#i would know i and my entire high school friend group is bi

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

hiiii can you write about precrash nat and reader. reader moves to wiskayok and moves to nats trailer park. her and nat don't really talk much because reader attracts more of a popular crowd. reader hides the fact that she lives in a trailer park from her new popular friends. reader joins the soccer team and starts to become more friendly with nat. one day after practice nat offers reader a ride home and she accepts. nat and reader become closer after that. reader develops a crush on nat but doesn't like that either because she feels like its wrong. readers friends notice that shes been hanging out with nat and getting rides with her and they dont like that so they follow nat and reader and realize that reader lives in a trailer park. so the next day they bully tf out of reader and tell everyone. reader goes to nat for comfort and thats when reader reveals her feelings for nat

lololol this is my first time requesting so i hope its good

What a Shame

Natalie Scatorccio x Fem! reader

5.9k words

Warning(s): Bullying, drug use (weed), internalized homophobia, slut shaming, blatant homophobia, bi! Nat, ambiguously queer reader

Quick note that I know almost nothing about sports in general, let alone soccer (I haven't played sports in 4 years and I haven't even touched a soccer ball since 2nd grade)

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Moving right before your senior year of high school was not your idea of a good time. Moving to a trailer park right before the start of your senior year was your nightmare.

Sure, you knew why you'd moved. Your dad had lost his job, and your mom wasn't in the picture. So, moving it was. Hopefully, your dad would find a new job, and at least here no one would know what happened. You didn't have much going for you, but you had that.

The only downside was, in fact, the trailer.

But you were determined to make the best of it. Make friends, get good grades, and not let anyone, literally anyone, find out where you lived. You just had to make it through one year. How hard could it be?

One small hitch in that plan was Natalie Scatorccio. She knew exactly where you lived. Because apparently the two of you were neighbors. Which was... not ideal.

Somehow, though, you'd made it through the entire first semester without word getting out about your housing situation. Your friends had no idea, and somehow you even managed to be somewhat popular.

"I'm thinking about joining the soccer team," you say offhandedly at lunch one day.

"I mean, it's not a bad idea. You played at your old school, right?" One of your friends asks, looking at you.

"Yeah, I was the goalie. I've heard they already have one, but I don't mind being second string." You shrug, picking at your lunch.

"Doesn't hurt to try! Plus, the team's like, really good. Not like you have anything to lose. Besides, you're probably better than the current goalie. I heard she's a total d-" Before she can finish the sentence, the bell for the end of lunch rings.

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Two days later, you're standing on the soccer field, listening to the head coach go over the rules and expectations for tryouts. Nothing you haven't heard before, so it's pretty harmless when you tune him out to scope out the players already on the team.

And- Shit, was that..?

Natalie. Your Neighbor.

Because of course it was. Honestly, she didn't seem like the type to play sports, let alone soccer. But you knew that you probably didn't look like a soccer player either, so it wasn't the most valid assumption.

Soon enough, you're being ushered into groups based on the position you're trying out for. There's only one other girl trying out for goalie, so you're fairly sure that you'll make the team. If only to play backup to the redhead that you'd seen in a couple of your classes.

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Tryouts go about as smoothly as expected, and you're even more confident about making the team by the end. The poor girl who was also trying out had clearly never played soccer in her life. You almost felt bad for her. Almost.

You weren't the best at any sort of dribbling or shooting drill, but that wasn't exactly necessary for the position of goalie. What you lacked in those skills was made up for in agility and your goalkeeping abilities.

Officially, though, you don't know if you've gotten the position for another week. Which, fine. It's not like you needed practices to start immediately or anything. You were just kind of bored. And maybe a little sick of your friends. But you could wait. It would at least give you time to prepare to interact with Natalie at practice.

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Two weeks later, you find yourself on the soccer field after school. As expected, you made the team. Also as expected, you weren't a starter. Which wasn't the worst possibility. At least you had made the team. And Van, the starting goalie, seemed really funny. She wasn't a bitch to you, either. Which was honestly unexpected. since you were her backup. Certainly seemed nicer than your friends.

Honestly, the whole team seemed nicer than your current friends. Sure, you could already tell that Jackie was going to be a lot to deal with, and Taissa was a bit intimidating. But that's better than complete assholes. Even Natalie at least seemed indifferent to you.

You're standing out on the field, talking to some other new recruits. And by talking, it was more like standing there and listening to them talk to each other. Almost everyone else had moved up from JV, while you were the only new student on the team. Everyone else knew each other, it seemed. It was kind of expected, though, and you had gotten used to being the new girl.

None of the other seniors really talked to you, each of them already having formed friend groups. You could see the factions now. Lottie, Taissa, and Van were all talking together. About what, you had no idea. Shauna and Jackie were practically attached at the hip, so there was no way you were going to be able to get in the middle of that. Natalie was nowhere to be seen, which didn't exactly surprise you. Which left Laura Lee, a sweet, devout Christian girl. You could work with that.

Before you could approach Laura Lee, though, Lottie walks up to you.

"Hi, you're the new girl, right? I'm Lottie, the starting center back." she's smiling, which is a good sign. It's a bit odd that she's talking to you, though, considering her reputation as the richest girl in school.

"Oh, hi. I'm y/n. Second string goalie." You smile back at her, trying to appear more confident than you're feeling. Despite being somewhat popular, you weren't really a fan of trying to navigate talking to new people, which is why you stuck with your friends despite you not always getting along with them.

"No offense, but I kind of already know who you are. Not everyone transfers schools their senior year." Lottie seems almost smug, but it's more confidence than anything. She knows how to charm people, that's for sure.

It feels like she knows exactly why you moved to Wiskayok, which is odd. No one knows why you moved except for you and your dad. And you certainly didn't tell her.

Despite the weird aura coming from her, Lottie actually seems really nice. As much as you want to trust her immediately, you know its probably best to keep your guard up, at least for the time being. Maybe if you get closer, you can explain your living situation.

Suddenly, you wonder if the Yellowjackets soccer team knows that Nat lives in the trailer park. It's a decently small town, and you assume that most of these girls have lived in Wiskayok for their entire lives. How did they take it when Nat revealed where she lived, if she did? Do they care? Has everyone just always known?

Lottie's looking at you kind of weird, and you realize you must have zoned out for longer than you thought. Before you can say anything, though, Coach Martinez has everyone pair up for drills. Lottie grabs your arm before you even have a second to think about who you'll pair with.

"You're with me, new girl. Van and Tai always pair up and leave me to partner with Nat, but not today. You're stuck with me." She's smiling, which puts you at ease. She's not as intimidating as she seems from afar.

She starts passing you the ball, and you silently wonder if maybe you're not supposed to be doing this drill, since you're a goalie. But Van's passing with Taissa, so you don't say anything. Besides, it's not like you're the coach.

You spend the rest of the drills paired with Lottie, until you have to be separated for your respective positions. It's weird, only having Van there with you. She's really talkative, though, which is a good distraction from your general nerves surrounding practice

"You've played before, right?" She's talking to you now, as you're shuffling back and forth for agility training.

"Yeah, all through high school," you reply, trying to focus on your footwork.

"How's it feel being second string your senior year?" She's clearly not being mean or insensitive. She honestly sounds a bit teasing, and you can appreciate that.

"Better than nothing." She laughs at that, and you feel like you won something. All of these girls seemed so nice. Maybe you'd be able to start ditching your friends.

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An hour and a half later, you're starting on your walk home. Silently, you're cursing yourself for showering in the locker room. You had hoped your dad would be able to pick you up, but he was working late. Which you appreciated, of course. But it was a little annoying.

Suddenly a shitty, old Toyota pulls up next to you. One that you recognize from the parking lot at school and the trailer down the street. Natalie.

"Need a ride?" She's looking at you through the open window, looking simultaneously bored and smug. Part of you wants to refuse, tell her to fuck off and leave you alone. But she doesn't seem to be pitying you, just genuinely asking if you want a ride home.

So, instead of ignoring her and walking to your trailer, you get in the damn car. Its not like she doesn't already know where you live.

Natalie doesn't say anything as she puts the car back into gear and starts driving. You're grateful for that, not exactly wanting to make small talk with her. She wasn't exactly the type that you'd normally hang around. Too rough around the edges, has too much of a reputation. Your friends wouldn't approve.

Nirvana is playing over the car's shitty speakers, and it's so typical of Natalie. You barely know the girl, yet you couldn't have guessed her music choices with more accuracy.

She's pulling up next to your trailer, and she looks over at you as you get out of the car.

"From now on, I'll drive you home." Natalie leaves no room for arguing, and you're not sure that you want to. Sure, she's not exactly someone you'd choose to spend a lot of time with. But she's not terrible, and driving home with Natalie definitely beats walking home by yourself.

You just give her a nod in response, not exactly sure how to react to a statement like that. And she wasn't exactly giving you an opportunity to say no.

Nat drives off, down the street to her own trailer, and you walk into yours.

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A month of soccer practice and rides home with Nat after, and the two of you are actually starting to become friends. The first two weeks, neither of you spoke, opting to just listen to whatever was on the radio. That is, until you finally got bored and started talking to her around the third week. Nothing crazy, just stuff about the team.

At this point, though, you've started talking about yourselves. What you like to do, how you feel about certain people. Nat's funny, and sarcastic, and honestly just someone you really like being around.

"Jackie's been driving me crazy this week. I get that our first game is on Saturday, but come on. It's not like I'm slacking off on purpose." She doesn't seem genuinely pissed off, just a bit annoyed. You have noticed that Jackie puts more pressure on Nat than almost anyone else on the team.

"Did you do something to piss her off?" you ask, looking at Nat as she drives.

"I mean, I showed up to homeroom high on Tuesday. But that doesn't mean I'm slacking at practice."

"I mean, I guess I can see why that would piss her off. It is kind of unwarranted, though. You've been practicing just as hard as everyone else."

She nods at that, and you fall into another comfortable silence for a few little while.

"Speaking of being high..." Natalie trails off, and you get a little giddy, although you don't show it. You'd been hoping that she would want to hang out outside of your car rides.

When you give her a little nod, she grins, looking triumphant. Clearly, she wanted to be around you just as much as you wanted to be around her.

Instead of dropping you off at your trailer like usual, she brings you to hers.

"My mom's probably asleep or staring at the TV, so we won't have to worry about her." Natalie gets out of the car, gesturing for you to join her. She doesn't say anything about her dad, and you know why, even if no she hasn't told you. It was hard to avoid the rumors, how people would look at her sometimes.

Honestly, it didn't matter to you if the rumors were true or not. Natalie wasn't the sort of person to resort to violence without good reason. And from what you heard, she would've had a very good reason.

You climb out of the car and follow her through the trailer, into her bedroom. It's so Nat, with posters all over the walls, stacks of CD's on her desk and on the floor. A beat-up acoustic guitar sits in the corner, and you make a mental note of it. Clothes are in piles all over the floor, but you honestly couldn't care less about the state of her room. It felt good, to be somewhere lived in. To be around someone that understood your living situation

Natalie sits down on the edge of her bed, smiling at you. The gesture was enough to make you feel a bit more comfortable, and you found yourself sitting down next to her.

"Have you smoked before?" She pulls out an old Altoids container, opening it up to pull out one of the pre-rolled joints inside.

You shake your head no, pulling your legs up on the bed so you can sit more comfortably.

"No. Well, once I took a hit from some guy at a party, but it was shit and I couldn't stop choking."

Nat laughs at that, lighting up the blunt as the two of you talk.

"That's probably because you just took a hit and had no idea what you were doing. Watch what I do." She makes sure that you're looking at her before inhaling the smoke from the blunt, holding it in for a few seconds before exhaling. "You're gonna want to cough your first couple of hits. That's normal."

She held the joint out to you, and when you took it, your fingers brushed together. The contact you feel weird, but you chalked it up to the nerves of smoking weed for the first time. This kind of thing wasn't normally something that you'd do.

Tentatively, you brought the blunt to your lips and took a hit. The smoke burned your throat as you inhaled, but you managed to keep from coughing. Nat grins as she notices you holding back a cough, and she holds her hand out for the joint.

You pass it back to her, this time trying to keep your hands from touching. Natalie takes another hit, longer this time, and part of you wants to just stare at her.

As soon as that thought crosses your mind, you immediately snap out of it. You don't want to stare at her, she's your friend. People don't stare at their friends. Get a grip.

Nat holds on to the joint for a little longer this time, taking a couple more hits before she offers it back to you. This time, you get a bit bolder, taking a deeper pull. It takes you a little more effort to keep from coughing, but you manage it.

The two of you stay like that a while, passing the joint back and forth between each other, just enjoying the fuzzy feeling of being high, and enjoying each other's company. At some point, Nat puts a record on, something grungy that you recognize, but don't remember the name of.

You're lying flat on your back in the middle of the floor, and Nat looks down at you, clearly holding back a laugh.

"You doin' okay?" She lightly kicks your shoulder, trying to get you to have some sort of reaction. You nod in response, completely zoned out. The floor just feels so nice.

She looks good, you think. Something about the way she was a bit messy was so beautiful for her. You chalk these thoughts up to the weed, to never really being friends with someone that looks like Nat.

"Can you talk?" Nat's full-on laughing now, obviously finding your position hilarious.

"Do you want me to?"

"Just seeing if you could."

You're not egregiously high or anything, a nice buzz, really. Part of you knows that you should probably go home soon, make sure your dad isn't wondering where you are.

There's just something comforting about Nat's bedroom, about being around someone in the same situation as you. There's no judgement, no fear.

You do end up leaving, eventually. Once your eyes are no longer red and the smell of weed has mostly dissipated. Nat walks you to your trailer, claiming that she's better at defending herself. You don't have it in you to argue. Plus, it's nice that she still wants to spend time with you.

She walks you up to the door, and the two of you stand there awkwardly for a moment, waiting for the other to say something.

"See you tomorrow?" Nat almost looks nervous, like you're going to say no for some reason.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." With that, you smile and walk inside.

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It had been a few weeks since you first smoked with Natalie, and it had become a routine for the two of you. Go to practice, drive to Nat's trailer, and light up.

You should've known your friends would notice at some point.

"How's soccer, y/n?" one of your friends stares pointedly at you, like she knows something. Something you don't even know.

"Oh, it's going really well! The girls on the team are all so nice, and we all play really well together." You stay as natural as possible, trying to gauge what's happening.

"That's sweet," she remarks, in a tone you know means she thinks it's anything but sweet.

"You've been hanging out with the slut a lot recently," another girl chimes in, "Is there something that you wanted to tell us?"

You nearly choke on your water when she says that, and you're sure that you must have misheard her.

"Who?" It takes a moment to compose yourself, looking over at your friend.

"You know who I'm talking about. The burnout? The slut?" When you still look confused, she rolls her eyes, h8uffing at your obliviousness. "Natalie Scatorccio? Pretty sure she's fucked half the school. And it isn't entirely the male half."

Now it's your turn to roll your eyes, but you don't say anything to defend Nat. You know that you should, that she's your friend. But fighting with these girls could cause them to turn on you. And you were hiding too many things for that to happen.

For some reason, your friends don't push further. Why, you're not sure. But you sure aren't going to push it.

Everyone goes back to talking about other things, boyfriends, movies, music. You aren't interested, though. You're too busy thinking about what your friend said. About Nat not just sleeping with guys. Was she gay? She hadn't said anything to you.

Did that mean you had a chance?

Wait. You didn't want a chance with her. You weren't into girls. That was weird. It didn't matter that you felt at home with her, or liked the way she'd laugh at your shitty jokes, or talk about her favorite musicians for hours. You weren't into girls. You weren't into Nat.

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Practice was weird. You kept fucking up, which wasn't at all normal for you. Coach Scott even started yelling at you, which was a blow.

It got so bad that Coach Martinez kept you after practice to run laps, and you expected that Nat would have left by the time you finished. Instead, you found her waiting by her car, looking concerned.

"Hey, are you okay? You seemed really out of it today," she asks, clearly worried about you.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. My friends just said some shit at lunch today, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

"What did they say?" And she looks so upset that you want to tell her, but you just can't. You don't want her to confirm that she's gay, but for some reason, you don't want her to tell you she isn't, either.

"Just being assholes. Honestly, I don't know why I'm friends with them. I don't like them very much. Or at all."

Natalie laughs at that, and you feel a little bit better.

"You could, I don't know, not be friends with them anymore?"

"I mean, I could. But you're my only friend besides them. Plus, if I piss 'em off too bad, they'll make my life hell. Not taking that chance."

Nat nods, seemingly understanding.

"Would just hanging out with me all the time really be that bad?" She's obviously joking, but you can't help but imagine, just being around Natalie all the time. Smoking, listening to music, making out-

Wait, what?

There's no way, right? No way that you want to kiss a girl, let alone Nat. Let alone make out with her. You're straight. Always had been, always will be. You were normal. You liked boys. Not girls. Didn't matter how pretty Natalie was. Kissing her was weird. And wrong.

You laugh, trying to shake that image from your head. One person says that Nat may be gay, and all of a sudden you're losing your mind. You aren't gay.

"No, It wouldn't be that bad. Could be kinda fun."

Your mood has lifted significantly from just being in the car with Nat, and you think about what could happen if you just... ditched your friends.

Today is one of the rare days where your dad is home in time for dinner, so Nat drops you off at your own trailer today.

"If they're dicks again, tell me. I'll kick their asses." She's grinning at you, and you stare at her for a moment before it hits you.

You're in love with her. Absolutely whipped. And there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.

Instead of a response, you give a tight-lipped smile before basically sprinting into your trailer.

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Going to school the next day might be the most difficult thing that you've ever done. Even more difficult than pretending everything was normal over dinner with your dad the night before.

At least today, your dad could take you to school, and you didn't have to face Nat. And you didn't have practice that afternoon, so you really didn't have to see her much. Which was ideal. You didn't know how you'd be able to deal with being around her. Especially being alone with her.

Your morning is uneventful, and for once, your friends are actually a good distraction. Talking about new movies, new music, being generally entertaining instead of annoying.

Unfortunately, Nat is still driving you home. And there's nothing you can do to avoid it, unless you want to walk. Which you definitely don't.

You're quiet the whole ride, and you know Natalie can tell that something's off. The good thing about Nat, though, is that she wouldn't push. She had her own secrets, and she didn't expect you to share yours.

"D'you want to smoke?" You want to say yes so badly, to just spend as much time with her as possible. Yet there's this fear that the weed will make you spill your secret, and you just can't do that.

You weren't supposed to like her. You weren't supposed to want her. And there was no way in hell she was ever going to know that you did. Never.

"Can't. I have to study." It's a bad lie, and you know it. Nat does, too. But she doesn't call you on it, even though you can tell that she wants to.

"Yeah, alright. See you, then." By now, you've pulled up to your trailer, and you thank her before getting out of the car. It almost hurt to leave her. There was just no conceivable way that you'd be able to act normal around her, especially if you were high.

As soon as you're in your room, you just lose it. You don't get how one girl can have you undone so quickly, but somehow Nat did it. And you hated it. You weren't supposed to want her like that. It was wrong.

Pulling your blanket up to your shoulders, you just cry. You have no idea how to deal with this, how to make yourself normal again. What would people think? What would your friends think? What would your dad think?

What would Nat think? Would she think you were weird for liking girls? Would she judge you? Would she be grossed out that you were into her, of all people?

Of course, there was the high possibility that she was queer. Sure, she hadn't said anything explicit, but there was a vibe about her. Not to mention all the rumors.

Despite the comfort of Natalie potentially being gay, you couldn't keep from crying. You knew mascara was staining your pillow, but you couldn't quite care.

The rest of the night was spent crying, until you eventually cry yourself to sleep.

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Two weeks.

Two weeks of pretending that you weren't in love with Nat, two weeks of pretending you weren't gay, two weeks of struggling by yourself.

You couldn't tell anyone, and it was absolutely killing you.

Sure, you thought about telling Van. You noticed the way that she looked at Taissa. But telling someone made it real. Telling someone solidified the abnormality of you.

So, you kept it to yourself. Sure, it was torture. But at least it was safe.

Nat was still driving you too and from school, and you had gotten the courage to smoke with her again. Things were almost normal, despite you knowing that they weren't.

Today was different, though. And you could feel it.

The weird part was that the difference wasn't with Nat. The ride to school was the same as always. Both of you quiet, still waking up.

No, the weird part was your friends. As soon as you got to school, you could tell that something was off with them. Everyone was giving you weird looks, and they were all barely talking to you. It scared you, the thought of them finding out your secret.

Turns out that they did figure your secret out. Just not the one that you thought.

"Surprised you can afford food," one girl says as you sit down at your usual lunch table.

"What?" You're confused. Why would they think that you can't afford to eat?

"You know, it's just that usually people with your... financial status... get free lunch. That doesn't look like free lunch." She smiles, a sickly sweet sort of look that makes your stomach drop.

You're silent, not exactly knowing what to say in this situation.

"Oh, don't be embarrassed! It's not your fault that you're trailer trash," another girl chimes in, that same fake kind look on her face.

It takes so much strength to keep from completely breaking down, knowing that if you did, they'd just get worse.

"Is that why you never want to go shopping with us?" A different voice is added to the mix, and you hate that they have this kind of power over you.

They keep berating you, insulting your trailer, your clothes, your lack of a car. Even your looks get commented on, and you hate it more than anything.

How they even found out where you lived was a mystery to you. You were so careful, and Nat would never tell them. She knew how badly you wanted to keep your living situation under wraps.

Eventually, lunch does end, but you don't go to class. There's absolutely no way that you could face anyone. Not your now ex-friends, and absolutely not Natalie.

Instead, you hide in the bathroom, spending the remaining two class periods locked in a stall. You know that you'll have to see Nat when she drives you home, but being alone for an hour and a half will hopefully give you enough time to calm down before you have to see her.

You cry. Of course you cry. Your life is falling down around you, and you're sitting in a bathroom stall. There's nothing to do but cry. You cry over your friends being horrible, you cry about the trailer you're living in, you cry about leaving your old friends behind to move. Mostly, though, you cry about being in love with a girl.

It's midway through last period when you pull yourself together, and by the time your face is back to its normal color, you've got ten minutes to get looking like yourself.

It doesn't take long to fix your makeup, and by the time the final bell rings, you look normal. Nat won't be able to tell that you were crying in the bathroom for half the day.

When you walk out to her car, Nat's waiting for you. As soon as she sees you coming, it's like she knows that something's wrong. She doesn't say anything, but she changes the music to something that she knows you like, which is her equivalent to giving you a hug.

While you appreciate the gesture, it just makes you lose it all over again. You're in the passenger seat of Nat's car, sobbing for the second time today.

"Shit, are you okay? What's wrong?" She glances over at you, still driving. "Do you need me to pull over?"

You shake your head in response, urging her to keep driving. It's impossible for you to get words out through your tears, and Nat doesn't try to get you to talk anymore. Instead, she drives you to your trailer and walks you inside.

Natalie leads you to to your bedroom, sitting you on your bed. For the first time in your friendship, she wraps her arms around you and gives you a real hug.

The contact doesn't keep you from crying, in fact it almost makes it worse. But you feel safe in her arms, like the words from your former friends can't touch you here. You have the vague thought that your mascara is staining Natalie's shirt, but she doesn't seem to care.

Both of you stay like that until you stop crying, Nat holding onto you like you're the only thing in the world that matters. Its uncharacteristically soft for her, and it feels special. Like you're someone she trusts with softness.

When you're finally calm enough, you pull away from her and start to explain what happened. Her arm stays around your waist, and you don't attempt to move it.

"My- my friends, they, uh, they found out... where I live." You're stuttering and tripping over what you're saying, and luckily Nat gets it from just those words.

"And they were asses about it?" she asks, and you nod. Her grip on your waist tightens, and she looks pissed.

"You don't deserve that shit. It's not like you can control where you live. Not to mention you're twice the person any of those girls will ever be." Nat somehow pulls you closer, and you feel such a strange mix of emotions.

"That- isn't everything." Maybe it's the contact, maybe it's how sweet she's being right now. Maybe you're just sick of hiding.

"What else?"

"I think I'm gay." The words come out in a rush, and you're not sure Natalie even understood what you were saying. That is, until she responds.

"Why do you think that?" Her response isn't at all judgmental, and you feel a little better saying your next words.

"I like a girl."

Natalie laughs, and for a moment, you internally freak out. Is this where the judgment comes in?

"Yeah, I guess that'll do it."

You can't help but laugh at her answer, and everything feels so much better. As much as you're grateful that she's not asking who the girl is, you almost want to tell her that it's her. Almost.

"I thought you might hate me."

"For being gay? You know I'm bi, right? Bisexual?"

The confirmation doesn't exactly shock you, but it's still a bit of a surprise. How easily she says it.

"I didn't. Know that."

"Surprise, I guess. I'm queer too."

"Did you... feel weird about it? Like when you first... figured it out, I guess."

She nods, and you feel a sense of relief. That you weren't the only one who found your own queerness a bit jarring.

Natalie doesn't try to reassure you that you're normal, that there's nothing wrong with you. She knows it's not going to make anything better immediately.

You sit in comfortable silence for a while, just decompressing from the insanity of your day. That is, until you speak up.

"I can't believe I told you that." The panic had started to set in at this point, and you regretted saying anything to Nat.

"It's not like I'm going to tell anyone, dude."

"Yeah." That makes you feel a bit better, although you're still freaking out a bit. You look up at her, giving a small smile, and there's a look on her face that you can't exactly put your finger on.

For some reason, neither of you seem to be able to look away from the other. It's almost as if you're in a trance, or like someone put a spell on you.

Suddenly, the two of you were kissing. It happened so quickly that neither of you could say who initiated the kiss, but neither of you pulled a way.

Nat's lips were chapped, and a bit rough against your own. Despite that, the kiss was soft. Something you didn't exactly expect from Natalie. One of her hands is still on your hip, and the other moves to run through your hair. Your own hands cup her cheeks, feeling her soft, pale skin under your fingers.

Every thought of how wrong loving Natalie is leaves your head. It's like she's kissing away all of your fears, and you're so grateful to her.

Eventually, you break apart so you can take a breath, and Natalie looks so beautiful. Somehow even better than she normally does.

"So, the girl you like..?" Natalie's smirking, and she clearly knows that you were talking about her.

In lieu of a response, you roll your eyes and flip her off. She laughs, clearly enjoying fucking with you. You aren't annoyed, not really. You're too giddy for that.

Nat pulls you down onto your bed so that you're lying down next to each other, and you feel so content in that moment.

"You know those girls are the worst, right?" You can tell that Nat is both trying to make you laugh and being completely genuine.

"Yeah."

"Good. You deserve to be treated better than that."

You nod and press a quick kiss to her lips, as if to say "thank you." She grins, pulling you into her side.

"Feeling like smoking now?"

[mini-golden]

⚠️ Spoilers for Chapter 357 ⚠️

Kinda... Not talking about the actual chapter cause I can't even AHHHH but an event that happened is mentioned so I'm going to put that little spoiler warning

This may just be wishful thinking but I hope now that Felix is out we get to see other characters exploring queerness a little bit. BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY FELIX WILL BE WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS AND A VERY HEARTFELT WE STILL LOVE YOU FELIX. Obviously this is fiction but like realistically queer people tend to gravitate towards each other. Like the domino effect is so real, I came out as bi (don't identify as bi anymore) in like year 7 and now my entire childhood friend group of 4 are all queer. I wasn't the one to create the domino effect in my high school friend group cause our group kept on getting mashed together with others throughout the years untill we have everyone we have now. Which is 3 queer people, 2 token straights and 1 unlabelled. It is the 1920-30s so I don't expect it to be explicit but like a couple lines here and there would be cool.

Genuinely a bit scared to see how the characters will react. I think most of them will be chill with it but I will honestly be upset if they are not. Granny is literally in her like 80s I'm sure she's had a conversation with a queer person in her life before. Red is a nurse, you kinda have to or should be a caring and understanding person to be a nurse. I don't think Dr. Oddswell would care like at all, Felix is helping and he trusts this person who he's knew since Felix was in college (I think).

I did a pole recently on Jerry and homophobic gay man won so there's that, no one cares what Jerry thinks though. He is a little snitch though so he better not tell anyone because omfg. The Warners will obviously be chill, if we're lucky we could get reference to non-binary Wakko. Same with Mr. Toad and Dr. Scratchy. Albert seems like a kind old man I think he'll be chill. John honestly gives me gay vibes so. Cuphead is so bisexual coded, I'm so convinced this man had a gay lover in his past. I think Bendy would ask questions and then be chill with it. I think his reaction would be 'oh so like the lesbians in hell, I didn't know you could like the same gender, that's good to know'. I hope Holly is told, I want to see her reaction cause I genuinely don't really know how she would react specifically to Fanny being the one who outed Felix. I feel like she would give the house a very passionate speech on how great Felix is and how the fact that he likes men doesn't diminish all that he's done for the house. Also Holly is just a great ally, that one Holly's Journal chapter when she was figuring out queer people exist was like 'how to be a good ally 101'. I did not mean to make this as long as it is, I just talk a lot.

[anotherbluesunday]

✨Teaser: In Technicolor✨

So some of you may know this, but my next fic that was set to release was originally called “Ballad of a Teenage Dream” and was a Wednesday x Skam crossover that showcased all the highs and lows of high school and the growing pains that come with the transition from teenager to young adult.

Well that story has been reworked, overhauled, and given new life.

I present to you my high school dramady, In Technicolor.

Set in Los Angeles, California, the story follows two groups of friends as their worlds collide. A modern spin on the social dynamics of Romeo and Juliet where two factions are warring but cannot remember why or why their bitter rivalry is so important to their identity, In Technicolor highlights the feuding of the wealthy and the everyday citizens to show the consequences that come from stripping culture and history from the city streets in the name of gentrification. It explores the complex relationships of families on either side of the fence to reveal that wealth does not always bring happiness. And finally, at the center of it all, the complicated friendships and relationships of the members of these two groups as they meld into one.

For our East LA champions, we follow the Addams siblings and their mismatched group of skateboarders, graffiti artists, musicians, and street racers.

For our Palisades elite, we focus on the Blossoms and Galpin’s—two families from extreme wealth that are not entirely honest about what they show the world.

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Important Story Information: If the visuals were not enough to give it away, this story will be a crossover with a different fandom. Entering the mix is the ensemble from Riverdale. I do want to caution readers now, there will be crossover pairings, character retcon on both sides, ageing up, ageing down, and changes to character personalities.

One such example is that Wednesday isn’t allergic to color and isn’t entirely unapproachable. She smiles and laughs but only when around those she trusts like her family and friends. Pugsley has been aged up and is Wednesday’s twin brother. My face claim for this version of Pugsley is Xolo Mariduẽna and I have made Pugsley (who also will be going by “Lee”) more confident and hotheaded with some snark and sass. Second to that, my face claim for Pubert “Bertie” Addams is Malachi Barton and Pubert/Bertie will be one year younger than his siblings—the twins Wednesday and Pugsley age 17 and in their senior year and Bertie age 16 entering his junior year.

On the Riverdale side of the crossover, I have made certain changes that I don’t want to reveal just yet for Archie’s character. That surprise will come soon enough because next I will be posting moodboards for specific couples that will be at the center of this story. But one change I will discuss now to get it out there to avoid hate comments and harassment is the issue of is Cheryl bi or is she a lesbian. In my story, she’s bi and will be paired with a male lead. I understand that the actress for her character went back and forth on Cheryl’s orientation but, to me, Cheryl reads like a chaotic bisexual that goes back and forth on her identity because being bi is confusing enough. And as someone who is bi, I would like to see more representation and fiction for people like myself because fandoms are so quick to erase bisexuality and pansexuality and criticize us when we speak up about it. So in this story, Cheryl is bi and she has broken up with her most recent girlfriend before meeting her next partner who is a man. And it’s fine.

If this upsets you, just swipe off of this post. Don’t leave mean comments or take digs at me because I’m not for any of this fandom infighting nonsense. It’s fiction and these characters can be whatever you want them to be in your stories.

However, if you don’t mind Cheryl liking both men and women, you don’t have an opinion either way, or your curious to see how this’ll pan out, stay tuned. I’d love to share this story with you. All are welcome so long as things stay civil and breezy.

So with that, I look forward to updating with the couple’s board and then the first chapter titlecard along with the chapter itself. Until then, stay lovely and stay groovy.💜

[teddykaczynski]

that sue donym article i read this morning is really sticking with me. the one comparing two different studies involving male children with gender dysphoria. and one is of boys who socially transitioned and those boys mostly grew up to be trans as adults, and the other group didnt socially transition and as adults came into themselves as gay/bi men. and sue's conclusion is more that... gender dysphoria/giid is a mental illness but that affirming and validating it from a medical perspective is perpetuating that mental illness especially since theres a lot of liteature showing that other path leads people to become adult homosexuals that arent lifelong medical patients. anyway. applying that to my own life.

well i socially transitioned at 13, right before i started high school. and from then i was very insistent that i was a boy and very sensitive when my family would call me she. my parents werent like.. validating right away to be clear. there was conflict about that. but my friends online and in person and the social scene was very much validating my GD, and said social scene encouraged me to think of myself as entirely different from other females. then i started hormones/blockers and my parents began to validate it even more.

what would the alternate path have looked like for me? it seems plausible that if no one around me took it seriously, that after several months-up to two years perhaps, i would have given up the ruse. and assumed a "same sex identification" as sue puts it. one of the things i was most scared about re my parents and detransition was how hard i had fought for this to happen to me. and it wasnt even that much later until i was saying actually this was the wrong idea. i felt like. i had to prove to them that i could stick it out. but im glad that my survival/self-preservation drive was stronger than the drive for my parents to not think im an idiot. once the idea was fully planted that i needed to get off T when i was 17 sprouted it was more important to me to stop than what they thought. anyway like, had none of that happened.... had it been like... i dont actually believe GD is why you attempted to kill yourself (it wasnt) so we wont move that much quicker on this. you know. i can see it. i dont really like hypotheticals. they just make me feel sadder about my situation or i try to imagine something even sadder and i shield my eyes i cant even look at her pain i dont want to think about a Me who got (blank) surgery or was hurt in lesbphobic ways im lucky enough not to have been i dont want. to think of her. but then shes thinking..... about how she wishes she was me. to her im doing so much better. and i am! i dont blame her for that. but i feel bad for not wanting to face her pain

[remidyal]

Bad Ideas of the Day, Part Three

My monthly-ish roundup of my bad dimension 20 fanfic ideas of the day prompts! As ever, all of these can be written by anyone who cares to do so.

Part two can be found here and part one here

Bad Idea Of the Day, Multi-class Edition: Following basic pattern recognition skills, Fig decides and convinces four of the other bad kids that the key to getting powerful wizard abilities is not hard work and study, but having a name that starts with the letter A. Can Adaine deal with walking in to class on the first day of school and finding five new students in her wizard classes, Afig, Akristen, Ariz, Agorgug, and Abian, or will she murder her friends on the spot?

Bad idea of the day, Sicktember is a curse edition: Out of respect for Aelwyn's compromised immune system following her time in the orb, the residents of Mordred Manor actually take proper precautions to avoid getting her sick during the following flu season. A fluff piece and alas seemingly pure fantasy.

Bad idea of the day, yes I already did one today edition: Fig, actually doing a bard assignment for once, needs to build a ballad for her family history and decides to include the entire insane non-Gorgug bad kids family tree, even the most tenuous links in it like Kristen and Aelwyn.

Bad idea of the day, role swap edition: Fabian, prince of Leviathan, must deal with a ship that has been raiding his father's trading vessels, led by two sisters who are pirating with varying degrees of reluctance to bring wealth back to their greedy and demanding parents

Bad idea of the day, backstory mix and match edition: In the summer before high school, Kristen and her entire family are ripped apart by the discovery that she is half-devil; meanwhile, wood elf Fig wakes up one morning to a god whispering in her head and is deeply annoyed because they won't just let her sleep in.

(If I want to do it for all of the bad kids, hmm… Riz's parents are actually retired thieves, while Bill Seacaster was actually a privateer working for Solace the whole time; Adaine is adopted and aware of it and hoping her birth parents would actually love her, while Gorgug has a wild gnomish older sister who may be up to some nefarious activity)

Bad idea of the day, every show needs a musical episode by its third season edition: The residents of Elmville have been cursed into bursting into song at the slightest provocation, with reactions ranging from the amused (Fig, Kristen) to the murderous (Riz, Aelwyn). What kind of villain could be behind such an impromptu act of theater?

Why, it's Sam Reich of course. He's been here the… you know the rest.

Bad idea of the day, I Like Werewolves Okay? edition - KINGSTON fails his con save to avoid becoming a werewolf during the train fight and everyone else needs to help him adjust without gnawing on too many people.

Bad idea of the day, the writer had to scroll back to see if it had already done a bad idea of the day today edition: A groundhogs day esque time loop for one of the bad kids, but it's not a dramatic day or anything special and in fact it's just kind of boring and miserable. This turns out to eventually be revealed to be revenge by Arthur Aguefort for some petty and long-forgotten-by-the-kid slight.

Bad idea of the day, campaign fusion edition: Arthur Aguefort sends the Bad Kids on their most dangerous and critical mission yet, shrinking them down to clean out his fridge and prevent the vegetables within from grouping up to kill him before he can eat them, without causing too much damage to the ecosystem he's been maintaining for the last five centuries. Can these mere fleshy beings stop this uprising against 'the hungry one' in the world of Calorum?

Bad idea of the day, early morning edition: Kristen's gay awakening is triggered not by Tracker, but rather by someone who her parents would hate even more: The cute bi rebellious tiefling in her new party.

Bad idea of the day, portal to hell edition: Daybreak succeeds in condemning Kristen to hell, which doesn't actually end the world but does mean Kristen's stuck in hell. Can she find a new god worth following in such spicy surroundings?

Bad idea of the day, after school special edition: Fig and Aelwyn get part-time jobs going around Solace to "demonstrate" the dangers of drugs and drinking by going to local school parties and faking getting into lethal car accidents, overdoses, and other mishaps to scare those local students into being drug free, mostly because both of them secretly find it funny and in Aelwyn's case she needs the money

Bad idea of the day, Double Your Pleasure edition: Riva, never quite certain how the pleasure putty they're selling works, finds out about oral sex and then makes the determination that the explosive material should be marketed as chewing gum. The ensuing pleasure blows people's minds!

Bad idea of the day, Oops All Spells edition: The bad kids manage to not get detention on the first day and to avoid accidentally playing into daybreak's hands, ending up in normal parties. Many of them have many troubles out of this, but the worst is for Fig, who finds herself tempted into hanging out with the first other tiefling she's ever met even if he is a little bit of a loser, one Johnny Spells

Bad idea of the day, Mentopolis edition: The Fix gets an assignment to wipe out serial distracter Imelda Pulse before she can ruin any more coworker's birthdays

Bad idea of the day, Afterlife edition: Figueroth Faeth is very bad at the paperwork of her domain in Hell, even after nearly fifty years running it. Luckily for her, her good friend and paperwork expert Riz Gukgak has just died of old age, and Fig isn't above cheating him out of heaven in order to get his administrative expertise in Hell.

Bad idea of the day, party swap edition: As part of a junior year test, all of the students in that year must do a relatively easy quest mixed up into different parties, with no two members of a typical party allowed to be together. How do the bad kids handle doing a mission with people who are less, well, generally insane and bloodthirsty than they are?

Bad Idea of the Day, Spy Versus Spy edition: All of the bad kids are on secret missions to spy on Arthur Aguefort and his school, with varying degrees of willingness and conflicting goals: Adaine for Fallinel, Kristen on behalf of the church, Fig on behalf of Hell, Riz for Kalina, Fabian for his father, and Gorgug for the Solisian government itself through his parents.

Bad idea of the day, A Crown of Candy edition: Amethar dies in the initial ambush, the way Brennan had frankly probably planned for. Can the remnants of house Rocks hold things together and avenge their fallen king?

Bad idea of the day, Nightmare Forest edition: Rather than illusions, the nightmare forest sequence is made up of a Freddy Kreuger-esque sequence of actual dreams in the Bad Kids' actual sleeps, with them needing to survive their respective worst nightmares in order to make it to the place at the center of dreams where they can find the Nightmare King.

Bad idea of the day, fake holiday edition: Aguefort in junior year includes a class on self-promotion, and Fig and Adaine, taking it extremely seriously, start a holiday honoring the anniversary of Riz murdering Daybreak.

[quillkiller]

🤍 anon here. saw ur post about lesbian effiemonty. im obsessed. i need to know; how does all of this affect james and his relationship with queerness? I feel like growing up with parents who are "not like the other queers" could really affect him, especially since his entire friendgroup is queer and express it in different ways and some of his friends ARE "the other queers" and are walking stereotypes of queer people.

im obsessed with you…

so!! my james potter is bisexual but heavily leaning towards women.. 🤍 i also love him being raised by lesbian effiemonty because i just know for a fact that he’d genuinely be a feminist (<- does NOT mean i think women he knows or meets should trust him more than other women. but what i love about him is that he Also knows this). i have a dyke friend with two brothers that she basically raised and they’re literally the only men i dare to almost say i trust. one of her brothers used to date a bisexual girl and then broke up with her because he genuinely felt like she woule be happier dating women/was dating him for comp-het reasons. which turned out to be true and they’re still friends!!!! her other brother was at a party once and said yes when a girl asked if he was a feminist. the girl then continued to flirt with him and said things like ’there’s nothing sexier than feminist men’ and he was TURNED OFF because he wanted BETTER for her. so he politely said he wasn’t interested lmao. both her brothers know that they’re doomed to always date feminist bisexual women and will always feel just a little bit guilty about it because they believe queer women would be happier dating other women. they’re so funny to me. <- that’s how i see james potter being raised by lesbian effiemonty

and the whole ’not like other queers’ is really interesting to me, because like. society is always evolving and changing and i think effiemonty considers that something very beautiful. and that they’re very openminded about it. they’re very on-paper lesbians, stereotypical and super dykey. whereas several of james’ friends are a lot of different flavors of queer. some of them being lesbians, some of them being gay, some being bi, some being nonbinary, trans women or trans men, etc etc etc. i think effiemonty thinks that’s a very beautiful thing, that james has a group of friends where they can openly queer and openly explore and not have to ’hide’ in the same way they had to do in the 80s. their son has a safe space to explore his. own identity, and he goes through a lot of silly phases, and it’s a very sweet and lovely journey that effiemonty are very supportive of <- which is very important to me because some or james’ friends don’t have that kind or support system in their own homes

i imagine that the potter home becomes a safe space for a lot of young people, people that james’ knows. and it also adds a lot to when sirius is disowned, because then maybe he’d also be disowned because he’s gay. and lesbian effiemonty obviously take him in without question. PRECIOUS to me. sirius losing his parents and gaining two lesbian moms …….,,,,,

i rememeber growing up in a small town and i was genuinely the only gay person that i knew of when i started ’high school’. i was the only other gay person i knew of until i reached adulthood, but when my sister who’s three years younger than me started high school there were several queer people in her class. society changes and evolves !!!!!! in just 3 years sometimes !!!!!!!!! i was so so so alone growing up, turning to the internet and having a long distance relationship on tumblr and MOVING COUNTRIES for her as soon as i graduated. i dont regret any of it, but i was miserable and lonely and in therapy and distancing myself from friends and family for the (lovely) community i had online. those two things couldnt co-exist when i was a teenager in a small town and now they can. for a lot of people. and i think it’s very beautiful that people have a safe space to explore. and i think lesbian effiemonty would think so too. they’d probably not understand everything and be confused a lot, but i don’t think they’d ever rob a young queer person of their exploration of identity. and i think a lot of james’ friends would feel comfortable seeking their support… 🤍

[melancholiaenthroned]

BERNARD for the ask game >:)

HELPPP ok

first impression: ok i got into comics right around the time tim came out so my first impression was very much the general publics of "robin has a boyfriend!" i read the urban legends story about that first and thought it was fine! i liked it well enough. then bc it mentioned that bernard was a friend was high school i went back and read his original appearences and idk i just loved him... he was silly and he was posturing and nobody really liked him except tim LOL. his friendship and crush on darla was also rlly rlly sweet and i got rlly attached to the trio of them. i also rlly liked his og design w the longer hair and sunglasses. i thought the conspiracy theorist thing was rlly fun esp w how close hed get to the truth and tim would have to be like "what ur so crazy hahaha where would batman get MULTIPLE robins".

impression now: im gonna be honest my peak bernard phase was before tim drake robin started when i was really really excited to see more of this character id gotten attached to... erm. in a post tdr world ive kind of distanced myself from him bc he feels like an entirely different guy. which is fine! presumably hes aged and i wouldnt want to live like my high school self forever. that being said, the ways that he is the same feel a bit like a parody now. his conspiracies r way more outlandish and supernaturally based than they used to be, and they way theyve kind of written it so seems like he knew he was gay/bi back in highschool which doesnt rlly read as true to me having read those highschool appearances. hes just tims boyfriend, who knew he was gay before tim did and was just kind of waiting for him, i guess. i do like the chaos cult, i like that in the unspecified time away from tim his life was like. completely fucked. but now that tim is there it feels like hes just been flattened back out. the last few issues of tdr actually started focusing more on his issues specifically w his parents and the cult but. you know. cancelled.

favorite moment: he was so so scared to talk to darla he was like "losers like us cant talk to cool girls like her tim... shes friends with jocks" and then tim goes up to her and the jocks are all nice and polite normal guys and darlas like yeah u guys seem fun. and its just like. he was completely overreacting. like so much for his claims of being a social chameleon 😭 and then next issue darlas just a part of their group and theyre acting like theyve been best friends forever. i think for as much as he pretends to be like. a cool guy who doesnt care that he has no friends. its a rlly nice moment of showing that hes actually really anxious and self conscious and he wishes he could reach out to people but once he has the opportunity he latches on to ppl and doesnt let go. and i also rlly like when darla comes back and he finds out she has powers and his first reaction is like. my life sucks so bad can i come and be ur sidekick. like man:-( he was funny for it though! shoot ur shot

idea for a story: ok this is for a hypothetical "possible in comics" story and not like. a fic. so its not super bernard focused BUT they need to bring darla back now im not joking anymore where is she. idk what the status of shadowpact is post rebirth i dont think it exists anymore? but whatever. tim gets a case that leads him back to louis grieve where we can get a recap for ppl who didnt read or dont remember what happened back then. he can be like heres where i met bernard^_^ also the horrors. anyway the case has smth to do w the mob&darlas family and so he manages to get in contact w her and obviously shes like. i have no connection to that life anymore im not helping and i dont want to remember this. but reluctant team up👍 anyway bernard plays into this bc i think tim keeps it from him whats going on in the case bc he doesnt know that bernard was actually the first to know when darla came back and he doesnt want to upset him by bringing up old memories bc they Never talk about the shooting. and laura obviously isnt telling bernard bc she has no idea he and tim r dating so hes kept completely out of the loop and tim and darla/laura r NOT getting along. he keeps calling her darla and hes whinier than she remembers and theyre getting nowhere in the case bc they dont work very well together. i would also rlly want an issue where it goes over how each of them experienced the day of the shooting and there r small differences in each one to highlight how time has warped their memories and how theyre all a little unreliable. and each of them would be done by different artists 👍 anyway eventually bernard stumbles upon the case and hes pissed off at tim for keeping from him "darla was my friend too" you know. and smth he remembers about that day but the others dont (too caught up in the gang war/being robin) helps solve the case^_^ and hes able to help tim and laura get along again and they part on good terms w bernard and laura staying in touch. and at some point while he and tim r fighting he confronts tim for fucking off after the shooting and not reaching out to bernard until years later, and how bernard was completely left alone after one his best friends died and the other immediately moved away.

unpopular opinion: whyyyy does he want to be a chef its stupid sorry. emt or nurse bernard is the most important thing in the world to me i have no idea why they chose "chef" for his career path but it annoys me to no end. its another thing that just feels flat about his new character. like even if instead of being motivated by his history with unable to save darla from the shooting+the cult he was scared of wounds and violence and avoided it... why chef? idk itd be fun if he wanted to be like a radio host or smth that actually fit his personality. i think money should also be a bigger motivater for him bc he always read as like. upper middle class new money to me whos parents cut him off when he came out. like maybe if they showed him working as a line cook or an actual job i could understand him growing a passion for it but hes just like. a rich foodie. like what.

favorite relationship: he and tim i guess LOL who else does he have. him and darla for friendship and also i think it wouldve been cute if they had dated for a bit in highschool<3

favorite headcanon: i think he should be angrier at tim. for missing dates, for not telling him hes robin, for everything. hes too nice. or if theyre set on the nice thing i think it should be framed as him being a bit of a people pleaser/pushover post cult bc hes scared of tim leaving him and either way tim should have to address being kind of a shitty boyfriend. a nicer one is i think duke would be his favorite of tims siblings:-) hes not weird to bernard like i think the others would kind of be (shovel talk from dick would make me kms) and bernard never had any siblings so he kind of treats duke like a younger brother and tries to like, help duke with his homework, despite the fact that duke is definitely doing better in school than bernard did. i dont know if duke like. likes bernard but hell actually respond to his attempts at bonding unlike damian who has him blocked.

[msm-tsotmw]

/ooc (but special this time)

I AM GOING TO FUCKING INFODUMP ABOUT THE CREW!!! YEAAAAAAH!!!!

(me spouting shit under cut, also user @paidexp come get yo food 😎)

Sprigg does not consider themselves a nerd, despite fitting under literally everything that makes one a nerd. They were also probably bullied in high school. Poor nerd intellectual being.

Toorie is not only the tallest in her friend group, but also the second-strongest. She can carry Mondo over her shoulder like a fucking potato sack.

Mondo is… actually fairly strong for Mammott standards. They’re able to lift things like couches and all of his laundry, but he isn’t really that strong compared to their sister.

Mauna is not only fluent in translating cryptic Monster World messages, but can speak many Human World languages as well! That means she doesn’t fall for any “keys cow in Tagalog” jokes. (I won’t fall for those either.)

Flitz is terrible at keeping secrets. Expect that to play a part in whenever Mondo and Toorie become a thing.

Jeeo has been mistaken for a Jeeode multiple times in the past. You can’t blame his parents for naming him “Awdajeeo,” which is supposed to sound like the musical term “adagio.”

Sprigg, as I’ve probably said a few posts ago, is aroace. They DO secretly read romance novels when nobody else is around, though. honestly same, I brainrot over ships and make shit up about them while being an aroace myself-

Toorie is not only bi, but also trans! Her friends and family have been very supportive of it ever since she came out.

Mondo is also bi and trans! Many of his friends don’t really know that, though, because he Became Boy before they met Toorie and Sprigg.

Mauna is a lesbian, as evident by her relationship with Moperetta! Everyone she knows is super supportive of this.

Jeeo is gay! He hasn’t had any relationships in his entire life, though. damn nobody want him fr 😭😭😭

Flitz is pan! She’s had crushes on MANY Monsters before, but has eventually gotten over them. She might get another one sooner or later though hehe!!

Sprigg probably had a My Little Pony phase. I have no idea what the TSotMW equivalent to My Little Pony would be, though-

Mauna is allergic to tree sap. Good thing that amber is made of tree resin, which is actually different from sap!

Flitz can hit notes higher than Ariana Grande or Mariah Carey. She once accidentally broke every single piece of glass on Air Island while singing what Monsters call the “Human World Yay Song.” You probably know what they’re talking about… iiiiiii don’t want a lOt-

Jeeo isn’t scared of any bug or arachnid; he sees all of them as friends! He’d get fatally stung by a fucking scorpion and go “ah, friends have their arguments!” and then heal in like 5 seconds. He’s literally Scaratar and Loodvigg’s son, of course he’s slightly overpowered.

Sprigg is a MASTER roaster, actually. If there’s a Monster that they aren’t really fond of… well, fuck. Prepare to get microwaved for about 6,000,000,000 minutes, if that’s even possible-

Mondo can snowboard very well! He’s also decent at skateboarding, but doesn’t get to do it much since Cold Island’s paths are slippery and someone could get hurt while skateboarding on one.

Mauna and Toorie are the only ones who know how—and are allowed to—to cook. Sprigg would spend too long measuring all the ingredients, Mondo is banned from the kitchen, Flitz is terrified of the stove, and Jeeo would probably poison some of the ingredients by accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

aaaaaand that’s basically it!! I’ll probably come up w/ some new stuff another time, but I hope you liked reading me being silly about these fuckheads :>

-Mod Jimmy 🗣️

[potatoes-in-bloom]

My thoughts on XO kitty

Spoilers ahead! But I think this is more fun with knowing a few things beforehand so proceed. ;)

I did not plan on watching this. As someone said it was marketed 'aggressively straight' and the trailer made it feel like the exact same american high school love drama centered around a perky but annoyingly self-centered girl we already got a thousand of times.

But then the spoilers reached me and the promise of a wlw romance, a bi character figuering out her sexuality, not one but two enemies to lovers plots, several unwelcome sex dreams and an end that leaves people fighting for what would be the better couple? There was no way around this one.

And I actually enjoyed it way more than I expected even then? Yes it's still very US-american, yes the main character is still super perky and egocentric for most of this (even if I felt like it started getting better over the course of the show and has potential to actually change during a potential second season?) but just the way they build up several compelling characters and character relationships while giving all of them a reason why they can't work?

I actually think it makes the story more interesting that there is no perfect match in this, everyone is interested in the person that makes the most sense for them to be interested in and is most interesting for us to watch.

So Daes story revolves completly around Kitty. He's majorly messing up from the beginning and while he is trying to find a way to fix it he just gets sucked in deeper and deeper. It was the most rewarding as a viewer to see him trying to undo his past mistakes and fight for what he had before while slowly losing it from his grip. You want to root for him because he's overall a great guy and because the first love and best friends that know everything about each other storyline is just very sweet but he did just a little too much wrong to keep this relationship alive and he slowly (very slowly) starts realising this.

Min Hos story also completly revolves around Kitty. We meet him as this super bitchy rich guy (I'm saying this with love) who's just a little too protective of his little circle and wants no one to interfere in his life at all. Kitty is the invader in his life and seeing him slowly getting soft for the exact person that keeps uprooting his life and keeps inserting themselves in his little friend group is incredible rewarding. And of course I understand people wanting him with kitty - but for kitty to just fall for him would be kinda boring in comparison? And fulfilling way too man clishees as well. Her story does not revolve around him, from her perspective this is an enemies to frenemies kinda situation that's completly in the background, and having Minho who went from bitchy to kinda accepting from her perspective suddenly have feelings for her is most likely not what she expects at all.

Kittys feelings for Yuri however, how out of the blue they may seem at first make way more sense in hindsight. This is who Kitty percieves as 'the enemy' (while Min Ho seems to be categorised as a mild annoyance at most) and her learning about not only first her attraction to the apparent enemy but then that Yuri did everything only to protect herself and is now in friend-territory and also not straight, while also having to deal with the fact that that means Kitty is also attracted to women?

Kittys story revolves around Yuri because she is the one keeping her from Dae, once she stops being that center point it's already too late and she becomes the center for Kitty for a completly different reason again. Plus she is connected to Kittys other big plot - the history of her mum and stays in her focus this way throughout the entire season.

But Yuris story (for once) doesn't revolve around Kitty at all - her story revolves around her relationship to her mother and the future for her and Juliana. Kitty is never the enemy in this, only an unwelcome annoyance that has to be dealt with to keep her plans alive. And yes, when Kitty helps her more and more and the two of them become friends there might or might not be developing something, but at this point it's simply not the focus of her story and not the most interesting part of her life for us.

And to be honest, for me there is not one pairing I want out of this for a second season but rather for the show to explore all those possible relationship dynamics more?

All of the potential pairings still seem possible and reasonable if the characters are willing to put in the work and I think that's actually a great starting point to move forward from.

I also hope that if there is a new season that it brings in even more people in the dynamic (not for kitty tho, she has enough potential live interests to deal with).

Also, very uncommon for me but I actually didn't really enjoy the side couple. While I enjoyed Qs character (aside from that he was way too easy on our 'the world revolves around me' MC) his relationship to Florian was too easy in comparison and lacked the emotional depth. Also the conflict is just was less important so far. (cheating on an exam? Really?) As an european being upset about this for any other reason than it potentially harming Florians future seems ridiculous.

All in all, I recommend watching this! It is so much fun and I hope for a second season.

(But yes, I did end up telling my screen repeatedly 'Oh babe, no! That's a stupid Idea, don't you notice? Please don't!')

[9w1ft]

Flowers anon. Is it okay to be a little potentially controversial on your blog? Or... more like, mention a controversial subject? If not, it's okay. Just don't post me or let me know you'd rather not. I know you like to keep your blog drama free. I just find the shifting opinions on this interesting and I'd like to poll your audience some. Here it goes. //

I don't really know where the line is between expression, freedom of it, trends, and community. It's Karlie using the word 'tribe' that calls that to mind. When I learned sociology, we used the term 'social tribes'. I don't know if it's problematic these days, or not. But... As very cliché examples, different tribes in the school grounds would be: the metalheads, the jocks, the preppies, etc... (yes I was born in the 80s....) and when it comes to fashion, or music, or language, from gbe beginning of time, the barriers have been porous, right? That's how music styles have evolved, how food traveled the world and dishes have versions on every continent. How things are copied from one tribe and twisted into the expression of another (see: Burberry from preppies to punks, for example), etc... So... When someone picks one or two things from a social tribe, whether it be fashion aspects, ticks of language, inside jokes, themes, whatever, I don't generally assume they're part of that tribe, or they wish to be, or they wish to signal that they are. They could just... like those things. And they chose to try them on, play with them for now or for a long time. Right? Right. But. The more someone gives me coded hints of a specific tribe or community, the more I'm getting the message that this is one, not incidental, two, probably meaningful. (Basically: if you show up one day with a Black Sabbath t shirt, you might just have gone to H&M in the last decade. If your entire wardrobe consists of metal t shirts, then either you're a huge poser for no reason, or you really did metal) I know you know where I'm going with this. If there seems to be queer doing in a lot of what you make, and in time there's more and more, and it's less and less subtle... There's a point I don't even question the messaging. I got it. I hear you loud and clear. No room for doubt anymore.

// So I'm curious. Where's your line? Where's everyone's line? Do some tribes/communities have a line that's different, for you? (less okay to roll with the assumption that someone's queer rather than the assumption they're a Pratchett fan? If so, why? Is it more 'wrong'? If so, why?)

Do you have One Thing that convinced you, one way or the other? Was it because on its own it made it click? Or was it because it was the one too many thing that made you go "Alright, I get it. Guess that crazy Tumblr theory was right on the money, huh."?

i do hope i’m understanding you 🙈 circle back if i have it wrong. you’re basically asking, at what point do i assume that someone is queer? or, when does doing queer things hit a critical mass and become a signal that someone is queer?

i think about american middle school and high school in the early 2000’s (so we’re talking acronyms like GSA (gay-straight alliance) we’re talking it being ordered GLBT) and about how i gravitated to all the other queer kids in my grade and we gravitated to one another without ever really asking specifics.. just knowing we felt more comfortable if we hung out at the dances as a group. in retrospect, we really had a piece of each even though we didn’t have all the words at the time to articulate the specifics 😆 two friends were gay, two more friends started gay and then realized they were trans, another is nonbinary, one is asexual, one was bi and then lesbian and then bi again, i went with bi but now pan feels more natural to me… but we really didn’t know all of this at the time, not until maybe senior year i guess?? but for many of us it all crystallized in adulthood. heck i still remember the first time someone came out in the history of our school. but my friends and i we all knew. and honestly for me it was and always has been that: vibes. a feeling of safety. maybe it was like, hearing someone say several times they thought a somewhat gender nonconforming celebrity or character was hot. idk. eventually you’d just say “i think so too XD” and the rest is history. and i’m curious what peoples thoughts are! i don’t feel i have anything that doesn’t sound nebulous, i fear.

and now, apologies for what i’m guessing is a competitively controversial tangent.

one thing came to mind when i read your anon and i want to share —because i think it’s something that might make me (hopefully more people than just me 😭) somewhat unique— is that i sort of came across all of this in a way that probably seems inverse to a lot of gaylors: i was a casual listener of taylor’s until i got curious about who the muse for reputation was, and then fell down the rabbit hole. initially, i became entirely convinced of one thing: taylor and karlie are soulmates. next, given the fact that they’re both women, i concluded that taylor likes women. so an attempt to understand her preferences and how that colors her life experience was something that came second for me in terms of the progression of realizations.

from there i’ve had five years of being able to walk back and reflect on her whole body of work and time in the public eye and seeing all of the ways she expresses her queerness, and i have a deep appreciation for this aspect of gaylor‘ism’ but for me, it’s always been through the lens of knowing (believing) first and foremost that she loves karlie, that the girl in her story has always been karlie, that the growing body of her work stems from this story, and so the queerness i see in her art is, in turn, demonstratively true.

i think for a lot of people, especially post lover era gaylors, it’s the opposite. first and foremost taylor really pings, (because she’s been so loud!!) and the second question becomes how is she pinging, and then who is she dating. and i think the first and second questions get debated very intensely because people want to look at it holistically and explore everything that is out there at this very macro level and it often veers into Big Questions such as what does it mean to be queer… where for me, im coming at it from a place of those definitions not being so important to my understanding of her work because for me, the tell is that all these songs of hers so clearly are written about the same muse, who happens to be a woman. that’s all i’ve ever wanted or needed to know. i mean, i have my opinions but they’re guide by my understanding of this eras-long story. so while i understand why the debates happen i also just think a lot of it without kaylor becomes a cyclical debate with no end and nobody really being satisfied. so this is why i tend to not want to throw in my two cents. i hope this makes sense.. i’m not sure i articulated it properly.

[rainbow-tazer]

Happy Valentine's day to everyone who follows me or is considering following me!

Since it's Valentine's Day and I'm stoned I thought I'd treat you all to a little story of my youthful degeneracy and how that's going for me.

In high school I was apart of a gay nerdy outcast friend group, like we weren't what I would define as popular but people knew us and associated with us. However, outside of us was another outcast group made up of entirely guys, guys that no one fucked with. People honestly just didn't mess with them because they were in general often unpleasant to interact with (use your imagination). On some social occasions however our group would mesh with this group especially when our high school school anime club started lol. There was maybe 5 or 4 guys in this group, 2 of them though that no one in my group messed with. I knew one of them was a pushy hyper sexual cowboy and I didn't know what the other guys deal was, so my dumbass was like "let's find out".

So I start talking to the guy (I'll call him Ted) and he seems like just a very awkward human but overall pretty nice, we shared a lot of common interests in video games. After say two weeks of just texting and being friends with Ted he starts getting wierd. He started wanting to talk about my sexuality a lot, specifically how hot he found it that I was attracted to girls and asking about the things I've done with my partners (which I was not fucking with). So I told Ted to drop the subject let's talk more about Kingdom hearts or something. Later Ted started bringing up how desperately he wanted a girlfriend, which occasionally he would bring up but now more adamantly, and how he just wanted to kiss a girl or feel a breast. Like okay denji what the fuck you want me to do about it? 🙄 So I would always say "yeah that's rough man, I'm sure you will get one/to one day" and would change the subject. Ted soon realized he would get no where with shooting empty shots at me so he finally straight out asked me to go out with him, which I was like "you seem nice but nah man Im not interested in you like that". He then responded by asking "because you like girls? I thought you were bi" and I was like "lmao I am bi, I'm just not interested in you like that Ted but I enjoy your friendship". So he starts trying to fucking haggle with me like I'm a fresh off the market commodity "well can I at least feel your breast?" Hell nah man "what about a kiss?" Fuck no "what about a hug?" Bro wtf no like what do you think this shit is the deli?

At this point I don't want to be Teds friend anymore, so I go to school the next day where I ended up telling some of my friends that know him about what happened. All of the friends that I told pretty much had the same story of how Ted would try to bargain with them for kisses or would make uncomfortable comment about their sexuality. So I decide I'm done with the guy but on the way home he texts me offering me money to kiss him. So ya know my dumbass is like let's see where this goes I'm curious just how much money he'll offer me just to kiss him. So the top number he offered was like $100 or something (which for one quick peck from me of all people is just fucking ludicrous), I'm not going to lie a part of me was like $100 for a kiss what's the big deal? But then I thought about actually having to go through with kissing him. I very soon realized I didn't have it in me, the thought of actually having to place my lips on this guy's lips actually disgusted me to the core. So I said never mind forget it sorry man I don't want to do it "you can borrow my original version of Kingdom hearts 1 and 2 for the PS2" .....

I was really into Kingdom hearts it held nice memories to me of my childhood with my brother, it was the one game he would let me play instead of having to watch, other than GTA. At this point I had only watched playthroughs and knew lore but never got to actually sit down and play KH2 I only played a little bit of KH1 with my brother as a child. I had really wanted to borrow his games in the beginning of our friendship when we first started talking but he had been like no fucking way. However the thought of kissing him still made me want to throw up, so I started bargaining 😂 "What about the cheek?"

"For my My Kingdom hearts no way"

"Sorry man that's all I got in me" ... a couple minutes passes he responds.

"Fine after school directly Infront of the school". So it's the next day and it's dawning on me I'm still going to have to physically place my lips on Ted. At lunch I see Ted talking to his friends pointing at me, I can tell he's telling them that I'm going to kiss him after school meanwhile, I just had the worse pit in my stomach thinking about the whole situation. So the end of the day rolls around and I walk out with some of my friends who I told about the situation while he is standing in front of the school waiting for me with half his group of friends right next to him. I just took a deep breath walked up to him and was like "okay but how about that hug ☺️" lmfao this dude's jaw dropped! I didn't want to hurt his feelings and tell him I was disgusted by the thought of even placing my lips on him physically, so I was like: listen man I can't do it I'm sorry you were right about me I'm just too gay 😭 💀.

He honestly was just like "I knew it, I just knew you were a lesbian" and actually ended up accepting the hug with the stipulation that I would kiss him when I returned to the games. We walked back to our friend groups cuz we were literally only a couple inches away, and his friend's dogged him about how he was lying. Which he quickly responded by yelling at them " no I'm not you'll see, you'll sees she'll kiss me next time!". I just walked over to my best friend who wrapped her arms firmly around my waist, because of how over protective she is of me (her over affection usually driving me crazy but i was very thankful for it at the time because it drove home the too gay bit 😭). Soooo I don't have to kiss him if I never return the games right... Right?! 👀(thats big brain work right there) Because it turns out in a very fortunate sting of events 2 days later he ended up getting a girlfriend. She was the new girl at school and she was honestly just as awkward as him (like these two look like they were made in a factory for each other). Turns out he was smart enough not to come back and bug me about the games because of all the shit he tried to pull with me, with the knowledge in mind that he was trying to pull that stuff while pursuing her. So he just fucked off completely of his own volition and never bugged me again after he got his girl.

So flash forward to now my partner, who is male, bought me roses because I jokingly said while we were grocery shopping "there's the cereal, there's the bread, and there are the roses you should buy me". He said "you want roses girl? You got rose's!" So I decided to post it on my Instagram story and the jig is up. A decade later this man has realized I am not as gay as I originally claimed i was, also he has gone through a divorce from the girl he actually dated in high school and is currently in my dms 😭 questioning me about my bf lmao help.

[andthebubbles]

i just. feel like rambling. bc. yet another sexuality crisis LMAO

so i've gone from ... ace, to maybe lesbian to bi very quickly, bi for ages, then some sort of 'i think i get romantically attracted to men but not physically attracted to them, and physically attracted to women but not romantically attracted to them', then... back to ace, then panromantic ace, then... hecc, maybe i'm a lesbian but like... idk if i want sex/kissing, even if i might be attracted to girls in all ways...

i made a thirst blog yesterday. it's all the thirst blog's fault that we're now having yet another crisis~

i feel like heteronormativity has played a huge part in all of this. like, just feeling like you should like guys...

i remember when i was about 10 maybe? and i was at my cousin's house. and one of them just got a girlfriend (they're both male (and older than me)). and it just made no sense to me then, why would you go out with a girl, get married to a girl, if you're a guy.

in hindsight i had a crush on a girl called heidi when we were 11. my parents lol sent me to coaching to prep for the selective school test, and there was this girl there, and i don't remember her much now, but she was quiet and lovely and i just wanted to be with her all the time. anyway, coaching lasted two weeks, and i never saw her again :( (we didn't miraculously end up at the same high school, although i think a few people from her primary school ended up going to my high school, and i did ask about her in yr 7, and i thinkkk i know which high school she ended up going to but like. you don't just go over there lol. also we didn't exchange emails or whatever)

when i was 14 or so? i had this (piano) concert at someone's place, and there was this one other person doing his recital there on the cello, and maybe this was a second crush, although this one felt more like ~i should like him because he's a guy (i went to a girls high school)

when i was 16/17 i sorta half changed friend groups (which academically turned out to be a great thing because most of them were fucking smart which, you know, body doubling); anyway we're not going to name this bitch so we shall call her J. i think i... sorta knew/thought i might like her by the time i was 17, i just... you know, wanted to do the romantic shit with her and all that (hand holding, kissing, etc). (later when we were 18 iirc i found out that she did like me at this stage (when we were at school) (and later (at uni) she did not.)) but at the same time i was like, well i don't know any guys, maybe if i meet one i'll find that i didn't actually like her. so i waited till uni to meet some guys to test this theory out.

guys suck, btw. skjfgnkfjng no they really DO. anyway so... i did some digging, and found out from my maybe best friend from high school that, yeah, J used to like me but didn't anymore, but i was stupid and a wreck so about a week later iirc we went for a walk in the nearby park and i nervously told her i liked her. and yeah. don't do that. lmao. in my defence i was 18

but anyway flash forward a few months iirc; we did remain friends. and i can't remember how it happened but we decided to date, maybe she thought she liked me again, idk. so iirc we hung out ONCE, went to sushi train, i can't even remember if we held hands, we didn't kiss. two weeks later, she was like, yeah actually i think i'm straight.

she started dating this dickhole guy shortly after, like, maybe a month or two after. and he started... being there during the group outings, and being annoying af.

anyway this part here ^ is the story of how i lost pretty much all of my high school friends by the time i turned 19. (and when i switched majors when i was 20 i lost the few uni friends i had as well. whatever)

when i was 19/20 i had this online friend who i met via LJ via the fandom we were both in at the time. um, we were together for a few short months, maybe when i was 20, whatever the HELL that means when you're in entirely separate countries AND different hemispheres. anyway i did ruin this 'relationship' lol. but i did learn a lot from it

i remember i liked this girl when i was 22 who was in the course/degree i was doing at the time. but she was probably straight, and i was tired of trying. (and also very depressed lmao, from when i was 18 to 27ish tbh)

when i was 28, iirc, i reconnected with this guy who i'd known when i was 14/15/16ish. we're 11 years apart. when i was 14-16 i did always think he has very nice eyes. nice eyes do not make a crush btw!! but anyway, at 28 i was lonely enough that when he said he liked me, well... yeah, we were a couple for a bit. until i was 30, actually, and the lockdown gave me an excuse to dump him easily HAHA

i have never been attracted to a guy's body. the faces tend to be okay, but everything from the neck down is gross. GROSS. i mean, hands can be nice, and wrists, but, his weren't lol.

um, also, i should mention that he's an alcoholic. not a violent/angry one, thankfully, but hellishly inconsistent/unreliable, so that... that can ruin you. because you end up being unable to rely on them, trust that they'll show up, trust that they won't be some level of drunk when they show up, you don't even know what state you'll find them in, it's just bullshit. (i don't think anyone's gonna read this post, or if they do, certainly not in its entirety/down this far, but this is the reason why i hate hawk as much as i do. a relationship based on hope is bullshit. and i know this ^ isn't identical to hawk and tim, but in terms of ~relationships based on hope, yeah, it is, and i have a very low tolerance of that bullshit now)

anyway. back to the sex/attraction stuff. having sex with someone you're not attracted to is really boring. SKJGNKG. but we did do very mildly kinky stuff; he wasn't very into it. i was, obviously, but not particularly with him.

----(maybe this stuff below is TMI)----

i find sex quite... nice. like, having stuff done to me is... nice. kissing is not nice, it's too wet and saliva-ey and it smells, and i don't like it when the wet stuff goes past your lips to your chin, for example. and i don't like putting my mouth on stuff where e.g. pee also fucking comes out of. plus, it smells, it smellsssss of piss and/or sweat and whatever the fuck else, i don't understand

but now i wonder, if i was attracted to the person; if i was attracted to the girl, then maybe this would all become lovely? lol i remember thinking when i was having sex with this twat, that... he could've been anyone, he could've been a toy you'd buy from a sex shop, and i'd get the same pleasure out of it; HE didn't matter (sadly, i suppose)

--------

anyway. anyway, idk, now i just... idk. i guess i'll just keep wondering till i meet someone else i like. unlikely to happen, i suppose, because i don't really try anymore, and irl i just hide all of my real self. also, it's kinda hard to date girls unless you really try for it, or you come out, but i don't see why i have to come out if straight people don't have to come out, but ngl at this point it's starting to feel like dishonesty to yourself when people keep assuming that you're straight and you let that happen

[kyrii]

idk if anyone will see this. I hope someone does. Normally this is something you'd vent to a friend about. But I currently don't have friends that I feel would both understand and have the spoons to handle me venting. So I'm gonna tag some helpfully helpful tags and hope. If nothing else, yelling into the void sometimes helps by itself.

I recently discovered that I'm autistic. I'll be 28 in September-- I'm a grown ass adult and only just now discovered a major part of who I am, and that shifts a lot in how I view myself. In a way, it's comforting and validating because I feel like I have somewhat of an answer for why I am the way I've been my entire life. It's also incredibly isolating.

I took a trip this weekend to have a girls' weekend with my old high school friends. I've known these women since freshman year of high school-- 14 years this year. I love them dearly, and I know they love me too. That's not in doubt. But my interactions with them have made me realize just now incredibly out of place I feel. I've felt both happy to see them and hang out and also terribly awkward-- quiet, slow on the uptake, socially awkward, not fun to be around... acting like these are people I've just met instead of people that I've known for over half my life.

At first, I thought I was just acting and feeling that way because I haven't seen them in a while and I don't have any in-person friends back where I live. I haven't made a single in-person friend since graduation, actually. So yeah, perhaps it's fair to say that my social interaction skills are very rusty. So maybe if I just gave it time, I'd open up this weekend and things would feel how they should.

But they never did.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a great time. I have genuinely enjoyed spending time with my old friends-- and the new ones I've made this weekend as well. But the whole time, I've felt like a background character. On the outside looking in. The friend that invited me and our two other old high school friends also invited two friends she's made in the last year and has grown close to. I love these new people, and I'm glad my friend has them in her life. But I also feel that my presence has a tendency to shrink as the group number increases.

We went to a small Pride walk today-- the first one I've ever gone to. At first, I was really excited-- I've always wanted to go to a Pride event but never felt empowered enough to do so. But as we were getting ready to go, that feeling of "you don't belong here" kept creeping in. I'm Demi-Bi myself, so I know there's a space for me, though I do worry that some people might not consider graysexuals part of the collective. But I'm also not big and loud, I don't know how to do any kind of makeup let alone the kind I saw everyone else wearing. Suffice it to say that I felt very out of place.

I don't know how to phrase all this without whining. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm whining. I've just come to the realization that this feeling is not new. I've felt this way my entire life. Even with my closest friends, these women. I've always felt like I don't belong. Like why are they friends with me? I honestly don't make sense with the rest of them. I know they'd argue up and down how I'm wrong and list probably perfectly valid and logical reasons as to why I do belong. And I'd be grateful. But I don't feel like I belong. I never have. I feel like everywhere I go, I'm an outsider looking in. And honestly (here come the reason for the TW in the tags), I've had so many thoughts today about how much I don't want to live anymore if the rest of my life is going to be me feeling out of place for the rest of my days. I know these thoughts are passive and they will pass. But right now, I really just want to disappear. If not die, I want to at least disappear into the wilderness where I won't have the opportunity to interact with another human soul. If there's no window to look through, I won't feel like I'm on the outside of it.

Idk how to end all this. Honestly, it's late and these are really big feelings that I don't know how to process or what to do. It feels hopeless right now, like I'll always feel this way. Though I know that logic tells me otherwise, that doesn't help. I don't know how to change or what to do. I don't know how to face the rest of my life with this knowledge that this is how I've always been. It is a natural way of being for me. Do I need to somehow fundamentally change that? Is it possible? And if not, what then? I face utter loneliness for the rest of my life. I'm forced to sit at a metaphorical dinner table where everyone but me gets to eat and enjoy conversation. And I'm just choking down my water.

[gemini-elf-girl]

IMOGEN AND NICK AS BESTIES PRETTY PLEASE

some headcannons

things are a bit tense after the events of season one until one day, imogen just corners him and says “this is stupid nick, we have always been friends, nothing has to change. can we just try hanging out again? you are one of the few people in this group i actually like.” they become even closer than they were before!

imogen figures out nick and charlie are dating before they even stop hiding it. she casually brings it up to nick one day and he looks at her with a very startled expression. she goes “OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I DIDNT REALIZE YOU WERE KEEPING IT A SECRET, don’t worry i haven’t told anyone!” for the few days where they are still trying to be sneaky, she is somebody nick can confide in

imogen makes nick do silly tik tok dances with her and turns him into her personal insta photographer. she takes candids of him all the time for his insta too!

doing each others makeup for the memes, nick looks gorgeous and she looks like a goblin afterwards. her snap story is wild that night

bi imogen for life. one day she starts asking nick a bunch of questions about realizing he was bi and how he came to terms with it and nick is like “……you know you can tell me anything right?”

one day during a pirates of the caribbean marathon, nick looks at the screen and goes “wow i love being bi” and imogen just goes “same.” they then stare at eachother for a minute, and then crack up. that’s how she comes out.

friendship bracelets. nuff said.

imogen takes nick shopping. aka, nick carries imogen’s bags :P

charlie is very briefly jealous of how close imogen and nick are, and imogen, being the perceptive lil queen she is, immediately catches on and pulls him aside. “i absolutely love you guys together. nick is one of, if not my closet friend and im so happy he’s happy. you don’t have to worry about me getting in your way, and if you saw the way he looks at you, you wouldn’t worry either!”

so then charlie and imogen are ALSO besties and the three of them hang out. she makes them all do face masks

she constantly steals nick to come be her wingman at parties

the way they crack up when people ask if they are dating, imogen normally says “are you kidding? im clearly out of his league?”

once she becomes more chill with the whole squad, darcy and tara CONSTANTLY tease her about the “ally” comment. often referencing the “the is my friend valentina” tik tok. (until imogen comes out of course). Imogen thinks this is hilarious

(i can’t write fics but somebody else please write this) when she starts dating a girl for the first time, she isn’t ready to come out to her parents but still wants to do obviously date activities. so nick and charlie accompany them on “totally heterosexual” double dates

loves to take selfies with nick and charlie being coupley in the background and captioning them “my parents took me on an outing today”

imogen makes huge obnoxious signs at rugby matches and is nick and charlie’s biggest cheerleader

her and tao like being shady bitches together, they especially love to tease nick and charlie for being coupley (imogen is much nicer about it though)

imogen is a flower crown queen, always making them out of the dandelions in the school lawn, and surprising nick and charlie with them

one day for kicks she straightens charlie’s hair and curls nicks. a photo shoot occurs

imogen is soooo supportive of nick when charlie is in the hospital. she comes over for comfort movie nights, helps him do research on how to be a supportive boyfriend to a partner with an ed, and puts together little self care packages with movies, skincare, fuzzy socks, and one time even a squishmallow for nick to bring to him

if the show goes all the way through the events of nick and charlie, i’d love to see her talk some sense into nick during the big fight, while also binging ice cream with him and watching disney movies

OKAY THIS MUGHT BE A STRETCH BUT IMOGEN AS NICKS MAID OF HONOR OKAY JUST CONSIDER IT

[angelsdevils]

Kagami x Chubby! Reader

Title: Confidence Fluff No Warning:

Kagami couldn’t keep his eyes off of you whenever you passed by. Every time you did, he would stop walking, playing basketball, or even eating just to stare. It often confused everyone until they realized that Kagami was in love. His crush on you only grew when he saw you outside of school, sporting shorts with fishnets, a fitted crop top that showed your stomach with no shame, your tattoos, and you on your skateboard. 

He didn’t realize he was attracted to girls like you until he met you. You weren’t stupid, and knew that he always stopped and stared. At first it bothered you because typically people who stared at a problem, but you soon realized he was attracted to you. It shocked you honestly, but you used it against him which was fun. Now was no exception, he was with Aomine, Kuroko, and bunch of other people you didn’t know. He didn’t notice you, yet. But his basketball team did, and Riko, once your friends nudged him.

“Bakagami.”

“What?” 

“Look who is here?”

“Hot damn, who is that chick? She has some serious bi~owe.” Kagami punched Aomine, when he saw Aomine staring at your chest. You were with your friends but occasionally glanced at Kagami before sporting a smirk.

“He is staring at you again (Y/N).” One of your male friends said.

“I know, I am about to have fun.” 

“What are you about to do?”

“Just watch.” You said and used your skateboard, and skated over to the group.

“Hey (Y/N).” Riko said with a smile and you waved.

“Sup…” 

“H-Hey (Y/N)…” Kagami said with a awkward smile rubbing his neck. Everyone that didn’t know of Kagami’s crush on you stared at him weirdly.

“Did he just… stutter?” 

“He did…”

“Can’t blame him, she is seriously hot.”

“Hey Kag~”

“Call me Taiga… I mean you let me call you by your first name.” He said and you grinned.

“Alright Taiga…” Taiga stiffened, as he adverted his eyes and you leaned close to his face.

“You were staring at me again…” You said in a teasing tone, and he looked away.

“I was not…”

“You were, and hit me.” Aomine said, and you shot him a glance.

“By the way are you single?” He asked staring at you and Kagami was glaring holes at Aomine, and it wasn’t long before a blonde was standing in front of you.

“My name is Kise, you are absolutely gorgeous…how about I take you on a date.” Aomine and Kagami both adverted their glares to the blonde and you rolled your eyes.

“I don’t date pretty boys. Plus I could probably break you… I am after all much heavier than the average girl.” You said before turning to Kagami.

“Plus, I have my eyes on someone else entirely.” You said and Kagami perked up a bit.

“Me?” 

“Well yeah, after finally coming to the conclusion that you like me… I figured why not show you I was interested. Though I intended on teasing you some more, but these idiots ruined the mood.” You said pointing to Aomine and Kise. Everyone snickered as Kise sulked slightly and Aomine huffed slightly.

“Let’s go get hamburgers then…alone.” Kagami said before turning to his team emphasizing the alone part.

“We get it, you don’t want us to ruin your date.” 

“He shouldn’t worry about us, chances are he will ruin it himself.” Kuroko said bluntly, and was suddenly beside. You laughed but nearly jumped out of your skin and screamed when you realized he was beside you.

“What the hell? When did you get there?”

“I was here the entire time…” He said staring at you, you stared at Kagami and he shrugged.

“You get use to it…” You suddenly heard a bark, and you looked down. 

“Awe, so cute…” You began to pet the blue eyed dog.

“You remind me of my puppy.” 

“He does?” Kagami asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, they could almost be twins. I found my puppu near my house, a couple months ago.”

“Weird, that’s when Tetsuya found Tetsuya #2.” 

“Tetsuya #2? You guys couldn’t think of a better name?” You asked them, and they shrugged.

“They look alike.” 

“I mean yeah, but really?” There was another bark.

“What did you name yours?”

“His name is Prince, he is very high maintenance so it suits him.” 

“Kagami is scared of dogs, so I wonder how he would react around Prince.” Kuroko said and Kagami glared at him.

“I am not…get him away from me.” Kagami backed away when Kuroko held the dog to him. They all laughed and you laughed as well. 

“Well, Prince doesn’t like other males or male dogs. No one guy is allowed around me, not even my friends. He is slowly getting use to them though.” You stood and glanced at Kagami.

“I am getting hungry now, are we getting burgers or what?”

“Yeah, lets go before they embarrass me anymore.” Kagami said more to himself though, and you waved.

“See some of you in class.” You said before picking up your skateboard and walking near Kagami. It was quiet, and you could tell Kagami was trying hard not to check you out.

“So, what part of me do you like?” You smirked as he turned red and looked away.

“All of you, personality, looks, everything.”

“I am surprised, I thought you would go for the more petite skinnier girls.” 

“I- never thought about dating honestly. It was always basketball, but in class I realized I liked you, but seeing you outside of school as well was over. You are so confident, pretty, nice… I am rambling aren’t I? I will shut up.” 

“Ugh, you handsome human being.” You stood on your tippy toes and pressed your lips to his slightly. He wrapped his arms around your plushed waist and instantly kissed back. You pulled away, but he only held you closer. He was surprised but you didn’t think anything of it.

“I-”

“Too much?” You asked stepping way but he stopped you and slammed his lips on your again.

“Not enough.” He mumbled slightly before squeezing your waist before his hands traveled lower a bit after parting from the kiss.

“Well then..” 

“Be my girlfriend, please?”

“Of course.” You said and he held your hand with a small smile.

© [@angelsdevils] all rights reserved. none of my posts or stories should be modified, reposted etc. I do not own the character, but I own the plots to these stories.

[kiss-inthekitchen]

of the jealous kind

summary: you and Harry are out at the local farmer’s market when a girl starts flirting with you and Harry gets jealous. only thing is, you don’t exactly realize she’s flirting with you. classic wlw vibes, am i right ladies? (please say yes)

my submission for @bopbopstyles and @harrysclementines bi-ficathon!

a/n: fun times with Harry calling you “his girl” and being just a bit pathetically jealous (his words!) also i might continue this...in a smut type of fashion... if y’all are interested

word count: 2.2k 

--

“Oh, let’s stop over there! I want to get one of those chocolate chip custard things,” you exclaimed, spotting your favorite bakery stand at the farmer’s market and dragging Harry along by your joined hands. 

“A’right, love, m’comin,” he laughed, trying to keep in step with your suddenly quickened pace. 

It was a Sunday morning, cloudy but not too cold, and you and Harry were visiting your favorite farmer’s market in town. You tried to come here at least twice a month if your schedules allowed it. Today, it just so happened, you both had the entire day free to spend with each other. 

Harry knew you had to look at everything the bakery had to offer before you inevitably bought the same items as usual (a good, crusty country loaf and the same danish you never remembered the name of). There was a produce stand across the way that immediately caught Harry’s eye, a “buy 2 get 1 free” sign atop a display of various berries calling out to him. You noticed his distraction, the two of you speaking at the same time.

“M’gonna-” 

“Go on, then.”

“Know me so well, don’t you?” He gave you a soft smile and pressed a kiss to your temple before heading off in pursuit of his beloved fruit. 

You took the last few steps over to the booth’s main table, which held a majority of the baked goods as well as this week’s free sample: a garlic rosemary bread, cut into bite size pieces. You picked one up, on instinct taking a sidelong glance at the basket of your favorite pastries by the register, when the woman behind the counter finished ringing up a customer and turned to you.   

“Can I help you with anything, hon?”

“Oh, um, I’m just looking,” you answered, looking up at her. She must’ve been new, you thought, not recognizing her from your previous visits. She had dark hair, twisted up into a bun at the back of her head, an oversized t-shirt with a phoenix decal on it. Her name tag informed you that her name was Allie. 

“Alright, well, I will say that’s the best flavor we’ve got,” she gestures to the small wedge still held between your fingers. 

“Really? That’s quite a bold statement,” you smile back at her, appreciating her friendliness.  

“You’re gonna want to trust me on this one,” she said, nodding at you to go ahead. 

You took a bite, blushing a bit at the knowledge you were being watched and that she was awaiting your response. “Mhm,” you agreed, around a mouthful of bread. “Okay, you’re right, that’s better.” 

“Thought so. I have been told I’ve got very good taste.” 

“Well, I’m not surprised.” 

She made eye contact with you, the hint of a smile playing on her lips. “So, will you be taking a loaf of the garlic rosemary then?” she asked. 

“Yes, please.” Why not try something new, you thought. And she was right, it was delicious. You’re sure Harry would like it too, and you could just imagine the playful ribbing he was going to give you when he noticed you’d deviated from your usual order. “Oh, could I also get that-” 

“The chocolate chip danish? I saw you eyeing it earlier,” she said, picking one up with a gloved hand and placing it in a small paper bag. “That one’s on the house.” 

“Oh, you’re so sweet! Thank you.” Allie was really on top of it with the customer service. 

“Anytime,” she said, “Anything else I can get you?” 

“No, that’s all for me! Thanks again.”

She rang up your order, handing you the bag before speaking. “You know, we also come out to the beachside farmer’s market on Wednesday’s, if you’re ever in the area. I’ll write it down for you,” she said, picking up a business card from a stack on the table and turning it over to write on the back. 

“Sounds great,” you replied, mostly to be polite. You probably wouldn’t make it out, Wednesdays being a busy day for you with classes. 

Just as she was handing it back to you, Harry appeared behind you, fruit in tow. 

“Thank you so much, have a good one!” you said cheerily, dropping the card into the bag with your goods. You’d look at it when you got home.

She waved back. “See you soon, hopefully.”

You smiled as you turned around to see Harry already standing there, startling a bit at his unexpected presence. He raised his eyebrows a bit, but didn’t say anything as he put his free arm around your shoulders. The two of you headed back to the main walkway, and he waited until your new friend was out of earshot before he spoke. 

“So, yeh just gonna let someone flirt with my girl like that?” 

“What?” That was not what you were expecting. “She wasn’t flirting with me, Harry.” 

“Oh, please, love. Saw the way she was lookin’ at you. Poor girl. I’m sure you led her on.” 

“Excuse me, I did no such thing,” you scoffed. “And she wasn’t even flirting with me, so I couldn’t have.” 

He breezed right past your denial, having already made up his mind. You weren’t going to be able to convince him otherwise, you knew that by now. “Told ya before love, you come off very flirtatious. Almost feel bad for her.” He was smirking down at you, the bastard. “Almost.” 

“Being a pest,” you grumbled, shoving against his shoulder with yours to throw him off balance. 

He stumbled a bit, but recovered quickly. “Oi! ‘S not very nice, is it?” 

You giggled in response, loving when he used that playful tone. He tried to keep a serious face on while looking back at you but failed almost immediately, looking at you with such adoration in his eyes that you forgot what you’d both been talking about. 

“Anyway,” you sang, reaching out for his free hand and threading your fingers through his. “What did you buy?” 

His face lights up at the memory of his purchase. “Got strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries, plus some local clover honey.” 

“Such a sweet tooth, hm?” 

“S’pose I do,” he said with a slight smirk. “Ready to go home and eat, then?” 

“We’ve barely been here half an hour, H. Trying to get me home already?”

“Look too good today, love. Worried if we stick around I’ll have to beat the other vendors off with a stick.” 

“I thought we were done with this conversation,” you rolled your eyes at him playfully, but allowed him to steer you back toward the car park. You were getting kind of hungry anyway. 

--

You’re sat on your kitchen island at home, Harry placing the bags on the counter next to you. 

“Have a nice time, love?” He asks, moving over to you and situating his body between your knees at the edge of the counter. 

You drape your arms around his neck, thumb coming up to his cheek to rub back and forth as he leans into your touch. “Always have a good time when I’m with you,” you breathe. 

“That’s m’girl,” he speaks in a husky tone, before leaning in to press his lips to yours, slow and lazy at first. That is, until he lifts his hands to your thighs, sliding them around to your back and suddenly tugging you closer to the edge of the island, body flush with his. You gasp into his mouth at the action, and you can feel rather than see his resounding smirk. 

“Harry,” you pull back, attempting to admonish him but no one would know from the way your voice shakes. 

“Sorry, love. Know what they say, kitchen’s the most romantic room in the house.” 

“I don’t know anyone who says that.” 

“Y’do now,” he grins lopsidedly at you, and it’s all you can do to remember that the two of you still need to eat. 

You grin back at him. “You’re a dork, you know that?” 

“But you love me,” he responds, and you can’t argue with that. “A’right, I’ll take everything out and we can have a picnic in the backyard, how’s that sound?” 

Your smile nearly knocks him off his feet. “I’ll go get the picnic blanket!” 

He removes himself from between your legs and you slide off the counter and head towards the linen closet in the hallway. When you return, Harry’s taken out the loaf of bread and the danish, and is holding the business card in between two fingers. 

“What’s this, then?” He asks, holding up the bakery’s business card, logo facing you. 

“It’s just their card, the cashier told me they come out to another farmer’s market during the week and she was gonna write it down for me.” 

“Oh, she wrote it down, love.” In a second, he elegantly flips the card over in his fingers to show you the back. “But that’s not all she wrote.” Underneath the name of the other market is her name and, unmistakably, a phone number. 

“No!” you gasp, not believing he was right and you’d fucking missed it. 

“And you bought a new flavor bread?”

“Well, I-  Allie said it was the best one…” you trail off, trying to remember the details of your earlier interaction. Maybe Harry was right, you guess you did seem a bit flirtatious.

“Oh, Allie said, did she? That’s all it takes?” He’s kind of joking, kind of not, when it finally sinks in for you that you’ve, yet again, completely failed to notice when another woman was trying to flirt with you. 

“Oh, god damn it!” you exclaim, completely in your own head and you didn’t even hear what Harry had said to you. “I do this every time!” 

What’s left of Harry’s joking demeanor drops. “Every time? How often does this happen?!” 

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice again.” 

Your friends were gonna have a field day with this one. Three out of the four of you identified as bi or pan, though when you’d all become friends back in high school only one of you had actually been out. Now, you all joked that you had one “token straight” in the friend group. 

“Y/N?!”

“I know, H, can you give me just a moment, I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m apparently a raging stereotype,” you reply, laughing at yourself a bit for being so predictable. 

“Oh, of course, don't mind me. I’ll just be here. Waiting. Very patiently.” It’s a wonder he doesn’t start tapping his foot, clearly the farthest thing from patient right now. 

You snap back to attention, realizing that if you don’t stop Harry he’s just going to keep spiraling. “You do know I’m dating you, right?”

“Do I?” 

“Oh, come on. You’re being such a baby about this!” 

“Oi! I am not!” He huffs, and you can just picture him as an indignant toddler, standing with his arms folded and a deep frown set on his face. 

You hold back a laugh at the image you’ve conjured, closing the distance between the two of you. “Baby, I love you,” you say, pressing a kiss to his cheek.“You know I do.” His jaw. “Why don’t we just throw that out, hm?” You kiss his lips this time, reaching for the card and plucking it from his fingers before tossing it away from you.  

“I guess,” he grumbles as you pull away, but you can tell he’s not quite over it. 

You rest your chin against his chest, looking up at him with your best puppy dog eyes. “You don’t believe me, gorgeous? Need me to prove it to you?” 

“Maybe,” he mumbles, and you know that you’ve brought him back from his little jealousy spiral at the mere suggestion, so you decide to make him wait for it. Just a little while.  

“More than happy to,” you murmur, tracing your fingertips over the back of his hand. “Only thing is, you’re gonna have to have this picnic with me first,” you reach behind him for the blanket, “and you have to stop pouting.” You step around him, laughing as you run toward the glass door that leads to the yard.

“M’not pouting,” he lies to the empty kitchen as he grabs the rest of the food and some utensils before following you outside. 

His mood is definitely lifted, though, when he comes outside to find you seated on the blanket already, grinning widely at him and holding your arms out for him to crawl into. 

Maybe he had been just a tad bit dramatic. 

--

About half the bread is gone now, a bowl of honeyed berries and a plate full of crumbs resting on the cloth-covered grass next to you. Harry’s shifted so he’s laying down with his head resting on your soft thighs, with you carding your fingers through his short curls, just enjoying each other’s company. 

“Wait a minute,” you break the comfortable silence, a thought suddenly popping into your mind. “Other people flirt with you all the time! Sometimes right in front of me!” 

“And?” he muses, reluctantly sitting up in order to face you. 

“And! I never get jealous like that!” 

“I know. Rather insulting, if you ask me. You can get possessive, love. I certainly won’t mind it.”