#i wish i never thought this how do you delete a thought.
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ponderingmoonlight · 3 hours ago
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kny men saving you
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Pairings: Sanemi x reader; Obanai x reader; Rengoku x reader
Word Count: 3,1k
Warnings: near death experiences but your knights in shining armor have your back hehe, pure fluff in every part, there might be some spelling mistakes here and there, my heart is in pieces bc I deleted Rengoku's part and had to re-write it and now it's bad
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Sanemi Shinazugawa
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The moon hangs low tonight, its pale light pooling in the dark grooves of the forest. You always loved how tender the night looks when the full moon is out, especially during summer. It dapples your path, just barely enough to see the worn trail beneath your feet. Your sandals whisper against the ground as you clutch the heavy clay jar in your arms. It’s not far now - you know the stream is just a little farther ahead. The thought of your mother, feverish and frail in her bed, keeps you going despite the nervous twist in your stomach. You hate walking out here alone. Because even though the night looks peaceful, it certainly isn’t.
Those past nights, a lot of innocent people disappeared during night. The elders talk frequently about creatures called demons who lurk out in the shelter of the dark in order to take lives. Your mother was very clear when telling you more than once that you aren’t allowed to go outside when it’s dark, that you have to stay inside at all cost.
But does that include her being so sick that she’s barely able to move? You can’t just sit there and watch her suffer, right? You can’t just wait for something that might never happen-
A twig snaps in the distance.
Your breath gets stuck in your throat. It’s probably nothing - you hope it’s nothing. But the hair on the back of your neck stands on end, and the oppressive weight of the dark seems to grow heavier with each passing minute.
The stream, you remind yourself. Get the water. Get back home.
Then the smell hits you.
It’s foul, coppery and rancid, and so wrong that your guts turn. You stumble, the clay jar nearly slipping from your grip. You freeze. There’s something ahead. No, someone.
But the silhouette isn’t really human. Too tall. Limbs too long. The gleam of sharp teeth is the first thing you make out, the grin stretching across its distorted face.
Your legs refuse to move. The demon lunges.
A demon?
Is this…what your mother always talked about, what everyone at the village warned you about countless times? Demons really do exist, that demon right in front of you is the ultimate prove for that.
You won’t be able to tell anyone the truth, though. Those sharp teeth that draw closer and closer, aiming for your neck. This is how you’ll die. Alone in a forest like so many people before you. Tears start stinging in your eyes, your throat so tight that you can’t catch breath.
Before you can even scream, there’s a flash of silver and a roar that shakes the trees. It takes you a moment to register what’s happening - the demon is on the ground now, twitching and headless. The stench of blood intensifies, and you realize it’s not just the demon’s. Your knees wobble.
And then he’s there.
The man who killed it, a whirlwind of pale scars and wild hair, is in front of you before you can blink. His blade gleams in the moonlight, still dripping. His eyes, sharp and livid, pin you in place.
“What the hell are you doing out here?!”
The force of his voice slams into you like a physical blow. You flinch, the jar slipping from your arms and shattering against the ground.
“I-I was just-” you stammer, words tumbling over each other, but he doesn’t let you finish.
“Do you have a death wish?” he snaps, taking a step closer.
“Are you stupid or just suicidal? Do you know how many of those things are out here? You’re lucky that was only one!”
Tears sting at the corners of your eyes. You can’t even bring yourself to speak now, your throat tightening with every harsh word he throws at you.
Are you…crying? Sanemi’s eyes narrow, mouth opening to yell again, but something shifts in his expression when he sees the tears spill down your cheeks. Fuck, how is he supposed to scream when you’re looking at him like that?
He exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair, his frustration palpable.
“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, looking away like he’s trying to calm himself.
“Shit. Stop crying.”
You hiccup, trying to stifle the sobs that threaten to bubble up. To his own surprise, he kneels down, so suddenly and close that it startles you. His hands hover awkwardly, like he’s not sure what to do with them. His voice, though still gruff, softens ever so slightly.
“Hey. I’m not gonna hurt you, alright? Just…stop crying already.”
You nod weakly, wiping at your face with trembling hands. He sighs again, this time more resigned.
“Look,” he grumbles, reaching out hesitantly,
“I didn’t mean to scare you. But you shouldn’t be out here. Not alone.”
His hand, rough and warm, settles lightly on your shoulder. It’s surprisingly steadying, even a little bit soft. You nod again, this time more firmly.
“I…I was getting water. For my mother. She’s sick.”
He frowns at that, eyes flicking to the broken jar on the ground. For a moment, he doesn’t say anything, just stares at you like he’s trying to figure you out. You were out there to get some water for your mother. How absolutely fucking stupid. But on the other side…he can’t help but admire your courage the slightest bit. Given your pretty weak frame and haunted eyes, you aren’t really experienced when it comes to combat. It’s obvious that you’re nothing but an ordinary villager, a girl who just tried to save her mother without having a single clue about the shit that awaits her.
Enough of that sentimental bullshit. If he looks at you one more second…
With a rough huff, he stands and turns his back to you.
“C’mon.”
You blink, trying to understand the meaning behind his rough words.
“W-What?”
“I’m taking you back. You’re gonna get yourself killed if I leave you out here.”
Before you can protest, he crouches slightly.
“Get on.”
“Wh-What?” you stammer again, heat flooding your cheeks.
No, you can’t do this. Not when he’s a stranger, not when he already saved you. He glares over his shoulder.
“Do I have to spell it out? You’re too slow, and I’m not dragging you the whole way. Now get on before I change my mind.”
Swallowing your nerves, you shuffle closer, hesitantly placing your hands on his shoulders. He doesn’t flinch. Instead, he hooks his arms under your knees and lifts you like it’s nothing. You’re startled by the steadiness of his grip, the surprising warmth of him despite the chill of the night. This is…the first time a boy ever touched you like this.
The walk back is quiet save for the crunch of his boots against the forest floor. You cling to his haori, your earlier fear slowly ebbing away. His presence, though sharp-edged and intense, is strangely comforting now.
When you finally see the soft glow of your village lights through the trees, relief washes over you. He doesn’t stop until he’s at the edge of your house, where he kneels to let you down.
“You’re lucky I came along,” he mutters, his voice still rough but quieter now.
“Next time, think before you do something stupid.”
You nod meekly.
“Thank you.”
He grunts, straightening.
“Get inside. And stay there.”
But before he turns to leave, he hesitates. His hand lingers for a moment, brushing against your shoulder again, almost absentmindedly. Then he steps back, his expression unreadable under the moonlight.
“Take care of your mom,” he says gruffly, before disappearing into the night.
Your heart feels a little fuller, even as your legs wobble carrying you inside.
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Iguro Obanai
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The wind howls against your ears as you step cautiously closer to the cliff’s edge, the jagged rocks below barely visible through the mist. It’s a beautiful view - almost ethereal. You should stop here, you know you should, but something about the sheer drop pulls you in. Just a few more steps, you think. A little closer and you’ll be able to see that gorgeous field of tulips your friends told you about.
The world seems quieter here, the rush of blood in your ears louder than the rustling trees behind you. You feel weightless, suspended between the earth and the empty sky. It’s thrilling, in a way. Comforting in depressing times like these.
You don’t notice the loose gravel underfoot until it shifts.
Your breath catches as your sandal slips, toes curling desperately to hold onto anything solid. For a brief, heart-stopping moment, there’s nothing but air beneath you, and you’re falling straight towards the tulips, straight towards certain death-
Until a strong hand clamps onto your wrist and yanks you back.
The force sends you sprawling onto solid ground, your heart hammering in your chest. You barely have time to register what happened before a familiar voice cuts through the panic, sharp and laced with fury.
“What the hell were you thinking?”
You look up to find Obanai crouched in front of you, his mismatched eyes blazing with barely-contained anger. His hand is still gripping your wrist, tight enough that it’s almost painful, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away.
“I-I didn’t mean-” you stammer, but he doesn’t let you finish.
“You didn’t mean what? To nearly kill yourself? To fall off a cliff like it’s nothing?”
His voice rises, each word sharper than the last.
“Do you even realize how close you were?!”
Tears well up in your eyes, hot and stinging, as his words hit you like a physical blow. You hadn’t meant to be careless - it wasn’t like you wanted to fall. But hearing the raw frustration in his voice, seeing the way his knuckles are white from gripping your wrist too tightly, makes you feel like you’ve done something unforgivable.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your voice trembling.
“I didn’t-”
He cuts you off again, though this time it’s not with words. He pulls you into his arms so suddenly that you barely have time to react. His embrace is firm, almost desperate, and the tension in his body makes it clear that he’s holding on more for himself than for you.
“Don’t do that again,” he mutters, his voice muffled against your hair.
“Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”
Your tears spill over, and you nod against his chest, your hands clutching at his haori as if letting go would send you tumbling back over the edge. He’s warm, solid in a way that grounds you, his presence filling the air with something that feels like safety.
For a long moment, the two of you stay like that, the wind swirling around you but never quite reaching where he holds you. His hand moves to the back of your head, cradling it gently, and you feel his fingers tremble ever so slightly.
“I’m sorry,” you murmur again, your voice barely audible.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.”
He sighs, the sound heavy but softer than before.
“You didn’t just scare me,” he says quietly, his voice steady now.
“You almost—” He stops himself, shaking his head.
“Just... be more careful. It’s not like I’m able to be around you all the time.”
You nod, pressing closer to him. The anger in his tone has faded, replaced by something warmer, something that feels like relief. His grip loosens just enough for you to breathe, but he doesn’t let go entirely.
After a while, he pulls back just enough to look at you, his hands settling on your shoulders. His gaze, though still stern, is no longer angry. Instead, it’s filled with something you can’t quite name, a mix of worry and something softer, something more fragile.
“You’re not allowed to scare me like that again.  Promise me.”
“I promise,” you whisper, your voice thick with emotion.
He studies you for a moment longer, as if trying to determine whether you mean it, before nodding.
“Good.”
And then, to your surprise, a small, almost imperceptible smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, visible through the bandages that cover his inviting lips. It’s fleeting, gone as quickly as it came, but it’s there, and it warms you in a way that nothing else could.
“Come on. Let’s get away from the edge.”
You take his hand without hesitation, letting him pull you to your feet. His grip is steady, his touch lingering just a moment longer than necessary as if to reassure himself that you’re really there.
“But…Why were you here in the first place?”
Obanai can’t help but get lost in a wave of coughing, his cheeks turning bright pink. Maybe, just maybe because he has his eyes on you since he can remember and never misses the chance to be around you when he’s home.
“Just…because”, he mumbles.
And as the two of you walk back toward safety, his hand never quite lets go of yours.
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Rengoku Kyojuro
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The festival is alive with the hum of happy chatter and flickering lanterns, their golden glow dancing across the busy streets. The air is thick with the scent of grilled skewers and sweetened rice cakes, and laughter echoes around you like a warm embrace. You pause at a stall, admiring the delicate charms on display.
You've been in love with those annual festivals since you were young, always admiring the different stalls with all the goos from far away while wearing your best kimono out.
But today was even better with that tall stranger wearing that elegant red kimono and those beaming eyes. Even though he talked louder than everyone surrounding him, you never got tired of listening to his food advice.
Maybe you should really try the sweet potatos he mentioned earlier. You lean in closer, trying to decide between a bento box and a side of sweet potatos when a scream cuts through the noise like a blade.
It’s sharp, raw, and sends a chill down your spine.
The joyous energy of the crowd fractures, shattering into chaos as people scatter. The street that had been so full of life mere moments ago is now a stampede of panicked footsteps. Vendors abandon their carts, children cry out for their parents, and the cheerful festival music grinds to a halt.
You hesitate, your instincts screaming at you to run, but your feet refuse to move. You can’t see what’s happening yet - the crowd is too thick - but the smell of blood is unmistakable, metallic and sickly sweet, twisting your stomach into knots.
And then you see it.
A demon emerges from the shadows, its grotesque face twisting into a wide, terrifying grin as it prowls forward. Its claws are long, sharp, and dripping with fresh blood. It locks eyes with you—a predator that has spotted its prey.
You freeze.
You’ve heard stories about demons. You know they’re real, but knowing something and facing it are two very different things. Your legs tremble, your heart slamming against your ribs, but you can’t make yourself move. It’s as though the world has narrowed, the monster at the center, everything else falling away.
It lunges.
A blur of orange and red streaks through the air before it can reach you.
"Do not dare to touch this lady!"
The voice is booming, confident, and electrifying. The demon’s attack is intercepted, its claws clashing with a nichirin blade that burns like fire. You gasp as your rescuer appears, his haori billowing around him like flames brought to life.
Rengoku Kyojuro.
“Do not fear!” he declares, his smile broad and reassuring even as he pushes the demon back with a powerful swing of his sword.
“You are safe now, young lady! I will not allow harm to come to you!”
He is...The stranger from before, the man with the elegant kimono!
The demon snarls, lunging again with feral speed, but Rengoku meets it head-on. His blade flashes, and sparks erupt as the demon’s claws glance off his sword. He’s a blur of motion, his strikes precise and devastating, and yet there’s something graceful in the way he moves, as though the fight is a choreographed dance he has perfected.
You watch, rooted to the spot, as he delivers the final blow. Flames erupt from his blade.
"Flame Breathing, Fifth Form: Flame Tiger!"
A fiery streak takes the shape of a roaring tiger, consuming the demon in one final, dazzling strike. Its body disintegrates into ash, leaving nothing behind but the acrid smell of death.
The silence that follows is almost as shocking as the chaos that preceded it.
Rengoku turns to you, lowering his sword but keeping it at the ready. His golden eyes scan your face, his expression softening into something kinder.
“Are you alright?” he asks, his voice warm, though tinged with concern.
You nod shakily, though you’re not entirely sure if you’re alright. Your knees feel like jelly, and your heart is still racing, but his presence alone feels like an anchor.
“Y-Yes. I think so,” you manage to whisper.
He steps closer, his towering frame somehow not intimidating but comforting.
“You were very brave to stay so calm,” he comments, his smile returning, this time gentler.
“But next time, it’s best to run. Demons are relentless creatures.”
“I-I couldn’t move,” you admit, shame coloring your voice.
“I froze.”
His gaze softens further, and he crouches slightly, bringing himself more to your eye level.
“That’s natural,” he replies, his tone soothing.
“Fear is not weakness. It’s what reminds us to protect what’s important.”
He tilts his head, his smile growing.
“But you’re safe now, and that’s all that matters.”
You feel tears pricking at your eyes, the overwhelming relief hitting you all at once. Before you can say anything, his warm hand gently pats the top of your head, his calloused fingers light but grounding.
“Good work holding on,” he says quietly.
“You did well.”
Your breath hitches at the kindness in his words. He straightens then, offering you his hand.
“Shall I escort you somewhere safe?” he asks, his voice as bright and steady as the flame he wields.
“There’s no need to fear - I’ll protect you.”
You take his hand, its warmth seeping into your skin, and nod. Somehow, with him beside you, the world doesn’t feel so terrifying anymore.
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Tags: @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix  @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @beatrexworld
@froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @poketrainer2270 @chaoticwinnercupcake
@lees-chaotic-brain @wordskeeper @polarbvnny @sugu-love @ryva @baku2345
@komelrebi-san @kentocalls @barbuse @sunshine7queen @lavenderdrxp
@yaninnaacu @hopefulbelievertimemachine @laurencrsnt @sanemifucker @blunderland
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andromedism · 1 year ago
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if glenn howerton is the people’s princess then that makes robert dale mcelhenney III her ex husband, k*ng ch*rles, which unfortunately tracks.
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crossbackpoke-check · 2 months ago
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Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee
dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning “hard to get at”, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.
jason “robo” robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobby’s nhl periodic table poems <3
#i had a couple different ideas for poems that were taken by the time i could go deranged for a couple hours to make this but as I looked#i was like WAIT NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JASON ROBERTSON YOU HAVEN’T SEEN MY TEXAS CAM and had to do it. also was STRUCK with the#sudden immaculate vision of the Dallas D as part of terfenol-D and could not get it out & robo is the most dance! person i know on the team#liv in the replies#dallas stars#jason robertson#nhl periodic table poems#guys i am plagued with visions and no execution skills!! every day i come here and learn one new skill on GIMP the way god intended!!!#today it was emboss. also cannot claim any credit for the pulse to the magnetic beat photo which is so cool that was one where i had a#couple and was like maybe i can do like crayon shockwaves like the art process video kasper showed? and then found that picture and was#like thank you lord stanley for knowing my limitations. thank you for your understanding in this moment it was a trial enough to make#expand contract dance and one would THINK i would have fucking learned from the claude animorphs tragedy!! i did not. but i did use the#shear tool and 3D rotate so at least if we’re animorphing it’s SLIGHTLY better. anyway me frantically doing this like WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT#WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST i keep seeing all of these and just spinning around in circles until i get dizzy & fall down I’m so happy#the drive folder for this is just called joy!!!!! because joy this is such a cool idea but now because it brings me so much joy#i just saw the Travis dermott one and burst into tears super normal AND someone did exactly what i wanted with hydrogen which was the water#the ice!!!!! it’s so perfect!!! and cody ofc did silver lord stanley. like does it ever make you cry how beautiful & creative everyone is?#anyway if you see me post and delete this and then update it or change it no you didn’t it’s fine. but i wanted to be included#if i could make the dysprosium letters not have a white background i would I simply could not fuck with it at 1AM. we are hitting send#it may not look like it but i queue#pretend i spoke at length about the reasons why i picked all the pictures & the element just know that it’s there inside my brain u can ask#GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK I SAW NEONFRETRA’S ISOTOPES AND I COULD MAKE THE EDITS EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THERE!! ISOTOPES!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!#get ready for the edits then. dylan magnesium my beloved child of stars who can never return… like i wish i could say anyone else but it’s#i KNOW number nineteens bismuth don’t make me Google how many years nolan played hockey but also there’s ej for stable so.. also half-life#actinium claude giroux my beloved… when i saw there already was a claude i thought maybe Brady too for that#I don’t know how but flerovium doubled magic is percolating in my brain as was promethium bad boy because I was like hmmm. tyler. but#couldn’t commit and THEN SOMEONE DID BAD BAD LEROY BROWN TYLER BERTUZZI TO PROMETHIUM AND BESTIE I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH!!! with cons#anyway shane wright germanium with juraj slafkovský but showing him very obviously not missing it. if jack eichel was not an asshole#the narratives WOULD be narrativing. you could argue for a sidovi here with the calder cup and potentially a best friend stealing narrative#(the most recent is cam yorke’s acquisition of jamie d from trevor zegras which would then require a yorkie one for silicon the other side)
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cloudd-nyne · 7 months ago
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#having a creative rut feeling#gonna rant#im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well#and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that#like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw#but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it#i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh#idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make#and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame#but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset#im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay#bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know#I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content#multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame#but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't#vent ish
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frecklystars · 4 months ago
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Wow, 32 asks. Thank you guys so much 😭😭 last night was one of the worst shifts I ever had at work. I feel like i keep reverting back to a year ago when everything was fresh. it's been extraordinarily difficult the past couple of months but it always eases the ache when I read nice messages. it genuinely calms me down a lot when other people tell me it's gonna be ok. so thank you to everyone who took the time to do that for me ;-;
I'm gonna be honest, I feel super hopeless. I am not getting joy from anything right now. Drawing, socializing, watching movies, listening to music, I'm feeling *absolutely nothing*. I am triggered by the SMALLEST fucking things that I thought I was getting better at handling. I'm having trouble wearing skirts again. I'm flinching around the color pink when I was doing SO much better with it. For the last nine days, I haven't gone three hours without having a panic attack. I'm not sleeping. My flashbacks are lasting longer. I'm having out of body experiences again for the first time in almost a year. I feel so hopeless. I told myself one year ago "hey I feel like I'm dying right now my ptsd is so fucking bad but! hey! one year from now, I'll feel better! this will feel so far away from me!" but I don't. I don't feel better. I don't think it's possible to feel better bc I'm too broken. It's been over a year and I don't feel like it's possible for me to make progress.
My Barbie/Ken anniversary is coming up and I was excited for the first couple of weeks, but right now I just... feel absolutely nothing. I am so, so, so severely depressed and my anxiety is getting worse every day. I need help out of my unsafe situation so fucking bad dude it's just gonna kill me. I'm so scared this whole thing is gonna genuinely kill me. I wish I could talk about it but I don't want to scare people but at the same time, it's so bad and it's weighing on me so heavily and I am so fuckign tired of dealing with this every single day
I don't know if I'm gonna go offline or not, bc my problem isn't even online. so... I don't see how being offline would help much. I just feel like I'm supposed to do SOMETHING, literally ANYTHING to feel something. Going offline last time made me feel significantly worse, so maybe that shouldn't be my next step. But I feel nothing when I'm blogging right now. I tried making a Jacob edit the other day and I felt no joy. I want to be filling up my queue for the 21st, all of my Barbie and Ken photos and gifsets. I should be writing Barbie and Ken love notes. I should be making video edits again! but I feel nothing!!! This is the one and only anniversary that actually matters to me this year - sorry to the other 12 Ryan F/Os who have anniversaries but THIS ONE is THE most important one, because these two characters are the F/Os that have helped me the most with my abuse trauma/cptsd. They're the whole reason why I started self shipping again. I want to celebrate that. I want to be excited about it. I am just so fucking numb.
I NEED to feel something for this anniversary, I miss celebrating F/O anniversaries! I don't get to do that anymore since self shipping was ruined for me! Since my main F/Os were ruined for me! I deserve to have a good time with my new F/Os!! I am a good person and I am kind despite all the bullshit I've been through and I work really hard to try to heal from shit! I try to stay positive and I try to help people and I!!! Deserve!! To have a day where I feel good with my F/Os without reliving every single horrifying vile thing that someone did to me! but I feel so empty right now and it hurts! I was excited a couple of weeks ago when I was planning all the activities i was gonna do on the 21st, like a restaurant and a movie and baking and throwing a party with my friends, but now?? Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING in my heart. I feel so goddamn empty. I am so depressed. I really really feel like I can't get better. It's been over a year and I am incapable of healing from my trauma and I don't know what to do about it. I am trying so many things to heal!! I'm going walking, I'm eating way healthier and cutting sugar to see if that helps clear my head a bit more, I'm getting sun, I'm drinking so much water, I'm exercising, I've cut my screen time significantly and reading more often, I'm hanging out with my friends as much as I can, I am trying everything in the book and I feel like a zombie just sitting here and rotting to death, going through the motions and reliving my trauma in my head over and over and over and over and over and over again and I can't get any fucking peace. It's like everybody in the world is living their days while the planet is spinning but I am stuck in the same spot reliving the most horrific bullshit imaginable over and over and over. I feel like I've lost almost 2 years of my life to trauma. I don't feel like I've aged, I feel like everything happened yesterday. I feel like I'm stuck in one spot while everybody else is walking forward and I can't move.
Sorry to ramble I didn't mean to turn this into a vent post but idk what else to do. I don't know if I should go offline on my actual anniversary or maybe a couple of days leading up to it?? Or maybe I'm supposed to BE online and blog about the F/Os to see if that helps me feel better?? Being offline made me feel worse. But being online isn't helping me either. Dude I don't fucking know. I need to work on some crafts or something. I need to make a BarbieLand diorama and paint it. I'm gonna bake heart shaped cookies for the first time this weekend. I'm gonna invite my friends over and we're gonna have a party on Sunday and watch the Barbie movie together. I don't know what else to do but I have to just... keep trying I guess even though I feel nothing while doing these things, it's better than doing nothing
If anyone has advice or something, it's more than welcome. Or even just a "wow, that's rough, buddy". I'm sorry for being negative, I try to remain positive on this hellsite but it's so hard right now. Thank you again to everyone who wrote me a nice message last night when I was hurting. I'm sorry I'm gonna probably be asking for encouraging messages a few more times in the next few weeks bc supportive messages are the only things that have been effectively (affectively?) helping me lately
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i don’t know as well. i don’t#text back and then when im finally ready it’s been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i can’t bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i don’t want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik it’s weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but it’s the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just… miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i won’t let myself. i don’t know why im like this and i don’t know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and it’s horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just can’t do it right now and im scared i’ll never be able to#again. but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i can’t do it then iwont. it’s not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and it’ll be weird to#post about that in light of this and it’ll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i don’t want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know it’s cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
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eldrichthingy · 1 year ago
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I'm so tired
#honestly.. I have a lot of thoughts right now and I just. I truly am cursed with loneliness#idk how people do this all the time? interacting with each other chatting talking spending time together. talking about hobbies and just#just being friends you know?.. it's so unfamiliar to me and it scares me#I'm so lonely and I'm comfortable with that#but at the same time. I feel like I'm being chocked. I feel so helpless and wrong because I just can't do it#how do people have friends? how does it even work? how do they keep up with each other? it's a pity I'll never know this because I barely#have anyone in my life. maybe I have like two people that I talk with rarely and I don't even have friends or anyone in fandom#it's so tiring and.. feels wrong to live like that. but at the same time that's what I'm grateful for the most - because I don't have anyone#to keep up with. to feel obligated to talk with. maybe it's really better to spend all the time working and enjoying hobbies#idk how I should feel. especially in my age#yes I know I'm.. fairly young for now but it scares me so much#I feel so wrong for not doing what others are doing. so wrong for not having anyone when all these people just.. do have someone#I'm very very lonely and I'm mostly okay with this but I can't help but feel loss#my siblings don't really care about me and that's okay - none of us are social enough. and I haven't seen my parents for what? for a year?#maybe it's for better#but I just can't help but feel so crushed and lonely because of this. I know I don't need anyone because it's too difficult for me to have#an active friendship but at the same time I feel so.. socially starved I guess?#I wish I wouldn't feel hurt of this feeling#nonsims#delete later#olya's rambles
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sirompp · 11 months ago
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im. animating something 😁
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ahwuum · 1 year ago
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alright this is a total shot in the dark but i am DESPERATELY trying to find the great sealand takeover by whalehuntingboyfriends on ao3 and i saw your name floating around in some of the tumblr notes. did anybody ever send you the download for that? i would love to have it if they did! thanks in advance!
I only ever asked for the link for the crowned souls series but here my friend tender posted a link ages ago for sealand <3
sorry I took so long to reply I forgor </3
also speaking of fanfics if anyone has mindfulwrath's murder with the devil and friends (espeically the full devil's clocktower series) I would greatly appreciate it <3
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thetangibleghost · 2 months ago
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that random guy from highschool that's shown up in my dreams like five times has made another appearance. I should've written it down this morning because now ive forgotten. but i remember is was a really small like one line part. and i woke up and went over my dream a few times in my head before i was like. YOU.
my dreams weren't super interesting last night but i kept waking up so there were a lot.
#dream log#like i had a crush on him bu ti had a crush on fucking everybody#i was way more inlove with my best friend at the time. i litterally just thought this guy was handsome. maybe thats what he is.#like generic handsome guy.#i WISH i could remember what he said this dream. like this is getting excessive. i never think about this guy. he only started#appearing after highschool. its usually not even a like main part of the dream?#my friends from highschool RARELY appear in my dreams. the amount this guy shows up is like. almost on par with my family#at first it was like haha. but now its like what the fuck?? am i stuck with this guys fucking face in my subconsous for ever now?#am i gonna be thirty five and telling my partner about how this guy from highschool did a kickflip or something in my dream that night?#maybe he just represents my entire highschool experience or something. that. really doesnt fit the vibe#but im trying here.#yes i 'believe' in dream interpretation you are so cute.#i think he might even know that this happens because i complained about it on my instastory after like the third or fourth one and his fire#replied asking who it was. only person who asked (i wasnt expecting people to but like. do you see. like. do you see)#best one was definitely when he was like “would you rather wear knee pads or shin pads” and i think i said knee pads and he was like#“no. gotta protect your shins” or something#god im typing all this hoping that the dream this mornign will just pop back into my head but i think it got deleted. so sad.#so theres two i cant remember and three that i can. i couldve been four if i just. listened to my self and wrote down the dream when i woke
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eyesoftxmorrow · 3 months ago
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i wish i could love in a way that matters
#ignore me its 4 am and i scared myself awake LOL#idk nightly rambling w a side of sleepy brain fog im gonma delete this later i think#i've been thinking a lot ab my aromanticism and how. idk. i keep running into my own mental resistance to it#ik theres prob a lot of internalized bs there i gotta work out on my own terms but like#ig i feel almost. disappointed? in knowing that's who i am#no disappointed isn't the right word. im not disappointed in my sexuality and i certainly don't hate the fact that im aspec#in fact i feel More secure in knowing why i feel the way i do about relationships#but at the same time i wish. that wasn't just it for me?#i think what im trying to say is i feel like im missing a huge part of. the human experience i guess. in knowing i don't feel romantic love#i don't understand it. i never have. and it feels almost restricting to me in a way#theres just this whole facet of human relationships that i'll just never be able to fully explore#whether that's in my creative works or in my own life#and that. almost makes me sad#don't get me wrong the love i Do feel and am surrounded by every day is so so fulfilling to me. i love my friends+family more than anything#but ig in knowing im aro i feel almost. shut out from the possibility of exploring a truly deep and nuanced connection with another person#bc every relationship i Have had like that before never once felt like i was truly myself. like i was putting on an act and miming what i#Thought you were supposed to do in those kinds of relationships#i just feel like what i Want and who i Am are fundamentally at odds w one another#and i guess i just have to. learn to accept that.#idk#im going back to sleep#skip speaks
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chaoticlaurel · 4 months ago
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Random, self indulgent art because I've been having nightmares lately about the ~passage of time~ ooOooOOOo and just generally feeling touch starved ahahahahah
Oh to be 5, who held their care on their small, little shoulders, too big to carry, yet to them, it was too little to give out to the world. How can someone so full of love be so carefree. Where did I go TvT </333
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bluelockmaniac · 7 months ago
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thinking about how your husband changes drastically when he’s had just a little too much to drink. his faint, whiny hiccups would escape his quivering lips, filling your ears with his intoxication as he leans against you. he reaches out to play with your hair, gently tugging at the strands and trailing undirected kisses along them as you bite your lip to suppress your giggles. he then brings his unsteady hands to your face, squishing your cheeks before pulling you closer, looking at you with glossy eyes—small hearts seemingly etched into his pupils.
"i wish y-you hic were mineee...."
"pftt—" you burst into a fit of laughter at his uncharacteristic neediness—you’ve always enjoyed it when he'd get drunk. after all, they say a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. so, although he loves you an awful lot, he would never admit, while whining, how much he actually wants you. 
"i am yours though, sweetheart," you reassure him softly.
“oh, really? you are?” he raises his brows questionably, “well, that's good... i couldn't bear the thought of some other loser having you all to himself."
unbeknownst to him, however, is that you had recorded him during his moment of vulnerability. he was absolutely embarrassed and ashamed of himself when he had sobered up.
"y/n. delete that."
itoshi rin, kaiser, MIKAGE REO, barou, XIAO, kaveh, alhaitham, wriothesley, neuvillette, CHILDE, geto, megumi, BLADE, dan heng, dr ratio, aventurine, scaramouche
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© 2024 bluelockmaniac — do not repost, copy, translate, modify, etc my work on any platform !
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as-rare-as-trees · 1 year ago
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There is a specific kind of tragedy in coming to terms with how little you can do, no matter how much you wish it was more
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birdantlers · 1 year ago
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A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.
(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)
it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it
...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..
Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.
I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.
(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")
“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.
“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”
The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.
I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?
I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.
Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.
Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.
So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.
Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!
Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol
What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.
I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.
Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.
Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.
How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’
i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.
I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.
I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”
….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.
No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.
If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.
His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.
We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.
Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.
You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.
The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.
And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.
You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.
Give a heads up.
Something.
But don’t. kill. the media.
The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.
Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.
I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.
It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.
Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.
If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.
And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.
Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.
the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.
The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.
Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.
Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.
If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.
Muting notifs
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5sospenguinqueen · 3 months ago
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He’s Just Ken | Lando Norris x Volleyball! Reader
Summary: Lando tries to tell the Grid that he's dating an Olympic Volleyball player but instead, they publicly accuse him of lying to them.
Warnings: None? Swearing. Fluff.
Requested: Yes by Anon (here)
2024 season, slightly skewed timeline haha
Face claim is Jordan Thompson but also rando pinterest pics used. American Volleyball player to fit in with 'the twist'
F1 Masterlist
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landonorris just posted
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landonorris non-race weekends mean quality time with my trophy and watching the olympics opening ceremony 
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maxfewtrell don’t objectify me like that. i’m more than just your trophy 
→ landonorris you wish you were my trophy 
teamusa can we count on your support?
→ user1 um, he’s british so no..?
logansargeant looking forward to volleyball
→ landonorris absolutely
→ oscarpiastri it’s just sad now
→ user2 he’s not allowed to enjoy volleyball?
georgrussell63 look, guys, he’s trying to act like a wag 
→ alex_albon okay, moving this to social media is a step too far, mate
→ charles_leclerc c’mon, let him have his delusions. he’s not hurting anyone but himself 
→ landonorris they’re not delusions! 
→ user3 what is this about???
mclaren one of our favourite pictures 
→ oscarpiastri can we get him some mandated therapy?
→ landonorris i’m not mentally unwell! 
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ynln_usa and i thought i looked good. let’s hear a little commotion for ms. eiffel 
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teammate1 okay but you do look good. nothing looks better than team pride
→ ynln_usa AMERICAAAAA 🦅🇺🇸
→ user4 i love how unhinged she is
user5 what is lando doing in the likes 
→ user6 logan is also here
→ user7 yes because she’s a usa volleyball player and he’s patriotic af. lando makes no sense  
→ user8 logan follows the usa volleyball insta account
logansargeant good luck 🇺🇸 liked by ynln_usa
→ user9 this interaction has my whole heart. my two favourite (and only) american athletes 
→ user10 yn and logan meet when?
teamusa that’s our girl! 
→ georgerussell63 lando’s imaginary girl
→ oscarpiastri like he could get her, she’s tall and he’s him (this comment thread has been deleted)
landonorris good luck on your first match
→ user11 sit down vroom vroom boy, not going to happen
→ user12 ha, like lando could bag the volleyball goddess. she’s a real athlete 
→ alex_albon the people have spoken
Group chat texts Twitch Boys + 2023 babies 
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ynln_usa first match down. my thighs are chafed and my voice all yelled out but i am pumped! 
4,416 comments
logansargeant what a game! looking forward to the rest of the season
→ ynln_usa thanks for the support 
user1 now oscar’s joined the group of drivers following her
→ user2 and charles
→ user3 poor logan can’t gatekeep her anymore
oscarpiastri looks intense 
→ ynln_usa says the extreme driver 
georgerussell63 lads, what’re we thinking
→ alex_albon just further reinforces our point
→ charles_leclerc she looks very cool
→ user4 what are they all doing here
→ user5 why are they all being suspicious
→ user6 nothing better to do on a weekday? 
landonorris i’ve never seen the stars and stripes look so good
→ danielricciardo norizz is back again
→ landonorris don’t you start 
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oscarpiastri just posted
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oscarpiastri lando’s dragging us to the olympics to feed into his delusion
2,814 comments
landonorris i’m not lying! 
user7 anyone else notice that all of the drivers in paris at the moment have been focusing on the usa women’s volleyball team?
→ user8 alex and george both posted this match, and their pic included player 12 as well??
→ user9 put some respect on yn ln’s name
danielricciardo where was my invite?
→ carlossainz55 and mine?
→ landonorris neither of you have publicly called me a liar. this isn’t a fun little trip. this is me proving a point! 
→ danielricciardo so it’s a holiday out of spite?
→ charles_leclerc we are having a great time though
alex_albon i’m willing to go along with his delusions if it gets me more free holidays 
→ logansargeant me too
→ georgerussell63 lads, no. we were supposed to be staging on intervention. i made a powerpoint 
landonorris i hate all of you
mclaren bring us back a croissant 
→ oscarpiastri only if you can find me a sane teammate 
→ mclaren deal
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ynln_usa just posted
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ynln_usa luckily, i look better in silver than gold 
16,812 comments
ynln_usa on a serious note, i am blown away by the immense support i have received this olympic season. a massive thank you to the loml @/landonorris for being at the finals (and bringing along some friends) i could hear you screaming in the stands
→ user10 excuse me!! loml lando norris?? since, uh when
teamusa a silver medal and a hard launch. what a day for our champion
→ ynln_usa help, i’ve been captured by a bunch of men who drive in circles
→ teammate any of them single?
landonorris you look so cute with your medal! my olympic silver medalist, everyone 
user11 i feel like this isn’t reaching enough people because all of the comments are just congratulating her on a silver medal. where are the people freaking out about the pinned comment? 
→ user12 she won a silver freaking medal. that’s more impressive than dating someone below her league 
lilymhe i was on the edge of my seat the whole time! congratulations, girly 🥈 (alex facetimed me the whole time so i could watch the match)
→ ynln_usa you mean, lando didn’t give you a ticket? i’ll tell him off for you
→ landonorris how many times do i have to tell people? i didn’t invite them for a nice trip. i was proving a point! it was a petty trip
→ user13 one hell of a trip 
landonorris @/oscarpiastri @/charles_leclerc @/georgerussell63 @/alex_albon @/logansargeant read the caption, boys 
charles_leclerc amazing match
oscarpiastri what a game! 
logansargeant fuck yeah! USA! 
georgerussell63 i’ve never been so invested in a volleyball match before 
alex_albon well done, team usa
user14 the f1 drivers are being so polite. it’s adorable 
landonorris just posted
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landonorris my baby won silver 🩶🪙
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user1 okay but that picture in front of the eiffel tower. slay 
→ oscarpiastri thank you. some of my best work
→ user2 oscar.png when?
→ landonorris it’s only a good pic because he had good models 
→ oscarpiastri *model. she’s barbie, you’re just ken
ynln_usa big wins for us both this year
→ landonorris you’re my biggest win
→ danielricciardo cringe  liked by ynln_usa
→ landonorris stop it. i saw that, sweetheart
carlossainz55 you used to call me baby…
→ ynln_usa do you want him back?
→ landonorris babe, wtf
→ ynln_usa i’m sorry but carlos is my fave driver and i don’t want him to be sad
→ landonorris dumped.
charles_leclerc okay we get it now. we’re sorry we doubted you
→ georgerussell63 yeah. please stop making out in front of us 
→ landonorris vengeance! 
→ ynln_usa have you not learnt that he’s petty yet? he dragged you all to paris just to prove he was dating me
alex_albon her silver medal is far cooler than your miami trophy 
→ landonorris i agree but shouldn’t you be nice to me like the others?
→ alex_albon no. i never outwardly said i didn’t believe you, just that she was out of your league 
→ ynln_usa thank you, alex. it’s amazing what men can do if they make you laugh 
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Bonus
logansargeant just posted
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ynln_usa from toddler terror to olympic silver medalist, you’ve been a pain in my ass since we were kids, and i couldn't be prouder to watch you win big 🇺🇸🍾 tagged: ynln_usa
2,302 comments 
ynln_usa the childhood best friends to professional athletes pipeline is real
landonorris so you knew i was telling the truth the entire time! 
→ logansargeant yeah
→ landonorris why didn’t you tell the others!
→ logansargeant was funny 
oscarpiastri i’m sorry but this reveal is even better than finding out lando was telling the truth about dating yn
→ user3 wait, so all these comments were because they didn’t believe he was dating yn
→ alex_albon would you have until their recent posts?
→ user4 no tbf
charles_leclerc you sly dog! you let us bully him for no reason
→ logansargeant it’s what he gets for just trying to casually slip it into conversation and not introducing her like a gentleman should 
→ landonorris i brought usa volleyball themed cupcakes! 
georgerussell63 this is the best thing i’ve seen all year 
mclaren you’ve caused both our drivers to need a lot of therapy. we’ll send the bill your way 
→ ynln_usa it’s alright, i’ll cover it. i have to deal with them untherapised otherwise
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A/N: So, sorry, Anon. It wasn't until I'd written this up and then realised I'd completely left Max out of it. So sorry but hope you still enjoy!
As always, request open!
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