#i would like to form my own opinions on that

[lilhawkeye3]

A Crash Course to Kendrick's Super Bowl Performance, from a Black Woman

Note: this does NOT go in depth into all of the song's lyrics. I don't have time to recount two decades of his discography. This is just a summary of the performance itself.

Let's start with the first visual we get:

UNCLE SAM - most notably recognized from WWII American wartime propaganda, Uncle Sam is the personification of American patriotism and freedom. The term "uncle" is also evocative of Uncle Tom from Uncle Tom's Cabin, an abolitionist book that aided in inciting the Civil War. Uncle is also a very common term (both endearment and derogatory) towards Black men (eg. "unc"). Samuel L Jackson was fantastic.

Uncle Sam also resembles a circus ringleader, notable for my next point:

THE GREAT AMERICAN GAME - no, not Super Bowl. The GAG is us the people being pitted against each other: through late-stage capitalism, through the culture war, through class warfare, through being built of the backs of slaves. We are all players in the GAG because none of us on this site were the oligarchs seated at the inauguration.

This is also seen as Kendrick's stage was a Play Station controller. Not only did it remind of circus rings visually, but it was a game battle stage. The Great American Game is a battle royale of the commoners for the amusement of the rich whites.

Remember the foods / Them color was tin and brown / But now they 100 and blue - For this I'll just say, look what the last election said about lowering the price of eggs... and look at the prices now.

The revolution about to be televised / You picked the right time / But the wrong guy - Election 2024 once more. *Edit to add, the first part of this lyric is in reference to the Black Liberation Song "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" by Gil Scott-Heron. Thanks to everyone who mentioned that.

THE FLAG DANCERS - yes, the dancers formed the US flag... off of the backs of Black people. Not a single white person in sight, and that's true of the cotton pickers in the fields. Plantations are part of how the US came to economic prominence after being a "backwater" colony. Remember tobacco? Cotton? Our bloodlines do. *Edit to add: they also all piled out of a clown car. The US flag in a clown car? Brilliant.

The red and blue dancers are also notable for representing the Crips and Bloods, two infamous street gangs. The dance in Not Like Us is the Crip Walk. I recommend researching more on your own time about them, but just know they are a large part of the stereotype of Black people being "ghetto."

TOO LOUD, TOO RECKLESS, TOO GHETTO. Do you really know how to play the game? - This is exactly what Black people, especially Black men, get told all the time. It's why we change our names on resumes if they sound "too Black." It's why we codeswitch in non-Black company. This is especially rich considering how non-Black people love our culture and love to make money off of us, as the latter part of the quote points to. And it's even more profound during the Super Bowl-- the NFL is majority Black players.

STREET LIGHT A CAPELLA -- "thug" stereotype dancers to counteract the a capella connotations, with Uncle Sam then saying that Kendrick figured out "bringing other street guys around being a culture cheat code." Yes, this is a direct hit at Drake (listen to "Not Like Us") but also politically. Look up "model minority". Notably I would point to Candace Owens, or the Miami Venezuelan political group that's been in the news recently, especially as this directly led to Kendrick being surrounded by...

DANCERS IN WHITE -- it's white America. That's... that's the allegory.

NOT LIKE US TEASER -- Kendrick says "Not Like Us" is "their favorite song." -> he means white people specifically here. It comes after he's surrounded by all white dancers, the women around him who are his call and response are also in white (my opinion, they represent the industry). He's saying "Not Like Us" is the favorite of yts because it is about BLACK MEN FIGHTING. This again is reflected in the video game stage and ringleader Uncle Sam.

SZA -- instead of giving what they want, we see SZA. She's one of Drake's exes and Kendrick has always supported her.

ALL THE STARS -- This was in the first Black Panther movie, which I recommend you watch. Rest in Power Chadwick. Notably, this movie was incredibly mainstream as a major Marvel movie, and then we have Uncle Sam say...

"THAT'S WHAT AMERICA WANTS: NICE AND CALM. DON'T MESS THIS UP" -- translation: Marvel (the industry, America, etc.) wanted a safe, semi-pop song because white American likes safe pop songs, not Kendrick's usual heavy rap style about his life as a Black man! Don't mess up what you've got going mainstream for having this "Black rap feud" with Drake, who is an R&B model minority to white people because he's safe.

So what does Kendrick say?

IT'S A CULTURAL DIVIDE / IMMA GET IT ON THE FLOOR -- He was warned not to be political or apologetically Black for this Super Bowl performance, but he is using this big stage opportunity to speak out.

40 ACRES AND A MULE / THIS IS BIGGER THAN THE MUSIC -- 40 acres and a mule are what the freed slaves were promised. Instead, this land went to white sharecroppers. Research Jim Crow laws.

THEY TRIED TO RIG THE GAME / BUT YOU CAN'T FAKE INFLUENCE -- rig the election, rig the industry like with model minority Drake, rig the Great American Game with culture war to distract from active class warfare.

NOT LIKE US -- the only thing I'll mention because it made me holler is Serena Williams crip walking on Drake's metaphorical grave. She's another one of his exes.

TURN THE TV OFF -- exactly like he said! The TV is a distraction, the Super Bowl is a distraction, the mainstream news is often a distraction. Turn it off and get with your people!

GAME OVER — could not see this on my stream but at the end of the performance, the lights in the stadium spelled this out. The world is watching, America…

In conclusion, Kendrick Lamar is a visionary and thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[dalishbarmitzvah]

(moving right on past the obvious and very bleak "lots of people will flat out never be persuaded to care about jews and the best you can hope for is that they are not actively happy about jewish suffering"...)

to sum up what follows (mostly, honestly, me wandering through my own work to understand), tldr:

people genuinely do not know. they do not seek out our stories, are not given them by sources they , being truly informed about current events is very complicated, and most people have poor critical reading skills, have not learned how to consume varied sources, and do not know how to synthesise from varied sources before coming to conclusions or forming strong opinions, nor do they feel that is a requirement

the 24 hour news cycle, digital news outlets, and social media have created a media news climate in which people are more likely to believe they know things than they are to actually be informed on things, and is more likely to both create and maintain echo chambers (now filled with people who believe that it would be impossible for them to be in an echo chamber)

goys are generally not incentivized to do the work to seek out or stay up to date on things involving jews, israel, or antisemitism, and are less likely to encounter them, less likely to engage with them deeply or deliberately or often, and are less likely to be able to recognize propaganda, falsehoods, stereotypes, and fearmongering present in any reporting they do encounter.

centrist news outlets are doing the world a major disservice by being largely silent about jewish issues or israel beyond the most bombastic headlines, and neither right-wing nor leftist outlets are picking up the slack in any honest way, as both peddle very narrow, very biased perspectives when and if they bother sharing them at all.

in regard to mainstream journalism at large: they are failing to do their actual jobs (thourough, nuanced, non-biased news coverage) largely because of the broken way that people get their news (see #2) and the ways in which that has deincentivized journalism from coverage of anything less likely to get clicks and views. people don't click on stuff they think is too confusing, not relevant to their lives, too boring, etc. 24 hour news becoming the norm means doing away with the kind of informed person who would read their daily or weekly paper(s) cover to cover (or at least all the actual news parts). that same person, faced with an endless barrage of articles to click on, can never finish reading, and is, therefore, less likely to start reading things that challenge them or their perspective than they might have been if they had encountered them in print. for the increasingly rare news-reading goy, this means less clicks on articles related to jewish or israeli issues, which in turn means that the sites they're clicking on are less likely to pay anyone to write those articles

many people get their news almost exclusively from their social media feeds, which are curated to show them more of what they've already engaged with, and less of anything else. video content condensing articles skimmed from sources trouble by everything i already mentioned is in no way a balanced news diet, but for a lot of people, that is all they get - alongside a chillingly common pressure to form and hold strong stances on basically every single issue you can possibly imagine, with negative social consequences for admitting you don't know or don't have an opinion on something.

in this context: people facing a constant barrage of overexposure to news and perspectives from all over the world are lead to believe that everything that is happening is something they're aware of, and, as a logical inverse, that if they haven't seen anything about something, that it may as well not exist, not be happening, and not be real. (again, see #2).

compassion fatigue. just like we can't know about everything, we also cannot care about everything. and, let's face it: not caring about jews comes very naturally to most goys. this is the part where i say that i understand your outrage, but on a very real, practical level, you must understand that we are a minority many people know next to nothing about (though they often think they know about us, which is another problem), and that goyim who do not share their lives or communities directly with jews who remind them of their jewishness fairly regularly are unlikely to be very aware of us or what we're facing.

so this is the one thing you can do something about: you can be unavoidably jewish in the lives of non-jews, and it will remind them that jews exist, that we are real and complex beings who are worthy of attention and love. you can discuss these issues, publicly or personally, and it will prompt them to learn more, and to see more in places they may not have seen it before otherwise. you can remain steadfast and informed, and you can share what you know, believe, and feel, with people who would otherwise never have a glimpse of it. you can succeed where major news outlets are failing: you can be the reason why at least a few people do know and do care. it will take patience, it will take work. it will not be easy, or painless, or short... but it will also not be thankless. be jewish. live jewishly. share your jewish perspective with people you are in community with. show them that you have it to offer, and encourage them to seek it. this, too, is tikkun olam.

aaand under the cut is the Long, Somewhat Meandering Version that i came back around and synthesized down into that still-too-long-still-didn't-read up there. in other words, that up there is the Post, and what follows is rough draft. it's worth keeping there enough for me, for my own notes, but it's a lot of words and they're not all in the best order, so.

OK. SO.

first off, it would probably help if sources that aren't israeli or jewish reported any of it. it's become very obvious to me that very few people, for reasons both more and less valid, trust israeli news sources, or seek them out. even people who read multiple american newspapers to get perspective on issues don't bother with reading outlets that are actually involved in events discussed directly. maybe if some more western journos would sprout some fucking integrity for once and source back or platform voices on the ground there, it would help a bit.

i mean, sure, plenty of people will never give a shit, either because they've got deep-seated antisemitic tendencies, or because they're just blindly apolitical (or, charitably, some perhaps because they're focused on their direct communities. i know some people really are that way, and honestly good for them). but i think, perhaps because jews are culturally raised to be critical readers who are deeply informed about the world around them, and trained from a very young age to see patterns and connections in things, that it doesn't occur to us that a lot of people are just profoundly not like that. as a result, it's easy to see antisemitism in places where it's actually genuine ignorance - and a lot of that is very difficult to combat.

it takes real, significant effort to seek out varied sources for your news, and it takes real, significant effort - not to mention learned, practiced skill! - to sift out a more holistic image of the truth by reading between the lines and seeing what is reported where and by whom and in what ways... and also what isn't. and what i keep seeing in my own critical news reading (which is far from fully comprehensive!) is that you have to go pretty far from the sources most people are most familiar with to see beyond a few very curated images of what's happening in israel, what's going on with the hostages, what's going on globally or domestically in america or in various places in europe with jews there, etc. we see the jewish story all the time, because we live it, and we look for it, and we know how to.

but the reality is that the average goy doesn't even know enough about jews, or israel, to know that not all jews are israeli or zionist, not all zionists believe the same things, not all israelis support everything the israeli government is doing all the time, and not all israelis are jewish. they frankly barely know what jews are, except that they are Other. so how could they possibly know enough to see patterns rippling throughout the entire world beyond in varied and nuanced and horrifying ways. they will never, ever see the patterns we see. they have not been trained to do so, and they are, by and large, not going to take the genuinely immense time and effort it takes to get to that point.

so, maybe they don't know because they

people only see what they see in the sources they do see (obviously) - and those sources are very, very narrow in what they report on. the only western sources that are talking about it are far right or so-"left"-we're-accidentally-reinventing-fascism-here-too type sources, and they paint the issue in the strokes that aids their preexisting perspective (which is never truly a human one for jews, nor for israelis). most people aren't going to be picking up the jerusalem post anytime soon, but they might read the new york times or the washington post or a local paper (or, more likely, watch cnn or msnbc. or fox. or whatever.). so they're only getting what those outlets report on - and they just really don't report much on the human details of things like this. so that's one thing that could be done - centrist sources could report more, could print journalism that's closer to the source more often. but people might skip those articles. i've read studies that indicate that's exactly what people do - that digital newspapers specifcally make it so much easier for people to simply never encounter or engage with stuff outside their bubble, because you choose what to click on, and you choose when to stop, and so few people read "the whole paper" anymore (or even could, considering how many things are just published scattershot, random articles dropping all throughout the day!) so it would help some if that reporting was better, but honestly, with the kind of shape that news media is in right now... that's far from straightforward.

but of course, that's only applicable to people who even consume primary news sources to begin with... and increasingly, i encounter more and more people who are willing to freely admit that they have opinions and thoughts and believe they know things about stuff they haven't even done the basic research or reading on. and frankly, i don't know how we deal with that! the news-opinions zeitgeist we're in right now is frankly weird as fuck: people are less educated, from less diverse sources, on average, while also feeling pressure to have strong opinions and thoughts that they cannot (and should not) possibly form on their own. the way so, so many people consume news increasingly from algorithmic social media streams has done immense damage - people intrinsically believe that shit they saw on tiktok is Reporting (there have been studies showing that people tend to view news/opinions coming from people they percieve as familiar to them as being more likely to be truthful, and that that translates to, y'know... people in your phone who absolutely you do not know in real life and should not be trusting that way!). carrying on from that: if they DON'T see something "reported on" within in their circle/on their feed, then that means it's not happening. not even just that they don't know about it, but literally that it's not real. because we all know everything about everything. all the time. it's right there. the algorithm feeds it to us constantly. people think that if something was happening, surely someone would have mentioned it to them by now. i don't think people are mostly aware of this, at all, either... and that makes it all the more insidious.

used to be, people knew that there was plenty they didn't know about, because they knew how hard it was to learn about things that happened far away.... but now, with anyone in the world* being able to hop on their smart phone and say 'hey i'm from the other side of the planet and here's what's happening here*' (*at least, allegedly)? i think people genuinely don't consider that things might be happening that they haven't heard about. we hear about everything, all the time. 24 hour news cycle. digital newspapers. tiktok influencers sharing bite-sized news stories distilled from articles you haven't read to know if they actually read them either, from sources you're not familiar enough with to discern how much trust to put in them. videos of people in the worst parts of war zones staring directly at you and begging you for help you cannot possibly give them. but most people don't see images of released hostages. they don't see headlines from israeli journalists - not the deep propaganda, and not the honest ones. they don't see images of israeli activists or protestors who are fighting alongside and for their palestinian neighbours. if they see anyone on the ground in the area at all, they see desperate begging, and they see hamas propaganda - and it never occurs to them that parts of this story are missing... because we all see everything all the time. if it were happening, if it were real, then we would know. surely, we would have seen it already.

it makes it all the more funny when you hear people spout off about how jews are controlling the media or israel is controlling america or whatever nonsense... like surely, if any of us, the israeli state included, actually were controlling any of that, they would make it a little bit harder for people to avoid ever knowing anything firsthand about any of it.

so what can we do?

we can help them see us, hear us, know us, and love us. not everyone, not the ones who refuse, not the ones who hate us and won't budge. but we can be present in our communities and visible to our colleages and friends.

people are not going to notice and not going to care about things they have no reason to notice or care about. they're not going to form a nuanced perspective on israeli politics or modern pogroms or whether or not ben shapiro has ever heard of pikuach nefesh or not. they're not going to understand what jews are and aren't, what we can be, what we have been, what's happening to us. they're not going to see news that isn't being reported where they get their news... unless they see YOU.

it can be maddening, to have such a tiny little impact, but also incredibly gratifying. i am one of the only visible jews in the small town where i live, and i am very visible, and i never, ever shut the fuck up about it. people who know me at all know that i am jewish, and by talking to me, i can help them understand, and learn, and pay attention, and be vigilant on our behalf. i have seen it work. i have heard people tell me that they started noticing antisemitism in news sources they used to read - and that they stopped trusting them because of it. i have had people ask me for where to look for more information on issues they had heard only whispers about and didn't trust their ability to google on their own (which i really, really appreciate). i have had people tell me how grateful they are to know me and to learn from me. without me, they would likely have either never been prompted to have those thoughts, or they would have never pursued them very far, because they would have lacked a trusted sounding board. i know, for a fact, that people on (mostly) all sides of the political spectrum around me have come closer to seeing jews, and to seeing jews as human, because of me.

i have helped leftists gain perspective on israel, showed them how to see through propaganda (israeli, hamas, and evangelical), how to notice antisemitic slogans and rhetoric, taught them about the realities of israeli mandatory service, shared about my mom's experience living on a kibbutz, taught them some of the history of zionism and of the state of israel. because of me, people i know are telling people i don't know that "from the river to the sea" derives from a sentiment of violent antisemitism, and because of me, people i know are aware that israeli activists and objectors who share their concerns about the israeli government exist and fight alongside their palestinian neighbours to make their country a better place, and they know that palestinians generally do not support hamas. and i have helped people more to the center and right learn more about all of that and more. i have taught people what judaism is, what it is to me, and what it is to people who are very different to me. i've taught them how someone can be secular, atheist, and still very much jewish. i've taught them about where those guys in funny hats fit into the continuum between the ba'al shem tov and me, how we are alike and how we are different - how we have been forced to change in different ways, to adapt. i've taught them about the history of zionist movements, about jewish anarchists and socialists, about pogroms, about talmud, about tu b'shvat. people who believed, before me, that eretz yisrael was an empty wasteland before the first zionist settlers arrived to bring it to life, and people who believed that it was a thriving arab community that faced a military invasion before the state of israel was established, both have a bit more perspective on a very complicated history, because of me. because i exist, because i will not touch money on shabbos, because i will not shut my mouth, because i wear my beard and my payos and i cover my head, because i am not ashamed of who i am, because i have taken the time to be educated and to unapologetically assist in the education of others, people in my small town in the pacific northwest know about israel as a real place, and jews as a real people - whether or not we live there, and in all our many, many complex and nuanced perspectives on it.

i don't mean to tokenize yourself or reduce yourself to being a public service. but i do mean to push back when you hear someone discussing an even they've clearly only heard on very limited perspective on. i do mean that people who know they have at least one jewish friend (or acquaintance/community member/coworker/whatever) are more likely to notice, more likely to think critically, when things involving jews, or involving israel, are brought up. and to be clear: if you do this, you have to get really good at not telling people they're wrong or stupid, because people will shut down if you do that. you have to learn how to show people that their perspective is lacking without just telling them that they're ignorant. no one wants to listen to someone who's just telling them that they're a dumber, worse version of themselves than they realised. get really comfortable with asking people where they learned something or what they've been taught in the past, and then with how to break down and reconstruct from there, if necessary. honestly, once people feel safe to not know things around you, it gets much easier for you both to simply fill in the gaps.

and i guess, what i mean is that every single day that a goy learns what tikkun olam is and what it means to jews, that that does a very real bit of the work of tikkun olam, because you have helped create a goy who knows something about jews, and what they know now is that our culture teaches us that the world is beautiful and it is broken and it is our sacred duty to help mend it.

so, to answer your question: that's what it takes. it takes remembering that the world is made up of so many little pieces, so many souls, so many fractured little shards that were once contained within spheres that once emanated from the same great oneness - and it takes reminding other individual little shards that they are also a part of the same thing as you, that you come from the same place they do... and that your paths to and from that great oneness are different, and none of them less beautiful than any other.

you can try and fail forever to mend the whole world in one day, and never make any real progress, and it will crush your soul into an even finer powder as you do.

there will always be some people do not care about us because they hate us, or at least, they believe that they do because they have been taught to, but i do not believe they will ever be the majority. most goyim do not care so much about us, simply because they haven't realised that they could love us, because they haven't gotten to know us, because they don't even know how much they would like to. if we are going to reach those goyim before the hateful ones do, we just have to keep at it.

and so long as we do not, in fact, control the media, i'd say we have a lot more chance of changing things, changing how and if people see us, by simply refusing to get out of their line of sight. it is much, much easier to hate or to hurt someone you can't see and don't know. stay where they can see us. become a welcome sight. teach them how to see what we see. the world is not illuminated by guarding of the flame, but rather by the kindling of others from it.

be light. share light. don't ever buy into the isolating darkness and its insistence that we are alone in a silent and unfeeling world, because we are not, and that only benefits those who would seek to destroy us. we are not alone, and we do not have to be alone. the universe is not doomed to a shattered eternity.

(and as for your grief and your anger? direct that at the people who benefit from all of us little people remaining ignorant of each other, remaining divided. goodness knows, there are certainly plenty of them. and i, for my own little part, do not intend to give them the satisfaction.)

Jewish hostages emerge from 16 months of underground captivity emaciated, broken and bewildered, looking for all the world like concentration camp survivors, and the world is silent.

Returned female hostages give graphic and horrifying accounts of sexual assault and torture, and the world is silent.

Antisemitic abuse and hate crime has skyrocketed, Jews are traumatised and terrified and in deep pain, that is celebrated and laughed at, and the world is silent.

THE WORLD IS SILENT.

WHAT WILL IT ACTUALLY TAKE FOR PEOPLE TO GIVE A SHIT??

I just don’t understand. I never will.

[lobotomiesatclaires]

Lighter Kink and Psychology Analysis - Zenless Zone Zero

Full disclaimer: I don’t play Zenless Zone Zero, but through my friend’s love of the game and Tumblr osmosis, I’ve learned a great deal about Lighter. I find the differences between his canon and fanon interpretations fascinating, so I thought it would be interesting to break down the psychology of kinks and what I think Lighter’s are. I’m going to focus on the ones I believe he has, and if people want me to go into further detail, let me know! Also if it was clear from the title 18+ content below

Exhibitionism – Subcategories: Semi-Public Sex, Secret Keeping, and Risk Play

Lighter is fascinating because he’s full of contradictions. He doesn’t like having his picture taken and prefers to keep a low profile, yet he wears flashy clothes and takes on high profile work where he cannot NOT be noticed. He wants to be left alone but craves connection with people. Part of this can be attributed to losing so many important people due to his own actions, but I think another part of it is Lighter’s hopeless romantic streak. He wants to die for love, and I think part of that is tied to finding someone worthy of that sacrifice.

He’s not interested in people who praise him or send him gifts because, to him, they don’t truly know him—and if they did, they wouldn’t want anything to do with him, he thinks. This low self-esteem and disorganized attachment style create a loop where he desperately craves connection, has opportunities for it, but never fully lets his walls down to allow a deeper bond. Because of his past and the fear of never being truly understood, Lighter communicates in subtle ways. In-game, he can give the player purple lilacs. In the language of flowers, purple lilacs symbolize one’s first love or the first time one feels love for someone. However he leaves on a job right after, to stop any possibility of asking him more about why he gave them to you.

When it comes to sex, Lighter has experience, but in romantic love, he’s very much a virgin, in my opinion.

In line with this, I think Lighter would be needy as a partner, in constant need of validation but unable to ask for reassurance. He hates when his friends are mad at him—it distresses him significantly, which reinforces my earlier points about his emotional sensitivity. Thus, I think one of his core needs would be for a partner to be very possessive of him. Not only would this push back against his feelings of guilt, but it would bulldoze past his tendency to panic at intimacy and distance himself.

While I agree he’d be into risk/thrill-seeking, I don’t think it would be extreme or involve pain. I believe it would be a form of intimate thrill-seeking—the kind that engages an overactive mind.

Imagine:Lighter and his partner in an elevator, on the way to a party. Four seconds before the elevator reaches the destination, his partner pushes him against the wall, kisses him, and whispers in his ear that they’re not wearing anything under their dress coat. The doors open, and they walk out into the party crowd—no one the wiser. Except Lighter.

For example: They’re at the party. Lighter’s charming, slipping easily into conversations with strangers. But every so often, his partner brushes their fingers lightly over the back of his neck—just once, fleeting. No one notices, but Lighter does. His spine straightens slightly each time, a silent acknowledgment: I know who I belong to.

Or: Club sex on the top floor behind a loud rock band. The balcony overlooking a busy street. Going to dinner with friends with a remote in his hand and a small vibrator in his partner’s underwear.

I think Lighter would enjoy all of these scenarios—not just for the risk, but for the inherent trust required to play and keep these secrets between him and his partner. It’s something completely his, something no one else can encroach upon, yet it’s right there, obvious to anyone observant enough to notice.

Marking – Physical and Psychological

Marking, both physical and psychological, would lean into Lighter’s desire for connection. Think: visible signs of his partner’s presence—like a hickey or a faint lipstick smudge on his collarbone.

While traditional marking overlaps with the possessiveness I imagine he’d enjoy, psychological marking might be even more appealing to him. This could involve embedding someone’s presence in his mind through habits, sensory triggers, or routines.

Lighter’s fear of being forgotten or unimportant could be countered by the constant reassurance that he’s always present in his partner’s thoughts. Non-sexually, his partner might leave voice notes for him to listen to during missions or spritz their perfume on his scarf. They might even snap a risky picture and set it as his lock screen so the next time he checks his phone on the job he’s left with a surprise.

Lighter is haunted by the dead, but I think what he truly craves is being haunted by someone living. He would adore his partner’s presence lingering in his personal space, feeding his need for connection without direct confrontation.

Domination – Receiving, Direction Taking

I firmly believe Lighter likes to be dominated. In terms of desire, I don’t think Lighter experiences much spontaneous desire; rather, he’s more connected to responsive desire (see the paper “Sexual Arousal and Desire: Interrelations and Responses to Three Modalities of Sexual Stimuli” by Katherine Goldey and Sari Anders). That man is too tired to be dominant, and as seen in-game, he prefers to take orders. He would definitely call his partner “Boss” in the bedroom.

Beyond the bedroom, I feel Lighter would continue this relinquishment of power through authority transfer dynamics as a coping mechanism for emotional instability, much like he does for the Sons of Calydon. This could manifest in routines or rituals where his partner makes decisions for him, offering a sense of control without the burden of autonomy. It’s both a reaffirmation of care and a release from the pressure of decision-making.

Given his tendency to overthink, delegating power outside of sex could ease his mental load and reinforce security in his relationships. I think Lighter would enjoy having his partner pick out his clothes, jewelry, ect, decide small daily routines, or even manage his finances in a consensual dynamic. This creates a structure where emotional care is embedded in everyday life, not just during intimacy.

Additionally, given Lighter’s need for emotional grounding and his craving to feel “claimed,” collaring—whether in a literal BDSM context or as an everyday symbolic gesture—would be something he could secretly obsess over. If Lighter were given a necklace, choker, or even a collar (especially since he loves jewelry), he’d never take it off. He’d wear it under his clothes, hidden from everyone else but always present. On rough days or when away from his partner, just feeling it against his skin would serve as silent reassurance, grounding him.

It would satisfy both his exhibitionist streak (a hidden “secret” between him and his partner) and act as a reminder: I’m not lost. I belong somewhere. To someone.

For example: if before a mission his partner was to kiss him goodbye, place a necklace around his neck and say “Come back wearing this” he would tug at the small chain subconsciously the entire time he’s gone. He would sleep with it on, shower with it, and when he returned, the metal would be warm and oxidised from his skin, his skin stained from the metal.

Praise Play

An extension of his need for domination and grounding, I see praise play as a huge turn-on for Lighter. While some believe degradation is one of his kinks, I think it’s the opposite. While he might engage in degradation play if his partner wanted it (and part of him might believe he deserves it due to his low self-esteem), I think he would emotionally shut down if it became a consistent dynamic. To me it would be a similar dynamic to the start of the Astarion romance, fulfilling a role as a tool rather than as a person.

Kinks often reflect core emotional needs. Non-consensual fantasies, for example, are about being desired so intensely that someone is willing to break laws and social norms. Degradation kinks often involve a need for others to see the worst parts of us and want us regardless. However, for sensitive individuals, this negative reinforcement doesn’t bring solace—it simply reaffirms their worst fears and destroys their fragile attempts at building a better self image. I also don't think Lighter would find any attraction in demeaning his partner, I think he would feel unworthy of their attention and trust, especially in the beginning.

Lighter is consistently wracked with guilt and desperately wants to know whether he’s doing the right thing, whether it’s in his job or in a relationship. For someone like Lighter, praise isn’t just arousing—it’s reparative in a way nothing else matches. Each compliment is a stone in the foundation of a self-worth he can’t build alone. When his partner says, “You’re doing so well,” or “You feel like home, like safety,” it’s not just about sex. It’s about rewriting the narrative he’s been telling himself for years.

Domestic Play

You cannot convince me that the image of Lighter’s partner cooking or doing general domestic chores wouldn’t awaken something deep within him, even though he might not admit it at first. In-game, he respects and surrounds himself with women who embody dominant, traditionally masculine qualities. He’s more than happy to take orders from them, but in terms of romantic or sexual attraction, he seems to have little interest in those traits. I suspect this is because these qualities mirror his old self, and that’s not something he finds much solace in, either romantically or sexually.

I think Lighter would be attracted to someone fundamentally different from those around him—someone softer and more considerate, yet still strong in a more traditionally feminine sense. Given his history of loss, trauma, and the absence of a stable family, I believe he harbors a profound urge for a family-like relationship. His partner would create an environment that feels like home, a concept Lighter likely yearns for but doesn’t fully understand.

Home-cooked meals, small domestic gestures of affection—these would make him unbearably needy, though he’d only show it when alone with his partner.

For example: During mundane moments—making coffee, fixing his jacket—his partner casually murmurs, “You belong to me.” It’s subtle, not always sexual, but it lights up the part of Lighter’s brain that craves validation without having to ask for it.

Things like his partner knowing how he likes his coffee without needing to ask, or grabbing the salt shaker from him because it’s bad for his cholesterol would make him unbearably turned on you cannot convince me otherwise. These small acts of care would hit him hard, far more than overt declarations of love.

For Lighter, being told what to do isn’t about submission—it’s about relief. In a life where his choices have often led to heartbreak, the absence of choice feels like safety.

Sensation Play – Both Sensory Deprivation and Service

Lighter is an overthinker. According to Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, overthinking is one of the primary reasons people struggle to achieve climax or engage fully with emotional and sexual vulnerability. When you place too much pressure on external factors—self-image, internal worries, even things as small as ‘the dishes need to be done’—it inhibits your ability to ground yourself in the present and truly experience pleasure. This is why many people, particularly women, struggle with partnered sex and climax.

For Lighter, orgasm denial or delayed gratification would likely be a huge turn-on, especially in situations where he’s restrained or unable to interact directly with his partner—think handcuffs or shibari. The removal of senses, such as blindfolding, helps heighten arousal by redirecting the energy normally spent on processing visual stimuli toward pure sensation. It doesn’t stop the overthinking; it realigns it, forcing it to focus on the present moment.

For example: His partner lightly places a hand over his mouth while he’s blindfolded—not fully cutting off air, but creating a soft restraint. It’s not about danger; it’s about trust. The lack of visual and verbal control pushes him into a space where he can’t overanalyze—he can only feel.

Considering Lighter’s past—especially his time in the fighting pits, where he described himself as feeling like a zombie—I don’t think he’d enjoy pain or impact play. His physical existence outside the bedroom has already been filled with similar kinds of suffering. Instead, sensation play becomes a refuge—a way to experience his body without violence, without pain. There's a running joke that he fears the sight of blood in game, which is another reason why I believe centering pleasure rather than pain would be more attractive to him.

Emotional Edgeplay

I believe Lighter craves not just physical intensity but emotional vulnerability pushed to its limits—scenarios where trust is tested, intimacy feels dangerous, and attachment triggers are explored in consensual, negotiated ways. Emotional edgeplay isn’t about causing harm; it’s about walking the razor-thin edge of emotional exposure, where the potential for catharsis is as powerful as the risk.

Overstimulation is an aspect of emotional edgeplay, often resulting in emotional release—like crying during or after sex—as the body lets go of trauma it’s been holding onto for too long. Lighter, who is profoundly dissociated from his needs due to guilt and a deep-seated dismissal of his own worth, would find this both terrifying and necessary.

We see hints of this in-game. For example, there’s an interaction with a guide dog—trained to seek out the most vulnerable person in the room—that ignores everyone else and goes straight to Lighter. This detail speaks volumes about how disconnected he is from his own emotional fragility; the desensitization runs so deep that he doesn’t even recognize it anymore.

In these moments, speech and affirmation would be crucial, especially during heightened emotional states or low points.

For example: During edging, when he’s trembling with frustration—not just sexually, but emotionally—his partner gently cradles his face and whispers, “Do you see how wonderful you are when you’re not pretending?”

It’s not just arousing—it’s disarming. Because in that vulnerable space, Lighter isn’t the cool, edgy pit fighter turned bodyguard. He’s just him, stripped of all pretense. No walls, no bravado. Flaws and all. It also provides acceptance by omission, that his partner sees all and accepts all.

Caretaker Dynamics (Reversed Aftercare)

I also believe Lighter would prefer to be the primary aftercare provider, despite this traditionally being the role of the dominant partner. According to Dominatrix Eva Oh, aftercare is a service role, and for Lighter, providing that service would be deeply fulfilling. (It’s a common misconception the Sub role in BDSM is the harder or serving role, because truly Dom’s are required to be very emotionally stable, beholden to their sub and can turn out to be a very stress inducing role for the wrong people). This is why high flying jobs such as CEO’s actually prefer to be submissive because it is the only place in their life they get to be minded.

While aftercare is essential after most sexual interactions—especially those involving intense scenes—reversed caretaker dynamics, where the more emotionally fragile partner provides aftercare, would align perfectly with Lighter’s psychology. Despite his vulnerabilities, he has an overwhelming desire to feel needed, to prove his worth in relationships even when he feels broken.

Being allowed to “take care” of his partner post-sex, even when he’s emotionally raw, satisfies this need. It’s not about dominance or submission—it’s about anchoring himself through acts of care.

For example: After an intense session, when his partner is spent and emotionally vulnerable, Lighter insists on making tea, carefully bandaging small marks, or physically holding them—even if he’s the one shaking. He tucks the blanket around them, brushes sweat-damp hair from their forehead, and whispers, “I’ve got you.”

In those moments, his value isn’t measured by strength or stoicism. This role reversal reinforces his sense of purpose without undermining his vulnerabilities. He doesn't always have to be the strong one here, in this moment.

Closing Thoughts

Ultimately, Lighter’s kinks aren’t just about physical pleasure—they’re reflections of his deepest fears, needs, and desires. They’re coping mechanisms woven into intimacy, helping him navigate a world where connection feels both a gift and a threat. Whether through domination, praise, or emotional edgeplay, his kinks allow him to confront the parts of himself he hides from the world.

At the heart of it all, Lighter wants to be known.

References

Disclaimer I have dyslexia and English is my second language so I apologize for mistakes.

Theswaddle.com. (2019). The Psychology of Sexual Kink. [online] Available at: https://www.theswaddle.com/what-is-kink-the-psychology-behind-sexual-behavior [Accessed 9 Feb. 2025].

admin@blossmcart (2023). A dive into the definition of Lilac Flower and its Significance. [online] Blossmcart Flowers. Available at: https://blossmcart.com/blog/definition-and-significance-of-lilac-flower/#:~:text=The%20Lilac%20is%20a%20flower,purple%20Lilac%20signifies%20first%20love. 

‌Li, S. (2024). The Psychology of Kink: A Cross‐Sectional Survey Investigating the Association Between Adult Attachment Style and BDSM-Related Identity Choice in China. Archives of Sexual Behavior, [online] 53(6), pp.2269–2276. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-02829-1.

When Kinks Come to Life: An Exploration of Paraphilic Behaviors and Underlying Predictors. (2024). The Journal of Sex Research. [online] doi:https://doi.org/10.1080//00224499.2024.2319242.

The Kink Orientation Scale: Developing and Validating a Measure of Kink Desire, Practice, and Identity. (2024). The Journal of Sex Research. [online] doi:https://doi.org/10.1080//00224499.2024.2387769.‌

Oh, E. (2020). I Was a Corporate Slave Until I Became a Professional Dominatrix. [online] VICE. Available at: https://www.vice.com/en/article/eva-oh-dominatrix-sex-kink/ [Accessed 9 Feb. 2025].

Youtube.com. (2025). Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_Ng_b28uxM [Accessed 9 Feb. 2025].

‌Youtube.com. (2025). Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2_aCw-DMq0 [Accessed 9 Feb. 2025].

‌

[writingdevil]

Hello, you said you were talking writing prompts so I was wondering if you could write about hunter and stubborn giving each other fighting lessons?

pd: sorry if the message looks a little cold

ppd: I love your writing

(Your message looks fine, don't worry! I'll always love Hunted and Stubborn's dynamic! Thank you for liking my writing, and I hope you enjoy this prompt as well!)

"Ugh, Hunted!"

Hunted immediately froze at Stubborn's frustrated outburst, claws digging into the ground to fight his urge to run away from the negative impact about to come his way.

Instead, Hunted slowly lifted his head, looking over his shoulder to find Stubborn half way across the patch of land they deemed the fighting arena.

Stubborn sighed and crossed his arms, looking disappointed but not too mad, which was the most important thing in Hunted's opinion.

"Hunted! This isn't sparring!" Stubborn exclaimed, and Hunted tilted his head to the side in confusion. "It's not?" he asked, "But you attack and I dodge-isn't that sparring?" Stubborn rolled his eyes as he walked over to him, but Hunted noticed the fondness in Stubborn's actions, so his body relaxed further.

Stubborn walked up until Hunted was drowning in his shadow. Stubborn ran a hand through the unruly feathers at the top of his head as he said, "Yeah, technically. But if all you're doing is running away from me, it's not much of a spar, is it? We sure as hell aren't getting anything from it."

Hunted would argue that they were getting something out of it-exercise was an important factor in staying alive, but he knew Stubborn didn't care about any of that. Stubborn wanted to find something to get his blood pumping and for him to succeed in.

Hunted wasn't exactly sure what else he could do to fix that though, and he lowered his head, unsure of how to quench Stubborn's thirst of adrenaline. They stood there in an awkward silence for a few minutes, before Stubborn suddenly went, "Wait! I got it!"

Hunted jumped at the sudden outburst, but didn't back away in fright. He just bunched his shoulders up into his neck as he looked up at Stubborn.

He had an enthusiastic and mischievous grin that Hunted didn't like as he said, "What if we switch things up?"

"How so?"

Stubborn poked Hunted in the chest hard enough to almost cause him to topple, and said, "What if you were the one attacking next time?" Hunted pushed Stubborn's hand away with a frown, if only to ignore the anxiety forming in his chest. "What do you mean?"

"How about we go a round where you attack me, and I have to run away and dodge what you do?" Stubborn was giving him an encouraging look, but something about this was rubbing Hunted the wrong way. "I'm not sure," he admitted, but Stubborn wasn't discouraged-of course he wasn't.

"C'mon! It's something new!" Stubborn said, looking more confident in the idea by the second. "We'll try and fight like each other-maybe we'll learn something that'll keep us safe in the future."

That prospect did interest Hunted. Stubborn was always too reckless for his own good, never looking at a situation with logic or reasoning. If Hunted could pass off even one lesson of survival to him, then it would be a successful fight to him.

He looked up into Stubborn's eyes, who no doubt could see the fire in his own, and said, "Okay, let's try it."

"Yes!" Stubborn cheered, twisting around and practically running back to his side of the arena. Hunted silently went to his, wondering why there was a bundle of nerves in his chest about this idea. He quickly pushed that feeling to the back of his mind, turning around and nodding to Stubborn.

Stubborn's grin was almost ravenous as he began counting down. "Alright! Go on three! One-"

Hunted gulped, crouching down into position.

"-Two!"

It was just sparring. It was just sparring. It was just-

"Three!"

Before Hunted could even register what he was doing, his body took off-pounding across the dirt to Stubborn, whose face flashed with surprise for a split second, before it was replaced with an excited grin, and he spun around to run away from him.

Hunted barely had to think before he jumped and leaped at Stubborn, clinging to his back and forcing him to fall on his face with a swear.

Hunted sat on Stubborn's back casually, patting him to get his attention. Stubborn shot him a glare over his shoulder as Hunted calmly explained, "Don't run in a straight line. Try to confuse and lose your enemy by twisting and zigzagging around. Don't make it easy to be caught."

"Okay, okay, got it." Stubborn said, and then he sighed-before shooting to his feet, causing Hunted to be thrown off and crashing to the ground. He growled quietly as he heard Stubborn's cock laughter.

Hunted immediately bolted over to where Stubborn was running, and this time, Stubborn kept glancing over his shoulder, until Hunted got close enough to grab at his wings, and then Stubborn suddenly dove to the left, tucking himself into a ball before getting back to his feet.

Hunted blinked at the space where Stubborn had previously been, and then he smiled. He chased after Stubborn again.

They were like that for the next few minutes, with Hunted coming after Stubborn, and Stubborn doing everything he could to avoid Hunted. It wasn't as much of an adrenaline rush as Hunted thought it would be, but maybe that was because he was the pursuer for once.

But then Hunted managed to run up directly next to Stubborn-and then he just kept getting closer and closer, until the feathers on his arms were grazing his head.

Stubborn shot him a look of puzzled amusement and said, "What are you doing? Attack me!" Hunted shook his head. "Don't wanna hurt you." Stubborn barked a laugh out, then responded with, "That's the whole point of fighting, Hunted! C'mon, I can take it!"

But something inside Hunted wasn't sure about that, but Stubborn kept goading him, trying anything to get him to strike, and Hunted knew that Stubborn wouldn't be satisfied unless he complied.

So he took a deep breath in, and swung his claws at Stubborn.

Stubborn backed off just in time, and Hunted's claws felt nothing but air, thankfully. But now Stubborn seemed more excited than ever, standing his ground and gesturing towards himself. "That's what I want, Hunted! Do it again!" Judging by how Stubborn refused to move, it seemed like he wanted Hunted to strike first.

Hunted sighed, before rushing forward again, aiming for Stubborn's leg, who managed to sidestep away at the last minute with a victorious cackle. Hunted tried again, aiming for his side, but Stubborn basically just shoved him away.

Frustration was starting to build up within Hunted, but he wasn't sure why. He wasn't in danger, and Stubborn was successfully avoiding getting hurt. This should all be a good thing to Hunted.

"What's the matter, Hunty?" Stubborn taunted with a knowing smirk. "I thought you were supposed to be an expert at this stuff."

"Expert at surviving," Hunted clarified, but he still sighed sharply in annoyance as Stubborn avoided his swipes once again. "Surviving doesn't always mean fighting."

"Yeah, but what are you gonna do if you're backed into a corner?" Stubborn suddenly took a huge step forward, making Hunted instinctively back away. "Are you gonna lay down and let them rip you open?" A flicker of rage shot through his core, and he panted, balling his hands into fists. "Because it sure as hell doesn't look like you're as capable as you think you are."

Hunted let a warning growl out, but that just made a look of dark glee flash across Stubborn's face. Stubborn chuckled, and the sound was so full of cocky arrogance that Hunted bared his teeth at him. "I'm not even sure you could protect the flock if you tried-"

That's it.

Hunted shouted in rage, lunging forward with his jaws snapping open, and there was suddenly a swear from Stubborn, and the taste of metal in Hunted's mouth.

He froze, dread pooling in his stomach, as Stubborn stumbled backwards, clutching his other arm in shock, and that was when Hunted realized that he was tasting blood in his mouth.

His body began to tremble, and he could do nothing but stare as Stubborn blinked wildly and looked down at his arm.

There was a few seconds of silence, and Hunted was waiting for the moment that Stubborn exploded upon him for drawing blood-but that never happened.

Slowly, a grin formed on Stubborn's face, and he started to quietly laugh, before it erupted into maniacal laughter, and raised his arm to show Hunted.

There were two small cuts in Stubborn's arm-Hunted's fangs must have only grazed his arm, thankfully. It wasn't deep, and Stubborn certainly wasn't in danger of dying, but still-Hunted did that.

Hunted attacked a member of his flock. He bared his fangs at them and drew blood. Waves of disgust were crashing into him, because that was the last thing Hunted ever wished to do. He loved every member of his flock so much, and he would do anything to ensure their survival. He would rather slice his own throat than harm them.

But then why, for a moment, did he enjoy the taste of blood?

"Yes, Hunted!" Stubborn yelled, bringing the other back to reality. He didn't seem angry at his injury-in fact, Stubborn actually looked more bloodthirsty than before. He stomped on the ground once, and it shook Hunted right to his bones. "That's what I'm talking about! Again! Let's do it again!"

Hunted didn't want to do this anymore. All he wanted to do was run away deep into the woods to get sick until the shame left his body-but he stayed put.

He stood up straight, preparing to attack again, mentally ignoring and pushing away all the disgust in his stomach, because Stubborn didn't need that. The flock didn't need that. They just needed Hunted to protect them, and not know what a monster he could be.

His priority should be the flock, and never the creature that lurked within Hunted.

So he ran away from it, and charged at Stubborn again.

[mysteryanimator]

Ok so this a word ramble that I originally shared to a few folks, and then went “what the hell sure” and I’m sharing this here. Though this is more word ramble rather than structured then anything I’ve written analysis wise. The only reason why it’s less structured then what I normally do is because if I were to do this properly, I would genuinely go make a PowerPoint and multiple animatic examples to prove a point for a made up what-if 😭 I have to go be productive haha

Ok here we go

How we could have a Mizrak and Olrox intimacy scene actually work

This is hypotheticals I’m not actually trying to say it should be this way, I’m just really interested on this concept because it CAN work and it makes my brain excited. Also side point- you can also very easily achieve all of these scenes without a sexual intimacy scene as well, it’s honestly just up for can be portrayed and want needs to be conveyed to the audience. As long as the main ideas that need to be said are said!

I’ll preface beforehand too, this will be having Mizrak in particularly lean into a more positive viewpoint on it simply because I think we need more positive accepting sex scenes in animated queer scenes, especially with a repressed gay man coming to accept vampirism aka queerness. I think that’s neat in contrast to a lot of intimate scenes that aren’t so positive :D this also means a lot of it will come with my a lot of my own personal opinions!!

First of all, it would build an entirely new perspective on mizrak for us as an audience! There is so much we viewers that we do not know about him. Yet Olrox is so comfortable sharing alot of his emotional vulnerabilities to him, unlike Drolta in the graveyard scene. This type of physical intimacy literally has some baring their entire self to someone else. Nakedness is vulnerability. Mizrak is also a ‘warrior monk’ who wears armour. So you’re literally stripping him of not only his armour, we’re stripping him of the label he’s had since who knows how long. We go from warrior monk to just Mizrak. Every single scene of him in Nocturne is just defined by his monk title, never Mizrak. Which is also why it’s hard for a lot of us to imagine him in clothes other than his monk attire.

His monk attire is now however gone because drum roll. He’s a VAMPIRE. This is important I swear!

(Side tangent his ‘rebirth’ scene at the end of episode 08 when he’s revealed to be a vampire was unbelievably really fucking good)

He’s going to be dealing with a lot of self identity issues, his self image and how he feels about himself. He was already pretty repressed beforehand, and now all the walls are crashing down. Firstly as mentioned before, nakedness is a form of vulnerability. It would be such an interesting and unique way to showcase an acceptance of his identity. It’s both of his new identity of vampirism but also his identity of being queer. Almost as if having the reverse occur in the story of Genesis, where Adam and Eve become ashamed when they realised they’re naked. The opposite happening for Mizrak would be just interesting!

Another point is that we can explore Mizrak’s acceptance of vampire’s having a soul/life! I semi-explored the concept in an animatic not that long ago just because the idea just intrigues me sooooo much. I kinda want to explore it further but busy atm 😔, though I would genuinely make space and time to work on something like that regardless of what show/film it is. Emmanuel learns the concept that vampires/night creatures have souls, that they remember their lives beforehand when he turns Drolta into a night creature. It is totally up to audience interpretation if Mizrak recognises learns vampires have souls through this line:

“If you have a soul Olrox, and maybe you do, I hope it finds peace.”

However, through an intimacy scene, you could absolutely cement Mizrak learning then and there Olrox does indeed have a soul. Solely because, I’m going to get pretty NSFW here, Olrox is reacting to Mizrak, he’s reacting to what’s happening to each other BAHAHA. He’s getting emotionally invested in the moment, beyond the physicality, which could click something in Mizrak’s brain. There is a life to Olrox because that vampire is sweating and moaning HAHAHAH, which if he were to be truly soulless and lifeless, he would not be doing all of that. He’s a breathing, living person who has a soul. Ensue Mizrak accepting and giving in 🏃

Sure this probably happened between episode 3 and episode 4 in season 1, but for us to only see it now would mark an importance for Mizrak. It’s important for us as an audience to see this recognition because it will fundamentally change him and progress both their narratives. Every Mizrak and Olrox scene from episode 03 of season 1 to episode 08, something changes and something moves forward.

Speaking of life, Olrox has not been living. He’s depressed and traumatised. He’s the what-if he just killed the person who killed his lover dilemma for Dracula (thank you Tack for that!) He hasn’t lived since his lover died UNTIL Mizrak. I personally haven’t had seen so much life in him until he was fighting Drolta, saw Mizrak wounded and then started RUNNING??? It’d be really interesting conceptually to see Olrox be ‘alive’ in a much more safer private space, just between him and Mizrak!

This is also something you can very very easily achieve in 2-3 minutes, which is how long most of their scenes together are because they’re side characters. Or even less, 30 seconds it’s entirely possible to convey all of the above in little time. Power of visuals is important!!! Censoring is also not an issue too, I think you could censor this to hell and back but with smart and powerful storyboard choices from whoever gets the blessing to do it, concrete writing, you can actually have something that goes along narratively with the love theme in Nocturne and it’s positive influence on people. Mizrak’s self-acceptance and Olrox’s life reinvigorated. Of course everything beforehand has to build this up to this before it happens. Me, the brainrot person I am, recognises how hands are like a super important thing for them so it would be very cool to have that incorporated in somehow. Also, having the Olrox holding Mizrak from behind thing come up again, but with Mizrak accepting it properly and leaning back into him (or even Mizrak holding Olrox from behind) during a scene like this?? During a emotionally and physically vulnerable moment? Actual shockwaves I tell you, I think you’d have the whole fan base in tears.

There are nuances here, visual metaphors to play off, unique storytelling pathways it could go down, interesting characterisation you specific to sex and so forth!

Anyways that’s my proper ramble for the week, I hope you enjoyed my season 3 episode 6 pitch (massive joke I’m joking I’m joking, tho honestly would be so funny though if I could pitch something like because I will do my proper research, I will pull up statistics if I must and make visuals. Though I generally do understand how intimacy scenes don’t happen often, though Cativi winning an Annie award would prove to help strength the argument I’m making :D )

[maxdibert]

I disagree with your previous post. I think Snape was an abuser because abuse comes in many forms, not just physical. Abuse shames the victim, makes them feel small, and is something done frequently. It is a repetitive process of humiliation, degradation, undermining confidence, and abusing power through intimidation tactics. It is even worse when it comes from someone in a position of authority over the victim.

Harry and Neville were abused by Snape. I'm not saying he abused others, he probably didn’t. With other students, he was likely just strict and intimidating. But in the case of Harry and Neville, he was an abuser. And no, Neville did not deserve it just because he was bad at Potions, nor does that downplay Snape's actions.

That’s not to say I’m discrediting Snape’s own abuse, the pressure he was under, or the things he sacrificed and endured. I do understand and sympathize with him. But objectively, he was an abusive asshole, and that is a valid reason to hate him. Even if people understand all the nuances, as well as the economic and social oppression present in his character, it is perfectly fine to hate him simply because of his attitude.

Of course, many people who hate him are immature and have not fully understood his character, but some have. I myself am sometimes annoyed and disgusted by him, even if I empathize with him and find him interesting at the same time.

I’ve had teachers who didn’t like me and I’ve had abusive teachers, and it’s not the same thing. There are teachers who clearly don’t like you, and like any human being, they have their flaws and don’t know how to hide it as they should. Those are people who clearly shouldn’t be teaching, but it’s also true that this isn’t necessarily abusive behavior. I had a teacher who couldn’t stand me, and it was obvious from a mile away, and he didn’t even try to hide it, but that was nothing compared to the teacher who called students idiots, morons, gave them clearly humiliating nicknames, and systematically called them by those names.

It also had no comparison to the teacher who every week picked a student who, in his opinion, was terribly dressed, made them stand on the stage, and commented on their appearance from head to toe. It wasn’t remotely like the teacher who openly tried to flirt with 16-year-old students or the one who directly “brushed” the butts of 13-year-olds. Maybe it’s my own biased perspective of what abuse is, because I come from a background where someone like Snape would have been considered simply a jerk, but compared to the others, we would have seen him as one of the least problematic.

The thing is, I’ve seen quite tricky situations that didn’t involve physical abuse, like a primary school teacher telling a 7-year-old boy that his parents didn’t love him because if they did, they would have enrolled him in catechism. Or another telling a child he was a donkey for not knowing the two-times table and literally forcing the rest of the kids to sing a humiliating song about him for half the class.

I went to a Catholic school in the early 2000s, and that was basically a survival course for dealing with abusive adults. Snape being a jerk reminds me of a literature teacher I had who would make sarcastic and slightly humiliating comments to students who read mainstream books. And honestly, we saw him as one of the most tolerable things we experienced in those years.

[mint-in-the-moonlight]

putting the poly back in polytheism

something that I've noticed in neo-pagan/polytheist spaces is this focus on one or a few deities. while this is a valid approach and seems to be working amazingly for many people, i wanted to write a short defence of a different form of polytheism that, while maybe less visible on social media, is equally viable.

the poly in polytheism necessitates the belief in multiple gods however modern forms of worship take many different forms on top of that. from my years being in pagan spaces on social media I have noticed that to many, being a polytheist means worshipping one or a handful of gods and having very close relationships with them. which deities someone chooses to have this kind of relationship with stems from multiple possible sources, for example, personal interest, the deity's domain being somehow related to a person's life or an inexplicable draw to them.

to me, this seems to be the dominant view on social media of the form that neo-paganism takes, however, after years of exploring my spirituality and practice, I have come to the conclusion that this is not how I want to worship. I am writing this post for more people like me, who are interested in exploring this often less mainstream approach.

an ancient template

reading about Ancient Greek and Roman civilisations I was always struck by the number of minor deities with hyper-specific domains and associations. as a modern pagan, I could not understand the appeal of worshipping such a deity, ie. using so much time and resources to build a relationship for only a handful of niche issues that you could approach them with.

but as I kept reading and exploring, I realised that I was approaching polytheism completely differently than the ancients did. they truly did live in a world full of gods and they did not require a relationship built over days, if not weeks or more, to approach a deity and ask for their aid.

as long as you followed the rules of reciprocity, you could approach any deity that was relevant to your situation because they were the best equipped to help you with your problem. now this is not true for all of the population all the time, there were definitely also for example, people devoted to one deity, but from my understanding, this seemed to be the general form that polytheism took in those ancient civilisations.

the influence of monotheism

I think another feature of online neo-paganism is this expansion of the major deities' domains which then removes the need to worship the smaller deities. now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for expanding the domains of deities, especially if this is done from a revivalist perspective in order to modernise them for the contemporary worshipper. but sometimes I feel like completely unrelated domains are added for the sake of convenience more than anything else, ie. so that someone can keep worshipping the same deity(ies) without approaching others.

this, in my opinion, goes against one of the core aspects of polytheism which is the idea that different gods rule over different domains and have power over them. following this idea, it would make very little sense to pray to Neptune during air travel as he has no influence over the skies. yet, I sometimes see the deities be treated more like monotheistic gods which are all-powerful and can influence anything in the world.

if this is your view of how the gods work, that's fine, but I feel like sometimes people accept it without questioning it much or thinking about their view of theology at all. after mulling this idea over for some time, I realised it made much more sense to approach those specific deities, even if they are much less known or minor because this fits into my beliefs about polytheism much better.

a poly-practice

so, how would a poly-polytheistic practice look like in the modern day? well, there are many ways to go about it but I will just share bits from my own experience.

what I have ended up doing is focusing on different deities as they become relevant in my life - I focused on worshipping Janus at the beginning of the year while also taking the time to pray to Fortuna in moment when I needed her aid. I then did some extra reading on Jupiter, but didn't forget to thank Mars every time I went to the gym. I no longer felt the pressure to have some sort of special "connection" to every deity or "feel their presence", just trusting that they are there and then catching glimpses of divinity in my daily life.

looking into which Roman festivals I wanted to celebrate also opened my perspectives to more deities I would not have otherwise worshipped on my own. like this, I feel like I am building an arsenal of deities I can turn to when I need and of course, it is also vital to remember that I can call on multiple ones at the same time, just like the Romans saw the gods aiding one another in their tasks.

I only have one altar, which is practical and thus quite minimalistic, but there is space for my prayer notebook as well as other supplies that I need for my rituals.

conclusion

of course, this kind of practice results in a much more "impersonal" relationship with the gods, but I never really felt the need to communicate with them directly or things like that, so it fits me well. I find comfort in imagining a world full of gods, who may only know me in passing but who look out for me nevertheless.

in the end, the goal of this post is not to change anyone's mind about how they worship, but to present an alternate perspective which you can learn from but also completely disregard. in the end I am just happy that you were interested enough to reach until the end of this post. thank you for reading!!

[thewadapan]

School Days review

Yeah, School Days is actually pretty good after all.

When you google "School Days", on the first page of results there's a reddit thread asking "hey, why do people hate this show?" OP gives a succinct summary of the show's themes and praises it for its tight focus and psychological depth.

The comments in that thread are fucking crazy. The top-voted comment includes this absolute gem: "Sekai is an emotionally manipulative bitch". Some users gesture towards a faint understanding that School Days is a deconstruction of harem anime, but almost to a one they claim the character writing is unrealistic. Nobody seems able to look past the show's metatextual meaning to just look at it on a straightup subtextual level—that is to say, it's not just being different to other anime for the sake of contrarianism, it's making a serious point about misogyny and toxic masculinity. Describing Makoto as a "character" at all is almost missing the point; he's practically a force of nature, and the vast majority of the show is concerned with the psychological manoeuvring of the girls in his class trying to manage and shape his behaviour.

I only know about School Days because @weaselandfriends is constantly banging a drum about it being a secret masterpiece. Gee, I wonder who the OP of that thread was! Cannot imagine being on a "School Days slaps" grindset for eight fucking years now.

(CW: discussion of underage sex, full spoilers follow)

I'm going to take a cowardly centrist route and say that School Days does in fact slap on a conceptual level, but that the execution in many places leaves a bit to be desired. It often feels repetitive. I watched the thing on 1.5x speed because, as someone who reads fast, watching subbed anime is like watching paint dry. The dialogue often feels awkward (unintentionally so, as in), which I'm willing to partially chalk up to the translation; maybe some of the clunkier lines feel more natural in the original Japanese. The imagery is often kind of laughably blunt: in some cases it works, like Kotonoha's red yarn like she's pulling her own fucking arteries out of her body, and in other cases it feels derivative and hackneyed, like the whistling kettle in the final episode. Maybe that was more original in 2007, I don't know—I would've seen the same thing in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire two years prior.

School Days does set out to pull the wool over the eyes of its presumably-mostly-young-men audience, by putting them in Makoto's POV. The show is adapted from an eroge, where the player literally would have inhabited Makoto and made his choices for him, and the "objective" of the game would have been to unlock sex scenes with all the schoolgirls. The trick with the anime is that it removes the possibility of choice, creating an impactful dissonance as Makoto's actions become increasingly alien and harmful. Inversely, as Makoto's sexual exploits escalate, we see less and less of them; by the end, the whole thing is routine, not eroticised in the slightest, we see people putting clothes on afterwards, sneaking around darkened rooms.

At the start, though, it's all panty shots and boobs. And like, how do you depict the objectification of women, from an internal perspective, without just... objectifying women? This has basically always been the classic problem with satire. If there is a way of doing it, School Days hasn't figured it out, so it just rolls up its sleeves and gets on with it. Where School Days stumbles, in my opinion, is that the fanservice shots leak out of Makoto's POV and into the scenes where it's just the girls on their own. Nevertheless, I think that even pretty early on School Days is unmistakably saying, "this is a bad thing". There's a discordant note to everything, a threat of another shoe waiting to drop. At the start, it takes the form of these innocuous remarks as the characters try to interact in good faith: Sekai is constantly like, "There's nothing wrong with feeling attracted to a girl! But maybe she doesn't feel comfortable with it! Have you thought about how she might feel?"

That's the great tension of Sekai, and indeed of much of the show's conflict: there is a world where Makoto and Sekai are just friends, and where Makoto is faithful to Kotonoha, and everyone lives happily ever after. Maybe Sekai really is earnestly trying to cross this gulf between genders, and wants to just make Makoto understand, so everyone can be happy. But from the start, there's a question of Sekai's motives; embodied by Sekai's friend Setsuna, who trails after her constantly asking, "But do you like him really?"

Setsuna is an interesting character with her own motives. There's a reading where she has a crush on Sekai, but can't pursue it because of her family's impending emigration; she ends up hanging around Makoto and desperately attempting to protect him from the consequences of his actions to preserve his relationship with Sekai, expressly stating that she wants Makoto to be a proxy for her after she's gone (though leaving any romantic feelings unspoken, that's just my interpretation). This escalates to the point of her having sex with Makoto on the condition that he breaks off another engagement with Otome, which is such a self-defeatingly doomed gambit that it becomes tragically clear Setsuna has lost all control over the situation. I got the impression that Setsuna somewhat envied the other girls' entanglements with Makoto: the bit where she kisses him while he's asleep, in an attempt to create a personal memory before she leaves forever, is haunting. Like Sekai, Setsuna ends up manufacturing a romance between herself and Makoto as a way to be with him "by proxy", without earnestly confronting her own feelings.

Anyway, my point is that early on, everyone is treating Makoto like a person, which is sort of their mistake. They're like, oh, a boy with a crush, how cute! What's the worst that could come of this? He's a bit clumsy, but I'm sure he means well! And progressively, mercilessly, the show is like: no, he does not mean well. This dude has absolutely nothing in his life except sex. Girls only exist to him as people to have sex with. Guys practically don't exist, as he can't have sex with them. And for these teenagers who are discovering their sexuality, the very fact that Makoto soon starts having these rumours circulating around him is what gives him some allure: he's a sexual entity, he can be thought of in that way, there must be some reason all these girls are acting so crazy over him. Even a character like Hikari, who early on was crushing heavily on the anime's one (1) other male character, Taisuke, ends up taking her turn with Makoto; whatever feelings she had for Taisuke are forgotten, the anime doesn't even bother establishing how that romance works, because it doesn't need to, we've already seen Makoto use his exact same wiles on like three girls already.

School Days has aged well not just because the years since have yielded a better cultural understanding of its subject matter, but for its "production design": what would have been a timely present-day setting at the point of its release ends up turning the whole thing into an early-2000s period-piece. The fashion and environments are distinctly noughties. Perhaps the most consistent bit of visual symbolism in the whole thing is the flip-phone: whenever a character is holding their phone, you can think of them holding their heart in their hands. They're like the fucking soul gems from Madoka Magica. Sometimes, people leave their hearts in the other room, or block each others' hearts, or search their hearts for good memories. The "cell phone charm" from the first episode is brought up towards the very end, seeming bitterly quaint in retrospect. Right before she kills him, Sekai sends Makoto a text which just reads "sorry" copied and pasted hundreds of times. And of course, the ED shows a propped-open cellphone with a slideshow of photos of the girls.

I think in terms of its place in history, School Days speaks to this information age where young girls are being bombarded with cultural messaging that the best way to get ahead is to sexualise oneself while simultaneously slamming everyone else for their sexuality. Girls aren't just competing with one another for the attention of boys; now, they're competing with online pornography. Sekai works as a waitress at a maid cafe (?), and sometimes wears the outfit for Makoto when they have sex. During the School Festival, the girls theme their class as a maid cafe (drawing on Sekai's experience, I think?), and are shown using "absolute territory" as a last-ditch resort to steal people from the other classes. As part of the festival, they have a secluded area curtained off with a bed, encouraging couples to go there for sex acts—but later, it turns out some of the girls have set up a camcorder, and they use the footage to reveal how everyone is cheating on everyone else. While the exact events are obviously taken to an extreme, subtextually everything in School Days tracks 100% with my own experience growing up in a Bri'ish high school, and it feels like things have only gotten worse since social media really tightened its grip on our society.

The most common talking point I see regarding this show is that the characters are "stupid". And it's like, no, they're not stupid, what planet are you on, they're fucking children! (They're children, fucking!) Most of them have probably never been in a relationship before! Everyone in the show is pursuing their own interests; it's just that often, they're in denial about the reality of the situation, because to acknowledge the reality would run against those interests. It's funny, Makoto hardly changes his behaviour throughout the whole show—it just becomes more extreme—but the only thing that affects whether or not his behaviour with Sekai is good or not is whether or not Kotonoha is his girlfriend. The use of "girlfriend" as a role is weaponised by both Kotonoha and Sekai against the other constantly; like declaring "you're It!" At once point while cooking for the school festival, Makoto starts groping Sekai's ass, and she goes, "Geez, stop it! Stop it I said! What'll you do if someone sees us?", only for Makoto to reply, "Then it's okay if no-one sees us?"; this motif of a private sin recurs with Setsuna's character, particularly in the masked play that crops up a couple of times. In what context is an act of desire okay, or not okay?

Halfway through the show, I remembered Emily is Away, a short Western indie visual novel. Released in 2015, Emily is Away is very consciously an early-2000s period piece, wearing the whole time period as an affectation. The whole game is a series of text conversations on an IM client with a girl; after key choices, you are told "emily will remember that".

I fucking hated Emily is Away when I played it. It made me so, so cross. Because after I finished my first playthrough, and got a miserable, unsatisfying end, I naturally started the whole thing over and tried again. I picked different favourite bands. I acted completely differently. And yet, no matter what I picked, during the timeskips between sections, my viewpoint character would do the exact same shit and the relationship fell apart in exactly the same way. The second playthrough was a complete waste of time. It seemed like I, the player, was being railroaded, that the writer simply hadn't the imagination to conceive of a truly interactive narrative with a wildly diverging chain of events.

But of course, that's the whole point, obviously. Emily is Away plays a mean trick on the player, where it outright lies that "you" are making meaningful choices, when in fact "you" are merely spectating the actions of the viewpoint character, a specific guy who is, by nature, a certain way. It posits that all this shit on the computer just doesn't fucking matter, it has nothing to do with how we feel about each other, that it's only our actions in the real world that matter. The thesis of Emily is Away is that sometimes, for some immutable reason, shit just doesn't work out between two people, and there's nothing you could have done differently that would have changed that.

In the timeline where you go the party, you regret going to the party. In the timeline where you don't go, you regret not going. So, the game says, what's the point in regretting at all?

I totally understood this, after finishing the game. But, fuck, I was still pissed about it. The game lied to my face. It put me in the position of being a shitty person, and I didn't like that. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm still not sure if Emily is Away is actually any good; I think I like it conceptually, but maybe the writing sucks, I played it eight years ago. My point is that I think School Days is trying to pull the same trick as this one game, but in a much more mean-spirited way, to much more devastating effect, and I suppose I can't be too surprised that it pissed off a lot of people. If I hadn't known upfront what to expect- well, I wouldn't be watching ecchi anime in the first place, but you get the point, maybe I would've been pissed too.

If you break out of the "anime" mindset for even a second, and allow yourself to think that what you're watching is a frank portrayal of events, rather than some hyperreal cartoon, then Makoto is obviously just a little sexual predator. He's constantly pushing the girls past their limits, groping tits, going in for kisses, often against their express wishes. He initiates all the sex we see, and while in a certain sense it's all consensual, everyone involved is under the age of consent, and the show is making a very strong case for why underaged sex is a problem. When Sekai gets pregnant, Makoto wants nothing to do with her—"It's not my fault!"—but it's made clear he wasn't using any contraception, so, c'mon.

School Days is very deliberate in omitting adult characters entirely. Teachers mostly exist in the form of textbooks being read offscreen. I think we get a line of dialogue from Sekai's mom, if I remember right? It presents this world where Makoto basically has free reign to do whatever he wants to the girls, and everybody knows about it, but nobody is doing anything about it. When Sekai murders Makoto, there isn't a scene where anyone notices his absence, finds out. Kotonoha carries his severed head across town without anyone noticing, kills Sekai, and makes it onto the boat without getting caught. The show ends on a montage of idyllic school scenes, as if to say, "nobody noticed, everything just carried on". And again, to a certain kind of guy, I think this would stretch plausibility to the point of causing offence. For me, I think it's speaking to something very real.

Makoto's bedroom is barren except for his computer and magazines: porn, and porn. In the back half of the show, the void left by the absence of adults is filled by Makoto, Sekai, and Kotonoha, who are thrust into this horrible domestic drama, as everyone else in their class blocks Makoto. Makoto relays Kotonoha's recommendation for an abortion clinic to Sekai. He and Sekai sit diagonally across a table in a living room, and suddenly Makoto's school uniform looks like a salaryman's suit, a size too big for him, like he's walking around in his dad's clothes. Sekai tries to prepare a big meal for him, in a fucked-up parody of domesticity, but ends up destroying the whole thing after Makoto spits in her face yet again; later, she sees the remnants in the trash, an uneaten chicken leg poking out, and sees a little of herself in there, and that's basically when she decides to take the knife and kill Makoto. She stabs him in the belly, which is what Kotonoha will later do to her; both are imitating the original sin of the pregnancy.

Kotonoha explicitly chooses to kill Sekai this way because she believes Sekai is lying about the pregnancy—which we can pretty safely say isn't true, based on the scenes where Sekai is on her own. There's this horrible, horrible shot where the camera is looking out at Kotonoha from inside the gut wound, and she observes, "Just as I thought. There's no-one in there." And it's like, is she talking about this baby, still so early in the gestation that it's scarcely even an idea? Is she talking about Sekai, or Makoto, these two people who turned out not to care about her at all? Or is she peering straight through the screen at the viewer, complicit in this atrocity? The shot mirrors the bag containing Makoto's head earlier in the same scene; when Sekai unzips it, the inside is just a black void, and we aren't shown the contents. It's honestly more unsettling to infer it—that bag's not big enough for all of Makoto—and have it "made real" by that final shot of Kotonoha pressing the severed head into her chest on the boat. The memes were more right than they knew: "Nice boat."

Overall, I think School Days extends a lot of empathy towards its female characters. Or, if nothing else, it takes care to give them complex and distinctive internality, which is more than I can say for a lot of anime. Kotonoha initially represses her feelings for Makoto, and then when she feels pressured into reciprocating his intimacy, she soon gets turned into a social pariah for it. Early on, there's this eye-roll-inducing scene where Kotonoha is like "the other girls used to make fun of me because of my huge boobs", and from Makoto's perspective it's like "great, you've got huge boobs!", but then from Kotonoha's perspective, she spends the whole show getting slut-shamed, doesn't she? As a coping mechanism, she builds up elaborate delusions around Makoto—Makoto wouldn't let this happen to her, would he!?—which make it impossible for her to see how he's harming Sekai at the same time, culminating in the "I think you've made up your pregnancy for attention" beat. Their own internalised misogyny prevents the girls from identifying their common enemy.

If I'm being totally blunt, I feel like I can pretty safely put most of the comments regarding School Days I've seen online into a big bucket labelled "HAS NEVER HAD MORE THAN ONE GIRL INTERESTED IN HIM AT ONCE". Like, "I can't believe this Makoto guy! Why doesn't he just dump Kotonoha and date Sekai, who he's obviously more compatible with?" Bucket. "Makoto is so spineless and needs to stop letting these girls manipulate him!" Bucket. "There's no way the teachers would let him get away with this!" Bucket. "What do these girls see in Makoto anyway?" Bucket. "Sekai is such a bitch!" A new, bigger bucket labelled "NO BITCHES".

What I'm interested in is takes from School Days haters who aren't brainpoisoned anime fans, who might even nod along to all my analysis of the show's themes here, but who nevertheless think it's a bad show that deserves to be reviled. What part didn't you like? Is it the part in the OP where you see every female character naked one after the other? Yeah that part's pretty bad. Is it that windowpane-shattering digital transition that gets used once or twice? Is it the utter self-seriousness with which it tackles its ludicrous melodrama? I can see how, if you don't let yourself start to think "oh, those poor girls!", if you don't have that emotional buy-in, the whole thing might just feel comically edgy, sophomoric. I don't think there's any level on which School Days is fun to watch, and I'm not saying it's a secret masterpiece either, but I guess it more-or-less landed for me.

[iscdisc]

Hi!!

What are your favorite ships besides Jonatello(Caseytello)?

P.S. I love your artistic style!! Donny is a cutie(~˘▾˘)~

Hello ! 👋✨

Thank you so much for the compliment !! I'm glad you enjoy my art ! 🥺

Some of my favorite TMNT pairings that aren't 2012 Jonatello are:

2003:

• April O'Neil and Casey Jones (Capril) ! They're a classic, I love them so much- 😭🫶

2012:

• Raphael and Y'gthba / "Mona Lisa" (RaMona) !

They're the only canonical relationship with one of the main Turtles that I actually enjoyed and thought wasn't as poorly written- 💀👍 Lmao

• Karai and Shinigami (ShiniRai) !

You honestly cannot convince me that there's not something going on between them canonically- Plus, I don't have the image anymore and I don't know where to find it again, but somebody on Twitter a while back who (I'm assuming??) did the concept art for Shinigami referred to her as, "Karai's girlfriend" in the caption of that post- So Like- 😭✨

• Leonardo and Casey Jones (Caseynardo / "Hockeyblades") !

I think they had a lot of potential if Leo was allowed to interact with Casey more (And honestly April as well, because he didn't get a lot of interactions with her either imo-),, It felt like the writers were allergic to having Leo form significant bonds with any character that wasn't his Brothers / Splinter. Lmao || I also feel like they could've bonded over having younger siblings, since Casey is the eldest compared to his younger Sister (Who we never got to see-), which could have been a great way to start that bond between them since Leo would feel like he has somebody who can relate to his problems or struggles with being the eldest child ! I've also said this many times in the past, but is Casey not just the male version of Karai (As well as the less problematic version of her since he's not related to Leo- 💀)?? Leo found Karai interesting because she was rebellious and impulsive and challenged authority and was very charismatic / flirty (Which in Karai's case was purely just a form of manipulation, but I digress-), and radiated confidence in herself, and was a, "Lone Wolf" that never stuck around long, etc. All things that Casey is / does-?? Like, dude- How does this not make sense? 😭

• Michelangelo and Casey Jones (Caseangelo / "PepperoniPucks") !

This pairing is very fun in my opinion ! But I find it challenging to make any content with them in a romantic sense, because everything that I try to come up with for them that's meant to be a ship thing just comes off very platonic and "dude bro" because of their personalities- 😭 Lmao || But I honestly can see them because they had one of the most organic friendships within the series in my opinion ! Not that I'm trying to say that Raph and Casey weren't friends in 2012, because of course they were, but I feel like their friendship was very poorly handled by the writers in comparison to Casey and Mikey whose friendship felt so effortless / not as challenging on screen-? If that makes sense?

• Raphael and April O'Neil (Raphril) !

This one is purely fanon and based on my own interpretation of what April could've been like as a character if she was written better- Lmao || I know a lot of people find it kind of circumstantial and not as damning as it could be, but I feel like April and Raph had a lot of similarities within the series that go kind of unnoticed? Mostly referring to the fact that April had a lot of anger behind her that I feel gets overlooked with her character- She's always making the same facial expressions that Raph makes during situations in my opinion (Some examples below-), she's constantly shown to have a fiery attitude and (usually) has no problem talking back to people or making her opinion very clear when nobody asked for it which is something Raph does as well. Episodes like, "The Kraang Conspiracy" or "City at War" really showcase her anger or her angrier side as well. When she grows incredibly frustrated during her sparring match with Shinigami, that mirrored Raph a lot in my opinion, since we've seen him react similarly during episodes like, "The Good, the Bad, and Casey Jones" and "Mutant Gangland" with Leo.

They're also other things, not to harp on the anger that they both share too much- Like their clear love of and connection with animals, the way they're not the most physically affectionate people (Both have been shown to be kind of uncomfortable with hugging sometimes-), they both seemingly have their walls up to be honest, they both struggle with friendships (Despite these being writing issues, Raph's friendship with Casey was handled very poorly and April's friendships with pretty much all the characters felt very non-existent or not given enough attention-?), they both constantly complain about the others not taking things seriously enough, they both can be very competitive, they're both incredibly skeptical of other people, they both act on their own sense of justice (Meaning they'll do what they want even if Leo tells them no- Lmao), they both have high pitch screams (LMAO), etc. There's also narrative things such as both of them unintentionally starting the alien invasions of Season 2 and Season 3- 💀 LMAO

I just think that, if given the opportunity, Raph and April could've been really cool on screen ! Like April developing the same sense of humor that Raph does through constantly being around him (That sarcastic / snarky kind of humor-), those two building an animal shelter of some kind after seeing all the unhoused uncared for animals roaming around NYC, April being allowed to be unapologetically angry / frustrated around Raph and him not making her feel bad for that or like she needs to be this "composed / lady like" individual all the time, Raph recognizing April as a person and valuing her individualism and autonomy (Something I feel Donnie didn't do canonically- Raph's a girl's girl in my eyes. Hands down. Lmao), having those two play competitive ping pong since April enjoys ping pong (According to, "Target: April O'Neil"-), Raph 100% being the reason why April's combat skills improve since he wouldn't treat her like some "fragile thing" and I think it would be interesting for him to kind of see himself in her which is why he wants to see her rise above it?? You know??

I just think they could have been really special, I don't know- 😭👍 (They can also be the "smart + not as smart" trope like 2012 Jonatello is for me, since April technically would be the smarter out of the two of them- ❤️💛)

• Master Splinter / Hamato Yoshi and Tang Shen !

I know this one is a canonical established relationship / marriage, so it's not really like a, "ship" per se? I guess?? But I've always loved Splinter and Tang Shen ! I thought they were a cute couple ! Obviously their relationship needed some improvements from Splinter's end, but I don't think Splinter was ever incapable of fixing that, and I feel like if he had their relationship would've been THE relationship of 2012. Period. 😔🫶✨

Some honorable mentions??

• Leonardo and Timothy (Leothy) !

I'm putting this one in honorable mentions because it's more of a one-sided thing in my head-! I just can't help but think of how adorable and sweet it would have been if Timothy had this sort of crush / strong admiration for Leo as the Leader of the group, you know? Not that that crush would be super obvious though-? Since it mostly would just come across as Timothy fanboying all the time- LMAO || Something about their personalities just makes this "pairing" really cute to me !

• Karai and April O'Neil (AprilRai) !

This one is an honorable mention because I'm still 50/50 on it. I really like the art that people make about it, and that is what influences the positive 50 the most ! But then I remember their dynamic within the series and how (in my opinion) Karai was torn down by the writers whereas April was lifted up by them, despite both of them struggling in their own ways / being victims of things they genuinely weren't in control over. Not to mention April's just overall behavior and treatment of Karai even during Karai's redemption Arc during Season 4. Like, it boils my blood- Lmao || So I'm a little torn tbh,, !

Rise!:

• April O'Neil and Casey Jones (Capril) !

This is another instance where the art of these two really sold me on the pairing and I now think that they're very cute ! 😭🫶 || It also makes rewatching episodes like the one about the Girl Scouts cookies feel very different as far as April and Casey goes- LMAO

• Master Splinter / Lou Jitsu and Baron Draxum (BaronJitsu) !

Their interactions in the series were not helping their case at all- LMAO || I also totally get / respect Splinter and Big Mama as well !

• April O'Neil and Sunita (I'm unsure what their ship name is-??)

Again, it's mostly just the art that I see of these two that really sells me on it ! But their friendship within the series was one of my favorite things as well ! ✨

Mutant Mayhem / TOTTMNT:

• Leonardo and April O'Neil (Aprilnardo) !

THIS IS HOW YOU DO ONE OF THE BROTHERS HAVING A CRUSH ON APRIL IN MY OPINION, OKAY- 🗣️ (Looking DIRECTLY at 2012-) || Nothing on this Earth could ever convince me that these two are not the cutest thing imaginable. I'm totally fine if nothing comes of it in either the TOTTMNT series or the upcoming Sequel film ! I just think how Leo is when he talks about April and what not it's just super adorable and what I feel should be expected of a teen having a crush on somebody?? Like, it's so innocent and harmless- 😭🫶✨

(However, if Casey gets introduced anytime soon and I enjoy the dynamic between Casey and April more, I feel like I honestly wouldn't hesitate pushing Leo to the side and being like, "Yeah, sorry-" LMAO / But that depends on what the writers decided to do with Casey and how Casey interacts with April, etc. !)

Honorable mention:

Any MM / TOTTMNT Jonatello interpretations, cause I love those sm- 🫶✨ Lmao

IDW Comics:

• Jennika and Sheena !

I just love their relationship and how it was executed in the comics ! 🫶

• Donatello and Mona Lisa !

I don't really have much to say here, I just think that they're cute to look at / their personalities seem to mesh well with each other in my opinion !

Honorable mention:

• Raphael and Alopex !

I guess I was a little indifferent about them for a while, but I don't think they're a bad pairing ! They definitely felt a lot stronger when they were first introduced to each other in my opinion !

• April O'Neil and Casey Jones (Capril) !

Another situation where I enjoyed them a lot more at the beginning of the story, but then we got to the comics centering around the road trip to Cali and it made me start disliking the relationship personally,, 💀

I didn't put them under a specific category, but LeoSagi pairings for any version are also cool (As long as it's appropriate / not problematic as far as ages and whatnot- For example, I have a version of Usagi that I made that's completely separate from the Usagi that we see during S5 of 2012 to pair with 2012 Leo ! I like him a lot, he's a hare instead of a rabbit ! I need to draw them again sometime- 😔👍) ! Lmao

[bunnwich]

I just found out a Prince of Egypt Musical exists, and one of the addition songs— 'footprints on the sand'— really gives me Leona vibes

(Spotify link to the song)

https://open.spotify.com/track/40PqpFQdrylghRZgY36W8G?si=wATkespmQyar931PNnNc8A&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A7MOGTYjo3ifwHDBf0EBE71

(Genius lyrics)

https://genius.com/Original-west-end-cast-of-the-prince-of-egypt-footprints-on-the-sand-lyrics

So since you're— at least in my view— one of the Leona experts, I was wondering what your thoughts would be on it!

Not that it fits perfectly; no song ever really fits 100%, after all. But I think it has strong Leona vibes

Leona VS The Weight of Insignificance

(Ahhh sorry I am just getting around to this.;-; BTW DFGHJK I’m flattered that you consider me a Leona expert??)

So this is pretty cool because I didn't realize there was a Prince of Egypt Musical? I’m a big fan of the animated movie and of musicals so I’ll have to listen to the rest someday!

So, I think in general the theme of “Footprints in The Sand” is about the idea of “trying to leave a mark” in life, but feeling like it won't matter in the long run and also exploring the insignificance that we all feel as people.

That being said, I can see why this song made you think of Leona! It brought up some feelings about what being second-born in a royal lineage means and how that can make someone feel insignificant just in concept. The spare heir if you will. 

It's interesting because it also made me think about how Leona has such complicated feelings about his title too?

Like on the one hand, he feels like he's “forever in the shadow of Falena” but at the same time, I DO think a small part of him secretly enjoys the mobility of not having the reasonability of king and therefore the first few lines of the song before it fades into him sounding more melancholic made me think of this.

(AND ALSO since we’ve seen how he would handle being king in his Chapter 7 Dream OOF.) My thoughts on that: X

The second son– My father's wrong (THIS LINE TOO) It's got to be the easiest role on Earth Just play around Just play along Enjoy the bounty of my birth So what's today's amusement For this second son? Which one shall I choose from so many kinds of fun?

I think it leads back to the age-old conclusion about Leona’s character (that his dream really hammered home), is that being king is NOT what he truly wants and it more comes to feeling worthy as a person as if he has to “justify” his own existence of feeling useless. It’s more about the kind of attention he craves. To be useful, respected, adored. 

The song mentions the fear of not leaving behind a legacy and feeling the weight of your own insignificance as a person. I can see how both the characters of Moses and Leona both struggle with “finding their purpose” and not being able to see their own worth like others who care about them do. 

It made me think of the song (also in Prince of Egypt) “Through Heaven's Eyes” which I feel actually continues this theme. The idea that even if you can’t see your OWN value that everyone—has their own innate value as people—and that in itself is meaningful.

A single thread in a tapestry Though its color brightly shines Can never see its purpose In the pattern of the grand design And the stone that sits on the very top Of the mountains mighty face Does it think it's more important Than the stones that form the base?

For Leona—the people he acts as a mentor to like—Ruggie, Epel and Savanaclaw as a whole—have a pretty high opinion of him despite his flaws. And the fact that he can’t always see that and appreciate that value that he unconsciously and consciously brings to them reflects this. He has and will leave an impact even if it's not as “important” as a king. And he could do even more good if he actually tried to do so.

I think it’s a lesson we all struggle with TBH, the whole: seeing our inherent value as people and it’s def why I think Leona is a more relatable character than he first appears in twst. :3

Thank you for sharing with me though! I love finding stuff like this! I hope you have a wonderful day/night!💚

[tonystarkisadouchebag]

one thing that I am tired of is the effect that MCU tying Tony to Peter has had on ppls interpretations of Spider-Man. Specifically with his identity. I’m sorry, ppl can write what they want, and I’m not even a big comics person, but the amount of fics where Peter intentionally reveals his identity so he can be an avenger is *exhausting*. Like, even with my basic knowledge I know that this contradicts core elements of Spidey’s character and WHY he wears that mask. If there’s evidence to the contrary in comics or other official media I’d love to see it, genuinely! But I personally just cannot be convinced rn that Peter would just broadcast his identity like that, bc that’s not Spider-Man. Not to me at least. It just takes me out of the story immediately, literally I exit out idc how good the writing is😭

The real kicker is comic Tony isn't great either and before the Iron Man movie no one cared about him or kind of hated him anyway, so the thought of tying the identity of one of the most recognizable and beloved superheroes of all time to your b tier Elon Musk rip off is insane. I'm so glad comic synergy hasn't affected that in the comics as far as I'm aware but, come on.

Far From Home being bogged down with constant mentions of his death, makes it unwatchable. When it comes down to it, their relationship consisted of Tony coercing Peter into fighting Captain America without giving him a chance to form his own opinion on the accords and then was "sassy" (rude) to him until he died.

MCU Peter may as well be someone's self insert OC with how well he represents the mythos of Spiderman. These movies do this a lot but usually with characters the general public would not care about like The Mandarin or Shatterstar (still upset about this one), so it's interesting to see them do this with arguably their most important character. Imagine the new Superman movie came out, and he was suddenly closely tied to Aquaman and considered him his mentor and father figure, and the Kent's are barely mentioned, and John Kent died off screen.

[girlwith15cents]

Oversharing on the internet about ADHD

I've been trying to write this post for awhile now. It relates to my previous post about mental disabilities. But it's proving difficult cause it keeps sounding too pathetic, but that's kinda the point.

I, in my present, have an idea of who I am. My interests, how I act, how I dress, who I associate with, my gender expression. These are all observable things. Ways that other people can form opinions on me. These are, by most means, who I am.

However, who I want to be is pretty drastically separate from that. I know a version of me that I can try and project but will always fall short of. I want to learn and enjoy makeup. I want a larger wardrobe of clothes that I genuinely like. I want to learn an instrument. I want to get into streaming games for fun. I want to be able to take my friends out to dinner and buy them gifts and go around the city with them. I have so many ideas for tattoos and I have piercings I want to get. There are so many things I want and yet cannot have and have no real avenue to get.

The reason I cannot reach for these (very reasonable) things is because of my lack of capital and personal agency. Extremely debilitating executive dysfunction has stripped me of any milestones of adulthood someone of my age might be seeing. I've never been able to hold a job without growing deeply suicidal due to the effort required. Hobbies cost money. Rent costs money. Expressions of the self cost money. I have always had to exist within the confines of someone else's generosity to take care of me. It has stripped me of opportunities to grow as a person. It has made me less and less who I want to be and more who I am.

All too often because of this people don't take me seriously. Financial burden that I am, I have learned to make myself small better than any other skill. I choke up when asked to assert my wants. I put others first. I'm quiet and guarded. Any strive to make myself the person I want to be feels deeply embarrassing. Like a child who is convinced they're something they aren't. So people who meet me see the child. They see the loser who won't take steps towards employment because they're lazy. They see the girl who orbits a social group but never belongs. They see a nice girl who has far less desirable qualities than the other candidate for this job position. It hurts so fucking bad to be condescended to without any ability to rebut it.

So when does it end? When I find work that won't end up being the death of me? When our government wises up and pushes for UBI or expands upon disability payments? When they invent adderal that doesn't have a million side effects? When I get sick of it and give up? There's no real end in sight, and every time ADHD gets laughed at as a pop-psych joke it gets further away. Am I doomed to be a child forever? When will I see the respect I know I deserve?

And sure, pathologizing behavior is 'bad'. Maybe the answer to all my woes is to grit my teeth harder than I already have been my entire life. Maybe the real reason I see no forward movement is because I'm projecting my own helplessness. But can't it be a little easier? Everyone else is having a rough time, but at least they're having a time. The behavior I exhibit is very normal to neurotypical people on a bad day, but it makes up my entire existence. And it sure feels a hell of a lot more severe than someone having a day of bad focus.

The fucked up thing about it is that I like me. The present me and the me I want to be. We both have so much to offer. We're both one of the best friends you've ever had. We both have skills and qualities that make us very likeable people. But these qualities have little to no monetary value. Any way that I could monetize it would also require investment. Investment that I cannot make without agency. So I'm stuck as a vague bundle of good qualities and talents that everyone sees so much potential in and is eagerly awaiting a moment where I channel it somewhere. A moment that will never occur without agency.

[monster-noises]

Alright sure fine

I'll link several emotions together in one post and leave it there hows that.

This is one of those times where I was very charged up earlier today but the moments kinda passed so now my thoughts and feelings aren't as fine-edged-sharp and crystal clear, but I still think I should try and get this out of my body for a bit..

So you'll have to pardon the fact that i'll be sifting through the muck and it may not be the smoothest most eloquent read. Not that you have to read this, I mostly just need to expunge my bile into the void where someone could theoretically see it. A little fun trick I like to play on my brain that actually usually works.

In case you were wondering why i post so bare faced about my emotions so often.....

Regardless I.. hm.

Well, perhaps it is best to just cut right to it. One of the its at least.

Something I've been dealing with, for a very long time, but extra... Pointedly of late, is this feeling that's been hard to express without most probably deeply insulting my friends.

But I think i've routed it out into a shape that.. covers the emotion and also Doesn't Do That.

And it's like.. I wish. Mm. I wish I knew How To Feel Cared About?

Because I don't. And not knowing what that's Supposed to feel like makes it really hard in this part of my life I'm in to tell if the problem is me not Receiving Love and Care properly when it is entirely present in my life, or if there really is problem and I am right to feel like my social needs are not being met even if I know Practically that my friends all Do love and care about me.

It was an easy feeling to calculate when i didn't really have friends, like obviously i don't feel cared for, i've got (almost*)no one caring about me! But I Have friends now, good friends, great friends, best friends!

And yet. I'm. As lonely and isolated as I've ever been. Constantly plagued by a hollow feeling of.. Missing Something, of simply being Empty and Cold

And is that me? Is that my fault? Am I just not Processing or feeling things correctly? Have I wiggled myself into a social role that says 'hey haha! You don't Have to think of me it's cool!'?? Is it on me for being too quiet? But if I speak up I'll be too much! I know I Also don't reach out much (which is the damn rub of the whole thing, I'll get there in a bit...) but I also feel so often... Unimportant, background, special but not special Enough for anyone to keep me abreast of what happens in their lives. And it's all my fault and I'm gross and cruel for feeling this way.

Which is why i feel safer posting about it on tumblr instead of speaking to my friends about it.

Because it's a Huge Problem but also it's not their problem it's my problem I couldn't possibly ask anything of them they do so much already, I mean they're my friends and I know they love me and Sometimes we hang out and that should be more than enough right????? RIGHT?????? shouldn't I feel good and satisfied from that????

Shouldn't that cover my social and emotional needs? Even if I go most days of the week without talking to anyone so any contact I eventually get feels like i'm desperately coming up for a few brief gasping seconds of air? Even though I spend an unreasonable amount of time paralyzed by the yawning ache in my heart for Contact Please Someone Come Sit With Me And Listen To Me And Care! Isn't that my own fault? Isn't that on me for ignorning how much my friend's Do care about me and show it, because I haven't said anything in all that time either right!? They're busy! We're all adults and it's hard to find time and energy to reach out and be social, everyone has a million things going on all the time so like really sometimes I should be the one reaching out but in that same vein; is that my place? I don't want to bother them.. to intrude when it's not my Alotted Time. Wouldn't it be more appropriate and respectful to their time and energy to not demand they spend it on You? To speak only when spoken to and be Chill and Cool And Needless even when you're Screaming Screaming Screaming for someone to hear you

Not even to vent, though my struggle to be vulnerable directly to people's faces continues to be a large impassable aspect of this issue, but just be seen and heard and taken an interest in. I'm always there to Hear, to listen to and offer insight toward, to witness and to be Audience but so rarely feel like I can Show or be Watched in turn. But is that even true? My friend's do Know what I like don't they? They'll listen, they have listened, I'm sure they have.. but I still feel like I have to hide it, protect it, patience for me is limited and I have to spend it wisely, like they don't need that they don't want to hear it. (Would it suprise you to know i've been told this directly more than once by different people?)

And what do I even Want? Then? If "my needs are not being met"? (We have gotten back to it) Because goodness knows i am also prey to the aforementioned limited time and energy, I already loose so much of my art to work and the daily maintenance of being Alive, do I want people coming in More Often to take that time now too? Even texts! Even texts can take so much of something so limited and precious to me.. what matters more being social or my lifes true passion? What a horrendous question to have to ask. To choose one core need but smother the other. What a curse, and I can see myself, still, choosing art far more often, against my my own more desperate needs. Even if I so very badly want to go out and absorb the world with my friends I need to be with my art instead, perhaps to me detriment.

Ultimately, I guess, I want to feel like people are there. Even when they aren't. Human Object Permanence of some kind. And yeah, maybe getting more time with people, whether the cost of that time is solved or not I just want Contact, regular Contact two-way Contact. But is this all on me to start feeling what my friend's are already doing? Or should I reach out and ask for more? I don't know! I could not tell you!

Over and over and over these same two feelings in different skins smashing over me, crashing so loud I can't get my own words in; I Do Not Feel Cared About - Do You Know What Being Cared About Feels Like

And then god.. the further questions that spiral out and out and out from here.. is this vacuous hole I feel, this unfulfillment socially, the reason I hurt so much for romance? Because it feels so much like the most direct route to being Known and ensuring at least one person thinks of me as Immutably Important (would my friend's not already say I am that to them? Would they not be hurt by the implication that I think they don't feel this way? Why does the thought of that only make me feel worse, more guilt ridden, and not stronger in the feeling that they care? Why do I only have one reaction to Everything; to bury myself in guilt and shame) Should this idea deter me from seeking romance at all? Like sort this out before I go after that kind of relationship? Perhaps that would be wise.. but trying to put down that desire, to focus on being single and engaging exclusively in the intimately platonic, feel like a lie? Feel like a cover up? Like i've pulled out an organ and set it on the table and am trying to ignore like I didn't just pull it out of myself? I feel I have reached to feverish a pitch of being without a partner, I can't Not at least try and find someone. The yearning is simply too great, to loud, to hot. If I ignore it I risk being swallowed up in it completely.

But why? One person can't solve all my problems or meet all my needs and the needs I need met are all part of the earlier problems mentioned that do not specifically need to be met by a romantic partner to Be met?? So why bother going for romance at all??

Can I not just.. want it? Can that not be reason enough? I know I am comfortable engaging just as intimately as I would with a partner with a friend, but there is a tangible difference in Intent and I want That Difference. Even if there is no answer to the logic behind it. But still would it make a difference? Do you think having a specific kind of relationship will magically make you know what feeling cared for Feels Like? ....

I mean I used to not know what sexual atteaction felt like and then one video game man appeared and Boom suddenly I Did so like......... It's Possible.

Okay Perhaps, but like it's still not the most likely that it's just going to go away because now there's a Boy around to Kiss, in fact knowing me it may get Worse, even, so like what? Like what???? We also can't keep going on just Yearning like this. It hurts so much to feel this lonely.

(Valentines is in 3 days and I have the worst sinking feeling that it's going to be very tough this year)

Not that it really matters anyway because no one has expressed interest in me, everyone I've met on dating apps, and note; it's Not very many people, has either ghosted me, I've ghosted them (not usually on purpose) or we've miraculously stayed in contact but slipped right into just being Pals and Friends. No one has reached out with anything resembling explicit romantic interest, and it really doesn't feel like they're ever going to. And I know I should ditch the apps and go out and Participate, but When I ask you, same as before, what Time do I have? And where do I Go? i've tried to find events in my city that I would fit into, and they either don't exsist or exsist only at times and price ranges completely inaccessible to me. Not to mention events I Have gone to have ended in me passing through not talking to anyone because I'm just not good at introcutory conversations, rarely do I have anything to say, and I really only feel comfortable engaging when approached, It feels presumptuous and creepy to do the approaching.. which sounds, I imagine, an eerily familiar echo of earlier points. And so I'm stuck. I cannot win. I feel unable to act or take control and so I sit in silence and the hole inside me gets bigger and I feel less and less like a person everyday.

Fundamentally I'm at odds with myself.

I have all these wants and needs and desires that feel unfulfilled but do not believe I can or should need to ask for them (because they aren't 'unfulfilled', not because people should just ~know~ they are there). And so I cannot make myself believe they are even real, or at least that they are unfullfilled, and that it's simply me being obstinant and slefishly blind.

I understand I am not an Undesireable person per say, I am Niche and that's fine, but I feel undeniably that I am still not a person who Is/Can Be Desired, and that's a different thing entirely from being desireable.

There are no primary and secondary "characters" in real life, and while there are certain forms of 'social heirarchy' that are kinda real i am not Fundamentally and Automatically ""below"" everyone around me either by my being who i am or some kind of weird illogical ~noble choice~, but it still feels wrong of me to be forward, like I'm being cruel and controlling and dominating by speaking about myself in any capacity, or asking for things or speaking first, to dare to take on any roll that does not feel not... submissive but subjucative, as if Apologising for existing by exsisting as little as possible, by only exsisting when it is permissible for me to exsist, when I have been told it is okay, to never insert myself unannounced. (Which, as I shockingly have not mentioned yet, is completely counterproductive to my cause as it creates, from the outside, this image that I, maybe, don't care. Or at least I care but I do not Need that much. I imagine I'm read less as a loyal hound awaiting instruction, and more an aloof cat that needs to coaxed from his hiding place)

There is no point to close this off. No turn around epiphany of my hope for healing or what to do. There's maybe a quiet desperate cry for help and instruction, and a whispered hope that I haven't gravely insulted my friends who read through this. I know you all do love and care about me, and I'm sorry I struggle to receive that. I love and care about you too, and hope that you're able to recieve it in full.

But there's no big grand ending here with some optimistic bend. Just me alone in my bedroom at 2:17am, tangled up in knots, not really knowing what to do about anything at all.

[heartorbit]

something something sewing event

[sskk-manifesto]

Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me

[lxghtofthephoenixx]

I follow intersex tags on my main, as a cisintersex person. This way, I get good ol' intersex content on my dash often, and what do I see? Some clown placing 'transintersex' people among horrendously intersexist things. These people actually believe someone who wants or desires to be intersex/more intersex is in the same boat as fucking TERFs who call us "people with DSD" and at this point I fear the person who made that post may be too far gone if they genuinely believe that.

There is a point where, in your brigade to call everything intersexist, that you need to actually analyze things that actively hurt ALL intersex people. 'DSD', which stands for 'disordered sex development' for those who are unaware, actually harms the community. Forced binaries, such as 'amab/afab genitals', 'TME/TMA', painting 'cis/trans' as clear cut opposites where you can only be one, etc actually harms us. Genital surgeries, forced HRT, the fact that DOCTORS still see us as things to be fixed... THAT harms us. The vehement erasure of intersex people at pride events harms us.

For somebody to sit behind a screen and even acknowledge the horrors intersex people face, only to throw transintersex people under the bus while they're at it, is upsetting to me. I see all this hatred, cries of intersexism, towards transintersex individuals and cannot for the life of me see the point or reason behind it. It's possible that it's just cashing in on the current transID hate fad, which has poisoned so many supposed safe spaces... but it's still so upsetting to watch multiple communities I'm a part of waste their time on transID folk.

Whether or not you actually believe transID is all fetishization and that, in turn, means bigotry, one cannot waste their time on ultimately harmless shit when coercive sex reassignment (among other actual issues) is still a fucking thing. There are bigger issues at hand here, and the nonissue that transID people pose is not fucking important and never will be, because again it's a NONISSUE.