#i’ve never been the same since i read this

[matchpointfaist]

college best friend! art x reader °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

three days passed after the party, after the kiss, and art didn’t so much as text, call, or reach out in any way. you were hurt, confused, slightly anxious at the loss of contact, but more than anything, you missed him.

you missed his stupid jokes and the way he smiled like you were the funniest, most brilliant person in the room. the way his arms lingered when he hugged you goodnight, the way he rambled on and on about tennis and potential matches and probability for going pro next year. the way he’d sit patiently while you studied or read, even though you knew he was bursting at the seams to do anything but study. you missed your best friend, plain and simple, and you hoped that he missed you too.

his long awaited breach of silence finally came on the fourth day, early that morning, around the time you were sure he was getting ready for his morning job. it was simple, to the point, a text that quickened your heart rate unreasonably so; ‘can i come over later? miss you.’

‘of course you can.’ you replied in an instant, already making space on your bed for him to lounge, subconsciously making sure you looked okay, that your sleep deprivation and worry weren’t broadcasted too clearly on your face.

he was there thirty minutes later, a soft knock at the door pulling you from your thoughts, jarring you and exciting you far more than it should’ve. “coming!” you called, straightening out your clothes before pulling the door open, fighting a sigh of relief at the sight of him.

four days was the longest you’d gone without seeing him since the two of you met, which seemed sort of pathetic to think of, but you’d grown accustomed to spending all your free time with him. “hi,” he smiled, less enthusiastic than usual, but a smile nonetheless, “can i come in?”

as if nothing happened, the two of you sat on your bed, and you tried not to let your eyes linger too long on his lips; your mind wandering to the way they’d felt on yours.

“i guess i should apologize,” he broke the silence that had settled over the room hesitantly, “i shouldn’t have kissed you without asking first. we were drunk, and i was an idiot, and i’m so sorry, and you can be mad at me but i miss you, and,”

you cut him off with a laugh, shaking your head, “shut up, art. don’t be sorry, okay? it was sweet, it was-“ your cheeks flushed, “it was good, i promise. i miss you too,” he blinked in surprise, a slow smile spreading across his face, and it struck you then that you’d do anything to keep him this way. happy, awestruck, content.

“it was good?” he asked softly, like he was afraid if you repeated it you’d change your mind, “i could- i mean, we could kiss again, if you wanted, i just didn’t wanna assume, and i didn’t wanna overstep,”

this time, you cut him off with your lips over his, just as he’d done at the party. he tensed, ever so briefly, before melting into you, kissing you and smiling against your lips and tracing his fingers up your spine, pulling you into him and warming you so thoroughly you were certain you’d never felt anything like it.

you settled in his lap, curling your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck as you kissed him until you were breathless, until you had to pause and rest your forehead against his, giggling slightly, giddy on affection.

“i’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he exhaled with a soft, breathy laugh, “you really have no idea, i- i’ve thought of you, like this, for so long,” “yeah?” you kissed him again, unable to hold yourself back, hoping you could show him that you felt the exact same way.

it was cliche, falling for your best friend. it was reckless and silly and so unbearably young of you, but you didn’t care. with art, it felt like you’d known him all your life. maybe even before that, in some alternate past life, maybe you’d been in love with him before your souls were even in these bodies, here in this dorm room. the statistical probability of meeting him, out of everyone in this world, was so slim, but you truly couldn’t fathom feeling this way for anyone else.

no one could come close to him, you were sure of it. he made you feel so alive and so at ease, so completely certain of yourself, so confident that this was the right thing to do. you’d never felt anything more right than kissing him, actually. it was like all the little pieces fell into place, and suddenly you knew exactly what to do, exactly where to place your hands, exactly how to move against him.

his hands made their way up the back of your shirt, tucked underneath the material, hot and smooth against your skin as you kissed him, and you were startled as a soft moan passed from your lips to his as his hand brushed a particularly tender spot on your shoulders, leaving chills on the delicate skin.

he smiled against you, pulling away to look at you from his seat underneath you, his eyes wide and admiring. “do you want me to stop?” he asked almost timidly, “we don’t have to do anything else,”

“wanna do this,” you said without a second thought, pausing to pull your shirt over your head, shivering slightly in your bralette. his cheeks reddened, and you felt him stiffen beneath you, hard between your thighs. “you’re so beautiful,” he exhaled, gently reaching out to trace over your ribs and chest, so featherlight and tender it almost brought tears to your eyes.

it was quicker after that, all of your clothes in a pile on your floor, pulled off between breathless kisses and murmurs of admiration from the both of you. art was all muscle under his shirt, his chest rippling with movement, and you were reminded of just how strong he really was as he picked you up, repositioning the two of you and laying between your thighs, kissing you from this new position with a power he didn’t have before.

“art,” you mumbled against his lips, pulling at his hair gently, “d’you want me on top?” his breath visibly faltered, and he looked you over, his eyes dark as he took in the sight of you laid out beneath him. “want you however you feel best,” he said quietly, pressing a warm kiss to your chest, and you sat up as you heard him laugh, felt the hot exhale of his breath against you.

“what?” you asked, suddenly self conscious, crossing your arms over your bare chest, and his eyes widened at the motion, like he was confused. “oh, no- i just, i can’t believe we’re doing this,” he smiled, gently pulling your arms down, kissing your cheek, “can’t believe i finally have you,”

he kept kissing you as he moved closer between your thighs, his fingers finding your clit with an unsteady hesitation, but he relaxed as you hummed in pleasure, your eyes falling closed. “feels good,” you murmured, tilting your head up to kiss his neck, arching into his touch, “god, art, that’s really good,”

only a few minutes and he had you practically writhing beneath him, whimpering and moaning and suddenly so embarrassingly desperate in a way that a man had never had you before. after he was sure that you were comfortable, that you were ready, he rested the palm of one hand on your cheek as he slid into you, his face all hazy with pleasure, a quiet groan leaving his swollen lips.

“oh my god,” he buried his face in your neck, resting his hand on your hip to hold you tight to him as he fucked you, and you were acutely aware of the way he shook like he was holding himself back.

you were a mess of breathless moans and messy kisses, your hands in his hair and his hands on every inch of your skin and taking pauses just to look at each other, to take in the beautiful simplicity of this; this, between you, this love that had been growing for months that you’d both been too shy or scared of just plain stupid to admit.

he made you come before he’d let himself finish, his mouth swallowing your moans as you trembled around him, digging your nails into his toned back as he fucked you through it, panting against your neck and praising you so softly you thought maybe he wasn’t even doing it for your benefit.

when he finished, your name spilled from his lips in a broken moan, and you wished you could capture it forever, play it on repeat whenever the mood struck. he was so doting after, cleaning you up gently, kissing you and taking breaks to laugh, to smile with the sort of giddiness you’d only seen on him after he won a match.

you fell asleep there, despite you both having classes that day, too caught up in the serenity of it all to leave your dorm room. when you woke up from your nap, art was still there, his expression peaceful as he lay curled up in your pink bedsheets, your stuffed bear under his arm. when he finally woke up, he laid in your lap as you read the study material for the class you both missed. later that night, he fucked you again, taking his time and kissing every inch of you, his movements so slow and careful that it warmed you all over. you knew you loved him far before that, but it finally came from your lips as you came undone for the second time, and when you both calmed down, he made you say it again just to make sure you meant it.

and oh god, you did.

[sidekick-hero]

Here it is, the third and final chapter of my fic hold me close (I'm shaking apart) - it only took me 1,5 years to finish this fic. This whole fic started off thanks to @dreaminginpencil and their amazing fanart. This chapter specifically was inspired and refers to this second piece of art from them. Also much love to @pearynice for being my cheerleader and reading this over - your comments were the best motivation 💜

Summary:

Of all the unlikely friendships Eddie had formed during the literal apocalypse, the one with Steve felt the most unlikely. Hawkins High's freak and king. But those titles had stopped meaning anything, they were just names and had nothing to do with him or with Steve.

It all came down to one simple truth: Steve Harrington was not at all what Eddie expected him to be, and it was confusing him to no end.

Or: Steve asks Eddie if he wants to experiment. Eddie wants so much more, but he takes what he can get and tries to not let it break his heart.

Have a little sneak peek under the cut and read the rest on AO3 💜

That had been another first Eddie had given his former-high-school-nemesis-turned-best-friend.

“Seriously, man, what’s going on?” Steve’s voice pulls him from the memory, grounding him back in the present. His body, however, lingers very much in the past, judging by the uncomfortable tightness in his jeans.

“Huh? Sorry.” Eddie shakes his head, trying to clear the haze of his thoughts. “I must’ve drifted off.”

Steve, honest-to-God, pouts at that. “Am I boring you?”

The absurdity of the question almost makes Eddie laugh. Steve does a lot of things—annoys him, mystifies him, terrifies him sometimes—but boring him? Never.

“Quite the contrary, Stevie,” Eddie says, a mischievous glint in his eye. He shifts closer, angling his hips deliberately so Steve can feel just how far from bored he is. “I’ve just been thinking about last week and how you blew my mind.”

That is apparently the right thing to say because Steve leans in, his eyes practically glowing with happiness. “I see. Although, if I remember correctly, neither your mind nor mine was the only thing that got blown that day.”

“Is that so?” Eddie asks, feigning innocence, though his grin betrays him.

Steve’s lips curve into a slow, deliberate smile, and Eddie realizes he’s been staring at them since the conversation veered into suggestive territory. “Mmhmm,” Steve hums. “It is. Maybe I need to refresh your memory?”

And oh, isn’t that an offer Eddie can’t refuse?

“I think you might,” Eddie murmurs, already leaning in to capture those lips in what he’s sure will be the prelude to something much more scandalous, when a blaring horn startles him so badly he nearly tumbles off the roof.

Only Steve’s quick reflexes save him, an arm snaking around Eddie’s waist and pulling him tightly against his chest.

“Jesus Christ!” Eddie yelps, his heart hammering.

“Nope,” Steve quips, unfazed. “That’s Jon and Nancy with the kids.” He glances down at the driveway, confirming it. “I almost forgot—we’re supposed to take Dustin and Max and pick up Robin on the way to the theatre.”

“Shit! You think they saw us?” Eddie’s voice pitches higher, nerves tightening his chest at the thought of their friends catching on to what exactly they’ve been doing. It isn’t that he’s ashamed, not of Steve at least. But of himself. Of how he’s taking Steve up on an offer that Steve probably doesn’t mean the same way Eddie wants it to. He wants too much—more than Steve is willing, or maybe even able, to give. Yet, he takes whatever scrapes he’s given and he’s not sure if that makes him greedy or pathetic or both.

It’s not just that, either. Eddie trusts their friends. He really does. Despite everything in him screaming not to, he knows they wouldn’t hurt him, wouldn’t out him. But they’d look at him differently, and he isn’t ready for that.

Steve shakes his head, still maddeningly relaxed. “No, I don’t think so. They probably just saw us sitting up here. That’s why Nance honked. And anyway, it’s just her and Jon and the kids.”

Eddie wisely keeps his mouth shut, clambering back inside the house through the window. At least the situation in his pants has solved itself.

Steve follows more leisurely, still unconcerned. Eddie doesn’t get it. How can he be so unbothered, so uncaring as to whether or not they get caught? Steve has more to lose than Eddie, at least from Eddie’s perspective. People already think Eddie’s a freak. Hell, they call him worse things—Satanist, murderer. What’s a little sodomy on top of it?

But Steve? The golden boy, the fallen King who rose from the ashes like a phoenix. The unsung hero, the heart of their ragtag group. He has so much more to lose, and Eddie doesn’t want that—would rather deny himself than risk Steve losing the family he’s always wanted, the one he deserves.

Eddie has it bad. He knows.

Still. “What about Wheeler?”

“What about her?” Steve’s brows furrow, his head tilting slightly, a gesture so puppy-like it almost makes Eddie melt.

“If she saw us! How are you not getting it?”

Steve steps closer, confusion deepening on his face. “I have no idea what’s going on here. What’s Nance got to do with anything?”

“So you’re not worried that she’ll think—that if she and Jon—but then she saw us and thinks—y’know, then how will you get her back?”

And okay, now that he says it out loud, it does sound…well, weird. Steve seems to think so too, because he just blinks at him a few times, clearly contemplating how to react to Eddie’s word-vomit.

Finally, he pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep, measured breath. “Eddie—” he starts, then stops, his eyes scanning Eddie’s face. “I never wanted to read someone’s mind before I met you, y’know? You’re a fucking enigma, driving me crazy.” The fondness creeping into his tone softens the sting of his words. “Also, I already told you: me and Nance? That’s not gonna happen. She’s happy with Jon, and I’m—happy too. Really. I think I was missing the idea of us, not the reality of Nance and me. There was a reason things didn’t work out.”

“Yeah, monster from another dimension.”

“No,” Steve says, his voice patient as ever, shaking his head. “Not the Upside Down. Sure, it sped things up, maybe, but only because I wasn’t what Nance needed in the first place. And I needed her to break my heart so I could realize what a massive dick I was. I like who I am now—someone with real friends. Friends like Nancy, Jon, Robin, and you.”

The human heart is a strange thing, Eddie thinks, because it manages to feel both warmed and utterly wrecked by the sentiment of Steve’s friendship.

“So, to answer your question, I don’t want to ‘get her back,’ so it doesn’t matter what she saw or didn’t. Would you please stop worrying so we can finally go watch that kids’ movie you and the twerps are so excited about?”

“‘Stand by Me’ is not a kids’ movie!”

The glint in Steve’s eyes tells Eddie that his outburst is exactly what Steve was aiming for. “It’s a movie about kids, so it’s a kids’ movie.”

Eddie throws his hands in the air, huffing like the Big Bad Wolf about to blow a little piggy’s house to bits. “You are so wrong, and I’m going to tell Dustin what you said so he can explain exactly how wrong you are in excruciating detail.”

“No! Eddie, please—” Steve begs, reaching for his arm, but Eddie’s already bounding down the stairs toward the front door.

“Dusty Bun, you need to hear what Steve just said!”

[caesariawritesstuff]

I WOULD LIKE A SINGLE ROSE 🌹 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE RIDDLER GETTING PEGGED 🛐🛐🛐FOR THE FIRST TIME 💋 and mayhaps a whiny side?👀

but yeah him getting pegged by the detective💕💕

Also you're my favorite author💕💕😊 keep slaying in your work💅✨️

And i hope you'll have a wonderful valentines 💕💕💐✨️🍓⭐️🍷‼️‼️❗️‼️❗️

Role Reversal

Summary: Edward and you decide to try something new.

Word Count: 3.7k

Content Warning: Pegging, fucking, cock sucking, NSFW

A/N: Ahh anon, I really hope you enjoy this and thank you for your kind words! I've ever written a pegging scene before, so this is a little out of my comfort zone, but I hope you enjoy!

“Are you sure about this?” you asked.

Edward stared at you for a long moment. The question was one you’d been asking consistently for weeks now – ever since the idea passed between you two one night while lying in bed together. You’d been scrolling through your phone, looking up ways to spice things up in the bedroom (not that there was anything lacking, Edward knew, but it never hurt to try new things to add variety to one’s life) when you came across the idea of pegging.

At first, Edward hadn’t thought much about it when you read it off the list of ways to spice things up in the bedroom, but something about the concept had made him…curious. He soon found himself looking into the sexual act on his own time, doing research, where he soon discovered that it could be a highly pleasurable act for the male participant, as well as a way to be quite vulnerable with one’s partner. Not that Edward particualry liked being vulnerable, but with you, well…he had found himself letting his walls down more often than not. Especially since you had allowed him the honor of having anal sex with you, Edward couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like for him – which lead to him spiraling into watching several porn videos featuring the subject, which he, surprisingly, found himself quite turned on about. The very idea of surrendering control to another person, to allowing himself to be so open…it was a highly terrifying concept to him, but with you…well, he supposed there would be no other person he would allow such an intimate and vulnerable act with him.

And so, Edward had approached you with the idea one night over dinner. You’d stared at him like a deer in the headlights for a long moment, as if uncertain of what he was asking, before you shrugged and said, “I’ve never done it to someone before. But if you want to try, we can.”

He’d smirked at that, and soon found himself buying all the necessary equipment: lube, a harness for you, a strap on which he picked out: one that was beginner friendly and made of a silicone green color (because of course he had to go for green). He found a harness which would provide clitoral stimulation for you, as well, as he wanted to make sure this was just as pleasurable for you as it would be him. Edward wasn’t particularly worried; after all, his attraction for both men and women was there, even if he hadn’t leaned either way until he met you. But he’d made sure to pick out a strap on that was aesthetically pleasing to both your eyes, and you’d helped pick out one you thought the both of you would like. Edward couldn’t help but notice that you seemed particularly nervous about the whole thing, your eyes going downcast and a flush appearing on your cheeks whenever the two of you discussed how this would go. He knew you were quite open with your sexuality, but seeing you act so shy around doing this was fascinating to him – even if it meant he asked you the same question just as often.

“Are you sure, my dear?” he asked, staring at you from across the bed.

You looked down at the bed: at the array of new equipment that had arrived in the mail yesterday, laid out and on display for the both of you to inspect. Edward knew you’d done your own research, but still, he wouldn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want to.

Finally, you met his gaze again. “Yes, I’m sure. Are you?”

He nodded, smirking. “Quite sure, my dear.” His cock twitched, standing at attention in front of him, already leaking precum from the tip. His balls tightened against his skin, warm, veins throbbing along his shaft.

You glanced down at his hard on and smirked. The heavy swell of your breasts swayed as you moved around the bed, your nipples pert and at attention. Edward took in every inch of you: the dips and curves, the gentle sway to your hips as you walked towards him, the seductive look in your heavy-lidded eyes. The breath caught in his throat; he’d seen you naked a million times already, the image burned into his corneas, and yet it seemed he could never get enough of you. Every time he saw you naked, it was like the first time all over again. Excitement rumbled in his belly, his cock twitching again, as you neared him. Your hands snaked out, gently brushing against his forearms. He leaned down, capturing your lips in his own, sliding his tongue into your mouth. You tasted sweet, and a shiver ran down his spine. His cock pressed against your thigh, and his hands settled themselves on your waist, gripping tightly, digging his nails in as if he would never let you go again.

You sighed into his mouth as you tilted your head back, letting him continuing to glide his tongue against your own. He shuddered and ran his hands from your hips down to the slope of your ass, feeling the smooth skin on his fingertips. You shuddered against him, and Edward smirked, a delicious tingle creeping up his spine. His other hand came back around to tweak at your left nipple, pinching and pulling it, testing the heavy weight of you breast in his hand. You moaned lightly, arching your back further into him, before your own hands ran down his shoulders – down, down, down, until they reached his own hips. Edward held his breath as your long fingernails grazed against his sensitive skin, but soon, your hands were trailing along his backside, gently raking against his ass, and he shuddered at the sensation.

His smirk grew, his heart hammering against his ribcage, beating in time with your own as he kissed you deeper. His cock continued to pulsate with a furious need – but it wasn’t long before you dropped to your knees in front of him, taking his cock into your mouth. He groaned at the sensation of your smooth lips wrapping around his shaft, your tongue massaging along the head and glands of his penis. He tilted his head back, a soft gasp escaping his lips. Heat prickled along his skin and excitement pooled in his belly. Edward’s hands tangled themselves in your hair, twisting and pulling on the strands, as you swallowed him from base to tip; his cockhead hit the back of your throat and he groaned louder, a deep rumbling in his chest. But as you did, continuing to massage him with your tongue and mouth – he felt one of your hands snake behind him to his ass again, gently probing between his ass cheeks to probe at his tight entrance. Edward gasped at the sensation, at how sensitive his tight sphincter was, the sudden pleasurable sensation that traveled through his backside and down his thighs. You pulled away, saliva dripping from your mouth, as you snatched some lube off the side of the bed, opened it, and squirted some onto your finger. The clear substance coated your first few fingers, before you glanced up at him again, smirking, as your mouth swallowed him once more.

Edward groaned, his eyes fluttering closed, as he lost himself to the feeling of you working his cock with your mouth like magic. Your hand circled back around to his ass, and with one lubed-up finger, you probed at his back entrance. In the last few weeks, you’d done this a few times to help prepare him for this moment – and Edward sucked in a breath, helping himself relax, as you pushed one finger inside him. He hissed between his teeth at the pressure as your finger slowly slid in with ease. Within seconds, the pain began to subside, making room for the pleasure as you slowly slid your finger in and out of him. Pleasure surged through him as you stimulated his sensitive glands, and he groaned, his breath coming out in shallower pants. The combined pleasure of your mouth on his cock and finger in his ass was overwhelming, making him tremble, and his fingers tightened in your hair.

“…fuck,” he whispered, as stars danced behind his eyes.

Slowly, he felt a second finger at his tight entrance, and he gritted his teeth, clenching his jaw tight as you worked a second finger into him. He groaned at the sensation of his ass being stretched and filled – but the way your fingers moved inside of him quickly helped some of the tense, searing pain subside within moments. With two of your fingers inside of him now, he only felt another wave of intense pleasure bundle inside of him, different from the way your mouth sucked him off or how it felt when he was inside of you, but good, nonetheless.

Finally, after several minutes of working him with your mouth and fingers, you pulled away, gazing up at him with glistening eyes. Your cheeks were flushed, saliva dripping down the side of your mouth. He whined slightly as you pulled your fingers from his ass, and at the absence of your wonderfully pretty mouth sucking him off.

“Are you ready?” you asked him.

Edward hesitated; the question held so many implications. He trusted you, yes, of course he did – but this level of intimacy and vulnerability was one so far out of his own territory, that he found himself just a tad worried about how this was going to go. But he refused to show weakness, to back down from the challenge he had presented to you, and he smirked as he nodded, brushing his thumb along you mouth to wipe away a bit of the spittle on your lips.

“Of course, my dear,” he said.

You nodded and stood up, turning back to the bed. You snatched up the harness and quickly slipped into it, fastening it around yourself tightly in a way that was comfortable for you, and then secured the strap on to the base. Edward’s eyes dropped to the green dildo, a few inches long in length, with veins running throughout the shaft. His cock twitched at the sight, and excitement and nerves melded together in his belly. Seeing you standing there with a strap on hooked around yourself was quite a sight to behold, but he couldn’t help but notice the flush to your cheeks, the shyness in your gaze as you studied yourself with curiosity. Edward smirked, reaching down to give his cock a few strokes in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure.

“Well?” you said, turning to face him, gesturing to the bed.

Edward nodded, carefully laying down onto his stomach, on his hands and knees. He heard the squirting of lube again as you prepared yourself – but instead, he felt your fingers once more probing at his tight entrance. The first finger slid in with more ease this time, before you inserted a second finger. Edward hissed slightly at the pressure, gritting his teeth. But within seconds, pleasure replaced the pain. He arched his back slightly, his eyes fluttering closed.

“Are you okay?” you asked.

He grunted in response, his forehead falling onto the mattress. You inserted a second finger into his ass, curling them inside of him, and he groaned at the sensation. His cock brushed against the bed, but he refrained from touching himself. A moment later, he you probe his tight sphincter with a third finger, and he hissed again as he felt his asshole stretch open. The combined pressure and pleasure of your three fingers in his ass made him tense, made his insides bundle with pleasure and excitement. His cock throbbed, leaking precum, and he grinded his hips into the bed for some sense of relief.

“Ah-ah,” you said, and he could practically hear the smile in your voice. “Can’t control yourself, can you, Mr. Nigma?”’

“Be quiet,” he muttered, a rush of anger surging through his veins. Here he was, ass up, your fingers massaging his sensitive prostate, curling inside of him and making him squirm.

You laughed lightly, but after several more minutes, you pulled your fingers from him. “What’s wrong, Edward? Does it feel better than you expected?”

He was quiet for a moment while he considered your question. “Of course I knew it would feel good. You should be thrilled that I’m allowing you this honor.”

“Uh-huh,” you laughed again, but he glanced over his shoulder at you as he watched you grab the bottle of lube again. You squirted some onto your hand and rubbed it along the strap on until it was dripping. Using a little more, you slid your fingers back in between his ass cheeks and lubed him up. Edward shuddered, sucking in a breath, nerves tightening in his belly – until he felt the head of the strap on pressing against his ass.

“Are you ready?” you asked him.

“Just do it,” he muttered, unable to help the flush crawling up his throat.

And then, you pushed in. Edward clenched his jaw tight, his hands fisting around the bed sheets, the breath catching in his throat. The cockhead of the strap on was smooth and silken, and as you pushed, he felt his tight sphincter open slightly, enough to begin accepting the head – but it was bigger than your fingers, and a slight, searing pain trickled along his opening. He gritted his teeth and whined slightly at the intrusion.

You stopped your movements. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I’m okay,” he muttered again, refusing to back down. “I can take it.”

“I don’t think you can,” you said, and he swore he pictured your sneaky smile.

He scoffed out a laugh. “I think you’re treading on treacherous water, my dear.”

“Am I?” you asked – and you pushed in a little more.

He gasped again, feeling the head push farther into him. His knuckles turned white as he gripped tighter onto the bedsheets. “Fuck,” he whispered as another low whine escaped his lips.

You laughed again, one of your hands stroking his ass, fingernails raking against his skin. “Something wrong, Mr. Nigma? Or is this too much for you?”

Edward ground down on his teeth. “Nothing is ever “too much” for me. I can—”

You pushed in a little more, cutting him off. Edward gasped. His head slumped forward as sweat beaded on his brow, his insides aching at the continued intrusion, yet somehow giving way to a pleasure he’d never experienced before.

“You were saying?” you asked, your voice laced with a strange, authoritative tone.

Edward quirked a brow, sucking in a breath at the way your voice changed. “Are you enjoying this, my dear?” he asked.

“Are you?” you asked, pushing in even more, this time a little harder.

That elicited a low, strangle whine from his lips. A bead of sweat trickled down his temple, and he cursed under his breath. The pressure was intense, and yet pleasurable, in a strange way he hadn’t predicted. He felt his tight sphincter open, stretching around the smooth, silken strap on. Your hands placed themselves on his waist, digging your nails in.

“…you little minx,” he whispered, a low laugh escaping his lips. “I think you are enjoying this. Enjoying that a man like me, the Riddler, is surrendering control to you—”

At that, you pushed in more, a little harder this time, cutting him off as another whine, a cry of surprise, escaped his lips. There was something about being in this position, so vulnerable and open and letting you have the control, was completely foreign to him. Sweat beaded across his skin, shimmering in the light, and he swallowed down another whine.

“…I think you like letting me have the control,” you whispered.

That made him laugh again. “As if,” he muttered. “You should be grateful you’re getting this honor of fucking me like this.”

“Oh, like this? you asked, and pushed even farther in.

Edward gasped, jerking back slightly at the even further intrusion, as the cockhead of the dildo hit a particualry sensitive spot inside of him. He shuddered at the sensation and his sweaty forehead fell onto the bed, his eyes squeezing shut.

“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath.

“What was that?” you asked, thrusting your hips slightly.

He whined again. The pain and pleasure melded into a delicious sensation he’d never experienced before. The stretch of his asshole, combined with the way the fake cock stroked against his walls, made him see stars. The way it slicked in and out of his tight hole made another low groan escape his lips.

“You know exactly how this feels,” he whispered.

“Feel good, Mr. Nigma?” you asked.

“Y – yes,” he whispered, lower and more needy than he intended.

“You’re going to have to be louder than that, sir,” you said again – as you pushed in even more, a little harder this time, and he swore his eyes rolled back in his head. It was taking all his effort to keep himself propped up on his trembling hands and knees.

“…you should keep that pretty mouth of yours shut,” he whispered.

You laughed again, and he felt you the cock slide out of him – before sliding back in again, a little harder this time. The cockhead hit another spot, one that made his back arch further and he whined even louder. His cheeks flushed as an embarrassed heat crawled across his skin. Here you were, impaling his ass with a fake cock, laughing at him – and he was not only embarrassed but beyond aroused, too. His cock throbbed harder, desperate for relief.

“I’m all the way in,” you said after a moment. “Do you want me to fuck you, Edward?”

Your question made his skin tingle and a shiver creep down his spine. “Y-yes,” he whispered again, his voice low and needy.

“What was that?” you asked. As you spoke, you rocked your hips slightly. The fake cock brushed once more against his most sensitive spot, and he groaned.

“Yes!” he grumbled, whining. “Yes, please…”

“Please what?” you whispered now, your voice taking on a husky tone.

“Please…please fuck me, detective,” he gasped out, pressing his hips backwards.

“Good boy,” you said – and those two little words almost made him cum instantly. Your praise sent lighting through his skin. You’d never praised him like this before, and something about it ignited something deep and hidden within him.

He shuddered as you pulled back – and then entered him again. The sensation of the fake cock brushing against his move sensitive spot made another low, quiet whine escape his lips. White spots danced between his eyes, his hands tightening around the bedsheets – but you pulled back and thrust into him once again. First with shallow thrusts, each one making a soft gasp escape his lips. The pleasure was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, nothing he’d felt, and heat prickled along his skin. Soft gasps left his mouth with each thrust as you pulled back and entered him, over and over again. He gritted his teeth and grunted each time you entered him, your hands digging into his hips, nails biting into his flesh.

“Fuck…fuck,” he whispered, unable to stop the curses from slipping from his mouth. His cock continued to pulse with furious need, desperate for stimulation. It brushed against the blankets, and the combined sensation of you fucking his ass and the rubbing made him groan.

Your thrusts were shallow at first, more gentle, and he could hear your own steadied breaths with each time you thrust into him. Edward’s head tilted backwards as his eyes squeezed shut, and stars danced behind his eyelids. Pleasure continued to flicker and burst inside of him, each stroke of yours growing bolder, more desperate, as if you were enjoying this just as much. Being this vulnerable, letting you have such control over him…he couldn’t describe it, couldn’t explain how it felt to just let go and lose himself to the sensations.

“…fuck, detective,” he whispered again.

“You like this, Edward?” you asked, thrusting a little harder and deeper into him – eliciting a strangled cry of pleasure from him.

His cock pulsed again. Each thrust only made more whines and curses spill from his lips. His knuckles fisted tighter into the bed, turning white – but he couldn’t control himself anymore. The bundle of nerves continued inside of him, each time the fake cock stroked against his prostate, another low whine escaped him, trembling as he shook and sweat rolled down his back. The pleasure was intense and yet overwhelming, and it continued to grow inside of him, like a balloon swelling with water.

“Gonna cum, Edward?” you asked.

“Uh-huh…” he moaned, low and whiny, deep in his throat.

“Touch yourself,” you whispered. “Cum for me, Edward.”

That was just the permission he needed. He reached in between his legs and grabbed his cock, wrapping his long fingers around the shaft, and he stroked rapidly, desperately – but all he needed was just a few strokes before that balloon of pleasure inside of him popped – and he came with a strangled cry. His cock pulsed as cum burst from the tip, soaking the bed sheets underneath him, his whole body quaking as you thrust even faster into him, helping him ride out his orgasm. His entire body tensed as he saw fireworks, and another curse escaped his lips – before his body collapsed onto the bed, sticky cum coating his stomach, pooled underneath him.

Your thrusts slowed, before coming to a stop entirely. Edward remained quiet as his body continued to pulse with pleasurable warmth, before you pulled out of him. The sudden emptiness of his asshole made him shudder, even though he felt the slick lube in between his ass cheeks. He sucked in breaths, trying to control himself, but he felt your hands on his back, nails stroking against him as you leaned over his body, your lips grazing the back of his neck.

“Good boy, Edward,” you whispered, kissing his cheek. “You did so well.”

“You be quiet,” he muttered again. “It’s an honor you get to see me like this.”

“Like what?” you laughed lightly. “Thoroughly fucked?”

He smirked, staring at you with heavy lidded eyes. “You know I’m going to pay you back for this, don’t you, my dear?”

You smirked back. “I’m counting on it.” And you pressed your lips to his.

[haedgaf]

it’s been a while since i’ve read a fic on here and i’m soooooo glad i made time to read this urgh i feel so warm rn….

i think the whole message is just so sweet like aside from the heartwarming and fluttering moments between mc and yushi, the whole feeling like ‘yuzu’ or never fully satisfied with yourself is so 💔 cause it’s a very common feeling amongst many (me included…). and then solution being to just create your own category instead of trying to fit yourself into moulds that don’t pertain to you is really beautiful wow. i’m tearing up a little.

BUT THIS FIC WOW…… it gives me such a sense of nostalgia for some reason, maybe because it’s set in a summer time period and i think summer-ish fics are the epitome of nostalgia but it really made me feel like i was reminiscing beautiful moments. it’s litch the reason why i will ALWAYS eat up any summer fic like PLSSSS GIVE IT TO ME….. mc and yushi’s first encounter was so effing cute omg like the whole sort of intimate moment where they’re both somewhat bare as their first meeting is CRAZYYY like yushi bare back you said… hhmppgghhh yezzgawd 🤤🤤🙈 not kidding you i was giggling the whole time

ANYWAYS THE BARRRRR AAAAAAGHHHH yushi contrasting his first meeting’s self by being much more bolder and ‘saving’ mc from chenle is so 🙈🙈🙈 talking about pretty people HDJFHSJDHSJ YOU WANT HER SOOOOOO BAD. they’re just so cute like how are you bold yet shy at the same time 🤦🏽‍♀️�� her whispering his namehsjdhdjdj AND SHE IS SO MEEEE LIKE I WOULD ALSO BE THROWING MY PHONE IN EMBARRASSMENT AND WANT TO HWAR YUSHI SAY MY NAME YEZGAWDDD.

also random but i find the way you repeated the fact that yushi came into her life at the most unexpected times such a gag like OKAYYY shakespeare…

urgh and the whole last bit was just so beautifully written like them going back to the beach they first met at while drinking the yuzu that is basically their thing atp and just reassuring each other and yushi nuzzling into her omg wait why am i kinda crazy- “that must be why i love you” BITHCJSABJDJSJS IM CRAAAZYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭😂😂😂🙈🙈🙈

this was so peak.beautiful message and beautiful fic. i feen for the yushi fics. thank u for writing this just know that i was genuinely smiling the whole time and being very delusional 😭✌🏽

yuzu. tokuno yushi.

pairing: ?!yushi x fem!reader

genre: fluff/comfort(?)

disclaimers: brief mentions of alcohol!

synopsis: "sometimes, I feel like yuzu."

w.c: 2.2k + a long ass a/n at the bottom

you first met yushi under the warmth of the summer sun, the relentless UV rays beating down on you on a cloudless day at the beach.

your university friends insisted on having a bikini beach date before the new semester started. it must've been the thrill of having a bunch of girls squeezed onto a tiny picnic mat, letting the dizzying heat get to their heads as they threw around frivolous remarks about the people who walked past. Or the ice cold bottle of beer cooling your skin as you took a swig, ironically heating your cheeks to a rosy red. it must've been the alcohol in that gulp of beer you took, but you found yourself drowning the caution in your system with the bitterness of the drink as your friend pointed to a person a few metres away, his unclothed back facing you and your friends.

“I dare you to ask him for his number.”

you would've protested, shaken your head profusely knowing you weren't usually so bold. but everything about today was already unusual. you in a bikini. you drinking beer. it wouldn't hurt to add one more unusual activity to the list.

you jumped up onto your feet before your doubt could kick in, feeling your heart pound against your chest at each step that drew you closer towards your target.

you hadn't seen his face then. all you saw were broad shoulders and lean muscles moving under his skin as he shifted his weight to prop himself up on one arm, jet black hair clumped with sea water.

before your mind could convince you that this was a bad, and very embarrassing idea, you bent down and poked his shoulder.

“can I have your number?” or what if I just pass him my phone? do I tell him this is a dare?

you prepared yourself to blurt something out, hopefully exuding some confidence while you were at it, but you felt your lips part with your words dissolving at the tip of your tongue because why, just why—

you watched his wet, tousled hair fall past his eyebrows as a bead of sweat rolled down from his temple. he paused mid-drink of a can of yuzu soda, looking like he was filming a commercial in slow-mo, and you were the camera lens.

—did this random man actually have to be cute?

you stared into a pair of perfectly round boba eyes, looking somewhere between stupid and creepy as your lips formed silent shapes in the air.

“n-number?”

you mentally cursed yourself for stuttering. so much for confidence. you stuck your phone out towards the man as his eyes glanced at the device, then back to your face.

you had already prepared yourself to be rejected, and you would've been fine if you ended up looking silly in front of some average looking man. but this wasn't an average looking man, and that changed everything. you pulled the towel draped around your shoulders closer to your body, suddenly conscious of how little you were wearing, feeling a sudden surge of heat shoot to your cheeks. it must be the alcohol.

the man sat with his ears growing redder as he blinked a couple times, body unmoving as seconds passed.

“yushi!”

that seemed to snap the man out of his thoughts. his eyes darted to the shore, where a bunch of shirtless boys seemed to be making their way back to the picnic mat, before quickly snatching the phone from you and typing in his number.

“okay, here. please leave, before my friends see you.”

and though you got the cute beach boy’s number, and successfully completed the dare, you couldn't help but wonder if he had just turned you down.

——— ♡

you didn't do anything with his number. frankly, you didn't dare to. the cute beach boy slowly slipped to the back of your mind, buried under your impending deadlines and assignments.

but that was the thing about yushi, he always popped up when you least expected.

add bars to the list of worst places for a first date. you tightened your lips into what hopefully resembled a smile as your date belted a hearty laugh, even doubling over and almost into your lap as you sat side by side along the bar counter.

you didn't want to be here, but you were somehow thrown under the bus when your senior, ning yizhuo, thought it was a great idea to sell you out to her cousin in return for a favour from him.

“please, y/n! I mean- you know zhong chenle, right?”

you gritted your teeth behind an ingenuine smile, your eyes darting to the clock hanging on the wall behind your date. you didn't hate chenle. he had a cute smile, a cheerful laugh, but you had the impression that he’d much rather be on a date with stephen curry than you right now.

“It was insane- do you want to see the clip?”

no, not really. but before you could come up with a polite rejection, he was already leaning uncomfortably closer as he scrolled through his gallery to find the video.

the sharp clinking of a glass caught both yours and chenle’s attention. you both stared at the martini glass that was slid across the counter. the pale yellow liquid rippled in the glass with a lemon twist resting prettily against the rim, and an acidic aroma that caught your nose, making you wince. chenle looked up to the bartender at the same time you did, and you felt your heart catch in your throat.

because why in the world was the cute beach boy standing behind the bar counter, with the sleeves of his black button-up rolled at his elbows and his hair now softly curled over his eyes, a sly smirk playing on his lips as his delicate hands wiped the inside of a glass cup.

”yuzu martini. it's on the house.”

ah, so it was yuzu. you wondered why there was a tinge of bitter despite the garnish. chenle leaned in to take a whiff of the drink, wincing and retracting as the sharpness of the alcohol stung his nose.

the cute beach boy, who was now the cute bartender, set the mug he was wiping down and leaned closer, forearms tensing under his weight.

”why? too strong for you?”

chenle blinked at the remark. he straightened himself and quirked an eyebrow as the pads of his fingers pinched the stem. swiftly, he downed the martini in one shot, his eyebrows furrowing as the liquid burned down his throat.

you caught the bartender’s name tag as your date was busy proving himself.

“yushi…”

you only realised you had whispered his name out loud when your eyes suddenly met his, and you were sure the thumping in your ears wasn’t the bass of the background music.

“piece-” chenle paused to suppress a burp, “of cake!” he slid the glass back to yushi, who caught it mid movement.

you eyed chenle, who was already slightly tipsy from the drinks you had prior, trying to assess what he was doing as he suddenly sealed his lips, eyes stoned at the marble surface, growing eerily quiet compared to the rambling you had become used to.

chenle hopped off the barstool. “I’m just- I’m just gonna take a piss!“ he stumbled over his own feet as he held his stool for support, before swaying his way to the washroom, bumping into a few thankfully empty tables along the way.

“he’ll probably be there for awhile.” yushi chuckled, catching your attention.

“what did you put in that?” you questioned, watching as yushi’s lips curved into a mischievous grin. “oh, you know, just yuzu syrup, vodka, vermouth. your usual martini mix. just, a little more vodka than usual. you looked like you needed a break.”

“oh, playing hero?” you found yourself unable to suppress a smile, propping your chin on your palm, feeling yourself grow giddy with the scent of yuzu lingering in the air and the allure of the cute bartender.

he chuckled. “tokuno yushi,” he stuck his hand out, “i would give you my number, but you already have it.” your face flushed as you took his hand. “l/n y/n. why, are you interested in me?” you teased.

“perhaps.”

you didn't expect him to admit it. but then again, everything about yushi was unexpected. “I thought you weren't. you told me to leave.”

“oh, that.” the tips of his ears reddened as a hand scratched the back of his neck, “i just didn’t want my friends to tease me. i don’t usually give my number out, and I don't know how to act around pretty people”

and just like that, he was back to the cute, shy boy you met at the beach, as if just moments ago he wasn’t the mischievous bartender who sabotaged (or rather, saved) your date.

chenle stumbled back to the counter, mumbling something about calling him when you get home as he clumsily fumbled with his wallet, slamming his credit card on the table. he dragged himself out of the bar, leaving both you and his credit card behind.

“i might’ve added a shot too many.” yushi winced at the way chenle swayed outside the glass doors, watching as he almost dropped his phone, barely saving it to make a muffled phone call, before finding a spot by a lamp post and plopping himself down.

you giggled as you gathered your own things into your purse, including chenle’s forgotten credit card. “I better return his card before he tries to meet me again.” you hopped off the bar stool and straightened your skirt, “i’ll-” you took a deep breath, “i’ll text you!”

yushi watched you scurry out of the bar and stuff the card into chenle’s shirt pocket, giggling to himself when you tripped over chenle’s foot.

he felt someone nudge his shoulder, “looks like someone’s got a little crush.”

yushi rolled his eyes, “shut up, riku.”

——— ♡

“sometimes,” you fiddled with the tab of the soda can, quickly taking a gulp to wash down the pressure building in your throat. your throat squeezed at the fizziness. “I feel like… yuzu.”

you had become friends with yushi. more than friends, to be exact. you remembered flinging your phone across your bed as your thumb clicked “send” after getting home from the bar, burying your head in your pillows in an attempt to silence the beating of your heart.

you: hi

yushi (cute beach boy + bartender): l/n y/n?

you read your name over and over again, your eyes starting to sting from the blue light radiating off the screen. you wondered how your name would sound from his lips.

you: can you send me a voice message

yushi (cute beach boy + bartender): what?

you: I want to hear you say my name

yushi (cute beach boy + bartender): you're so silly

yushi (cute beach boy + bartender): *one voice message attached*

a first date at the ice cream parlour opposite the bar, bickering over superior ice cream flavours, led to aimless strolls at the park at ungodly hours, trying to ignore your knuckles brushing as you walked side by side, until yushi’s pinky wrapped around yours, and suddenly the night didn't seem as cold as it did.

one of your aimless strolls had landed you both back to where you started: the beach. except this time, you weren't being toasted by the afternoon sun.

your fingers tapped against the aluminium can. you watched the moon ripple in the ocean, the sound of the waves washing over each other filling the gap between you and yushi as the two of you dangled your legs off the edge of a wooden boardwalk meant for fishing.

“yuzu?” yushi tilted his head in response, echoing you with a slight grin. you chuckled at your own absurdity, nodding.

“it's neither a lemon, nor an orange. sweet, but also bitter. always in between, always at odds with itself.” you looked down at your hands, your thumbs tracing the tiny scars that wrapped around each other like poison ivy.

his silence made you feel dumb, like you had just babbled into the air like a curious toddler.

“actually- nevermind-”

“hmm,” yushi hummed, cutting you off. his lips pursed in thought, “must it be a lemon?” he tapped a finger against his pout, “if it's not a lemon, must it be an orange? why can't yuzu just be yuzu?”

yushi took a sip of his drink, letting out a satisfied “ah” as the liquid slid down his throat.

“you’re in your own category, y/n. you don't have to try to be anyone else.”

his eyes met yours, sparkling with the fizz of a freshly opened can of soda. “besides, ” a light blush settled on the apples of his cheeks, faint pink glowing under the moonlight, “I think you're lovely no matter who you think you are.”

yushi leaned in, nuzzling the side of his head against yours knowing it would elicit a smile from you. you let out a small laugh, your unoccupied hand coming up to stroke yushi’s hair as he made a nest for himself in the crook of your neck.

yushi’s words replayed in your head as you dwelled in the comfortable silence that engulfed you. and you realised yushi too, was like yuzu.

he was unexpectedly sweet despite his cold first impression, a cocktail of calm and mischievous; sometimes throwing a flirtatious joke your way, other times looking at you with a gaze that made you feel naked. both times, making your heart flutter and swell.

because no matter which side he showed, you loved him. yushi was everything all at once and you loved him. and if you could love him who was sweet and bitter like yuzu, neither lemon nor orange, perhaps one day, you could learn to love yourself too.

——— ♡

“did I ever tell you I'm a big fan of yuzu?”

you quirked an eyebrow at the sudden question, fingers intertwined with yushi's. he brought the back of your hands up to his lips, placing a soft kiss against your skin, his lips curving into a smile you knew too well, one that made you want to roll your eyes and kiss him all at once.

“that must be why I love you.”

a/n: things to confess: 1) I don't like yuzu. 2) I've never had a martini and I don't know anything about mixology. 3) I wrote 2k words about yushi and yuzu because I liked that they both started with 'yu'... that's literally how this whole thing started. but as I wrote I've developed a meaning for yuzu which will be explained below!

on a more serious note: y/n's story is meant to be interpretive. I didn't want to muddy this with a concrete back story for her because it felt unnecessary. feeling like "yuzu" is about feeling like you're at odds with yourself, feeling like you're everything but nothing at once, feeling like you're skilled at a lot of things but you excel at none, feeling like you're a good person yet bad at the same time, etc etc.

I tried to write something comforting here, but it's hard when it's an issue I myself still struggle with sometimes. so I just hope that anyone who has had the same thoughts or issues feel comforted knowing there's someone out there who understands you and loves you no matter what!!

[itsnotmika]

this scene changed the trajectory of my life

[awaywithself]

this is such a rarepair but katasan is so endearing. like two traumatized guys crumbling under the expectations of their families but finding solace in knowing they aren’t the only one struggling. two men who love the people they hold dear so selflessly and so passionately they wouldn’t mind if it cost them their identity, their life, their happiness. au where sanji is engaged to pudding but slowly learns to love katakuri. big mom is happy either way.

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I don’t get why people feel like the Duolingo owl is threatening, if I ever feel like he is I just get mad at him. I could fight an owl. I don’t know if I’d win, but I don’t think I’d lose (two things that can apparently coexist). I think I’d survive at least and that’s not really winning but also not losing.

You wanna be so threatening? Da bør du drepe meg!

[isabelguerra]

​Anyway I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who liked my stuff over the years, it meant a lot to me.

I was a very lonely, very scared teenager. i wanted friends so badly that the idea of saying something Bad and ruining those chances forever was literally, without exception the worst fate imaginable. So I kind of developed without understanding my actual self, bc i never explored them or questioned them on a deeper level! i was always terrified of saying anything outside the popular consensus; I anxiously conflated it with this weird, nebulous, ever-present Danger.

Aaaaaand as I started this blog up in 2022, I made it with the clear, singular goal to be a hidey hole. one place to be fully alone. One place to say cringe things without anyone being bothered by it. Where i wouldnt be bothered by my fear of anyone seeing it. no tagging anything. no interacting with anyone else. staying in my lane and staying out of everyone elses. 0 note posts only. Be upfront that this blog is selfish, that my jokes are bad, that i can be standoffish, and a complex thing without nice solutions. be the maze. and that that wasn’t synonymous with….. ‘be an asshole’.

But then i started to actually explore myself and develop as a person and a writer because of this blog, which I never expected to happen. I threw shit at walls without inhibition. over time i realized I was finding something i’d spent my life looking for and never even knew: what i actually like in stories. Like, I’d always had Opinions on media before, but they were rooted in that negging itch to do it Right and be Good at it. i wasn’t really understanding things. Or questioning them. Or questioning myself.

And this — not only exploring and living as that part of myself, but making friends because of it? People liking me and being interested in my work because of it? Not just in spite of it? Seeking me out because they were fans of it??? Learning that i could be nice at the same time that i was myself? And that doing so encouraged others to do the same?????? was a one in a million chance. It was, unironically, the boost I needed to be the most genuinely authentic and happy version of myself i have ever been in my life.

and i owe that to every person who ever liked a post. asked a question. replied with their contribution. played into a bit. read an au. left a nice tag. I started isabelguerra as a hole to lock myself in like the omelas kid. and the actual me came out of it. fuck i started writing this with some tongue in cheek about being unsure if i’ll ever come back but it’s making me emotional typing this all out. v

dunno where i’m gonna take this blog from here. I used to be pretty vocal about championing nuance

^thats what i typed before I started to backedit.

Anyway no I’ll always champion nuance. Have u guys ever read Ursula K. le guin or octavia butler? I’m a huge fan of their work rn, they’re sci-fi and fantasy gods in the literary sphere. Their work is so offbeat! and unconventional! and challenging! and i just adore adore adore it. And it’s WEIRD! Their writing challenges every viewpoint on gender, on bodies, on sexuality, and the purpose of magic, and alienation…. They think about things so deeply. and it’s smart. and introspective. I’ve become a little less verbose since I stopped posting here — consequence of not writing regularly in 3 months, and freezing up whenever i do, i guess — but theyre so good and a huge inspiration to me. When i was freaking out in discord a friend told me that they actually agreed with him and Did think my work was weird, but that they like weird stuff and thought it was awesome. literally all they said was ‘le guin is weird. butler is weird. it’s weird, not harmful or morally dubious. what do you want? do you Want it to be weird?’ and that snapped me out of it instantly; even more than the friends who insisted it wasn’t weird (i love you guys too though. ty for being there). Its the highest and most personal compliment ive ever gotten

Anyway i’m not gonna closet myself or ever stop fucking with or experimenting with or being weird about gender, or being curious about and interested in other people’s nonuniversal experiences. I hope jonah does well and can move on without friction

Hey, im alive. been doing really weird lately. don’t know if I’m ever coming back to this blog. but alive

[godblooded]

the truest tragedy of wicked is that elphaba picks fiyero for the lion cub thing and it makes zero fucking sense except heteronormativity so pervasive it exists in OZ???

[lemonthepotato]

Cringe warning: very bad Esperanto.

Mi povas mergi min en Esperanto čar mi ne faris multe da progreso ekde 2019. Mi kredas mi komencis lerni en 2019, sed mi rezignis dum (por?) unua jaro. Mi rezignis la hispana, la franca, la japana kaj la irlandano čar… nu, estas evidente kial. Tro da lingvoj lerni (por lerni? Lerni sentas malgxuste.)

Sed, mi restis kun la Esperanto(n?) čar gxi estas facila. Mi volas lerni lingvon por la sakeo (that’s… is that seriously the word? Sakeo? I joked once that Esperanto is 80% English words with -o and the end and 15% other languages with o- at the end, but I digress) de lerni lingvon. Homoj diras ke tio estas malbono kialo, sed, kial? Estas amuza… ne estas krimo amuziĝi.

Honeste, mi estis (estis for ‘have been?’ doesn’t feel right…) uzi Google Translate por helpi min, sed ne por lambastono. nur por kontroli se mia gramatiko estas bona. Ne estas, evidente, sed… mi estas nesekura pri gramatiko. Mi scias ke gxi ne estas bona, sed gxi estas probable pli bona ol mi sed mi ne uzis gxin.

Cxiuokaze… mi havas punkton kun ĉi tio; estas malfacila mergi en konlang! Jes, mi povus aligxi servilo de Discord, sed… la embaraso. Mi estus kiel, “Bonvolu… mi estas…” kaj havas furzo de cerba! Cerba furzo? (Googling how to stutter in Esperanto. Great.) (also I’m realising I said bonvolu instead of… oh my god? Am I seriously forgetting hello? Oh, Saluton!)

Cxu mi probable lernu la lingvon de miaj lando, la irlandano? Probable, sed honeste? Neniu parolas la irlandano en la nordo. Ili apenaŭ en la sudo. (Ne estas sude, mi ne zorgas se Google translate diras alie… ne sentas gxusta.)

Cxu mi havas punkto kun cxi tio? Ne. Sed, hej, diras al mi kiel CLAPPED mia Esperanto estas. Kaj, jes, mi eĉ ne provis traduki clapped cxar gxi estas pli amuza al ne.

Mi estas tiel malbona pri Esperanto. Mi devas fidi al tradukistoj por helpo. Mi uzas Google Translate por helpi kun tempoj kaj gramatikoj, sed la vortoj estas plejparte el mia cerbo, se tio havas sencon.

Mi ne havas kialon pri ĉi tio. Mi supozas, ke ĉi tio estas testo de miaj kapabloj. La rezultoj? Tre malbona, sed, hej, mi afiŝos ĉi tio, ĉiuokaze.

Edit: after writing this post, I got an easy, actually video about languages recommended… lol

[hardlypartying]

I’m curious why you decided to end up bad habit with Jiara. Did it make sense to you at the moment? I remember Rafe and Kiara were pretty good living together and then she goes to marry JJ. Torture to all of us Riaras😭 fix my broken heart and pay my therapyyyyy

Hahaha long story short I wrote bad habit at a very strange point in my life and I essentially used it as a form of therapy to work through that period— I was also very sad and cynical and didn’t see another way to end it lol. (Melodrama was on repeat iykyk)

As for the story, Rafe and Kiara were living in this fantasy world where only they existed and it was selfish and unfair to the world around them— even if they found someone who knew them better than they knew themselves. It wasn’t rooted in reality and for a while there they had that, the mundane makings of life and they were content. But I didn’t see that as something feasible for them, to continue isolating. Rafe was shunned by his whole family while Kiara just picked up and left everyone behind. It was a very arrogant move and the only way I could see it working out is if they dug their feet into the ground back home and not let everyone else get to them. But that was never them, they wanted it to be only them far away from anyone to see. Which is cute in theory but you can’t base your entire relationship off that.

The jiara element to that is really a throwaway, it’s finding something familiar and right. There wasn’t even a comparable level of pull that riara had in the fic between jiara no matter how hard I tried. I did feel a certain pressure to make that the endgame but not enough pressure to force my hand, I chose to make that the end to prove the point:

The inverse is that this is a story about knowing when you’re seen and holding onto that, I think very rarely we get an opportunity like that and it’s chaos in good and bad ways but it’s up to you to decide what you make of it. And the two did a brave thing to be together and I’ll never fault them for trying to make it work and finally being honest/allowing that love in. They were both very wounded people who mirrored each other’s hurt in a way that made their own more palatable. And in turn they helped each other heal. It wasn’t conventional at all but I think they’re better for it even if they have to leave the other behind to carry on the lesson they learnt. I feel like the outrage for the last chapter (rather the final paragraphs) is 100% necessary because I want people to read it and take a moment to reflect on the characters and if they related to any part of the story and do what they would’ve wanted from the story rather than the typical/miserable ending. I know it’s just a fic but I’ve found nothing better to kinda get me back on track than fics/books/media where I’m so fucking pissed off at the ending that I keep going out of spite. I wish they got a happy ending, I really do, but it was what I thought was the best for them at the moment and I can’t really find it in myself to deviate from that. I’ve forever got a soft spot for them. I hope this isn’t too much of an emotional answer for you but truth be told this story can’t be untangled from my emotions at the time. I honestly think that’s part of the reason why it reached as many people as it did and that was a hugggeee risk and super vulnerable to put out there.

I always knew I wanted it to have a bittersweet ending and still stand by it! My personal situational aside I’ve always loved an ending that stings a little. But I’ve been chipping away at an alternative ending/future between the two, it is a little sweeter but I don’t want you to get your hopes up because I don’t see myself posting that in the near future. Another part of me is just wondering if I should just let the ending stay that way and not touch it, I don’t want to risk ruining it by adding something else to it if everyone’s moved on haha.

All this is super super super subjective, idk what my feelings will be tomorrow vs today :)

[snirtsnirkarts]

GUY I HAVE INTERNET

Lemme explain! We moved and didn’t have internet and it kept being rescheduled to turn it back on and for some reason because of that Tumblr would NOT let me post anything.

Then when I went to wifi areas I’d forget to post. Although we did just get it on one of my devices it still won’t let me post for whatever reason.

BUT I DID POST A NEW CHAPTER AND WE FINALLY GO AND MEET TO THE HARTWIN FAMILY RESIDENCE!!! Yes I may have posted that chapter in a McDonald’s. But I didn’t really have any other options(I did and this is a lie, I’ve just been to busy to go any other place, but I was hanging out with a sibling so)

ANYWHO WE ARE SO BACK I AM CURRENTLY EDITING THE NEXT CHAPTER WHICH WILL BE THE SHOUT OUTS CHAPTER LET’S GO

[chibishortdeath]

Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).

I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.

So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.

[sam-grey]

Who is your current blorbo?

Oooooo, good question. I’ve been in between interests at the moment, but I think between rotating my dnd character in my head like a centrifuge, and a different fictional character, I think Sherlock Holmes barely wins out.

I’ve been making my way through all of the books and he is just Such a Little Guy. He takes up the other 51% of my brain

[ijustdontlikepeople]

I was tagged by @allsassnoclass @lover-of-mine

Rules bold the true ones

APPEARANCE

i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

TALENTS AND HOBBIES

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETIC

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISC

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

TAGGING: anyone who like to share ♥️

[itsnotmika]

“he had been preparing to be the last man standing his entire life.”