratulatory hands onto his son's back, insisting on what a fine job he'd done to attract a true "gem of Gotham." Martha, an elegant but kind woman, would be welcoming towards you, having brunch with you at a cafe downtown every Saturday so that you could catch up. She would insist that Bruce either move into a place with you downtown and to stop feeling so obligated to stay on Wayne territory. She and Thomas would insist that life changes when one falls in love . . .

Of course, there might have been some increasing levels of self-indulgence on your part, but such an act was so easy to do when staring at something from a distance. It is only when one day, you began to step closer to the subject than usual … That was when things become less romanticized and more grounded in reality, with every detail and every flaw in the previous assumption becoming more and more evident.

Thomas Wayne, a sharply-dressed man no matter where you stood, was definitely where Bruce had gotten his rugged good looks from. However, he also might’ve been where Bruce had inherited a look of perpetual sternness. A hard worker, certainly, but one with high expectations – about everything! Possibly even down to the person his son had chosen to be with … You could feel your lips press into a line as you continued to observe the dark eyes of the elder Wayne male. The Waynes, alongside the fruitfulness of their business, had managed to maintain a healthy line of wealth by marrying other members of elite society; what had you to offer, working a simple job downtown? Would he think that you were exactly what the paparazzi loved to insist that you were: a parasitic gold-digger?

As discomforted as you were at that thought, it didn’t compare to the feeling you got when you finally gathered the courage to look upon Martha Wayne. Martha herself was painted sitting in a finely carved chair that could’ve been bought through a high-end Sotheby’s auction. It paled in terms of beauty to the woman seated upon it.

If Thomas was where Bruce had inherited his looks and personality, Martha was surely where he’d gained his sense of grace and elegant flair from. The dark-haired beauty sat, poised and finely-dressed in a manner that made you question if she had just been a socialite or if she was truly a queen. Her pearls, simple if observed alone, caressed her neck and breastbone in a careful way that reminded you of classical paintings. But the crowning jewel of intimidation was the expression she eternally wore: Not one of malice or disgust, but one of sheer coolness. Like a woman made of iron hidden behind silk. Her countenance suggested a scary grace under pressure, an icy intelligence, an all-knowing one. Even the redness of her painted lips were classily poised as if in observance of all that she could survey, analyzing and judging every little thing. Including you, in all the moments you had stared at her and her husband from down the hall up to now as you stood directly in front of them.

Martha was, in a word, astonishing. You probably didn’t even need Bruce’s word for that, given the closeness he often allowed himself to suggest to you. But you never truly took the description or suggestion to heart until now. And you felt ashamed for it.

Would she have liked me, had she lived long enough to know me? you found yourself wondering. As your eyes traced her image over and over, taking note of her finely coiffed hair and queenly stature that shown even whilst sitting. Fidgeting with the hem of the old, baggy t-shirt you were currently wearing, you decided, in a barely audible whisper, “No.”

Mothers were often very protective of their sons, right? Particularly when it came to their child’s love interests? And considering the closeness Bruce had expressed in those brief moments you had to draw from, you had no doubts that she would have been no exception to the rule. In fact, was it fair to assume that she would be even more determined to protect her child from the clutches of a potential gold-digger? To assure that the family name was not carried on by some commoner?

Even when you left the portrait and returned back to the Glass House, you could see their eyes boring into you. Eternally unblinking, forever able to judge you. Was it silly to feel judged by a painting of two long-gone people? Of course it was. But in a world where a godlike being flew around and knew your boyfriend was a man who dressed up like a nocturnal rodent, you felt that you were allowed this feeling.

Besides: Unconfirmed confirmation was always a good source of discomfort.

You tried to pretend as though you weren’t bothered; as though the walls of the Glass House didn’t make you feel vulnerable to the ever-watching eyes of “Thomas and Martha.” But in every little thing that you did, the sprout of criticism that had been planted earlier only seemed to grow closer and closer to a full blossom: “What ‘gem’ walks around the house in such rags?” “Why waste money going to brunch every Saturday at a fine establishment when all you would do is roll out of bed, put on the most basic thing, and then order the cheapest item on the list? If you’re not going to make an effort, then why should I?” You weren’t even sure if these words were being spoken in the voices of “Thomas and Martha.” All you knew was that you were beginning to believe them.

You mulled over “Thomas’” scoffing whenever you got out of bed hours after Bruce had left for work, critiquing that you needed to earn your keep and that late-starters never prospered honorably. You bit your lip and tried to control your breathing more appropriately whenever you felt a lecture on how “ladies don’t snore” was around the corner via “Martha.” But between the two, “Martha” was worse: You imagined “Thomas” being stoic, commenting on more general things; “Martha”, however, would nitpick. Nothing was up to standard for Bruce.

“If you’re not going to make an effort, then why should I?”

You never offered an answer. You couldn’t, not when such a question would always, without fail, send you spiraling in to multiple spheres of thought at once. Why should she make an effort? If you weren’t making an effort, then why was Bruce with you? Was it out of pity? Were you meant to be a temporary thing that just wouldn’t leave? What could you do to prove that you were worthy to a –

“Okay, I’m off to wor – You okay, babe?”

The voice snapped you out of your thoughts and back into reality. A reality where things truly mattered. The main thing being Bruce, who stood in front of you, dressed smartly for work but with a look of slight concern etched into his fine features. You hummed for a split second before straightening your position at the table, remembering that you had been munching on toast before Martha’s criticisms on your plain tastes had thrown you into the recesses of your mind.

“I’m fine, just a little … Well, you know, it’s before 10 AM so I’m still a little out of it,” you said. You offered a wobbly smile in the hopes that it would seal confirmation. It didn’t.

“If something’s the matter, we can talk about it,” he offered, seemingly ready to take a seat next to you and put off work. Before the voice of Thomas Wayne could fuss at you for causing a distraction, you quickly insisted that that would not be necessarily and you truly were just tired.

Besides, you thought, it’s not like I can talk to you about anything involving your parents … You felt guilty immediately after thinking so, but also knew it as the ugly truth.

You could tell from the stormy look in Bruce’s eyes that he wasn’t buying it. But, in the end, there was only so much he could do to convince you. never one to be forceful towards you in anyway, he accepted you claim. For now.

“Okay,” he sighed heavily. “Well . . . Call me if you need anything. And I mean it. Okay?” He leaned in and kissed your cheek.

The five minutes that followed were some of the most peaceful, clear moments you’d had since allowing “Thomas and Martha” inside your brain. You couldn’t smell anything but Bruce’s cologne, that smooth, mature smell that you’d grown to know by a single whiff and be calmed by in an instant. And your cheek was imprinted with the soft prickle of his stubble brushing against it when he kissed you. And if you focused just hard enough, you could still feel the small hints of warmth that had radiated off of his body to lightly embrace your own.

It was, in a word, bliss.

And at that moment, you had every answer you needed.

If Alfred, who had returned to his workshop before Bruce had left, had observed you – or if anyone who looked into the Glass House could – they would find you sitting at the table, quietly and still. Your toast, once again forgotten, lay on a plate, growing colder and colder. It would take 20 seconds for any real movement to occur, but even then it was subtle: the widening of eyes out of realization.

Realizing that Bruce was with you because he wanted to be. Realizing that in the end, even if Thomas and Martha were still alive, it wouldn’t matter what they really thought of you because all that mattered was what Bruce thought of you. But, perhaps most important of all, was the moment of realizing that “Thomas and Martha” were exactly that, quotations and all: Nothing more than figures you self-imposed out of worry, out of lack of confirmation.

It seemed so silly to have doubted any of this in the first place, you almost had to laugh. Almost. Because was from this sense of newfound stability that you decided, once and for all, to silence the criticisms.

You now knew how to prove yourself to “Thomas and Martha”, how to shut them up once and for all: You were going to make an effort.

I might’ve overdone it, you thought to yourself as you stared in the mirror. You were only going down into the Batcave to see a painting. But you were so used to dressing for galas and charity balls that you supposed your makeup and dress patterns were either downgraded casual or extremely glamorized: You had curled your hair to perfection, applied your makeup sharply and with prestige. The dress you wore, which you meant to have been a simple but classy black dress, hugged your curves in a more fashionable and seductive way that you initially had planned. But the literal crowning jewel: a white gold necklace with a garnet pedant. It had been Martha’s, one of the very few things Bruce managed to salvage. You wanted to show that you were an important piece in Bruce’s life.

You looked stunning, if you had to say so yourself. But, in the end, this might have been overdoing it. Nevertheless, you willed yourself to walk down to the portrait, making sure to walk so lightly in your heels that Alfred would not be able to hear you from his working nook. Willing yourself to do what you proposed next, however, took a bit more effort.

“Uh … Hello,” you said quietly to the picture. You inwardly pressed both palms to your face. So much for presenting yourself as calm and confident. Thomas and Martha’s expressions did not falter. You took a deep breath and tried again, this time with more stability. But only a bit. “My name is (Y/N). Though I guess you guys already knew. Because I’m dating your son.” Better, but …

You sigh. “This is weird; I know it’s weird. But people talk to graves and pictures all the time. Though, I guess it’s kinda different considering that that’s usually done by those who actually knew the person … and … I never got to know you guys …” You pressed your lips together in thought.

“I mean, I would’ve wanted to know you guys. I still do! You guys seemed like nice people, like you were connected with the people more than most wealthy people probably would be. At the very least, you tried to be. Tried to give regular people like me better opportunities. But … That’s just what I got from old news. I mean, I would’ve loved to know more about the real Thomas and Martha. But Alfred’s not saying anything and Bruce … Well, he won’t tell me about you guys …” It was at this point that your thoughts shifted.

“He’s a good man, by the way. A bit questionable, but … But I think you guys would be proud of him. At the very least, you’d be proud of what he’s trying to do.” You offered a small smile, a habit of yours when you thought about your lover’s accomplishments. “He does so much for this city. Both as Bruce Wayne and Batman.” You paused. “Thought you ought to know; I don’t think he comes down here that much to talk to you guys and tell you about what it’s like out there.”

“But, like, he goes the extra mile in terms of what he could be doing: He’s trying to give Gotham a better reputation by introducing the arts more, Mrs. Wayne. He even has a Zorro festival every year in your memory. Oh, and Mr. Wayne, he’s running the business pretty well for what it’s worth. I mean, we’ve taken some hits but … But I think you’d be impressed with how resilient he’s being!” You couldn’t help but puff your chest slightly with pride. “But then he’s also running around like a bat – Mrs. Wayne, you’d probably be appalled at how he looks – and making sure that Gotham is a little safer every night. I mean, it isn’t perfect but I like to think that it’s the thought that counts, right?”

Thomas and Martha said nothing. So you continued.

“But in the end, the fact that he’s managed to do all this because of you guys? It really says something about him. I know that what Bruce is doing may not be ideal; it’s definitely questionable, no doubt about that. But in the end, I can’t help but feel proud of him. And really lucky. And it’s got nothing to do with the fact that he’s a Wayne: It’s because in spite of everything that he does, he always has the time to assure to me that I’m just as much a part of his life as his jobs are. Sure, things may get shuffled around, but Bruce always makes sure to make me happy. Even when he’s not trying …” Your voice trailed. You began to pluck at your necklace. Your initial goal of coming down to prove your worth wound up becoming a total gush-fest revolving around Bruce; where were you to go with this?

“Talking to a painting, are we? Am I going to have to put you in Arkham, too?”

The sudden sound of the man of the hour’s voice startled you to the point of accidentally slamming yourself against the hallway wall. When you managed to compose yourself after a slew of curses, you realize he was standing behind you, a small smirk teasing his lips. Damn him and his stealth skills.

“For god’s sake, Bruce, what the hell?!” you demanded. The smirk that teased came into full fruition; even in the dim lighting, Bruce could see the hints of blush leaking into your cheeks.

“I honestly could ask you somewhat of the same thing. I mean, walking quietly is something I can’t help. But talking to pictures? Sounds more like a personal problem,” he joked.

You scowled and crossed your bare arms, trying to think of a comeback to throw him off. Unfortunately, you were nowhere near as well-versed in the art of taunting as the former playboy was.

“I was … I was just – ” you stammered, at a loss for words. But Bruce waited for your answer patiently, never rushing you. Typical Bruce. And yet, you found yourself surprised when, upon being able to be told the wider concept of your plan and what led to it, his stance barely wavered. Sure, the smirk fell into a more serious expression, but it wasn’t one that portrayed bemusement or even necessarily an upset. It was more along the lines of the expression one might gain when lingering over another’s words; when they are in a position to strongly consider the discussion at hand.

When he said nothing at the end of your explanation, you couldn’t help but worry a bit. Was he understanding of your outlandish attempt at coping? The small hum he uttered was the only thing he said at first. His eyes flickered between the painting of his parents, and yourself. Between their perpetually impeccable stances, and your smaller, sheepish one.

“… Well …” Bruce began, the small word ripping through the still air. He kept his eyes focused on the painting, as if trying to stay focused both in the real world and the one inside his mind. “For starters, I don’t think my parents would’ve necessarily liked you …” In that moment, you could feel your heart slump. If their son, the only other person around to truly know these people, was telling you this, then surely it must be true …

“… My father would have loved you, and my mother would adore you. Probably a bit too much; I remember Alfred telling me once that she wanted a girl around, but then they had me and … Well …”

Your head snapped up, eyes widened. Bruce’s own eyes were fixed on you in thoughtfulness. He observed the dolling up you had put yourself through.

“She’d like your style,” he added. “And the moment you’d open up that mouth to say a witty comeback or anything? She’d probably ask me to just take your surname instead of the other way around.” He grinned.

Wait … Seriously?

“Seriously,” Bruce confirmed, being able to tell that that was exactly what you were thinking. He turned his attention back to the portrait and pointed a finger at his father. “And my father most certainly would do a little harmless flirting with you. After all, where do you think I get it from?” (He heard you gently scoff with amusement.) “Buuut … I don’t think he’d call you a ‘gem’ of Gotham. Maybe a blessing to the Wayne family. Especially considering me.” He looked down you with an expression accepting light self-deprecation, not minding it at the cost of the subtle but growing glowing that was beginning to radiate from your person.

You liked this. You liked hearing that Thomas and Martha (the real ones and not the ones you’d been haunted by) would have enjoyed your presence. You loved hearing Bruce actually say anything about them at all. You wanted more of this, wanted to know what Thomas and Martha liked to do, what Bruce suspected they might have done when he graduated college (clap politely at the ceremony, or scream in jubilation and a chorus of “atta boy”s). If they liked to sit in the kitchen with Alfred back in Wayne Manor and take drinks of aged spirits when little Bruce had been put to bed, if Martha enjoyed tea or coffee, if Thomas liked sports or was more bookish –

But when Bruce offered no more, you surmised that perhaps the information given had been all that he could handle. What kind of person would you be, to push and demand for more, after everything he’d just told you?

“Anything else?” Bruce asked. The question hung in the air.

By instinct, you took it. And without thinking, you responded with an enthusiastic, “Yes!” When you realized how overly eager you must have sounded, you couldn’t help but draw back and blush with embarrassment. Bruce, however, merely chuckled lightly in response.

“Figured as much …” He lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. “I guess, uh … I guess it’s only fair. That I say a little about the people who made me.”

“Just a little.”

“Well … Come on,” he said, placing a hand on the small of your back. He began to lead you back down the hallway and toward the stairs leading back up to the Glass House. “We’re gonna need to sit down for this. I get the feeling you have a lot to ask.”

“You bet I do! Do you dress like your dad? What kind of perfume did your mom use? Do you remember? Would you say I’m like your mom? Would she go to brunch with me, even if it was at a small, cheap café? Do you think your mom would be the embarrassing kind, or the elegant, cool kind? What – ”

“Okay, okay, slow down! We’ll have plenty of time to talk about all that …”

You smiled blushingly, uttering a small shrug. But then a realization had occurred to you for the umpteenth time that day.

“Wait … It’s not even 3 yet – why are you home from work so early?” you inquired.

Bruce shrugged, gently leading you up the stairs. “I didn’t buy your claim that you were ‘just tired.’ It’ll be fine. Besides, if what you told my father is true, business is fine enough for me to take a day off. This is more important.”

You couldn’t help but offer a full-fledged, appreciative smile. Typical Bruce. His parents would be proud. A little hesitant at first, but proud in the end. You would at least have that in common.

[5hfanfiction]

vibrant green

In Camila Cabello’s freshman year of college, she meets Lauren Jauregui. It doesn’t take Camila long to decide that Lauren is one of the most interesting people she’s ever met, and she’s determined to befriend her.

-

Camila Cabello has a lot of fears. Spiders is the main one, but there’s also heights, the dark, and talking to people she doesn’t know. While she’d say she’s definitely more afraid of spiders than she is people, the last one has had more of an impact on her life. Especially when it comes to socialising and that foreign concept called making friends.

Naturally, the idea of college terrifies her, mostly because she’s used to her own space, and in freshman year she doesn’t get that privilege. She knows that she’s going to get a roommate assigned, and she’s already gotten her name in the letter about her accommodation she’d received earlier in the summer, but she can’t help but hope that it was all some sort of mix up when she’s completely unpacked and her parents and little sister have said their goodbyes and her roommate is still yet to show.

She knows she shouldn’t get her hopes up, because the roommate’s arrival is inevitable, but Camila is really desperate for her own space. She doesn’t believe in miracles or fate, but for a few minutes she tries to convince herself that maybe miracles are real, and maybe her personal miracle is that her roommate has decided at the last second that college isn’t for them and has chosen not to show.

Even though she knows it’s stupid, she can’t help but feel disappointed when the door to the room swings open and she sees two figures walk in carrying boxes.

“Mom, I told you we were late,” a loud, feminine voice is the first thing Camila notices as she tries to stay as unnoticeable as possible. “Literally everyone on the floor is moved in already. We’re probably the last ones to show.”

“You’re lucky I came with you at all,” another female voice retorts, “and now you’ve got me helping you move in. I need to get back home.”

“Your oldest child is leaving home to go to college in New York and this is how you treat her?” The first voice replies, her tone light and mocking. “Honestly, mom, you’d think you wanted me to leave.”

“It’s one less person to do laundry for,” the mother responds with a warm chuckle, “there’s a few more boxes in the car. I’ll help you bring them up but you’re on your own with unpacking.”

There’s a hum in response, and Camila hears footsteps slowly fading away down the hallway, the door left open. She lets out a sigh of relief and reaches over to her new desk to pick up her laptop, opening it up. Hopefully that’d be a good enough distraction for when her new roommate is walking around unpacking. If she looks like she’s busy, maybe she won’t be roped into a conversation, which would be a good thing in Camila’s book. No talking means no embarrassing herself. Sure, it makes for a lonely existence, but she has her family to talk to when she needs company, so it’s never really bothered her that much.

She puts her earphones in when she hears footsteps again, but she doesn’t play any music. She listens as the girl says goodbye to her mother, and out of her peripheral vision she sees them hugging, before she’s left with just one other person in the room. Honestly, the less people, the better.

Camila isn’t in her state of semi-comfort for long though, because after about twenty minutes of her new roommate unpacking in silence, there’s a knock on the door and she sees another girl around their age enter the room.

“Hey, Dinah,” the new addition to the room addresses her roommate with a smile, “you texted?”

“Yeah,” Dinah gestures around the room, “mind helping me unpack?”

The new girl scoffs. “If you’d have told me that in your text, I wouldn’t have come.”

“Exactly,” Dinah smirks, “that’s why I didn’t tell you. But you’re here now, so you might as well. Then I can come and hang with you guys. I haven’t seen Ally in forever.”

“You saw her in summer.” The other girl reminds her. “Did you just conveniently forget our mini road trip?”

“Yeah, but then Ally was away with Troy after that, so I hardly got to see her.” Dinah protests, pushing a box in the other girl’s direction. “Come on. Unpack.”

Reluctantly, the other girl reaches over and starts helping Dinah look through the boxes. It’s silent for a moment, and Camila considers getting up and leaving them in peace. She’s about to close her laptop when the new girl nods in her direction in what Camila assumes is an attempt to be subtle.

“Have you spoken to your roommate yet?” The girl asks Dinah. “You could’ve gotten her to help you unpack rather than making me walk all the way here from my room.”

“Yeah, great idea, Normani,” Camila can practically feel Dinah’s eye roll from where she’s sat across the room. “Hi, I’m Dinah, mind helping me unpack all my stuff? That’s a great way to make someone hate your guts. Besides…” Dinah pauses for a second, “she looks like she doesn’t want to be bothered.”

While Camila really doesn’t want to be bothered at all, she’s definitely not busy. In fact, she has an episode of her favourite television show on mute with her earplugs in so she’s able to look like she’s busy, but in reality, it’s all an act of avoidance.

Normani looks Camila over for a second, and the brown eyed girl can feel her gaze burning holes in the back of her head. “I guess so. Still, better someone else helping you unpack your stuff than me.”

“You could’ve sent someone else to see what was wrong.” Dinah sends her an innocent smirk. “It’s not my problem that you’re too good a friend.”

“Whatever,” Normani rolls her eyes as she shoves some of Dinah’s shirts into the chest of drawers. “Look, we’re basically finished. You want to go and catch up with Ally? I haven’t seen her yet myself.”

Dinah looks around the room for a moment, and Camila knows that she stares at her for a few moments before nodding in confirmation. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go. I guess I’ll sort the rest of this when I get back.”

Camila waits a good few minutes after they leave the room to take her earphones out and breathe a sigh of relief, thankful that the two girls hadn’t tried to talk to her. Unplugging her earphones from the jack, she unmutes her show and decides that watching a few episodes will inevitably calm her down after how awkward she’s felt for the past half an hour.

-

The room has fallen into darkness by the time the door opens again, and Camila is quick to jump up and pause her show when the lights flick on. She glances over to the doorway and makes uncomfortable eye contact with Dinah, before she glances down at her computer screen and rubs at her eyes, the sudden light making them a little sore.

Dinah raises an eyebrow as she shuts the door behind her. “Don’t you like the light or something? Staring at computer screens in the dark is bad for your eyesight, you know.”

“I, um,” Camila bites down on her lip and tries a casual shrug, “I was comfortable and it got dark.”

“I feel that,” Dinah’s gaze becomes a lot less judgemental and she even smiles, but Camila doesn’t let herself relax just yet. “Dinah Jane Hansen, but you probably already know that if you read your school letters. You’re Karla Cabello, right?”

“Um, yeah,” Camila nods and fiddles with the wire of her laptop charger. “Karla’s my first name, but- uh, friends and family call me Camila, my middle name.”

“Alright then, Camila,” Dinah sends her another bright smile and Camila tries to replicate it, worried that she’s coming off as awkward and strange. It wouldn’t be the first time she did. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Camila replies, looking anywhere but Dinah. “Uh, who was that girl who was in here earlier?”

“Oh, my friend Normani,” Dinah says. “She’s a sophomore. I’ve known her since we were kids and thankfully through her I have a few friends here already.”

“That must be nice.” Camila comments. Friends are kind of alien to her. She’s never had any other than her little sister, and she’s pretty sure that Sofi doesn’t count. “I guess that makes you feel better about settling in?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Dinah flops down on her bed and stares at her last full box with distaste. “So, where are you from?”

“Originally from Cuba, but I grew up in Miami.” Camila is starting to find it a lot easier to talk to Dinah. The other girl doesn’t seem as intimidating as she initially did. “You?”

“I’m from Orange County.” Dinah replies. “I already kind of miss it. I have a big family so it’s a pretty quiet here compared to there.”

Camila nods, not sure how to reply. “That’s nice.”

“You want to go get something to eat? It’s like, eight, and you don’t look like you’ve moved since I left.” Dinah says, and Camila has to admit that she’s kind of right. “It’d be a good idea for us to find places close by.”

“Um…” Not wanting to alienate a potential friend and the person she has to share a room with for the next year, Camila nods. “Yeah. Sure, let’s- let’s go.”

Dinah seems to know where she’s going – she leads Camila out of their dorms and towards a car – for a moment Camila’s a little concerned about getting in a car with a stranger, but she doubts her roommate would take her out to a remote place and murder her.

(At least, she hopes.)

“I know this pizza place a little bit off campus,” Dinah tells her as she gets into the car. “This is my friend’s car, but she knows we’re borrowing it. I texted her and she said she’d meet us there since she’s nearby.”

Camila buckles herself in. “You mean the girl from before?”

“No, that’s Normani, this is Ally’s car,” Dinah tells her, “Ally’s a junior – she’s 22, but she took a year out after high school before coming here. I met her through Normani.”

“Oh,” Camila hums, not sure how she feels about meeting a new person. “Is she nice?”

“The nicest,” Dinah assures her, “Ally’s possibly the nicest person you’ll ever meet. Normani’s a little guarded at first, but she’s a softie deep down. You’ll be meeting her too.”

Great, two new people for me to embarrass myself in front of, Camila thinks. “Oh, okay.”

She stays silent for most of the car ride, letting Dinah tell her about her family and her childhood, humming and nodding at regular intervals, and her heart is beating out of her chest when they arrive at the pizza place and Dinah pulls her to a table with two girls already sat at it.

The shorter of the two sends her a bright smile and a wave, and Camila is a little comforted by that, guessing that’s Ally. The taller one, however, looks Camila over with a frown, and the Latina is incredibly intimidated by the way the girl’s brown eyes are sweeping over her in judgement. She guesses this one is Normani.

“Ally, Mani,” Dinah says as they sit down, “this is Camila Cabello. She’s my roommate.”

After a few moments of trying to find her voice, Camila supplies a quiet, “Nice to meet you.”

Normani smirks. “So you can talk.”

“I- um, yeah,” Camila stutters, not expecting that response, “I was just- um, watching TV. When you were in our room earlier.”

“Mani, be nice,” Ally nudges the taller girl, before turning to Camila with a bright, sunshiny smile, “It’s lovely to meet you, Camila. Where are you from?”

“Miami,” Camila responds, figuring she’s going to get that question a lot. “What about you?”

“Both Mani and I are from Texas. I met Dinah through her, because their moms were childhood best friends or something,” Ally explains, “so these two have known each other since birth, practically.”

“Oh, that’s…” Camila trails off, “I’ve heard that childhood friends generally drift apart, so it’s cool that you two have stuck together for so long. Especially with the distance.”

“Yeah, well,” Normani shrugs, “Dinah’s my best friend. Aren’t you going to keep in contact with your friends from home despite the distance?”

“Um…” Camila bites down on her bottom lip and shrugs. “I don’t really… have anyone at home to keep in touch with. Aside from my parents and little sister.”

The second the words come out of her mouth and she sees the way they all look at her in sympathy, she regrets them. Why the hell did she say that? They’re going to think she’s some friendless loser or some antisocial freak and hate her, and she was doing relatively well considering the circumstances.

“Well…” Dinah says after a moment’s silence, “I’m guessing you’re not just going to ignore your family despite the distance, are you?”

“I- um,” Camila shakes her head, “no. My sister would kill me if I did that.”

Ally beams. “How old is she?”

“She’s seven,” Camila says, “she always makes sure to tell people she’s seven and a half though.”

Normani, who seems to have softened up a little, actually smiles at her. “Yeah, I was like that as a kid too.”

Camila opens her mouth to reply, but she cuts herself off when the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen walks into the room, her gaze trained down at her phone. Camila stares at her with wide eyes, taking in the choppy brunette hair that falls to just above the girl’s breasts, which Camila tries too hard not to linger on. The black tank top that the girl is wearing is hugging her curves perfectly, and the ripped skinny jeans are tight in all the right places and–

“Mila?”

Camila jumps at Dinah’s voice, half surprised by the fact that she’s being spoken to and half surprised that she’s been given a nickname. “Um… yeah?”

Dinah smirks. “Enjoying the view?”

“I- um,” Camila shakes her head, fully aware that Normani and Dinah are smirking in amusement and Ally is sending them both stern glares. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Her name is Lauren,” Normani tells her, “she’s a sophomore, and don’t get your hopes up about anything, because she’s kind of… weird.”

When even Ally nods along at that, Camila frowns. “Really?”

“Really.” Dinah replies. “But there are plenty of other hot girls. Or guys, if you’re into both.”

“Oh,” Camila shrugs, because she’s not like she would’ve spoken to Lauren anyway. Pretty girls are intimidating as hell, and Camila is perfectly content just to stare a little before they walk away and she inevitably never sees them again. “Well, I don’t care. I wasn’t going to do anything anyway.”

By the time they get their pizzas and start eating, Camila has completely forgotten about Lauren.

-

Classes start, and Camila manages to fly under the radar in most of them. She doesn’t talk to anybody – just gets on with her work and listens to what the professors have to say. It’s not as terrifying as she thought it might be, and she has company in the form of Dinah, Normani and Ally.

She’s headed to her literature lecture when she bumps into someone and lands on her front, scraping her knee on the concrete.

(It wouldn’t be a normal week in Camila’s life if she didn’t embarrass herself at least once.)

“I’m so sorry,” Camila splutters out, trying to gather up her books in a hurry, “I wasn’t watching and I was-”

Camila cuts herself off when she looks up at the person she’d bumped into and recognises her as the girl from the pizza place last week. Laura or something, wasn’t it? Either way, the girl’s piercing green eyes are widened in terror, and she’s clenching the fingers on both hands, and Camila is kind of worried that she’s about to get punched.

“I’m honestly so sorry,” Camila continues her apology when the girl doesn’t meet her eyes and starts rocking on her heels. “I was just in a little bit of a hurry to get to my lit class, and… I wasn’t looking. Are you- are you okay?”

The girl squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head, and when Camila reaches out, jerks away and lets out a humming noise.

“I’m going to take that as a no.” Camila says, ignoring the stinging in her knee for the moment. “Do you need me to take you somewhere? I’m sure I can pretend to have gotten lost if I get to my class late.”

The girl’s eyes blink open, and for a second, they’re staring at each other, before the other girl runs past her and disappears down the road. After a few minutes of wondering about the strange encounter and thinking about the things her friends had said about the girl, she eventually shrugs it off and heads to her class.

She’s five minutes late, but by the time she’s settled down and started taking notes, she’s almost forgotten about the odd girl.

-

She’s grabbing lunch at the pizza place – she’s starting to frequent it on Fridays, when she has a free hour between classes – when she spots the girl she’d run into the other week, sat on a table by herself, chewing on a slice of pepperoni pizza.

Camila’s curiosity gets the better of her, and while she’s incredibly anxious when it comes to new people, this girl seems ten times more nervous than she is, and that’s kind of comforting to her. So, when she gets her pizza and goes to sit down, she takes a seat at the same table, across from her.

“Hi,” Camila announces her presence, watching as the girl jumps in surprise and starts squeezing the leg of a stuffed lion that’s on her lap. “I’m the idiot that bumped into you a few weeks ago, but I usually go by Camila. What’s your name?”

The girl starts humming again, and Camila isn’t sure what she’s said to get that kind of reaction. She doesn’t suck that much at talking to girls, does she?

After about a minute of the girl sat still in front of her, vibrant green eyes swimming with emotions but otherwise completely silent, she finally gets an answer to her question. “Lauren.”

That jogs Camila’s memory, and the younger girl smiles at the raspy voice. “It’s nice to meet you, Lauren.”

They eat in silence – Lauren doesn’t even say goodbye to her when she finishes her pizza and leaves – but Camila thinks that it’s nice to have company.

Later that day, when she’s getting coffee with Ally, she runs into Lauren as they’re walking back to her dorm to meet Dinah. This time, she doesn’t literally run into her, and she sends the nervous girl – who doesn’t even look up – a warm smile and calls out a little, “Hello, Lauren.”

She nearly doesn’t pick up on the small and stuttered, “Hi,” that Lauren replies with.

Once Lauren is out of earshot, Ally turns to her with a frown. “You’re friends with her?”

“I wouldn’t call us friends. She’s said a total of two words to me, but I think she’s just really shy and I’m not going to be a jerk to her,” Camila shrugs, “I get what it’s like to have people think you’re rude when you’re really just socially awkward.”

After a few moments of silence, Ally smiles. “That’s nice of you. Maybe you can introduce us.”

“Yeah,” Camila agrees with a grin, “maybe.”

-

The next time Camila sees Lauren, it’s in her literature lecture. She’s sat right at the back, her books on the desk in front of her and the stuffed lion she had at the pizza place in her lap. While Camila generally sits towards the middle, she changes her mind that day, and walks all the way up to the back row, plopping herself down in the empty seat next to Lauren.

“Hey, Lauren,” Camila greets her with a smile as she gets her notepad out. “I didn’t realise you were in this class. I guess I’m kind of oblivious though, since it’s been a month since we started.”

Lauren taps her fingers on the table and holds her stuffed lion closer. “Hi.”

Expecting the one word response, Camila just smiles and tests her pen on her paper, not having time to respond before class starts. When the lecture is over, however, she turns back to Lauren with a wide grin. “Do you want to go and get pizza again? It’s turning into a little routine for me, since I have a free hour after this class, and it was nice sitting with you last week, so… I figured maybe you’d want to join. It’s okay if you don’t want to or if you’re busy…”

Lauren blinks in surprise as she packs up her things, and glances up at Camila for a moment, bright green eyes shining with something that looks a lot like hope. Then, she answers Camila’s question with a curt nod, pulling her backpack onto her shoulders and tucking her stuffed lion under her arm.

When they arrive at the pizza place, Camila tells Lauren to go and find them a seat, and orders two pepperoni pizzas, since that’s what they’d had last time. Once she gets the pizzas and turns around, she sees Lauren sat in the place she was the week before, drumming on her legs with her hands.

Camila slides into the seat next to her and gives Lauren her pizza. “I figured you’d want pepperoni, since that’s what you had last week.”

Lauren bobs her head in reply, and Camila’s a little taken aback when the other girl starts rearranging the pepperonis into some sort of pattern, but she doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she eats her own food in silence, occasionally looking over at the other girl with a fond smile.

“Mila?”

Camila looks up in surprise while she’s in the middle of wiping her hands clean. “Oh, hey, DJ.”

Dinah glances to Lauren for a moment, but the other girl doesn’t look up. “Mani and I were passing by and saw you in here. Do you want to come see a movie with us?”

“I can’t, I have a class in half an hour,” Camila replies, not liking how Dinah is looking at Lauren, “and I’m kind of busy right now, anyway.”

“Okay, well,” Dinah shrugs, “See you tonight, I guess. Later, Mila.”

“Bye, Dinah,” Camila replies, watching as her friend heads out of the door. After a few moments, she turns around and catches Lauren’s eye, and the older girl ducks her head down, her cheeks searing red. “That was my roommate, Dinah. She’s kind of loud sometimes, but she’s a good friend. Do you have a roommate?”

After a few moments, Lauren shakes her head, and Camila frowns at her. If she was this sweet girl’s friend, she’d want to make sure she had company all the time.

“You live by yourself?” Camila asks, and her heart sinks a little bit when Lauren bobs her head in confirmation. “That must suck. I like having my own space, like my own bedroom and stuff, so having a roommate was a bit of an adjustment at first, but I wouldn’t want to live entirely by myself, if you get what I mean. Like, I loved living at home, because if I needed quiet time, I could just go to my room, and if I wanted company, I could go downstairs and hang out with my family.”

Lauren nods again and plays with her stuffed lion. Camila isn’t sure how to continue conversation with someone who won’t answer back, but she tries something else.

“So,” Camila chews on her bottom lip in thought, “where are you from?”

Lauren looks like she’s considering something, so Camila gives her a few moments to collect her thoughts. The younger girl beams when she gets an answer. “Miami.”

“Me too!” Camila answers a little too enthusiastically. “Well, originally, I’m from Cuba, but we moved to Miami when I was little, so I basically grew up there.”

Lauren’s next response comes out a lot quieter than the first one. “I’m- I’m Cuban too.”

“That’s so cool,” Camila smiles, “we already have a lot in common. We’re going to be great friends, I can already tell.”

Lauren’s head shoots up in surprise. “F-friends?”

“Well, yeah,” Camila laughs, but she’s a little worried about how surprised Lauren looks. “I wouldn’t have invited you to lunch if I didn’t want to be friends.”

“Oh,” Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, but Camila can see the smile on her face. “O-okay.”

“Yeah,” Camila smiles again and stretches, checking the time on her phone. “I should head off now, though. I’ve got a class. I’ll… see you around?”

Lauren nods and cuddles her stuffed lion to her chest. “Yes.”

“Okay,” Camila grabs her backpack and sends Lauren a smile. “Bye, Lauren.”

“Goodbye.” Lauren murmurs in response, and Camila can’t stop smiling all the way to her next class.

-

“Hey, Lauren,” Camila greets Lauren when she sees her sat in one of the campus coffee shops, “How are you?”

“Hi.” Lauren glances up at her for a moment and shrugs. “I- I am fine.”

“Good,” Camila smiles and sits down in the seat next to her. “I’m good too. Can I buy you a drink?”

Lauren frowns at her and taps the empty mug in front of her. “I- I have al- already had a drink.”

“Mila!” Normani calls her, holding up two mugs before she can reply. “We’re sitting over in the back.”

“Be there in a second,” Camila calls back, before turning back to Lauren. “I’ll buy you another drink, if you want. Then you can come and sit with me and my friends.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. Camila waits a little while for a verbal response, but she doesn’t get one. So, she presses a little more.

“Do you have a class or something?” Camila asks, and Lauren shakes her head again. So, the younger girl just sighs. “Do you just not like me? If that’s the case, I’ll stop bothering you.”

Lauren looks up at her with wide eyes and shakes her head. “I-I like you.”

At that, Camila’s expression softens. “Are you… nervous around new people? Because I understand that completely. Honestly, this is the first time where I’m the loud one, actually. I have social anxiety, so… I get it.”

When Lauren doesn’t reply, Camila tries something else. “Can I have your phone number?”

Lauren blinks up at her in surprise. “Why?”

“So I can text you,” Camila laughs, pushing her phone towards Lauren, open on the new contact screen, “and maybe we can hang out or something… outside of our random meetings around campus.”

Lauren puts her number in, and then pushes the phone back to Camila, standing up and pulling her backpack onto her shoulders, her stuffed lion tucked under her arm as usual. “Goodbye.”

“Bye, Lauren,” Camila smiles at her, “I’ll text you later.”

Lauren nods again, and turns and leaves without another word. Camila smiles after her, before getting up herself and walking over to the table Normani had said her friends were sat at. As she sits down and takes a sip of the latte she’d made Normani order for her – half because she’s messed up at a coffee shop before and half because she’d wanted to talk to Lauren – her friends look at her in surprise.

“Didn’t we tell you about her?” Normani is the first one to speak. “She’s really… weird.”

“She’s sweet,” Camila is quick to defend Lauren, “I think she’s just shy.”

“You’re shy, Mila,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “she’s on a whole other level.”

Camila shrugs. “You don’t know her. You can’t judge her.”

“Do you even know her?” Normani challenges. “Because you seemed like the only one talking.”

Camila just smiles down at the new contact in her phone, Lauren Jauregui. “I’m trying to know her. I think it’s going quite well.”

-

She spends about half an hour rewriting and deleting a text to Lauren, because she has no idea how to start a conversation with the other girl. She isn’t sure if she should add a smiley face, because she can’t decide if that comes off as sarcastic or passive aggressive, but eventually she just thinks fuck it and types something out, hitting send before she can change her mind.

Camila (8:37PM): hi lauren, it’s camila :)

When her message switches from delivered to read relatively quickly, Camila takes that as a good sign. Then, when she sees Lauren typing, she smiles even more.

Lauren (8:38PM): Hello, Camila. I am glad that you texted me, because I didn’t think you would.

Camila (8:38PM): why not, we’re friends and friends text each other

Lauren (8:39PM): I wasn’t sure if we were friends or not, you never said we were. You just said that we were going to be friends, but you didn’t tell me that we currently are friends.

Lauren (8:39PM): But I’m glad we are, because I like you. I think you’re very nice. :)

Camila (8:39PM): good i’m glad

Camila (8:39PM): i like you too

Camila (8:40PM): since tomorrow is Friday do you want to go for pizza again? it could be like our Friday thing

Camila (8:40PM): if you want

Lauren (8:40PM): I would love to, but we could get a delivery if you’d like and you could come to my apartment. We could watch a movie and ‘hang out’ like you said earlier.

Camila (8:41PM): okay new plan

Camila (8:41PM): we could go for coffee after our class and then i’ll come to your apartment later and we’ll order pizza and watch movies :)

Lauren (8:42PM): I like this plan a lot. Yes.

Lauren (8:42PM): What time will you arrive at my apartment? Or shall I pick you up from your dorm?

Camila (8:43PM): i’ll get there for six, you don’t need to pick me up

Camila (8:43PM): but i have one condition for you

Lauren (8:43PM): Okay. What is it?

Camila (8:43PM): you have to talk to me more okay?

Lauren (8:44PM): I can try, but it’s hard. I stutter lots when I’m nervous and I don’t want you to think I’m weird.

Camila (8:44PM): I don’t think you’re weird and even if i did i’m like 10x weirder than anyone

Camila (8:44PM): i don’t mind if you stutter so long as we get a little bit of conversation going

Camila (8:45PM): i wanna learn more about you

Lauren (8:45PM): You could ask me questions now, if you wanted to.

Camila (8:45PM): okay then what’s your middle name

Lauren (8:46PM): Michelle. What’s yours?

Camila (8:46PM): it’s camila hahaha, i use my middle name but my first name is karla

Camila (8:46PM): what’s your fav animal

Lauren (8:47PM): I love lions! I know so much about them, they’re so beautiful and such interesting animals. Like, did you know that lions can’t really survive in isolation because they rely on having a pride? Also, the female lions are the ones that do the hunting.

Camila (8:47PM): its cool that you know so much about them

Camila (8:47PM): my favourite animal is kind of boring actually, it’s just a cat hahah

Lauren (8:47PM): Our favourite animals are kind of related then, because I love a big cat and you love regular cats. I want to get a Bengal cat soon, my apartment building allows pets and I would really love some company. :)

Camila (8:48PM): i think that’d be cool and i’d love to meet your cat whenever you get one

Lauren (8:49PM): I am going to call my cat Nala, after the character from the Lion King. That’s my favourite movie and Nala is my favourite character.

Camila (8:49PM): my roommate dinah loves that! she actually has a stuffed simba but I’m not allowed to tell anyone that bc it might ruin her ‘rep’

Lauren (8:49PM): I have a Nala! I take her everywhere with me because she makes me feel better. Most people think it’s weird but I don’t really care because it makes me happy.

Camila (8:49PM): that’s a good mindset to have

Camila (8:50PM): i care way too much about what others think and you’re so unapologetically yourself

Camila (8:50PM): i admire that

Lauren (8:51PM): You’re really nice. :D

Camila (8:51PM): thx :) so I’ll see you tomorrow?

Lauren (8:51PM): Yes, see you tomorrow, Camila. I will send you directions to my apartment so you know how to get there. Goodnight.

Camila (8:52PM): night lauren

-

Camila has a smile on her face all day, and it’s apparently so out of character that Dinah, Normani and Ally all ask her about it. She shrugs them off, telling them she’s meeting with a friend tonight, and skips off to her classes.

When she arrives at her lit class, she sends Lauren the widest smile of the day. “Hey, Lo.”

Lauren blinks in confusion. “Lo?”

“Yep,” Camila nods in reply, “you’re Lo. That’s your new nickname.”

“Oh,” Lauren hums and then bobs her head, “okay.”

“You can think of one for me too, if you want,” Camila says, “most people call me Mila if they want a nickname. But I’m going to let you have full creative direction here.”

Lauren squeezes her stuffed Nala’s leg and hums in response. “Y-yes.”

Camila lets out a little laugh when their professor walks in. “You were so much more talkative last night.”

Lauren squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head, and Camila feels incredibly bad for eliciting that reaction. She opens her mouth to apologise, but Lauren beats her to it. “I-I am sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, Lo,” Camila smiles at her, “it’s my fault. We’ll ease you into the talking more. Okay?”

Lauren bobs her head in reply. “Okay.”

When class ends, Camila and Lauren walk to a nearby coffee shop and take a seat in the back, Camila ordering a latte and Lauren going for a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and whipped cream. Lauren doesn’t even have to order – the girl behind the counter notices her and starts making her order for her.

As they’re walking away with their drinks, the girl smiles at Lauren. “Later, Lauren.”

“Bye, Alexa,” Lauren murmurs in reply, following Camila towards the table.

Once she’s sat down, Camila frowns. “Who’s that girl?”

Lauren sips on her drink. “Alexa.”

Camila frowns even more. “How do you know her?”

“She- she works here,” Lauren says, breaking in half the cookie she’d bought. “I- I met her l-last year.”

“Is she your friend?” Camila asks, because if she is, Camila is going to give her a few words about how she probably needs to be a better friend if Lauren’s alone most of the time.

Lauren shakes her head. “She- she just knows… my- my order.”

“Oh,” Camila says, absently stirring her drink, “you come here a lot?”

Lauren nods in reply. “I-I like it. Quiet.”

“I like the quiet too,” Camila agrees, “I can’t really escape the loud in my dorm room though. My roommate always has a speaker on.”

“Tell- tell her to shut up.” Lauren murmurs, and Camila can’t help but laugh, because that’s the most adorable shut up she’s ever heard. “It’s- it’s not funny.”

“No, it’s just- you’re cute,” Camila smiles and bites down on her bottom lip. “Did you have an annoying roommate last year?”

“Um,” Lauren nods and starts rubbing her hand along her leg, “she did- didn’t like me.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Well, she’s an idiot, then. Because you’re the best.”

Lauren blushes. “I am?”

“You are,” Camila confirms, reaching across the table and squeezing Lauren’s hand. She tries not to be offended when Lauren pulls away like she’s just been burned. “Besides, it’s not like you’re living with her now. And trust me, if you point her out to me, she’s going to get a Camila Cabello revenge plot hatched against her.”

Lauren hums. “You- you were with her. The day… the day you asked for- for my number.”

“Normani?” Camila blinks in surprise when Lauren nods. “Well… I’ll have a little talk with her. If you want.”

Lauren’s bright green eyes widen and she shakes her head quickly. “Don’t care anymore.”

“Okay then,” Camila sends her a comforting smile, “but I will defend you if she says anything about our friendship.”

Lauren beams. “We’re friends. Yes. Are- are you still-”

“Coming over to your apartment?” Camila finishes for her. “Yeah. It’s not too far from my dorms, actually, so I’m going to walk there.”

Lauren taps out a pattern on the table. “I will meet you halfway.”

Realising that’s the first sentence that Lauren’s spoken to her without stuttering, Camila smiles. “Okay then. I’ll be setting off at quarter to six, and then we can order pizza when we get back to your place.”

Lauren nods and sips on her drink. “Okay.”

-

It’s half past five, and Camila is kind of a mess.

She’s been rifling through her closet, not at all sure about what she wants to wear. She doesn’t know if she’s supposed to look casual or try to impress Lauren; what she does know is that she wants to look good for her.

“Mila,” Dinah finally gets up from her bed, “I thought you were just getting pizza with a friend.”

“A beautiful friend,” Camila argues, “and I’m going to her apartment and I don’t know what to wear because maybe I want her to be more than a friend.”

Dinah frowns at her. “What’s her name?”

Camila just rolls her eyes and picks out a few more shirts, shaking her head when none of them are right. “That doesn’t matter.”

“You’re not dating that Lauren chick, are you?” Dinah asks after a moment’s pause. “Because she’s-”

“I’m not dating Lauren, but I am hanging out with her tonight, so please keep your derogatory commentary to yourself.” Camila is quick to interrupt. “She’s a sweetheart and we’re just hanging out to watch movies and eat pizza.”

“Okay, look,” Dinah interrupts, grabbing the pair of jeans Camila has settled on and holding it just out of her reach. Damn her height. “I need to tell you this before you get invested. She was Normani’s roommate last year, and she was just plain psycho. Like, Mani genuinely thought she was going to snap and murder her-”

“Look, I know you mean well, but really, have you ever thought that Normani maybe judged her too harshly?” Camila interrupts again. “Because she’s super shy, and Mani can be intimidating when she wants to be.”

Dinah rolls her eyes and tosses the jeans back to Camila. “Fine, get murdered, whatever. But if you’re going to a psychopath’s lair, wear that red plaid shirt. You look good in that.”

“Thank you, DJ,” Camila picks out the shirt and looks at the clothes she’s dumped on the floor. “I’m going to clean this up later. Lauren’s probably already set off to meet me. I’ll be back by half past ten.”

“Later,” Dinah sends her another eye roll as Camila pulls her shoes on and runs out of the door.

Camila is still kind of running – an awkward half-jog, really – when she literally bumps into Lauren. “Hi. We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

Lauren just frowns and plays with the drawstrings on her hoodie. “Hello. You- you look cold.”

Camila looks down at herself and cringes when she realises she’d rushed out without a coat on. “I am cold. I’m the idiot who ran out without her coat.”

Lauren pulls her coat off and holds it out to Camila. “Wear that. I- I have this on anyway,” she gestures to her hoodie, “so… I will- will share.”

Camila pulls Lauren’s coat on with a smile, beaming at how warm it is and how Lauren’s comforting scent is almost stitched into it. “Thanks. This is super comfy.”

Lauren smiles to herself, and stays mostly silent through the walk back to her apartment, aside from some random intervals where she starts humming a tune – none of which Camila recognise.

When they arrive back at Lauren’s apartment, Camila gets herself comfortable on the couch. “Your place is super tidy.”

“I- I like tidy,” Lauren murmurs, sitting down next to Camila. “Tidy environment equals a tidy mind.”

“I guess that’s why my room is messy as hell,” Camila laughs, “it doesn’t help that I’m rooming with Dinah too, she’s as messy as me.”

“I cannot be around mess,” Lauren mumbles, tapping out a pattern on her leg. “It gives me a headache.”

“I guess you won’t be coming back to my room for a while, then,” Camila smiles and nudges her slightly, and Lauren shuffles away from her. “Don’t worry, I’ll tidy it if I know you’re coming over. I’ll even make Dinah tidy her side.”

“Yes,” Lauren nods and reaches onto the coffee table to grab her laptop. “Let’s- um, let’s order. Pizza, I mean.”

Camila smiles. “Just a pepperoni for me. I’ve brought the cash, so-”

“N-no,” Lauren interrupts her, blushing profusely when it hits her that she’d just cut in. “I’m- I’m paying for us both.”

“You don’t need to do that, Lo,” Camila is quick to assure her, “I have the money. I know I’m a freshman and it’s kind of assumed that all freshmen go out to parties every night and spend all their money on liquor, but I promise you I can afford pizza. You’re the one who pays rent in this apartment all by yourself and-”

“I- my parents… cover that,” Lauren quietly interjects, “because they know I need… it doesn’t- I want to buy you pizza.”

Camila lets out a long sigh. “Fine. You can pay, as long as I get an apartment tour. Because I’m kind of nosy and I want to look around.”

Lauren sends her a shy smile, and Camila feels her heart melt. “Okay.”

It doesn’t take long for Lauren to order the pizzas – two pepperonis and a mini garlic bread for them to share – and Camila still tries to persuade the older girl to let her go halfsies, but Lauren refuses. Then, while they’re waiting for their food to be delivered, Lauren gives her the apartment tour.

She gestures towards the couch they were just sat on and around it, at the coffee table, television and the little house plants. “Um… this is the lounge area… then the kitchen is- is over there.”

Camila follows her gaze and turns around to look to the right of the front door, where the kitchen is. And no surprise, it’s also incredibly tidy. “It’s nice.”

“Then there’s,” Lauren starts walking and Camila is quick to follow her past the little dining table and into a small corridor where there are three doors; one to her left, right and straight ahead. She opens up the right door and switches the light on. “There’s the bathroom here. It’s- it’s not very interesting. Then, uh-” Lauren skips the door straight ahead of them and opens up the room on the far end. “This is my bedroom.”

Camila watches as Lauren flicks on a light to an impeccably tidy room. Lauren’s double bed is neatly made and against the far corner of the room, some fairy lights by the headboard that aren’t switched on. She has a bookcase that’s also incredibly tidy – Camila’s already guessing that it’s alphabetically ordered or something – and her bedside table is organised with a little lamp, whatever book Lauren is reading at the moment and a bottle of water on a Star Wars coaster.

She has a desk pushed up by the window, where her laptop is left dormant and a few school books – art history, Camila notes – are left open. There’s something that looks suspiciously like a sketchbook, but Camila doesn’t want to pry in case that’s something Lauren likes to keep private.

Her closet doors are closed, but Camila guesses that it’s also extremely neat. Lauren really must have a tidy mind if her environment is like this. No wonder I’m crazy, Camila thinks when she remembers the mess of clothes she’d left in her room.

“Is that your family?” Camila asks when she notices the picture on the wall of four people and Lauren. When the older girl nods, Camila smiles. “You all look really happy. Are you guys close?”

“I- um, yes,” Lauren bobs her head in reply, “My parents are- are very happy and they love me a lot. Their names are Mike and Clara. My brother is called Chris and my sister is called Taylor. I’m- I’m the oldest. Then Chris, then Tay. They’re both still in high school.”

As they leave Lauren’s bedroom and the older Latina turns the light off, Camila stops her before she can walk back towards the lounge. “Wait. You never showed me that room in front of us.”

“I- oh,” Lauren flushes, and for a moment, Camila thinks oh god maybe Dinah’s right and that’s where she’s going to butcher me because she’s practically a stranger and- “That’s- that’s the spare… spare bedroom. I… my parents assumed that I’d- that I’d move in with a friend… but- but…”

After a few moments of silence, Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. “It’s just… storage.”

Before Lauren can say anything, Camila opens the door and finds the light switch. The room is practically empty other than a double bed frame and mattress, and a few boxes that Camila thinks Lauren had probably put in there after moving in.

With that, Camila switches the light off and closes the door. “I like your room better.”

“I…” Lauren trails off and points towards the couch. “Do you- do you want to sit back down?”

“Okay,” Camila sends her a comforting smile, and blurts out the question on her mind as they sit back down on the couch, Lauren keeping her distance. “Why didn’t someone move in with you?”

Lauren blinks in surprise. “I- um, I- I don’t… I don’t have- I-”

Camila reaches over and tries to squeeze Lauren’s hand reassuringly, but if anything, that pushes the older girl further away. Lauren screws her eyes shut and starts tapping against the couch, and Camila tries a different approach. “I’m sorry, Lo. I shouldn’t have asked something like that. Clearly it’s personal and-”

“I don’t have any friends,” Lauren gets out, so quickly that the words all blur together, but it doesn’t take much for Camila to untangle them.

“Lauren,” Camila bites down on her bottom lip and wills the tears not to come out, because while she’d figured Lauren wasn’t exactly the most social person around – like herself – she thought she’d have someone. It hurts, to find out that someone as sweet as Lauren doesn’t have anyone other than her family, who are so far away in Miami. “Can I give you a hug?”

Lauren shakes her head quickly and keeps her eyes shut. “I don’t- I don’t like being touched by- by people I’m not- that I don’t know well.”

“Okay, no hugs. I can do that,” Camila nods her head and tries to think of something else. “Where’s your lion?”

“Nala?” Lauren opens her eyes for a moment, but doesn’t look at Camila. “She’s- she’s in my- my room.”

“Okay,” Camila stands up and darts into Lauren’s room, picking the stuffed lion up from the other girl’s bed. Then, she runs back into the lounge and hands the older girl her toy. “There. Does that… make things better?”

Lauren nods, and sends Camila a weak smile. “Yes.”

“I’m just going to apologise now,” Camila says after a few moments of silence, “I’m used to hugging people to make them feel better, so I’m sorry if I forget and try to touch you to make you feel a little better. It’s kind of like, instinct with me. Mostly because I give my little sister hugs all the time when she scrapes her knee or something.”

Lauren looks up in interest. “You… you have a little sister?”

“I do,” Camila smiles proudly, “Her name is Sofia, but I call her Sofi. She’s seven.”

“That’s… that’s cute,” Lauren cracks a smile and Camila can’t help but beam back. “Do you have any pets?”

“Nope,” Camila shakes her head, “I mean, I had a goldfish when I was like, ten, but it died when trying to pull a Nemo on me and escape. It swam into the filter.”

“Oh,” Lauren seems to deflate a little, and before Camila can ask her if she’s come up with any plans to get a kitten yet, Lauren beats her to talking, “Why- why do you want to- to be my friend?”

Camila shrugs. “Because I like you.”

“No- but,” Lauren shakes her head, “why do you like me?”

“I don’t really have a reason,” Camila replies, “I just… like you. I think you’re kind and sweet and I want to get to know you more.”

“I- I know people say mean things about me.” Lauren murmurs, and Camila feels her heart break twenty times over. “But- but they’re not true. I’m- I’m not bad.”

“I know you’re not, Lo,” Camila smiles, “if you liked hugs, this is where I’d give you one. I think you’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met, and I don’t care what people say about you, because I know that you’re genuinely nice. They don’t know you, so how could their rumours be anything more than rumours.”

“I’m- I’m not,” Lauren’s fingers run across Nala, “I’m not crazy.”

“Oh, trust me,” Camila laughs, “I’m the crazy one in this room. Like, seriously. People think I’m really quiet, but the second they get to know me it’s like when will she ever shut up?”

“I- I don’t think that,” Lauren murmurs, “I like it when you talk.”

“Good,” Camila catches Lauren’s eye and smiles, “because seriously, Lauren. I never shut up.”

Lauren goes to reply, but there’s a knock on the door, and Camila’s stomach growls on cue, because the pizza is there, and other than bananas, there’s nothing Karla Camila Cabello loves more than pizza. So, she jumps off the couch and collects the pizzas, handing the guy the cash Lauren had put aside.

(She contributes the tip when she knows Lauren isn’t looking.)

Then, once she’s settled back down on the couch and passed Lauren her pizza, Camila opens up Netflix as Lauren starts rearranging her pepperonis into some sort of pattern again. “So, Lauren… have you ever seen Zombieland?”

That’s what they settle on watching. And then when that’s finished, she’s determined to introduce Lauren to The Dictator. And then the Scary Movie franchise.

Halfway through Scary Movie 2, Camila falls asleep.

-

She wakes up the next day with a warm knitted blanket covering her and two pillows tucked under her head.

Naturally, when she has no idea where she is, she nearly freaks out, but then the night before comes back to her and she remembers that she’d come over to spend time with Lauren, and in between a few movies she must’ve dozed off.

She finds her phone in her jeans pocket – remind her never to sleep in jeans again – and realises that yeah, it’s 4:30AM, and she has four texts and two missed calls from Dinah.

DJ (10:45PM): i would b concerned about u but ur always late to everything so if ur not back by 11:30 im calling the police on ur serial killer friend

DJ (11:31PM): ok WHERE ARE U MILA

11:37 - (Missed call from DJ)

11:40 - (Missed call from DJ)

DJ (11:41PM): ANSWER UR DAMN PHONE WHEN I CALL

DJ (12:03AM): ok i have a 9am spinner class at the gym tomorrow so i need to sleep but if ur not back by the morning i’m gonna go all fbi on ur lil creepy girlfriend’s ass

After reading the texts through, Camila rolls her eyes and types out a decent response.

Mila (4:32AM): okay 1) lauren isn’t creepy or a serial killer or my girlfriend stop calling her that and 2) i’m fine i fell asleep mid movie and i guess lauren couldn’t wake me up

Once she’s reassured Dinah she’s okay, Camila stands up and stretches, the blanket falling off her. She rubs at her eyes and fumbles around in the darkness a little before turning her phone torch on. While Lauren’s couch was okay to sleep on for the time she did, she can already feel a pain in her back. So, she decides it might be a better idea to curl up on top of the mattress in Lauren’s spare room with the blanket and the pillows she has.

It won’t be the best night’s sleep she’s ever had, but it’s better than staying on the couch.

She’s halfway there when a door swings open and a very tired Lauren Jauregui walks into the hallway, stopping in her tracks when she sees her. “Oh. Camila.”

“Hey, Lo,” Camila sends her a small smile. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t coming to creep on you or anything. I just woke up and I figured curling up on the mattress in your spare room would be more comfortable than staying on the couch, so…”

“Oh, I- I was just… going to the bathroom,” Lauren points to the door in front of her, “but you could… stay in my room. If you wanted. I’ll take the spare bed… even though it’s kind of just a mattress on a bed frame, which is exactly why I don’t want you to-”

“Lauren, it’s fine,” Camila laughs, “I’ll survive the night and I’m not going to kick you out of your bed.”

“Well… I mean, it’s a double,” Lauren observes, “so you could… take the left side. If you wanted. I sleep on the right… and it’s not- if it’d be awkward then-”

“Alright,” Camila agrees after a few moments of consideration. “Sure. Left side of your bed it is.”

“Okay.” Lauren gestures towards the bathroom. “I’m just going to- um, you can just go in and get comfy…”

Camila smiles in reply and heads into Lauren’s room, using her phone torch to help her through the unfamiliar environment. She takes her jeans off and stays in the sweater Lauren had given her earlier and her underwear, before she finally settles down and climbs into Lauren’s bed on the left side, nestling her head into the pillow and feeling Lauren’s comforting scent embrace her like a warm hug.

Eventually, she feels the bed sink under added weight, and she turns on her side to look at Lauren. “Thanks for not kicking me out when you wanted to go to sleep.”

Lauren lets out a little laugh, and Camila decides that it’s the best sound she’s ever heard. “You looked peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Camila laughs. “What time did I fall asleep?”

“Um… around ten.” Lauren tells her. “You said we could squeeze in one more movie and then you- you were asleep within five minutes. Your phone beeped a little while after, but I didn’t look at it because I- I didn’t want to invade. On your privacy, I mean.”

“It was just my roommate, Dinah,” Camila says, “she was kind of worried because I said I’d be back by half past ten. I’ve replied to her, though. Told her that I fell asleep. She was worried I’d been kidnapped or murdered on my way home. She kind of has an overactive imagination.”

Lauren frowns. “I would’ve walked you home to- to make sure you got there safe.”

“You wouldn’t have had to do that,” Camila is happy that Lauren was planning on doing that; just more proof that Lauren’s the sweetest person to ever exist. “Who would’ve made sure you’d get back here safe, huh?”

Lauren blushes and shrugs. “I- I don’t know.”

“Exactly. I have an annoying roommate who could’ve met me and walked back with me,” Camila points out, “it’d be my fault if you walked me home and then got kidnapped or murdered yourself.”

“Is she really annoying?” Lauren asks. “Your roommate, I mean. You always call her that.”

“Dinah’s probably my best friend,” Camila replies, “and I’ve only know her for like, a month, but we’re so close already, and I think part of that is living together. But then… I do miss having my own space, somewhere that I can go to… recharge, I guess. The most annoying thing is when I’m trying to study and she constantly has her speaker on. Living with Dinah is like a constant party, and sometimes I think I’d prefer to be away from that.”

“Well, I…” Lauren blushes again, “you could come here. When you need quiet or if you need to study.”

“I couldn’t do that,” Camila shrugs her off, noticing the disappointment in Lauren’s eyes straight away. “I wouldn’t want to intrude on you.”

“No, it’s- it’s okay,” Lauren tells her, “you wouldn’t be. You could just come, sit at the table and study, and I’m not- I’m not loud. I won’t interrupt you… you could come here for quiet.”

“Only if you’re sure,” Camila says, smiling when Lauren sends her an enthusiastic nod. “Okay then.”

“I will-” Lauren cuts herself off with a yawn. “I will give you a key tomorrow. So you can come whenever.”

“I… thanks, Lo,” Camila smiles; Lauren’s already dropping back off to sleep. “Sweet dreams.”

Lauren yawns again. “Goodnight.”

-

Camila uses her key to Lauren’s five days later. It’s a Wednesday night, and she’s trying her hardest to study, but Dinah and Normani are having some kind of dance party and pre-drinking for a party they’re going to, so she packs up her textbooks and laptop and heads over to Lauren’s.

(She packs some pyjamas in case she falls asleep, too.)

When she gets to Lauren’s, the apartment is lit up as usual, and Lauren is curled up on her couch in her PJ’s, some light music in the background as she reads through a book. As Camila walks in, Lauren looks up in surprise, before her face breaks out into a smile. “Hi.”

“Hey, Lo,” Camila shrugs her backpack off her shoulders. “Mind if I study here?”

“It’s okay,” Lauren replies, “the- uh, the dining table is clear, so you can… study there. If you need a drink or anything… help yourself.”

“Okay.” Camila settles down at the table and gets her things out, starting out on her essay for the history class she’d picked on a whim.

She’s honestly surprised by the amount of work she gets done at Lauren’s. The older girl doesn’t bother her once, and the light instrumental music in the background is a big change from the loud music from Dinah’s speaker. She gets almost all of her homework for the next two weeks done, and when she finally closes her laptop and textbooks, Lauren glances up at her with a smile, the reading glasses she’s wearing falling to the tip of her nose.

“Are you finished?” Lauren asks, and Camila replies with a nod and a yawn. “It’s eleven thirty… and I don’t want you walking back at this time.”

Camila nods and grabs her backpack. “Don’t worry, I prepared for this. I brought pyjamas in case of emergency. I’ll take the couch-”

“I made the bed in the spare room…” Lauren interrupts her. “In case… you stayed over again. So you can have your own space.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” Lauren nods and taps out a pattern on her leg. “I- I figured you should be comfortable… and I had a spare duvet and pillows, so I made the bed in case- so you could have your own space, like you said you liked.”

“Again, this is where I’d usually hug you,” Camila points out with a smile, “You’re so sweet, Lo.”

Lauren blushes. “I- um, thanks. You can… you can go in there and get changed… if you want.”

“Alright,” Camila grabs her laptop and textbooks, putting them back into her backpack. Then, she pulls out her phone charger, which she’d brought with her just in case, and hopes that there’s a plug socket somewhere near the bed so she can go on her phone throughout the night.

Once she opens the door to the spare room, she’s a little surprised about how different it looks. Lauren had done a lot more than just make the bed; she’d tidied away the boxes that had been taking up space on the floor, clearly vacuumed the carpet, hung some more fairy lights and brought in a bedside table.

Camila gets changed, actually folding her clothes and putting them away in her backpack, before finding a power outlet for her phone and laptop chargers. She leaves them charging and heads back out into the lounge, not sure if Lauren’s headed to bed yet.

The older girl is still sat on the couch, reading her book. When Camila walks back into the room, Lauren looks up with a smile again, not meeting her eyes as usual. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Camila settles down on the couch next to Lauren, “you kind of did more than make the bed, Lo.”

“I- uh,” Lauren blushes again, “I thought- maybe it’d be a good idea. To have a guest room. I mean, I would’ve done that if- if one of my family members were coming, and- and you’re a guest and because you live close by, it’s more- more likely that you’ll come over. So I thought I’d just… do that.”

Camila smiles, but decides to change the subject slightly. “When do your family visit?”

“I- um, around Halloween,” Lauren murmurs, “Last year they- they stayed in a hotel, because… because I was in the dorms. But this year they can all stay here. My- my parents can take the guest room, and this couch folds out into a sofa bed, so… my siblings can share that.”

“Do you think maybe I could meet them?” Camila asks. “When they come here, I mean. I don’t want to intrude or anything, but… I’d like to meet them.”

“I- um, if…” Lauren frowns, “I mean- you can if that’s what you want. I don’t know why you want to, though.”

“Because they’re your family and they clearly make you really happy,” Camila points out, “and I’m your friend. You can meet my family, too. Oh! We could travel back to Miami together for winter break, and you can meet my little sister! Sofi really wants to come up here before winter break starts, because she’s never seen snow before and she really wants to, so maybe if my parents bring her here, you can join us and we’ll make snowmen together.”

“Sure…” Lauren nods in response, “I would like to meet your little sister, and- and we can get a plane back to Miami together. If you want.”

“I’d love that,” Camila grins, “it’d be great to have company on the flight. And we can see each other over winter break, too. That’d be great.”

Lauren frowns at her. “You’d want to see me over Christmas?”

“Yeah!” Camila laughs, because if her enthusiastic planning wasn’t making that obvious, clearly she needs to. “I don’t have any friends back home, but now I do. We could have a Christmas movie marathon.”

Lauren smiles. “Okay then. That’s- that’s good. Anyway, I’m- um, I’m getting really tired… so I think I’m going to go to bed. You can help yourself to anything in the kitchen if you get hungry or thirsty in the night.”

“What time is your first class tomorrow?” Camila asks. “Maybe we can walk to campus together.”

“Oh, I don’t- I have a day off on Thursday,” Lauren says, “and Mondays, too. My major has really low contact hours… same with my electives.”

Lucky you, Camila thinks. She only has one free day a week – also Mondays, thank god – but Lauren only has three days of classes? Talk about luck. “What’s your major?”

“Art,” Lauren is quick to reply, “it’s- it’s my favourite thing.”

“I saw the sketchbook in your room when you gave me the apartment tour,” Camila says, “so I figured you probably did something like that. I bet you’re really good.”

“Yes, I am very talented,” Lauren agrees with her, and Camila smiles at her bluntness. “Anyway… goodnight, Camila. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Night, Laur,” Camila stands up and sends the older girl a grin. “Thanks for letting me stay over.”

Lauren smiles back as she heads towards her room. “You’re welcome any time. I wouldn’t have given you a key otherwise.”

Again, Camila is overcome by a huge urge to pull Lauren into a hug before she goes to bed, but she settles for a smile and a little wave as she heads into the guest room. The bed is incredibly comfy – ten times comfier than the one in her dorm – and the fact that it’s a double makes Camila even happier, because she can spread out as much as she wants. Also, she’s super glad that she won’t be woken up by Dinah stumbling in at god knows what time in the morning after the party she’s going to tonight.

-

Camila isn’t woken up by her alarm.

Nope, she’s woken up by Lauren Jauregui and a plate full of bacon, eggs and toast.

“Good morning, Camila,” Lauren greets her. “I- I made you breakfast. I wasn’t sure what time your classes start today, but it’s currently ten in the morning. It’s okay for you to eat in here, just try not to get any crumbs on the bed.”

Camila rubs at her eyes and sits up, frowning at the tray Lauren puts in her lap. “You didn’t have to make me breakfast.”

“I know,” Lauren rocks on her heels, “I wanted to. I felt like… like it’d be a nice wake up call.”

“You’re so sweet,” Camila’s stomach flips at Lauren’s words, “Thank you so much, Lauren.”

“You’re welcome.” Lauren taps her fingers against her sweatpants. “You’re not late for class, are you?”

“Actually, yeah,” Camila laughs, “My first class starts at nine, then my second at ten, and my last class is at one. I guess I could make it to that one if I wanted to.”

“I would’ve woken you up earlier, but I only just woke up at half past nine,” Lauren says, not meeting Camila’s gaze, “did you forget to set your alarm?”

“I guess so,” Camila says, picking up her knife and fork and cutting into the bacon. “Thank you for making me this though. You’re a really good friend.”

Lauren blushes, and Camila kind of wonders if Lauren would be a really good girlfriend too. But, she pushes that thought aside, because she doesn’t even know if Lauren likes girls.

After a few moments of silence, Lauren speaks up. “I- I am going to go back into the lounge now and eat my breakfast. You can stay in bed as long as you want, I won’t bother you-”

“You could never bother me,” Camila smiles, “I’ll come and eat with you.”

Camila follows Lauren into the lounge, and they settle down on the couch. Lauren finishes eating a slice of toast and then speaks up. “Did you have a good night’s sleep?”

“I did,” Camila confirms, “it was kind of amazing, actually. A super comfy bed and getting woken up with bacon? Honestly, don’t be surprised if I just show up one day and move in.”

Not picking up on her joking tone, Lauren shrugs. “I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

Camila smiles to herself, glad to know that she’s welcome in Lauren’s home. “I love hanging out with you here. Do you mind if I come over on Saturday? There’s going to be a party near my dorm and I doubt I’ll be able to get much sleep…”

“You can come over any time.” Lauren says. “I already told you that. You can come at dinner time, if you want. I’m going to order Chinese food.”

“Okay,” Camila agrees, “we can have another movie marathon. Or maybe binge a TV show.”

“I would like that,” Lauren murmurs, “I like having your company. It’s a nice… change.”

Camila frowns. “From living alone?”

“From… from being alone in general,” Lauren mumbles, “I’ve never really… had a friend before. Other than my family. And I… I was so scared about coming to college last year because I knew that it’d be… hard for me. To be away from my family and the only people I’ve ever really known. I- I was homeschooled in elementary school and middle school. And then- um, I went… I went to a private school for freshman year, but… after that I went back into homeschooling up until I graduated, so…”

“Why were you homeschooled?” Camila blurts out without realising. “Sorry, that’s kind of a personal question. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just… you’re really smart, so…”

“I- I’m,” Lauren cuts herself off with a sigh, “I’m not being… honest with you. About me.”

Camila’s eyes widen. “Oh god, you’re not dying or something, are you?”

“No, no,” Lauren shakes her head and closes her eyes, “can you promise me you won’t… think I’m weird. If I tell you this?”

“Lo, are you-” Camila doesn’t want to make assumptions, but this whole situation feels incredibly familiar, when she was in Lauren’s position, “are you coming out to me? Are you gay?”

“No,” Lauren looks up at her in surprise, before her gaze lands on the house plant by the TV, “well, I mean, I’m bisexual, but that’s not… that’s not it.”

“Oh, well, I mean,” Camila shrugs, trying to ignore the way her heart soars. “I’m gay, so I’m not going to judge. Promise.”

“It’s not that,” Lauren squeezes her eyes shut and hums, “I don’t want you to- to go away. To think I’m bad and leave me. Because you’re my friend and I don’t- I hate being alone but it’s so hard to talk to people-”

“Lauren, I-” Camila cuts her off, pretty sure she understands what Lauren means, “I have social anxiety too. I totally understand that.”

“It’s not- I don’t have social anxiety,” Lauren mumbles, “But promise me. Promise me you won’t leave.”

Camila sends Lauren the most comforting smile she can muster, although she’s a little stumped as to what Lauren could be talking about. “I promise I won’t leave. You can trust me.”

“I- I,” Lauren stutters and rubs her hand along her leg. “I’m autistic.”

“Right…” Camila trails off, not sure how to respond to that. “And… what does that mean? Like, I know what it is, but how does it… affect you?”

“Well- I, um, it’s… it affects me a lot socially,” Lauren tells her, “like I- I don’t know what people mean a lot of the time. I don’t understand sarcasm… sometimes I say things that come off as rude, but I don’t mean them to be like that. I think that’s why Normani didn’t like me, because- because I was just being honest but said things that weren’t- they came off wrong. Sometimes I can’t- I can’t talk to new people at all. It’s like something kind of disconnects in my head and I can’t say anything to them, and then they think I’m weird. I think- I think I said five sentences to Normani at the most, and I lived with her for a year. And- and I have little ticks. I think they annoyed her too. And I need quiet. My sensory input is- is different to yours. That’s why I don’t- why touching is hard for me unless I really trust someone and loud noises can make things too much and then I go into sensory overload, which is kind of like a panic attack but… not.”

“Okay,” Camila takes the information in, “okay. So… panic attacks, I can… understand, in a way. I’m sorry, I really don’t know much about it. I thought only boys had autism.”

“That’s- that’s a myth,” Lauren says, “I mean, it’s more… common in boys. Four out of five people with autism are male, but… that’s a myth. Because I’m a girl, and I have it.”

“Alright, well,” Camila pauses in thought, “I’m going to look some things up about it. Educate myself. So I can be a better friend to you.”

Lauren blinks in surprise. “You want to educate yourself?”

“Yeah,” Camila laughs, “that’s what I said. I don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable or upset you, so I think… researching autism would help me understand you better.”

“I- thank you,” Lauren looks at her with wide eyes, “I never- nobody has ever done that before. Most people… leave when they realise something is different, and autism is demonised in society…”

“You’re my friend, Lo,” Camila smiles, “I want you to be yourself, and this is a part of you. You’re still the same Lauren to me and I adore you even more for trusting me with this.”

Lauren is still for a moment, staring down at her hands in her lap, before she practically launches herself at Camila and buries her face in the younger girl’s neck. “Thanks, Camz.”

Camila’s heart flutters at the nickname and she wraps her arms around Lauren protectively. “It’s okay, Laur.”

-

Camila is cuddled up on her bed, scrolling through webpage after webpage on autism, when Dinah flops down next to her. “You’ve been doing that all day. Why are you reading about that? You’re not doing a psychology class.”

“I know I’m not,” Camila says, opening up another page in a separate tab, “this is… pleasure research.”

She knows it’s a bad lie when she hears it. “Pleasure research? Since when did you do that? If you’re not in class or hanging out with your psycho girlfriend, you’re sat here on Tumblr.”

“Don’t call her psycho,” Camila snaps, “and Lauren isn’t my girlfriend. She’s just a friend.”

“Are you doing this for her?” Dinah asks with a frown. When Camila is silent – mostly because she’s trying to think of a decent lie – the taller girl’s eyes widen. “You are. That’s it, isn’t it? She has autism and you’re googling it so you can show her how much you know and then fuck her brains out.”

“Dinah,” Camila slams her laptop closed and tries to push Dinah off her bed. It doesn’t work, mostly because Camila’s seven year old sister is stronger than her and could take her in a fight. “Lauren is my friend, and I don’t want to ‘fuck her brains out’ as you so eloquently put it. And second of all, it’s not my place to tell you things like that. Lauren’s business is her business.”

“So that’s a yes, basically,” Dinah replies, shoving her back, “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Camila raises an eyebrow. “What part of Lauren is just a friend don’t you understand?”

“No, not that,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “even though that’s a lie and you clearly have the hots for her, why didn’t you tell me she’s autistic?”

“Because that’s her business,” Camila is quick to reply, “and I’m neither confirming nor denying it.”

Dinah huffs. “Can I meet her? Like, properly?”

Camila narrows her eyes. “Five minutes ago, you were calling her a psycho and being a total bitch about my friend.”

“Yeah, but now I know that it’s not just because she’s a bitch,” Dinah points out, “because while you’re neither confirming nor denying things, you suck at lying. And clearly there’s something likeable about her since you’re so heart eyes, and being your best friend, I need to check her out.”

“I’m not-” Dinah sends Camila a sceptical look, and the Latina rolls her eyes, “fine, okay, maybe I like Lauren as more than a friend. But I don’t know if she’d be comfortable meeting you, so I’ll have to text her.”

“Go on, then,” Dinah nudges her, “text your girlfriend and then show me where you disappear off to all the time.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Camila rolls her eyes, “yes, maybe I’d like it if she was, but she isn’t. She probably doesn’t even like me that way, anyway. Lauren needs a friend, and that’s what I’m going to be.”

“Alright, introduce us, I’ll be the friend and you can be the girlfriend.” Dinah sends her a teasing grin. “Perfect loophole. Besides, you can be her friend and date her at the same time.”

Camila just huffs and sends out a text to Lauren – one that’s a little wordier than her usual texts.

Camz (4:32PM): hey lo, my friend dinah really wants to meet you. would it be okay if she came over tonight as well? (don’t worry we can kick her out if she gets too annoying)

“Hey!” Dinah sends her a scowl. “I’m the farthest thing from annoying.”

Camila scoffs when her phone pings to signal Lauren’s reply. “China, you’re probably the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”

Lolo (4:32PM): Is she nice?

Before Camila can type out a response, Dinah grabs her phone from her. “I’m replying before you can slander me to your girlfriend.”

Camz (4:33PM): hell yeah im super nice honestly u will love my company lauser

Camila grabs her phone back and sends Dinah a scowl. “Lauser? You called her Lauser?”

“Yeah,” Dinah laughs, “like Lauren and loser. Creative, right?”

Camz (4:33PM): sorry she stole my phone before i could reply to you please ignore her

Lolo (4:34PM): I guess she can come, but she can’t be really loud like you say she is. Does she like Chinese food?

Camz (4:34PM): don’t worry she wont be and she’s fine with whatever

Camz (4:35PM): also she kind of knows youre autistic she saw me researching autism and guessed and im kind of a sucky liar but she wont tell anyone ive sworn her to secrecy

Lolo (4:35PM): I’m not mad at you. You didn’t tell, she guessed. As long as she doesn’t tell anyone else, I’m okay. It’s probably better that she knows anyway, so she’s not loud like you say she is.

“You tell her I’m loud?” Dinah scoffs when she reads the text, “I know I am, but you bitch about me to her?”

“No, not bitching,” Camila laughs, “mostly just casual complaints about your dance parties when I’m trying to study.”

“Not my fault you’re such a square,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “but I guess that means you and your little girlfriend are a perfect match.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, stop that,” Camila shoves Dinah, “go and get ready. I’m staying over at hers tonight, but I’m guessing you’re coming back here for the party?”

Dinah nods. “Yeah, I’ll tell Mani your girlfriend’s address and she’ll walk and meet me so we can pre-drink together.”

“Oh my god,” Camila sighs, “stop calling her my girlfriend or I’ll punch you.”

“Wow, I’m so scared,” Dinah sarcastically replies, “you’re not exactly strong, Mila. You’re like a koala. Hah, I’m going to call you Walz now. Take that.”

“Two nicknames in the space of ten minutes?” Camila raises an eyebrow. “You’re on a creative roll.”

Dinah laughs. “I’m sure I’ll think of more names for your girlfriend when I meet her officially.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Sure.”

-

“Hello, Camz.” Lauren rocks on her heels when Camila walks into her apartment. “Is your friend with you?”

“Wow, I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you speak,” Dinah says as she kicks the door shut behind her. “Didn’t know you knew that many words, Lauser.”

Lauren flushes, and Camila scowls at Dinah. “DJ. Don’t be a bitch.”

“I’m joking,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “I’m not going to give her special treatment just because she’s autistic. I’m going to roast her as much as I’d roast you.”

“She’s not even your friend yet,” Camila argues, “at least wait until-”

“Camz,” Lauren interrupts her, “it’s fine. I’m- I’m not… offended or… anything.”

“Okay,” Camila sighs and sits down on the couch. “Anyway, Lauren, this is my roommate and supposed best friend Dinah Jane Hansen. Dinah, this is my actual best friend, Lauren Jauregui.”

Lauren frowns at her. “I’m your best friend?”

“Yeah,” Camila grins, “Honestly, I’d give you a key to my dorm, but we only have two. And it’s super messy so you’ll probably never want to go there anyway.”

“Oh my god, you wouldn’t believe the mess Walz made when she was coming over here for the first time,” Dinah laughs as she sits down next to Camila, “she couldn’t decide what to wear and it honestly looked like a bomb hit her closet and blew it up all over the room.”

Lauren cringes at the imagery, and Camila smacks Dinah on the arm. “You’re not supposed to tell her that.”

“Why…” Lauren trails off as she glances at Dinah, but Camila sends her an encouraging smile, “why did- why couldn’t she d- choose what to wear?”

Dinah shrugs and sends Camila a teasing smirk. “Oh, she wanted to look hot for you so you’d-”

Camila puts a hand over Dinah’s mouth, letting out a squeal when the other girl licks her hand. “DJ, you’re disgusting.” Then, she turns to Lauren and sends the older girl a small smile. “Lo, ignore her. She’s just trying to embarrass me.”

“Why… why is it embarrassing?” Lauren tilts her head to the side like a confused puppy, and Camila’s stomach does ten backflips in a row. “I’m glad that- that you wanted to look nice for me.”

Camila shrugs. “I just wanted to impress you.”

Dinah makes a mock puking noise. “Okay, this is disgusting.”

Lauren’s face falls. “I- I’m sorry, I- I don’t- I don’t know what-”

“Lauser,” Dinah interrupts her, “one, it was a joke, and two, I wasn’t even talking about you. I was talking about Mila being a little sap.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and rubs a hand along her leg. “She was- was being a sap?”

“Yeah,” Dinah nudges Camila, “the biggest sap. So anyway, Lauren, you got a boyfriend?”

Lauren blinks in confusion, probably because of the sudden subject change. “I- uh, no?”

Dinah smirks. “Okay, what about a girlfriend?”

“N-no,” Lauren stutters, looking to Camila with wide eyes, “why- why is she asking all- all these questions?”

“Because she’s nosy and invasive,” Camila replies with a laugh. “Kind of like me. We could always give her the apartment tour to stop her from asking questions.”

“Yes,” Lauren nods and stands up, holding her hand out in Camila’s direction. “We will show her the apartment.”

Cautiously, Camila takes Lauren’s hand – ignoring how Dinah wiggles her eyebrows at them – and then nods towards the kitchen. “That’s the kitchen. Probably my favourite place in the world because Lauren has so much good food.”

Dinah stands up. “Really? I thought her bedroom would be your favourite place.”

Lauren frowns at Dinah’s words, and Camila flushes bright red, but the older girl doesn’t seem very fazed. “Why- why would my bedroom be- be Camila’s favourite place? It’s- she’s only been in there once.”

Camila stays mostly silent as she and Lauren show Dinah around – Dinah making comments that go right over Lauren’s head and embarrass Camila more than they should – and when the doorbell rings for the Chinese food, Camila is incredibly relieved and tugs Lauren to the door, claiming that she needs the older Latina’s help in carrying the food inside.

After that, they settle on the couch, Dinah taking up the entire left side and Camila and Lauren squished up on the right. Camila figures that it was intentional, because Dinah sends her a smirk and mouths you’re welcome when Lauren cuddles up to her and puts her head against Camila’s chest.

Eventually, Camila gets comfortable and eats, only using one hand, because the other is playing with Lauren’s soft but messy hair, and she really doesn’t want to stop doing that.

They’re in the middle of finishing off their food and watching a box set of The Simpsons when there’s a knock on the front door. Lauren frowns, but detaches herself from Camila and gets up to answer it. Camila can see the terror on her face when she opens the door.

“What are you doing here?”

Camila instantly recognises Normani’s voice and jumps up, stepping around Lauren and sending her friend a smile. “Hey, Mani. I’m guessing you’re here for Dinah?”

“Yeah…” Normani steps inside uninvited and looks over to Dinah, who’s still sat on the couch. “Hey. You said you were meeting Mila’s girlfriend…?”

“Oh my god, Dinah,” Camila rolls her eyes, “she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Look, whatever lover’s crisis is going on here…” Normani sends Lauren an odd look, and Camila feels the older Latina take hold of her hand. “We have a party to get to, Dinah. Come on.”

Dinah stands up and brushes herself off, stretching. She smirks at Camila, and then turns to a terrified Lauren. “I had fun, Lauser. You should come and hang out with us some time. I’ll make sure Mila drags you out.”

“I- I, um,” Lauren doesn’t meet Dinah’s eyes, “bye.”

With another smirk in Camila’s direction, Dinah grabs Normani by the wrist, and the two disappear out of the door, Camila closing it behind them. Then, she turns to Lauren with a concerned expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think she’d actually come up, I thought she’d text Dinah when she was down the road or something and she’d go and meet her.”

“It’s- it’s okay,” Lauren lets out a shaky breath and sits back down on the couch. “She just… frightens me. A little.”

“Can I hug you?” Camila asks. In response, Lauren shuffles over and cuddles up to her again. “Did Mani ever do anything bad to you?”

“No- no, she’s not- she’s not a bad person,” Lauren shakes her head, “she’s just… intimidating. And- and I never really… opened up to her. She- she told me I was weird when she was angry one time. She’d failed a class and shouted at me and then after that we- we never really spoke again. I stayed out of her way until- until I could go back home, and then… then when my parents asked if I was going to go back in the dorms this year… I said no. And they got me this place. I think they… they felt bad that I hadn’t made any friends and they asked if I wanted to come home and do all of my work online, but I said that I was fine and I’d stay in New York. Even though I was lonely, I’m okay now.”

Camila smiles and kisses the top of Lauren’s head. “And why’s that?”

Lauren shrugs. “I have you, and you keep me company. Even if your friends are kind of scary.”

Camila laughs. “Did you like Dinah, at least?”

“I’ve met her before,” Lauren says, ignoring the question for the most part. “She- she came to visit Normani last year. You are right, she is very loud, but I assumed it was just… a one-time thing because she was there to visit Normani. She- she told me her name when Normani left the room and I didn’t know her so I didn’t say anything back and then she called me crazy, and I don’t like it when people call me crazy or weird because I’m not those things-”

“Laur,” Camila interrupts, “calm down, baby. Try your best not to think about it. Breathe, okay?”

Lauren squeezes her eyes shut and nods. “She- she was nice to- to me tonight. I think I would like to be friends.”

“Alright then. You can come and get lunch with me and her some time, okay?” Camila offers, smiling when Lauren nods. “Good. I’d like that.”

“Why did-” Lauren opens her eyes for a moment and glances up at Camila. “Why did Normani say- say that Dinah was meeting your girlfriend?”

“Dinah’s been teasing me a lot,” Camila carefully explains, not wanting to reveal much to Lauren, “because I’ve been spending so much time with you, she jokes that you’re my girlfriend.”

“Well…” Lauren frowns down at her feet, “would you like me to be?”

Camila splutters, “Well, I- I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea…”

Lauren hums. “Okay then. Would you like to watch The Lion King with me? It’s my favourite movie.”

A little surprised by the subject change, Camila nods. “Uh, yeah.”

“Okay,” Lauren smiles and stands up, a lot cheerier than she was before. “I will go and get my DVD. I will be approximately one minute.”

“Alright,” Camila says, her response a little dazed, and she watches as Lauren heads into her bedroom. Then, she pulls out her phone and sends an angry text to Dinah.

Mila (9:08PM): you and mani had to open your big mouths didn’t you????? lauren caught on to mani saying ‘i thought you were meeting mila’s gf’ and she asked me why and now you two idiots have effectively ruined my friendship

DJ (9:09PM): mila shut up what did she actually say???

Mila (9:09PM): well she asked me if i’d like her to be my girlfriend and i said i wouldn’t be opposed to the idea and then she asked me if i wanted to watch the lion king with her

DJ (9:09PM): ASK HER OUT

Mila (9:09PM): since when do you care who i date

DJ (9:09PM): mila shes cute and is totally heart eyes for u

DJ (9:09PM): she cuddled up to u like a lil puppy all night???? ask her out

Camila pockets her phone without replying when Lauren walks back into the room with a DVD in hand and changed into her pyjamas. “Gotten comfy, Lo?”

“Well, I am not going anywhere for the rest of the night…” Lauren looks down at her t-shirt and sweats and shrugs. “You can get in your PJs too, if you want.”

“Okay,” Camila nods, “I’ll be right back.”

“I will set up the DVD while you are waiting.” Lauren tells her as Camila picks up her bag and heads into the guest room. While she’s mid getting changed, her phone pings again and she frowns when she realises it’s a text from Normani.

Mani (9:12PM): Look you know her and I don’t exactly like each other but after reading Dinah’s texts over her shoulder I have one thing to say to you

Mani (9:12PM): ASK

Mani (9:12PM): HER

Mani (9:12PM): OUT

Mila (9:13PM): like you said you don’t even like her why the hell are you encouraging me to ask her out

Mani (9:13PM): I saw how she was holding your hand and how you got all mama bear with her

Mani (9:13PM): You like her and she clearly likes you so you should ask her out

Camila rolls her eyes at the texts and decides to leave her phone in the guest room as she tugs on her pyjamas, leaving the device on the bed when she switches the light off and heads out to see Lauren.

“I’m changed,” Camila announces as she flops back down on the couch, The Lion King paused on the TV. “So… are we going to watch the sequel after this too?”

“If you want to,” Lauren says, shifting over to cuddle up against Camila. “But- um, before I start the movie, can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure, Lo,” Camila smiles, “anything you want.”

“Well, um,” Lauren looks down at her feet and bites down on her bottom lip. “Do you want me to be your girlfriend?”

Camila blinks in surprise. “What?”

“Well… your friends called me that,” Lauren says, “and you- you said you wouldn’t be opposed to… to me being your girlfriend. So… are you going to ask me out?”

“Well, I mean, my friends are all harassing me over text to ask you on a date,” Camila slowly replies, not sure how the hell she’s going to get through this conversation in one piece. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be… comfortable with that.”

“I’ve never… dated anyone before.” Lauren admits, shuffling uncomfortably. “So I don’t know what… what it entails.”

“Oh,” Camila watches as Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and plays with her stuffed Nala, “I mean… we could go out on a date. If that’s what you wanted.”

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Lauren replies, “I’m not sure if- if I’m ready for something like that. A relationship, I mean.”

“Going out on dates isn’t the same thing as being in a relationship,” Camila tells her, “dates are like… trial runs, I guess. You go on a few and then if you really like each other, you talk about things and that’s when you put a label it. If we went out on a date, it wouldn’t mean we’re girlfriends. We’d just be… slightly more than friends.”

Lauren frowns. “That’s confusing.”

“I know,” Camila laughs a little, but she’s incredibly nervous. “Would you want to go on a date with me, Lo?”

“I don’t know,” Lauren says again, and it sounds a whole lot like rejection. “I like being your friend.”

“Like I said before…” Camila continues, “a date wouldn’t stop us being friends. We’d just be a little more than that.”

“Can I try something?” Lauren looks up at her for a moment, and Camila frowns, but gives her a hesitant nod. Lauren shifts forwards a little, her gaze trained on the collar of Camila’s shirt, and then leans in, soft, plump lips pressing against Camila’s own.

Camila’s eyes widen in shock, but then she closes them, her hands moving upwards to cup Lauren’s cheeks. She kisses her back, her heart thumping in her chest, because Lauren tastes like peanut butter cups and smells of candy and vanilla and Camila never wants this to stop.

When Lauren pulls away, Camila’s eyes stay closed, and she can still feel Lauren’s lips when she finally opens her eyes to stare at the other girl in shock. “Why- why did you do that?”

Lauren shrugs. “I wanted to see. I’ve- I’ve never been kissed before, so…”

“Well- I,” Camila swallows the lump in her throat, “most people wait until after they go on a date to do that.”

Lauren hums in thought. “I will let you take me on a date, but- but I would like to kiss you more. If that’s okay.”

“That’s- that’s fine by me,” Camila murmurs, because honestly, there’s nothing more she’d rather do.

Lauren’s lips meet hers again, and Camila takes the older girls’ bottom lip between hers, her fingers tangling in raven hair. She finds it hard to believe that Lauren’s never been kissed before; sure, she’s a little different, but she’s still devastatingly attractive and absolutely adorable, and Camila’s not sure if she’ll ever be able to stop kissing her after this.

Lauren’s kisses are gentle and innocent, and she pauses at regular intervals and asks if Camila wants to keep kissing, to which the younger girl replies by cupping Lauren’s face with her hands and pulling her back in. The older girl’s hands rest on Camila’s waist and she kisses back softly, not applying too much pressure and letting Camila take the lead, because while she’s pretty good at this, Camila can tell she’s kind of unsure.

Camila’s not the most experienced person in the world, but compared to Lauren, she might as well be.

Lauren pulls away again and taps on her leg. “When are we going to go on our date?”

“Next week?” Camila asks, taking in Lauren’s swollen lips and bright green eyes. “Friday, maybe? We could go out for dinner.”

Lauren nods. “Yes, there is this little Italian restaurant that I like very much, we can go there. If you like Italian food, that is.”

“Who doesn’t like Italian food,” Camila leans in and kisses Lauren’s cheek, smiling when the older girl blushes. “I just need to make sure that you like me in that way before… before we jump into anything.”

“I- I, well,” Lauren stutters and plays with Nala, “I have a crush on you. But I wasn’t going to say anything, but then your friends- your friends called me your girlfriend and then you said you’d like me to be… and I wasn’t- I wasn’t sure if I’m- I’m ready for a relationship. But I know I like you and I really like kissing you, so…”

“I really like kissing you too,” Camila smiles, “Honestly, Lo. You’re a good kisser.”

“I’ve- I’ve never…” Lauren blushes and shifts to cuddle up to her, “I’ve never had anyone like me before. I am- am glad. That you like me lots.”

“Of course I like you,” Camila is quick to reply, wrapping her arms around Lauren protectively. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me since we met. It’s hard to come across people who are as pure as you, Lo. I’m so glad you’re from Miami, too. If you’d gone to school instead of being homeschooled, maybe-”

“I went to Carrolton on an academic scholarship for freshman year, but- but, um,” Lauren cuts herself off, “I was- was bullied pretty badly. Kids were really mean and… and I told my mom that I couldn’t go back.”

“Oh, well, yeah, maybe we wouldn’t have met before then,” Camila says, “I’m not smart enough or rich enough to get into that school. Maybe if you’d transferred to my school instead of going into homeschooling…”

“I think you’re very smart.” Lauren murmurs. “I am glad we met how we did. I like having company now, I love it when you come over.”

“I love coming over,” Camila smiles, “so it’s a win-win. Thanks for fixing up the guest room, too. I appreciate being able to sleep in a room where Dinah isn’t snoring.”

Lauren giggles. “She snores?”

“Like a donkey,” Camila confirms with a laugh, running her fingers through Lauren’s soft raven hair. “She’s either snoring super loud or she comes stumbling in at four a.m. and sits on me because she gets the beds mixed up. It’s nice, coming here for a break from that.”

Lauren smiles at her. “Well… you’re always welcome. That’s why I gave you my spare key. Because I like having you here.”

“Did you get lonely before, Lo?” Camila asks, her heart sinking when Lauren’s face falls. “Sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“I did,” Lauren interrupts her. “Get lonely, I mean. I- I like company, even if I don’t want to talk sometimes. Having another person’s presence is… comforting, I guess. I get lonely on nights you’re not here, because you only ever stay over two nights a week at the most.”

“You can always call me.” Camila tells her. “I’ll make sure my phone is on loud for whenever you want to chat.”

Lauren smiles. “I think I might try looking for a roommate.”

Camila pouts. “No, I don’t want to give up the guest room. I’ll be your roommate, screw Dinah.”

“No,” Lauren shakes her head, “you can’t leave the dorms, silly. You can be my roommate next year, though. If you want to be.”

“Screw the dorms,” Camila folds her arms across her chest. “I like your apartment better, anyways.”

“I meant like, a cat. Or something.” Lauren clarifies, and Camila flushes, because she’d sounded a little desperate just then. “I want a cat. Then I will have company, and you still have your- um, the guest room.”

“Oh,” Camila replies, “well… yeah. That sounds like a good idea.”

“Um…” After a few moments, Lauren speaks up, “will you help me look for a cat? I think… I think I want to get a rescue animal, because they need a loving home. And I want to give a rescue cat a loving home… so, will you come to the animal shelter with me? And help me pick one out?”

“Sure, Laur,” Camila smiles, “I’d love to do that.”

“We can go next weekend,” Lauren decides, “after our date. If that’s okay, I’m not sure if you’re busy on the weekend with your friends.”

“Yeah, I’m busy with my best friend,” Camila replies, “you, Lolo.”

Lauren blushes. “I- yeah. We’re busy together.”

“Actually, you mentioning friends reminds me of something,” Camila points out, “my friend Ally mentioned that she wanted me to introduce you guys. If you’d be cool with that.”

“Um… yes,” Lauren nods, “only if she’s nice. You can bring her here or- or I could meet you somewhere between classes…”

“She and I meet for coffee on a Tuesday at eleven. Are you free then?” Camila asks, grinning when Lauren nods. “Alright then. I’ll text you when I get out of my morning class and come and meet you somewhere. We can walk and meet Ally together.”

“Okay.” Lauren nods and reaches for the TV remote. “Um… can we watch the movie now?”

“Sure, Lo,” Camila smiles when Lauren presses play and gets herself comfortable, head resting against Camila’s shoulder. “You’ve been really cuddly tonight.”

“I- I- um, I’m sorry,” Lauren goes to move away from her, but Camila shakes her head and pulls her back. “I don’t mean to be clingy.”

“You’re not clingy, Laur,” Camila promises. “Really, it’s a good thing. I like you wanting to cuddle me. It’s kind of like… proof that you trust me.”

“Oh,” Lauren frowns to herself, “I did not know that cuddling implies trust. Thank you for telling me.”

Not sure how to respond to that, Camila just smiles and says, “You’re welcome.”

Lauren falls asleep on her halfway through the movie. Camila doesn’t take long to fall asleep after her.

-

“Did you ask her out or not?”

Typically, that’s the first question she gets when she walks through her dorm door after the end of a long day. She hasn’t been back since she’d taken all of her books for her classes to Lauren’s – she figured she’d be staying over there – and she’d ignored all of Dinah’s texts.

Camila raises her eyebrows as she throws her backpack onto her bed. “That’s a nice greeting.”

“No, seriously,” Dinah folds her arms across her chest. “Did you ask her out?”

“Kind of,” Camila admits, a little taken aback when Dinah lets out a very un-Dinah-like squeal. “What’s that for? It’s not a big deal.”

“Bitch, I’m the captain of Camren,” Dinah tells her, giving her a light shove. “Tell me everything.”

“Camren?” Camila frowns at her. “Really? You gave us a ship name?”

“Yeah, but that’s not the point.” Dinah says. “I want details. How’d you ask her out?”

“Well, I didn’t. Not really.” Camila sits down on her bed and shrugs. “She picked up on you calling her my girlfriend like I told you, and then she asked me if I wanted to go out. Like, if I was planning on asking her. And then I just kind of… suggested it. She said she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that kind of thing because she’s never experienced it before and doesn’t know what it’s like. Then we kissed and she said-”

“You kissed?” Dinah grins at her. “That’s adorable. When are you going out?”

“Friday.” Camila replies. “But she’s coming to meet Ally on Tuesday. Then at the weekend I’m helping her pick out a cat.”

“You haven’t even gone on a date yet and you two are already adopting a cat together?” Dinah raises her eyebrows. “Damn. Lesbians really do move fast.”

“Shut up, it’s her cat, not mine. She just wants someone to go with her.” Camila rolls her eyes. “And she’s bi, actually.”

Dinah snorts. “Still likes girls. Specifically you. I’m surprised she hasn’t begged you to move in yet.”

“Well, I mean, I do have a key to her place,” Camila points out, “but I think she only gave me that because she was lonely.”

Dinah frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I’m pretty much her only friend,” Camila murmurs, “she’s close with her family, but they’re all the way in Miami, so I think she gave me that key because she wanted me to visit a lot. That’s why I spend so much time with her, DJ. Aside from the fact that I adore her. I hate that she’s on her own so much. That’s why I’m going with her to help her pick out a cat.”

Dinah sends her a small smile. “I would show up there and hang with her but she’d probably slam the door in my face.”

“I doubt that,” Camila laughs, “she’d probably just stand there, looking all confused and adorable and-”

Camila’s kind of grateful for the knock on the door that cuts her off. She brushes Dinah off and goes over to answer it, surprised when she opens it to see Lauren, nervously rocking on her heels. Speak of the devil.

“Hey there, Laur,” Camila shoots her a gentle smile, “not that I don’t love that you’re here, but… why exactly did you come here?”

“You- you left your book.” Lauren holds out the book they’re studying in their lit class. “At my place. I was- was going to wait until… until class to give it to you, but then I thought maybe you hadn’t finished the homework so I thought it’d be better if- if I brought it here. I- I asked a guy outside which number your room was.”

“Oh,” Camila smiles, “do you want to come in?”

“I- um,” Lauren pauses and glances up at her from under her eyelashes, “Okay.”

She ushers Lauren inside, feeling a little awkward when Lauren eyes the mess in the room, and leads the older girl to her bed. “Sit down… I’ll get you a drink from our mini fridge. Perks of having Dinah as a roommate – I get to share that.”

Lauren hums. “Even though she snores like a donkey.”

“You said that to her?” Dinah looks up at her and scoffs. “You’re such a bitch, Cabello. That’s bullshit.”

“Not bullshit,” Camila rifles around the mini fridge to grab Lauren a can of Dr Pepper. She’d seen her drinking that before. “I’ll record you next time, if you really need proof.”

“I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t-” Lauren squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head, “I didn’t mean to cause a fight. I- I’ll go-”

“No, Lauren, sit down,” Camila practically orders as Lauren stands up. She passes the girl the Dr Pepper and sits down next to her. “You’re going to have a drink with me. Okay?”

“I- um, okay,” Lauren nods and takes a sip of her drink, before playing with the ring pull on top of it. “Can I- can I kiss you again, please?”

“I- uh,” Camila lets out an awkward laugh, and glares at Dinah when the younger girl positively cackles at Lauren’s question. “Sure, Laur. If you really want to.”

Lauren nods, and leans up, giving her an innocent kiss on the lips before unzipping her backpack and getting Nala out. “Your room is rather messy.”

“I know,” Camila laughs. “If I’d known you were coming over, I’d have tidied up. I’d have forced Dinah to tidy her half, too.”

“I cannot concentrate in messy environments, so I am sorry if- if I am not… as attentive as usual.” Lauren murmurs, taking another sip of her drink before placing it on Camila’s nightstand and running her fingers along Nala’s fur. “I- I don’t like mess.”

“I know you don’t,” Camila says, “like I said, I would’ve tidied if I knew you were coming.”

“I- I will text you.” Lauren promises. “Next time. Can I kiss you again?”

“Laur,” Camila laughs and takes the older girl’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You don’t have to ask. If you want to kiss me, then kiss me.”

“Well, I don’t- I can’t…” Lauren squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head, and Camila notes this as a sign of distress pretty quickly, so she makes sure to give Lauren some space. “I can’t tell if- if you want me to. I can’t- I can’t read body language and it- I don’t know if it’s okay to kiss you, so I have to ask. I need to ask.”

“Okay then,” Camila nods, “it’s okay that you need to ask. And you can kiss me again, Lo.”

Lauren smiles and kisses her again, another innocent peck on the lips, before going back to playing with Nala’s tail. “I like doing that.”

“Me too,” Camila agrees, smiling when Lauren takes her hand and uses her free one to pick up her drink again. Lauren drinks the can almost in one go, and then stands up, brushing herself off. “Where are you going?”

“I have finished my drink.” Lauren points out like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You invited me in for a drink, and now I’ve finished it, so I’m leaving.”

“Oh,” Camila practically deflates. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Well, I- um,” Lauren taps her fingers against her pants. “Can I tidy for you?”

Camila blinks in surprise. “What?”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Dinah grins, “invite her over more if she’s going to be our personal maid.”

“Dinah,” Camila sends her friend a scathing glare and then looks up at Lauren, “Lo, you don’t have to offer that-”

“Do you want me to stay?” Lauren asks. Camila nods along. “Well, I cannot concentrate in a messy environment, so if I am going to sleep over, I need it to be clean.”

Camila frowns. “You don’t want to stay over here, Lauren. I only have a single bed, and I wouldn’t want to invade on your personal space-”

Lauren frowns. “You don’t want to share a bed with me.”

It comes out as more of a statement than a question, but Camila is still quick to answer. “That’s not it at all. We’ve shared a bed before, remember?”

“Yes, but- but that was before…” Lauren rocks on her heels, “before I told you I’m autistic. Because it’s not- it’s not contagious-”

“Lauren,” Camila interrupts, “it’s not that. I promise it’s not that, okay? I know. I’ve- I’ve done my research and I know that it’s not. It’s just… I can barely fit in this bed by myself, and look how tiny I am. It’s honestly just an issue of personal space.”

Lauren picks at the stitching on Nala’s belly. “That’s- that’s what the girls at Carrolton said. That it was contagious. And nobody- nobody would sit near me or talk to me unless they were saying something mean. And I don’t- I don’t want you to think that, because I- I like you, and if- if you-”

“Hey, Lauser,” Dinah interrupts, and Camila had almost forgotten that she was there, “come here.”

Cautiously, Lauren makes her way over to Dinah and stops in front of her, rocking on her heels. “Yes?”

Dinah opens her arms up. “Can I have a hug?”

Nervously, Lauren lets Dinah wrap her arms around her and hides her face in the younger girl’s shoulder. After a few moments, she pulls away and frowns. “You- you think I’m crazy. That’s what you said. When I met you at first-”

“I know, and I was wrong,” Dinah tells her, “if anyone’s crazy, it’s Mila. And I want to be your friend. I ship you and Mila hella hard.”

“Ship?” Lauren frowns. “I’m- I’m glad we’re friends now. But what do you mean by ship?”

“It means I support you guys together,” Dinah explains. “Okay? I think it’s really cute that you two are going to go on a date.”

“Oh, okay then,” Lauren nods and turns around to Camila. “I don’t think Dinah’s annoying like you said. But I am going to stay home tonight, and- and I’d like you to come with me. Please.”

One look at Lauren and Camila is immediately agreeing and gathering up pyjamas and clean clothes. Does that mean she’s already whipped? Even if it does, she doesn’t care. Lauren’s too cute to deny anything.

Damn those big green eyes.

“You’re so whipped,” Dinah mutters to her, confirming Camila’s thoughts, “it’s kind of cute.”

“Look at her,” Camila lamely argues, “she’s adorable. I can’t say no to that.”

Camila doesn’t take the guest bed that night. For the second time, she’s sharing Lauren’s bed, but this time there’s no space between them, because Lauren curls up next to her and rests her head on Camila’s chest, and Camila plays with Lauren’s hair until they both fall asleep.

-

“Ally,” Camila greets her friend, squeezing Lauren’s hand in an effort to comfort her, “this is my… friend, Lauren.”

“Hello,” Lauren mumbles, rocking on her heels, “I- it’s nice to- to meet you.”

“Camila’s told me so much about you,” Ally sends her a radiant smile, “she really adores you, Lauren. Actually, she mentioned that you two are planning a date this week, too.”

“I- yes, we- we are,” Lauren stutters, looking to Camila for a moment, “she- she’s a really good kisser.”

Camila turns bright red and Ally flashes another one of her sunshine smiles, but it’s definitely ten times more teasing than the last one. “Oh, really? Mila failed to mention that part.”

“Shut it, Ally,” Camila mumbles, “come on, Laur. I’ll order your drink for you, since I can’t see Alexa at the counter. You go and get us a table, alright?”

“Oh- um, okay,” Lauren digs into her pocket and puts some money in Camila’s palm. “That- that should cover it.”

“Nope,” Camila tucks the money in Lauren’s back pocket. “It’s on me. Come on, Ally, let’s order.”

Once they make their way over to the counter, Ally smirks at her. “She’s cute.”

“I know,” Camila smiles to herself, “she’s so sweet, Ally. And she’s incredibly respectful, like, she always asks first before kissing me to make sure I’m okay with it and-”

“Dinah was right,” Ally interrupts, “you really are whipped for her.”

“Shut up,” Camila rolls her eyes, “She’s adorable and it’s hard to say no to her. She could literally tell me to jump of a cliff and I’d probably do it.”

Ally laughs. “I wish I had that on tape. Dinah would have a field day with teasing you for that.”

“True,” Camila nods, smiling at the barista when she passes them their drinks. “I kind of want to reintroduce her to Mani, but I know that Lauren would be kind of terrified by that.”

“Just ask her how she feels about it.” Ally suggests. “Maybe… invite her to a group thing. You said she’s comfortable around Dinah, right? Because if that’s the case, she’d have more of a support system.”

“Yeah.” Camila nods, grabbing Lauren’s drink with her free hand and looking around for the older girl, spotting her at a table in the back corner. “Good idea. I’ll ask her about it now.”

As they arrive at the table, Camila makes sure to send Lauren a comforting smile, noting Nala on the older girl’s lap. She passes the girl her drink – hot cocoa with extra marshmallows, but only the white marshmallows, because apparently the pink ones make her feel sick – and her stomach does about ten backflips in a row when Lauren sends her a shy smile and says, “Thanks, Camz.”

“You’re welcome, Lo,” Camila replies, sitting down on Lauren’s left. “So, me and Ally want to invite you out with us and our friends. Is that something you’d be comfortable with?”

“Ally and I,” Lauren corrects her, and Camila swears she hears Ally trying to hold back a laugh. “And, um, which friends? How many people? Because I am- am not good with big groups.”

“Not a big group, don’t worry,” Camila says, “it’d just be Ally, Dinah, Normani, me and you. If you want to come.”

“I- I, uh,” Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head, “No thank you. I don’t want to come.”

“Why not?” Ally asks. “We’re not doing anything big. Just ordering takeout and watching TV, probably.”

“Well, I- I don’t think,” Lauren grabs Camila’s hand over the table, “I don’t think Normani would want me there.”

“Who cares about that?” Camila tries to send Lauren a comforting smile, but the older girl won’t look up. “I want you there. Ally and Dinah want you there, too. And once Normani gets to know you properly, you can bet that she’ll want you there as well.”

“I- I don’t- she already- she lived with me. For a year. And she didn’t like me.” Lauren stammers. “So- so one night- one night won’t change that.”

Camila frowns. “It will if… if you tell her that you’re-”

“No,” Lauren interrupts her with a scowl, “that’s- that’s need to know information and- and it’s personal. And I can’t- I don’t want her to know.”

“Laur,” Camila squeezes her hand. “Mani would be understanding if you told her, and-”

“I’m not- not telling her and you can’t make me,” Lauren wrenches her hand from Camila’s grip and stands up. “I am- am leaving. It was nice to- to meet you, Ally. But I have to go.”

Before Camila can get another word in, Lauren has picked up her backpack and Nala and practically sprinted out of the coffee shop. Camila’s heart sinks, because she feels absolutely terrible; she hadn’t meant to sound like she was trying to pressure Lauren into telling. That’s the last thing she’d want to do.

Sensing her bad mood, Ally sends her a smile. “Mila, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I did, though.” Camila sighs. “I made her feel pressured and now she’s upset with me.”

“Call her and apologise.” Ally suggests. “Or go to her place and apologise in person and explain your intentions. She’ll understand.”

Camila decides to go for the unspoken third option; giving Lauren space. She’d let Lauren have some time to herself and talk to her tomorrow in class.

-

Lauren doesn’t show up to class the next day.

That’s when Camila takes matters into her own hands, because if Lauren isn’t showing up to this class, then she’s got to be at her apartment. So, Camila skips her final class of the day and goes to Lauren’s apartment, letting herself in.

It’s eerily quiet. The TV is off, the couch looks like it hasn’t been touched, and it doesn’t seem like anyone is home. Camila is about to turn around and leave when she hears a little cry coming from Lauren’s bedroom and the sound breaks her heart.

She opens the door and finds Lauren crying into her pillow with Nala pulled up to her chest, and the sight makes her feel even worse than she already did.

“Lauren?” At her voice, Lauren opens her eyes and sits up, cheeks bright red in embarrassment. “Why are you crying?”

“I- I-” Lauren looks down at her feet, “why are- are you here?”

“I came to check on you,” Camila says, holding her key up, “you weren’t in class, so…”

“Oh,” Lauren plays with her blankets, “well, I- I didn’t- I thought- I didn’t want to- to see you.”

The words are like a kick in the teeth. “Oh. I’ll just… go, then.”

“No,” Lauren is quick to stop her, “don’t leave. I thought- I didn’t want to go because- because I thought I ruined things. I thought- thought that we weren’t friends anymore because I- I snapped at you and-”

“Laur, no,” Camila shakes her head and sits down on Lauren’s bed next to her, “we’re always going to be friends. I was going to come over yesterday, actually, but I thought you might’ve wanted space since you were upset. I shouldn’t have asked you to tell Normani. It’s your thing to tell and if you don’t want to then I respect that.”

“I- I’m sorry for snapping at you.” Lauren says, “I am not usually short tempered but- but I was upset and tired and I am sorry. Please- please still be my friend.”

“Like I said, we’re friends forever,” Camila smiles at her, “now come on. Give me a kiss.”

Lauren wipes at her eyes and gives Camila a rather watery kiss. “Are we still going on our date?”

“Of course we are,” Camila confirms. “I’ve been looking forward to it so much. It’d suck if you called it off.”

“Yes,” Lauren nods, “we are- are going to go on- on our date. Are you- you still help- helping me pick out a kitten?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Camila grins and holds her arms out. “Come here.”

Lauren cuddles up to her and Camila wraps her arms around her friend protectively. She kisses the top of Lauren’s head and beams when the older girl leans up and kisses her on the cheek. “Camz?”

Camila closes her eyes and gets comfortable. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. For coming to check on me.” Lauren murmurs. “And I will come and- and hang out with you and your friends. But I don’t want to tell Normani or Ally about my autism. Okay?”

“Okay,” Camila nods, “Neither of them would judge you if you told, but that’s your decision.”

“I- yes,” Lauren hums, “thank you for- for understanding.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that.” Camila assures her. “It’s okay.”

-

“Hello,” Lauren says when Camila opens up her dorm room door. “I- I brought you flowers, because I read… read that people do that. When they go on dates.”

“Oh,” Camila beams down at the bouquet of flowers, “thanks, Lo. That’s really sweet. But I thought I was coming to your apartment.”

“I thought- I read that spontaneity is a good thing, so… I decided to come here and pick you up.” Lauren explains. “The- the restaurant isn’t that far from here, so… I thought it’d make sense for me to come here.”

“Alright then,” Camila smiles, “I’m ready, so… let’s set off.”

“You kids have fun,” Dinah sends her a teasing smirk from where she’s sat on her bed. “Mila, be home by eleven or you’re grounded. And even though it doesn’t apply in this situation, wear protection, kids.”

Camila rolls her eyes as Lauren giggles. “Bye, DJ.”

Once they’re out of the room and down the hall, Lauren turns to her with a smile. “Dinah’s funny. I like her.”

“I’m glad you two are making friends,” Camila says, “and I promise you that Ally, and eventually Normani will be good friends too.”

Lauren hums. “I’m not sure about that last one, but… if it really means a lot to you, I’ll try. With Normani, I mean.”

“You will?” Camila beams. “That’s amazing, Laur. I’ll be right there with you if you need help, alright?”

“I know,” Lauren reaches down and takes her hand, “You’re a really good person, Camz. Thank you for not giving up on me at first. I know it’s hard when- when I won’t talk back, and I’m really glad you gave me your number.”

Camila smiles. “Well, I mean, you’re a cute girl and you’re absolutely adorable. I’m surprised people aren’t throwing their phone numbers at you.”

Lauren frowns. “You’re the only person I like romantically. So… I don’t- I wouldn’t call anyone if they gave me their number.”

“That’s good to know,” Camila replies, “so… how far is this restaurant?”

“Not far,” Lauren says, “I found it during my freshman year and- and when I wanted to get pasta I’d come here. Though, I’m planning on getting pizza tonight.”

“I could never go out to eat by myself,” Camila comments, “I’d feel really awkward when I’m waiting for the food to come, because usually you use that time to talk, right? But when you’re alone, who are you going to talk to?”

“I- um, I just… played games on my phone,” Lauren says, and Camila feels the older girl’s fingers tap against her knuckles. “And I’m… I’m sorry if I’m awkward tonight. I’m not good at small talk.”

Camila squeezes her hand, “That’s okay. I think you’re endearing in general.”

Lauren hums. “Um… so… how- how has your week been?”

“You were there for most of it, Laur,” Camila points out with a teasing smile, “The first half of this week sucked. I had a fight with my best friend. But it’s okay, we’re fine now.”

Lauren blinks at her. “You had a fight with your friend? What happened?”

“I meant you, dork,” Camila gives her a playful nudge. “I was talking about our fight. But we’re alright now, so it doesn’t matter.”

“If you were talking about that, why didn’t you say so directly?” Lauren asks her with the most adorable frown on her face. “You worried me for a second, I thought maybe you’d fought with Dinah, because that’d make you sad.”

Camila smiles. “You’re the cutest, Lo.”

“I- I ordered Chinese food last night,” Lauren says, tapping against her pants leg. “It wasn’t the same without you to share with.”

“I’ll come over next week for takeout,” Camila promises, “We can cuddle on the couch and watch movies.”

“Can we watch a shark documentary?” Lauren asks her, swinging their hands happily. Before Camila can reply, Lauren stops in front of a restaurant and says. “We’re here.”

Lauren leads her inside, and Camila is surprised when the waiter who comes to talk to them flashes Lauren a smile. “Hey, Lauren. Your date’s hot.”

“Hi, Shaun.” Lauren doesn’t meet the boy’s eyes and her grip on Camila’s hand tightens. “Um… y-yes. I- I made a… a reservation for s-seven o’clock.”

“We reserved your usual table for you,” Shaun tells them as he starts walking away. Lauren doesn’t follow him – probably because he hadn’t told her to – and Camila tugs her along. “It shouldn’t get too loud for you.”

Lauren nods, and moves behind Camila to pull out a chair for her. “Thank y-you, Shaun.”

He puts the menus on the table and gives Lauren a patient smile. “I’ll be back soon to check if you’re ready to order.”

Once he’s gone, Camila turns to Lauren with a frown. “You know him?”

“Not really,” Lauren replies, “I just… come here a lot. And they know me, I guess. This is where I usually sit, and because it’s in the upstairs bit, it doesn’t get that loud. I don’t like loud.”

Camila reaches across the table to squeeze Lauren’s hand. “I know you don’t. Anyway, what’s good here?”

“Pepperoni pizza, that’s what I’m getting,” Lauren says as Camila opens the menu, “I- they make it special for me. Because they know I need it to be three pepperonis on each slice or I can’t eat it.”

“So that’s what you’re always doing,” Camila says, “I’ve noticed you rearranging your pepperonis a few times, and I was always so confused as to why you were doing it.”

“I like the number three,” Lauren comments absentmindedly, playing with her napkin. “It’s a good number. That’s- that’s why I need three pepperonis on each slice.”

Camila smiles. “I think I’m going to get spaghetti bolognese. Usually I’d get pizza, but I’m in the mood for something else.”

“Well, if you- if you end up wanting pizza, you can have a slice of mine,” Lauren offers her, and Camila’s heart does a somersault, because that’s probably the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to her. Camila would never share her pizza with anyone, no matter how much she loved them.

“You’re saying all the right things,” Camila grins, “offer me pizza and I’m guaranteed to fall for you. Even though I kind of already have.”

“Well, if you fall, I’ll catch you.” Lauren says, and Camila feels butterflies, but nearly bursts out laughing when Lauren continues. “I don’t want you to get a scraped knee or anything. I fell over one time and cut open my knee, and then it got infected and now I have a weird scar there.”

Camila snorts. “So romantic, talking about knee infections.”

“I’m not trying to be romantic,” Lauren looks up and meets her gaze for a split second. “I was just telling you a fun fact about me.”

“Honestly, Laur?” Camila grins. “This is already the best date I’ve ever been on. It’s not cheesy or awkwardly forced because you’re being your usual adorable self. So, what do you say, date two next week?”

“Um, okay,” Lauren nods, “but can’t go out for dinner, because my mom will be here and I don’t want to leave her alone.”

“Your mom is coming?” Camila asks. “Can I meet her? Does she know about me?”

“I’ve- I told her and my dad on FaceTime that someone was being nice to me when you sat with me at the pizza place.” Lauren recounts, and Camila’s heart sinks, because the fact that Lauren considers someone being nice to her in passing as something that doesn’t happen much breaks her heart. “And- and then when you asked me to lunch and said we were going to be friends, I told them that, too. And I told them about- about how you stayed at my apartment and how you were really wonderful to me.”

Camila’s glad that Lauren’s parents know she exists, because that’ll make meeting them a lot easier on her. “Okay. Good. I’m glad you told them positive things.”

“Mhm, my mom likes you a lot,” Lauren says, “she- she worries about me a lot, and she hates that I was so lonely and wanted me to come home and do online school, but now I’ve met you, she doesn’t mention it anymore because she knows I’m happy.”

Camila opens her mouth to reply, but Shaun comes over again and asks what they’d like to eat, and Lauren orders her pepperoni pizza and Camila gets the spaghetti. Once he’s gone, the younger Latina reaches across the table and squeezes Lauren’s hand.

“If the world worked differently… you’d be the most popular person on the planet.” Camila truthfully replies. “You’d have so many friends and you’d never be sad. That’s what I want for you, because you’re too sweet to be so lonely. One of the reasons I was nervous about telling you how I felt was because of how much you needed a friend.”

“I have- you’re still my friend,” Lauren blinks in confusion, “but I have Dinah, too. And Ally, maybe, she seemed really nice.”

“After we go and pick out your kitten, we’re meeting Ally and Dinah,” Camila tells her. “You need to introduce your kitten to all your friends.”

Lauren smiles. “I am excited to get my kitten, I- I emailed the people at the animal shelter with pictures of my apartment because they need to see what it’s like and if it’s suitable for an animal and they approved of it, so I will get to take my cat home straight away.”

“Have you told your parents you’re getting a cat?” Camila asks. “And do they approve?”

“Yes,” Lauren nods, “I tell my parents everything. My mom is like my best friend, after you.”

Camila beams. “I’m looking forward to meeting your family. Can I come over properly in winter break? Like, to your actual house? And meet your dad, brother and sister?”

“Of course,” Lauren smiles, “You’ll meet my dad at the airport when we get off the flight to Miami. When are we booking that? Semester ends on December 9th… do you want to go straight away or stay here a bit?”

“Straight away,” Camila confirms, “we’ll look at flights later. For now, we’re going to ignore all of that boring stuff like flight booking and have fun on our date, alright?”

Lauren hums. “This doesn’t really feel like a date, I’m used to spending time with you. Is it supposed to feel different now that we’re spending time in a romantic context? Because… the whole time I’ve been friends with you, I’ve liked you a lot, so… I feel the same, because I still like you a lot. Now I’m just aware of your feelings, too. I’m not sure how this social situation differs from the average platonic one-”

“Lauren,” Camila cuts in, “we’ll talk about the technical stuff later. And it’s a date because I’m going to be coming back to your apartment and kissing you senseless later.”

Lauren frowns. “I like kissing you, but I’d rather you didn’t make me senseless.”

“Okay, fine,” Camila sends her a fond smile, “I’ll kiss you regularly.”

“That’s better,” Lauren says, “we can watch a movie, too. Like The Lion King!”

Camila has to hold back her aw as Lauren launches into a massive rant about how The Lion King is a cinematic masterpiece or something. As Lauren talks about the different characters, Camila finds herself smiling, and thinking about how far the nervous girl who rarely spoke two words to her has come.

-

“Okay, so, what are you looking for in your new cat?” Camila asks as they walk into the animal shelter. “Like, what is going to make you want to pick one?”

Lauren hums in thought. “I don’t want to pick one.”

“Babe, you can’t take them all home,” Camila laughs, “you can pick one. Maybe two at a push.”

“No, no, you don’t get it,” Lauren is quick to reply as she kneels down in front of one of the cages, “I want it to pick me. Or- or for it to be a mutual decision. I don’t want to just… do the generic thing and pick the cutest one.”

“Oh, okay then,” Camila says, and when she hears a quiet meow behind her, points to the black cat behind them. “What about this one? It’s talking to us.”

Lauren glances over and hums. “I will keep it in mind.”

Camila takes hold of Lauren’s hand and follows her around the animal shelter, waiting as Lauren pauses at every cage and seems to evaluate each cat in her head. After a few minutes of her girlfriend’s silent perusing, Camila decides that she’s going to look herself, and if she spots a cat she thinks is particularly cute, she’ll call Lauren over.

She’s in the middle of awing at a ginger cat when Lauren calls her. “Camz. I want this one.”

Camila heads over to Lauren, who has gotten herself comfortable on the floor in front of a cage. She’s sitting cross-legged and one of her fingers is through the bars on the cage, even though there’s a large sign at the entrance that clearly states not to do that.

Camila kneels down next to Lauren and looks at the little kitten in the cage that’s apprehensively sniffing Lauren’s finger. The patterns on its fur are similar to that of a leopard’s, and it’s probably the tiniest and fluffiest thing she’s ever seen in her entire life.

Camila watches as the kitten licks Lauren’s finger. “Aren’t you going to just keep it in mind like some of the others you’ve liked?”

“No.” Lauren shakes her head. “I want this one. His name is Simba and- and he’s so tiny! I want him.”

“Okay,” Camila nods, and leaves Lauren by herself for a few moments to talk to the guy on the desk about the kitten and asking if they can meet him properly.

When she goes back to Lauren, the little kitten is meowing happily, and as the guy unlocks the cage door and takes it out, Camila realises why Lauren had picked this one.

(You know, aside from the name being a Lion King reference.)

The kitten only has one bright green eye.

Lauren doesn’t immediately go to grab him, and instead waits until the little cat climbs into her lap. Then, she scratches him behind the ears for a few moments, before patting the spot of floor next to her. “Camz. Come meet him.”

Camila sits down on the floor next to Lauren, and holds her hand out for Simba to sniff. She slowly starts to stroke his fur, and when the kitten purrs, Camila has to admit that she’s kind of fallen in love. “He’s so cute.”

“I want him.” Lauren says, looking the kitten right in its eye and saying, “You’re coming home with me.”

“The adoption fee is fifty dollars,” the guy who’d opened the cage says, “and we’ll need photo ID before you sign for him and take him home.”

“I will do that now,” Lauren says, but doesn’t make a move to get up. “I want him for definite. He picked me.”

The guy puts Simba back, and Lauren follows Camila up to the front desk, happily swinging their arms back and forth. Lauren gives the guy her driver’s license, and after a signing a few papers, before she knows it, they’re leaving the animal shelter with little Simba in a cat carrier.

Camila offers to drive, and the second they get to the car, Lauren gets Simba out of the carrier and sits down in the passenger seat with the tiny kitten on her lap. “Why’d you pick him?”

“He picked me,” Lauren shrugs, “and he’s tiny and cute! And- and he’s different, like me, which… which was why he picked me and I picked him.”

Simba purrs in Lauren’s lap, and Camila glances over at her friend and the kitten, both completely enthralled with one another. “Should I be worried about being replaced by Simba?”

Lauren giggles. “No. He’s the cutest, though, look!”

“I know, babe,” Camila says, “I’ll look when I’m not driving. We can cuddle on the couch with him when we’re back at your apartment, okay?”

“Camz?” Lauren gets her attention again, and Camila knows that she’s probably going to be talking about Simba’s cuteness again. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Camila almost crashes the car, because she really hadn’t been expecting that. “What?”

“My girlfriend,” Lauren repeats, “I want you to be my girlfriend. Like, officially. Will you?”

“I- uh, yeah?” Camila blinks in shock. “Couldn’t you have asked me when I’m not in control of a vehicle?”

“I could’ve, yes, but clearly I didn’t, because I wanted to ask you now,” Lauren says, “because we adopted a kitten together.”

“You adopted a kitten,” Camila points out, “I was just there as a witness.”

“Well, whatever,” Lauren rolls her eyes and then beams down at Simba, “I want Camz to be my girlfriend, Simba. Scratch her until she says yes.”

“No need to get a hitman on me,” Camila laughs, “I would be honoured to be your girlfriend, Laur. You just surprised me, is all.”

“Well, I read online that dating and girlfriends are different things,” Lauren says, “and it all seemed quite stupid, so I thought I’d just ask you to be my girlfriend.”

Camila smiles. “Well, I can officially say I have the cutest girlfriend in the world.”

-

They get back to Lauren’s apartment, and Simba examines his new home as Lauren sits on the couch, beaming at her new furry friend.

“I’ve texted Ally and Dinah,” Camila says, “they’re coming over to meet Simba. And… um, is it okay if Normani comes with them? They’re all together right now and-”

“As long as she’s nice,” Lauren replies, not taking her eyes off her cat. “Simba is the cutest.”

“You’re the cutest,” Camila counters, sitting down on the couch next to Lauren. She watches as Lauren helps her kitten up on to the sofa – he’s a little too small to jump – and she puts him in Camila’s lap, scratching behind his ears.

“Kiss me,” Lauren mumbles, glancing up at Camila. “Please.”

Camila leans in and gives Lauren a quick kiss, smiling when her girlfriend cuddles up to her and pets Simba. They stay in a comfortable position until the door knocks, and Camila groans when it does, because that means she has to move.

After a few more moments, she detaches herself from Lauren and answers the door, laughing when Ally walks straight past her asking, “Where’s the cat?”

“Here,” Lauren answers for her, and Ally sits down on the couch next to her.

Camila watches them talk for a few seconds, and then turns to Dinah and Normani. “Hey, guys.”

“I want to meet the cat,” Dinah ignores her greeting, but Normani says hello, looking like she’d rather be literally anyone else. Dinah sits on Lauren’s right, and smiles down at the little kitten in Lauren’s lap. “Cute, Ralph. Did they run out of cats with two eyes, or…?”

“Why would they- um, run- run out?” Lauren frowns. “There are- um, lots of cats looking for- for loving homes.”

Simba jumps down from the couch and starts rubbing against Normani’s leg. Camila can see her friend fighting back a smile, and she looks down at her girlfriend to see her tapping out a pattern against the couch cushions.

Camila squeezes in between Ally and Lauren and rests her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “I’m just happy to see you so cheerful, Laur.”

“Thank you for coming with me.” Lauren smiles down at Simba – Normani had finally caved and crouched down to pet him properly. “Nor- Normani, um… he- Simba l-likes you.”

Normani looks up in surprise, and Camila tries her best to send her a pleading look. Eventually, Normani just shrugs and turns back to the cat. “I guess he does.”

Camila, proud of Lauren for making an effort, squeezes her girlfriend’s hand and decides. “Well, now that we’re all here, we might as well do something. Lo, do you have any ice cream?”

“I- I, um, have a tub of- of Ben & Jerry’s,” Lauren says, “and… and just regular store bought vanilla.”

“I vote for ice cream, all squishing up on this tiny couch and watching a movie while Simba gets used to his new home.” Camila says, “Is that okay with you, Lauren?”

Lauren nods. “Yes. Only if- if they, um, want to.”

Dinah hums in thought. “Only if we can get Chinese later. I tried calling that place we ordered from last time and they refused to come to the dorms and I didn’t want to go wait outside for it.”

Ally smiles. “I’m in. It’ll be nice to hang out somewhere other than campus.”

After getting two confirmations, Camila looks up at Normani. “Well, Mani? Do you want to stay for movies?”

Normani looks at her, glances to a nervous looking Lauren, and then back at Camila. “I guess so. But I need to know if Lauren is okay with it. It’s her place.”

To Camila’s surprise, Lauren stands up, her fingers tapping out a pattern against her jeans pocket. “I- I have a- um, something t-to ask you.”

Normani frowns. “Okay.”

Camila watches as her girlfriend nervously meets Normani’s gaze for about two seconds, before looking away again. “Can- can we, um, st-start over? We, um, we h-have the same… um, well, Camz is my girlfriend and- and she… she’s friends with- with you… and, uh, so are Dinah a-and Ally. So, uh, I- I’d appreciate if w-we could…”

When Lauren trails off, Normani looks over to Camila with a frown. “You never told us she’s your girlfriend.”

“Wait, like, Camren is official?” Dinah blinks in surprise and then holds out a hand for Lauren to high five as Ally congratulates Camila. “Get it, Ralph!”

Lauren frowns. “Get what?”

Dinah puts her hand back on her lap with a teasing smile. “Never mind.”

“Um, you-” Lauren looks over at Camila, “she didn’t- um, an-answer my question.”

Before Camila can reply, Normani interjects. “We can start over.”

Lauren blinks in surprise. “Oh- um, I- I thought m-maybe you’d… say n-no.”

“I didn’t like you because I thought you were a stuck up bitch,” Normani says, getting herself comfortable on the couch. “You barely ever talked to me so I figured you didn’t like me. Maybe you thought you were too good for me or something. And when I asked you for an opinion on a dress, you kind of insulted me, which just added to the stuck up bitch theory.

“But you’re Mila’s girlfriend, and apparently Dinah and Ally like you now, so…” Normani shrugs, “if they like you, then you can’t be a stuck up bitch.”

“I- I don’t think I’m a- a bitch,” Lauren stares down at the floor, “I d-didn’t mean t-to come off l-like that.”

“Whatever, it’s water under the bridge.” Normani says, and Lauren frowns at the expression. “We can be friends, okay? You’re obviously really shy and I feel bad for not picking up on that last year.”

Lauren hums to herself and rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. “Okay. We- we will be friends.”

Camila ruffles her girlfriend’s hair. “Told you that you didn’t need to worry. Mani’s nice.”

Lauren nods and shifts to kiss Camila’s cheek. “I’m happy.”

“Yeah?” Camila meets Lauren’s bright green gaze for a moment. “Me too.”

-

Two Years Later

“Oh my god, we’re graduating today.” Normani paces in front of Camila. “I can’t graduate. What the fuck am I going to do for the rest of my life?”

Camila turns to Dinah with a grin. “Was she like this for her high school graduation?”

“Yep,” Dinah nods, pulling the popcorn bowl closer to her and keeping her gaze glued on the TV, “Pretty sure she cried.”

Camila snorts. “High school sucks. Why’d you cry about that?”

“Camz?” Before Normani can reply, Camila jumps up from the couch and into her and Lauren’s bedroom. “Can you- um, help me with this?”

When Camila walks in to the sight of Lauren, tangled up in her graduation robe, Camila can’t help but laugh. “Oh my god. How the hell did you manage that, babe?”

When Normani appears in the doorway, she stops stressing out about graduating for a few moments to laugh. “Wow. Well done, Lo.”

“Shut up, Mani,” Lauren grumbles as Camila finally straightens out her gown, “I think I got my head stuck in the arm hole, but the arm hole was too big anyway, so it looked like a head hole.”

“What’d she do?” Dinah calls from the couch, and as Camila recounts it, Dinah lets out a non-committal groan and says, “yeah, not worth getting up for.”

Camila puts Lauren’s graduation cap on her head and kisses her girlfriend’s cheek. “I’m proud of you, Laur.”

“I’ll come to your graduation next year,” Lauren promises her, rocking on her heels. “I mean, I’ll probably go there with you, because… well, we’re probably going to stay in this apartment and stuff.”

Camila grabs Lauren’s hand and pulls her out of their bedroom, feeling a little bad when Lauren cringes at the state their kitchen is in. Ally is in the middle of baking graduation cookies for Lauren and Normani, and it looks like it’s been snowing in their kitchen, because the flour is everywhere.

Lauren averts her gaze, and instead looks at the TV. Once she’s seen what movie is playing, she gravitates towards the couch and sits down next to Dinah. “Mani, can you not pace in front of the TV? Simba’s about to fight Scar.”

At the sound of his name, Simba jumps up onto Lauren’s lap, and Camila tries not to think about how her girlfriend is probably going to show up to graduation covered in cat fur.

“Don’t get too comfy,” Camila says as Lauren dips her hand into the popcorn bowl. “We’re going in like, two minutes. Once Mani stops stressing and Ally’s first batch of cookies are done.”

Almost as if on cue, the timer on the oven beeps, and Ally calls out that the cookies are ready. It takes a lot of effort to pry Lauren away from the TV and to get Normani to stop pacing across the room, but they finally get their two graduates into a cab so they can get to campus on time.

Dinah’s surprised when there aren’t any tears from Normani once she’s handed her diploma. Nope, Normani doesn’t start crying until the same time as Camila, when Lauren happily skips across the stage to get her diploma.

Once graduation is over and they’ve spoken to the relevant family members, Camila sticking with the Jaureguis, the younger Latina finds Normani pulling Lauren into a bear hug.

Their friendship had surprised a lot of people. Even though they’d agreed on being friends back when they were sophomores, mostly for the sake of Camila, Dinah and Ally, everyone assumed that they’d just be civil with one another and that’d be that. But after about a month, Camila spotted Lauren with Normani between classes, getting coffee together. Two months in, they had inside jokes, and by month three, they were inseparable.

Camila remembers incredibly vividly when Lauren told her that she was going out for a meal with a friend, and when she’d asked who, Lauren had casually responded with, “Manibear.” The cute nicknames had taken her completely off guard.

“Hate to break this up,” Camila says as she approaches the two friends, “but I want to go and eat cookies.”

Lauren pulls away from Normani and launches herself at Camila, jumping onto her back. “I want a piggyback ride.”

Camila laughs, but doesn’t protest. Instead, she carries Lauren all the way to the cab Dinah calls for them, the older girl talking about how nice the font is on her diploma and how she thought graduating would be a lot scarier, but actually it was quite easy and she looks forward to seeing Camila do it, too.

Camila sits next to Lauren in the journey back to their apartment, and her girlfriend tells her all about the job she’d secured as a graphic designer. While Camila’s already heard the job details a million times, she listens just as intently as she did the first time, because seeing Lauren be so passionate about something makes her heart soar.

“…and I’m just very excited,” Lauren finishes with a wide smile, “I- I’m doing a job I really love and I have a girl I really love and I have friends I really love. I’m just- really happy, Camz. Are you?”

Camila twists the diamond engagement ring on her left hand as she looks into the vibrant green eyes she’s fallen for. “Yeah. I am.”

-

Another one of the ymms drafts from my computer. Link to the full drafts book is here and my Tumblr is here.