#not publishing your ask cuz I don’t know if it’s genuine or not

[faithinlouisfuture]

.

[avese23]

Can’t deal with people who act all personally aggrieved that they can’t personalize the entire internet to their personal happy place. Especially people who then go out looking for things to get mad at

(This isn’t about people venting about trolls or harassment. It sucks. I’m sorry. Fuck bullies and bigots. This also isn’t about flash warnings, and anything that keeps people with epilepsy safe)

But like, it’s not other people’s job to read your mind and guess what hyperspecific trigger you have then manually tag everything for one person. I’ve seen people ask creators to tag images with the character their blog is about. Just block the blog. That’s not a safe blog for you.

It’s not other people’s job to explain that fucked up shit in fiction is not real. You’re not a child and we’re not your parents here to hold your hand and reassure you that the actor is only playing dead.

I think a good example of effective content warnings is Hazbin. They’re not gonna put one up every individual episode to tell you a show full of swearing and gore is gonna have swearing and gore. But episode 4 is more graphic than any other episode so it’s given a separate warning. Because someone signing up for the rest of the episodes might genuinely be taken aback by that one.

Or Hashtag Ruthless Productions always putting heavy topics in their politics section. Asking for a warning every episode would be silly when you can just skip the politics section. You know it’s gonna be venting and politics. So don’t be surprised when it’s about politics. But if they talk about dark topics that aren’t typically brought up in that fandom they do give warning. For instance most people wouldn’t expect a discussion about eating disorders when the hosts talk about the cult in Wayward Son. Or a spoiler for Star Trek in a podcast about Buffy. So *then* it makes sense.

It’s social kindness and being stewardess to recognize when you as a creator are putting out something unexpectedly and objectively shocking to people who didn’t consent to it. It’s not other people’s job however, to use common sense for you. Or to read your mind. Don’t click on a video about a movie and get mad at spoilers for that mobile. Don’t read the Bible and get mad about major character death (Christian’s don’t come after me with a ‘well actually’ I haven’t read it 😭)

Speaking of Christianity if you’re someone who gets mad at Christian’s being upset by goths wearing crosses (which is silly) but then get upset by what people are writing about your blorbos on ao3 you might wanna do some soul searching.

So no I don’t care about your DNI list. No I don’t care that you only want virgos to reblog your post about Home Depot. No I don’t care that you can’t tell the difference between an anime character and a person, between real life and a plot point, between internet drama and an actual crime. I find that dude from Friends ugly af to that point I cringe but I’m not gonna go harass fandom accounts or look up every bad thing the characters done and accuse blogs of being bad people. I don’t like a lot of ATLA ships and think both Zutara and Kataang are morally gross af but I’m not gonna say the writers or the fans are sympathizing with pedophilia or abuse. Cuz that’s ridiculous.

When I publish works I’m gonna make it clear what kind of story it is. And then I’m gonna step back and tell the fucking story. I’m not gonna pop up every other chapter to warn people that a gay character calls another gay character a fag affectionately. Or a character in a toxic relationship *shocker* is having a bad time. I’m not gonna tell people that the horror work has gore and a jump scare. It’s horror.

Cuz I’m not gonna infantilize my audience and trust that they can set their own boundaries when it comes to stories they want to consume. No one is forcing them.

Media isn’t sex you don’t have to check in with every escalation. Entertainment isn’t your textbook, Phillip Schuyler is allowed to have no sons. A character isn’t your child they’re allowed to wear what they want and go on dangerous ass quests.

It’s frustrating being told to choose between assholes who project their own privilege onto others and assholes who project their own trauma onto others. Nuance exists.

Now block me dear lord, you’re doing the inventor of the block button a disservice when you get off on being pissed off

[wonwoosthetic]

Hi!!!

I just want you to know Amour-Haine & Co is one of my top 3 stories I have ever read on this site and I’ve been on here a while and read so many stories. Your writing is so damn good that I don’t even blame you for trying to get it published! Selfishly I want the story updates because it’s sooooo insanely good I’m so invested that I will stay sat until you update no matter how long it takes😆. I genuinely hope that it works out with the publisher because great writers like you deserve that kind of greatness to happen. Until then I’m just gonna re-read until I can’t anymore which is never cuz it’s so good🤣 have a good day!!!

-💕💕Anon

Hiiiiii!!!!

Omg omg omg🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 YOU’RE SUCH A CUTIE🫶🏼😭🫶🏼😭🫶🏼

Trying to get it published turns out to be a lot harder than I imagined since a lot of people will ask you to change a lot within the storyline, which I really don’t want to do, so idk where this is going🥲 I promised to give you guys at least another 2 chapters to finalise the storyline on here, which I��m still doing!!! I’m definitely keeping my promise!!🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 I’ll probably get to it once the exams for this semester are over, so I can fully concentrate on it and see where I’m going to take the story🤍🤍🤍

Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words, I can’t even tell you how much this means to me🥺🫶🏼 it’s truly bc of people like you that I want to continue to write on here but then also bc you guys are so sweet and supportive, I also want to get my writing out into the world, UGH, it’s a dilemma😭😭😭 but I really really appreciate you for taking your time to write this message, it made my day🤍🥺🤍 I wish you the happiest of days and pls continue to be so kind 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[muthaz-rapapa]

A Brief Study of Loneliness Analysis #4 - alone against the world

To be honest, I’m questioning if I’m mentally well enough right now to do a proper analysis post. And this isn’t the topic I intended to write about either (that post will be published later) but something I decided on this morning after I woke up feeling too many emotions from thinking a lot these past few days.

Since writing is often an effective way for me to purge my state of mind…I owe myself this space to release some of that turmoil. So feel free to look the other way if this bothers you. And plz don’t interact with CLAMP-related commentary or whatever cuz that isn’t what this post is about.

{TW: mental illness, depression, topics of abuse}

Loneliness. Solitude.

These are the things Kaito has always known as far back as he can remember.

Isolated because of his powers, he was always alone. Even the few who genuinely reached out to him weren’t able to lift that belief from his mind.

Because he’s been carrying this emotional and psychological trauma from his childhood for so long that the thought of connecting with people, trusting others, is greatly damaged as well.

The only exception to that is Akiho. She had to endure abuse similarly to how he did so he could relate to her suffering. But she was also always beside him as a positive, healing influence and that helped alleviate some of that pain he felt.

However, it didn’t erase it because there were many things that kept that wall up between them.

He had to hide the fact that he is a magician from Akiho in order to not frighten her. Because every other magician she knew had only ever hurt her for not having magic. Kaito didn’t want that. He wanted her to feel safe, to grow up feeling that she can be treated normally. So he never used magic in front of her (or, at the very least, not in any way she would notice) so that she could interact with him without being afraid.

He hides his schemes in the shadows because he doesn’t want her to become aware of what her clan and the Association did to her, what he’s trying to fix right now. Finding out that she was turned into a magical artifact would be the ultimate thing that could destroy her heart and she’d immediately lose her soul to the spells carved into her body from the magnitude of that revelation.

He deflects her concern for his rapidly deteriorating health for the same reason.

“Don’t ask, don’t look this way, please think of yourself first”

All this is done for Akiho’s peace of mind.

Kaito shoulders the heavy burden of secrecy, his own massive guilt, anxiety, and despair so that Akiho wouldn’t have to. So that she wouldn’t worry and can be free to be happy like he wants her to be.

And that in itself is another loneliness for him to bear.

The loneliness of being at the top by yourself.

The loneliness of taking on a goal only you can fulfill, one that you absolutely MUST fulfill. A task that you can’t trust or rely on others for and are running out of time to complete.

The loneliness of not being able to be your true self, especially in front of the person you love most. Because that just might be what breaks her and you lose her forever.

The feeling that you are up against the odds, the world, alone.

“You’re on your own, you always have been”

Even when half of these issues are dealt with and made better post-climax-finale-whatever, the fact that Kaito had felt and experienced this pain won’t ever change. It will remain buried deep in the corners of his mind and at times, it will come back to haunt him when he’s at his weakest and most vulnerable.

Because it’s already part of him, what made him who he is now.

It is a pain unique to him so…even Akiho will never fully comprehend why or how he feels this way.

That’s just how humans are. It’s very difficult and perhaps impossible to completely understand one another because others can’t be you and you can’t be anyone but yourself. That’s the barrier that sets us apart.

And it made me realize something at the end of the latest chapter (68).

Knowing his story, his background, I have always stood on Kaito’s side and prayed for him to achieve what he wishes for (i.e. saving Akiho’s life). So from that position, I have to also come to understand how he perceives the world and how (he assumes) the world perceives him.

The world (or the majority) will typically side with the protagonist, the hero, the one considered “sane”. Like the boy holding up his sword right in front of him or the heroine Kaito placed in this story he wove. The side that is overwhelmingly painted as “good” and in that effect, sheds a negative light on the one standing opposite of it.

The “good” side (talking in general here, not Sakura) is willing to accept things they consider clean-looking. “Pure”. Sanitized.

So it’s easier for them to accept Akiho because despite her problems, she is shown to behave in what many still think as the “proper” way (by keeping her head down to herself and not starting any trouble).

The reaction and the reception towards Kaito’s actions, however, is more alienating and wary and outright hateful even with the bigger picture there to illustrate why. Even though he has good reason to explain his behavior (he acts sneakily and drastically precisely because he’s been pushed into extreme desperation), he will always be deemed as crazy and harmful and by some, even “evil”.

Because those people can’t register in their own brains the extent of the suffering in someone else’s mind and how that affects whatever that person does. So they shun them. They shun what they can’t understand and automatically label it as “bad”.

When in reality, most people who are mentally ill don’t have it in them to look and behave in the ideal standards that others ridiculously hold them up to.

It’s already a huge struggle to get up in the morning and to act normal before those we have to interact with. It’s already a constant and exhausting fight with yourself beneath the surface to not let your inner demons win.

Once something breaks that fragile façade, what do you honestly expect to see? Cuz it’s definitely not a perfect angel. It’s the broken and the ugly but still very much human part that we’re doing our best to reconcile in ourselves.

That, I believe, is a way to describe another loneliness Kaito possesses.

Nobody but him understands the conviction he has to hold onto as he faces every obstacle that blocks his way. Nobody knows what it’s like for him to do everything on his own for the sake of this plan to save Akiho. Nobody can comprehend the terrors that he and Akiho escaped from, that magician society that he had to likely fend off regularly while making sure the plan in Tomoeda goes accordingly without a hitch.

They just see him as “wrong” because they don’t want to accept what he’s gone through. What he is going through right now. Cuz it’s easier to blame something they don’t understand.

And it’s sad because Kaito believes this, too. That he is wicked, “evil”, and that there's no saving him.

That’s not true at all. He’s just doing his best in the limited ways available to him to ensure that Akiho survives.

And if life didn’t fuck him up like this, if it didn’t shape him into someone who couldn’t trust others, if he weren’t still so affected by his trauma and factors beyond his own control, do you honestly think he would go to such dangerous lengths just to poke in someone else’s miracle fountain? When there are probably safer ways to save Akiho out there?

No.

If a person’s mind was clear and healthy, mentally stable…they wouldn’t be viewed so derogatively. But when they aren’t those things, they’re thought of as less than a person. That it’s their fault they are that way.

It’s no wonder why he said “I am alone”.

Indeed, he may not be completely alone because Momo will not stop trying to make him see otherwise and most importantly, Akiho will never abandon him for anything and already loves him wholly and unconditionally…and those two are all he’ll ever need to go on…

…but he has known and experienced too much to ever forget this feeling. 

The loneliness that nothing can totally cure, that nobody else but he can really understand. Because again, it was born within him, exists only within him and will always be a part of him.

But even so, even if the loneliness never vanishes, I will still be on his side. I don’t think his actions were “wrong” because if I were in his shoes with not many choices to pick from, I’d probably be pushed to do the same as well. I want to try to understand that much about him at least.

And of course, I want him to succeed in his plan, whatever it is, because I don’t believe for a second it can be malicious in any way.

More importantly, I want him to survive this ordeal and live to see better days. I want him to have the chance to overcome that loneliness because it’s not always going to be like that and he has the right to know what that feels like as well.

Because nobody deserves happiness more than Kaito. Because nobody in this entire goddamn story worked as hard as he did and actually put their life on the line and suffered through hell after hell after hell as much as he did.

[thetiredstuff]

Hi anon! I’m not going to publish your ask but I just want you to know that I know which people you’re talking about. Known about them for a while and don’t follow them for that exact reason. I just genuinely figured misha would appear cuz seems kinda like a given. I’m still holding out hope tho lol

Also you’re very kind thank you xx

[luvelyhs]

In the end, we can only save ourselves

harry and y/n are in an open relationship

i’ve been wanting to write this concept for a while cuz i love reading about it so hope you enjoy :)

warning: angst ofc what else do you expect from me 😅

i’m def writing a part two so stay tuned for that :))))

—————

The fresh red marks littered his neck, they showed someone else had claimed him for themself, had marked her husband with their lips. It was a disgusting thought, and Y/N had to turn away before she quite literally threw up.

“Want some coffee?” Y/N shook her head.

“I’m fine.” He didn’t notice anything, fuck, when did he ever? Y/N was getting sick of it, his obliviousness to her tense and off behavior. Y/N thought communication was key, but sometimes she feels afraid of the future, of what could happen if she voices her feelings and thoughts, of saying she wants to end their open relationship. He’d leave her. She knew it.

“Mmkay.” He turned the coffee maker on, and the only sound in the room was the noise it made. Neither Harry nor Y/N were speaking.

She had to leave because she kept taking looks at him, at his neck. Did he even know what that made her feel? Any semblance of feeling? Did he have any respect for her anymore? It would be respectful to not showcase the work of another on his body, open for her to see, in their own fucking home. It was ridiculous, and suddenly the hurt was replaced with anger.

“Have fun last night?” Y/N’s voice was ice cold, something no one could miss, especially not Harry. He glanced up at her over his phone.

“Yeah, ‘t was fun.” He nodded, eyes moving back down to his phone. Great, now he couldn’t even look at her while they were having a conversation.

“I could see. Quite literally.” Harry looked at her in confusion, while Y/N rolled her eyes at his obliviousness.

“All over your fucking neck, Harry. At least hide that shit next time, will you?” Y/N grabbed her laptop from the island table, backing up her chair, making it squeak against the wooden floor.

“Shit, ‘m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know.” Y/N scoffed at his guilty tone while she was exiting the kitchen. Y/N didn’t know how much longer she could put up with this. She never wanted this fucking open relationship in the first place. All she wanted was to make him happy, and now she’s so disappointed in herself for lowering herself in that way for a man. Even Harry wasn’t worth it, the man she had loved with her whole entire being and entire soul. Because he’s not who he used to be, and it makes her feel more empty than anything else.

“Be a little more considerate next time, yeah?” She called back over her shoulder, walking to their backyard to get some sun and do some work.

She looked behind to see if Harry was following and couldn’t help but feel a little hurt when he didn’t. The old him would have followed her around like a puppy to see her smile and be happy with him again. This was another example of how much their relationship had changed, for the worse.

Y/N opened her laptop and started looking over a manuscript for her job. It had been an hour or so when she got an incoming Facetime call from her friend back home.

See, Y/N had basically uprooted her life for Harry. She had a good job back home, with her family and friends surrounding her, but she let herself get windswept by Harry and his charm and charisma. He had done everything to sweep her off her feet, even though she didn’t want to be with him in the first place.

He succeeded, eventually, hence why she was in London in their home, where he wanted to settle down, not her. London was cloudy and gray, she wanted the bright sun and blue sky. But she had to follow him, because what the star wants, the star gets.

Don’t get her wrong, Harry and Y/N were so happy during their one and a half year of dating and three years of marriage. They were perfectly happy, she had been enough for him during this time, until six months ago he started becoming distant, wouldn’t come home until late at night and would text her to not wait up for him, he didn’t even know if he would be coming home at all, and that irritated her yet also hurt, because he was growing distant and whenever she tried to initiate conversation about it, he would deflect.

It wasn’t until one evening he broke, started saying how he felt trapped.

“I jus’- we’re good, Y/N, so good. But don’t you think tha’s just not enough? I- I saw someone at the club tonight. I wanted to get her number, I wanted to approach her, and almost did when Mitch stopped me, pulled me back, said I had a lovely wife waiting at home for me.” Y/N hadn’t believed her ears. Her initial thought was- ‘he could go to fucking hell’, but she didn’t want to lose him, she didn’t. Because she loved him. So.. she brought it up. When she shouldn’t have. She should have taken it back as soon as she said it, but she can’t turn back time.

“You wanted to fuck her? That’s what you want to do? Throw a whole 4 year relationship away because you wanted to fuck a pretty girl? Go ahead, Harry. Do what you want.” Harry had approached her, looking at her warily.

“You’re not saying, you want to end us?” Y/N heard fear in his words. He was scared of the end of them, but it wasn’t enough. But in the heat of the moment she shook her head, when she should have said yes.

“No. No.. I.. we can try an... open relationship?” Y/N forced the words out of her mouth, wincing slightly when she saw the bright look on his face. And this is where she was proud of herself for a moment, because she had made him happy again.

“Really? Are you sure?” Y/N nodded, again, forcefully.

“Yeah, sure.” She nodded her head, fake smiling when Harry approached her and granted kisses all over her face, before pulling her into a deep one and showing her how happy she made him with lots of loving through the whole night.

It stopped him being distant for a bit. He would tell her where he was going and with who. She’d tell him to have fun and to be safe, wear protection. He said of course he would. They’d meet for a quick peck, then he was out for the night.

He thought she had nights where she went out too, but she didn’t. And she wasn’t about to tell him that. She had pride, she had suggested it, now she had to deal with the consequences. She couldn’t bring herself to sleep with another person, it was disgusting. All she could have thought about was Harry, and she had months to think about this, about how someone you’re married to would be okay sleeping with another person... it wasn’t okay at all, not for her. She always thought if her significant other wanted to do that, she’d end the relationship, because if she wasn’t enough for him, what was the point of being married?

She had given Harry the benefit of the doubt for a few months, wanted to see if he would end the open relationship himself, but no. He became more bold, this wasn’t the first time he came home with hickeys all over his body. But she had been quiet then, she wouldn’t be anymore.

Y/N quickly answered Anna’s call, greeted by the brunette beauty on her screen.

The excitement on Anna’s face made Y/N miss her more.. made her all the more homesick. She wanted to see this face in person, and it had been a year since she had.

“Y/N!!” Anna screamed, excitedly. Y/N grinned, happy to see her best friend again.

“Anna! I miss you!” She squealed, sitting up a bit to set the laptop on her lap.

“How’ve you been, baby cakes? Still kicking ass at work?”

“I’ve been good... just living life. Of course I have been! Getting promoted soon, just know it.” Y/N smiled, because she genuinely loved her job. She worked at a publishing house and read over new stories, and she loved it because it pulled her into another universe, one where she didn’t think about Harry and reality.

“Still madly in love with your hot hubby?” Anna giggled, clearly teasing, but usually when Y/N would laugh bubbly along with her, she sat silent.

“Y/N? Everything alright?” Anna frowned.

“Umm.. yeah.. just-“ Y/N tried to stop it, she tried, really she did. But the first tear slipped past her defenses then another and then more.

“I don’t know what to do, Anna, I don’t.” Y/N sobbed into her hands, breaking down once Anna asked that question. Everything she had been holding in, was being let out.

“What’s wrong, honey? What happened?” Anna said gently, coaxing Y/N to open up and tell her what happened.

“Don’t- don’t judge, okay? I know I said I’d never let this happen, but, but I dunno. I don’t know.”

“Let it out, Y/N.”

“Harry and I.. are in an open relationship.” Y/N looked up at Anna’s concerned face, nodding for her to continue.

“I’m not judging, baby cakes, do you mind telling me a bit of context? How did you get into the situation, huh?” Anna remembered a conversation they had about their future partners. The topic was cheating and Y/N had said if her partner ever slept with another, it was over. She was a little possessive over her boyfriends, not overtly so, but enough to be so jealous if they were to do anything with someone in front of her or flirt and she didn’t think she could ever handle them sleeping with someone else, and Y/N was so in love with Harry, everyone could see it, so how did she get herself in that situation?

“Uh-“ Y/N sniffed, wiping some tears from her face with her hoodie sleeve. “He waa distant and he said he wanted to hookup with someone one night so I just suggested it. He wanted to do it and it made him happy so I agreed too. I haven’t slept with anyone, I can’t, Anna. I don’t know how he does it.”

“Oh, honey.. I think it’s time you came back to us. Take a break from him and gloomy London. Think things over back home.” Y/N knew she needed to get away, and Anna’s words reinforced that thought.

“Alright.. umm.. i’ll book a flight right now.” Anna gave Y/N a sympathetic smile.

The topic switched to Anna’s life and questions about what’s happening back home, all while Y/N booked a flight back to her local airport for two days from now.

It was a one way ticket, she didn’t know when she would be back. Or if she would be back.

The confirmation email sent to her phone and it pinged to let her know it was there.

“Got it! I can’t wait to surprise my mom.”

“So excited for you to get here, baby cakes. Ugh-“ Y/N could hear kids yelling in the background. “gotta go, Ben just spilled juice all over Bran.” Anna rolled her eyes, blowing her best friend a kiss goodbye and then ending the call.

Y/N sat back against the lawn chair, staring at the pool and pretty garden and trees in her backyard.

A warm hand on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts, making her jump slightly.

“Harry! You scared me!”

“You alright, bubba?” His tone was serious and concerned, looking down at her with his gently green eyes that forced her to say what she’s been wanting to say for a while, but she held herself back.

“‘course, do I not look alright, Harry?”

“You’ve just been a little, I dunno, tense.. recently.” He chose his words carefully, not wanting to upset his bubba.

“Tense?” Y/N let out a short laugh, staring back out at the blue pool water:

“Talk to me, darling, c’mon.” He stroked her arm, coming around to stand in front of her before dropping low, now she was looking down at him.

“I’m not tense, Harry. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You were crying, Y/N. I can see the tears stains and red eyes. Why were you crying?” A dreadful feeling took over him.

“Why am I crying? Why am I crying? It’s because of you, Harry! I’m crying cause of you! You’re not worth my tears, not anymore. Not when I don’t even know who you are anymore.” Her tone became more soft at the end, a broken whisper at the realization.

“Darling..” He cupped her face, a frown marring his features. “What did I do, hm? This about the hickeys? It won’t happen again, bubba.” His tone was gentle for her.

“It’s more than that. It’s about the whole thing. I can’t keep doing this.. this open relationship anymore, Harry. It’s hurting me, it’s been hurting me. You never noticed, that’s the thing Harry.” Harry gulped, the words slicing a knife through him.

“I thought you were okay with it, Y/N? You brought it up in the first place.”

“Because you would have cheated on me if I didn’t. At least with this I know you’re out with others. Not behind my back.”

“You think that lowly of me, pet? That I would cheat on you? Never, darling, never.”

“You yourself said you wanted to hookup with that woman from the club a few months ago, remember that, Harry? If I’m not enough for you anymore, just tell me. Because I will end this marriage if you don’t.”

“What? Y/N! You’re everything I ever need, baby. Well end this open relationship, you’re the only one for me. I promise.” Y/N shook her head, because the respect for herself was building, and this was step one to recovery. At this point, she knew she had to do this, to save herself from the inner turmoil, the disrespect she had granted on herself for letting this happen. It’s taken a toll on her mental health, and she had to this.

“No, Harry. What we’re ending is our marriage. If I was ever enough for you, you wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone besides me. I’m leaving in two days. Leave me alone until then.” With that, she pushed Harry away from his kneeling position, and walked back into their house. It hurt to say the words, it hurt to make what she was dreading a reality. Harry stared brokenly at her, not knowing what to do to fix this, fix them, fix her.

[sunaswife]

The Baby Series ✨ 🍼

Baby Talk

Ft. Sugawara Koushi and Ushijima Wakatoshi

This series will show how you and your haikyuu husband journey through pregnancy! 💕

🔪: This has been in my drafts since June so I decided to publish it on a whim...hehehe. I get so self conscious about my writing but some of you guys are encouraging me to not be afraid so thank you! 💖

Contains: fluff, angst in Ushijima’s part cuz he’s a blunt mf lmao and yeah...

Pt.2 ft. Oikawa and Atsumu click here.

Sugawara Koushi

You both haven’t really talked about children. The only conversations you’ve had was during family events when your parents or drunk aunts and uncles asked when a baby was coming. One time Suga’s aunt thought you were already pregnant and it was pretty embarrassing. You and Sugawara just had your two year anniversary and he got a raise at his job. Everything was going well so maybe bringing a baby or two into the picture wouldn’t be so bad.

You knew it wasn’t easy but you were ready to start this new chapter of your life with your husband. When he came home he was in a good mood, he graded his students tests and not a single one of them failed. You were finishing up his favorite food when he wrapped his arms around you from behind and he gave your cheek a kiss. “Ooo Spicy mapo tofu, what’s the occasion?” He asked, since it is really spicy you don’t make a habit of making it all the time. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something so I thought making your favorite food would be a good bargaining chip.” You said and he laughed. “I love your honesty and bluntness.” He told you and you giggled.

When you served the spicy tofu he immediately dug in and moaned in delight. “I swear I’m the luckiest man in the world.” He said and you rolled your eyes playfully. “Koushi I wanted to talk to you about something.” You said seriously and he looked up from his food and nodded. “I hope I’m not in trouble or anything...” he said and you shook your head. “Um...I don’t know how to say this...but....” you started and rubbed your hands. It was a habit that you did when you were nervous, Koushi saw this and he placed his hands over yours. “Take your time okay? You can tell me anything.” He said and you nodded. “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now and we never really talked about this before. But I wanted to ask if feel ready to have a baby.”

You genuinely wanted to ask for his opinion because at the end of the day he’s the only one working since you’re a housewife. If it was too stressful for him then you probably wouldn’t mind waiting a little longer but you really hope Koushi’s answer would be—

“Are you serious?” He asked, eyes widened as they looked into yours. You nodded, “Yes but if you’re not ready then I wouldn’t mind waiting a bit longer..” you replied. He didn’t say anything and he just stared at you. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He suddenly stood up and pulled you with him down the hall. “Um Koushi where are you taking me?” You asked. “Well where else can we comfortably make a baby?” He smirked and your cheeks heated up. “So is that a yes?” You asked and he stopped walking. He placed your back against the wall and he held your waist gently. “Of course, I want children, more than anything.” He said softly and you smiled. He softly kissed your lips, They oozed out so much love and you were glad that Sugawara is your soulmate.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Ushijima could tell you had baby fever because you kept gushing at your friends baby for awhile now, you’d constantly gush over the photos you’re friend posted on her social media and finally one day your friend came over with her baby as a surprise. Ushijima was out training and you and your friend caught up while you played with the baby.

Ushijima came home to find his wife feeding her friends baby while her friend layed back on the opposite couch. You’ve been friends since highschool so he didn’t mind her sudden appearance, “Hello Wakatoshi.” Your friend greeted but you were too focused on the baby to even notice Ushijima’s presence. Ushijima acknowledged your friend and walked behind the couch to you. He leaned down and gave your head a kiss and you finally looked up and turned around. “Sorry Toshi I didn’t know you were back.” You apologized and kissed his cheek. You were glad he showered at the gym.

“It’s fine, you seemed a little busy.” He said and walked back around to sit next to you. “Do you want to hold him?” You asked, “No I’m fine.” He shook his head and you slightly frowned. Does he not like babies? Does he even want children? Maybe not now because he’s too busy training for the Oympics.

“Oh okay...” You said and you put the bottle down, you put the little towel on your shoulder and you began to pat his back to burp the baby. Ushijima saw how your mood changed a bit and your friend knocked out on the couch. She was extremely exhausted.

He wondered if he did anything wrong but nothing rang a bell. “Are you upset about something?” He asked, “No it’s nothing.” You gave him a small smile and you stood up to walk around while continuing to burp the baby. “It doesn’t seem like nothing, you were fine less than a minute ago.” He pointed out and you sighed. “I’m just wondering if you even like babies, or if you ever want children. Everytime we see our family you never want to hold babies or toddlers, you sometimes look scary so my nieces and nephews don’t want to talk to you nor get near you.” You admitted. He was still confused as to why you were upset about it.

“Why does it matter right now whether I want children or not?” He asked bluntly and you stopped walking. You stared at him with such bewilderment, he wasn’t getting it at all. “Maybe It’s because your wife wants children and she wants to take your feelings into consideration.” Your friend spoke up, she couldn’t sleep due to your chatter. Ushijima looked at her then at you but you had your back turned and you were looking at the window. He saw the head of the baby peering over your shoulder and he wondered if what your friend said is true. “Is that true Y/N? You want to make a family already?” He asked, you turned around slowly and nodded. “Yeah for awhile now but you’re too busy with Olympic training I understand if you want to wait.”

He smiled softly, “Thanks for taking my feelings into consideration. I wouldn’t mind although it will be stressful.” He said and you turned. “Seriously?” You asked and he nodded. You smiled and gave him a small kiss. “Do you wanna hold the baby now?” You asked. He hesitated a bit but held his arms out to carry the child.

The baby looked at him with wide eyes and smiled. “Yeah maybe being a dad isn’t so bad.” He whispered.

🔪: Which other characters should I add? 🤔 let me know!

[veilder]

What's your philosophy on writing? ;)

Omg, coming out swinging with this ask. XD I can just feel a rambling, stream of consciousness answer waiting to come out. XD So, lemme think... I mean, considering I haven’t done very much writing at all in the last half a year, I don’t even know anymore? And before that, I never really considered myself... an actual writer, either. Reader, yes. Commenter, sure. Writing was like... It was my least polished skill, y’know? I’d only ever tried to write some fics casually before 2019 and I certainly never published any of them, omg. And I never expected that anything I did publish would get any sort of response. So... It’s all still sort of an ephemeral concept to me. When I talk about fanfic authors, I always think of other people first, lol. Always think of their epic, sweeping fics first.  I guess it more comes down to knowing I’ll never quite have that same impact, y’know? I consider the stuff I write as cheap, popcorn fics. There’s not really a lot there, really. The stuff I write is cliché and predictable and it’s not super evocative. I... don’t know why I do it, really. The enthusiasm has certainly drained out of me recently.  I guess... It’s not that I don’t like my own writing. On the contrary, I don’t think I could’ve written any of it if I wasn’t fully invested. But it’s not like... integral in any way, shape or form. I don’t have the same spark I did at the start of things anymore and I don’t have someone to discuss ideas with or try and drive me forward anymore. So I’m just kinda... languishing atm.  ...God, what a depressing answer. -_- Sorry, this probably wasn’t the sort of answer you were expecting. Writing is a hobby and it should be fun I guess. And it was for me for a time. But it was always so, so stressful, too. I loved getting the ideas I had out of my head an onto paper, but I was always so anxious all the time. I wanted my stories to be good and I agonized over them relentlessly. And I think that, with the last thing I wrote being such a crunch, I’m just super burnt out right now. Which is a shame, cuz I still have so many ideas I’d like to get around to.  So, I guess tl;dr is, I’ve never really considered myself a genuine author and writing is as stressful as it is rewarding for me. And I’d like to do more of it but I can’t muster the motivation anymore.  Sorry if this was a rather... sad answer. My ramblings weren’t exactly the happiest this time around, lol. And I hope no one gets discouraged from this, these are my own issues I’m dealing with. But... yeah. That’s my current philosophy on the matter.

[dumbass-mha-simp]

Hawks x Reader

This is very self indulgent tbh. Mostly gender neutral but does mention make up. Also the reader has mega family trauma cuz same.

Warnings: mentions of food, alcohol, reader is drunk but keigo is vv respectful & doesn't try anything, reader doesn't talk to their family, past family abuse, reader is kinda mean to him at first

I wrote this at like 4am and my phone is wonky and keeps autocorrecting "you" to "he" for no reason but i did like one quick pass through before posting so hopefully it's good enough, this is probably one of the first times I've actually published my fanfiction so hopefully it ain't shit,

----------------------------------

For the last couple months you've been teasing him. Practically any other girl in your position would swoon in your position. But where's the fun in letting him get what he wants so quick?

Pro Hero Hawks, had seemingly everyone wrapped around his finger. With eyes pierced in deep gold and, blazing, ruby red wings, it's hard for anyone to not be attracted to him.

You stood in the back corner of a "special hero party," trying to discern if you should sneak out and do anything more interesting than standing with a bunch of other heros.

"Hello there, beautiful." A thick and sweet voice called as you turned your head to them. "Looking lonely all alone back here, let me join?" Hawks, the number two hero was offering to stand with you. Staying it is I suppose.

"I admire your work, you're really dedicated kid. I like watching your stuff." He says taking a slow sip of his drink.

"You? You watch me?" The disbelief of it rung through in sarcasm. How were you to expect someone like him watched your work. You continued sipping from your drink, even if it was a boring party there was free fancy alcohol and that's all a hero could ever need.

"I wanna see more of you, and not just on the screen or anything. I want to get to know you, you know, maybe take you out a bit, hottie." He uses his middle finger to gently lift your chin up.

"And why do you think I'd immediately just accept some date from a guy I've never even talked to?" You dryly laugh out taking another sip.

"C'mon pretty thing, you know me. Your friendly neighborhood Hawks. The hottest, and most loved person you'll ever meet."

"Ah that's what you are, the hot, amazing, charming, hero to any and all." You scoffed

"The one and only."

You spent the rest of the night either playing hard to get, or annoyed at him. You couldn't exactly tell.

This carried on for months, every event you attended, he was right there on your heels like an abandoned, clingy puppy. He's even started patrolling with you.

"Say when are you gonna quit and just accept a date dollie?" He charmed up behind you.

"I'm at work, Hawks." Your boots cracked on the wet pavement as the last bits of rain desperately clung to the air.

"Why do you play so hard to get?" He questioned in a more serious tone. He was genuinely curious about you. "Most people would kill to have me begging for them, let alone after giving me to cold shoulder so many times." You could hear the upturn in his lips as he spoke.

"Why do you happen to find me the one person worth going for?" You retorted back.

"You interest me. There's very few people I'm genuinely curious about, but one of them's you, kid." He looked up into your eyes from the street. Something you'd never thought you'd see in Hawks' eyes was sincerity over such a topic. He genuinely wanted to know you.

".........Let's just say letting people in isn't my forte." You say quickly but with a slight hint of pain. You begin to walk off again and he doesn't question. He doesn't push you to tell him why. But you could see the way he processes your words on his face.

A bar, on a Thursday night, alone. How pathetic of you. Luckily you had no work tomorrow, a big mission the week before let them cut a couple weekends longer. As you downed your refill you questioned how many you've had.

"How long have I been here?" You whispered slightly to yourself before bringing it to your lips.

The warm rush reflow through your body as you let yourself fall to it. The bartender looked at you from the corner of his eye.

"I'm cutting you off for the night." He looks earnestly at you.

"Now that's not very nice there." You laugh back at him.

You pull out your phone and attempt to call some friends but lucky enough for you, you chose a night they were all at work to recklessly get drunk in the middle of the city. The only other contact you could think of was Hawks.

There's no way he'll pick up. He's gotta be busy. I could find literally anyone else to do it. You mutter in your brain as you go into his contact and start a call.

It rings twice before his voice calls out to you. "Hey this is hawks. ... (Y/h/n), are you there?"

Okay act cool and sober. "Heeeeyyy bird." Shit.

You could practically feel his shit eating grin across the phone. "You in need of a hero babe?"

"Can you please pick me up?" A whine took over your voice. You hated being drunk in front of people like him. That soft affectionate side seems to burst its way out when the alcohol takes control.

"Tell me where you are birdie." He said as you heard some ruffling. "(Bar name idk)." You rough out tiredly.

"Be right there angel." He called before hanging up.

You put the phone down on the counter and groaned. Why him? You try so hard to make sure you don't fall for people. They always end up like the last. You feel like they stop caring once they really meet you. Like they don't want the cake after the first bite.

Used, alone, and forgotten. It's a stabbing feeling that your used to. A feeling of burning heaviness in your stomach.

You sit slumped down onto the bar contemplating your feelings for the winged hero for awhile. Why can't emotions just be controlled?

"Hey-o!" You heard a voice from behind you break through the thoughts corrupting your mind. Hawks smiled and thanked the bartender before reaching his arms around you and helping you off the stool.

I didn't know he could be so gentle..

He walked you out the door and held your arms softly, but supportedly as he looked you in the face. "I'm gonna fly us okay? Don't wriggle to much." With that he picks you up and starts beating his wings.

"Hawks?" You call slurred and quiet.

"Yeah, kid?" He glances down at you with a light smile.

"What's your real name?"

"Well why would I tell you that when you refuse to tell me yours so often?" He chuckled.

"(Y/n) (y/l/n)"

"W..what?"

"My name. It's (Y/n) (y/l/n)." You replied back.

You could see the confusion of your open demeanor. But there was something else in his eyes. Something you couldn't put your finger on.

"Soooooooo....." you trailed off with a smile.

"Keigo Takami." He chortled at your ridiculous smile.

"That's a lot prettier than I thought it would be." You stared into his face. How could anyone not find him attractive. The perfect mix of facial hair, jawline, that dumb grin that was insanely attractive, those eyes that were the perfect gold.

"You're gorgeous, Keigo." You whisper more to yourself than him.

"And you apparently drank a lot more than I suspected." He tried to brush off but you could feel a bit more heat from his face.

"Here it is." He lands gingerly and places you down on the ground, wrapping his arm under your shoulder and holding onto the small of your back. "Let's get you in bed."

"Have you eaten today?" He calls after setting you on the couch and going to the kitchen to get you some water. You shake your head and he looks a little concerned but doesn't push it. He hasn't either so late take out it is.

"What do you want?" He looks to you above the old paper menu he has saved from a place not to far from here. "Cuddles." You pout looking through your phone.

"I meant for dinner (y/n)." He laughs at you. "Oooh that makes sense." You laugh too, "anything with noodles and shrimp, I reaaaaally like shrimp." You smile at him wholesomely as he looks at you with the same missing thing as earlier in his eyes.

He orders for the both of you then takes you to the bathroom and sits you on the counter with your bag. "Makeup remover?" He asked placing your bag on your lap. You pull out some individual wipes as he gentle pulls them from your fingers and moves the bag to the side.

He softly wipes at your face as you close your eyes and focus on the feeling of his hands. After wiping the makeup off he wipes down your face with water to make sure there's no remover left either.

"Beautiful. Now do you want to go watch something while we wait for the food?"

His eyes gleamed at you and it filled you with that feeling of admiration. He was being so considerate and kind. Nothing like you imagined. You were safe. Safe here with him by your side.

You placed a kiss to his cheek.

"(Y/nn)," he closed his eyes softly taking in the tingle of where your lips pressed. "You're drunk off your ass, baby. Lets get you fed and in bed, dear." You nod tiredly as he pulls you down from the counter.

You sit back down on his couch as he answers the door and takes the food. "Someone order shrimp?"

"Oooo!" You clap your hands rapidly and look to him excitedly. He giggles at you and hands you the food.

You sit and eat together. Talking about whatever comes to mind first and building on from wherever it wandered.

"So, what's your family like?" He asked innocently enough. "Eh." You brushed off. A subject you never liked was family.

"I get that." He tried to laugh but it seemed forced. "I was born with two parents and couldn't get a single one to even care about me." You laughed to him.

"Do you talk to them?" He looks like he wants your answer. Like he cares about what you say.

"I try not to. I cut them off when I was a teen, everyone blamed it on me being a dumb rebellious kid. No one ever tried to see what happened in those walls." You trailed off.

"Were you hurt?" He tilts his head as concern covers his features. "That's an understatement." You force a smile back at him and take a bite.

"I...I think I kinda understand what you feel in a way." You meet his eyes as they lazily traveled to the floor. His thoughts stiring from behind his pupils.

"No parent buddies?" You put out your hand for a fist bump. He laughs and fist bumps you, "Yeah, no parent buddies."

You lean a bit closer to him. "I'm sorry you were hurt. They didn't deserve the control they had over you." You went a bit more serious as you draw your eyes up to him.

"Im sorry for you too." He breathed out to you. "Now let's get you in bed." A smile took over as he moved your empty food package onto the table and picked you up.

"PUT ME DOWN KEIGO!" You laugh and softly hit your hands against him. He laughs with you then throws you onto the bed.

"Why am I on the bed?" You frown. "Why wouldn't you be?" He looks as he places your water on the night stand next to you.

"It's your bed."

"And I get to choose who sleeps in it."

He places a feather-light kiss on your temples then goes to the door.

"Keigo-" he turns, "cuddle me?"

"I'll clean up and be back here soon okay?" He smiles at you. "Okay"

After twenty minutes of struggling to keep yourself up you feel a weight press into the mattress, keeping some distance.

You roll up next to him and wrap yourself around him.

"Sweet dreams Keigo."

"Goodnight, (y/n)."

And there he was when you woke up. Right beside you. After awhile you got used to seeing his face when you woke up. Always being able to see the look in his eyes you tried so hard to put your finger on. The lovestruck stupid he was for you.

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Chapter 1- I saw Emma Kissing Santa Claus!

Hi all! If anybody is still there/ I’m caught up in this song. It’s given me the idea for like seven chapter- here is the first. MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄🎁! The rest will be late, like those gifts that trickle in when the glow of the holidays is getting hazy. We need Christmas cheer to linger after this year, so I’m gonna publish as I write! Enjoy! And share!

They talked about it later, years after their lives had taken off into space in opposite directions, the moment they knew.

Well, the moment he knew.

"Wait, what?" Emma asked, looking up from the hollow she'd found between his arm and chest when the December air found the crevices in the windows and chilled their skin. She'd get goose flesh and he'd run his hands up and down her limbs to warm her, then pull the flannel up and over them, no matter how warm he was from doing all the work near their end. "We kissed? When we were TEENAGERS?"

"Well, I was technically a teenager the first time we slept together too."

"We didn't sleep."

Harry wiggled his eyebrows at her and smirked, "Oh, I know."

"Oh my god, I really don't remember this!" She turned all the Christmas parties she'd attended at his mum's house over in her head. Emma figured she'd been at the annual event every year since she was 15 or 16, the age he says he was when they kissed. She has almost three years on him. Maybe she was 14 at the first one. That one she recalls well, She's pretty she still had braces. Nobody kissed her. If her math is good, it's her last Christmas before moving. "No wonder you were so ballsy last year!" She slapped at his chest and he grabbed her hand and kissed her fingertips.

"Nah, that was more to do with last year. I was just flush and nobody had turned me down in so long I didn't think anybody ever would again."

"I did!" She at least pretended she wasn't captivated.

"You did. At first!" He reminded her and bit her fingertips before sucking them into his mouth. "Made myself irresistible evidently." He wiggled his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes thinking back at his dogged flirting. He'd found multiple reasons to be near her and had found her close enough to the mistletoe and was charming enough that she accepted the kiss he negotiated out of her as inevitable. Negotiated, that was laughable, he laid one on her and it overwhelmed her reason. Emma thought she played it cool enough, though she remembers they held hands for the the 10 minutes after, at least.

She accepted the other things he was offering on the strength of that kiss, and the fact that since he'd slipped his tongue into her mouth so seamlessly, convincingly, all she could think about for the hours intervening was what else his mouth could do.

While she replayed the memory of that first kiss, the one that counted for her, another blurry memory flashed in her mind.

"Oh! Was it underneath the mistletoe, too?"

Harry rolled his eyes, and her beneath him in the same breath. "You were under the mistletoe the second time!"

"I was mistletoe adjacent, at best." She sighed, she meant to jest, but his long lean body pressed along the length of her clouded her mind and convinced her she wasn't tired anymore or too tipsy off champagne.

"The first time, was me under the mistletoe."

"I kissed you?"

"You did." He confirmed with another kiss.

"How'd I kiss you? Like full on?" She was a little mortified she'd kissed little Harry.

Gemma would have killed her. Would still! That was why she and Harry always just flirted at the party and met up at the inn when the wine had everybody off their head. Nobody knew, it was their Christmas surprise. The secret she looked forward to all year.

"Well, you weren't brave enough to slip me the tongue." He stuck his tongue into the corner of his mouth; that was too attractive by half.

"Hmph." Was all Emma could come up to answer with. "Did I say anything?" She smoothed her hands up his back.

His face got dreamy, and he seemed to be reliving something. "Yeah, you told me 'you're getting cute little Styles.' I always hated that nickname, but I felt a little taller that night."

Harry was descriptive, which was funny considering he could be so quiet at times, but he was quick and he knew a lot of words, more than her. He was working on his third language. He would basically narrate while they fucked and it drove her crazy when he'd describe how she looked and felt and what it was doing to him.

"What do you want to ask?" He pressed his nose to the place her collarbones met and she could fill him growing between her legs.

"How'd you know I want to ask something?" He was too observant.

He reached up and pulled the lip she didn't realize was between her teeth free. Ahh.

"Ask." He kissed the lip still imprinted with her teeth marks.

"Tell me about it. Describe it, like you do for me when you're inside me."

He blew out a breath, "Should be easy, I obsessed over it for ages after, before even."

"Before?"

"Yeah, I have had a crush on you since you were 12 and started coming round with Gem." He revealed.

"No, I don't believe it!"

"I loved that you already had your whole life planned out and you were sooo smart and then the next year you had boobs."

"That started out so well." She almost protested, she had boobs at 12!

"I was very impressed by the boobs, you wore this sweater—" she clapped a hand over his mouth.

"No more talking unless it's about that party."

He smiled at her and his eyes went soft at their corners, his dimples were suggestions of a deep feeling. "I think you had this idea, like this was your last Christmas here, in Holmes Chapel—"

She had had that idea. She'd intended to leave for a summer term in Sweden that spring and wasn't sure she'd be coming back. And she'd always loved that party, and Gemma's family. Even Gemma's goofy weird brother who was getting cuter and more confident. "Why do you say that?"

"Dunno," he tilted his head and his mouth flattened out and his eyes went somewhere else, he was looking at her but not the version in front of him. "I think you reminded me of my cousins' when they could first drink. Seemed like you were just throwing caution to the wind, letting it fly. Like you had nothing to lose, cuz this place was about to be a memory."

Emma could only find the energy to stare, she thought she nodded. He was spot on, but she wasn't even sure she could have articulated those feelings then. And she hadn't been that reckless ever before or after that day.

"I'd been watching you, and like I said, had a crush for years, um, and like, you were wearing that shiny top, like liquid silver and your long brown hair was all curled up and your cheeks were red with your merry making and I'd always loved your laugh. You're usually so calculated—"

"That's not a nice word."

"I don't mean it like a bad thing, like maybe a better word would be careful. Like all your moves were preparation for the grand future you were working towards. But when you laugh, it all falls away. Tears leak from the corners of your eyes and you bend at the waist and just lose it. That night you did it a lot." He kissed her knuckles. "Did you notice I was kind of shadowing you that night?"

"Honestly, not really, I was kinda out of it, or maybe really in it instead of 5 years ahead." She always was at least a week ahead in her mind. In the actual moment, she was usually just ticking that day's checklist off to get to the next thing.

"Yeah. I could see it, you were really in your body, and it made me want you more." He laughed. "The only other time I ever see you like that is...ah..."

"Go on!" She jostled his shoulder.

He bit his lip like the imp he was and said, "When we fuck, it's like when you laugh, there's no tomorrow, or next semester, or internship you have lined up, just the next orgasm on the horizon."

She knew she was blushing but she ducked her chin and shrugged. She couldn't deny it. She could feel that when he moved inside her, when they moved together, it was like when she really lost her head and laughed at something. Better, more. Emma definitely did not tell him it was never like that with anybody else.

Not her college boyfriend, or the Danish guys she'd enjoyed over their version of freshers, and certainly not the completely nice guy she'd been dating for two months back in Amsterdam. Not one of them made her get out of her head the way Harry could. They'd be following every direction she gave them from tongue placement to tempo and she'd be observing the feelings as opposed to experiencing them. But even remembering her first kiss with Harry was a sensory experience. She gave him direction because that's who she is, but she's fairly certain even if she didn't, he'd be able to get her off just by watching her.

She wondered if it was the same as her. He was more cerebral than anybody gave him credit for. Maybe if he talked more about the kiss she'd find out.

He caught her chin, "Where'd you go?" He asked with dopey green eyes.

"I'm just trying to remember." Emma lied. "Tell me more, maybe it will come back to me."

"Oh, from my memory of the proof of your breath you may never remember." Emma could feel her cheeks heat. She had really tied one on, she was absolutely rough the next day. Utterly useless.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure I'd ever be here again."

"In Holmes Chapel? Really? You thought you'd never come back?"

"I always wanted to leave so bad, I genuinely thought I wouldn't miss it."

"But you did? You do?"

She nodded. She didn't want to explain that the first time she was way more homesick than she expected and this year, well, this year she wanted him for Christmas again.

He gave her this face then and a kiss that made her think he really was a mind reader, his crystal ball in the shape of her body.

"Not everyday." Take that Mr. Intuitive.

He gave her a smile that looked like a wink and started talking, "Like I said, I'd always just found you so impressive and you were always so pretty. But you came back from Amsterdam different."

"It was all the bike riding," she deflected and ran her hands down his arms to his lower back.

"Nah, it wasn't your body. That's always been nice. You just seemed like you were so happy and it was coming out of your pores."

"With the mulled wine?"

"Yeah! Definitely the mulled wine." He kissed her one then pressed his mouth to hers," Might have been your legs."

She snorted, "See it was the biking."

"You also had them out!" He defended. She had worn a daring skirt. "And maybe the biking." He laughed with her. "You also did that snort laugh I'd only heard through the walls during sleep overs and I was kinda tracking you."

"Stalker." He made a face. "Sorry probably not a joke to you." They didn't really talk about the peculiarities of his job. He was just Hometown Harry to her. Gemma's little brother. Her Christmas gift wrapped in deliciousness the last two years.

"I didn't really mean to, honestly. Was just like water to it's path."

"That's poetic." She teased.

"Hey, I'm a songwriter."

"I'd like to see evidence of that." Emma raised an eyebrow.

"You will." She wanted to ask but he just kept going. "Wanna know the funny thing? I never really had to look hard to find you." He went on. "You always seemed to be in the corners of my eye, like a dream I was trying to remember.

"I kind of remember that." She rolled her eyes and summoned some courage, "You looked different, and I tried to ignore it, but the more wine I had, the more I found myself comparing you to the boy I remembered from two years before."

"Hadn't been that long. I was with Gem when she told you goodbye."

She cringed. "I don't think I really looked at you that day."

"Oof, good thing I have crowds of people to stroke the old ego." At least the laugh seemed genuine though his eyes were a little dull.

"I was really remembering you in your red jumper from two parties before."

"Tell me about that party- we got off track talking about the last one." Last year she remembered In technicolor.

"Where were you the year after?"

"Studying, of course."

"Yeah makes sense." He pinched his lip, then bit hers.

"I remember thinking your jumper suited you so well and—"

"Matched your eyes."

"Yeah." She could feel the wonder of his eyes.

"But by midnight I saw that guy Spencer with his arm around your waist. Went to get a drink and was sulking with my own wine when you passed me. You had this look."

"Drunk?"

"Mischievous." He raised his eyebrows and bit his lip, "And then you pointed to the mistletoe."

"And said, 'caught you.'"

"You do remember!" He accused with a still annoyingly attractive chicken neck.

"I didn't, but I'm having a sense memory now." She widened her hips so he fit in like a piece of ikea hardware.

"Care to relive it?" He was trying to sound nonchalant, but she could see the hopeful blush.

She answered him by fitting her lips between his perfect ones and giving a lighter pressure than she had for two Christmases, waiting for his direction of how her bold move had turned out. He moaned and she sucked just a bit like she suddenly recalled. She really thought that was a wine fueled daydream, she swears. And then her mouth opened on a gasp and she slid her tongue against his and licked into his mouth before sliding her nose to the other side of his. The kiss depended until it was all over them and they would have wound up naked if they hadn't been already.

"This is different."

"We can re-enact it a little bit more faithfully later. It can be your Christmas present." Emma whispered between kisses.

"Nah." He was actually blushing, all the way down. "You're my gift."

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

Carnival of Hearts (Part 3/6) ~ Bucky x Reader College!AU

A/N: Happy Friday my lovelies! Part 3 is here. :) 

This is my entry for @buckysknifecollection​​ ‘s 3k Follower Challenge. Congrats on the milestone lovely! Go check out the blog. Personal fave is Hush (a must read if you’re into soft!Biker!Bucky)

Prompt: Our friends set us up on this carnival date but we’re both pining after someone else and this a bit awkward

Summary: When you’re set up on a carnival date with Bucky Barnes NOTHING turns out the way you expected.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language

Word count: 2090

Story Masterlist | Main Masterlist

When you came back from the restroom, Bucky was sitting at the picnic table scribbling in a notebook.

“So you’re a writer?”

Bucky jumped and snapped the leather bound journal shut.

“I… what? This was just a grocery list.”

You frowned at the obvious lie, but decided not to call him on it opting for a different tactic.

“Oh. Sorry. Nat had mentioned you were doing a minor in creative writing, so I kind of just assumed. Sorry.”

You sat down beside him.

“No apology necessary. And I am doing a minor in creative writing. And that wasn’t my grocery list.”

“I figured.”

You smiled encouragingly.  

“I guess I just don’t consider myself a writer. I mean I want to be… Someday. That’s the dream.”

“Do you write now?”  

“Yeah, but it’s just a hobby.” He shrugged. “I’ve never been published.”  

“You don’t have to published to be a writer. You just have to write.”

“Well when you put it like that…”

“I’m sure that you’re a great. You see the world in a different way. What do you write about?”

He exhaled a laugh, bobbing his head slightly.

“Love mostly. Wanda calls me a hopeless romantic. She’s right of course.”

You nudged his shoulder with your own.

“Well, you’re in good company. Love’s a big topic though.”

“I’ll never run out of material that’s for sure. Recently I’ve been favoring quiet love. Love that comes out of nowhere but that you can find everywhere. Love that surrounds you until you couldn’t be more sure of it.”  

“Wow,” you breathed out. “If that’s just you talking I can’t imagine what your writing must be like.”

Bucky blushed at the praise.

“Thanks, doll.”

“Have you ever shared your writing?”

He hesitated before nodding.

“I have a blog. Anonymous, because I’m so not ready to put my name on anything.”

“That’s fine. You don’t have to. But it’s great that you’re putting it out there. If you ever want to share it - not anonymously - let me know.”

You were happy to leave it at that, but Bucky surprised you when he pulled out his phone. You quickly grabbed his hand to stop him.

“You don’t have to show me.”

“I know,” he smiled. “I want to. I’m not sure why. But I want to.”

“I’m honored.”

He scrolled through his phone for a few moments before handing it over.

“Read this one.”

You nodded, and cradled the phone in your hands as you began reading.

 Longing from right beside you.

We embrace, my limbs slow, awkward as if rusted.

Your hand in mine, my cheeks red, hotter than a furnace.

Your smile brighter than the sun at daybreak, it warms me.

It disarms me.

I am seventeen again.

Hiding. Questioning. Unsure.

My desire is benign. It is pure.

Nine o’clock every morning - a new quiet beginning.

Seven o’clock every evening - the sweetest homecoming.  

One press of your lips on mine hits me like a freight car.

I am lost.

I am yours.

 “Wow, Bucky, this is…”

“Terrible. Dry.”

“No. It’s beautiful. And I can feel the emotion. Oh my. You are so talented. Thank you for sharing this with me.”  

“Thanks for not judging me.”

“Why would I judge you?”

“Some people think writing is dumb.”

“I think those people are dumb.”

“I dream of being a published author someday. But every time I start making plans, I’m reminded that writing isn’t a guaranteed career.”

“There are no guarantees in life. And if you ask me, you should take some of your own advice.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You told me that you think Sam should be a chef because it’s what makes him special.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, your writing is what makes you special. And you should give it a fair shot. I think the world needs the words of Bucky Barnes.”

“Thank you for that.”

“Any time. I like to aggressively hype up my friends, so you should probably get used to it.”

Bucky’s laugh was deep and booming.

“You’re the best.”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

Bucky let you read a few more pieces, each more beautiful than the last. He had the heart of a man in love.    

“So since you know mine, what’s your dream profession?” he asked as you walked back towards the roller coasters after completing your first circuit.

“Photographer,” you replied without skipping a beat.  

“Damn, I had my money on news anchor.”

“Well, I am a journalism major. It seemed like a safer bet.”

Bucky arched an eyebrow at you.

“You don’t have to say it.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

You laughed and rolled your eyes.

“When did you fall in love with photography?”

You had to think for a moment.

“When I was six or seven, my dad bought me a toy camera and I immediately ran around the house taking a million pictures. And when we got the prints I glued them onto construction paper and taped them up around my living room like it was a gallery that I forced my parents to tour. They were very supportive considering it was mostly blurry pictures of a mop.”

“But I’m sure your passion showed through.”

You smiled appreciatively.  

“Still. But I fell in love with it when I realized that two people can look at the same photo and see a totally different story. And both of them could have a different understanding than the photographer.”

“It definitely illustrates the effect of the consumer’s perspective. That was always my favorite part of literary discussions.”  

“Yes. Totally.”

“Okay, so if journalism isn’t the goal, what is?”

“Freelance photographer I guess. I actually had this idea to make a blog and do weekly photo story prompts, so people could submit their stories based on the pictures and then people could come read and enjoy them. And if it got big enough I could start hosting writing challenges and contests. Steve keeps hounding me to set it up. He says it would give people a chance to fall in love with my photos in a different way.”

“That’s a great idea. I think you should do it.”

“Nah, I doubt anyone would want to do something like that.”

“Are you kidding? It sounds amazing. You would just need to get the word out in the writing community. I would definitely participate.”

“Really?” you asked, excited by the prospect.

Bucky smiled and nodded.

“I might even put my name on it for you.”

After the roller coaster, you made your way to the pirate themed pendulum ride, trying to position yourselves so you’d have your pick of seats by letting a few people go ahead of you.

“Do you have a favorite photograph you’ve taken?” Bucky asked, as you let another family pass you.

You bit your lip.

“That’s a yes. Will you show it to me some time?”

“I can show it to you now if you really want to see it.”

“I would love to.”

You could sense that his interest was genuine so you slipped your phone out of your pocket and opened Instagram.

“This one is my favorite,” you stated, clutching the screen against your chest.

“You don’t have to show me, you know.”

“I know.”

You smiled and with a deep breath turned the phone to show him.

“Umm that’s just the background.”

You looked at it and sure enough you’d accidentally exited the app.

“Damn it. Okay one second. Here we go.”

You showed him the phone with much less fanfare, but his reaction was immediate.

“Wow.”  

You’d taken the photo after dinner one night. Steve was leaning against the wall on the balcony sketching by the light of a full moon and the mini lanterns you’d wrapped around the railing. You had to capture the moment. Steve heard you fumbling with your camera and looked up just in time, a soft smile gracing his features.

“Perfect,” you murmured as you looked at the shot.

“Yeah, you are.”

“Steve’s the one who encouraged me to put some of my photos on Instagram. But I told him I’d only do it, if that was the first one. It’s still my most popular post. Nat says it’s cuz he’s pretty.”

“He is for sure,” Bucky chuckled. “But he’s also soulful. I want to know what makes a man that happy.”

He had his suspicions.

“I think this should be my next post,” you cooed as you showed Bucky the picture of him cuddling the plush wolf you had won him at the ring toss.  

“Delete that.”

“Literally never.”

He pouted. “Come on, please.”

You shook your head.

“Nope. This is my new favorite photo. You’re adorable and I’m never deleting it.”

Bucky had only known you a few hours, but he could tell when he should cut his losses.

“Fine. But if you’re keeping that one. We should at least have a cute one of the both of us.”

“That’s a fabulous idea.”

Bucky moved so he was straddling the bench of the picnic table, and you shuffled so that you were in between his legs. You put your phone in selfie mode and took one photo before a woman approached you.

“Would you like me to take a photo of the two of you?”

“Sure, that would be great!”

You handed her your phone as you and Bucky re-situated yourself so you were sitting side by side. Bucky wrapped an arm around your shoulder and the stuffed animal sat on your laps.

She took several photos and you were giggling when Bucky had his wolf kiss you on the cheek.  

“Here you go. I took a bunch.”

“Thank you so much.”

“It’s so nice to see a young couple so in love.”

She walked away before you or Bucky could respond. You both shared an unsure expression as an awkward silence fell between you.  

“Do you want to plan out what to do until lunch?” he asked, not making eye contact.

“Yeah, sure. That sounds like a good idea,” you agreed.

That woman’s comment was repeating on a loop as you thumbed through the pictures she took. You did make a cute couple, but despite having a great time with him so far, you weren’t feeling a spark. What if Bucky was though? Had you been leading him on?

“Y/n, are you okay?”

“What? Sorry, Bucky.”

Bucky chuckled and you saw understanding in his expression which made the knot in your stomach loosen.

“Did it freak you out too?”

You laughed half-heartedly. “That obvious huh?”

“Only a little.”

“Don’t get me wrong. Today has been awesome. And you’re fantastic.”

“Thank you.” He bobbed his head in gratitude. “So are you.”

“Thanks. But,” you drew out the word. “I just don’t feel that spark.”

Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you braced for his reaction.  

“Oh thank god.”

You turned to him with wide eyes.

“I don’t either.”

“You don’t?”  

Bucky shook his head. “You’re amazing. And I really want to be best friends with you. But…”

“That’s all,” you finished for him.

He nodded. You blew out a relieved breath.

“Full disclosure. I think Wanda set this up because she was tired of me pining over someone.”

“You mean Sam?” you asked with a knowing smile.

He was unsurprised you’d figured it out.

“I don’t hide it well, do I?”

“I had my suspicions, but you could probably chalk it up to be being best friends and roommates. But it’s all over your writing.”

“That’s fair.”

“And in the interest of honesty. Nat 100% set me up so I would get over my own dumb crush.”

“On Steve,” he stated matter-of-factly.  

You swatted at his arm when you saw his smirk.

“Don’t be smug.”

“I’m not. I’m amused. Your art gives you away too. The way you see Steve comes through in your photos. They’re beautiful, breathtaking even, but definitely an insight into your heart.”

“Not the worst critique of my work I’ve received,” you joked, making you both laugh.

“This is pretty awkward huh. We’re on this date - which is honestly one of the best I’ve been on - and we’re both pining after other people.”

“Well, at least we’re not pining after the same person. That would be way more awkward. And it’s one of the best dates I’ve been on too.”

“I know that this isn’t what they were hoping for, but I’m really glad that Natasha and Wanda set us up.”

“So am I.”

A/N: EEEEE okay, so I hope that you enjoyed this. I know it may not be what you expected (or you might totally have expected it) just sit tight. It’s gonna be fluffy I promise. 

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[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02. Ep 14

This is a build up: to the teacher conference & catching up with the aftermath of the beach after hatori/mayu & student council break. Tohru has 5% of of this ep! & not the usual ‘moma tohru/sohma’s savior tohru/ happy tohru/ healing tohru”. NO!! It’s real person with real issues tohru!!! scared lonely teenage tohru!!! celebrating the crumbs thrown to me!!!!!!! XD.

(1) Haru!!! The lighter version of tohru’s kindness:

I was right!! haru was there for yuki!! He was 13/14 years old when he asked shigure to take yuki, putting himself in danger by sneaking few moments to sit with yuki whenever he can. As a kid, he’s done than all the adults. His support comes from genuine concern over yuki. Haru is a lighter & healthier version of tohru’s kindness. He supports yuki & can get in danger but he’s not neglecting himself. he faced his demons early on as a kid & got over his hate which was caused by the adult’s mockery of him. He learned to love/accept himself & found love with rin, he didn’t selflessly sacrifice anything despite her attempts to leave him. He showed selfless kindness towards yuki, kisa, & rin. He still can turn dark but this is part of him being imperfect. Moreover, haru didn’t hold on to yuki, imposing his guidance & his support. he stands in the near distance. I’ll support you but you need to go search for your path yourself. He also understands that yuki can’t do like him & stay around helping haru in his issues with rin cuz (a) romantic issues are mostly exclusive to the ppl involved & interference may cause harm, (b) yuki needs to focus on himself now & not escape into other ppl’s issues like tohru does. He needs to face his future & haru is there to tell him so. Again the writer is telling us yuki will do/choose right even in moments of doubt cuz ppl will be there to support him. This ep, it’s haru ushering him into focusing on his path & resisting the need to escape the pressure. we’ll see others step in for yuki until he can stand on his feet. 

(2) Tohru!!! The abandoned/lonely teenager:

Her only loving relative might soon leave, he’s old & sick. Her mom wasn’t sick nor old. Yet, she left. Tohru’s fear of abandonment intensifies. From the moment she got the phone call, her face screams “Don’t leave me”. teacher conference usually involves parents. It’s supposed to be her mom that’s attending with her. it’s her mom’s dream to get into high school & she would’ve proudly visit the teacher to talk abt tohru’s future. except this time tohru goes with a stranger..not even her grandfather. Shigure genuinely cares for tohru, despite the ulterior motive of seeing Mayu. but he’s still a stranger who doesn’t know her or her future plans. Shigure’ll be present physically with her but she’s all on her own. Kyo saw that when he entered the house. He saw her pain despite the cheerful smile. Guess whose fault that kyoko isn’t here now? kyo. Guess who’s guiltily went to his room & stood there in the dark? kyo. Guess who couldn’t face tohru the next day? kyo.

-”why do they both have to pass away, I want to ge see them”!! Tohru begs her grandfather to stay with her, him suddenly dozing off caused her anxiety attack, it has been building inside her since hiro’s words. “ i want to see him” kyoko said!!! & oh she ended up really going to him..“its okay” it isn’t. “always together” they aren’t. tohru flashback is clearer. Kyoko abandoned tohru somehow around her father’ funeral. For some reason the door is locked literally & metaphorically between tohru & the sense of safety & being wanted!!. It’s too much for her!!. she” do anything, say anything, just don’t TAKE mom away!” alas~ Her mask cracks. Her legs fail. she can’t stand. she falls. she breaks. she’s alone. kyo’s here with her. Present physically & emotionally. Tohru’s angel. Except he’s real. if she reaches out, he won’t disappear. He’s not TAKEN from her (not yet). Tohru smiles genuinely without putting her mask back on. kyo, unlike haru, can’t hug tohru becuz of the curse. He uses head pats instead. lovingly, kindly & tenderly patting her head. “it’s normal to be worried when a relative is ill”, “don’t push yourself” is that like kyo’s 5th advice to tohru now?. “do you plan to sit here forever” carries more than the literal meaning, along with him actually holding her arm & pulling her up! followed by teasing her to ease her back into normality. Now it’s really “okay” for tohru cuz someone who cares is really here with her. present by body & soul. kyo teasing her shifted her focus from painful past into a flirty chat & musings in Arisa’s expense. It’s similar to when tohru helped yuki with his first encounter with akito in school by suggesting playing to cast away the fears. except this time someone is doing this for tohru!!Her struggles are seen despite the mask. she’s not a lonely teenager, she is receiving an emotional well-needed help. however...this is but the tip of the iceberg. tohru hasn’t opened her lid yet. she should or she’ll break down soon..

-The faulty/over usage of the Voice-Over technique:

Usually this tool is used by writers to send messages they believe is hard to catch for readers/viewers or for foreshadowing. It’s done mostly when (a) a character is watching a scene unfold in front of them & they comment internally, or (b) they are narrating a scene/story. However, that’s not the case in this ep. (I’m not talking abt internal monologue, that’s a different case & is totally suitable when character talks abt themselves when the scene only show them & doesn’t switch into a different place entirely). This ep is weirdly stuffed with voice-overs by kagura, yuki, haru & shigure done over multiple scenes & it was poorly done (in my personal opinion) as it caused confusion in the episode’s flow, especially the kagura’s part. Manga/still pictures are different from anime/moving pictures, therefore manga writers feel the need to insert lines said by this or that over another scene to connect what the still image might fail to express. Moreover writers publish monthly & there might be periods of hiatus, so they need to remind readers of certain themes. Anime/shows are totally different medium. The images moves with expressive facials expressions, colors, characters voices, & music to convey a message. How can you have all that & cause confusion? or over saturate a single ep with one tool?

-when kagura's voice is over kyo’s image in school, it shows kyo looking at tohru sadly. i really was confused on why kyo is still sad abt kagura, I didn’t notice tohru walking alone at first, then kyo went home before changing his mind. I kept thinking he’s gone to kagura!! or that he’ll go to Akito cuz kagura’s words expressed guilt?? or he changed his mind & would confess to tohru cuz of kagura’s words of illogical love?? when he didn’t tell tohru where was he heading for the longest time I was confused that he’s hiding sth!! it wasn’t until I watched the ep twice & omitted kagura’s part that I got it!! Why didn’t the show let us hear kyo’s thoughts directly instead of kagura’s confusing voice over?? it’s not like he’ll tell us kyoko’s promise? he’ll express what we already know! that he’s struggling to either let go of tohru or be there for her... why is that hard to express to viewers using kyo? If kyo’s thoughts MUST be blocked, then why NOT use the most effect method for shows/ moving pictures which is Show-Not-Tell???. They’re trying to do that but felt the need to insert kagura’s thoughts over to help us understand??? shame how the result is total confusion & loss of impactful scene for tohru/kyo unless you watch it twice to analyze. It was in my 2nd watch with omitting kagura’s scene that I understood why kyo was off/sad & where was he headed. Very poorly done.

-Yuki’s/Shigure’s/haru’s voice-over didn’t cause confusion but was excessively done in a single ep, Moreover, it carries the feeling of the shows flaw: the need to guide viewers’ thoughts to the door step in certain scenes or leave them without anything in other scenes. Again I’m not talking abt the monologues, I’m talking abt the images of other characters they showed over the voice when others are in discussion. It felt too on the nose for me this time.

Side Notes:

There are some moments in this show, more than other shows, where I feel like I’m reading more than watching or hearing audio book over still images, which is shame since the story itself is superb & the anime has all the tools it needs to express all themes visually. It also adds to the flaw of “imbalanced expression” that this show suffers from sometimes.

 Rin & haru relationship..wow.. I’ll hold on talking abt them until I see more. Haru is a dear fave of mine. I’m sure Rin worth the wait.

Yuki’s Japanese VA is awesome! he’s one of my top 5 VAs in furuba. 

I’m in love with tohru’s crumbs. Feed me more, show! plz.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #327

starting to run outta steam... haha.

What design is on your shower curtain? It doesn't have one. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? Ha ha yeah, for yelling "HOLY SHIT!" once, lmao. Ever made a snow angel? Yeah. Do you laugh at racial jokes? Absolutley not. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 999, in German. How’s your flirting skills? I wouldn't know, ask those I've flirted with. Have you ever cried over a breakup? For a whole year and then some. I still have episodes. What does your dream life look like? Living isolated in the woods by a river and waterfall with a fantastic spouse, me being a very successful photographer and at least somewhat above *just* financially "stable," maybe having at least one poem published, lots of pets (mostly snakes), plenty of travel opportunities (mostly for photography), being free of my social anxiety and actually being reasonably confident, back in great physical shape... I'm really daydreaming now. What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? bleh Where did you meet your current or last significant other? YouTube, back when it was a much more social platform. Do you enjoy wine? No, it's way too bitter. What did you last ask your parents permission for? I asked Mom if I could snack on some chocolate chips she was saving for fudge (since Christmastime...). She was fine with it. Periods are fun. Do you get annoyed when you hear babies crying? I shouldn't, but I do. Me and babies just don't mix. Why were you in a waiting room the last time? I was at a doctor's appointment. What’s your lawyer’s name? I don’t have one. Do you own a lot of scarves? I don't think I own any... Would you ever get a face tattoo? I doubt it, but maybe something very small and subtle. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? Nature. The woods. Would you rather have a house exterior made from wood, brick, or stucco? Aesthetically, wood, but I don't support the continuation of wood housing in a society where we have many other options that don't harm the environment as much. So, realistically, brick. What is your favorite breakfast? Cinnamon rolls. Do you own a diamond ring? No. Have you ever stripped? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? IT with Girt. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. Yes or no: foreplay? Lmao who the fuck does it w/o foreplay first. Would you ever record you having sex? No fucking way. Something nobody’d ever guess about you? I used to be in great shape. Would you like to be a journalist? I actually wouldn't mind it. It was almost my minor the last time I was in college, actually, but the required courses were a no-no for me. Last year for school, we had an assignment where we had to choose a popular song to write a story based on. What song would you’ve picked? I don't know popular songs, so I'm picking any song. Off the top of my head, given my love for dark and morbid shit, maybe "Voyeur" by Otep. That song is messed up as fuck. No, it's actually not about sex, 'cuz I ain't interested in writing about that. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did. Do you have a long driveway? No, it's actually very short. Have you ever begged someone to stay with you? Oh yes. Are you friends with anyone missing one of their five senses? Not to my knowledge. Are you good at Pac Man? I'm no better than anyone else. Do you have an embarrassing period story? If so, what is it? No. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication? No. Do you prefer tampons or pads? Tampons. Pads are mega uncomf. How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty? I don't know, actually. What stereotype do you fit the most? Geek, maybe? Emo? Idk. If you’re a worshipper, how do you worship? I don't worship anything. What’s your favorite pain reliever? Advil. Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Not a lot, no. Does your father have facial hair? Yes. Have you ever had a hamster? Yeah, we went through a few. All of 'em were evil. Grape or strawberry jelly? Absolutely grape. What language would you most like to know fluently? German. Do you remember the last song you slow danced to? "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Do you plan on having alcohol at your wedding? I don't know. Do you have an idea of who you might kiss next? I know who I WANT to kiss next, but that doesn't mean it'll happen. I hate psychic questions. Who’s the most controlling person you know? She's not in my life anymore. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A centipede, to name one. I've gotten more into the idea of owning invertebrates, and centipedes are in that hobby, but they creep me the fuck out. They're cool to watch, but I don't want one in my house. Do you have a picture of you throwing up the peace sign? Yeah, it's actually one of my favorite pictures of me without makeup. Has a very "me" vibe. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Ha, yeah. Can you tell the difference between a Scottish and an Irish accent? Nope. Can you read music? Probably not anymore. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? Finding Dory takes the cake. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? If you compliment my Markiplier tattoo because you get it, we are immediately family. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? Ozzkat. I use it essentially everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? HA, way more than once. Hyperfixation is a friend of mine. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? C U T E ! ! ! What are your thoughts on mini-skirts or mini-dresses? ALSO C U T E ! ! ! Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Yes. What appliance in your kitchen do you use the most often? The microwave. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Sara, yes. And Sam once in a blue moon if we're playing WoW together. Are you allergic to any animals? No. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever been called bipolar? Well yes, because I am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? Hell no, and fuck you if you ever have. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? No. Have you ever had food poisoning? I don't think so, no. Favorite emoticon? Probably c: Do any emoticons annoy you? No, but an excessive amount of them I find disruptive to whatever I'm reading. Do you think there will be a WWIII? Yup, someday. Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? Yeah, back in high school. The most interesting thing that’s ever happened to you at a grocery store? I dunno. Probably running into someone unexpected. Do you have any good book ideas? Having written RP since I was 10 years old... I could by now write a dozen dictionary-sized novels encompassing what I think are the greatest storylines. I genuinely do believe there's some fantastic stuff we've got, but there's just too many horribly dark and twisted parts in the evil mobs that I am not comfortable publishing. Are you gonna see Cars 2? Well, this is old. I never even saw the first one. In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Yep. *points at Weed from GDW* Have you ever posted a video onto YouTube? Yeah, mostly "meerkat music videos," I guess you could say. Some tributes to certain MM characters, others just music with meerkat clips. How often do you compliment other people? I try to any time I have a sincere one. I am very much for complimenting people openly and often. The Legend of Zelda series: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I'm not a fan of the franchise, honestly. Never got the hype. Do you even game at all? Most certainly, but not nearly as much as I used to... You can only replay old games but so many times before you just can't anymore. And the "newest" console I have is the original Wii, so... I definitely don't have the modern equipment. Would you give Zumba dance lessons a try if presented the opportunity? Probably not. Definitely not while my legs are in such bad shape; the dancing is pretty intense and would seriously hurt. I could easily imagine myself fainting. Do you own a rosary? No, but I did in my Catholic-raised childhood. Do you like Adult Swim? No. Sorry excuses for humor everywhere. What’s the first thing you do when you get on the computer? Do a quick check on KM just to ensure everything's in order. What’s one thing that you just wish you could do all of your life? Not have to pay bills, haha. If someone asks for your honest opinion, do you give it? Yes, if they emphasize they really want honesty. When was the last time you felt uninformed or out of the loop? Apparently some politician (I think) died recently and people practically rejoiced on Facebook. I knew zip about him. When in a car, where do you like to sit? Passenger seat/shotgun. Have you ever fought with a good friend over something completely stupid? Oh, absolutely. There have been plenty of RP-related arguments with multiple people... In the big picture, it's laughable to fight over a game, but when you're so invested in your own creations, in the moment, it can seem like a big issue. Those drama days are long behind me now. Would you ever visit a third-world country? I don't think so, no. It would shatter my heart, especially seeing children in poverty. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? Probably call over something like, "I'm not deaf, you know." I highly doubt I'd sit there with my mouth shut. Have you ever felt manipulated? Yes. If you were homeless, how would you cope? If I was truly, entirely homeless, quite honestly, I'm almost positive I'd kill myself. Have you ever done something just to fit in? Yeah. When was the last time you tried to impress someone, for whatever reason? I'm not sure, but I've certainly done it at one point or another. Do you think that the world could function in a state of anarchy? Definitely not. How well do you know your U.S. [or your country’s] history? I mean, I know the bare bones of it, but I'm far from well-versed in history. It was one of my weak subjects in school. Would you ever wish to move to another country? I'm not kidding when I say if it weren't for family, I would probably move to Canada. What is something that you do that others might consider “nerdy”? The way I write, particularly for academic purposes. I'm very descriptive and have an exceptionally large vocabulary. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? Not from me specifically, but our basketball hoop was stolen from my childhood home. I doubt it was very cheap. Do you understand/notice when someone’s using sarcasm? Usually, anyway. When was the last time you were fooled? HAHA there was this drama video suggested to me on YouTube that involved Mark in the title, and I was mega confused and inevitably clicked. Now it's basically a YouTube meme just how "perfect" Mark is, so there was no real drama; apparently some newer fans are just upset at him for playing the sequel to HuniePop, a very sexual puzzle/dating game that's honestly entertaining and can be really funny. Like... he's played the original and despite the discomfort of some scenes (which are censored, mind you), he still had fun, and it was a big hit on his channel. So him playing the sequel isn't surprising, but apparently some people got shit to say. What first Impression do you hope you make with other people? Something along the lines of "wow, she's very nice." Have you ever thought about how you make other people feel/think? Well of course. I think everyone should take time to consider this. What is your stance on getting revenge? A petty waste of time. Any wise/truthful/witty quotes that you live by? Ha, another Mark answer. He once gave the casual innuendo of, "Life's hard; shouldn't you be, too?" (this might have actually been in a HuniePop video!), but when you take the... uh... sexual theme out of it, it's a good way to look at life???? Have tough skin, unmoving willpower, y'know, that stuff. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant? My sister Ashley. Spongebob or Patrick? Patrick is a whole-ass mood. Would you rather watch little kid’s cartoons, older kid’s cartoons, or adult cartoons? Hm. Probably little kid's, given my love for Pokemon. How about watching regular cartoons or anime? Anime. Who is the last person you spent money on? Myself. Do you own a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon? No; I had SeaWold Tycoon instead. I loved that game. Do you have any birth marks in embarrassing places? No. Have you used Limewire before? Of course. Free music for the low price of a catastrophic virus. :^) When was the last time you required a band-aid? I think when I cut one of my toenails way too short. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them so, so very much. Not saying I'm gonna go scoop up the first copperhead I find herping or something, but I love and respect them so very much. They are such fascinating animals. If you believe in reincarnation, what animal would you want to become? I don't think I believe in reincarnation, but hypothetically, maybe a lioness. Who do you tell everything to? Pretty much whoever reads these surveys, haha. Did you have candles on your birthday cake? Not my most recent one. Exactly, how old are you? I just turned 25 years and one month old. Have you ever been bitten by anything? Besides bugs, I don't think so. I've had cats and dogs playfight with me, but none have ever seriously bitten me with actual effort. Do you wear hats? No. What was the last song you sang along to? "Lunchbox" by Marilyn Manson. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years time? I'd like to be, but idk if it's realistic.

[fictionalabyss]

Tumblr wont let me type it all in a reply so here’s a whole ass post cuz I got emotional. lol

@samfreakingwinchster

SLD is still a touchy subject for me sometimes, so excuse me if I get a wee bit emotional about this. It happens.

Uh, SLD (She’s Leaving, Dean) originally had (i think) 110 chapters published on the blog shared with the co-author, I had maybe 5 or 6? unpublished ones waiting to be edited in my tumblr drafts (they are still waiting there, since 2017) AND some chapters I had written that weren’t yet tied into the story at all saved in my Google Docs. 

When chapters started to go missing, I was BROKEN. It really fucked me up. I was already going through a hard time and that did not make it any better. I had put my heart and soul into that series. It was literally the most important piece of work to me for the longest time. It was my baby.

I saved what I could to google docs, but I had already lost so much, and it wasn’t just SLD chapters that went missing, but other fics I had written as well. 

I had no way to remember what each chapter I lost had in it, so re-writing them to fit into the missing gaps would have been extremely difficult. I did sort of “re-write” one, but quickly gave up as more chapters went missing. 

I was mad.

Fans of the series were mad.

I still TO THIS DAY get messages from people who were around during the original posting telling me they miss it. I get asked to write timestamps/what ifs for the series. I get asked if I’ll move everything I managed to save over here (I intended to, but got busy and just let it fall) and I also get asked if I’ll re-write the series. I’ve considered it.

Sometimes pieces of the story will pop up. Sometimes I’ll miss those characters so much I’ll write something for them, or give the OCs from the series new stories of their own. I even wanted to write out everyone’s prequel, their first meetings / pasts with the “Reader” character. I just.. haven’t gotten very far in that, and the busier I got, the further down it got on my list. 

I write so much that I genuinely just forget about it. But then I see messages like yours, about enjoying the series, and my heart aches for them and I find myself in google docs for  a week just binging what I have saved.

I miss them.

I had so much planned for them.

Good and Bad, it was so much.

@sorenmarie87 is one of the few people who’s read EVERYTHING I’ve ever written for SLD. Even everything I hadn’t published or tied in yet. She’s one of the OG fans of the series. She’s one of the people who helped me heal with it’s loss. She’s also the one I message every time I get emotional over it (i just messaged her now lol). She’s my bestie. And I shared everything I had with her. Even the unfinished stuff.

I don’t think anything will ever make me feel what SLD did. My writing style developed in that series. I learned to write better in that series. I was pregnant during a good chunk of writing that series. Depressed writing that series. SCARED writing that series. It kept me sane.

I still mourn that loss.

Sometimes I consider taking it off my masterlist completely.

Other times, I consider starting it over again.

Who knows what the future holds for it.

But I will tell you this. If you do dive into it and manage to get your hands on all the chapters Tumblr has to offer (there’s some on the other blog) Sam isn’t happy. Not always, and not for long. None of them are.

That was the fun part of SLD. Nothing stayed as it was for very long. Shit would just get fucked up for the sake of fucking shit up.

that’s why everyone loved it. Well, that, and the smut. There was A LOT of smut. Don’t judge me. I was trying to have a baby and then I was SUPER horny and pregnant.

[lexosaurus]

Writing Tips From Your Local Mess

Disclaimer, everyone’s body is different. These are just my experiences. I just wanted to give some helpful anecdotes for people researching for writing because I know this shit can be useful.

1. Fainting

Background: In high school I had to go on a very restrictive diet for health reasons and ended up accidentally giving myself electrolyte depletion and started randomly passing out.

According to my doctor, the brain kinda uses fainting as a reset button of sorts. So most of the time, you’re only unconscious for a few seconds, if that.

I could usually feel it come on. But I didn’t wanna be a wuss so I didn’t say anything. Also sometimes I didn’t even faint.

One thing I did do was when I felt them coming on, I had enough time to move so I was standing over carpet or something at least sort of soft so I wouldn’t hit my head on concrete or anything.

Waking up was a trip because in the movies and stuff people usually wake up all disoriented and “where am I?? what happened??” but that wasn’t even close to reality with me. Cuz I knew where I was and I knew what happened. 

I literally acted like I had smoked a ton of weed when waking up. No joke. I was a giggly mess. My doctor said it was because my brain was being flooded with oxygen I think. Like I remember trying to tell my school nurse I was fine and I didn’t need the wheelchair, because I genuinely didn’t, AND I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING. She was like “Rightttt okayyyy yeah you’re sooo fine yeahhh” and I was standing there like “Huehueheu no for real hahaha i’m lolol i’m so fine! trust me hahaha!”

Like I’m not kidding people literally asked me if I was high the next day because they just witnessed me collapse on the ground, wake up uncontrollably giggling, and then be escorted out of whatever room I was in pushing a wheelchair and still giggling.

2. Mild to Moderate Electrical Shock

Background: I was renting an apartment with a garbage disposal that had a loose wire. I was shoving some food down there, my hand went past the rubber stopper, and my hand entered the wet electrical field. The electricity went up my arm.

Your bones get this weird vibrating thing idk how to describe it. It’s genuinely something I can’t compare to any other sensation. Weird vibrating is the best I can do.

It really just burns. Like my arm wasn’t twitching or anything after. I couldn’t see any sparks. My arm felt like it was resting on a hot pan and the pan was vibrating.

I actually stuck my hand in there three times (the third time I got legit shocked which was painful) because the buzzing thing was so odd, I thought I was making it up in my head. So the burning only happened the third time when I just fucking went for it.

I didn’t know what happened for a solid 5-10 minutes after. I was aware something had gone wrong, and my arm was now red, but I didn’t have anything to compare it to so I made myself a sandwich and it was only when I was mid-sandwich consumption that I realized “oh fuck i got electrocuted.”

3. Fractured Ribs

Background: I had a whole ass cocktail of breathing problems and diseases over the course of several months and ended up coughing so much I fractured at least one rib.

If I’m being honest, it’s not that big a deal. Idk. I think my period cramps hurt way worse. And if you take advil and shit it’s not that bad

Your ribs go all the way around your body, so I didn’t realize for a while that there might have been a problem because my rib got fractured on the side of my torso. So. Just FYI it’s not always gonna be on your chest.

Like any broken bone, it hurt to press down on that specific rib in that specific spot of the fracture. I couldn’t sleep on that side of my body for a time, and laughing and coughing was lil painful.

Overall, not the worst thing ever. I still did weight training and stuff with it, I just didn’t do any serious cardio for a lil bit. But that was all.

You don’t wrap your chest or bind it in any way in the event of a fracture. You really can’t. Basically, you just take mild pain relievers and wait it out.

4. Getting Too Drunk

Background: I went to college.

I wasn’t gonna include this one but I just godda say NO ONE hiccups when they’re too drunk. No one. If someone does, it’s cuz idk they just are just like sometimes when you’re sober you hiccup. 

So those “Hey...*hic* how are you *hic* doing?” quotes I see in fanfiction and sometimes in published writing need to go. 

You talk slower and slur a bit and you’re a bit overconfident and bold in your general life decisions but you don’t hiccup oh my god.

5. Being Temporarily Blind

Background: Tried out a new contact brand that happened to have an oopsie in the factory, and so my contacts got doused with some chemical that wasn’t supposed to be in there.

So my specific case, I was “blind” for one week and it was due to my light sensitivity being completely corrupted so I couldn’t even open my eyes in a dark room as it was too “bright” and my eyelid muscles wouldn’t do it. 

Honestly, it was pretty boring. When you lose your vision, you don’t suddenly gain magical abilities from your other senses. I wasn’t able to hear any better or smell any better. Blind people have “better” senses because that’s what they use to navigate, so it takes a while to train those senses to work with you like that. Someone losing their vision for a short period of time isn’t gonna suddenly be an expert sniffer or anything.

Showering and stuff was a bit difficult, because I literally couldn’t open my eyes at all, but I put my conditioner lid face down and my shampoo lid face up, so it wasn’t that bad.

No, I didn’t drop my toothbrush in the sink or in the toilet or anything. I lost my vision, not my coordination.

Yes I did crash into walls. In my own house. But no, I didn’t fall down the stairs at all. Thank god.

I couldn’t use my phone at all (because I don’t know how to use the blind settings) and I was dealing with a lil bit of a pressing issue anyways, so uhhh what happened was I literally just dropped off the face of the earth for a week. All my classmates knew was that one day I was acting kinda weird and complaining about the color spectrum being wonky, and the next day and days following I wasn’t in school or clubs and all contact with me was futile. Rumors about me being in the hospital circulated, probably due to my mom, and that’s all people knew. So you can only imagine the stories I heard afterwards.

That’s all I can think of right now. Uhh yeah as someone who enjoys writing these are some things I thought might be useful. Please feel free to add onto this if you have any experiences you think could be good for people to know. Please remember, this is all anecdotal and shouldn’t be taken as a medical bible for your writing purposes. It’s just a new perspective to think about.

[simonalkenmayeris-still-dead]

Bro... just stop. What are you accomplishing with all this? At least admit that you’re not doing this for the purpose of “literary critique”. Idk if you’re doing this cuz you’re bored, or for attention, or just for the fun of harassing an internet stranger but... stuff like this takes a genuine toll on anyone’s mental health. Like this blog isn’t even directed at me and I’m getting stressed just by reading this whole situation. Like does it really matter who’s actually behind Simon’s screen? It’s still a person. From what I’ve seen, Simon has been nothing but helpful and kind in the instances that I’ve interacted with them. If you’re trying to prove that he isn’t actually a cryptid then I’m sure that would be okay if you went about it in a civil and respectful manner, and using the proper scientific methods of literary analyses. In fact, they’ve clearly expressed that sentiment to me and several others because, well that’s kind of the point of their whole experiment. It would actually intrigue them to have articulate debates backed up with evidence about this. The problem is the disrespectful and informal way you went about it, to put it nicely. Anyway, at least take a moment consider this perspective, man.

Oh my gosh.  Where to start?

You guys can use paragraphs spaces in asks now, right?  could you please USE THEM?  A wall of text is not fun to look at.

I don’t know if you people are just not listening, or if you’re SO convinced that you think “literary” means highfalutin classics texts or what, but a blog is a piece of writing and I can totally critique it.  Would it placate you if I said it was art critique?  Like I’m critiquing an ongoing digital / performance art piece.  Would that make it all right with you?

It’s just quibbling over details, but fine.  Art critique.  If that’s what you prefer.

And if this is making you stressed, you can take a break.  Get off tumblr.  Stay on tumblr but block me or block Simon or block us both.  You are in control of your own experiences here.

I don’t care who writes Simon.  This blog is not about ferreting out who Simon’s writer is.  Sometimes, people send me their theories about it, and I publish them, but I have no particular interest myself.  This blog is not an attempt to blackmail Simon’s author into telling me their real identity; that would be exceedingly boring and pathetic.

And I’m not trying to “prove” Simon isn’t a cryptid. Si, the author is most likely, not a cryptid.  I would be very surprised if it turns out he is written by a non-human entity.  But Simon, the character, is totally a cryptid.  I’m just saying he’s a fictional cryptid.  He’s NOT REAL.

There is nothing disrespectful about believing a character isn’t real.  In fact there’s nothing really disrespectful about believing a person isn’t real if you have no evidence to support their existence.