#I am so glad I am able to form my own opinions on things

[lxghtofthephoenixx]

I follow intersex tags on my main, as a cisintersex person. This way, I get good ol' intersex content on my dash often, and what do I see? Some clown placing 'transintersex' people among horrendously intersexist things. These people actually believe someone who wants or desires to be intersex/more intersex is in the same boat as fucking TERFs who call us "people with DSD" and at this point I fear the person who made that post may be too far gone if they genuinely believe that.

There is a point where, in your brigade to call everything intersexist, that you need to actually analyze things that actively hurt ALL intersex people. 'DSD', which stands for 'disordered sex development' for those who are unaware, actually harms the community. Forced binaries, such as 'amab/afab genitals', 'TME/TMA', painting 'cis/trans' as clear cut opposites where you can only be one, etc actually harms us. Genital surgeries, forced HRT, the fact that DOCTORS still see us as things to be fixed... THAT harms us. The vehement erasure of intersex people at pride events harms us.

For somebody to sit behind a screen and even acknowledge the horrors intersex people face, only to throw transintersex people under the bus while they're at it, is upsetting to me. I see all this hatred, cries of intersexism, towards transintersex individuals and cannot for the life of me see the point or reason behind it. It's possible that it's just cashing in on the current transID hate fad, which has poisoned so many supposed safe spaces... but it's still so upsetting to watch multiple communities I'm a part of waste their time on transID folk.

Whether or not you actually believe transID is all fetishization and that, in turn, means bigotry, one cannot waste their time on ultimately harmless shit when coercive sex reassignment (among other actual issues) is still a fucking thing. There are bigger issues at hand here, and the nonissue that transID people pose is not fucking important and never will be, because again it's a NONISSUE.

[akrasianwords]

a few people were interested in my aspd dazai analysis but I feel like no one is seeing the reblog of the essay so it gets its own post now! yap ahead

A couple of days ago, I was having a conversation with an acquaintance about Dazai. At one point, I had offhandedly mentioned that I believe Dazai is someone who deals with ASPD. While I thought it was fairly obviously implied throughout the show, they were quick to disagree with me, offering instead the opinion of him having BPD. Now, I’m not one to start arguments over simple things like this and I could tell they were not the type of person who would enjoy a debate. So like any rational, passionate person, I decided to write a 5 page essay on it instead. In this essay I will elaborate on why I believe ASPD is a better fit diagnosis for Dazai than BPD, present evidence to support it, and talk about why I don’t think he has BPD.

Before we get into this, let’s talk about what exactly ASPD and BPD are. Disclaimer, I am not a professional, nor have I been formally diagnosed with either. So, I am not an expert. However, I do believe I’ve done enough research and have my own personal experiences with a large portion of symptoms of ASPD, as well as having several personal connections to people with BPD, to speak on this.

Antisocial Personality Disorder is a cluster B disorder characterised mostly by a frequent lack of understanding of empathy, using manipulation and/or deception to further one’s own needs or wants, and being generally apathetic towards people’s personal thoughts and feelings. People with ASPD often have a hard time discerning and comprehending morals, forming meaningful attachments with people around them, and caring about societal norms. Overall, the struggle of ASPD is mostly found with morality and empathy.

(I would like to note that just because someone may struggle with these things, it does not mean they are incapable of it. Someone with ASPD is just as able to love and be loved as the next person, they just have a more difficult time overcoming their own personal blocks in order to do so. Similarly, they may struggle with understanding morality but that does not mean they are incapable of conforming to what is widely considered right or wrong. They may have different reasons for being kind or just, such as ‘it’s too much trouble to be bad,’ ‘I like it when others tell me I’m a good person,’ or ‘it’s just what I’m supposed to do.’ This does not mean their actions are invalid, simply that they have differing motivations from the larger population.)

On the other hand, Borderline Personality Disorder, also cluster B, is most well known for intense and irregular mood swings, attachment and abandonment issues, and impulsive and self destructive behaviour. People who deal with BPD typically also struggle with mania, a warped and unstable sense of self, and intense and generally unjustified anger issues. The gist of BPD, at its core, is the inability to regulate thoughts and emotions. Someone with BPD may do a complete 180 emotionally because of something another individual may deem small or insignificant. A partner forgetting to text back could trigger emotions that have the same weight as if the partner were to break up with them. Someone who has just experienced the death of their father could suddenly the next day feel on top of the world, given the right prompting. BPD is all about the instability and insecurity regarding thoughts, feelings, or identity.

So! How does this relate to Dazai? I’m glad you asked!

Throughout the series, Dazai continuously shows signs and behavioural patterns aligning with that of someone with ASPD. He is constantly seen manipulating people and situations to get the results he desires, he’s outright stated to have no interest or understanding of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and it’s not uncommon to see him using or mistreating certain people in his life with little to no empathy or regret. The prevalence of this behaviour changes significantly with his transfer to the Armed Detective Agency, but is definitely still something that affects Dazai to this day. If he has to threaten to torture someone to get the information he wants, as seen with Kouyou after Kyouka was taken, or sacrifice one innocent person’s life to end a villain’s, as seen with Rokuzo and Miss Sasaki in his entrance exam, he has no issue doing such.

In the Dark Ages, Oda tells Dazai outright that he doesn’t care about morality. Dazai is as Dazai does, and he has no reservations doing things deemed evil to further his (or Mori’s) own goals. His list of crimes is extensive. His personal relationships are messy and toxic. He has no issue with lying, stealing, or killing. The only reason he decides to pursue the life of a good man is because someone he grew to care for, Oda, had requested it as his dying wish. It’s likely that in stating his understanding of Dazai’s views, or lack thereof, on good and evil, he proved to Dazai that he understood him. This is one of the main factors that convinced Dazai to take his wish into consideration. Knowing that Oda understood his true apathetic nature and still requested this of him convinced Dazai to give Oda’s ideologies a chance. Had Oda not asked it of Dazai, he likely would have stayed with the Port Mafia without much thought to it.

Manipulation is perhaps one of Dazai’s most well known traits. He’s famous for his schemes, his tricks, his ability to transform any person or situation into what he wants them to be. Take Akutagawa for example. Dazai is cruel to him with the interest of moulding him into something the Port Mafia (or himself, later on) can use. He has little to no regard for Akutagawa’s safety or emotions. This is something that, for the most part, follows him into his new life at the Armed Detective Agency. He says and does things to manipulate Akutagawa’s emotions to play in Dazai’s favour. He makes comments about Akutagawa being inferior to Atsushi (‘my new apprentice is superior to you in every way imaginable’), he uses Akutagawa’s admiration against him (ex. The Moby Dick, when Dazai has Atsushi throw the cellphone in order to distract Akutagawa), and he holds the promise of approval over his head in order to get Akutagawa to do things he typically wouldn’t (‘I hope to see you a little more competent now’ during the Cannibalism Arc as he’s told to work with Atsushi).

During the prison arc, Dazai is shown to play a game of chess with Fyodor. It’s obvious what the pieces on the board represent: each piece is a character. Every character plays a role in Dazai’s chess match against the Demon. He’s got his Queen, his Knights, his Bishop, etc. and he’ll manipulate them and the situation as he sees fit in order to win the match. One of the main components to his relationship with Fyodor is how similar they think. Dazai has stated on several occasions that the reason he’s able to predict Fyodor’s actions and plans is because ‘it’s what he would do.’ They share ideas, strategies, and behaviours. Both are prone to manipulation and deception in order to get what they want.

Some other noticeable examples that I’m too lazy to elaborate on but speak for themselves are the scene with the nurse and the phone, the scene where Dazai sends Atsushi to go investigate his own abuser’s death, and when Dazai manipulates Chuuya into joining the Port Mafia.

I’ve touched on deception a few times so far, but I felt it was significant enough to deserve its own paragraph. It’s not uncommon for Dazai to leave out important details, or tell outright lies in order to get what he wants. He lied to most of the members of the Agency about his past for years in order to keep his place there, assuming that they would shun them had they known. His entire personality is mostly a facade, putting up the mask of a silly detective man to avoid being taken too seriously.

He’s prone to apathy, and doesn’t really ever show any characters empathy throughout the series. When Atsushi is having a panic attack, Dazai’s instinct is to slap him back to reality rather than cater to his emotional needs. When Kunikida is upset by the results of his and Dazai’s actions in Dazai’s Entrance Exam, Dazai simply tells him that reality won’t conform to his ideals. After Chuuya is betrayed by the Sheep, Dazai uses his vulnerability to recruit him into the Port Mafia. It’s rare to see him act sympathetic with characters. This does not mean he doesn’t show kindness to them, but he clearly has difficulties empathising with people going through crises.

Along with others, he’s rather uncaring towards himself. Most of the times we’ve seen him in dangerous situations, he’s continued to act carefree and unbothered. When he was captured by the Port Mafia he had no reservations about provoking Akutagawa even though he knew it would cause himself harm. He also has consistently proven that he doesn’t care about his own life. Via attempts and jokes alike, he’s prone to suicide in a way that makes it obvious he holds very little value to himself. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he has a low sense of self, or that he’s insecure. He’s got a very solid opinion of himself. He just doesn’t care whether he’s dead or alive.

While Dazai struggles with all of these, it doesn’t mean he is incapable of doing good. His relationship with Oda was clearly genuine, and he obviously cared for him a great deal. He’s also the only reason Atsushi is alive right now, and he’s taken great care to give Atsushi a decent life. He’s a sufficient mentor for him, and he’s done a lot of good for Yokohama with the Armed Detective Agency. He’s come clean about his past to his friends, and overall has improved his way of life. Dazai has grown from the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia into a respectable man of justice. He still has moments where his apathetic side will shine through, but he’s clearly healed and developed quite a bit since joining the ADA.

‘Okay cool. So… what about BPD? He could share some symptoms. You haven’t talked about that since the intro paragraphs. Wasn’t this about ASPD and BPD? You suck. Loser.’

I’m getting there! Control yourself. It’s taken 14 paragraphs to get to this point. God forbid I be thorough with my analysis. SMH. Anyways.

Now that we’ve talked significantly enough about Dazai having ASPD, let’s touch on why I don’t think he has BPD. This is a headcanon I’ve seen frequently enough that I’ve formed an opinion on it. Obviously. That’s why I’m writing this essay.

The thing is, BPD relies on emotional instability and a disorganised attachment and sense of self. I don’t see any of that in Dazai. He has a fairly concrete opinion of himself and his identity. His emotional state is consistent throughout the show, excluding a few specific scenarios, and while he seems reckless and impulsive, he’s not. All of his actions are always carefully planned out, even if it doesn’t seem so.

Dazai is well known for his carefree and jokester persona. When he’s not playfully dumping his work on Atsushi or Kunikida, he’s cracking jokes and poking fun at the members of the Detective Agency. It’s not often that we see the mask slip off. When it does, though, it’s almost always when he’s reminiscing over Oda. That, or actively plotting against a formidable opponent he takes seriously. These are pretty normal situations to not be joking around in. The guy is grieving his dead best friend. Not exactly a drastic mood swing. Fairly run of the mill. Outside of this, we don’t ever see him react severely and unjustifiedly. His emotions are always carefully balanced.

(Note, I am aware of the scene with Akutagawa during the Dark Ages. Have patience. I’ll get to that eventually.)

We also don’t see him struggle with abandonment/attachment issues. He has the ‘everything worth wanting is lost the moment I obtain it’ mentality, but that doesn’t exactly prohibit him from forming bonds with the people around him. He’s fairly normal about everyone at the Armed Detective Agency. He obviously cares for Atsushi, and he doesn’t make any moves to push him or anyone else away—or become unhealthily attached, on the contrary—both of which are very common behaviours in people with BPD. He goes to their parties (I can’t exactly remember when, but I’m fairly certain he was there when Poe visited Ranpo during the ADA party, and on the yacht with the infamous ‘to the Stray Dogs’ scene), runs errands and completes chores with them (the Wan episode where he and Atsushi are cleaning lockers together), and makes a point to hang out with them outside of work (the fireworks festival we all know and love/hate).

He doesn’t struggle with his self image. It’s never implied that Dazai doesn’t know who he is or where he belongs. He doesn’t have any internal conflict about whether he’s Port Mafia or Armed Detective Agency; he’s actually quite firm on his stance. He rejects Mori’s offers and requests to return to the Mafia several times throughout the series. He’s secure in his sense of self. He has no issues admitting his strengths and flaws, and he knows who he is and what he wants.

The only time we’ve seen him become angry to the point of an extreme reaction is when Akutagawa doesn’t do as Dazai had wanted in the Dark Ages. He kills the hostages they had taken rather than prodding them for information. Dazai’s reaction, while definitely intense, was neither unprovoked nor unjustified in his point of view. Him shooting the gun at Akutagawa was both a punishment and a lesson. The pressure of a life or death situation was what provoked Akutagawa to finally grasp control over Rashomon in a way that would allow him to use Devoured Space. So while extreme, Dazai’s anger had reason to it.

I also would like to remind everyone that this scene was set during the time Dazai was in the Mafia. It’s understandable for the stakes and punishments to be intense. If a subordinate doesn’t learn a lesson quickly and efficiently, the consequences can range from a mild beating to the fall of an entire organisation. Dazai knew this as well, which is why he wasn’t going to tolerate impulsivity. Also it’s the Mafia. They’re like, known for guns and killing and shit.

Contrary to anger, mania is the state of intense highs, feeling like you’re on top of the world. People who experience mania often feel like they’re invincible, either physically or metaphorically. They may put themselves in harm’s way to prove that ‘nothing can hurt them,’ or risk all their money gambling because ‘they just can’t lose.’ They’re excitable, irrational, and impulsive. Dazai is none of these things. He puts himself in harm’s way to either attempt to destroy himself, or as a part of his plan to get things to play out the way he wants. Everything he does, while it may look impulsive, has a plan. The only thing I can think of within the series where he acts without thinking is in his entrance exam where he offers to drive the taxi for the thrill of the fact that he is actually a terrible fucking driver. If he gambles, he knows he’ll win. If he jumps, he hopes he’ll fall. His behaviour is always carefully thought out. Also he’s consistently depressed throughout the story, so. No room for that.

Now onto everyone's favourite topic, self destructive behaviour! It's pretty widely known and agreed upon that Dazai either does or has self-harmed before. Hence the bandages. He's also very loud and proud about his passion for suicide. This could count, it's definitely self destructive in the physical sense, but I don't believe it's because of BPD. I think the guy is just really fucking depressed. He just wants to die, it's not so much in an ‘I don't deserve good things or comfort’ way. I also want to touch on the more figurative methods of self destruction. He doesn't exactly go out of his way to sabotage himself in regards to his work, his relationships (he fucks with Chuuya, but he just generally enjoys riling him up), or anything like that. On the contrary, we see him actively putting effort into keeping those things stable. (Lying in order to keep his place at the ADA, being active in his social circle, working towards keeping the ADA and Yokohama in general safe.) So, not really self sabotage in a way that makes me think of BPD.

Overall, most of Dazai's struggles or traits fall under understanding empathy, morality, and manipulation. His actions throughout the series are not hard to connect to these patterns, and it doesn’t take much digging to find supporting evidence. All of his characterization leads to the conclusion of ASPD, rather than BPD. He isn't a very emotionally unregulated character, in my opinion. He’s level-headed, well managed, and secure in himself and his environment. The guy just doesn't quite know how to function as a human being with other human beings, but he's trying.

Also no you cannot change my mind. Anyways I've been writing for like 4 hours so goodbye.

[dancermk]

HELLO MY FELLOW TRAVELERS!

I, like many viewers, have been completely entranced by Hawk and Tim’s love story in Fellow Travelers. As a mature queer person, this show has been very emotional, and I am deeply invested. (I WILL riot if Tim doesn’t get to die in Hawk’s arms, and know that he is, and has always been, loved by Hawk.) But I digress.

Something that I have been fascinated by are the differing opinions that have surfaced about the characters, especially Hawk. I’m not looking for any arguments here, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is simply mine. To me, Hawk falls hard and fast for Tim. He breaks all his own rules for Tim - they topple over like a house of cards.

When we are introduced to Hawk, he’s cold and heartless with the men he hooks up with - they are nothing more than a body to fulfil his sexual needs and desires. He doesn’t do repeats and he doesn’t bring them home. But Tim, he instantly begins returning to, gets him a job, then allows him into his own apartment, etc. When Tim pushes back, Hawk relents further, letting him in emotionally, sharing parts of his past, crossing lines by introducing him to others in his circle, and so on.

Hawk is a traumatised man, carrying guilt and anger and shame, and a bucket load of fear! Yes, he has some internalised homophobia, but interestingly, he’s also extremely righteous about his homosexuality -and I don’t believe he thinks being gay is wrong in any way. (His response to his father is indicative of this).

I can personally say that I’ve never thought it was wrong to be queer, yet I spent much of my life hiding who I was and feeling shame. It’s an odd thing! Perhaps it is that the shame forms purely from what is outside of us, while what is inside of us can love another person of the same sex, knowing it is right and pure. Perhaps these contradictions between self and society are what causes so much pain and conflict?

But back to Hawk. Hawk is undoubtedly most affected by his teenage first love experience. A love that he fucked up through his own fears (fear for many men is unacceptable and a sign of weakness), and now carries the burden of believing he is responsible for their death. Hawk doesn’t allow himself to love again, until Tim. And we see many times throughout the show how much Hawk fears losing Tim. And in the end he’ll have to face that fear. I think that, in part, not attempting to have a life with Tim, is also fuelled by his fear of fucking it up and losing Tim - so it’s easier to just not attempt it! In episode 7, when he loses his son, part of that spiral is Hawk recognising that he can’t really prevent loss, and he wasted his life trying to be something he’s not - still losing his child and Tim along with it.

But Hawk is a survivor! And no one has the right to hate or judge him for it. I don’t think some young people truly understand what it feels like to live in a world where who you love can put you in jail, and destroy your life. I grew up in the 70s/80s and my experiences were bad enough, but I try so very hard to think about what it was like before that! When being queer was a crime and a mental illness! That’s pure terror! And for Hawk, he chose to survive the best way he knew how, and he wasn’t able to change because that’s fucking hard when all you’ve known is living in constant ‘fight or flight,’ and when have chronic trauma and experience collective trauma.

I think in episode 8 we’ll finally get to see Hawk grow - I certainly hope so - because he deserves to be free. Our beautiful Skippy has been free for some time, and while we mourn for the cruelty of a world that would take such a truly decent man, I am glad he got to live freely. Being closeted is the worst kind of suffering- a compartmentalised and fragmented existence where you are never truly whole, and therefore can never be the best version of yourself.

Before I go, I just wanted to also talk about being in a closeted relationship-which I experienced in my youth. I think that Hawk and Tim’s intense and toxic and exquisitely beautiful relationship, in part, arises from this. Because two closeted people in love live their relationship in secret, in a bubble, only in certain rooms, with none of the outside world reflected back at them. It becomes the two of you against the world. It’s so insular. Hawk and Tim literally live their 1950s relationship within two rooms - their apartments. All their memories are held within those walls. And it only belongs to them. They know each in ways that no other living soul does. It’s all-consuming and often unhealthy, but also stupidly romantic.

Anyway, sorry for this long winded post that no one will read and is likely full of grammatical errors because I’m tired! This atheist is praying we get everything we need from episode 8! Acceptance, forgiveness, understanding resolution, healing and a whole lot of love! ❤️

Cheers queers! 🏳️‍🌈

PS Matt and Johnny are exquisite on and off screen and I am so thankful to them for bringing these characters and this story into our lives!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey, this is the same 14 year old from earlier. first, i want to thank you so much for such a well rounded, thoughtful response. i went through all the resources and they were all very helpful. after thinking about it, i think i probably won't do this after all. technically i think i am ready, i understand the possible consequences, i know how to be safe, etc etc, but i'm just kind of anxious. and it might be a better idea to wait to do things like this with someone i actually have romantic feelings towards, because i'll probably enjoy it more then, right? i'm not exactly sure why i agreed to do it in the first place, i guess curiosity or for the sake of formative teenage experiences or literally just "why not" lmao. i do have one more question if that's alright, do you know of a good way to tell her that i don't really want to do this anymore? we haven't set up an actual date and time yet but she's serious about it and i was serious about it but obviously my opinion has changed. i feel kind of guilty about backing out especially because she kinda wanted this as a rebound after breaking up with her girlfriend of like, six years (which means it might be good if we don't do this anyway, this might be an impulsive decision on her part that she ends up regretting).

also one more question (sorry) if you have the time and energy for it. i know there's a lot of people asking you questions haha. how would you get an STI or STD through oral sex? i understand the basics, its spread through genital fluids and gets into your body that way, but how would the symptoms start showing in your own genitals? or would they not and just show up in your mouth or throat? the planned parenthood link kind of talked about that, but it said that it was rare. anyway thank you so much! you've been genuinely so helpful and kind and i appreciate it so much!

hello! welcome back! it's great to hear from you again, and I'm glad that response was helpful. it's awesome that you were able to weigh all the available information to make that decision. you'll have plenty of other opportunities for formative teenage experiences, very few of which have to involve sex at all - I'd be a bad sex witch if I didn't tell you that I didn't have sex with another person for the first time until I was almost 21!

cancelling this plan with your friend might feel awkward, but it doesn't need to be worse than dipping out of any other activity. "hey, I think I changed my mind about wanting to see this movie; I don't really think I'm going to vibe with it. thank you for inviting me, though!" 'I'm actually not feeling up to going to the game, but I hope you can find someone else to go with." "sorry to change our plans, but I think having sex actually isn't something I want to do right now. thanks for being understanding."

this may hurt your friend's feelings; it can often feel extremely personal and hurtful when someone doesn't reciprocate an interest in sex, and feel much worse than someone saying no to other kinds of plans. this may be especially true if you're right about your friend trying to rebound from a previous relationship - six years is a long relationship for anyone, especially someone for whom six years is almost half of their life, and there's a good chance she's still feeling sore from the loss of that relationship and is seeking comfort and validation from another source (you). good on you for being insightful enough to notice this and recognize this! that's an important trait to have, both as a friend and in your future romantic and sexual relationships.

if your friend doesn't take it well when you change your mind, you may need to get a little space from her while her feelings cool off. remember, while you should be kind when you say no - obviously nothing like "I wouldn't want to have sex with you, you're gross and just rebounding" - you're not doing anything wrong at all by changing your mind, and if your friend starts trying to pester you into changing your mind or acting more harshly to you, we've definitely crossed into the territory where she's the asshole. (not that you're the asshole for saying no; nobody is the asshole in that scenario.) if she takes it poorly, it's okay to ask her for some distance and spend less time around her until the hurt feelings are mended.

remember: you don't need to feel guilty for changing your mind. you are always allowed to do that, even if you're in the middle of having sex. you don't owe anyone else access to your body, ever, and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise can go straight into the trash.

and please don't ever feel the need to apologize for asking about STIs, they're one of my favorite things to talk about!

for many STIs that can be transmitted to the mouth, the symptoms will stay in the mouth and/or throat. sometimes that will look like sores or blisters in or around the mouth, which are sometimes painful and ooze discharge and sometimes don't feel like anything at all. it can also feel like an ordinary cold, with a sore throat and some difficulty swallowing. in most cases, the symptoms won't spread to your genitals unless you also contracted the STI there as well - for instance, if you touched your mouth and tongue to an infected partner's genitals and then also touched your genitals to theirs as well. but while the symptoms looks different, the medicines that treat STIs affecting the genitals are just as effective at clearing up infections in the mouth and throat.

I'm super happy to help, and please know you can send in more asks any time :)

[hyperblue]

Everyday I scroll through your blog just to remember what happiness is.

Also, I did have an actual question or request(?) I suppose, I want, NEED more details about your specific AU with Wendy and Jackie, what fo they enjoy? How often do they fight with their fathers? What do they grow up to be??? You've said before that Jack is scared of his powers, so does this result in him going out and having a 'normal' life? How would that affect his relationships with his family?

Of course you don't have to answer but I am very curious!

hello there!! I'm so glad to hear that you're enjoying my blog, thank you for your kind words 💙

and yes i will gladly answer your questions! this will probably get a bit long, i hope that's okay with you

au's mainly focused on twins when they are around 17-18 (kind of symbolic to tim's age when he cloned them because I'm prosy like that)

one of the main reasons why I've decided to go for twins in this au (aside from being indecisive about whether it should be a boy or a girl) is because it gives me a chance to demonstrate how two people can have same upbringing/surrounding and be influenced by the very same group of people AND still form entirely different perspectives and opinions on certain things. i'm going to use both kids' relationships with kon as one of the clearest examples:

wendy appreciates kon dearly, she thinks very high of him and constantly seeks for his company and attention. on the other hand, as she gets older, it becomes really awkward for her to be around him because she's old enough now to actually understand and pear wiggle the whole "my dad cloned me out of this dead dude's dna without his consent" thing in her head, until she has to stop for a moment and go: "wow. that was So Not Okay of my dad." on top of that she's facing a major identity crisis because you know, teens, and starts to question her own existence and even tim's love for her, because she can't be sure now if he actually loves her or if she's just a good enough replacement of what her dad could have loved, but never got an actual chance. which eventually leads to her bottling up lots of anger towards tim, because obviously it's his fault that she can't look kon in the eyes anymore, and none of this would've happened if he just had his shit together and didn't try to clone kon all those years ago (and she's not even entirely wrong)

what she CAN'T fathom just yet is the fact that she loves kon so much partly because she got to see him through tim's eyes; part of her affection for kon is deeply rooted in a way tim spoke about him when she was a kid, always loving, always in awe — essentially, tim was the first person who taught wendy the concept and the feeling of love. and even her awkwardness and guilt that she's experiencing around kon are inherited from tim; she's just mirroring her dad's own feelings about himself without even realizing it

jackie, on the other hand... it would be easy to say that he's just not as close with kon as his sister, but when you start to look at the reasons, well, it gets a little bit messy. you see, jackie was always a "daddy's boy"; he and tim were inseparable when jackie was a kid, they still are, actually, it's just that tim only now starts to realize negative side effects of their closeness but that's for another post. not only that, he's also much more... observant than wendy in a lot of ways, so while wendy was soaking in tim's affection for kon as a sponge to eventually make it her own, jackie couldn't help but notice how hard it was for his dad to have kon in his life only as a co-parent and nothing more (they've bended their friendship as years went by, but it was never easy for both of them); not to mention that tim, to this day, experiences a very severe depressive episodes, to the point of not being able to get out of bed — jackie was very affected by it too growing up. so to him, as of now, it doesn't make sense for kon to stick around and be his usual "weekend dad" if he's not willing to stay forever, and he's kind of resentful towards kon, because he always felt sorry for tim in this situation. not that he doesn't understand why exactly it's the way that it is, it's just that his philosophy on that matter is: if you can't stay forever, do not bother visiting us at all, and stop giving dad any hope for more. jackie's anxiety regarding his kryptonian powers also does not help at all, more on that later

(got carried away with this, sorry, i just had to take this opportunity to explain why there are twins in my timkon clone baby au)

so about the kids, wendy is a rebellious soul and free spirit, and her interests really show that about her — she's been horse riding since she was five, tim was a bit hesitant about it at first, but with damian's help they managed to convince him that everything is going to be okay; damian has also bought wendy her own horse, the one she's connected with in her equestrian club (damian is her favorite uncle ever since; she did not let him call her horse a "Bathourse", tho). aside from that she plays guitar just a little, tim's also tried to teach her piano but ended up failing miserably; he also wasn't able to pass on to her his music taste, wendy is almost strictly a pop girl. she's not really good at photography from professional point of view, but she almost always has her little digital camera with her to take snapshots of memories

(she's also really into true crime videos/podcasts, it's one of the activities that she likes to share with her dad; most times after a fight with tim, if she wants to make up or apologize, she just sneaks into his office and starts playing random true crime youtube video at full volume)

jackie doesn't really have a "main" interest or hobby, even though he's passionate about a lot of things, some of them include: art (because damian), sports (although he's not playing himself), cars (because tim), photography (once again, tim), also I'm pretty sure he's good at math — a little bit of this, a little bit of that, as he himself would say. it could create a major problem for him to choose between college programs if he hadn't already decided that he is going to inherit drake industries, so business it is. tim actually had a whole conversation with him, like, "are you SURE that's what you want," resulting in jackie just. shrugging his shoulders, because it's just about as good as any other choice; not that he has some big, special dream anyway. also i think that he probably skipped a class (wendy did not; she's not too excited about going to college)

speaking about jackie being scared of his powers, it's most likely the result of an accident/series of accidents from his childhood when he unwillingly hurt tim or demolished something during tantrums (he used to throw them a lot when he was younger); kon has offered his help at figuring out how to control it, of course, but if for wendy it was existing and she wanted to get even stronger and make more progress, for jackie it was always about keeping it at bay so to not hurt anyone else. he never really wanted to become a vigilante either, which is good enough for tim because he's worried enough about wendy rushing to the field; he's as close at being a civilian as you can possibly get while growing up with bats and having a kryptonian dad. mostly it's a relief for his family ("at least one of us is going to graduate college"), although wendy can't stop bugging him about joining in and being the coolest vigilante twins gotham has ever seen. it's a bit isolating for him, sure, considering that everyone in his family is a superhero of some sort, but with tim mostly being a stay at home dad and only managing comms every once in a while it turned out better than it could

it DID get long, and i start to lose the train of thoughts; nevertheless, i hope you'll enjoy this answer 💙 feel free to ask more about them, I'm always up to chatting about my babies

[chlobliviate]

Wolfstar Microfic - Pensieve

Words: 999 😬

@wolfstarmicrofic

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Remus eyed the pensieve in Dumbledore’s office. “Is that what I think it is, Professor?”

Dumbledore nodded, “A pensieve, used for storing and reviewing memories. I must admit, the older I get, the more I appreciate it.” His eyes twinkled at Remus.

“Wow,” He knew what Dumbledore wanted to talk to him about, and he wasn’t ready to hear it.

“Severus Snape, from Slytherin, had a close call last night. I’m sure Mr Potter has filled you in on the details.” Remus nodded, “We need to discuss what led to this incident. How many people know about you?”

“James, Sirius, Peter and now Snape I suppose and anyone he’s told today. He’s not exactly my biggest fan.”

“I understand. I have forbidden Severus from discussing this with anyone, and if he is found to have done so, there will be severe consequences.” Dumbledore looked over his half-moon glasses. “Why would Sirius disclose your whereabouts?”

“I don’t know.” Remus stiffened. He hadn’t been able to look at Sirius since James gave him a rundown of what had happened. “I haven’t spoken to him since dinner last night. I don’t understand why he would put me in that position, Professor. He knows how terrified I am of hurting anyone, and he just— Why would he do that?” Remus sniffled and Dumbledore pulled a clean handkerchief from a drawer in his desk and passed it to Remus. “Thank you. I just can’t fathom what could have possessed him to do this.”

“Sometimes people make choices that aren’t logical.” Dumbledore mused, “Do you believe that Sirius would hurt you deliberately?”

“Until now I would have said no,” Remus said quietly. “I still want to believe that he wouldn’t. No. He wouldn’t.”

“People are not always what they seem to be,” Dumbledore said sadly. “I once had… a friend, he changed so slowly that I didn’t notice until it was too late and we were both in grave danger. I don’t want you to suffer the same fate, Remus.”

“Thank you?” Remus was unsure how he was supposed to respond to that.

“In your opinion, should Sirius be allowed to remain at Hogwarts?”

Remus blinked at him, “Are you asking me whether you should expel him or not?”

“I’m interested in your feelings.” Dumbledore shrugged slightly.

“Sirius would never hurt me, or anyone he cares for, intentionally. I hope he has a good reason. I don’t know.” Remus frowned, “He tries his best to be nothing like his family, and I can’t imagine what they’d do to him if he got expelled. So, in my opinion, Professor, it would be irresponsible for you to expel him, for that reason alone. Any other feelings I have are irrelevant.”

Dumbledore seemed to take this on board and nodded sagely. “Thank you, Remus. You may go. I’m very glad that nobody was harmed.”

“I don’t think I’d go that far, Professor,” Remus said, his brow creasing.

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Dumbledore waited for Sirius to step back from the bowl.

“It is only because of Mr Lupin’s astute observation about your familial circumstances that I’m not considering expulsion. You should make sure that you thank him.”

Sirius had never seen Dumbledore’s eyes so lifeless. “Respectfully, Professor, I doubt he’ll want to talk to me again.”

“Sirius, why did you do it?”

Sirius closed his eyes to will away the tears forming there. “He already knew.” He let out a small sob, “He made some disgusting comments about me having… relations with a monster. Threatened to write to my parents and tell them. Not that it’s true, the monster part or the relations part. I love him but we’re not— He won’t—” Sirius paused, “But if my parents suspected either of those things were true, I don’t know what they’d do, but Remus wouldn’t be safe. If they thought he was a werewolf who, in their eyes, defiled their son and made him gay, he’d not stand a chance outside of school.”

“How does this relate to your decision to tell Severus where to find Remus?”

Sirius sobbed again, trying to get a handle on his breathing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I— Last year, James, Peter and I became animagi. Yes, I’m aware that is illegal, but I’m hoping you might look past that because of why we chose to do it, and the effect it’s had on Remus’ transformations.” He swallowed audibly, “We spend the full moon with Moo— With Remus as our animagi forms, and we can keep him safe and he’s less destructive. I’m a dog, Peter’s a rat and James is a stag.” He sniffed, “I thought if he caught a glimpse of Remus— Just enough to scare him. I thought we’d all be there to prevent anything bad happening, but I got detention, and I forgot to tell James to be on the lookout.”

“I see.” Dumbledore was looking at him curiously. “Your actions were reckless and could have had dire consequences for both Mr Snape and Mr Lupin.”

“I know, Professor. I feel like the worst person in the world right now. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, no matter how much I loathe Snape, you have to believe that I’d never intentionally do that to Remus.”

“I believe you, Sirius. Which is why I will only take 50 points from Gryffindor on this occasion. You will also serve detention with Professor McGonagall every evening for the next month.”

“That seems more than fair.” Sirius looked thoroughly defeated.

Dumbledore recognised that same look in him six years later when Sirius was brought in front of him and the Minister for Magic and subsequently sent to Azkaban for murdering three of his friends.

Remus’ words echoed in his head ‘Sirius would never hurt me, or anyone he cares for, intentionally’. Dumbledore had made sure that Remus was still with Greyback’s pack when he arranged for Sirius to be brought before the small committee.

Remus Lupin was not going to talk him out of it this time.

[thenightfolknetwork]

I need help. I am a changeling. At least, I think I am. For my own sake, I hope I am.

You see, I’ve been changing my face for years. Pretending to be someone else because I know that our kind aren’t always accepted. But now, I feel a bit lost. I have prosopagnosia. Face blindness.

This isn’t actually as big of a problem as it may seem, because usually the moment I do see a face, I can make a perfect one in response. I’ll look like whatever they want me to. And that’s fine, I suppose. For the most part.

But the problem is, I’ve forgotten my own face. I used to be able to remember it well enough, I think. But now I can’t seem to recall it at all. And it’s been getting worse. Even my voice can’t seem to return to normal, if there even was a normal to begin with.

I’m scared now. My face and voice are my own, but at the same time, I’m acutely aware that they aren’t. They are attached to my body, if that’s any indication of self. But the person I see in the mirror is not me. Sometimes it looks nothing like me. I worry that my thoughts are starting to become something else entirely.

If I can’t remember the voice in my throat, how can I trust the voice in my head? The hands writing these words?

My friend confronted me the other day. Called me a fake, an evil thing. And of course, I became one, without even thinking. I hurt them. I didn’t mean to.

I can’t trust my head, my face, my past. What if I’ve always been this evil thing? What if I never was a true changeling, just a fake, desperate to change my face? How do I figure out what I am, when I don’t remember who I used to be? How can I hope to find my true form again, when every time I look in the mirror, I see the monster that I am?

Oh, my dear reader. You poor thing. This sounds horribly frightening, and I am so glad you've been able to reach out and ask for help.

I don't believe for one moment that you are “an evil thing”. I also don't believe that the person who called you that is any kind of friend to you.

You are experiencing profound and distressing disruptions to your sense of identity – you need to be treated with care and kindness, not accusations. What's more, you deserve that kindness. You deserve to be helped.

Before I go on, it would be remiss of me not to address the issue of language and terminology here, though more for our other readers than for you in particular. I will not waste too much time on the matter.

It will suffice to acknowledge that while terms like “evil” and “monster” have be reclaimed by some in our community – and enthusiastically so, at that – they are far from universally accepted. It's clear from your letter that you do not view these words or concepts as liberating or radical.

I urge the rest of our audience to please respect that difference of opinion, and to remember that what one member of our community chooses to call themselves need not reflect on how others use those words. I will have very little patience for anyone wading into my inbox to complain that the language here is somehow “malevolent phobic”.

Now, back to the matter at hand. I am reminded of a letter I answered some years back from a listener wrestling with ideas of identity around somatic instability. In their case, they were concerned about whether or not they could ever be said to know their friend's “real” self, when that friend transformed regularly in different contexts.

The circumstances between you and that person are considerably different, of course. But I believe the same philosophy that helped their might help you, too.

You were once one person, and have since grown and changed and become someone new. It is a statement that applies to every person who has ever lived. Please, try to let go of this unreasonable expectation of constancy.

As much as you can, I want you to unlearn this narrative of a single, static “self”. There is no unyielding kernel at your centre which defines all that you are, and as such, there is no way for you to somehow deviate from who you “really” are. You cannot help but be yourself – there is nobody else you can possibly be.

(At least, assuming you have ruled out the possibility of surreptitious cohabitation. If you suspect you may, in fact, be possessed or otherwise inhabited, please pursue that course of enquiry before continuing any further.)

Uncontrolled shifting is a well documented, if poorly understood, phenomenon, either as genetic trait, the result of a curse or divine punishment, or as a stress response. Speaking to people in similar circumstances, whether online or in person, will hopefully help you feel less alone – and less “monstrous”.

Finally, I strongly encourage you to seek out professional support to treat the underlying issues at play. You have become so used to habitually shifting your identity to meet other people's expectations, you find it almost impossible to resist doing so – even when the results are unpleasant for you and for others.

That isn't an issue with your body, reader. It's an issue with your self-esteem, and your compulsive desire to minimise your own wishes to make way for others. It will be a long and difficult road to unlearn those habits and to accept yourself as you are. But I truly believe you can find a way to live authentically from moment to moment, even as time carries you unerringly away from the person you were, and onwards, to the person you're becoming.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[dreadfuldevotee]

Thank you for this last post. The discourse on this fandom can often be so annoying. I hate it when people are like "this is a Gothic horror, let them be toxic and problematic!!!!11!!!1" because it's not take they think it is? At the end of the day, they still want us to root for these characters and relationships, right? So how can we do that if they're stereotyped vampires, who is dark, cold, just hurt each other and don't have an ounce of growth, development, empathy and humanity? And this is such a dismissive opinion of the show and even the books, because their conflict with humanity and vampirism is a central aspect of the plot. That said, if you reduce them to the abuse alone, you're also missing the point of the story? I mean, you can totally have your opinion, you can see them as unforgivable even on this fictional universe, you can hate and root against them... But this show isn't about punitivism, it is about them navigating immortality. There are consequences for their actions, as there should be, but the goal is for them to find a way to make this work. You don't need to agree (idgaf about the British monarchy and still watched a few episodes of The Crown for the acting, for example), but if you expect otherwise, you're just playing yourself? But this fandom seems to have a problem with finding a good balance. Not to mention the hypocrisy of never forgiving certain characters and reducing them to their problematic actions, but treating their faves very different lol. And I'm like, okay, you don't need to love everyone, it's okay to have a favorite, but at least don't be contradictory? Your fave does the exact same thing or worse? Anyways. Thanks again for putting it so well. It's refreshing to see posts like that here.

Thank you! I'm glad that other people get anything out of my ranting and raving, as I am a chronic yapper and really only talk for my own health LOL.

But yeah, there is a lot of selective hearing in any fandom, really; but it pisses me off a lot here because of all the "Gothic Horror" handwaving going on. Interacting with the fandom, reading the books and seeing clips & bits of personal writings from Anne Rice, the image it paints for me is a profound unwillingness to engage with contents of the story if they're not fun and sexy. Shit, even my own odyssey into the books is spurred on in one part, to be able to form my own opinion and critique on the writing and secondly, realizing that book readers were straight up lying at times about how things went down.

And there is this persistent idea I've seen on here and twitter of "If you have issue with XYZ then this series isn't for you" and like, okay if you don't wanna see gay people who have everything-but-the-bagel of mental illnesses then, yeah, sure. But when someone goes "Hey there is like,,, a ton of casual pedophilia and CSA in these stories that is framed as cute n' casual and/or deeply romantic, I wonder what that's all about" and then people crawl out the woodwork trying to convince you its not weird or that you're weird or weak for think its kinda fucked up- then at that point, I think maybe there is actually a different issue occurring here, you know?

Anyway, I think where I'm going with this is- TVC is a cultural phenomenon and has a tangible impact on Vampire and Gothic Horror canon and that's good and fun. But if we can recognize something like H.P Lovecraft's racism/classism/general fear of change having a profound effect on his writing and the spark of the entire Cosmic Horror Genre, then I think we can interrogate how AR as a Rich White Woman who grew up in mid-21st century New Orleans has an effect on the kind of stories she writes and how she does it.

[blackbird5154]

I've been quite thoughtful in the last months of how I engage with my hyperfixations, and especially with my current love for Terzo, because I have now understood the reason why I love him so much...

But essentially it's a very complicated thing.

Because reading also the opinions on Tumblr (such as yours), I see that with many fans we have a point in common: that is, that in him we see a symbol of hope.

For me, but also according to the lore itself, he's a man who has faced a lot in his life; and yet he managed to embrace its dark sides and face them, becoming the Satanic Pope that we all know and love.

So, according to my terribly parasocial logic, I see him as a person who would be able to give me comfort in difficult times, because he would know how it feels.

Because he is, even in appearance, mature and elderly.

Mature above all because life has made him this way.

I am honestly very pessimistic in these moments, starting from the last few years.

And if I got a tattoo inspired by Cirice, because that song came on the radio precisely in a difficult moment (a day coming back from the psychologist) and before the reports of war and suffering increased.

As much as I'm obsessed with it, it brought me so much happiness to be in this fandom. Also seeing in Terzo a comfort character, if I may say so.

I see myself in him, that's why I love him so much and I wanted to do a tribute on my skin 🥺

Terzo is a very good guide in difficult moments. You're right, his image combines optimism with a knowledge of the dark sides of life, from the Peter Bebergal's promo and music videos to the complex improvisational character that is embodied on stage.

Terzo has always epitomized for me the strength and willingness to stand up for good things while fighting bad things. He seems like the kind of person who always broke into the thick of things and was never afraid to look difficulties in the face. He cared for those who were weaker and didn't think about whether the danger was comparable to his own abilities. He followed his heart and led people.

About hope. A friend of mine, who doesn't know Ghost well but knows of my fascination with Terzo, once told me a dream she had. It cited obituaries for all the deceased Papas. The obituary for the Third had text whose meaning could be summarized in one word: HOPE. Apparently, it's something that's in the air. And you don't even need to know lore well to feel it.

War is an event that makes a lot of people show the worst sides of their nature. Sometimes, when you look at it, it feels like the world is going to hell and people are turning into monsters. Life turns on you with its ugly side. Even if you're not directly involved, just watching from the sidelines. ESPECIALLY if it affects you directly. But that doesn't mean the world has gotten worse. It's just that it turned his ass on you.

There are two sides to the song Cirice. On the one hand it's about a moth that flies into a deceptive light. On the other, it's about a man who reaches out his hand. Like in the photo I recently reblogged, he reaches out and says: I know this darkness, I will lead you through. I also have a moth symbol in the form of a neck pendant. Depicting it on your body is an even more powerful step. I'm glad if it makes you feel like your supporting character is always with you.

Stay strong. We're not alone 💜

[wearethecyclones]

hi I'm pretty sure I read once that you don't write anymore (idk if you don't write for teen wolf or you just don't write in general) but I wanted to let you know that back in 2014 I found Play Crack the Sky and it completely changed my life. I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but I never thought I could read something so beautiful and well written for free online. You set the standard for what I consider a good story.

I know there's a big chance you don't care for the story or you think it's not up to your own standards now, but I wanted to let you know that it's been 10 years since I first started reading it and I have read it dozens of times since then and it always takes me back to a simpler time, when a band AU about two dudes getting back together was enough to pick me up from a shitty day at uni or at work.

I wish I had enough words to thank you for all the work and love you put into that piece, but I'm afraid you took all the good ones, so all I can say is this: thank you for writing my favorite fic ever.

PS. When I first read that fic, I gave a second chance to Brand New's album Deja Entendu (which I used to think was sort of 'eh, alright' at that moment) and it has, since then, become one of my favorite albums ever. Idk if it's related to the fic per se, I just wanted to thank you for making me reconsider my previous opinion of it.

PS 2. Yes, I was reading Play Crack the Sky again and got emotional about fanworks in general and how they connect people around the world? and usually the only rewards the writers get are kudos and comments? like, is there a higher form of praise than "I was inspired by your work so I put the characters in Situations then shared it with the world without earning a cent from it"? idk, I'm feeling a lot of things about PCtS today. I think I've gushed about your fic out loud to so many people throughout the years and today is just another example of that. I thought the author should know there's someone out there who still thinks of their little universe and still wishes they could listen to Smokes for Harries live.

have a great day!

(cont.) same PCtS anon from the long message: omg you're writing a 911 buddie fic? well, don't mind me if I do PS. even if you never pick it up again, I'm just happy to read something else from you. PS 2: I feel a little silly telling you this but I also wanted you to know you inspired me to write fic as well. I'm not great at it and I have taken years off at a time, but I always think that good writers had to start somewhere and maybe I'm never gonna be a best-selling author, but if a bunch of people on the internet like some of my stories, then I think that's enough.

WHERE to even begin!!! Thank you so much for this, it made me cry (positive) when I first read it and now I'm still an overwhelmed little puddle about it.

A numbered list response so I don't have to do connective tissue here hahaha:

I am SO touched to hear that I inspired you to write, I'm so honored! And you're so right, the connection we get through fanworks is so special and as a writer, you're a part of that! No matter how infrequent or what you feel about how great you are at it, you're in it! It's so cool! Everyone playing in the same sandboxes together with the sole purpose of expressing themselves and being entertained, what a beautiful thing.

Deja Entenduuuuu. I recently re-listened and it really is such a beautiful album. I'm glad you gave it another go!

I genuinely still have a lot of affection for Play Crack, I'm never gonna feel any sorta negative feelings toward it. If I wrote it now, the truth is i WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO so it lives in a very special sweet spot where my ability to put words together and my ability to actually sustain a story through the finish meet. I think maybe now I could put the words together better, but I don't think I'd be able to finish it. Also, the time I spent writing it was really really special to me, I got to escape into that world when my own world was very unexciting, but then I also got to play in the Teen Wolf sandbox and make friends I STILL talk to all the time and I'm really grateful for all of that.

RE: Still writing + Buddie Fic: writing is so hard??? I didn't think writing was hard before, but now I think it is so hard. I wish I could recapture whatever it was during the Play Crack era of my life that let me just spill it all out and form it into a story and commit and finish it. Was it confidence? Was it having more time? Was it not having a real big kid job/career? Was it being young and caring a lot more??? I do not know. I wish I'd bottled it then. I do want to finish the Buddie fic, I want to write other stuff, I'm just like so writers blocked and stoppered up and have been for a longgg time.

Anyway, idk, long winded answer that ultimately boils down to: thank you, you really made me feel some feelings that I kinda needed to feel, and I really appreciate you. Thank you for loving my long ass silly little band au <3

[somorrow]

Hi! I'm sorry to do this over Anon instead of engaging with your poll properly, but unfortunately I am crippling shy. Regardless, I love your fics, so I wanted to interact. I sincerely hope its not overstepping, and I apologise if it is because I know how presumptuous it sounds and I recognise I have no right to expect it and would never assume so, but personally I want to suggest an option that isn't even presented in the poll. I would love it if you would leave the current version of In Hell up, and post any rewritten or revamped version as a separate work, even if you changed or swapped the names to clarify that the current version was an old WIP version.

I completely understand how things have changed since you began writing it, and it will always be your choice and your perogative what you do and where you go with the series, but I love the current In Hell and all of its branching storylines. And while I'm excited to see any new directions it could go in, I feel like I would mourn it if the version I've come to love disappeared. I would miss it. AO3 is an Archive, and I would love it if you would consider leaving it up as an archived, older version of your work, even if it would no longer be considered going forward as the 'true' timeline of your story.

I understand that you probably view your own writing differently now, and I'm so glad you have found fresh inspiration. I'm glad your ideas have evolved and I'm greatful for everything you've shared and everything you will share in the future. It's a privilege to be able to enjoy your stories, and it would be a privilege to continue reliving them. They've brought me so much enjoyment and nostalgia, and as cliché as it sounds, I think experiencing your writing really did help me grow and understand myself better as a person through a medium I cherished throughout all of my formative years. Your stories are some of my all time favourites.

I'm also sorry if this sounds clinical, I have a hard time finding the right words, and I struggle to convey my meanings in a way that doesn't sound outright brazen. I'm so so aware that every chapter you've ever uploaded has been a gift. It doesn't feel right making requests, but I didn't see the harm in suggesting it in case it's an option you may find appropriate to consider. I really am grateful to you, no matter the outcome. Thank you for sharing your writing, I appreciate all of the time, attention, thought and effort you put into your very clear labours of love. <3

First, thank you. It sounds like you’ve dedicated a lot of time to reading my works, and I’m beyond appreciative that you’ve been impacted so thoroughly. Anonymous or not, your opinion matters. Please, don’t ever hesitate to send me a message. I do my best to respond to everything, but my busy schedule sometimes causes delays. Rest assured, I will always get back to you eventually. Secondly, I have a rather long response incoming, and I want to assure you that none of what I say is personal. This is just me explaining my thought process. 

I’ve thought about your suggestion for a while, and while I’m not entirely opposed to leaving the work up, I feel very strongly compelled not to. My goal is to finish the universes/fics I’ve started and then to move on to original work. What I leave behind here is something of a “legacy” to me. I can think of at least two fanfics that I’ve read over the years that really impacted me, and I wanted to be that for someone else. Naruto has always meant a lot to me, and so much of Naruto’s plot and the characters were handled poorly in canon. I’ve always done my best to do things accurately, but going through these fics years later, I realize I haven’t always done that. 

Unfortunately, the beginning of In Hell (formerly The Second Path: Hell) is something I really can’t bear to look at. I know I’ve deleted probably far too many works as is for the same reason, but for it to even be there mentally impedes my progress, if that makes sense. As a perfectionist, it’s hard—if not impossible—for me to let it sit there. I have a certain story to tell, and I want it told in the way I envision. The old version/TSP works against what I want from In Hell. The point of deleting it/replacing it is so that there would be no room for comparison or talk of "alternative timelines". The new version would be my canon/standalone version of Itachi's/the reader's story.

In general, these stories have been ongoing through too many different phases of my writing, making it difficult to find my new voice. Most were started from 2018-2021. The knowledge that people can sit there and crack open something I think is subpar is anxiety-inducing. Sometimes, I look at it all and see no improvement—sometimes, I even feel the quality is decreasing.

I’m not over-exaggerating when I say I put my everything into my writing. I do all of this as a completely solo parent while I’m in school working multiple jobs. I research for hours on the smallest of things. I cry, I re-watch, re-read, rethink, rewrite. I study the characters and the universe I’m in/creating. I study literature, grammar… I read through dictionaries and thesauruses to find the perfect word to encapsulate what I feel, see, or think. I have to sit in those thoughts and emotions for a while to properly communicate what’s happening. Exsolutus has two separate suicide scenes, for example. Another example is the rewrite of Shisui’s death. I had several passings of people who were close to me in a short time-period right before and as I was writing it. I have to live in those moments to conceptualize them. I'm glad my labors of love reach you. That's one of the biggest reasons I still try.

As most of you know by now, I write triggering content, and sometimes darker content that people might find offensive. I find myself asking: was that too far? Did I trigger too many people? I try to put things in the tags and authors’ notes, but do people even read authors’ notes? Was my grammar that bad? Is Itachi/Obito/Shisui/Sasuke too OOC? Is the reader too OOC? Was it too short, too long? If I don’t hear from anyone, I feel like what I’ve posted was hot garbage. I know I’m not alone in this, but lately it feels like I’ve been talking to (and posting to) the void, lol. I put weeks of work into the Sasuke fic, and I burned for some type of feedback. I didn’t get any until almost three weeks later… today. I’m very grateful for it, but with everything I put into that chapter, I was aching for anything. A good word, a bad word. I have to admit that this has me a bit discouraged, which may influence my current feelings of wanting TSP gone. I understand our fandom is dying but I put so much into everything I write that I take the lack of feedback to heart now. I never used to care; I honestly used to write because I had a story to tell and didn’t worry much about show vs. tell, foreshadowing, or any of that. But now that I put more nuance into what I write, I guess I take it more personally.

Maybe I never had to worry about receiving feedback because the fandom was more active then. Maybe all of my more recent studying has made me look at my writing with an excessively critical eye. I'm not sure, but I've been experiencing this for a number of years. It was part of why I quit before, and I suppose those feelings are still lingering around. Feeling out of practice worsens this. It’s painful to look back and dislike what I’ve written, especially when writing again still feels strange. In my eyes, why keep it up when it’s impeding me from moving forward?

I’ll genuinely consider your suggestion further, as I haven’t made a decision yet. Thank you again for speaking up; I wouldn’t have even thought of it myself. I would never have known people felt that way without you saying anything. Over the next week, I’ll take the time to consider this third option and will let you all know when I decide how to proceed. In the meantime, there is always the option to download the fic for your own safekeeping. Thank you all for staying with me and being so understanding. We’ll get through these fics, I swear it. I love you all.

[dandthegods]

Working Class Gods

So I am fully aware that this will be so soaked through with bias and based on personal anecdotal “evidence” that it will start dripping down and staining the carpet. If you choose to engage with this, please remember that these are opinions, UPG, and completely pulled from my ass. 

This isn’t meant to be a “hot take”, merely an observation. I think the Gods (of any pagan belief but I’m talking about the Hellenic deities here) are more connected to and more present in the lives of working class and “middle class” people and have always been that way. Let me explain. 

This may just be my bias as someone who has only ever known a working class life, who doesn’t get caught up in the intensity of ritual and research, and has read American Gods about twenty times at this point, but I think the Gods as I know and see them are and always have been of the working classes of society. However you want to define that. I believe the Gods have a deeper and more organic relationship with pagans who identify and live lives at those sort of levels. I am not saying that those who would be considered “upper class” or those who could be categorized as “the 1%” in any given society can’t experience and connect with the Gods. I cant and won’t ever say that. Just the more it turns in my head and stews, the more I believe what I’ve said. 

The Gods are everywhere. They can be found literally anywhere if you look for them. They aren’t limited to the things humans create or the ways we’ve categorized ourselves and them. Aphrodite can just as easily be worshipped by a millionaire Instagram influencer as a teenager who works at Sephora as a job to help her parents pay the rent. Athena can be found walking the aisles of Harvard or Oxford just as much as being among the shelves of a small town bookmobile that is the closest that town has to a library for 100 miles. Dionysus can be found at the biggest and more glamorous galas and events just as well as being able to sit on the couch with a gay teen in Alabama who isn’t out to anyone but their best friend. Apollo can be on the stages of a sold out stadium show just as much as being in the furthest, cheapest back row seat. I could give examples for every Olympian and Titan with a name, but I’ll just leave it there. 

The stories we have are known to have originated as oral traditions. Oral stories told to people until someone wrote them down, and even then they still were told as bedtime stories or around a campfire. It was the populous, the working class, that told those stories most of the time. Sure, an emperor or a queen might tell their children stories sometimes, but a majority of what we have came from the continuous belief and propagation of stories by the farmers, smiths, fishermen and artists. And I think that’s the same as now. Anyone can become enthralled with the stories and mythologies retold, some across a book of retelling in any library. But I think it’s the kids who aren’t in the upper echelons of private school and trust funds are more prone to that discovery and for that to stick with them in a meaningful way. 

I’m lucky that my gods aren’t used by people in positions of power to control society. I’m lucky that my religion isn’t the dominant one and my gods names are being taken in vain to control others. I can’t speak for how the world was in the past when that WAS more likely the case, but for today I can say that I’m glad it isn’t. 

One thing that has always stuck with me about my favorite book, American Gods by Neil Gaiman is how the old gods are on the level of working class people. It has stuck with me into my own fiction writing as well as my beliefs. I do believe that if the Gods were to take physical form and function in today’s society (maybe they do, who knows. I’ve met people I could easily believe were Hephaestus or Hermes), they would take on a working class life and working blue collar jobs. I wouldn’t expect to see any of them taking high positions of power, being politicians or royalty. I would expect to run into them at the DMV, in line at the grocery store, or behind a cash register. I’d expect to see Apollo running a small Etsy shop, Hephaestus to work at a factory, Hermes to run a gas station or auto repair shop, Zeus to be a pilot, Poseidon to be a lifeguard or work at a community pool. 

I see the gods in the everyday. I see them in all the things of my life and connect with them in everything I do, not just when I’m at my altar. Seeing the spectacular in the mundane or the ordinary was how I was raised and how I still work today. The Gods are there in chipped nail polish, calm Sunday mornings, road trips in a cheap car, and in the lyrics of my favorite songs. I started thinking about this more as I was curating a small playlist on Spotify for what I call “My Hymns”. They are regular songs that I associate with the Gods. Some have some spiritual meaning intended for a different deity, and some are just match the ✨vibes✨of the Gods. I listen to that playlist as a devotional act, letting each song remind me of its own god or goddess, letting my singing along or quiet listening be like a hymn being belted out to the rafters of my own private temple. It just gets me thinking about my Gods and it makes me happy. 

I hope this all makes sense and I didn’t mince my words too much. 

Cheers

-D

[moon-blanket]

Hi i listened to the Gavin audio last night and Almost cried i Have to ramble about it.

It is So refreshing to see Gavin from a different perspective. He's grown so much as a character in relation to the group that it's Interesting to see it build up all over again from a new point of view, to create a bond with him (and the other members of DAMN Crew) all over again after all these years. It's wonderful, and really gives his character some new light :))

Gavin so worried about overstepping with Lasko's partner in every sense. Wanting them to feel comfortable with the group enough to make jokes with them, but afraid to do so because he doesn't know where the line is. Trying so hard to find the correct things to say to make them feel welcomed-- not just as Lasko's partner, but as a person to befriend and get to know better. To welcome into their family. Despite his awkwardness and struggle to form real connections, he wants to do right by them.

and I'm going to scream about how Gavin doesn't think he's as special or as important as the other DAMN Crew members, still sometimes thinking of himself as someone on the Outside of it all as well. His talk about how his feelings on being an Incubus were very alienating and thus distanced himself from others until the Group came along. How much he cares for every single one of them. Too busy focusing on what he isn't, he can't see himself for what he Is. Which is just as amazing and attentive and kind as any of the others.

I loved that he checked in with them about his past with Lasko-- however brief it was. Because that can always be a little awkward to bring up. He doesn't want it to be a sore-spot between the two of them, and doesn't want them to be uncomfortable with the jokes and lightheartedness they have about it. They're opinion is just as important, no matter if they're new to the group or not !!!!!! I could sob. Oh my god.

AND HE TELLS THEM THAT THEY'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON AND THAT HE'S SO GLAD THAT THEY AND LASKO FOUND EACH OTHER. WHAT IF I JUST SCREAM. He's glad to be able to get to know them !!!!!! He notices how happy they make Lasko and he doesn't want to ruin it for the both of them by making them too uncomfortable. How do i go on after this !!!!!!!! What the fuck !!!!!

AND stating that the group cares for his partner not as an extension of Lasko !!!! but as a person entirely on their own !!! He tells them that it's an honor to get to know them regardless !!!! He's excited to get to know them and make a new friend, even if he isn't the best at showing it !!!! AAAAAAH !!!!!

at the end where Lasko's partner asking if he can eat food specifically so he can share their fries, and him making a little joke about liking things salty... I love DAMN Crew with my whole heart i'm going to explode i can't take it anymore.

I am so in love with this man. Forever. I cannot get enough of him. I have to go listen to his entire playlist front to back again. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[exalted-dawn-drabbles]

I see Tal x OC highlighted my love so do I dare?? mayhap If you're feelin it, Vir x Tal with “Come sit on my face, let me show you how much I missed you.”

Yeah so uh, as you know, I kinda ended up going over the top with this one soooooooooo.... Have 2.3k words worth of soft smut <3 Thanks for the prompt I had a ton of fun writing it. for @dadrunkwriting

Rated E: Explicit Smut, Face Sitting, Porn w Feelings, ~2.3k words

How Much I Love You | By Exalted_Dawn

Talenna slipped through the dark-wood door of Virelan’s quarters as silently as a whisper. The heavy, lacquered thing clicked shut behind her, severing the light of the stairwell’s sconces and plunging her into near complete darkness. Overhead, she could see just the slightest rim of red lining the top step– the glow of a dying fire– but from the base of the steps, she was as a shadow was. Unseen. 

She listened for a moment, trying to discern if the room was sleeping or awake. There was the soft popping and crackle of the fire, and the slightest rattle from the windows as the wind struck Skyhold’s west-facing side. If she strained, burning a bit of her magic, she could hear the soft inhale and exhale of sleep– deepened, steadier sighs that she knew belonged to Virelan.  Talenna listened a little longer, just in case she was mistaken, but the sound was unaccompanied by the turning of a page or the scribble of paperwork. 

Only silence and breath.  

Talenna released a quiet puff of air and slid the cloak from her shoulders, hanging it on a hook beside Virelan’s scarves and sword belt. She took extra care not to bump the large blade leaning against the wall as she slowly began to mount the steps. 

As expected, she found Vir tangled up in her blankets, buried face deep in her pillow with one leg out to the night air. Talenna huffed in amusement, shedding her next layer of clothing, and then a third– each forming a puddle on the floor as she quietly padded toward the bed. By the time she reached it, she was in nothing more than her tunic, and the night air was making her thighs prickle with goose flesh. At last, Talenna drew the clips from her hair, letting its full length fall free, before setting them aside and crawling into bed alongside Virelan. 

“Vhenan,” she whispered, touching the round of Vir’s shoulder so as not to startle her too badly.

Virelan grunted a little, then turned her head so that just a single eye peeked out from the side of her pillow. If Talenna hadn’t been heightening her senses, she likely wouldn’t have been able to tell if she had woken Virelan fully, but she could just barely catch the glint of firelight in her dark eyes as one peeled open to stare up at her. 

She smiled, stooping to press a slow kiss to the rise of her cheek. She could taste the ridge of vallaslin beneath her lips. “Ma’lath, it’s me.” 

“...Tal?” Vir groaned, stirring more into waking. 

“Ir abelas,” she breathed, speaking a little louder now as she still leaned over Vir’s form, the bed dipping beneath their shared weight. “I did not want to wake you so late. The scouts kept me longer at the Basin than planned– they wanted my opinion on some elvhen rune work they found.” 

“Nonsense.” Virelan turned, reaching to drag Talenna down over her body, rolling them both until Talenna was fully on top of her. As per usual, Virelan was a veritable furnace, and felt nearly scalding beneath her own chilled skin, but Talenna could not mind it as a strong arm wrapped tighter about her waist and guided her closer. Close enough for Vir to press a tired kiss to the side of her neck. “I am glad you did. I’ve missed you, arasha. Welcome back.” 

“Glad to be so,” she murmured, bending to steal a more quenching kiss now that her lover was fully awake. She cupped Virelan’s jaw and tilted her face up, their lips catching on one another and falling open so that they could both taste each other in relish. Talenna let her tongue slip out to trace teasingly along the edge of Vir’s mouth, but before she could continue her slow torture, she felt the sharp bite of teeth into the plush of her lip, and Virelan pulled away, a brighter shine in her eyes than before when she had just woken. 

“I assure you, not as much as I am to have you back,” she huffed, her voice warm and gravelly with sleep. 

Talenna chuckled. “Oh?” She slipped off of Vir and to the side, settling in the crook of her lover’s shoulder so that one leg lay slung between the woman’s thighs, the rest of Tal’s body pressed fully into her silhouette. “I am not so sure I believe you, ise’amelan.” She ghosted her finger over Vir’s collar bone teasingly, and delighted as she saw her lover shiver in response. “I spent a month in a frozen basin, with no one to warm my bed rolls. It was a lonely few weeks.” 

“No more lonely than mine without you here,” Virelan rumbled back, her hand sliding around the curve of Talenna’s waist to hold her that much tighter. 

“You had Tulin to keep your company.”

“Yes, but I am afraid Tulin has taken to spending his nights sleeping over with Krem and the rest of the Chargers,” Virelan shot back, but not with malice. There was only a storm’s rumble in her voice, humid and lazy. “Come. Sit on my face, ma’arasha, and I will show you exactly how much I missed having you here with me.” 

A bolt of hot thrill twisted in Talenna’s stomach then. It was late, and truthfully they both should sleep, lest they regret it come morning. But historically, Talenna had never been much good at denying Virelan her way. Not when she requested such a thing, and especially not when she did so like that. 

The heat in her belly began to spread, and with a quiet snort, Talenna rose, shucking off her tunic and sliding her smalls from her hips. Letting them, too, drop to the floor. “Only because you asked so nicely,” she said, and pushed up onto her knees. 

Clearly happy with herself, Virelan’s lips curled into a proud grin, and she scooted lower along the bed, just enough so that Talenna could throw her legs into a straddle on either side of Virelan’s pointed ears. Strong fingers buried themselves into the meat of Talenna’s thighs, dragging her just a little higher until finally Talenna could feel the warm, wet brush of Vir’s breath between her legs– in and out. A victorious huff.

Talenna shivered, and moaned a little. 

A low purr rose from Vir’s throat, and the woman dragged her roughened grip further up the back of Talenna’s legs, taking a moment to cup and squeeze at the curve of her ass, before sliding her hand back down all over again. With a firm hold, she tugged Talenna’s legs just an inch or so wider apart, took a deep breath in, and sighed happily. “Mmmn, I’ve missed you.” 

And without further preamble, tilted her chin up and buried her mouth deep against Talenna’s folds. 

Unable to help herself, Talenna let out a wanton groan, her head falling back in rapture. “Ahhh…fuck, Vir.” Like Antivan clockwork, her hand fell down to scrape roughly against Vir’s scalp, tugging her closer against her apex. It really had been too long.

Virelan made an approving noise, craning further to drag the flat of her tongue up to Talenna’s clit, where she pressed down hard before parting it with a sharp lick. Talenna lurched reflexively, but the firm grip digging into the back of her thighs held her steady as Virelan pulled her down further and began to nurse at Talenna’s clit with abandon. Another broken cry flew from Talenna’s lips.

Fenedhis- thank the Creators that they could be loud again. Talenna doubted she would be able to bite her tongue even if she tried.

She rocked her hips into Virelan’s mouth, shuddering with every drag and suck that the woman beneath took of her. She could practically feel the curve of Virelan’s grin.

“Mmmmnnn arashaaaaa,” she purred, letting the endearment wash over Talenna’s dripping cunt as she pulled back to steal some air. “I fucking love how you taste. Did you know that?”

Talenna swallowed the whine that fought to crawl its way up her throat. Or rather, she choked on it. “I do believe you mention it every time we do this,” she croaked, a wry twist of frustration in her tone. Virelan always liked to stretch out her tortures, but tonight Talenna did not have the patience for it. She had gone without anything for near over two months now, with travel to and from the Basin taking almost as long as her assignment there, and her temper had been frayed by the distance. 

Just to prove her point, she tugged lightly on the back of Vir’s head– a silent order to continue.

Virelan just chuckled at her. “Can I not be allowed to take my time and enjoy your flavor, arasha?”

“No,” Talenna huffed flatly, and in belligerence, she tugged again, harder.

“Alright, alright,” Virelan cooed, her tongue flicking out to catch a bit of Talenna’s slick from between her folds. “You needn’t throw a tantrum.”

Talenna tilted her head disbelievingly as she stared down at her, her lips twisted in an unimpressed scowl. “I will if you continue stalling.” 

Virelan just snorted and, after a moment’s torturous waiting, tugged her back down against her mouth. 

This time, Talenna did not hesitate to rock her hips into the broad stroke of Vir’s tongue. Her thighs clamped tight to either side of Vir’s head as she held her close and swayed with the motions and rhythm. She danced, as Vir fucked her slow and good on her tongue. Talenna released a string of low curses, allowing the full weight of her body to sink until finally she felt the back of Vir’s head press into the mattress beneath them. She rolled her hips again, with more urgency, and she could feel her lover’s approval through a reverberating groan that reached Talenna’s insides. She shuddered, and canted into the sensation.

“Fuuuck,” she sighed, her hips stuttering as she began to increase her tempo. Virelan took to the  change easily, of course, and flattened her tongue so Talenna saw stars behind her eyes with every sharp jerk. Talenna rode her fast and with fervor, savoring the wet slide of her lover’s tongue against her clit and through her folds. Gods, but it had been too fucking long. “Your mouth feels amazing, ma’lath.”

Virelan only purred, and sucked hard on Tal’s clit as soon as it was close enough to catch. 

Talenna lurched and cried out in pleasure. A reaction that only made Virelan repeat what she had done again. 

This time, she buckled over on herself as a shudder ripped through her body, nearly robbing her of her balance. Talenna could feel her climax mounting fast– the overwhelming pleasure paired with the extensive time of going without making for a powerful and dangerous combination. A hand snapped out to grab hold of the headboard for support, and collecting every ounce of willpower she had, Talenna pushed the orgasm back down. 

Not yet. 

But try as she might to stave it off, it had not stopped Virelan from noticing her slip in composure, nor the hitch in her hips as Talenna slowed to relieve the too-tight coil of pleasure in her belly. A lapse that she was too sharp not to take advantage of. 

Two fingers plunged into Talenna’s core as Virelan shifted her sole focus to Talenna’s clit. Sucking, licking, and teething while her hand wreaked havoc on her insides. And her sensibilities. 

“Fuck, ma’asha,” she growled, throwing her head back. But no matter how hard she tried to rein in her hunger, still, her body moved. Danced, as Vir’s fingers plunged again and again into her wet heat. Ceaseless. Maddening. Fuck, fuck- 

A sharp curl of Virelan’s fingers timed well with the broad tipped lick of her tongue against Talenna’s clit sent her tumbling into the white abyss. She broke with a loud moan, rutting down hard and staying there as her body clamped and shook in pleasure. She knew if Virelan needed to, she could easily throw Talenna in favor of breath, but the woman stayed stationary, happily lapping up the slick that flowed free from between her legs. The show off. 

With a weary huff, Talenna collapsed onto the bed beside her partner, still shuddering with the aftershocks of her orgasm. Even as Virelan finished cleaning her face and hand of the gleam that coated them, Talenna had still yet to fully catch her breath. Her chest heaved, and her stomach clenched, and she was finally and truly at ease. Never again would she leave Skyhold for so long– not without her. 

Like before, Virelan wasted no time in throwing an arm around her and pulled her loosely against a fire-warm chest. The cradle of Virelan’s embrace almost too warm against her sticky, sweat-cooled skin, but Talenna did not minded it. It was a familiar enough feeling by now, and she happily sank into the heat with a tired hum. All of a sudden, her eyelids felt as though they were made of lead.

Virelan whispered low in her ear. “Welcome home, love.” 

A kiss was pressed to the side of Talenna’s brow, tender and hushed, like a lover’s secret. She hummed softly in affirmation, glad to be back. More than glad. But as much as she wanted to say that, she could already feel the shackles of sleep taking her. She could no longer hold open her eyes. 

“See you in the morning.”

In the morning, then. It was a promise. 

She drifted off to sleep in the peaceful embrace of their room– a barely crackling hearth her lullaby, and the truth of Vir’s statement sitting firmly in her heart. Tomorrow, Talenna would wake, and Virelan would be the first thing she sees. Her breath, the first thing she feels as it passes through her bangs, slow and restful. They would wake and share breakfast. Tulin would eventually return, and happily embrace her with a bright smile and some flower or other in hand.

They would see each other tomorrow. She was home. 

[misc-obeyme]

Still micheal anon but I think that nb Michael is still obsessed with the brothers to a degree to the point that he's willing to do anything to bring them back. While og om Michael has come to terms with it more while still obviously missing them.

It kind of reminds me of a clingy child in that aspect, still extremely attached and unwilling to let go of them even though they themselves might have moved on from him.

I'm also curious about Raphael on this because for someone who just got impersonated he doesn't seem that upset about it. It probably has to do with him at this point in time being closest to Micheal and in his character introduction how he couldn't leave Michael alone after the brothers left. (And I'm glad he did bc even with Raphael Micheal definitely isn't in a sound place of mind but at least he still has Raphael.)

And I was doubting how close Raphael truly was but then I saw how much of an idiot Micheal seemed in the hard mode that reminded me a lot of my own younger brother that really stopped my doubts. It's clearly obvious to me that the Micheal mc knows and the Micheal the brothers and Raphael know are different.

Kinda lengthy again but I do enjoy hearing your thoughts, also for the past weeks I've been brain rotting about him and the possibilities and that really leaks into my asks.

Ugh yes the brain rot is real with this game! I enjoy hearing your thoughts as well, so thank you for sharing them with me!

I honestly hadn't considered the difference between NB Michael and OG Michael, but you're totally right. NB Michael has only just recently lost all his brothers. I guess I can cut him some slack because of that, it would certainly explain the way he seems like he'd do just about anything to get them back. Even if that means forcing them to choose between leaving Satan behind and possibly starting a war between the Celestial Realm and the Devildom. It's definitely a bit of an immature response, though, because even if he's doing it out of desperation, he's only considering his own feelings by doing it at all, in my opinion.

Honestly, I am starting to really like Raphael. He's a little unhinged, but he seems to have everyone's best interests at heart. I really thought that Raphael just knew all the stuff he did when he was in the Devildom because he was so close with Michael that Michael told him everything. I was not expecting that it was actually Michael disguised as Raphael at all. But I feel like Michael needs Raphael and it's good that Raphael is still around, just like you said. Though I did find it interesting that at the end of the hard lesson, Raphael said maybe he should have followed Lucifer when he had the chance. It makes me wonder why he decided not to. I think Simeon feels really guilty about not siding with Lucifer, but Raphael doesn't seem to have that same regret? It sounded more like he was saying that following Lucifer would have been easier than dealing with Michael now that Lucifer is gone lol.

I definitely think there's a bit of a theme with characters who act different depending on who they're around. Michael is always pretty formal with MC, even when he's pretending to be Raphael. And yet, when he's talking to Raphael, it's clear that he's something of a troublemaker and possibly doesn't actually know what he's doing at all. It seems like he's just using the formality of the Celestial Realm to make it seem like he knows what he's doing, but he absolutely doesn't.

All this is to say that I don't dislike Michael! I actually don't feel strongly one way or the other yet because we don't have enough information about him. I'm just not particularly pleased with the things he's been doing in the last couple of lessons. I get the feeling they're going to introduce him for real in the next season, so I think if we get to spend more time getting to know him, I'll be able to form a real opinion of him.

Though in the end I usually find reasons to love all the characters, so I suspect he'll grow on me just like Raphael has lol.

[entitled-fangirl]

Hi! I tried to send this before but I think Tumblr ate it. I was the person who shared the massive anon post about writing advice. I am SOO glad that my advice was able to help you! So…character sheet. As I said before, I don’t do a super in-depth character sheet. I add and/or take away things as needed, but I’m gonna link my basic character sheet here —> [link]. You can make a copy of it and edit it whichever way you may need. In my opinion, the parts that are really important are personality, goals, and backstory. The character’s want, need, fear, and false belief are what will really drive their character arc and, in turn, the story. Please remember that you don’t have to follow every part of the character sheet. That sheet is only a guide, so if you feel like something doesn’t apply or that something is missing, feel free to leave it blank or add to it.

When it comes to the likability of your antagonist, I think there are a few different approaches you can take to make them likable but not too likable. One would be giving them relatable goals like wanting to protect their family or the greater good, but having them take extreme measures that result in the suffering of others/innocents (ex: Alicent Hightower or Magneto from X-Men). Another would be giving them a unique personality that makes them interesting to read about. An example of this would be The Joker from Batman. We all know he’s batshit crazy and totally irredeemable because of his actions, but a lot of people still love him as an antagonist because of his personality. Equipping your antagonist with some form of charisma, humor, or intelligence can make them very likable and entertaining to read about because they’re more than just the “big bad” of the story. Give them layers, a personality, a backstory, and their own set of goals that may or may not be relatable, but make sure their actions are extreme enough that the readers still view them as antagonists.

As for your main girl, I honestly don’t think you have much to be worried about. Based on the way you write your main girls in your fics, you do a good job of giving them unique attributes that make them interesting even with them being reader-insert characters. With that said, I have a few pieces of basic advice that may help. My first piece of advice is to not feel pressured to stick to stereotypes. Your main girl doesn’t have to be a badass, sword-wielding, love-repulsed woman who hates wearing dresses to be a non-bland main girl. There’s nothing wrong with any of those character qualities, but they can often fall flat or feel bland because a lot of authors make that their main girl's whole character. There are many things that you can give a character to make them more interesting to read about, such as an intriguing backstory, a secret, dynamic relationships with others that showcase different sides of her personality or parts of her past, flaws, interesting attributes (hobbies, skills, habits, quirks, etc.), or giving her things she’s worried about outside of her potential love interest or the antagonist of the story. Remember that in the world of your story, your character existed before they appeared on the first page (unless they’re born on the first page lol) and use that to your advantage. Something that also may help is thinking about characters you like and don’t like from books, TV shows, and movies, and listing out the reasons why you like or don’t like those characters. This can give you ideas of qualities you may want to incorporate or avoid incorporating into your main girl (it can also be helpful with antagonists). I think the character sheet will be able to help you out, though. If you’re still worried about her after you’ve used the character sheet, let me know and I can help.

Now, dialogue is definitely your strong suit. I can tell that through your fics alone. You’re right that the amount of dialogue is something that is dependent on the author’s preference or voice/style. In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with having a lot of dialogue because it’s just part of your personal author’s voice. During your first draft, don’t worry about too much dialogue. Just focus on getting your story on the page. During the editing phase after your first draft, you can go back and chip away at the dialogue if you feel it’s too much. (TIP: During the editing phase, instead of deleting good pieces of writing, create a master doc with all of those pieces for later use.) On that note, something else that I recommend is getting a writer buddy or two, if you don’t already have one. It really helps to be able to bounce ideas off someone else who is also a writer. Since you’re a dialogue-heavy writer, it would probably be helpful to have a writer buddy peer read your draft once it’s complete. They can help you discern what should and shouldn’t stay in since it’s sometimes hard for us writers to chip away at our own work.

Another thing I think is important for you to remember is that you don’t need to nail down everything before you start writing your first draft. Your antagonist, main character, and even your plot don’t have to be perfect because they are subject to change as you continue to revise, rework, and rewrite your novel. Some of my first drafts are missing entire characters that I added in later rewrites, entire scenes that I simply did not write (I would literally just put [insert fight scene] and leave it for future me to figure out), and sometimes they would be missing entire plot lines that I added in later drafts. The objective of your first draft is getting the story on paper, and it’s going to be rough, and that’s okay.

I hope I was able to help! If you have any more questions and want to ask me directly, my DMs are always open! I will gladly help. That goes for anyone else too. Hope to hear some updates on the project eventually! ♡

You're literally God's gift to mankind. (I'm mankind)

This is SOOOO helpful!

From the little I've written, I've beat myself up about it not being perfect already and it's like "Drew, holy shit, take like two breaths and keep going"

Just get the story on paper. Got it.

Thank you pookie🥹