#day uhh……of questioning myself about plurality

[yourlocalmissingtexture]

They should invent a machine that you walk into and it tells you What’s Wrong with you and also it’s free

[dualumina]

Pride asks: 1, 10, 14 <- specifically with there being two of you have you impacted each other?

Pride Asks!

...warning it's quite lengthy

1. Which labels do you use?

For the sake of not needing to explain it twice, we essentially have two sets of labels each. One set that we use publicly, and one set that's literally between only ourselves. Why? The simple answer is that most people like to wrap their head around something definitive, something they can understand in a single sentence or less. Gay, Bi, Non-binary, etc. being examples of that. Our "private" labels are as nuanced as we want them to be because we don't have to worry about putting them into words for others to understand.

Most of the time, today is an exception.

Also just because it ties in more with the last question, sexuality and romance will be covered there.

Clay - Private label would be masculine-leaning non-binary. However, as I want to avoid people treating me as an "it" or some variation of an object, or just perceiving me as even more abstract than my existence already entails, my public label is thus simply a boy.

Dual - Private label would be feminine agender, mainly because there's no need to defy femininity norms when it's in the mind. Just as Clay can look however he wants within the mind, I can likewise "see" how I'd most want myself to look like, and I recognize both the lack of gender and the keenly present feminine traits. Unfortunately, people tend to latch onto what is there instead of what isn't. As a sort of pushback, my public label is a trans feminine boy. It illustrates that I don't connect with my body's initial gender enough to get the point that I want across.

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria

Clay - Uhh.. Dual's voice after the hormone treatments, I guess? I can "take over" using certain parts of the body if we're both feeling up to it (it takes a lot more effort than it's worth for doing daily tasks) and I had the worst time with speaking directly because I would freeze up after hearing the shocking disconnect between the voice I was able to produce vs the voice I knew was my own. And, well, now it's not exactly how my voice sounds like but it's quite close, and I think if we bothered to practice it could get better.

Dual - I can't do much about my hips considering they're bone and all, but after the chest surgery wearing skin-tight shirts feels really rewarding now. Even if most days we don't leave the house we're just in baggy pyjama t-shirts due to them being more comfortable.

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

Clay - Both of us initially assumed that I was asexual (we weren't familiar with what aromantic was at the time but in retrospect we also assumed I was that). It would only be years down the road when it was realized that oh wait, actually I'm demi-sex/rom. Given how infrequently I become close with others (plurality is often accepted less than any label under the LGBT+ umbrella, so.. our default for awhile was to hide it) and I might as well have been/be ace.

Shocking no one ever that Dual was the first person I became close to, navigating that aspect of demi-sex/romness was an interesting time to say the least, especially considering they were dating someone then, even if that relationship wouldn't last much longer.

I think realizing that probably would have transpired earlier if we didn't previously have various rules in place to "keep the peace" as we liked to call it. Intrusive thoughts can be a lot more.. hazardous when your home is thoughts, hence why the rules first existed. But in time they grew outdated, had to be changed, dropped entirely for some cases. Medication helped with the intrusive thoughts part, and we worked on the rest.

We're still nervously waiting to see if we'll get prescribed something at some point that severely limits my existence, but so far fatigue (that's experienced by both of us) has been the main albeit temporary detriment some medications have caused.

It's worth mentioning but I knew off the bat that I was male in some way, whether that's related to Dual's disconnect with their birth gender is something we're not entirely sure of. There were some polls done in the Reddit tulpa community several years ago that showed most tulpas are the opposite gender to their host, but I don't recall what the stats were for trans hosts.

Dual - Despite never really having been the type of Catholic growing up to spread the word and all that, I did keep certain values drilled into me for a very long time, like various things regarding sex, monogamy, avoiding temptations and the like. So here I was, an at the time cis straight-leaning female, with a guy now constantly around who was allergic to wearing clothes. I had to learn how to get comfortable with certain things real freaking quicker than my crumbling religious beliefs were made for. That's likely what opened up my mind to more progressive mindsets, especially after living in a small town with only one flamboyantly gay guy in my high school.

It's somewhat tricky to pinpoint exactly what sexuality I am, though I'm inclined to say demi-sexual, or androgenosexual, perhaps both. The joke I like to make is that I'm open to dating anyone but it has to be gay. You could be a straight cis anything but if we're dating it must be treated as a gay relationship lol

Can definitely say that the androgenosexual part of that (and likewise beginning to question the whether I wanted to date them or BE them mentality) was influenced by Clay being a painfully evident twink.

Romantic-wise, I wish I was aro. I've yet to be convinced otherwise that being demiromantic is a positive thing, because in my eyes it IS a curse. I want to have close friends and not worry that maybe I'll start developing feelings for them, potentially jeopardizing the friendship. This might be tied into the aforementioned religious beliefs about temptation, but it's more complicated than that. I don't believe all demiromantics are cursed, but in my own experiences completely separate from Clay, it's never gone well.

I recently learned that ADHD can, not only cause hyper fixations for fictional media, but also likewise bring about similar hyper fixations towards crushes.

Which unfortunately, explains a lot.

So while I know why these feelings happen, it doesn't change how intense they can be at times, how the impulsivity of ADHD means that sometimes I might do or say things I'll end up dreading after the fact, even if the other person doesn't think twice about it.

I know how creepy it can be to be on the receiving end of what could be considered obsessive behavior, so I'm actively monitoring myself around certain people, which incidentally was something I felt the need to do around Clay in the past. The only positive aspect of being an ADHD demiromantic is that hyper fixations come and go... I just need to actively suffocate myself until then.

It's one of the few things about myself I wish I could radically change. Maybe this isn't quite demiromanticness, but I can certainly say that it has only happened with people I consider to be friends.

[dork-empress]

Singing In The Dead Of Night Ch 2

Harley and Barman set up a playdate for their wards.

forgive the long post, i'll edit and clean it up when im home. chapter can also be found on my ao3, url in the description.

Harley made it back home, which was actually the manor of some billionaire who only really used the house for tax purposes. Harley had taken it over when Lucy came to live with her, deciding she needed more room, and they quickly changed it to suit their needs.

“Luuuucyyyy, I’m hooooome,” Harley called out to the manor, heading through the living room/gymnasium.

Lucy was balancing on the beam by her hands. “Never heard that one before.” She went into the splits and stayed on one hand.

Harley looked over her form. “Point your toes more...there ya go.” Lucy did as recommended. “I got candy for dinner!” She dumped her stolen lollipops on the table.

“I already ate, Aunt Harley,” she said, “I made extra pasta if you want.” She pointed over to the kitchen, before switching hands and flipping herself over.

“Oh,” Harley said, going over to make a plate, but feeling like ants were crawling in her skin. “You know, you don’t have to call me your aunt when it’s just the two of us,” She said, swirling her fork through the noodles.

Lucy shrugged, “Force of habit. Plus it’s a good idea in general, ya know, in case someone’s secretly listening in or we mess up some other time.”

Harley shrugged her shoulders. “Makes sense,” and it did, but it still kind of hurt. “You can have the lollipops for dessert though. You like cherry?” She tossed her the red candy.

Lucy looked down at the wrapper a second. “Can’t, I’m allergic to the red dye.”

“Oh,” Harley said, silently cursing herself. That was something that mothers should know about their kids, allergies and crap. “Well. Lemon then?”

“Sure!” They traded the lollipops, and Harley sucked on hers between bites of the pasta. Sweet and savory combined, delicious.

Lucy swung her legs as she sat on the beam. “Does...my father have any allergies?”

Harley blinked at her. Did Joker have any allergies? It was hard to say. Even now, Harley didn’t know a lot about the Joker. That’s how he liked it. “Best not to talk about it,” she said instead, “In case of those listening things or whatever.”

Lucy hummed, but didn’t seem satisfied. “Hey,” Harley said, trying to distract her from the ‘dad’ talk, “You wanna go out with me tomorrow?”

Lucy brightened, jumping a bit, “Where are you gonna go?”

“I dunno,” she said, “Go lookin’ for trouble. Let the trouble find me. Punch out a couple people but only if they REALLY deserve it!” And maybe if they only kinda deserved it, Harley thought.

Lucy hummed again, thinking. “I dunno. I think violence often begets further violence, and while it is occasionally necessary, efforts should focus more on the community building and personal improvement area.”

Harley blinked at her. Right, she was a reader, Delia had mentioned that. Not unlike Harley at her age, really, although Harley had focused on psychoanalysis instead of philosophy. “Ah, of course,” she said, “Well, what do you wanna do?”

Lucy thought for a second. “Well, there was this girl I wanted to go inspire to fight her eating disorder.”

“Oh,” Harley said nodding. It was a noble cause, really, but...also seemed really, really boring. “I...sure!” she smiled.

The truth was, when Lucy came out to live with Harley full time, she had really thought they would be a lady dynamic duo, a proper partnership mother/daughter team. But Lucy wasn’t much like Harley. Or, she was but, she was different, a goody two-shoes. Or, a goody tutu. Ha.

More than that, she followed a strange sense of logic that was oddly reminiscent of...Harley didn’t even finish the thought.

“You don’t want to go, do you?” Lucy asked.

“Hmm? Of course I do!” Harley said, “I’d do anything with you sweetheart,” she gave Lucy a wink, then went to the kitchen to hide her facial expression.

She didn’t see that Lucy had followed her until she was directly behind her. “Oh, Jesus!” She said, clutching her heart, “Gotta look out there, sweetie. Almost brained ya!”

“Is Dad like me at all?” she asked, head tilted to the side.

Harley blinked at her. She felt like her bones were shaking inside her skin. “Why would you ask a thing like that?”

Lucy spun a little in place making her tutu swish. “I’ve been reading about him. People think he’s crazy. I mean, he says it. But that’s not what your records say.”

Harley frowned, backing away as though physical distance would get her out of the conversation. “What’re you goin through my records for? What, are you a snoop?”

“They got published after one of your arrests,” Lucy said, “Other people were more interested in the little notes you left in the margins, but--”

“Alright, stop.” Harley said, hand clutching her lollipop stick so tight it might break. “Look, Mr...your father is mean and cruel and manipulative, and nothing like you! He wants to drive other people crazy, and for some people, self included, he succeded. But I grew out of it as best I could and now...you don’t need to worry about him, ok? He ain’t ever gonna know about ya, and he ain’t ever gonna find ya. Got it?”

Lucy hesitated a second and there was something strange in her eyes. Something familiar. “Got it,” she finally said.

Harley lightened, smiling at her. “Why don’t we play a game or somethin? You like Monopoly? I make up my own rules!”

Lucy smiled, “That sounds nice,” she said, all bright again. As they set up the game, Lucy said, “You don’t have to come with me tomorrow, by the way. I can take care of myself.”

“You sure?” Harley asked. Lucy nodded. For the rest of the evening, Harley felt like something was…off.

She slipped the burner phone out of her pocket. She typed, ‘Wanna set up a playdate?’

“She called it a WHAT?!” Damian said, nose wrinkled in disgust.

“Aww,” Tim said, over by the batcave computer, “Little Damian’s got a plaaayydaaate.”

“I will end you, Drake.” Damian snarled, fingers twitching for his sword.

“Enough,” Bruce interrupted the both of them. “Damian, if it helps you can think of it as a mission.”

“I thought I was forbidden from Robin duties for the next two months.” Damian said, arms crossed.

Bruce groaned. “Harley has taken in a ward, her niece Lucy. She has some petty crime charges, but from my recon, she’s not a villain. Harley wants her to spend time with someone her age, and I need someone who will watch over her.”

“Watch out for her, or watch out because of her?” Damian asked, scowling.

“Oooh, good question,” Tim said, still at the computer. “Hey, how come you didn’t set me up with vigilante kids?”

“Because you found them on your own,” Bruce shot back, “Look. Damian, you just have to spend the day with her. Follow her around, help her out as long as it’s not hurting anyone. Don’t let her get killed. Invite Jon if you want.”

“Uggh, Jon’s off world with his Dad,” Damian said.

“Oh right,” Bruce said, massaging his temple. “Why do interdimensional crises have to happen at the worst times?”

“Why is it we need a plural for interdimensional crisis?” Tim asked.

Bruce gave him a side glance to let him know he was coming up on the line that breached from ‘annoying’ to ‘problem Bruce will deal with.’ “Damian…”

“Fine, I’ll do it,” he said, “But I won’t be her friend by you forcing us.”

“Fine.”

They met up with Harley at a neutral location downtown on top of a party goods store. “Hiya Batsy, Hey Bird Boy!”

Despite himself, Damian liked Harley. She was usually of a like mind about which villains did or didn’t deserve to live, but he didn’t tell Batman that. “Harley,” Batman said, “Where’s your niece?”

“Just doin some high-wire practice.” Harley said, “Lucy-goosey!”

From the side of the building, a girl faulted up from where she was hanging on the flagpole. A girl wearing a tutu and white paint. “Nice to meet you, Batman,” Lucy said, “Aunt Harley’s told me….a lot of mixed things.”

“YOU!” Damian said, before he could stop himself, and all three of the others turned to him.

Lucy trotted forward on her tiptoes. “Have we met?” She asked, tilting her head, and looking him up and down.

Damian swallowed. “Uhh….”

“Blackbird!” Lucy said, and swooped him up into a hug, “Oh, I knew you were a Robin, why’d you lie to me?”

“Blackbird, huh?” Batman said, and he couldn’t see, but he knew there was a very pointed eyebrow being raised at him.

Damian, still being swung like a ragdoll by Lucy, tried to gain his balance. “I didn’t...I mean I wasn’t…”

“We’ll talk about this later,” Batman said, “You kids go on, I have something to talk about with Harley.”

“Kids?!” Damian said, offended, especially that he was going to be left out of whatever this conversation was. But in doing so, he left himself vulnerable as Lucy pulled on his cowl to the edge of the building.

“Come on, birdy, whatever color you are. The city awaits!” And she jumped from the roof, grappling on outcroppings to reach the street safely. Damian grumbled, but eventually followed.

Harley looked to Batman, and her face fell. “He’s out there, isn’t he?”

Batman gave one slow nod.

Lucy skipped everywhere. It was very irritating, because it was faster than walking, but slower than running, so hard to keep pace. Also,it was just very perky, which made it hard to sulk.

Lucy claimed she had deliveries to make around town. Something about girls who were bullies in high school and were treating others poorly, but it was only because of the societal pressures that were put on young girls of America and...and thats about where Damian lost interest.

She carried a cartfull of boxes like a damn girlscout, and left them on the girls doors. Damian could have followed in his sleep...except there was something about one of the boxes….

“What’s in that one?” Damian asked as she brought it to the next home.

“Huh?” Lucy said, “Same thing as in all of them, some cookies, a letter, balloons of course and--”

“It’s beeping,” Damian said.

“What?”

Damian didn’t wait any longer, he grabbed the box out of her arms and tossed it as high into the sky as he could, tackling her to the ground. The box then exploded.

Lucy gasped in excitement, clapping her hands together. “Birdy, look at it! It’s fireworks!”

Damian growled, jumping off of her and taking out his sword. “I knew it, I knew you were up to no good.”

Lucy tilted her head. “Whatcha talkin about, Birdy?”

“You--” He pointed to where the box was still smoldering. “You were going to put a BOMB on that girl’s doorstep!”

“I didn’t put that there,” Lucy said, getting up with no care of the sword pointed at her.

“You-” Damian stammered. “What?”

Lucy bent down and picked up a scrap of paper from the ruins. “Change of plans for the evening, Birdy!” Lucy said, “We’re going puzzling!”

She tossed the paper at him and he grabbed it quickly. It read ‘I’ve the tallest of trunks and thickest of stumps, a switch in the breeze, but I’m no tree. What am I?’”

They came quickly to the elephant pasture at the zoo. Damian couldn’t help it, he held out his hand for the elephant. She reached out her trunk and wrapped it around him. He couldn’t help but laugh.

Her baby came forward this time, trotting on new steps. He was already the size of a small horse, but he stole Damian’s heart all the same. He tried to bowl Damian over like a large puppy, and Damian couldn’t help but laugh. “Didn’t know you could laugh, Birdy,” Lucy said, kneeling over a shady patch in the enclosure.

Damian’s scowl returned. “Stop calling me ‘Birdy,’” he said, “You can just say ‘Robin,’ if you want.”

“But aren’t there other Robins?” Lucy said, fiddling with something, “I’d love to call you something unique to you.”

“There’s already a Blackbird, you know.” Damian said, continuing to pet the baby elephant.

“There is?” Lucy asked, “Picking a superhero name is HARD. I’m still trying to get Commedia to stick. You know, like, Commedia del arte? But I’ll end up getting called ‘Tutu girl’ or something if I don’t watch out.”

Damian gently pushed the elephant away, seeing what she was doing. She was hands deep in another box like the one they’d found in her cart. “Careful, it could be another bomb.”

“Fireworks,” Lucy corrected, “and I already diffused it.”

Damian leaned down, looking. She had indeed done so, quite efficiently. “How did you know to do that?”

Lucy smiled, “An uncle of mine taught me. You’ll meet him.” She dug further into the box. “I wouldn’t mind some more fireworks, but I don’t want to scare the elephants.” She pulled out another slip of paper.

“This has all the hallmarks of The Riddler,” Damian said, “We have to be careful. He might have bombs all over the city.”

“Fireworks!” Lucy corrected again, “And, probably. See, we already have the next clue!” She waved the paper and read out “Can you hear me make a sound, only when you are around.”

“Of course you can only hear things when you’re around.” Damian said, frowning.

“But only when someone’s around does it make a...Oh!” Lucy said, jumping to her feet, “An echo! We have to go somewhere there’s an echo!”

Damian sighed, “I have an idea.”

Technically they weren’t IN the Bat cave. They were at a far entrance to it, another end of the cave system. So he wasn’t breaking any rules. “Hey, is that Wayne Manor?” Lucy asked. “I tried to break in there once, but they have some crazy rich person security system.”

“Funny that.” Damian said, trying to seem completely ordinary.

Lucy stood at the edge of the cave and yelled into it. “ECHO!” listening for the echo in return. She skipped into the cave, humming all the way, the sound bouncing off as she went.

“Lucy?” Damian said, following her, “Don’t go too far, there’s all sorts of--” He heard a squeal and rushed forward.

He stopped short, his flashlight falling on Lucy. She waved at him to put it down, squinting. “Look here!” She brushed aside some dirt to find some rusted over metal. “Isn’t it fascinating! This cave system must go on for miles! Maybe people hid treasure there!”

“It’s just the old mining system,” Damian said, truthfully. “It’s all blocked off.”

“That can’t be hard to undo,” Lucy said, intrigued by whatever lay beyond.

Damian grabbed her hand before she could continue. “We have to catch the Riddler. There has to be another package here.”

Lucy sighed, but nodded. She took his arm with the flashlight and swung him around the cave. “Ah! There.”

She took the package and skipped out of the cave. “Careful!” Damian urged. “Come on, just diffuse it.”

“Nope, not these ones.” She tossed the package high in the sky, and Damian saw the fireworks light up.

He felt his phone buzzing, no doubt Tim could hear an explosion out here, not to mention Alfred. They’d come investigating fast enough. He leaped up, grabbing the fallen slip of paper, and grabbed Lucy again to pull her along. He read it quickly and passed it to her as he made his way away. “Even in the city scape, nature comes to take its place.” Lucy read. “It must be the park!”

l,

“No,” Damian said, still pulling her, “I mean, yes, that is the answer to the riddle, but that’s not where we’re going.” He texted the police to inform them of the location of the hidden package so they could diffuse it, and dragged Lucy away.

The original Gotham Ice Cream shop was one of the oldest remaining buildings in Gotham, although was clearly closed for the night.

Damian saw a flash of green from the kitchens and rushed inside, finding none other than the Riddler standing there. “Stand down, Riddler,” Damian said, holding out his sword, “We’ve got you now!”

Riddler snarled, backing into a defensive stance. “Robin! How did you possibly find me?”

Damian smirked, “The beginning of each clue was clearly spelling out your final location. I-C-E. I didn’t need to follow 5 more clues to figure that out.”

Riddler cursed. “Those clues weren’t for you! They were for--!”

Lucy came skipping up to join Damian. “Hi, Uncle Eddy!”

“Lucille!” Riddler said, immediately warming. “I had so many sights around Gotham for you to see, why’d you go skipping to the end?”

Lucy skipped up to him, and Damian was once again left dumbfounded. “My friend Birdy here isn’t much for riddles, I think,” she said, “Although he enjoyed the elephants! And he knew about the mining carts in the caves, I want to explore those later.”

‘Uncle Eddy’ hugged Lucy, and Damian came to his senses, “THIS is your uncle?!”

Lucy shrugged, “I mean, that’s what I call him. I met him when I was visiting Aunt Harley a few years ago.”

“I heard you had moved to Gotham full time,” Riddler said, “I wanted to be sure you saw the sights. But the bat-brats have to ruin everything I suppose.” Riddler glared at him, and he glared right back.

“I don’t-” Damian started, but cut himself off, “You can’t just be leaving BOMBS around the city!”

“Fireworks!” Lucy and Riddler both corrected.

“Whatever! They’re explosive and they’re dangerous!” Damian hated having to be the safety one. It felt wrong.

Riddler rolled his eyes. “He’s just as much a barrel of laughs as the big one.”

“Aw, he’s sweet, really,” Lucy said, coming over to Damian and linking their arms. “Aunt Harley and Batman set us up on our own little playdate.”

“It is NOT!” Damian said, squirming away from her, “It is NOT a playdate.”

“Uncle Eddy, can my friend Birdy have some Ice Cream too?” Lucy asked, ignoring him.

Riddler and Damian glared again. “Fine.” He pushed his own bowl of ice cream towards Damian and went to get his own. “It’s MYSTERY flavor!”

Damian looked at it hesitantly as Lucy sat down to enjoy. Riddler went back to the kitchen. “It’s coconut,” Lucy said, “But Uncle Eddy likes to think it’s a mystery, so I let him.”

Damian frowned at her. “You’re really weird.”

“Thank you!” Lucy said, patting the seat beside her. “Come on, even you had to admit you had fun today.”

Damian thought about the elephants, and skipping around with Lucy, and watching the fireworks at the mouth of the cave, and seeing her all excited about mining carts for some reason. “Fine,” he said, “But it’s NOT a playdate.”

“Alright, alright,” Lucy said, digging into her ice cream. “Just a regular date then.”

“I--” Damian started, his head exploding with so many protests that he ended up just short circuiting. Lucy continued chowing down on ice cream like she didn’t say anything of importance. So, Damian just sat beside her, and ate his own.

[aster-aspera]

One love, one house

CW: food mention, loads of fluff

Relationships: romantic DLAMP

Chapter title is from sweater weather by the neighbourhood

read on ao3

Masterlist for my superhero AU

Patton loved his roommate, he really did, but he was just a little eccentric. Patton could deal with the sneaking in at hellish hours in the early morning, and the mud he tracked into the appartement and the faint smell of antiseptic and blood that was always present in their bathroom.

He could even deal with his roommate occasionally forgetting his tasks or even disappearing for days on end.

But this was just unacceptable. Patton stood in front of a near empty fridge, only a refrigerated tupperware full of noodles and a jar of pickles left.

“Virgil?” He called.

His roommate looked up at him from under his messy bangs, dark circles that seemed to take up half of his face under his eyes. He really should stop sneaking out at night. Patton had hoped he would have gotten more sleep during the holidays, but it seemed his roommate was determined to work himself into an early grave.

“What have you been eating?” He asked, pointing to the fridge.

Virgil gaped at him for a moment as the question made its way into his sleep deprived brain.

“Uhm, noodles?” He said, sounding unsure of himself.

“Just noodles?”

“And pickles, I guess.”

“During the holiday season?”

“Yes?”

Patton sighed. Virgil just continued staring at him, seemingly unaware of why Patton was so upset.

“You did eat something other than noodles on Christmas, right?” He asked, his voice edging on desperation.

“I dunno, when was Christmas?”

Patton snapped.

“Nope, this is unacceptable. I don’t care if you celebrate or not, but you should at least eat something.”

“I ate.” Virgil grumbled.

“Noodles!” Patton interjected.

“And it’s not like I had a lot of time on my hands to cook an elaborate meal.”

“One, it’s not that hard to throw some vegetables into a wok and two, what are you even doing during the holidays, it’s not like we have classes.”

Virgil looked down.

“Studying.” He mumbled.

“More like studying , with the way you look.”

“I don’t look that bad.”

“You look like a corpse, a cute corpse, but still a corpse.”

Virgil flushed and Patton had to fight not to coo. He was just so cute.

“Whatever, are you free tonight?” He continued.

“Uhh, sure? I have something at 11 though.”

“That’s fine, I’m cooking you dinner tonight and we’re going to have a little holiday celebration.”

“Patton, I don’t really celebrate Christmas.”

“It’s not about Christmas. I just want to have a nice night with my friend and while I’m at it, I want to make sure you’re eating something for once.”

“Ok, fine. We’ll have a holiday celebration.” Virgil groaned, but he didn’t seem totally against the idea.

Patton cheered.

“Okay, I’m going to pop over to the store first. We’ll need ingredients.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to bother yourself too much.”

“Nonsense, I love cooking for others. Also, we’re all out of food except noodles, so I’d have to go shopping anyways.”

Virgil had the decency to look mildly guilty at that.

Virgil accompanied him to the store. Which, unlike Patton had expected, did not speed up the shopping process, but only slowed them down as they fooled around.

“Okay, okay. Let's get this done quickly, thyme is money.” Patton said, waggling his eyebrows at Virgil.

“What the hell am I doughing here.” Virgil groaned.

Patton gasped. “You made a pun!” He exclaimed.

“Yeah well, don’t expect too many of those. I wouldn’t want to oatverdo it.”

Patton gasped in delight.

“The s’more puns you make, the s’more i love you.” He proclaimed and Virgil blushed beet red.

Patton giggled as he looked at Virgil having fun. His roommate was usually a lot more reserved and morose. He had no idea what had happened that had put Virgil in such high spirits, but whatever it was, Patton was grateful. The smile that graced Virgil’s face was the most breathtaking thing he had seen all week.

Patton looked away, aware he had been staring just a little too long.

The meal was delicious, if he said so himself, and Virgil seemed to agree. He lounged back in his chair languidly, sleepy from the good food. He looked better than Patton had seen him all month. The colour had returned to his cheeks again and his eyes sparkled.

Patton silently congratulated himself on a job well done.

“That was great, Pat. Seriously.”

“I’m humbled by your compliments.”

Virgil smiled.

“Where did you even learn how to cook like this?”

“My moms taught me. They made sure to teach me all the basic survival skills like cooking, laundry and how to snare and skin rabbits.”

“Snare rabbits?” Virgil laughed.

“I lived in a forest, I had to be able to take care of myself. They taught me all kinds of other cool survival stuff too.”

“Nice, my mom barely taught me how to turn on a stove.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Virgil waved him away. “My parents just had other priorities in my upbringing. Maybe you could teach me to cook something other than pasta?”

“I’d love to.” Getting to cook and spend more time with Virgil? It sounded like heaven to Patton.

Virgil looked at the clock and suddenly shot up.

“Shit, I have to go. I’m sorry. Thanks for the food, Patton.”

“It’s fine. Anytime.” Patton watched him leave with an empty feeling in his stomach.

He didn’t mind his roommate’s odd habits, but sometimes he wished he didn’t always run off.

~

Patton had to be honest, when Virgil had first told him about his boyfriends, he had been quite shocked.

Not because of the boyfriends, plural. Patton was pretty sure he was polyamorous himself.

No, it was the fact that quiet, shy, reserved Virgil, the guy who Patton had never seen interact with anyone except Patton, had somehow gotten himself not one, but two boyfriends.

And yeah, maybe he did feel a sharp stab of jealousy when Virgil first told him. He wondered how his boyfriends had gotten him to realize they wanted to date him. Patton had been trying to make his feelings clear for months now and was almost convinced Virgil was aromantic.

They must have yelled something along the lines of “We have romantic feelings for you” to get through that thick skull of his.

Patton didn’t resent Virgil for dating them, he was happy for him. Virgil really needed something good in his life.

And now, here he was, cooking up an elaborate meal for Virgil’s boyfriends.

When Virgil had told him about his boyfriends and the fact that they had been going steady for a while, Patton had insisted they come over for dinner sometime.

“I have to make sure they’re not going to break my best friend’s heart.” He had argued.

Virgil had complained at that, but his boyfriends had agreed and a date had been fixed.

Patton had maybe gone a little overboard with the meal. Two curries stewed on the stove and he was just about to throw the homemade falafel into the pan. In the oven, naans he had made from scratch were baking.

He hoped they liked Indian.

Virgil let his boyfriends into the appartement and wow, they were hot.

One of them, the shorter of the two, beamed at him, his smile perfectly blinding, and walked over to him.

“Hello, you must be the charming Patton I’ve heard so much about.” He said with a theatrical bow.

The taller one walked over to them with a more reserved smile.

“I’m Logan and this character here is Roman. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Virgil has told us a lot about you.” He stuck out his hand.

“Really, he has?” Patton felt a warm glow at that knowledge.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you too.” He continued.

“So you’re the one who’s been keeping our Virgil alive?” Roman asked him.

“What?” Patton asked.

“V has a lot of skills, basic self care isn’t one of them.” Roman clarified.

“We’re happy he has such a good friend.” Logan added.

“Well, I’m happy to take care of him. But, yeah, self care isn’t one of his skills.”

“As much as I appreciate you guys bonding, I can take care of myself.” Virgil interjected.

“Debatable.” Logan said.

Roman seemed to have noticed the food bubbling on the stove by now.

“Ooh, indian.” He exclaimed.

“It smells good.” Logan complimented.

“Well, it’s nearly done, so get seated and I’ll bring the food over.”

“You guys are in for a treat. Pat’s the best cook I know.” Virgil informed them.

Patton blushed at the high praise.

“I must say I’m intrigued.” Logan said, while taking a seat at the table.

Patton turned off the stove and added a few leaves of coriander before carrying the dishes over to the table.

“Do you need a hand? It looks like a lot.” Roman offered.

Finally, with Roman’s help, the table was set and they all dug in, dipping their naans into the curries Patton had made.

Roman moaned theatrically.

“God, this is just heavenly.” He praised.

“It’s great Patton.” Virgil offered.

“Yes, it is quite splendid. What spices did you use?” Logan asked him.

“Well, this one has chilli powder...”

“I can taste that.” Virgil grumbled.

“Turmeric, cumin and coriander and the other one has bay leaves, cardamom, cinnamon, cloves and more chilli powder.”

“That’s a lot of spices.” Roman said.

“That’s the secret to Indian cooking, the things they can do with spices is just magical.” Patton replied.

They talked more.

Logan told him he was studying theoretical physics at the university where Virgil also studied.

“Wow, theoretical physics. Isn’t that like black holes and stuff?” Patton asked, intrigued.

“Oh boy, don’t get him started.” Virgil muttered.

Logan paid him no mind.

“That’s one aspect but it’s also so much more. It touches on all aspects of our lives.” With that Logan launched into an impassioned speech about all the things theoretical physics touched on and the different aspects of it.

Patton didn’t understand everything he was going on about, physics hadn’t been his best subject in school, but he enjoyed listening to Logan all the same. He had a way of speaking that drew you in. It was clear he really enjoyed the subject he was studying. Patton felt like he could listen to Logan for hours on end. A glance at the others told him they felt the same way, both of them staring at him with fond expressions.

“I apologise. I was rambling again, I have been told I have a tendency to do that.” Logan cut himself off.

“What? There’s nothing to apologize for, it was really fascinating.”

Logan smiled softly but didn’t go on. An awkward silence fell over the table.

“So!” Patton piped up brightly. “What do you do, Roman?”

“I’m studying to become a nurse actually.”

“Really? cool!”

They chatted about all kinds of things. Roman complained about the amount of things he had to learn. Logan told him it was nothing compared to what he had to study. Virgil lamented about annoying professors. And Patton listened, feeling a little like an intruder but a part of it all the same.

They complemented each other perfectly. Patton had no idea how they had met or what made them such a good team, but it must be something wonderful indeed.

In that moment, Patton wished so fervently he could be a part of it. He barely knew Logan and Roman and yet he could feel himself falling for them even now.

They didn’t seem to mind him being there, roping him into the conversation easily.

Logan smiled at him from across the table and Roman slung an arm over his shoulder, laughing at one of his puns.

Virgil was just getting up to refill the water jug, when an alert on his phone went off. All three of them jumped up.

“We have to leave.” Logan said, looking at his phone.

“Shit, I’m so sorry Patton.” Virgil repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time. It felt like whenever Patton was finally making progress in his relationship, something interrupted.

He didn’t mind the weird habits, he just wished he would let him in on his secrets. Hadn’t he proved his trustworthiness to Virgil?

They left him with the dishes and an empty feeling in his chest.

~

Roman, Virgil and Logan sat at the dinner table while Patton busied himself in the kitchen, finding comfort in the familiar routine of cooking. A tense silence filled the usually cozy apartment.

“How long have you known?” Logan asked finally.

Patton looked at Virgil when he answered.

“Probably since the first month.”

Virgil stammered. “I thought…”

“You thought what Virgil? That I didn’t notice you sneaking in at five in the morning? That I didn’t notice that whenever you ran off during dinner, Storm was suddenly on the news? That I didn't notice all the cuts and bruises you collected? You thought, what? That I was stupid? Blind? Deaf?” He knew he was being unfair, the others looked tired and miserable and guilty. But all his frustration at being left in the dark for years was bubbling over.

He was so tired of being treated as stupid, of being left behind when the others had to attend to hero bussiness. He was tired of lying awake worrying about them.

Patton returned to chopping the leeks with more force than absolutely necessary.

“We wanted to protect you.” Logan said, guilt colouring his voice.

“I don’t need your protection. I think you saw that tonight.”

“Yes, we were wrong. I realize that now. We apologize”

“I don’t.” Virgil said.

Patton stared at him. “What?”

Virgil stood up and faced him. “I’m sorry about lying to you, but I won’t apologize for trying to protect you. It’s bad enough these two are out on the streets, I don’t need another untrained civilian risking their life.” Virgil gestured at Roman and Logan, who didn’t look happy about being called untrained.

Patton laughed bitterly. “I’m not untrained, that much should be clear. And what makes you so trained then?”

Virgil sighed.

“When I said my parents had other priorities in my upbringing, I meant it. Instead of learning maths and chemistry, I learnt how to fight, how to take down a grown man, how to disappear into the shadows.”

“Why?” Patton asked, he was aware Virgil hadn’t had the most traditional upbringing, but this wasn’t what he had expected.

“I was to be an assassin, but the company we worked for disbanded and my mom decided to give me a normal life.” He explained coldy, it was clear there was more there, but Patton decided now was not the best time to ask.

They were all tired from the events of the evening and Patton really just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep for another week. All his anger at his friends keeping him in the dark had faded, leaving him with just his exhaustion.

He turned back to the quiche he was making, with store bought dough, his mom would be shocked, and slid it into the oven.

“I’m just happy you guys are alright.” He said, extending an olive branch.

“Well, we were lucky our valiant knight in shining armour came to our rescue.” Roman said, his voice lacking his usual flamboyance.

Patton sat down next to Virgil and laid his head on his shoulder. Virgil wrapped his arm around him.

“You guys are lucky I knew where you were.”

“Yeah, how did you do that? Do you have us micro-chipped or something?” Roman questioned.

Patton just smiled mysteriously.

~

Patton popped his head into their bedroom, where Janus was talking into a phone. Patton listened for a moment as Janus talked to someone in rapid fire French, sounding mildly irritated.

He noticed Patton standing in the doorway and held up a hand signaling he would be done soon. He rolled his eyes and mouthed “Grandmother” at him.

Patton stifled a giggle. Janus’s grandmother was notoriously difficult.

“Oui, oui mémé, je promets.”

He put down the phone with a sigh.

“Why is she like this?” He sighed in exasperation.

Patton wrapped his arms around Janus’s waist and nuzzled into his neck.

“It’s ‘cause she loves you, honeybee.”

“Loves to annoy me, more like. Anyways, did you need something, mon cœur ?”

“Yeah, you said you’d help with dinner?”

“Course, give me a minute, I’m coming.”

“I’ll go peel the potatoes.” Patton bounced down the stairs.

On the couch, Logan and Roman were attempting to watch a period drama, keyword, attempting.

They were currently critiquing the costumes in the show, Roman in particular was raving about corsets on bare skin.

Patton smiled, he loved them both very much, but watching a movie or show with them was nearly impossible. They both had trouble keeping their thoughts to themselves.

“Having fun?” He asked as he pressed a kiss to Roman’s forehead.

“Corsets on bare skin, Patton! What is wrong with them?” Roman flung his hands up, nearly knocking Patton’s glasses off.

“Whoops, sorry.” He apologized.

Patton kissed him again and gave Logan a quick side hug.

“You guys enjoy, I’m going to get started on dinner.”

“I highly doubt I will be able to enjoy it, considering all the mistakes in the writing and costuming.” Logan muttered.

Janus joined him in making dinner and together they worked efficiently. Janus was a great cook and a good help in the kitchen. Together, they managed to make something good without getting in each others’ way too much.

Janus put on an old timey jazz song and as the food sizzled on the stove, they slowed gently in the kitchen.

The door opened and Virgil blew in with a gust of cold air. He groaned as he dropped his bag on the floor.

“Everything all right, mon amour?” Janus questioned.

“Just tired, training was hard today.” Virgil sighed.

“Yeah, I see. Go take a shower.” Janus wrinkled his nose.

Virgil made to kiss Janus but he warded him off.

“Go shower first.” He instructed.

“I want a kiss.” Virgil whined.

“I’ll give you a kiss.” Patton said.

“Don’t enable him.” Janus groaned but he pressed a quick kiss to Virgil’s nose.

Patton drew Virgil in for a soft, gentle one and then pushed him in the direction of the shower.

“Go. Food’s nearly done.”

Right on cue, Roman bounced into the kitchen, Logan trailing behind him.

“Food’s ready?” He asked.

“Not yet. Will you guys set the table?” Patton asked.

As busy clattering filled the kitchen, Patton felt a smile slip onto his lips. Janus noticed and wrapped his arms around him.

“What are you thinking about?” He whispered into his ear.

“Just thinking about how lucky I am.”

“Yeah, we really are.” He sighed.

They smiled as Virgil entered the kitchen and promptly got wrapped up in a hug from Roman.

[gritt3y]

ok uhhh kinda important announcement? sorry it’s so so sudden but i wanted to disclose this before i got on with the rest of my day since it’s been giving me immense discomfort to be hiding it for so long and just ahwhw i wanted to make this clear before i start to become alive again and active and such so ahwhwh

this is not at all a danger thing or something gone wrong in the household but ahwhwh i wanted to let y’all know anyways cuz i think it’s pretty important, at least to me, and it’s a really important thing for my identity right now

oh god i’m so nervous ahwhwhw why are you so nervous grit whyyyy ahwhwh

ok

i, think, i’m, a median system? a system that has its headmates kinda have one ultimate identity but not at the same time?

i thought for sure i was a singlet back when i joined tumblr and became active and such and i was vv confident that i wasn’t plural, but now i just feel

weird ahwhwh

recently i’ve just been feeling these, odd feelings? feelings like i never was truly alone? it’s just, so weird for me i can barely type rn i’m so scared hah ahwhwhw but like

in the beginning i thought for sure i was just one person

those who know me well know how i typed long ago, and that truly used to be my typing style for a while

but over time i felt this new “state” or state of being? it’s just, bruhhhh ahwhhww i feel so weird rn i’m ahwhwhw so nervous ahhh ahwhwhw

but like,

i first thought it was just a new typing style or whatever but i slowly came to realize it was something more than that

this “state of being” had their own desires, wishes, views on the world, even gender pronouns and it was like

wow, i never realized it ahwhw

i kinda realize how plural systems feel when they discover they’re plural and it’s just

wild honestly wow ahwhwhw

now by no means am i claiming i know how they feel, as my headmates are not as distinct as others, but they feel just distinct enough, if that makes sense

it’s just,

crazy honestly i’m ahwhwhw

so as time passed this headmate began to become the dominant one and the other state of being began to go dormant for a long time, months even

and i tried to act it off for the longest time that they were “just another typing style” or “just a side of me” but like

it’s so weird man i, never got those types of experiences before it’s insane ahwhwhw

but like,

time passed and the feelings just grew more and more

these “states of being” each had their own desires and views

i’ll go more in-depth about what those are maybe in a future post when i’m more relaxed but just

ahwhhw i’m so scared rn it’s crazyyyy ahwhwhw

but actually just, typing it out

i’m beginning to feel a lot better about myself

when i used all-encompassing pronouns like us or we it just felt, so natural

sometimes when i’m talking to myself to round my thoughts i automatically say we and it’s just, so new to me ahwhwh

so after time passed those states of being or headmates as we like to call them began to grow stronger and stronger in presence and just

man ahwhwhw it’s surreal

the realization and just, the comfort it’s bringing is crazy ahwhwh

so fast-forward to now and a new headmate came into existence recently, me, the one typing this currently ahwhwh

i think i came to existence around, 1 or 2 months ago? the system needed a sort of “auto-pilot” person to take care of the daily stuff that the others can’t really handle that well (school, chores, dealing with rens, etc etc ahwhw)

so yeah ahwhw

you might notice i type less animated than some of our other headmates (no capitalizing no emojis etc ahwhw) and i might come across as harsh or cold, but dw ahwhw i see myself to be friendly, as long as you don’t anger me or my friends we good ahwhwh

also just a quick disclaimer that while we all identify in a way as grit, we are distinct from one another and have our own names

for example my name is none, literally ahwhw i know that’s really odd but i’m comfy with it so ahwhw

feral (again literally ahwhw) is our headmate who’s very hyper, uses emojis, etc etc ahwhw

we tend to co-con (co-conscious) frequently, which is why i’m never really seen and can’t be noticed most of the time ahwhwh

finally theres wholesome (again, literally ahwhw) who’s vv sweet, the sweetest we both met personally and just, ahwhwhw they’re a bean tbh ahwhwh

they probably dissociate the least when they’re out, they’re very stable and just, overall very very wholesome literally ahwhw

i probably dissociate the most, as feral wants to come out frequently or co-con and it’s just ahwhw a mess tbh ahwhw

honestly most of the times feral edits a lot of the posts i make to kinda hide our identity as a system and kinda go off as a singlet identity but just

it honestly made me really uncomfortable, like i was fine with it in the beginning, we all were, but over time we just became so uncomfy as we knew we weren’t exactly a singlet but not exactly a very distinct system either and just ahwhw being in the between felt odd, really odd ahwhwh

but now we spilled and we’re rlly rlly happy now and just

ahwhw

i’m honestly really scared how all of y’all will react and just

god ahwh

so tldr

we are grit, as whole, we all identify as grit

but we also don’t

we’re a median system ahwhwh

so for the sake of this blog in particular i think we want to pursue single pronouns for now, as i know it’s a bit odd with the whole we and us pronouns ahwhwh

but they do make us happy ahwhw so if y’all use we or us on us we love it keep doing it ahwhwh

but yeah!

just for the record, i use he/him and they/them pronouns, feral uses they/them, and wholesome uses she/her and most often they/them pronouns

we actually sort of? prefer if y’all just call us by our singular identity, grit, but i in particular really like being called by my headmate name, none so if y’all notice me when i’m typing or such uhhh hello yellow ahwhwh

but yeah that’s all! feral and wholesome might put some notes or reblogs under this post whenever they want to and uhhh yeah!

oh also i want to let y’all know that yes, we do have a good idea of what each headmate did and stuff like that, so if y’all asked feral and wholesome they can recount exactly what i’m doing and yeah ahwhw we all in here ahwhw

anyways uhh that’s it!

if y’all have any questions shoot, and just uhhh

yeah we still super scared ahwhw

but ye! soon the weekend is coming and feral can respond to y’all texts y’all have been waiting a long time and just, ye!

sorry i should end this

okay ending it ahwhw

[jadedjxsung]

| 2:13am - seo changbin - tw: swearing, blood (but not outright gore) |

you jogged down the street, one headphone in, quietly playing a podcast. some fictional one your friend had recommended to you, something about feuding funeral parlors and voiced by british people? you weren’t really listening. you were too pissed off at the moment to really care.

it was the middle of winter, too, so when you passed the street lights you could see you breath fogging as you lightly puffed. you didn’t want to run too fast, in case you slipped and broke something. your roommate wouldn’t be too happy with you if you called them at two in the morning because you broke a limb.

spotting your destination ahead, you quickened your pace slightly. the second story lights were bright through the large windows of the gym. it was unlikely anyone would be there at this time of morning, which made it ideal for you to release a bit of your internalised rage on the boxing bag or something.

opening the door, you lightly hop up the stairs, two at a time. opening the second door into the gym, you dump your small backpack on one of the many benches lining the wall, and when you turned around to see the empty-

not quite empty gym. there is one guy, by himself, doing some weights in the opposite corner of the gym. well, the boxing bags were hung in the other corner - you decide to ignore him. plugging your other headphone in, you wrap your hands in wraps to protect your hands and then went fucking ham on the boxing bags.

you completely unleash your rage upon the bag. imagining it was the face of your former boyfriend, who you’d discovered had cheated on you with your ex best friend. the face of your overly controlling mother who tried to get you to go to university instead of working to start your own business. the smug look on the many assholes at your minimum wage job that you currently had who, for whatever reason, liked to make you feel miserable.

you are so absorbed in punching the life out of the boxing bag that when you got a tap on the shoulder, you instinctively jump back and nearly smack the guy in the face, missing him by a few centimetres. it was the guy who was on the weights earlier.

“hey, uhh... your hands are bleeding?” he gestures to your hands. they’d bled through your wraps and you’d gotten a bit of blood on the bag too.

being out of your dazed frenzy for a few moments now, you slowly began to feel the sting. “cheers for that.” you peel back the wraps and wince. your knuckles are red and had split a few times - you’d fucked up your wraps somewhere and hadn’t wrapped enough around your knuckles, apparently. you went and sat down by your bag, and the guy appears again with a dark green first aid kit.

“something really must’ve pissed you off to come to a gym at,” he glances at his phone screen as it lights up, “two in the morning and punch a boxing bag ‘till your knuckles bleed and not notice it.” unzipping the kit he gently takes your hands in his, and cleans them with some kind of wipe.

“yeah, but make that plural. some things have pissed me off.”

“care to elaborate?”

“found out my ex cheated on me with my best friend. my mother is being a control freak yet again and tries to get me to go to university despite me telling her what i am planning on doing. assholes at work. i couldn’t get to sleep.” you summarise. the male finishes cleaning you hands and carefully put a few bandages over the worst splits in your skin. “why are you here at two in the morning?”

“i like it. there’s no one else here, usually.” he adds with a small grin.

you shrug. “fair enough. follow up question - do you not have work in the morning?”

“well... yes. but i’m usually up this late even if i’m not working out.”

“so what do you do?”

“i’m a musician. more specifically, i rap and compose. what do you do?”

“currently? checkout operator at the department store. i’m starting up my business as a freelance photographer and artist.” when his hands leave yours, your fingers suddenly feel a bit cold. it was probably the injuries, right?

“oh, nice. well, best of luck for your business. maybe i could hire you to do an album cover.” he jokes, but you could tell there was some sincerity in his statement.

“thanks. can i find your music online?” you get up to disinfect the boxing bag, cloth in one hand and spray bottle in the other.

“uhh- yeah. spearb on soundcloud.”

you lips split into a grin. “ooh, a soundcloud rapper.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he asked incredulously.

“well, aren’t soundcloud rappers known for being..... subpar to actual rappers?”

“hey! i’m pretty decent if i do say so myself.” a smirk graces his features.

“alright, well i’ll listen to your music on the jog home,” you sling your bag over your shoulder. “thank you for... this.” you raised your hands.

“no problem. do you live far away?”

“it’s a fifteen minute walk.”

“do you want me to walk with you?”

“no, it’s good, thanks.” 

you saw his brow furrow in concern. “are you sure? it’s nearly 3am, it’s not exactly safe this time of day.”

“what if i text you to let you know i’m home? would that make you feel less concerned?”

“y-yeah, sure.” you unlock your phone and pull up a new contact for him to add his number and name. he passes your phone back to you a few moments later.

“i hope we meet again, ‘good soundcloud rapper,’” you narrow your eyes to read your phone screen.

“me too. get home safe, yeah?”

“yeah. thank you.” you smile at him, going back down the small flight of stairs and opening the door outside. it was more bitter than before, somehow. maybe because you weren’t so bitter yourself.

you jog again to retain some warmth for about ten minutes. you listen to a few of spearb’s songs as you went - some were from a group called 3racha, which was apparently him and two other guys. he had quite a decent following, actually - definitely a good reflection on his work, because he seems to deserve it. you hardly knew him, but he seemed kind.  

quietly unlocking the front door, you enter your shared apartment quietly, and shut it carefully. you quietly pad to your room, where you dump your bag in one corner and flop down on your bed. pulling out your phone, you compose a new text message.

you: i’m home, you don’t have to worry lmao

you: listened to some of your songs too. i retract my previous statement; you are, in fact, a good soundcloud rapper.

good soundcloud rapper: haha, thanks. would you be keen on getting a coffee sometime? not at 2am though

you: sure. how’s 3am?

you: i’m kidding. when are you next free?

good soundcloud rapper: 3pm friday?

you: sounds good. see you then :)

what an interesting 2am excursion - your hands still hurt, but you also had a soft smile on your face. perhaps, things were going to start getting better for you now, starting with a coffee at 3pm on friday.

[tinkdw]

hi I don’t know if it’s just me, but does it feel like d/c’s relationship has been kind of stagnant for the past few seasons...? i just don’t sense much development but it could all be in my head. maybe it’s bc cas can’t be in every episode so it feels like he has a very set role

The TL;DR version is: WE, the audience, know they love each other romantically. THEY are written as thinking they can’t have each other (he doesn’t love me that way / I’m only needed not wanted / everything I touch turns bad / I’ve done nothing but screw up his life / I’m poison). 

Cue audience frustration

Why?

Dean/Cas as romantic since mid season 11 has been growing at an alarmingly massive rate but it has grown as a love story core to the plot, not as a bunch of wink wink nudge nudge moments as it had been many times previously.

It’s not a JOKE anymore it’s CORE TO THE PLOT.

So yeah, we haven’t had so many moments like Thelma and Louise or lip licking  or boner scenes but we’ve had Cas literally tell Dean he’s in love with him then telling the rest of the family that he loves them, surrounded by a bunch of peripheral characters prior to this in s12 doing their own rendition of singular v plural (like Magda’s mom “she did this to me, she did this to us” etc) then finally in season 13 this came back again with Jack’s reminder of this moment in the finale just as Dean is with Cas and saying yes to Michael to save the others and the world just as Cas originally helped him avoid. Of all the ironies amiright.

Because in between this we had the Empty literally telling Cas he knows who he loves and that there’s nothing for him there and Dean running around for 3 years yelling “what about CAS?!” at every opportunity.

It couldn’t be clearer that Dean’s mourning for Cas was different to Sam’s. That Dean’s grief is what caused Jack to reach through the veil and wake Cas up. Insert gif of “gay love pierces the veil and saves the day”. Cos I mean JEEZ. Plus this reminds us again of how Amara had to reach through Cas’ heart to get to Dean at the end of season 11 even though they were apparently “bound” but ahem no, she had to work through Cas to get to Dean because Dean’s chosen bond with Cas was way stronger than the forced bond with her. She couldn’t contact him until he was thinking about Cas and she hovered her hand over his heart to feel the link then she was able to speak to him. TWICE. Like… this is all canon and it doesn’t really come across as platonic you know? All this heart symbolism and it being clear that something here is deep and meaningful, meanwhile Dean is going through his personal arc of accepting who he really is and a huge amount of that is stuff like ahem, riding Larry, and a whole bunch of stuff over 13 years leading us to see him as bisexual and at the same time he happens to have deep and meaningful and different feelings towards one dude in particular who tells him he loves him then Dean goes and makes him a mixtape and is so friggin awkward like a teenager with a crush who at the same time is not sure what he can and can’t have, is going through a whole personal arc of self worth and acceptance where he’s flitting between letting himself have what he wants but then also holding back so he gives him the friggin mixtape but is also like “buddy” “pal” cough um, I mean, uh, here have this tape I made you and let me look after you here’s a beer though you don’t need one, do you need a back rub? I mean, uhh.… ok this is all a massive coincidence right? Pfffft.

Meanwhile it couldn’t be clearer that Cas thinks Dean is not in love with him, that he feels rejected romantically and this is the basis for all of their interactions in season 13. Dean being all “oh I was grieving and nearly died myself until you came back but then I immediately went “welcome home pal” and suppressed the CRAP out of all those feelings and then went on to tell you you were brought back cos we needed you back which is such horse shit everyone was screaming at their tv “NO THE ONLY PERSON WHO NEEDED HIM BACK WAS YOU DEAN AND YOU DONT NEED HIM, YOU WANT HIM! IT’S NOT THE SAME!”. The only reason Jack at that point needed Cas back was because Dean was being such a dick to him because of what he did to Cas. Like… ain’t no sub to that text. Again that’s all canon.

We then had Sam’s “we need you, I need you” to Gabriel which was clearly NOT ROMANTIC but emphasised both the fact that Cas thinks Dean’s “I need you” was not romantic and therefore feels rejected AND the plural/singular thing.

We have Tombstone where Dean’s been a mess for 5 episodes then Cas comes back and he’s BEAMING. But to Cas nothing has changed, he doesn’t know Dean was a mess, to him Dean’s just being Dean but we the audience see the huge change. This then builds all season up to Dean’s BS “we needed you back” no chickflick moments totally suppressing the truth comment to Cas so Cas has no idea of what really happened and how it all hinges on Dean’s feelings for him.

We have the Donatello thing where the reason Cas goes full on triggered and ends up doing what he does is because he hurt Dean. When he hurt Sam it was like oh bad times but whatever lets just tie him up and ask him questions.

Hurting Dean though?

x 

Like… sure of course it’s all still subtext and if they really wanted to they could chicken out because noone has said “I love you” in a direct and open manner to the other without the other thinking it’s not really what they mean or rejecting the crap out of it because they don’t think they’re worthy and causing them to feel rejected but it would make no real narrative sense at this point other than as massive queerbaiting and storybaiting because they’ve built them now so far in the context of the plot as intrinsic to each other and to the plot itself as romantic now.

Like, what is the point of all this if not to lead here you know? You just wouldn’t bother making it romantic in the first place. You just wouldn’t bother building the plural v singular and need v want and perceived rejection over the course of 2.5 YEARS if not to go somewhere with it all when it all points to the same conclusion?

I think a big problem rn in the narrative and fandom is that both of them feels the other has in the past or is currently romantically rejecting them. Their feelings are stalled and suppressed which makes us watching it feel it is stalled / suppressed even though it’s built into the narrative more than ever.

WE, the audience, know they love each other romantically. 

THEY think they can’t have each other so act accordingly awkward around each other instead of flirty / like they think it could happen so it comes across on screen like they’re not interested in each other even though at every opportunity around it we are being continuously told they are.

Cue audience frustration.

^ That’s the point we are at now ^ 

THEY think the other isn’t in love with them in return and that there’s nothing for them there (Cas) or that they don’t deserve that love (Dean) or a mix of the two plus a whole bunch of “he’s confused and doesn’t know what he wants we’re better off as friends anyway and everyone I touch / love ends up dead and if we ever did get to a point where our lives weren’t this apocalyptical mess and he still felt the same way maybe then when we’re on the beach sipping beers in matching Hawaiian shirts then I could entertain the thought of us together and offer to put lotion on his back and go from there but at this point it would just end badly and I don’t think I could lose him again after getting together it would just hurt even more and I can’t do that to either of us”.

Remember in season 9 when Cas was human and they were at a point of literally flirting so much Sam was like WTF

But then Cas had to become an Angel again to do his duty, to help Heaven, save Sam etc and Dean was like dude what why did you do that are you ok with that and Cas didn’t answer at all except to say he had to do it. Like, they literally built in that episode what would happen if they were actually allowed to do what they wanted for once, which was whatever the hell was coming after all this flirtation ^, it was a massive exposition of what Cas wanted instead of what he thought he needed to do to be useful. It was “hey look this is what Cas wants but he is stopping himself from having it but remember this and bear with until he gets to the point he can allow himself to have it”.

Which is again exactly what Dean’s Hawaiian shirt speech was in 13x23!

=>These are exposition of what they want right before forcing them to reject it in order to be useful to save others. Exposing their desires to make it even more heartbreaking when they reject it out of their selfless desire to help others. 

BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT HEROES DO.

You can’t really build a hero without first showing what they want so it is even stronger when they suppress that in order to help others. I mean, you could but it would be pretty hollow, showing what they want and then not allowing them to have it until their happy ending is kind of how you build the tragic hero story, otherwise it’s kinda like meh what’s the alternative? Give the audience the alternative, what they want, then take it away from them due to their selfless desire to help others, that’s what makes a real hero story. Then give them their happy ending and the audience will have wanted it for so long for them they’ll love you for it.

Like - SPN fandom is mostly a bunch of people yelling “why can’t they just be happy?! Give Sam a dog! Let him have friends! Let Dean cook and have his Dean cave! Let Cas feel loved!” That’s because it’s been so well built this way to make us want this for them and them not having it for years. 

Make the audience want something then hold it back - lesson 101 of building their engagement with the story.

TL;DR since mid season 11 they’ve given us so much Dean/Cas as romantic that the GA have started noticing, it’s a serious topic in interviews eg Dean and Sam’s reactions to Cas’ death and more and more people are seeing it as romantic (even the anti Destiel people are foaming at the mouth and yelling at TPTB because they can’t deny it in the text of the show anymore), whilst also building it that the characters themselves think it’s NOT romantic or that they just can’t have it and I think that’s where this perception that it isn’t comes from - the characters own perception that they can’t have it.

But the narrative is showing us it bloody well is romantic AF but the characters are suppressing it, so buckle up for when they realise they might be able to actually have it.

[0carkki0]

Dead character meme: by EastZombie (deviantArt), Jan 5, 2014, 9:54:42 AM Scraps This is a questionnaire for any character/s that has/have died. You can fill it out with one or more characters, and it should be filled out either by role-playing or by first-person answers. Because I hate writing pronouns to be both singular and plural, the assumption is that there's only person, when this questionnaire could work for more. Enjoy. 1. What is your name? Vivs: Vividatt. Nice to meet you. 2. Alright then. When were you born? Vivs: At Metrica Province Hinterlabs. It is notfar away from Rata Sum, our main city. 3. And when did you die? Vivs: Last year for the last time. I have died two times now. The first time took Place little after the Bloodstone Fen incident, which a year before the last time. 4. Now, for the big question, how did you kick the bucket? Be as explicit as you like. At the first time it was an ability to heal issue. Seliene, a human… friend of mine was there to stop me from becoming the world's nemesis after I... lost my senses to my other personality within my mind. We were both quite exhausted from fighting the whole day and it was time for that final strike. I did manage to destroy her heart, but since she was a Dragonhunter, she was able to keep herself alive till her arrow went through my head. After that I found myself from being judged by the judge of the afterlife. I was just hearing my judgement when the judge stopped judging and then told me that I was being summoned back in Exchange. That's when I woke up with Seliene's dead body in my arms. Second time… was when I faced the God of War and Fire in a battle where I wasn't prepared at all. He was actually just playing with me while we were fighting, and then finally killed me with his greatsword. I... would have stayed dead if it didn't bother me that Auriene, a dragonbaby at the time, had just tried to help me just before I died, and was caught. Well… AFter I came back to well… "life" it was obvious that my body wasn't living in a normal way anymore. It was and Still is in a state that shouldn't be able to live. But here I am. Feeling better than ever. 5. Are you upset about dying, or are you at peace with it? Vivs: I'm more upset by the fact that I had to come back. I knew that I couldn't be at peace knowing that Auriene was caught because of me. Then again, I may have come back as a ghost anyway... 6. If you could miraculously come back to life, would you? Vivs: Of course. First of all I could have progeny of my own, if I found a female asura that shared my views of... life with me. Secondly, the chances to die are higher than they currently are. Thirdly, I could feel pain more clearly. *smile* 7. Now that you’re dead, what do you feel was your greatest achievement in your life? Vivs: So far… Probably killing Mordremoth, an Elder Dragon of Plants and Mind. We had to enter inside of his mind to be able to kill him. ANd uh... kill a friend before Mordremoth took over his mind… 8. And your greatest regret? Vivs: Heh... I have a lot of those, but… the greatest one must be that I never told Taimi how I see her mind. Now… it's too late. I'm dead, sort of... Though, once an elder asura said that if you're able to think, you're alive. If only was really that simple. 9. Is there anything you wish you had done before you died? Anything at all? Vivs: It's my greatest regret. 10. If you could go back and relive one part of your life, would you? And if so, what part would it be and why? Would you do anything differently? Vivs: Ahh… There are so many… Probably that time when Seliene and I were inside my... lab. Let's say it was close I didn't lick her. *grin* 11. Did you have any beliefs regarding the afterlife during your life? If so, were they correct? Vivs: Not really. We have an Access to the Mists where all the deceased go, and thanks to our Gates, living may go too. We also have a lot of information about afterlife inside the Durmand Priory headquarters. … It's an Order I joined around when we were just learning more about the Elder Dragon's circle of life. 12. You can send a written message to one still-living person, who is it and what do you say to them? Vivs: Uhh… I'd rather write that after I was really gone, if you don't mind.   13. If your canon’s version of the afterlife allows it, are you going to be a ghost? Vivs: It might be fun. Going through WALLS... And people… Possessing people. And... I think I know who I would LOVE to possess… *grin* 14. Did you leave any loved ones behind when you died? Vivs: Yes. My friends. My Grandmother. 15. If it’s applicable to your canon’s afterlife, were you reunited with any loved ones when you died? Vivs: Not really. I was chasing after the memories of my life in the Domain of the Lost, before I met with the Judge. He sent me back after I did a little favor for him. 16. Did you have a funeral? If so did you see it? Was it nice? Did the people there serve the glory that is your life justice? Vivs: Well, there was no time for that. It didn't take that long after I was sent back here, but I was glad to see my friends after I awoke… I kind of dislike using that Word nowadays, thanks to Palawa Joko... but my friends were gathered around me and it seemed like they actually were sad that I had died. That little seewtheart Kasmeer Meade even shed tears for me. At least I hope she was crying for me... ^ w ^` 17. If it’s applicable, what happened to your body after you died? Were you buried, cremated, made into pencils, or was your body unrecoverable in some way? Are you an organ donor? Vivs: I have asked to burn my body if I die for good. 18. Was your death expected or unexpected? Vivs: Both. I'm sure Balthazar, the God of War and Fire, was expecting it. Me? No. And I don't think the others did either. 19. If you could go back and prevent yourself from dying, would you? Why or why not? Vivs: Of course. Like I said, I'd rather be alive fully for thereasons I already mentioned. 20. If you could to pick one person to die, and it had to be somebody you knew, would you pick someone? Why or why not? If you do pick someone, who would it be and why? Vivs: Me. For good. I don't like myself. And I'm sure a lot of people would be saved without me. 21. Where did you die? Did you die in a hospital, in an ambulance, in a car, in your sleep, in a factory, in your house, or where? Vivs: Crystal Desert, Elon Riverlands, Skimshallow Cove up at the spire. 22. What was your general goal in life? Vivs: It Still is saving Tyria, and my friends. Though, sometimes I wonder…. 23. Did you achieve it? Vivs: So far we have destroyed an Elder Dragon Zhaitan, Mordremoth and the Rogue God of War Balthazar. And of course the Lich King Tyrant, Palawa Joko. 24. If you were murdered, why did someone murder you and are you angry with your murderer? Did they see justice? Vivs: *remembers the fight with Balthazar* I'd say. 25. If you committed suicide, what drove you to kill yourself? Vivs: … What? Why would you think it was a suicide? It obviously wasn't, since he really wanted to kill me. 26. Are you happy with the live you lived, why or why not? Vivs: Don't you mean life I lived? Yes and no. A lot of mistakes. A lot of friends died. A lot of people saved and friends were made. Still, I'm sure my friends can continue the World saving even if I'm gone. 27. Name at least one thing you wish you did differently. Vivs: The study of the parasite minion. If I knew that THAT was the cause of all this, I never would have tried to summon it. 28. Did you die single or in a relationship? Vivs: *sigh* Single. 29. If you were in a relationship, do you think your significant other will move on? Do you want them to move on? If it’s applicable to your canon’s version of the afterlife, will you move on? Vivs: Of course. It would be unfair and stupid to expect them to stay loyal to me when I can't give progenies. I'm DEAD. My body Works completely differently from that of a living. Including the body liquids. 30. Is there a God? If so, did you meet him/her/it/whatever? Did you think there was a God while you were alive? Was he/she/it/whatever what you were expecting? Vivs: There were GodS. Six of them, actually. Dwayna, Goddess of life and air. Grenth, God of death and ice. Lyssa, Goddess of beauty and water. Melandru, Goddess of nature and earth. Kormir, Goddess of truth and spirit. And lastly Balthazar, God of war and fire. I've seen only two of them, though. Kormir and Blehthazar. Kormir I met when we were looking for ways to stop Balthazar, and that's when she told us that the Gods were all gone. Yep! I did feel a bit like they had like "fuck this shit I'm out" -kind of attitude… They just left. Why? Don't know, but she said that this was our problem to solve, so... we solved it. 31. Was your death significant to your canon’s plot? Vivs: Yes. I met Palawa Joko in afterlife, and I just had to tick him off before I returned. He somehow got free from the prison inside the Domain of the Lost and attacked… Taimi. It was… my fault she got nearly suffocated to death… 32. Was it necessary for your canon’s plot? Vivs: Of cousre! I just can't go on without causing a bit chaos here and there. Well, I suppose the Elonians are now free from the Lich's tyrannical grip, since he's now part of Auriene and her droppings. 33. Do you still have a physical form? If so, do you look the same as you did before you died? Explain any change. Vivs: I used to have very pale skin, but because I died by the God of War and Fire's greatsword, my sking got darker for the burns. My hair also got a little strange color reaction with death and magic... It's now purple, when it used to black. I think it turned white first, but because of the magic it took the color of purple. My heart beats rarely. WHen it does, it tend sto fill my lungs with liquid, which I then puke out. I also am not so sensitive to pain as I was while I was alive. But because of the parasite minion, my uh... greatsword of love is stuck in an erect position. 34. Did you go to another life? Vivs: Sort of. The Mists is a whole other World... 35. Do you think there’s any chance of you being reincarnated? Vivs: Could be. But I don't think that has anything to do with my current situation. 36. If you had the choice of being reincarnated or not, would you take it? Would being able to chose who you’re reincarnated as make a difference in your decision? Vivs: Of course. I would like to be reincarnated as a cat. 37. How long have you been dead for? If you don’t know, try to guess. Vivs: About a year and a half. 38. What is the worst thing you did while you were alive? Vivs: Ayy… Let's see… There's that… and then there's that… It has to be the massacre of asuras inside Rata Sum. 39. What’s the best thing you did? Vivs: Hmm... Killing Zhaitan. It gave hope to many people. 40. If you got to meet one dead famous person, who would it be, and why? Vivs: Easy. Snaff the Master Golemancer. 41. Would you describe dying as a scary experience? Vivs: To me it's like going to carnival. 42. If you had to go back to the land of living, and be alive as yourself again, would you live your life differently? Vivs: Deffinately. I would let someone else be the hero of Tyria, which people apparently call me. 43. Would your views on life change at all? Vivs: They would stay Small, since I wouldn't travel as much as I do now. I just have to go where the next opportunity of dying for good rises. 44. What where your last words? Vivs: If I remember correctly, I said "No, Auriene…" 45. If you could change your last words, would you? If so, to what? Vivs: Probably "BRB". … Be Right Back. 46. Do you have any last words for this questionnaire? Vivs: Don't worry. Being an undead isn't that bad. I can't drown, since I don't need oxygen to stay alive. I do miss the unbearable physical pain, though, and that moment when you can finally urinate after holding in for so long. XP Okay then. Rest in peace. 

I like thinking that he became a scourge after he was killed by Balthazar. X3 Sorry for bad grammar. ^^; I wrote this lateat night right after work. 

[elevanetheirin]

OC Interview

. Pick one of your characters

2. Fill in the questions/statements as if you are being interviewed for an article and you were your muse.

3. Tag people to do this meme

I am going to do the Warden Commander, Elevane Cousland/Theirin

What is your name?

*looks around nervously and smiles* Elevane Theirin  *smile becomes a grin and blushes*

What is your real name?

*sighs* Hero of Fereldan, Vanquisher of the Fifth Blight, Warden Commander of Fereldan Elevane Cousland Queen Consort to King Alistair,  daughter of Teyrn  Cousland *rolls eyes*

Do you know why you were called that?

Elevane is the plural for the word Elev which means student, pupil. My parents had hoped I would always be learning something I guess.

Are you single or taken?

*grins widely* I am very much taken.

Having any abilities or powers?

*giggles* Powers? No, I’ve no powers. I suppose you could call my deftness with duel swords an ability, there are few who can match my ability or so I am told.

Stop being a Mary Sue

I don’t think I am, I mean not intentionally. I just do what I need to do and what needs to be done. *shrugs*

What’s your eye color?

Bright blue, can’t you see them yourself? *rolls eyes*

How about your hair color?

*groans* Are you really asking me that? It’s black, clearly.

Have you any family members?

Before the Blight? I had my parents and my brother. Now? I have all of Fereldan so, yes, I would say I have a lot of family members. Most important ones? Fergus and Alistair of course.

Oh? What about pets?

*whistles and calls* MACK! Come here boy! Of course I have pets, if a mabari can be called a pet, he’s also my faithful companion. 

That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

I don’t like being a Grey Warden, never have...

Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

My hobbies are being the Queen of Fereldan *laughs* I mean it’s not something I do as a regular thing, I spend most of my time being the Warden Commander, being Queen is oddly more of a vacation, even with the time spent at court.

Ever hurt anyone before?

Of course! I mean if you are referring to physically hurt. Emotionally hurt? *tears fill her eyes* Sadly yes, I’ve done that as well. I’ve hurt myself, and I’ve hurt Ali, which is even worse. There was that whole Dark Ritual thing...

Ever….killed anyone before?

*Laughs hysterically* I am not going to answer that, you already know the answer *shakes head*

What kind of animal are you?

Hmmm that’s a hard question surprisingly...I would say a Unicorn if I can choose a mythical beast.

Name your worst habits.

Well, I think my worst habit would be my language, it’s hard for me to be proper at court now, after spending all that time on the road and with the companions I had. *smiles*

Do you look up to anyone at all?

Honestly? I look up to so many people. Alistair, for accepting his role as King even though he didn’t want to, and working hard at it to make Fereldan a better place. My parents for knowing that everyone matters regardless of their race or status and my brother, Fergus, for persevering after the death of his wife and child and making  Highever better than ever.

Gay, straight, or bisexual?

Straight.

Do you go to school?

I’m the daughter of a Teryn of course I had schooling. I had my own tutor. I’ve learned etiquette, History, math, and several languages. 

Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

Did you even research these questions? I mean I am married to the King of Fereldan. Have you been under a rock? I’d like to have kids, I’m...looking into that. At the moment it’s not possible. Grey Warden and all that.

Do you have any fanboys/fangirls? Yes, I usually attract a lot of attention. Killing the Archdemon will do that, and finding Andraste’s final resting place...

What are you most afraid of?

Umm...ahem, disappointing people, not fulfilling my plans to cure the taint.

What do you usually wear?

At court? A dress, anything suitable, but when I am not here? I don’t wear the Warden armor, I hate it, it’s too  confining, even the rogue armor. I wear something from Master Wade. He’s a genius when it comes to making armor out of unusual skins

Do you love someone?

*looks down at her hands* Alistair Theirin, more than anything in the world. I would give my life for him, I would give my life just to make sure he’s happy the rest of his.

When was the last time you wet yourself?

Uhh Really? Never! Ok, maybe when I was 3. Sheesh

Well, it’s not over yet!

Can we hurry this along then? I promised Ali we would go for a ride.

What class are you? (high class, middle class, low class)

I’m a noble, you remember don’t you? Queen, daughter of a Teryn..Wow you have a short term memory problem don’t you?

How many friends do you have?

I have more than I can count and far more than I deserve.

What are your thoughts on pie?

Pfft pie? No, CAKE!! Always CAKE!

Favourite drink?

Ale, probably because it’s what I drink when Ali and I slip out of the castle...Wait! Don’t print that! You can’t tell people. OMG Ali is going to kill me, and so is Eamon!

What’s your favourite place?

*sighs* Anywhere Alistair is, honestly! I don’t care for anywhere but with him, but if I have to choose someplace specific? Highever.

Are you interested in someone?

Uhhh yeah, Alistair...seriously, do you have a problem remembering what people say?

What’s your bra cup size?

*laughs loudly* I won’t tell you a size, if you want to know why not try asking Alistair. *roars with laughter*

Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

The lake, they’re calm and relaxing.

What’s your type?

Oh an easy one! Someone who’s a strong leader when he needs to be, who is kind, caring and just.

Any fetishes?

*squints* Are you serious right now? No, no I don’t. If you’ve heard something it’s nothing but idle gossip.

Seme or uke? Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive?

*arches eyebrow* Quite frankly I don’t think that’s any of your business and if this line of questioning continues I will end this conversation.

Camping or indoors?

Wise choice...both! I love camping but having a hot bath can’t be beat.

Are you wanting to quiz to end?

Oh, no we can continue if you’re willing to include the guard outside my door and King Alistair in this conversation. I am curious as to if you’re brave enough to ask some of those questions with them around...

——————

Ok, if you’ve already done this I am sorry for tagging you lol but here goes..

@roguelioness @redinkofshame @idrelle-miocovani @fereldanwench @king-theirin and anyone else who wants to do it, if you don’t and you’re tagged no worries <3

Thank  you to @princessvicky01 and @galadrieljones thank you ladies! 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Were you alone today? So far, since it’s 1:03AM and I’m the only one awake right now in my house.

Who was the last person you saw today? My brother.

What do you need to let go of? A lot of things.

What movie are you looking forward to? The Last Jedi, of course course, but that’s not until December. Currently, I’d like to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie.

Have you played the lottery? Yes.

What recently happened that made you proud of yourself? Nothing. I’ve been disappointed in myself for a long time now.

Who did you see the most today? So far I only saw my brother before he went to bed.

How much is gasoline per gallon? I actually don’t know.

What was your horoscope today? Was it accurate? I have no idea. I don’t check my horoscope. If I come across something I’ll read it for fun, but I don’t really believe in it.

What are you most afraid of? This question is asked constantly. I’ve answered it so many times.

What’s the biggest thing you have going on? I don’t have anything going on.

What did you accomplish today? I made some chicken tenders and homemade Chick-Fil-A sauce. About a half an hour ago. It’s only 1:10AM, no biggie. Haha.

Did you act your age today? How does one act twenty-seven?

How busy was your day today? Like I said, it’s only after 1AM and I’ve already made chicken tenders and homemade sauce. Did a few surveys. Watched a few videos.  I’m doing a lot, you guys. Gettin’ stuff done. lmao.

What is your address? Hahah you must be crazy if you think I’m sharing that.

What do you wish there was less of in the world? Hate and violence.

What is stopping you? From making less of those things in the world? Uhh I’d have no idea how to do that exactly. I don’t think I have the ability to do so.

What were your chores today? Nothing so far.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? Something on TV.

Who did you eat dinner with? My family.

How did you make a difference in the world today? I haven’t done anything that significant, survey maker. You expect so much of me.

What is one thing you take with you everywhere? My purse with my phone and wallet.

The last gift I’ve given was ____. A body lotion to my friend’s mom for her birthday.

Ever wake up early on Saturdays to go Garage Sale shopping? No.

When was the last time you got a nose bleed? Never.

Do you have any picture frames without a picture in them? Yeah, they’re put away in a drawer.

Do you keep magazines by your toilet? Sometimes we do.

What did you last take a picture of with your camera? Something on TV that I wanted to show my mom.

The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? A friend’s wedding last April.

Are you proud of who you are? No.

If you were a waiter/waitress, would you make good tips? Probably not.

Forget about toppings. What type of CRUST do you like on pizzas? I like pan crust with like garlic and herb and stuff.

Have you ever stolen a road sign or traffic barrier? No. I don’t get why people do that.

Captain Crunch vs. Count Chocula: Who makes the better cereal? Cap’N Crunch most definitely. Yum.

Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? Ice cream sundae. I take so long to eat, and a cone just gets too messy for me. Cones are good, though.

Is chapstick a necessity for you? During the summer months, yes.

What are the best kind of Girl Scout cookies? Thin Mints, Lemonades, and those peanut butter ones.

Do you constantly doubt yourself? Constantly.

Do you like to have ice in your drinks? I only have ice when I get a fountain soda from a fast food place or restaurant. Or in an iced coffee. I don’t like a lot of it, either. I don’t use ice at home.

What did you eat for breakfast? I always have a cup of coffee and either a muffin or two or a donut. Donuts, plural, if they’re the mini ones.

What song are you most likely to sing in the shower? I have a shower playlist, so whatever songs come on while I’m in there.

Can you cross your eyes? No.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? Uh... :X

If a color represented your mood right now what color would it be and why? Gray.

[maybeformepersonally]

@manchester-macchiatos​ tagged me to do this, so here we go lads!

-What are your favourite songs to sing or hum to? I don’t sing really, but there are a few songs that I can’t resist singing along with and the first coming to mind is ‘Magic Dance’ by David Bowie. I literally can’t resist it, there’s truly something magical about that song.

-What’s your favourite flower/tree/plant? Uhh... I don’t much care for plants or flowers so I don’t know? None?

-Favourite colours? I like this question a lot because it’s in plural! (I’m so bad at picking a favourite anything, I always end up listing a bunch of things.) My favourite colours are purple, red, silver and black.

-What do you always doodle? I don’t draw and I don’t really doodle, but I used to doodle stars and band typefaces when I was in school. 

-How do you take your coffee/tea? Sweet in both cases (two to three spoonfuls of sugar, brown sugar if possible), and with milk or cream in the case of coffee. Sometimes I melt a chocolate bar into my coffee if I’m feeling fancy and I like putting a cinnamon stick in my tea.

-Favourite candle scent?

I have no idea, I don’t use them. Some scented candles give me a headache, so I saty clear of them.

-Sunrise or sunset? Sunrise.

-What perfume do you wear? None. It’s a lot of money for something I don’t really care about so I never buy any. I have some that I got as gifts and I always forget to wear them.

-Go to dance move? Uh, I don’t know how to describe it lmao, it probably has a name but I don’t know it. It’s like a step with one foot, then another step but to the side, then the same with your other foot and repeat. It probably doesn’t translate into text and you have no idea what I’m talking about, but it’s very basic.

-One of my favourite quotes? In honour of this being my Dan and Phil sideblog I’m going for a Dan quote: “I’m just a humble trash can trying to roll my way through life”. Funny, to the point, accurate, always relevant, all around an excellent quote.

-Favourite self care routines? I like to treat myself to takeout and read fanfiction. Sometimes I binge on youtube on bad days.

-Fuzzy socks or house slipper? In cold days? Both.

-What colour are your eyes? Brown.

-What does your happy place look like? My computer desk in my living room, out next to a friend, sometimes an exciting new place while on a trip.

-What’s your favourite eye colour on others? I don’t have a preference.

-Favourite season? I want to say summer, but realistically it’d have to be spring. It’s generally the best time of year for me.

-Favourite breed of dog? 

Probably shiba inu.

-Do you ever want to get married?

Not particularly.

-Cursive or print? Uh, cursive, obviously? Who has the time for print? That’s too much work.

-Favourite weather? Very warm. I hate the cold with a burning passion unrivalled by anything else on this bitch of an Earth.

Thank you for tagging me, Mickey! I’m tagging anyone who wants to do it because I’m lazy, but do @ me if you do it so I can see it!