#i wish i wasn’t so alone

[flowers-that-sing]

(ventpost sorry, you can just skip)

not people leaving my d&d campaign because “i get hungry af” (when it’s at 1 and they have plenty of time to eat, and obviously i’m not going to order food because i’m fasting)

and because “the party keeps splitting up so one group has a lot of inactive time” (which isn’t my decision! the players keep deciding to split up and i can’t run both sides at once)

and because “every npc hates me” because you keep either threatening them/their families or rolling low on charisma checks. how is that my fault.

we started off with a bigger party and i expected some people to leave but. pretty much everyone is leaving and it’s just gonna end soon i can feel it.

i feel like i’m a terrible dm, and none of my friends like me or like being around me, and i’m only tolerable in small amounts, and everyone’s going to leave me and i’m going to be alone forever, and everything is pointless and nobody cares about me or actually enjoys things when i’m involved.

one of the people leaving is joining another party too, so they do like d&d, they just don’t like my campaign. it’s not fair, why does nobody actually like me. snd part of this is probably just because i’m already stressed and entering a depressive episode but still.

this is so pathetic i cant believe d&d is making me spiral.

[ropebuny]

I miss having a dad and someone to look after me. I miss telling them how school went. I miss complaining and getting adult, fatherly advice in response. I miss sending them messages whenever I accomplished something and making them proud. I miss being comforted when I woke up from a scary dream. I miss being praised for being a good kid. I miss being read bed time stories to fall asleep to. I miss being upset and immediately going to dad for help with no hesitation. I miss being called their good little daughter. I miss the warmth I felt in my tummy whenever they made me laugh. I miss watching movies together. I miss feeling cared for and adored and loved

[weezerlvr228]

Opinion on SFTBH... :3

I LOVE SFTBH!!! i adore all the fanart for it and the story?! UGHH AMAZING. all the songs are so great, though i love Pinkerton, i would have adored SFTBH <\3

[willowcrowned]

it’s actually wildly funny that amethar’s epithet came about because he was the only person in his family not horrifically murdered. imagine if every single one of your relatives got stabbed and from that point on everyone called you “johnny no-stabs." that’s amethar’s life

[pinkfey]

is this a safe space

[gwaynes]

if that is a big scar of blood on his temple / down his face then yes i am crying but also arming myself to go to war for him —

[againstthegrainphoto]

You ever stand over your father’s grave in tears and have your mom try to use him to make you believe in her fairy tales??

Truly think we’ve hit a new low.

Unfuckingbelievable.🥺

[blessthishouse]

It feels like there’s a lot of heavy energy right now

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

Season 3 Episode 20 of Rebels both makes me so so sad and is such a comfort episode idk

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[soloavengers]

-chinhands- Lamond and Sven for character thoughts!

my best friends???? bet. i’ll enjoy this, ty

Lamond

What my Arisen thinks of him:

Syl wasn’t sure about him at first, almost like he got a bad impression, but not quite. Pawns kept insisting that Lamond might have something to share, should he get the drink he likes, which knowing their ability to travel to other worlds, means Lamond will have something to share should he get the drink he wants. Eventually besides the training he receives from the former Arisen, he got a solid friend. Lamond makes him laugh at times it’s too hard for Syl to even smile. And, Syl absolutely spotted the scar before Lamont told him he was formerly Arisen, Syl pretended to be surprised… It wouldn’t do well to let the man know he was staring, okay. Sylvas would sometimes go to the hot springs, only so he can stop to spend some time with Lamond. He appreciates the skills he taught him, and holds onto every affable advice the man says. Like every former Arisen he came to know, Syl hopes to make him proud.

What my Pawn thinks of him:

Winterheart met the Warfarer in multiple other worlds before her own Arisen’s, and she was eager for Sylvas to learn from him. So she might have hinted to him about the illicit means of which he can acquire some Newt Liquor and some locations until he finally learned the vocation. Beyond that, any friend of Syl’s is a friend of hers, and Lamond particularly is quite friendly towards her. She’s curious about him in regards of him being a former Arisen, even more than Syl is, but it isn’t like her to nose around asking questions. She feels concerned for the man sometimes, and at different points did she worry he’d be a bad influence on Syl, he isn’t. Winnie really enjoyed the times he travelled with them, for she rarely gets another warrior in the party and she has ideas. She appreciates the things she learned from him quite a lot, and thinks he’s one of the best maisters.

What he thinks of my Arisen:

Lamond quite enjoys finding a new way to mess with each new Arisen every few decades, Syl was no different. With every visit Lamond’s absent heart grew fonder, for Syl can give as good as he takes whether it came to quips or sparring. Developed some love akin to what one would have for a little brother, though he wouldn’t dare say the lad reminds him of himself. Mostly because it isn’t true, as Arisen… he had only wanted to get it over with and get his heart back, the singleminded focus on his charge had cost him many things, land lead to failure. Now if Syl was as singleminded, he wouldn’t visit him so often, so there’s a feeling of relief every time. He tries to be a bit of a mentor on things beyond battle, but he’s miserably bad at lecturing, and Syl seems to hardly need it, he’s got a good sense of duty already. Lamond thinks there’s nothing he can do to push away the gnawing worry, so he lets him be.

What he thinks of my Pawn:

He likes Winnie, she’s got… more soul than he remembers pawns having from his experience. It isn’t weird or worrying at all, oh no. He admires her skill and thinks her a very respectable warrior, often he teases Sylvas by saying he should be more like her, but Syl simply doesn’t like a heavy sword. He thinks she’s perfect as Syl’s companion pawn, from times he’s traveled with them. Lamond thinks Syl is very smart to always try his best to listen to the strategies and plans she proposes. Most of all, he thinks she’s a good friend.

Bonus: An extra headcanon I have about him:

He loves helping the Arisen after him, it gives him a purpose, and it may stop them from ending up like him. Though deep down, oh it would be nice for one of them to stick around forever.

SVEN

What my Arisen thinks of him:

Sven was the first friend Syl made in this new life, and in a way, the first (human) friend ever. He was happy to help him, and then very happy to run into him in the castle, of course it wasn’t a surprise that he was queen regent Disa’s son. That fact never deterred Sylvas, it might have urged him to befriend Sven harder. His trust in Sven was oddly unquestionable, but then Sven was helping him and Captain Brant, his trust was in the right place. Syl visits Sven a lot, and a lot, Sven is just so enthusiastic about Syl’s stories and he loves talking to him. They’d talk and talk until Sven forgets his urging for Syl to leave before it gets dark, only he’d remember once it gets dark. At the very least, sneaking out of Sven’s chambers at night has enhanced Syl’s ability at sneaking around the castle. In hindsight, Sylvas wonders why it took him so long to realize he was in love with the regentkin. Perhaps it’s the lack of a heart beating in his chest, Sven was patient til Sylvas braved a confession.

What my Pawn thinks of him:

Oh, nice enough lad. Though no one can be good enough for Sylvas, and Winnie believes that just because Sven wouldn’t hurt a fly doesn’t mean he can’t break her Arisen’s heart. Their relationship has cost her a lot of worrying over Syl, staying out of her sight too long behind the castle gates, once or twice he had entered through the gates and walked out of the gaol escape route after getting imprisoned. Alas, he would afterwards speak to her with a big wide grin, and at times, that’s all she needs to see.

What he thinks of my Arisen:

Befriending Sylvas was an act of rebellion from him as well. Of course, he didn’t know it at first, but it’s the fact that he didn’t push him away after finding out. And why would he? More reason why he shouldn’t, like helping Captain Brant uncover his mother’s plots.. He would ever hold the memory of his first meeting with Syl dearly, in a way he was too Sven’s first friend. Even if Syl knew who Sven is, he didn’t help or befriend him for his title at all. Sven tries to observe him closely through the stories he told, to see if he’s right for the throne or not. He is, undoubtedly. As were Sven’s feelings towards him, which he tried to push away a lot harder than Sylvas did, albeit he fell first. The last thing he ever wants is to put Syl in danger, and sabotage their plans, over feelings. Once they were out in the open, in the privacy of his chambers, it was a lot less difficult to deal with.

What he thinks of my Pawn:

Sven hadn’t many opportunities to get to know Winterheart well, and it isn’t at all because she avoids him, oh no. So from stories, he admires her and appreciates her for being such good partner to Sylvas.

Bonus: An extra headcanon I have about him:

Sven is a big gift giver, almost every little trinket he gets his hands on is given to someone he holds dear… even his mother. He really treasures the gifts Syl or anyone else brings him.

[i-will-change-this-someday]

Something that keeps nagging at me is, why did Jon continue to take statements?

I’m not talking about season four. In episode 120 it is revealed that Jon gets dreams of the statements, and in episode 114, Daisy asks about his shirt, meaning the dreams weren’t just happening during the coma. (Also 120 states that he’s had these dreams before)

And look, I know Jon loves trying to deny things, he spent the entirety of season 1 doing just that, but he’s not stupid; no one would think “hm, I’ve been getting dreams of the live statements, where I watch them live through their trauma again and I’m turning into something not quite human, probably just a coincidence. Nothing to worry about.” So why does he continue to take live statements?

Because even if Jon doesn’t know that the other person shares the dream, why would he want to keep dreaming them? Because he enjoys it. He’s not suddenly more “monstrous” in season 4, taking strangers statements, it wasn’t like he suddenly started making these selfish decisions, he already was.

I’ve seen a lot of people say that Jon doesn’t become an avatar until season 4, but, to me, he already was one, his choice in episode 121 is more about becoming the Archivist not an avatar of the Eye. Because in season 3 he can already compel people, he can already Know things, and he is already enjoying people’s fear. He plainly tells Gerry that he likes compelling people.

So, I think, Jon enjoys taking peoples statements, and he enjoys watching their dreams, because he doesn’t have a choice. Jon admits that he thinks he’s losing himself to the Eye:

“ARCHIVIST

Avatars! But they end up getting these abilities, and they lose a lot of their self. Sometimes all of it.

GEORGIE

And you think… that’s what’s happening to you?

ARCHIVIST

Yes. Yes. The Institute serves one of these beings.”

The Eye took a part of him, and now he has to enjoy others’ suffering, he still feels immense guilt for his actions, but as Helen said “When has your guilt, or your sadness, or your hand-wringing ever actually stopped you from doing what it wants?”

[wurm-food]

I feel like an empty husk :3 yippee

[nemesis-dreamer]

My hot take is that I don’t like Hamilton. It’s a hot take because every time I say I don’t like Hamilton, someone says to give it a chance. My brother in Christ, it’s been years, you’re not going to change my mind.

[hermaphroditus1124]

I love losing my mind over women, I love my BpD, I love finding a few women who actually understand and get it and that I come to trust and care for and love even only for them to be ripped away from me through for once no fault of my own, I love the only thing bringing me to class each day, no taking these classes even being a woman that I will never be as close to as I desire, I love never being able to express myself or my wants or my needs in a way that doesn’t scare those around me away, I love feeling too deeply, I love existing with no pause, I love the laughs, I love how they burn and blister into my skin, I love the way it feels as though all the flesh upon will melt away, I love existence and it’s never ending match towards non existence.

[spicyicymeloncat]

Btw shout out to s13 for giving wu character development like that, it did him good