#1am rambles from yours truly

[mysteryanimator]

Ok so this a word ramble that I originally shared to a few folks, and then went “what the hell sure” and I’m sharing this here. Though this is more word ramble rather than structured then anything I’ve written analysis wise. The only reason why it’s less structured then what I normally do is because if I were to do this properly, I would genuinely go make a PowerPoint and multiple animatic examples to prove a point for a made up what-if 😭 I have to go be productive haha

Ok here we go

How we could have a Mizrak and Olrox intimacy scene actually work

This is hypotheticals I’m not actually trying to say it should be this way, I’m just really interested on this concept because it CAN work and it makes my brain excited. Also side point- you can also very easily achieve all of these scenes without a sexual intimacy scene as well, it’s honestly just up for can be portrayed and want needs to be conveyed to the audience. As long as the main ideas that need to be said are said!

I’ll preface beforehand too, this will be having Mizrak in particularly lean into a more positive viewpoint on it simply because I think we need more positive accepting sex scenes in animated queer scenes, especially with a repressed gay man coming to accept vampirism aka queerness. I think that’s neat in contrast to a lot of intimate scenes that aren’t so positive :D this also means a lot of it will come with my a lot of my own personal opinions!!

First of all, it would build an entirely new perspective on mizrak for us as an audience! There is so much we viewers that we do not know about him. Yet Olrox is so comfortable sharing alot of his emotional vulnerabilities to him, unlike Drolta in the graveyard scene. This type of physical intimacy literally has some baring their entire self to someone else. Nakedness is vulnerability. Mizrak is also a ‘warrior monk’ who wears armour. So you’re literally stripping him of not only his armour, we’re stripping him of the label he’s had since who knows how long. We go from warrior monk to just Mizrak. Every single scene of him in Nocturne is just defined by his monk title, never Mizrak. Which is also why it’s hard for a lot of us to imagine him in clothes other than his monk attire.

His monk attire is now however gone because drum roll. He’s a VAMPIRE. This is important I swear!

(Side tangent his ‘rebirth’ scene at the end of episode 08 when he’s revealed to be a vampire was unbelievably really fucking good)

He’s going to be dealing with a lot of self identity issues, his self image and how he feels about himself. He was already pretty repressed beforehand, and now all the walls are crashing down. Firstly as mentioned before, nakedness is a form of vulnerability. It would be such an interesting and unique way to showcase an acceptance of his identity. It’s both of his new identity of vampirism but also his identity of being queer. Almost as if having the reverse occur in the story of Genesis, where Adam and Eve become ashamed when they realised they’re naked. The opposite happening for Mizrak would be just interesting!

Another point is that we can explore Mizrak’s acceptance of vampire’s having a soul/life! I semi-explored the concept in an animatic not that long ago just because the idea just intrigues me sooooo much. I kinda want to explore it further but busy atm 😔, though I would genuinely make space and time to work on something like that regardless of what show/film it is. Emmanuel learns the concept that vampires/night creatures have souls, that they remember their lives beforehand when he turns Drolta into a night creature. It is totally up to audience interpretation if Mizrak recognises learns vampires have souls through this line:

“If you have a soul Olrox, and maybe you do, I hope it finds peace.”

However, through an intimacy scene, you could absolutely cement Mizrak learning then and there Olrox does indeed have a soul. Solely because, I’m going to get pretty NSFW here, Olrox is reacting to Mizrak, he’s reacting to what’s happening to each other BAHAHA. He’s getting emotionally invested in the moment, beyond the physicality, which could click something in Mizrak’s brain. There is a life to Olrox because that vampire is sweating and moaning HAHAHAH, which if he were to be truly soulless and lifeless, he would not be doing all of that. He’s a breathing, living person who has a soul. Ensue Mizrak accepting and giving in 🏃

Sure this probably happened between episode 3 and episode 4 in season 1, but for us to only see it now would mark an importance for Mizrak. It’s important for us as an audience to see this recognition because it will fundamentally change him and progress both their narratives. Every Mizrak and Olrox scene from episode 03 of season 1 to episode 08, something changes and something moves forward.

Speaking of life, Olrox has not been living. He’s depressed and traumatised. He’s the what-if he just killed the person who killed his lover dilemma for Dracula (thank you Tack for that!) He hasn’t lived since his lover died UNTIL Mizrak. I personally haven’t had seen so much life in him until he was fighting Drolta, saw Mizrak wounded and then started RUNNING??? It’d be really interesting conceptually to see Olrox be ‘alive’ in a much more safer private space, just between him and Mizrak!

This is also something you can very very easily achieve in 2-3 minutes, which is how long most of their scenes together are because they’re side characters. Or even less, 30 seconds it’s entirely possible to convey all of the above in little time. Power of visuals is important!!! Censoring is also not an issue too, I think you could censor this to hell and back but with smart and powerful storyboard choices from whoever gets the blessing to do it, concrete writing, you can actually have something that goes along narratively with the love theme in Nocturne and it’s positive influence on people. Mizrak’s self-acceptance and Olrox’s life reinvigorated. Of course everything beforehand has to build this up to this before it happens. Me, the brainrot person I am, recognises how hands are like a super important thing for them so it would be very cool to have that incorporated in somehow. Also, having the Olrox holding Mizrak from behind thing come up again, but with Mizrak accepting it properly and leaning back into him (or even Mizrak holding Olrox from behind) during a scene like this?? During a emotionally and physically vulnerable moment? Actual shockwaves I tell you, I think you’d have the whole fan base in tears.

There are nuances here, visual metaphors to play off, unique storytelling pathways it could go down, interesting characterisation you specific to sex and so forth!

Anyways that’s my proper ramble for the week, I hope you enjoyed my season 3 episode 6 pitch (massive joke I’m joking I’m joking, tho honestly would be so funny though if I could pitch something like because I will do my proper research, I will pull up statistics if I must and make visuals. Though I generally do understand how intimacy scenes don’t happen often, though Cativi winning an Annie award would prove to help strength the argument I’m making :D )

[bha3ls]

okay but listen. listen. as much as rinn is unable to reject bhaal with any finality, he's unable to truly abandon her. she's a part of him, hes a part of her, it's his blood alone in her veins, to the point even when disgraced, he was guiding her right back where she belongs and setting up orin to be a sacrifice for her to earn back control. she cannot lose her religion / forsake her god, and her god cannot simply kill her.

[kryptznnn]

♛- Come back to bed

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➸ INTERESTS; -jjk! nanami kento x f!reader

➸ BACKGROUND; -not any plot truly, just straight smut, making love late at night MY FAV!! (im a whole virgin)

➸ WARNINGS; - wc.2.4k, kissing, teasing, riding, fingering, p in v, nipple play, sucking, whining, bla bla bla

➸a.i; - omg new oneshot!! i made a poll asking who i should write abt this morning and 100 votes came in for my sexy baby daddy so im here to feed u guys!! xoxo

.☘︎ ݁˖.☘︎ ݁˖.☘︎ ݁˖.☘︎ ݁˖

You awoke in the middle of the night to your phone ringing softly, the vibrations from it on your nightstand making you get up. As you turned to grab your phone, the call ended, you only muttered to yourself as you were now sat up in your bed. You held your phone in your hand, realizing the call was from your close friend and checked the time.

1:13am, you read with a squint, still trying to adjust to the dimly lit screen this late at night.

There were only two reasons as to why she could call you this late. She was either having intrusive thoughts about breaking contact with her ex, or she was calling to tell you how drunk she was at her apartment, and she wants you to come and accompany her. You stood up, grabbing your soft silk robe from your closet door and stepped out of the room.

You made your way over to the kitchen, dialing her number back and waiting for her to answer. You grabbed a water bottle and opened it when she soon answered. Rambling on about how drunk she was and how much fun she was having, saying she didn't want you to miss out on it and for you to come over to her place, you only smiled and shook your head.

"It's past 1am, I was asleep when you called, you need to get some sleep too unless if you don't plan on clocking in later." You spoke, drinking from your bottle as you listened to her ramble, sadly it's as if she hadn't heard a single word you said.

She was always like this honestly; you couldn't blame her. Between the two of you someone had to be outgoing and crazy enough to do things like this. You could never be mad at her for it though, it was sweet honestly, even when she was intoxicated, she always had you in mind.

The conversation between the two of you soon wrapped up, as she assured you, she wasn't alone and was with her brother. She even facetimed you as proof and to which you spoke to her brother for a while. Thankfully he was a little more responsible than she was, assuring you that the night had ended, and the drinks were being put away so his sister could rest.

You only thanked him and wished him a goodnight, as he did in return to you and you said goodbye to your friend, waving as you heard the call click. You finished your water bottle and went to place the bottle in the shared recycle can you had in the kitchen before feeling two firm arms snake their way around your waist.

You only smiled, knowing exactly who it was as you were used to this multiple times before. You placed your hands over his arms and squeezed, earning a tired grunt from him as he bent down to kiss the top of your head.

"If you weren't my fiancé I would've screamed when you touched me y'know?" You joked, feeling him smile against the top of your head, he let go of your waist as you let go of his arms and he placed his hand in yours. He soon guided you out of the kitchen and back to the shared bedroom you two had, the dim lights from outside helping you to see his figure perfectly.

Your fiancé was a well-kept man, perfectly built as if sculpted by the gods. Honestly, even as a woman you were envious of his body, but when compared to others you were considered lucky, very lucky. So, you couldn't push it too much, because they were right, you were lucky.

"Come back to bed" Kento spoke, now entering your bedroom and sitting on your side of the bed where you were previously resting. You only smiled at him as you placed your phone back down on the nightstand, he never let go of your free hand, pulling you near him.

"You're such a flirt" you said to him, watching his every move. He only hummed in response and kissed your palm as you made your way on top of him, straddling him now. His other hand made its way to your lower back, now keeping you in place as his kisses traveled higher, from your palm to your arm and now your shoulder, not removing his eyes from yours.

You looked away nervously, feeling a familiar tingle in your lower belly, you knew exactly what he was doing. He soon placed his hand from your lower back onto the back of your neck, slowly bringing your head down to kiss him passionately. It felt nice, he felt nice, you couldn't complain, nor could you just turn or look away from him, you were captivated by him.

You were the first to pull away, your breathing heavy as you looked at him, he still kept his hand on the back of your head. He only pushed your head back for your lips to connect yet again, but not kissing the same as before. It was wet and sloppy, your tongues practically fighting-

no,

Dancing with one another, and it only made the weak feeling within your lower belly stronger as he moved his hands, now gripping both sides of your hips as he kissed you eagerly. You quickly pulled away, covering your mouth and wiping out of embarrassment as a small line of saliva dripped from it and down to your chin.

He only looked at you with a cheerful smile, loosening his grip on your hips and began to tug on your robe, wanting it to come off. In all seriousness, you weren't even properly dressed, without the robe you only had on a small black tank-top and red panties.

You let go of him for an instant, taking off your robe and tossing it, he smirked in approval. As you straddled him again you could feel him underneath you, the friction becoming unbearable as he continued to rub himself against one of your most vulnerable places. Well not him genuinely speaking, it was his co-

"Can I play with you baby? Just for a little while?" He asked, looking into your eyes and then your lips for an answer. You responded with a 'yes', soon after biting your bottom lip and watching his movements. Now seated in the middle of the bed you two shared he began to kiss your skin above your collarbone while you grinded on him, both of you partially clothed and breathing heavily.

He had gone to bed with nothing but his boxers on, but now he was threatening to take them off in one quick move, unable to bear the teasing anymore. His hands roamed your body, teasing your nipples through your top as you mewled softly, grabbing his wrist softly as you guided his hand lower to your now wet spot on your underwear.

Throughout the time of your twos dirty work not a word was spoken to one another, well, barely. You had known each other's bodies well enough and exactly what you craved, Kento knew this and quickly got to work, unbuttoning the one small button that was practically ready to burst out from his erection, letting it spring out free.

When you moved back a little to look at it, it looked like he was in pain. Like painfully hard, honestly this wasn't the first time, but it was sweet seeing how you had him this intense every time, he never seized to amaze you. He began to tug at your underwear, to which you got off the bed, standing up as he watched your every move.

You bent over, hooking your thumbs into the hems of your underwear where they sat nice and pretty on your hips, shimmying a little as you pulled them all the way down to your ankles and stepped out of them. You slowly made your way back onto the bed and on top of Nanami once again, who only looked at you in awe, and maybe hunger.

You only cupped your hands on both of his cheeks before kissing him again, this time he kept a hand on your hip as another one found its way to your core. He cupped it softly as you jolted slightly, feeling his middle finger brush against your clit. He smiled into the kiss, placing his thumb over your clit and rubbing it gently, feeling the vibrations of you grunting and moaning in his mouth.

You pulled away, keeping a hand over your mouth yet again and his own mouth as you felt him insert a finger inside you. Immediately pushing up into you as far as he could, watching as your shivered slightly, and removed your hand from his mouth, moaning into your hand. He soon removed his hand from your hip and grabbed your wrist, removing your hand from your mouth and kissed your palm yet again.

Within a short period of time, you felt an immense amount of pressure build up inside of you, making you immediately want to shut your legs. (Un)fortunately, your fiancé had already caught onto this, quick to hold one of your legs apart as he now quickened his pace, smirking at you.

He soon grabbed a hold on your tank-top after you promised to not close your legs, lifting and revealing your hardened nipples to him and the cold air of the room. He chuckled to himself slightly as he stuck his tongue out, teasing you and watching as your back arched before sucking on them and inserting another finger.

You quickly grabbed onto his shoulders, now riding his fingers as you were trying your best to reach your high and quickly, knowing he wouldn't let you cherish this bliss moment for long. He soon began to lick your upper torso, the sweat beads that rolled off your body were his to consume, as if your entire body was a drug he was high on.

It was as if you had jinxed it because just seconds before you were ready to cum, he quickly removed his fingers from within you, keeping his thumb on your clit and coming to a full stop in movement. Before you were even able to stop your moans and begin your whining and protests, he aligned his cock with your entrance.

Without warning or count he quickly thrusted himself inside, halting and burying himself within your chest as he moaned along with you, your nails now digging deeper into his shoulders. You had completely forgotten how vocal Kento was, damn near as vocal as you, and you loved every moment of it.

"No condom?" You gasped, now playing with his hair as he kept his head between year breasts, slowly moving inside you. He only shook his head slightly, bringing his head back up and looking you in the eyes and kissing you.

"You're to be my wife, no? Whatever my wife wants she gets." He only stated, now thrusting sloppily into you as you moaned. You attempted to bounce back on him while he thrusted into you, just for him to wrap both of his arms tightly around your bottom and thrust into you even harder.

Now repeating his earlier actions and sucking on your nipples, watching as you unraveled within his arms, only getting more turned on by the sight. His mouth now moved to your neck, giving you several hickeys and wet sloppy kisses.

As he quickened his pace you tapped his chest lightly, feeling the same blissful feeling as before coming back, your lower abdomen feeling as if it was floating while the rest of your body was hot and shaking. He only smiled, taking this as the most perfect time to tease you.

"M'gonna get you pregnant. It's what my wife wants, yeah? My baby is gonna grow right here..." He teased, placing his right hand on your belly and rubbing it as you mewled, nodding your head before you bent slightly, placing your head on his shoulder. Your high was approaching with great force and speed, barely able to contain it anymore.

"My beautiful girl is gonna be a mommy, are you excited baby? You excited that I get to fill you up?" He cooed, now rubbing your back with one hand and placing the other over your lower abdomen, pressing down slightly as your moans became louder. You hummed in response, nodding vigorously as your high had approached, exclaiming loudly, biting down on Kento's shoulder to control yourself as your body spasmed.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head for only a moment, soon after you came down, your breathing ragged. His thrusts had now slowed down, becoming sloppier than before as he began to breath heavier, his orgasm not far behind from yours.

As verbal as he was before he wasn't that way now, focused on reaching his orgasm as he screwed his eyes shut, taking deep breaths. As your head rested on his shoulder you too began to moan aloud and grunt softly, his thrusts overstimulating you as you had just come down from your orgasm.

You quickly began to clench around his cock, attempting to make him reach his high sooner, which worked. He buried his face alongside your side as he huffed, muttering a series of words, words of praise if you will, before completely reaching his orgasm. His last thrust sent shivers down your spine as he came inside of you, not leaving a single drop to waste, staying inside of you for a moment before pulling out and kissing your shoulder.

"Are you alright?" He asked, as you pulled away, looking at him and smiling, nodding to him as you brushed his hair away from his face, that had to stuck to his temple from his sweat. He smiled softly at you, seeing your tired expression and actions before fixing your side of the bed to sleep before joining you on his side.

You two exchanged little to barely any conversation between drifting off to sleep, his arms wrapped around you as you rested on his chest. You both had thought of the idea of cleaning up in the shower or changing into new clothes, but you were too exhausted to do so.

The last thing you can vividly remember before drifting off to sleep was how you were going to hide the love bites and hickeys he had given you before work the following morning. Scarves or giant sweaters weren't even in the question as it was the middle of the summer, and you sweat easily.

You'd find out when you got there.

✴🕷 please do not copy, plagiarize, edit, or translate any works submitted by me. all works are originated and all other pictures used within those works are online images. thank you!! @kryptznnn 🌸my main navigation

[thattransboyaled]

reasons why i think havers was in love with the captain (but also me rambling really. bare with me, this was written at 1am)

1. the way he looks at him

honestly one of the main reasons i believe he loved him, because you do not simply just look at people like this. this man is in love (i think the last picture shows this best). in the first picture, the pain in his eyes, i think he’s regretting his decision here, looking at how upset captain is.

2. he is close to the captain

as we know, cap does not laugh/make jokes very often (as seen in 03x01). in the office scene, he mimes punching havers after the line ‘you make sure you give them a bloody nose!’ (and havers goes along with this).

cap also trusts havers. he takes havers suggestion of initiating the emergency lockdown protocol (which i think he would be too proud to do if it was someone else).

so for me, this shows that they are close and that cap is comfortable around havers.

3. just the entire transfer conversation

just before he tells him he has put in for a transfer - on the ‘i want to get involved in the fighting’- you can hear his voice wobble a bit, almost like he is holding back tears. (this might just be peter sandys-clarke’s voice breaking or something, but knowing he does stage acting which requires a lot of control over your voice i think this is probably an intentional decision)

(a video for reference)

he also cannot look cap in the eyes when he says that he has put in for a transfer. when he looks at him afterward and sees how upset cap is and, as i mentioned earlier, i think this is when havers starts to regret his decision a bit. he sees his reaction and is almost like “oh shit. maybe he does care about me.”

(an extra point - i think he also has moments of regret/realisation like this after cap says ‘i shall miss you havers’ + ‘so soon?’ in the office scene)

4. he seems disappointed when cap takes back what he said about missing him

this might be a bit of a stretch, but he doesn't smile straight away and seems upset for a second, but then i think he realises himself and politely smiles to hide his disappointment.

5. the line ‘well. if that’s all?’

the way this line is delivered, he sounds almost hopeful, and again he seems hesitant to leave and disappointed when cap says yes. i think here, for a split second, he himself considers confessing. but it is far too dangerous, and i think he believes (since cap is such a stickler for rules) he would get reported if he had read things wrong. so he is giving cap the chance to confess, to save him from any repercussions.

6. how he reacts to caps ‘i say, havers?’ 

he turns around immediately and leans back into the room a bit, like he’s ready to shut the door and come back in if he needs to. i am so mad we do not get to see his immediate reaction after cap says ‘it’s a bally shame we won’t get to finish the operation together’ but i also think it’s completely intentional. because i think he’d have another moment like in point 4, where he’s disappointed but catches himself. but i think it’s slightly different here. i think he realises that this is caps own little way of truly saying he will miss him. because working on operation william would surely include a lot of time just them, working on paperwork and stuff. so, by cap saying it’s a shame they won’t finish the operation he’s saying it’s a shame they won’t have any time alone together anymore, basically meaning he will miss him. (also i fully believe he walks out so quickly because he is upset here and he doesn’t want cap to see.) 

7. when he leaves 

he looks up and searches for cap in a window, probably because he wants to say one final goodbye, when he sees him there he smiles. then how he stands there for a few seconds, again hesitant to leave and i think regretting his decision again. realising that this is it - he is actually leaving. he probably won’t see cap again. 

anyway i am 100% convinced havers was in love with cap and here are my reasons. i know a lot of it is opinion based and not 100% based on canon, but as i often say, canon is just a suggestion. i would love to hear your thoughts on this!

[trixortrixie]

Frames of thought

So to preface this is a random ramble I had at like 1AM and just felt the intense urge to write down. I am by no means an expert on psychology or hypnosis or whatever, I just find the topics incredibly interesting.

So I've recently gotten into hypnosis, which is actually the reason I made this blog (putting on a different "mask" helps me) and something I have found so interesting about it is how it has shifted my frames of thought.

For context I have always had this minor interest in psychology and how people act and what people do to get people to act. I consider myself ok at picking up when someone tries to make someone (particularly me) act/feel a certain way. Those "micro-manipulations" are just so incredibly interesting to me. They are not necesarily bad, they're just something we do as part of interacting, sometimes not even aware as it is part of normal social conduct. Of course its also used for more "nefarious" uses, such as by corporations or politicians to sculpt your thoughts and make you think a certain way.

This is part of what makes me so interested in hypnosis, the use of these tiny little manipulations to sculpt someone's experience turned up to the extreme. And there is something about that feeling of, as a subject, realising this is what is being done to me and instead of resisting (like I'd normally do) leaning into it, that I really REALLY enjoy. And as I have gotten slightly obsessed with hypnosis, my mind is constantly looking for these "micro-manipulations" as if on high alert and I have noticed how omnipresent they really are.

And I just keep thinking of how my frame of thought has shifted in this way, making more introspective and trying to figure out when I do these "micro-manipulations". And every time I spot one, either from me, other people, or even the media I consume I get this little rush of energy, as if I am spotting these little secrets. I've been re-reading a book today and I just keep spotting examples of these "micro-manipulations" which just makes me think about how prevalent they are in just "normal" interactions even in fiction! I dunno, I've just been seeing this repeatedly today which spurred me to write this little wall of text.

Is there a point to writing this out? Not really, I just think it is really cool how there is so many layers to our psychology and how we interact. Our minds are truly incredible things and by just shifting our frame of thought that little bit we start picking up on those tiny details just that much more!

In conclusion (wait why am I writing a conclusion this is a random tumblr blog no one will read), our minds and psychology are SO COOL and it just makes me want to learn more!

If you've somehow found this, thanks for reading and have a nice day!

[im-a-chunky-potato]

1 - with siglai bc 1am ramblings are very nikolai imo

Ooh you're so right for this! I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this, the pacing is a bit of a mess, but enjoy!

Sigma sighed and looked around the street they were in. When he was told by Nikolai they were doing a simple mission to gather information, he knew this couldn't end well.

What he didn't expect was that Nikolai would end up being so loud and extravagant that they couldn't go anywhere near their targets without being suspicious.

Nikolai giggled. "Isn't this fun Sigma?"

Sigma glanced at his watch. "It's nearly 1:00! This could've been done hours ago if you would stop and be normal for once. Why did Fyodor even trust you to do this?"

For a moment, it seemed like Nikolai was genuinely hurt by this statement, but maybe he just imagined it. After all, Nikolai immediately put on a wide grin and pretended nothing happened.

"Oh, did I not tell you? Poor Fedya seems to have caught a nasty cold. For a rat he does sure have a poor immune system... And as his best friend I must take on his responsibilities!"

Sigma paused and considered his words. "Nikolai... did he even ask you to do this?"

Nikolai smirked. "Thats irrelevant. He mentioned that this person had valuable information, and I decided that I could help him!"

Sigma gaped his mouth open. "Did I even need to come here in the first place?"

Nikolai smiled. "Yes! Your ability will make this so much easier."

It felt like Sigma had been stabbed in his heart. Of course his ability is the only thing that matters. Of course he's being manipulated. What did he expect?

And yet he wanted to be seen as more than his ability. For once he wanted to be seen as human, even if he's not. Even if he's just manifested from the book.

Somewhere he could hear a clock strike one, but he could barely tell. His mind was like a birdcage, and now he was stuck inside.

Sigma's eyes were soon glazed over and Nikolai realized something was wrong.

It was only then he realized the consequences of his words. His face fell into a small frown, and he seemed like he truly wanted to apologize. But he was fighting against himself. Would he really let his mask slip like that?

Nikolai's eyes glanced carefully at Sigma, like he was afraid that he would shatter at any moment. Suddenly Nikolai got an idea. "Alright, it's time for a quiz!"

Sigma's eyes focused on Nikolai's. He opened his mouth slightly, but it was like he was reaching for words that he couldnt grasp. Nikolai took this as a chance to continue.

"Question 1! What makes you amazing?"

Sigma knew the answer to this. "It's my abilty" He said quietly.

Nikolai sighed. "That is incorrect my dear friend. The answer is everything!"

Sigma widened his eyes. How could that be true?

Nikolai smiled. "Yes, it's true! You're quite admirable and hardworking too. The people are undeserving of you."

A small smile appeared on Sigma's face. He had never heard praise like this before.

Nikolai saw this face, and it was like a switch had been flipped in his head. Immediately his eyes softened and a more genuine look appeared on his face.

"You know, you're like a peacock."

Sigma tilted his head curiously. "Why is that?"

"Well people only look at your feathers. But perhaps they should be appreciating the bird as a whole" Nikolai's face turned a rosy red.

Sigma was shocked by this. He had never seen Nikolai anywhere close to blushing before, and as a matter of fact, Nikolai had never even acted this way! Why was he admitting this like it was a secret, like it was something he held close to his heart?

Nikolai stared at him expectantly before sighing in dissapointment. "Do i really need to spell it out for you? Well I guess you really have the comprehension skills of a 3 year old" He said teasingly.

"You're amazing. As dazzling as a bird who spreads its wings and flies into the sky."

Now it was Sigma's turn to blush. "This is a cruel joke to play if you're messing with me, Nikolai" His heart was beating out of his chest though. He hoped on his life that he meant what he said.

Nikolai stayed silent for a moment before responding. "No, I'm not." He gently took off his eye cover and looked at Sigma. His eyes reflected the moonlight, and were full of affection.

Sigma froze. This couldn't be happening. How on earth could he be looked at like this?

But he wanted to reach out to Nikolai. He wanted to be together. He wanted to see Nikolai under the mask he wears everyday.

So they embraced under the moon, a new world opening up for the both of them. Perhaps they hold the keys to each others cages, perhaps in each other they can soar gloriously into the sky.

[quantum-temporal-anomaly]

1am darkest dungeon rambling (DD1 and DD2 spoilers)

headcanon that the heart of darkness is actually either the ancestor's, the heir's or humanities confession boss

aside from the fact that the other confession bosses in DD2 are body parts (brain, lungs, hands, eyes, stomach, and the whole(body of work))

---- note that technically confession one isnt the brain and actually the chains... functionally its the brain.

the confessions are also tied to some kind of revelation or lesson

what if the heart of darkness is tied to the revelation of seeing the work for what it """truly""" is the same way the confession bosses are tied to their revelations

in this theory this is why the ancestor offs himself before the game starts. he was the final sacrifice for the iron crown ritual. i think he would still have an unperfected version of the ritual even by the time of his death. i feel like the ancestor is less of a scholar than the protege, and way far less mad as him.

so what did the ancestor's ritual accomplish? (im assuming his goal was also to be chosen by the iron crown) maybe it just gave the result of him being a funny ghost man, maybe it did nothing

or maybe

it bonded him with the heart of darkness in a more significant way than all the other people bonded with the heart

heck this could have been his end game. instead of bonding with the iron crown, he wanted to join the thing he saw in his youth in the court yard. which could be why his ritual looks different from the protege's.

maybe it was to trigger a timeloop like the similar time loop of the protege's bosses.

i say the ancestor bonded with the heart of darkness in a more unique way than everyone else because he seems to have kept some kind of hold on his self

even after being one with the heart he still can talk and recollect on his life and the lore of the land, but it seems people like the cultists are in some kind of imperfect bonding with the heart by the way they dont really retain any kind of human appearance (at least compared to the ancestor)

the ancestor DOES become fleshy, so for all we know this isnt even the true ancestor(bc he died long ago) and the heart is just using his image and memories as some kind of flesh puppet (heck the ancestor lore could all be a lie by the heart to strike an emotion connection with the heir so the heir can see the whole quest through

killing the heart of darkness means you have completed your confession

you see things for how it is

the whole futility of humanity, leading you to end it all

only for another person(yea yea technically it is the same heir but its functionally a fresh person) to begin their own journey to discover the same revelation you did

[lorelune]

loreeeee, i read the blade fic update and i CANT. express. how much i love your writing (again LOL). ugh, the way you write thoughts, mentalities, how ppl navigate and take in info...insane. INSANE. ugh,,,,,,im sorry but having adrenaline "tumble between the eyes" or the weird sureness of his thoughts but still being unidentifiable (unintelligible? or there little understanding of the source of specific thoughts) in and of themselves...the way you write makes me FERAL. im savoring it so much, i just bit into the juiciest orange, the ripest strawberry, took a mouthful of the crispest apple cider ive ever tasted in my life--(sorry im low on sugar rn HAHA)

i have a lot to say. but not enough mental space to go through all of it...but i do want to mention how you wrote the retrospective scenes of blade being washed by kafka, it was captured so well. i know this kind of experience is very nuanced, and i think you expressed how blade processed it well. especially how this shows up in pieces thereafter in the rest of the fic, it's different from just mentioning or referring to a past moment. you threaded the experience to the present and from reading your works overall, i believe this is a "trademark" of your writing, at least to me.

the trademark is that there is purpose in every mention, there is delicacy in choosing a perspective and the lens in which the world is viewed or something is experienced by a character...there is a specific atmosphere, headspace, etc., that you want to convey and the entire thing is brought together with every sentence that follows the previous. youre making these connections, however small they may be, between shards of the characters' lives...it feels like you properly chewed them so you got the texture, flavor profile, salinity, etc., of those characters. it's what got me hooked onto you works, and im afraid (feral, positive) youre only getting better at it. im in trouble (eager) :D

this is small, but i personally love seeing purely from one chara's pov, i love unreliable narrator-esque stuff, it just tickles something in me, maybe bc life is THAT subjective to the one living it (also AP Lit was one of my fav classes back in hs, so is it rlly a surprise LMAO). i love connotations, questionable morals, existential dilemmas, all of it. and seeing that blade is full of the latter two, im SO up for it. i also love how he's constantly (unconsciously) trying to be mindful of the space he takes up, even if he chooses to not care for certain (most) ppl. idk, to me thats a testament to his previous life/experience, and it just adds lore (see what i did there :3) and depth to everything. and im so looking forward to see how he navigates and learns (pog self reflection!) about his violent urges/tendencies, and what they mean for him (and mc)--and even if he doesn't i am looking forward to your writing 🙏

this is not even 1/4 of what i wanted to say LMFAOO, but its 1am for me and i need some sleep...thank you for this lore. :) we are blessed to have you share your talent, its my spiders thread in the hellscape im in (life), love you always, stay healthy and happy lunar new yr if you celebrate!!

SLEEEPY 🥺!! thank you for the kind words!!!!! 🥺💕💕💕!!!!! i am screaming crying throwing UP i appreciate your feedback so so much!!!!!

rambling under the cut <3

writing blade for the architect has been both like.... deeply cathartic and so very different from any character i have written for!!! i don't write a ton in character POV, however blade's feels unique and interesting in a way that keeps me going back to him. the dynamic between blade and reader is so interesting to continue to revisit, and writing their relationship expand and change has been very fun!!

blade is truly monstrous, but not for any of the reasons he thinks. his monstrous is monstrous in the way that he shouldn't exist or be alive, and that he essentially a human weapon, but how he feels isn't monstrous. he's coping. poorly. and through centuries of compounded trauma and an accumulation of mara. he absolutely sees some of himself in reader and can't help but want to ... protect them? if nothing else be near them. it's horrific, the way he thinks, but not monstrous. and i think that's an important distinction in the architect!!!

blade is an incredibly unreliable narrator. it is integral to the story (moreso as we go on) that he is unreliable. his own confusion is woven into the plot and vital to his relationship with the reader. his feelings towards you are a tangled mess, and so much of that comes from his own fractured consciousness.

its been very fun to write and dive into it just like... explore. full send. i started the architect originally as a drabble that was supposed to be uneditted LOL and i didn't want to pull any punches with the implications and like... 'darkness' of the story. i'm glad that you have enjoyed it sleepy and THANK YOU for your comments and elaborations, they truly make my day and get me hype to continue the story too <33 thank you thank you thank you 💞💞💞

[secretly-of-course]

Hey pls don’t feel any obligation to respond to this but I think I might be aro and I’m lowkey freaking out about it major sexuality crisis style and I don’t know how to. Not.

Like I’ve seen it coming for a while and I’m still not 100% sure but it is kind of the only thing that makes sense. And it’s terrifying me a bit bc like. I do want things that have to do with romance sort of, but mechanically I Do Not feel romantic attraction to people (and when I think I do it goes away after like two days). And like I know aro people can be in relationships if they want to but like I would just feel so guilty the whole time if I did that bc I feel like I would just be lying to them even if I’m not.

How did you begin to feel comfortable in your identity and start making peace with it?

- Sincerely, a panicked queer

Hey bud, take a deep breath. No matter what you end up identifying as just know that you're gonna be okay!

I'm gonna put this under a read more because it's kind of long and a bit rambling (sorry it's 1am)

Speaking from my own experience, it took me a long time to feel comfortable identifying as aro. I had my ace crisis 3 years prior and it took me a long time to make peace with that as well, and I'm sad to admit that during that time period I fell for the trappings of the "even if I'm ace I could still fall in love" idea as if that was some sort of consolation prize. But that's just amatonormativity for ya.

Accepting oneself as aro can be really freaking hard, I know it because I've been there. Our society pushes the ideal of a single romantic partner as necessary for happiness so hard that you begin to doubt if you can ever be truly happy. When every show and movie you see growing up has the main guy and girl get together for the happy ever after, how are you supposed to react when you realize that's not really what you want? When you're a child and there are things you don't understand about adults, they tell you "You'll understand when you grow up and get married/have kids," --always when, never if-- as if that's some sort of guarantee because it is the expectation.

This song by Moses Sumney captures the vibes. The lyric "if lovelessness equals godlessness, will you cast me to the wayside?" always punches me in the gut.

For a long time, before I even started questioning if I was aromantic, I used to say and think things like "It's okay if I don't stay in love but I'd like to fall in love at least once to know what it's like." But that's the thing, a technical curiosity about romance isn't the same as actually desiring it. Feeling like you have to fall in love because that's what everyone does and what's expected of you isn't the same as actually wanting to fall in love. When I realized that I was not only aromantic but non-partnering as well, I grieved for a little bit. I grieved the person I thought I was supposed to be and the life I thought I was supposed to have. I think we should be telling queer people more often that it's okay to grieve the vision you once had for yourself, and going through that grief doesn't mean you love or accept yourself any less or make you any less valid.

It sounds rather silly but the thing that made me really embrace being aro was when I started headcanoning some of my favorite characters as aro. Projecting on those characters and thinking about their own journeys of self discovery and acceptance really truly helped me. Another thing I did moreso when I was trying to embrace being ace was repeat to myself over and over again "It's okay to acespec" which evolved into "it's okay to be ace" and then "it's okay if I'm ace." I don't remember how long I did that for but it also helped a bit.

But the thing is, once I did accept and embrace my aro identity? It was liberating. It was like I got to say "F you society and your bs expectations! I do whatever so want!" I honestly love being aro and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And my sweet, sweet anon, I promise you you would not be lying if you were to enter a relationship. There are options you may or may not feel more comfortable with, such as being in a qpr or dating another aro person who understands, but even dating an allo person you would have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships are built on more than just romantic attraction and you can still connect with people in different ways. Your relationships may end up being something completely unique, and that's okay! As long as there's honesty, which is vital for any relationship, you don't have to feel guilty for anything.

Most importantly, give yourself time. There's no rush to settle on a label or an identity right now, and you can always change your mind later if you think something else would fit better.

Giving you a hug and wishing you all the luck in the world anon 🖤 Whatever conclusion you come to is the right one and you are valid!

[devin27]

10/01/2024

Salutations

Starting something always seems to be a hurdle. Sticking to something proves itself to be an even greater challenge. I’ve been working on disciplining myself this year, & I take great pride in the strides I’ve made thus far. The gym has become a core component of my daily regimen, water is pretty much the only beverage I consume, & I’m sleeping around 1AM every night — a major shift from the atrocious nocturnal schedule I adhered to before. It’s safe to say the consistency has set itself to autopilot after months of conditioning. Habitual actions are rewarded greatly by your brain; it’s a life hack I heard all the time, but am only just now implementing properly.

I kick myself often for taking so long to listen to a lot of the advice I’ve heard over the years. Mentally, I feel like I was stuck at age 21 due to some traumas that took me awhile to heal from — more on that in a future post. My early 20’s were full of reckless decisions, drunken mistakes, & negligence for my well being or the relationships I held with everyone around me, both personally & professionally.

Give yourself a little grace if you can relate, I’m pretty sure a major factor in that is the lack of a fully developed frontal lobe. I swear, one day around age 26 I woke up & I swore I could feel the change in my mentality. It’s like I was suddenly hyper-aware of the long term effects of every decision I made from that point on, & suddenly I was so angry at myself for all the time I’d wasted on juvenile buffoonery.

That anger was troublesome, though. Inner frustration led to stagnation. My mid-20’s felt like a cryogenic state. The rest of the world kept moving forward but I sank further and further into quicksand, paralyzed by the weight of my own indecision & the regrets that I refused to forgive myself for. Overcoming that self-imposed incapacitation proved to be a daunting task, but it was one that I set my mind to this year.

Thankfully, I can say that 2024 has been an exceptional year for me thanks to the changes I’ve implemented. When I turned 27 last October, I realized life would keep passing me by if I didn’t alter the decisions I was making for myself at the time. I didn’t want to be trapped in a forest, tortured by somber echoes of my past; I was tired of feeling haunted by wistful storm clouds obstructing the sun. The only way out was through, as they say.

None of that would’ve been possible if it weren’t my family. There’s a lot I have to be grateful for, but that’s who I’d like to dedicate my first post to. My mother, my brothers, my sister, my father, my grandmother, my cousins, my aunts, & my uncles — all of them played a pivotal role in restoring my broken spirit. One day I hope I am able to repay even a fraction of the debt I owe to them.

In 6 days, I will be 28. This blog will serve as a way for me to immortalize & honor my 27th year of life. Many lessons of my past will be shared here, as well as facets of the present that are worthwhile to me. The focus of this series, however, is the future. A brighter day is always around the corner. (Corny, sure. Cliche even. But very valid.)

If you take any time out of your day to indulge in my ramblings, I express my deepest gratitude to you. Time is a finite resource, & one of the most valuable we will ever have. That’s not some profound revelation, but it’s a concept that took me far too long to truly comprehend. Thank you for reading this far. Stick around if you’d like. I’ve got a hell of a life story to tell.

Love, joy, peace, & prosperity to you & your loved ones — Devin27 💌

P.S. — I’ve attached the first photo of myself I’m in possession of, as well as the most recent photo of myself, as of today, just for record keeping. I also plan to attach a song to every post, whether it’s related to what I’m sharing or something random that I’m just obsessed with & want to document/share. Enjoy “Mountains of My Mind,” by Chris Stapleton.

[runnning-outof-time]

Well shit, Lee!! 😳😳😳

This quick twist of events had me like 🫨🫨🫨

First I need to say that I was so intrigued by how you told this story - the inclusion of gifs added another layer into it…it was so cool to read and get little visual cues added into it!!

And now onto the story itself…..HOLY SHIT!!!!

From the moment I read about the sizeable age difference between (Y/N) and Aberama I was reading like this:

…and then when he called her child I was like…

Like the age difference is so very obvious and I’m just here like ‘what was this father thinking sending his daughter away with a grown ass man???’ 😳😳 … but then I also was wondering, is she also younger than Tommy? Or are they decently close in age? … you did an amazing job at painting this picture of a woman who’s dainty and really not cut out for the life that she was thrown into — I truly wonder what Aberama had in store with her because I feel like he was plotting something and would have gotten away with it due to her naivety.

And maybe Tommy caught onto that because why else would he come into the woods and kill Aberama??? Which, like I said, was such a shocking turn of events!!!

I had to giggle at this statement: "Is this what your family wanted for ya? Is it? … To live with a murderer? He could have hurt you," because let’s get real, Tommy….who are you to say this about another man when you lead the life that you do??? But once agin (Y/N) had that naivety about her that I’m sure she’ll follow along with him as well.

And I know the request said that Tommy would never hurt his woman, but it also is a yandere story….so I need to ask: was his grin at the end innocent, or was it more like foreshadowing that Tommy won’t keep up his promise to keep her safe? Because I honestly got some creepy vibes from him too here 😅

Well shit Lee…I’m sorry for rambling here…it’s like 1AM and I know I should be asleep but I just needed to read this … and I’m happy I did because damn was it good, but I just hope my comments make sense haha. (and now I’m rambling again…I’ll hit the reblog button now)

Thanks so much for sharing this with us! I’m so happy to see you back!! 🧡

Edit - ok I had to add this because as I was adding it to my reading list I realized the title and had one of those ‘ooooh’ moments — clever what you did there, Lee!! … and also it’s double cool because I was watching The Outsiders today

Hi!

could you please writing a yandere Tommy?><

an obsessive man over his woman but would never hurt her😩💋

thank you🦋🙏🏻

Hi lovely, irl stuff got in the way and I was forced to put requests on hold. I'm getting back to it now tho and thought I'd share this imagine with you!

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Imagine being engaged to Aberama Gold during the cold, uncertain winter of 1924. A promise sealed by your father's death, despite your sizable age difference. He brings you to Small Heath, promising untold wealth from the contract with the Shelbys. Unaccustomed to being afraid of anyone thanks to your dangerous fiancé, you accompany him and quickly catch the eye of Thomas Shelby.

"And who is this?" Mr. Shelby asks with lust-filled eyes, a chuckle on his lips. "Your girl, Bonnie?"

Bonnie hesitated as he looked at his father, a nervousness coming over the lad that hadn't been there moments earlier in the ring.

"She's my intended, Mr. Shelby," Aberama smiled, pulling you into his side protectively, but Mr. Shelby clenched his jaw in obvious disapproval.

"He doesn't like me, Abby," you whispered into your man's shoulder at the campfire later that night.

"Nonsense, child," he hushed you as he stoked the fire. "Even if he hated us, that man enjoys the feeling of revenge far too much to risk losing this war with the Italians."

You hugged the blankets closer to your chest, hoping he was right.

"You wished to see me?" you asked, voice quivering as you entered the dark barn.

"Come here." The familiar smell of his tobacco beckoned you, along with the soft lilt of his voice.

You sat on his knee as he blew smoke over his shoulder, telling you the vendetta was won. Finally you found comfort in his plans to leave the following morning.

"That's wonderful news, darling," you cried into his shoulder. As the cotton of his shirt absorbed your tears, he stroked your hair gently.

"Don't cry, sweet girl. Everything will be as I promised. Bonnie has his boxing contract and we'll be wed. There's nothing to fear anymore."

That night a sharp sound awakened you.

"You greedy bastard," a low voice echoed into the night.

Your heart clenched in your chest, too scared to move beneath your mother's faded quilt.

In the morning you wondered if it had all been a dream. The camp appeared to be as it was before, except for the absence of your beloved Aberama.

On the way out of your vardo, you passed the pot of potatoes Aberama was cooking the night before intending to eat when Bonnie returned and you felt a sudden wave of nausea at the sight of it uneaten when Tommy appeared out of nowhere.

"What have you done with him?" you screamed, fighting against the man at your side. You suddenly became hysterical, beating his chest and crying.

Tommy captured your face in his hand, forcing you to be still and look at him. "It isn't what you think, love. I've come to save you."

You stopped thrashing, breath coming hard and fast as you stared into his crystal blue eyes to discern his meaning.

"Is this what your family wanted for ya? Is it?" he asked quietly, a contemplative look crossing his handsome face in the dark. "To live with a murderer? He could have hurt you," he said tenderly, pushing the hair from your face.

You folded in on yourself, unsure of anything. Aberama told you the killing was a means to an end, something he did not out of malice, but for the money. He said he would stop after this job and you believed him.

"That man was only out for himself and his son. And you're too precious for that," Tommy whispered against the shell of your ear. The harshness of his words struck you, but they also made you think. What would your father think of you now? Did he even know the kind of man he'd promised you to?

"He's long gone now. Come home with me and I'll treat you like a queen. Never ask you to witness the things you have here, ey?"

You nodded. "And I'll be safe?" you asked on a shaky breath.

Pulling you into his chest Tommy agreed, "I swear it," a smirk on his lips as he covered the blood stains on the ground with the toe of his boot.

----------------

Tag list:

@peakyswritings

@evita-shelby

@alanadetigy

@severewobblerlightdragon

@lovemissyhoneybee

@theshelbyslimited

@kittycatcait219

@callsign-fangirl

@red-riding-wood

@polishcrazyone

@elenavampire21

@little-diable

@lyarr24

@the-fangirl-diaries

@kmc1989

@stilestotherescue 

@helen06dreamer

@chaosinkest1996 

@pietroxreader 

@galactict3a

@ietss

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@elliaze

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@allie131313

@novashelby

@little-space-babe

@ladespedidas

@neonpurplestars89-blog

@thomashelbyswife

@hllywdwhre

[cwunchi]

do you ever have something click in your mind

[d34dxr0ses]

|| Everlasting Ink ||

TattooArtist!Boyfriend!Xavier Thorpe x Fem!Reader -- Summary: You've always been Xavier's muse, inspiring and motivating his work, but right now he wants nothing more than for you to be his canvas for his most recent design. Warnings: MDNI/18+/Tattoo artist Xavier AU/Aged Up characters/Spice/Xavier giving reader a sternum tattoo/Kissing/Pet names (Angel;Babe;My love)/Pinch of Possessive!Xavier A/N: This is the first fic I'll be posting here, so I hope you guys like it! (Also this was written at 1am so apologies for any mistakes)^^

It had been 15 minutes since Xavier started looking at you, still cleaning and sterilizing his tattoo gun, and he has yet to look away. You were reading a book you had picked up from the library before you met up with your boyfriend in his art shed, that was hidden in the woods on Nevermore's campus. Though you were deeply invested in your book, you couldn't shake the feeling of his gaze, so you glanced up to meet his adoring eyes.

"What?" You laughed out, inspecting his face. He looked like a kid who was scared to ask his mom for some candy, but his eyes were much wider (lost in thought, clearly), and his cheeks slightly more red.

"I uh.." He cleared his throat and looked down at the cloth and tool in his hands, that he had been thoroughly wiping every inch for the past several minutes; before continuing "My love, and you can absolutely say no, but well- I finished a design that I've been working on, and I was hoping to tattoo it on you?" He placed his tattoo gun on the desk before quickly rummaging through all his papers before finding his sketch book.

You stood up from where you sat and approached his chair, wrapping your arms around his shoulders from behind as you stared at the drawing he flipped open too. You already knew you would probably have let him the moment he asked in such a sweet tone, but you were stunned by the piece. It was a fairly larger sternum tattoo, that would wrap around your chest and peak in between your boobs. The drawing had such intricate details, and little parts that made it appear that he had designed it just for you. Even the chest model he had drawn matched yours damn near perfectly.

"Xavier.. That's beautiful, I'd be honored to be you canvas." You said the last part in a fake, more proper sounding accent. His eyes lit up and his head snapped back so he was facing you. You could've swore that if he had a tail it would be wagging.

"Wait seriously? Like now? Can we do it now?" You could only imagine how long a piece like this would take, and it was already pretty late, but you had enough caffeinated drinks that you really didn't care, with the look he had stuck on his face you'd probably let him cover every inch of your body in his drawings, hiding your skin away in the ink.

--

That's where you sat now. Lying on your back, topless and staring at the drawing of your tattoo in his book. Your page. Sure, he had a lot of drawings of you, but this was different. It wasn't your face, your body, your hair. No, this was you. This was something that clearly showed that he took a great look into who you really were. Each line told its own story; then you noticed it, scattered throughout it was letters, unnoticeable unless you were specifically looking for it, letters that spelt out his name. A grin climbed onto your face, as closed the book, setting it on the desk closest to you. You looked down at the boy with long brown hair, who's bangs had now been tied back.

"Your name huh? Claiming me now?" Blood now rushed back to his face. It was a part of the design he had completely forgotten about. A part that he sketched out while thinking about you with his name stained onto your body, showing that you were truly his, and his alone.

"I forgot about that, babe I promise I wouldn't try to tattoo my name on you without perm-" but you cut him off. He was almost frantic, which was cute, but always led to him rambling on nervously for at least 10 minutes.

"I like it, its not like its in bold, neon ink, keep it. Please?" You added the please with a small whine for good measure, to make sure he wouldn't feel bad about it. He just nodded and started prepping you for the stencil.

This was your first tattoo, so you weren't exactly prepared for the cold liquid to be sprayed on your body, but when it was you couldn't help but flinch, which made your usually gentle boyfriend, push down slightly on your chest.

"Angel, I know you've never had this done, but for this I'm gonna need you to stay perfectly still once I get the gun out." His voice was stern and dry, a huge change in pace from the timid boy from a moment ago, but not an unwelcome one. You found it quite attractive the way he could switch back and forth like that. You just nodded, and went back to admiring him at work.

-

It had been several hours since he started the tattoo, it was decently painful, but at the same time felt really nice. You had finally adjusted to the way he was doing it, when he suddenly lifted the tool and stood up, readjusting himself. You thought he was just stretching after sitting uninterrupted for so long, but instead he moved onto the table where yo were, positioning his knees on either side of your hips, squeezing you gently to keep you in place. How flustered you were must've been clearly shown on your face because, still keeping the machine away from you, he leaned down and kissed you, you could feel his smirk in the kiss. He was loving this. You'd been watching him the entire time, not his work, but his face and body movement, and he knew it. He himself had a hard time keeping his eyes on his art. Your breasts were completely exposed to him, and he loved knowing that he was the only one allowed to see you like this.

He finally broke the kiss, giving you a moment to fix your breathing, and stop moving before returning to the tattoo.

-

It was nearing sunrise when the tattoo was done and yet you both still felt wide awake. He hadn't moved from his spot straddling your waist since he got there, ,but he did have to pin down your shoulder every so often when it tried to move on it's own. He was surprised that you didn't ask him to stop for a break at all. You were in a trance like state watching his every movement, but at the very least it kept you still. He brought his phone out and took a photo of "the tattoo" He told you, but you knew exactly why he was so precise with his angles.

[ben-wisehart]

1/? Thank you so much for your detailed and fast meta-response! You’re truly amazing and gave me more answers than I expected. The thing I’m getting at is, MXTX presumably writes her ships the way that they’re supposed to be the one and only for each other. She even makes them stay virgins till they can be with their partners. And while I absolutely do believe in making soulmates I also believe that there are people who are much more compatible than others.

Following on from this. More Bingqiu ramblings under the cut

2/? Hualian and Wangxian are very compatible personality-wise and their whole relationship isn’t based only on acts of kindness. Or take Mo Ran. CWN reminds him of a past kindness and his mother so he chooses him as his Shizun. That choice is Mo Ran’s. One part why he likes him is that he’s reminded of a kind home but the other is that he genuinely likes and appreciates his personality. You won’t get this with other people or Shizuns he migh have otherwise chosen.

3/? The same goes for Wangxian and Hualian—they see their partner and appreciate what they see. You say that LWJ might fall in love with another troublemaker but that’s some personal characteristics he might find attractive personally but in comparison LBH seems just like a blind man desperately reaching for any kindness from a father figure. That’s what I don’t like about this ship. And it hurts me because I actually like it so much. Yeah, maybe I am a hopeless romantic but look

4/? Wangxian got infatuated with eo because of their personal qualities, remained by eo’s side because of their choices and stayed together because of their compatibility and appreciation for eo. Same goes for Ranwan. With Bingqiu if you think about it, LBH only saw hero worship, which turned into desperate yearning for love from said father figure but you could literally replace SQQ with whomever else no matter what personality or how (in)compatible & I guess that’s why I find this frustrating.

5/? I genuinely think that you couldn’t just replace one partner from other aforementioned ships and they’d just another partner the same way. From SQQ’s part the choice to stay by LBH’s side is because he genuinely sees who LBH is but LBH doesn’t see him, not because of identity reveal but because he just needs someone-anyone to cling onto and I find that sad, mainly for SQQ. It’s something like a puppy

7/? 7/? You take it home and give it shelter and it loves you unconditionally and would love anyone else who’d do the same for it. And I think that in any relationship the most important part is that: "I see you and I appreciate you," which Bingqiu one-sidedly lacks.

8/END Sorry about my terribly long rant and thank you for letting me air my grievances in your askbox. Idk if you’re on twitter as well but ever since my friend introduced me to your meta and fics I come and check out if you’ve posted something new from time to time as I don’t have an account here. So thanks for being awesome!

9/REAL END I forgot to say thank you for your reddit meta links, I'll look forward to checking them out 😊!

Lmao anon you’re killing me, I read these asks at like half past midnight when I was unable to sleep from a caffeine high, spent the next half hour thinking about it and then finally took out my laptop again to start writing a reply at 1am

Okay, so. I don’t know that there’s gonna be some...singular thing I can point out that will make you suddenly like Bingqiu as much as the other ships you’ve mentioned? We all have our preferences and that’s fine. But I also don’t think that’s what you’re asking me to do anyway, so I’m just gonna reply with my thoughts.

I think I understand where you’re coming from a bit better now, and I do understand how MXTX writes relationships in the “one true love” sense. To be honest, I think she probably wouldn’t agree with me saying that her other MLs could just as easily have fallen in love with other people, but ultimately, I disagree with the notion that there is one person out there who is the “right” person for us to be with. I don’t want to rehash any point I’ve already made, so I’ll leave it at that. I don’t think you’re wrong, however, in saying that of course some people can be more suited for us than others.

I think the reason Bingqiu suffers more from this perception you’ve mentioned, that SQQ could be interchangeable with another person without really changing Binghe’s dynamic on his end, is probably due to a couple of factors. Firstly, even though all three MXTX pairings meet when at least one of them is a child, Binghe is unique in that he was both a child and was practically raised by SQQ during his formative years. (The whole parental dynamic and age gap is something for another essay I don’t feel like writing, so I’ll just leave it at that.) Binghe is kind of fucked up due to his trauma and has pretty much built his entire identity around loving Shen Qingqiu. Everything he does in this novel, he does because of him in one way or another. We can argue about the fact that it’s unhealthy but it is what it is.

Secondly, Scum Villain is a shorter novel. It’s also MXTX’s first novel, and it’s largely a parody of danmei, transmigration and stallion novels. MDZS, TGCF and 2HA have a lot of conflict in them that isn’t directly related to the main couple, whereas in Scum Villain, almost all the conflict is specifically about SQQ and LBH in some way. It has fewer chapters and the characters have less room to breathe and develop, I think. Thirdly, but also following on from this, SQQ and LBH have an outside force meddling with their relationship at every turn. SQQ isn’t perfect by any means, but I maintain that he is at his core a good person who just wants a comfortable life for himself and Binghe. However, due to factors outside his control, he’s literally being held at a proverbial gunpoint to act a certain way. Even with the OOC lock disabled, he can’t be his truest, authentic self when his survival is contingent on pleasing the System. Of course he works around it when he can, but like, when he reunites with Binghe after the Abyss, he’s literally presented with a multiple choice question on how he should answer Binghe’s question about regrets! He holds onto Binghe’s jade token for years not because he’s a sociopath that likes withholding a precious possession, but because he knows it might literally save his life if he saves it for the right moment. He’s at the mercy of the System and could get killed or tortured at any moment.

So all of this is to say that Luo Binghe doesn’t really seem to have much of a personality outside of loving Shen Qingqiu, and Shen Qingqiu has an incredibly hard time letting his personality shine through the limitations that are placed on him. Stuff for them to work out post-canon, etc. etc. etc.

But even so…it’s not like they have no personality. To use my own example that you mentioned in your ask, why is Wei Wuxian being a troublemaker a personality trait that his husband can be attracted to, but Shen Qingqiu being kind isn’t? I kind of glossed over the fact that you called kindness interchangeable in my first reply, but I strongly disagree with that sentiment. There are a million ways to be kind. Luo Binghe loves Shen Qingqiu in a way that was unfortunately influenced by his trauma and the way the System interfered in their lives, but the things he loves about him are his own. Two people can be kind, but it’s not a universal human trait. Shen Qingqiu is kind, and he’s also intelligent and bashful and a bit ridiculous. And Luo Binghe knows all of this. He is twenty-five at the end of the novel; he’s got some pretty messed up ideas about ideal relationships, but I still think we need to give him more credit than assuming he’s not capable of recognising that SQQ is a complex person with multiple personality traits. It might have started out as hero worship, but he gets to see plenty of SQQ’s true self throughout the novel even in spite of all the limitations imposed by the System. If Shen Jiu had shared all these traits, Luo Binghe might have loved him instead, but you could say that about any character in any relationship at all. If a different reader had transmigrated in SY’s place, I’m not convinced that they would have made the same choices Shen Yuan did. There are plenty of readers that would have been perfectly kind to Binghe but wouldn’t have thought to give him a new cultivation manual so he could improve his cultivation techniques in time for the Endless Abyss. There are plenty of readers that would have been perfectly kind to Binghe, but knowing he would be fine wouldn’t have thrown themselves in front of poison for him or taken a hit for him in the dream world. SQQ readily admits that doing things like this was unnecessary, but SQQ is the sort of person that when you give him a split second to make a decision, he’ll put Binghe’s safety first. Always. Even knowing that Binghe was never in any real danger. These are not the actions of a person who is only motivated by their own survival, no matter what SQQ tries to tell the audience. That’s kindness, and it’s a rare quality that shouldn’t be discounted on the basis that if someone else had done it the same way, it would have had the same effect on Binghe’s affections. You could say that about any personality trait under the sun. Maybe Binghe would have loved someone else just as badly if they’d done all this for him, but we’ll never know, because they didn’t, and Shen Qingqiu is the one Binghe loves. He has no interest in changing that. The puppy doesn’t care about all the other possibilities, and neither does the one who took it in. Their relationship is no less special for it.

Okay I’ve already fucked up my sleep schedule for the entire weekend so I’m gonna call it here. I am on twitter though! My handle is bobby_speeds. Thanks again for your questions!!

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Sort of...?

God this is so complicated which is why writing Part One is so hard. Like how do I explain all of this. Why must I overcomplicate things. How much of this do I reveal in Part One?? This is a five book long series!!! I have so long to develop the themes and complex plot but like...how to divide it up? I feel like there's so much exposition in Part One, but also I'm not sure what needs explaining Now. Tweaking things to try and get the exact effect I want to have....damn it's hard. I'm constantly making minor little changes in an attempt to do this. Am I doing a good job? Well, I know I'm getting better, which is good. I also know that I need to get even better.

My response was very long, so TLDR: Alii kids from our side coming through the portal is unavoidable, it just happens. Jedi and Carmen are shady and trying to uphold a legacy, so yes they did manipulate some variables to get the kids here.

Okay, strap in. I explained it the best I can. Also may have accidentally inserted some anxieties and concerns cause it's 1am and I'm sinking into despair. Sorry, I ended up going on a tangent. I did mark the rambling though.

What happens is that Alii from our side (called Ceteri) around becoming a teenager makes their cells essentially go "wait... I'm in the wrong dimension..." and will just kinda stumble across a portal. Unavoidable. Ash was having a birthday party so uh oh very large group of people went.

Jedi and Carmen are doing their bullshit of attempting to continue on the legacy of someone they should not be trying to continue the legacy of, Atsila. A couple things cause this is complicated:

With the prejudice of the non-powered Inutilia, two groups emerged. One that was like "fuck the oppressors! Let's uproot the government and replace it with our own so the oppressors can get a taste of their own medicine!" (The Refugae, led by Raissa Kamanzi, an actual Inutilia, problematic, another can of worms to unpack that I'm not gonna do) and "hey maybe we can solve this matter peacefully" (the Aequales, led by Atsila McLain, not Inutilia, problematic, hypocrite)

Jedi and Carmen are both Inutilia, but they didn't agree with Raissa's methods. They, specifically Carmen, were close to Atsila - too close to see her problems, especially Carmen. They interpreted her as doing the best she could to help them.

But part of what Atsila wanted was training Alii around age 10-13+ in order to have them be able to fight in a dangerous world with full control of their powers. She also was scientifically minded and wanted a long-running study of power development.

Atsila is dead now.

So BASICALLY because young middle school aged Alii are coming through the portal in swarms and no one can truly stop it, Jedi and Carmen decide to uphold point #3 and train some kids to use their powers and also do long-term studies. However if you approached a middle schooler with this they'd obviously not come with you, so some, uh, problematic measures develop.

Don't worry! It's done with parental consent! I like joking about this, but it's half true. Basically Alii on Ceteri kinda keep tabs on the Alii in this dimension and those connected to Carmen and Jedi are like "hey btw just so you know, your child will pass through the portal sometime this year haha... they can't control it so we're just gonna take a few blood samples, we're so curious about the affects of growing up on Ceteri, and we'll also invite them to this self defense and power training weekend club! Is it ok if we do this?"

Is this shady? Yes. Yes it is, glad you asked.

Admittedly making tweaks to this as I go because I wrote the situation then had to explain the situation because I was 14 when I wrote this part.

But most of the parents of the core cast actually knew Atsila, Carmen, and Jedi personally so they're like "ok they can be trusted" which is...half true. Yeah they won't do anything worse than this, but they also y'know did that. And from the kids' perspective it's like "wait we were kidnapped" until they get everything explained and even then it's a lot to take in. But this is why the main team isn't as big as it could be - only those with pre-existing relatively positive connections stayed. Part of it was just like "hey I'd like to learn some superpowers hehe" and also general curiosity of their origins.

Part of the themes that are developed as the series goes on all kinda comes back to this. Watching what people do vs what they say, blindly following parents, parental projection of trauma, fatal flaws in loved ones, corruption of childhood innocence, indoctrination, etc.. More, somehow, but that's the relevant stuff. Part of the reason I have many POVs is so I can truly tackle a variety of perspectives.

Okay rambling starts here.

Problem is my story is five books long. It's pretty continuous too? But no one is gonna pick up a novel that long, so I must split into parts. That is why I call them Part One not Book One. How to develop the themes at a pace that seems reasonable? Cause like everything makes sense and clicks into place eventually. But I don't want book one to be 120k words of me explaining shit. How can I signal to the readers "don't worry I'm getting there!!"

So have I written myself into a corner? Eh I think not, but it's certainly a difficult position to be in. The story I ended up writing was far more complex than I wanted it to be initially. It just kinda exploded, as I kept asking myself the question of "why? Why would they do this?" And that answer would expand the story even more. There are still questions I'm answering. And at its core, TSP is an exploration of these themes on different characters in a variety of situations.

It also doesn't help that TSP has existed for so long. I was TEN when the first draft happened. So I don't know what made this general concept stick, but I've redone it and backtracked and backpedaled and gone in circles. It's kinda hard to find what needs to stay and what may need to go.

I've gotten so far into this project and every so often I sink into a pit of "am I doing this right?" I love TSP, I love the characters, I love using them as vessels to let out any internal issues I have, I really like the themes. But I do wonder, the full series may have the bigger picture, but how do I balance the individual installments? Is the pacing okay?? Is what I want to come across actually coming across??? Is it too complicated???? Should I switch to third person entirely despite working so hard for distinct voices?????

Which is why I'm desperate for betas just to give me something. And I appreciate so much of the feedback I've been given.

I try to keep this blog positive because I genuinely love writing and I love my WIPs. So this is a bit out of the ordinary for me but I guess I needed a vent for this topic.

Genuinely believe "write the story you want to tell" but the problem is how do I tell it?

Ugh I need to go to bed

Sorry I took this post off the rails MK I enjoy your comments idk what happened

Find the word

Thanks @aziz-reads for the tag!

Rules: find the words given in your WIPs, then tag people with more words!

My words: frame, vain, stake, fix

Your words: refuse, beam, own, product

Softly tagging with no pressure @mk-writes-stuff @sleepywriter00 @nailamoonsi @somethingclevermahogony @eccaiia @bread-roses-and-chrome @gottestod-writes + anyone else

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

Keep reading for:

Rose's home life (CW: neglectful parent)

Akash is happy Gwen pissed Carmen off

Robbie and Lexi meet

Debate about screen brightness

Frame - The Secret Portal Part One (Rose POV)

I let out a high-pitched grunt of annoyance before stomping off to my room. A part of me knew she was right. I should’ve brought my keys as a backup plan. She wasn't reliable anyway. As I opened the door to my room, I glanced back at my mother as she sat back on the couch, watching the telenovela that was playing. I turned away, slamming the door to my room behind me, hoping my mother would tell me I wasn't allowed to do that. But there was no correction. I tossed my backpack to the side harshly. It slammed into the wall and knocked a picture frame down to the floor. I bent down and picked quickly hung it back up so I wouldn’t have to look at my three-month-old self in my mom’s smiling arms as my smiling dad had his arm wrapped around her. My room was the only splash of color in this house—the only part of my house that deserved to be called home. My art supplies got their own shelf and were organized the way I want. My projects I kept in my sketchbook, which I never showed my mom. She didn’t like the way I decorated my room or any of my designs. She loved to tell me I needed to apply myself to school as much as my art. But even if I did apply myself more in school, she wouldn’t notice. I collapsed onto my bed and screamed into the pillow, then lay there for a couple of minutes, taking in the scent.

Vain Cocky (closest synonym) - from The Secret Portal Part One (Gwen POV)

I’d overheard Dr. Moon say something about “powers,” so maybe that’s what he meant. It sounded strange, but Akash was floating. Dr. Moon said that I could be showing “several” abilities, so that was weird, too. Did I have a power? Context alone indicated that. They didn’t see me…. My mind spun, so I looked back at Akash as I followed him down the next hall. At first, I thought he was being cocky and showing off his strange, supernatural ability, but that demeanor seemed only a façade—nothing more. Maybe flying was simply that fun. Or maybe I was distracted because he was cute, but I didn’t think I was that shallow. “So, Gwen,” Akash said, turning around to fly backward. “Where’re you from?” “Clear Lake City,” I said. “Texas.” Akash smiled. “Southlake. Up near Dallas. How cool is it we’re both from Texas?” I stared at him. “You’re not from here?” I didn’t exactly know where here was, but all the same, I could figure I wasn’t in Texas anymore. Akash stopped mid-flight, causing me to abruptly halt. “No. Dr. Moon and Dr. Asghar only take Alii from our side. Ceteri. That’s what they call it.” He raised his eyebrow. “Didn’t they tell you?” “No. They kidnapped us and locked us in this purple-glowing-thing. The dampener? Is that what you said?” Akash nodded. “What did they do?” Akash rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s how they got me and my buddy, Robbie. They’re actually okay once you get to know them. Questionable methods, but their hearts, I know how it sounds, are in the right place. Hey, what powers do you have?” “Powers?” I repeated. My thought was right. “Yeah,” said Akash. “You’re Alii, aren’t you?” “I have no idea what you’re saying,” I admitted. “What does Alii mean? One of the doctors mentioned that. Is it Latin?” Akash scrunched his eyebrows. “You don’t know? Dr. Asghar never releases anyone unless they’ve been briefed.” “Oh, I, uh, sorta escaped,” I stuttered. Akash stared at me. “You got away from them?” I nodded, and to my surprise, Akash laughed, clapping his hands together. “I knew someone would do it one day! Dr. Asghar must be pissed!”

(Mi)Stake - from The Secret Portal Part One (Lexi POV)

I grunted as a sudden force ran into me, knocking me to the ground. I yelped and scrambled out from underneath the person and clambered to my feet, trembling from the unexpected touch. “Am I that repulsive to you?” a teasing voice said. I turned to look at the person who ran into me: a teenage boy a year or so older than me. It took me a second to collect myself. “No,” I said as he stood. “It just… freaked me out.” The boy was about average height for his age and had a slim, but fit, frame. He had thick dark hair framing his face and big, dark eyes framed by wire-thin glasses. His hair was cut relatively short, but his bangs were somewhat long—parted on the right. He laughed. “Freaked me out, too.” He crossed his arms. “So… are you one of Gwen’s friends?” “You know Gwen?” I asked, standing in surprise. “What is she doing here?” “Sorta, I met her an hour… and maybe a half ago, I dunno what time it is—-passed out due to,” he gestured to the charred walls, “the explosion.” “Wait, are you Robert Stafford?” “No, actually, I’m Stobert Rafford—common mistake.” I blinked. The boy kept eye contact with a straight face. His mouth twitched. The delay stopped as I cachinnated—that was a fun word. The boy joined in. “Sorry, that was stupid.” “No, no, it wasn't,” I said as I tried to compose myself. “Yeah, it was, I’m laughing at my own joke.” “Okay, fine, it was stupid, but that’s why it was funny.” He smiled, dark eyes shining. “Finally, someone gets it!”

Fix - from The Secret Portal Part One (Akash POV)

SORARA’s voice announced the Recruits entering the door, and I instinctively fixed my cap to make sure it was on correctly. “—way too bright,” Lexi was saying as she turned the corner into the living room. “You’ll melt your retinas.” “I need to be blinded by the screen,” Gwen was saying. “If I’m not, it’s too dark.” “I’m starting to see why you needed glasses.” Gwen laughed, and her eyes landed on mine, now slightly obscured by new rectangular black glasses. I instinctively raised my hand to rub it through my hair but it ended up hitting the hat instead, pushing it slightly back. I tried to fix it again. Of course, Gwen’s new fashion statement looks cute while I look like the biggest dork on the planet. She smiled at me. I raised my hand in greeting. “Robbie!” Lexi said, snapping me back. “Let me see your phone!” “Huh? Okay.” Robbie shifted to reach into his pocket to pull out his phone. He handed it to her but she shook her head. “Just turn it on and show me the screen.” Robbie did as told, causing Lexi to laugh triumphantly. “Ha! That’s not that bright, and he wears glasses.” Gwen shrugged.

[rkdaily]

Ramblings from the Sauna,

Hey Folks,

It’s certainly been a hot second. Time has insanely been flying by while the show here in NY opened and a routine gets set.

Been taking a lot of time re-evaluating where my time and energy gets invested. Spending a lot more time on FaceTime with the trans-Atlantic relationship I now share with Mandy, the Boys and my girl.

I’ve not been waking as early as I would like to at the moment. By the time the show comes down and I shut down for the night I would be grateful if I saw the good side of 1am. Not ideal but it is what it is.

New goals beyond fitness and artistic is about how I gift the gift of time that is gifted to me. It’s a negotiation for sure. Especially trying to keep connected back home with busy schedules and time differences.

I have to say that winter did seem to linger for quite a while here in NY. However summer seems to have truly arrived.

So time to refocus my time. Refocus my efforts. Or probably it’s better to say ‘dial it in’. Practice makes better. Gonna give practice a bit more of my time now.

What are you practicing for? Relationship? Friendship? Fitness? Mental health? Aritistic? Financial health? Spiritual growth?

Much love. Missed you all. Thank you to everyone who continues to share on here and DM us here at 8x. I/We love sharing your content and will continue to do you.

🤍

#8xcommunity #growth #accountability #grace