#i would like to read a fantasy novel that is A Fucking Romp and which suits my tastes. please rec

[queenlua]

i leave a bunch of fun logical/physical puzzle-type-things out in the common area whenever i have a guest crashing at our place

(e.g. ThinkFun, Hanayama, that book of Puzzle Baron logic games, etc)

y'know, just so there's something you can fiddle with while shooting the shit and catching up and whatnot

and i think it says something amusing about my median guest that, without fail, they either leave (1) with one of those puzzles in their suitcase b/c they were clearly having so much fun i was like Bro Please Just Take It With You, Please Consider It A Gift From Me, or (2) with one of those puzzles ordered & actively shipping to their home address as we say our goodbyes

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading roundup: june 2024

before I get started on June, I have to issue a correction from May: I forgot to include a book!

last year I backed Iron Circus Comics' erotic anthology My Monster Girlfriend, edited by Andrea Purcell and Amanda Lafrenais, and it finally arrived just ahead of pride. My Monster Girlfriend contains 15 stories by all by different artists, and features protagonists who get it on with everything from the classic ghosts, werewolves, and vampires to a reality-warping angel (?) who contains infinite dimensions, a sleep paralysis demon, and an all-consuming flesh monster hivemind.

while I would have liked to see a little more variety in the freakishness of the actual sex, the anthology is a lot of fun and shows off a great diversity of art styles and scenarios in which one might get down to clown with a monster girlfriend. my personal favorites were Feather by Kanesha C. Bryant, in which an intrepid pervert boldly attempts to locate their girlfriend's genitalia; MonsterHER Under the Bed by Bont and Wes Brooke, which puts a cute, sexy little spin on the monster under the bed; Forest Wedding by Otava Heikkilä, which reads like an old timey fable except it ends in a giant forest woman getting crazy fisted by her new trans husband; and Girl Fiend by InnKeeperWorm, which is infinitely jackoffable even though, frankly, the hellhound should have stayed in her more monstrous canine form to fuck.

okay, now onto the June reading! I found myself reaching the end of the month surprised that I had added so few books to my 2024 spreadsheet, and then I realized: it's fucking PRIDE MONTH and I'm a career queer. I spent most of June either busting ass working various events or in a coma recovering from said events; no wonder I didn't read as much as I thought I would. I also gave up on one novel after sinking close to 200 pages in it, which means the list is even shorter, but trust me: the DNF was the right decision.

so, who made the cut for pride?

The Monsters We Defy (Leslye Penelope, 2022) - this book was a romp! it's fun! it's a hoot, dare I say! this is a historical urban fantasy that takes place in the Black society of 1920s Washington, DC. protagonist Clara and her band of ragtag magical misfits have a heist to pull off against one of the most powerful Black women in DC, with their own curses and powers at stake. it's a fun story with a neat magic system and lots of words that are capitalized so you know they're Magical and Important, and it's a read that goes down real easy. strong recommendation if you find yourself in a slump!

Just for the Cameras (Viano Oniomoh, 2023) - my first foray into independently published romance! and it was... fine. the plot's a little patchy, sure, but it's definitely not the worst romance I've ever read, and at least a throuple made for a nice change of pace. AND nobody's seething with jealousy or insecurity about multiple partners? you love to see it. this book was apparently originally intended to be a novelette and it definitely could have stayed that way, but if bisexual Black hotties sucking and fucking is what you seek then you're going to have a great time. TW: 2/3 main characters are British.

Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs (Ina Park, 2021) - to the surprise of absolutely no one who knows me, this is one of my very favorite nonfiction reads of the year so far. I cannot emphasize this enough: if you like the way that I talk about STIs and sex ed on this blog then I think you'll really like this book, because having read this book I desperately want to be her friend. she brings so much passion and energy to her work that it bursts right off the page and is - pardon this awful pun - absolutely infectious.

Survivor (Octavia E. Butler, 1978) - for those you not in the know, this book is kind of a get. it's the only book of Butler's that was never reprinted, so now you can only read it if you get ahold of a super expensive original edition OR if you, hypothetically, find a PDF online and print off the entire thing on your work printer. and I'm so glad I did the latter, because holy shit this book whips ass. the book was apparently disavowed for its lack of connection to the rest of the Patternist series, which is true but oh my god, the story is SOOOO cool anyway. we've got a human woman named Alanna who grew up feral on Earth only to be adopted by a Christian cult who are GOING INTO SPACE to preserve the human race, but it turns out there are already intelligent people on the new planet and they have Feelings about what the future of these human missionaries is going to be. it's on Alanna to navigate the clashing cultures and tension between the humans and two warring groups of aliens, and it is fucking URGENT. I don't say this lightly but I think this has ascended to be in my top three Butler novels.

No Name in the Street (James Baldwin, 1972) - ooooooh my god you guys!! oh my god!!! I've never read any of Baldwin's long form nonfiction, but within pages I knew that this was going to pretty permanently change my brain. this memoir-ish book delves into, among other things, Baldwin's witnessing of the American civil rights movement, including the deaths of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Medgar Evers. woven around that is the alienating experience of being a Black man with exactly enough cultural cache and social clout to sometimes isolate him from the people he grew up with but not nearly enough to buy acceptance or safety in a white society, emphasized by Baldwin's unfinished struggle to free a friend from prison after a wrongful murder charge. and somehow that's barely doing the book justice! it's so vast and incisive and weary and impassioned and it did, truly, have me jotting down the names of everything Baldwin ever wrote to make sure I can read it all. as much as I bemoan my habit of impulse reserving books from the library, I really am indebted to the Stacks podcast for getting this on my radar.

[hawkland]

My (mostly) Destiel Recs, Round-up #6

Well, between working like crazy on my DCBB fic and GISH and injuring my neck last month I haven’t kept up with my rec posts, so this one is going to be LONG and have a LOT and I’m going to try to break it up into sections, from oldies but goodies (some things I found on very old rec lists) to smutty delights to just tasty little bits of fluff, hopefully there’s something or everyone here. Most of these are not super-long, largely in the 10-25k range, though there are a few beyond that. With all the stuff I’ve had going on I haven’t wanted to lose sleep diving into 100k epics (especially when I’m writing my own right now, lol.)

“Oldies” but Goodies:  Here are two great fics written some time way back when but that still definitely slap.

Theodicy by manic_intent (11k) - Probably the most brilliant Godstiel fic I’ve read to date. One of Cas’s first acts as the new god is to make a new archangel. Dean isn’t exactly on board with having his soul re-sculpted into wings he hates on sight (especially as they seem magnetically drawn to Cas), but he isn’t exactly given a choice. He, Sam and Bobby struggle with how to handle their former friend suddenly becoming a vindictive deity - trying to make plans to kill him if they must, which is pretty hard when it seems like Cas is always one step ahead of him. Can Dean hold on to enough of his humanity to provide a conscience to Cas and try to steer him toward good acts instead of destruction? This is one that I can’t say has a perfectly happy ending, but it’s a hopeful and imperfect one that’s just right for how the story plays out. 

My Eyes Are An Ocean by entanglednow (10k) - Season 5 AU where Dean averts the apocalypse through a spell that “powers up” all the angels and he sees Cas’s true form - before being rendered blind. Dean tries to adjust to his blindness, Cas tries to deal with his guilt, and it’s just a lovely little read with an ending that’s... *chef’s kiss*

Lots more recs below the cut:

More great reads from some of my favorite authors I’ve recced before:

The Cabin on the Lake by DeanRH (21k) - This may be my new favorite DeanRH fic...at least for the moment. The year is 2152, Sam and Dean are long gone to Heaven, while Cas - stuck somewhere between mortal and angel - remains on Earth keeping vigil, keeping up the hunt, assuming he’ll never see either Winchester ever again. But when he starts hearing things, and imagining Dean visiting him as an angel himself, he starts losing grip on what is and isn’t real, and whether he can trust anything he sees or believes to be the truth. This is one hell of a psychological rollercoaster that kept me guessing right along with Cas until the very end. It also has some super-creepy horror elements, a novel “monster of the week”, and the hot-as-sin smut scenes I always expect from this author.

X Marks the Scot by DeanRH (15.9k) A fun little romp through history in one of this author’s great not-quite-au fics. Crowley sends Dean and Sam back in history to the Scottish Highlands to stop a monster, and while there they meet a blue-eyed clan chief who makes Dean weak in the knees. There’s something familiar about him, too. a very clever au that ties back to canon for an unexpected fix-it. Also, Cas in a kilt. Enough said.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon by DeanRH (12k) - Sweet and slightly angsty AU. What if Dean was a gardener in ancient Babylon when a strange dignitary came to warn that the tower under construction was to be destroyed by angels? Lush, romantic and sexy with some wonderful tie-ins to canon characterizations (of Dean, Sam, John and of course Cas).

sufficient for thee by angelfishofthelord (21k) - This is a beautiful Cas angst-fest and character study that reimagines how angel grace works, particularly in regards to healing others. It covers the whole of Cas’s arc from Season 4 through a post-series fix-it, is absolutely stunning and features some great world-building in regards to the angels. (One important TW: those with cutting/self-harm issues may wish to skip or at least proceed with caution). I love that I can always count on angelfishofthelord when I need a good dose of Cas!whump and pain.

And laugh at gilded butterflies by ireallydidthistomyself (13k) - another great Dadstiel fic from this author featuring one of my favorite angsty subjects! I don’t know how I missed reading this one before. An AU where Cas is raising (baby)Jack on his own until the angels find the two of them and prepare to seal Jack away in the Ma’lak box. Cas begs them to let him go with Jack, so at least Jack won’t be alone for eternity. Meanwhile Dean is frantically trying to find what happened to Cas, and he gets some unexpected help from Crowley.  It’s sad and sweet and all the characterizations are great. A+ Crowley use here, too.

what stays (and what fades away) by dothraki_shieldmaiden (64k) - a fabulous read with some great art, too, that started me reading a bunch of fic from this author. Cas goes missing, and when he’s found he seems deep under a spell. When they finally manage to awaken him, he doesn’t remember anything of this life with Dean, Sam and Cas in the bunker. The last thing he knew he was a nurse living with his wonderful husband, Dean, and their two adopted children, Jack and Claire. What I loved about this one was the clever twist as to who was behind Cas’s curse and also how well-developed his AU world/existence was. I’m not generally keen on mundane aus or the one-dimensional way a lot of djinn dream fics tend to go for them, but this one managed to capture a believable version of Dean and Cas living a “normal” life without monsters without making it sugary/too-sweet. 

before knowing remembers by dothraki_shieldmaiden (14k) Post 15x04, a wonderful fic that plays with some meta topics in a clever way. Dean and Sam are happy - they have free will and they’ve won against Chuck, even if they suffered some big losses along the way (including Jack). But Dean can’t help but think he’s forgetting something...or rather, someone. Yet every time he thinks he remembers, the name and face of that someone slips from his mind. 

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden (9k) Post-15x03 where Cas ends up going back to the Gas ‘n Sip and working with Nora after leaving the bunker. A bitter sweet divorce-arc AU and what I love the most is how it ends - not perfect, not tragic, just very real and believable. 

15x18 and Post-canon fix-it fics:

Orbital Velocity Around a Celestial Body by LeverDrift (26k) - An angsty but lovely fix-it fic, one where it gets worse for a while before it gets better. Dean pulls Cas from the Empty, where he’d been living in a fantasy world with a dream!Dean who was giving him everything real!Dean is certain he can’t. Dean has to struggle with wondering if Cas would have been better off with dream!Dean instead of him. This is one that will break your heart before putting it back together again as Dean struggles with his self-worth issues.

so good at crashing in by Wintertree (36k) - Another post-finale fix-it where Cas is back, the world is saved, and things are still...not as easy as it should be for either Dean nor Cas. Monsters are gone, there’s no more hunting to be done, and Cas wants to move out of the bunker somewhere closer to Claire, to move on with a proper human life. Dean thinks he can move there with Cas and stay as “best friends”, even to the extent that Cas encourages him to go out and have sex with others/women. (And wants to hear about it after the fact!) But can Dean figure out what he really wants, and what Cas wants as well? A refreshingly unique take on what a post-series life could have looked like for them.

Delicious smut:

Empty by squirrelofcelestialintent (43k) - Every day this fandom makes me rethink my previous squicks and DNWs in fanfic. Here I find myself enjoying quite a bit more dom/sub elements than I normally ever would! I think because I was absolutely drawn in by the breathtaking first chapter, capturing beautifully the emotions of Cas returning from the Empty in Season 13 if he and Dean had confessed their feelings right then and there. But Dean’s self-worth is all fucked up, he feels there’s no way he can be good enough for Cas, especially when his sexual desires run a little bit...let’s just say outside the vanilla and he’s struggling with shame over doing sex work when he was younger. This was HOT and POOR SAM really gets stuck in the middle of, well, hearing more about his brother’s sex life than he ever needed to.

He's My Mate by Hatsonhamburgers (22k) - This fic manages the delightful combination of humor and extreme hotness perfectly. Dean and Cas catch each other in some questionable masturbation situations. This leads Cas to decide he needs to buy Dean some proper sex toys. He’s just helping his best friend out, right? Sure. As I said, hysterical AND hot as hell. 

Generals by nanoochka (9k) - Cas/Dean, Cas/Balthazar/Dean, implied past-Cas/Balthazar. An old LJ fic I found on an ancient rec list that is just scorching hot and a brilliant character study of Cas and Dean. Balthazar decides to invite himself in when he catches Dean and Cas engaging in some frisky business, and it turns into a bit of a power-play between the two soldiers of Heaven. Cas gets DP’ed and it’s all...well. It’s fucking good, read it.

The One With The Preening by HolyFuckingHell (5.5k) Can I do a rec post without including some wing!kink/wing!grooming in it? No, I can’t. (I also really enjoyed some of the other fics in this author’s series including The One With Dean's Horny Movies).

A Single Point of Light by Destina (2.4k) - This is a gorgeous Cas/Dean/Benny Purgatory short! A delicious balance of the two each caring for and caring about Dean in their own, protective ways, definitely a delight for any fans of this threesome.

Short and sweet, fluff to angst:

Snugglebird by almaasi (5.3k) - So, so soft and sweet and snuggly, just like the title. Dean’s things are disappearing from the bunker...and so, suddenly, has Cas. What’s going on? I do love my nesting!Cas fics, so...yeah. If you need a smile this is a good one to read :)

And Cleanse Me From My Sin by thisisapaige (1.6k) - another one for my beloveds who also enjoy wing grooming and sweet Dean-taking-care-of-Cas fluff.

Needle and Thread by Misachan (4k) - Season 5 wing!fic hurt/comfort. Cas’s wings are badly injured, Dean doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, but he’s stitched up Sam and himself enough times. He can do this. If you love caretaker!Dean and vulnerable!Cas don’t overlook this little gem.

Deceptive Preludes by sp8ce (2.7k) - One of those stories that delves into some of the difficulties Cas might have after coming back from the Empty a second time, especially in regards to accepting what’s real or not, understanding Dean, and how both of their communication issues can add to their struggles. Painful but hopeful for the future, felt very believable as I read it.

[notbecauseofvictories]

Hi Sarah! My friend and I are starting a bookclub (as much as you can with two people who aren't pressed for deadlines) and I was wondering if you have any recommendations? (That is if you have time to rec anything!) We're starting off with Deathless and have Fitzgerald next in line somewhere but I def want to try to expand the genres we read and tbh from years of following you, I trust your judgement

I don’t...like giving recommendations? At least not directly, it seems like too much opportunity for getting it wrong. Everybody has their own tastes, after all, and even the best of friends don’t necessarily vibe with what you vibe with. (I’ve experienced this with multiple friends, so I know what I’m talking about.) Truly, one of the reasons that my whole “I’m going to get back into reading for pleasure!” push has been so successful is that I only bother with books that interest me, and stop reading when they fail to catch my attention.

But I’ve now read at least 60 books in 2020, which is approximately 60 more than I’ve read in the years prior, so I’m happy to share that. Below is my list of recent reads, beginning to end, along with a very short review---I keep this list in the notes app on my phone, so they have to be. Where I’ve talked about a book in a post, I’ve tried to link to it. 

Peruse, and if something catches your interest I hope you enjoy!

2020 Reading List

Crazy Rich Asians series, Kevin Kwan (here)

Blackwater, Michael McDowell (here; pulpy horror and southern gothic in one novel; come for the monster but stay for the family drama.)

Fire and Hemlock, Diane Wynne Jones (here; weird and thoughtful, in ways I’m still thinking about)

The Secret History, Donna Tartt

Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn (here; loved it! I can see why people glommed onto it)

Swamplandia!, Karen Russell (unfinished, I could not get past the first paragraph; just....no.)

Rules of Scoundrels series, Sarah MacLean (an enjoyable romp through classic romancelandia, though if you read through 4 back to back you realize that MacLean really only writes 1 type of relationship and 1 type of sexual encounter, though I do appreciate insisting that the hero go down first.)

The Bear and the Nightingale, Katherine Arden (here)

Dread Nation, Justine Ireland (great, put it with Stealing Thunder in terms of fun YA fantasy that makes everything less white and Eurocentric)

The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson (VERY good. haunting good.)

Tell My Horse, Zora Neale Hurston (I read an interesting critique of Hurston that said she stripped a lot of the radicalism out of black stories - these might be an example, or counterexample. I haven't decided yet.)

The Rose MacGregor Drinking and Admiration Society, T. Kingfisher (fun!)

St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves, Karen Russell (some of these short stories are wonderful; however, Swamplandia's inspiration is still unreadable, which is wild.)

17776, Jon Bois (made me cry. deeply human. A triumph of internet storytelling)

The Girl with All the Gifts, M. R. Carey (deeply enjoyable. the ending is a bittersweet kick in the teeth, and I really enjoyed the adults' relationships)

The Door in the Hedge and Other Stories, Robin McKinley (enjoyable, but never really resolved into anything.)

The Hero and the Crown, Robin McKinley (fun, but feels very early fantasy - or maybe I've just read too many of the subsequent knock-offs.)

Mrs. Caliban, Rachel Ingalls (weird little pulp novel.)

All Systems Red, Martha Wells (enjoyable, but I don't get the hype. won't be looking into the series unless opportunity arises.)

A People's History of Chicago, Kevin Coval (made me cry. bought a copy. am still thinking about it.)

The Sol Majestic, Ferrett Steinmetz (charming, a sf novel mostly about fine dining)

House in the Cerulean Sea, TJ Klune (immensely enjoyable read, for all it feels like fic with the serial numbers filed off)

The Au Pair, Emma Rous (not bad, but felt like it wanted to be more than it is)

The Night Tiger, Yangsze Choo (preferred this to Ghost Bride; I enjoy a well-crafted mystery novel and this delivered)

The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula Le Guin (unfinished, I cannot fucking get into Le Guin and should really stop trying)

The Ghost Bride, Yangsze Choo (enjoyable, but not nearly as fun as Ghost Bride - the romance felt very disjointed, and could have used another round of editing)

Temptation's Darling, Johanna Lindsey (pure, unadulterated id in a romance novel, complete with a girl dressing as a boy to avoid detection)

Social Creature, Tara Isabella Burton (a strange, dark psychological portrait; really made a mark even though I can't quite put my finger on why)

The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins (slow at first, but picks up halfway through and builds nicely; a whiff of Gone Girl with the staggered perspectives building together)

Stealing Thunder, Alina Boyden (fun Tortall vibes, but set in Mughal India)

The Traitor Baru Cormorant; The Monster Baru Commorant, The Tyrant Baru Cormorant, Seth Dickinson (LOVE this, so much misery, terrible, ecstatic; more here)

This Is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone (epistolary love poetry, vicious and lovely; more here)

The Elementals, Michael McDowell

Gideon the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir (didn't like this one as much as I thought I would; narrator's contemporary voice was so jarring against the stylized world and action sequences read like the novelization for a video game; more here)

Finna, Nino Cipri (a fun little romp through interdimensional Ikea, if on the lighter side)

Magic for Liars, Sarah Gailey (engrossing, even if I could see every plot twist coming from a mile away)

Desdemona and the Deep, C. S. E. Cooney (enjoyed the weirdness & the fae bits, but very light fare)

A Blink of the Screen, Terry Pratchett (admittedly just read this for the Discworld bits)

A Memory Called Empire, Arkady Martine (not as good about politics and colonialism as Baru, but still a powerful book about The Empire, and EXTREMELY cool worldbuilding that manages to be wholly alien and yet never heavily expositional)

Blackfish City, Sam J. Miller (see my post)

Last Werewolf, Glen Duncan (didn't finish, got to to first explicit sex scene and couldn't get any further)

Prosper's Demon, KJ Parker (didn't work for me...felt like a short story that wanted to be fleshed out into a novel)

The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

His Majesty's Dragon, Naomi Novik (extremely fun, even for a reader who doesn't much like Napoleonic stories)

Three Parts Dead, Max Gladstone (fun romp - hard to believe that this is the same author as Time War though you can see glimmers of it in the imagery here)

A Scot in the Dark, Sarah MacLean (palette cleanser, she does write a good romance novel even it's basically the same romance novel over and over)

The Resurrectionist, E. B. Hudspeth (borrowed it on a whim one night, kept feeling like there was something I was supposed to /get/ about it, but never did - though I liked the Mutter Museum parallels)

Stories of Your Life and Others, Ted Chiang (he's a better ideas guy than a writer, though Hell Is The Absence of God made my skin prickle all over)

Gods of Jade and Shadow, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fun, very much a throwback to my YA days of fairytale retellings, though obviously less European)

Four Roads Cross, Max Gladstone (it turns out I was a LOT more fond of Tara than I initially realized - plus this book had a good Pratchett-esque pacing and reliance on characterization)

Get in Trouble, Kelly Link (reading this after the Chiang was instructive - Link is such a better storyteller, better at prioritizing the human over the concept)

Gods Behaving Badly, Marie Phillips

Soulless; Changeless; Blameless, all by Gail Carriger (this series is basically a romance novel with some fantasy plot thrown in for fun; extremely charming and funny)

Black Leopard, Red Wolf, Marlon James (got about 1/3 of the way through and had to wave the white flag; will try again because I like the plot and the worldbuilding; the tone is just so hard to get through)

Pew, Catherine Lacey (a strange book, I'm still thinking about it; a good Southern book, though)

Nuremberg Diary, GM Gilbert (it took me two months to finish, and was worth it)

River of Teeth, Sarah Gailey (I wanted to like this one a lot more than I actually did; would have made a terrific movie but ultimately was not a great novel. Preferred Magic for Liars.)

Mexican Gothic, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (extremely fun, though more trippy than Gods and the plot didn't work as well for me - though it was very original)

The New Voices of Fantasy, Peter S. Beagle (collected anthology, with some favorites I've read before Ursula Vernon's "Jackalope Wives", "Hungry Daughters of Starving Mothers" "The Husband Stitch"; others that were great new finds "Selkie Stories are for Losers" from Sofia Satamar and "A Kiss With Teeth" from Max Gladstone and "The Philosophers" from Adam Ehrlich Sachs)

[lanonima]

I finished a new novel so you know what that means!

Romantic - Fucky is not how risque a work is but rather my opinion of the attitude/quality of the main relationship, the way the characters interact with respect to one another. I like a lot of stuff in fiction but if you’re easily made uncomfortable, stay towards the top half.

Easy reading - Plot-heavy is how I personally consider the plot’s intricacy and successful implementation, regardless of the author’s intention.

Fox Demon Cultivation Manual

Author: Feng Ge Qie Xing

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: This was a delightful romp. I had expected it to be somewhat silly and was pleasantly surprised. It was heavy enough to be engaging but light enough to be an easy read, with multiple spots that made me literally laugh out loud which does not happen often. This is apparently just one book in a series of same universe novels, and a lighter-hearted one at that. I would be interested to read the others because I found the world pretty engaging, and I do want to know what became of the other characters. Overall I found it very fun and very cute, I read it in four days so that says something. On the downside, the link for chapter 9 is broken. But skipping a chapter doesn't seem to have affected the experience of the novel as a whole.

Would I read it again: Yeah I think I would be willing to read this again someday. If it gets adapted I would also consume adaptations, in addition to being interested in the other connected works.

The reviews of things I previously read are below the cut.

Mo Dao Zu Shi

Author: MXTX

Quality: 9.5

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I have a huge emotional connection to this novel. There are some weak parts, the tension isn’t quite even, she’s pretty terrible at erotic scenes and not great at fight scenes…but that being said, I love the characters and some of the plot points really ripped my heart out. This is a novel that’s really driven by the characters so if you’re a character-focused person like me, definitely look into it (as if we all don’t already know it lmao). I really, really love this story. Every single adaptation of it has also been great, but the novel is still my favorite. It was my introduction to xianxia novels too, so you can say it changed my life!

Would I read it again: I’ve already read it twice, and consumed every adaptation (sometimes also multiple times)

Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Author: MXTX

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 5

Comments: I’m not much of one for comedy and, as I discovered, not really into system novels either. Clearly weaker than MXTX’s later work, many of the characters are somewhat bland, she hasn’t quite found her groove yet. It’s not my style but the fandom is hilarious and the fans constantly produce content that I actually do find entertaining so overall I still have some fond feelings for this one, even if not for the source material.

Would I read it again: I found a different translation and am willing to try again in the future, I’m also willing to watch the donghua. But I can’t guarantee I’ll like it any more than previously.

Tian Guan Ci Fu

Author: MXTX

Quality: 10

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I love this book…but not as much as I love Mo Dao Zu Shi. I think the plot is somewhat typical, however the characters are great once again (though maybe slightly less deep than MDZS), and her use of thematic repetition and foreshadowing are killer. Actually, I liked this book more the second time around because it just hits differently. Definitely the best of MXTX’s couples, they are so soft and sweet. Very long, but worth it.

Would I read it again: I already have, was personally translating the manhua before I hurt my arms, and am eagerly awaiting the donghua this fall!

The Villain’s White Lotus Halo

Author: A Big Roll of Toilet Paper

Quality: 10

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: Fuck, I love this one so much…..even though it’s also a system novel. But that part is in it so rarely that it reads more like pure fantasy. I love the characters, I love the plot, I love the way the relationship is developing. Oh yeah, the translation isn’t even complete but I already purchased not only the original from JJWXC but also the print edition. I’ve even drawn fanart for it, which is so unlike me. Every time a chapter comes out, I’m ruined for the rest of the day, I can’t think about anything else. Good fight scenes, which is uncommon. My favorite danmei novel so far.

Would I read it again: I fully intend to once the translation is complete, and also plan to read it in Chinese later (I’ve already read certain parts in Chinese hahaha but not the whole thing)

2Ha (Husky and his White Cat Shizun)

Author: Meatbun Doesn’t Eat Meat

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: 2Ha is not for the faint of heart, it’s very horny, and violent, and has a lot of questionable content. However I love it so much. The story and characters are great, Meatbun really has me by the heart. The writing is a little more on the casual side but it hardly matters because the story is so great. Good fight scenes. Chu Wanning is like, the ultimate Me™ character, I hate how much I adore him. If you read this, just go into it knowing that it’s a long emotional journey, the characters are very dynamic and there’s a lot of character development.

Would I read it again: Same as the above, I plan a reread when the translation is done and have read parts in Chinese and might read the whole thing again later. Cautiously eager about the up-coming live action and donghua.

Di Wang Gong Lue

Author: Yu Xiao Lanshan

Quality: 2

Enjoyment: 9

Comments: This is one of the most terribly written things I’ve ever read, but I’m a character girl and the characters and ways they interact fucking kill me. I’m constantly entertained….although I don’t think this is actually supposed to be a comedy. If I were going to treat myself and like, take a bubble bath and read something that made me laugh, this is exactly the sort of trashy romance I would want to read. Technically a political intrigue story but it’s so abrupt and full of holes, are any of us reading it for the actual plot? The donghua is on Youtube, I watched it first and recommend others to do the same. If you can handle that, you can handle the book because it’s exactly the same in quality, just gayer. I do love the main couple a lot, the set-up surrounding the relationship is great, and the side characters are also really fun.

Would I read it again: Probably not, but I’m still having fun with it. I watched the donghua and read a bit of the manhua as well, which has very cute art and is probably my favorite version of the story.

Liu Yao

Author: Priest

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 7.5

Comments: I really struggled getting into this one, it took me about 25 chapters to get invested. Initially I had rated it a 6 in enjoyment but after careful thought, I realized that even though it was so hard for me, it probably is my favorite Priest novel and I really do love the main couple so much. Her side characters also seem to be slightly stronger than usual in this one. Decent plot, not too much or too little. It seems really chill to me, doesn’t provoke much of an emotional reaction but I do think it’s very sweet, which is nice sometimes too.

Would I read it again: No, but I think (?) it’s supposed to get some kind of tv adaptation (drama or donghua, not sure), and if that happens, I’ll watch it.

Didn’t Know the General was Female

Author: Rong Qing

Quality: 4

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: Not the greatest thing I’ve ever read, but cute. It’s short, and a little lesbian fluff is never a bad thing. Writing is a bit weak and the plot is basic, but the characters are enjoyable and I liked it overall.

Would I read it again: No.

Wrong Way to a Demon Sect Leader

Author: Yi Zhi Dayan

Quality: 4

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: Again, not the greatest in writing or plot, it’s a bit shallow. But I found the idea of it to be entertaining, and actually liked it more than I would have assumed. It’s fairly short and cute, like a good summer beach read.

Would I read it again: Probably not, but possibly, if the stars align.

Female General and Eldest Princess

Author: Please Don’t Laugh

Quality: 7

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: A very good first effort, but the writing is a bit weak. It’s slow to start and I don’t think the political plotline is spectacularly strong. Some things were left unexplained, and her sense of battle tactics and fight-writing were very confusing, definitely room for improvement. I don’t think it’s as good as people say, but she writes with the air of someone who will continue to improve. And also, a lesbian author writing lesbian stories so that’s a plus. Overall I enjoyed the experience, this story is definitely worth a read.

Would I read it again: Maybe, but probably not.

Sha Po Lang

Author: Priest

Quality: 7

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: Originally I rated this one higher, but on later thought I realized that I actually enjoyed Liu Yao more. I personally have issues with the way Priest writes, and this book showed a lot of them. Characters were okay, I did like the main couple, but side characters were weak as usual. The plot is pretty good, though not great, and I think some of the pacing is off. Some descriptions were confusing, but that could be a translation issue. Overall, still a pretty good political drama, but I would say that of the three I read, this was the Priest novel with the least impact on me.

Would I read it again: No. But I will watch the live action if it ever gets made.

Guardian

Author: Priest

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 5

Comments: I love Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan, thought the plot was interesting, and there were some enjoyable moments. But it has all the problems I usually have with Priest in addition to some choices that offend me as a queer reader. I spent about 75% of the time reading while pissed off. And actually the fact that it had a happy ending kinda bummed me out because I love a good tragedy. Overall, I can only give it an average score. If you like Priest, you’ll like this one too. I’m not a tv person but I binged the hell out of the live action, I really loved it, so I was sort of disappointed that the source material didn’t seem as strong as I had assumed.

Would I read it again: No, but I will happily watch the live action again some day.

Jing Wei Qing Shang

Author: Please Don’t Laugh

Quality: 9.8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I have to start off by saying: damn girl. The improvement evident in this book is absolutely insane. A few minor issues prevent me from giving it a 10 out of 10 – her transitions are still extremely abrupt, the ending is slightly weak and some plot points remain unresolved, and her use of narrative repetition is too heavy-handed for my taste. Other than that, this book leaves me almost speechless. Very similar to Female General and Eldest Princess, there are many similar themes and events. But while I thought FGEP was fairly cute, I like this one way better. If you like angst, political intrigue, and lesbians, you should definitely read this book. I have no doubt that Please Don’t Laugh will continue to improve in the future, and I really look forward to following her career.

Would I read it again: 100%, I absolutely intend to read this again sometime in the future. It’s very long and very dense but delightful and ultimately worth it.

[bestworstcase]

gideon? i’ve just been seeing…. so many bad takes

gideon being like, talked about almost exclusively as Lesbian Space Necromancers does it such a disservice honestly. like it’s… fundamentally i don’t think it’s a romantic novel and from what i’ve heard of harrow (which i still need to read rip) it doesn’t sound different, and i think the best way to read gideon is as Gothic Fantasy Death Cults In Space. the gayness of the characters and whatever romances develop between them is reeeally secondary and i know i personally would’ve picked it up a LOT quicker if at any point i’d seen someone say “oh yeah it’s a murder mystery with necromancers and terrible bone monsters” vs the drumbeat of ITS ABOUT LESBIANS WHO ARE NECROMANCERS!!!

like before i picked it up i saw it on so many lgbt fantasy rec lists and i had literally NO IDEA what the plot or premise or tone of the story was like until i finally started reading it myself, & that’s an issue that could segue into a general complaint about how people do lgbt book recs because this isn’t a problem exclusive to gideon at all, but like with gideon it feels particularly egregious because, like, i think taking this gothic fantasy space death cult story where all the characters are so fucked up, dysfunctional at best or outright awful at worse, and trying to sell it as some Grand Love Story is really… it’s not just underselling the actual strengths of the story it feels almost actively deceptive. it definitely set ME up with extremely different expectations and if i weren’t so INTO what gideon actually is i think i would feel very upset about that? like, if i had picked up gideon *wanting* the fun lesbian necromancer space romp that it appeared to be based on how everyone was talking about it i don’t think i would have enjoyed the actual story very much at all because it is SUPER not like that, and the fact that it ended up being right up my alley was pretty much just good luck lmao. locked tomb fandom wyd

i have also not dipped a toe into the fandom at all but from what i hear and what i’ve gleaned via posts floating across my dashboard it seems to be very ship heavy and i am just. not about that

the novel itself though 10/10 i loved it. got to read it again before i dive into harrow

[carriagelamp]

November 2020: A Months of Familiarity

This November ended up being a month of me either rereading old favourites, exploring new books by favourite authors, or a mix of both.

…Be prepared for so much Terry Prachett, I found his audiobooks on Libby last month and since that I’ve been unstoppable.

The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents

The first of my Terry Practhett books to mention! I chose to include this one on my list because it’s a beautiful stand alone novel, perfect to read if you’ve never touched on of Pratchett’s works before, and is often overlooked.

The book is about Maurice, an “amazing” cat by his own admission, who has teamed up with a stupid boy and his very own plague of rats. The moneymaking scheme is simple: set the rats loose on a town and after causing a panic let the boy stroll in and offer to play his pipe and lead them away… for a fee. This is working well, until Maurice, the boy, and the rats arrive in the town Bad Blintz. Here the rats are beginning to question the morality of their work, the boy gets entangled with a young, mischievous local girl, and they’re all shocked to find out that the town already has a real rat infestation… or so the rat catchers claim. Things quickly turn sinister and deadly as the group is forced to confront not only the cruelty of humanity, but something even more sinister living in the small, dark, hidden place of the town.

This is a YA book, unlike some of Pratchett’s other novels, so it’s a quick, fun read, while still having all of his dry wit and heavy, complicated thoughts about society, morality, belief, and what it means to be a person. It’s a genuine delight to see Maurice and the rats, recently made sentient by wizards’ rubbish, struggle to come to terms with who they were and who they are now.

Black Pearl Ponies: Red Star & Wildflower

Y’all it ain’t a secret at this point that I enjoy a stupid horse girl book, right? I picked up the first two books of the Black Pearl Ponies books from the library on a whim and they were basically what they promised. Girl lives with family on ranch, father helps train horses, girl goes on pony adventures with ponies. A particular focus is given to horse welfare and care. Very mediocre but a nice thoughtless covid read if you, like me, get a craving for animals books written for seven year olds from time to time. Plus this comes with the added humour of it being written, as far as I can tell, by a British author who thinks all Americans are stetson wearing cowboys which I find unreasonably funny.

Crenshaw

I love Katherine Applegate’s work; I read the Endling series earlier this year and they are overwhelmingly good. Crenshaw was also an enjoyable read, though not my favourite by her. It read a little bit like a book I read last fall, No Fixed Address, which was also a very good read though not my usual genre. Crenshaw is about a boy, Jackson, whose family, though close-knit and loving, is experiencing financial difficulties and struggle with food scarcity, homelessness, and all the instability and stress that results from this. During this tumultuous time, Jackson is surprised by the reappearance of a tall, bipedal, snarky cat — Crenshaw, his old imaginary friend. This is a charming book that blends genuine, real world hardships with whimsy and magical realism.

The Enemy Above: A Novel of WWII

Since it was Rememberance Day this month, I decided to pick up a holocaust novel. This book is about 12-year-old Anton, a young Jewish boy who finds himself fleeing from his Polish farm in the middle of the night with his old grandma when a German raiding party that attacks their village in an effort to make the countryside “judenfrei”. The book is, perhaps, not the most well-fleshed out, but it’s fast-paced and exciting for a child/YA audience that’s being introduced to holocaust literature, without trying to downplay the absolutely horror and brutality of the Nazis. It manages to strike a satisfying balance between fear, tragedy, and hope.

“Everything he had heard was true. He was just a twelve-year-old boy and yet they hunted him. He had broken no laws, done nothing wrong. He was simply born Jewish. How could anyone want to kill him for it?”

Gregor the Overlander

Somehow I never knew that Suzanne Collins wrote anything other than The Hunger Games? I stumbled across this series at a used bookstore and was first taken by the cover and then shocked when I realized I recognized the author’s name. Well The Hunger Games was such a good read, how could I not pick up a book with people riding on a giant fucking bat?

Such a good choice. I’m almost done book two and bought book three today after work. It is exactly the sort of low fantasy that I live for, when a fantasy world lives so close to the real world that you can practically touch it. I also love the fact that while all the wild fantastical elements are happening, you still have the main character taking care of his toddler sister the whole time. It’s at times charming, hilarious, and nerve-wracking!

It’s about Gregor, a normal kid who’s doing his best to help his mom take care of his two younger siblings ever since his father disappeared years ago. Gregor expected months of boredom when he agrees to stay home over the summer instead of going to camp like his sister in order to watch his baby sister, Boots, and their grandma while his mom is at work. He never could have expected that a simple trip to the apartment’s laundry room would lead to both him and Boots tumbling miles beneath the earth into the pitch black Underland, a place filled with giant rats and bugs and people with translucent skin who fly through the massive caverns on huge bats. He also could have never expected that he would get wrapped up in a deadly prophecy that would force him to travel into distant, dark lands into the waiting claws of an overwhelming enemy.

Kings, Queens, and In-Between

A Canadian queer novel that I’ve seen trumpeted everywhere. Libraries, classrooms, bookstore, this book got so much hype (and has such a pleasing cover) that I had to get my hands on it. Now, I’ve got to admit that it’s not really my genre; I don’t love realistic fiction. But that being said, it’s a fun, heart-warming, queer romp through that explores gender, sexuality, love, family, friendship… there’s a lot of lovable, quirky, complicated characters that get thrown together in unexpected ways at a local summer carnival. While there’s tension and misunderstandings and mistakes, this is overall a very optimistic and loving novel, and would be a great read if you want a queer novel that reads like cotton candy.

Love, The Tiger

This book is the graphic novel equivalent of a nature documentary. There’s no text, but you follow a day in the life of a tiger as it moves through the jungle on the quest for food. The art is honestly beyond outstanding, and though it’s a really quick read it is so very worth it. I’ve also read Love, The Lion in this series (also good, though a bit more confusing imho) as well as one of the books from his other series Little Tails which is still very nature and education based, though for a slightly younger audience.

Making Money

More Pratchett! Making Money was the first Discworld book I ever read, and it’s one of my most reread ones — it’s an ultimate comfort read! This is technically the sequel to Going Postal (another book I reread this month), in which conman Moist Von Lipwig is saved from a rightful death at the noose in exchange for agreeing to work for the city. Going Postal sees Moist narrowly dodging death in many varied forms as he tries to get the Anhk-Morpork postal service back on its feet and get the drifts of dead, whispering letters moving again. In Making Money things at the post office have become… too easy. Moist is bored, restless, until he finds himself thrust into a new job: head of the Royal Mint. There he has been given not only charge of the biggest bank in Anhk-Morpork, but also a dog with a price on its head, a lethal family with all the money in the world out for his blood, and the fear that his secret past life may be on the verge of being exposed to everyone, all while he’s desperately trying to make money…

The Moist series is honestly an example of Pratchett at his absolute best imo, and the amount of humour, wit, adventure, and scathing commentary he can build around a bank is outstanding. Cannot recommend enough.

The One And Only Ivan

Another book I’ve been hearing everyone talk about, as well as another Katherine Applegate book. It’s been on my radar for a while, but with the sequel and a movie coming out, it had everything at a fever pitch and I finally picked it up. Fantastic read, I definitely enjoyed it more than Crenshaw. This book was based off the true story of Ivan, a gorilla taken from his home in the jungle and sold to the owner of a mall, where he spent years of his life growing from child to adult silverback in a small, concrete enclosure. In this fictionalized version, everything changes for Ivan and his friends, when a new baby elephant is bought to help revitalize the mall attractions and Ivan makes a promise he doesn’t know how to keep: to protect this baby, and keep her from living the life Ivan and his friends were forced to. This book made me very emotional. Applegate’s picture book that goes along with it is also a great companion read.

Ranma ½

I realized that our library had the 2-in-1 editions of Ranma ½ and honestly that was it for me. This has been a favourite series of mine since I was in middle school and realized that the creator of Inuyasha had written other things. It is unapologetically ridiculous and larger-than-life and you have to love the shameless joy it has at being ludicrous. It does start to feel a little repetitive the further into the series you go, but at the moment, with covid, I find I have a huge tolerance for rereading slightly repetitive things so long as they make me happy. And boy howdy does the vaguely queer undertones, endless pining, and relentless slapstick of Ranma ½  make me happy. This is classic manga y’all and if you’ve never read it you should!

The basic premise, for anyone that doesn’t is that of an bonkers martial arts comedy. It follows Ranma and his father who, while training in China, fell into cursed springs. Each spring has the tragic legend of a person or animal who drowned in it, and if someone falls in they inevitably turn into that creature any time they’re doused in cold water. Ranma had the misfortune of falling into “The Spring of Drowned Girl” and, indeed, turns into a girl anytime he’s hit with cold water. Things continue to spiral out of control when Ranma meets his arranged fiancée, Akane, who is as exasperated by this situation as Ranma. Both would rather be fighting people than worrying about things like romance. And don’t worry, there is lots and lots and lots and lots of some of the goofiest martial arts fights that you can imagine for a bunch of high schoolers.

Through the Woods

A beautiful and creepy Canadian graphic novel. I honestly really don’t even know how to describe it in a way that does it justice. It’s a collection of short horror stories, with beautiful, flowing art style that draws you in and sends chills down your spine. I’ll let the art doing the talk, and honestly beg you to go find a way to read this graphic novel:

The Witch’s Vacuum Cleaner: And Other Stories

The last Terry Pratchett book on my list (though shout out to the others I’ve listened to this month: Wee Free Men, Hat Full of Sky, Men At Arms, and Snuff) and one that I actually physically, rather than listening to the audiobook. I included this one because unlike the others, this was a Pratchett book I had never read before. It collects a number of Pratchett’s short stories that had been written for children over a number of years. These weren’t necessarily my favourite examples of Pratchett’s writing (I prefer his longer work that can really dive into social issues) but it was such a quick, easy, fun read that you can’t really help but be charmed by it. I liked the stories that took place in “the wild wild west (of Wales)” in particular.

[stillwinterair]

2020 in books so far! All 21 of them!

Season of Storms by Andrzej Sapkowski -- Finished January 1st. My least favorite Witcher novel. In a series that managed to surprise and endear me at every turn, this one final romp did almost nothing for me. 2/5 stars.

Star Wars: Hard Merchandise by K.W. Jeter -- Finished January 17th. The final chapter in the Bounty Hunter Wars trilogy, and by far the worst of the three. 2/5 stars.

Migration by Julie E. Czerneda -- Finished February 18th. The middle chapter in Czerneda’s excellent Species Imperative trilogy, fun and charismatic, sciencey and cute. Didn’t hit me quite the same way as the first in the trilogy did, but still had fun. 4/5 stars.

Star Wars: Heir to the Empire by Timothy Zahn -- Finished February 2nd. It was okay. 3/5 stars.

To be continued under the cut, including thoughts on The Expanse, which has taken over my life this year:

Mass Effect: Revelation by Drew Karpyshyn -- Finished February 25th. Borrowed from a coworker, was immensely disappointed, decided once and for all I wasn’t going to touch tie-in novels for the rest of the year. That wound up being a great decision. 2/5 stars.

The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty -- Finished March 12th. The first of Chakraborty’s Daevabad trilogy, this was a great little historical fantasy fiction about a half-djinn caught up in about a thousand tropes I usually hate, but were written with care and nuance and charm. 4/5 stars.

Midway through The City of Brass, news of a virus overseas begin making waves.

Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie -- Finished March 29th. The first of Leckie’s Imperial Radch saga. So, so, so many incredible concepts that I loved dearly... but all just slightly off to the side of where they would normally hit me. I wanted to love this book so badly, and it kept almost hitting me, but never quite did, at least not as hard as I wanted it to. Still, I enjoyed the world and the characters enough that I bought the sequel and will read it soon. 3/5 stars.

AAAAAND PANDEMIC! I began this book when I was still working, and finished it while in quarantine. So that’s fun. From here on out, all of these books were read from my couch or my bed.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison -- Finished April 16th. Another book I wanted desperately to love and... succeeded a bit more than with Ancillary Justice, thanks to how ceaselessly charming it was. But the names. Oh, god this book is full of fake fantasy names and titles and you have to remember all of them and the glossary isn’t always helpful. But, still. I found myself so endeared, I couldn’t put it down. 4/5 stars.

Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey -- Finished May 3rd. The first book of The Expanse, and I fell in love instantly. This one hit all the right buttons and didn’t stop: good science fiction, fun space adventure, charming characters, perfect level of tension, the list goes on. And reading this one was... the beginning of a certain obsession I’ve had this year. 5/5 stars.

Consider Phlebas by Iain M. Banks -- Finished May 21st. The latter half of this book? Great. Stellar. The first half...? Uhhhhh. Eh? By far one of the most insufferable protagonists I’ve ever had to slog through, but some really cool scifi concepts here (and also some really bad ones -- the whole desert island cannibal thing was stupid as hell, but the Damage Game got me). 3/5 stars.

Caliban’s War by James S.A. Corey -- Finished May 30th. The second book in The Expanse series. I could not put this one down. Everything I loved about Leviathan Wakes, amplified a thousand times. The additions of Bobbie, Prax, and Avasarala made me ascend. This book fired on all cylinders and I loved every moment of it; it stands as one of my three favorite Expanse books so far -- but we’ll get to those. Anyway, I can’t give it 6/5, so we’ll have to settle with: 5/5 stars.

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut -- Finished June 1st. A book I’d been meaning to read for a while and finally got around to. Literally finished it in two sittings. Mostly it made me sad. 4/5 stars.

The Strong Shall Live by Louis L’Amour -- Finished June 2nd. A collection of wild west short stories. A couple were great, a few were awful -- most were just okay. I’d been reading it slowly since December, and finishing felt more like a weight off my mind than anything else. Still, some of these stories were incredibly memorable. 3/5 stars.

Larissa by Emily Devenport -- Finished June 4th. I read this in about three sittings overall, which is a lot faster than I usually read. It wasn’t particularly good, but it was the exact sort of scifi junk I eat up for some reason. This is... a very, very weird one. It was very progressive for the time (the book is as old as I am), so much so that I wasn’t surprised to find her on Twitter very publicly supporting BLM and decrying the current administration. It’s about a black woman in space, wealth disparity, and a bunch of other stuff. Some of it works, some of it doesn’t, but Devenport was trying, all the way back in 93. It’s also the sequel to a book I didn’t know existed until I’d already finished, but I guess that one didn’t matter so much to the plot of Larissa? Anyway, had a blast, even though I can’t quite put a finger on why. 4/5 stars. (I actually had this one marked as 3/5 stars, but my memories of it are all very positive, so... it was worth the bump.)

Abaddon’s Gate by James S.A. Corey -- Finished June 13th. Third in The Expanse, and not my favorite. The pacing in the first half was a little wonky, but once it gets going, boy does it go. 4/5 stars.

Regeneration by Julie E. Czerneda -- Finished June 25th. The final entry in the Species Imperative trilogy. This might have been my least favorite of the three, unfortunately, as much like Ancillary Justice it always seemed to hit just to the side of where I wanted it to. The first one was by far my favorite, and the third installment just couldn’t recapture that magic, but I love the protagonist and was happy to walk with her to the end. Plus, as always, there’s some damn good science fiction here. 4/5 stars.

Cibola Burn by James S.A. Corey -- Finished July 4th. HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER, this one has everything! I don’t even want to spoil what, just know that this is exactly what you want after Abaddon’s Gate, and had everything it was missing and more. This one rocked my fucking world, and is one of my three favorite Expanse books so far. Another one I’d rate higher if I could, but for now... 5/5 stars.

The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold -- DNF, July 8th. This book had me until the 35-year-old protagonist started trying to hide his arousal while he was watching the two teenage girls he was tutoring swim, and it was played off as like... cute? I don’t know man, fuck this book, it made me miserable.

Nemesis Games by James S.A. Corey -- Finished July 16th. Once again, HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER, HELL YEAH! This book begins with some of the slowest pacing in the series so far, but god, have they earned it. It feels so good to just take a break and walk a mile in the shoes of all your favorite characters. And then when things hit? Boy do they fucking hit. The third in my trifecta of favorite Expanse books so far, and another I’d rate higher if I could. 5/5 stars.

The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke -- Finished July 21st. I really thought this was going to be a fun pirate book. Instead, it’s a book about a fun pirate slogging along with the most obnoxious man in the history of fiction, who she is also falling in love with, apparently, for some reason. I don’t know. This is a duology but idk if I’m even interested in the sequel. Which is a shame, because I really liked the protagonist. 2/5 stars.

Babylon’s Ashes by James S.A. Corey -- Finished August 5th. Definitely my least favorite Expanse novel so far, mostly because the narrative was stretched very thin. This one hit really fucking hard toward the beginning, and again at the end, but in the middle? The middle was very... nebulous. A lot happens and I’m not interested in all of it, which is something this series has thus far managed to avoid doing. Still, very good, just not quite up to the standards I’m used to from this series. 4/5 stars.

And... it’s August! And I haven’t picked up another book since the 5th, which feels weird, but is due to a lot of factors. I’m in the middle of moving, so I don’t have as much time to read during the day. But also I’m waiting on a shipment of books to come in, and it hasn’t yet, and that’s stressing me out. Of those, there are a couple I’m leaning toward reading, but if the ol’ Read The First Page trick doesn’t work on any of them, I’ll probably hop back to Imperial Radch.

[retphienix]

Credits are rolling as I type because I saw fit to forego capturing since I didn’t REALLY do a live playthrough on the blog and instead just showed off moments here and there.

Just wanted to say, that was damned good.

It gave off such a dnd vibe to me and since I’ve yet to indulge in that truly it was a nice romp.

But seriously, what an awesome game with even more potential if more were to come in the series. Phenomenal writing and a very simple but ingenious gimmick of making magic simple but full of potential since it interacts with the elements and environment. A+ stuff there.

Did get a chuckle out of the ending slides surrounding a CaC gaining divinity basically just sliding the camera onto the same image 6 times where it clearly would be different slides if you used a default character lol.

What to dwell on...

Combat in the game was phenomenal! But it’s funny to me how it ended up in MY party.

Since I made the grave mistake of letting all the companions maintain their default classes I ended up with a rather eclectic combo and my OWN stubborness lead to me sticking to that for the most part.

Beardy as a full on warrior in the vein of my old WoW character. He ended up being a friggin’ godsend to the team since I ended up going more physical damage than magic (but still a 2/2 split team count wise TECHNICALLY).

Going heavy in 2h weapons and stength just resulted in him tearing everyone apart at a moments notice all while having his hand on that idol of resurrection so I could literally never be too risky with him. (A touch of a difficulty equalizer in some cases and complete nullification in other instances sadly)

Beast ended up molded to straight hydro for heals all while wielding the biggest shield I could manage at any moment and stacking con/int. He was bulky, sure, but didn’t really abuse that much and instead spent every battle freezing everyone with freezing blast and rain, or saying screw it and using blood rain with his torturer perk so everyone bled while he spammed heals. It was effective but mostly just CC.

Fane was the second MVP if not total MVP? Beardy really did the most all said, but Fane? A Necessity At All Times.

He was holding the second idol, though rarely needed it (neither did Beardy to be honest, but still).

Fane went all in on summoning, and aero as his secondary for when he ran out of spells etc.

His incarnate was insane through this run, I love how summoning can honestly give you either a huge physical damage output buff or any element you please. His summoning is why my 2/2 split party ended up leaning heavy on physical, because it made more sense to abuse a physical incarnate’s output than to constantly grab a water one (for restoration magic and water damage) or fire or whatever else.

Having powerful shock spells was nice too. But mostly he summoned and then buffed his summons. I INTENDED to stack some poison related spells on someone for healing him, but Fane ended up going the entire game after act 1 without healing outside of bottles and he did just fine. God that sleeping bag or what have you is op for out of combat and who needs healing in combat when you have an insta-rez on death and tons of damage going out.

Oh and by the end I decided to spend like 144k on a ring with 1/3rd the magic defense on it because he permanently poisoned him. So that was nice.

Sibelle did fuck all the whole time.

Which is rude to say, sure, and you’d be right to say that. I ended up enjoying Sib’s character and she did put out some nice burst damage in physical form at the start of most fights.

But I never gave her a chance and it shows. (in terms of build).

She joined as a worthless rogue with no invis or survivability and dual wield burst being her only tool, and instead of fixing that with some invis or survivability, I said “Sure, Sib. You’re a lethal assassin. Tell me how that works out.” and she proceeded to spend like 60-70% of the fights in the game face down in the pavement because after her initial burst of damage she’d die and I couldn’t be arsed to care.

She lived the final fight just fine though, go figure. She didn’t go down once and actually pulled her weight for more than just the first round. How novel a concept, Sib. Maybe next time grab some other talents outside of just scoundrel and dual wield.

What a self burn where I say I stubbornly made a bad character and it’s their fault. lol

Speaking of those idols real quick, it cracks me up how the one fight I completely botched was saved by them. When I ran into the paladin leader in the basement I decided to take him out since I heard he was with the black ring prior. I killed HIM just fine, but the rest of them were 2-3 levels above me and were rough as all hell.

Eventually it was Beardy, alone, in a corner, surrounded, and after like an hour of combat he finally fell. Everyone de-aggro’d. He rezzed with the idol. And I calming rezzed my team and walked out having killed the only person I needed to (and a couple extra). That was an amusing moment.

I love how the game would occasionally, with a straight face, do the most fantasy trope things possible and it felt FRESH since no one would dare do them today.

Things like trolls guarding bridges and a lot more I’m blanking on because of the credits rolling. I just appreciated that and found it really fun.

Credits just finished so I was reminded of the gift bags and what a damned shame!

When I first read up on them it was through a video showcasing how they can break the game etc A vid I’m sure someone would be aware of it they were aware of the subject matter.

Apparently at one point you could use them whenever to change and add features and still get credit for achievements/trophies etc. But that changed at some point so all these interesting gameplay tweaks are just sullied by you not getting credit for stuff.

Sure, that’s dumb of me to imply, but you know I’m right. No matter how much we fight the implication that trophies matter they still do to some degree. I, for one, like scrolling through them as a sort of list of past exploits, I even get some nice memories from doing just that, but activate a bag and you don’t get to write down that achievement.

Meaningless, sure, but enough of a dissuasion to prevent me doing it :/ For now at least. They really are a list of fun features to toggle! But why I harp on it is that some seem like 100% quality of life and nothing else and you still can’t use them without it disabling trophies :/ Things like “Sprint” for moving about the world faster, lord.

Achievements are such a stain on gaming, I swear. For a hundred reasons, and for making some like myself in this instance AVOID fun because we don’t “get credit” oh fuck off trophy. If you didn’t exist I’d have had more fun, hence why going back to play older titles that don’t have them is such a pure joy.

Bleh. I play into it AND hate it.

Anyways.

What’s there to say. Divinity 2 was a blast, I do wish for a more refined one later on but this was such a unique experience none the less.

Roughly 110 hours of gameplay (minus AFK time I do in damn near every game so I’ll say it was like 100 hours) and I’m left too speechless to say half the things that came to mind while playing. Darn it.

A+ stuff. I’m honestly still impressed that such a content loaded single player experience is ACTUALLY all that and able to do 4 player coop.

Sure it’s technically understandable, but in terms of what games, you know, generally do? That’s unthinkable to me. That’s the kind of thing that’s reserved for tabletop, hence my early mention of dnd. You don’t usually see a story driven things like this being coop on console- and if you do it’s lightly handled in a way where the coop player doesn’t matter. Like Fable 2 henchmen, or Fable 3 where the coop player might as well not exist and just shows up to do fights and follow the main player.

That’s the term.

Most coop rpgs have the MAIN player and then coop buds assuming they implement coop.

This game is more of a 4 MAIN players all at once situation and I’m entirely unfamiliar with that in gaming other than tabletop.

OBVIOUSLY this wasn’t too much of a big deal for my single player playthrough, but other than that it was almost always on my mind and lead to me starting 2 other runs with friends :) (that both pretty much died out because they both struggle to find time to play games as is so sitting down and coordinating 3 people for 2 separate coop runs of a 100 hour game wasn’t really happening- now I understand dnd groups pain lol)

Enough rambling when I admit I have lost all my talking points. Good game.

[toastweaselreads]

Competence by Gail Carriger

Rating: 5/5 LGBTQA+? Queer as fuck. Genre(s): urban fantasy, paranormal romance, lesbian romance, steampunk Enoby Approved: Yes Read This Book If You Like: found family in spades, lesbians, trans characters, kickass lady characters

Don’t Read This Book If You Can’t Handle: the slowest of slow burns, dubious consent (?), POV swap (?)

Disclaimer: I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this novel with the condition that I review it should I feel so inclined. Thoughts and opinions are my own. I would have reviewed this novella regardless of when or how I got it.

My Pre-Review Warble: 

Alternative title for Competence: “Everyone Is Queer And There’s Adventure Too”

The actual review:

As predicted, Gail doesn’t disappoint with her newest Custard Protocol novel, Competence! This book was so, so good and, as usual, a riot. I hyped this book up and am happy I did because it delivered in spades.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Gail is best with her romance when it has a plot foreground. Between several new environs, new adversaries and revelations, and one morally absent soulless and a cage-y ghost now on board the Custard, it was all hands go. Mix in Tasherit attempting to seduce Prim the whole book (which provided in turn endlessly entertaining and frustrating) and it was a romp from start to finish!

For those of you who are a fan of queer characters (why else are you here?), I’m pretty sure this is the gayest thing Gail has written to date. Interracial lesbian romance leads, two other confirmed queer characters, a second interracial queer couple, and various mentions of other queer/LGBTQ characters floating throughout. All handled wonderfully, of course, and all historically accurate in their representation! :D The Custard is turning into a giant floating queer family and I’m so fucking happy about it.

Plot wise, Competence flowed very naturally and was a bit less pell-mell than Prudence and Imprudence, which I attribute to the fact we’ve switched POV from Rue to Primrose. I really enjoyed it, as Rue occasionally stresses me out with her decision making. There were lots of fun Easter Eggs for longtime readers, and Gail finally kicked her over-explanation habit. Thank God. Also there’s a fun twist at the end that leads into book 4, which is set to end the series with a bang!

Speaking of POV, I normally hate POV swap, and I was very nervous when Gail announced Competence would do that. However, my fears were unfounded; she handled it really well and at no point did I find myself skipping over Percy’s POV. Additionally, Percy was written fantastically and his sections have cemented my belief that he is firmly nueroatypical. Benedicito corde!

All in all, if you haven’t pre-ordered Competence yet, do so. I promise you it will not disappoint!

ORDER IT. RIGHT NOW. CLICK THIS LINK!

After the novel drops on July 17, I’ll release a SUPER SPOILERY REVIEW will all of my thoughts and feelings because I have SO MANY! SO MANY!

[fairest]

DIDN’T GO TO TWITTER YESTERDAY - September 12, 2018

Find your country. 

In the American food court of O’Hare’s Terminal 3, eating my bean & whole egg burrito from Burrito Beach, I thought, the Viet Cong were the Dirt Bag left of their time.

Except the Viet Cong knew how to kill red state Americans.

(At that time red states were blue, weird.)

The only thing the Dirt Bag left knows how to do is put two pictures side by side on a timeline.

But there is hope.

Maybe once, in the past, all the Viet Cong could do was tweet, too.

Maybe it’s only the beginning for the Dirt Bag Left and at the beginning there is only talking, organizing.

Right now it’s still the Truman years.

Dewey defeats Truman, Clinton defeats Trump.

Right now it’s still the French colonizing the American mind (all these poems hurt my feelings and all the Marx bullshit) and in 50 years we will find the right American words and we will remember how to die.

Project for an extremely online leftist: Google Image Viet Cong & Google Image Dirt Bag Left and place the images side by side on Twitter.

I have this note here: On the airplane, the milf reads her thriller.

I have this note here from long ago: a male pilot who misses his flight reading a romance novel.

Find your country.

Today, my wife’s 34th birthday, I saw a young man sitting on the curb, coming to the end of a novel.

The streets smelled of a rain that had passed over.

The farmer’s market band was singing: find. your. country. find your. country.

My wife was holding our son.

We were warmed by the cool sun, my honesty.

What my honesty has done to my perception, how it has allowed me to see things which I could never look at, because someone else was looking.

I asked my wife, is that The Corrections or The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay? And my wife said, it’s The Corrections.

Writers always look at the books people are reading.

In fact it’s one of the only things a writer can do.

It is hard for me to edit my novel during this outpouring because the characters in my third person omniscient novel live to deceive themselves, but here, for this waterworks, I am admitting myself (admit one) in the first person.

I was watching the farmer’s market band and thinking to myself, musician is the only honorable profession, everyone else is a scab.

How can you face yourself, sitting there looking at Visio and TweetDeck, when you could just as easily pick up that guitar and strum.

I can still see the couch where I finished The Corrections, a cheap college couch, I cried on the last page.

I only remember one sentence, it’s the only sentence I almost remember from a Franzen novel: ‘she was going to make some changes in her life’.

It comes at the very end. It’s about the character Enid Franzen. Chip Franzen’s mommy. 

The novel ends on a note of supreme, mainstream hope, an almost Bellovian hope.

Nothing says hope more than making changes.

Hope: One day Mr. Sammler goes to bed with the right papers.

Who was the Tolstoy of the Jews? 

Franzen the Great. Our last great male Jewish novelist.

It was also the couch where AbercrombieAnnie1983 (the best screw[s]of my life) told me she had herpes, and I said so I can’t see you anymore (I can’t fuck you anymore) I can’t love you anymore (I won’t fuck you with a disease). 

I can still smell Annie’s pussy and now you can too. It wasn’t odorless like Kardashian pussy, it had a focused smell.

I used to write things like that in MFA school and people would look at me with hatred, disgust, like they were my grandmother, so I tried to stop doing it.

Style is what you are trying to stop doing?

All of that was in my head for different periods of time and different amounts of headspace, standing in the cool sun listening to the farmer’s market band run through the changes for Find Your Country, on my wife’s birthday.

My wife is a the one. 

That’s not a typo, my wife is a ‘the one’.

It took Karl Ove 240 or so pages to leave his wife, go back to his MFA school, propose love to his mistress or some girl he used to know in college…. 

It would take me eleven million words to leave my wife.

It’s just hard to imagine.

When I see my wife’s friends I think, you gals have aged. When I see my wife she looks the same as she did the day before I met her.

As a good man (I am a good man, my father is a great man, my grandfather was an OK man, his father was a bad, bad man) I searched long and hard for a the one and when I find a the one my memory was erased.

Even AbercrombieAnnie1983 (in 2001) is gone.

It takes 5-7 generations for the badness of man to reach full flavor.

For best results, drink 3 to 4 generations per day.

I read a clearly engaging essay yesterday by Charles Finch … who I know in real life … hi Charles ... but he is not the Charles I mentioned yesterday ... who said ... critics are bitter people … about Karl Ove and it reminded me how part of Karl Ove’s Q&A … like when an indie bookstore talks to Karl Ove … what they Q&A about … is that he “gave up” on art.

Like he “gave up” on art the way Henry Miller gave up on art when he broke the sound barrier of the autobiographical novel, but like Andy told me that time in Vilnius, nobody reads Henry Miller anymore, Stuart, and I added in my own head, not even me.

Miller once said it got to the point of madness where no matter what I said about the man I could have easily have said the exact opposite.

Although I’m back in New York … that’s why I was at the airport this morning thinking about the Viet Cong … and I always bring Aller Retour New York in my bag when I come back, although I haven’t opened it for 12 years or so, and I didn’t bring it this time, I brought Eros the Bittersweet instead, which got Burrito Beach red salsa sauce on it and now is kind of fucked up.

Karl Ove fits easily into Algren’s criticism of Henry Miller: the problem with Karl Ove is that he thinks he thinks.

Much more than Miller himself does.

That’s my problem. I think I think.

This reminds me a lot of David Frum.

I feel like I made fun of David Frum the last few days but I don’t know David Frum.

Making fun of people you don’t know is for people who go to Twitter. 

I didn’t go to Twitter yesterday.

Sorry David Frum.

Thought about tweeting yesterday: 

At the Tribeca Target, my wife said even the mannequins are fat now, and I told her she should tweet that. I’m not going to tweet it’s insane that Tribeca has a Target.

I came to this sentence in Charles’ essay, which gave me a painful pang of recognition: writers who leave more questions than they answer.

I thought to myself, am I a desperate amateur who thinks he thinks and leaves more questions than I answer?

I wrote a humor piece … the only literary criticism possible for me … since literature is hilarious … about Karl Ove … this was like five years ago … I wrote it in Managua … because Dario is boring in English … it was about why Karl Ove is famous … because people like to say ‘Karl Ove’ … you know … like the Seinfeld joke about salsa … that people only like salsa because they like to say salsa … you know I’d been to parties … and people said Karl Ove … but when they said Karl Ove they didn’t mean Karl Ove … they meant themselves … like when they say David Foster Wallace they don’t mean David Foster Wallace … they mean themselves … I did a search for the unpublished article a few moments ago … I was going to send it to HTMLGiant or The Awl at the time … I must’ve erased it … if you’re interested, I’ll leave a broken link to it in show notes.

Giving up is something only men can do.

I have this note here: something only men can do.

I have this note here: A list of verbs from mammals before humans that humans can also do but it’s just the kind of “good writing” with “strong, interesting verbs”: crawl, pounce, slither, wag, others? Use them during editing process.

Women are not allowed to give up.

Men are allowed to give up when they want to harness creativity.

That Picasso line … it took me a lifetime to learn how to paint like a child … if a woman said that she would be laughed out of the salon.

Don’t paint like a child, grow up, paint like a man.

Sometimes I wonder if female writers are burning up, they have ten thousand words to go, and they look over at their husband, and he’s fast asleep. 

I don’t give up.

I am trying pretty hard right now.

I detest creativity.

I am uninterested in the expanding of my mind I want a long, drawn out compression that lasts longer they I could with AbercrombieAnnie1983.

Creativity takes me always from behind. 

It’s weird my president is mad at Nike, they make a shoe called Air Force One, then again he likes his own plane.

Creativity takes a step back for a moment, long after I am miles ahead.  

I am scared of creativity. 

American writers spend a long time being afraid of advertising.

It takes an American writer 900,000 private words before they can say to themselves: fuck advertising.

The Charles Mingus composition Myself When I Am Real, how does it go again, is it a vamp or a romp? Is it a song, or a book? 

For the longest time as a child I would think to myself, I am not creative enough.

I believe in God, saints, angles—the triune stumbling block to creativity. But I don’t believe in fairies, goblins, witches, Batman, the ruling class, late capitalism, planets with more than one moon … Luke Skywalker’s farming planet … I never believed that shit.

If a woman gave up on art man would say, cool have a kid.

I have a note here about men’s bodies that make my cock move: the young falafeltarian waiters wear tight white polos. Does a man still starch a polo these days? My fantasy: their nails clipped in half-moons.

I wrote my wife a card for her birthday.

Happy birthday my love. The wine was dark. The food clean. The service sucked. The conversation spoke to us. There will never be another you.

I wrote her a card from our son, too.

I am scared to die for my country. 

My son might not be. 

I wrote it out with my right hand to be cute (editor’s note: the desperate amateur who thinks he thinks asking more questions than he can answer is, IRL, a lefty). 

Writing the card backward was a notable experience.

I fucked up cute all words except the word Mommy. 

I write mommy almost if not equally well with my right hand as with my left. 

Maybe it’s because I have so much hope.

I have so much hope for the world, my son, my wife, my mommy even though she is old.

My mama’s got cancer in her breast, don’t ask me why I’m motherfucking stressed, things done changed.

I hug my wife, between us our son.

Find Your Country.

Hold your influences close.

Hold your closest influence closer.

[hell-heron]

I posted 1.641 times in 2021

296 posts created (18%)

1345 posts reblogged (82%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.5 posts.

I added 733 tags in 2021

#asoiaf - 354 posts

#ironborn - 119 posts

#romeo and juliet - 74 posts

#kitties - 63 posts

#six of crows - 47 posts

#tagamennon - 24 posts

#avatar - 20 posts

#coriolanus - 11 posts

#reference - 11 posts

#les miserables - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i will die by the headcanon that while juliet is obviously sheltered for cultural reasons she also has no friends bc none of her cousins can

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I've really got to respect Leigh Bardugo, if for nothing else, for thinking "What if Rasputin was a Young Adult heroine?" was a sustainable book premise and then going through with it

46 notes • Posted 2021-03-30 20:50:03 GMT

#4

It's interesting how the Inheritance Cycle had a kind of reverse-Harry Potter reception, having been written with the tone and scope of a real adult fantasy but still ending up being seen as a kids' book due to other reasons. Due to this I go absolutely insane every time I see some post rebuking a discourse about it that I've never heard of and that I'm not sure OP didn't just do the make-up-a-guy-and-get-mad-about thing with, because it's like seeing a glimpse of an AU where Paolini took 5 more years to start writing and it actually became the decently popular SF/F fannish phenomenon on the line of The Witcher and there's morality discourse and ship wars about it instead of, like, ten nostalgic people on tumblr clinging to it aggressively.

68 notes • Posted 2021-08-22 20:36:21 GMT

#3

So many people who post those "women are socialized to do this, why men can't?" things are talking about things that absolutely aren't mainstream female socialization where they live, and really make you want to sit them down and tell them "this is something abusive your own mom and her alone did to you specifically, and not an an universal experience of relatable girlhood, I'm very sorry and I hope you recover from this!"

81 notes • Posted 2021-02-09 09:21:44 GMT

#2

Saying that Sansa suffered so much more than Arya is of course very sexist first of all but also, God what a fucking failure of analysis! There's so much about trauma and hardship in this book, and which of it is valid and which of it isn't recognized as valid and which is invisible, what is normal and istitutionalized in universe but still reads as traumatic to the audience, what singles people out and what is a shared experience but the horror only shines through here and there - and people just don't engage with it.

Both Arya and Sansa have super deconstruction-heavy narratives, Sansa because fantasy stories are full of damsel in distress maiden in a tower characters but we never hear their voices, Arya because the story of a little girl escaping suffocating social expectations living in Nature with Simple Happy Farmers and making friends is the stuff of middle grade novels with happy endings, and the reality of it is made invisible by the narrative. It's painful and heartwrenching because we have to see them struggle at every step of the way and hope for them to survive and be achingly aware that they're children, without the protection of being ourselves children who can see their adventures as escapism or comforted by the idea someone like us could overcome this.

But somehow people just... delete Arya's actual storyline from their minds and find-and-replace it with a perfectly straightforward's children's adventure romp and it just makes you wonder how the fuck are they reading the rest of this book if they can't grasp deconstruction to this level

128 notes • Posted 2021-04-08 15:08:50 GMT

#1

The fact Theon was taken from the very worst birth family ever into what was probably the best possible family available is interesting, because it very clearly showcases how much this hostage scenario would have been abusive, alienating and unbearable no matter the people involved. But instead people use it as a gotcha to prove how much he should have shut up and been grateful.

181 notes • Posted 2021-03-20 02:26:42 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[jennacha]

here’s a big rant about The Child Thief

ok i have a big confession to make

I’m kind of obsessed with the book The Child Thief.

It’s not a particularly good book. In fact, I would go as far to say it’s poor. The writing has the cadence of 15-year-old-going-through-their-novelist-phase. I guess I could say it reads like fan fiction. The plot is very messy. The characters are badly written. It feels like a book that wasn’t edited. The word “magic” is used a lot, and it’s embarrassing. There’s a part where a character slams their fist on the ground and yells “WHY?!” and it’s embarrassing. The dialogue feels like it came out of a 1990s teen adventure fantasy movie trying to imitate the success of a Corey Feldman/Haim movie. Several times throughout the book the thought, “Why did the author do this?” popped in my head. However, the author is a fantasy illustrator, so the descriptive writing is a plus. He knows how to illustrate the landscape with words as well as he would in painting. The book is not a special unit dumpster fire piece of shit insult to literature; in fact, as far as I know a lot of people like it and it has gotten a decent amount of praise. It’s just not very good, in terms of the surface level writing. But I can easily see a lot of people enjoying it for basic entertainment value.

So that would be my YA-focus blog summary review of the book.

My public outcry summary review of the book is this:

I’m obsessed with the book because it’s so fucking weird.

It’s so fucking weird in that it’s a perfect shitstorm of the author not knowing what he’s doing, and thinking he’s knowing what he’s doing. Like a perfect bad B-movie that exhibits textbook schlock where the director is incompetent and clueless but lacks any self-awareness, in terms of style, layout, and production.

But also, the author thinks what he’s doing is…cool.

The book is about evil Peter Pan.

I could end this whole thing right there. But I must release these hounds. I’ve been needing to let all this out.

My wretched insanity craves affirmation.

This book should be a carbon copy of every other average to below average dark fantasy novel that you see on the bookstore shelves and never heard of and wonder what the author is doing now with all their not-fame. This book should be one that could’ve been written by anybody and it wouldn’t have made a difference. This book should be one of sixty million examples of nothing special. In a way, it is definitely 100% yes definitely yes all those things. The universe decided that I would be the bearer of the burden of having much stronger feelings about it then necessary. I probably feel more strongly about it than the author ever did. It is in my life now.

The biggest thing about this book being so fucking weird is the mind boggling tonal inconsistency. There are a number of shifts in universe-encompassing moods, which go from “Christopher-Nolan-but-also-kind-of-Stephanie-Meyer-dark-gloomy-the-world-is-unhappy-and-I-like-it-that-way”, to “David-Fincher-the-world-is-ACTUALLY-awful”, to “Oh-right-this-is-a-Peter-Pan-story-whimsical-fun-Goonies-meets-Disney-Channel-original”, to “A-worse-version-of-The-Hobbit-movies-with-some-redeeming-qualities”, to “Quentin-Tarantino-literally-wrote-this.” This isn’t hyperbole. The writing language can be REALLY EMBARRASSING and straight out of a Disney movie. That tone of a fun romp for the whole family is cradled by an abundance of swearing, unsettling fantasy-horror, and extreme, shocking violence.

You know when you’re watching Beetlejuice, and you’re like “Okay this movie is for children” and then out of nowhere Michael Keaton goes “NICE FUCKIN’ MODEL” and grabs his dick.

In The Child Thief, THAT washes over you every time you finish reading a sentence. Only, it’s as if you’re watching Hook, and at one point Robin Williams slices a person’s face off, and the camera stays on the faceless person for a minute and Steven Spielberg walks into frame and points to the gurgling faceless head and describes to you how you can still see the holes where the mouth, nose, and eyes were.

(Yes that actually happens in the book.)

Or if you’re watching Neverending Story and at one point you get expository dialogue explaining how Atreyu was pimped as a boy and had to live on the streets because his mother was, uh, a drug addict or something?. 

(That also happens.)

Or if you’re watching Indian in the Cupboard and the film opens with a little girl about to get raped by her dad.

(I’m serious.)

Or if you’re watching Hocus Pocus and Bette Midler is a vampire and she preys on a 6-year-old kid and neither of them have shirts on.

(I swear to god.)

Or if you’re reading a modern re-imagining of Peter Pan and the story involves blatant themes of gore in acute descriptive detail, mass murder, torture, and scenes with naked women and perverted fantasy-creature-men.

(Oh, wait.)

You’re probably thinking, “All those themes are found pretty much everywhere in every medium, especially the naked women and perverts. Big whoop.” I’ll add, then, all those themes, involving children.

Now you’re thinking, “Jenna don’t you love that movie Drag Me To Hell which involves a child being murdered within the first 2.5 minutes?”

Just hear me out and yes.

The Child Thief is entertaining in how CAPTIVATING the strangeness is. The tonal mishmash of kid-friendly meets rated-R is something I actually like, when it's a hit. I like things that have a quality of whimsy amidst dark themes. Movies such as Temple of Doom, Gremlins, Return to Oz, Darkman have this quality…basically almost every movie from the 1980s during the period when audiences had grown up with movies after censorship was abolished and half the world said “think of the children” and the other half said “no.” There are tons and tons of other examples in every medium of how general tonal contrast makes for unique and effective works of art. My point is, this specific type of tonal contrast also can be done well.

But those movies don’t open with attempted child rape, and they don’t end with children literally being mowed down in a grisly battle scene (I’m serious). I’m making a lot of comparisons to movies because the book almost feels like a movie, in that the author isn’t a novelist, he’s a visual story-maker who wrote a book because he knew that no movie studio would pick this shit up. Maybe the films I listed didn’t intend for tonal contrast to be a calculated driving element for their stories, but the subtlety of tones in those movies allows for one encompassing, harmonious tonal blanket to wrap them in. There is no subtlety in The Child Thief.

The tonal confusion of The Child Thief is, I almost wanna say coincidental. I think the author just didn’t know how to write well, but he’s a very dark visual guy and had all these dark visuals in his head ready to be unleashed. All the horrible violence and awful themes are fine in and of itself, but they aren’t earned if the attitude of “I’m gunna turn the children’s book foundation on its head” isn’t committed to, and “I’m gunna subvert everything you know and love about Peter Pan” isn’t calculatedly plotted out. The author has a bad sense of humor, a poor understanding of what is required of an epic storyline, and treats violence, horror and revenge less like a literary device and more like a fetishization of coolness in a vulgar display of power as a writer.

The misguidedness goes as far as the character writing. None of the characters’ motivations make sense. The author couldn’t keep track of either committing to one motivation or the other, a lot of the times for the sake of the plot. Especially with the Peter Pan character. He’s basically literally the anti-christ (this is 100% canon, if the author says it isn’t then he’s a liar and an idiot) and written like a “troubled villain” but then gets these VERY polarized directions of unrelenting psychopathic Cause It’s Die Motherfucka Die Motherfucka Still, Fool villainy and ham-fisted humanism and victimhood. It’s a case of like, the author meant for him to be the charming bad guy who tricks the audience into being on his side because that’s what Peter does to the characters in the book. But the author found him too cool and wanted to be his friend, but in order to justify being friends with a character who wants to murder everybody, he inappropriately gives him remorse and forces the reader to feel bad for him.

And like all the kids in the book are supposed to super love Peter Pan but the version of Neverland is like this horrific, NIGHTMARE HELL of a place and the kids are basically being used to fight in a war, and all the kids are totally okay with it, because their lives in the real world were really awful and the whole thing is that Peter “saves” them and they’ll do anything for him. And it’s like, okay???????????????????? But wouldn’t it be cooler if the kids were like okay this guy is a fucking psycho and Neverland is a horrific, nightmare hell and I’m learning a lot about myself right now having once trusted him???? And then in their retaliation Peter would show his true colors and enforce aggression onto them in serving as his personal enslaved militia? And it becomes like this inner circle of conflict? And since Peter is the only person who can bring them back to the real world, they play ball but hope to steer their own agenda out of the situation? OH, right, that DOES happen, but with ONE of the characters. ONE. Conveniently, the main character. And god knows there can’t be more than one smart human being at a time.

But if you want to SUBVERT the BELOVED CHILDREN’S STORY FORMAT wouldn’t it be fun to do PETER PAN VS. THE LOST BOYS? Instead of MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE PETER PAN AND THE HOT TOPIC LOST BOYS VS. THE ONLY SEMI-SMART MAIN CHARACTER? Like wouldn’t it be GREAT if the characters WEREN'T DUMB? And the author put in some CONSTRUCTIVE, CHALLENGING CREATIVE EFFORT and treated the interactions like a CHESS GAME instead of a CONTRIVED MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN JOEY, ROSS, CHANDLER, RACHEL, MONICA AND THE OTHER ONE? Wouldn’t it be GREAT if ALL THE CHARACTERS TURNED AGAINST PETER but then Peter SLOWLY CHARMED SOME OR ALL OF THEM BACK IN, to make him MORE like an UNEARTHLY MONSTER? Like the lost boys became SELF-AWARE LITERAL VICTIMS OF THE ORIGINAL TALE FORMAT, where Peter Pain is this IMPOSSIBLY CHARMING CHARACTER THAT IS BELOVED BY THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE? ALSO, the MAIN CHARACTER is supposed to be the MODEL OF REASON FOR THE READER TO RELATE TO, but the main character still gets CHARMED BY PETER PAN, WHILE WE KNOW AS RATIONAL ADULTS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN? LIKE THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HOW READING BOOKS IS? When we KNOW WHAT’S GUNNA HAPPEN? BUT THE AUTHOR WANTS TO BE PETER’S FRIEND SO HE DOES IT ANYWAY? AND LIKE SEVERAL OTHER CHARACTERS THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER IS FRIENDS WITH ARE ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE FIGURES OF REASON BUT THEY’RE ALSO 100% PARTISAN IN SIDING WITH PETER? SO IT’S LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE ALL YOU DUMB, DUMB KIDS?

LIKE OKAY, SO HOW IT GOES IS THAT PETER CAN LIKE WALK ACROSS THE DIMENSION BETWEEN NEVERLAND AND THE REAL WORLD AND THAT'S HOW HE GETS THE KIDS? SO AT ONE POINT IN NEVERLAND THEY ALL HAVE TO SCAVENGE FOR FOOD BECAUSE THE VEGETATION IN NEVERLAND IS DYING, AND THEY MENTION HOW PETER USED TO BRING THEM FOOD FROM THE REAL WORLD? AND IT'S LIKE, HOW ABOUT YOU JUST KEEP DOING THAT? OR LIKE, WHY DON'T ANY OF YOU WANT TO JUST LEAVE? YEAH THE REAL WORLD SUCKS, BUT IS IT WORTH STARVING TO DEATH JUST SO YOU CAN STICK IT TO THE MAN? LIKE ARE THERE PEDIATRICIANS IN NEVERLAND? ARE THERE AT-RISK YOUTH SHELTERS? FOSTER CARE? NEVERLAND SOUP KITCHENS? NEVERLAND SOCIAL WORKERS? NEVERLAND CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES? NEVERLAND POLICE? NO? JUST MONSTERS THAT PAINFULLY KILL YOU, ZOMBIE PIRATES, NO FOOD, AND LITERALLY THE ANTI-CHRIST?

AND THEN THERE’S RIDICULOUS SHIT LIKE, AT ONE POINT ALL THESE MAGICAL FANTASY CHARACTERS HIJACK A NEW YORK CITY FERRY TO GET TO THE HARBOR AND IT’S LIKE, THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS IT SHOULD BE AWESOME, BUT IT ISN’T AWESOME BUT IT SHOULD BE SO WHY ISN’T IT?

AND LIKE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS IS A FAT USELESS KID NAMED DANNY AND THERE IS NO REASON FOR HIM TO BE IN THE BOOK BESIDES TO BE THE TOKEN FAT USELESS KID NAMED DANNY?

BUT DANNY IS LIKE ALSO THE ONLY OTHER SMART CHARACTER IN THE BOOK BECAUSE HE’S LIKE WHY DID I SAY YES TO THIS WHY ARE WE STILL FOLLOWING THIS GUY WHY DON’T WE JUST LEAVE AND IT’S LIKE YEAH PUT DANNY IN CHARGE BUT NOBODY LISTENS TO HIM AND HE’S JUST COMPLETELY UTTERLY USELESS?

AND THEN CAPTAIN HOOK ADOPTS DANNY AND IT’S LIKE OH MY GOD THE AUTHOR FORGOT HE NEEDED TO GIVE DANNY SOMETHING TO DO?

AND LIKE I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE MAIN CHARACTER’S NAME?

AND THEN AT THE END OF THE BOOK, SO, THERE’S THIS BIG HUGE BATTLE SCENE WHERE CHILDREN DIE LEFT AND RIGHT, LIKE THE “ANTAGONIST” (NOT PETER) HAS A HUGE SWORD AND IS SWINGING AT THE KIDS LIKE HE’S HARVESTING WHEAT, OH AND YEAH, BY THE WAY, AGAIN, THE REAL WORLD IS LOCATED IN NEW YORK CITY AND THE BATTLE HAPPENS ON LIKE THE FRONT LAWN OF A LIBRARY OR SOMETHING. LIKE THE STORY KIND OF TOTALLY GOES OFF THE RAILS INTO FANTASTIC SCHLOCK. AND AT ONE POINT THE BATTLE IS ABRUPTLY INTERRUPTED BY NYC POLICE AND IT’S LIKE ARE YOU SHITTING MY NUTS THE NYC COPS ARE INVOLVED IN THIS FANTASY BATTLE THIS IS AMAZING, BUT THEN THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN AND IT GOES NOWHERE. AND ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE DYING, AND NONE OF THEM HAD ARCS, LIKE NONE OF THEM REALIZED WHAT THEY GOT THEMSELVES INTO OR WHAT PETER REALLY WAS, AND AT THE ACT 3 POST-LOW POINT THE MAIN CHARACTER DIDN’T GO OFF TO DO HIS OWN THING AND TRY TO SAVE THE DAY, HE JUST GOES WITH PETER TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTS, AND THEN HIS ARC IS BASICALLY NOTHING AND THEN HE DIES. AND *PETER* WINS. AND AGAIN HE’S LITERALLY THE ANTI CHRIST SO THE BOOK ENDS WITH HIM BRIDGING THE REAL WORLD WITH NEVERLAND, AND BASICALLY BEING THE BRINGER OF HELL UNTO THE EARTH. AND UP UNTIL THEN THE BOOK HAD ABOUT 68 INSTANCES OF THE READER SWITCHING BETWEEN FEELING BAD FOR PETER AND THEN ACCEPTING THAT HE IS HITLER NURSE RATCHED MAO STALIN. SO WHEN ALL THE KIDS DIE, HE HAS A SCENE OF FEELING REALLY BAD AND THE READER IS SUPPOSED TO BE ALL LIKE AW HE REALLY DOES CARE! AND THEN NEVERLAND GETS BRIDGED INTO NEW YORK CITY, AND HE’S LIKE HA HA HA HA I DID IT I WON. BUT IT’S WRITTEN IN SUCH A WAY THAT LIKE, THE AUDIENCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, WHEEEEEE! LIKE THIS THING THAT HAPPENED IS THE DOOM OF MANKIND, AND THE TONE SHOULD REALLY BE “OH GOD NO.” BUT THE AUTHOR WAS HAPPY THAT PETER WON IN THE END BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE HIS FRIEND, EVEN THOUGH LIKE FIFTEEN PAGES AGO PETER CAUSED THE DEATH OF AN ARMY OF CHILDREN (AFTER ANOTHER 600 PAGES OF ALL KINDS OF OTHER AWFUL SHIT). SO NOT ONLY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD THAT PETER FEELS SAD, BUT THEN WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL HAPPY THAT PETER FEELS HAPPY. HOW ABOUT GO FUCK YOURSELF? HOW ABOUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE PETER A CHALLENGING UNRELIABLE ANTI-HERO, DON’T MAKE HIS DARK QUALITIES SO INCONTESTABLY EVIL, OR, EITHER CHOOSE TO MAKE PETER HATED BY THE AUDIENCE, OR MAKE THE AUDIENCE FEEL FOOLISH FOR BEING CHARMED BY PETER AND PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE BAD SHIT THAT HAPPENED AND GO FUCK YOURSELF?

...

I’ll give a different example of both tonal incongruence and bad character writing.

So, the opening scene of the book that involves attempted child rape, so. What happens is that Peter saves the little girl in time by killing the dad, and gains her trust to go to Neverland. The way the story regards the introduction to Peter is that of wonder and curiosity through the little girl’s eyes, as if it was derived from the original children’s tale. So the opener is meant to establish: a gritty “realness” to the book (which is never earned but i digress), and Peter as a mysterious magical hero. Then, the story carries on into describing Peter’s motivation in saving (the book uses “stealing”) children, which vaguely mentions his villainous indulgence (he’s saving children to recruit them in an army in Neverland to fight captain hook because his mommy is the president of neverland and there’s almost-Oedipal themes going on). Fine. However, the cadence of Peter actually being villainous is very very…undermined. Like the actual voice of the NARRATION is misinformed. Like the narration sounds more like Peter’s inner monologue speaking in the third person. Like the third person is in on it. Like the author is painting Peter as this wicked wrongdoer as if it’s a cool thing and he wants to be his friend (Oh wait).

This is how the voice of the opener is handled: Child rape —> Peter prevents child rape and saves child —> Peter is a good guy for doing this —> Peter is still a good guy for doing this but he did it maybe not for the right reasons. As it turns out, Peter is unquestionably the bad guy. Peter was the bad guy from the start, Peter was the bad guy while he was saving the little girl.

The rest of the book is handled like this: Peter is cool and badass  —> Peter is mischievous but still the person we want to follow —> Peter is a psycho...but still cool —> Oh shit Peter has a super awful past and his psycho-ness is the result of being a victim so I forgive him —> Wow Peter’s both a psycho and an asshole—> Okay I dunno about Peter —> The author keeps having Peter save people from being raped as if he’s not an asshole but he’s still a psycho and an asshole so I still don’t know —> The plot has a a lot of stuff so I guess I’m still with Peter —> Okay Peter won but everyone is dead because of him and he’s still an asshole so I still don’t know.

Peter tricks victims of rape, abuse, slavery, etc. into thinking they’re being saved when in fact he objectifies them for his personal needs. Remember how I said this book’s insane tonal confusion isn’t subtle? Well, from the book’s perspective, putting a finger on Peter’s good side and bad side...is subtle. Problematically subtle. Which, on a literary standpoint, sounds like a good thing, but...

This is the part when I say the thing you ACTUALLY SHOULDN’T BE SUBTLE ABOUT is PETER. You CAN be subtle about his tragic backstory. Be subtle about sprinkling his good qualities over his CAKE TOWER of BADNESS. Give him some KICK. Have the flavors INTERACT. Make the audience be like “OOOH, is that cumin?? Interesting! HMMMM! INTERESTING! CUMIN! ON DORITOS! YEAh I am definitely eating Doritos, this is absolutely Doritos, but there’s some CUMIN in there! Okay, back to eating my DORITOS! OOOOH, IS THAT CAYENNE?????” But whatever you do, make it CLEAR what you are SERVING. You should not have a MIXED BAG, a MEDLEY, and try to sell it like not-a-medley. You should NOT make half your plate super spicy and half your plate super sweet and make the audience roll the dice on each bite they take. Peter Pan isn’t some complexass Faustian character study, it’s SUBVERSIVE HYPERVIOLENT DARK FANTASY PORN. IT’S DORITOS

This is how the voice of the opener should've been handled: Child rape —> Peter prevents child rape and saves child —> Peter is the bad guy.

This is how the voice of the rest of the book should've been handled: No matter what happens —> Peter is the bad guy.

I don’t have and never will have the literary criticism credentials to say anything with credible boldness, but I’m going to say this anyway: Using child rape to force the reader to feel a certain way about the tone of the world and the first heroic impression of a character is wrong. Forcing an act of heroism (especially for you to then later say “Just kidding not the hero”) in that context is inappropriate and wrong. That’s like throwing 9/11 into the background of a love story to force the audience to feel extra emotional. 1) There are many, many, many, many ways you can establish “realness” in your opener with or without violence. I’m not saying there is a hierarchy of what kind of awful things involving children are okay to write about, but opening your story with attempted child rape is an unnecessary extreme if parts of your story reads like an episode of Saved By The Bell. Revenge alone isn’t cool. John Wick is cool because of the way revenge is handled. Writing about attempted child rape and then immediate revenge on the rapist is the Epipen-shot-to-the-brain method of forcibly getting your audience to go “I LIKE PETER!”, which isn’t at all earned and probably shouldn’t be in your story… 2) ESPECIALLY if you don’t simultaneously establish with slats nailed on a wall that Peter is the bad guy. The author basically deceived the audience into liking Peter in the worst way possible, ironically, which is what he had Peter do to the other characters. If you want to cleverly deceive the audience into liking Peter, do it through his dialogue, personality, the externalized product of the relationship between him and his environment. Be inventive about it. It’s a book. You got words. Use...words to your advantage. If you want to open your story with attempted child rape at the very least as a way to tell the audience this shit’s serious, don’t.

Just don’t. It’s fine.

The Child Thief can’t be pinned as So Bad It’s Good. It’s poor, but it’s not Tommy Wiseau-acclaim-bad. The only way I can describe it is So Disorderly It’s Weird. But it has potential for being SO Weird It’s Kind Of Genius. Which makes it So Almost SO Weird It’s Kind Of Genius It’s Frustrating.

The book’s biggest detriment is that it takes itself too seriously. The author’s motivating in writing the book (this is fact) was that he recognized that the beloved original tale of Peter Pan has a lot of dark elements, but continues to be celebrated as a children’s story. And he wanted to take that notion and run with it. What happened was that he selectively fell in love with elements of that concept, and instead of writing a story that was meant to pull the rug from under us, he ended up writing a run-of-the-mill edgy dark fantasy that he was obliged to pepper with Peter Pan references. Instead of pulling the entire rug beneath our feet and hauling us onto our asses, he took a small handful of rug here and there and just occasionally tugged at it roughly, so that we’d almost lose our balance and get annoyed and tell him to stop.

The book lacks its own conceptual self-awareness that it built for itself, and the result is two different bodies trying to be forcibly shoved into the same book-sized box, when it should’ve been a new gross, satirical, humorous, unique body entirely.

In that sense, I really think this book could’ve been truly unironically awesome. I love the idea of cartoonishly exaggerating the dark elements (especially the violence) of the original tale that have been culturally ignored, like a lot of (or most) (or all) old children’s tales. My ideal solution to this book would actually be making it even more ridiculous in every way, but strung together with self-awareness and intention, where the author could acknowledge that the absurdity is instrumental, not indulgent. There are many aspects of the book that I really like thematically, and none of them are fully (or at all) seen through to their potential. These ideas aren’t really intentionally presented in the book, but: I like the idea that Peter is a sadistic volatile killing machine because he’s cursed with being riiiiiight on the cusp of hitting puberty, and his body is trapped without that natural sexual/psychological release, turning him into an aggressive animal constantly teased by unfulfilled subconscious heat. I like the idea that the lost boys element would be subverted into an inevitable Lord of the Flies esque shitstorm. I like the idea that the danger and villainy are at first generalized in adults but eventually presented in the children. I like the idea that every single possible fucking thing in the world—both the real world (mostly nyc LoL!) and Neverland—are a threat and are actively trying to kill the children, and the children treat it like an adventure before the horror becomes real. I like the idea of illustrating the outcome of blindly following fun naive figures of leadership. There are even a number of character interaction scenes that I like format wise. Just minus the embarrassing dialogue. That stuff's easy to rewrite in your head as you read it. Also I would take out that part in the book that I described as Bette Midler not having a shirt on while preying on a 6 year old. That part was really fucking uncomfortable. Seriously wtf, Gerald Brom.

I must concede this notion: The writer didn’t set out to create a masterpiece. He wrote the book to have fun. He succeeded, and his readers expected the same thing and received the experience they wanted. Of all the things that could’ve landed in my hands and tickled me in a weird enough way to make me wish it was better, for some reason it had to be this.

I could keep going, but...eh, (sigh).

But lastly—again, the descriptive writing of the world is very lush, and at times effectively horrific. The reading experience is a constant stop and start call-and-response of really great potential, really clumsy writing, and really misunderstood tonal directions. All those things put this book directly on the edge of FRUSTRATING. Uniquely frustrating. It couldn’t have been salvaged by the hands of a more competent writer, because the product came to light specifically out of the author’s unintentional confusion, not his laziness. A lazy product with potential can be salvaged through additions and tweaks, but The Child Thief cannot because the story was seen through the way it existed in the author’s head and heart. It is exactly what it...is. It can’t be imitated, or inspired by, or re-re-imagined. This weirdass fucking book is just sitting on this planet, being read by people, and shit. 

…..Anyway. This was all just meant to be the caption for my fan art. http://jennacha.tumblr.com/post/172559227502/i-made-fan-art-of-a-book-i-both-love-and-hate-lol

[niamsuggitt]

The Ides Of August 2017

Yo! What’s up? I’ll tell you what’s up, and it’s the goddamn Ides of August! Yeah, that’s right, I’ve written some words about all of the various media I’ve been checking out for the past 30 days. It’s been a bit of a rough month personally (hence this being late), but that does mean I’ve had a lot of time to watch a lot of films, including, for the 2nd month in a row, a trip to the actual in-the-RL cinema.

There’s also the small matter of the return of Game Of Thrones, more Nintendo fun and an intriguing fantasy novel from one of my new favourite writers.

Let’s do this thing.

—

Movies

Lots of movies to talk about this time around! I’ll start with more of my Universal Monsters Box-Set, as I watched 2 of ‘em. First up was The Invisible Man (James Whale 1933). I thoroughly enjoyed this film. The special effect of making Jack Griffin ‘invisible’ were very impressive for the 1930s, and it was refreshing that the main character was basically just an unrepentant dick with his power. He really is a darkly human monster and Claude Rains is a lot of fun and gives a great performance, especially as you never see his face until he’s dead. It was in line with my only previous experience with the character, Moore and O’Neill’s League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which takes it even further (that rape sequence is horrific). I was also very pleasantly surprised to see Henry Travers, Clarence from It’s A Wonderful Life appear as Dr Cranley.

I then watched Bride Of Frankenstein (James Whale 1935) which was also very good. I really liked the opening sequence, which shows us the real world origins of Frankenstein, as Mary Shelley tells her story in the Villa Diodati. It’s a great moment when it’s revealed that the same actress, Elsa Lanchester plays Shelley and ‘The Bride’. I was less keen on the scenes that basically undo all of the ending of the previous film, as both Frankenstein and the Monster survive, but once Doctor Pretorius appears and the story really kicks in, I was back on board. The main thing people talk about when it comes to this film is the queer subtext, and it really is strong. Pretorious is a very gay-coded character, and you really can read a lot into his and Frankenstein’s relationship. Boris Karloff’s performance as the Monster is just as iconic as ever, and it was great to see him do a bit more in his scenes with the blind hermit. They were like an extended version of the little girl in the first film. I was actually surprised by how little we see of the title character, she appears, screams and dies. But still, it’s another iconic horror moment and an all-time great look. I would say overall that the first film is better, but I can see why some people prefer this film, if you like the auteur theory, there’s a lot more of Whale in this one.

I stuck with the monsters, but got a lot more contemporary next, with Kong: Skull Island (Jordan Vogt-Roberts 2017), which was a lot of fun, if flawed in some ways. I am a big fan of King Kong, going back to some GCSE coursework I did comparing the original film to Peter Jackson’s remake. One thing I appreciated about this film was that it wasn’t a remake, but instead used everyone’s favourite giant Ape to tell a new story, and in particular, an anti-War story. The decision to set this during Vietnam is a great one, and it gave us some fantastic imagery of Kong fighting helicopters. The action scenes here really are great, very stylish and fun. The Vietnam setting also provides a truly great soundtrack that thankfully doesn’t go full-on Suicide Squad in terms of needle-dropping. The main flaw with this film is that some of the characters, in particular Tom Hiddleston and Brie Larson, who are ostensibly the leads are boring and don’t actually do that much. You probably could have removed Hiddleston entirely and it wouldn't change much. Thankfully, the rest of the cast helps to elevate things, with Samuel L Jackson, John Goodman and particularly John C Reilly, who plays a WW2 soldier who’s been trapped on Skull Island for decades delivering great performances. But the real star here is of course Kong, who not only looks real, but is fucking huge, way bigger than other versions. Any time he’s on screen is brilliant, and the fights are, as I said, incredibly cool. I was initially a little wary of this being a shared universe with Godzilla, especially as the tone of this and Gareth Edwards’ film are very different, but I can’t deny that the end credit sequence was cool and the prospect of this Kong and that Godzilla fighting each other is tantalising. I suppose it’s the same as the Marvel and DC cinematic universes, just the idea of Batman Vs Superman or King Kong Vs Godzilla is enough to at least pique my interest. So far the so-called ‘Monsterverse’ is better than the DCEU, but far off the MCU. But it’s only 2 movies!

Speaking of Marvel, I then watched Logan (James Mangold 2017) and was absolutely blown away. It’s not only the best X-Men movie by far, but also one of the best superhero films I’ve seen, and I have seen pretty much all of them at this point. I think what makes Logan so good is that it really has that weight of history that the best superhero stories have behind it. We’ve seen Hugh Jackman as Wolverine and Patrick Stewart as Professor X on our screens for 17 years, nearly 2 decades now. Some people who were able to go to see Logan in the cinema were not even born when X-Men came out. So seeing these characters and actors age and (eventually) die really has an impact on us as a viewer. It also allows Jackman and Stewart to deliver far more nuanced and powerful performances. I can’t see it happening, but Stewart deserves awards recognition in my eyes. His senile Professor X is just heart-breaking. The other great performance in the film comes from Dafne Keen as Laura/X-23, who is fantastic, despite not saying much at all. Her action scenes in particular are excellent and surprising. That applies to much of the film, which really does have some impactful scenes, I really don’t think Logan’s claws caused so much blood to spray in previous films! The story here is refreshingly simple and light on mythology, but it works, and helps tie the story and character into the classic Westerns Mangold is drawing on. There’s a reason why they watch ‘Shane’ in the motel. Wolverine is comics’ original ‘Man with no name’ and this film really is true to those roots, delivering some truly iconic images of the character for me. I really can’t wait to watch it again, but Logan really is a great reminder of how great a character Wolverine is. I love that in 2017 the X-Men franchise, which has given us a fair amount of pablum is, with this and Legion and even Deadpool are stretching the kinds of superhero stories we get on screen.

One director who also stretched the superhero genre is Christopher Nolan, and up next I took a trip to the cinema to see his latest film, Dunkirk (Christopher Nolan 2017) which really gave me a lot to think about. I’m still mulling it over weeks later, which to me is the sign of a good film, and whilst I am conflicted about some of the messages, I really think it’s an incredibly profound and effective experience that really got across the horror of war and the Dunkirk evacuation in particular. Everything, from the soundtrack to the cinematography really put you in the shoes of the soldiers and I felt incredibly tense throughout. I particularly liked that this was a WW2 movie where you don’t see a single Nazi soldier. You see some planes, but that’s it. The threat they pose is all-encompassing, and you don’t know where they are coming from. All you get is the bombs, or the bullets coming through the hull of the ship. It really helps the paranoia and isolation the men must have felt, and means you can buy the scene where Harry Styles thinks Aneurin Barnard might be a spy (he turns out to be French). The way Nolan shot the aerial battle sequences and the sea also contributed to that feeling, where they are actually rather empty. At times, the English Channel looked like that endless ocean planet from his previous film, Interstellar! I thought the performances from everyone were very strong, whether from acting heavyweights like Branagh, Rylance and Hardy, or the younger actors. I mentioned Harry Styles earlier, and he’s actually very good here, and I think his casting works on a meta-level as well, because if Styles were to have been alive back in 1940, he wouldn’t have been able to become a popstar, he would have gone off to war. It really made me think about, despite the many problems of 2017, how lucky we are to be around today as opposed to then, something I was already thinking about given that the 100th Anniversary of Passchendaele happened the same week. My great-grandfather fought there when he was younger than I am now! That’s why I think the message of Dunkirk is a powerful one, it shows that even in retreat, we hailed these soldiers as heroes and eventually regrouped and won the War. It’s not jingoistic like many war films, contrary to what Nigel Farage may tweet! My only real issue is that it took me a while to work out how all of the storylines were taking place at different timescales and not at the same time, so when Cillian Murphy interacted with Fionn Whitehead’s character I was very confused, but I think that’s more on me that the film! Overall, Dunkirk worked for me, and is probably my favourite Nolan film since Inception.

Things are getting a bit heavy, so let’s lighten up with Moana (Ron Clements and John Musker 2016), another thoroughly delightful Disney musical from the same team that gave us Frozen and Tangled. This was a funny and fun romp with some great animation and a very strong vocal performance from The Rock as Maui. One thing I appreciated about this film is that it bucked the trend of Disney Princess stories and didn’t feature any romance at all really. Moana’s journey is to help her family and her people, not to fall in love, which is a modern touch I appreciated. The music was good, nothing here is quite as immediately iconic as ‘Let It Go’, but I found ‘How Far I’ll Go’ and ‘I Am Moana’ to be powerful songs. I’m obviously not the target audience for these films anymore, but this is certainly one of the better kids cartoons I’ve seen lately. There are enough jokes to get you through, and like I mentioned, the animation and look of this is brilliant. At times it reminded me of The Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker, and there can’t be much higher praise than that!

Nearly done! I then watched The Incredible Jessica James (James C. Strouse 2017) on Netflix, and found it to be a very strong, modern romantic comedy with a truly great central performance from Jessica Williams. I had liked Williams as a correspondent on The Daily Show, but she really shows she can act here, as she really shines in every scene of this. She’s not only very funny, but able to handle the more dramatic parts of the story too. Not that this story is incredibly dramatic, it’s actually very straight-forward, and I imagine that many people are sick to death of hip sexy young people falling in love in Brooklyn. For me though, the performance of Williams elevates this above those familiar elements. The supporting cast is also strong, Noel Wells from Master Of None is great, and whilst I still find it weird that Chris O’Dowd is getting so many Hollywood Rom-Com roles, he’s great too. And of course Lakeith Stanfield is good as Jessica’s ex, he’s showing up in more and more lately, and he’s always good. It’s going to be a long wait for more Atlanta. I also liked how this film used social media. So much of modern romance is done online, and making Tinder, or unfollowing your ex on Instagram a plot point was intriguing, and something I want to see more of. It felt much more true to life than many films, and hopefully won’t date things too much. This isn’t ‘You’ve Got Mail’.

And finally, I re-watched Get Out (Jordan Peele 2017) again on DVD and enjoyed it just as much the second time around. Particularly how knowing the twist allows you to see earlier scenes in a new light. Like when you first see Allison Williams convince the Cop not to check Chris’ ID, you think she’s being cool and not-racist. But then you realise… she doesn’t want the Cop to know Chris was with her so they can trap him! Genius.

Television

There’s really only one place to start with TV, and that’s the return of Game Of Thrones (HBO) for it’s penultimate season. I am sort of conflicted about the season so far. On the one hand, GoT remains the best-looking, most lavish TV show on the air right now, and it’s gotten even bigger this year. The Dragon attack on the Lannister Army in Episode 4 was one of the most epic things I’ve seen on the small screen, and can probably rival most movies in terms of the CGI on the Dragons. It’s also been fantastic to see so many long-awaited moments and reunions, it’s been literally years since the likes of Arya, Bran and Sansa have been in the same place. The same goes for Tyrion and Jaime. And it’s been a lot of fun to see Daenerys actually interact with characters she’s never ever met before like Jon Snow and to see the series really cut to the meat of the story there. But therein lies my big issue with the season, and I think it’s because we really are ahead of the books now and we lack that wider context for these bigger moments. Because the show moves at a much quicker pace and has changed a lot of elements, previously, when they did that, we as fans knew the wider context and meaning because we had seen it in the books. But now, we haven’t, so things are just… happening. Awesome things for sure, but I can’t help but think that George RR Martin’s original versions will be better. The books have always been more humane and had more heart than the show, which takes the cynicism and darkness a bit too far. It’s odd, initially I thought that the show getting ahead of the source material would lessen my excitement for Books 6 and 7, but it’s having the opposite effect, I now want to read The Winds Of Winter more than ever. It’s certainly going to be different, especially because the show has cut so much meat off the bone. But I’m supposed to reviewing the show, not hypothetical novels. What else? I think the show has taken another step up in terms of editing and directing, I think that freedom from the novels has allowed them to do different things, like the toilet cleaning montage with Sam in the Citadel. That was a great sequence, and one I think they should do more of. Not the shit, but the montage, especially since so many people are complaining about how quickly people seem to move across Westeros now when compared to previous years. I don’t mind that too much, but it does add to that feeling off things just happening. But nevertheless, Game Of Thrones remains one of the best things out there in any media. I can’t quite believe there’s only 2 episodes to go this year. Hopefully by the time Season 8 rolls around my issues will have been resolved because I’ll have ben able to read that book!

Also in terms of new stuff, I watched the premiere of the revived DuckTales (Disney XD) and very much enjoyed it. Like most people of my age, I watched the original when I was a kid (even though it ended in 1990, UK Kid’s TV still repeated it a lot), particularly the movie where they get a Genie Duck, and as an adult I’ve gained a new appreciation of the Duck Family thanks to learning about the importance of the Carl Barks and later Don Rosa comics. I try to fight against my own nostalgia a lot of the time, but when that classic theme tune hit, I was hit with a proustian rush of it, it was great. But even as an adult, this new show has a lot going for it. It’s funny, the animation is strong and the voice acting is great across the board. David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck is one of those choices that is almost too good and having Danny Pudi, Ben Schwartz and Bobby Moynihan play Huey, Dewey and Louie is also great fun. It is a bit weird that Donald Duck is the only one to speak in the classic way, but I think it works because Donald really is a unique weirdo. The show isn’t back properly until September, but I’ll certainly watch it, if only to hear Paul F. Tompkins appear as Gladstone Gander.

Now for another cartoon about kids going on adventures with an older relative that has an entirely different tone… Rick And Morty (Adult Swim) is properly back for Season 3 now after the premiere on April Fool’s Day. So far I’m really enjoying this year, because it’s just as insane as previous years, but also delving far more into the darkness at the heart of the characters. This week’s superhero episode was just fantastic, not just because the superhero parody element was so good, but also because of how Rick was just straight up the villain. Pickle Rick was also a standout episode. The violence was insane (I think the rat slaughter shocked me more than the Dragon War in the same night’s Game Of Thrones) and the discussion of therapy at the end was just incredibly bleak. I can understand why some people are thinking the show has been fumbling a bit this year, but I’m still digging it, and it’s certainly not going down the same path Season 3 of Community did. At least not yet. I hope Dan Harmon can break his cycle of going up his own ass, and so far, for me, he has. Perhaps it’s going up Justin Roiland’s ass instead? And that’s just a better ass?

In terms of continuing shows, Preacher (AMC) is still thoroughly enjoyable in Season 2. I am a bit disappointed that we aren’t actually getting to the road trip aspect of the show, and instead have spent most of it inside a dingy New Orleans apartment, but I suppose that’s budgetary. The actual story has been very good, with the threats of the Saint Of Killers and Herr Starr and The Grail being handled very well, and faithfully to the comics. The character work has also been very strong, Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy have all had to deal with some heavy shit, and it’s been very interesting. I’m particularly worried about what is going to happen with Cassidy and his son Dennis, who has become a Vampire too. It’s going to be tragic. This character focus is really the best thing about the show, because like I’ve said before, whilst, story-wise, it’s very different from the comics, in terms of characterisation and tone, it’s incredibly faithful to Ennis and Dillon. I think that’s why I don’t mind the divergences here as much as I do in Game Of Thrones.

Now for my catch-up viewing! I finally got around to the last 3 episodes of the first series of Inside No. 9 (BBC Two) on DVD, and thoroughly enjoyed all of them. It’s just great to have each episode be entirely different. ‘Last Gasp’ was perhaps the worst of the series, but it was still enjoyable and had a great performance from Tamsin Greig. ‘The Understudy’ was a great Shakespearean send-up and man, the final episode, ‘The Harrowing’ was a real shock. It was barely a comedy, just straight-up horror. I kept waiting for the comedic twist to come, and it never did! Brilliant stuff. I have Series 2 to watch and then I’ll have to buy the 3rd. I really can’t believe I didn’t watch this when it originally aired, what was I thinking?

I’ve also finally tackled Vikings (History Channel) Season 3. I watched the first 2 seasons in fairly quick succession last year, but somehow never found the time to continue. Now I have that bit of time, and also an iPad so I’ve been streaming the shit out of Ragnar and his friends. I really enjoyed this season, Vikings has always been very consistent, but it took a step-up here I think. Travis Fimmel’s Ragnar remains a very underrated performance, you never know what he’s planning, and I also continue to thoroughly enjoy King Ecbert’s scheming. It’s going to be very satisfying if and when he finally gets his. I also like how the series continues to surprise by having events that you’d think would be save for a climactic finale happen at unusual junctures. Big characters that have been around since the first episodes die in the 3rd and 6th episodes of the season, and it really does keep you on your toes. So much so that I almost bought Ragnar’s ‘death’ in the finale, before realising it was just a ploy to get into Paris. The whole Paris storyline was great, in particular the battle scenes. The one that took up pretty much an entire episode, ‘To The Gates’ was just brilliant, and really bears comparison to some of the best battles in Game Of Thrones or Spartacus. The new French Villains are less exciting (Count Odo’s sadomasochism came a bit out of nowhere, and it was weird how only that scene in the entire series had nudity right?) but I imagine they will be fleshed out in Season 4. The same thing happened with The Saxons. The only real negative in this season was the weird appearance of Kevin Durand as a character who might be the actual Odin. In a series where the conflict between the Norse Gods and Christianity plays such a big role, having one side appear as ‘real’ just didn’t work for me.

Music

Only one CD to talk about this month, but it’s kind of a big deal, in that it’s the new one from Arcade Fire, one of the world’s biggest bands. So far I haven’t been able to listen to Everything Now (Sonovox/Columbia 2017) as many times as I’d like (though I am listening to it now as I type this. Right now. Right… now) but I think I like it rather more than what the general consensus seems to be, and certainly think it’s a return to form after ‘Reflektor’ which I never fell in love with. It’s not up there with ‘The Suburbs’ or ‘Funeral’, but frankly, few albums are. For me, this is a very enjoyable record with some interesting new developments for the band. Yeah, the title track does sound rather a lot like Abba, but I don’t mind that, and I would put ‘Signs Of Life’ up there with Arcade Fire’s best songs. You can really tell that Thomas Bangalter from Daft Punk produced those tracks, they feel much more dancey. I do think some of the meaning behind the songs and the cultural commentary is a bit wanky, but on the record itself, it doesn’t get in front of the music itself. I think Arcade Fire are kind of suffering from Jonathan Franzen-syndrome, where people focus way more on the interviews and news around the work, than the work itself. Who cares about fidget spinners and whether or not they enforced a dress code or if it was a joke or not. Just listen to the music and forget about ‘the discourse’. I know it’s hard, and I’ve certainly failed to do that here, but still, I’m going to make an effort.

Books

I’m going to keep this short because I wrote more general thoughts last week, but I really did blast through the back half of 33 Revolutions Per Minute: A History Of Protest Songs (2010) by Dorian Lynskey. It’s a fantastically readable book and even though it’s over 500 pages long, it never felt like a chore. I was up the the 1970s last time, and this month I read from then, through the 80s and 90s and up to Green Day’s ‘American Idiot’. The focus of the book spreads a bit wider, as the focus of the protest movements becomes harder to define and the culture as a whole became more diffuse. So the chapter that is nominally about U2’s ‘Pride (In The Name Of Love)’ is actually more about Bruce Springsteen and Live Aid than those loveable lads from Liverpool, and the Steve Earle track becomes about the musical response to 9/11 and the Iraq War as a whole. It’s still interesting, but does lack the immediacy of the anti-Vietnam and Civil Rights songs from earlier. If anything, that’s my only criticism of the book, in that Lynskey’s history only goes up to 2003, and is a bit too much a part of the ‘end of history’ neoliberal consensus era. With recent events showing that to have been completely wrong-headed, this is one history that will certainly benefit from an update in a few years, once we’re able to see the true impact of Trump and Brexit and all of the other huge events. That’s if there any good protest songs to come of the current climate? Last month I said there aren’t any and that’s still the case. Maybe Lynskey could sub in a podcast and write about Chapo Trap House?

I then took a turn back into fiction, in particular fantasy with Saladin Ahmed’s Throne Of The Crescent Moon (2012). I picked this up after being very impressed by the first few issues of Ahmed’s Black Bolt, which he does, along with the amazing artist Christian Ward for Marvel. He’s giving new life to the Inhuman King, and it’s probably the best comic to come along as part of the big Inhuman push we’ve had over the last few years (I sort of don’t count Ms. Marvel or Moon Girl as Inhuman books, even though I probably should). This novel is a fantasy, but what sets it apart from the standard is that it isn’t set in a quasi-medieval European setting, but in a Middle Easternish universe. A lot of fantasy novels have these oriental settings, but most of them are set apart from the ‘real’ action, like Game Of Thrones’ ‘Essos’, but here, the main focus is the magical Arabian Nights, and I found the setting to be very interesting, and something cool and different. But setting is only a part of it, the characters Ahmed uses to populate his world are well-developed, and I found Adoulla to be a very strong central character that went against cliche. He’s not a young chosen one, he’s a middle-aged magician who can’t really be bothered. I think the closest comparison I can think of for Ahmed’s book is Scott Lynch’s ‘The Lies Of Locke Lamora’, as both are not sprawling epics where people go on quests, but tighter stories where the action mainly takes place in a bustling metropolis. The scope of this story is a lot smaller than I expected, but that just means the focus is sharp. You can certainly tell there is a wider world going on, and I am excited to see how that is developed in future novels. If you like modern fantasy and what something with a little different spin on it, this is definitely worth a read, and it won’t take 3 months to read like a lot of others. And seriously, pick up Black Bolt, it is great.

Games

I feel like I’m finally getting into the real meat of The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild (Nintendo Switch 2017) as I’ve actually started to do the main quest instead of randomly dicking around Hyrule. I’m now doing one of the ‘Great Beast’ stories having accidentally ran into a Zora during some of that aforementioned dicking around. It’s a bit of an adjustment going to a bit more of a traditional Zelda structure here, but I do welcome it. At times, the sheer scale of the game can be a bit overwhelming and I can't decide what to do. I wen through the same thing with GTA V if I recall correctly, before eventually knuckling down and completing the thing. I don’t have anything else to really say about how good this game is though, it’s superb and at this stage I’m just going to be updating you on my progress. I hope it doesn’t take too long, it took me over a year to beat Ocarina Of Time, and that’s a much smaller game! But then again, I was 12 then.

I’ve also played a bit more of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe (Nintendo Switch 2017) as my Cousin is back from China and wanted to play. It’s so much fun, particularly on multi-player and I’m enjoying slowly but surely unlocking more cool vehicles and extra stuff to play as. I also really like the fact that some classic tracks from older games are on here. I didn’t realise how well I remembered Mario Kart Super Circuit from the GBA, but it’s been buried there in my sub-conscious all this time.

And finally, I bought an Apple iPad this month! I’ve been meaning to get one for ages and I had a bit of a cash surplus so decided to be spontaneous. So far I’ve mainly used it for streaming video and surfing the web, but I do have one game, Football Manager Touch 2017 (iOS 2016). So far I’m very impressed, it’s exactly the same as the classic Football Manager… only on the iPad! For me, FM has gotten a bit too fiddly on the computer in the last few years, so this slightly more streamlined version is welcome. I just hope I don’t get too addicted like I have to past incarnations. I’m thinking the portable nature of the iPad will help with that, I can’t play for hours on end because the battery will run out! I’m only in pre-season with Sheffield Wednesday so far, but I did win one friendly 5-0, I’m definitely going to smash promotion, I can tell.

—

So there you have it. I’ll be back in September. Dunno what I’ll have to talk about, I’m in a bit of a funk so probably just… ‘I played Football Manager for a month straight and now it’s the year 2040 and everyone’s a regen’. I saw an article on Vice the other day where 2 guys played a Management sim for a thousand in-game years. This is my goal.

See you then!

[bforbookslut]

ARC Review: The Prophetess by Desy Smith

This book was provided to me by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. This review edition is an ARC and may differ from the final edition.

I have given The Prophetess by Desy Smith a ☆ rating. It is Book 1 in The First Series series. It belongs to the New Adult Modern Fantasy genre with some Supernatural and Romance elements. Floebe Publishing publishes it. It was published August 2nd, 2017.

The blurb reads:

High up in the Heavens, righteousness faces off against the greatest dissenter of all time, and in the crossfire, an Angel loses his wings…

Fallen from Heaven and forced to live amongst the Humans, Ezekiel bares the tragic fate of a disgraced Angel. Having heard the rebellious Lucifer’s plan to rise up against the sanctuary of Heaven, Ezekiel remains silent; and for his inaction, he is exiled from the pearly gates and onto the unforgiving lands of the mortals. Two thousand years pass with a cold and hollow wind at his back, and for a moment, Ezekiel is resigned to his fate.

However, in the year 2016, the winds of fate begin to change, and redemption comes in the form of his brother, Gabriel, who bears great news. Ezekiel is given a chance to return to Heaven, but only once he has taken down Moloch, an evil Demon on the rise. If Ezekiel can stop Moloch from helping Lucifer return, he will be welcomed back into Heaven. However, there is more than just a Demon in his path, Ezekiel must uncover what else fate has in store for him, including a lovely, independent Prophetess, named Isabelle, and the endless possibility for joy and whimsy she offers. Can Ezekiel rise once more to the great destiny that awaits him? Or has he been amongst the fickle mortals far too long?

Disclaimer: This novel does contains a potty mouth female protagonist. If abrasive language offends you, this novel is not for you.

Add to Goodreads | Amazon

Verdict:

If I could sum The Prophetess up in one word: Awful. Full disclosure, I did not finish the book at Chapter 5, 28% in. I am incredibly upset with this book, the author and the publishing company. I got this on Netgalley and it was categorised Teens and YA. THIS IS NOT FUCKING YA. NOT. NOWHERE NEAR CLOSE. It’s New Adult. The MC is twenty-three and the Angel, god knows how old he is.

If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s self-published authors pretending like they’re from a legit publishing company because you expect a certain level of readiness and polish. Okay, it’s an arc. It won’t be perfect but The Prophetess reads like a very bad, very raw first draft.

One, the flow of events is incredibly messy. Two, there is little to no character development and the strange characterisation and extreme propensity for violence from Ezekiel.. Three, everyone is so fucking gorgeous that oh, we’re all dazzled by your greatness. Four is the cringey and forced sexual undertones of basically everything that occurs between Ezekiel and Isabelle. Five, there is so much sexism hidden behind a supposedly feminist lead character. Six, WHO IS THE MAIN CHARACTER HERE? The blurb makes it seem as though it’s Ezekiel’s story. Seven, when the warning says potty mouth, they actually mean cussing twelve times within say, five pages. The sad part about all these negatives is that The Prophetess is actually very creative. It has a good plot and the worldbuilding isn’t bad. When they’re actually talking about the demons and the actual plot, it’s actually engaging. But there was no way I was putting up with any more of the nonsense to learn what happened in the end.

To break it down,

[may contain spoilers]

The Good:

1. The Prophetess has a solid plot. Only problem is it keeps detracting from it to focus on the romance between the two leads. It’s not an original plot but it was presented creatively and I particularly liked the worldbuilding behind it, especially about Angels and Lucifer and Ezekiel being cast from heaven.

The Bad:

1. There is so much sexism that I had to put this point first. Ezekiel claims that Isabelle is a ball-crushing badass feminist. But she isn’t. And neither is this book. Just because Isabelle is supposedly independent and takes none of your shit and cusses your ears bloody doesn’t mean she is a feminist or this book is feminist. It’s not. And that’s the most disgusting thing I’ve had to read.

1.1 Isabelle calls the women that Ezekiel have slept with and will hypothetically sleep with, “whores”. No feminist will ever call another woman a whore. And in the same breath, say that she deserves to wear whatever she wants, especially if she wants to look like a slut.

1.2 Speaking of which, Ezekiel doesn’t like that Isabelle wears revealing clothing and he calls her out for it, basically branding her a tramp. Ezekiel also expects to be obeyed as if Isabelle is a fucking dog and she should do whatever he asks. Not to mention, he also speaks of tying her up or spanking her as punishment. Now, there is no kink shaming. I’m down for a good BDSM romp. But, there was no set agreement or any indication that Ezekiel wanted to perform these kinds of acts on Isabelle nor any FUCKING CONSENT. So, it’s very creepy and disgusting on his part.

2. The writing didn’t flow well. One moment, Ezekiel is doing A and then, with no explanation whatsoever, he is suddenly doing B. Same goes for Isabelle and any other character mentioned in the book. In the parts that I did read, Ezekiel has an invitation/envelope of some sorts and that’s how the section ends. Suddenly, in the next section, he is all dressed up, and so is Isabelle and suddenly they’re heading to a Vampire party. There was no mention that they would go together or if they’d meet up somewhere, how to dress, what to do. It just. Happened.

3. Character development, progression and characterisation is zilch. I suppose the author wanted Ezekiel and Isabelle to be those cute bickering couples you know who will end up together because they’re so perfect for each other. Mission not accomplished. Half the time, their arguing and fighting just doesn’t make any sense. Ezekiel’s dislike towards Isabelle is not mentioned and Isabelle’s hostility towards him is because she doesn’t like anything to do with Angels. But is fine dealing with other supernatural creatures. Like, they just meet and they hate each other. The Enemies to friends/lovers trope is as common as they come but this is one instance where it didn’t work.

3.1 Also, I know nothing about Isabelle except that she is The Prophetess and apparently helps supernatural creatures, has a mom and a sister and likes to call Ezekiel fucktard is almost every sentence. Like hello please develop your character and make me care about her because idgaf about her whining and her problems.

3.2 Ezekiel is unnaturally violent which I don’t quite understand. Because Lucifer was supposed to be the violent one who killed all their fallen brothers and Ezekiel is the good guy. But there was just a lot of graphic punching and slicing Vampires in two and chopping their heads off that didn’t gel with that image. And it’s very, very confusing. Angel madness violence thing whatever Isabelle called it

4. Not to mention that EVERYONE and I mean, EVERY FUCKING ONE, in The Prophetess is so insanely gorgeous that they have paragraphs dedicated to their good looks (okay I’m exaggerating) but it’s just so cringey and unrealistic. Ezekiel literally has a WHOLE paragraph dedicated to describing how smoking hot his chocolate skin is, how sexy his blonde hair is, how ripped he is, you get my drift.

4.1 And Ezekiel cannot stop staring and ogling Isabelle. He stares at her all the time and keeps thinking about fucking her. Yuck.

5. I find it hard to believe that Isabelle and Ezekiel are supposed to be a thing because there is absolutely no sexual tension or chemistry between them. He pushes her up against walls and she grinds her knee into his dick what. It’s just not believable and it really ruins the flow of the story just to have these two have the hots for each other. Which they don’t.

6. The blurb made it seem as though Ezekiel were the main character. And this is Ezekiel’s struggles and shit. But Isabelle seems to be the driving force of the story, not Ezekiel even if the book opened that way. And again, the confusion because what is this book about? Is it about Ezekiel trying to find redemption and saving the world from the demon with the help of a prophetess who might be a potential romantic partner or is this about Ezekiel and Isabelle fucking?

7. The book came with a warning about the potty mouth female protagonist. Now, I’m all down for a potty mouth because who doesn’t? Literally, my blog is based on my love for cussing. But when you’re cussing 12 times in about 5 pages? Something’s definitely wrong. It was bothering me so much that I had to start counting them because I wanted to see how saturated with cuss words this book was. It was cussing for no reason. Just for the fun of saying asshole, turd, shit, fuck, fucktard you name it. Plus, fucktard is such an outdated cuss word, come on get with the times. I used to write like this. I got my ass chewed out for it because it’s just bad writing.

Conclusion:

I could name a lot more but I don’t want to dwell on it any more. The Prophetess is a badly written first draft that needs to go through more editors and proof readers before it is ready for the market. It had a lot of potential that went to waste. I hope that this would be different in the final edition because I received a copy of this ARC late and was only able to review it now. But judging by the lack of reviews on Goodreads and Amazon, I don’t know how far this book will reach.

[queerpyracy]

@walkinredinstead april challenge - day 4 - special interests

hey guys gals and pals.... do you think my special interest is too obvious

I just want to share the ocean & sailing based media I love best and since this is going to be a long one, I’ll put the rest under a cut >>

*Disclaimer I haven’t read/watched all of these bc I have that terrible habit of buying things ~for later~ and, well, you know

**Also bc I’m always thirsty for more if you have any recommendations on media pertaining to seafaring, marine science, maritime lore/history/disasters, my inbox is always open, friends

BOOKS (alphabetical by author)

Balcombe, Jonathan, What a Fish Knows [nonfiction] - Okay so this book isn’t actually out yet but I have it on pre-order and I am soooo excited for it y’all I need more marine science books. The author did an interview with Science for the People, which is where I heard about it.

Hardt, Marah J., Sex in the Sea [nonfiction] - Another marine science book that I have on order,and another Science for the People interview which is really interesting

Jeans, Peter D., Seafaring Lore & Legend [nonfiction] - Essentially a reference book of maritime stories, history, superstition and legend.

Johnson, Capt. Charles, A General History of the Pyrates [nonfiction] - THE Golden Age of Piracy book contemporary to the time, questionable in some of its factual accuracy, but it’s been massively influential in perception of the period.

Kuhn, Gabriel - Life Under the Jolly Roger [nonfiction] - Looks at the Golden Age of Piracy through a political lens, and what the symbol of the pirate can mean for radical political movements today.

Meyer, L.A., Bloody Jack series [fiction] - I first picked this one up probably in middle school and while I didn’t finish the series, I’ve got a deep fondness in my heart for the misadventures of Jacky Faber, who disguised herself as a boy to work on a ship

Mieville, China, Kraken [fiction] - Okay so Technically this is an urban fantasy novel about a squid cult, BUT LISTEN, I really love squid cults, and I bought this book from a used bookstore on an off-season visit to the coast, so I’m going to include it here.

O’Brian, Patrick, Master & Commander [fiction] - First book in the Aubreyad, one of those “I’m going to read this someday” books that I really ought to get to

Philbrick, Nathaniel, In the Heart of the Sea [nonfiction] - The book the movie was based on, and at the risk of sounding like That Guy, the book is better. The descriptions of what happens to a human dying of dehydration inspired me to drink more water a lot more efficiently than any app ever has.

Powers, Tim - On Stranger Tides [fiction] - This one’s been on my shelf for a little while, and while I haven’t read it yet, I did once spend a week in a writer’s workshop with the author hearing stories about Philip K Dick, and this book in particular inspired a lot of Pirates of the Caribbean, which won’t appear on this list because you all know what POTC is and I keep hoping they’ll stop making movies.

Stark, Peter, Astoria [nonfiction] - Haven’t gotten the chance to read this one yet, but John Jacob Astor is a familiar name to me as an Oregonian who visits Astoria semi-regularly.

Stevenson, Robert Louis, Treasure Island [fiction] - Can’t refuse a classic adventure story

MOVIES/TV (alphabetical by title)

Admiral/Michiel de Ruyter - A Dutch historical film that won my heart with beautiful attention to billowing sails and golden lighting. It’s a beautiful movie and I love it but if you’re sensitive to violence there is a fucking Awful mob scene in which two brothers are murdered that I highly suggest skipping.

The Admiral: Roaring Currents - A Korean historical film, has reduced me to tears every time I’ve watched it, and in making this list I have just discovered it’s not on Netflix anymore which is a CRIME

Black Sails - An incredible plot, wonderfully drawn queer characters, and an ending that was better than anything I expected. That said, it has its flaws, particularly in some PoC characters getting the shaft. Warnings for sex and violence and all that jazz.

The Finest Hours - Decidedly not Age of Sail but as someone with deep fondness for the Coast Guard, it made me cry. Also I watched it before I knew anything about Casey Affleck being a shitbag so, just fyi, he’s in this movie.

Master and Commander - Once I heard this movie called boring because it’s just two hours of sailing and I was offended for a second but then I remembered that I would watch eighteen hours of sailing if left to my own devices. Personally, it’s a favorite.

The Pirates - I described this to my family as “POTC but Korean” and honestly it’s just a fun romp. Warnings for cgi animal death near the end, tho.

PODCASTS (alphabetical by title)

The Maritime History Podcast - a broad-scope naval history podcast

The Pirate History Podcast - a history of the Golden Age of Piracy

Scoundrel’s Inn - a pirate music podcast

Under the Crossbones - a general focus on pirate history, pop culture, and media