you-deserve-to-love-yourself

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

you’ll never “just get over it”. it’ll always be there a little bit, tucked away somewhere. you’ll continue to live your life and not notice it much. but maybe every so often it’ll hurt again and that’s alright. our traumas don’t magically go away when we heal. but they also stop taking up so much space.

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if the phrase "self care" doesn't resonate with you, try calling it "system maintenance" and see if that clicks.

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

i hope your march is filled with happiness. i hope you spend your days warm in the spring sunshine. i hope you get to see the first flowers start to bloom. but most of all i hope march is kind to you. you deserve it.

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

note to self: you’ve got this, you’ve got this, you’ve got this.

you can make it through this. you just have to commit to it. you have to believe you deserve to make it, and you do—you do deserve to make it.

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

my favorite grounding techniques when i start to spiral

The 5-5-5 technique: Name 5 things you can hear, 5 things you can see, and 5 things you can touch. Helps move your thoughts away from spiraling and into your body and the present moment.

Anchoring statement: My name is ___. I'm X years old. I live in City, State, Country. It's 10:30 in the morning. I'm sitting at my desk. Especially when the spiraling is around identity, I find it calming to ground myself in the facts.

Count backwards from 100 in 7s -- so 100, 93, etc. I do this in Mandarin (my second language) to make it harder. Since my brain has to struggle to calculate + translate, it helps to take my main out of whatever thought patterns are starting to run rampant.

Hold something cold/warm and notice the sensation. Most commonly people recommend ice cubes, which I don't really have access to, but it can definitely be calming to focus on the sensation of ice in your hand. I usually hold a cup of tea/warm water and notice how the warm ceramic feels against my skin.

Feel free to save these for future use or add on your own favorites!

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

one thing I really like about my relationship with my boyfriend is that we can express negative feelings about each other's actions without assigning blame or requiring apology. I mean like for morally neutral things like "it drives me crazy when you leave a wet towel on the floor instead of hanging it up"

cause now like instead of "oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to drive you crazy, I'm terrible and unsocialized" or "um well that's dumb, who cares" it's like

"it does? I didn't know that. how come?"

"because it will mildew and I keep tripping over it and I don't know whether you intend to reuse that towel or whether it needs to go in the wash"

"okay so usually if I intend to reuse it I hang it up, and if it needs to go in the wash I drop it on the floor. I guess because I thought I shouldn't put it in the hamper because it would get all the other dirty clothes wet and then THEY might mildew before we do the laundry."

"that's valid. what if we have a specific place to hang wet towels that need to be washed? how about this one hook here"

"perfect!"

no hurt feelings, nobody being made to feel shitty and sloppy on one hand or uptight and bitchy in the other hand. just, we're partners right? let's workshop this

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

If you have achieved something, please remember to observe a mandatory period of basking in the warm glow of your achievement like a lizard on a stone, lest you teach your brain that effort is futile, actually, because it didn't get to enjoy its happy chemicals, so, naturally, nothing good ever comes of trying. (And no, avoiding punishment is not a reward!)

I recommend, like, 5% of basking time in relation to whatever time you invested into achieving the thing minimum. And if you can't make your own bask, friend-brought is fine (= tell your friends!).

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

the grief is so strong, but i am stronger

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

🩷 Digital illustration of a black woman with curly hair holding up a sheet. There is a star garland and there’s text across the sheet that reads, “the tools you needed to survive are not the tools you need to thrive”

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

you are wonderful and unique exactly as you are. strive to be better, but remember you are already perfect

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

what are you waiting for? someone to grant you permission? the perfect and permanent emotion? a shooting star to magic away every problem you have or ever have had? alright, wait away then. but no one is going to live your life for you while you wait to become someone else

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

I do feel like this whole self improvement culture thing can go too far where people are never happy with who they are and where they are because they’re constantly trying to be better or do better and they’re always waiting for some sort of glow up or achievement or therapy realisation that will make them feel complete but that isn’t real and life is actually in the every day

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

if you have recently found someone who turned out to not be right for you, remember:

you deserve someone who will make you happy

you deserve someone who doesn’t make you question if you’re their priority

you deserve someone who listens

you deserve someone who validates your feelings

you deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them

you deserve someone who makes time for you

you deserve someone who gushes about you

you deserve someone who makes sure you know they enjoy spending time with you

you deserve someone who makes you laugh on your worst days

you deserve someone who makes you go to bed with a smile on your face, not tears in your eyes

you deserve someone who doesn’t make you worry you might say the wrong thing

you deserve someone who is willing to drop everything to comfort you on a really bad day

you deserve someone who pays attention to the little things you like and dislike

you deserve someone who gets you

you deserve someone who sees a future with you

you deserve someone who appreciates you

you deserve better

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

you’d be surprised how many people appreciate your existence. the people you’re closest to, the people you’ve given a passing compliment or smile, the people you’ve helped out just a little here and there. you’re appreciated even if it’s not said out loud.

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

as long as you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself) there’s no wrong way to grieve. take your time. do what you need to do to move forward even if it feels unconventional.

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

controversial opinion but unfortunately you are your actions and what you say. if you are mean to people, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes have secret kind thoughts. fortunately you are your actions and what you say. if you are kind in your actions and your words, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes have mean thoughts. the power is in working against inner negative thoughts and being a better person despite it. you have the ability to cultivate the person you want to be.

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

you are enough