#id you actually feel like talking it through please free to dm me about it
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faithinlouisfuture · 2 years ago
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thatonecode · 5 months ago
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what car seat headrest songs would you recommend? :D
OH YOURE GONNA REGRET ASKING ME THIS !!!!! OHHHHH !!!!!!
im putting a read more link here because this got . exactly as long as i thought it would
okay well obviously to start with i'd recommend "Beach Life-In-Death" from the album "Twin Fantasy" (2018 version not 2011 . i like both versions but the 2018 is better production quality) . this is like . starter pack car seat headrest this song will change your entire fucking life . no dont go look at how long it is . its fine dont worry about it . this was the song that got me into csh its the song ive chosen to be my top song of the year ive listened to it 3 times everyday since the start of the year without missing any times . its a really fucking good song
actually ! that whole album is like . mindblowingly life changingly good and it literally ruined my entire life for . well i havent actually recovered ! months !!! twin fantasy is an album about falling in love with a fictionalized version of a person and watching the relationship crumble . its like . devastating i can't recommend it enough . if youre only going to listen to 3 songs off the album my person favs are "Beach Life-In-Death" (as mentioned), "Nervous Young Inhumans" and "Famous Prophets (Stars)" . also . throw "Sober to Death" in there as well just for fun as a bonus .
Teens of Denial is also a fantastic album i EXTREMELY recommend listening to "Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales" and "the Ballad of the Costa Concordia" . again . lives were changed . "Cosmic Hero", "1937 State Park" and "Fill in the Blank" also periodically live in my mind rent fucking free but yknow . i cant exactly recommend the entire album (EXCEPT I CAN !!! YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THE WHOLE ALBUM !!!!!!)
moving away from album recs my personal favs recently have been "Crows - Rest In Bigger Pieces Mix" from the album "Nervous Young Man" . what if for just one night you turned into an animal yknow ??? its really good . and the other one is "The Ending of Dramamine" from the album "How to Leave Town" because ive been really Feeling the effects of my mental illness recently . "There Must Be More Than Blood" from "Making a Door Less Open" is also a very good song and SUPER easy to blorbo-ify if i do say so myself . "Over Exposed (Enjoy)" from "Monomania" is also . well . and somewhere down the line you'll look back/and say you did the best that you could and you'll be wrong/you're always wrong . so . theres that
confession i havent listened to their entire discography yet ive listened to twin fantasy, teens of denial, and MaDLO . i think monomania is next on my to listen to list .
some final general pointers if youre new to csh id recommend looking up the lyrics on your first listen through anything because will toledo hates enunciating like its personally wronged him . i recommend listening to twin fantasy alone in your room with all the lights off for peak effect (depression) . a general reminder csh is fucking Awful and i hate it and everytime i listen to it i go i cant believe i enjoy this and that its changed my life . this sounds awful . vast majority of csh songs are over 5 minutes and normally the REALLY good ones are 10+ minutes . you get used to it .
ALSO ! heres an incomplete google doc of my favourite lyics that im slowly updating as i come across them
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK !!! feel entirely free to send me either more asks with any thoughts on any songs or just dm me !!!! i love music so much i would deeply deeply love to talk about music any time :]
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firstdivisiongirl · 1 year ago
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okay im way too shy to say this off anon but ive been highkey lowkey stalking your blog and your vibes??? Immaculate. 100/10. you seem like a very Good and Safe person to be around and i look at some of the stuff you post/write and go ':] heehee this is enjoyable :]]]'
okok stalkerish ramblings aside, i do have a request, if youre comfortable with it!! could you write a ficlet/mini-fic (whatever term you'd like to use theres so many :,3) about a sanji x transmasc!reader?
basically reader is afab and has been dating sanji for a while now, but has just recently come to the realization that they are actually more comfortable/happy being referred to as a man!! obviously, they are scared of what sanjis going to think, especially because hes, well. respectfully, because sanjis Like That. but!!! but eventually they gather the courage to come out and tell him, and then you can write sanjis reaction(s) however you'd like!!! admittedly id like it to be fluffy, but if you want it to be angtsy then feel free to make it so <3<3
okok sorry for the wall of text uhh have a good day and take your time please 💗💞💗
Hi! Thank you so so much! I’m happy you really love my blog and vibes. Don’t feel shy. I’d love to meet you. You can totally DM if you ever want to talk or anything. I’d love to hear from you. This was fun to write and it took me so long because I wanted to make sure it was perfect for such a big fan of mine. I hope you like it and you enjoy this. Can’t wait to hear from you in the future.
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The Real Me (Sanji x Trans man reader)
If there was one person you could talk to, it’d be your boyfriend Sanji.  He was the sweetest, even when being sweet to all the other women in the world.  But this time, that was the problem.  Sanji treated women so respectfully, while men not so much.  And you felt more comfortable with being a man than a woman.  You were afraid to tell Sanji this because you were afraid he’d hate you and break up with you.  You wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, but you also wanted to be referred to as a man. Everytime you thought you could tell Sanji, you’d see his face and get nervous.
One day, you decided it was time.  You walked down to the kitchen early that morning.  You looked through the porthole window.  His ocean eyes sparkled with excitement as he stirred ingredients in an old pot or chopped veggies.  The smile on his face reminded you of one of the many reasons you fell in love with him.  You were starting to fear this talk, but you knew you had to.  You bursted in a cold sweat, but walked into the kitchen.  “Oh hello Y/N swan,” Sanji cheerfully said, “what’s my lovely girlfriend doing up and about so early?”
You sighed, “About that Sanji.  I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
Sanji’s face lost all color, “what do you mean?  Are you breaking up with me?  Do you hate me?  Is this mosshead’s fault?”
You grabbed his shoulders trying to get him to breathe.  “No Sanji,” You said nervously, “I love you!  I don’t want to break up at all.  I just don’t feel comfortable as a girl.  I feel more comfortable being called a man.”
Sanji looked at you.  He paused for a second to process everything.  You were getting really scared.  Finally, he smiled.  “Ok.  I understand.  If you prefer being referred to as a man, I’m happy to do so because I love you.  How long have you felt this way?”
You looked down at the ground, “a while.  I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
Sanji caressed your right cheek causing you to look at him.  You saw nothing but love and admiration in his eyes.  “I understand,” he started, “you were nervous.  But I’ll love you no matter if you were a man, woman, fish, whatever.  Just know that you can come to me with anything and I’ll never stop loving you.”  He kissed you softly.  You finally felt at ease.  You helped him finish cooking breakfast.
Everyone started coming into the kitchen ready for breakfast.  When everyone sat down, he got everyone’s attention. “So everyone before we start eating,” he said, grabbing your hand, “I’d like you all to meet my boyfriend, Y/N.”  It was weird for him to introduce you to the crew because they all knew you, but it made sense.  Now, they got to meet the real you.
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Please do not copy, modify, translate, or repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs or likes are highly appreciated!
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zpyr0 · 3 months ago
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!! Introdouction !!
(please read all of it lol)
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• basic
Hey, im Nikola. Im a 16 year old guy (he/him only) and i use this account for posting random shit thats related to being trans, as im a trans man myself.
The contents of this blog will probably be steretypical masculine since thats the kind of stuff that makes me personaly feel better about myself. Essentially, expect alot of stuff that could fall under the “older brother from the 2000s-core” aesthetic category thing but like, not really aswell.
Yeah idk how to explain lmao
My activity will be inconsistent, as im still getting the hang of actually posting on tumblr and using it. Not to mention that im just not good at being active in general lol. If theres anything im doing “wrong” feel free to notify me.
This post will get updated as time goes on, so currently theres not much HAHHAH
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• bunch of disclaimers n’ shit lol
BYF+generally good things to know
Im EXTREMLY forgertfull. If you want me to answer something or anything else at all, please dont be afraid to shoot me a DM or an ask (unless specified otherwise, i will assume you want it to NOT be publicly answered).
If you have any (personal) issuses with my blog, feel free to block me. Remember to make your online experiance safe and comfortable for yourself <3
I ocassionaly say slurs that i can reclaim. If that makes you uncomofortable, you know what button to hit.
I am very bad at expressing myself verbally outside of art. Please be patient with me as unfortunately i may say something that comes off the completly wrong way without meaning it that way. (+ english isnt my first language, spelling mistakes are going to be common)
While i dont have a DNI there will be specific groups of people who will be blocked on sight (doesnt matter if they interacted or not) that fit the basic “DNI criteria” (you know who you are lol)
I may ocasionally post my own art (drawing, poetry (or general writing) or like digital collage type art)
Related to the art thing above, none of anything i make is meant to be k!nk or generally nsfw. Im saying this because im afraid people may interpert it that way and attack me for it (probably an irrational fear, and it would be justified if i was making that type of stuff lol) While i personally dont care what consenting adult do between themselves, i would ask that my stuff isnt tagged with k!nk tags and that its not rebloged by strictly fully nsfw accounts (for obvious reasons)
Another thing about the art, you can use it and repost it however you like lol. Crediting me isnt nessicary but it is appreciated
I generally dont use tone indicators, though if you want to you can always ask me (through any method you want) what i meant
If i go against your DNI please know that it was on accident lol, i often only skim DNI lists and may end up missing stuff. Feel free to notify me to remove something and/or block me
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• tags (probably all cringe but ok, more will be added as time goes on)
#.nikolaaahhh - tag for insignificant posts where im pretty much talking to myself
#.originalslop - any and all posts made by me (literally)
#.not mine - anything not made by me
#.reblogs - self explanitory lol
#.vents - tag for venting, id reccomend blocking it if you have more common triggers
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— last updated: september 25th 2024
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dollslayer · 3 years ago
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By Its Cover
Dark!Librarian!Steve Rogers x Shy!Reader, College AU
Summary: Your late nights at the university library spark a chain of events. Will they lead to your undoing? To anyone else's?
W/C: 8,890 (oops, sorry)
Warnings: DARK themes, NO MINORS, stalking, murder, minor character death, smut, angst, unprotected sex, oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing
A/N: FINALLY, I wrote this for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor's 2 Years of Darkness challenge! This fic kicked my ass but after some months I'm so excited about it! This is my first truly dark fic so please don't read if any of these topics upset you but I do want to make a note that the sex is consensual. If I missed any warnings please DM me immediately and I will add them. Reblog/comment if you liked it! Maybe even check out some of my other fics 👀 Cheers!
Main Masterlist
You stumbled slightly on the uneven pavement as you made the final steps towards the graduate school library. It was always so much quieter than the undergrad library and at this hour there’d be a good chance it was just you and the poor person stuck working the overnight help desk. You didn’t mind that though, you were never an overly sociable person and you preferred to work alone anyways.
You swiped your student ID through the sensor and the little green light granted you entry as you opened the door. Looking around there wasn’t even someone at the desk, just the sound of the always-on A/C rattling the leaves of the fake plants in the lobby.
You moved to put your ID away when it slipped from your fingers and plapped onto the floor, your own face staring back up to you from the plastic. You sighed and swung your bag further back over your shoulder as you bent to pick it up when a pair of legs edged their way into your vision. Caught off guard by the man attached to them, you watched him bend to pick up the piece of plastic.
You both straightened back up to your full heights and you found yourself looking up at him. He had clear blue eyes and sandy blond hair that was swept back. He looked like he could be a model, he was so handsome and you felt like a deer in headlights.
You realized that he had your ID in his hand and was waiting patiently for you to take it. You smiled awkwardly and took it from him. He looked back to your card and read your name out loud and snapped you out of your thoughts.
“Thank you” you said more in surprise than gratitude “Sorry, I just, I could’ve sworn no one was here you came out of nowhere” You laughed nervously, hoping to hide your embarrassment. You were never good with talking to people and once a situation got awkward you just got yourself deeper in it.
“I was just coming around the corner when I noticed you dropped your ID. I actually work the late shift at the desk. Serves me right for applying last minute for work through the university, right?” He asked with a small laugh.
“Late night cram session? You look like your back’s about to snap from holding all those books” He pointed to your bag, the stitches of it’s straps were frayed and had been sewn over a couple of times.
“Yeah, I like coming here late, hardly anyone’s here, I don’t have to deal with people and I can just focus” You explained
“Right, well, sorry to keep you. If you need anything I’m Steve, and I’ll be bored out of my mind at the desk” he smirked and walked back towards reception.
You turned down the hall and thought how strange it was that you’d never seen him here before. It was the middle of the semester so he couldn’t have just started but you were in here all the time and you’d never run into him once. You brushed the thought off and continued on your way.
____
Over the next few weeks you and Steve developed a routine. You’d come in around 10 or 11, you’d stop at the desk and chat a bit and then you’d head up to your spot on the second floor to study. Occasionally Steve would see you when he returned books and you’d joke around a bit before he’d leave you to your work. You were building a good rapport with each other and he was pleased.
Sometimes he’d been too shy to approach you. It made him feel like the scrawny, helpless kid he was before the growth spurt. Beautiful girls like you never looked twice at him but he knows that you’re different, he knows that if you had met him then that you’d never treat him like those girls did. He knows that in time you two could really have something special.
Steve understood that building a relationship with you would take time and balance. He didn’t want to seem too eager but ever since he saw you he knew he’d do anything to just talk to you.
It started some months ago when he was visiting Bucky on campus. They had been hanging out in the quad right by a group of buildings when you tripped on the pavement and your books fell at his feet. He helped you up and even collected your books for you but you were too flustered and embarrassed to meet his eye. You eked out a thank you and scurried into the graduate library.
That moment sparked a blooming obsession within him. The following night he was still in town but he went out without Bucky and staked out where he’d been the previous night and watched you go to the library at the same time you had. The next two nights he did this and quickly pieced together your nightly routine.
Within a month's time he was set to transfer for the next semester and when he did he got a job working night shifts at the library. Bucky had asked him why on Earth he’d want that and Steve had shrugged him off, claiming that he wanted to be paid and didn’t want to deal with anyone. Seemed like a good enough reason to anyone else.
And so that’s how Steve found himself invading your personal space to hand you your ID. He enjoyed the way you trembled slightly in surprise. You looked so small next to him, looking up at him. He nearly forgot what he was going to say, feeling suddenly shy himself. You were so close to him and you were just as beautiful as he remembered.
Take it slow, he reminded himself.
____
Your apartment door slammed behind you as you stormed out of the building. You left in only what you were wearing which was a light hoodie and some leggings. You had thought to grab your book bag before you left and it kept knocking into your side with each angry step you took. Tears streaked your face but you tried your best to brush them off and continued on your brisk walk to the library.
You and your boyfriend had gotten into a fight and things got heated pretty fast, they always did with Sean. You had confronted Sean about being gone so often and so late, you’d missed him and wanted to spend time with you. That’s when he started getting defensive and turning your late nights at the library right around on you.
Things escalated to shouting and Sean had gotten so angry that he’d knocked over a pile of your books from the table. It had scared you and that’s when you left. You knew that you’d be getting nowhere with him when he was so angry. You wanted to be alone and needed a distraction so you grabbed your bag and headed for the library.
You secretly hoped Steve was working, it’d be nice to see a friendly face. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have the tiniest crush on him. He’s handsome and funny and kind and he always knows when to give you space. You wish you’d met him at a different point in your life, you could really see yourself with him in another timeline. Maybe it was just easier to think that having just had a fight with Sean.
You swiped your card and waited patiently for the door to open. You could tell Steve had already spotted you and was looking at you as you passed through the glass doors. He was smiling his same boyish charm smile that made you feel even shier than you already were. You must’ve looked a mess but it was comforting to see him there waiting for you.
“There she is,” Steve said with a smile as he got up from his chair to greet you. His face immediately fell though as he took in the tracks of your tears and your puffy eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Steve looked upset and angry for you. You were touched, but you’d rather leave it.
“I’d rather not talk about it, if it’s okay. It’s nice to see you though, Steve. How’s your night?”
Steve’s jaw ticked but he swallowed and nodded and you were grateful he didn’t push it further.
“Uneventful as usual, it’s good to see you too, doll.”
You felt your cheeks heat at the nickname. If you were on better terms with Sean you’d feel bad but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do anything but giggle.
You said your goodbye to Steve and made your way to the second floor to study.
Hours passed and you had your nose buried in a book when you felt a sudden presence. You looked up slowly behind you and shrieked when you found Steve just inches from you. He held his hands out defensively and tried to catch your breathing.
“Steve, oh my God, I didn’t see you there, you scared me!” You laughed as you caught your breath.
“Yeah, sorry, I uh, have a habit of doing that.” He said as he ducked his head sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. Was he blushing? Why did he look nervous?
“I, um. I was uh, I was hoping to maybe ah, ask you something, actually.” Steve swallowed thickly. He is nervous. You smiled at him and motioned for him to go on.
“I was thinking… maybe, when you’re free if um, would you maybe want to go to dinner? With me?” He stammered out.
You smiled and felt heat flood your cheeks all over again, Steve was gorgeous and you were flattered that someone like him would want to go out with you. Just as quickly as that flattery came dread had instantly replaced it. You had a boyfriend, you couldn’t do that to Sean. Oh God, now I have to turn him down. What if he hates me?
“Wow… I uh, Steve,” you started, “I’m. You’re so sweet, I don’t know what to say. But, I have a boyfriend, I’m really sorry”
“But- but don’t think I wouldn’t say yes, if I could. You’re such a nice guy and I’m really happy for our friendship. I hope this doesn’t make things weird between us, I’m. I’m sorry,” You quickly led up with. You felt so awkward and bad that you had to turn him down.
Steve’s jaw ticked and he looked away. A blush of embarrassment had made its way up his neck and into his cheeks. His fists clenched at his sides and he took a deep breath.
“It’s… It’s fine, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I don’t want things to be weird between us either. You know what? Why don’t we just forget the whole thing? Sorry again.” He finished with a tight lipped smile
You sent an uneasy smile back and nodded.
“Of course, no damage done, Steve.”
With that he left you and you went back to your book. You tried not to overthink the entire situation but couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable.
____
“Boyfriend” the word echoed in his head on a never ending loop with deafening reverb. He nodded curtly at you and smiled. You had your awkward exchange of apologies and excuses. Wordlessly, he made his way back to the information desk. He felt angry but also humiliated, he had spent at least a week building himself up to say something to you and you just turned him down so wholly?
He saw the way you looked at him, the way you laughed at his jokes. Steve knew that he meant more to you than you were letting on. There was attraction there, you were just in denial because you had a boyfriend.
Who even was this schmuck? You couldn’t have liked him that much because if you did then you would’ve mentioned him before but you hadn’t. If you really loved your boyfriend then you wouldn’t have smiled at Steve the way you did or stopped to say hello every night. He needed to see for himself whom exactly it was that was so undeserving of your attention.
Steve checked the cameras and saw that you were packing up your things. He had maybe a few minutes to gather his own things and wait for you. There was someone else coming to cover the library in 20 minutes, it would be fine if he left it alone until then. He decided to make himself scarce from the desk so you wouldn’t have to see him again before you left and you wouldn’t notice he’d be following you.
Waiting for the sound of the double doors to click shut he turned the corner and waited for just a minute. He slunk down the mainways of campus towards the student apartments and stopped just 20 yards away from you up against a wall. You looked so cold all alone in the dark as you buzzed in one of the numbers.
“1B, what the fuck could you possibly want at this hour?” a gruff voice answered over the comm.
“Baby, it’s me, sorry I forgot my keys but you weren’t responding to my texts so” You trailed off as you shivered in the night. No reply came, just the buzzer sounding off. You hurried inside and Steve tried his best to scope out external windows.
Finally the light came on in one of them and to his luck the blinds were mostly open. Through the vertical slats he could make out your entrance and an impeding figure from the hall. It was him, the boyfriend. The guy that was apparently so much better than Steve.
He saw your body language was tense and you opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word in, your boyfriend was grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you. You looked surprised maybe, but you just let him grab you like that. You just fucking let him.
He watched from his spot against a pillar from the building across the walkway. He clenched his jaw and tried to control his breathing watching this guy, this boy manhandle you like you weren’t something special, something precious. He was disgusted but he couldn’t look away as your clothes were shirked off and you two fucked right there on the couch.
He couldn’t bring himself to watch anymore and stormed off. As he walked back to his place a plan began to form in the back of his mind.
____
Things with Sean were smoothed over. You didn’t really talk, so much as he just fucked you before you could even talk about it. He had kissed you on the cheek after and said he was sorry. So you figured that he was. You didn’t really feel like pushing it anyways.
You made for the library once again, anticipating a long night ahead of you with midterms around the corner.
You let out a shriek as you realized someone was standing over you. Steve was hovering right above you, looking even taller than he already was. You pushed your chair back to get some distance between yourself and him while you caught your breath from the momentary scare.
“Steve, I uh, sorry I didn’t hear you coming, again.”
He leaned himself against the edge of the table and crossed his arms. How had you not realized he was so muscular before? You flushed and scolded yourself for thinking about him like that. You had a boyfriend and Steve was just the nice guy at the library.
He ducked his head shyly and waved your apology off.
“Sorry, guess I’m just sneaky.” He chuckled in amusement but the feeling wasn’t mutual, “I was just up here returning some books when I realized I missed you coming in, thought I’d come say hi.”
“Right,” you replied, “Guess we just missed each other. How’s the desk tonight?”
“Bored to tears as usual, just glad you’re here tonight”
Steve winked at you and you felt your cheeks get hot again and you looked away with a small laugh.
“You always know just what to say, don’t you?”
“Ah that’s not true.” He paused, “I get nervous all the time around pretty girls like you”
You were really in it now. Your cheeks heated instantly and you had to look away from him again. For someone that just got rejected he doesn’t stay down for long. How the hell were you going to talk your way out of this one? He knows you have a boyfriend, why would he say that?
“Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” Oh, thank God.
He begins to walk back to his cart before spinning on his heel one last time.
“Hey, I forgot to ask. You’re pretty good with art history, right?”
You nod cautiously, afraid that you know where this is going.
“Well, as of right now I’ve got a C. I was wondering if you’d be willing to meet on one of my nights off here and help me out?”
“O-oh. Yeah, of course. No problem. I’m sure Sean wouldn’t mind.”
You were too nice for your own good, saying yes before really thinking it all through. You only realized you had after the words left your mouth so you mentioned Sean to save yourself a bit.
Steve’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you.
“Awesome, you’re the best. Maybe we can get together at that cafe on 3rd next Tuesday around noon?”
“Of course, I’ll be there” You confirm.
____
Tuesday couldn’t come soon enough for Steve. He didn’t need any help in art history, he was averaging about an 87, actually. But when you turned him down he knew he had to find another way to get closer to you and he knew that you’d say yes out of pressure.
All in all things were going pretty well for Steve. Despite your shy nature he’d managed to get closer to you much quicker than he expected. He loved watching you get flustered whenever he was close, finding it hard not to get flustered himself. He was impatient for things to move forward but he knew it would all pan out. There was only one wrench in the plan; your boyfriend Sean.
The other night when Steve had followed you home and witnessed Sean manhandle you in your apartment he began thinking of how to remove him from the picture. Steve did his research on Sean and found it suspicious he couldn’t find anything on him. Usually after a little digging you can find something off about anyone, but not him. Steve knew it would take a little more effort, but for you he’d make it.
So that’s how Steve wound up spending his night off in the corner of the dive bar that was just off campus. Off campus enough that you’d need to drive there. He had tailed Sean’s Jeep there after his club soccer game in hopes of finding something he could actually use to justify getting rid of him for you. He groused as he pulled into the parking garage across the street and pocketed his parking stub. He waited a few beats and watched Sean leave his car.
He slinked in the door and grabbed a dimly lit corner booth. The residue of whatever cleaner this place used was causing his forearms to stick to the table at his booth and the air stunk of vape smoke. He was surrounded by other 20-somethings, awkward Tinder hookups and frat bros meeting up to blow off steam.
On the opposite side of the room he spotted Sean, watched him as he approached the bar for another pint. He’d followed him here in hopes of getting some sort of information on him that he could use. After an hour of nursing one beer and absolutely nothing happening with Sean Steve had been ready to give up.
Just as he was getting ready to down the rest of his drink the door had opened and in walked a girl around his age. She looked nervous but excited as she looked around the place. She nearly squealed as she rushed over when she found who she was looking for. A smile slowly crawled across Steve’s face as the girl rushed into Sean’s arms and embraced him with a kiss. This is exactly what Steve needed to get him out of the picture.
Steve discreetly took out his phone and snapped a few photos, even got a video of them kissing again. He figured this would be enough to blackmail Sean into leaving you. Getting what he needed, he grabbed his jacket and left the bar. He felt light as a feather walking home, his plan was finally setting into motion and it wouldn’t be long until you were together.
Tuesday had finally come and Steve’s good mood only carried over. He practically skipped to the coffee shop you two had agreed to meet at. He grabbed a table and waited for you. When he saw you open the door he was grinning ear to ear but his expression quickly changed taking in your appearance. You looked exhausted, like you’d been crying again. This wouldn’t do.
“What’s wrong? Is it your boyfriend again?” Steve asked.
You nodded silently and set down your bag with a huff.
“He’s just been out really late lately, I feel like he’s never home. Then again I’m always out late.”
“Well I’m glad you’re a night owl, otherwise we wouldn’t have met” Steve tried to turn the conversation back to them and to keep it positive.
“I guess you’re right. You didn’t order anything?” You frowned, noticing his empty hands.
“I was waiting for you, it’s my treat.” You opened your mouth to protest but Steve was quick to add, “Don’t even try to argue with me on this one.”
You sighed but ultimately relented, following him to the counter. He let you order first.
“Um, just a small hot chocolate please, thank you so much”
Steve thought it was cute that you didn’t drink caffeine, he knew hot chocolate was your drink of choice. He knew this of course from hours of pouring over every profile of yours he could find on the internet. He even found your tumblr you were just sure nobody knew about. Turns out you’ve got quite the dirty mind. But that was a thought for another day. Steve turned back to the counter and ordered black coffee and paid the bill.
With drinks in hand you made your way back to your table and settled in for an afternoon of art history. It went smoothly overall and Steve even got you to laugh a few times. He’d perfectly played his balance of pretending not to know about the subject while seeming to be learning what you were teaching. He could tell you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing something and he was happy he could make you feel that way. He was sure he was the only one that could.
You called it a day and said your goodbyes, you went in for an awkward hug which Steve accepted wholeheartedly. He’d even managed to finally snag your number so you two could work out more study times. Maybe you were coming around much easier than he anticipated. He smiled to himself and on the walk home began to devise a plan to get rid of Sean. It’d only be a matter of days if everything went accordingly.
____
You were basking in the rare day off, taking every moment to enjoy doing absolutely nothing. You’d felt drained lately from your class workload, late nights at the library, and your elevating fights with Sean. He was at work today followed by an evening class so you had uninterrupted alone time. Around 10pm it took every ounce of your free will to get off the couch and get the mail.
You milled over to your box and jammed the key in. Pulling the mail out your head titled in curiosity at the large unmarked manila folder. No return address written, only yours but there was nothing indicating whether it was for you or Sean. You’d open it when you got back upstairs.
Finally back to your spot on the couch your fingers slowly undid the folder’s metal clasp and you reached inside for its contents. Out came several photos and a hastily written note. You held the grainy photos closer to your face to make out what they were. When you did your heart plummeted and you went into emotional shock.
Though the photos were grainy it was very clear what they were of. Shots of Sean and some mystery brunette making out in a bar. Sean with his arm around her waist, Sean with his hand on her ass. All the photos were timestamped for only a few days ago when he claimed his soccer game was running late. You dropped them instantly and they scattered to the floor.
Your heart was hammering in your ears, you didn’t know what to think. Sean was the only boyfriend you’d ever really had, Sean loved you, you loved him. Somewhere in the back of your mind you remembered there was a note. You searched for it and tried to read it through the tears that were beginning to blur your vision.
‘I know what you did. You tell her or I will. You have three days’
You didn’t recognize the handwriting. Who would send this? Why would they send it? You and Sean didn’t have many friends and you couldn’t picture them doing this. Maybe this is some prank? Maybe the timestamp is wrong and this is before you were together.
Sean was all you’d ever known and you shared an apartment, it’s not like you’d have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. Should you confront him with these? It’s not like you two were exactly good at solving your problems. Would he leave you if you showed him these? What then?
Your mind was spinning, unsure of what to do with this new information. Maybe you could keep quiet about this, try to spend some more time with Sean, make him see what the two of you have. Maybe you can ask him to be home more, maybe you could be home more too.
You took a deep breath and wiped your tears before you gathered the photos and put them back into the envelope. You decided you’d hold onto them for now, tucking them away in your drawer of the dresser. Deciding you’d just work yourself up if you stayed up you shot Sean a text goodnight and went to bed.
Morning came and he was snuggled into your side, the comfort you felt had you feeling like everything might be okay for a moment. You stayed in bed just a little longer and turned so he could hold you in his arms. Your heart felt so unsure and scared, but you didn’t know what else you could do.
The week passed by and you decided to shift more of your energy towards your relationship with Sean, pushing your nights at the library to the backburner. You still hadn’t told him about the envelope but you did tell him you missed him and wished he was home more. He relented and was home four nights this week instead of his usual two.
The time together was uncomfortable but you kept telling yourself that things were getting a little better over time, even if your studies were suffering for it. As the week went on you were able to suppress your doubts about your relationship a bit more. Sean loved you and you loved him.
You couldn’t ignore the oncoming threat of midterms forever, though. The last thing you wanted was to be alone because you knew that your thoughts would just spiral but you needed to do well this semester so you grabbed your bag and headed out.
You swipe through the doors, almost looking forward to seeing Steve. You’d blown off your study session with a profuse apology so you could be with Sean. You were eager to apologize in person but found the reference desk to be completely abandoned. You frowned, maybe Steve was putting away books or something. You’d see him eventually though, for now you had an essay to write.
Hours could have gone by and you wouldn’t have known. You were getting so much done though, it felt good to be focused on something other than your own thoughts.
“Where’ve you been?”
You jump in your seat. You turn around to find Steve emerging from the shelves that were just out of your view. He wore a neutral expression but you could cut the tension with a knife. He stepped forward and you debated on what to say.
“Sorry, I had to cancel with you this week. How are you getting along?”
“Nothing another tutoring session couldn’t fix, I’m sure. Were you sick? I feel like you haven’t been here in forever. The nights get awful lonely without ya here”
Why did Steve keep making statements like that when he knew you had a boyfriend? It was driving you insane and getting harder to ignore them.
“Um, no, I was with Sean, actually. But y’know, can’t avoid midterms forever” You gave a half-hearted laugh hoping to lighten things up.
Steve’s neutral expression is slipping, but you can’t tell if he’s angry or not. But his face broke out into a small smile, putting you at ease instantly. He clapped you on the shoulder and took a step back.
“Yeah, guess you’re right. We still on for Tuesday?”
You gave him an easy smile and nodded.
“I’ll be counting the days” With that Steve disappeared back between the shelves.
____
The moment Steve placed the envelope in the mail he felt a confidence he hadn’t felt before. All he had to do was wait for you to open the envelope and everything would take its course. He knew Sean was at work and you’d be the one to get the mail that day. From his spot he’d peered in your windows all those weeks ago he watched you open the photos. You dropped them to the ground and held a hand to your mouth to cover what looked like a sob. Steve smiled to himself, now all you had to do was leave him.
The week went on and Steve figured you might need a little time to break it off and he’d be there at the library, waiting to comfort you. It’s not like you had any other friends in your life to turn to. But then you cancelled your study session with no explanation. Steve figured maybe you were still in shock, needed to cry it out alone. Then two days turned to four turned to seven.
Steve was confused, he was infuriated even. Why hadn’t you come to the library yet? Why hadn’t you texted him? There’s no way that you were actually going to stay with him after you saw him with another woman. Except that’s exactly what he did.
Looking back on it Steve recognized his mistakes. He knew you were shy and meek, sweet, it’s what he loved about you. But he should’ve accounted for this to happen. You were too sweet for your own good, wanting to make it work with Sean. It was an obstacle he hadn’t seen but this is just a slight bump in the plan. He can work around it.
When he saw you coming up the steps on the security camera he made himself scarce, not ready to face you just yet. He gave you some hours to study before he made himself known to you. He could tell just by the way you talked that you were in complete denial about what was happening. You weren’t strong enough to leave him but that’s okay, Steve is strong enough for the both of you right now, he’ll help you get there.
____
Just when you thought things were getting better Sean was back to becoming distant, going out with his teammates and coming home still a little drunk. The more you thought about those photos and thought about how he slipped back into old habits so easily the more you were working up the courage to confront him. You weren’t sure if you’d leave him, but maybe it would make him change.
Then the second envelope came. More photos of them kissing and leaving the bar together. They were time stamped just two nights ago. Your heart fell through the floor as you tried to make sense of things. How much of this could you put up with? When was enough? You needed to confront him when he got home.
You texted him to try to come home early tonight, saying it was important. You spent the rest of the evening planning out your words and trying to quell the oncoming panic attacks. Time passed by in a blur and before you knew it it was midnight and you still had no word from Sean. You couldn’t spend one more minute alone, you needed to get out. You needed a friend.
Your body was on autopilot as your feet carried you up the steps of the library. Steve wasn’t at the desk and you felt almost distressed. You knew he’d be a good third party to talk all this out to and you didn’t know what to think when he wasn’t there. You decided to shoot him a text.
‘Hey, I know you usually work Thursdays, I’ll be at my usual spot, I could really use a friend if you’re not too busy’ Did that sound too desperate? At this point you didn’t care.
You sunk down into your chair on the second floor with a huff. You hadn’t brought your bag so it’s not like you could study to distract yourself. As it turned out you didn’t need to.
“I’m never too busy for you, doll. ‘Specially not at this job” Steve’s voice carried as he rounded a corner into your sight.
You felt instantly better before you realized you were crying. It was hard to be vulnerable but if you could trust anyone with this it was Steve. You gave him a weak smile as he pulled up a chair beside you.
“What’s wrong? Do you need tissues?”
“No, sorry, I just.” You were struggling to find the words. “Sean is cheating on me”
Steve’s hands clenched into fists, he looked absolutely furious for you.
“Are you serious? That bastard! Doll, I’m so sorry. Have you confronted him?” His hand reached for yours and his thumb rubbed light circles.
“I-I, I haven’t said...anything. I just. He loves me y’know? Why would he do that? He’s all I have? What happens if he leaves me where will I stay I’ll be completely alone, I’ll-”
You had worked yourself into a panic attack as you desperately tried to take gulps of air while tears streamed down your face. You were losing touch with your surroundings and spiraling into a place you couldn’t get yourself out of. Steve moved his chair closer to you and brought you into his lap. He held your back to his chest and wrapped his arms around you. You could just make out what he was saying.
“Doll, it’s okay, I need you to breathe with me, can you do that? Take a deep breath in with me. Hold it and count to five with me,” You do but you’re still struggling. “Now exhale, count again for me. You’re doing so well, you can do this.”
Eventually Steve is able to bring you back down to Earth and you slumped back into his arms. You don’t care that Steve is holding you, it feels safe. You shifted so you could lean your head against his chest and let out a heavy sigh. He holds you to himself and lets you sit there for a while.
You don’t know how much time passes but you sit up slowly and he’s reluctant to let you go. You wipe your eyes as you go back to your own chair.
“Sorry, I’m keeping you from your job. Sorry I just totally came here and freaked out” You were starting to feel embarrassed, oversharing your life and emotions with him. You really liked him, you didn’t want to think you’d ruined the friendship.
“Don’t even apologize. You can always come to me.” He gave you a warm smile and you felt reassured. “So what are you going to do about Sean?”
Another hour had gone by with Steve and you could see the sun starting to come through the windows. You had decided you would confront him and go from there. You weren’t ready to fully commit to leaving him but this needed to end one way or another. For the first time in two weeks you felt like things were maybe going to be okay. The next time you saw Sean you were going to confront him.
____
Clearly seeing that you weren’t going to do anything after he sent the photos, he had to go to plan B. Steve waited outside the practice field and followed him to the parking structure once again. He jammed the parking stub in his jacket pocket along with the others and repeated his previous trips here. It was astounding how unaware Sean was of his surroundings, Steve had followed him and that girl from the bar back to her place at least twice now.
Getting what he needed he put another envelope in the mail the next day, this time with no note but the photos were more upsetting. It hurt Steve to hurt you but it’s what needed to be done. You were never going to confront him with things as they were so he had to push the envelope, literally and metaphorically. The hurt would be worth it though, because you came crying to him just like he’d hoped you would. Seeing your text warmed his heart, you needed him and he’d be there. Every time.
He knew he’d be comforting you but he didn’t think that he’d get to hold you. He was hiding his smile as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you down from your panic attack. You did so well listening to him and calming down. He was convinced he was the only one that could help you, you just needed to see that.
Steve abandoned his cart of books that needed to be shelved but he couldn’t care less. He’d stay up all night with you every night if that’s what it took. As dawn broke the two of you devised a plan and he built you up to say something. You weren’t committed to leaving him, which Steve wasn’t happy about, but you were committed to confronting him, if only you’d get the chance.
Based on what Steve knew of both yours and Sean's schedules you’d just miss each other between classes during the day and Sean had a game tonight, which would inevitably lead to a night at the bar. All Steve had to do was wait. He had to contain his excitement, things were finally finally falling right into place, they just needed a final push.
Nightfall came and this time Steve beat Sean to the structure. Steve parked on the top level and stuck the parking stub in his pocket. He didn’t feel like he was taking a risk by counting on Sean to follow routine, he was a good boy, he’d park in his same spot he always did and proceed to get wasted across the street.
A slow smile creeped across Steve’s face as Sean and his teammates stumbled into the bar, probably already drunk from pre-gaming. Sean’s sidepiece wouldn’t come to the bar tonight, her sorority having some dumb mixer or another. Steve reminded himself of his mantra to wait. His phone buzzed and he saw it was a text from you. You two had been texting after you came to him in the library.
‘He’s not responding to my texts. I know he had a game tonight but I really thought he’d be here’
He’d have to text you back another time, Steve needed to be on his toes tonight. He sat at what was becoming his usual booth for nearly two hours, barely touching his pint. Finally Sean paid his tab and said goodnight to his friends. Steve pulled down the brim of his hat and pursued him towards the parking structure. Drunken and fumbling up through the stairwell, Steve entered behind him quietly while taking out a knife he’d stolen from Bucky. He always knew his friend’s strange obsession with them would come in handy someday.
Just as Sean was about to take the final step Steve grabbed him from behind. Sean’s reactions may have been slowed but it hadn’t stopped him trying to thrash out of the grip. His efforts stopped immediately as Steve held the blade to his throat. He spoke clearly and in a low voice.
“Keep walking up the stairs or I will slit your fucking throat, do you hear me?” He brought the knife closer to his neck to drive home the threat.
“E-easy man, please, please don’t do this”
“Keep moving. Up.”
Steve pushed him all the way towards his car at the edge of the top level. He flipped Sean around so his back was to the ledge, the knife still trained closely on him. Pleads for mercy fell on deaf ears.
“What do you wan’!? You wan’ money!? Take, take my wallet man I don’t need it, jus’ please don’t kill me please!”
Steve pushed him slightly, though his grip on him remained tight. Sean struggled against him as his body weight wavered over the ledge. He must have realised how far up they were because he started crying at this point, begging even harder as he teetered and trying desperately to get his bearings against the wall.
“Why are you doing this!?” He wailed, “I’ll do anything, please! Please, I have a girlfriend, I have a family”
That was all that it took. Steve was feeling a high like he’d never felt. He knew at this moment he was doing the right thing for both of you. With a rush of adrenaline and in a flash of certainty he pushed Sean’s body over the edge. He didn’t watch him fall the seven stories down to the ground, but he did wait to hear the sickening crack and thud of his body hitting the ground. There was no way he’d survived.
Blood rushing through his ears, he felt euphoric, so powerful, so in love with you. He climbed back into his car and headed for his apartment. His plan wasn’t quite complete yet though, but everything he needed to do was done. He could watch the rest unfold from the sidelines. He knows you’ll be heartbroken all over again when you find out, but he’ll be there to pick up the pieces.
____
You’d been in mourning for nearly two months. The shock you’d felt wasn’t comparable to any other feeling you’d felt. The police ultimately ruled his death an accident, they performed an autopsy and found dangerous amounts of alcohol in his system. They weren’t able to pinpoint an exact time of death but estimated 2-3 AM, as he’d been found in the morning. They figured he’d just gotten piss drunk and came too close to the edge. And he was gone just like that.
His death weighed heavy on you, you blamed yourself for a long time. He wouldn’t have stayed out if you hadn’t pushed him so far away from you. The last thing you ever said to him was nagging and whiny, no wonder he didn’t want to come home. To think that you were possibly going to leave him. You felt so much self-contempt but slowly you were learning to forgive yourself.
You don’t know what you’d have done without Steve by your side. He was there for you every step of the way. He held you at the funeral, he helped you pack up Sean’s things in the apartment, he took your late night phone calls and came over at the drop of a hat to help you through your grief. You were eternally grateful for his selflessness and his willingness to help you heal.
Guilt loomed over you once again as the old feelings you’d had for Steve in the early days of your friendship started to flare up again. It felt natural to feel them, with him being closer to you than he ever was, but it didn’t stop you from feeling shame over it. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t culpable for anything that happened, that Sean himself was interested in someone else when he’d died. You had to forgive yourself for these feelings for Steve. Maybe even pursue them.
‘Can you come over tonight? I think we should talk’ Your nerves were on fire from the rush you got sending him that text.
‘How about you come to my place? 7? We can go for something to eat if you want.’ Your heart was fluttering, was this a date?
‘Sounds good :)’
Checking the time you saw it was 4, you spent the next few hours obsessing over what to say. No matter what you were determined to tell him your feelings for him. You were debating whether or not you should kiss him. Would he even want you back? What if he only sees you as a friend now? The hours whiled away and you took a deep breath before setting out.
You’d been to Steve’s apartment only once before, you knew he lived alone but he’d managed to make the place feel homey. You were buzzed in and before you had the chance to knock on the door Steve had it open and was waiting for you. His smile was all teeth and it was contagious, you smiled back looking up at him and he let you in.
You sat down on the couch and waited for Steve. No turning back now. Deep breath. He sat down and turned to face you.
“What did you want to talk about?”
No words were coming to you. Your mouth opened but you could only sputter. Oh God, where were the words? Do something!
So you did. Before you could think about it you put a shaky hand up to Steve’s jaw and pulled him in for a kiss. You didn’t know what you were feeling, you were just waiting for Steve to respond. You began to pull back but before you could he took your face in his hands and kissed you back tenderly but with purpose. Your arms were around him and he pulled you closer into his lap to kiss you more passionately.
You finally pulled apart to catch your breath. You snuck a look up to his face and you were nervous but you felt like you were floating.
“You have… no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that” He said between breaths.
You two smiled like idiots and he brought his lips to yours again. The kiss deepened and a moan slipped from your mouth. This seemed to spark something in Steve and his hands shakily moved over your body. He was feeling every curve of you and you ground down into his lap and his hips bucked up in response. You have no idea where this confidence came from but you’d never felt more sure of yourself. You broke apart again and Steve was breathing heavily.
“Is this what you want?” He asked. You could only nod before he was on you again. He pulled you up from the couch and led you to his bed. This time he laid you back and was hovering over you, slowly undoing the buttons of your jeans. You helped him get yourself out of them and pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your bra and panties. How was this happening? Who cares?
He sat back and took the sight of you in, he was looking at you like you were the most precious thing. He slowly removed his clothes and moved back over you, kissing his way up your thighs before pulling your panties down your legs. He continued laving away at your skin, making you nervous but excited. His fingers brushed your core and he brought them up to his face.
“Sweetheart, you are dripping.” Your cheeks heated instantly as he chuckled. Not giving you the chance to respond he dove right in. Two fingers entered you and you arched your back, his tongue lapped up your wetness and then at your clit. You’d really never known pleasure like this, no one had ever done this for you before. His fingers pumped in and out of you and your hands flew to his hair and pulled. He continued on and curved his fingers just slightly and you clenched down around him, you were so close.
“Please, I’m so close” you whimpered.
Steve doubled his efforts and before you knew it the tension he had been building up was released in a white hot flash of ecstasy. You writhed against his fingers as he kept pumping them into you. Finally he relented, pulling them out and licking them clean. You’d never seen something that made you feel so filthy but so so good.
He took off his boxers and encased you in his arms. He kissed your neck and you moaned again at the feeling. You spread yourself for him and he lined himself up and groaned. The stretch was something you weren’t ready for. It burned almost, you cried out as he put his whole length in you. He waited all of two seconds before he began thrusting into you. You weren’t ready but you were adjusting quickly with the way his cock hit that spot inside of you over and over.
You were holding onto his shoulders, nails digging in deep as he started to go harder and faster.
“I’m close” He panted into your ear.
Reaching down his fingers found your clit and started moving back and forth quickly, trying to match his thrusts. The tension was building again to a breaking point and you were getting close again. He worked you even harder until you broke, cumming for a second time. Your eyes were screwed shut in ecstasy as you cried again.
“Steve!”
That was all it took before he slammed into you a final time, you could feel his release and you’d never felt closer to him. His movements stopped and your noses touched. He kissed you hard before rolling off of you.
“That was… oh my god” you breathed.
“I know, me too” Steve chuckled. “So can I take you to dinner?”
“Nothing would make me happier,” You grinned wide and nodded.
You cleaned yourself up and redressed. You were taking in Steve’s room and found yourself smiling at the photos of him and Bucky, little knick-knacks on his dresser. You found a sticky note on the calendar at his desk. You squinted. Had you seen his handwriting before?
You shrugged and flopped yourself back on the bed. You checked the weather on your phone and frowned at the temperature, you let out a small groan.
“What is it?” Steve called from the bathroom as he cleaned up.
“It’s so coooold and I forgot my jacket” You pouted.
“Just take mine, it’s the brown leather one hanging in the living room” He was so sweet.
Gingerly, you made your way into the living room and found the jacket, slipping it on. You don’t know what was taking Steve so long but you shoved your hands in the pockets and waited for him. You felt something in the right pocket. Is this trash? You pulled out little wadded up pieces of paper and unfolded them.
They were parking stubs. They were from the same structure that Sean had fallen from. Your heart was pounding, upset just thinking of him. Looking closer one of them was stamped for 2:15 AM, 2/1, the night that he died. Okay...
1 AM 1/15, 11:57PM 1/28, They matched the timestamp on the photos that had been sent to you. Two others were from nights when Sean had games and had stayed out late. Your heart was in your throat and tears were forming in your eyes, trying to find some explanation. You thought again of the first time you’d received an envelope, those photos, that note. It had dawned on you why the note looked so familiar… The handwriting! Oh, God... Your whole world slowed down as you heard footsteps bound into the room. Slowly you turned, the stubs still in your shaking hands.
“Oh, Sweetheart,” Steve took a step further, “You weren’t supposed to see those.”
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monsterenergysimp · 4 years ago
Text
Permanence
corpse husband x fem!reader 
summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you 
warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing
word count: 1.9k
notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)
main blog @itsmysleepover
read part 2 here!
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.
“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.
On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.
“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.
“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”
Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.  
“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.
“I told you guys I was ruthless!”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.
C: hey :)
You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?
Y: Hii! This is sudden
C: was i bothering you?
    shit sorry!
Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn
C: how has your day been
    i dont usually do stuff like this
Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored
C: what were you doing that was so terrible
Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(
C: im sure youll find something to do
You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.
Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo
C: what?
    NO!
You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.
Y: [image] it came out nice!
C: thats  super cool actually
    i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and       youre super talented
Y: Thank you!
For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.
Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch
    [link]
C: ill be watching ;)
What’s that supposed to mean?
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.
C: wanna talk?
You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.
Y: Yeah id love to talk
Here goes nothing.
Y: Wanna facetime or something?
     No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call
     I think facetime is just my default lol
You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.
Still no message.
Why am I so fucking stupid?  
Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.
C: sure lets facetime
    xxx-xxx-xxxx
You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.
“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.
“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.
“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.
“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”
“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”
“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”
“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”
“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”
“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”
“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”
“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”
“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.
“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”
He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”
You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).
“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”
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corpsehusband-simp · 4 years ago
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Weight of the World
WARNING: This is a sensitive Fic that deals with depression, mentions of dark thoughts, punching a wall, and anxiety. It has a fluffy ending. 
A/N: Please put yourself first and don't read this fic if it will put you in any kind of dark place because of what is metions and please know that my DM’s are always open. Feel free to message me all hours of the day or night, I am always here to talk.
 Request: this is a touchy request so i understand if you are uncomfortable with writing it. it’s kinda a comfort/coping prompt but can you write corpse x reader where reader has been going through manic depression and just pushes everyone away and performs self destructive behavior, and corpse has to talk y/n out of su*icide? recently i’ve just.. been really going through it is all i can say. if you don’t wanna write it, totally understandable ❤️
Paring: Corpsex reader, Sykkuno x reader (best friends)
You rolled over in your bed as your phone rang, hiding yourself further into your covers. You woken up yesterday morning and your depression had hit you full force. You couldnt really put a finger on wheat caused your manic depressive episode but it was kicking your ass. It had been a while since you felt like this and you couldnt find the strength at the moment to pull yourself out of it and in doing so you were pushing away the person you loved the most. Corpse. The love of your life but you couldnt even answer his phone calls or texts. Instead you physically turned away from his caller ID, the last time you had talked to him was through a text yesterday telling him that you needed space and that was all.
The more you thought about it the angrier it made you, the angrier you became with yourself. As your mind slipped into darker, angrier thoughts your phone rang again but think time it was your best friend Sykkunos ring tone, Big booty bitches. 
Corpse must have called him. You thoguht before reluctantly picking up the phone, wiping tears from your face. “What Sykkuno”
“Oh uh h-hi y/n. I just wanted to uh call you and check up on you, you didnt come to the Among Us lobby yesterday.” You sighed.
“Im fine Sy.” Your tone was short and rough, you hated acting this way but you didnt want to pull anyone else down intot the slump that you were in.
“O-okay, well im here okay. Love you y/n/n”
“Yeah love you too sy. Never forget that.” and with that you hung up on him, tears running down your face again as your thoughts continued down a dark route.
CORPSE POV
Corpse was going out of his mind trying to figure out what was going on with you. After your text yesterday he had been battling his anxiety on wether or not he should oush the situation, corpse knew you depression could get back sometimes but he also understood sometimes people just needed space. So he turned to the only other person he could trust right now, Sykkuno.
“Hey buddy.”
“Oh hey corpse, whats goin on?” It made corpse smile to hear that at least sykkuno was still his normal cheerie self.
“I need a favor, I think y/n is having another episode butbut she wont answer my calls so I was wondering if you could try and call her for me. See if she answers.”
“Yeah of course man, but why dont you just go over there?” Corpse sighs.
“Im going to but I dont want to push ya know. Its- this is a touchy thing.” Sykkuno hums in agreement before hanging up. Corpse paces back and forth in his livingroom till Sykkuno calls back.
“Hey Corpse”
“Did she answer?” Sykkuno sighs.
“Yeah and she doesnt sound like shes doing very well.Im actually really really worried Corpse.” Before Sykkuno could even finish his sentence Corspe was grabbing his car keys and hoodie.
“Im heading over there now, Ill text you later with and update. Thank you for calling her.”
“Of course, just keep me updated.” Corpse faster than he ever had , it was a mirical he didnt get pulled over.
Please be okay, please be okay. He repeated in his mind over and over as he run up to your apartment door. He entered quietly and quickly, not even bothering to take his shoes off. You entire apartment was dark and eerily quiet but as he neared your bedroom he could hear your quiet cries coming from the bathroom. He knocks on the door and tires to open it but it was locked.
“Go away.” You cried with broke Corpses heart.
“Baby girl, please open the door.”
“NO please just go away!”
Your POV
You felt out of control as you cried so you puched and yelp in pain. Corpse wastes no time kicking in the door.
“Im sorry baby Ill fix that I promise.” He says quickly as he kneels down beside you. You didnt know if it was the suddenness of the door kicking in or him beig here or both but you broken down into even more of a crying mess on your bathroom floor. Corpse pulls you into his chest and you try to fight him off. 
“No leave me alone, go away!” He only held you tighter and closer.
“Y/N I’m not going anywhere. We made a promise to eachother remember? We promised to never leave eachother remember? Me and you together. Im promise to fight next to you. So please just breath and let me help baby please.” Eventually you stopped fighting against him and clung to him like your life depended on it, and in this moment you were positive it did. You didnt know how much time passed between that moment and when Corpse finally stood, holding you bridalstyle as he carried you to the room. You laid both you you down, never letting you leave his hold. As you laid there Corpse left sof kisses around your face and whispered sweet loving things to you.
“You are so strong Y/n” He ran his fingers through your hair and kissed your forehead. “You are beautiful and smart” Corpse kisses your temple. “You are worth every single breath you take, every single atom and molecule in this universe that you take up you are worthy of.” He gently lifts you chin so you were looking up at him with your red, puffy eyes. “A wise girl once told me, that I know it gets hard and feels like the weight of the world is one your shoulders but theres two of us now and you dont have to take the weight on alone.” You sniffle and look up at him.
“Hey I said that.” Your voice was weak and horse from crying.
“Yes baby girl, you did, and I hope you knoe its true. I am right here.”
“I dont want to burden you, I know you have some much on your plate already I dont want to throw my shit on there too.” He shakes his head and lays his forehead on yours. 
“You arent burdening me, the only thing that ever puts more stress on my plate is when you push me away because I cant help you when you do that.” You sniffle reaching up and brush your finger tips across his cheek. 
“Im so sorry I put you through this.” Tears started to well up in your eyes but Corpse qucikly wipes under them and peppers your forehead in kisses.
“Hey hey hey none of that baby. Alls well now. Im here now.”
“Thank you my love. You are my rock.’
“And you are mine”
✨Tumblr Taglist✨
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rurifangirl · 4 years ago
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✨ ^ ^ ✨
🔮🧤(・ω・)🧤🔮
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‼️Fill out this if you want to be tagged in any of my content‼️
I'm also on everskies and instagram rn with the same name as my tumblr <3
{🪻Basic info🪻}
So heya! You can call me Ruru/Creep or whatever you like, I don't really mind as long as It ain't offensive n stuff.
Remember that I'm a minor, so I won't interact w anything adult related, nor do I want to be in those. Ty
And to add on that, although it's true that I'm sex indifferent, that doesn't mean I want to be thrown nsfw at. Please respect my boundaries.
I use any pronouns [I do have a preference for He/Him] (+Any Neo) like my bio said.
I like art/to draw in general as it helped me going through stuff, n I'm here to mostly vibe, but if ya need anything from me (Whether it's talking/taggin triggers n stuff cuz I forget to do It) feel hella free to invade my in box bout It.
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{🥀Socials I'm on🥀}
Discord: Ruru#9210
Reddit: CreepOwO
Pinterest: @Ruruu_17
Instagram: @rurifangirl
Cookie run kindom acc: RuriKazamasHoe (Pure Vanilla server)
Tiktok: @rurifangirl
Rosario's side blog: @blossomfang
Writing blog: @rurus-writing
Shou's side blog: @shousbox
Kayn's side blog: @kaynsmoon
Neptune's side blog: @octussy
Morte's side blog: @mortes-breath
Other oc blog stuff: @tf-ya-doing-here
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{🪻Fandoms I'm actively in/will probably post about more than once tbh🪻}
Dark souls (1-3)
Elden ring
Bloodborne
Fear and hunger (+ Termina)
Hades and Hades 2
League of legends
Hazbin Hotel
Helluva boss
Dmc 3
Jjba
Beastars
Dragon Raja
Devilman (Crybaby/original)
Junji Ito
Monster High
The vampire dies in no time
(once i get the fckin Money blasphemous and blasphemous 2)
(ALSO HOLLOW KNIGHT GOD DAMN IT)
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OUTDATED OC POSTS ON (I DONT HAVE THE HEART TO DELETE THEM)
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Own Ruri essay. (old; doesn't count)
The big lore post (How the gang met/Where do they live/how are they affected by their past).
Qiran's and Shou's relationship.
The magic post.
World building in Avril Quinn n Bones story.
The Reeders and Kingdoms.
Basic plot stuff.
Nothing yet...
Syndra (Kamisama kiss)
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{ tag info 🪻}
Anything about my ocs/mcs Is tagged in their relative tags, for example my Kayn stuff will be tagged in #kayn and so on (Basically putting an # w their name on).
Finnaly adding a tag whenever I speak bout random stuff, that bein #rurutalks so it's easier for ppl to flirt It out.
All posts bout a specific fandom will be tagged w that name so no worries .
Gonna be adding #ruruasks for any ask I recive from now on.
(I'm also gonna put #rurusocs in case I'm talking bout ocs/my ocs related posts.) This Is unfortunately vry old and for vry few posts so . When the time comes and i rework everybody u will get a new tag
Requests will be also tagged as #rurusrequests.
All of my dog's posts will be tagged w #🤍balto🤍 cuz he deserves It.
All my posts bout me talkin in italian/italy related post will be tagged as #rurubutitalian
All of my posts bout shows/animes/videogames and everything's that Is spoilerish Is gonna be tagged as #spoiler cus I just realized how many posts are like that. So id suggest to filter that
All my ruri posts will also be tagged as #🤍Ruri my beloved🤍 because I'm too attached to this bitch so much and now I'm gettin y'all sucked up w It.
Cus @a-chaotic-dumbass is sendin cursed shoes pics and sayin "this shou?😍" I decided to make a new tag called #Shou's asks cus this shit Is so funny
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Status : Closed! (Number of requests currently not done: 0) (0 slots open)
{🪻Drawing request🪻}
(Outdated, dm me for any questions!)
🪻Info🪻
Will draw:
Ocs/Mcs (with a reference ofc)
Any fandom (even if I don't know It) as long as I get the vibes from it
Little bit of Blood/gore ( If asked for; in any case ya can dm me)
Ship art (Unless it's p*do)
Some animals actually, even if It'll take much longer for them.
What I WON'T draw
Furries/ complicated animals
Backgrounds that are too complicated
NSFW/BDSM (I'm a minor and It makes me uncomfortable so)
Mechas
{🥀Rules bout it🥀}
I'll take my time w em, so please don't come for them, I never know lmao. For asking for em ya just got to go either dm me for It or ask in my inbox w references for It(Pose; character and general idea y'know)
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That's all for now, It'll be updated if anything changed though 🤍
I'm adding at the end my discord simpery apology video cuz shit Is funny alright
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ndeyebaby · 2 years ago
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hello, my name is t. i have a lot to me and my story, if you want like to know about it, lmk. but im not here to talk about the old story, but how to change from it? i suffer from borderline personality disorder. you can do your research, but to summarize i have really high highs (manic episodes) and really low lows (depressive episodes). so i am extremely prone to spirals and etc. ive been in a toxic manifestation cycle where ive found a new method, failed at it and haven’t gotten results, then i would over-consume and attempt self concept then end up spiralling when i saw people with what i had and realized that my deadline is getting closer and closer (2 weeks) and then search for a new method again. it is so easy to just wallow in your sadness, especially when the media glorifies sadness and makes you jealous of others. ive been in this cycle for 3 years. ive tried to restart my journey by taking breaks and doing things that “i love”, but if you struggle with mental health or know anyone who does, you know it’s not easy to think a certain way or feel a certain way because of your mental illness. i want to restart my journey. not the ways i did before, not by taking a break then noticing that i haven’t manifested my desires and forcing myself to work on self concept or try a new method. i want to unlearn everything and learn what i need and actually do it correctly this time. but i don’t know how to make manifestation not feel like a chore and find a way to do that suits me. here’s the thing, i know basically any answer to any question you could ask me about manifestation and i know how to act on it. but people have different ways they can manifest and what’s subjective to them and i need help finding my way to manifest that isn’t toxic and causes me to spiral and look for a new method. preferably we could dm and you could help me, but replying to my anonymous message is just as efficient. but it gets confusing when you’ve fed yourself so much information from so many different sources, id prefer if you could also recommend a few loa blogs to look at too, so i don’t scroll through 10 million. it sounds contradictory when you’ve consumed so much, but it’s really only because everyone believes and thinks differently. i just want to actually manifest what i want this time and before my deadline. i want to get what i want and not be hindered by my mental health or hinder it even more as a result of failed attempts from every method known to man. how do i reconstruct my mindset and find a routine / way to manifest that fits me even with my mental illness (my parents don’t believe in therapy, so i can’t get treated for it)? especially something to help when i spiral and self sabotage (please let me know if you would like to dm and talk one on one)
Hello, T!
Your story sounds a lot like mine. I’ve never been diagnosed with bpd, but I’ve had depression which really messed me up regarding my manifestations.
Thank you for trusting me enough to pour your heart out to me.
What I need you to know is that manifesting methods and techniques are almost irrelevant if you can see your desire in your mind’s eye or hear confirmation of it in your mind’s ear it decree it to be true and trust in it.
So all you really need to do is to define and objective and accept that it is DONE. You don’t need to complicate it anymore than that.
Feel free to message me btw :-) let’s talk more in detail
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ohmykazuha · 3 years ago
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wahhh im sorry ur having a bad night jiaaa :((( i hope tmrw is a better day for u !! (im sure it will be :D!)
but anyways since none of ur og biases are kazuha im legally allowed to write fluff hcs for u which will hopefully make you feel better !! :>
um. i actually have no clue what to write abt so this might not be that great but i still hope you like it <3 !!
albedo's mind works far faster than the average person, which makes sense, considering he technically isn't a human. but he swears the thoughts rushing through his mind reach the speed of light when he catches you picking up his sketchbook to glance through. in a manner contrasting his usual composed demeanour, he practically runs over and grabs the book out of your hands, prompting you to ask confusedly, "bedo, what's wrong???" "i-it's nothing. really. i just remembered some experiments i have yet to finish, and i've just noticed a marvellous sweet flower specimen i need to sketch," the alchemist hastily replies with a reddened face before quickly leaving the room. a single page slips out from the notebook, but he's gone before you can tell him about it - although after you see it, a warm yet embarrassed smile paints your features. the entire page is filled with doodles and detailed sketches of you, smiling, laughing, talking, just going about your day. your name is noted at the bottom of the page, and there's even a tiny heart next to it, though it's been scribbled over as if the artist was suddenly shy after drawing it. you chuckle to yourself softly as you clutch the paper tightly and shake your head, now you had to decide whether to confess to albedo that you had seen the sketches, or keep it a secret until he decides to admit it himself - either way, you're over the moon that your feelings are reciprocated.
LMAO i was planning to write a short drabble for each but albedos ended up being too long 💀
but yes pls consider
- jean scolding u for overworking and then you scolding HER for overworking and you both just start laughing and agree to make sure each other work within proper hours
- going for karaoke w thoma !! he screams along the lyrics to romance songs w you and its terribly off tune but it's cute 🥺 also whenever u sing he gets rlly quiet and starry eyed bc omfg his s/o has the voice of an angel
- flustering kaeya 👀 definitely not the easiest thing to do, but when you succeed it's totally worth it bc of his red cheeks and the way he's suddenly unable to meet your eyes,,, totally different from his usually cocky smirk HAHA
ok i better go to sleep now omg,,, i hope these at least made you smile jia :) !! please do feel free to message me on discord if you wanna rant, or you can even dm me here on tumblr ! or even if u don't wanna vent & just wanna talk tbh, id love to become better friends w you sooo yeah :D !!! AHAHA OK ily gn !! <3
quill my dearest i'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to reply to this! thank you for this ahh I LOVE YOUUU <3 thank you for the effort put into this as well, and the headcanons! this makes me so so happy >< and yes i wanna be better friends with you as well ❤️ mwahh i love you hecking lotssss!
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pinkys-plan · 4 years ago
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The Search for the Baby
Buckle up because this is a long one. There'll be a tl;dr at the end, so feel free to skip past my riveting story if you so please.
So, my dear friends, I am on a quest.
Recently, I happened upon a tiktok user (Gosh, aka @ alluropinionsrirrelevant) asking for help finding a toy they owned as a child. You can find that video here but for those of you for whom that is not an option, the description is as follows:
It was made from 2003-2008. Exact year unsure.
It was a cartoonish baby, sitting, who was wearing a propeller hat (without the cap part. Like a propeller beanie)
It would cry and vibrate, and its pacifier was a button that calmed it down when pressed
It had a microphone in the stomach so you could talk to it to soothe it
The arms were loose and could move around freely
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In the comments were some extra pointers, as they told people who made suggestions which ones were incorrect. For example, it was definitely not a Cry Baby doll, nor was it any kind of realistic looking baby doll.
In a second tiktok, they state that this baby was not really a doll per se, but was an entirely plastic figure that could fit on the palm of your hand.
Most importantly, however, they were absolutely certain that it looked EXACTLY like the picture they drew.
At this point, my interest was piqued. I am an incredibly stubborn person and I enjoy, more than many things, being right. I also enjoy helping people because who doesn’t get a kick out of seeing others smile?
I decided not that I would have a little go at finding the baby, but that I was going to find it no matter what. 100%. I would not rest until I had solved this mystery.
So, off I went to google. I searched so many terms and I very quickly understood why so many people thought it was a Cry Baby. It looked very similar to the Cry Baby dolls I was seeing (as pictured, hopefully below)
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But, over the years, I’ve had many memories of things that people have insisted were wrong about but turned out to be totally right, so I wasn’t going to let the internet tell this poor soul that they were wrong and that this was what it was. Gosh says it looks exactly like the one they drew? Then it looks exactly like the one they drew and I was not going to cease until I could find one that matched it far beyond a reasonable doubt.
I found a few contenders. For example:
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This little fucker seemed similar enough. Entirely hard plastic? Check. Similar position? Check. Electronic? I think so. Probably cried too, by the looks of it. But there were obviously holes in this theory - no propeller hat, no microphone hole on the stomach, no free movement in the arms, plus there was a bottle that surely Gosh would have mentioned if the real baby was supposed to have one. So, not it.
This carried on for a while, finding things that were sort of similar but not quite, then discarding them because they weren’t close enough for me to be satisfied.
Then I typed the words ‘baby figure toy 2003’. This got me nothing. Then I added a sneaky little ‘electronic’ on the end and didn’t even have to scroll down.
Right there, on the right hand side of my screen, was the baby. There was no question about it, this was it. There’s no point going through all of the things that were the same because this little chunk of plastic was the spitting image of the one Gosh drew.
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I went to the site, looking for a name, and that is when I found...
...nothing. I’d found the baby on an auction site and it was literally just labelled ‘baby doll’ in Spanish. The seller didn’t know the name of this thing. I then reverse image searched it to see if any more were around. Nothing.
I left a comment on the original tiktok, telling them the good news and the bad news, relaying that yes, it did exist, they weren’t making it up, that it was yellow and purple, with little ‘G’s on the feet and it was made in 2003 by Sega and Hasbro but that I couldn’t give a name for it. I also sent a picture on Instagram bc apparently you can’t sent pictures though tiktok dms??
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Anyway, I pressed on.
Sega and Hasbro are huge, so a toy made by both companies must have some kind of documentation somewhere, right?
Wrong.
No matter what I searched, there was nothing. I couldn’t find the name of the toy, other pictures of the toy, any kind of box or advertising for the toy. Nothing. Zero. Zilch.
The only thing I did find was a blue version with different hair. It was on Reddit and the poster had put up the picture in hopes of finding the answers that I, too, was looking for.
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I could have left it there but, as I said before, I’m stubborn as all hell when I want to be, especially when I’m procrastinating, so I had all the time in the world to identify this little plastic child.
I searched high and low, through Sega and Hasbro toy archive sites. I eventually found this Sega toy timeline graphic, which I thought was going to be the jackpot:
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But was actually sort of useless because when I scrolled to 2003, as you can see, there’s nothing there. It says that year is listed somewhere else. 
Okay, so just go there, right? Wrong again, because when is anything easy?
I go through a whole bunch of these long exchange reports, or whatever they were, that allegedly contain the list of toys Sega produced in 2003 (I’m not entirely as knowledgeable about Japanese stock exchanges as I apparently need to be) and, once again, nothing.
I try to find toy catalogues from 2003. I went on the wayback machine for Argos in 2003. This was all to no avail, but eventually, I found a tiny lead.
On the 2003 version of the Sega Toys Japanese website, there was a toy called プチベビ (which google translated as ‘Petit baby’). By no means was this the exact toy but it was very similar. It had the same body type, with the same moveable arms and microphone bellybutton. The head was different, just a plain face without the pacifier, and these infants were not bright yellow or blue and were also dressed in little animal onesies.
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Okay, so was this like the Japanese version of the toy? Possibly. Probably.
Other than that, I have nothing. I’m still going through the 2003 Hasbro site but that’s probably a dead end.
So, dear friends, I am now turning to you for help. If you owned this little yellow and purple baby (or the blue one), knew anyone who owned it, or know anything about it, please talk to me. If you have the box still or the pamphlet that may have come with it, please reach out. If you have access to toyshop catalogues from 2003-2004, or just any catalogue from that time from a store that may sell toys, please get in touch.
I’m really hoping this post gets around because I’m immensely intrigued by this toy and why it has seemingly been lost to the void, so I’m desperate for answers.
An extra tiny lead on the name is that the line of toy might be ‘Gaga’ or something of the sort, which Gosh recalls it may have been called, and makes sense with the ‘G’ that is on both toys.
TL;DR:
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(ID: Wanted poster with a photo of the Baby. Below the photo, the text reads: ‘Looking for any information about this toy. Do you have one? Do you remember its name? Do you still have the packaging/any information that came with it? Please share!’)
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hey how have you been?
weird question but, i hope its ok to ask advice on this one, if not thats totally ok
i was wondering if you know how to,, make friends? i joined so many chats and followed so many people but all i do is comment on their posts or just chat in the group chat. it doesnt get to the point where i pm them
while i do have acquintances in those chats that i recognise and talk to A Lot i just,,, feel like its not the same as a maybe close friendship? i dont know
i even made a friend application and talked to a lot of people but a weird situation happened where a lot of them left me on read randomly(which is ok im not mad at that) and i thought id text them later but then i didnt... so now im just occasionally dming 1 person but idk.
i dont know where im going with this but basically, i dont know how to make friends,, or how to get to the friend stage,, any tips? thank you
(please tag as frog emoji if ok)
Yeah it’s totally ok to ask for advice! 
Oof,, making friends. I’ll admit that it doesn’t come to me easily either, and I especially struggled with making and keeping my friends a ton when I was younger. I hope talking about my own personal experience might help.
For me personally, when I think about who I consider a friend now, a lot of my online friends, or even my friends “from” school, are people that I talk to in Discord servers or group chats but don’t really dm. And surprisingly? I’m okay with that. I used to be at a point where I craved close friendships to the point where I was accepting treatment that wasn’t okay, but I’m not really there anymore.
And as for the people I do text or DM? Now that I think of it, all of them come from previous hobbies or interests that I don’t really do anymore.
A lot of the times, the reason I started out dming or texting people was for working on something, and not necessarily chatting. I have a friend from when I used to do activism, and we started texting to get work done. I worked with a ton of people, but I happened to click with her.
I think of that example as an “accidental” friendship, where I wasn’t really trying to get to know her, but we liked each other and became friends.
A lot of the friends I made actually came from a period in my life where I decided that I was done with my obsession with making friends, and I was going to spend some time completely alone. I talked about it here; I’d sit in an empty classroom reading during lunch and didn’t really talk to people.
Somehow, I acquired two friends I really liked during that time. From class, no less. I think part of it came from letting go of my expectations of what a friendship was supposed to look like, and being okay with being alone. One of those friends I made in a hard class where we exchanged numbers just to help each other with homework. The other I sat next to in a chiller class because no one was sitting at her table. We started chatting and I thought she was cool. I don’t really talk to either of them anymore, but I think that’s an example of how sometimes you can stumble across cool people after you stop looking for them.
I was in some online communities though, and I did tend to reach out to people a lot. Not necessarily because I wanted to be close to them, but usually because I thought they were cool or I just wanted to tell them something. Seriously, I started speaking to one of my online friends when he was asking about restaurants in my area and I didn’t feel like announcing my location in a big server. Lol.
And the thing is? The ratio of people I clicked with versus people I talked to was pretty low. If I reached out to, say, 100 people (it was less don’t worry lol), I became friends with fifteen and I’m still speaking to three.
And I’m okay with that! Since at that time, I’d “given up” on my desire for close friendships, I talked with those people just because I wanted to. And even with the people I haven’t spoken to in months, I genuinely enjoyed talking to them and I’m happy we started chatting.
I’ve also reconnected a group of online friends I first met when I was very young. I’m talking fifth grade, sixth grade age. I don’t DM any of them, but I consider it a pretty close knit group and I’m happy just talking to them through a Discord server.
Tl;dr: I personally used to have an unhealthy obsession with an idea of what I thought friendship was. In my personal experience, letting go of my need for friendship was not only freeing, but actually helped me in my interactions with others.
Of course, everyone’s different. This is my background as one neurodivergent girl who’s had specific experiences.
My question is, are you enjoying the chats you’re in? Please remember to have fun, okay? If you joined your chats or followed people with like, a specific goal in mind, you might get disappointed. But if you genuinely like interacting with them through Tumblr and through other communities, maybe that’s the type of friendship that’ll bring you the most happiness in that specific case.
When I was in fifth or sixth grade, my mom bought me a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls, by Dale Carnegie’s daughter Donna. Obviously it’s targeted to a specific demographic, but I haven’t read the original and it might be a lot less accessible.
I thought it would “help” me make friends. It didn’t really; It took me many more years before I was happy with my social circle. But what it did do was give me specific stories and help me rework some of my beliefs around what friendship was supposed to be and how they start. It taught me super important things about how to admit mistakes and communicate with people. And honestly? Even though I didn’t really apply what I read until many years later, I think that information stuck around in my mind and contributed to where I am today.
Maybe it’ll be helpful to you, maybe it won’t. But I’d consider checking it out!
I hope some of this was helpful to you and I’m wishing you all the best! 💚
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alchemicalterror · 5 years ago
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[ Below is a transcript of an RP between @askanarky​ and ol’ Jonny boy, involving Anarky’s breakout and aftermath. WIth special guest @riddlesandqueries​ and @echoandquery​
Trigger warnings: Adolescent Homelessness, swearing. ]
Fuck. Shit. God dammit. Fuck, Lonnie swears to himself, couldn’t stay hidden for two days, could he?
Here he is, leaning against the wall of the dentist’s-office-turned-failed-comedy-club-turned-pirate-radio-station-slash-hideout he’d been spending the day at. Beside him’s a wooden baseball bat, blood-red paint dripping down the business end, three posters, and an overfilled olive drab backpack absolutely covered in patches and safety pins. In his hands, a box of old clothes and records.
Bitterly, Lonnie wonders how much weight he’d lost. Six and a half months was a lot longer- or maybe shorter?- than he’d fully realized.
God, why’s he even humoring the old man? Ten bucks and he could already be gone. He’d find another shitty landlord to blackmail for an equally shitty studio apartment, and life’d go on like he never left.
...But then again, that wasn’t him. And plus, he owes Jon a lot and did kinda call him ‘dad,' and plus, he couldn’t feasibly cut him out entirely unless he left Gotham for good, and why would he do that, he’s got work to continue-
”Fuck.” Lonnie mutters under his breath, shifting his weight to his other leg.
"Fuck." Jon mutters, pulling his coat in tighter. He doesn't know jack shit about hijacked radio towers, and while his car is an unremarkable, beat-up old junker that he's had for years - it runs fine, there's no noises or weird smells, but the body has seen better days - why run into a headache with traffic, gas mileage, potentially being seen at an intersection with a recently escaped convict...?
'Course, nothing could hide how tall he is. And god damn it, it's April, it's supposed to be warm....
Jonathan mutters against the cold in vague irritation, gravitating towards the next set of charity drop-off boxes in vain hopes of actually tracking down the runt. Jesus, he should've asked for directions. At least he's in good shape.
"Me an' my motherfuckin' ide--" Pause. Squint, at someone who fits the stature in a beat up black hoodie, with a box.
"....Kid?"
The good thing about oversized hoodies is that, if you’re drowning in them enough, it can almost conceal how high you jump when something calls an epithet that can apply to you. Immediately, Lonnie crouches to quickly, but gently place his box down and grab his baseball bat in his place, then raises himself up into half of a batter’s stance at the source of the-
Wait. Tall man, absolutely orange hair, in a thrift-store jacket and blue jeans. Of fucking course.
”Jesus Christ,” he half-mouths. He lets his stance relax and his arms hang limply down in an exaggerated 'I-don’t-wanna-be-here' stance. “‘Ay.” Lonnie’s stage voice is remarkable, if a bit higher than his normal growl.
Jonathan grins, a bit, despite himself. Baseball bat? Good lad.
He lifts a hand in a wave, chuckling. "Nice to see you ain't without means, boy." Jon murmurs, nodding at the weapon. "Half kickin' myself I didn't get directions when abouts I could, I been walking around back alleys all afternoon."
"Legs could use a break, and I saw a beaten-down dive up the block some, folks don't glance at your face even when you're ordering in places like that. You wanna coffee or somethin' before we ship out?"
“....” Lonnie turns away for half a second, letting a puff of air escape his clenched teeth. “Hey, you said you didn’t need them.”
Hypocritical, coming from him. He’s at least trying to be a little friendly, through the obvious voice crack and the constantly-correcting tone. “...Fine, I guess? I mean, I’ve got what...” He backs away and unzips the front pocket of the backpack on the ground. A cheap leather wallet spills out (along with six separate embroidered circle-As in various shades of crimson.) He unfolds it and squints between the pockets, “....twelve...? Dollars on me? That’s enough for, like, a sandwich.”
"Come off it kid, I got paid yesterday, you ain't gotta spend what little you got on a sandwich. Save it, s'good to have bus money." And with that Jon turns, and waves Lonnie follow him. Tall as he is, he's long ago adopted a sort of ambling gait to make it easier for other people to keep up with his long stride.
The diner is, as estimated, utterly apathetic to the arrival of both Jonathan and Lonnie, save for the motions of seating them both. No odd looks are given to Lonnie's box of things, nor -- if he brought it along -- his bat. He was half-heartedly offered the opportunity to drop it in the umbrella rack, if he wanted to.
Jon takes a booth with a high back, and turns his attention toward the menu.
Lonnie, in fact, does put his baseball bat in the umbrella rack (only in Gotham,) and swings himself up onto the booth, squishing himself into the corner and placing his box under the table. His backpack’s placed right beside him.
He’s already small- especially compared to Jonathan- but he seems determined to make himself even smaller. Lonnie hunches over the table and scrutinizes the menu with one exposed eye, rapping his free hand on the table. Jonathan receives the occasional upwards glance from him.
Coffee. And a sandwich. Jon picks both, mentally placing his order, and sets the menu down.
"...After we order, I got some things to ask, arright?" He murmurs, keeping his voice low; the staff might not care, but patrons could. Best keep mumbly.
"Dinner's on me whatever you got to say, upfront. Ain't contingent on you givin' me answers you think I'm gonna wanna hear."
(The waitress does drift by, uninterested and unimpressed, to take their orders.)
Watching the waitress approach means Lonnie didn’t have the space to answer Jon in full; Instead, he flashes a thumbs up his way.
BLT, cherry Coke. Lonnie deserved something sweet, he thought. His menu comes down after Jon’s, and he doesn’t fully turn to place his order. He does, however, have the common sense for manners; “I’d like an egg BLT and a cherry Coke, please.”
"And I'd like a tuna sub and a black coffee, please, miss. Thank you kindly."
Their orders are noted down, and she drifts on to her next engagement - and Jon leans on the table, looking Lonnie over. Where to start. "....You got a place to stay?"
“I’ll get one.” Lonnie murmurs, implying that the answer’s actually no. “Old landlord probably won’t let me back in, not like I was actually paying for my old apartment anyway...” He murmurs as he passes the saltshaker between his hands. "...Right." Jonathan says, nodding slowly. "...If you need a place to crash a li'l while while you work him over, y'know - I got a guest room. Ain't got much more than a bed and a couple boxes and a desk, but it's dry an' the door locks." "...And like, if puttin' out on your own for a place don't work, I don't mind if you stay, right?" .... Hm. The saltshaker rests in his left hand.
“...You’re serious? C’mon, your job’s probably already batter-fried as is, if anyone finds out-”
Lonnie doesn’t trail off, per se, more than he just lets his throat close a little. “...Really? You really don’t-“
He’d be an absolute idiot to decline, but there had to be some kind of catch - ? - but Jon’s not that much of a jerkass.... "Kid, much as I'm sure you could find someone whose arm you could twist for a place, it don't sit right with me to just leave you in an alley to do that. I got the room, and - well, Arkham can just deal." Jonathan’s tone is flat.
"What they don't know ain't gonna hurt my career." Lonnie puts a fist to his rapidly-splitting mouth and exhales sharply. “‘Guess that is true,” he answers, then shakes two fingers at Jon. 
“...Shit, thanks, I guess? I didn’t... really expect you to show real concern, holy shit...” "What, you think it was just for appearances?"  Jon chuckles, genial. "Naw, son, I try to actually care 'bout the folks I work with, didn't get into this business on accounta I don't care about people."
"Look, after Dinner I'll help you carry shit, since I left the car at home." “Okay.” Lonnie doesn’t particularly feel like pushing it any more, so he doesn’t. 
“...How’d I not notice this place before?” He asks, mostly to himself. Or maybe he had, and he’d forgotten about it. Was it even worth forgetting?  Ech, everything was so overwhelming. As their food and coffee comes around, Jonathan turns his attention to the rogue chat, securing something, before starting to eat. Tuna melts are truly the mac and cheese of the sandwich world, and hard to get wrong.
[ Dr_J_C ] - Hey, Eddie, you on. [ E?Nygma ] - Yes? [ Dr_J_C ]  - You got a cab company you trust to keep their yaps shut [ E?Nygma ] - My henchwomen. [ Dr_J_C ]  - ...Think they'd be willing to come pick up me and a runaway? Wound up cross town and the kid's got luggage [ E?Nygma ] - Only one way to find out, really.
[ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: Ladies? ] [ DM  E&Q to E?Nygma: [Q] You need something, Ed? ] [ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: Yes, if you have the time tonight. Dr Crane is asking me about securing private transit that doesn't talk too much, if you catch my drift. Since you're both the pair I trust most on the matter, I thought I'd ask if you'd be willing to go fetch him and cart him wherever he needs to go. He's not in a stabbing mood, so it shouldn't be risky. ] [ DM  E&Q to E?Nygma: [Q] Not in a stabbing mood? Color me surprised.. but sure thing, Boss! [E] Dr. Crane requires transit? We aren’t busy, so we’ll be glad to pick him up, when needed. Anything that’s said will stay in the car, don’t you worry. ] [ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: Peachy. Make him buy you dinner, huh? I'll forward the address: you know what to do if he starts giving you trouble, and where to send the bill. Thanks so much. ]
[ E?Nygma ] - Good news, Jonny, they'll do it. Have an address? [ Dr_J_C ]  - Yeah, hangon.... Down town, Eighth and Tuppence. The shitty diner.
[ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: : Eighth and Tuppence, the "shitty diner", as he put it. ]
[ E?Nygma ] - I told them to make you buy them dinner. 
[ Dr_J_C ]  -  Yeah, sure, doesn't have to be from here. We just got our food, so - give it an hour? [ DM: E?Nygma to E&Q: He's asked for you to come in an hour, so you have time to get ready. ]
[ E?Nygma ] - Done and done, don't leave them waiting.
Before eating, Lonnie removes the top slice of bread from each sandwich half and salts the (perfectly over-medium) egg on top, then slides the salt to the other side of the table. He almost chokes on his first bite. God, he missed real food. "...Arkham food, huh." Jonathan chuckles, humorlessly. "Shit, every time I've gotten outta there, pizza boxes have looked appetizing."
"Eddie's henches are gonna be givin' us a ride. They ain't snitches, and I fancy our chances in one'a their cars than on foot."
“...Tall punk one n’ a short one?” Lonnie clarifies through a mouthful of BLT. Gulp. “Nice.”
“...Spent his ketchup money on Walgreens eyeliner and a burger. Should probably get online and tell ‘im once I get home, huh.” He pauses, putting down his sandwich for a second. “I told you the ketchup thing, right?”
Jonathan grins, lifting his coffee in a weird sort of salute. "Sure did. Bet you made with Eddie, right? Eyeliner and a bite's a good cause, then. He chomps down half his sandwich before turning his attention properly to coffee.
"...Good-ish news, the Asylum is pretty sure I didn't help you break out." "So they prob'ly ain't gonna assume I came got you, neither."
“Thank god,” Lonnie comments. “Like, not just ‘cuz your job’s still safe, that’s great, but god, I didn’t spend three weeks figuring out like, 80 million people’s schedules for a friend in a high place to get the stick, it’s my damn credit.” He pauses for a sip of soda. “...Is that the right metaphor? Doesn’t matter. ‘S.... nice y’aint in that deep shit.”
Another pause. “Jesus Christ, I just said ‘y’ain’t’ in complete earnest, what the fuck are you doing to me?” Lonnie laughs, leaning his head back and pulling down one eyelid. Jonathan barks a cheerful laugh, and even that is ignored by the utter apathy that is a back-street diner in Gotham. He shakes his head until it trickles down to a snicker and, grinning, drains the rest of his coffee before his attention returns to the perfectly adequate tuna melt.
"Naww, they had me doin' damage control, after talkin' to me a bit and nosing some at my notes. Shit, I didn't know a damn thing about your plans, and it showed, son, so oughta be fine."
"New's being shitty about it anyways, though, m'sorry about that." “I~’m aware,” Lonnie chimes rather sardonically, waiting to swallow this time. “Eh, GCN’s a bunch of corporatist bullcrap anyway. They don’t think I’m a real dude, I know they aren’t a real news station, cancels out.” It really doesn’t cancel out, but the shrug indicates either he’s actually fine or he doesn’t particularly want to talk about it.
Jonathan slowly nods, and makes a mental tick to get a tee-shirt made inviting people to physically fight him if they want to call Lonnie a girl. That's a dadly thing to do, right?
"...So,” Jon starts, slowly, “Y'all called me dad."
Groan. “Uh, I’m sorry?” Lonnie shrugs to accompany the nonapology— not like it was worth applogizing for. “Slip of the tongue, like callin’ a teacher ‘mom,’ y’know?”
He sucks the rest of his Coke down and sets the tall plastic glass back on the table. Jon laughs, sitting back himself and uncrossing his arms. "Dunno where all I said I was upset about it, son." His grin is lazy and easy, and he just shrugs.
"Y'all see me as a father figure?" ... Does he? ... “I mean— you’re what, two and a half times my age n I’ve seen more of you  in the, what, three-ish months since you took my case than anyone else, not to mention you’re like...” Lonnie cycles through various expressions as he speaks, apparently directing his explanation at his fingernails. (Note the lack of a solid answer.) 
He doesn’t mention what Jon’s like. Soon, he throws his forehead into one hand, rubbing his temples.
“I mean—- no, but also not no?” "...So, solid maybe." Jon suggests, wiping crumbs off his hands with a chuckle. "Right, well that ain't somethin' you gotta come up with an answer to today, son. Right now, priority's makin' sure you don't get picked up by the cops two days after a breakout."
"And,” he adds, “Not leavin' you to find a half-comfortable Alley to try an' make a sleeping spot from."
“Mmh,” Lonnie affirms through his last bite of BLT (emphasis on the L.) “In my defense, I spent like... the first third’a my sophomore year doin’ that, I’ve got practice.” He jokes, sending finger-guns Jon’s way. “But yeah, let’s leave that for later, ‘kay?”
"Sounds good." Jonathan pulls out his wallet, leafing through it and leaving the bill in cash, with a generous tip. No, the bill hasn't actually arrived yet, but he's pretty good at math. Something about being a Chemist, maybe. 
"Ed's girls oughta be here in a nother couple minutes, so - you wanna hit the washroom or anything 'fore we head outside?"
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top-shelf-waverly · 4 years ago
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Today and for the first time I did a thread on twitter. About my story of the last few years, here's what I said:
I feel like talking about my story today, how I met my wife and how we fought for each other. So everything started on Tumblr, we started chatting there and quite quickly we fell in love. I'm in France, she's in Malaysia. The distance was hard but we found ways to meet many times. She did the first move by coming in Paris for a week. The best week ever. Our love was stronger and stronger. We did so many cool stuff and came the hard time to say goodbye. So painful. Months later I was inviting her at my sister's wedding where she met all my family. Everyone was happy to meet her. It was such a nice event. This time no goodbyes, I decided to go to Malaysia with her where I met her family. Malaysia and particularly the region she lives follows the Charia low, her family is Muslim. So we had to hide from the people. Her little sister was so welcoming, her mom wasn't, she was always cold with me, not saying even hi... But it changed later. So in the street, no touching, no kissing, no hugging, we were just friends in the eyes of everyone it wasn't too bad to live like that, she made me visit all the good places there, I also met her friends, they're all so nice to me. I stayed for a month, and once again the goodbyes were horribles. Months later I went back and the time I was there two girls had been caught kissing in there car and were sentenced to public canned. It felt weird knowing it was happening next to her place when we were living our love, it could have been us. In Malaysia you don't really have the choice of your religion, if you're from a malay Muslim family it'll be written Islam on your ID. You can't leave Islam. So my wife who doesn't feel like a Muslim and doesn't wanna follow the religion had no choice but to act like one and hide her sexuality (actually even the non-malay can't be gay, it's forbidden in Malaysia). We knew we couldn't have a life there, quickly we took the decision to move in France. We spent a wonderful Christmas with all my family this year and I went back to Malaysia with her. We then started planing her leaving forever. My wife is a cat lover, she had a shelter at her place, so the first thing we did was to make all the cats she helped adopted, it was quite a success, they all found a good family. We decided to bring 4 cats with us, the ones she completely fell for.. We had to make all the documents right (it's hard to travel with one pet, imagine 4) we made it, unfortunately one got into a terrible accident before we left (love you Aisya), so it became 3 cats. Next to that, we had to prepare all the documents for my wife. She couldn't tell to anyone why she was living, she didn't even tell her mom, 'cause, well, no rights for lgbt+... The only way for us to stay together in France, was to get married. For that we needed proof she wasn't already married, and some other documents. In Malaysia there's two governments, one Islamic and one federal. She had to go to the Islamic government building to ask for her single certificate. She had to lied to them, 'cause on the documents it was asking the name of her futur husband, where he was living and all other informations. Once again, we made it. Malaysians have the right to stay maximum 3 months in France without a visa so we had to get married during those 3 months, 'cause once we're married, they can't send her back to Malaysia. We first lived at my parents. After 6 months of being in France and married to me, she could ask for a long stay card, showing all the prooves of us living together. Hopefully an association helped us finding all the right documents. The cats, the good plane tickets, the documents, the preparation of the wedding and her asking for a long stay statue, was so stressful. Now we have to go through this every year for 4 years to renew her card but we're just happy to be able to live together in our own appartment now and not being outlows. Thank you for reading this and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me in my dms 😊
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jasmin-studies · 5 years ago
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Hey there! Long time, no see. A Level results day is next week and I haven’t seen any posts on studyblr about advice specifically regarding clearing yet so thought I’d make one. 
Preparation
use the UCAs search tool to search for places that are still available in clearing, but be aware that more or less places open up on results day and it constantly changes. Although also on this note don’t get too attached to a specific uni or course within clearing
the grades listed on UCAs are inflated and the grades drop quite significantly in clearing, so after you find the course also check on the actual university website on their clearing section. I know a girl who got into the Uni of Southampton for biomed (originally AAB) with BBC last year, so don’t panic if the grades of unis you’re hoping to go to seem quite high
Create a list of qualities that are important for you eg. location, career opportunities (like years abroad) and the bursaries available from all the unis you’re considering. Note down 1 favourite quality of each uni/course to talk about on the phone. It’s easier to do this in an spreadsheet
Rank the unis you’ve chosen from the ones you most like to the ones you would be fine going to and note down the clearing phone numbers and the UCAs codes of the courses you like
On the day
try to stay level headed (easier said than done) whether you check UCAs track in the morning and find out you missed your firm and insurance grades or whether receive the grades in person first. Try to schedule at least an hour either before of after ringing clearing hotlines to cry a little (or a lot) and acknowledge your grades
if possible talk to your teachers about how close you are to the next grade boundary and the next steps
Ring up the universities in order of your rankings, even if their grade requirements are above your achieved grades. Even after you receive your first offer, continue ringing down the list and try to get multiple offers
Whilst on the phone
there’s often quite a long wait (about 20-40 minutes on results day) so it’s useful to use 2 phones. I personally was facetiming a friend while making the calls which was great at calming nerves, but try to be in a quiet location you can concentrate in with good phone signal.
the people on the first line on clearing hotlines are often students themselves meant to weed out grades that are too low to enter. Unfortunately at best they only skim through your personal statement and it doesn’t particularly matter to them (in my experience) so just quote your UCAs ID, the course code + clearly state your subjects and grades achieved at A Level make sure to not forget any EPQs or BTECs as these are worth UCAs points and can make the difference.
if they say no, thank them for their time and ask if there is any other similar courses you can be considered for, if there is great often you can transfer to the course originally wanted if it’s within the same department after the first year. If not sometimes in a few days they lower the grades even more and you may be offered a place if you call up again
try to do the calling all at once, it can be quite overwhelming making the calls. But viewing it clinically as just trying to get the maximum amount of offers possible, rather than dwelling on the rejections makes it easier
be confident (fake it) and decisive, if they don’t outright reject you they may ask a few questions or offer you a place right there on the phone. Thank them and ask them to put the clearing choice on track. Unfortunately I lost a few offers by saying ‘I’m not sure’ after they offered a place, so even if you are hesitant - talk as if you’re fully intending on accepting as the place is reserved for you for around 48 hours (dependant on unis) note down the offers you have and the decision time window they give you
the clearing hotline may either transfer you to an admissions tutor or a professor in your subject to talk to after your call (usually in the afternoon of results day or the next day) this is the time to show your passion!! Talk about modules you would enjoy taking at that university and reference your personal statement. I was quite anxious about this part, but they were so nice!! so don’t worry if you mess up your words as they’re genuinely not trying to trip you up
After you’ve received all your offers
make pro/con lists, research thoroughly online (include looking at accommodations and student reviews) and whatever else you feel may be useful to help choose a uni, if you haven’t made a decision by the deadline each uni gives you don’t worry - just phone up and they’ll usually extend the deadline for you :)
please remember that going to uni straightaway isn’t the automatic option, it’s very easy to rush into the first clearing offer - however there are many other options like resitting exams, doing degree apprenticeships (even in STEM) where you can earn money and get a degree or even not going to uni altogether and whatever journey you take to your desired career is valid
so this was a super long post 😬 This is all my personal experience with clearing, so I didn’t include much ‘practical’ advice like how to add clearing choices - look here and here for dates and how to use UCAs for clearing. Good luck out there to everybody waiting for results, wishing for the best. Please feel free to DM me if you think I’ve missed anything or have any clearing tips! 😊
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ellieaelious · 5 years ago
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Ellie Aelious }{Multiverse OC}{Post Fire Crisis
A/N: Finally complete!!! It was a long road, and took way too long, but it is finally finished! I ended up cutting a lot of things from it that did not have to do with her character, which helped a lot. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to DM me. I’ve been working on her for about fifteen years, and I still don’t have all the kinks worked out, but it’s been a fun road to get here!
This is Ellie after she gains control over the fire realm and the element of fire, all the way through her worlds Armageddon. Ten years pass in the human realm, while over 5,000 pass in the elemental realms. You have the option of choosing what stage of her life you interact with her, or I can toss her at you during a time I believe will best suit our roleplay.
So when you see an x-z that means that depending on the time frame, is dependent on when she looks or acts like X or Z. She will also change and grow in the threads we have.
Credit: Big-Ass Character Sheet by Character-Resources This is going to be what I use from now on for all of my muses, regardless if they are OC or canon. Everyone can get a good idea of them, and it will also help me when it comes to writing, since I won’t have to explain every single thing over and over again.
Verse: Realms series (book series I’m writing) Date: 7/18/2019 Full Name: Ellen Sebastiana O’Donnelly Pronunciation: El-en Sea-bass-tea-ah-na Oh-Don-el-ee Nickname/Alias: Ellie Aelious Meaning: Ellie-Pet form of Ellen or more commonly Eleanor, which itself is of Hebrew origin and comes from the Hebrew element 'el' meaning 'god' and 'or' meaning light, so the name means 'God is my light' or 'God is my candle'. Aelious-The Realmain form of “Aelius” which is a Roman family name which was possibly derived from the Greek word 'ηλιος (helios) meaning "sun".  Origin: Not going to lie. I thought of the name and then the meaning just worked. That’s usually how I pick common names. For other languages, I research them. I seriously thought I made up Aelious, until Google said “Did you mean Aelius. Title: Ruler/Commander, Healer, Priest Pet Name: Aelious is actually a surname and nickname given to her by Cynbel (jfc I gotta do him too). ID Number: AR-24601 Signature: She’s ambidextrous, and before the loss of her left arm was left dominant. She still wrote with her right hand, but her handwriting is very elementary school level. Her robotic prosthetic could write perfectly, however after her arm regrows she is left with a limb that trembles and twitches when she goes to write. It makes her signature almost illegible, and she prefers to initial with her right hand. Gender: Female Gender Role: Very femme and lady like. Orientation: Pansexual/Polyamorous Real Age: Although she was born in 1983, because of the time differences between the human and element realms she is between 137-268 post arm loss, and can be anywhere up to five thousand after her arm regrows. Age Appearance: 21 Birthday: March 10th, 1983 Deathday: Armagaddon, exact date unknown. Birthplace: New York, New York, USA Astrological Sign: Pisces Zodiac Sign: Water Pig Immediate Family:  Legal Guardian: Earnest O’Donnelly (deceased) Mother: Tonalnan (deceased) Father figure: Cynbel Uncle: Dante (DMCverse) Half-Brother: Nero (DMCverse) Adoptive Brother: Peter Jason Quill (GotG) Mother figure: Marina Udonta Distant Family:  Father: Aluk Mal Tuk Grandfather: Shin Kage Grandmother: Eveelyn Ardelian Species: Realmain (I will be posting separately about this race.) Ethnicity: Celtic and Hispanic Blood Type: Formerly O+. She no longer has blood, and instead bleeds a silver liquid. Preferred Hand: Left Facial Type: Diamond Eye Color: Dark brown. White or red when using air and fire abilities respectively. Hair Color: Black Hairstyle: 
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Skin Tone: Pale White when using air powers. Dark tan when using fire. Complexion: Clear Makeup: Very light make-up during special occasions. Has started wearing winged eyeliner. Build: Body claim is Samantha Wright
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Height: 5′3-5′8 Weight: 538lbs - 598lbs Cup Size: A-C cup Facial Hair: none Shoe Size: US 7 - US 9.5 Birthmarks/scars: A large scar going from her left shoulder, across her chest, and stopping half way to her right. It goes from the base of her neck to the beginning of her cleavage, around to her back. It stops at the nape of her neck and right before her shoulder blades on the left. It’s from when she had her left arm ripped off, along with a good portion of her skin.
After her arm regrows, the scar mostly heals, only leaving a faint outline around her left shoulder.
She has a mole/beauty mark on her left side, right under her bottom lip.
Many faint and small scars pepper her body, visible under a blacklight or bioluminescence given off by plants and insects.
In an alternate timeline, (DmCverse), she has half of her face scarred by an angel’s attack. Her eye is red, and it goes into her hairline, all the way to the back of her head. Distinguishing Features: Her eyes are her most distinguishing feature, able to convey a thousand emotions at once. Because of her empathic ability, if she looks someone else in the eyes, she is not only able to read their emotions, but also alter how they see her.
As she grows older, her eyes convey less innocence, and more of someone who is weary. Although the light has not gone out behind her eyes, it has dimmed significantly from when she first became a ruler.
She always has an innocent appearance about her features, usually appearing dumbfounded by the world around her. It’s not a true reflection of herself, but something that most people see at first glance. Health: She’s very healthy and her diet consists of mostly meat. She works out daily and although she loves sweets, limits them to once a week. Energy: She generates, at the minimum, enough energy to keep two realms and their inhabitants alive. That is around 6-9 billion per realm. This energy is all in reserve, and not accessible for fighting.
Aside from that, in her home dimension she generates enough excess energy to command both air and fire. She is one of the eight strongest beings, aside from angels or demons, and ranks somewhere in the third or forth strongest. Her max power level sees her generating enough energy to destroy a planet the size of her largest realm, twice.
Outside of her dimension, her excess power is diminished by half, and she can only regenerate after sleeping twelve or more hours. Because of this, she uses physical attacks when outside of her own dimension. Memory: Her memories are tied to emotions. The stronger the emotion at the time, the more likely she is to remember the event in detail. She also remembers odd events, like someone mentioning rubberbands. Senses: Her eyesight is well enough she doesn’t need to use a mounted sight on a firearm. She can see for several miles, but cannot see in dim or low lighting.
She can feel vibrations and use them to navigate in the dark as well. This has helped since she began losing her hearing a century ago.
Her sense of smell and taste are better, able to recognize someone’s scent, and develop a taste signature for them as well. This also has the negative affect of smelling something horrible, and also developing a taste signature for it. Fortunately, her nose is not what she breaths out of, so she can avoid this most times.
Her sixth sense, if you will, is extremely high. She can read a persons emotions from the next room, feel the presence of demonic entities, and can hide her own presence from them.
Allergies: Strawberries, birch water, cut grass. Handicaps: 
With her hearing failing, it has been difficult for her to adjust to using vibrations to get around. While she can feel the vibrations of someone talking, she is still not fully able to differentiate between words.
After the loss of her left arm, she suffers from muscle spasms in her left shoulder. Even after her arm regrows, she has painful and powerful muscle spasms. They will often require her to take a moment to collect herself, as she’s almost blacked out from the pain.
Although she’s not mentally slow, because of her time being raised among humans, her actual brain deteriorates whenever she goes back to the human realm. This includes other dimensions that are heavily populated by humans. She will sometimes stare off into the distance or quit speaking, only to act like nothing happened. This is her healing factor attempting to repair the damage.
Highly prone to panic attacks. When she has one, she will find it difficult to breath and begin to disrobe so her lungs can have better access to air. These have lasted up to three days, and she becomes violent when people approach her during them.
She has grotesque visions of hell, and often hears demons whispering in her ear. This can cause her panic attacks, as well as send her into a temporary delirious  state. Dante and Cynbel are the only ones that can calm her down when she gets like this.
Medication: She usually chews on herbs and roots from the nature realm for ailments. She also eats ‘edibles’, a relaxant from the nature realm that has similar properties to marijuana. She eats them in marshmallow form, usually to get high. Phobias: Spiders, water, being alone, the dark, and whispering. Addictions: Salted marshmallows. She will do almost anything for them. Mental Disorders:
Humans call is schizophrenia, while Realmains call it ‘Heaven Sight’. This causes her demonic visions, auditory hallucinations, as well as her anxiety. These have been constant since birth.
She is severally depressed, often on the verge of crying. This is considered a serious mental disorder caused by her high empathy. There is no way to treat it, other than developing apathy.
Style: Ellie’s style is very modest. While nudity is common in the realms, and she is comfortable with it, she covers up completely when outside of her realm. Her military uniform changes, but usually consists of vests, cargo pants, and military boots.
Her formal attire as a ruler ranges from ancient Grecian/Roman robes, to something akin to Elvish dress. It’s the few times she wears dresses anymore.
When she is having a casual day, it’s leggings/jeans and a loose fitting shirt. She does enjoy dressing in flowing garments, and does have a personal tailor that designs her clothing to wear outside of the nine realms. In her later years, she wears more fun things, and sometimes will be seen in her brother’s hoodie and booty shorts if she’s woken up suddenly.
All of her military clothes are white, while her casual clothing changes in color. She does not wear black, as it’s against her vows as a sacred virgin. Grooming: Her hair is always well maintained and braided, only becoming messy in battle. Even then, she is quick to fix it.
After an encounter with a demonic entity later in life, she has kept her hair cut very short, only a few inches long. When questioned about it, she will change the subject immediately.
 As far as other hair goes, because she does not produce pheromones the same way as other mammals, she has little to no body hair to worry about. Posture: Her posture if usually back straight, chest out, chin up, and hands on her hips or crossed. If she is in a more relaxed setting, or not trying to be intimidating, she will let her hip cock to the side and slouch just a bit.
When frightened, she will hunker down and cower, making herself as small as possible.
Gait: She can’t help but have a very bouncy way of walking. Because she is usually just barely levitating off the ground, her motion is very fluid and swaying.
When approaching an enemy or upset, she will have a stalking manner of movement. Her shoulders will be forward, her steps heavy and deliberate, and fists clenched. Coordination: When in a fighting mindset, her reflexes and coordination are topnotch. Very little will get by her, and she is able to dodge bullets, as well as deflect them back to her opponent. It’s taken her almost two hundred years to perfect.
Outside of battle, she has tripped over her own feet. While levitating. She’s merely easily distracted, and doesn’t pay attention to her surroundings unless she has to. Habits and Mannerisms: 
Left over from when her time without her arm, she will often let her left arm fall slack, forgetting it’s her own. This will cause her to bump into things with it.
She wrings her fingers a lot when she is nervous, and bites her bottom lip.
When she is focused on a task, or trying to decipher something, she will whisper to herself, along with moving her fingers like she is slowly typing in the air.
When frightened, she will immediately bite her lips and make her eyes wider. It’s instinctive to attempt to bring out the nurturing side of whoever is frightening her.
She has a habit of lightly touching people without realizing it. It’s often confused for flirting, but it’s only because she is touch starved.
She will pull out a book and read when she feels she is being ignored, purposely ignoring the other when they try to get her attention.
Scent: Spring Jasmine by Wild Spirit Mood: Contemplative is her usual mood when you catch her off guard. She has a lot on her mind, and not a lot of time to herself. She acts happy around others, smiling and laughing, but it’s only because she is replaying old emotions to make other feels better. She is no longer ignorant to the world, and has seen and experienced the darkness it holds. It weighs on her heavily and makes her very tired.
Being an empath, her mood is also determined by those around her. If you’re mad, she’ll be mad. If you’re being rude, she will reflect it back on you. Although she is kind at the core, she will stand up for herself and give you a taste of your own personality. Attitude: She has a very positive and upbeat attitude, despite her circumstances. She always tries to get people to be happy and rally the troops.
She can and does do a 180, and will become angry, and ho boy, whoever is on the receiving end is in for it. She has been called merciless and monstrous in her rage. Stability: Her emotional spectrum is all over the place. As the strongest empath of her world, she is able to feel the emotions of every living thing all at once. As a child, it caused her attempted suicide. And while she has learned to cope, it does become overwhelming.
Her personal emotions can also be affected by someone else. This means, feelings of love may not always be hers. Expressiveness: She is always very open with how she feels. If she is choosing to be distant with someone, it’s a bad sign. When Happy: She will often hum a tune, usually a soft cover of a metal band. She may even do Tai Chi moves or spin if she’s really happy. When Depressed: She’s always in some form of depression, but at it’s worst she will hide herself away to cry in peace. If she does manage to break down in front of someone, it can make her feel worse. Although she no longer cuts herself, she is not above ramming her head into the ground in an attempt to knock herself out. When Angry: When she becomes angry, she will become quiet and stiff. Her movements are quick and deliberate. She is at her most dangerous when angry or upset. Current Residence: She resides in the air realm, but does spend time in the fire realm as she is now the ruler of it as well. Community: The air realms community is very calm and peaceful. Even the soldiers are seen smiling as they go about their day.As their main duty is to pray and rally the troops, it is a very calming place to be.
The fire realm is friendly, but they value feats of strength and often friends will spar in the streets. It’s all in good fun, but takes some getting used to. Family: Ellie’s only living family is adoptive or half related to her. She spends most of her time with either Cynbel or Marina, and then Dante and Nero. Friends: Beau is her best friend, and it’s rare to not see them running around together.
After going through training with Ansinna, she has become best friends with her, and appointed her as a personal guard. Enemies: Her father, demonic creatures, and those who would hurt the innocent. Bosses: She is her own boss, answering to no one but a higher ranking angel or the Lord. Followers: All inhabitants of her realms and army answer to her. Heroes: Marina, being a strong woman is one of her idols. Most of the women in her life she aspires to be like. Aside from that, mentors from other dimensions. Rivals: Her Dark Saer alternate, as well as the demon Heretic. Pets/Familiars: The last chimera of her dimension, and she managed to tame it with a stick of beef jerky. It’s a shape shifter, and is usually in the form of a snake with rabbit ears. It wraps loosely around her neck, or takes residence in her cleavage. Equipment:
Weapons-Air
Ellie’s main weapon is a grey staffed naginata. It has a wider blade on one end, and her dagger bladed fan on the other. She is able to separate it at the middle for two weapons. It is an extension of her soul, and so long as she has the will to live and fight, it is unbreakable and unable to be wielded by any other. When another does decide to wield it, they will begin to gasp for breath before the oxygen is pulled from their body.
For a time she used one of her mother’s desert eagles. After an understanding came about between Nero and herself, she let it fall into the lake of fire. After this, Dante had her customized guns like his made. She calls them Alpha and Omega. Over time, Dante has taught her trick shots, and her and Nero perform a similar move to ‘Jackpot’ called ‘Fragmented Reality’.
Her custom lever action rifle has a white body with silver, Celtic knot accents. The bullets fired are made by gathering matter, which means the farther the bullet travels, the bigger is becomes. It’s her preferred form of firearm, however she is only accurate within her line of sight. If an enemy is behind her, she is unable to accurately fire at them. Because she shoots from the left, the recoil to her shoulder makes her have to take frequent breaks.
She is trained in a wide variety of weapons, but refuses to use swords. She is also trained to use unconventional weapons, such as household items and the environment.
Weapons-Fire
When she’s finally able to control her fire abilities, her naginata reverts back to her bladed fan. She uses it for defense mostly, relying on her other fire based weapon for offense.
The chain whip allows her to keep enemies at a distance, and control their movement. Should one get too close, she will wrap her whip around them, activating the blades and using it as a medieval styled chainsaw.
Her guns are named vitam et mortem (life and death in Latin) while in her fire form. Vitam has the ability to raise an ally back from near death, while mortem can kill with a single shot.
Her rifle turns into a Day of the Dead themed lever action shotgun called Vespillo (Latin for Undertaker).
Technology-
The nine realms are far more technologically advanced than most other worlds. As such, she has some very useful equipment. One of which is her visor (I will provide references later). It’s a thin piece of crystal that forms across her eyes that acts to protect them, as well as provide an HUD with her stats, as well as information about the area around her. It’s linked to three micro bots that float around the area, allowing her to enter into a third person mode.
Later in life, the visor is replaced by contact lenses that connect through micro wires into the user’s nervous system. This allows the user to non-verbally control what they are seeing, and switch between 1st person, 3rd person, night vision, and HUD.
Before her arm grew back, she had a robotic prosthetic. While it mimicked the look and feel of her original arm, it was still traumatic to use. It was able to detach and move independently to scout an area, attack, and shock an enemy.
If she’s not using her visor or contacts, she does use her IDA. Inter-Dimensional Assistant. It’s a small piece of crystal that holds a super computer, and is wired to her home dimensions mainframe. She’s able to make phonecalls, hack into systems, give someone a physical, X-Ray, produce holograms, and all kinds of neat Sci-Fi stuff.
Recently, after discovering their enemy has been using habitable planets to farm humans, space ships have become a thing. She’s still hesitant about using them, but her current vehicle is able to use collapsible technology to change into a fighter jet, or a short flight space ship.
Accessories:
Tattoos-
On her left arm, after it grows back, is a faint purple outline of her veins.
On her right arm, after retrieving the crown of thorns, it wrapped around her right forearm and embedded into her skin as a tattoo.
Her legs are tattooed with a black background encasing Celtic knots on her left, and Mayan ruins on her right.
Her back has a cross burned into it, going from the base of her neck to her tailbone.
Lastly, on her chest is a black hand print from her mother marking her, over her heart.
Piercings- Only one in each ear.
Trinkets: Star of David necklace and cross earrings. Will occasionally wear bracelets during formal events. Funds: Money has no value in the nine realms. However, the fire realm has diamond rain whenever a volcano erupts, and any gold farmed is used for trade with humans. Her actual wealth, like all other rulers, is immeasurable. She enjoys giving it away, as she does not like the idea of money. Lovers: 
The former ruler of water, Mick, was her first crush. She loved him deeply, and had to hold him in her arms as he died. This pretty much scarred her from developing feelings for men.
Right before the death of her first love, she agreed to marry someone for a peace treaty. After the wedding, she locked herself away and protected herself with a powerful storm. A clone of her was used to kill Mick, and afterwards a very bloody and very quick war broke out, involving the death of her husband.
Cetrion is a former lover. Because of their virtuous nature they both found comfort in each other. It was broken off by Cetrion at the behest of Kronika. It still hurts Ellie deeply.
She has a crush on Leon S. Kennedy, and chooses to stay away from him because of it.
Erron Black gives her confusing feelings. She isn’t sure if she likes him, or wants to shoot him.
Enchantress/June Moone. A former girlfriend while Ellie was coming into power. Although she loved her, the relationship was not good mentally for Ellie and she broke it off.
Jason Todd was a mentor turned boyfriend for a few weeks, before they both realized it wouldn’t work. They are still friends.
Marital Status: Multiship Sex Life: SACRED.VIRGIN. (But I mean...boop her) Type: She is accepting of many types, so long as you are not a bad person. Even then, if you redeem yourself, she can find you suitable. This is not to say she will only date a hero type. She wants someone that is true to themselves, whatever that truth may be.
She is very busy, and will not have time for you 24/7. If she is called off on a mission, it doesn’t matter if you’re cuddling on the couch, on a date, or anything else. Her duty comes first. She won’t want to leave, but she will and apologize later. Her lover needs to be understanding of this.
It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, but this is her lifes work. This is what she was created and chosen for. And when the final battle comes, you won’t see her for a long time, if ever again. Turn-Ons: She wants someone that she won’t have to worry about as much. It’s hard to love mortals, so someone that could live as long as her would be preferred. She doesn’t want someone that will worship her, as that can be seen as breaking the commandments of the nine realms, but will appreciate her. They need to be understanding that she is a broken person and not all of her pieces are there, and they’re not coming back.
If she can lay with you while you play with her hair, rub her back, and just be physically there to tether her to the world, it will mean everything to her.
Lastly, someone that will just be kind to her. That she can come home to after a long week, month or some extended period of time and be close to. She doesn’t need anyone that will get tired of waiting for her and leave, as her duties will always come first. Turn Offs: Someone that is cruel to her or others. Disrespectful, tries to change who or what she is. Just don’t be a moist bint. Position: Switch. Sub in her human form, dom in her true form Sub position: The Seashell. She loves to be on her back with her lover’s hands wrapped around her ankles, pushing them back behind her head and into the mattress. Dom position: The Amazon. With a set of hands holding her lover’s knees or ankles, another hand hold their wrists together above their head, and her free hand to explore or choke them. Fetishes: Human Form-
Reassurance/Praising. Either her reassuring her partner or vice versa. Punishment/Desecration. She has a deep seeded desire to be punished, and a dark part of her wants to be desecrated (i.e. her willingly breaking her vow). Biting/Clawing/Marking. Choking. Since she doesn’t have an air passage in her throat, it’s more or less the idea of it. Blood flow can still be cut off to her brain, giving the desired light headed effect. Submissive positions. She enjoys being put into submissive potions over ones where she is the dominate party. Voyeurism. She can turn and her partner invisible, allowing for public places to be a go. She also likes to be watched, and wouldn’t mind if her lover caught her playing with herself.
True form- Breeding. Her main motive is to become impregnated. She’ll want you to finish inside of her. Restrains. Having four arms now, she will want to pin and restrain her partner. Marking. She will bite, claw, suck, anything she can to prove that you are her’s alone. Dominated. Despite being the dominate one, if she is dominated in battle, she will present herself on her knees with her hands held above her head, butt raised to show she submits. Virginity: She still is one. 
Element: Air and Fire. Religion: Realmain, a mix of Christianity and Judaism. Morals: Ellie is a morally upstanding citizen, for her dimension. While her duty is to protect the sanctity of human life, she will kill those that seem innocent if she is ordered to. One of the messier jobs to perform is killing children that are blacklit for death. Because this is seen as holy work, she feels no guilt for it.
She is unable to willfully lie, but whatever someone tells her, unless she knows better, will be her truth. This causes her to be easily manipulated.
While stealing is a huge no, reclaiming lost or stolen goods is acceptable. By any means.
Outside of her dimension, humans are not protected. If it means obtaining her goal or completing her mission, she can and will kill an innocent person. This is only done as a last resort, and she does her best to avoid it. Motivation: From the time she learned of the prophecy, her goal in life has been to lead the virtuous life that would allow her to pass into the dark halls unseen by evil. She knows that she will go through horrible things (such as being raped, crucified, tortured and killed, only to be brought back) but in the end it is worth it. This will allow her to let the angels into the dark halls, and kill Aluk Mal Tuk, the half demon half Realmain that raped her mother. Priorities: The code of the realms is “For Realm, For Ruler, For God” and she lives by this code. She serves her God first, and the duties bestowed upon her by Him, and then her Realm. Relationships, friendships, and anything else are the last thought on her mind.  Philosophy: Ellie sees and feels the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. She feels the suffering of the universe, and takes pity on it. She believes that everything has a reason, even the worst things. In the end, it will all be worth it. Because it has to be, or what was all this suffering for. Etiquette: Ellie has very good etiquette. She was trained by Cynbel in the ways of royalty, and displays respect to almost all races. The more evil races, she will act more animalistic around, since they look down on kindness. Culture: Being from a Hispanic and Celtic background, Ellie enjoys celebrating the holidays and festivals of both. Within reason. She does not practice anything that would be considered idol worship. She practices mostly Jewish and Realmain customs as well.
Main Goal: Keep the world turning until Armageddon is upon her dimension. Even if it kills her. Minor Goals/Ambitions: Protect as many lives, human or otherwise, as she can. Desires: Ellie desires rest. She does not enjoy doing what she does by any means. It causes her great mental anguish to keep pushing herself, but she has to. For her reward, she only wishes to rest. Accomplishments: Freeing herself from her inner darkness, and having her left arm regrow as a reward. Greatest Achievement: Commanding both the fire and air realms. Biggest Failure: Her mother and first love had to die in order for her to begin to fight and defend others. Secrets: She is aware that Cynbel is her father. And while she was upset that he hides this from her, she doesn’t mention it. Regrets: Her suicide attempts. Worries: Failing everyone around her. Best Dream:  Being rewarded not just with rest, but someone that could make her happy. Worst Nightmare: Falling into temptations and being pulled into hell. Or living with her mother. Best Memories: The times she spent with Mick and her friends. Worst Memories: Having her arm ripped off during the battle for Hong Kong. Later in life, when the demon Heretic reveals they molested her, and the memories of the events come flooding back to her. Powers/Abilities: ~Generic/No category~ -Immortality. She can only be killed by a demi god, angel, or another ruler’s weapon. If she dies by other means, she will be reformed in the lake of life. -Super strength. She is able to lift up to ten tons with ease. Anything more and her muscles begin to break down. -Speed. Although not the fastest, she is able to move fast enough to dodge bullets. -Super reflexes. She can block most blows and react quickly to most attacks. -Stamina. Her body does not produce lactic acid, meaning she does not show signs of fatigue and has stamina for weeks. -Her senses are heightened to super human levels, allowing her to perform at her highest levels. -Empathy. She is the strongest empath of her world, emotionally connected to all living beings. She is able to take the emotions away from a being and put them in another, or store them for future use. She can easily read a room and someone’s intent before officially meeting them. She can also distribute and terrifying presence to stun and scare opponents, or produce a calming affect. -A healer by nature, she is a skilled surgeon with years of practice. With her speed, she is able to perform complex operations in little to no time. -She has a vast knowledge of herbal remedies, as well as traditional medicines. -She is immune to all forms of magic, but she herself cannot affect magic things in return. ~Air~ -Ability to completely control and manipulate the air. From creating tornado, to pulling the air out of the cells of a person. She is the embodiment of air, and it bends to her will. -Turn invisible at will. -Teleport by creating a small gust of wind. -Pull oxygen out of a specified area. -Flight and levitation. -Control other air based beings -Place her hand over someone’s mouth to administer CPR. ~Fire~ -Ability to control and manipulate fire and fire based things. Such as lava. -Encase her body is magma rock. -Breath fire. -Engulf her body in fire to protect her. -Command other fire based beings. -Generate enough heat to perform a super nova. Although not as hot, she will explode with enough intensity to destroy a decently sized planet. This causes her to black out for several weeks. -Heal those that have been injured by fire. She can take the wounds upon herself, allowing the person to be completely healed of fire based wounds. ~Holy~ -On touch, she can burn anything of demonic origin. This includes her brother and uncle, who are both part demon. -Using her right hand to calm the person, she can then use her left to reach into someone and pull a demon out by force. -Ability to see a demonic presence, no matter how it hides. She can also see angelic writing, directing her to hide or run. -Enter Limbo and Hell unseen. -Open portals to send demons back to hell. -While imbued with the power of the Lord, no one may sin against her flesh. This means that as long as she has her powers, she is unable to be raped or molested. -Light does not bother her. In fact, she can see perfectly fine in it. If a flash bang were to go off, other than the noise distortion, she would be fine. Origin: Bestowed upon her by the will of the Lord. Her dimension is Christianity based. Source: The source of her powers vary. While she can use hand movements, she mostly stands still and wills her abilities into use. Although some still require a source, i.e. breathing fire. Ability: While her abilities to control air is natural, it took centuries of training to finally accept and control her fire abilities. Later in life, she is adept in all of her powers. Weaknesses:
She is unable to survive in water. If it goes above her hips, she will begin to drown. Her powers do not work while she is wet, in the rain, or humid environments.
Her empath abilities become overwhelming, and it makes it hard for her to function in large groups. The more evil a person is, the harder it is for her to function around them.
While in other dimensions, she is able to die, since she is cut off from her main power source.
If someone drop kicks her in the gut, it will stun her for an extended period of time.
Demi god weapons, angelic weapons, fallen angel weapons, and another ruler are able to permanently kill her.
She cannot see in dim light to darkness. She will be completely blind, and greatly weakened.
Her hellish visions weaken her over time.
Despite feeling someone’s ill intent, she is usually willing to give them a chance.
Immunities: Fire and air based attacks have no affect on her.
Alternate Forms: ~Air Form~ Natural Ellie. This is the form she is always in, also referred to as her human form. She has a more Celtic appearance, pale skin, red lips, dark hair and eyes.
~Fire Form~ Taking on a more Hispanic appearance, her eyes are red, skin a deep tan from being burnt from within, and her hair sprouts red roses. Her attire changes as well, wearing a red cloth corset, dark red jeans and boots, and usually Dia de la muerto make-up. The more she uses her powers, her skin will burn to a crisp, cracking open and revealing the fire burning at her core. She will often have smoke coming from her pores, and cough up lava.
~True Form~ After entering her final life cycle, she gains her true form ability to mate/reproduce. Her skin becomes a light grey, her veins visible and a dark silver underneath. She grows another five inches, and her arms become longer. Her nails are black and pointed, coated in a paralyzing poison.
Her face is more pointed, teeth now sharp and look like they’re made of a silver metal. Her eyes are a swirling mix of greys and white, hair slicked back and bristly. Black and fluffy antenna come from her forehead, like a moth. Black stripes are along her sides and neck, opening up to reveal pheromone producers.
She grows another set of arms under her original, usually holding her staff weapon.
Extra Anatomy: Her lungs are actually pockets attached to the underside of the skin of her torso and back. This means that she breaths through the pores of her skin.
Favorite Colors: Greys, whites, and pastel shades of blue and pink Favorite Animals: Dogs and large wild cats Favorite Mythological Creatures: Chimeras Favorite Places: She has a pocket dimension that is a library, filled with endless books. Other than that, Greece and quiet beaches. Favorite Landmarks: Acropolis Favorite Flavors: Leather, sea salt, and cotton candy Favorite Foods: Shrimp mee hoon and salted marshmellows Favorite Drinks: Blackberry wine, coke, and sarsaparilla. Favorite Characters: Mal and Zoe from Firefly Favorite Genre: Romantic horror Favorite Books: Where the red fern grows Favorite Movies:  Westerns Favorite Games: Chess, even though she’s not that great at it. Dodge ball. Favorite Shows: Firefly, Star Trek, Telanovellas. Favorite Music: Heavy metal, hard rock, classical. Favorite Bands: Asking Alexandria, All That Remains, In this Moment, Flyleaf, and Les Fiction. Favorite Songs: This probably won’t end well by All That Remains, Hopelessly Hopeful by Asking Alexandria, ME!ME!ME! by Teddyloid Favorite Sports: Soccer and the Realmain gauntlet. Favorite Stores: Realmain market places Favorite Subjects: Math and art Favorite Numbers: 100, 34, and 7 Favorite Websites: Doesn’t have any Favorite Words: Bueller, bumble bee, amor Favorite Quotations:  "Lastly, waging war against good people is bad for the soul. This may not seem important to you now, but it's the most important thing I've said."— Joshua Graham Least Favorite Colors: Oranges and yellows. Least Favorite Animals: Domestic cats Least Favorite Mythological Creatures: Nagas, gorgons, Minotaurs, and Pans. Least Favorite Places: Anyplace with a dark history. Least Favorite Landmarks: Eiffel tower Least Favorite Flavors: Fermented tastes, rotten, too sweet. Least Favorite Foods: Eggs, liver, and hot dogs. Least Favorite Drinks: Beer, whiskey, lemon lime soda. Least Favorite Characters: Aeris from FFVII. Any character, male or female, that is overbearing about relationships and tries to force themselves on someone. Least Favorite Genre: Reality Least Favorite Books: Self help books Least Favorite Movies:  Ninja Mime 4 Least Favorite Games: Puzzle games, because she’s not confident in her abilities. Least Favorite Shows: Reality shows Least Favorite Music: Rap/Hip Hop, R&B Least Favorite Bands: Modern hip hop and rap bands. Least Favorite Songs: Dance (A$$) because it’s always playing at strip clubs Least Favorite Sports: Cricket and blood sports. Least Favorite Stores: Outlet malls Least Favorite Subjects: Wood shop, economics. Least Favorite Numbers: 6 Least Favorite Websites: Doesn’t have one. Least Favorite Words: Curse words Least Favorite Quotations:  “I’ll rid the world of each one of you,” he whispered. “Every single one…” ― Zoe Cruz, Beastia Languages: English, fairly good with Mandarin, Greek, Enochian/Realmain, learning Japanese, Yiddish. Accent: She has a heavy Southern accent when she speaks quickly, which is why she’s trained herself to speak slowly and hide her accent. Voice: Low and quiet Speech Impediments: Forgets words easily and will use gibberish as a replacement. Greetings and Farewells:  “Give me you.” -When it’s a close friend she hasn’t seen for a while. “Ellie Aelious, rank ruler, part time healer.” -Military greeting “May your path be illuminated and never darken.” -Formal farewell “I really hope this isn’t a real goodbye, ya know?” -leaving a dimension, possibly for good. State of Mind: “I’m just really tired right now. I can’t really rest, but it’d be really nice if I could.” Compliment: “Wow, you’re really pretty/beautiful!” “You look like you could take me in a fight, to be honest.” “You’re tall. I like that.” Insult: “I hope you have the life you deserve.” “God loves you, even though you make it a might difficult.” “You’re an X.” (often randomly insults people with a noun they’ve just used.) Expletive: “Oh fiddle sticks.” “Gumdrops and holograms!” “God bless America...” “What in the nine realms!” “I’m sure -person- is off somewhere, disappointing the Lord with their actions.” Laughter: She will start with a sputter, and then go into a deep laugh, sometimes even snorting, which makes her laugh even harder. Tag Line: “This is fine. I accept this.” Signature Quote: “I have to do this. I need to do this. I can’t worry about either of our wants, desires, because this is so important. My entire life is leading up to that moment, and I’m not throwing it away because we love each other. If I do, then what was all this suffering for?”
Role: Her role as a ruler means that she is responsible for tens of billions of lives, as well as protecting humans from the evils of the realm of darkness. It is a heavy burden, but if one is to suffer it, why not it be her? Fulfillment: She devotes everything to her position, and has found favor in the eyes of the Lord. She has been blessed that no creature may sin against her flesh, so long as she is imbued with His power. Significance: Because she practices self sacrifice, in her words Armageddon, she will play a crucial role that will determine the outcome of the battle. Aside from that, she has inspired many of her counterparts to go on. Her determination to live and overcome has proved invaluable. Alignment: Lawful Good “The needs of my Lord, outweigh the desires of myself.” -Ellie Comparison: The wind. Ever changing, gentle, but destructive. Symbol: Handprint Song: Under Denver by Asking Alexandria Vice: Carnal desires and blood lust. Virtue: Ellie has taken the vow of Sacred Virgin. This means she will forgo her sexual desires, romances, and pleasure so she may enter into the dark kingdom unseen
Humility and compassion are often associated with her as well. She doesn’t feel she has a very important role, and takes pity on the suffering. Defining Moment: When she crawled her way out of hell, just to bring her mother’s dead body back for burial.
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