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waffles-art-writing · 1 year

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Can you do Ghost(mw2) x female reader who is like Yor from spy x family(the jobs she has not the personality)

Female reader also has a child

COD MWII Ghost x Female!Assassin!Reader. (Reader has a child)

Summary: You’re recalled from retirement of being an Assassin, your daughter being your main priority. You end up going back into the field with Task Force 141. After the mainly successful mission, Ghost takes you home after finding out you’re injured but not sever enough to need to go to the medical wing. You share a soft moment with the cold lieutenant, showing the side of the quiet man no one has seen. The next morning the babysitter drops your daughter back home, your young child coming home to a surprise and a face she hasn’t seen since she was a wee babe.

Proofread: Kinda???? Not really

Pairing: Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley X Female Assassin (AFAB)

Age Rating: 16+

Codename: *Whatever you want it to be*

KEY: Y/N - Your Name. L/N - Last Name. C/N - Codename

Warning/Info: FLUFF!!!! Soft!Ghost, Injury Description, COD Violence, Female!Reader, Weapons. It is reasonably long. Call Of Duty Comic Description of Ghost.

If you want a part 2 please comment!!! <3 :) (PART TWO)

I apologise for the lack of posting, stuff irl has been picking up a lot and I will not be able to post as much as I wish I could. And I am applying for a new job which will result in me having to spend less and less time on here. :( but I’ll update when I can.

A screeching sound pierces through your calm, soundless sleep. The ear piercing sound making you groan, rolling over, smacking your hand onto your nightstand, slapping the screen of your phone. The sound comes to a halt, you look at the time. Eyes widening, you didn’t set the earlier alarm. “Shit shit shit.” You curse out, stumbling to pull on some pants, tossing a shirt over your head as you dash down the hall. Stopping to peek into your daughters room, who is fast asleep, covers pulled up to her chin, a foot sticking out of the bed to the side.

A soft smile spreads across your lips as you look at her. Her hair a mess on the pillow, hands wrapped around her stuffed dog toy, snuggled into it. You move away from the door, continuing on your mission to the bathroom, pulling your hair back into a messy bun. Life has been hectic ever since putting your job as an assassin on hold so you can have your daughter, and not end up losing her cause you’re not around enough. Only two people knew about you and your daughter, both of them still working well and truly.

You flick on the bright light in the bathroom, you look towards the mirror. Dark circles rest under your eyes, hair tousled and messy despite it being pulled up in a messy bun. You lean against the bathroom counter, turning the tap on to brush your teeth. Suddenly your phone vibrates, the sound echoing around the cold room, almost amplifying the sound. You tap the green button on the screen not looking who it was.

“Hello?” You answer, your voice quiet to not wake your daughter.

“Morning L/N.” The deep gravely voice of Price comes from the speakers, it almost sends a chill down your spine. You haven’t been called this early by him in a long while. “Morning John, is there something you need?” You cut straight to the point, not wanting to beat around the bush as to why he is calling you so early in the morning, on a week day of all days.

“Straight to the point as always I see. Yes, we need your expertise for an overview of a mission- Yes I know, before you even complain I know you aren’t in the field anymore, or thats what most say but Laswell says otherwise.” You roll your eyes, of course he would know you still do the occasional job but you haven’t done one for years, you aren’t even sure as to how he thinks you could help. “Mission Overview? What could I possibly help with?” You question, your hands running under the cold water to splash it onto your face.

“Its an Capture or kill mission and if the time comes and we, y’know gotta send the target on their merry way to an early grave, we want you to give us an idea on how we should do it.”

“And why can’t you guys figure it out?”

“L/N we need you for this, its a complicated mission… I myself want you in the field and execute this yourself…”

You sigh, running a hand down your face. You worked for KorTac - a mercenary group - and you assisted Price and his team the Task Force 141 on occasion. But you mainly worked solo, the Task Force 141 never met you, other than Price and Laswell. You met Ghost as well, you both stay in contact occasionally, only in case of emergencies… well more like, needing a ride from the base back home on the very rare occasion he decides to go home.

“Pay?” You ask.

“Whatever your rate is, kid.” He replies.

“Good. I’ll be there in 3 hours.” You hear Price reply with confirmation before hanging up the phone. Your fingers drum against the counter.

Okay, cool, doing another job, nothing new right? Just been out of the field for a few years, just gotta warm up a bit thats all… Right?

———

“Okay behave, don’t do anything silly and listen to your teachers. And remember to listen to Amber’s parents okay? Have a good day and a fun sleepover.” You say to your daughter - Emilia - kissing her forehead. “Yep!” She chimes, a smile spread across her cheeks, her braids neatly tucked up into a ponytail. “Good, Love you.” You smile, pulling her into a hug. “Love you too Mama.” She squeezes her arms around your neck, your crouched form still larger than her. Once you let go, she waves goodbye, running into school towards her friends. You smile, quickly turning around to walk towards the car park.

You make your way towards the dark blue sedan you bought far too long ago, still surprised it still works. Your face falls when you see a figure leaning against the hood of it, hands in their pockets, clad in black. Including a cap and what looks like a skull balaclava. You sigh, knowing who it is. Its not a common thing to see people walk around in a skull print mask and clad in full black.

“Lieutenant…” You greet when you reach him, he stands up and nods to you. “C/N…. Or should I call you Miss L/N?” He pokes, his dead pan tone not helping his remark to come across as teasing. You shake your head with a smile, unlocking the car. “I’m assuming you’ve been sent to make sure I end up coming right?”

Ghost shrugs, a small nod accompanying it. “We can’t be too careful…” He states, climbing into the passenger seat as you get into the drivers side. “Right… whatever you say Ghost.” You huff, buckling yourself in as you pull out of the car parking.

———

“The mission will be tough, but I brought an old acquaintance along to help us plan out a strategy. Boys, meet C/N. She has worked with me in the past and used to work for the Mercenary ground KorTac, she now works solo for the government.” Price states as you stand at the front of the room.

“Hello, Yes before you ask I’m what some call an ‘assassin’. I work solo but I haven’t worked in the field for some years now, as I have had other things going on. But I am still qualified to assist you boys in any way to make sure this mission is a success.” You pause, locking eyes with Ghost, he knows you’re nervous to be here again. You continue to inform them the best strategies for them to be able to do this unnoticed, especially while inside.

———

It’s the day of the mission, you managed to get a babysitter for Emilia. She wasn’t all too happy about you leaving for a few days, but you said you’ll be back in not time, and have a gift for her. Which is partly true, you just hope nothing goes south and cause you to stay away longer than you planned. You want to be back by the weekend, or at least before the new school week starts.

Your plan to stay out of the field didn’t last long, Gaz ended up falling sick with food poisoning, pretty bad food poisoning from the amount of time he spent in the bathroom or medical bay yesterday. Still having an upset gut this morning when you arrived at an ungodly hour in the morning, having just dropped Emilia off at the baby sitters.

The team is communicating back and forth over the comms, you’ve managed to infiltrate the building where the target is. The slick walls on the outside not making the job easier. You are definitely a lot less fit than what you thought you were, but still fit enough to keep up with the team and your job on this mission.

Assassinate the target, and get the hell home.

Simple right? Yeah really simple, if it wasn’t a great big warehouse like building with barely any cover or high points for you to use to your advantage.

———

“Got eyes on the target.” You whisper into the comms, slinking along the beams that support the A-Frame ceiling of the warehouse. “Copy that, Ready when you are C/N.” Price states, Ghost and Soap stating something of confirmation.

You step lightly across the beam, your light footwork going unnoticed by the man littering the floor below you. There’s a catwalk just below you, one armed guard standing at a door that leads into the office where your target sits, back to the door and window that overviews the factory.

The guard walks up and down the cat walk intermittently, observing everything below him. Never above him. How stupid.

As soon as the guard passes by under you, reaching a part in the catwalk railing that’s solid sheet metal. You jump down, landing lightly on your feet, the sounds of the factory drowning out your movement. Crouched low you sneak up behind him, slicing the backs of legs, right through the tendons that keep him standing. You spring up, hand covering his mouth to keep him silent. Other arm wrapping around to the front, quick jerk to the side. Lights out.

You gently lay his limp body down, tucking him up against the metal barrier.

“Guards out, preparing to breach the targets office.” You communicate. “Be careful C/N.” Ghost states over the Comms, both him and Soap just downstairs at the entrance, ready to breach if anything goes sideways. “Always am.” You hear Soap snort at your reply as Price growls at you all to focus.

Your skilful hands test the door, it doesn’t budge, the window that’s just a foot or two away from the edge of the cat walk is open. Either pick lock the door and risk getting caught with your back to the open or swing in through the open window and possibly fall and either hurt your self, die, or break all your bones then die by one of the other guards bullets. Either way you could end up dead.

Window.

Quickest way in.

———

The mission was a success, you managed to get into the room, secure the target and kill them. Clean and quietly. Getting out was a different mission entirely, one of the guards spotted the fact they couldn’t see another guard on the cat walk. They investigated and found the slumped body of the dead guard. Immediately yelling for the alarm to be pulled.

Ghost and Soap busted in to draw their attention to them and away from the office, all you had to do was get the fuck out and get to the extraction point. You managed to slip out the window on the far side of the office, but not without being nicked by the a few bullets.

You manage to sprint across the roof, throwing yourself off the edge and landing on top of a large truck with a large thump. You cough harshly, feeling like your ribs got smashed by a sledge hammer. You stumble to your feet, slipping off the side of the truck and sprinting towards the back fence of the compound, you glance to your right, seeing Ghost and Soap climbing the wall quickly. You fling yourself into the fence, dragging yourself over the top, thankful theres not barbed wire.

“C/N? You good?” Soap calls over the comms, you can hear he’s breathless, the faint sound of Ghost in the background barking orders out to the extraction chopper to start the engine. “Y-Yeah…” You wheeze, rushing through the brush of the forest, weaving in and out of trees heading uphill towards the small clearing the chopper is situated in. Your lungs burn, the cold air stinging your eyes and cheeks. The adrenaline numbing the pain in your leg and arm, your ribs still feeling like you’re wearing a corset.

You stumble into the clearing, Ghost and Soap a few paces ahead, the lieutenant spins around. Noticing you’ve arrived, Soap running to the chopper. You nod to Ghost as you approach, Ghost waits for you to pass before following after you into the chopper. You slump down into the uncomfortable chair of the helicopter, adjusting to keep your ribs from being pushed on by the seat strap.

Both the men ask if you’re okay, you wave them off chuckling while wheezing out a “Just a little unfit is all.” Soap chuckles, Ghost just shakes his head lightly, moving forward to signal for the chopper to get you all out of there.

———

Once back in England and on base you get a phone call from the babysitter a normal thing, it’s almost eight thirty in the evening “Hello?” You ask, bringing the phone to your ear as you walk down path towards the entrance of the base, car parked not too far front he entrance. “Hey Miss L/N! Lizzie here, I was just gonna put Emilia to bed. Are you free to talk to her?” The babysitter Lizzie states, it’s almost like a nightly ritual. Every night that you’re not home, whoever is looking after your daughter will call to see if your available to say goodnight to Emilia.

“Yeah I’m free.” You state, stopping at the end of the path by the entrance of the main building, sitting down on the bench outside. You hear Lizzie talking to Emilia, your daughter sounding tired but excited. “MAMA!” She calls through eh phone, you smile a and laugh lightly hearing your daughters voice warms your heart, her sweet voice making you happy. “Hey pumpkin. You behaving?” You ask her, having a teasing tone. “Yeah! We got to watch a movie while eating dinner!” She states happily, you smile listening to her talk about what happened throughout the day.

The door opens and closes, Ghost slips out into the cold evening. His eyes spot you off to the side, its dusk, the flood lights not coming on just yet. He can see your breath in the cold air, billowing out past your lips. His own breath billowing out into the air as he pulls his mask up, he leans against the small wall of the entrance staircase. He shoves he cigarette between his lips, cupping his hands around the flame of the lighter. He hears your laugh, it echos into the evening air. Its warm and light to his ears, his eyes flick up to watch you. He’s too far away to hear what you’re talking about.

You bid Emilia goodnight, shutting off your phone as you shoved it into your jacket pocket. Sighing as you search your small duffle bag for your keys, knowing you threw them in there. You wince, groaning as you lean over, gripping your side with ragged breaths.

Ghost pushes off the wall as soon as he sees you double over on the bench, showing pain. “Hey hey hey… what’s wrong?” He mumbles, flicking his cigarette in front of his boot and stomping it out. Stopping over the smouldering ashes to crouch down in front of you, pulling his mask down quickly as he kneels. “C/N what’s wrong?” He asks, his voice stern as he looks at your scrunched face, pain obvious across your expression. “My ribs- I… I thought they were just bruised.” You wheeze out, sitting back to look at him. His hands ghost over your knees as he stands, sitting next to you.

“Let me check, we don’t want you to go home with broken bones. Are you hurt anywhere else?” He asks, motioning for you to shrug off your jacket. “Just a few grazes from a bullet but I handled them, they weren’t deep.” You groan, pulling your jacket off, your thick jersey and shirt thankfully being warm enough in the crisp air. “Okay, may I touch your ribs? Under your jumper?” The taller man asks, you nod your head turning slightly so your back is facing him. His glove clad hands snake under your jersey and shirt, ghosting over your waist up to your ribs.

“Did you land on your back or front?” He asks, his fingers delicately pressing against your rib cage. “Front, kinda threw myself off the roof onto a truck roof…” you state, flinching when his hands snake around to your front, right under the hem of your sports bra. Rough gloves pressing into your ribs. You wine, flinching away from his hands. “Ow- Watch it lieutenant…” you snap, your body disagreeing with your sudden movements. “M’sorry” he mumbles, he pulls his hands back. Laying your jacket across your shoulders again. “Well nothing is broken from what I could tell, but you’re not driving.” He states, standing from his spot next to you and grabbing your duffle bag and throwing it over his shoulder.

You look at him confused, a brow raise as you slip your arms through eh jacket again, fixing your jersey and shirt in the process. You stand, looking up at the large man. “What? I need to get home, what the hell do you mean Ghost?” You ask, tone almost angry. “I’m driving you home, you shouldn’t drive when you have damaged ribs.” He states, keeping his explanation to a minimum. You sigh shaking your head as you follow him, he ready knows where your car is. You both arrived in the same vehicle so thankfully he remembered where you parked.

———

The drive back to your place was quiet, the occasional question, or observation. Ghost helps you out of your car, his hand ghosting over the small of your back guiding you up the stairs of the small apartment. “You didn’t have to walk me to my door, Ghost.” You state, unlocking the door and pushing the door open. Toeing off your boots by the door and dumping your bag on the couch as you walk past it, Ghost follows you in, leaving his boots by the door while closing it and locking it. He immediately walks towards your bathroom, he’s been here a few times, he knows the layout like the back of his hand. “Ghost? The hell are-” “Finding your med kit, take your shirt off, I need to properly check your ribs.” You stare down the corridor towards the bathroom with a shocked expression. You throw your coat over the back of the couch, walking down the hallway towards the bathroom, passing it towards your bedroom at the end of the hallway. “I’m in my room just so you know.” You call out, grabbing the hem of your jersey, wincing when you tug it up.

You jump at the feeling of calloused hands resting over yours. “G-Ghost?” You stutter, feeling his presence behind you, his breathing quiet and muffled by his mask. “Let me help.” He offers, more like stating he is going to help you even if you deny it. You lift your arms above your head, wincing at the movement. He tugs the heavy fabric carefully over your head, throwing it over to the hamper in the corner. You wince you turn around, looking up at the taller man. “Why… Why are you doing this?” You ask, brows furrowed.

“You go n’one else to help you, and I know that you wouldn’t get help.” He states, gently pulling your dark shirt up and over your head as well, your sports bra on full display. Ghost’s eyes linger on your chest for a second before quickly adverting his eyes to the medkit on your bed. “Sit down.” He mumbles as he opens the small bag, kneeling down in front of you. You sit with your arms tucked around your stomach, conscious of how you look.

You have always been conscious of your body, especially after your pregnancy. Your tummy never got back to as toned and flat as it was before. Stretch marks paint your hips and thighs, and your lower abdomen like tiger stripes, rough to the touch and unpleasant to look at. Ghost grabs the anti inflammatory cream from the kit, pulling his gloves off and warming the cream up in his hands. You stare at the movement of his hands, mind wandering to thoughts you never thought you would have again.

What would his hands feel like, I wonder if his touch is soft - he lays wears gloves maybe he has soft hands? Maybe they are rough, like his personality. What his he doesn’t like what I look like and thinks I’m disgusting, what if he thinks pathetic for being in pain. What if-

“Y/n?” Ghost asks, he’s being saying your name for the past few moments. You snap your attention back to him, letting out a small ‘huh?’ When you notice him looking at you with slightly furrowed brows. “Can I put the cream on?” He asks, his voice quiet, his hands resting on your legs, palms facing up with the cream smeared across them. “Oh… uh yeah…” A small blush of embarrassment paints your cheeks as you sit straighter, arms resting across your tummy. Ghost watches you sit up properly, reluctant to move your arms. He attempts to work around your arms, gently spreading the cream across your ribs. His hands are calloused but his touch his soft but firm enough to make sure the cream spreads.

“…Love, I need you to move your arms…” He states softly, his eyes looking up to yours, his soft with concern. You furrow your brows, looking away as you move your arms, the yellow light from your lamp glowing softly across your skin. The light bumped stretch marks marring your skin, the deep colour a large contrast against the rest of your skin, most of them have lightened but a few are still dark. You flinch when you feel his hands move lower along your rib cage.

He hasn’t said anything, quiet, like always, eyes analysing everything he is doing in great detail.

He finishes rubbing the cream in after gently lifting the side of your sports bra to get under the cloth, gently massaging the cream into your sore body. “Its still going to be bruise to shit, you’ll have to be careful…” He mumbles, he gently takes your left arm into his hands, peeling back the bandage you haphazardly wrapped around while back on the base. He smears the residue of the cream around the wound, “You did a good job at cleaning it…. Just half assed bandage” he teases lightly, re wrapping your arm with a clean bandage.

You shrug, handing your head, eyes trained on his knee thats pressing into the plush carpet of your room. The same carpet you paid too much money for and installed it yourself while almost 3 months pregnant. A lot of tears have been shed on this carpet, some blood but mainly tears. You hear him say something, your mind elsewhere as you mindlessly shake your head. Not a hundred percent sure on what you were disagreeing too.

You never noticed how detailed his tattoo is, its on display as he takes his jacket off, rolling his long sleeve up. The permanent ink thats been delicately painted into his skin stand out against the rest of his pale skin tone. The scars he’s gained after the tattoo break the ink in small lines, mostly the ink has stayed. His hands are large, rough but gentle. He’s always been a tough and scary man on the outside but you can see he has the same needs as anyone else. Love, affection and care… even partnership. Yes he has the team but he needs something more, but he’s scared, hesitant. Horrified if he gets too attached or too close with someone he cares about he will lose them, he’s terrier he will do the wrong thing, scare them off, pained himself in the a bad light he’s always been known to hold.

Ghost eventually gets to check the bullet graze on your thigh, its shallow. Still needing antibiotic cream and a new bandage, your track pants that unzip up your mid thigh are scrunched up around your hips and upper thigh as he works on your injury. Mumbling something as you hold the clothing out of the way.

“…Can you stay the night?”

Ghost’s movements cease for a brief moment, his breathing stilling as he glances up at you then back down at the bandage he’s wrapping around your thigh. You stay silent, looking at him. Hands itching to do something, but you can’t.

“…Sure…” he replies after a moment.

You nod your head, happy that he agreed. A little anxious despite the fact you know him, he knows you. Fuck he even knows your daughter since she was a wee babe, but hasn’t seen her for some years. She probably won’t remember him at all. She was barely three when he met her, she’s now turning six in a week.

Ghost zips your track pants back up, pulling the fabric down your leg. His hands linger on your covered calf. Fingers pressing in the muscle gently as he stares blankly. You can see he’s thinking, thinking to the point of being motionless. You lean forward, ignoring the slight pain thats throbbing throughout your body. You reach down a tap his hand thats on your calf, knowing he isn’t fond of physical touch. “Ghost…” you whisper, trying to draw him out of his thoughts.

He snaps his head up to look at you, eyes set at a hard glare which soften slightly when he realises its you. You give him a soft smile. “You okay?” You ask softly, his hands falling away from your calf, the warmth going with it. You miss it, the comforting weight and warmth of his large hands gripping your calf. He nods his head as he cleans his throat, standing to clean up the med kit and discard of the old bandages. “Yeah, I’ll be right back… Get uh…” he pauses glancing over at you when he turns to walk to the door. “Change and get into bed, I’ll get you water an a pain killer.” He states, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

Ghost shuts the door softly, careful to not slam it. He glances down at his watch. 2245 (10:45pm) he groans quietly, nudging the bathroom door open again the put the med kit back in the sink cabinet.

Why the hell did I agree to stay? What the fuck is wrong with me? Her skin was so soft… Her stretch marks were fucking amazing- FUCK I can’t think like this. I need to stop thinking like this, we are friends… are we even friends? What is she hates me and Is only offering for me to stay out of sympathy or it being late? God she has a kid, I can’t just barge into their life and be the man they see with their mother. I’m not a go-

His thoughts get cut short when he spots a photo of the fridge door, one side of it ripped, torn off. He reaches up and slides it out from under the sunflower magnet. The photo is of you, smiling as bright as the sun thats beaming in through the tree tops. Emilia is cradled in your arms, clearly only a few months old. Her big eyes beaming in sunlight, same colour as yours. Ghost’s fingers trace the ripped edge of the photo, he knew who was supposed to be there. He quickly pins it back to the fridge before taking the pain killers and water to your room.

———

You watch as Ghost places the bottle of water and pain killers on the bedside table. You’re sitting in bed, bag t-shirt and shorts. You look up at ghost, patting the bed next to you. Ghost stares for a moment, shocked you want him in your bed and not to just crash on the couch.

He opens his mouth to deny but you beat him to it. “You aren’t sleeping on that piece of shit couch, you’re staying in here with me. And thats final.” You state, tone firm. Ghost looks from you to the open space on the king sized bed next to you. His eyes flickering back and forth over and over again. “Sleeping on top of the blankets.” He mumbles out, knowing we won’t be able to get past your stubborn attitude, you’re a mother. You know how to get your way. You smile, a soft one of reassurance. You throw a spare shirt at him and point towards the box in the corner.

“Stole this from you a year ago cause you forgot to take it with you after you did your washing here…” You chuckle lightly, “The box should have some basketball shorts or something you can wear. They were my brothers that he gave to me when I was pregnant cause they were bigger than my clothes.” Ghost just nods, crouching down in front of the box and searching through it, he knows you would be angry at him if he slept in his clothes he wore that day.

He looks over at you then towards the lamp next to you, you get the idea and turn over. Back facing him, hand resting on the switch to turn it off as soon as you feel the bed dip behind you. It feels like an eternity for him to lay on the bed, even though he’s on top of the covers. You can hear a small groan emitting from his side of the bed, you flick the switch. The room delving into darkness, the only light peeking out from under our door, the nightlight that sits in the hallway for Emilia happily lighting under the dark corridor.

It quiet, apart from your breathing and Ghost’s muffled breaths, and the starting pitter patter of rain hitting the window. You turn to lay on your back, keeping your eyes on the ceiling.

“Thank you.”

Your soft words break the silence, Ghost looks at you from the corner of his eye. He’s laying like a dead man, straight as board, hands clasped together over his stomach as he looks towards the ceiling.

He hums in response, he turns his head to look at you properly, the dim light from the hallway making it practically impossible to see anything, but his eyes have adjusted easily. He reaches over to clasp your hand thats resting on your own stomach overtop the blankets. Squeezing it softly, letting you know he heard you. A small smile creeps up onto your lips. You turn onto your side, facing him now. He copies your action, bodies mirroring each other as your hands lay clasped together between the two of you. You let out a small sigh, his hand squeezes yours when he hears the heavy breath.

“Emilia would’ve jumped in between us if she was here, she doesn’t like when it starts raining late at night.” You state, smiling to yourself as you trace Ghost’s broad silhouette in the dark room. The small amount of light peeking through the thing curtains behind him on the far side of the room. “So she’s scared of rain?” Ghost’s rough voice cuts through the quiet, the gravel in his voice hoarse but still has a soft tone to it as he tries to talk quietly.

You shrug, unsure what she’s actually scared of. “I think it’s more when it suddenly pours down and it’s dark, the sound and lack of light scares her.” You hum, still trying to figure out what your daughter is scared of, even though you have reassure her many times that its just rain. You hear the deep rumble of Ghost making a humming like sound, like he’s thinking.

“Well… I’m sure there’s no monsters, you’re scary enough” he teases, squeezing your hand. You feign hurt, gasping and swatting his chest lightly. A giggle leaving you, a small, breathy almost non existent chuckle rumbles from Ghost’s chest. “God, if the Ghost thinks I’m scary, I really must be.” You laugh, teasing him back. Your ribs hurt from your laughter, but you’re too caught up in the fact you are hearing the one and only Lieutenant Riley laughing, laying on your bed, your hand in his.

“Nah, yer alright. You’re scary, but not as scary as Price when he hasn’t had his morning coffee” he jokes, tugging you closer slightly, he’s still on top of the blankets. His arm wrapping around your waist, careful on your sore ribs. “That’s true.” You agree, laughing softly as you place a hand on his chest, feather lightly touches run along your back. Your head tucked under his chin, his mask still on. Thankfully he didn’t wear the hard skull one and just a simple fabric one with a skull print.

Your laughter slowly ceases, breathing going back to normal. After a few moments of comfortable silence, you speak up again.

“Thank you again… This means a lot Ghost.”

A beat of silence passes.

“Simon…”

“What?”

“Call me Simon…”

Your eyes widen at his words, a warm feeling flooding your chest as you tuck your face into the nook between his shoulder and neck.

“Thank you Simon.”

“Anytime Y/n”

His words were barely a whisper, you fall back into silence. Its nice, the heat from his body keeping you warm, eating your pain in a way you didn’t think was possible. The pain killers probably taking most the credit for the lack of pain, yet the sense of security and comfort falls over you. Your eyes slide shut, breathing evening out as sleep pulls you into the depths of slumber.

“Goodnight, Love.”

————

You walk out of your room, hair messy, rubbing your eyes, feet padding across the hardwood of the hallway. Mind still in sleep mode. You round the corner into the kitchen from the hallway, bumping into something… more like someone. You wobble as you lose your balance, arms snake around your waist quickly, pulling you close.

“Careful, I don’t wanna take you to the hospital cause you broke your ass.” A deep voice chuckles, you look up, bleary eyed and confused. “O-Oh… Sorry Gho- Simon…” You apologies, rubbing a hand down your face with a groan, leaning your forehead against his chest. He’s changed into his cargo pants from the day before, same shirt from last night. It fits a little tight across his chest and his biceps but not too tight.

“Drinks on the coffee table, go sit down.” He states, his voice still laced with sleep. You look at him confused, glancing over at the coffee table. “Thanks, but you didn’t have to.” You state, walking over to the couch and slumping into it.

“I’m not the one who looks like I got ran over by a bus.” He teases as he walks over, bowl of fruit in hand and more painkillers and a glass of water. You thank him as he hands them to you, he sits next to you on the couch. “Feeling any better?” He asks, voice quiet. You nod your head, scooping some fruit into your mouth. The comfortable quiet gets broken by a knock at the door, you jump from your spot. “Shit” you mumble around a mouthful of fruit. “That’s Lizzie with Emilia.” You state stumbling from the couch, placing the bowl of fruit on the table, throwing your hair back into some sort of up-do. Simon stands from his spot, hands coming to rest on your shoulders. “Sit back down, I’ll get it.” He states, turning to go to the door.

“Wait Simon you still got-” you were gonna say hes still got his mask on, it will scare Lizzie and Emilia and confused them both as well. But your words die in your throat as you watch him tug it over his head, stuffing it in his pocket. You didn’t realise until now he must’ve washed the black war paint off when he got up. You watched in stunned silence, the man who never takes the mask off, ever. Has now taken it off, his dark short cut hair on display.

With baited breath you watch as the door opens, Lizzie coming into view with Emilia standing next to her gripping her hand. Lizzie looks up at the taller male with wide eyes, filled with confusion. You’re too shocked to register any words being exchanged between the two, you’re shaken from your trance when Simon turns to face you with a small smile. Jaw covered with a light stubble, dark chocolate eyes, a small scar cuts into his brow, two other scars rest just above his other brow. His nose is sharp, jawline defined. On his left another scars cuts through his top lip going up to the outer edge of his nose. There’s a another scar that paints his skin from the bridge of his nose trailing to the right, ending on his cheek bone below his eyes.

“MAMA!” Emilia screams, snapping you out of the trance properly. You crouched down catching her in your arms, ignoring the fact she just rammed straight into your heavily bruised ribs. “Hey pumpkin! I missed you so much.” Emilia wraps her arms around your neck, legs clinging to your waist like a koala as you stand up. Your arms scooped under her to support her properly as you walk over to stand next to Simon. “Thanks a lot Lizzie. I’ll go get your pay-” Simon stops you from moving towards the kitchen island to get your wallet. “Already paid her.” He states, hand resting on your lower back as you look up at him. Emilia looks between the two of you smiling. Lizzie waves it off and says shes happy to do it again, you bid her goodbye and close the door.

Emilia dragged Simon off to her room while you talked to Lizzie, saying something about wanting to show him her stuffed toys. You thank Lizzie again, showing your appreciation for her looking after your daughter. Once you closed the door, you stroll down the hallway. Hearing the rumbling timbre of Simon’s voice softly echoing around the apartment. You reach Emilia’s room, leaning against the door frame, you bite your tongue to not giggle at the sight in front of you.

There’s stands, Simon Ghost Riley, Clad in black cargo pants and a dark grey shirt. Sitting Criss Cross Apple Sauce on the floor, the pastel pink fluffy rug below him a strong contrast to his clothing. Emilia is rambling on about her stuff toys, pulling each stuffed animal off her bed to show the large man. Simon’s eyes are soft, just the barest hint of a smile on his lips as he nods along to Emilia’s words.

“And this one is Burt! He’s a water dragon! See!” The young girl states, a large smile on her face, cheeks rosy from excitement to showing a new person her toys. “Nice to meet you Burt.” Simon greets the toy, probably the umpteenth one he has greeted in the span of five minutes. “Nice to meet you too Mr. Simon!” Emilia states, hanging her voice to sound like a boyish drawl. You can’t help but chuckle at this, walking into the room when they both look over at you.

“I see your toys like Mr. Simon quite a lot, sweetheart.” You smile, taking a seat on the ground, knees tucked beneath you. Emilia smiles, nodding her head as she grabs another toy, leaving the small blue dragon next to Simon, like the rest of the toys she’s shown him so far. “She’s very confident and friendly for a kid.” Simon quietly states, keeping his voice low to talk to you. You nod and shrug your shoulders, a small smirk on your lips. “Yeah, I guess so. She always has been.”

“Mr. Simon… are you staying the night?” Emilia ask’s suddenly, gripping her favourite stuffed dog, in her hands. Simon looks from the young girl to you, in which you just nod to Emilia. “If your mum says I can.” He states, his tone soft. Emilia’s eyes light up, she jumps towards you, pressing the dog toy into your chest. “Please mama! Please please please! Can he stay!” She asks, more like demands. You laugh lightly, scooping the young girl up in your arms. Cradling her against you, humming in a a question manner. “Hmmm. I don’t see why not. SO yes, he can stay.” You conclude, laughing when Emilia squeals in excitement. “Thank you thank you!” She dashes from her spot in your arms, towards her bedroom door. “I gotta go build a fort for movies! Don’t come over till I’m done!” She states, dashing towards the living room, her bare feet pounding against the hardwood.

“Well… Look’s like you have a fan.” You tease the quiet man, a small smile on your lips as your eyes soften when you see him. His large and scarred hands softly gripping the small dragon toy in his hands. “Seem’s so… Guess I’m going to be spending more time here.” He states, standing as he places the toy back on the bed. You stand next to him, leaning up and leaving a light kiss on his cheek. “Thank you…” you softly state, placing a hand on his upper arm before leaving the room when you hear Emilia yell something about needing help.

Simon watches you leave, a hand ghosting over his cheek. His chest tightening with emotion, it feels tight but its almost comforting. He shakes his head as he follows you out, planning to help Emilia with her ‘fort’.

#fanfic #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #cod fanfic #cod mwii #cod x reader #ghost mw2 #call of duty modern warfare #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley x reader #cod mw2 #cod ghost x reader #cod modern warfare #cod mw ghost #cod mw x reader #female reader #afab reader #call of duty fanfic

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eetherealgoddess · 8 months

Note

hey bestie. requesting a yandere rindou haitanj scenario where reader (cis fem) is currently dating Ran, but rindou is obsessed with her and wants her for himself. a noncon smut where ran leaves reader at home for some reason and rindou takes the opportunity to do the noncon smut and ran ends up catching them, but instead of getting mad, ran just joins them. 💜🖤

Of course!! Hope you like it ♡︎♡︎♡︎

ꨄBrothers Conflictꨄ

Oneshot - Yandere Haitani Brothers Au

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, AO3, AND WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Brothers Conflict

Being a Haitani’s girlfriend comes with its perks. Not only is Ran an attentive boyfriend, he loves to spoil his girl with all the finer things. Jewelry, makeup, clothes, nails, you name it, it’s done. It was a done deal as soon as he set his eyes on you. It was interesting considering you were the pursuer at first, having a small crush that grew into something more. Finally, ignoring all of your anxiety you confessed, only to find out that he had the same feelings.

Considering it’s hard to read his emotions, you had no idea that he had been thinking about you as much as you thought about him. It was a wholesome moment when he accepted your confession and surprised you with his own gift the next day to properly ask you to be his official girlfriend. It almost felt too good to be true.

After the first hang out, you met his brother Rin. Unfortunately, the awkward meeting resulted in his subtle insults at the dinner table along with the scowl plastered on his face. Worried that you had crossed a boundary of some sort, Ran reassured you that he acted that way with all his girlfriends and explained that he was just being a protective younger brother.

Brushing it off, you let go of your anxious thoughts and continued on as a normal girlfriend. A few months pass and the tension flees, though you still catch Rin’s intense glare boring into you whenever you and Ran relax at their apartment. You refrained from bringing it up, not wanting to cause any problems between the two brothers.

One day, you had been watching tv as you stroked your boyfriend's hair, his head resting on your lap as he breathed steadily, indicating a deep slumber. After a while, he wakes up and slowly pushes himself off of your lap. You eye him in confusion.

“There’s something I forgot to do. I’ll be back later, babe.” He says before giving you a peck to your forehead and hopping off the sofa. He checks for his wallet in his pocket and opens the door to leave. Once the door shuts behind him, you grab your phone and pull up an app, bored out of your mind as you scroll mindlessly.

“Don’t you have your own home or something?” A voice speaks from the side of the couch. You almost jump out of your skin, you have forgotten that your boyfriend’s younger brother was home.

“Ran invited me over.” You shrug, already used to the subtle jabs to the point that they don’t really affect you as bad. He ignores you as he grabs a glass of water before walking into the living room and sitting next to you, crossing a leg. Your eyebrows furrow at his choice of seating.

“What do you see in my brother, Y/n?”

You pause for a moment, not really expecting a question like that out of nowhere. He takes a sip of the liquid as he readjusts his glasses.

“W-well, I don’t really know how to explain it other than the fact that I would take a bullet for him. I like that I can be myself around him.” You shrug. Honestly, your feelings couldn’t be explained though you know for a fact you’re smitten over the older Haitani. You had been for years prior. The excitement you felt when he accepted your confession was unlike any other happy moment you’ve had. You feel safe when you’re around him, whether to be yourself completely or physically, knowing he’s protective. Of course, this is hard to explain when you’re called out on the spot.

“What a lame answer. Are you sure you deserve my brother?” You make eye contact with him.

“Maybe not.” You sigh, “but I do love him if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not going to try and hurt him or anything.”

It’s a funny thing, really. You think he’s asking as a protective younger brother. Such a naive girl, though that’s something he noticed in you from the beginning. The little love letters and gifts he opened whenever he found them in his brother’s trash. The excitement he saw on your face from a distance when Ran accepted your confession, not willingly on his own but by his younger brother’s bargaining. The hue that formed on your face when you read the notes from ‘Ran,’ not realizing who they were actually written by.

The plan was easy, really. Ran asks you out so his younger brother can get closer to you. What wasn’t part of the plan was Ran falling for you mid relationship. It just wasn’t fair. He never noticed you until Rin noticed you. Of course, they argued about it. Argued over you. It was interesting how much conflict you were bringing to the brothers without even knowing it. Yes, such a naive thing.

You eye him curiously, wondering why he hadn’t answered you. After a moment of Rin lost in his thoughts, he sets the cup down and stands up. Turning towards you, he bends over and snatches you from the sofa, placing you over his shoulder as he walks to the hall of the apartment.

“Hey! What are you doing?” You exclaim as you hit his back repeatedly. Once he reached his bedroom, he shut the door before tossing you on the bed.

“Rin?”

He climbs on top of you, pinning you to the bed.

“Why? Why do you love him so fucking much?” Your eyebrows furrow as you gaze at him with confusion. You wince as his grip tightens.

“What about me? I’m the one who tried so hard to get you! I’m the one who did everything!”

“Rin, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!” You try to reason with him, anxious out of your mind.

“The notes, the letters, all of it! It was all me.” He hissed, nails digging into your skin. “It was all a plan!”

“What? N-no.” You say in denial. You were so happy when Ran finally decided to give you attention within your relationship considering the beginning of it was a little confusing. You take a moment to think back to those detailed notes that stated things only Ran should know. Was it really all a ploy?

The younger Haitani smirks. “Yes, your precious boyfriend lied to you. Multiple times. He didn’t even have feelings for you until recently.” Tears threaten to fall as a familiar lump forms in your throat.

“N-no. Please, stop saying those things.” You hold back from crying, no longer in denial though not wanting to continue to hear anymore of what was coming out of his mouth.

“I’m tired of waiting for you to wake up, Y/n. It’s time you give back to me.” He states, removing his glasses and setting them down. You take the opportunity to use your free hand to slap him.

“Get off of me!” You shout angrily, tears finally spilling. You just want to leave and sulk by yourself. Rotting in your bed as you send Ran a break up text.

Instead of pinning the arm down, he ignores your outburst by grabbing your neck and lowering his face.

“If you bite me, I will fuck you up.” He promised with a deranged glint in his eyes. You could only stare in horror as he brought his lips to yours. He moves his lips along you hungrily before piercing his tongue through, saliva sliding out of your mouth as you don’t respond.

Using your free hand, you attempt to shove him by the shoulder though it doesn’t work. When he pulls back, he stops for a moment to wipe his mouth and gaze at your eyes. Before you could stop him, his face nuzzled between your shoulder and neck, piling kisses slowly up your skin as you grip his shoulder.

“Rin, don’t do this.” You cry, ignored as he uses both of his hands to tear your shirt. You gasp as the cold air hits your skin, the shirt torn apart, revealing your bare breasts considering you didn’t wear a bra today. His hands grab your mounds, gently squeezing as he releases a quiet moan.

“I was angry the first time I saw you and my brother have sex.” He lowers his head as he sucks one of the nipples, flicking his tongue before closing his lips around the nub once more. A heartbeat forms from your clit as you slightly arch your back from the chill that runs up your spine.

“Rin, please stop.” Your voice cracked, still hurt from the words before though frustrated with the reaction your body is emitting. He makes eye contact with heavy lids.

“But then, I couldn’t help but watch. Your intoxicating moans drew me in, Y/n.” His husky voice vibrated against your nipple, his lips barely touching the nub as he speaks, breath causing your nipple to harden.

“Such a slutty girl. Legs wide open for my brother, begging for more.” He returns to sucking, along with one of his hands easing down to your pants, unhooking them before sliding into your panties.

“Rin.” You whisper. “Just wait, please. W-we can talk about this.” You bite your lip when you feel his finger push against your clit. He slowly rolls his finger against the nub, eyeing you as he continues to lick your nipple. His other hand fondles the other breast, pulling and rubbing circles on your nipple. Your hands held his shoulders, pushing him once more, to no avail.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about your face and how it looked when he was eating you out. The way you rubbed your pussy against his face. I came so hard thinking about you, baby.” He whispers the last sentence.

Your fingers tighten against his shirt as he accelerates his finger against your pussy. Your hips twitch as your head falls back. You felt the juice fall out of your pussy as he gave another lick to your nipple.

Suddenly, he pulls his hand out and sits up. He moves off of you and swiftly pulls your pants off. You try sitting up only to be pushed down before he tears your panties off.

“Rin! This is wrong!”

He ignores you as he opens your legs, fitting himself in between as he holds your thighs down. He doesn’t give you a chance before his lips circle around your clit. Your hips jolt up as you grab his head as an attempt to push him away. His grip only tightens around your thighs, squeezing his arms around painfully as well as using his nails to leave indents, eyeing you from below. You yelp in pain as you fall back, the pleasure of his tongue flicking your nub conflicting with your emotions.

“Well, brother. This was quicker than I thought.” A voice comes from the doorway. You look up surprised to see your boyfriend.

“Ran, i-it’s not what it looks like! I swear!” You cry out.

“It’s okay, baby. I know.” He sighs as he sits behind you, positioning himself to lean against the headboard as your back leans against him.

“I know I have some explaining to do. We can talk about it later, alright? Just relax.” He circles his arms around your waist, his hands moving to hold your breasts as he leaves a trail of kisses on your shoulder.

Rin uses his fingers to gather your slick before pressing two of them inside of you, angling it to hit your g-spot steadily as he continues sucking and licking your clit. You couldn’t help but thrust your hips to force his fingers deeper, releasing a moan before heavily breathing as the overwhelming sensation takes over your body. Your eyes fall into the back of your head as you lay against Ran.

“I just want you to know that I love you so much, even if our relationship didn’t start off as ideal.” Ran softly speaks against your ear while pinching and fondling your nipples.

“W-why did you, ah… lie to… fuck! Lie to me?”

“Oh God!” You exclaim as Rin continues to bring you closer to the edge, accelerating once more as the sounds of your wet pussy fills the room. You feel Ran’s hardened cock against your back.

“I said we’ll talk about it later.” He uses one hand to pull your chin back, landing a passionate kiss on your lips as your body moves against him, grinding your hips against Rin’s face as he adds another finger.

“I-I’m gonna…ah!” You moan as you finally release, Rin lapping up all your juices as your body convulses.

When Rin moves from your legs, he removes his pants as Ran gently shifts you on your knees. You breathe heavily as your legs tremble from your orgasm. Rin guides you on top of himself as you weakly rest your head on his shoulder.

“W-wait! What about a condom?” You say against his neck.

“It’ll be a Haitani either way.” Ran states as he removes his own pants.

Before you could respond, Rin pulls you down as he shoves his cock all the way in. Both of you groan as the feeling of your pussy is stretched and wrapped tightly around his girth. His arms wrap around your back as he holds it there. You feel Ran spread your cheeks before he uses your leaking cream and his own saliva to rub against his cock. He eased the head in, a pain shooting through your back as you whimpered against Rin’s neck.

“I’m gonna fuck this pussy so good.” Rin breathes out before pulling back and rocking his hips forward. Ran shoves himself all the way in as he grips your ass, pulling himself back before slamming in.

They both rock their hips, gradually accelerating as all of your moans and heavy breathing filled the air. The pain mixes in with the pleasure before it engulfs you fully, your mouth held open as your body rocks in between them. Your hands hold onto Rin’s shoulders tightly as you’re plowed from both holes.

“So good. Such a good fucking girl.” The blonde says as he picks up the pace. His head falls back as your sweat mixes with his. “I waited so long, Y/n. You have no idea… fuck! How many… ah! Times I’ve cum to you.”

In a twisted way, the words he spills out of his mouth causes another aching throb to hit your pussy, clenching around him as you both make eye contact.

Ran accelerates his speed, turned on by the display of you getting double penetrated by both of them. He smiles as the scenarios fly through his mind of you naked and waiting for them to come home. Another twitch of his cock forms from the ideas.

After a few minutes of his cock making contact with your g-spot and your boyfriend’s cock filling your ass, you squeeze your eyes shut as you subconsciously bite into Rin’s shoulder, orgasming. Your bite causes him to groan out before pressing himself deep inside you and releasing his load. Ran follows not long after, his cum leaking out of your ass as he pushes against you. Breathing heavily, Ran removes himself from you, pulling you into his arms as well as Rin hugging you from behind.

When you caught your breath, you attempted to sit up from your position, anger lingering from the truth spoken earlier.

“We need to talk.” You say to both of them who only ignore you as they hold you in place, dozing off into a deep slumber as you follow not long after.

#yandere #yandere x reader #haitani brothers #ran haitani #ran x reader #rin haitani #rin x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev smut #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo rev x you #ran x you #rin x you #yandere x you #yandere tokyo revengers

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fandomobbsessedb · 7 months

Text

Alastor x F!Overlord!Reader

AN: this is the result of the first poll I posted, Alastor won so here we are!

I’ve kinda broken this into two bits in this one shot, there’s a warning farther down if you want to keep within the ideas of “headcannon” but farther below I have the start of a story, I got a bit carried away and am too far gone to delete it.

⚠️Warnings: mentions of blood, death, weapons, smoking, maybe 1 instance of cannibalism ( but its more in the sense of revenge rather than a canabalistic reader) (idk man it’s hell if your triggered don’t read 😭) this is really long already so I might just break it up or continue it to make a part 2. I have a LOOOOOOT of references in here to so many things, if you guys can pick up on them leave a comment and I’ll tag list you in my next fic if you want! Or don’t I honestly couldn’t care less it’s just for fun :p

Reader is referred to with afab terms.

Pt2-

================================

• In your life you tried to stay on “the right” path. Your parents raised you right, you tried your hardest to be nice, and where always on your best behavior, but after getting the short end of the stick for too long you kinda… loose it.

• You ended up in hell after a night out partying with some of your most valued clients, when you went to drive yourself home the heel of your stiletto got stuck under the gas pedal, as you tried to pull it out you took your eyes off the road and 💥 BAM 💥 you where hit by a large grocer truck.

•Opening your eyes to a red wasteland, the bright flash of lights and the smell of brimstone flood your senses. Looking down to try and gather your bearings you notice your whole body wasn’t (skn/tn) anymore… it was marble grey?

“Where… where am I?” I mumbled under my breath, trying to gather my surroundings, a bright flashing catches my eyes, a gigantic neon sign in the sky gives me my anwser…

“Welcome to Hell!!!”

“Hell…. I’M DEAD?!!!!” I groaned out through barred teeth and stood to my feet, looking around I saw definite signs, this was Hell alright. A blood red sky, fires everywhere, little sinners running around stabbing and shooting one another.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, ALL MY WORK, MY SHOPPING EMPIRE, MY CLOSET, MY AWARDS, MY EVERYTHING, RAAAAAAHHH!!!” In my anger I grabbed the nearest sinner and threw them to the ground, putting my foot between their shoulder blades and grabbing their arms.

“You’re gonna tell me right now, what the hell is going on, WHY AM I DEAD AND HERE-” I shouted in their ear, seeing blood come out… oh shit I probably burst their ear drum… oh well, I’ve done that plenty of times to my assistants.

“D-d-do you mean, like in hell, or or just this area?” They questioned nervously. To be fair they were a scrawny little thing…

“What in the-“ I paused to look around, then referred back to this little shit “actually HELL are you talking about?”

“W-w-well, you must, *gulp* you must be new here, huh?” It asked with a weary smile and a weak little laugh, probably trying to ease the tension. “Well, down… down here, we uh, we have overlords who- who rule certain areas, we’re in Ms.Leefolt’s t-t-t-territory right now, I mean, our king Lucifer, Lucifer and Lilith Morningstar rule all of hell…”

“Well, that certainly is… intresting.” I smirk and stand up, releasing his arms but not letting my foot off his back. “So these, overlords… are they appointed by your king, or born into or something?” I question with a sharp red nail in between my teeth, thinking…

“No, no ma’am just, just anyone who’s ballsy enough to, to, take over enough territory and have enough demons- sell them their souls in exchange for something. Umm- if it’s not too much of a bother, could you let me go… I- I can feel my ribs crushing under me…” it started wheezing out and trying to get a hand under its chest to place a barrier between their chest and the ground.

“Hm, well if that’s all true, I can’t let some little thing like you going around gossiping about me.” I growled looking down at this freak… pressing my heel into his spine harder.

“No! No please, I won’t say a thing I promise!! Just let me go, please… pleas-“

SPLAT-

“Whoops, my bad, I slipped.” I reasoned, pulling my now bloody leg out of his torso.

“Ohh, eeeeeew eweweweweweweeew, I’ve got bits of his, ugh, lung on my heels.” Flicking away the bits of organ from my shoes, I take a breath and another look around but this time in a planning sense. Overlords huh, well, I’ll just have to see how much this ‘miss leefolt’ likes the taste of arsenic, I wonder when the last time she had a homemade pie was….

• So of course to establish some dominance in my new living arrangement, I gutted that bitch from the inside out. I took her territory, her power, her souls, even her manor. When I went to her office to kill her I found the deed to her house and all the contracts of sinners who gave her their souls in a pretty shittily hidden safe.

• I mean, I had to work so hard to build my life up just for a stupid grocer to end it all, so this is fine… right?

• The years go by and the world changes, you became one of the most powerful and influential overlords in hell, re-establishing your power once held on earth to a business in hell. Rosie and Velvet quickly becoming your closest friends, Velvet in a more business sense and Rosie being your go to gossip gal. Both of you having elegant and refined tastes. You and Husk became friends over talking shit in a casino one night, and remained friends after his downfall. He talks to you about this, radio demon, from time to time but you haven’t heard much of him

Little do you know he knows almost everything about you~

• Your walking around Cannibal Town one day waiting for Rosie to finish a meeting, watching children run around and little carts selling all kinds of body related snacks.

I lost a bit of my sense of surrounding and almost tripped on a kid running around with his friend throwing a head back and fourth.

"Jerermy! Stop playing with your lunch and apologize to that nice lady you almost ran into."

"Sorry miss, I didn't mean too." He said looking down at the head ashamedly, then offering me a piece of the cheek. "Would you like some of this face? It's really good." He looked up at me with an excited look. "Oh thank you, but I'm waiting for lunch with my friend, I'll go to the butcher and get some though, it looks really good." I smiled my pointy teeth at him, patted his head and motioned him back to his mother, she waved to me and I nodded my head back, thinking it was time for Rosie to be done by now.

"My my, with your reputation of anger issues I would assume you would tear that poor child into bits upon realization." A staticky voice spoke behind me, tilting my head back but not my body as I don't know who it is. I look him up and down, his outfit and cane/staff thingy give off quite the powerful impression. "My, mhm, reputation?" I pester raising my eyebrow.

"Ah-hahahaha, My name's Alastor, its quite a pleasure to finally meet you in person." He introduced reaching for the back of my hand to place a kiss. Him saying his name reminded me, I too finally recognized the name. "Oh, Rosie has told me much about you." The radio demon, his names been brought up many times around cannibal town since he frequented their shops and small town locals.

"Oh yes, Rosie is one of my dearest friends" He replied linking our elbows and started walking towards the shop. "Mine as well, she is quite the darling, so let me ask you now, where you just standing there when I got to the park, or where you going to follow me in silence since I left the emporium~" He didn't stutter in his step but my revelation made the air feel a bit more, weary on his side. Reaching into my hand purse I grabbed my lipstick and hand mirror and paused my walk to apply a touch more. Looking just past my lips in the reflection I saw his eyes in the back corner snap to my down, then back up to my eyes with a tight smile. "Well, are you coming? I know Rosie hates to be kept waiting." I snapped it shut and outreached my elbow waiting for him to link his so that we could start the traverse back to Rosie's.

• After our little group luncheon with Rosie, Alastor and you didn't verbally indicate that you were closer in any sense. But physically you swayed like two tree's. Brushing branches back and fourth with the breeze, restless and apart yet labeled as "together"

• You started doing weekly business deals, him acquiring land and souls for you, and all he asked in returns is he uses that land and those souls as he pleases. Which honestly isn't a lot. When he pulls people or their shadows to come help at the hotel- their mostly your people but he always sends them back to whence they came.

• He likes to pretend he doesn't necessarily care for being around you, however he's always looking for time you two can be together, or even thinking of each other. On his radio show he'll mention new shopping, eating, entertainment locations on your turf. He knows you listen when your able to. Sometimes he uses his power to let his station be the only one playing where ever you are. In the car, in a shopping store, you could be sitting in the bathroom and it would get to the point where you can hear it from the vents. Making you roll your eyes and finish your business so you could get to your office to listen to the radio.

• Truth be told... you where falling to his whims as well. Alastor didn't necessarily have "territory" but many places in one area he had influence in and quite often frequented. When you had rips or damage to your very expensive very delicacy clothing you would walk with him to the seamstress, and afterwards you would often get tea or lunch together. Maybe he knows a good diner or two and ya’ll will sit there and eat, then get a milkshake (mostly bc you wanted one, he just indulges to make you happy though he doesn’t care for the cold sweet taste) and drink it through two straws, awwwwwwwwwwwwe!!

• When either of you knew of prestigious events happening around you invite the other to be your plus one. You go shop together to find outfits for the occasion. You started attending overlord meetings together, with yourself sat on the opposite side of Rosie, sending each other glances and touches under the table whenever Rosie wasn't looking or walked away for a brief moment. At the events you stay close together and often stand away from the crowd, whispering and gossiping together, allowing yourself a to drink silly, little do you know how well he can hold his liquor and often will be the one making sure YOU get home. Sometimes you wake up still dressed, like the gentleman he is, and sometimes you’ll wake up in some red pajama set…. Like the gentleman he is, he’s not gonna let you sleep in an uncomfortable outfit. But he’s respectful about it.

• He often send subliminal messages through your radio to help you fall asleep, to push you to coming to see him, to maybe just stay in your town if he knew something really bad was going on outside. His favorite to do is when your falling asleep he’ll play the calmest songs from his time to comfort you as you drift off.

• When he officially asked to court you he compared you to the beautiful crimson of the sky, saying your cheeks where more bright and delightful to gaze at then the morning sky, when it was particularly bright. All kinds of poetic gestures, sending crows to your windows, sending your gifts of bodies with knives in them, and the knives had small notes left for you on some quote from a book you like. Now how he knows those are your favorite books are beyond you…. you don’t talk about your books much but, maybe he’s seen you reading it at some random point in time? Who knows, not you.

• He’s all in all not a bad partner, of course when you want to go out he usually goes along with what you want to do but if there’s something he refuses to do, his claws are sinking into your arms to keep you from dragging him to do it.

• His smile is genuine around you and you adore when he lets you pet his ears~ he’s not that intimate early on in the relationship but when your just sitting on a couch or watching the sun set from somewhere and you just reach over and pet his ears, he is putty in your hands, physically he keeps his compose fairly well but inside he’s willing to do anything to keep you touching his ears, telling himself he would sell YOU his soul if it meant you wouldn’t stop, petting his ears and helping him groom his antlers, don’t even get me started on the tail… oh wait he’s already got something going on with that… well darn… hopefully you will keep accepting his caring actions rather than push them away.

——-STOP reading here if you don’t want to get into the more “story line” of this idea, if you want more of a story KEEP READING——-

• One night some sinner had gotten into your liquor stash and drank himself ditzy, you chased him into an ally way, looking to end his fucking life. Most of those where gifts from clients that most likely had aphrodisiacs and at the time where trying to get down your pants, but he drank from one of the few special bottles Alastor had gifted you and you went ballistic. You ended up catching him and killing him, and taking a tip from Rosie and ripped some of his limbs off, letting yourself indulge in the taste of warm, liquor filled blood. When you came too you realized you didn't know where you had chased him. Now covered in blood, liquor, rain, mud and whatever mess you stepped in on your way over. Seeing the iluminating lights of the sign for the Hazbin Hotel, your only thought was to try and get to Alastor.

*knock knock knock*

*creeeeeeeeeeeeeeek*

"Oh! Oh my gosh, hi! Come in Come in. " An ecstatic girl ushered you inside, making a towel appear seemingly out of nowhere and helping you dry off. "I'm Charlie, whats your name?"

"Oh, how rude of me" I respond trying to shake off my chills, my nose starts to get a bit runny. "Uhm I'm Y/N, I don't mean to sound intrusive- uh is Alastor here?" I ask hesitantly, not wanting to just barge in but after the night I've had I wasn't in too much of a mood for pleasantries.

"Oh yes! Here, why don't you sit at the bar, have some tea or water or something and I'll run up to his radio tower." She sat me down at a bar stool and walked away. The bartender was turned around already whipping me up something.

"So he's got you wrapped up here huh?" I inquired with a smirk, resting my hands under my chin and trying to keep a little composure. His wings ruffled a little bit before he reached for my favorite hell made brand of brandy, my cotten candy brandy, I'm not one for sweets but I love the zing it gives you. The kind where you loose your vision for a good 7 seconds.

"You haven't usually been one to be a stranger, what gives?" Husk asked turning around handing me my drink and a bowl of pretzels.

"Well when I saw you weren't at your usual gambling tables I didn't think to question it, thought you where maybe getting more chips... ooooor hooking up in the chip room.... ooooor selling even MORE of your soul, if that's even possible, maybe like your wings or your feathers or, like your body as a human shield in the next extermination, never thought you'd be here slinging drinks." I shrugged swirling my drinks around the glass before taking a sip.

Before he could respond he took a bit of a step back and growled really low and deep in his throat.

"Ah yes well he owed me a favor and since I took an investment in this hotel I needed a little work on it done." Alastor came up behind me with a warm towel wrapping it around my shoulders as the one Charlie gave me was wrapped around my waist keeping my legs warm... unfortunatly the sinner got caught at a bad time, I was in the middle of 'me time' before bed and was in my good silk nighty. Glad I walked to my office with my fuzzy robe and ballet slippers. I feel really warm and fuzzy, my heads all….. comfy now… is that static coming from Alast-

"Oh deerest your all wet, would you like to come up and I can help you clean up." He asked you shaking the towel on your shoulders helping you sit up. "Oh yes please" you responded looking at him with sad tired eyes.

-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-

I took a sip of the warm tea Alastor had made me and laid back in the bath, taking it all in. I WAS just planning a quiet evening in at home, maybe snack on some treats I got in the Gluttony ring, watch some hells soap operas. Now I’m here, in my beau’s bathroom, relaxing… maybe I can convince him to let me up to his radio tower to listen to his late night show live, oh that would be fun. I wonder what it looks like up there? I’ve only ever seen his actual town house… a little ways away from town-

*CRASH *

“What the fuck?!” I sat up so fast I almost slipped, sitting on my butt… in the tub…. Shit did he spike my tea?

“Alastor? Is everything okay?” I asked loudly. Standing up carefully keeping three points of contact with the tub and the floor. I reached for a different robe he had given me, a soft red fluffy one, with (what I hope is faux ) fur along the collar and wrists.

Walking towards the bathroom door very carefully I cautiously reached for the shiny silver handle. Telling myself it’s okay but feeling a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach, and the handle was the top of the pit…

“Alastor?” I called out again, once more not getting an answer, bringing my hands to my mouth when I heard a large thump out there, trying to keeping my composure… oh what the hell they know I’m here already. I went to turn the handle what the door got pushed in, had I been able to see what happened I would’ve seen Alastor in his demonic form and it probably would’ve scared the actual shit outta me… but NOPE

I went to open the door when it got pushed open and a bright blue flash covered all of my vision and made me feel… kinda tried… but I’m awake, almost like I’m not in my body… it’s… really hard……. To keep my….. keep my eyes …………………………….………open…….

• You collapsed to the floor slowly breathing, in a trance, feeling some sharper claws pick you up bridal style, if you weren’t so dazed out you would see Alastor frozen in time… like a paused TV… unable to get to you, or subdue your captor. You still had enough conscience to hear a muffled voice talking to a phone~

“Yeah we got her… foil chains worke—“

“Get her ba-“

“…. Longer you take the quicker……….. flasher wears-“

• Last thing you could remember hearing before completing falling out was a radio scramble in your brain, the sound going from a hollow scraggly to a tight scraggle- like turning the tv in between stations………

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

AN: WELLLLL WHAT DID YA THINK???? Did you skip to down here or did you read the WHOLE thing. I really hope ya’ll like this, I’m so excited to make part 2, and maybe 3 or 4 depending on how far this goes.

Thank you to anyone who reads this and interacts in any way shape or form!!! Even if it’s just reading :) HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY AND REMEMBER

REALITY IS AN ILLUSION, THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM BUY GOLD BYYYYYYEEEEEE

#headcannons #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel rosie #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel angst #hazbin hotel oneshots #short story #part 2?

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anim-ttrpgs · 5 months

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An absolutely incredible review of the beta version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy by review Willy Muffin on youtube, complete with visuals and actual analysis!

I'm going to also add to this post a comment that I left on the video, offering further insight into the design intentions of the game, though the comment might not make as much sense if you haven't watched the video yet.

Hey, lead writer of Eureka here, first of all I wanna say how good and professional this review is, it’s almost indescribable how it feels to see our project taken so seriously and given real analysis, complete with visuals and everything! We would be super impressed and happy with it even if you didn’t like the game—but luckily it sounds like you loved it hahaha

I’d also like to address a few things throughout the video, not as arguments or rebuttals, just further developer insight for everyone

Re: “Urban Fantasy.” “Urban Fantasy” is basically just another term for “modern fantasy”, just a fantasy story that takes place in the 20th or 21st century and deals with the intersection of contemporary life with the supernatural, and it might be an Americanism, or even a Southern-ism, since it has a lot of connections and origins in the living folklore of New Orleans, so I shouldn’t be surprised it isn’t a term everyone is familiar with. Just think of it as the kind of genre where instead of the vampire living in a secluded scary castle, his name is Phil and he’s your roommate haha. What We Do in the Shadows, Shadowrun, and the World of Darkness games are all some other good examples of “urban fantasy.”

Re: Scooby-Doo. Oh we would LOVE for you to run a Scooby-Doo-like wacky mystery with Eureka. Even though the main tone is dark and gritty and noir, we did intentionally build it so that it could run more lighthearted stuff as well! There’s even a few Scooby-Doo references to be found throughout the text, and if we hit a certain stretch goal on the Kickstarter, we’re going to be adding a bunch of Scooby-gang-inspired traits, including the option to play a Talking Dog!

Re: Combat being the largest section, even larger than Investigation. First of all, that’s kind of an illusion that is the result of the game being unfinished. I have a tendency when I write rules to use really long sentences, overexplain things, repeat myself, etc, and that dramatically bloats the rules text and page count, but that’s why we have an editor! She goes through after the fact and trims most of the fat off my bloated writing style to make it flow smoother and read faster, and take up less space. The PDF that was read for this review has had the Investigation chapter copy-edited (and cut down in size by about 25%!), but the editor hasn’t gotten to the combat chapters yet, so they still have a hugely inflated page count. When she’s done with them, you can expect each combat chapter to also be cut down in size by about 25%, so they won’t be nearly so large a chunk of the book.

Secondly, I’ll explain our reasoning for why the combat chapters and advanced combat rules are such a big chunk of the rules text, it’s intentional design which I will now explain. If anyone still doesn’t agree with that design, that’s fair, and that’s why we made the Basic Combat Rules an option.

The reason that the advanced combat rules are the default, and the reason they exist at all, is because it incentivizes and rewards Investigation. If combat is super deadly, it makes Investigation, snooping, and spying more appealing than kicking down the door and getting your head blown off. But of combat is super deadly, it also needs to be very deep and tactical, because if it’s deadly but shallow, then there’s no player agency. “Combat starts, roll some dice, okay your guy is dead.” That’s no fun. So by adding rules and modifiers for cover/elevation, distance, the difference between a pistol and an assault rifle, etc. we make it so that not only is combat its own high-stakes puzzle, but make it so that when the PCs HAVE to engage in combat, all their investigation can really pay off and save their lives. Spying on a building to find out the number of goons stationed there and how they are armed helps you plan and assess risk, stealing the blueprints to the building helps you know how to get the drop on the goons, and know the best places to attack from so that they are stuck out in the open and you are not, etc. and having rules for those things means that all the PCs’ snooping and planning makes a real mechanical difference in whether they live or die.

That’s just my opinion though, and one of the biggest reasons WHY we decided to write the combat with as much depth as we did.

Anyway, thank you again for this review and analysis of our project, our Kickstarter jumped up by about ten more backers in the evening when this video went up after several days of no new backers, and we have to assume we have this video, and all of you watching and reading this, to thank. You’re really making our dreams come true. :)

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is kickstarting from right now until May 10th! Back it while you still can!

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If you want to try before you buy, you can download a free demo of the prerelease version from our website or our itch.io page!

If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!

You can also support us on Ko-fi, or by checking out our merchandise!

Join our TTRPG Book Club At the time of writng this, Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is the current game being played in the book club, and anyone who wants to participate in discussion, but can’t afford to make a contribution, will be given the most updated prerelease version for free! Plus it’s just a great place to discuss and play new TTRPGs you might not be able to otherwise!

We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.

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wisecrackingeric-2 · 9 months

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LONG ASS MESSAGE UNDER CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A MASSIVE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!! I’ll tag everyone whose made a star for this drawing in the replies- if I’ve missed anyone or if you wanna be added, PLEASE LET KNOW!!!!!!!

At the time of writing this, there’s about 40 minutes let of 2023, and I’m VERY DETERMINED to get this posted before 2024 so I am in a bit of a rush so alas, this may not be as well-written as I’d like it to be but that’s the price I must pay alas HDNEHENEJDN

I wanna start this by saying I’ve always had a lot of anxieties surrounding the New Years, and things changing- even just seeing posts that were from the year prior always seems to give me anxiety. Things change, people move on, while I stay with the same interests- it’s always been something I’ve struggled with, but making this has helped me come to terms with all of that and I’m glad.

Theres no better words I can say right now other than; Thank You. Thank you so, so, SO much to my friends, both new and old- my friends who’ve been here since the very beginning and have stuck by me through this whole rollercoaster- and to all of my new friends, who it sometimes feels like I’ve known you all for at LEAST five years and not like, five months or something HDBWHNWUDNDHDJS thank you to everyone who has ever been kind to me, supported me and enjoyed what I’ve created- I’ve recieved probably the kindest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life this year. Thank you to the people who stuck by me when times got tough and helped me through my own seemingly very insignificant or silly problems HDNEJENSK

This year has easily been one of the best years of my life. 2022, to keep it short, was awful- I came out as a Transgender gay man to my parents and it went awful. I was dealing with the worst mental health of my entire life and there were times it felt like there was no hope. On top of all of that, my childhood dog passed away- so all and all, I wasn’t looking forward to the future. But my loving partner introduced me to Resident Evil, and as a result the community as a whole- and to say it changed my life would be an understatement.

I know it’s obviously no secret that I have a favourite character, Luis Serra Navarro- but to say his character has changed me as a person for the better would also be a MASSIVE understatement. I’ve never ever in my entire life resonated with a character so profoundly before- as a queer and trans man, I saw myself reflected in his performance, and that means more to me than words can even describe. His character encapsulated me in a way no other has done before, and genuinely helped me accept my autism, my queerness and my trans identity as a good thing- I could write absolutely ESSAYS on his character and I have. I’ve consumed more Don Quixote media than I think I ever would have otherwise HDNEHENEJD and to say I’ve genuinely become a more confident and happier person because of his character would, again, be SUCH an understatement. It’s truly hard to describe how much he means to me, but I hope my words give a good idea.

For the first time in a very, very long time, I get to look forward to my future. I don’t see my Queerness or my Trans identity as a setback anymore; I have things to look forward to, plans I’ve made and a future I can look towards. And I cannot thank my friends- all of you know who you are- André and Andrea and everyone in my life and this small little community I’ve unintentionally formed for giving me that opportunity. Words will never be able to describe how grateful I truly am, but I hope this is close enough.

Thank you for letting me fully indulge in my autism and enjoy Luis’ character to the fullest. I’ve never felt happier enjoying something in my entire life.

Thank you everyone. For everything. May you all successfully defeat your own windmills <3

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kitten4sannie · 2 years

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【ＨｉｄｅａｎｄＳｅｅｋ】

Boyfriend! Yunho x Fem! Reader

Genre: smut

Summary: You and Yunho play your favorite game together.

W.C: 5.2k

Warnings: *possibly triggering content*,established relationship, role playing, hard/soft? dom! Yunho, sub! reader, cnc, pet names, name calling, degradation, size kink, filthy dialogue, manhandling, rope play, fingering, biting, pain kink, blood play, forced orgasm, hair pulling, praise, oral (giving), deep throating, overstimulation, brief use of the color system, rough (unprotected) sex, brief use of a gag

Author's Note: Hope you all are enjoying the spooky season 🖤 I’m literally never going to recover from the picture of Yunho I used, like are we seeing him??? Mark me down as scared and horny dhskshdj. Also, I’ll be posting the teaser for my last spooky fic on the 23rd :) Enjoy 🖤

Song Recs: Running Up That Hill by Placebo, Bound by Key, and Angel by Massive Attack

Masterlist

➽───────────────❥

You came home after a long day at work, unlocking the front door and slowly pushing it open with your palm, letting out a sigh. You froze for a second, noticing that every light was off inside the house, despite knowing that your boyfriend was home already. “Oh boy…” you murmured to yourself, eyes slowly adapting to the surrounding darkness.

After kicking off your heels near the door, you walked up to the kitchen table, noticing there was a note that Yunho must have left for you. You brought it up to your face and held your phone up near it, using the light from the screen to read what he had scribbled on it.

You have two minutes to hide :) Then I’m gonna come find you ♡

A small, sheepish smile formed on your face, as you tossed the note back down onto the table, a noticeable knot forming tightly inside your stomach. It was finally the night you had been looking forward to all month; the night where you and Yunho would play a little game of hide and seek, only if he caught you, he was allowed to do whatever he felt like doing to you.

To add to the excitement, Yunho never told you when he wanted to play; he only made it obvious by turning all the lights off in the house, like he had done just minutes ago. This resulted in you always coming home with butterflies in your stomach, eager to experience the game again, but never knowing when he’d initiate it.

You set your work bag down onto the kitchen table, using two fingers to pull your hair free from the hair tie you had on. Sighing gently, you took a few extra seconds to prepare yourself mentally for what was awaiting you.

Once you were in an appropriate headspace, you began to walk down the hallway, the tips of your fingers feeling tingly. Taking in a deep breath, you quietly made your way up the stairs, only stopping when you made it to the banister. You looked down at your phone, realizing a minute had already gone by.

“Shit…” you whispered to yourself, eyes darting back and forth between the left and right side of the hallway, wondering which way you should go. Hearing what sounded like the garage door opening and closing, you quickly scampered down the left side and into your shared bedroom, which was located at the very end of the hall.

“Okay, where to hide?” You looked at the bathroom door, shaking your head almost immediately. The bathroom was too confined; you would be instantly cornered if you hid there. Looking towards your bed, you briefly wondered if hiding under it was the way to go. No, it’d take too long to maneuver yourself out from under there, once he found you.

Your breath got caught inside your throat when you started hearing a creaking sound coming from the staircase down the hall, sending your brain into full-blown panic mode. Your nervous gaze settled on your closet, your legs moving in its direction, before you had even fully made up your mind. Quietly sliding the right side of the closet open, you slipped inside, opting to hide in the far left corner, once you had shut the closet behind you. You moved some boxes in front of you and pushed yourself up against the cool wall, your heart beating wildly inside your chest.

Sure, you were frightened, but not truly; you weren’t in any real danger. It was just a simulated version of it, but sometimes Yunho was very capable of making you question the situation. You loved this, however, and he did as well; it allowed you to bring some excitement into your otherwise mundane lives.

“Is my angel hiding somewhere over here?” you heard Yunho say in a low, calculated voice, your fingers unconsciously gripping the carpet below you. The volume of his voice was somewhat muffled, so you assumed that he was still somewhere in the hall.

Yunho suddenly kicked the office door open, the impact of his foot hitting the door making you jump. He scanned the room thoroughly with his dark eyes, sighing softly when he didn’t see you. “Not here…” he murmured, sounding disappointed. He eventually found his way into your shared bathroom that was connected to your bedroom, standing there silently for a minute.

Sensing his presence inside the room, you tried to make your body appear as small as possible, bringing your knees up to your chest and holding your legs securely in place. You could hear your boyfriend take in a deep breath, then slowly let it out, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

“I bet your pussy is already soaking wet for me, angel,” he exhaled, leaning one hand on the bathroom door frame he was standing near, peering inside to see if you were dumb enough to hide in there. “I know how much you love playing hide and seek with me.”

You let out a barely audible sigh, before quietly slamming a hand against your mouth to prevent yourself from making any more pleased noises in response to his words. You sat there for a moment, waiting to see if Yunho had heard you. Your body eventually relaxed, when you didn’t hear him respond verbally or physically. You internally gave yourself praise, proud of yourself for being able to mask the sounds that so desperately wanted to escape your mouth. However, this mini celebration of yours didn’t last very long.

You almost jumped out of your skin when the right side of the closet came flying open, Yunho's large frame coming into view. He placed one of his hands on the edge of the wall and the other on the opened closet door, slowly leaning his body into the space you were in, quietly admiring your frightened, doe-like eyes. “Found you,” he said, in an almost melodic tone, giving you an ominous smile.

You stayed completely still initially, feeling your heart stop beating for a split-second. He was almost too good at appearing like he was a psychopath, but you knew that he was just very enthusiastic when it came to roleplaying. Yunho always made sure to stay in character during these interactions and you loved it; you couldn’t have asked for a better partner.

“D-don’t even think about touching me,” you murmured in a small voice, maintaining eye contact with him, as your fingers gingerly slid in between the left side closet door and the door frame. Your eyes narrowed with feigned anger, your lips forming a small scowl. “I’m serious, Yunho!”

A dark chuckle erupted from Yunho’s throat, his fingers wrapping around the jute rope that he was holding, his hands closing into fists around the rough material. He then spread his hands apart, causing the rope to be stretched.

This action alone sent heat straight to your core, your legs involuntarily pressing against one another. You gritted your teeth, trying not to let him see how truly excited you were about the situation. “I’m not joking! Fuck. Off.”

Another pleased laugh escaped past Yunho’s lips, this one being more light and airy, almost like he had just been told a joke. He leaned his shoulder against the doorframe and sighed, his joyous expression suddenly melting away and being replaced with an eerily neutral one.

“It’s so amusing to me that you believe you have any sort of authority in this situation, angel. You’re simply my prey, my play thing, my little toy, that I'll use, abuse, and fill up with my cum,” he stated, his eyes devoid of any compassion, and instead filled with fervid lust.

You swallowed harshly, already feeling your wetness soak through your thin panties. You remained quiet, unable to come up with a response, aside from just looking up at him with wide eyes. For what seemed like forever, the two of you just stared back at one another, waiting for either one of you to make some sort of move.

“Come here, angel,” was all that Yunho said, as he suddenly pushed his way into the closet, reaching for your leg to grab it.

You quickly opened your side of the closet, scrambling out of it and out onto the floor of your bedroom. Breathing heavily, from the adrenaline already coursing through your veins, you jumped up onto your feet and started sprinting down the second-story hallway. You heard a satisfied laugh echo from the bedroom, your successful escape plan clearly bringing Yunho some kind of fulfillment.

Just as you looked past your shoulder to catch sight of Yunho’s tall figure appearing outside of the bedroom door, you suddenly felt your foot sliding across the slick wood flooring you were running on, causing you to lose your footing. “Shit!” you gasped, unable to regain your balance and, in turn, instantly falling on your ass.

The loud, rapidly increasing footsteps heading in your direction threatened to stop your heart permanently. You let out a small cry of fear, reaching up to grab the edge of the banister and using your momentum to propel yourself upwards. You just narrowly escaped your boyfriend’s grasp by ducking and sending yourself down the stairs at a dangerous speed, almost missing a step on the way down.

The only sounds you could hear coming from behind you were a couple quiet giggles, as well as the occasional call of your nickname. You ignored his attempts at freaking you out further, solely focusing on getting to the front door. If you did so, that would mean you had finally won the game for the first time. Even though the two of you had played countless times, you could never seem to win, due to how much faster and stronger Yunho was than you. Not to mention, how much larger. Something about him being 6’1 and running towards you at a rapid speed with a smile plastered on his face always sent fear and arousal straight into you, without fail.

“Angelllll, stop running from me! Let me play with you!” he shouted after you, fast-walking down the first five steps of the staircase, before easily jumping past the last five, his feet landing on the wood floor with a thud.

You let out an involuntary scream, running towards the front door, as fast as your legs could carry you. Just as your hand reached out for the door handle, you felt all the air inside your lungs suddenly disappear. Your boyfriend’s sturdy body had made a rough impact with your significantly more delicate one, his large hands grabbing the back of your shoulders and shoving you chest-first into the front door, your head hitting the door, causing a dizzying sensation to overcome your senses.

“Caught you…” he exhaled, near the side of your upper jaw, tongue flicking out of his mouth to drag up the shell of your ear, causing you to shiver. “Now, it’s finally time for the fun part.”

Once Yunho had stripped your top half, he wasted no time to tie you up, so that your arms were held taut behind your back. He also made sure that the rope was wrapped securely both above and underneath your breasts, as well as in between. He was quite experienced with this sort of thing, so he knew how tight he wanted certain sections of the rope to be, as well as how loose other areas should remain, so that it didn’t cut off your circulation and make your body go numb.

“Mmm, my beautiful angel, all tied up just for me…” he sighed, running a finger down the knotted sections of the rope, admiring his work. It was an art, in itself. He felt the same way about your body; he loved observing your skin, as it slowly grew more visibly irritated and tender over time, the way your breasts would become swollen and sensitive the longer you were tied up, but his favorite thing was how you had to hide your rope burns with long-sleeved shirts, before you went to work the next morning. Everything about this dynamic that you shared together never failed to turn him on immensely.

“P-please let me go…” you murmured, turning your head, so that you could look up at him with pleading eyes. You made a small squeaking sound when Yunho responded by grabbing the back of your head and pressing it against the cold wood of the door, his free hand finding its way down to your work skirt and pulling it down in one swift motion.

“I’ll let you go when I’m done using you,” he murmured against your ear, letting go of your head and hooking his fingers into the material of your pantyhose around your ass and crotch area, before tearing them open, without a second thought. He groaned at the sight of your soaked panties, instantly grabbing the thin material and ripping it off of you as well, tossing them onto the nearby couch.

You moaned in response, feeling a significant amount of wetness begin to leak out of you and down your inner thighs. Biting your lip, you desperately squeezed your legs together to prevent more from coming out.

“P-please, stop! I’m begging you!”

Yunho earned another moan from you when he kicked the insides of your ankles, forcing your legs to spread open for him. “You thought you could hide your wet little cunt from me? You’re so precious, angel,” he chuckled lightly, petting your hair in an oddly gentle fashion.

You were about to answer with something bratty when you felt your breath get caught inside your throat, due to feeling the overwhelming sensation of Yunho’s long fingers pushing deep into your pussy. You squirmed around helplessly, as he began pumping them in and out of you, at an alarming pace. “Oh my fucking god!” you cried out, unable to hold back the constant need to whine and whimper. “Yunho…ple-aseee…!”

“Please, what?” he questioned, adding a third digit inside you, chuckling when you only answered with another moan. “My poor little angel…you’re so much of a cock-hungry little whore that you’ve already lost your ability to form basic sentences…” He grabbed one of your hips roughly with one hand, forcing you to arch your back to a certain extent, allowing his fingers to reach your g-spot with ease.

“A-aah! Fuck!” you cried out, the muscles in your upper legs tightening in response to the sudden increase of pleasure you felt, your eyelids fluttering shut.

“That’s it…That’s the spot, huh? You like it right there, baby?”

Yunho pounded his fingers into you, his body pressing heavily against yours. He whispered more obscenities directly into your ear, pulling it roughly with his teeth afterward, earning a small whine from your parted lips.

“That’s my good girl…”

When he tilted your head in his direction, so that he could see how euphoric your expression was and how beautiful you looked in general, he was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to bite you. He did so, without any hesitation, sinking his teeth into the side of your neck.

“F-uuck!” you choked out, feeling your blood begin to trickle down your neck. You cried out again when he bit into your shoulder this time, even harder than before. “Yunho! Oh my god, Yunho!” Your eyes rolled back into your head, the pain almost too overwhelming, but still just as pleasurable as it was being finger-fucked by him.

“Fuuuck, I love hearing you cry out my name like that, baby…It makes me want to bite you again and again…”

Once Yunho felt your pussy tighten significantly around his fingers, he grunted, shoving them as deep as he could and sliding them almost all the way out, before repeating the cycle. “Yeah, that’s it…”

This almost drove you to the brink of insanity; your head was pounding from the intense stinging sensation of your wounds, as well as from the dizzying amount of pleasure you were overcome with. “Yun…ho…” you exhaled, a bit of drool escaping your mouth.

“Are you gonna cum, angel? Hmm? Are you gonna cum just from being bitten? Or from the way I’m fucking you with just my fingers?”

“B-both,” you whimpered, looking back at him through your peripheral vision. Feeling yourself getting closer and closer to your high, you almost didn’t realize when Yunho had sunk his teeth into the other side of your neck, feeling him bite down hard enough, so that you felt a lightning bolt of pain inside your head.

“Fuck!“ you yelled, the combination of his rapidly moving fingers and teeth slicing into your flesh proving to be too lethal, immediately bringing you to orgasm.

Yunho pulled his fingers out of your pulsing hole and brought them around your shoulder up to your trembling lips, sliding them into your mouth.

“Suck them clean, angel.”

You closed your eyes, your mouth closing around his fingers and sucking on them just as he asked, only to gasp on them, when you felt Yunho’s tongue lapping at the remaining blood left on your neck and shoulder where he had bitten you.

“Mmmn…” he mumbled, pulling away from your neck and licking his lips, just as he pulled his fingers out of your mouth. He grabbed you by the hair and yanked your body back into his, caressing the side of your jaw lightly. Without another word, he slammed his lips against yours and forced his tongue into your mouth, making you taste an overwhelming amount of iron.

You struggled against him, trying to do your best to free your body from its restraints, but failing miserably, not that you really wanted to escape. You just loved playing the part.

“Mm..! Mm-mmm!” you reacted, feeling Yunho’s large hands grope your body up to your secured breasts, squeezing them as roughly as he could, prior to pinching and pulling at your sensitive nipples.

He chuckled into your mouth, pleased with how you were responding, using the tip of his fingers to roll around your nipples, just before flicking them as hard as he could a few times in a row.

“Y-Yunho…” you murmured softly, just as he broke the kiss and pulled away. You could barely function at this point and he wasn’t even close to being done with you. It frightened you, but not nearly as much as it turned you on.

“Angel.” Your boyfriend ran a finger down your back and along one of your bound forearms, informing you, “I think it’s time for you to show me what that pretty little mouth of yours is capable of.”

Within a few moments, Yunho had placed you down on the leather sofa, so that you were laying on your back with your head hanging off the edge of the elongated arm rest, a large pillow being positioned underneath your body to prevent you from straining any muscles.

You studied Yunho from below, watching as he hastily pulled his sweatpants down, revealing his large, throbbing cock. “Holy fuck…” you mumbled to yourself, as a few drops of pre-cum fell from the tip of his erection, landing on your cheek and slowly rolling down it.

Yunho’s lips curled into a gratified smirk, always loving when you fed his ego. “You act like you don’t see my cock every day, angel. Or do you just love it that much? I bet you daydream about it all day at work, don’t you?” He reached down to gather up the pre-cum with his thumb and rubbed it all over your lips, letting out a sigh.

“Of course I do…You know how much I love worshiping your cock, Yuyu,” you purred, feeling pleased when you saw how his smirk turned into a lewd smile, very aware of how much he loved it when you called him by his nickname.

“Then show me how much you love it, angel,” Yunho requested, holding his dick near your mouth, immediately drawing in a sudden breath, when he felt your tongue teasingly swipe over the slit.

“Then hurry up and shove your cock down my throat, Yuyu,” you responded in an impatient tone, prior to opening your mouth as wide as you possibly could.

Yunho’s dark irises instantly dilated upon hearing your bold words, prompting him to push most of his length into your mouth, the tip of his dick sliding past the entrance of your throat. “Angelllll, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth,” he praised, his long fingers holding your neck from either side, making sure to apply some pressure, but not enough to hurt you. “So, so pretty.”

“M-mmmnn…” you moaned around him, carefully drawing in air through your nose and slowly relaxing your throat, so that you could take him, without any issues.

Yunho gazed down at you, waiting for you to adjust to his large size. Once you had done so, he began pumping himself in and out of your mouth, groaning deeply when he felt your moans vibrating around his member.

“Fffffuck, I can never-unhh-get tired of this. I love fucking your tight little throat, angel…” he exhaled somewhat shakily, unconsciously speeding up his movements, instinctively wanting to increase the amount of pleasure he was feeling as soon as possible.

Your eyes were beginning to roll back behind your closing eyelids, the sensation of being throat-fucked in such a lewd position proving to be too pleasurable for you to keep a proper grasp over your facial expressions. Your tingly arms and hands twitched beneath your back, desperately wanting to escape, so that you could touch yourself, in order to ease the throbbing you felt between your legs.

Yunho let out a long groan, noticing the small puddle of arousal soaking into the couch near where your legs were spread open, commenting, “Something tells me that you’re loving this just as much as I am, angel…You just love being a good little cocksleeve for me, huh?” He suddenly looked down towards your neck, instantly distracted. “Fuck, would you look at that…” he breathed, admiring the way his cock looked moving in and out of your throat, his eyes zoning in on the outline of it.

You squeezed your legs together, the aching you felt inside your core being almost unbearable at this point, causing you to groan a bit around his cock, knowing you couldn’t do a single thing about it.

“What’s wrong, angel? Do you want me to touch you? Is that it? Cumming once wasn’t enough for you?” he questioned in a low voice, leaning forward onto the couch a bit, so that he could shove himself further into your throat and at a faster rate, without requiring as much hip movement as it previously did. “What a needy little slut you are…”

“Mmm-hmm…!” you moaned, wondering if Yunho could even understand you over the constant squelching sounds of his cock going into your throat over and over again.

“Mm, since you're being such a good girl for me, I’ll help you out, okay?” Yunho used his core strength to lean down over you a bit further, reaching his hand down to your already-soaked pussy, using his middle and ring finger to rub rapidly against your swollen clit.

“Mmmmn!” Your back arched almost instantly, so fast and so abrupt, that it hurt your spine. Feeling his fingers push down harder against your clit and move in a side-to-side motion, you knew that your orgasm was already imminent, as was Yunho’s, considering the way his cock was throbbing inside your throat.

“Mmm, look at you…that feels good, doesn’t it, baby?” Yunho sighed, gripping the side of the couch with one free hand, shoving his cock relentlessly into your throat and admiring the way your spit was consistently dripping from your lips and slowly sliding up your face, then into your already-damp hair. “Fucking take it…take this cock…”

You couldn’t handle it anymore; Yunho’s filthy mouth and actions had finally taken their toll on you, causing you to reach your second orgasm. “Mmmfff…!” You bucked your hips up against Yunho’s hand, as cum spilled out of your hole and onto the couch below you.

“Good girl…I want to see that again,” Yunho observed, placing his fingers back down onto your pulsing clit and rubbing it rapidly once more, sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout your body.

You let out a consistent flow of muffled moans, your lower half twitching periodically, due to Yunho’s unfaltering hand movements. Within a few moments, you came again, this time harder than before, causing the edges of your vision to blur temporarily.

“My pretty little angel…I bet that felt nice, didn’t it? You know what else will feel nice?” Yunho started, both hands going back to your neck and holding it securely, as he rammed his cock down your throat at a brutal pace. “My cum shooting down your slutty-aah-little-unh-throat! Don’t you want it, angel? Don’t you want my cum?”

You couldn’t even respond at this point; how could you? Your mouth was occupied and your body was bound. The only thing you could do was moan weakly a few times around Yunho’s cock, knowing he probably couldn’t even hear you over the sound of his groans and the sinful sounds coming from your throat.

“Oh, godddd, I’m gonna fucking cum…” Yunho announced in a strangled voice, suddenly stopping his movements and holding you in place, just in time for hot ropes of cum to pour down your throat, forcing you to swallow it, so that you didn’t choke. “Mmhmm…drink it all, baby…Show me how much you love this cock…”

You did just as he asked of you, drinking down his slightly bitter release in gulps, until there was no more left. Your body rested against the pillow you were laying on, feeling drained of your energy, but still having the motivation to continue your roleplay.

Yunho pulled out of your mouth and wiped the tip of his cock on your swollen lips, sighing softly. “What color are you, angel?” he questioned, running his fingers through your hair.

“Green,” you replied confidently, looking up at your boyfriend with a smile, just before he grabbed you by the shoulders and laid you down the other way, so that you were on your stomach with your head down and your ass up in the air.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Yunho responded, his large hands grabbing hold of your hips from both sides, squeezing them roughly. “You ready for this cock, baby?”

“Yes, now give it to me!”

Your eager response sent Yunho back into a darker mindset, already shoving his throbbing length into your tight hole, groaning when he bottomed out right away. “Ffffuck, my baby’s always so tight…” he mused, letting out a small satisfied laugh, before he began slamming himself in and out of you at a brutal pace, right out of the gate.

“Jesus, fuck!” you choked, your voice cracking unintentionally, almost feeling dizzy from the way Yunho was fucking you. Your body went completely lax against the couch cushion, feeling more drool leaking out past your lips, your fingers twitching slightly behind your back.

“Oh my goddd, just look at you taking it like a good little whore…You love it, don’t you?” Yunho lowered himself and laid directly on your back, his arms moving past either side of you and resting down on the couch cushion, his body heavy against yours. “You like being my little fuckdoll, baby?” he asked against your earlobe, his harsh breaths sending shivers down your spine.

You nodded your head weakly, barely able to focus on what Yunho was saying, due to the waves of fire that were ripping through your body, threatening to send you over the edge. You abruptly gritted your teeth when you felt him pounding into you even harder than before, if that was possible. Your hands formed into fists, feeling like you were genuinely going to lose it, thanks to the mind-breaking amount of pleasure that was flooding your brain and body. “W-wait, no more! It’s-aaah-too much, Yuyu! Please…! I’m gonna go fucking crazy!”

Your boyfriend let out a dark chuckle, reaching for your panties that were crumbled up on the couch and grabbing them, muttering, “Sorry, angel. You’re gonna have to be a good girl and take it.” Before you could protest, Yunho shoved your panties into your mouth, in such a rough manner, that you gagged around the thin lacy material.

You instinctively tried to move your arms, letting out a muffled whine, knowing you had absolutely no control over the situation. This only served to increase the intensity of your high, encouraging you to unravel completely, feeling Yunho fucking your abudant wetness out of you, and, in turn, hearing him groan loudly above you.

“You just came, didn’t you, angel?” he questioned, in between breaths, finding it amusing that you couldn’t even answer him, causing him to let out an airy, pleased chuckle. “My beautiful little rope bunny…Both of your holes stuffed with my cock and your own ripped panties…Oh my goddd, I think I’m gonna cum….!” Getting himself worked up with his own words, in addition to your pussy constricting around his length like a vice, he let out a long, strangled moan, his cum spilling out deep inside you. However, he continued to thrust into you, refusing to stop, until your pussy milked him completely dry. “Ahhh, goddd…baby…take it allll…”

You moaned around the makeshift gag, along with Yunho, your thighs trembling from the overwhelmingly warm and comforting sensation you felt within your core, letting you stay in a state of pure euphoria for a significant amount of time. “Mmmfff…”

After the both of you had finally come down, Yunho took his time untying you, and in turn, admiring the rope burns littered around your skin, running his fingers along some of them, sending shivers up your spine. “So pretty…” he murmured to himself, before pulling you up and into his arms, relaxing his body against the couch. “You did so well for me, angel.” He kissed your forehead and your temple a few times, mumbling onto your skin, “Are you okay, angel? I didn’t go too far, did I?”

You shook your head, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him as tightly as you possibly could, replying, “I’m more than okay, Yuyu. I couldn’t be better.” Hearing Yunho’s sigh of approval, you opted to stay in his arms for a prolonged amount of time, enjoying his warmth.

“Yuyu?” you eventually spoke up, something on your mind.

“Yeah?”

You pulled back slightly, so that you could look up at him, a small mischievous smile on your face. “Do you think you can dress up as Ghostface next time?” You patted his shoulder a couple times, out of excitement. “Oh, and call me on the phone when I get off of work and ask me what my favorite scary movie is!”

He smiled at you, nodding his head and rubbing your back in gentle circles, wondering how you could be so cute. “Of course I can, angel.”

Your lips formed an ‘o’ shape, as if you had another idea, your smile becoming brighter. “And Michael Myers after that!”

Yunho reeled back, his eyebrows raising up. “Angel,” he started, letting out a surprised chuckle, shaking his head. “Really? Michael Myers?”

You got defensive almost immediately, holding up an accusative finger in his direction, your eyes narrowing.

“Don’t you fucking judge me!”

➽───────────────❥

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candlewaxandp0lar0ids · 10 months

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Hi all, so, basically I've been having a lot of thoughts and feelings about the state of fanfiction these days. Specifically, I've been thinking about the relationship and interactions between writers and their readers within the fandom (talking about my fandoms in particular, but I know that similar things seem to be happening across the board). I know that authors have been talking about how they've been getting less and less comments and feedback in general on their work. I haven't said much about it because I don't want to appear ungrateful to the people who take the time to leave detailed feedback — I'm incredibly grateful to them and they've played a huge part in keeping me going for this long. If you've left a comment on any of my works and see this and wonder if you haven't done enough, trust me, you have.

Still, if I'm being honest, the amount of silent readers is starting to take its toll on me. It's gotten to the point where when I write something, if it's a decently long piece (let's say over 4k), I'm likely to get less comments on the work than I've put hours into writing it. It sometimes feels like I have to beg for comments and that is not a nice feeling. As an author, it's hard to see that and not think that it says something about the quality of the work you've put out.

I've been trying to think of things that could help, I have a bunch of thoughts that I'll probably try to organize at some point (namely i think a network for writers to have constructive feedback, which doesn’t always mean negative feedback btw, could have a positive impact — feel free to let me know if you’d be interested but also i’ll probably make another poll for that). For now, I wanted to ask: as readers, if you don't leave comments, is it because you're not sure of what to say or how to articulate it? If so, would it help if I made a post detailing things you can tell writers in the comments (other than the classic, but always good 'I loved it')? In general I'd love to know more about why people don't leave comments.

Expect a couple more posts on the subject once I've collected my thoughts and in the meanwhile, here's a poll to let me know if it would help. Reblog to increase visibility/sample size, etc.

#i'll tag this with some of my fandoms #bts x reader #skz x reader #bts fanfic #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader #candywrites #just thinking thoughts #poll #tumblr polls

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s-che · 2 months

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reporting from the Dream Library: Apocalypse World

After however many years of games pointing its direction, I finally played Apocalypse Worlds as the first leg of a long series of one- and two-shots I’m running over in the Dream Library, my weekly drop-in-game-and-design-chat discord. We’re starting a unit talking through some of the highs, lows, landmarks, and cul-de-sacs in the now fourteen-year long history of PBTA design — it’s looking something like an actual play book club.

It’s an interesting journey to be embarking on — and I’ll talk a little bit more about where we’re going next at the end of this post — but, hey, first:

I fucking loved Apocalypse World.

Part 1: Big Thoughts & Caveats

Apocalypse World rules. That isn’t a particularly hot take, and it isn’t a set up for me to tear into the game later. I’m not being polite here. The game fucking rules. Every time I opened the book (I’ve got both a physical copy and a pdf of the second edition), I was confronted by some absolute sick nasty shit that slapped and fucked and went supremely hard. The game is good good good in a way that, tbh, makes me a little disappointed in a whole bunch of PBTA games that come after it and totally miss, imo, where all the cool shit in Apocalypse World came from.

There’s a way in which, speaking as a mostly casual observer who was mostly not around during the big years of the PBTA boom (for those keeping score at home, I listened to Friends at the Table on and off from about 2016 on and played a handful of Dungeon World and Sprawl sessions as a result, but didn’t start actively participating in the blood machine we call design discourse until after I graduated college in 2021), what seems to get fossilized as the core of PBTA design, especially in the public pitch for various systems, is mostly the simplicity of the dice and resolution systems — make a move, roll 2d6+stat, partial successes, isn’t this so much easier than d20 rollover?

And, sure, those form a part of the marketability of PBTA, especially to a mainline RPG audience. But there’s more than just that in this book — a lot more — in a way which makes me upset that this wasn’t the shit I was hearing about at 17. Meguey & Vincent Baker have skill for designing with what you might call elegant maximalism in mind, a philosophy where you are constantly confronted — especially when handling the physical object — by a book which is impressive both in its length and in its density.

Apocalypse World (like Under Hollow Hills, which we’ll be playing at the very end of our PBTA unit in the Dream Library) is remarkable both for the number of moving pieces and for the fluidity with which those pieces fit together. I understand why that kind of game, coupled with how easy it is to hack moves into something entirely new, leads to a design moment which emphasizes rules-light play, but — agh! There’s just so much more game in Apocalypse World than in so many of the games which build on it. The text calls for the MC to “barf forth apocalyptica” — and it feels like Vincent and Meguey have done something similar, here, cramming everything which makes the game interesting right into the text.

All that being said, I butchered this game in order to run it as a one-shot. Apocalypse World should not be run as a one-shot. There are lots of very funny forum conversations to be found, if you start looking online for advice on running Apocalypse World as a one-shot, where people tell each other not to run Apocalypse World as a one-shot. In several of them, especially on the old lumpley forums, Vincent chimes in and suggest not running it as a one-shot.

Unfortunately, the limits of trying to run a series of games in conversation with each other, in a reasonable period of time, with a rotating set of players means that I can’t play Apocalypse World the way you’re supposed to. I’m going to host it again later this month, and I may try to run that session as a a little more of an as-written Session 0 (or follow Vince’s advice on playing it con-style to the letter), but that’s getting a little close to what-comes-next talk, which I said I’d save for the end.

All-in-all, I’m not terribly unhappy with the way my cobbled together one-shot went, but — as I talk through some of the points of friction in a moment — I’m going to try to keep in mind (and I’d like y’all to keep in mind too) that much of this is my fault, for breaking the game before we every played.

That being said...

Part 2: The Session

I had four players, who made characters ahead of time — except for Hx, which we did at the top of the session. None of them, as far as I know, had played Apocalypse World before. We got an angel, a battlebabe, a brainer, a hardholder out of it.

There were strengths and weaknesses to prepping characters ahead — while it did save time and let us play harder and faster than we would have otherwise, I struggled at times with what felt like an almost immediate divide between player characters: the hardholder and the brainer on one side, the angel and battlebabe on the other. There wasn’t player tension or conflict — just folks interests going in different directions, which is 1. totally fine, and in fact can be fun to play with over a longer time and 2. probably my fault for giving players the full list of playbooks. Hardholder is good shit, but it’s also big and requires more prep than basically any of the others, and then grounds you in a world I wish we’d had time to explore longer.

I prepped a holding, with the help of our hardholder Mother Superior: the Red Priory, an underground market in the tunnels beneath the ruins of a city-which-was, located on the remains of an interstate highway in the slow process of sinking into the burned and blackened mudflats left behind when the wetlands dried up. I prepped some threats: a gas supplier to the west and a gang called the Crow-Eaters who were picking off caravans to the east. And then we jumped into play, opening in media res. Mother Superior was stranded, hunted by the Crow-Eaters as he tried to make it back to the safety of the Priory, while our other players (Charmer the Brainer, Kerrbox the Angel, and Rapture the Battlebabe) set out looking for their boss. Again, a breach of how the game is supposed to run, but opening with something high-octane felt important when we only had a couple of hours to dick around in the world.

We had a brief encounter at a blockaded highway, some good chats about the safety and feasibility of offroading on a dried up swamp (don’t), and an absolutely miserable (in a good way) knock-down, drag-out shootout between Mother Superior and his pursuers, which ended when an escaping Crow-Eater rode headfirst into our other players’ search party and wound up getting dragged behind a bike some five hundred feet down the road, psychically interrogated, and imprisoned in the Red Priory. Having made it safe — but badly injured — back to the holding, we capped off the session — and our story — with an attack by the full Crow-Eater gang riding a souped up bulldozer and a fleet of bikes which Kerrbox and Rapture road out to deal with while Mother Superior drifted semi-conscious in a hospital bed, dreaming with Charmer about the Crow-Eater’s boss, Lady Magpie — who, at that moment, was dueling Rapture guitar-ax-on-chains on top of the bulldozer. Every step in the process was sick as shit. The combat felt great, the social dynamics felt great, the shifting scales of threat and tension as things amped up felt great — and even with a couple of players with pretty limited RPG experience, the game felt like it had an interesting answer (or a way to find an interesting answer) to every question we hit. As always when playing online, I did wish we were in person (flipping through a book around a table just feels better than flipping through a book on a discord call) and we ran into the usual hiccups with to do the move, do it type games: cases where players had an interesting image of what they wanted to try which the moves didn’t quite cover and cases where players knew what move they were angling for but I had to push them to frame it narratively — but both of those things are solved by familiarity, and would have been smoothed out if we’d gotten to play for longer.

There’s a slightly paradoxical way in which a one-shot of a GM’d game tends to rely more heavily on the GM than long term play does, especially when the non-GM players haven’t spent a lot of time with the game beforehand. Even if you aren’t expected to have prepped as thoroughly as you might for a campaign, the labor of hosting and facilitating has a tendency to balloon in a first session, and there were a number of times when my players looked to me for answers when, in a longer game, I’d like to think they would have felt comfortable answering the questions themselves. Some of this is just players getting warmed up to the space and to playing with each other, but there’s another edge as well: I think some players have a tricky time feeling like they can claim authorial power in a one-shot. A one-shot is perceived as a kind of bespoke experience, something hosted by me for you — a perception which, I admit, I play into when I end a Dream Library session by thanking my players for joining me. I don’t know why I do that — I certainly don’t feel that need when I GM an ongoing campaign — but I do.

Apocalypse World is a great game for breaking this habit. Even as I over-prepped for the first session, limiting myself to developing threats (and the basic setting details worked out with the hardholder) meant there were moments when not only did my players ask me questions I didn’t have an answer to, but questions which I did not feel I was the right person to answer at all, and I passed authorship off — either back to them or to another player. Breaking up the authorial duties by making it extremely clear what the MC is and is not is a huge part of what makes the Bakers work tick — and something I’ve seen them do in other, even more asymmetrical games (like the excellent Wizards Grimoire zines which are on sale right now).

On top of that, though, Apocalypse World gives you Agendas, and most importantly the command to “Barf forth apocalyptica” which I mentioned once already. In a one-shot, having a textual instruction to answer questions with the most grotesque, evocative, and apocalyptic answer we could find was an incredible mandate which changed the world in the process of play. The mudflats got muddier as we went, the Red Priory seedier. By the time we met her, Lady Magpie had discarded her original fit for a massive cloak strung with bits of broken metal and glass which clattered and flickered with her every movement.

Apocalypse World enshrines the call to lean into the obvious answer into its text, reminding us that it is, in fact, fun to play in genre. It is fun to play in the trope. It is fun to make things strange and beautiful and frightening purely for the purpose of being strange and beautiful and frightening. It fucking rules.

I wish, again, that I’d gotten to play it longer, and watched the world get even weirder and more apocalyptic.

Part 3: What Comes Next

I’ve got another session of Apocalypse World that I’ll be recruiting for in the Dream Library basically as soon as this post goes up — then next month we’re moving on to Night Witches and Sagas of the Icelanders to talk a little about historical fiction and genre. The schedule beyond that has been laid out, but only tentatively (at one stage, I had games planned to run until next April, which is absurd, but I’m trying to keep things flexible and let the unit lead us where it does). If you’d like to get in on the action, shoot me a message! I’m not posting the link to the Dream Library anywhere publicly at the moment, but genuinely — if you want in, you should come on in. If you don’t want to play, you don’t have to play — we’ve got a little text-based book club talking through the games simultaneously to our unit, for folks who can’t make it but still want to talk games.

On the other hand, if you want to run a game you should for sure let me know. I’ve already got a few guest hosts lined up, and I can’t wait to see what they do. Is there a game you think is secretly the key to understanding PBTA? Something you’ve been itching to try, but never found a group for? A game you hate, but feel obligated to talk about anyway?

Come and join. We’d love to have you.

We’ve got fourteen years of design to talk shit about, after all.

#ttrpgs #ttrpg design #indie ttrpg #apocalypse world #pbta #powered by the apocalypse #dream library #play report

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sexydreamgirl · 1 year

Note

Hi! I just wanted to share this somewhere so I feel I have the obligation to complete it.

I’ve been apart of the LOA community for some time now, and I’ve had struggles manifesting (not persisting, over consuming info, etc.) and often I would feel upset whenever my desires didn’t appear when I felt I’ve been putting my all into them. I took a break for LOA for a while now because of that reason, but I feel that I am ready to come back because I have been scripting my dream life that I want to live for over a year now and I know that I can live it if I really try.

I mainly moved away from this community because I would just search and search for information and not apply it or put it off, but I’m ready to stop that. The manifesting guide that you posted is going to be my only source of information and soon I’ll remove myself from LOA tumblr and truly persist in my desires.

I know that I have to tackle my self concept, and that will be the first thing that I will do. Sometimes I feel nervous knowing that I am going to live this life behind but honestly I’m going to embrace the thrill. I know my dream life is waiting for me on the other side and I have to get to it.

Are there any tips that you can share before I start my journey?

I think I'd like to clarify very quickly that self concept isn't something you "work on". Self concept is another term for your current state of consciousness, so it's not really something you tackle first so much as it is something you change period. That said...

If there's anything I'd want to leave you with before you initiate your deliberate shift in consciousness it would be the following reminders:

There is no one and nothing to change but self. If you want to change something on the outside you must first make changes on the inside, there is no other way around it. Leave the world alone and change your conception of self. To fight against what 3D is showing you is to fight your own shadow since the world is simply yourself pushed out.

Consciousness is the only reality means that you will only ever experience whatever it is that you are conscious of (being). You will never be able to bear witness to something you did not become conscious of.

There is a difference between thinking of and thinking from. Thinking from is done through declaration of I AM. Thinking of is confined to "I would like to be" or "I will be", both of these are confessions that you are not that which you desire to be. You cannot believe yourself to be rich while also believing that you are poor. You either are it or you are not. You cannot serve two masters.

You can repeat affirmations, script chapters, visualize day in and day out but if you are not identifying and feeling yourself to be one with your imaginal acts, you are performing in vain.

You cannot fail. If you remain faithful to your ideal and you feel yourself to be it, no power on earth will impede its fruition. This is the unbreakable law of life. Failure can only be the end result if you allow it to be the end result.

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ribz4livers · 9 months

Text

A pizza doxing or a trip to the dumpster would have been so much better than this...

I am finally trying to be more comfortable sharing my writing with the general public! This is supposed to function as a small introduction to Madeline and the events leading up to her kidnapping just before where TPOF takes place. It isn't very long but depending on the reception, I do want to try my hand and writing more about her and potentially Derek (once I get over my cringe hurdles).

I hope you guys enjoy. 💖

This post contains writing! If you would like to read, please click on the "Keep Reading" below!

Madeline/content belongs to myself (ribz4livers)

TPOF belongs to @/gatobob

Word count: below 1000

🔞 MINORS DNI! 🔞 This includes AGELESS BLOGS! Failure to comply will result in a BLOCK.

“Alright guys! You know the drill, let me know what you think in the comments below or–” the girl on the screen flashes a small but toothy smile, “if you’re watching this live, blow that chat box up! I’ll see you later for my next scheduled live and trust me, you won’t want to miss it!" She held up a hand and gifted a small wave, “Bye-bye and keep yourselves safe!” Cut. That’s a wrap. Madeline leaned over her keyboard, hitting the button on her microphone to end the live audio before quickly doing the same with her webcam, cutting the hundreds of eyeballs ogling her from the shadows of the internet. She sighed, clicking her mouse and scrolling through the chat feed, reading people’s reactions to her most recent stream. “This was disgusting”, “is she actually serious?”, “troll”, etc… There were a few people singing their praises, applauding Madeline for her attention to detail when talking about the Top 5 Most Gruesome Serial Killers of Our Time!!! but she knew they were just knights in shining armor trying to get the attention of their queen. There was no research in these videos; a quick visit to any online encyclopedia and there was all the information she needed. Copy, past, action.

Even with so many people watching her when she hit that “go live” button on her screen, once she ended that stream that was it; no eyes, no reeling chat, just nothing; just her staring back at the wolfish girl in the viewfinder on her screen, all alone. Leaning back in her chair, Madeline again sighed. The reactions she got were good but were they good enough to get the attention of the reaction channels? After her last controversy, rating victims’ outfits, she really needed to step it up a notch if she wanted to keep the notoriety. “Maybe…Dateable Delinquents? No…too easy…” Madeline muttered to herself, grabbing her phone. She checked her texts. It had been over 6 hours since she had last looked at her phone anyway, right? Something had to be there by now.

“Tch…” Madeline clicked her tongue as there were no texts from anyone. Oh well, in the meantime she could go for a dose of fresh air. Maybe visit that cute café down the road and get ahead on her next script or finally start on that essay she had due today before midnight.

Making her way to the vanity, Madeline kicked a medium sized box out of the way, the useless artifacts from a time past rattling around and hopefully breaking in the process. She glanced at the box as she passed, taking note of the neatly written address on one of its half opened flaps. Clearly a woman's writing. She would have to make a trip to the apartment dumpster soon, what a fucking pain.

Once sat in front of the vanity mirror, Madeline began touching up her appearance. She already had her makeup done, never appearing on streams or videos without it, but it couldn't hurt to fix her hair and adjust her outfit in accordance with today's weather: drab and weary.

Just her and the girl in the mirror now. Her eyes were too yellow, her ears too tall, nails too thick and teeth far too sharp. Madeline flashed a smile at the glass but shame pricked her lips before they stretched too far. Well behaved girls don't bare fangs.

She began to brush her hair carefully, taking extra care to give it that desired, signature flip she was known for–at least if she had people who knew her–and for a moment thought about a time when her hair was much longer, harder to style; no, it wasn't that it was harder to style but that she wasn't allowed to style. Once again Madeline thought about that box sitting only a few feet behind her. Impulsively grabbing her phone again Madeline opened the screen. Still nothing. The phone made a loud clack as she set it back down on the table with a little more force than before and continued her grooming.

Madeline was lost in teeth, boxes, scripts but was suddenly interrupted by what sounded like a door, her door, getting softly knocked. It wasn't expected but it wasn't unwelcome either. Maybe it was one of those pizza doxings she had heard so much about from her time lurking on the internet farms. The thought of someone going through all that effort just to send her a free lunch made the girl smile, fangs poking over her elongated lips. How sad were these keyboard warriors?

Another knock.

Madeline got up, doing a once over in the mirror and began making her way to the door, all smiles, "hold on, I'm coming."

Silence.

Without checking the peep hole, Madeline opened the door wide but her giddy expression clouded once she saw there was in fact no pizza, only two large bodies dressed in dark colors and obscured faces.

"Hi…Madeline?" One of them asked in a voice that sounded fake, filtered and suspicious.

There was no time for her body much less her mind to react. There was no sixth sense, no hair standing on edge and no words; and apparently these people needed no answer. Before Madeline could utter a word, she felt something pressed to her mouth, a cloth, and next there was only black–

A pizza doxing or a trip to the dumpster would have been so much better than this.

#the price of flesh #tpof #madeline #awo girl 🐺#fanwriting #text #I am trying my best #tpof oc #tpof beast kin oc #trashtubers #probably deserves to get canceled

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pddngchi-artblog · 3 months

Text

And here they are! Last post haul for today, I’ll continue on tomorrow o7 these body models are part of a twst project I’m doing where I’m mostly just making reference model sheets of the twst casts’ physical appearance based on my headcanons of them ꒰ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ꒱

See the full headcanon list under cut!

Riddle Rosehearts

- He has a condition called "Huldu's Blessing," which is a genetic mutation that was believed to be a fae's blessing to a mother and her future generation. This blessing is well known in the history of faefolk and generational curses/blessings. Pieces of a poem depicting this phenomenon was scattered around The Briar Valley and Pyroxene until it was recovered in the mid 1800s by researchers.

- "Huldu's Blessing" is characterized by smooth yet sensitive skin with no blisters nor hair. People with this genetic mutation are at risk at extreme temperatures, such as cold or heat.

- This condition also made Riddle appear doll-like, with how natural and vibrant the pink of his cheeks and nose is.

- He is underweight due to the diets his mother arranged for him, causing his ribs, collar bone, shoulder bones, and pelvic bone, to be slightly prominent.

- He has a rectangular body.

—————

Leona Kingscholar

- He developed an intricate pattern of scars from the center of his palm up to his forearm due to exertion of his Unique Magic. In magical situations, he would rarely use it, unless it is an emergency. The exertion comes from his daily training of controlling the feedback of his Unique Magic to him as well as its output. These scars resemble cracks and fractures found on dried up soil or concrete, and they faintly shine like ichor under the sun as well as glow in dim light.

- He has body hair all over his legs, arms, chest, and down to his crotch. He has a few moles scattered some place in his body.

- He has a set of horizontal scars around his neck and a set of vertical ones on his right breast. Both are results from a fight he had in his second year at Night Raven College.

- He has an almost an hour-glass shape to his body, but closely resembling an inverted triangle. He has a pudgy stomach that is mostly seen on the side and when he is sitting down. He is also quite muscular due to his genetics, despite the lack of abdomninal muscles.

—————

Azul Ashengrotto

- Genetically, he is more on the heavier side. This is because his species of merfolk live a bit deeper underwater where the temperature is cold and the pressure is greater than the ones in the surface. Having thicker skin, a larger body mass, and bioluminescent skin, are all part of his species’ biological evolution.

- He is much larger than male octopi, including the tweels. His top surgery scars appear as though they are part of his natural body markings, only appearing much lighter than the rest of them. In his human form, they resemble curling octopus tentacles. The dots appearing above those tentacles are actual markings that line across his breasts.

- He has an genetic eye condition called “Chameleon Eyes” and he has the basic type. This genetic condition allows his eyes to adapt to the color or pattern of his environment. He can also camoflauge himself into any surface but this is only done in his original merfolk form. As a human, he cannot camoflauge.

- Although Azul lost a considerable amount of weight in his early to mid adolescent years, he retained his body shape and mass due to his genetics. He has rolls of love handles and fat, his lower body appearing larger than his upper body.

- He has a congenital limb deformity, specifically fibular hemimelia (Type 1A). One of his tentacles are shorter and appear more swollen the rest whose tapered to an end. This resulted in his slow locomotor abilities in the water, but it does not hinder his strength as an octopi merfolk. Transforming into a human did not remove this deformity, therefore, Azul walks with a cane. (See link)

- His body hair are actually speckles, remnants of his merfolk form. They appear similarly to body hair because of his transfiguration potion. However, he is hairless, and has smooth soft skin. He also has stretch marks starting from his stomach then thighs.

- He has a triangle or pear-shape body.

—————

Kalim al-Asim

- As dancing is one of his passions since he was a child, he has grown to be agile and flexible. Although not an excellent fighter, he has the decent skill of fending for himself in light physical altercations.

- He has some scattered freckles and patches on his back. He also has some subtle arm and leg hair that isn’t too noticeable unless one would get a closer look.

- He has small, faint scars all over his palms and fingers, a scar under his neck, and a streamline scar starting from his left breast down to the side of his torso. The streamline resembles fractured capillaries in shape, and it caused a significant discoloration of his skin. This was because of a poison he injested in secret when he was training his body to be immune to certain poisons. He tries to hide this scar from his family and from Jamil (more so to save Jamil if he was ever accussed of negligence) but failed. So, he made an excuse, and said that this scar was a result of the most dangerous (and known to be the last) kidnapping that occured to him when he was 12 years old.

- He has stretchmarks on his thighs and his lower back.

- He has anemia.

- Because of good genetics, Kalim is considerably built, having broad shoulders and some muscles to his arms and legs. He has a rectangular body type, almost resembling an inverted trapezoid (See Pavitr Prabhakar in ATSV 2023).

—————

Vil Schoenheit

- Although he does have body hair in his limbs, he makes it a habit to shave to maintain a smooth and clear skin.

- Because of her diet and good genes, he never had any acne, pimples, blackheads, whiteheads, or any sort of blemishes on her face. However, having deep eyebags are hereditary, so Vil makes it a habit to rejuvenate her skin to lessen the darkness of the eyebags.

- She has a genetic eye condition called “Chameleon Eyes” and have the subtype “Obscura Eyes.” This allow the eyes to reflect inverted images from the environment, but this is only noticeable in enclosed and lighted spaces, such as photoshoot rooms or interview rooms. This becomes one of Vil’s defining traits as an artist and model. (Inspired by koutingmiao’s distinct trait for her TWST OC Micah.)

- He is quite muscular around the upper torso, having a faint outline of abdominal muscles, and muscular arms that are not too evident unless flexed. She underwent boxing and fencing training, and makes it a habit to go to the gym twice a month with her personal trainer.

- His appearance is quite adrogynous; her curves making her feminine and her hard angles making her masculine. Despite how well-built he is, he is still slender, closely resembling an hour-glass body type (See Marina and the Diamonds and Helga Sinclair from Atlantis: The Lost Empire).

—————

Idia Shroud

- He is very underweight. Collar bones, balls of his shoulder, and a few ribs are peaking out of his skin due to this. He also has prominent hip dips. His thinness makes him almost appear gaunt, accentuating his cheeks and jaw slightly.

- As a result for the curse bestowed to his family, his hair emulates fire, but he and his family are naturally blue-haired. This means Idia have body hair over his legs and some on his arms. His hair varies by temperature. Despite being blue, the heat is not at all intense, but rather mellow and controlled. The fire of his hair can spread from surface to surface depending on the intensity of his emotion, but it can disappear within seconds once he is calm.

- His family’s genes makes their skin dull and pale, allowing veins to appear at some parts of his skin, and explains why their lips are blue. His eyes are also hooded with prominent dark eyebags circling under them.

- He has lumbar scoliosis and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

- He is quite lanky and it is why his clothes easily dwarf him.

—————

Malleus Draconia

- Curiously he’s quite built but also slender (somewhere in the middle)

- He has no visible scarring or blemishes, but dark scales does litter across his limbs and body similar to how body hair or body blemishes work.

- He is quite warm, surprisingly, with thermal spots found on the palms of his hands, his fingertips, his nape, and his chest.

- Majority of her scales gather around the area of her tailbone wherein her tail can morph out of her skin as she pleases.

- Her nails are naturally sharp and nearly dark at the tips.

- There is a space under her shoulder bones where her wings will morph out on its own. It is a painless process for him, even though the bones stretch out from the area and membrane forms seemingly from the plane.

#₍ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ₎ ; pddngart #twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland fanart #twst fanart #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst headcanons #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #vil schoenheit #kalim al asim #idia shroud #malleus draconia #digital art #much like the other reposts i did i might redo some of these models? but its hard to say since im very much into idv now #i did have fun making these! it was such a good way to practice diversity in body shapes + shape language in general

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system-of-a-feather · 6 months

Note

I’ll bite… why do you feel like endos are real? As they do claim to have a trauma disorder just without the trauma which to me seems pretty ableist or at least disrespectful to DID/OSDD systems.

(LONG POST WARNING)

Well to start, most aren't claiming to have a trauma disorder / DID / OSDD but rather that they experience themselves as more than one and I don't believe that DID / OSDD holds sole ownership to the ability to experience oneself as more than one. A lot of endogenic people knew about their experiences as more than one before really even knowing DID / OSDD existed (or at least past the stigma of "Multiple Personality Disorder" that has no implications to trauma because ya know). I think the term "endogenic" has implications that do a disservice to the group as it kind of implicates innately the idea that trauma is the only inherent way to exist and experience oneself as more than one, when honestly I firmly believe that is not the case.

As to why I firmly believe that it is not the case that trauma and DID/OSDD is not the only way to experience oneself as more than one, there are a number of perspectives I can offer.

From a discussion of the theory of structural dissociation (ToSD) / academic stand point...

the ToSD is not a "Theory" like Gravity and Evolution. The name is actually misleading as it is using Theory in a more colloquial sense; the ToSD when talked about in almost all literature that I've read that references it talks about it as a >model<. The difference between a theory and a model is large.

A theory is something that is constantly and reliably able to be a solid means of not only understanding the world but also predicting large phenomenon. There have been multiple active attempts to disprove it or find flaws in it and none of which have worked. They're age old and have been proven day in and day out to have reliably accounted for every form of discrepancy - at least on a majorly applicable level (as even Gravity seems to have its confusing mishaps when you get to the very high level stuff that I won't even pretend to understand in the slightest as I'm not a physicist).

A model on the other hand is something that is used to best understand, navigate, and conceptualize a concept - often for more practical usage. A model is designed to usually specifically target a specific definition of a phenomenon and experience - and in this case "the dissociation of self of individuals who have experienced trauma and how that causes the phenomenon of alters and dissociated parts". It is not making claims about "the only way for people to experience themselves as more than one" because 1) models don't really intend to be fool proof, they attempt to practically explain and describe an experience in a way that is helpful to apply practically (ie in theraputic practice); by this very nature, the models are suggesting a base framework that often apply and help people who match the specific definition of the phenomenon it is meant to address (ie clients that have gone through trauma and likely have dissociated parts) and 2) the theory is addressing individuals who experience themselves as more than one due to a history of trauma and how that trauma then results in the brain dissociating from itself for survival. It is NOT addressing "all of humanity and human experiences and psychological experiences" - it is just discussing how trauma affects the brain to develop alters. The two discussions and topics are very different and in an academic setting have EXTREMELY different requirements.

Additionally, an issue with the ToSD is that while its a great model for people who have DID/OSDD, it's a laughable theory and hypothesis in most psychological fields that are a lot more into more solid and quantifiable measures. I've actually talked with one of the people that had done research that basically paved the way for children's testimonies of CSA to be taken seriously and accepted in court about the ToSD and they poorly withheld a laugh on the topic. Same said person had actually talked and known either Van Der Hart or Van Der Kolk (they didn't remember which one exactly) and all that. What I got from the conversation with them was that, yes the ToSD works beautifully as a clinical model and it helps a lot of clinicians understand and help people with DID/OSDD navigate their experiences, but the ToSD in a non-clinical academic setting makes SO many assumptions that are absolutely not backed by current more "harder" psychological research that its funny.

There is a LONG list of issues with the assumptions ToSD makes on an academic setting that make it a joke to those on a more non-clinical academic setting but here are a few:

What the FUCK is a "dissociative barrier"? Yes on a clinical sense we know what that is, but where is a "dissociative barrier" in terms of neurology and neurobiology? What functions in memory (both theoretical and physical) actually work to be a "dissociative barrier"? What mechanisms in the brain make it possible? What is a dissociative barrier in terms of developmental psychology and developmeental psychopathology? How is it that trauma manages to "make a dissociative barrier" in children? What concepts of developmental psychology and memory / identity development actually are in play to make this "dissociative barrier"?

Do people even have consciousness - or - more realistically asked, are people actually conscious or do we just feel as if we are conscious? (<- very hot topic in consciousness research in more neuroscience based fields) And assuming we DO have a consciousness, what and where is that located and how does consciousness work on a physiological level in a typically developing child as opposed to a person who experienced trauma? Assuming THAT is figured out, how do we know that that trauma is the only thing that could have caused the consciousness to develop atypically? Additionally, ask all those questions AGAIN for the concept and idea of "identity" as consciousness and identity are two different research topics. Assuming that we DO NOT have a consciousness, how does the false experience of consciousness work and why do we experience it like that? Following from that, why is it that trauma can disrupt and warp that false experience? Additionally, how does it disrupt and warp that false experience? And again, how do we know that trauma is the only thing that can cause that disruption / warping to occur?

My FAVORITE and most frustrating one, but how do we even know we ACTUALLY forget things and what is the mechanism for forgetting things? What IS forgetting? Do we loose neuronal pathways when we forget and is the information truly just gone? Do we just struggle to find the information and thus we fail to recall the information? Then again, all the obvious "okay then how does this mechanism of forgetting get disrupted and warped by trauma".

(added this while writing the third perspective but) How does the modern development and factor of internet usage affect dissociation and any of these mechanisms of developing identity, self, consciousness, memory, etc? How does this new factor impact other neurodivergencies and mental health conditions in regards to that?

None of those questions are well addressed to a standard of research that most non-clinical fields consider ANYWHERE near valid or qualified to make any level of generalizing statements.

I personally largely identify and intend to go into research for developmental psychology / psychopathology after I sort things out in my life some and I LOVE these questions. I have a lot of my own hypothesis as to how those questions are answered and my hypothesis on how those mechanisms are disrupted / develop in children who experience trauma have me almost 100% certain that there are other mechanisms to developing dissociated states of self.

Of course, I'm withholding that from this portion of the discussion because those hypothesises are not founded and again, just sitting in my head rent free until I get to actually research them myself. (Which I do entirely plan to do when I figure my life out more)

From a cultural / spiritual / philosophical standpoint...

The claim that everyone normally experiences themselves as "one" unless trauma occurs seems really honestly White / Western / Christian-centric to me and the idea that the only way to experience themselves as anything other than "the normal experience and development of one person" is to have horrible trauma just... really leaves a shitty taste in my mouth as a person of color.

A large number of non-white non-christian/catholoic centered cultures that have a large emphasis on "the singular soul and repentance" and all that shit have cultural norms and beliefs that already state that it is not weird at all to experience yourself as more than one. As in, there are cultures that ALREADY experience themselves as more than one that have been doing so for AGES before DID/OSDD and hell even MPD were even suggested; ages before the field of psychology was even born.

I personally have a large problem with the claim that people have to have trauma to experience themselves as more than one as it comes off as a very colonizer perspective to experiences that do not inherently have any harm in them (ie experiencing oneself as more than one). Experiencing oneself as more than one (or I guess technically less than one) is something that can be pretty central to a lot of non-white/western cultural experiences and are just an innate part of how they live and life. To state that the only way people can have their culture is to be traumatized (which is the indirect claim being made when the claim that the only way to experience oneself as more than one is through trauma) is just... really disgusting and white-colonizer brained.

Personally, as a Buddhist, I inherently don't subscribe to the idea that there even is a "me" and a "you". I inherently believe that the concept of "being one person" is a means of suffering that people benefit from unlearning as the concept of identity and self does little more than restrict our natural means of existing and thus causes large suffering. As a result, I don't see myself or anyone else as "more or less" than one because the concept, in my spiritual-philosophical-cultural perspective, is not real and anything reinforcing it is not really dpoing anyone huge favors. As a result, I think everyone is everything and everyone is parts of a whole of everything. I think we experience ourselves as one because that is part of the natural expression of our existence. I also think we experience ourselves as more than one because - sometimes - that is just a natural expression of our existence. I ALSO think we experience ourselves as more than one because sometimes that is a good way to understand our natural selves and learn from the parts we are otherwise more disconnected from. A part of Buddhist practice is the dismantling of this concept of self and moving your perception of self away from the way you experience life and the world.

At the place where I am in my practice, the very essence of syscourse is really kind of silly to me because it's like arguing about the color of the blue-black / white-gold dress. Talking and debating it and investigating the question can lead good insights into our experiences and how we approach them, but in the end of the day, the thing we are discussing is an illusion and the effects it has on us and why we see it that way and its not really something any more important or impactful or worth sweating over than a fun thought experiment.

From an advocate standpoint...

A large part of the people who are endogenic are people who are also neurodivergent and/or experiencing notable mental health issues - those of which are not fully 100% investigated into how they affect the development of large topics like self, memory, etc. AND are very diverse and complex experiences. I don't think we should be telling someone who thinks that their experiences of being more than one is tied to their neurodivergency or other mental health conditions that they are wrong and should experience themselves differently - especially since dissociation is honestly pretty prominent in the AuDHD branch of disorders and I personally think it is hard to conclusively say that some level of experiencing oneself as more than one is related to having AuDHD. (not saying that it is either, just that its such a large topic that needs more exploration before I'd feel confident saying that AuDHD doesn't cause some form of experiences that one might experience as being more than one).

I personally see very little purpose and value within infighting of mentally ill groups and clusters when almost every disorder needs more research - particularly in a lens that is not white-western centered and interested in a more sociological / cultural lens.

I find no threat in people experiencing themselves as more than one as someone who has DID / OSDD anymore than I feel threat at otherkin for experiencing themselves as a non-human as someone who acts, lives, and behaves like a bird because of trauma and because I was largely raised by birds (and arguably because I'm autistic but thats one of those things you can't 100% be sure I would have been like without trauma). The reason I am "basically a bird" is entirely due the circumstance of my trauma and how I was raised and that certainly sucks (though I do enjoy it and find it a beneficial part of my life), but that doesn't mean that I don't share some experiences with people that identify as a bird for fun, for cultural reasons, for spiritual reasons, or due to another neurodivergency

Just generally speaking...

I love to see people expressing themselves in unique ways and honestly specifically in ways that do not conform to "normal" society. I think its really cool and neat that people express themselves how they like and express themselves in ways that challenge pointless and/or unnecessary social rules and norms and I believe the norm of being a "consistent singular individual in society" and just general individualism is honestly just such an unnecessary social norm.

This isn't really one of my large points because I say this with a lot less of a firm and full chest cause I do draw a line with the transID stuff (no I will not be taking discourse on that) but like.. generally speaking, I really love to see the dismantling of the concept that people have to be a "consistent singular individual" around me. For a number of reasons - all three main ones off the top of my head being my views as a person with opinions on academic-research regarding the topic, as a POC Buddhist, and as someone who just would like to stand in solidarity to all mental-oddities - I think it is a really important and productive thing to see the social norm of individuality to be changed from a "norm" to one of my options.

I think a large issue people have with endogenics and what not is that they're "cringe" or "making people with DID/OSDD look like jokes" and while thats a valid feeling to have and people with DID/OSDD aren't "wrong" for feeling that way, I think its largely a miss directed feeling that follows the same flaws of almost any other "respectability politics" and advocates that push for assimilation rather than acceptance in society.

In this sense, I actually like to see endos as having a similar goal of making it so that people don't assume that being more than one is inherently a mental illness which BY THE WAY, as someone who is act final fusion / functional multiplicity / late stage DID recovery, is INCREDIBLY important to me as I am not inherently experiencing a severe mental illness when my severe mental illness is largely considered "in remission / remissed" just because I choose to still experience myself as more than one.

Plus, yeah, some of them are cringe (/affectionate) but I honestly think people need to be unapologetically cringier anyways for society to grow and get over a lot of its prejudices so like, yeah maybe that type of "cringe" isn't my cup of tea but its still an ally in my ideal cringification of society /hj (plus people with DID/OSDD can be cringe too and I clap for them as well)

As a whole, I think accepting endogenics as a valid experience to have is progress to a better more accepting, less white-western centric, happy world as well as one that actually is a safe place for people who are in late stage DID/OSDD recovery to feel free to experience their disorder in whatever way is natural, safest, and works best for them.

It's honestly hard to be pro-functional mulitiplicity and anti-endo on practical sense in my opinion as someone who is At That Place because functional multiplicity kind of requires you do detatch the experience of being more than one from the inherent disorder that caused it and once you kind of get to that point.... its just really hard to still see the anti-endo perspective as it becomes really apparent that there really are some benefits to NOT TRAUMA COPING of experiencing yourself as more than one.

But anyways, I've been writing for an hour and a half so I'll leave it there. I wish I had a better way to tie this up but... *shrugs*

#alter: fei #alter: riku #pro endo #pro-endo #endo safe #endo friendly #pro endogenic #endogenic #syscourse #discourse #syscourse tw #ask #asks #long post

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