#just me word vomiting a bit
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reasons why i think havers was in love with the captain (but also me rambling really. bare with me, this was written at 1am)
1. the way he looks at him
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/26b411c444f192381776cf703ea2351f/033245c429dfc64a-23/s540x810/ea05cc7e3181ab961eea7a32e96ca8fc51fe79bf.jpg)
honestly one of the main reasons i believe he loved him, because you do not simply just look at people like this. this man is in love (i think the last picture shows this best). in the first picture, the pain in his eyes, i think he’s regretting his decision here, looking at how upset captain is.
2. he is close to the captain
as we know, cap does not laugh/make jokes very often (as seen in 03x01). in the office scene, he mimes punching havers after the line ‘you make sure you give them a bloody nose!’ (and havers goes along with this).
cap also trusts havers. he takes havers suggestion of initiating the emergency lockdown protocol (which i think he would be too proud to do if it was someone else).
so for me, this shows that they are close and that cap is comfortable around havers.
3. just the entire transfer conversation
just before he tells him he has put in for a transfer - on the ‘i want to get involved in the fighting’- you can hear his voice wobble a bit, almost like he is holding back tears. (this might just be peter sandys-clarke’s voice breaking or something, but knowing he does stage acting which requires a lot of control over your voice i think this is probably an intentional decision)
(a video for reference)
he also cannot look cap in the eyes when he says that he has put in for a transfer. when he looks at him afterward and sees how upset cap is and, as i mentioned earlier, i think this is when havers starts to regret his decision a bit. he sees his reaction and is almost like “oh shit. maybe he does care about me.”
(an extra point - i think he also has moments of regret/realisation like this after cap says ‘i shall miss you havers’ + ‘so soon?’ in the office scene)
4. he seems disappointed when cap takes back what he said about missing him
this might be a bit of a stretch, but he doesn't smile straight away and seems upset for a second, but then i think he realises himself and politely smiles to hide his disappointment.
5. the line ‘well. if that’s all?’
the way this line is delivered, he sounds almost hopeful, and again he seems hesitant to leave and disappointed when cap says yes. i think here, for a split second, he himself considers confessing. but it is far too dangerous, and i think he believes (since cap is such a stickler for rules) he would get reported if he had read things wrong. so he is giving cap the chance to confess, to save him from any repercussions.
6. how he reacts to caps ‘i say, havers?’
he turns around immediately and leans back into the room a bit, like he’s ready to shut the door and come back in if he needs to. i am so mad we do not get to see his immediate reaction after cap says ‘it’s a bally shame we won’t get to finish the operation together’ but i also think it’s completely intentional. because i think he’d have another moment like in point 4, where he’s disappointed but catches himself. but i think it’s slightly different here. i think he realises that this is caps own little way of truly saying he will miss him. because working on operation william would surely include a lot of time just them, working on paperwork and stuff. so, by cap saying it’s a shame they won’t finish the operation he’s saying it’s a shame they won’t have any time alone together anymore, basically meaning he will miss him. (also i fully believe he walks out so quickly because he is upset here and he doesn’t want cap to see.)
7. when he leaves
he looks up and searches for cap in a window, probably because he wants to say one final goodbye, when he sees him there he smiles. then how he stands there for a few seconds, again hesitant to leave and i think regretting his decision again. realising that this is it - he is actually leaving. he probably won’t see cap again.
anyway i am 100% convinced havers was in love with cap and here are my reasons. i know a lot of it is opinion based and not 100% based on canon, but as i often say, canon is just a suggestion. i would love to hear your thoughts on this!
#capvers#i know this is a lot of words#if you made it this far thank you for listening to me rambling about them#this is literally my 1am thoughts written down#just me word vomiting a bit#this is what is going on in my brain whenever i watch reading weddy
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random 3 am Malevolent thought about exactly how John has Arthur’s eyes
we know that John doesn’t actually control Arthur’s eyes; the Butcher asking him what’s wrong with his eyes. his pupils don’t focus on anything. so if John doesn’t actually possess Arthur’s eyes, how does he see what Arthur sees?
he controls Arthur’s occipital lobe. which would also be why Arthur doesn’t have spacial awareness on his own; i.e. when he ran into the dock early in the series. as when theres something wrong with the eyes themselves, the brain can still process objects, because their occipital lobe is still in tact. however if there is damage to the occipital lobe, it can be lost. if John controls Arthur’s though, he would lose that too. which we see in the series
I know it’s supernatural and it might be silly to explain exactly how these things work but my brain brought it up and I had to express it cause humans are weird, and brains are weird, and John controlling an actual full part of Arthur’s brain I feel in a way adds to the horror of it. like a fucked up puppeteer. not controlling everything, but having just enough control to be vital for their survival. while yes Arthur could, in normal circumstances, survive on his own, obviously, as blind people exist, would he be able to survive the abnormal shit he lands himself in? likely not
OH MY GOD THE LACK OF SPACIAL AWARENESS WOULD ALSO EXPLAIN WHY HE FALLS INTO HOLES SO OFTEN
#AP psychology returning to me for the weirdest uses#this is just a word vomit tbh#brains are weird#this could also extend to John controlling the bits of Arthur’s brain connected to his left hand and foot#which would be on the right side of the brain fun fact#malevolent#malevolent podcast#john doe malevolent#arthur lester malevolent#arthur lester#malevolent spoilers#malevolent ramble#autism moment
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So after the spoilers for Chap 257 dropped, I saw some tweets clarifying the meaning of the Kanji Sukuna used in the chapter when referring to his mother, and the overall reveals in the chapter got me thinking.
I’m making this post as a way of gathering my thoughts, personal speculations and where I think all of this connects to Sukuna’s character and the information Gege has given us over the years. Nothing I say is by any means new information, but like I said, I’m just collecting my thoughts here. By the way, just a warning, this post contains SPOILERS for the JJK Manga! If you don’t like that, please don’t read this!
Something I’ve noticed is that the theme of “Hunger” and symbolism of “Cooking/Food” is heavily referenced with Sukuna throughout the Manga. Gege in a previous Fanbook has disclosed Sukuna’s favorite Hobby to be “Eating”.
This theme is again very much ingrained within Sukuna’s cursed techniques and even his Domain Expansion, the “Malevolent Shrine”. With his two main techniques being “Dismantle” and “Cleave” are cutting-type attacks. He is also able to use a Flame-Arrow, and Fire is essential for making Food. The Shrine in his Domain Expansion literally has mouths on all sides, looking eager to chew down anything in-front of them!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/de7ef9d045bd1c40faadfdc3fe31da8d/aa15a0759a962cee-59/s540x810/009d40d5e3269908fa51a375f6feffba3d303810.webp)
This symbolism also heavily influences Sukuna’s own manner of speech, and the way he speaks to other characters in the series as well. With his post-fight chat with Jogo before his death, Sukuna mentions Jogo lacking the “Hunger” to take control of his desires, preventing him from reaching the heights of Gojo Satoru. Before the Start of their fight in Shinjuku, Sukuna called Gojo a “Nameless Fish on top of his cutting board”, and that he was going to start by “Peeling off the scales”(refering to Gojo’s infinity). There’s also further symbolism that supports this by analyzing the Kanji and meaning of Sukuna’s “Malevolent Shrine” but I’m not very educated on that so I won’t be opening that point here.
What all of this points to is that Eating and Food……is extremely important to Sukuna, to the point that it literally affects him in manners innumerable.
Eating is an instinct, a necessity for the survival of every single living being.
And In the face of extreme Hunger and starvation, even those with the strongest will could lose their Humanity and revert to the basic animalistic side of their existence. (The Heian Period also had a Famine, although I believe the timing to be a bit off, but do with this info as you see fit)
In JJK Chapter 257, it is revealed to us that Sukuna and his Twin were most likely starving in the womb of their starving mother.
On the brink of starvation, Sukuna had to consume his “other self”(his twin), so that he could survive.
Btw, this tweet and this thread gives additional characterisation to Sukuna:
Link to the original thread: Link.
More context (and reactions :P):
Link to original thread: Here
This reveals to us that indeed, Sukuna was born a twin. And as we all know, “Twins” are seen with extreme scrutiny in Jujutsu Society, they’re not well liked. This too in a period where Cursed Spirits and Jujutsu Sorcery was at its peak, it is not far-fetched to assume that his Mother may not have been treated very well by the people in her surroundings, especially as she bore twins.
When Kashimo asks if Sukuna was born the Strongest or if he made himself the Strongest, this is the response Sukuna gave to him:
When you think about it, how do you think the people around them would have reacted when the woman: who was supposed to birth two twins, gave birth to a single child instead? and that child had consumed his other twin in the womb itself?
No doubt people would’ve been horrified, disgusted and even revulsed. With the woman and her newborn child.
This would’ve led to their further ostracisation in the already very close-minded society. Unable to fend for herself and her newborn child, it must’ve been difficult for Sukuna’s mother to survive. I feel like somewhere along the line, Sukuna was left alone to fend for himself at an extremely young age. To protect himself from both Curses and Society alike.
This is why I believe Sukuna knows what true starvation, weakness and hunger feels like. Both in the emotional and literal sense. He was left without another person caring about him or his well-being, in a cut-throat period where it was “Fight or be killed”.
Powerful curses roamed all across Japan, nowhere was safe. Simply be strong, or you'll die. There's no room for weakness. And initially, a kid!Sukuna was weak, as anyone would be in the beginning when they're just starting out in this world. (and maybe, he didn't have much to eat, leading to long periods of starvation? :') )
I believe it is this debilitating hunger, and feeling of weakness that eventually led to Sukuna’s current Hedonistic mindset.
He’s essentially traumatised by it, and believes that it was his own weakness that led him to experience this sheer starvation. That he deserved to feel this way because he was weak then. Perhaps, the people around him were right, that as long as they have the power and strength to overcome anything, they’re free to do as they please; And there is nothing anyone else could do about it.
I feel like the irony here is that Sukuna himself, must’ve been a “weakling” before eventually rising the ranks to become History’s Strongest Sorcerer. This is also why he values Strength so much.
Ultimately, Sukuna has decided that there was nothing more important than being strong enough to fulfill your own desires. And “eating” is one of his most important desires. It’s his favourite thing to do, the one he derives the most pleasure out of. And like an animal, whose main focus is to consume, consume and consume. He too, simply consumes.
Most morals likely have no meaning to him. He doesn’t care who he hurts, what he does, as long as he’s able to get what he wants. And this isn’t limited to eating.
This is why people referring to Sukuna as a “Natural Disaster” is so befitting of him. Because Natural Disasters also don’t care about what or who they’re destroying, they just come and go, wreaking havoc appropriate for their nature and magnitude.
I believe Sukuna himself has said lines similar in nature, when talking to Kashimo:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9cf1ed1ccfe82dd6ab18cf749c315131/aa15a0759a962cee-83/s540x810/7e9b7d000884da30c431646c2f7592f717b7cc30.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f38550819c197d4624ee222cb4401191/aa15a0759a962cee-c8/s540x810/b044eb5ba46656fa592e4c43696c7b551fc7b493.jpg)
Now I’m not sure how Sukuna perceives or even experiences this “Love”, because I think he has a rather very warped idea of it. I do think that this definition of love is similar to the one that Gojo also understands, but I don’t think he knows what “love” truly is. I’m not sure how I could comment on this, but I do think that Sukuna’s emotionally starved, whether he realises that or not.
Because, like Kashimo himself asked Sukuna “What is the point of dividing your soul into 20 different parts and then traversing across time if you’re satisfied with this?” we do not know the answer to that yet.
But many people have speculated that “Black Box” panels in JJK manga represent a curse (either self-inflicted or put by someone) on the speaker. Like, take a look over here where Sukuna reiterates the same dialogue, except it looks like he’s trying to reassure himself:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/767bc67dbef1f342177e54a67cef8504/aa15a0759a962cee-96/s540x810/9bec8a2da47421e42368005d07113c74446637be.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/dd6083c3ab74e1f320bd33fd918d47af/aa15a0759a962cee-17/s540x810/dddda01242c51b3e3f907aaa99c401dbb98ba5ac.jpg)
This once again shows that Sukuna has only ever strived for himself, in the same hedonistic fashion, to a very very extreme degree. It is possible that he's been lacking something, and he himself does not realise that he’s lacking it. Maybe it was this subconscious feeling, that led to Sukuna agreeing to Kenjaku’s plan of dividing his soul into 20 different parts, and to traverse across time as a Cursed Object.
Sukuna’s an incredibly complex character, and I’m excited to see where this goes. Gege has put extra care in the way he characterizes and depicts Sukuna, and again, I’m really sad that a lot of that characterization gets lost in translation. Still, I’m going to try my best to understand and get the most accurate feel of his character as I possibly can.
If you made it this far, Thank you for reading! And if you would like, please do leave a comment in the tags or replies because I would love to read what other people think of this and just Sukuna in general. I do not see a lot of people doing critical analysis of him, and a lot of his actions are seemingly swept under the rug. I don’t like that, so hopefully this contributes to people focusing more on Sukuna and his character. (/^v^)/ <3
#ryomen sukuna#jjk sukuna#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna#king of curses#heian era#character analysis#manga#jjk manga#jjk 257#this is...so very long omg im sorry for my huge word vomit#like 1.4k works but i really did felt like i wanted to gather my scattered thoughts into one place and kind of make the connections#not sure if anyone is gonna read this but if they do#thanks for reading! be sure to let me know what u think!#i just love psycho-analysis of my fav characters and being able to really understand the essence of their characters#their emotions their motivations and to finally be able to do that with Sukuna and reading what everyone else have to say about it ahhh#im super excited! We're finally getting close to the Heian Backlore!! rejoice!!#my gut always did tell me he was a tragic character T_T and now we're finally getting the tid bits#also apologies for adding different panels#but i only added the translations i liked#i don't like J*hn W*rry's translation like yuck#so ima wait for Lightning's translation notes~ for further clarifications!
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rip your heart out.
#tina makes me think so many thoughts.#her story is just so.#her dilemma with love her dilemma with herself her whole ARC her disposition it's all so so amazing#let me tell you. this piece. was going to be completely different looking in the rough draft.#(a hastily scribbled doodle on a sticky note i made a few days ago)#ANYWAY this piece is meant to be an ode to her dilemma with love and..all that. can she love? if so why not? why?#I DONT KNOW I THOUGHT IT WAS A COOL IDEA#I also listened to ptloemaea by ethel cain while drawing this on loop + along with her new album so that#that contributed to the vibe quite a bit.#THIS IS A LOT OF WORD VOMIT UM LAST THING:#if any anatomy is off. ignore it i've tweaked the lineart too many times LOL#final fantasy 6#ffvi#ff6#final fantasy vi#sketch#final fantasy#terra branford#tina branford#my art
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an irondad frozen au that is both not entirely thought out and incredibly thought out at the same time. buckle up. i have a lot to say about this.
the fight with thanos is much, much earlier in the timeline. tony doesn't die from the snap exactly, but he isn't the same. essentially, the stones embedded themselves in his hand. and sure it's weird, but thanos is gone and the world is safe, so it’s a small price to pay. regardless, tony’s seen first hand (no pun intended) how dangerous the stones can be, and is very cognizant of the fact that people may not find it comforting that iron man has the very stones that wiped half the population and nearly destroyed the world, so it’s decided that this new development will stay under wraps for a while.
and all tony really wants is to relax, maybe move out to a secluded cabin by a lake, but there are people who have lost their jobs, homes, family, and he feels partially responsible so, of course, stark industries helps however they can - including hiring a certain recently widowed and homeless nurse for their medbay, and offering her a place to stay while she tries to find someplace new for herself and her wide-eyed ten year old nephew, who is practically buzzing with excitement to be "living with mr. iron man stark sir!"
but the kid is smart, real smart. and tony - against his better judgement and newly bejeweled arm - takes a liking to him. with his aunt's permission, he takes him down to his lab and honestly, tony has never seen anyone so excited. one trip turns to two, then five, and before tony knows it, one peter parker has somehow wedged his way into tony's heart.
peter's full of surprises - the biggest being that once seeing the after effects of the war with thanos, peter's not scared. he's actually floored at how "awesome it is that iron man is magic now!"
so, lab nights became magic nights, too. peter was just so amazed by it, that tony felt like these stones could actually be used for good. they talked about ways the stones can be integrated into tony’s suits, how they could help so many people, how one day tony will build that cabin by the lake, and everyone will come, and they can create anything and everything.
and that was fine, really.
until peter got hurt.
now, tony's seen a lot of scary shit. but watching peter crumble to the ground unconscious and unresponsive, and a gray streak appearing in his hair where he was hit, that was definitely up there.
they rush him to strange, who is, thankfully, able to help. "help", meaning erasing all memories of the stones from peter's mind to keep him safe. they were lucky, apparently, that peter was hit in the head, rather than his heart.
tony won't risk it, though. not again. so, since that night, he's kept himself a safe distance from everyone he dared to care about - especially peter, a kid who almost died because of tony's carelessness.
peter didn't understand. but tony would rather live with peter broken hearted because of him than peter dead because of him.
but peter parker is relentlessly stubborn. and his hero shutting him out one day out of nowhere? that won't fly.
three years pass, and everyday, peter knocks on tony's door and talks to him. tony never responds (he wants to, really, he missed this kid) in hopes that one day, peter would just stop. he never does.
so, tony listens to all of it. he listens to him rant about how some kid with a stupid name keeps bugging him. he listens to him pridefully boasts about how he got a full-ride scholarship to midtown high which tony knows nothing about, and had absolutely no part in.
he listens to peter hold back tears as he tells tony how he had to bury his aunt. listen to him come to terms with how he is the one parker left, worry about where he was going to go now, quietly ask why wasn't tony there, up until he is reduced to hitched breaths and tears.
(tony sits against the door throughout all of it, wishing he could hug the kid on the other side.)
time goes on, peter stays in the tower until they can find him a family, and peter parker lives a lonely little life, wanting desperately to be wanted.
his life becomes decidedly less lonely after a certain gala to celebrate five years since tony stark saved the world with a single snap, as well as tony stark's first public appearance since. for peter, what really matters is that this marks the first time in what feels like forever that he's going to be around people that aren't pepper, rhodey, or happy. he has his first conversation with tony that lacks a door and involves actual responses, and it's awkward and weird, but peter can pretend he''s ten again, in tony's lab, and everything is okay.
he meets this man, quentin beck, who says he knew his parents, and cares about what peter has to say, and wants to adopt him. wants him. and his lonely little life seems to be growing into something full, and happy, and -
and tony says no.
which is rich, considering he does everything in his power to avoid peter. and peter, after years of being ignored, finally lets himself be angry. angry that tony shut him out - and the world out - with no reason why. angry that tony wasn't there when he had to bury may. angry that tony thinks he has a say in this, but he isn’t his dad,
and then, there’s a flash of something, a crumbling building, and tony stark, his fist glowing with infinity stones no one knew he wielded, watching guests cower in fright because of him. because he has the very things that almost destroyed the world, and he hid that.
and shit. peter knew this was his own, stupid fault.
tony disappears to god knows where, and despite many protests, peter sneaks out to find him. he doesn’t remember much from when he was younger, but he remembers a cabin and a lake. and that’s a start.
he asks beck to try his best to keep press away from the tower. he’s insistent that he will find tony, and even if tony was bothered by peter, he would never hurt him. he runs into a scary girl, mj, and her much-less-scary friend, ned, who decide to help him as long as peter can slip their resumes into the stark internship files. and, surely, you can imagine what will come next.
i could keep going, but this is probably long enough as it is. but… please. take this. write it. draw it. make something of it. ask me about it. i’ve yet to see this done and i am begging someone to take this silly irondad frozen au from my incapable hands and give it the life it deserves.
#what happens when i watch spider-man homecoming and frozen in the same week#please ask me about this#i have literally so many ideas in my lil brain#is peter bit by the spider still? who's to say!#likely so. i can't... not have that happen.#i just... i like my little frozen au ok#i am cringe but i am free#mcu#marvel#iron dad#irondad#irondad and spider son#irondad & spiderson#irondad and spiderson#irondad au#spiderson au#irondad fic ideas#tony stark#peter parker#peter parker and tony stark#spider-man#iron man#spiderman#irondad spiderson#irondad and spiderson au#frozen au#marvel au#marvel cinematic universe#ela word vomits!#ela posts!
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I couldn't stop thinking about how Aziraphale tells Crowley, “I forgive you,” in the S2 finale. So I went back and replayed the scene a more few times and here's what I think:
Aziraphale would've never gone with Crowley because of his sense of duty and desire for the greater good. He cares too much, in a genuine way, about the Earth and humanity. The state of Heaven and it's morals don't align with Aziraphale's, and instead of pulling away like Crowley, he sticks. He wants to change it.
Aziraphale says, “you're the bad guys,” but he still wants Crowley to go with him to Heaven. To be in charge with him. I've seen some say that Aziraphale wanted to change Crowley, make him 'better/good' [Heaven's idea of good], but I disagree. I think he believes Crowley to be a kind individual who shouldn't have become a demon in the first place.
Aziraphale saw Crowley as an angel, he witnessed his happiness, he wants to bring him that once again. That's partly why he doesn't understand Crowley's utter disgust and refusal to 'side' with Heaven. Crowley has always been able to see Heaven's cruelty for what it really is. Aziraphale sees becoming Supreme Archangel as an opportunity for [his ideal of] Crowley's and humanity's happiness/wellbeing.
When Crowley kisses him, it's at the worst possible time, the worst possible moment. They can't skip off together happily into the sunset; Aziraphale can't walk away knowing he could've improved Heaven's methods.
He forgives Crowley for using the kiss as a last resort, a last chance, a promise: this is what we could have. Aziraphale is put into this horrifying position where he has to give up who he's always wanted for what he's always wanted— what's best for everyone overall. The kiss is cruel, in that way. That's why he says, “I forgive you,” | think.
Their ability to bond while having such different priorities and perspectives is something I love so much. Their flaws complement each other in the most painful way possible.
Anyway! I wish I never watched this show because I am in immeasurable pain.
#i’m sure you all have heard thousands of takes and opinions on the finale#but i NEEDED to word vomit 😭#just recently finished it so excuse me if i overlooked anything#i’d love to hear your thoughts !#good omens#good omens season 2#good omens spoilers#aziraphale#crowley#aziracrow#aziraphale x crowley#actually devasted by s2#i knew Azi wouldn’t but i still hoped a bit 😭
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I don't wanna go to work. I just want to write vampire smut, cook good food, and bake bread.
#i seem to only be able to write when I know i don't have the time to write#what the fuck is that about#neech's speeches#i did voice lines with my fiancé last night for his latest yt vid#maybe i should explore cooking on yt#good news is i finally started the actual sex scene this morning#just word vomitted 300+ words worth of smutty tension#jdkanskdk#sorry this is taking me so long#my mind has been a battlefield for the last month#also my work contract is up as of thursday so i have to find another site#i have enough saved to chill for a bit#i probably will#but still#that's stress#plus personal life bs happening ugh#I'm ok just really busy sorry
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about the ending I am a FIRM believer of minato-yori lived bc otherwise what's the point. I say this bc yori said when it reached the point of breaking the universe turned back in time to the very beginning, and everything would be reborn. n kore-eda has said that the final scenes depicted them being 'reborn', n though he's talking about the scene where they crawled through the waterway representing rebirth, for me it extended through the consequent scenes showing the joy of acceptance and freedom you can only get by getting reborn—by returning to the beginning. a return to the beginning would be akin to getting a second chance to live, and you can only start over ultimately through forgiveness.
we saw it throughout the climax: hori's regret, hori and the mother's reconciliation, minato's acceptance—these are all forgiveness in some ways, for another persons and for yourself. forgiveness seemed impossible for saori whose anger had been shrugged off and for hori who had almost jumped even and for minato who ruined someone's life for his own safety and so it is something grand, something that's almost a victory won after long, straining battle where everything in your world has piled up into a mess, and so it's fitting that forgiveness is the breaking point allowing everything to go back to the very beginning—allowing rebirth.
the bad end route doesn't satisfy me because it doesn't allow rebirth to fully happen: what kind of second chance the mother and hori will get without minato-yori? it strips the kids away from the very stories that would allow the mother and hori to have a second chance. what kind of second chance minato gets with himself in a world that doesn't bother him, where he could live his life to the fullest anyways? that strips his struggle away from the very story that even allowed him to forgive himself in the first place.
minato-yori dying would leave the stories in the living world empty they would become completely different stories. like you don't get an ending with an afterlife bc nothing happens and nothing would break it's just A Thing and I feel like it would betray the whole movie which has grabbed us by the collar to show the complexities of humans n their social lives. you won't get an ending in the real life either—whatever it was that they have faced, they would have to face it again.
what you only get is a second chance. and that journey, that life, the sheer brutality of it is what I feel makes monster Monster. and you simply can't get it by dying
#'you should sleep' sure let me just word vomit for a bit#monster 2023#does this make sense? it makes sense in my head
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the most interesting character detail about maeve through which i have extrapolated at least half my understanding of her is that she prefers to be called maeve. i frequently see "maggie" pop up in meta and fic as her chosen name, but quite literally nobody calls her that, including (and most significantly) elena. elena is maeve's tether to her humanity and her refuge away from vought, yet even elena only ever refers to her as maeve. (and in season 2, we learn that maeve started dating elena before she joined the seven -- before queen maeve's popularity would have become so inescapable that she would feel compelled to introduce herself by that name.) it's especially notable that in her final scene, maeve refers to starlight as annie for only the second time, but she is still called maeve by both annie and elena.
here's what we know about maeve's life as maggie: she had a rocky relationship with her father whom she doesn't seem to speak to anymore, she's from a "cousin-fucker hick town" as described by homelander -- i can't imagine this place being terribly lgbt-friendly, and she generally lacks connection with anyone she would have known before becoming queen maeve. she doesn't have fond memories of this time of her life, and perhaps that extends to all associations with it, including the name maggie.
i tend to think that becoming queen maeve was, in many ways, self-actualizing for her. the act that garners her national attention and earns her a ticket to vought is a heroic one -- she breaks every single bone in her right arm to save a school bus from falling off a bridge. and i know madelyn says she is responsible for the mythos of queen maeve, but this character was still aspirational, and likely someone maeve wanted to live up to. in any case, this new identity gave her a purpose and tools to achieve it: she wanted to help people! by her own admission, maeve enters vought bright-eyed and hopeful, not far off from annie. (maeve is also one of the only supes in the seven not to know about compound v -- she doesn't strike me as religious but believing she's among the very few born with powers would have strengthened her internal drive to be a hero.)
it's for the same reason that i think maeve actually... liked having powers? of course she says otherwise in her last season, but season 3 maeve is cynical and weary from about two decades of dealing with vought and homelander's abuse. they've used her first as the token woman and then the token gay person of the seven. after growing largely passive to the brutality of the job, the flight 37 incident forces her to confront all of the violence she's witnessed and tolerated. she's given pieces of herself away and she loathes the husk of herself that's left. i don't find it surprising that she would want to relinquish every single connection to vought, including her powers.
assuring herself that she will be better off without her powers comes with an added benefit: she gets to distinguish herself from homelander, who would be lost without his powers. and i think she is eager to make this distinction in her mind because there are some uncomfortable similarities between their initiations into vought. the mantle of homelander allows him to exert agency for the first time in his life, just as the mantle of queen maeve endows her with purpose for the first time in hers. (crucially, none of his current circle call him john, either.) they both enjoy being the most powerful superheroes in the world, the unending public adoration, and (in my interpretation) each other. they're also both overwhelmingly lonely and they know it -- homelander teases her multiple times about how she has no friends with a bit more bite in every passing season, while maeve is keenly aware of his isolation and exploits his yearning for love pretty effectively.
maeve steadily grows disillusioned with her position at vought because she still has a moral code, suppressed though it may be. even so, she nearly relents to homelander's vision: that they will be lonely at the top but lonely together. she's pulled out of her miserable state of inaction by annie and elena. annie reminds her of what a hero should be (what she was, once); elena offers her a way out of vought, serving as maeve's light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.
she escapes that tower as maeve, not maggie. she rejects homelander's god complex which engenders his cruelty towards regular people and 'lesser' supes -- no one will call her queen maeve ever again, at least -- but it is still important to her to be a hero, and for better or for worse, she found that as maeve. i feel like she'd struggle to exist without her powers (possibly the self-awareness hasn't settled in yet) for all the reasons mentioned above. i like to think that eventually, she'll circle around to helping people and resisting vought however possible -- albeit on a smaller, more covert scale so she can continue living a peaceful life with elena.
#sorry for this word vomit i have just been thinking about maeve! what's in a name...#motivated by 2 years of reading takes about maeve wanting to be a normie (during s1-3 and prior) that i don't rly agree with#i'm not offering this as the 'right' interpretation of course this is just what makes sense for me!!#i have a couple of things i wanted to add (particularly re: maeve x HL since i know how consensual their relationship was#is controversial and i feel a bit weird slipping in that characterization of it w/o any follow-up)#but for now i am just going to say it fits with how i perceive her character trajectory and leave it there??#because i don't want to disrupt this post my thoughts on that#i also have mixed feelings on her ending but again not the post for it i suppose#queen maeve#the boys#maeve x elena#maeve x homelander#annie x maeve#supe names in this show are interesting... curious to see what they will do w annie next season
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Friendlocke Violet Gijinkas (Part 3/7)
PART 3 RAAAAGH!!! SO SORRY THIS ONE TOOK SO LONG AAAH!!!! But it's here now, yippee!!! And just in time for Christmas too, wowie!
I plan on posting them in order by groups of three, so there's gonna be seven parts in total, all of which I'll be linking here when done vvv
(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven)
!! These will contain personal headcanons I have for the cast, little fun facts, and also spoilers for Friendlocke Violet (for both the edited vids and the streams) !!
@saltydkart-reblogs
Designs under the cut!
GRACE:
The light scars/ cracks on her body were injuries formed while she was accidentally sent through Turo's time machine. Unlike the paradox pokemon/ miraidon, GrAce's body isn't made of iron or metal, so her body wasn't able to withstand the large amount of tera energy used to power the machine as easily as the paradox pokemon were.
Luckily, she was just barely able to hold out against the time machine's energy until she made it to Turo's lab in the present day. Unfortunately, she can't be sent back because she would literally die if she went through the time machine again. Sooooo she's stuck in the modern era.
Very familiar with Area Zero and the various pokemon that reside down there, but moved out in order to continue producing music as well as familiarize herself with current-day Paldea.
She only vaguely know Clavell back when he was a rebellious teenager, though she didn't know his name. Clavell, on the other hand, was one of her biggest fans back in the 50s-60s.
Funny enough, when she sees "Clive" for the first time, she recognizes him! But not as Director Clavell, she just barely recognizes him as the random teenage fan that would occasionally ask her to sign various GrAce posters he had bought. She is also under the belief that he too, was sent from the past into the present, unaware that he simply just grew up.
Likes doing random poses for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
BRAIDY:
Believes that everything can be solved without violence, but can and will throw hands if need be.
Everyone in Braidy's family greet each other by playfully ramming into one another. So when Peppy and his team were getting chased down by Braidy's family during their journey, they weren't trying to attack them, they just wanted to say hi!
Braidy is really good with kids due to his experience with being the eldest sibling, as he'd often have to take care of his younger siblings.
Mykyie and Braidy shop at the same clothing store.
Speaking of Mykyie, the lighter parts of Braidy's fur appeared only after Mykyie passed...
As of now, he's still an apprentice, but he has great potential to become an all powerful wizard... someday.
CHRISTENE'S:
Artist's note: I couldn't fit their children in the bio sorry girls and gays. I'll probably draw them out later on after I'm finished with everyone else.
Their stomachs are basically voids, so every time they eat the food just disappears, which is why they're ALWAYS hungry.
HIGHLY flammable.
It is speculated that they're poppets, but you don't have any proof of that, do you?
If you listen closely, you can hear soft bell noises every time they walk. It is unknown why this happens, but I believe it is best not to ask.
Aaaaand that's it! I plan on taking a short break from these bc I wanna draw some other stuff. Dw, I'll continue to work on these very soon!
#You guys will never guess who's lore I spent the most time on...#A knee ways... sorry for the word vomit in GrAce's funfacts I just really like the lore I came up with for her#time traveling bird just hit different ig#Also if anyone has noticed: Yes I changed the spoiler warning image on the previous post#Having the same image on both posts was starting to confuse me a bit so I made a different one for that post as well as one for this post#I hope you like the lil Peppys i drew for each one lol#lil guys... look at them go!#again. sorry these took so long yall I got caught up with life and other stuff and yaknow what? That happens sometimes and its ok.#but I got these done in time for christmas! So ig this is my Christmas gift to yall haha#Merry Christmas yall!#cherris canvas#saltydkdan#friendlocke#friendlocke violet#violet gijinka au#also just noticing this but the quality is better if u click on the image bc sometimes it looks like i drew this on 144p u get what i mean?
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Oop is Zolu okay here? 👀
if u mean like, Do i like zolu or Will i draw it ever the answer is no. i dislike zolu. id also prefer if people didnt tag my art with zolu or mention it in the tags of my art when its completely unrelated, but that goes that same for anything i draw that i dont explicitly outright tag as a ship cause I HEART PLATONIC LOVE. but if u mean is it ok for u to like it then like. idk man hell yeah. im not gonna block u for interacting and daring to like something that i dont lmfao.
#SORRY THE WORDING CONFUSED ME SO I JUST TRIED TO COVER EVERY BASE I COULD THINK OF AND ENDED UP WORD VOMITTING. UR NOT IN TROUBLE!!!#TY FOR ASKING THO#i did say before in some tags a bit ago that i do block if i dont like something but thats only really to curate my feed/the art i see#and i dont rlly block zolu artists cause even if i dislike the ship zolu artists are always soo good... they always draw rlly cute zoros#hell i mostly block other zosanheads LOL if someone depicts my blorbo differently from me in a way that annoys me i hit the kill button❤️#but tldr i dislike zolu and will never draw it but im not gonna kill you for liking it 👍 jsut dont tag my art as zolu#not like i ever draw luffy anyways LMFAO ILL FIX THAT I SWEAR HES JUST VERY DIFFICULT#asks
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hi ian i come bearing angst fuel for the yuusha as twsted elsa (maybe an idea for her possible overblot idk she kinda reads to me as someone whod preemptively isolate in the case she feels...blotty)
(also seeing that art of her playing violin totally didnt fuck me up im still nursing my bruised heart 🥴🥴💕💕)
https://youtu.be/NDldNaEZTt8?si=Wm71pgTltuJLjFvk
^^this is from the frozen musical where they gave a song to elsa to explore her emotional turmoil and it just fleshed out her character so much more than the orig movie (ok i havent seen frozen 2 oops) but just this section here:
Is everyone in danger as long as I'm alive?
Was I a monster from the start?
How did I end up with this frozen heart?
Bringing destruction to the stage
Caught in a war that I was never meant to wage
anyways lmao i jus think the song is neat i think yuushas neat (i wanna see more of her ahehehe i love seeing infodumps abt ur yuus)
-diodellet
(throwback to this “what if yuu had magic” ask where i had a ✨realization✨ and this more recent yuusha lore drop that i gave zero elaboration on 🙃)
very rough ob yuu design??? idk i came up with it on the spot ;;; and it’s kinda based on disney’s concept art of elsa when she was supposed to be the villain.
evil ice queen vibes :3
also i know the ob monster is supposed to be based on the villain— which is elsa in this case— but lowkey. an ice monster is way cooler.
also also i just realized after i drew this i couldve done a grim/yuu tandem overblot ough 🤧🤧 (next time I'll do that instead if i ever go back to this concept)
(read more below because it got SO long)
AAH anyways hi hi dio!!! when i saw your ask i went —
— with this entire post
AAGH HOW MANY MORE UNINTENTIONAL CONNECTIONS ARE GOING TO BE BETWEEN FROZEN AND YUUSHA
i guess watching the movie everyday when it came out when you’re like 9 does something to your brain chemistry (and still haunts you at least a decade later) 💀
but anyways the angst ;;; overblot yuu ;;;;; my brain is rotting and the worms have taken over
also i didn’t even know that there was a frozen broadway musical so im gonna have to check it out later 🏃💨💨💨
(also dont worry frozen 2 is a nice watch for the most part but the way they concluded the characters did not feel 100% satisfying to me 😭 BUT i love some of the songs tho ;;; kristoff’s goofy 80s ballad song is one of them specifically, i need everyone to listen to it)
hfgnnfhfgv anyways thank you so much i’m chugging that angst fuel as i expand more on a possible ob yuusha with another infodump 💪💪💪
⚠️⚠️⚠️ ALSO IM SORRY BUT mentions of taking one’s own life so please proceed with caution ⚠️⚠️⚠️
i had to reread what my initial thoughts about it bc it was months ago??? and after rereading im just like, huh what was i on— (just that feeling when you just cringe at your old posts ;; but idk i think the insanity/cringe sometimes can loop back into being a genius and the cycle just continues)
anyways i’ve been on and off writing yuusha’s bio and overblot yuu was just at the back of my mind chilling but i didn’t really do anything with it.
but now that i have the opportunity,,,, im gonna go on the magicless route this time bc i feel like I've said all what i thought if it was an overblot due to her own magic.
so uh from what i gather overblots are a mix of overuse of magic + intense negative emotion.
since it’s magicless yuu, i guess the one of the general headcanons around the fandom is that they’ve been too exposed to overblots and then intense negative emotions suddenly just triggered their overblot.
uh anyways onto the elsa parts
Is everyone in danger as long as I'm alive? Was I a monster from the start? How did I end up with this frozen heart? Bringing destruction to the stage Caught in a war that I was never meant to wage
THE LYRICS ARE SO GOOD ;;; i really love how some broadway interpretations expand on the source material
and yeah you're right 🤧🤧🤧— yuusha would try to hide and escape, especially as she overblots bc she would try to avoid hurting people (and like elsa, it'd only hurt others more trying to escape bc of probably how she leaves destruction in her wake trying to make others stay away from her 😔)
(this is a small tangent but i remember thinking about an overblot kalim and i imagine him to be similar, like he would not hurt anyone intentionally in his overblot.)
anyways so the way it would go is that i imagine her friends got fatally injured either because a) she feels that she’s too “useless” without magic to help and wasn’t able to do anything OR b) her attempts at helping to try and prove that she can help without magic made everything worse.
and then she just goes into a guilty spiral then boom — overblot.
ALSO in the song, the way elsa briefly contemplated taking her own life but then realizing there’s no guarantee that would solve anything hnghgh (<- another unintentional parallel to my yuusha lore because that’s actually how she ended up in twst except she did NOT have the latter realization)
there’s this “yuu is dead” theory i’m just using and that the black carriage actually just caught yuusha’s soul after she took her own life from all the burden.
also some bonus angst context for that violin post :3
yuusha back in her homeworld is raised and known to be a gifted musician. people can feel the life and soul in her music but when people interact with her, they are usually met with an ice-cold (heh) personality.
the dead family member was the one who taught her music and the only one who was kind to her.
there’s always an expectation from her family to perform well and to keep up appearances as to not be a humiliation since anything she does can reflect on her entire family. (also hi, slight yuusha/jamil parallels maybe???)
the way she presents herself also stemmed from an incident as a child when she went apeshit on another kid bc she was defending a friend.
so from then on she was taught taught to conceal don’t feel those emotions — which just unfortunately extended to any positive ones, not just negative ones like rage.
so when she is brought to twst, there’s no memory of her being forced to hold back her emotions so she’s just unapologetically affectionate and open with everyone bc that’s how she really is.
but every now and then, memories of her breaking down haunt her in her dreams or as subtle reminders in the waking world.
then yuusha just goes on her day like she just wasn't reminded of her past.
(unnecessarily tragic lore my beloved, but anyway—)
another extremely brief tangent and bonus -> the two songs i had on loop while drawing pre-twst yuusha
lindsey stirling my beloved i love her music
the songs are such a vibe
her instrumentals in “lose you now” especially makes me feel some sort of way 😖
#AHH THIS IS /SO/ LONG#THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IM GIVEN THE CHANCE TO RAMBLE#but thank you for the ask dio!! 🤧🤧#it makes me so happy to hear you like yuusha 😭💕💕#this also took a bit because i needed to like#actually turn all these thoughts into actual coherent words#and for them to actually. make sense together.#idk im proofreading this myself during the gamer hours of midnight hfdjslkf#i sure /hope/ they do make sense for the most part because this is pure massive brain vomit#[—✦ chatting#-✧ my art#-✧ oc rambles#(💜) yuusha#pretwst💜#-✦—]#at this point too i’m sticking to the twst elsa concept#it just felt weird admitting it bc i have a history with this movie and its fandom in general#kids would ask you “whos your favorite disney princess it cant be elsa” bc everyone would pick her so i'd have to pick another </3#she was too famous and therefore too obvious and basic#not to mention “let it go” was EVERYWHERE and it did become annoying at one point 😭#the fandom around frozen back then was v questionable too ngl and i was also in that hole for a bit so it's just /ack/#but rewatching the movie i realize how elsa kinda speaks to me hgjkdsjfaljsd#i could lowkey highkey rant more about her but anyways#imma be an elsa defender and apologist for as long as i am able
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imagine loving someone so much you’ll leave to keep them out of danger, your heart hurts but it’s to keep the danger that follows you away from them, imagine being comforted thinking the ones you love are strong and healthy, they’ll be fine just like they always have been without you, your children are protected by the one you love, someone strong and dependable, imagine going to sleep comforted by this information… imagine being so distant from the ones you love to be so unaware of just how false your false sense of comfort regarding their wellbeing is, not knowing how close to the one you love, the one you see as strong and undefeatable, is to giving up, to let himself get lost forever, and just how much pain all those you love have endured and are haunted by
imagine leaving to protect someone you love, only to unknowingly risk losing them forever to a threat you could’ve never even imagine
i’m thinking a bit too hard about qmissa and just how unaware he is of the fastly declining mental health of his family, hiding in an attempt to keep his family safe while not knowing just how desperately he is needed by them :(
#qsmp#qsmp missa#qsmp philza#qsmp death family#deathduo#death duo#ask to tag#the revelation that qphil is borderline suicidal fucked me up even though i already had a feeling#and now i can’t stop thinking about the tragedy of qmissa not knowing about any of his family’s recent struggles#idk if he even knows about the nightmare i’ll be honest#oh btw this is nothing negative to qmissa i love the guy i’m just talking about how tragic it is how unaware he is of his family’s recent-#struggles and developments#i wonder how long it’ll take for him to learn about the enderking#he’ll learn about it through the eggs i’m sure but how long will it take for them to see him again#and how long will they take to bring it up to him#godddd this family they’re so sweet but so tragic#shey rambles#this truly is me rambling and word vomiting after seeing @panxramic 's post about qmissa's love for qphil#and being inflicted with thinking about qmissa a bit too hard disease#buenas noches have this as a bedtime story from me
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complaining
#it sucks that it's so hard to tell the difference between#'thing you made sucks because you just made it and are too close to it'#and 'thing you made sucks because it sucks'#i think ideally for creating Good Product it's a good idea to sit on something for a while before posting it so youc an get some objectivit#however im also trying to defeat the perfectionist bug so it's really in my interest to post things that suck a bit maybe#it's also freeing to finish making something and then just toss it into the void. the absentee parenting of content creation#ill sit on this for a day or so while i figure out how to format it#but i think im falling back into the pattern of not wanting to post fic unless it's sufficiently polished#and that has never historically like... been good for me? some of my fondest works are things i just word vomited and threw out#so maybe i should just post this soon and hope and trust it's the first suck and not the second suck#but even if it does just suck. oh well. i had fun making it.#rookposting
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i read through all of invincible only once, all the way back in february, and i'm literally terrified of re-reading it for some reason. i started a re-read a week ago (from around chapter 42) and had to put it down cause i was so overwhelmed you know when you care about something so much that revisiting the canon material just makes you feel like a crazy person ?? ? and its all just too much but you cant really explain why??
i guess the second time reading somehow hits harder because i know the characters well, i have attachments to them (cough thragg cough) and i know all their fates, so scenes that were completely mundane to me on first read now hold so much more weight. idk. im going through it
#sorry just vomiting my thoughts here at 1am#i also wrote notes for the reread and for the little bit of reading i did they came to a 1.6k word count#and its just me pointing out various details and screaming.#I WISH I COULD ENJOY THINGS NORMALLY AND NOT LET THEM CONSUME MY VERY BEING#invincible comic#invincible
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hey! i’m doing a little study thing to prove a point (honestly terrified to send this ask, been thinking about it for weeks) and i totally understand if you’re not comfortable enough to answer. i gen get it, there’s no pressure. what are your current views on like, ermmmmm, religion things? specifically chrisitanity? i’m excepting negative and positive answers lol
hi! well i have a pretty neutral view of religion in other people as a whole if that makes sense? like its just their thing and it doesn’t impact my life (obviously apart from when arguing with right wing religious extremists but thats a very specific minor case) like live your life man. i got baptised catholic but my parents never practiced so even though i went to catholic school to a few years its not important to me. sometimes depictions of religion make me a bit uncomfortable so ill block tags etc but its purely a personal thing ^_^
#well i hope that word vomit about my life answers ur question lmao#alex.rambles.txt#alex.asks.txt#cw religion#usually its only like depictions of christianity that get me a bit uncomfortable and usually its when its centered around#themes of. devotion? i guess. but again its just a me thing not a criticism or anything. i don’t really know how my brain works#i also don’t have religious trauma or anything even if this vague ass response seems to imply it#i didnt like catholic school but i wasnt treated badly and it didnt traumatise me
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